Interview Beneath the latex: Lola Haze on the shades of kink

Beneath the latex:

Lola Haze on the shades of kink

Photo by Lola Haze

Words by MARTINE AAMODT HESS

Ever wondered what it is like to be a queer dominatrix? Or what goes on in a fetish club? Maybe you have dipped your toes in kink but feel unsure about taking the plunge. It is time for you to meet Lola Haze.

Dreamy dyke. Mean mommy. Domme. Kinkster. Lola Haze goes by many names, the latter being the pseudonym you might recognise from Instagram. This platform, once used to promote their sex work, has turned into a self-affirming record of their journey as a queer dominatrix. Follow @primordialpissing and your feed will be graced with fishnets, rope, latex, and other scenes that might seem intimidating at first glance. “It appeals to me because it represents everything we’re not supposed to love. It’s gross, it’s painful, and it’s scary,” Lola says. However, being largely misunderstood by the general public, there are sides to kink that go unnoticed. “It’s also beautiful, tender, and healing. I feel a lot more at home in the queer kink community than anywhere else.”

Kink can be explored individually or with partners, and examples include role-play and BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism). By definition, kink refers to something experienced as sexual or erotic despite not being considered so by mainstream standards. Using spitting as an example, just because it is not usually associated with sexual pleasure, does not mean it cannot be subjectively erotic. Lola explains that you do not need to receive any conventional sexual pleasure, such as genital contact or orgasms, to feel fulfilled. “To some people in the scene, mental fulfilment is just as important as physical. It can be so sensory. I think kink really opens up your mind to what can be erotic,” they say.

Considering how physical contact has been lacking in the past couple of years due to the pandemic, it comes as no surprise that London’s kink clubs are having a moment. But the recent success is not just the aftermath of isolation and social distancing. In fact, the scene is being reconstructed thanks to a generational shift. The exclusive nature of these clubs is changing in favour of inclusivity and queerness. As a result, London’s kinky crowd is becoming younger and more diverse, reminiscent of the well-renowned scene in Berlin. And representative of the new generation is none other than Lola Haze.

Lola’s life offline is, in many ways, different from what you might expect based on the collection of tiny squares on Instagram. In Yorkshire, known among locals as ‘God’s own country’, with farstretching moors and deliciously green dales, the 25-year-old works as a bartender as well as a research assistant at their local university. Outside work, they pass their time enjoying long walks and reading. The book they are currently carrying around just happens to be ‘Coming To Power’ - a collection of pieces on BDSM in the lesbian community. “While I’m not dressed head-to-toe in black latex when I’m nipping to Tesco, this side of myself makes up a huge part of my personality,” they say.

In that way, Lola’s domme self is not an alter ego they reserve for dark dungeons. They are simply two sides of the same coin. But that is not to say it did not take time and effort to reach this level of self-acceptance. “I think discovering my kink has come hand in hand with accepting my queerness,” Lola says. Understanding the label as a mindset and energy, they admit that despite coming out in 2018, they did not fully embrace their queerness until the past year.

Lola makes it clear that their journey towards acceptance is much owed to online sex work, which they turned to during the pandemic. “It gave me so much freedom to try things I had never considered sexy before,” they say. Being a sex worker meant being open and non-judgemental of other people’s kinks, which in turn helped Lola come to terms with suppressed desires of their own. “I spent so long not caring about myself and my own pleasure. Any urges or curiosities I had for kink I just ignored like I did with my sexuality for so long.”

Lola’s experience is far from unique, but why is the queer and kinky so often entwined? “Because we’re all deviants,” they propose and refer to the wise words of their partner: considering how queer people are often cast aside as freaks and perverts, why not embrace it? “Kinksters and queer people have a shared experience with being ostracised because the way we love

Getting ready for the London-based and sex-positive party Crossbreed.

Photo by Stephanie Robbinson

and the way we fuck is ‘wrong’,” Lola elaborates. Because of social stigma around sexuality that does not fit the norm, many are drawn to communities where they can live out these “abnormal” fantasies. Naturally, an overlap between queer and kinky is found within these spaces.

“Finding a queer community in kink has made me more confident and accepting of myself as a dyke and a kinkster,” Lola says. In other words, just because whips and floggers make up a part of the kinky scene, that does not mean you will be met with hostility when entering a new space. Quite the opposite. “I didn’t expect how overwhelmingly welcoming it felt being there,” they say, recounting the first time they attended a kink event. The party was at Klub Verboten, an example of the contemporary fetish parties picking up steam in London. Compared to more traditional events, which centre around a specific relationship status, fetish or sexuality, this space resonates with young queer people because it celebrates sexual fluidity.

For those who are curious, Lola point out the importance of doing everything at your own pace. As the research assistant they are, they emphasise that online forums and workshops are at your fingertips. Lola adds that before big events, you can usually attend more relaxed socials. “Be honest about your newness and your curiosity. There’s nothing you need to prove.” After all, communication and consent is an essential part of kink. Boundaries, likes, curiosities, and safe words are always discussed, as the scenes rely on a good foundation of trust.

“I’m still learning a lot about myself in my kink journey and it almost feels like coming out a second time,” they say. The beauty of the kink community is that you are allowed to express parts of yourself that the mainstream will tell you to hide or guilt you into suppressing. Here, you can test your curiosities in a space devoid of judgement.

While there is still much stigma surrounding kink, Lola is proof of the freedom that can be found among ropes and latex. Like with any community, it is not perfect. However, it is important to remember that these flaws usually have more to do with what individuals bring to the scene than what a whole community stands for. “There’s a wrongness to it that’s so tantalising,” Lola admits, but that is not to say anything goes. Kink is about letting go of societal boundaries and replacing them with your own.