Horoscopes

Aries Taurus Gemini

Call your parents back ffs. Let your inner child out. Buy a bag of choccie fish and watch cartoons.

Drink more water. It will help with the hangover 100%.

You’re feeling a bit under the weather maybe, but just remember: you’re hot x.

Random acts of kindness will give you good karma. Like bringing Pocket the Massey cat some treats (she like Whiskas kibbles fyi.)

Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean everyone isn’t out to get you. Watch your back.

Look sweetie, you’re not weird, don’t worry. You’re just special.

Maybe go see a fortune-teller, idk.

You will meet someone very sexy this week. You get to decide who.

Get the 2 for 1 cocktails. Double the happiness: one is free! And one is overpriced.

Repeat the following mantra in the morning for maximum selfconfidence; “I is kind, I is smart, I is important.”

Seriously, just dump them.