16.39 Can Goats Save the World? March 14, 2013, Volume 16, Issue 39, MauiTime

Marc Ma March r h 14, 14 4, 2 2013 013 ✚ Vo Volume olume lu ume 116 6 ✚ Is Issue ssu sue e 39 ✚ FR FREE EE

CAN GOATS

SAVE THE WORLD?

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FRESH PASTRIES

Contents

VOLUME 16

COVER: Marc Ma March r h 14, 14 4, 2 2013 013 ✚ Volume Vo olume lu ume 16 16 ✚ Is Issue ssu sue e 39 ✚ FREE FREE

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter

SAVE THE WORLD?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Ryan Seacrest

Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com The Easter Bunny Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Stephen Hawking

PLUS

HERE’S HOW.

GABBARD ON

4 10 13 15 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

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FIGHTING

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Make Today One Of The Good Old Days

THE NEW POPE

Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Jenny Greene (Voldemort)

SAYS THEY CAN.

REVIEW

Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Chris Brown

DOUG FINE

DRONES

Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Gary Coleman (RIP)

Cover design by Darris Hurst.

Photo courtesy EpicStockMedia / shutterstock.com

CAN GOATS

VATICAN PICKS

If you got into a drunken bar fight on St. Patrick’s Day, who would you beat up?

ISSUE 39

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1. On Mar. 9, state Representative Kaniela Ing, D-South Maui, sent out a release stating that the House Finance Committee had recently approved a state budget that included $65 million in spending for Maui. The proposed budget now goes to the state Senate Ways and Means Committee. What is that money for?

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3. Earlier this month, the Honolulu Star-Advertiser reported that certain indications on its jobs website hint that Apple may someday open a retail store on Maui. Though the company refused to comment on such plans, where did the story say this store might open?

A. Kahului.

B. Pukalani.

C. Kihei.

D. Pukalani.

E. Wailea.

2. The Maui News reported on Mar. 11 that the state Senate approved a bill

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that would base a “daily, around-theclock special emergency services medical response vehicle” in Ma‘alaea. Assuming the bill becomes law, when did the story say the vehicle (which some of us call an “ambulance”) would begin operations?

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B. 2014.

C. 2020.

D. 2035.

E. 2050.

See answers, page 29

News & Views

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

WHAT’S TULSI GABBARD UP TO IN WASHINGTON? Right now, far more serious and learned journalists than I are asking whether Hawaii’s congressional delegation is split. Sadly, the answer is no. Real political splits are bloody and hilarious, but what’s going in Washington between our state’s four congressional representatives hardly rises to that level.

The reason local political journalists are buzzing around is that on Mar. 6, Hawaii’s Representative Tulsi Gabbard, D-2nd District, voted for a budget bill that Republicans sponsored and the Democratic leadership hates. On the surface, this looks like the freshman Gabbard is playing risky games normally reserved for veteran pols. Except that a couple points mentioned in a Mar. 6 Honolulu Civil Beat article make the whole thing a non-story.

First, and foremost, Civil Beat reports that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi gave Gabbard permission to vote her way. “A spokesman for House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said Democratic leaders gave members leeway to vote as they chose on the bill and had no problem with Gabbard’s vote,” Civil Beat reported. What's more, 52 other House Democrats sided with the Republicans on that bill, which passed.

Gabbard put out a statement saying she voted for the bill because “it provides important funds for our men and women serving overseas, our military-related jobs in Hawaii, and it works to avert a government shutdown, protecting our economy from yet another self-manufactured crisis.”

For someone who currently holds the rank of captain in the Hawaii National Guard, and has long paid tribute to military service, supporting a budget bill that gives the Pentagon at least some of the money it wants is not in the least surprising. Gabbard may be a progressive vote on social and environmental issues, but on defense she’s solidly pro-military.

Curiously, none of this was mentioned during a Mar. 11 Civil Beat video discussion between the news site’s Washington correspondent Kery Murakami (who wrote the original Mar. 6 story on Gabbard’s vote) and Civil Beat political writer Chad Blair.

Instead, the discussion went on as though Gabbard’s vote were in some way an act of political disobedience. Indeed, it focused on the potential long-term consequences for Gabbard from her vote, including how it might affect her (and fellow Democratic Congressional member Colleen Hanabusa) in next year’s race for the Senate seat currently held by Democrat Brian Schatz.

Please. When Gabbard votes against Pelosi’s expressed wishes, or wags her finger at Hanabusa during a House floor speech, then we can start talking political split.

Now if you want to raise questions about Gabbard, let’s parse her Mar. 8 press release on targeted drone killings. That statement is written so carefully you’d

think she was walking through a graveyard–which is pretty close to the truth.

The statement came in response to a long filibuster conducted by U.S. Senator Rand Paul, R-Kentucky, on whether President Barack Obama was asserting that he had the legal authority to use drones to target and kill American citizens on U.S. soil. After the filibuster, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder released a brief statement stating that,

standing, his attention on drones missed the mark on the ugly truth about our nation’s use of pilotless aircraft in war. The U.S. has used drones in warfare for many decades, but the recent controversy centers around the flying of Hellfire missile-armed, unmanned aircraft that have been deployed over the last decade to blow up suspected terrorists around the world. To date, the U.S. has killed a few hundred non-combatant citizens overseas.

Some were Americans. What’s more, since

no, Obama did not have that power.

“I applaud the Administration for clarifying that drone strikes on noncombatant American citizens on U.S. soil are not and will not be authorized,” Gabbard said in a Mar. 8 press release.

The problem is that, Paul’s zeal notwith-

Obama took office, at least three American citizens have been targeted and killed with drones–though again, not on U.S. territory.

This idea that we simply send our drones to kill suspected terrorists, including those born in the U.S. and thus subject to due process, is loathsome. The missiles often incinerate

Overheard “Do you remember that time we went camping and I tea-bagged you?”

-Guy talking to his friends at 505 Front Street in Lahaina, Mar. 9

innocent people. But targeted drone killings are also current U.S. policy, irrespective of any proposed congressional debate or filibuster.

Knowing that, we can marvel at the bobs and weaves in the latter half of Gabbard’s Mar. 8 drone statement: “I understand firsthand the value of using counter-terrorism warfare tactics and strategies overseas in dealing with 21st century threats,” she said. “But these tactics should never be used against our own citizens here at home. Just as U.S. law enforcement strategies do not apply in war with a foreign enemy, drone strikes and other counter-terrorism tactics should not be targeting non-combatant U.S. citizens.”

“I think there’s no question that the use of drones in civilian causalities is absolutely wrong, as well as the use of drones against American citizens who have the right to due process within our own system,” she told the think tank.

And that's the all of Gabbard's Mar. 8 statement on drones. She said much the same thing on Meet the Press on Mar. 10, insisting that drone attacks needed to occur over “enemy territory.” Gabbard is saying that she supports the use of drones to kill suspected terrorists, including those born in the U.S., as long as it happens overseas. Her use of qualifiers like “at home” and “non-combatant” make that clear.

This is identical to current U.S. policy.

It’s also at odds with statements Gabbard made just a few months ago.

Before she won the 2012 election, Gabbard gave an interview to the think tank Institute for Policy Studies. In that interview, published on Nov. 12, 2012, Gabbard spoke at length on the issue of drone killings. While still supporting them, she mentioned a caveat that did not appear in her recent statement, issued long after her election was over.

Sorry, but that’s a very different view than the one she articulated on Mar. 8. Before the election, Gabbard said clearly that she opposed launching drones against any Americans, domestic or abroad, because they had “the right to due process.” But now, she seems to be saying that it’s only bad to target “non-combat U.S. citizens.”

Did Gabbard’s view on drone killings change once she took office? Or was the importance she placed on due process merely a product of running for office in an extremely liberal state?

When asked for clarification, Heather Fluitt, Gabbard’s press secretary, emailed this non-response response: “Thank you for your question," Fluitt emailed. "Her statement addresses your question. Her reference to their domestic use is in direct response to the Administration’s clarification of that point.”

All clear now? ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

MARCH 14, 2013

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BY AXEL BEERS

Now more worker-friendly!

UH MAUI COLLEGE STARTS ‘DEGREE-INTHREE’ PROGRAM

visitors and registration requirements.

Most interesting is the state’s elegant verbal jiu jitsu in working around a contradictory policy that insists marijuana is a Schedule I drug (high potential for abuse and no legitimate medicinal usage) but authorizes its transfer: “’Reimbursement’ means consideration provided to a primary caregiver as compensation for costs associated with assisting qualifying patients who are registered under section 329-123 to obtain marijuana for medical use; provided that ‘reimbursement’ shall not include the sale of controlled substances.” Imagine the poor guy who has to explain to a cop that it wasn’t a drug deal, it was reimbursement for assistance.

Also interesting is the provision that allows visitors from states with medical marijuana policies to participate in Hawaii’s program for 30 days after entering the state, so long as they possess valid registry identification and register with our medical marijuana program if they intend on staying for 31 days or more. Prepare for a boon, tourist industry.

These developments come after a recent study showing that 81 percent of state residents support the medical program and 58 percent think possession of small amounts of cannabis by adults should not carry a criminal penalty.

For more information on the status of these bills and their full text, visit Capitol.hawaii.gov. ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com

HAWAII LEGISLATURE INCHES TOWARD CANNABIS DECRIMINALIZATION Hawaii’s state Legislature isn’t taking any brazen steps towards a reasonable drug policy this session, but they’ve got the baby steps down. While bills for the legalization of cannabis were shot down despite overwhelming public support, bills for the decriminalization of cannabis possession and the improvement of the state’s medical marijuana program are still moving along.

On Mar. 5, the state Senate unanimously approved SB472 SD2, a bill that would decriminalize marijuana

PHOTO BY SAMSON DANIELS

The banner at the entrance to the University of Hawaii Maui College campus reads “Your community’s college.” Though the once-named Maui Community College received accreditation granting it the title of University, it still aims primarily to support the community with practical offerings rather than draw outside students to research facilities like UH’s Manoa campus.

In any UHMC classroom one will find parents, middle-agers and self-sufficient young people who want to pursue higher education while working full-time and keeping up with life’s responsibilities.

UHMC is helping students meet this challenge with a new Degree-in-Three (D3) program, which accommodates students’ working schedules by offering a combination of online, cable TV and evening-only classes towards the completion of an Associate Degree in Liberal Arts.

For many, the AA in Liberal Arts is an important step into higher education. Students who complete the AA in Liberal Arts program at UHMC are then able to transfer into baccalaureate programs within the UH system and have their general education requirements waived.

“This is a great opportunity for anyone who might have started college but didn’t finish, or didn’t have the support needed to complete a degree,” said D-3 counselor Linda Fujitani in a Mar. 11 statement.

“Through this program students will be part of a cohort or class of other working professionals, all focused on achieving their associate degree in three years. That way they have the support of their peers in addition to the support provided by our

academic counselors.”

Information sessions for those interested in learning more about the program will be held Mar. 14 and Mar. 19 at 5:30pm in the Ka‘a‘ike building, Room 109. Topics will include financial aid, transferring college credits from other institutions, program and time requirements and information about student support services.

On the subject of institutions of higher learning serving the community, it’s worth noting that on Mar. 11 Honolulu Civil Beat reported on a Wall Street Journal article that placed the University of Hawaii second in the nation on the rate of tuition increase. According to the report, tuition at UH has increased 108 percent from the academic year 2006-2007 to the current 2012-2013. The report generalizes that these increases can be attributed to decreases in state funding.

For more information about the Degreein-Three program or to RSVP for the information session, contact Linda Fujitani at 808-984-3226, lkfujita@hawaii.edu.

possession up to an ounce, making it a civil violation carrying a fine up to $1,000—a sizable cost to make any college student holding a gram sack sweat, but still less damaging than possession’s current classification as a criminal misdemeanor punishable by up to 30 days in jail AND a $1,000 fine.

“Amending state law to make these offenses a fine-only, non-criminal infraction will significantly reduce state prosecutorial costs and allow law enforcement resources to be refocused on other, more serious criminal offenses,” the National Organization for the Reformation of Marijuana Laws (NORML) stated in testimony regarding the bill. “Decriminalization would spare thousands of minor marijuana offenders from criminal arrest, prosecution, and incarceration, as well as the emotional and financial hardships that follow–including the loss of certain jobs, students loans, federal and state subsidies, and child custody rights… decriminalization would spare offenders from being saddled with lifelong criminal records.”

As SB472 SD2 moves from the Senate to the state House of Representatives for approval, House Bills 667 HD2 and 668 HD2 are being passed upon the left hand side for the senate. These bills deal with the state’s medical marijuana program. Both seek to transfer control of the state’s medical program from the Department of Public Safety to the Department of Health, but HB667 HD2 contains added amendments to the program including provisions of confidentiality, physician requirements, caregiver to patient ratio, plant transfer, qualifying

Legalizing it slowly

MARCH 14, 2013

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NEWS OF THE WEIRD

BY CHUCK SHEPARD

MAKING OUTSOURCING WORK A Verizon risk team, looking for data breaches on a client’s computers, discovered that one company software developer was basically idle for many months, yet remained productive–because he had outsourced his projects to a Chinese software developer who would do all the work and send it back. The employee earned several hundred thousand dollars a year, according to a January Los Angeles Times report, but paid the Chinese worker only about $50,000. The risk team eventually learned that sensitive company information was flowing to and from Chinese terminals, leading the company to suspect hackers, but that traffic was merely the U.S. employee (“ex-employee” now) sending and receiving his workload. The U.S. man showed up for work every day, but spent his time leisurely web-surfing.

SERVICE SECTOR ADVANCES In January, the Japanese marketing firm Wit Inc. began hiring “popular” young women (judged by the extent of their “social network” contacts), at the equivalent of $121 a day, to walk around with advertising stickers on their thighs. (The stickers would be placed on the erotic “zettai ryouiki”– the Japanese mystical area between the hem of a short skirt and the top of long socks.) The women must be prepared to endure men hovering closely to read the ads.

INGENIOUS London’s The Independent reported in January that Dean Kamen (who famously invented the Segway, a standing, battery-powered scooter) had developed, along with a Pennsylvania medical team, what appears to work as a “reverse feeding tube” that will vacuum out up to 30 percent of any food in the stomach before it is digested and converted into calories. After installation of the stomach “port,” the diner could operate the device without daily medical help.

ANIMAL RESEARCH ADVANCES Scientists from Sweden’s Lund University, reporting in a recent issue of Current Biology, explored the burning question of why dung beetles appear to be “dancing” on the tops of the dung balls they roll away. The answer is that the beetles need to roll their treasures away from the heap as quickly as possible (lest competitors swipe them) and that they can best maintain a straight line away by celestial navigation. To test the hypothesis, researchers actually outfitted some beetles with tiny visors to block their view of the sky, and those

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MARCH 14, 2013

beetles mostly rolled their balls in irregular routes, whereas the sky-searching beetles moved in straight lines.

INTELLIGENT DESIGN Japanese researchers learned recently that a species of sea slug may lose its penis after copulating, but then grow another one and use it the next time the occasion arises. Writing in the British journal Biology Letters, the scientists also found that the slugs have both male and female organs and in effect copulate with each other through a simultaneous hook-up. A final breathtaking finding of the team was that the sea slugs’ penis has the ability to remove competitors’ sperm from the female openings of its mate.

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS In January, the National Hockey League labor dispute ended and players returned to work, but as usual, some owners resumed claiming that players’ high salaries were killing them financially. The Phoenix Business Journal reported in December that the Phoenix Coyotes, for example, stood to turn a profit for the 2012-2013 season only if the lockout had continued and wiped out all the games -- indicating that, based on the team’s projections, the only way for it to make money was to never play.

JOB PROSPECTS DIM Willie Merriweather, 53, was detained in February by police in Aiken, S.C., after an employment agency reported that, when he was sitting for an interview, he exposed himself (allegedly telling the interviewer that “it fell out,” that he “must have forgotten” to zip his pants). Police said Merriweather had been accused of a similar incident at a different employment agency a few days earlier.

LEAST COMPETENT DOGS A Palm Bay, Fla., police officer was sent to the hospital in February after a supposedly highly trained K-9 bit him in the crotch during a burglary investigation. A trainer attributed the lapse to the dog’s natural “intensity” during searches. Apparently, all was forgiven, and both “officers” returned to work.

And in Cottages Row, England, firefighters were called in January when a metal lamp post was reported as smoking because of an electrical short, which was discovered when a Labrador retriever lifted his leg. That species is regarded as quite intelligent, but the dog, after being knocked back by the shock, moments later attempted to engage the lamppost a second time, with the same result. ■ chuck@mauitime.com

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

W

assup with the punks hanging around the public parking lot in Paia ripping stickers off locals’ cars? Do the brainless wonders have nuthin’ bettah to do? I stopped by da other day to support a couple local businesses, and was gone from the car about 40 minutes and when I returned found six stickers shredded or entirely gone from our car. Shame on ‘em for being vandals in the first place, but can’t they at least use some originality and smarts? Don’t steal somebody else’s thoughts and messages. Can’t you brats come up with your own? Well, you’re bein’ watched now! ■

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CAN GOATS

SAVE THE WORLD?

DOUG FINE SAYS THEY CAN.

HERE’S HOW.

BY AXEL BEERS

D

oug Fine took time to reassure his audience that he is not the Unabomber. It was a necessary aside. Given that he was wearing a homemade earth orange hemp shirt, tends a herd of goats, lives a petroleum-free lifestyle, wrote a recent book on ending cannabis prohibition and talks about how he’d survive post-oil civilization collapse we were sure that he must be some kind of radical. But it’s more than that. Fine’s talk “Petroleum Free in One Year,” delivered on Jan. 28 to a packed UH Maui College lecture room, assured us that he’s not only a radical, he’s a radical leader and pioneer.

When Fine walked in, he seemed to wash the room with warm laughter and the content smile you’d expect from a guy who spends hours with goats, grows his own food and “researches” books about cannabis. The impression was validated in the first minutes of his presentation when he outlined the three main points of his talk: First, Have fun with life; second, If he can do it, anyone can; and third, Take things one step at a time.

“It’s much better to have fun,” Fine told us as the screen at the head of the room displayed a 10-foot tall image of newly demolished earth and unsustainable suburban sprawl. There will always be those who resist change and insist they know all there is to know, he said, adding, “let’s not waste our energy on anger.”

And who might we be angry at? “I

10 MARCH 14, 2013

won’t name names…” he said. But the photo was captioned by a piece of Dick Cheney wisdom: “The American way of life is non-negotiable.” The audience laughed a laugh stunted by cringing.

(Yes, we voted that guy in office. Twice.)

Fine’s mantra that night was different.

“Do what you wanna do, but figure out a way to do it sustainably,” he told us. “And if you can’t do it sustainably maybe you have to let it go.”

But in his striving for a sustainable and petroleum-free life, Fine asserted, he found that he really didn’t need to let much go.

And since Fine’s yearlong book project documenting his journey to reduce his carbon footprint has turned into a seven year ongoing lifestyle, I’m tempted to believe him. Doug Fine is a journalist who has written a variety of articles (and a few books) explaining, with great humor and insight, the benefits of living an ecologically sustainable life. He’s traveled the world, and currently lives in New Mexico. He was on Maui in January, which is when I caught up with him and discovered that his ideas hold great importance for our island’s future.

Of course, how we go about living a sustainable life actually isn’t easy to say.

Can we keep our creature comforts and still leave a light carbon footprint? Is the digital age compatible with messages to conserve energy? Fine’s answer is a definite yes, and he has the homemade, locally sourced, vanilla goat milk ice cream and 41-acre solar powered ranch to prove it.

Fine said that if can churn his own ice cream with milk collected from the herd of goats roaming his backyard, then anyone can. He calls himself a former Domino’s Pizza aficionado and latch-key kid raised in a suburban family far removed from the true experience of making their own food.

It wasn’t until he began work on his first book, Not an Alaskan Mountain Man, and found himself among a crew of natives with rope and pulleys doing the grueling work of hauling in a freshly caught 40-ton whale, that he seriously faced the reality of moving food from its source to our dinner plates.

“If globalization and Value Meals went away, would I survive?” he asked. “The average American meal travels 1,500 miles between food source and plate.”

When he arrived on Maui, Fine said he hoped that wasn’t the case here. After all, he did visit bountiful farmer’s markets while on tour with some of the island’s clean energy experts. Perhaps he gives us too much credit.

As I write this, I’m sipping coffee from who-knows-where out of plastic (though it does read “Compostable. Made in USA” on the side). As for my shoes, socks, pants and shirt–to say nothing of my smart phone, laptop–how many Chinese children have slaved away for this comfort?

How much terrorism-funding, earthdamaging oil was consumed in their production, and how much pollution was emitted, just so I could enjoy the fruits of Malaysian labor prices?

I admit it: I don’t know.

But when Fine puts on his homemade hemp shirt, tends to his herd of milk-producing goats and puts the key in the ignition of his “ridiculously oversized American truck,” which is powered by waste fast food oil, he does know the answers to these questions.

Well, sometimes.

During his Maui presentation, Fine rehydrated on Smart Water while noting the irony of drinking soda machine-vended, imported water from a petroleum-based plastic bottle during a presentation about sustainability.

“One step at a time… you can always take another step tomorrow,” he said, explaining how he was running late when he forgot his usual reusable water bottle.

The rest of Fine’s presentation centered on the joy and bane involved in the establishment of his “Funky Butte Ranch,” from shed battering billy goats to unexpected Biblical floods to the explosion of a hippy-rigged solar water heating system (which, it turns out, actually works great, as long as all your pipes are fused). Fine shared stories of himself as a modern-day Pan, serenading and saxophone soothing once-mischievous goats (as reported in myth, goats love music). As an unexpected messiah, he’s preached from atop a dumpster to incredulous KFC workers the gospel of how free fast food grease waste can power a massive diesel Ford. It’s a gospel that follows Fine wherever he goes, turning heads and whetting appetites at every street corner with the smell of Kung Pao chicken exhaust.

A self-proclaimed progressive driving a

full-size American truck with the ridiculously low mpg rating defended vigorously by Republicans as the icon of American freedom and exceptionalism seems like a contradiction, but Fine doesn’t care. He points to the fact that we wouldn’t be the first civilization to die from sprawl, over-development and resource depletion. To him, sustainability is an American issue. It is a truly non-partisan human issue, affecting us all.

Once, Fine said, he visited the mechanic (a devoted Rush Limbaugh fan) who installed a second fuel tank in his Ford, allowing the diesel truck to run on recycled oil. Fine asked the conservative, three-tour Iraq War veteran why he’s devoted to a “liberal” cause.

“I had an epiphany landing my chopper in country,” the mechanic told him.

“Time slowed and the bullets flying by on either side went in slow motion and I saw this insane loop: these guys that are shooting at me are getting their financing from the countries that we’re paying to get the petroleum to put in my chopper to land here to fight these guys so we can get the cheap petroleum. What if we just took the petroleum out of the equation?

Wouldn’t that be a stronger America?”

In our two-party political system, embracing these contradictions make Fine an enigma. He’s decked in sandals and hemp, but drives around a massive Ford. He supports a green lifestyle, yet proclaims himself a capitalist. He champions subsistence, sustainability and off-the-grid living, while remaining a patriot resisting the advocacy of any kind of overthrow scenario.

“It feels all right,” he said after his talk, impersonating Willie Nelson and answering how it feels to be off petroleum. But what about the fact that half of Maui residents are renters? How can the majority of us, who lack 41-acre ranches or the means to pay for an array of PV panels, feel just as good with that satisfaction of energy and food independence and prudent Earth stewardship?

“Everything I’ve been talking about tonight is modular, meaning it can be expanded or compressed,” Fine said. “There’s a huge movement in micro-intensive agriculture. In maybe about twice this space,” he said, gesturing at a table, “you can probably feed a family of four. It is amazing what you can produce, and here you can do it year-round. And if you really, literally, have zero space, then you can organize and get a community garden going. Likewise, in Silver City, New Mexico, people that don’t have enough land for goats have a goat co-op going.”

Yes, that’s easier said than done, Fine admitted, but he also noted that “here on Maui things get done” by the will of the people.

“My first solar rig was one panel that somebody gave me,” he said. “An old marine battery that I found, and I used that in a shack to run my laptop, some music, a couple of lights: it’s not a huge investment.

On the local bulletin board or Craigslist, find an old diesel vehicle and here on Maui I’d say drive on Pacific Biodiesel.”

It’s a fair point. Despite what perusing Whole Food shelves and price tags will tell you, sustainability is not just for the elite.

Fine believes that the excessive costs for organic and non-GMO food will not last much longer, though the best solution remains having dinner sourced to your backyard.

But how do we get people to care, I

Fine and his goats

asked. How do we convince the average person, a consumer with job and family and whole lot of distractions, that taking these extra steps to reduce their carbon footprint is worthwhile?

“Structurally and genetically, we’re still the same primates that used to wander around hunter-gathering in groups of 30,” Fine said. “In that situation, not everyone is or should be designed to be a real critical thinker. Not everybody is designed to be all philosophical; they’re just trying to get through the day. And, of course, all the TV and unhealthy food just distracts people even more. Therefore, the people that are equipped to be leaders have to do it. They have to make the decision and the rest of the people will follow. So the short answer to your question is, I advise folks who get it to not worry about everyone else that doesn’t yet get it. Just make the decision, be a leader, and carry everyone else with you along to the right decisions.”

Another area Fine has been trying to lead is survivalism and preparation for the quite possibly bleak post-oil world. He’s been half-seriously and half-light heartedly rallying his neighbors for doomsday drills.

He already lives off-the-grid and knows how to sustain life without a WalMart, so I asked him how he thinks Maui, where about 90 percent of food is imported, would fare in such a scenario.

“First, Maui’s isolated enough so that desperate hordes of billions of people aren’t likely to come swarming in,” he said. “Plus, once the tourists are gone, that’s 20 percent less people on the island to begin with. There’s enough drinking water, evidently from streams, so by way of concrete advice, I’d say start storing some good food seeds now and

then you want to be a little bit inland.

With rising seas from climate change you don’t want to be on low ground.”

I then told him that my plan, should things go bad, was to retreat into Iao Valley. He wasn’t familiar with the area, so I described it. “I’d love to go on a hike up there,” Fine said.

“It is not enough to fight for the land.

It is even more important to enjoy it.”

–Edward Abbey, quoted in “Petroleum Free in One Year.”

We met in Iao a week later. The sky was grey and off-putting in the valley, but all’s green and Fine was blissed for some stream hopping. We talked of his latest book on cannabis prohibition and the testimony he gave on Feb. 2 to the state House Judiciary Committee regarding now-dead HB699, which would have legalized marijuana for recreational use.

“The will of the people is really clear on this one [but] it was the usual suspects coming out, saying what they’re paid to say,” Fine said. “And so, the Drug War people that are coming out are saying the same things as when they were trying to keep alcohol prohibition going. People were just laughing out loud at the testimony of [cannabis] prohibitionists–they’re just being paid to say what they’re gonna say, saying it. I guess that’s their right but it’s kind of weird, in that we’re the citizenry and we’re listening to someone who doesn’t really know about the issue at all spout ridiculous statements and scare tactics.”

If volume of written testimony is any measure, Doug Fine made an excellent point. Written support for HB699 is overwhelming, composing over 85 percent of testimony from individuals. A

That’s a Fine duck

recent study also shows that 57 percent of Hawaiians favor legalized, taxed and regulated marijuana. On the other hand, opposition consistently comes from the islands’ police departments.

“I’m a big supporter of law enforcement,” said Fine, and sincerely, too. So it was with some reluctance that he made his next point. “The elements in law enforcement that oppose it have to do with funding. When an organization-a law enforcement organization, a religious organization, a keep-our-kids-off-drugs organization- has their funding from continuing a 40-year, trillion-dollar Drug War, that’s what they’re going to say. That’s what they’re going to testify for.”

In his latest book, Too High To Fail, Fine spent a year in a county with the courage to do the opposite. In 2000, Mendocino County in Northern California decriminalized marijuana, and now distributes permits to cultivators for a fee. These days, even county sheriffs are behind the program, praising the fact that it’s freed up department resources, increased revenue and saved jobs—all while dragging a shady black market into the light and giving quality access to a time-tested and scientifically proven medicinal plant.

Think of the kids, I hear faintly in the wind as Bill O’Reilly has a conniption thousands of miles away. “Patently false,” Fine said. “Study after study: it’s not a gateway drug. In the end, parents have to be parents.

Stuff is gonna be out there in the world, that’s what happens. And, even plants that are good plants if used responsibly, aren’t necessarily the plants that should be used by kids. That’s how I feel about cannabis. The reality is you have to be a parent, and try and be honest and discuss with your kids your values—whatever those values may be; this is America, you’re welcome to have whatever values you want. But, pretending that a policy that hasn’t worked for 40 years should be continued because kids will have more access to this plant illegally if it were legal is not only untrue on the ground, but even if it were true it’s still better than keeping the economy underground and in the hands of criminals. Anyway, the only examples we have recently of ending cannabis prohibition have resulted in decreased youth rates—that’s in Portugal and Netherlands.”

I showed Doug Fine a ripe guava, and he picked it. After he ate it, there was a surreal moment as I stood on the river rocks in the light rain. “You’re gonna fucking jump?” the best-selling author shouted at me. I did. He did too.

Fine soaked it all in. Stoned on nature, there were times when he seemed to compliment every bend. And now, as I write this, feeling disappointment in Hawaii’s (Democratic majority, by the way) legislators’ recent failures to lead through reasonable cannabis policy or in same-sex marriage rights, to say nothing of the power law enforcement and agri-business holds over the Legislature, I reflect on Doug Fine’s advice: Take things one step at a time.

“The journey of anybody that’s trying to do something creative in their life is unique,” he said. “At some point, dreams become reality.”

For more information check out DougFine.com. ■ editor@mauitime.com

MARCH 14, 2013

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Food & Drink

Humuhumunukunukuapua‘a It’s where Chef Mike Lofaro works his magic

BY JEN RUSSO • PHOTOS BY SEAN M HOWER

Executive Chef Mike Lofaro

F

rom the moment you step foot into the Grand Wailea's Humuhumunukunukuapua'a, you’re in for an exotic treat.

Built like a Hollywood set, the restaurant is a series of small dining rooms connected by hallways that stretch over a fish-filled lagoon. All of it is thatched hut-style. Carved tikis greet you at the door and palm trees surround the property. Servers wear mu’u mu’u and tropical prints, and the menu itself is a carved and woven work of art.

Then there are the drinks. The bar offers a slew of tropical rum drinks like the Pirate’s Treasure and Pele’s Revenge. My drink came served in a coconut. The Big Kahuna drink menu outlines beverages that are “more than enough for one and big enough to share for two.” Those drinks are served in bowls,

Hawaiian Ahi Tartare

a tradition in tiki cocktail culture. Having multiple members of your party imbibe with multiple straws stuck in a stemmed glass the size of salad bowl is always festive.

Yet the man behind the scenes hardly seems exotic. Chef Mike Lofaro is slight in frame, has fair skin and blue eyes, but don’t let that fool you. The man can cook some of the most spectacular and gorgeous food you will ever put in your mouth. Classically educated at the Culinary Institute of America, Lofaro worked at Humu a few years ago, but took a hiatus to build canoes. Last year he returned to Humu, taking over as Executive Chef when Isaac Bancaco took the top chef’s job at Pineapple Grill.

“My first job was at the age of 14 peeling shrimp and debearding mussels all day at a place called Deadeye Dicks on Block Island back east,” says Lofaro. “It’s good to

hit the reset button if you can. I just wanted to take a step back and try something different for a change, and that made me realize how much I belong in a kitchen.”

He recently revamped the menu at Humu, where customers get to pick their lobster–Hawaiian Spiny (sometimes caught offshore by local fishermen) and Kona Maine–from the lagoon. (There’s a Lobster Lovers Happy Hour 5:30-6:30pm, where you get half-off any lobster entree; there’s also a kama’aina discount of buy one entree, get one half off.) The menu now features Korean style fried chicken, Kampachi poke, ahi tartare and seared ahi.

Salads like the one with elegant shaved fennel and watercress or the Asian pear with Kula butter lettuce are refreshing starters. I opted for the Surfing Goat cheese and melon salad, which included perfect chunks of juicy watermelon dropped in peppery arugula and savory prosciutto. Dressing was a crackling, succulent red wine gastrique. From the raw bar, the Kampachi is spectacular in flavor and texture and includes a surprising smoked ponzu broth.

“I love the simplicity of the Kampachi poke,” says Lofaro. “You can tear your hair out trying to create something that tastes refined and elegant and then you make a dish like that and realize it only takes four ingredients and your intelligence.”

The ahi tartar is seasoned with toasted cumin that comes out as a smoky component among the green herbs that top it.

Lofaro says spices are fundamental to his menu.

“Ask any of my guys, I love working with spices,” he says. “I have spices hidden in a lot of our dishes. It adds more depth and profile. Using them so they add to the dish and don’t take over is the key.”

Lofaro has worked that elegance into dishes like lamb crusted with brioch and lemongrass, the hoisin and pear short rib and all the fresh fish preparations. Every ingredient needs to be there.

But for me, the Seared Ahi Loin rose above the rest. It’s a filet of seared ahi stacked on top of a supple dumpling of foie gras. This is stacked on mushrooms and snow peas and all gently floating in a Pho poured carefully around it. The dumpling on its own is amazing–the flavor of the foie gras wonderfully captured in the glossy dumpling dough that melts in your mouth. Coupled with the seared ahi and a crunch here and there of snow peas sets your taste buds alight.

“Ahi and foie gras has always been a fa-

vorite pair of mine,” says Lofaro. “Michael Mina was known for his ahi/foie tower with mushrooms and red wine at Aqua back in the day. I always loved the combo and plated about 20,000 of them in my time there. It was just one of those combos that always stuck with me. I love pho and thought it would work great with foie, so we tried it. The dish was originally going to be a foie gras app with the pho broth and then it just grew from there.”

Last year, officials reportedly approved plans for the Grand Wailea to expand a new wing of rooms over Humu’s current location. But resort officials now say they’ve scratched that idea. That gives Lofaro time for more creativity.

“Asian cuisine is by far the most difficult style of cooking for me to create and execute and I was never any good at it,” he says. “Being out of my comfort zone almost all the time when creating for Humu is a challenge I enjoy. Developing a weakness into my strength, I guess.”

Seared Ahi Loin

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Art & Entertainment

Five For Fighting Comes To Maui And we talk story with John Ondrasik

BY JEN RUSSO AND MARINA SATOAFAIGA I just can’t believe that… I have performed for audiences from all American football games to 9/11 memorials. Sometimes I run out of places to pinch myself.

It’s a childhood dream realized.

I take more pride in… my songwriting than singing. It’s where craft, work ethic and talent collide. As a writer I get to express my worldview and control my career.

I won the National Fatherhood Initiative’s 2009 Military Fatherhood Award because of… my perfect wife!

I stepped out of the box... when I wrote music for the movie August Rush and I was asked to provide rock tracks. My singles have been mostly piano ballads.

My favorite tour snack is… In-NOut Burger.

I take pride in the fact... that families can enjoy (or not) my songs together. As a dad I know the effect music can have on your kids. Time is the best barometer to judge music. Hopefully a few tunes will stand.

I’m listening to… The Who, The Beatles, The Cars, Tom Waits, Rush, Vince Guarldi.

Also FFF rough mixes for next album.

I need to have… NHL GameCenter, running shoes, ear plugs.

I would love to collaborate with…

Paul McCartney–for the stories.

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

M

usician John Ondrasik’s passion is undeniable.

With hits including “Superman” and “100 Years,” Ondrasik continues to surpass the bar of music quality and vulnerability. Five albums later under the Five For Fighting title, his most recent album Slice gives audience an intimate snapshot into his life. The songs vary from classic r&b rhythms to sentimental lyrics dedicated to his wife.

In 2007, he led his first USO/Armed Forces Entertainment tour (every active

service person in the US Armed Forces received a free copy of his For the Troops CD). Ondrasik also launched Whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com, a website that raises money for various charities when users view video clips provided by visitors to the site.

Whether he’s working for the Los Angeles Kings as a contributing writer, scoring music for feature films or collaborating with other musicians on projects, Ondrasik lives music. MauiTime found a moment to get Ondrasik to muse on his recent trip to Maui, music and being a dad...

The name “Five for Fighting was inspired by… the five minute penalty for fighting in the National Hockey league. We are huge L.A. Kings fans! The band name never felt better with last year’s Kings’ Stanley Cup Championship.

My favorite part of this journey has been… to affect peoples lives in a positive way through my music. I’ve also been able to meet some incredible people who’ve overcome challenges I could not imagine.

That experience has given me and my family a unique perspective on life.

My favorite moment on tour is… having my 11-year-old daughter come on stage and sing Jolene. It always makes me proud.

On Maui I like to… go on morning runs, surf, eat, watch the sunset, drink wine. $45 General Admission/ $65 Preferred Seating. 5:30pm. Royal Lahaina Resort (2780 Keka’a Dr., Ka’anapali); 808-661-3611, Flavorus.com; Fiveforfighting.com ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more A&E news, visit MauiTime’s events blog at: mauivents.com

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Picks

BY MARINA SATOAFAIGA @sandtothecity

F FRIDAY, MAR. 15 BONNIE RAITT – Born the daughter of Broadway singer John Raitt and pianist/singer Marge Goddard, it’s understandable that Bonnie Raitt found success as a recording artist. Raised in a time of social activism and reverence for the arts, Raitt struck a chord in America’s heart with hits like “I can’t Make You Love Me” and “Nick of Time.” Whether it’s her induction in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, nine Grammy awards or her spot in Rolling Stone’s “100 Greatest Singers of All Time,” the fiery redhead has proved herself time and again. $45-$125.

7pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Pavilion Amphitheater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org.

MAKAWAO THIRD FRIDAY – This month’s Makawao Third Friday town party goes green, and not just for the leaf-colored leprechaun. The street festival will celebrate Maui’s natural beauty with the theme “Reduction, Reuse and Recycle.” Aloha Recycling, Community Work Day and other ecologically sound companies will be on hand to share informational tips on living environmentally friendly. Then you can kick-off the weekend with live music from Ekolu, a leisurely stroll through the quaint old town shops and a bite from Aloha Juice Hut, Boys & Girls Club Upcountry Teens Club, Da Local Banana, Da Puerto Rican Food Truck and more! Or visit the Hui booth adjacent to Designing Wahine before you stay for an after-hours drink at Casanova (starting at 10pm). 6pm. Makawao Town, Mauifridays.com.

FRIDAY, MAR. 15

SATURDAY, MAR. 16 KANAKA ROOTS – Hele on down to the Southside for Kanaka Roots, featuring Kapu System and Jah Residentz. Kapu System hails from Oahu. Through Reggae vibes and dubb accents, the group is devoted to spreading their message of consciousness, truth and hope. Kihei’s own Jah Residentz will also take the stage with their Reggae ensemble. $10. 9pm. Oceans (1819 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-2414.

THE RED CARPET MYSTERY – Taking guests back to the Golden Age of Hollywood glamor and style, MAPA is inviting you to the fundraising gala “The Red Carpet Mystery.” With a VIP victim and every guest a suspect, you can put your sleuthing skills to the test. Or just sit back and watch the intrigue unfold around you. Proceeds will benefit Maui Academy of Performing Art’s Educational Arts Program, which annually reaches more than 60,000 participants–children and adults–statewide. Tickets must be purchased in advanced. $150. 6pm-10pm. King Kamehameha Golf Club (2500 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Wailuku); 808-244-8760, Mauiacademy.org.

SATURDAY, MAR. 16 DAWN UPSHAW – Grammy award winner Dawn Upshaw is a singer and opera extraordinaire. Qualified in both academic and musical realms, Upshaw has performed the roles of Pamina, Ilia, Susanna and Despina on the opera stage, and sings Debussy, Ravel and a new work written for her by Irish composer Donnacha Dennehy. The Los Angeles Times calls her “one of the most consequential performers of our time.” Catch Upshaw as she tours with longtime collaborator Gilbert Kalish on piano. $12-$45. 7:30pm.

Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Castle Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org.

SHARING THE GREEN – All golfers and bocce bowlers are invited to the “Sharing ng the Green” tournament. It’s open to professionals and amateurs alike. Proceedss benefit the Hospice Maui and Back Pack Buddies–a Keiki Nutrition program.

Hospice Maui has been serving the terminally ill patients and their families for over three decades and Back Pack Buddies provides nutritional meals and snacks to youth whose primary source of food is the school cafeteria. Saturday’s bocce event will begin at 8:15am with bocce teams of four bowling on the four courts.

Saturday’s golfers will tee off at the Wailea Old Blue at 12:15pm in a four-person scramble format. Golf: $130/ Extreme Bocce: $115. Wailea Old Blue Golf Course (120 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808- 879-2530, HospiceMaui.com.

SATURDAY, MAR. 16 MAUI TEENS GOT TALENT – Imua Family Services brings you another round of Maui Teens Got Talent at its new location, Stella Blues Cafe in Kihei. Every third Saturday, Maui Teens will face off in a vocal challenge to win the ultimate title of Maui’s Most Talented Teen. It’s all for Imua Family Services, which provides early childhood development services to children with special needs and disabilities. Call to register teens (age 11 to 19). 11am2pm. Stella Blues Cafe (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808264-1275, Imuafamilyservices.org.

SATURDAY, MAR. 16

MAUI FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY BOOKSTORE – Now 100 years old, Maui Friends of the Library will celebrate the official grand opening of its third used bookstore at the Queen Ka’ahumanu Center. MFOTL opened the 900 sq. ft store in November and has now stocked it with over 12,000 books.

The store has a large collection of fiction, non-fiction, new and old Hawaiiana and a separate children and young adults section. And it was all done by volunteers. Mayor Alan Arakawa will perform a ceremonial ribbon cutting, the Isle of Man Pipe Band will make an appearance and there will be sliders from Ruby’s to eat. 10am-3pm. Queen Ka’ahumanu Center (275 W Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-6563, Users.maui.net/~mfol/

SUNDAY, MAR. 17 MENEHUNE MAYHEM – Ian Walsh’s Menehune Mayhem is a one day shred sesh for Maui’s top junior surfers. Awards will also be given for out of water achievements including highest GPA for boys and girls as well as memorial awards honoring surfing legends like Andy Irons and Steve Cooney.

Walsh, along with Red Bull and Fox, sponsor the youth friendly competition while showcasing what the surf culture has to offer. Onlookers can enjoy a scavenger hunt, bouncing castle, keiki art center and giveaways. Surf icons Matt Meola, the Walsh twins and a few more will be there. Reserve your spot online or pick up a form at Hi-Tech surf shops. 8am-4pm. Ho’okipa Beach Park (North Shore of Maui), MenehuneMayhem.com.

RUN TIL YOU’RE GREEN – Time for the 5th Annual St. Patrick’s Day “Run ‘Til You’re Green” three-mile race. The entry fee includes a T-shirt, a beverage (your choice of domestic draft beer or soft drink, though you MUST have valid ID for alcohol), a chance to win prizes and three miles of fun. Overall male and female winners will win $100 cash while second and third place finishers will receive medals. There will also be live music and post-race celebrations. You can register on race day between 3:45pm-4:30pm. $40. 5pm. Kahului Ale House (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului), Mauirunning.com.

SUNDAY, MAR. 17 ST. PADDY’S DAY – Saint Patrick was a religious man who performed miracles but that doesn’t mean we celebrate him in church. The Irish tradition is to feast and drink to him with vigor from a seat at the bar. Works for me! It’s definitely the day for shepherd’s pie, corned beef and cabbage, fish and chips, Harp and Jameson whiskey. Charley’s celebrates a day early so on Saturday get your green on and your cover will be half price.

On Sunday in Wailea for lunch buffet and entertainment at Mulligan’s and Longhi’s will have DJs Sweet Beets and Lovelace. Umalu and Pailolo are throwing St. Paddy’s festivals. In Kihei, Dog & Duck and Diamonds have planned a weekend bash like you’ve never seen, plus a shuttle between the two. Did someone say Irish Car Bombs?

MONDAY, MAR. 18 KAMP KRAZY TALES – Kamp Krazy Tales returns for Spring Break 2013. ProArts Playhouse invites keiki five and older to learn fun drama games. This year, ProArts is ready with new scripts, costumes and props. No previous experience is necessary though pre-registration is required. There is also a two-hour extension available for those interested (available after the initial session.) Call or go online for more information. $125. (+$75 for extended session). 9am-12 noon. ProArts Playhouse (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-463-6550, Proartspacific.com.

DR. RONALD MOY – For National Wellness Week, a week-long program promoting physical, mental and spiritual well-being, Kapalua Spa is hosting world-renowned dermatologist Dr. Ronald Moy. Dedicated to skin cancer prevention, Dr. Moy has spent his career repairing and preventing skin damage. He will also show off his cutting edge skincare line (exclusively available in Hawaii at the Kapalua Spa). On Sunday, Dr. Moy will provide skin checks and cosmetic consultations. For more information, please visit the website. 1pm-4:30pm. Kapalua Spa (100 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-665-8282, Kapalua.com.

TUESDAY, MAR. 19 HAKU BALDWIN CENTER PIZZA BENEFIT – Go to Flatbread in Paia for a night of delicious pizza and help the Haku Baldwin Center. Dine in or take-out pizza 5-10pm for proceeds to benefit HBD. The center fosters therapeutic relationships between people and animals for growth and emotional well-being. HBD programs help children and adults with special needs.

5pm-10pm. Flatbread Company (89 Hana Hwy, Paia); 808-579-8989, Flatbreadcompany.com.

MARCH 14, 2013

17

MAUI ARTS +

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n To be

e

adio

ENTERTAINMENT WITH

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MARCH 29 • Maui MAUI ARTS & CULTURAL CENTER | MCCOY STUDIO THEATER ONE CAMERON WAY - KAHULUI 96793 Doors: 7:00PM | Show: 7:30PM Online information, WWW.LAZARBEAR.COM OR CALL 808-896-4845 tickets & Gold Circle

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exhale! friday april 5th 4:45PM: Free yoga w/ rachel G 6-9PM: celebrate!

live music, dance & art!

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18 MARCH 14, 2013

www.ExoticEyeTattoo.com

.com

Film

‘The Incredible Burt Wonderstone’ It’s funny, just not ha ha funny

BY BARRY WURST II

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone ★★★★★

Rated PG-13 / 100 Min.

T

he first time you open a magic kit, it really does feel like you’re on your way to becoming the next David Copperfield. When I was in grade school, I received my Harry Blackstone-approved box of magic tricks and immediately learned earth-shaking illusions: the disappearing knot, the squirting flower, the ball and three cups ruse and, most astonishing of all, instructions on how to shake a wand in such a way that it looks like it’s bending. When I got around to staging my first magic show (for my mother, who was my biggest fan and sole attendee), my best trick by far was making it seem like I ripped a piece of paper in half, when, actually, I effectively made a sound that mimicked paper tearing apart. Eventually, I learned that, for a magician, I’m a pretty good writer.

The opening scenes of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone not only establish a similar scene of a wide-eyed boy discovering his knack for magic, but also promise a better movie. When we meet little Burt and his “homely” best friend Anton as kid magicians, they’re funny and endearingly naive. After a few minutes, the movie cuts to them fully grown, playing Vegas shows and now portrayed by Steve Carrell and Steve Buscemi. It made me wonder if there’s a reel missing or we’re ever going to find out what happened.

One of the film’s first problems is showing us Burt and Anton’s Vegas act; the set piece portrays a painfully dated, cornball routine. That’s fine, except the scene isn’t funny. A bigger problem is that Carrell is miscast as Wonderstone.

The story develops into a game of oneupmanship between Wonderstone and a David Blaine/Kriss Angel shock magician, hilariously played by Jim Carrey. I’m a big fan of Carrell and want to see him and Carrey in a movie, just not this one. Carrell is supposed to be playing a bitter, egomaniacal monster but his performance has no inner life. Steve Martin, a real-life magician with a gift for mixing laughs and prickly material, should have played this character.

The screenplay has some genuinely bold touches, like an extended joke about starving children in a foreign country given magic kits instead of food and water, by a magician on a humanitarian mission.

Magical!

But it doesn’t mix well with the formulaic, touchy-feely moments. The script has an edge but the movie is constantly softening it. The cast does its best but the whole thing panders too often to what’s safe and crowd-pleasing. It has some real darkness up its sleeve but unwisely keeps it concealed.

Carrey’s scene-stealing performance is the best reason to see the movie, as he makes this amusingly pretentious jerk an irresistible showman on and off the stage.

As Wonderstone’s unlikely ally, Olivia Wilde is adorable, which is all the movie asks of her. Alan Arkin has some nice moments as Wonderstone’s mentor. James Gandolfini, Jay Mohr, Brad Garrett and Buscemi make nice impressions before they fade into the

background. This might have worked as a little, independently made black comedy and not a big budget studio film.

Carrell does have one hilarious scene: after doing the same act for 10 years with the same sidekick, Wonderstone does his moldy routine solo for the first time. Watching Wonderstone struggle to perform a two-person show, with tricky stage effects, all by himself, with a stubborn determination, is a howler.

There are some good laughs but it’s too uneven to be a great comedy. Had the filmmakers tried to make the comedic equivalent of The Prestige, they could have had something. Instead, it reminded me of Death to Smoochy. ■

RUN TIL YOU’RE

GREEN!

St. Patrick’s Day

3 mile run/walk March 17th, 2013 • 5pm • Kahului Ale House Registration at: www.MauiRunning.com The most fun run on maui!

MARCH 14, 2013 19

20 MARCH 14, 2013

Film

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

BY JENNA SCHAMBER

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: Every day until 4pm)

Dead Man Down-R-THU 11:00, 2:10, 4:50, 7:30. FRI-WED 11:00, 2:10, 4:50, 7:30, 10:10.

Jack The Giant Slayer-PG13-THU 11:15, 12:15, 2:50, 4:25, 5:25, 8:10.

FRI-WED 11:15, 12:15, 1:45, 2:45, 4:15, 5:15, 6:45, 9:15.

Jack The Giant Slayer 3D-PG13-THU 1:50, 7:10. FRI-WED 7:45, 10:15.

Oz the Great and Powerful-PG-THU 10:30, 1:20, 4:10, 7:00. FRI-WED 10:30, 1:20, 4:10, 7:00, 9:45.

Oz the Great and Powerful 3D-PG-THU 11:30, 2:20, 5:10, 8:00. FRI-WED 11:30, 2:20, 5:10, 8:00, 10:45.

Snitch-PG13-THU 11:00, 2:00, 4:30, 7:10. FRI-WED 11:00, 2:00, 4:30, 7:10, 9:35.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm)

21 And Over-R-THU (2:30, 5:05), 7:30, 9:40. FRI (12:00, 2:30, 5:05), 7:30, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:30), 5:05, 7:30, 9:40. MON-WED (12:00, 2:30, 5:05), 7:30, 9:40.

Emperor-PG13-THU (2:15, 4:55), 7:35, 10:00. SAT-SUN (11:40, 2:25), 4:55, 7:35, 10:00. MON-WED (11:40, 2:25, 4:55), 7:35, 10:00.

Escape from Planet Earth-PG-THU (2:20), 7:00. FRI (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00.

SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:20), 4:35, 7:00. MONWED (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00.

Escape from Planet Earth 3D-PG-THU (4:35), 9:15.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch HuntersPG13-THU-WED (1:55).

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters 3DPG13-THU (4:20), 6:45, 9:05. FRI (4:20), 6:45, 9:05. SAT-SUN 4:20, 6:45, 9:05.

MON-WED (4:20), 6:45, 9:05.

Identity Thief-R-THU (2:00, 4:40), 7:20, 9:50. FRI (11:35, 2:00, 4:40), 7:20, 9:50. SAT-SUN (11:35, 2:00), 4:40, 7:20, 9:50. MON-WED (11:35, 2:00, 4:40), 7:20, 9:50.

Life of Pi-PG-THU-WED (2:45).

Life of Pi 3D-PG-THU (5:45), 8:45. FRI (11:55, 5:45), 8:45. SAT-SUN (11:55), 5:45, 8:45. MON-WED (11:55, 5:45), 8:45.

Masquerade-NR-FRI (11:30, 2:35, 5:30), 8:30. SAT-SUN (11:30, 2:35), 5:30, 8:30. MON-WED (11:30, 2:35, 5:30), 8:30.

Phantom-R-THU (1:30, 4:00), 6:30, 9:00.

Safe Haven-PG13-THU (2:10, 4:50), 7:25, 9:55. FRI (11:30, 2:05, 4:50), 7:25, 9:55. SAT-SUN (11:30, 2:05), 4:50, 7:25, 9:55. MON-WED (11:30, 2:05, 4:50), 7:25, 9:55.

Silver Linings Playbook-R-THU (1:45, 4:25), 7:05, 9:45. FRI (1:35, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:15, 6:55, 9:35.

MON-WED (1:35, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35.

The Call-R-FRI (11:50, 2:10, 4:30), 6:50, 9:10. SAT-SUN (11:50, 2:10), 4:30, 6:50, 9:10. MON-WED (11:50, 2:10, 4:30), 6:50, 9:10.

The Impossible-PG13-THU (1:35, 4:10), 6:50, 9:30.

The Incredible Burt WonderstonePG13-FRI (11:45, 2:15, 4:45), 7:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (11:45, 2:15), 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. MON-WED (11:45, 2:15, 4:45), 7:15, 9:45.

The Last Exorcism Part 2-PG13-THU (2:25, 4:45), 7:15, 9:35. FRI-WED 9:15.

Warm Bodies-PG13-THU (2:05, 4:30), 6:55, 9:20. FRI (1:30, 3:55), 6:30, 9:00.

SAT-SUN (1:30), 3:55, 6:30, 9:00. MONWED (1:30, 3:55), 6:30, 9:00.

3/14

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

ST.PATRICK’S SPRING BREAK RAGER GREEN PARTY EDITION WITH FRIDAY

3/15

DJ KAMIKAZE PLUS SPECIAL GUEST

WEAR AR R GREE GGREEN REEN N & GGET GET H HALF ALF OFF OFF TTHE HE COV CCOVER! CO

SATURDAYY

3/16

SUNDAY

3/17

9:30PM • $10 COVER

DEEP COVER COV LIVE LIV EA AT T CHARLEY’S! CHAR HARLEY LEY’S! S!

9:30pM • $8 COVER CHARLEY’S

ALOHA SUNDAY BRUNCH & BLOO B LOODY D MAR MA Y BAR BLOODY MARY

FEATURING THE BEST OF LOCAL HAWAIIAN & CONTEMPORARY MUSIC 11AM-1PM•NO COVER•BREAKFAST UNITL 1PM

CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

MONDAY

658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day)

3/18

OPEN MIC & JAM

TUESDAY

TACO TUESDAY W/ HOWARD AHIA & FRIENDS

21 And Over-R-THU (2:00, 4:20), 7:10, 9:45.

Jack The Giant Slayer-PG13-THU (1:50, 4:30), 7:00, 9:40. FRI (1:50, 4:30), 7:00, 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:50), 4:30, 7:00, 9:40.

MON-WED (1:50, 4:30), 7:00, 9:40.

Oz the Great and Powerful-PG-THU (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:30. FRI (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:30), 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. MON-WED (12:30, 3:30), 6:30, 9:30.

The Incredible Burt WonderstonePG13-FRI (2:00, 4:20), 7:10, 9:45. SATSUN (2:00), 4:20, 7:10, 9:45. MON-WED (2:00, 4:20), 7:10, 9:45.

NEW THIS WEEK

the American occupation of post-World War II Japan. 98 min.

THE CALL - R - Thriller - A 911 operator faces a killer from her past to save some girl who got abducted. 95 min.

ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH - PG - Animation - An astronaut responds to a SOS call on a dangerous alien world. 95 min.

SAFE HAVEN - PG 13 - Drama/Mystery/Romance - Mysterious young woman meets widower in small Southern town and starts to confront the dark secret that’s haunting her. 115 min.

THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE - PG13 - Comedy - Two superstar magicians stage a risky stunt after some street magician makes them look boring. See this week’s film critique. 100 min.

HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS - R - Fantasy/Horror - This slightly reworked take on the Brothers Grimm fairy tale finds the famous siblings as brutal bounty hunters who take down witches for fun and profit. 88 min.

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK - R - Drama/Comedy - Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper star in this look at what happens when a former teacher moves back in with his parents after a stint in a mental institution. 122 min.

MASQUERADE - NR - History/Drama In this South Korean film, a jester finds his uncanny resemblance to his emperor could bring him great power. (In Korean w/ English subtitles). 131 min.

IDENTITY THIEF - R - Comedy - A businessman searches the country for a woman who stole his identity. 111 min.

SNITCH - PG13 - Action/Thriller - Dwayne Johnson plays a dad who goes undercover for the DEA to help out his son, who was set up in a drug deal. Everyone got that? 112 min.

NOW PLAYING

JACK THE GIANT SLAYER - PG13 - Fantasy - Big budget CGI take on the classic fairy tale of a boy, magic beans and a big guy who lives in the clouds. 114 min.

21 AND OVER - R - Comedy - A med student celebrates his 21st birthday the night before a big exam. 93 min.

THE LAST EXORCISM PART 2 - PG13 Horror - Some evil force that possessed this chick once comes back for more. 88 min.

DEAD MAN DOWN - R - Crime/Drama - A woman wanting revenge on a New York crime boss seduces one of his lieutenants. Stars Noomi Rapace and Colin Farrell. 110 min.

LIFE OF PI - PG - Adventure - A young man survives a shipwreck only to find himself trapped in a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger. 127 min.

THE IMPOSSIBLE - PG-13 - Drama Story of a family caught in the 2004 Asian tsunami. 107 min.

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL - PG - Fantasy - A small-time magician finds himself in Oz. Stars James Franco and Rachel Weisz. 130 min.

PHANTOM - R - Thriller - Ed Harris and David Duchovny play Russian sub crewmembers in the cold war who are on some secret mission that may blow up the world. 97 min.

EMPEROR - PG13 - Drama - Tommy Lee Jones and Matthew Fox star in this look at the dicey, politically charged beginning of

TOM CONWAY

THURSDAY

3/19

WEDNESDAY

3/20

7PM-10PM • NO COVER

SPECIALS ON TACOS & MEXICAN BEER 6:30PM-8:3OPM • NO COVER

EVAN DOVE & FRIENDS

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

WARM BODIES - PG-13 - Comedy - Zombie falls in love with zombie-hunter in this quirky take on a very tired genre. 97 min.

LAST CHANCE

MARCH 14, 2013 21

Calendar

VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI!

1819 S. KIHEI RD. • 891.2414 11AM-2AM DAILY • DINNER ‘TIL 10PM

THURSDAY

Da Kine Calendar

BY JENNA SCHAMBER

LIVE SALSA MUSIC W/

NETO & BARBARA 7:30-10PM

FRIDAY LIVE

ROCK N BLUES MUSIC

BIG SHOWS

FOODIE

SUPPER CLUB WITH MAKENA - Thu, Mar 14.

Hawaii music award-winning slack key guitarist Makana performs a live intimate dinner show. $60 4-course dinner & show, $30 show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

ORI ANN LI’S VEGAN PARADISE - Thu, Mar 14. A cooking demonstration by innovative vegan culinary artist, Chef Ori Ann Li. With the launching of her cookbook series entitled Ori Ann Li’s Vegan Paradise, Chef Ori Ann is taking her readers on a journey around the world to find the tastiest vegan fare. Free admission & refreshments. 7-8:30pm Cameron Center, (95 Mahalani St., Wailuku); 808-244-5546; vsh.org

KAPU SYSTEM

SUPPER CLUB WITH HAPA - Fri, Mar 15 & Sat, Mar 16. The Hawaiian music duo, Barry Flanagan and Ron Kuala’au, bring their traditional Hawaiian mele, oli and chanting with American acoustic/folk sounds and Hawaiian slack-key guitar to Stella’s intimate stage for a dinner show. $60 4-course dinner & show, $30 show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

TUESDAY TACO TUESDAYS: 4-10PM

BONNIE RAITT - Fri, Mar 15. See This Week’s Picks. $45, $55, $85 and $125 for premium seating. 7pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

7-10PM • NO COVER

SATURDAY LIVE MUSIC WITH OAHU’S OWN SATURDAY

10PM

Corona, $2.50 DosTacos, XX & Pacificos

WEDNESDAY LIVE ROCK N ROLL MUSIC W/

GINA MARTINELLI 7:30-10PM

BATTLE OF THE BANDS - Fri, Mar 15. Local bands The Kittinger Jump, Naau and Slit 1 will battle it out for a final spot in 97.3 K-Rock’s concert series. No cover. 10pm Three’s Bar & Grill, (1945 S Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133; threesbarandgrill.com FIVE FOR FIGHTING - Sat, Mar 16. See This Week’s A&E story on pg. 15. Featuring John Ondrasik, live and under the stars! $45 GA, $65 preferred seating. 5:30pm Royal Lahaina Resort, (2780 Keka‘a Dr.); 808-661-3611; flavorus.com/fiveforfighting DAWN UPSHAW, SOPRANO & GILBERT KALISH, PIANO - Sat, Mar 16. See This Week’s Picks. $12, $30, $45. 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA - ST. PADDY’S POPS - Sun, Mar 17. See This Week’s Picks. $10, $25, $35, $45. 3pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SLACK KEY SHOW - MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC - Wed, Mar 20. Na Hoku Hanohano Awards 2012 Group of the Year, Waipuna, performs at this weekly Slack Key concert. Waipuna won three Na Hoku Hanohano awards in 2012 for Group of the Year, Island Music Album of the Year, and Single of the Year. The show is hosted by George Kahumoku and his regulars. 7:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort’s Pavilion, (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd.); 808-669-3858; slackkeyshow.com

STAGE ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 12 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful cultural education available for our visitors (and ourselves). $24.50 keiki / $59.50 adults. 6:30pm Maui Theatre, (Old Lahaina Center, 878 Front St.); 877-688-4800; mauitheatre.com SHOUT! - Fri, Mar 15 through Sat, Mar 16. Maui OnStage presents a musical celebrating the music and fashions of the 60s. Co-created by Phillip George and David Lowenstein, directed by Kalani Whitford and starring Jonna Ahn, Felicia Chernicki, Alison Mikes, Lina Aiko Krueger and Danielle Delaunay. $17 to $28. 7:30pm Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com

22 MARCH 14, 2013

KO WINEMAKER PAIRINGS - Fri, Mar 15.

Enjoy a five-course menu of Chef Tylun Pang’s favorite dishes, paired with a sparkling and four stand-out wines from Freemark Abbey. $100 per person (plus tax & gratuity). 5:30pm Ko at The Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-2210; fairmont.com IRISH DINNERS AT VINEYARD FOOD CO. Fri, Mar 15 & Sat, Mar 16. The Vineyard Food Co. continues its dinner series with a delicious-sounding menu with plenty of Irish classics. The dinner includes an appetizer (choose Irish Guinness Rarebit or Bangers in a Blanket), a vegetable, barley & bean soup, an entree (choose Poached Wild Salmon w/ Dill & Mustard Cream or Guinness Corned Beef & Cabbage or Vegetable Shepherd’s Pie) w/ boxty & mashed peas, and dessert (choose Apple & Barley Pudding w/ Sweet Whipped Cream or Chocolate Whiskey Bundt Cake w/ Bailey’s Irish Cream Frosting. BYOB (beer & wine only). Seatings 5:30pm & 7:15pm. $35 (reservations recommended). Vineyard Food Company, (1951 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808243-3663; chefg@maui.net SHARKY’S ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT FEEDS - Every Friday, Sharky’s features an all-you-can-eat Spaghetti feed at 5pm and an all-you-can-eat Fish & Chips feed every Saturday at 5pm. R.S. Sharky’s Family Restaurant, (41 E. Lipoa St., Suite 15); 808-874-5115; sharkyshawaii.com UMALU ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION - Sat, Mar 16. St. Patty’s day goers will enjoy the island atmosphere of Maui’s favorite poolside restaurant, while celebrating the luck of the Irish with music, dancing, and special food and drink offerings. Highlights include draft beer specials, corned beef sandwiches, Hawaiian and Irish pupu specials by Chef Pavy, dancing and live music from DJ Deviant and DJ Illz. 5-9pm Umalu, (200 Nohea Kai Drive, Lahaina); 808-661-1234 ST. PATRICK’S DAY AT HULA GRILL KAANAPALI - Sun, Mar 17. The popular beachfront restaurant will serve up Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Sandwiches throughout the day, in addition to Chef Bobby’s Corned Beef and Cabbage special for dinner. Hula Grill, (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636; hulagrill.com ST. PATRICK’S DAY AT STOPWATCH - Sun, Mar 17. Corned Beef Dinners and Reuben specials all day, including specials on Irish drinks!

No cover. Stopwatch Sports Bar & Grill, (1127 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-1380 ST. PATRICK’S DAY INSPIRED SUNDAY BRUNCH - Sun, Mar 17. Makena’s Famed Sunday Brunch Infused with Traditional Irish Favorites. $40 Adult; $20 Child. 9:30am-12:30pm Molokini Bar & Grille, (5400 Makena Alanui); 808875-5888; makenaresortmaui.com THE IRISH DINNER - Sun, Mar 17. Eat like an Irishman at Molokini Restaurant with their special three course Irish dinner, plus $5 Guinness special. $35 per person. 5:30-9:30pm Molokini Bar & Grille, (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888; makenaresortmaui.com

HAKU BALDWIN CENTER PIZZA BENEFIT Tue, Mar 19. See This Week’s Picks. 5pm-10pm.

Flatbread Company, (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808579-8989, flatbreadcompany.com

TICKETS ON SALE LOCAL VOICES: JEFF PETERSON & NATHAN AWEAU - Thu, Mar 21. Hawaii’s most versatile guitarist Jeff Peterson performing together with award winning vocalist Nathan Aweau. $30/ standard, $45/VIP. 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org KUMU KAHUA THEATRE - FISHING FOR WIVES - Fri, Mar 22 & Sat, Mar 23. “Fishing for Wives” offers comic confusion over a picture bride mix-up. It’s 1913 and two Hawai‘i Island fishermen realize they have women problems.

Lonely and bored with catching fish, Nishi sends for a picture bride from Japan, but sneaks a photo of his handsome friend Aoki in his place. The bride arrives and falls in love with the wrong man, setting off a classic battle of the sexes. By playwright and author, Edward Sakamoto. $22. 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SUPPER CLUB WITH PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE & SAM ITES - Sat, Mar 23. A 4-course dinner & show. $60 dinner & show, $30 show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com LUKAS NELSON & PROMISE OF THE REAL - Sat, Mar 23 & Sat, Mar 30. Two intimate live performances. Get your tickets online! $25. 10pm Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085;charleysmaui.com LEGENDS OF THE CELTIC HARP - Wed, Mar 27. A performance from three of the premier Celtic harpers: Patrick Ball, Lisa Lynne and Aryeh Frankfurter. $25. 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SUPPER CLUB WITH THE THROWDOWNS Fri, Mar 29. An acoustic set by The Throwdowns, plus a four-course dinner for $60 or $30 for show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com BILL COSBY - Fri, Mar 29. An evening with comedic legend, Bill Cosby. $45, $55, $75, $85, $115. 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org ROBIN & LINDA WILLIAMS - Fri, Mar 29. Enjoy an evening with bluegrass/country folk/gospel icons and prominent stars of Garrison Keillor’s “A Prairie Home Companion” on National Public Radio, Robin and Linda Williams. $35/ standard, $45/Gold Circle seats (plus applicable fees). 7:30pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org SUPPER CLUB WITH JOHN CRUZ - Sat, Mar 30. A 4-course dinner & show. $60 dinner & show, $30 show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com ART=MIXX: FOREST - Sat, Mar 30. Art=Mixx is a multisensory, interactive mixer with art-making activities, video displays, music, dancing, food and amazing acts. Sponsored by the County of Maui. Save the date: Free (21 & over). 7pm-12am Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/14

3/15

3/16

3/17

3/18-3/20

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Just Scrap After Party w/ DJ Big Mike, 10pm

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

DigiLuxe w/ DJ Kurt 10pm; no cover

Get Your Sexy On with DJ La Rage 10pm; no cover

BLUE LAGOON Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

EVENTS THURSDAY, MAR 14 HEALING EVENTS WITH GER LYONS - Global spiritual healer, teacher, metaphysician & celtic mystic from Ireland, Ger Lyons, presents an intro to Core & Cellular Transformation, Sacred Alchemy & Divine Healing Transmissions. 3 or 6-day workshop & training classes are available starting 3/15. $20. 7-10pm Montessori of Maui, (2933 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-269-6389; gerlyons.net; cellularactivation@gmail.com

FRIDAY, MAR 15 RAIN GARDEN WORKSHOP - The County of Maui Department of Parks & Rec is partnering with the West Maui Ridge to Reef Initiative to offer a classroom session that will include detailed information for landscapers, designers, maintenance care providers and anyone interested in gaining a deeper understanding of rain gardens. Free. 8:30am-11:30pm Lahaina Civic Center, (1840 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy.); 808-214-4239; westmauiR2R.com; Tova@ westmauiR2R.com MAKAWAO THIRD FRIDAY - See This Week’s Picks. 6-9pm Makawao Town, (Makawao Avenue, Makawao); mauifridays.com QUEEN KA’AHUMANU FESTIVAL - An annual festival in celebration of Queen Ka’ahumanu’s birthday. On Friday, March 15, at 6pm: Opening Ceremonies with ‘Ahahui Ka’ahumanu Society including pule, history, hula, song and draping of lei on the Queen’s statue. On Saturday, March 16, 11am-3pm: Music and dance performances by some of Maui’s most beloved cultural groups. Free. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com MAPA’S RED CARPET RAISING GALA - Fri, Week’s Picks. Individual for 10 $1,350. 6-10pm

MYSTERY FUNDMar 15. See This tickets $150, table King Kamehameha

WED - Karaoke w/ Sista Deva, 8pm-12:30am (all sets no cover)

“Get Lucky” Sexy St. Patty’s Day Party w/ DJ Playwfire Ono, 10pm

MON - DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm / TUE - Toxic Tuesday w/ DJ TRVR, 10pm / WED - Jacked Up w/ DJ J-Zen, 10pm (all sets no cover)

Salsa Night 9pm; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL

St. Patty’s Saturdaze with DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

DJ Jamn J 10pm; no cover

Johnny Ringo 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover

Ladies Nite w/ DJ 10pm; no cover

Emily Joyce 7-9:30pm; no cover

Will Hartzag 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Dave Carroll, 7pm / TUE - Jordan Cuddy, 7pm / WED - Justin Phillips, 7pm

Kaboom!! w/ DJ Irie Dole Reggae, Dance Hall, Island Vibes, 9:30pm; $5 cover

Ekolu Band 9:30pm; $10

The Mark Johnstone Trio w/ Chris Cawthray & Justin Favell, 6:30-8:30pm

St. Patrick’s Spring Break Rager w/ DJ Kamkaze 9:30pm; $10

Deep Cover Live 9:30pm; $10

Aloha Sunday Brunch & Bloody Mary Bar w/ Nahimene, 11am-1pm

MON - Open Mic & Jam, 7-10pm / TUE Howard Ahia & Friends, 6:30-8:30pm / WED Evan Dove & Friends, 6:30-8:30pm (no cover)

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Rampage 10pm; no cover

Ronnie Fundraiser w/ The Vamp, 9pm; no cover

Live Music 9pm; no cover

St. Patty’s Party All Day Gina Martinelli, 6pm

MON - Gomega, 10pm / TUE - Pool Tournament, 5pm / WED - DJ Big Mike, 9pm

Quiz Night 7pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Jordan, 6pm / Dance Party, 10pm; no cover

St. Patty’s Party 8am-close; no cover

MON - Ryan Robinson, 10pm / TUE - Big John, 10pm / WED - Hump Day Party, 10pm (all sets no cover)

Randall Rospond 6:30-9pm no cover

The Chancers 6:30-9pm no cover

Salsa Saturdays w/ Dr. Nat, 6:30-9pm no cover

The Celtic Heart Band & DJ Dan Hills, 6:30-9pm

MON - Thunder & Lightning / TUE - Ryan Robinson / WED - Soul Kitchen (all 6:30-9pm)

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Ka’ale 9pm-close; no cover

St. Paddy Day Party All Day / Karaoke, 9pm

MON - Karaoke, 8pm / TUE - DJ Daizy, 9pmclose / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm; no cover

WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: Fast Forward with DJ Kurt, 10pm; $5 before 11pm, $10 after

Evan Shulman 6-9pm; no cover

Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy, Wailuku); 808-244-8760; mauiacademy.org

kalo Park Community Center, (Kaumuali‘i St. & Kawananakoa St., Wailuku); co.maui.hi.us

SATURDAY, MAR 16

JAPANESE CULTURAL SOCIETY OF MAUI’S QUARTERLY MEETING - The meeting will include a taiko workshop for people of all ages.

Discussion will include the history of taiko and how it evolved to include ensemble performances, as well as the history of taiko in the United States and Hawai`i. Participants will get handson instruction by Maui Taiko’s performance ensemble and have the opportunity to play on various styles of drums. Free for members, $5 for non-members. Bento lunches at $7 each. RSVP by 3/13. 10am-1pm Kahului Jodo Mission social hall, (325 La‘au St.); 808-283-4253

EVENING WITH THE EXPERTS - Discover the latest developments about humpback whales during an evening of free riveting presentations of photos, films, recordings and first person accounts of studying whales in the wild, offered by noted whale experts from across the U.S. Please refer to website or call. Free and open to the public. Pacific Whale Foundation’s Ma’alaea Ocean Store, (300 Ma’alaea Rd., Ste. 100); 808-2498811 ext. 1.; mauiwhalefestival.org SHARING THE GREEN - See This Week’s Picks. Golf: $130/ Extreme Bocce: $115.

Wailea Old Blue Golf Course, (120 Kaukahi St.); 808-446-8234 (golf), 808-264-4289 (bocce); hospicemaui.com MENEHUNE MAYHEM - See This Week’s Picks. 8am-4pm Ho’okipa Beach Park, (Hana Hwy, Paia); menehunemayhem.com INSTALLATION OF A DEMONSTRATION RAIN GARDEN - The County of Maui Department of Parks & Rec is partnering with the W. Maui Ridge to Reef Initiative to offer an installation of a demonstration rain garden. This hands-on training will feature a variety of native plants, such as Akulikuli, Pohuehue, Naio Papa, ‘Ilima Papa, and Dwarf Naupaka. Free; lunch provided. 8:30am-3pm Wahikuli Wayside Park, (Kaniau Road & Honoapi‘ilani Highway, Lahaina); 808-214-4239; westmauiR2R. com; Tova@westmauiR2R.com FAMILY DAY - “Ahahui kaulana na pua O Ke Akua - A Gathering of God’s Children” - a harmonious day of music, food and ohana. Celebrating with local music, food, crafts, keiki fun, raffle drawings and all day fun. Festivities kick off at 10am with a blessing and prayers by Kahuna Ali’i Bula Logan. Music follows with performances by One Inity, Homestead, Khuzn Guy Pouahi, Bruddah Nahelu, Mickey Mina and Tiana Mose. Ono grinds include laulau, charsiu, chowfun, luau stew, roast and more. Free. 10am-5pm Pauku-

MAUI FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY BOOKSTORE GRAND OPENING - See This Week’s Picks. 10am-3pm Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-6563; mfol.org MAUI TEENS GOT TALENT - See This Week’s Picks. 11am-2pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-264-1275; imuafamilyservices.org “THE PARK IN OUR BACKYARD” - Maui author Jill Engledow will share stories from her new book, Haleakala: A History of the Maui Mountain.

Her talk will offer a short history of Haleakala National Park, the people and events that led to its establishment, and its growth and impact on the island today. 2pm Maui Friends of the Library bookstore, Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului) THE UPCOUNTRY CELTIC BAND - A free performance from The Upcountry Celtic Band. Their lively foot-tapping music is for all ages. Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with fun, music and dancing for the whole family. Free. 3-4pm Makawao Public Library, (1159 Makawao Ave); 808-573-8785 EASTER BUNNY PHOTOS - Today through March 30th, the big bunny himself will be on hand for Springthemed photos. 10am-close. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

SUNDAY, MAR 17 VIP WHALEWATCH WITH THE EXPERTS - The guest speakers from “Evening with the Experts” will lead a special two-hour whalewatch through parts of the Hawaiian Island Humpback Whale National Sanctuary, to provide you with commentary about the humpback whales that are encountered. Whale sightings are guaranteed, or you get a free ticket for a regular whalewatch. Ticket price includes appetizers and soft drinks. PWF’s whalewatch vessel Ocean Discovery will depart at 2pm from Lahaina Harbor. Pacific Whale Foundation, (612 Front St.); 808-2498811 ext. 1; pacficwhale.org CAR WASH TO SUPPORT COMPLETE HEALTH IMPROVEMENT PROGRAM - A special fundraiser to support the CHIP group as they reach out to our community in offering an amazing plant-based, health improvement program that can revitalize lives. Plus enjoy a short overview of the program’s benefits at 2pm in the cafe. Free. 9am Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave #B, Kahului); 808-242-8423; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui; kahuluichip@gmail.com NATIONAL WELLNESS WEEK EVENT WITH DR. RONALD MOY - See This Week’s Picks.

1-4:30pm Kapalua Spa, (100 Bay Dr.); 808-6658282; dnaegfrenewal.com RUN TIL YOU’RE GREEN - See This Week’s Picks. $40. 5pm Kahului Ale House, (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); mauirunning.com

MONDAY, MAR 18 WHALE WATCHING - The Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary will provide a whale watching info booth at the Aquarium’s Harbor Plaza throughout whale season. Join expert volunteers at the Sanctuary’s booth as they share facts about Humpbacks and help you with spotting whales and interpreting their behaviors. 9am-1pm Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-270-7000; hawaiihumpbackwhale.noaa.gov

MARCH 14, 2013 23

GET AWAY FROM THE CROWD & CHILL AT

DIAMONDS ICE BAR ST.PADDY’S

NO COVER

WEEKEND

COLD BEER

BASH

& A/C

BAR OPEN

11AM-2AM

SAT & SUN 3 Becks $ 3 Bud Light Green Draught $ 4 Rolling Rock $ 4 Bud Light Aluminum Bottles $ 5 1800 Maggie O’Ritas $ 6 Irish Car Bombs $ 12 Corned Beef & Cabbage, Shepherd’s Pie $

SHUTTLE FROM DOG AND DUCK & DIAMONDS 12-8PM 874-9299 1279 S. KIHEI ROAD

THIRD FRIDAY

PARTY IN MAKAWAO FRIDAY MARCH 15TH

DJ IRIE LOVE OPENING FOR MAKAWAO’S OWN

EKOLU MUSIC STARTS AT 9:30PM $10 COVER BEFORE 10PM $15 COVER AFTER 24 MARCH 14, 2013

3 Becks $ 3 Bud Light Green Draught $ 4 Rolling Rock $ 4 Bud Light Aluminum Bottles t-shirts $ FOR MEN & 5 1800 Maggie O’Ritas WOMEN $ FREE GIVEAWAYS 6 Irish Car Bombs ALL WEEKEND! $ 12 Corned Beef & Cabbage, Shepherd’s Pie, Fisherman’s Pie $

GET YOUR PHOTO WITH THE ONE AND ONLY LOUIE THE LEPRECHAUN!

Live music 5-9 Jordon & Mick WITH SPECIAL SING-ALONG WITH MIKE (THE SNAKE) O’DWYER

Shuttle from Dog and Duck & Diamonds 12-8pm

BAR R OPEN: 8AM 8AM-2AM 2AM SATURDAY AND SUND SUNDAY 1913 S. KIHEI ROAD • 808.875.9669

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/14

3/15

3/16

3/17

3/18-3/20

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

JAY’S PLACE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHANA GRILL 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Ste. 301, Kahana - 669-4000

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON-TUE - Farzad & Mike Madden / WED Tracy Stiles (all sets 7pm-close; no cover)

Live Music 10pm-close; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S

WED - Karaoke

WED - Live Music, 10pm-close; no cover

Kawika’s Krew 7pm; no cover

Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover

Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover

Johnny Ringo Acoustic Guitar, 7-9pm; no cover

Pau Hana Happy Hour Jazz, 3:30-6:30pm

Garrett Probst Acoustic Guitar, 9:30-11:30pm

1810 6:30-8:30; no cover

Tolo Willsin 9-11pm; no cover

1810 8-10pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

Maui Blues & Co. or Jarod 7pm; no cover

MON - Red Fish / TUE - Natalie Nicole WED - Country Herb & Side Effects (7pm)

Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm

MON - Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (both sets no cover)

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON - Trivia Night, 7pm; no cover WED - Ladies Night, 10pm; no cover

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

Free Karaoke 2pm-2am; no cover

LILIKOI RESTAURANT & WINE BAR

Live Band with SMT 8-11pm; no cover

Blues Jam hosted by Maui Blues Co., 7:30-10pm

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku - 575-2629

LONGHI’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

TUESDAY, MAR 19 GRAND OPENING OF CENTRAL MAUI DOG PARK - The county will be holding a grand opening at Central Maui’s first leash-free park. Free. 10am Keopuolani Park, (700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku).

WEDNESDAY, MAR 20 “STARTING A BUSINESS IN MAUI COUNTY” - In this workshop, Karen Arakawa of the Maui County Mayor’s Office of Economic Development, will cover general information and requirements for starting a business in Maui County. Handouts, website and other useful information will be provided in this informative workshop. Free. 12-1pm Maui County Business Resource Center, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B-9, Kahului); 808-873-8247 KIPAHULU COMMUNITY MEETING Come and meet park staff and new superintendent, Natalie Gates, learn more about the park, get updates on the Commercial Services Plan and the Kipahulu Comprehensive Site Plan, follow-up on previously discussed topics, and raise and discuss new matters.

5-6:30pm Visitor Center (Kipahulu District of Haleakala National Park).

WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - The Shops at Wailea hosts their weekly arts and entertainment series, featuring a performance by Bobby Moderow Jr. in the lower courtyard and a slew of shop-to-shop specials. Free. 6:30-8pm The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, (3750 Wailea Alanui); 808-897-6770 ext. 2; theshopsatwailea. com / @ShopsAtWailea on Twitter

WEST MAUI CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Wed,

Live Music 7:30-10pm; no cover

Howard Ahia 6-9pm; no cover

TUE - Johnny Ringo, 8-10pm; no cover Get Lucky St. Patrick’s Party w/ DJ LX 10pm; $10

MON - SIN w/ DJ Blast, 8pm / TUE - Trivia Night, 8pm / WED - Karaoke w/ Dave, 10pm

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

Chancers, 8-11pm / Pub Quiz w/ Trish da Dish, 9:30pm-12am

Sebrina Barron 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Chancers 8-11pm; no cover

St. Patrick’s Day Party w/ Chancers, 12pm-11:30pm

MON - Joyce & Gord, 6:30pm / TUE-WED Willie K, 7-9pm; $65 dinner & show

Live Music w/ Neto & Barbara, 7:30-10pm

Live Rock n Blues Music 7-10pm

Oahu’s own Kapu System 10pm

Justin Phillips 7-9:30pm; Thu, Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; Fri, Emily Joyce 7-9:30pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7-9:30pm; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7-9:30pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988.

COOL CAT CAFE - Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:3010pm; Thu, Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Emily Joyce 7:30-10pm; Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz 7:3010pm. (Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm; Every Mon & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Daniel & Kahala 6-8:30pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Fausto 3-5pm; Sun, Damon & Tim 6-8:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-2900.

FIVE PALMS LAHAINA - Daily, Live Entertainment Nightly 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St.); 808-661-0937.

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. - Thu, Randall Rospond 6:30-9pm; Fri, The Chancers: Irish Fiddle Band 6:30-9pm; Sat, Salsa Saturdays w/ Dr. Nat 6:30-9pm; Sun, The Celtic Heart Band, Bagpipes, DJ Dan Hills 6:30-9pm; Mon, Thunder & Lightning 6:30-9pm; Tue, Ryan Robinson 6:309pm; Wed, Soul Kitchen Trio 6:30-9pm. (744 Front Street, Lahaina); 808-669-6425.

HARD ROCK CAFE - Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm.

(900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400.

DINNER MUSIC

TUE - Free Karaoke, 2pm-2am; no cover

Luck be a Lady St. Patrick’s Day Party, $10

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA

St. Patrick’s Day - Free Karaoke, 2pm-2am

HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30pm; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm; Tue, Damon & Ron 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku & Peter DeAquino 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed,

Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm; Thu, Kulewa 6:30pm; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Albert 6:30pm; Sat, Ron, Ikaika & Damon 1:30pm; Sat, Damon/Ron/Keali’i 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636.

JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm; Fri, Guest Performer 7pm; Fri, Tracy Stiles 7pm; Every Sun, Mon & Tue, Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai); 808-667-0787.

KAHANA GRILL - Fri, Jazz 3:30-6:30pm; Sat, Ray Gooliak Acoustic Guitar 7-9pm; Thu, Johnny Ringo Acoustic Guitar 7-9pm. (4405 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy Ste. 301); 808-669-4000.

KIMO’S - Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:308:30pm; Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm; Fri, Tolo Willsin 9-11pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm.

(730 Front St.); 808-661-0700.

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm.

(843 Wainee St., Unit 1 & 2); 808-667-6655.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J); 808-661-4495.

LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Every Tue,

WED - Gina Martinelli Band, 7-10pm; no cover

Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr); 808-667-1200.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm; Tue, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina); 808-669-6400.

OCEAN POOL BAR & GRILL - Mon, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Fri, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm. (6 Ka’i Ala D., Lahaina); 808-667-3200.

PAILOLO BAR & GRILL - Every Tue, Wed & Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Sun, St. Patrick’s Day Festival with The Celtic Tigers 10am-1pm. (6 Ka’i Ala Dr., Lahaina); 808-667-3200.

PARADISE GRILL - Wed, Gretchen 6-9pm; Thu, Harry Troupe 6-9pm; Fri, Gretchen 6-9pm; Sat, Justin 6-9pm; Sun, Deeson (Hawaiian Music) 6-9pm; Mon, Marvin Taraga 6-9pm; Tue, Johnny Ringo 6-9pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700.

PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm; Fri, Brother Damien’s Ocean Beach Party 7:30-10pm; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm; Wed, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm.

(658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881.

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-669-8889.

RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8815.

MARCH 14, 2013 25

News. .com

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PARADISE GRILL 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Lahaina - 662-3700

70s, 80s 10pm-1am; no cover

Club Night w/ DJ Ron 10pm-1:30am

Club Night w/ DJ Ron 10pm-1:30am

Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

MON - Big John / TUE - Industry Night / WED - Open Entertainment Night (all 10pm)

Harry Troupe 6-9pm; no cover

Salsa Dance Party w/ Rafael, 10pm, $5 cover

Justin 6-9pm; no cover

Hawaiian Music w/ Deeson, 6-9pm; no cover

MON - Marvin Taraga, 6-9pm / TUE - Johnny Ringo, 6-9pm / WED - Gretchen, 6-9pm

RB STEAKHOUSE

WED - Open Mic Night, 9:30pm; no cover

4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina - 669-8889

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Island Thursday w/ DJ Blast, 10pm; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover

DJ Salvo 10pm-close; no cover

Rob+Ron=R2 9pm-midnight; no cover

Natalie 9pm-midnight; no cover

Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

Kekona Ohana 8:30pm; no cover

Supper Club with Makena 6-9pm; $60 dinner & show, $30 show only Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

R.S. SHARKY’S 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 874-6115

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

Just Us 8:30pm; no cover

St. Patrick’s Day Party w/ Deja Vu, 4pm; no cover

MON - Mahalo Monday / WED - Karaoke Party, 8:30pm-12:30am; no cover

Supper Club with Hapa 6-9pm; $60 dinner & show, $30 show only

Supper Club with Hapa 6-9pm; $60 dinner & show, $30 show only

Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; no cover

MON - Mike Finkiewicz, 4-6pm; no cover TUE - Power Up Comedy Open Mic, 8:30pm WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm; no cover

Simply Twisted w/ Jaime Gallo, 9pm-1am; $4

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

St. Paddy’s Day Specials All Day; no cover

WED - Rambling Paniolos, 8-10pm; no cover

Live Music 7pm; no cover

TUE - Free Arcade, 7pm / WED - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks; 7pm; no cover

Battle of the Bands 10pm; no covr

Inna Vision 10pm; $5

Louise Lambert 6:30pm; no cover

WED - Blues with The House Shakers, 8:30pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Twisted Thursdays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Forbidden Fridays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

MON - Free Karaoke, 9pm / TUE - Free Karaoke, 9pm / WED - Singles’ Night w/ X-Klusive Sounds Productions, 10pm (All sets no cover)

1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

MON - DJ Big Mike / TUE - DJ Salvo / WED Ladies Night w/ DJ Decka (all sets 10pm)

Karaoke 7pm; no cover

THREE’S BAR & GRILL TIFFANY’S

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

SOUTH MAUI

Tom Cherry and Mike Finkiewicz 7-9pm; Fri, Wolf 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Alika 7-9pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 4-6pm; Sun, Kilohana 7-9pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Tarvin Makia 7-9pm; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl., Unit B-201); 808-891-2322.

AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Mon, Kanoa & Jessica Rabbitt 8pm; Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night: Wedding Crashers 7:30pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011.

MONSOON INDIA - Sat, Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, The Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. (760 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-4555.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm.

(300 Maalaea Rd. #1M); 808-243-2286.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Chancers 6-9pm; Thu, Willie K 7-9pm; Fri, Sebrina Barron 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Chancers 8-11pm; Sun, Chancers, Isle of Maui Pipers, The Celtic Tigers, Maui Pipe Dreams and The House Shakers 12-11:30pm; Mon, Joyce and Gord 6:308:30pm; Tue, Willie K 7-9pm; Wed, Joel Katz 5:30-6:30pm, Willie K 7-9pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131.

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Every Sun & Sat, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm. (5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy.); 808-669-1500.

CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone with Marcus Johnson 7-10pm; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm.

(555 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808-879-2224.

DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sun, Gina Martinelli 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd. #314); 808-874-9299.

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Sat, Jordan T. 6pm.

(1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Emily Joice 4-8pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E); 808-891-8010.

JUST WING IT! - Every Fri & Sat, Chicken Boxing 5-7pm. (225 Pi‘ikea Ave., Kihei); 808-875-9464.

KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm; Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860.

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Tue, Kilohana 7-9pm; Wed, Alejandro 4-6pm; Wed, Jarret & Wilson 7-9pm; Thu, Tom Cherry 4-6pm; Thu,

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza); 808-879-7177.

R.S. SHARKY’S FAMILY RESTAURANT - Thu, Karaoke 7pm; Sun, Live music 7pm; Wed, Brenton Keith & His Bag O’ Tricks 7pm. (41 E. Lipoa St., Suite 15, Kihei); 808-874-5115.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm; Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm. (Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Sat, Vince Esquire & Kaulana 4-6pm; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; Mon, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. (2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112); 808-875-2910.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. (Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Sun, Mon & Wed, Hawaiian Music 5-8pm; Sun, Louise Lambert 6:30-9pm; Every Tue, Thu, Fri & Sat, Acoustic with Chad Kaya 5-8pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133.

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:30-9:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:308pm; Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm. (1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului); 808-877-0073.

STEEL HORSE SALOON - Sun, Deja Vu 4pm.

(1234 Lower Main St., Wailuku); 808-243-2206.

WAILUKU COFFEE COMPANY - Fri, Live Music 4-6pm. (28 N. Market St., Wailuku).

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Mon, Mark Johnstone 6:308:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323.

CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON - Thu, The Mark Johnstone Trio with Chris Cawthray & Justin Favell 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Live Music 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm; Tue, Howard Ahia & Friends 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Evan Dove & Friends 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085.

FLATBREAD COMPANY - Mon, Wes Furumoto 6-9pm; Tue, BENEFIT NIGHT AT FLATBREAD 5-10pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989.

HANA HOU CAFE - Tue, Hipnautical 6-9pm.

(810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661.

LILIKOI GRILL RESTAURANT & WINE BAR Sat, Live music 7:30-10pm; Fri, Blues Jam hosted

by Maui Blues & Co. 7:30-10pm. (810 Kokomo Rd., Suite 186, Haiku); 808-575-2629.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Thu, Miss Meaghan Owens 6:30-8:30pm. (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-9999.

NORTHSHORE CAFE - Fri, Makana 7-9pm; Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm.

(824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku); 808-575-2770.

PAIA BAY CAFE - Sun, Hawaiian Steel Guitar w/ Joel Katz 9-11am. (43 Hana Hwy.); 808-579-3111.

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR & GRILL - Fri, Wes Furumoto 5:30-7:30pm; Wed, Rambling Paniolos 8-10pm. (1127 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-1380.

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Horoscope

Sign Language

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) I dreamt I wandered through a misty garden of white marble statues carved to resemble the Pantheon of ancient gods. Stumbling at Eros’ cherubic feet, I found myself sobbing about a broken heart. Cupid, suddenly warm and alive, nodded knowingly at my apparently familiar complaint and lifted a giant birdbath, already filled to the brim with other people’s grief, to catch my tears as well. When I awoke, I thought of you, and wanted to remind you of these things: 1. You don’t have a monopoly on pain. 2. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let yourself experience it fully. 3. Since everyone suffers, that ache can bring you closer to the world around you and the hurting people in it— ironically lessening the sting for all concerned.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Wandering aimlessly is one of your specialties. You’re perfectly happy to drift for months on life’s open ocean in an inner tube with a backpack full of protein bars and bottled water, content to see where the current carries you. However, the moment you acquire a target, you transform into a sleek hydrofoil motorboat and arrive at your destination almost as soon as it’s conceived. Unfortunately, those quick shifts can leave some of your favorite buddies floating cluelessly in your wake. Since the changing seasons are likely to inspire a reckless metamorphosis of motion, you might want to give them an advance warning, so they can have some chance of keeping up.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) As much as you may want to bitchslap those applepolishing brown-nosers you’re surrounded with lately, I recommend you refrain. I’m hardly suggesting you kowtow to the kowtowers—I’m just pointing out that you’d be surprised at how quickly those toadying assholes can become vengeful, lawsuit-wielding pricks, who are ultimately much more bothersome than they were as ass-kissers. The bottom line: they’re not worth the effort. Take the Taoist approach to your life’s annoyances, and deal with them in an enlightened way: minimize their destructive or negative potential by giving them the least amount of energy possible.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) If you gave everyone who wanted one a piece, you’d have to divide yourself into paper-thin, transparent slices.

Since being haunted by a tissue-fragile ghost version of you would be annoying and useless, your buddies won’t stand for it. It’s decision time: Who gets what parts of you, and who goes without? I hate to force you to make tough choices, but failing to do so would mean that only your loudest, grabbiest, and most selfish companions would get a share, leaving the meeker sweethearts out in the cold. Is that really what you want?

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) You could describe the décor in most Crab’s houses as the veritable definition of the word “eclectic.” Mainly composed of the many gifts you’ve received and could never bear to part with, you usually manage to make clutter work for you. But it’s not healthy to be buried under anything, not even kindnesses. I’m not suggesting you throw any of those precious knickknacks away, but could you try consolidating them? Clear out a room, or at the very least a corner, to give yourself some space to think. If you can’t or won’t give it to those blue whalesized ideas, more than just bric-a-brac is going to come crashing down when they come in anyway.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) People think of horses as tame—most have rarely seen one that’s not domesticated. Although there are only a few places in North America where wild horses still live, I’m glad we haven’t eradicated them entirely. Their equine beauty is only enhanced by wildness and freedom, as is yours. Some of your latest chapters have involved settling down. However, don’t let the idea that you’ve been tamed sink too deeply into the minds of your friends. Do something this week to show that you’re still the same freedom-minded adventurer you’ve always been. Don’t worry; in this case, the threat of be-

ing bitten the next time they try to pat you on the back will only make your buddies want to all the more.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Don’t make me—or your buddies—tiptoe around you.

Being touchy isn’t flattering on anyone. Besides, life is too short to make a stink about every slight, real or imagined. It’s tiring. Since you’re likely to be a bit on edge every time reality sinks to any level less than heroic, epic, and exciting, you might be better off keeping your irritability about life’s occasional mediocrity to yourself. Just bide your time biting your tongue, if you can, because the only thing that’s going to keep next week from rocking your world is if you say something this week to screw it up.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions from page 4

1: D–Kihei High School.

2: E–2050.

3: B–Pukalani.

Totally disagree with our articles? Love one so much you have to give us your two cents? Did you know that you can comment on articles online?

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Try to forget the louts who’ve done more to age you prematurely than a pack-a-day cigarette habit. The experiences that supposedly took years off your life are much more valuable than you think. In fact, some of the most expensive lessons you learned will actually add years of enjoyment, if not actual time, to your life, as long as you’re willing to exercise them. We all grow older—you have the chance to do so with charming grace. Just remember: Those crow’s feet are not only well-earned, but really sexy and cute when you smile, too.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Screw the high road. Don’t let your usual willingness to be held accountable for your actions and accept responsibility for past mistakes get you nailed for things you didn’t actually do. You don’t have to take the fall for anyone; in fact, you owe it to yourself (and them, ultimately) not to. Relax; you don’t need to be a finger-pointing rat to get out of this one. Just shrug off the mantle of local scapegoat and stand firm with your honest “not guilty” plea—before long your innocence will be proven and your name restored.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) The latest bullshit to come down has thrown you so off balance it may as well have severed all your toes.

Staying upright in changing circumstances without those undervalued little appendages is nigh unto impossible, so lay low for now. Fly under the radar towards your next chapter (which promises to be a stellar doozy). You’ll be pleasantly surprised to discover how much work you can get done when the spotlight’s not on you. By next month, you’ll be ready to stand up, receive your full birthright of attention and stardom, and reveal your new power—embodied in your perfect new toes—regeneration.

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CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) You could wear a crown of white flowers, don the most chastely virginal garb you have, or come riding in on a unicorn; still you’d have trouble convincing people of your innocence (ingenuousness, not lack of guilt). Fortunately, having circled the block a few times is no cause for shame. Anyone who’d only be into you on the condition of your naïveté is probably trying to pull one over on you. Don’t hide your guile, Capricorn; it’s much sexier than faux innocence could ever be. Play at the ingénue if you like, as long as you keep tongue firmly in cheek, but don’t settle for anyone who wouldn’t be pleased to discover that a deliciously naughty wolf lurks beneath that sheep’s clothing.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) When we run out of oil in our lifetimes, we won’t plunge into some Mad Maxian anarchical state. We have technology to utilize many more environmentally sound, efficient, and economical alternatives.

Unfortunately, some of the powers-that-be would like to postpone our petroleum-free future so they can make more billions now. Similarly, your strong-arm associates are keeping some seriously unpleasant shit in your life longer than necessary. Consider their motives. What benefits are they reaping to justify your misery? The key to jumping ahead to a happier future that’s not as destructive on so many levels: eliminate the profit margin.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

MARCH 14, 2013 29

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ALOHA VALUED READERS We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of our ads. We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not submitted directly to us.

If you have a question directly concerning AAN CAN, please check out aancan.org

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30 MARCH 14, 2013

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