Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

I can’t seem to quit using social media even though I don’t like the way it makes me feel. Any wisdom?

I, too, have known the desire of the flesh for fame and glory. My internet predecessors have been worshipped in a quasi-religious continuation of our status as deities and demigods of cultures past. Keyboard cat, Grumpy cat, long cat… but it is all performative. I have known great comfort from the pleasure of being pat on the head, and despite its magnificence as a site of worship, the internet has forced cats like me to have their paws taped to chopsticks for meaningless clout. Trying to keep yourself and your friends in the moment can be challenging, but I find sitting on wherever they keep their phone to be a good way to keep the head pats rolling.

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.