Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

My flatmates have all been football-mad because of the recent world cup. It’s really not my thing, but I don’t want to feel left out. What should I do?

While my lithe physique and agile movement don’t show it, I have to say my sporting days are well behind me. In previous lives, I’ve been everything from a baseball mascot to a royal ratcatcher, but these days I much prefer tamer pastimes like competitive lounging. This is the constant feline duality: ability and disinterest. I suggest embracing game day as an opportunity to sit on the couch and eat snacks, even if you don’t have a clue what’s happening on screen. Remember to yell loudly when the other humans do (to make it look like you’re paying attention).

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered?

Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Aquarius Pisces Aries

Jan 20 - Feb 18 Feb 19 - Mar 20

Cricket: Stop dreaming, Aquarius, and gain some game sense. I recommend the most protracted and boring game on Earth. Cricket. There are usually sandwiches and gin between sets, at least?

Diving: Always creating a splash, that’s Pisces! Play to your strengths. Get up on that diving board and make some waves.

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Fire and ice ice baby: You’re a fiery one Aries, so this week, have a fire sesh at the sauna. Perfect sports recovery, followed by ice bath. Take the plunge!

Apr 20 - May 20 May 21 - June 21

Rugby: Being the bull that you are, I recommend you scrum it out this week, Taurus.

Tennis: Doubles. Because you’re a natural twin.

Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra

July 23 - Aug 22 Aug 23 - Sep 22

Football: you’re a bit of a lion, and naturally love to win. No greater satisfaction than scoring a bloody good goal in footie. Goal for it!

Bowls: Embrace your inner seventy-yearold and get down to your local bowling club. Beer in hand, balls in the other. It’s a good time.

Scorpio Sagittarius

Oct 24 - Nov 21 Nov 22 - Dec 21

Hockey: You’re a spiky little fiend, Scorpio. So, perfect your competitive nature and attack mode with some hockey.

Trampolining: Embrace your inner fiveyear-old, Sag. You’ve been way too serious of late. Bounce it out!

June 22 - July 22

Swimming: Being the water baby that you are, Cancer, a good swim will soothe all your agitations this week. Whether it’s the local pool or the ocean. Dive right in.

Sep 23 - Oct 23

Dance: We know you like to play fair, Libra, so why not try something where nobody loses? Dance your little heart out.

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Extreme sports: Being practical all the time is kind of boring, Capricorn. Why not shake it up a little with some tobogganing, bungee jumping or even trolley riding at your local Pak’n’Save? Adrenaline kick is the theme.