Devices for defeating your demons By Matthew Bambach & Contributors
Devices for defeating your demons By Matthew Bambach & Contributors
All dialogue in this zine has been taken from interviews conducted between 9.10.15 and 9.25.15. Thank you to everyone involved!
What is anxiety?
A waking nightmare. S.D. via Facebook 9.22.15, 12:41pm
Paralysis, sometimes quite literally. S.M. via Facebook 9.22.15, 3:24pm
Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod I’m gonna puke ohmygod C.L. via Facebook 9.22.15, 12:56pm
Worry that alters my ability to function normally. E.K. via E-mail 9.15.15, 5:48pm
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Oxford English Dictionary
How does it feel?
“If I’m late it feels like the end of the world. If a friend is late, I usually end up thinking they’re dead.” M.R. via Facebook 9.10.15, 5:06pm
“On a date, I think, ‘Oh shit, I have nothing to say. I’m not interesting. My job is boring, my personal life is boring, I have no passions or hobbies to talk about. I don’t think that word I just used means what I thought it did. Does it? I’ll have to look it up when she leaves the room. God, I wish we could just have a drink so I can fucking relax.’” P.K. via Facebook 9.16.15, 4:14pm
“I usually think about every bad situation that could possibly happen, then I think about crawling into a hole and I become aware of my emotions and how my teeth are chattering and then it gets worse. It feels like I can’t breathe. It feels like there is a knife going through my sternum into my lungs. J.C. via Facebook 9.15.15, 12:55pm
“I over-analyze what to say to people I don’t know very well so I can make a good first impression or seem ‘cool’ in their eyes. So I usually just end up not saying anything.” E.T. via Facebook 9.10.15, 1:30pm
“I’ve mastered masking a lot of my emotions so it’s hard for people to see, but my heart rate spikes, I get an overwhelming sense of absolute doom, my breathing becomes more intense. Sometimes it makes me cry if it’s super intense. I get sweaty, restless, afraid, panicked.” B.B. via Facebook 9.10.15, 12:52pm
Yelling Booth “I wish there were anxiety booths. Like a soundproof little space where you could go and scream and weep and rant and get it all out and then continue with your day.” M.R. via Facebook 9.10.15, 5:06pm
Punch & Hug “I wish there was a punching bag that really draws your attention— maybe like a glittery punching bag or something—that after you punch it a bunch of times, it registers that you’re slowing down and turns into something really fuzzy and cuddly and you just kind of hug it. It would also smell really good.” J.E. via Skype 9.10.15, 6:37pm
Rumination Annihilator “Sometimes if I don’t have someone I can talk to, I’ll write out my thoughts and either burn or shred them.” E.K. via E-mail 9.15.15, 5:48pm
How to help
Practice patience & understanding; lend an ear. “I have a few good friends that I can easily call up 5 minutes before a meeting and say, ‘Hey I’m feeling anxious, can we hang out later?’” E.T. via Facebook 9.15.15, 5:48pm
“People need to realize that for some people who may not have the tools to cope, swimming in a pool, or shaking hands with someone, or touching a door knob, etc. may be the hardest thing they do that week.” B.B. via Facebook 9.10.15, 12:52pm
Don’t tell people to “calm down” or “stop worrying.” “When things don’t grow well because of the weather, you don’t buy fake plants. You have to figure out a way for things to grow properly. And you can’t just will the plants to grow.” J.H. via Facebook 9.10.15, 5:06pm
“I know that my thoughts during an anxiety attack are irrational, but that idea seems so small compared to everything else. It’s not helpful for people to tell me to be something I can’t be at that moment. Trust me, I’m trying.” J.E. via Skype 9.10.15, 6:37pm