DUREAL real people
REAL STORIES
REAL Opportunity
Prepare For the Surprise
Hello, this year like most people we were ready for a rode trip. Most of us have been in the house up until the seasonal changes. There is something about spring seasonal changes that seem to wake us up. You may be surprised at what you find if you do not plane for the unexpected. Our first stop was the Fort Lauderdale Florida airport. We rented a truck, believe me, it was a smooth ride to our accommodations at the cottage.
The Surprise After finding out there was no accommodation, we waited checking to see if they were correct. It was confirmed our reservation was canceled; what this meant was missing out on the beautiful beaches along with fishing. What would we do? Our mode of transportation made a big difference. At least the truck was comfortable. This was the time to make some serious calls. It was getting late around 11:00pm and would take at least an hour to get there.
Destination Miami Florida The phone calls worked by the time we reached Miami; our hotel was waiting for us. Not only that it was just what we needed; close to the beaches and fishing, a food truck with reasonable prices because we all know Miami is expensive.
Our walk downtown proved to be very peaceful, we set down and ate the tacos we bought earlier at the local food truck. I truly say this road trip did not disappoint; we could not leave without visiting
Key Biscayne.
It is a Florida town on a barrier island Rickenbacker Causeway from Miami. I lie between two large parks-Crandon and Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park…
Become Your Best Cheerleader
Your inner monologue, the private conversations you have inside your head, are a powerful part of your ability to succeed in life. When the voice inside your head is a constant cheerleader and proponent for you, you feel as though you can achieve anything. But, when that inner voice is a persistent critic, always telling you that you are going to fail, then you will have a challenging time achieving your dreams.
Shutting down that inner critic, the one that is always second guessing you or reminding you of your flaws, is a dominant player in your personal fulfillment and success. And learning how to shut down that negative voice can help you gain confidence and finally achieve your goals.
Start By Listening to The Voice. You may not even be aware of how often your inner critic is chiming in. Pay attention to what you are thinking and saying to yourself throughout your day. Getting a handle on what your voice is saying is the first step to silencing it.
Talk To Yourself Like You Would a Friend. When you hear that inner monologue start to chime in, try changing your words to those you would use with a friend who is having a problem. Be compassionate and encouraging, treat yourself with kindness.
Look At The Evidence. When you start to hear your inner critic tell you what you can’t do, ask yourself, how do you know? What evidence do you have to support that negative assessment? What evidence can you offer to refute those negative claims?
Don’t Live In the Past. You need to let go of past mistakes. When you mess up, accept that it happened, then move on. Reminding yourself repeatedly of how and when you screwed up is only fueling negativity and self-abuse and prevents you from making better choices moving forward.
Consider The Worst-Case Scenario. Your inner critic is probably very good at turning a possible negative outcome into a potential catastrophe. This causes you to feel more anxious than is necessary, leading to doubt and feelings of worthlessness. Stop and consider, what if that worst-case scenario did occur? Would it really be all that bad? In most cases, not really.
That inner critic can often have the loudest voice in the room, but don’t be afraid to keep pressing the mute button on him or her. You can be kinder and gentler to yourself while still focusing on ways to improve specific aspects of your life that don’t bring you joy.
Table of Contents Introduction .................................................................................. 1 What Is Social Conditioning ....................................................... 1 Impacts Of Social Conditioning ............................................... 2 Common Examples of Social Conditioning .............................. 3 How Social Conditioning Works ................................................ 4 Language ................................................................................... 4 Social Media............................................................................... 4 Religion ...................................................................................... 5 Political Affiliation ..................................................................... 5 5 Ways To Overcome The Impacts Of Social Conditioning .... 6 Your Values, Motives, And Beliefs Versus Social Conditioning ................................................................................. 8 How To Live Based On Your Values, Motives, And Beliefs .. 11 Identify Your Values ................................................................ 11 Develop Confidence ................................................................ 11 Have a Critical Eye .................................................................. 11 Avoid Toxic Sources ............................................................... 12 Final Thoughts ........................................................................... 13 References.................................................................................. 14
Disclaimer: The information contained in this publication is strictly for informational purposes. Every possible effort has been made in preparing and researching this material. We make no warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability of its contents or any omissions.
Introduction In society today, there appears to be a big push to live your truth. In general, living your truth involves tapping into your personal values, motives, and beliefs as a means of guiding your life and decision-making. However, there are instances where your personal values, motives, and beliefs can be shaped or influenced by social conditioning. This can make it challenging to know whether something is stemming from your internal systems or if outside pressure is motivating you without your knowledge.
What Is Social Conditioning Social conditioning refers to the training of individuals to think and behave in a particular way. Social conditioning can involve the use of both positive and negative reinforcement techniques by society as a means of getting people to think and act in certain ways. This is a process that for many begins at birth, becomes evident in childhood and adolescence, and often continues for the entirety of our lives. Social conditioning influences the way people think, what they believe, how they feel, what they desire, and how they react. It works by rewarding behavior that is deemed acceptable and punishing behavior and thoughts that have been determined to be unacceptable. Social conditioning also involves the repetition of the same message over a period of time so that individuals accept it as truth. Society operates on individuals in a way to get people to behave in a manner that is approved by society or the groups within it. The agents of social conditioning can include parents, teachers, peers, popular culture, film and television, church culture, and political parties among several others.
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Impacts Of Social Conditioning Social conditioning tends to be viewed as potentially negative or dangerous because it robs us of our ability to think and act for ourselves. When we have fallen prey to social conditioning, our beliefs can easily be manipulated. This often leads to beliefs, actions, and emotions that have no logical motive and are rooted in information that is unproven, illogical, or even untruthful. For many who study social conditioning, it is often compared to social herding and brainwashing which have been proven to have negative effects. Some such negative effects include toxic emotions, unscientific and unhealthy ideas, and ineffective behaviors.
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Common Examples of Social Conditioning Examples of social conditioning are often subtle and unrecognized by individuals within society, but the examples are numerous. Such examples include: •
The societal notion that women must be thin as a sign of beauty and good health.
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Pink as a female color, and blue as a male color.
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The premise that protein must come from meat.
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Certain job roles are viewed as female (i.e., teaching, nursing) while other job roles are viewed as male (i.e., construction, business executives).
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Certain materialistic items being viewed as symbols of status or success (i.e., name brands, cars, homes, etc.).
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How Social Conditioning Works There are several areas where social conditioning influences our beliefs, thoughts, and actions most significantly. These areas are what make social conditioning so effective and impactful in our lives.
Language Social conditioning is effective at using specific language to mold our beliefs and impact our actions. As mentioned in the previously outlined definition of social conditioning, specific messages are often repeated over a period of time until individuals receive the message as truth. The impact of language on our thoughts and beliefs can often be seen when certain words or phrases are uttered such as “immigrants,” “global warming,” or “feminism.” The ideals and beliefs we hold as related to these areas can easily be identified when these words are uttered, as the way we feel about these subject areas often comes to the forefront of our minds when we hear or see these words/phrases. This is because our environment has shaped our perspective of these areas in specific ways using certain messages.
Social Media Whether we realize it or not, social media has a huge impact on what we think, believe, and the way we act. Social media is full of information, much of which is loosely vetted, that is shared freely and without verification. Not only that, but the people in our social media networks are free to share opinions and ideas, and there is very little way to assess the validity or accuracy of what is shared. Thus, we are constantly bombarded with ideas, messages, and opinions that over time can influence our perspective on big and small issues alike.
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Religion Religion is also heavily responsible for social conditioning individuals. This is especially true because many people are introduced to their religion of choice as children and blindly accept what is shared with them as truth.
This can especially be seen in the high number of religious cults that have existed and currently exist and have/can lead people to extreme actions as a result.
Political Affiliation Our political affiliations are another way in which social conditioning significantly impacts us. Political parties are another thing that is often presented to us in our youth which makes it hard to uproot or shift our ideas on a variety of subjects.
Political affiliations also influence so many different areas of our lives (i.e., financial matters, environmental issues, demographics, etc.) which makes them highly influential as they often control our decision making in so many ways.
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5 Ways To Overcome The Impacts Of Social Conditioning Social conditioning is hard to escape, but there are some action items that can be taken to help you overcome the impacts of social conditioning. •
Be Open: One of the most important ways to combat social conditioning is to be open to the idea that you’ve been influenced in some way by social conditioning. People often don’t want to be viewed as weak or easily influenced and can view the idea of being influenced by social conditioning as a negative indictment against them.
This sort of attitude towards it can close people off to the openness needed to become aware and make changes so that they can become more independent thinkers. •
Reflection and Introspection: The ability to reflect and use introspection is absolutely necessary to loosen the grip of social conditioning in our lives. We must see the ways in which we’ve fallen prey to social conditioning in our lives.
Reflection and introspection gives us a way to do this by looking at major areas of our lives and assessing whether our views and thoughts are truly our own or if they’ve originated from another source. •
Get Feedback: When you’re on the inside looking out, it can be hard to identify areas where social conditioning might be influencing us. Having some people in our inner circle who know us, observe us, and engage with us often that can offer us insight about ourselves can be truly valuable.
They can often see things that we’d likely miss or overlook. The key is to avoid defensiveness and to be open to what might be shared with us. And then to take what is shared and explore it to determine the truth behind it. 6|Page
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Monitor Media Intake: There is no doubt that where we get our media from can and will impact the way we think about and view certain issues. Thus, it is important to take a critical look at the media we consume, the sources it comes from, and the motivations those sources might have. This can help us decipher what ideals and beliefs we may be regurgitating from a media source and what truly comes from us.
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Live Your Truth: Being true to who you are is one of the strongest ways to combat social conditioning, but it requires a lot of self-awareness. You must take the time to know what your true values, motivations, and beliefs are so that you can think, live, and act from those and minimize or eliminate the impact of social conditioning altogether.
When you are firm in your beliefs, you can stay true to them even when social conditioning is attempting to alter the way you think or what you believe. So, you must first know what these are and then root yourself in them before you can fight against social conditioning.
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Your Values, Motives, And Beliefs Versus Social Conditioning In Organizational Behavior, values are defined as the collective conceptions of what is considered to be good, desirable, and proper as well as what is bad, undesirable, and improper within culture. Values act as conscious or unconscious motivators and they differ based upon the individual. Some characteristics of values include (iEduNote, 2019) •
They provide standards of competence and morality
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They can be influenced by culture, tradition, and a combination of internal & external factors
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They are central to the core of an individual
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They are relatively permanent
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Most core values are learned early in life
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They influence behavior and serve as a basis for evaluating the actions of others
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They create norms that guide daily behavior
Values are also heavily connected to our beliefs, which are the convictions we hold to be true, often without evidence or proof. Beliefs stem from what we see, hear, experience, read and think about. Many beliefs we hold are based upon our religion, but this is not always the case as other factors can influence beliefs as well. What we value can inform our beliefs, but often it is what we believe that determines our values.
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Ultimately, it is our beliefs and our values that determine our motives. Our core convictions combined with our ideas about what is good, desirable, and proper serve as the cause behind our actions. Motives can be divided into primary (innate or biological) and secondary (acquired or social). Primary motives relate to our survival and include things such as hunger, thirst, shelter, sleep, and sex. Such elements are essential to ensure individual and species survival. Secondary motives are not necessary for human survival but they do play a role in the emotional development of humans. Elements such as achievement, belonging, and power can be classified as secondary motives. So how do these elements differ from social conditioning? Our values, beliefs, and motives represent our true self and each of these inform our actions and choices. But unlike social conditioning, these are internal forces that lead us to make certain choices and take certain action as opposed to outside forces that cause us to believe and do certain things. Deciphering between the two requires thorough self-analysis, reflection, and introspection. There are questions you can ask yourself to help you sort through this. Such questions include: 1. What matters to me? - This helps you to examine and establish those personal values, motives, and beliefs you hold. 2. How long has this mattered to me? - This question helps you to examine whether your personal values, motives, and beliefs are new and recent, or if they’ve been with you for a while. While not always an indicator of social conditioning, those values, motives, and beliefs that have formed more recently could signal that an outside influence has been working on you.
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3. Why does this matter to me? - This question helps you get to the root of your motives, values, and beliefs. If you cannot establish a “why” for yourself this can also indicate that you are being driven by outside influences versus acting from within. 4. Is there a specific person behind what matters to me? - This question offers another avenue for you to examine whether your beliefs, values, and motives are your own or if they stem from somewhere or someone else. This can help you spot if a political figure, celebrity idol, parent, peer, or other influential individual is behind what you define as being significant to you, or whether you have your own personal attachment to it. 5. What do I gain if I achieve or obtain this? - This question is also valuable in establishing the ‘why’ behind your actions. If you reflect and determine that you gain things such as acceptance, love, or recognition then that could signify that you’re doing something or pursuing something for a reason that doesn’t stem from you. However, if you find that you gain things such as personal happiness, professional growth, or personal gratification this likely means that you have an inner personal attachment to your actions.
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How To Live Based On Your Values, Motives, And Beliefs There are a series of measures that can be taken in order to help you live from a place of your values, motives, and beliefs. While each person’s journey to this kind of living can look different, these are some ways that are common amongst many individuals.
Identify Your Values You have to know who you are and what you stand for in order to be able to live based upon your values. The process of identifying your values requires self-analysis and self-reflection and often takes some time. When you take the time to establish the values and convictions that hold meaning for you, you can begin to make decisions based on the foundation of these values and convictions. When rooted in your convictions and values you have a greater ability to stand up to others and be yourself, and this helps you limit the influence of social conditioning in your life.
Develop Confidence You must be confident in who you are in order to be able to stand your ground when placed in a situation that might lead you to be influenced by or alter your beliefs and actions based upon someone or something else. When you believe in yourself and what you have to offer and understand that you are worthy of being able to be your authentic self, you will be more likely to stay true to yourself and stand firm in your values, motives, and beliefs.
Have a Critical Eye It is important not to always take everything at face value. While you don’t have to critique everything, it is important to look at things that are presented to you with a critical eye.
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Ask yourself what the motivation of the source might be, how the source might benefit from you thinking, believing, or acting in a particular way, and whether you truly align with what is being presented to you. Engaging in this practice can help you to spot when you might be compromising or allowing social conditioning to take effect in your life.
Avoid Toxic Sources When you have identified a person or a source that is toxic and has a negative influence on you it is best to avoid or at least limit its presence in your life. This helps to ensure that you are not overexposed to influences that may cause you to stray away from what is truly significant and meaningful to you.
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Final Thoughts Social conditioning cannot totally be avoided, but its impacts can be limited. Via thoughtful and intentional actions, you can identify if or when social conditioning has impacted you, and you can take active measures to prevent social conditioning from pulling you away from your true convictions. As you grow strong in your ability to establish your values, build confidence, and critically assess those things that come your way, you can strengthen yourself against the influence of social conditioning. It is important to note that this process of assessing for and shielding from social conditioning is not a one time process but is one that should be practiced for the entirety of one’s life. Social conditioning never goes away and never stops being a risk, but via our own growth and maturity it can be a less significant factor in our lives over time.
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References Canterella, J. (2020, May 14). How to understand social conditioning and escape the herd mentality. TheMindFool - Perfect medium for self-development & mental health. Explorer of lifestyle choices & seeker of the spiritual journey. https://themindfool.com/how-to-understandsocial-conditioning/#Social_Conditioning_Definition Davies, J., & (Hons), B. (2020, August 3). 4 ways social conditioning secretly affects your behaviors and decisions. Learning Mind. https://www.learning-mind.com/social-conditioningbehaviors-decisions/ Exploring Your Mind. (2020, June 29). The difference between motives and motivation. Exploring your mind. https://exploringyourmind.com/difference-motives-motivation/ IEduNote. (2019, September 30). Values: Definition, characteristics, importance, types of values. iEduNote.com. https://www.iedunote.com/values
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NO MORE WARS
Psalms 46:9
