a Different Angle Magazine / September 08 Issue 3 by Marturano Enterprises

The small magazine with a BIG mouth.

September 2008

Issue 3

o matter who you are and where you live (with exception of some), you’ll have been exposed to the endless media barrage of environmental issues. Yes, finally the ‘movement’ that started over a decade ago is gathering momentum, from the filtering of garbage into appropriate receptacles through to environmentally friendly motor engines (yes, I know that almost sounds like a contradiction), there are distinct changes afoot. Companies are clambering to be seen as environmentally friendly, it’s good PR, it’s fashionable and, in some cases, profitable. ‘Every little helps’ is the slogan of one of these companies that has gone as far as promoting, among many things, a fashionable (there’s that word again) ‘green’ bag that you can use again and again. Meanwhile, the UK government is also doing its bit by forcing power suppliers to generate energy from renewable resources (see War of the Wind Farms) and by punishing evil ‘gas guzzling’ cars whilst rewarding everything that is environmentally friendly, including large corporations. This commitment to cutting

greenhouse gasses is evidenced in the policy to double the price of car tax by an extra £240 per annum for a standard people carrier, and a serves-them-right hike for ‘self indulgent’ and ‘inconsiderate’ drivers of 4x4s. This is on top of soaring fuel costs and, let’s not forget, that famous 2p increase that was postponed from May. The spin machine would have us believe that the new tax is to deter us from jumping into future ‘gas guzzlers’ (which I can understand) but the tax will be levied on existing motor vehicles, which kind of negates the point. Or perhaps, reality unchecked bureaucrats are proposing that owners of now unaffordable, environmentally unfriendly cars jettison these and, despite rising living costs and the all new exciting credit crunch, splash out on a brand new eco friendly car. Either way, it’s all good for Gordon Brown and his cronies as they’re becoming more popular with environmentalists whilst they’re still raking in three quarters of the cost of a litre of fuel, plus the extra 2p increase they feign to ‘umm and arr’ about, as well as the additional

revenue they’re looking to fleece in higher taxes. Most of us are intelligent enough to understand that, even generally speaking, we’re not truly respecting the ecology of the planet and measures have to be taken to safeguard the future. But support for measures can only be achieved by ensuring that we don’t get bent out of shape by the fact that nations ten times the size of ours don’t give a damn. Last time I looked, America, China and Australia were competing for the number one slot of world’s ‘dirtiest’ polluter; country whose power station emissions alone accounts for the release of over 2.8 billion tons of CO2 per annum. Yet, I don’t see George Bush proudly announcing the fact that he’s going to double the cost of running a motor vehicle in an effort to force Americans out of their ‘yank tanks’ and onto public transport. On the contrary, Americans tend to boycott most treaties or protocols, citing in their defence that to do so would damage their economy. I’m not picking on America, I actually feel a lot of sympathy… continued on page 4

Different Angle Magazine

Issue 3 / September 2008

Visit St-Neots.net, read green and have some extra laughs.

ello again. Autumn’s in the air already and it’ll soon be Halloween hence why we’ve dedicated a few sections to the Celtic festival that has us all scrambling to stock up on sweets for fear of getting our houses egged! At the risk of sounding repetitive, I want to thank you all again for writing to us. Issue 2 prompted an unprecedented amount of emails (out of the hundreds, all but one were complimentary) so we must be doing something right. Please keep them coming. I’m particularly interested in hearing your nominations for local celebrity; anybody so interesting that you’d want to read their story in our next edition. Don’t forget, if you don’t have a hard copy of the magazine to hand, you can always read the e-edition at our website. An additional 1,200 of you read issue 2 online and that figure is still rising! As you know, a Different Angle has an unflinching approach to thought provoking subjects, last edition wasn’t an exception and nor is this one with an unintentional green theme featuring the government’s plan to kick us out of our cars in the name of the environment and, quite fittingly, npower renewables’ controversial proposal to build a wind farm near Graveley. Battle lines have been drawn for and against the plan, and there’s no doubt that the enclosed article will set some tongues wagging but then, that’s what we’re all about; get people talking and, of course, smiling, that’s why we’ve removed our crossword and made room for more funnies. ST- N EO TS . N ET is live! We’re the proud sponsor of a NEW website for St Neots, www.st-neots.net. It features an array of information, from local and national news, weather, a notice board (just like one that you’d find in your local store), your pictures (local and from around the world, keep them coming), a games page (for those with a bit of time of their hands) and a directory packed with local information, where to eat, shop, travel information, and, well there’s so much that it would really make sense for you to check the site out for yourself and maybe drop us an email with your thoughts and or suggestions. Adding your business, picture or event to the site is ABSOLUTELY FREE! We and a few big brands, such as TESCO (We’re not really name dropping) are sponsoring the site so that you get to use all of its facilities for FREE. “Every little helps.” Oh, and last but not least we’ve also included some rules for women by men and I just want to stress that we’ll definitely look to redressing the balance in our next edition. If you have any suggestions on how we could do that, then get in touch. Happy reading! Tony Marturano Managing Editor

WAR OF THE WIND FARMS

Rules for women by Men

The dark side of Halloween

PUBLISHED Every quarter by Marturano Enterprises. CIRCULATION Delivered free and direct to 15,000 homes, businesses, public places and online at: www.adifferentangle.co.uk ADVERTISING For information and rates, visit our website or email us. NEXT EDITION December 2008 CONTACT mail@adifferentangle.co.uk www.adifferentangle.co.uk © Copyright 2008 Marturano Enterprises

Mind the gap in public transport - Continued from page 2

for Americans who are traumatised by the rising cost of ‘gas’ and are already seeking counselling from their government despite the fact that they pay a fraction of what we do in the UK. Meanwhile, the UK government appears to have no reservations about damaging its economy. When small hauliers decided to stage a peaceful protest against the fact that they were being put out of business in favour of their European counterparts, our elected government promised to ‘listen’. How kind. When the majority of people are killing themselves working multiple jobs in an effort to make ends meet, the last thing they want to hear about are more taxes cynically disguised as a commitment to stop climate change. If the government truly wants us out of our cars then it has a duty to explain why we, a nation with one of the highest costs of living, are one of the few expected to shoulder the environmental burden and how we’re expected to ditch our preferred and most trustworthy method of transport in favour of a system that is degraded, unreliable and unable to fulfil its basic commercial obligation. I, for one, am tired of hearing environmentalists drone on about public transport when, at least where I live, plans have been announced to cut bus routes! Not that I have or ever would use these services, and that’s not because I don’t care about the environment because I do, but simply because there are no realistically viable services from where I live that would take me to my office in the heart of Cambridge. Meanwhile, I and a colleague decided to test the public transport alternative on a business trip to London. It was a Tuesday morning in July, we wanted to avoid some of the early rush and crush so we scheduled a late meeting and took the 9:20 from Peterborough to Kings Cross. We joined over thirty more people on the St Neots platform as the First Capital Connect train slowly rolled in. My groan and that of some of the waiting passengers was audible as sardine-packed carriages trundled by before coming to a stop. We all naturally yet pointlessly converged on the train at the same time, hoping to find a spare seat, some did but most of us were forced to stand the whole sweltering hour it took to get to London, as did all of those who boarded from towns along the way. In London, we decided not to take a taxi but braved the underground. Now, regular commuters will know what I

mean when I say that descending into the Underground was like being on an escalator to hell, travelling through the nation’s armpits whilst occasionally stopping off a stranger’s crotch central (if you’re lucky to get a seat). Needless to say, I arrived at my destination hot, bothered and with a strong urge to take another shower, and my day hadn’t even started! Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind travelling on the underground for ‘day trips’ during ‘non peak’ days out in London but it was, without a doubt, the most disgustingly uncomfortable commuting experience of my life, and I am in no hurry to repeat it. The best part was the oppressively warm ride home when, wedged between two other commuters, I took in the frayed fabric of my chair, the graffiti on the compartment wall and the clattering din of the uselessly open window. You can imagine my bemusement when my colleague leaned across to me and said, “Look on the bright side, this carriage is much nicer than the ones from Bedford.” How on earth can the government justify ‘pricing’ us out of our car if the above is any kind of an example of the public transport system? I guess I should be thankful; at least the train was on time. I know there are many (and I really sympathise with you) who have to leave their houses hours earlier than normal just to ensure that they get to work at a reasonable time. Of course, the same does apply to car commuters but at least our comfort is commensurate with the amount of money that we can afford to spend on our cars. On public transport, it doesn’t matter how much we spend on a ticket, the luxury is capped at whatever the service operator decides to provide. In fact, they’re often spewing details of the billions that they spend each year improving our ‘experience’. Call me fussy, but in the spirit of basic general commerce, I’d settle for the fact that if I spend over £30 for a seat on one of their trains to London, I’d actually like to get one, but if I have to stand about in the corridor then I’d very much appreciate a discount as I’m quite clearly not getting what I paid for. I wouldn’t expect my local store to sell me have a pint of milk and if it did, I’d certainly have something to say about it, as would most of us. Yet, public transport appears to be another one of those British things that we just put up with. Although this time, it might have something to do with the fact that, unlike a grocery store, I can’t shop somewhere else. So much for privatisation. ■

A Different Angle Magazine - September 2008

WAR OF THE WIND FARMS ther than St Neots council’s inability to secure a local cinema and a way to spend the generous £1 million Rowley gift, no topic has received quite as much ink or is as controversial as npower renewables’ plan to build a wind farm near Graveley which would be visible from many surrounding areas, including Toseland and Great Paxton. The proposed site, known as Cotton Wind Farm, would feature, if planning permission is granted, 8 wind turbines with a potential tip height of 127m and a total generating capacity between 16MW and 24MW (depending on type of turbine installed) estimated to generate enough power to satisfy the annual electricity needs of 6,900 to 10,000 homes. Campaigners, true to form, have been doing a good job of highlighting the perceived evils of wind farms by publishing pictures of disintegrating turbines and steroid-fed photomontages, as well as countless stories about ‘shadow flicker’ (more about this later) inducing seizures in children, plummeting house prices, noise pollution, to the point that it has damaged human and animal health and, worse still, the fact that the npower conglomerate stands to fill its greedy coffers with huge government subsidies. With all this, I was ready to grab and placard and start marching up and down the high street, especially since one of the communities affected by Cotton Farm would be my own. That was until I realised that most of what I knew came from the anti brigade and thus, you’ll appreciate, it was one sided. I felt I should find out more about something that I disliked yet knew nothing about.

the wind farm was open and, without a thought that I might be trespassing, I drove into a wide gravelled car park. I stepped out of the car to be buffeted by a strong breeze, which helped me appreciate just how effective the flatness of an airfield can be to wind farming, when my thoughts were interrupted by an intermittent swooping sound. I looked up and froze; I was so intent on looking at the other seven turbines that I didn’t realise, I’d actually parked right underneath one! For a few seconds I was rooted to the spot in awe; such was the majesty of the structure, and when I regained control of my senses, I actually felt a pang of fear, which was a momentary, irrational yet natural reaction to the alien object towering over me like a tripod from War of the Worlds. I actually considered moving my car for fear that the giant might collapse on us both but I didn’t. Instead, I listened carefully to the low whirring sound, which I later learned is the gearing mechanism, it was rhythmically accompanied by the whooshing of the blades as they stereophonically turned, and I have to confess that they weren’t that loud, nothing like the cacophony that I expected to hear, considering I was standing right underneath it. My ignorance had led me to expect, among many sounds, the squeal of rusty metal. Beyond the wind farm, approximately 700m away, I could see the first building of the village of North Pickenham; a quaint British village with a clutch of houses, bungalows and a ubiquitous pub. I drove over and stopped in front of the bungalows. Between them, beyond a field, was one of the turbines. It was a fairly warm and close day, the air was still which meant I could hear the sound of traffic far in the distance, the remarkably loud mating call of a wood pigeon and even a baby in a house somewhere but nothing from the direction of the wind farm. Of course, this experiment wasn’t necessarily conclusive and nowhere near the scientific standard imposed on all wind farm projects but it gave me a good firsthand idea.

y investigation began one Wednesday afternoon stopped off for lunch at The Swann Inn in Hilborwhen I climbed into my car and drove to North ough, another village not far from the wind farm, and Pickenham in Norfolk where I decided that, no matter tucked into a delicious ham baguette. Like any good rewhat, I was going to get up close and personal with one of porter, I took the opportunity to chat with the pub’s the monolithic beasts. I knew this site would be a good landlady. I asked her how she felt about living so close to example of the Cotton Farm proposal as it too features 8 the wind farm. “It’s great. We love it,” she said with a turbines but with a slightly shorter tip height of 125m. I’d shrug and smile as if I’d just asked a silly question. I asked barely entered the town of Swaffham when two of the if she’d heard any complaints from any of the pub’s paturbines broke the skyline at the end of the high street, as trons. She shook her head. “What about property values?” if standing sentry over shoppers as they hurriedly went I asked, “It’s believed that wind farms can seriously deabout their business. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this value nearby property.” She said she didn’t think it was vision; I wanted to dislike it but actually preferred it to true and that she certainly hadn’t heard anything about the myriad of power cables unceremoniously stitched that. I thanked the nice lady but concluded I wasn’t going from street to street. I turned south east towards the old take her word for it. I telephoned three of the main estate airfield, approximately 2 miles from Swafham. The gate to agents in the 2008 area, all 6specialising in the sales and letting of A Different Angle Magazine - September

the ‘Renewable Obligation Order’ of 2005 that compels individual energy companies to provide a percentage (expected to be 10% by 2010) of their electricity from renewable resources. If a company fails to generate the required percentage, then it must buy the energy from someone who has via a ROC (Renewable Obligation Certificate). This is proof of generation which, when bought, is passed to the buyer. ROCs are traded on the open market to the highest bidder. They are in great demand (sometimes selling for more than power!) and o, somewhat bemused, I made my way home. Okay, thus very valuable because if a company fails to generate so I hadn’t quite found the smoking gun yet but there the required percentage of renewable energy, or buy the were still some serious questions that needed answers. So, appropriate amount of ROC’s, fines can be imposed. armed with copious cups of coffee, I sat at my laptop and ploughed my way through various articles on the subject here’s naturally much more to this story but there’s a and the gargantuan environmental assessment authored limit to how much I can write. I didn’t like the idea by independent consultants and commissioned by npower of a wind farm so close to where I live. Why? I don’t really renewables as part of its planning application. The docu- know. Fear, I suppose. Like the dark, I was afraid of the ment took two years to complete and features a detailed unknown. All I knew is what the campaigners had taught analysis of the aspects of Cotton Farm including, among me. But I am a staunch believer that knowledge is power. many, landscape, ecology, ornithology, noise, traffic, Over the past three days I armed myself with knowledge, archaeology, cultural heritage, and so on. All of the studies not with rhetoric, a balloon or a t shirt with a slogan were conducted in accordance with guidelines laid out by stamped across it. I set out to make up my own mind Natural England (the statutory consultee on ecological about something I knew nothing about. There is no issues). One interesting aspect of the research revealed that doubt that our climate is changing, we don’t need an Huntingdon District Council had already undertaken a army of scientists to tell us that, we can see the change for landscape and sensitivity assessment in February 2006, the ourselves; the weather, the unusual behaviour of insects results of which deemed Cotton Farm area as “..low sensi- and so on. Cotton Farm is part of the initiative to combat tivity” and able to accommodate “…a small scale turbine global warming; each megawatt produced from a renewgroup” and that this “…would not have any adverse effect able resource will negate the need for one produced by the on the landscape character.” The part that really caught burning of fossil fuels, which as we all know, are bad for my attention was the section detailing the results of the the environment. An alternative needs to be found and computer models built to predict ‘shadow flicker’; the whilst I, like many, don’t necessarily want the alternative flickering shadow cast by the blade of the turbine as it in my back yard, I much prefer it to a nuclear or fossil fuel passes in front of the sun. 17 houses closest to the wind burning power station. Furthermore, I believe that any farm could be affected by shadow flicker but I learned authors who submit a written statement to planners that that wind speed, sun and trajectory need to be in align- purports to be a representation of the general public ment for it to represent a significant nuisance. Nonethe- should ensure that the general public is given adequate less, I believed that any risk was bad enough. That was notice to attend meetings so that they may present their until I discovered the fact that modern turbines are com- opinion and or evidence to support it. puterised and thus can be fitted with a series of sensors, capable of monitoring meteorological conditions, comparn the meantime, what little research I have conducted ing these with a computer model of the area and deteron the issue has brought me to one conclusion and that mining whether or not shadow flicker could occur. If so, a is that I do not believe that the reasons for opposing this turbine can automatically switch itself off and back on project are about the health of people and wildlife or again once the potential for shadow flicker has passed. plummeting house prices but it’s about change, fear of the unknown and anti campaigners have used this to energise hat about the exorbitant government subsidies their own agenda. When push comes to shove, Cotton that I’d heard so much about? Well, it turns out Farm is not about noise pollution or shadow flicker; it’s that there aren’t any direct subsidies. The UK govern- about whether or not you like the look of these giant ment’s current target is to supply 15% of the UK’s elec- machines and whether or not you can embrace change. tricity from renewable resources by 2015 with a possible The only person who can answer that, is you.■ increase to 30% by 2020. To meetA this target, it passed Different Angle Magazine - September 2008 7 property in North Pickenham and put the same question to all of them; did they believe that property in the area had been devalued as a direct result of the wind farm. All said no. Two of them mentioned that the market had experienced some uncertainty when the wind farm was being built, “people just didn't know what to expect,” said Ian Revell of Ian Revell Estate Agents, “but this all changed once the wind farm became operational and things settled down.”

Rules for women by men Men and women are always defin- 17 months is a problem. See a ing rules for each other. These are doctor. Not admissible. Anythe rules according to [most] men. thing we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In Toilet seat.. Learn to work the fact, all comments become null toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. and void after 7 days. Fat. If you We need it up, you need it down. think you’re fat, you probably You don’t hear us complaining. are. Don’t ask us. MisinterpretaWeekend. The weekend equals tion. If something we said can be sports. It’s like the full moon or interpreted two ways, and one of the changing of the tides. Let it the ways makes you sad or angry, be. Shopping. It’s NOT a sport. we meant the other one. Ask or And no, we are never going to tell. You can either ask us to do think of it that way. Blackmail. something or tell us how you Crying is blackmail. Just ask. want it done. Not both. If you Ask for what you want. Let us be already know best how to do it, clear on this one: Subtle hints do just do it yourself. Commercial not work! Strong hints do not break. Whenever possible, please work! Obvious hints do not say whatever you have to say work! Just say it! Yes and No. during commercials. Directions. Yes and No are perfectly accept- Christopher Columbus did not able answers to almost every need directions and neither do question. Problem solving. we. Colour blind. ALL men see Come to us with a problem only in only 16 colours, like Windows if you want help solving it. That’s default settings. Peach, for examwhat we do. Sympathy is what ple, is a fruit, not a colour. your girlfriends are for. Head- Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have aches. A headache that lasts for no idea what Mauve is. ScratchA Different Angle Magazine - September 2008

ing. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. What’s wrong? If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. Questions. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. What to wear? When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. Thinking. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars. IN SHAPE. I am in shape. Round is a shape. THANK YOU. Thank you for reading this; yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping. ■ Women, we’ll seek to redress the balance in our next issue. Email us your thoughts! 8

Halloween’s

dark side.

alloween, the witching season, is celebrated all over the world. For some parents, it’s the only time of year when they get to exhibit their creative flair for costume design whilst encouraging their children to go out, join a gang and terrorize the neighbourhood. For most, Halloween is about ’ghoulish’ fun and the opportunity to greedily share in the bounty extorted by phantoms and demons. But All Hallow’s

tablish their origin. But it’s not just spirits that come out on the 31st October, pranksters have their own devilish fun with unpopular neighbours. One case was reported whereby boys decided to exact their revenge on a busy body neighbour. The 49 year old spinster, who’d often highlight the boys’ misdemeanours to their parents, lived alone. One year, the pranksters decided to impersonate, the woman’s peculiar voice and call the police, stating that there was someone in her house. Units were dispatched once, twice, on the third occasion, they took their time but when they finally arrived, they

There's SOMEONE IN MY HOUSE. Eve does have a more sinister side,. Well, what would do you expect from a festival that celebrates the ‘Lord of darkness’? Some parents won’t allow their children to go trick or treating unless they can go with them. Some say it’s because they’re trying to recapture their youth, others say that its in response to a series of horrific cases where children were actually hurt by some of the candy they collected; razor blade chocolates and insect killer laced sweets were just some of the cases reported to police. Subsequent investigations were made difficult by the fact that children mix and share their sweets which makes it difficult to es-

found the woman barely alive, she had actually been robbed, stabbed and left for dead. Now that’s irony for you. Justice was served though; the pranksters and the drug fuelled robber were apprehended. In some parts of the States, they decorate streets with the same zeal on Halloween as they do at Christmas, so it was understandable that 24 hours had passed before residents realised that what looked like an amazingly realistic dummy hanging from a lamp post was actually a real corpse, that of a woman who committed suicide because her husband had left her. But consider this, next

time you smell something ‘funny’ in your hotel room, you may want to report it to management immediately. Which is advice that would have been helpful to a newly wed couple who, after a zombie themed wedding, excitedly checked into a hotel room in Las Vegas where both noticed an unpleasant smell but neither was willing to report it, such was their rapture. It was only the following morning, motivated by the chance of a discount, that they informed hotel staff who, after a thorough search of the room, concluded there was only one place they hadn’t looked; inside the mattress. That’s when they found the dead body of a young girl who had been stuffed into the box spring! She was later identified as one of the many prostitutes that haunt ‘the strip’. These are just some of the instances that can be explained but what about those that can’t? For example, those times when you could swear you heard somebody you live with come home, close the front door, dump their keys, but never materialise. So, you check the house only to discover you’re alone. Or my personal favourite, so much so that it happens to a character in one of my books, she hears her boyfriend come home and she calls out to him but there’s no reply. Perplexed, she goes through the house, calling his name but nothing. Then the phone rings, she picks it up. “Hello baby, it’s me,” he says, and that’s when she realises, to her terror; somebody else is in the house with her, and it isn’t her boyfriend. If you’ve experienced something like this, let us know about it. In the meantime, “don't have nightmares.” ■

In Short…

funny stories and pictures from around the world.

MAN ARRESTED FOR SETTING FIRE TO GIRLFRIEND’S TRUCK. The 46 year old American was arrested for arson and aggravated menacing. The reason? She fell asleep whilst having sex with him..GERMAN HOUSEWIFE CALLS POLICE ON CHATTY FRIEND. A desperate housewife called police in Germany after a friend chatted to her for 30 hours non-stop. Ingrid Schuettler, 48, told police she'd invited her friend round for a cup of tea and a chat. But once they started talking, her pal "would not shut up" and kept going through the night and the next day! A police spokesman said: "After an incredible 30 hours, and several unsuccessful attempts to get her to leave, the woman saw no other solution than to call us." MAN ARRESTED AFTER LEAVING NEW YORK DELTA FLIGHT VIA EMERGENCY HATCH. The man from first class was so angry at seeing coach passengers disembark before him that he yanked open the hatch and slid down the chute. He was arrested by Guyanese police.

WOMAN BREAKS HUSBANDS ARM WITH PLANK OF WOOD. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. EXPLOSIVE GAS BILL. Commenting on a complaint from one of its customers about a large gas bill, the company spokesman said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey was charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

Sound Bites... “Baldrick, you're fired! But I've been in your family since 1532! So has syphilis, now get out!”.

“My position, sir, does not allow me to argue with you. But if it ever came to a choice of weapons, I should choose grammar.”

Part of a speech at employee’s leaving do: “Well, “There are two things I I’ve had a wonderful time, don't like about you, Mr only this wasn’t it.” Churchill - your politics and moustache.” He - “Can I buy you a y o u r drink?” She - “Actually I'd Churchill: My dear rather have the money.” He madam, pray do not disturb “Hi, didn’t we go out once yourself. You are not likely or twice?” She - “Must have to come into contact with been once, I never make the same mistake twice.” He - either.”. “What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” Consultant: “Computers She - “Nothing, I can't talk are just like women, irraand laugh at the same time.” tional.” Woman: “Well, She “How many times do that's quite ironic, because I I have to flush before you thought it was the cong o a w a y ? ” verse.” Consultant:

“Really? That computers are like men, rational?” Woman: “Well, not rational as such... more in the sense that you get all excited about the new computer that you buy from the shop, but when you get it home, and get the packaging off, it's always a big disappointment.” Comedian: “Comedy is my job. You're interrupting; do you want me to come round your work tomorrow and hide your broom?” “Sorry, I don’t speak pissed!” “Hello, what have you come as?” Senior Warrant Officer (jabbing a recruit with his pace stick): “There is a

A Different Angle Magazine - September 2008

piece of s**t at the end of this stick!” Recruit: “Not at this end there isn't.” Fireman: “At one stage, we decided to fight fire with fire, well, basically, your house burned down.” Miscellaneous: “Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway!” “When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep and not screaming like the passengers in his car.” “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” “After 12 months, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes; no hablo ingles.” “If love is blind, why is lingerie popular?”

10 ‘interesting’ facts (about Halloween). 1.

Halloween (all hallows eve) is derived from the Celtic festival, Samhain (lord of darkness) that marked the end of the season of the sun (summer) and the beginning of the season of darkness and cold (winter).

Before the pumpkin, carved out beets, potatoes and turnips were used as lanterns. The name Jack (O-Lanterns) is derived from an old Irish legend about a miser who was unable to enter heaven and was doomed to roam the earth with his lantern until judgement day.

The Roman festival for remembering the dead is in October when they also celebrated Pomona; goddess of fruit trees. Apple games were sometimes held on the same day as Samhain, hence the apple bobbing games on Halloween.

The ubiquitous black cat is believed to protect a witch’s powers from negative forces.

It is believed that ghosts roam the earth on Halloween. This is why humans dress up in ghost and ghoul costumes so as to avoid being recognised.

Fire was very important to Celts for many reasons, but mostly its ability to scare away evil spirits.

99% of pumpkins sold for Halloween are used as lanterns.

The original Halloween film directed by John Carpenter in 1978 cost just $320,000 to make. It ended up raking in over $50m worldwide.

Legendary magician Harry Houdini died in Detroit of gangrene and peritonitis resulting from a ruptured appendix on Halloween in 1926.

10.

In the United States , Halloween candy sales average at about $2 billion dollars per year. More than Christmas & Easter!

That’s life... JOB INTERVIEW: Desired position: “Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.” Salary: “Make me an offer, we can haggle.” Last position “ Target for middle-management hostility.” Notable achievements: “My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.” Reason for leaving: “It was rubbish!” Preferred working hours: “1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.” Special skills: “Many but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.” Current employer: “If I had one, would I be here?” Do you have a car? “I think the

correct question would be, do you have a car that runs?” Do you smoke? “Only when set on fire.” Ambition for next five years: “Live on my own private island with a sexy supermodel who thinks I’m all that. Actually, I’d like to be doing that right now.” Do you certify the above is true and correct: “No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.” Sign here “Scorpio with Libra rising.” THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME: DO A GOOD JOB... “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.” RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

world, and I can take you out.” BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!” ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like LOGIC. ” Because I said so, you.” ANTICIPATION. that’s why.” FORESIGHT. “Just wait until we get “Make sure you wear clean home.” HUMOUR. “If you underwear, in case you’re in fall out of that tree and break your legs, don’t come an accident.” IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give running to me.” GENETICS. “You’re just like your you something to cry father.” WISDOM. “When about.” OSMOSIS. “Shut you get to be my age, you’ll your mouth and eat your understand.” JUSTICE. supper.” CONTORTION“One day you’ll have kids, ISM. “Look at that dirt on and I hope they turn out just the back of your neck!” like you!” ■ STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.” WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.” HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate.” CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this

A Different Angle Magazine - September 2008

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