How Un-Realistic Expectations Result in Unhappy Marriage It is unfortunate that in society today many people ask themselves why they are in an unhappy marriage. Marriages seem less and less to thrive on love as many couples stay together unhappily for other reasons. Financial stability, children, fear of being alone, all serve as explanations why marriages may endure, even ifdespondently. In some cases, it is not the lack of love that is missing from a marriage, but a failure to continue expressing your love to your spouse. As the years pass by, a comfort level can become established between two people. This security, coupled with the busy routines of daily life can cause people to forget their initial motivations to marry. Failing to express love for your spouse can lead to an unhappy marriage. Communication is the key to a healthy partnership of any degree. According Dr. Corey Allan of The Simple Marriage Project, communication between two people in a committed relationship is not only about voicing your feelings or concerns. Communication is more about honestly listening to your spouse and making them feel comfortable. Of course we do not all agree with what our partners express, and that is normal. Dr. Allan emphasizes that being able to cope with what your spouse is saying is a fundamental necessity for a good, lasting marriage. Holding the belief that you can have all of your needs fulfilled by your spouse is one major cause for an unhappy marriage. This is an unhealthy outlook, which sets expectations at an almost unattainable level. Realistically, there are going to be things that your spouse cannot provide. The Readers Digest highlighted the writing of Sari Harrar and Rita DeMaria, PhD. as they discuss the possible reasons for the existence of unrealistic expectations in a marriage. The main
suggestion they give to husbands and wives is to recognize some expectations are reasonable and others are not. For an example, the ideas of marriage have changed over time, but some people still believe in the traditional marriage roles between husband and wife. In today’s society, it is no longer common that a household can be supported by one income. Both the husband and the wife share the responsibility as financial providers. Marriage counselors and therapists seem to agree that honest communication is the best way to avoid an unhappy marriage. Talking to your spouse about your expectations and feelings, and listening to them in turn, can make the world of difference in a partnership and a happy marriage.