Adventure Failure and Robots by Matt Thompson

Adventure u l i r a e f AND ROBOTS By Students Dorks and non-dorks do dorky stuff in dorktown

TABLE OF CONTENTS Session 01

ARRIVAL

Session 02

AWAKE

Session 03

THE CHOSEN ONE(S)

Session 04

MAFIA INTERLUDE

Session 05

GARRY COPPER

Session 06

SON.EXE

Session 07

OUT WITH A BANG

This Edition of Adventure Failure and Robots is published exclusively for Caleb Ink Inc, Albania. PRINTED SEPTEMBER 2ND 1945 NO RIGHTS RESERVED

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, any part of this publication may be reproduced stored in or introduced to a retrieval system, or transmitted by any other means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the express written permission of both the copywrite owner and the above publisher of this book. PRINTED AND BOUND IN ALBANIA

thank you,

To all of my wonderful students, whose incredible imagination and beautiful enthusiasm enabled the success of this class. And to Linkedkey, for taking a chance on such a bold and bizarre program

- Matthew thompson

Authors Caleb Mou Edward Nunez Luciana Xia Noah Ma William Wang

SESSION ONE

Arrival

Luciana Opal sighed as she hugged her ginormous stuffed animals. She stood slowly and patted a stuffed bear’s black, shiny nose and ran downstairs. In a moment, they were at the airport. She dragged her wheeled suitcases through security, paid some guy, hurried on the airplane and the plane took off. Opal looked gloomily down, as her parents waved to her. At last, the plane landed and everyone came off. She looked around for her ship as hundreds of humongus cruises floated majestically through the harbour. Everyone, even the citizens, who had seen this like, 1000 times, gasped. Opal just rolled her eyes. She had seen many impressive things, but none of them had impressed her. She got on her ship and realized that it was Brobdingnagian (gigantic)! There were fancy waiters and waitresses, some guy playing piano and a magician for the little kids! Everyone was enjoying themselves and partying, when suddenly, all the waiters, waitresses and piano people stopped. People looked around in confusion. A voice said “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHaaaaaa….! Sorry, that trick never gets old. All those people are robots!” He snapped his fingers and everything continued. “My name is Sir Abignail, I run the TechnoGiants Theme Park! This boat, The Intrepid, also belongs to me! You shall shoot robots!” Everyone applauded, including Opal. He seemed like a fun guy! She sat at a light crimson table with intricate designs and watched the waitresses rollerskate and deliver raw fish, raspberries, snails and other delicacies. She spent the rest of the evening reading and playing video games. That night, she fell asleep to the gentle rocking of the boat, and dreamed of guns and robots. In the morning, the ship slowed down, and everyone could see the giant theme park coming up in the distance.

Mon-Sun, July 5-12, 2022 Caleb Joe narrates this page

Tomorrow at 5:30 AM, my family and I would head to Pennsylvania station, arrive at woodside via subway, and continue by bus and foot to LaGuardia Airport. From LaGuardia Airport we would fly for around 22 hours to Sydney airport. From there we would head to the Holiday Inn Express Sydney Airport and stay in the city for a week, we planned to go see some landmarks. A week later we would head to what was a luxury theme park in the middle of the ocean. I’m guessing the location would be somewhere in the Indian ocean or the south pacific ocean. I suspect out of those two to be the south pacific ocean because my parents said it wasn’t near any country. The only information I know about the theme park was that it was far away, related to robots and is very expensive. Today is the day we would fly to Australia! It was 5:30 and we walked to Pennsylvania station there were some delays such as me forgetting my phone and my mom needing to go to the washroom and trying to wake the dog up. We ended up boarding at 7:30 and arrived at 5:00. After that he went into our hotel room and then went out and got breakfast. Today we planned to go to the Great Barrier Reef and at night time go to buildings like Q1 and Sydney tower. For the rest of the few days, we didn’t do much other than going to some other landmarks such as Lake Hillier, Wilpena Pound and the Sydney Opera House. Today we are leaving Sydney and headed to the luxury theme park. We arrived at Sydney Harbour at 5:00 PM and boarded the luxury boat at 5:30. There we waited till 6:00 for everyone to finish boarding. We were lucky that we boarded early since the 1,500 by 500 by 400m cruise ship had 1,500 more people needing to board and on average in 1 minute 25 people board. That would mean that we would wait for 1 hour and 30 minutes if we count the 750 people in front of us. It’s 6:45 and everyone boarded the ship, but you might be wondering why is it 6:45 shouldn’t it be around 6:30? Well, it turns out that 375 more people came so that's why. Now we're on the ship we waited another 15 minutes because of a welcome speech. After the speech, we started sailing toward the theme park. The ship had many nice things like our own room and even a dog bed for my dog doggo! We went outside and had some snacks like salami and cheese cubes. When we were eating snacks the park owner Mr. Abignail made a speech about the theme park and he said stuff about the details of the park and cool adventures in the park. After that, we had some more snacks and eventually went to our rooms and did other stuff like play games and read books. It was around 1:30 when we slept and that's the ending of day one of the trip.

Edward My arrival to Techno Giants. Before I went to Techno Giants, I ate breakfast, took a bath, brush my teeth, and got ready to go. I know what Techno Giants is, it is a bad place, so I brought a flame thrower to melt some of the bad robots and water to short circuit other robots. Yeah, I am a bad boy. When I got on the Intrepid, I played video games, watched tv, and ate cupcakes, ice cream, doughnuts, chocolates, and more. It was fun. I think Mr. Abignail is a rogue, suspicious, and has fancy hair. My character’s name is Steve Snake. His family is nice, loves books, and hates sharks. When I arrived at techno giants, there were 123 people waiting in line at the park’s entrance I felt miserable. A giant robot said hello to us.

SESSION TWO

Awake

Luciana In the morning, Opal woke up and immediately headed out to breakfast. The breakfast had the fluffiest pancakes in the entire world, no, the universe! Opal grinned as she devoured her pancakes. This was going to be the best field trip ever! At the table, she saw some people, but the extremely noticeable ones were Abignail, a blonde (like really, really blonde) lady and some dude with blue eyes. They were chatting at the “adult table” (where all the adults sat..). A few hours later, the boat rolled (with wheels!) onto a path made for it. There was a big, flashy sign that said “Welcome To Techno Giants™ “ with a humongous building near it. The boat-on-wheels rolled straight into the building, and everyone came off. A robot said “Welcome to Techno Giants.” Opal was quite surprised, so she punched the robot in their robot face. “hEyyy…” one of the adults said. Look, good attitude, but maybe save that for laterrr??” Opal presumed they were drunk. Her and the other kids were herded towards a tunnel to the left, and left (get it?) in a waiting lobby. She talked with some other kids. “EY” said some leaflike person, “I AM KIERAN, pleasure to meet you ma’am.” Opal slid out her pocket knife. Kieran slid out a lighter. “We are now friends.” Opal declared. Kireran picked up a small boy. A dog bit him. Then, the blonde lady from the adult table arrived, told them about the quests which were Cowboy Corral, Alien Assault and Sword and Flame and Kirerans little brother came and dragged him to “Alien Assault!”. Kieran gave an apologetic wave as he disappeared into the tunnel farthest to Opal. Opal and some other people decide to go to Sword and Flame because, hey, it sounds pretty cool! As she was walking in, she got shot with sleepy sleepy medicine. The last thing she saw was a mafia doggo, eating someone's arm, and she heard a scream (probably the person who got his arm ripped off) “Finally, you’re awake!” Said the person with blue eyes at the adult table. “My name is Teddy, but in this simulation, you can call me Gandolfadore!”

Opal realizes she is on a moving cart! One of her mates tried to kill themselves, but failed. As they arrived, she saw a castle (OooO) and some lady dressed in clothing. Opal told her that she was “Enchantress Opaltootooca” The lady looked up at her, and wrote “Insane?” on her board. A person named Willaim went next, then Edward and someone named Dork? The lady declared then “EXECUTE THEMMMMM!” The executor sharpened his blade and grinned. “Who wants to go first?” He asks Opal, trying to use reverse psychology screams “MEMEMEMEMEEEEE” Reverse psychology doesn’t work, soon Opal has her head on a wooden block that smells like blood. The executioner prepares to chop her head off, but the lady tosses him a coconut and he makes a coconut daiquiri. Then he proceeds to chop Opals head off as if nothing had happened. Opal, understandably, screams. A dragon hears it, and everyone runs. Edward (is it Edward?) gets his shackles stuck, and gets actually burned? “Why are you here?” asks Teddy “What do you mean?” responds William “We’re on vacation at a theme park?” “Weeeeeellllllll…” says Teddy “your parents are on vacation, this is a rehab!” Cue LEGASP from everyone DUNDUNDUn

Caleb Today I had breakfast on the Intrepid; I had some waffles, eggs, bacon and orange juice. After that, I was mostly just resting in my room playing some games and stuff like that. After a day and a few hours of sailing, we arrived at the Techno Giant Park. I was separated from my parents when we were going into the “game” part of the Techno Giant Park. I was led to a giant room filled with other kids and in the center, we saw on a podium an adult. The adult’s name was Delores and she explained the games you could choose and also how the “games” worked. When she finished explaining I chose the story I wanted to play and went into the tunnel and arrived in this large room but then at the moment I went into the large room everything turned dark. Then I saw some other kids and my dog, we introduced ourselves and then we headed out to get executed. We were forced onto a cart and sent forth to the executioner. I tried to die by jumping off and getting trampled by horse hoves but that didn’t work and I even got tied so I couldn’t move. Opal was the first one to get sent to the executioner luckily for her, there was a dragon that swooped down on the village and charred the pieces of wood trapping her and she broke through. It charred the ropes I was stuck on and also gave me a 1st-degree burn. We headed to a tower and there I was able to get a gun and gave it to my dog. The dog somehow used it and almost shot me, we jumped off and landed on the ground. We ran to the borders and got some weapons and I got a stick and a vodka bottle. Then Teddy the host tells us about the real reason why we're here and told us that It was to traumatize us so we would do work.

Edward Eventually we went to a tower. Steve and I separated from my family, my parents went up the stairs and we went down the stairs. We felt sad, scared, and bad. We found an entrance to a fantasy land. There was a weapon chest on the ground. I chose a sword and Steve chose a torch. The reason I chose the sword is because I like fantasy and dragons. We lit the sword on fire. Other kids were around us. Something hit me and I got knocked out. It hurt and I blacked out. When I woke up, there were Imperial soldiers who wanted to execute me. I felt very hopeless. But then a dragon came and I felt way more hopeless. At that point, Steve told me why I was really here, and I was surprised.

SESSION THREE

The Chosen One(s)

Edward He said that the Imperial solders thought we were evil villains and had to be executed. But then the dragon blew fire out of his mouth and the fire melted our chains and we were free. We started running away from that place. Eventually, we found a cabin full of weapons and I chose a weapon, a nice rifle. We also found a map to Riverdell Salad. Riverdell Salad is a town where the inhabitants only eat salads. So, we decided to go to Rivendell Salad, but it was long trip, and we got very tired. Close to the town we found animals acting strangely. We shoot at them, but to our surprise, they were all robots. A person came to us and told us that she was the town’s manager. She got very angry when she saw all the destroyed animal robots. We got very scared and started looking around searching for a way to escape, but we couldn't find any, so that we hid our weapons and any other evidence.

Luciana Opal picked up a staff as her weapon “Its BEAUTIFUL” She exclaimed Teddy looked up and vomited. An hour later, anger got the best of her and she struck Teddy, making his beard into cheese. The group went to Riverdell, and met Lady Elfrond. She was a robot. As Opal sat down, she reviewed the menu. “Salad? SALAD? AND TODAY'S SPECIAL, SALAAD??” “Will yez,” Lady Elfrond said “Salad iz guuuuud…” “There’s something wrong with her voice box” Teddy frowned. “ tHaTs nOT GOnnA bE eNoUgh TANKS!” said lady Elfrond “WooOo Go oN wIthOut meEEeeeeE” “Don’t pill the pin by - IT SHALL Lead you On YoUr WAYYYYY” Lady Elfrond closes off this beautiful performance by saying “NoOooOOOoOOOo” and collapsing as someone shot her in the back with a laser gun. A young man (aka kid) emerged from the ruins of a burnt down house (that got burnt down by Opal and her friends). He introduced himself as John, and the woman, Delores. Some UFOs can and Teddy and Delores fought. Delores slapped Teddy, but everyone was distracted as a DRAGON CAME! Opal, thinking fast, ran up to the dragon and lightly tapped it with her cheese wand screaming “OHHAHAHAHA DRAGONO CHEESOOOOOO” Immediately, the dragon turned into cheese. Now, the UFOs. Caleb, eating the cheese dragon, was so shocked that Opal snatched it and started munching it. Delores and Teddy desperately pushed everyone through the fire exit that John had come through. Leaf boy (Kieran) included. Some kids were vaporized, but most kids were just terrified as they were herded to “Alien Assault”

Tues, July 14, 2022 Caleb Joe narrates this page

Today we left the fortress or building we were in and headed to a meadow with elves. When we arrived, the elves gave us some salad, The salad I got a delicious salad containing mushrooms, spinaches, tomatoes, cabbage, carrots etc. After I finished the fulfilling meal, it was around 8:00 and then I climbed on top of a tall cliff and started looking at the magnificent view. It was around dusk and I headed to my cabin when I arrived at the cabin I rested for a bit. At twilight, I thought about testing the mechanics of the game so I got some sticks and set those on fire with the fireplace in my cabin and headed to a cabin when I found a cabin I set the cabin on fire and ran back to my cabin. There I met the elf that gave us salad bumped into me and she asked me why I was running and I said I was just walking around but then I saw a cabin go on fire and screaming and I was scared so I’m running back to my cabin to stay safe. The next day at the breakfast table we had some bread and of course, some salad and during that time for some reason Lord Elfrond told us we are all the chosen ones other than William. When we went to the council Elfrond invited us to. There in the council, he gave me a comically large chopstick and in the middle was “The Ring Of Destruction”. Suddenly a dragon attacked the council and I didn’t care, in the middle of this mess, I for some reason decided to eat the ring and then O’pal/Luciana turned the dragon into cheese. Then I saw the amazing cheddar wheel of cheese and immediately ran to it and started eating it. 2 seconds later aliens start arriving and then I keep eating but now I’m looking up and somehow the cheese wheel disappeared, It was probably good because I was getting kind of sick. Then I turned my head and saw three people running towards us and they were getting chased by the aliens it turned out that it was Kieran. We all grouped up and decided to head to the emergency fire exit and which ends Tuesday.

SESSION FOUR

Mafia Interlude

Luciana “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screams Kieran “I'M A ROBOT!” “Relax, we’ve noticed,” said the dog (WHY IS THE DOG TALKING). “I'm working on it!” screamed Abignail Edward was running around screaming Willaim was running around Edward screaming “Dork” was trying to stop William and Edward. Opal was stopping Dork stopping William and Edward. As you can tell, everything was in chaos. When Abignail restored order, Kieran started convulsing. Opal, alarmed, shoved Abignail towards Kieran screaming “FIX HIM!” Abignail grabbed a pane of glass and waved his hand around it. Opal sees a lot of sliders moving and stats going up and down. Abignail takes a slider and pulls it to maximum. It seems to get harder to pull the more he pulls it but he manages to anyway. Kieran stops screaming and grins “I feel goooooood.” he says. Everyone goes through a tunnel. Green smoke appears and copper eyes peer through the mist. The obvious special effect and the eyes disappear and a second later, the group runs out of the tunnel, panting as a giant danger noodle (aka snek, aka judgemental shoelace) reared up behind them. “WHY IS THERE A SNAKE BEHIND US?” asked Opal. “Maybe Lord Boglomort is back and we didn’t destroy all of his Chorecruxes. Also that’s a snek. Learn the difference.” Teddy said calmly alongside Opal. “WHAT? WE ARE GOING TO GET EATEN AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT ARE SNEKS??” screeched Opal. Teddy sighs, exasperated. Suddenly, robots cut everyone off at the exit. Abignail shrieks. Opal lets out a sound that is definitely not a scream, thank you very much, and they all prepare to run the opposite direction, when they realize that there is a SNEKKY BOI behind them. Everyone attempts to fight the robots, which make the snek back off which was great, when Abignail screams. Opal wasn’t able to see him, and tries to rescue him. Dork was savoring a delicious, lettuce crusted, crouton filled, saucy, beautiful salad. Edward was stuffing a salad down his throat. William somehow, dismembered a robot and swung its leg around. Edward goes out the emergency exit and finds a dinner party! “Wut” says Edward. “Eh? What’s going on?” Opal and the others join and realize that this was all a trick, everything was fake! Abignail went up on stage and started speaking, but Delores grabbed a gun and growled. Abignail laughed. “Those only work in the park!” he wheezed. “I think not,” Delores snarled, “This one’s from your office.” She pulled the trigger. Abignail falls down and the spotlight veers towards Delores.

Caleb Today we have learned that the robot hang wire thing was just a part of the game and we found out that there were a lot of harry potter references. So first we went down this long hallway filled with robots and other stuff. While we were walking we heard a hissing noise, then Mr. Abigail used his I pad to change some settings for Kieran and then it stopped, then we continued. Then later we heard it again and then Kieran froze. He told us that he had heard a noise, so we ran. When the snake was close we hid in one of the storage rooms. I shot an owl and then the robots moved and started chasing us, we rand and shot with our gun and ran to the exit then when I was almost at the exit door the snake rammed me and knocked me down on the ground and started slithering towards me but then I stopped and it headed towards William and then I saw that the coast was clear and started eating salad. Edward saw the exit and ran towards it so I did too. When we went out we saw a big stage and then there were some announcements and then I went to my parents and ate dinner. I had some chilli and also a Sandwich. Then on the stage, I saw Deloras assassinate Mr. Abignail and then that was the end of that day.

SESSION FIVE

Garry Copper

SESSION SIX

Son.exe OH NO!

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Luciana Opal, seeing Abignail fall to the ground, took the chance and started hitting him with a candlestick, screaming “PEANUT BUTTER!”. Teddy kicked him and Delores joined in. He was, most definitely, dead. All chaos broke loose and robots started streaming through the emergency exit, screaming “PEANUT BUTTER!” Opal saw a glass pane near Abignail’s corpse and picked it up. She tried to remember what it was. Wait… was it the TABLET THAT CONTROLS ALL THE ROBOTS? She tried to remember how to activate it, because an invincible robot army would be EXTREMELY helpful… She swiped her hand under the glass. It turned red, then said “REJECTED”. Opal, being a nerd, had heard about devices being able to sense fingerprints. She took Abignail’s hand and swiped it under the screen. It flashed blue and a whole bunch of sensors and sliders popped up. She turned everything to 100 percent and everyone started singing because their creativity stat was 100. After the musical had died down, she saw a map with a room that said control center. There, right next to it was “Cowboy Corral ' . Opal tried to run to where it is, with robots and her team following close behind her. They saw a room and a door. Opal sauntered inside the door. It snapped close behind her. A mysterious voice named Matt told her that Dork was in fact, Abignail’s son! There were papers that show Abignail and robots, then Abignail + robots, then Abignail = dead robot. Scrawled at the bottom in messy handwriting, it said “I can see my son!” Opal was then thrown out of the room, and the room disappeared into the ground with special effects. Opal told Dork about being Abignail’s son. Dork took his anger out on a robot who was Gary Copper, and then, Abignail confirmed that Dork is his son while possessing Gary Copper and saying “When you were young, you died of, Ehrm, toe fungi. I put you inside a robot body which I made sure, your toes were nonexistent.” Dork looked down at his flat feet and groaned. “WAIT, you’re his son?”

DUN DUN DUN

SESSION SEVEN

Out with a Bang

NO REGRETS

Luciana Giant robot spooder appears! It lumbers to Dork/Caleb and looms over him. Then, it freezes. Literally, the robot spider is covered in ice and cracked down by William’s robot leg, and William collects a spider hair and attempts to whip himself. He fails. Opal adjusts the tablet slider up and down, up and down. Caleb slouches and then pulls himself up suddenly. “I am quite thankful and I would like to tell you in a sophisticated manner.” he says. Opal, alarmed, pulls his slider to normal. He turns, well, normal. Everyone runs through a tunnel and sees a train. It was The Bogwarts

Express full of robots! Elfrond sat up and waved at Opal. “You must lead us with a tablet!” She squawked. Opal turned everyone’s stats up (except Caleb) . Her little human group jumped on the train and Caleb attempted to drive it. Opal could see Caleb shouting, but couldn’t hear him. The words ``I’m gonna drive this bad baby off a cliff!” appeared on the screen. Opal, using her big brain, realized that trains can only drive on tracks, no where else. The train went to “Cowboy Corral” and everyone got off except the robots. Some robots were talking about water and they appeared to be in a loop. Teddy informed everyone that the robots would ignore them unless they acted like cowboys. They followed the loop cowboy to a little town. They marched into a blood bank with a priest, a minister and a rabbi. The person in the blood bank asks “is this some kind of joke?” Then they go to the bar. William repeatedly asks for alcohol and coke. They gave him ‘sarsaparilla’ which was basically just coke and pepsi mixed together. Some random person attempts to rob the bar. They fail. The train reappears and everyone, including the robot cowboys, gets on. The train keeps going until they see The Intrepid and a pony. Opal asks Elfrond what it is, and she responds with “your noble steed has arrived. Get going. Holding up the tablet, Opal sees a blue pyramid on top of the pony. She grins and turns the pony’s slides up to max and VR controls it. People try to shoot at the pony, which she named ‘Opal rules. William and Caleb sux’. Everyone gets onto the Intrepid and it sets sail. In the morning Opal comes downstairs to Teddy and Delores snogging. Opal called everyone into the deck and said “HEY! THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED!” Delores and Teddy turn into tomatoes.

Edward At the Alien Assault area, we found Mr. Abignail. He explained to us that the robots were going haywire. That was scary but when Kieran, one of the children traveling with us, got shot, it was even scarier. However, Mr. Abignail quickly helped Kieran to recover and seemed to be able to control a lot of things about the robots using his tablet. Then Mr. Abignail told us many things about the robots and that he believed that the robots are malfunctioning because of a faulty software update. After that we went to the service tunnels beneath the park into the Gary Copper and the Room of Mystery auditorium. Over there the Basilisk, a giant serpent robot, came in and started chasing us. I shot it but it did not damage it. It was the scariest moment of my life. I started running away again until I saw through a window that everything was a trick. Mr. Abignail had lied to us, this was not a survival test, it was just a lesson to teach naughty children to be nice. In fact, Mr. Abignail turned out to be just another robot created by our parents to keep us in line. Of course, I was in rage, so that I told Steve to shoot Mr. Abignail with a gun that he found in the office. After Steve shot Mr. Abignail, we decided to go to the Cowboy Corral and have fun. It was epic. I made friends with some of the cowboys drinking coffee at the cafeteria. Then we went to Sweetwater Drink Bar to get some root beer. At that moment, there was a robbery in progress, and we watched people lose their money. We thought about fighting back, but then we realized that it was probably more robot tricks. So, we decided that we were too tired to deal with more robots and we should go home. We made it to get back to the ship that took us to Techno Giants along with the other human survivors and made back home. It was an interesting adventure, but no more robots for me!