19.20 Where’s Your Halloween Party, October 29, 2015, Volume 19, Issue 20, MauiTime

October 29, 2015 ✚ Volume 19 ✚ Issue 20 ✚ FREE

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5 S! PG. R O R R HO 0 ISSION M ! PG.1 S M O R C E H R ARC LIQUO 9 GHT M I ! PG.1 N S Y B K O O J VE SPO E STE R O M EVEN

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OCTOBER 29, 2015

Contents

OPEN 9AM - 8PM or Later!

VOLUME 19 ✚ ISSUE 20

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION:

ON THE COVER:

Which dead celebrity are you dressing as for Halloween?

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Mork

'S WHERE

YOUR

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter John Maynard Keynes Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Joan Collins Advertising Executive: Sarah Gerlach (808) 283-3260 / sarah@mauitime.com Beetlejuice Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Mr. Pudding Pop Graphic Designer: Jenn Carter Anna Nicole Smith Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Steve Irwin Contributors: Jenn Brown, Caeriel Crestin, Soleil De Zwart, Max Errickson, Suzanne Kayian, Andrew Miller, Alex Mitchell, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Admin Executive: Shannon Kekahuna (808) 244-0777 / shannon@mauitime.com Michael Jackson Proofreader: Dina Wilson Virginia Woolf

VOTED MAUI’S BEST T

SUP SHOP P

COSTUMES

October 29, 2015 ✚ Volume 19 ✚ Issue 20 ✚ FREE

Welcome to the 2015 Halloween Issue

PLUS:

PG.5 HORRORS! ISSION S! PG.10 COMM MAR CHER PG.19 LIQUOR NIGH T JOBS !

SPOO KY STEV E MOR E EVEN

BIG SALE!

Cover Design By: Darris Hurst

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4 10 13 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

NEWS & VIEWS SPOOKY STORY HALLOWEEN EVENTS THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2015

by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

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QUIZ understood C. Earthjustice D. Maui Tomorrow E. Hawaii Conservation Alliance

2. On Oct. 22, the State of Hawaii began negotiations with which private hospital provider to merge with Maui Memorial Medical Center, Kula Hospital and Lanai Community Hospital?

A. HCA B. Tenet C. Hawaii Pacific Health D. Kaiser Permanente E. Providence Health

PHOTO COURTESY UH LAW SCHOOL

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News & Views

1. UH Law professor Kapua Sproat has won an award from the International Union for Conservation of Nature, according to an Oct. 23 UH press release. Which environmental organization did Sproat work for before she started teaching at UH? A. Sierra Club Hawaii B. Life of the Land

3. According to the Oct. 25 Honolulu Star-Advertiser, about how much money could Hawaii have saved if it used the federal Obamacare program instead of trying to build its own health insurance exchange, which is now defunct?

A. $200 million B. $300 million C. $400 million D. $500 million E. $600 million See answers, page 29

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

PHOTO COURTESY MPD

Coconut Wireless

Chase Keliipaakaua

MAUI CONFIDENTIAL

LIQUOR COMMISSION HOLDS BIG DIRECTOR DO-OVER Hey, Maui County: if you need more evidence that the people pulling the strings over the liquor department are inept fools, look no further than the Liquor Commission. It now looks like they’re backing off

their Oct. 7 appointment of one of their own–Dana Souza–to assume the mantle of Liquor Control Director, a post held not so long ago by Dana’s own father Joe. The reason, for anyone who read our Oct. 16 story “Did the Maui County Liquor Commission violate the Sunshine Law when selecting a new director?” is simple: the appointment most likely violated the state Sunshine Law, which requires public panels like the Liquor Commission to act openly and honestly. The Commission, which had posted on its Oct. 7 agenda that it would only discuss the “process” of selecting a new director, proceeded to just give the job to Souza.

Because when you’re put on the Liquor Commission (named by the mayor, approved by the Maui County Council) and no one says anything when you zone out at the mere mention of words like “agenda,” “open meeting” and “the law,” why bother with acting openly and honestly in front of the public? Why not just give the job of running the entire county liquor department–responsible for a $3 million budget–to your crony and screw whatever the agenda said?

Well, someone over at the LC apparently

on that date, and it’s a doozy: A. Discussion regarding the Commission’s October 7, 2015 action to waive the selection process for the appointment of the Director of the Department of Liquor Control.

B. Discussion and action regarding the selection process for the appointment of the Director of the Department of Liquor Control pursuant to Section 08-102-36 of the Rules Governing Administrative Practices and Procedures of the Liquor Commission and Liquor Control Adjudication Board of the County of Maui.

C. Discussion regarding the Commission’s October 7, 2015 action appointing the Director of the Department of Liquor Control.

D. Discussion and action regarding the appointment of the Director of the Department of Liquor Control pursuant to Section 08-102-36 of the Rules Governing Administrative Practices and Procedures of the Liquor Commission and Liquor Control Adjudication Board of the County of Maui.

Translation for all that legalese: We screwed up, and now we’re going to start following the law. The commission might still give the top job to Souza, but hopefully

PHOTO BY DARRIS HURST

It’s another week, and that means another Maui Police Officer has been busted for some form of criminal behavior. If there was ever a time for the Federal Bureau of Investigation to start looking into the Maui PD, it’s now. In fact, things are so bad that Maui Police Chief Tivoli Faaumu himself recorded a 1:29 video message to the public on Oct. 22, which was promptly posted on MauiWatch.com. Though a good gesture that’s clearly meant to reassure the public, it actually reinforces the notion that something is dreadfully wrong at the department.

“I want to reassure the public that wrongdoing by members of the department, such as corruption, will not be tolerated,” Faaumu says in the message, which oddly opens and closes with almost whimsical music. “Any employee that violates the law will be held accountable, both criminally and internally.”

What prompted Faaumu’s message was the following press release, sent out by his department on Oct. 21: “On 10/21/15 at about 09:00 a.m., Chase K. Keliipaakaua (29), from Kihei, was placed under arrest for the offense of Bribery Of A Witness and Hindering Prosecution In The First Degree,” stated the MPD news release sent out on Oct. 21.

“Keliipaakaua has been a sworn police officer with the Maui Police Department with about 6 years of service. He was released pending further investigation. In addition, an Administrative Investigation was initiated and he has been assigned to desk duties.”

Though the email containing the press release stated that “no other information [was] available,” the information about Keliipaakaua’s arrest was helpfully attached to a previous press release sent out earlier this month on Maui Police Officer Anthony Maldonado’s arrest for second degree theft (he was also later re-arrested for bribery of a witness and hindering prosecution, just like Keliipaakaua).

In the last six months or so, this brings the grand total of Maui Police Officers arrested for allegedly committing crimes up to four. In addition to Keliipaakaua and Maldonado (who at least had the decency to smile like a bro in his booking photo), the MPD arrested Officer

Rachel Garvin at the end of May for allegedly driving under the influence and Officer John Salomon in June for also driving under the influence and (reportedly) for nine counts of indecent exposure in Pukalani (Salomon was also arrested in June in Newport Beach, California for allegedly being drunk in public).

Yes, I know there are more 470 personnel working at the Maui Police Department. And, as Maui Mayor Alan Arakawa pointed out in his “Ask the Mayor” column back in June, “problem employees can be found in any workplace.”

But I also know–and pretty much everyone on Maui knows–that the Maui Police Department is not “any workplace.” Maui cops carry guns and badges that allow them to use those guns–to use deadly force–on members of the public deemed to be threats. Maui police officers have access to military-style weapons, training and a giant armored truck known as a Bearcat.

We often talk of holding police “to a higher standard”–of expecting them to behave like the guardians of the rule of law that (at least in theory) they are. The thing about the above arrests isn’t that they represent a tiny fraction of the overall force, but that they’re happening at all.

Where law enforcement is concerned, a single criminal cop tarnishes the entire department.

“Hold them [the police] accountable,” retired MPD cop Lawrence Kauha‘aha‘a told Wailuku residents and merchants during an Oct. 20 Maui Redevelopment Agency meeting on the town’s new “safety ambassador” program. “They know their job.”

When multiple cops have been accused of the very serious crime of bribing witnesses and obstructing prosecutions, we need to take Kauha‘aha‘a’s advice seriously. We’re way beyond Arakawa’s “bad apples” view of discipline.

It’s time to call in the FBI and get an outside, unbiased look at what’s going on inside the Maui Police Department. At this point, that’s the only way we can hold the MPD accountable.

Will the LC let the sunshine in?

gives a damn about the state Sunshine Law, because on Wednesday, Oct. 28, the Liquor Commission will hold a big do-over on the director selection (the meeting took place as we were going to press). This morning they posted the agenda for a “Special Meeting”

Overheard WOMAN: “What’s the best way to get here from Kihei?”

MAN: “There’s only one way to get here from Kihei.”

-Kaanapali, Oct. 25

now they’ll do so in a way that’s open to the public, rather than showing contempt for it.

As you’d expect, getting someone over at the LC to take responsibility for this mess is difficult. Ed Kushi, the county attorney who advises the Liquor Commission on legal matters, never responded to my inquiry on whether the panel violated the Sunshine Law when it appointed Souza. And Traci Fujita Villarosa, the LC’s deputy director (who is also a former Corporation Counsel attorney)–who presumably could still get the director’s job–had no comment.

“I really don’t know,” she said when I asked her to explain the new Oct. 28 Special Meeting agenda. “I’m kind of out of the loop.”

Villarosa did say she’d have Liquor Commission chairperson Robert Tanaka talk to us, but as of press time we’ve heard nothing from him. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

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by Suzanne Kayian & Anthony Pignataro

PHOTO COURTESY LIGHTSEA IMAGES

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Sen. Roz Baker (left) and Ms Hawaii Flecha Tovar (right) at the gala

MAUI PRIDE HANDS OUT SCHOLARSHIPS

-Suzanne Kayian

MAUI TOPS CONDE NAST POLL The plan was that it would take four years. That by 2019, the good readers of Conde Nast Traveler would once again acknowledge that Maui was the Top Island in their annual poll. That distinction had

recently been lost–to Palawan, in the Philippines–and it stung local officials, both with the county and the Maui Visitors Bureau.

Regaining the top spot wouldn’t be easy, but it was a key part of the County of Maui’s new Office of the Hospitality Advocate (OHIA). Their plan would basically involve teaching people on Maui to be friendlier to tourists (see our Oct. 8, 2015 story “Bad Boy Brings Bureacracy” for a detailed look at OHIA). It was known as the “Aloha Spirit Goal”: “Improve perception of Aloha Spirit by implementing and supporting customer service improvements using the Hawaiian Culture and improve the on island (on County) visitor experience,” states the plan. “Regain Conde Naste [sic] #1 Island Status by 2019.”

Well, so much for that. The new Conde Nast Traveler listings are out, and guess what: Maui is listed as the Top Island in the U.S. “This accolade is a testament to our island’s stunning natural beauty, world-class resorts and charming small towns, coupled with the genuine aloha spirit and friendliness of our visitor industry and residents,” Maui Visitors Bureau boss Terryl Vencl said in an Oct. 21, 2015 Maui Now story on the rankings. “All of Maui is so proud.”

Yes, so proud–though there is hope for OHIA yet. See, Conde Nast has two lists “Best Islands in the U.S.” and “Best Islands in the World.” The latter–to no one’s surprise–was once again named Palawan. Sure, Maui technically got a higher rating score than Palawan (88.876 to 85.937), but does anyone outside the MVB office really care?

So in conclusion, Conde Nast readers still do not consider Maui to be “the best island in the world.” And that means there’s still hope for OHIA to get us all in line.

-Anthony Pignataro ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

PHOTO BY DARRIS HURST

Maui Pride’s Board of Directors recently presented $14,000 in scholarships to six college students from Hawaii at its Annual Gala Awards Dinner. The nonprofit also honored the Maui Aids Foundation, and community members Deborah Vial and Caron Barrett for their continued dedication to Maui’s LGBTQ community at the Oct. 3 event, which was held at Kahili Golf Course in Wailuku.

Maui Pride Vice President Chuck Spence said the nonprofit works yearround to raise money for the scholarship program. “The sole mission of Maui Pride is not about teaching tolerance,” Spence said. “Instead, we work tirelessly toward achieving appreciation of all forms of diversity in society through education and enlightenment. What better way to accomplish this mission than through the Maui Pride scholarship program? It is the pinnacle of the work this organization does all year-round.”

Maui Pride enlisted the help of special guests Senator Roz Baker and Ms Hawaii Flecha Tovar to present the scholarship awards and community honors at the annual Awards Dinner Gala.

Baker and Tovar presented general scholarships to four individuals who have demonstrated that they will continue to be leaders in the LGBTQ community through education, volunteerism and continued work for equality. The board also presented the Raja Shortell Memorial Scholarship to two individuals who they believe will carry on Shortell’s passion for social justice with a focus on helping troubled youth.

The first recipient of the Maui Pride General Scholarship went to Lynda Barry, a 58-year-old transgender woman from Wailuku who has overcome adversity, including mental health issues and societal expectations. Barry, who studies Electronics and Computer Engineering Technology at University of Hawaii

Maui College, is very passionate about many issues including inequality, discrimination, abuse and violence towards women and gender variant persons. Barry accepted a $1,000 scholarship.

The second General Scholarship went to Ikaika Moreno from Pahoa, HI. Moreno, a Native Hawaiian, is studying nursing at George Washington University in Washington DC. Moreno also is a member of the National Honor Society and has worked toward educating the LGBTQ community about the prevention of sexually transmitted infections. Moreno, who received a $2,000 scholarship, plans to work as a Nursing Family Practitioner after graduating from GWU. The third recipient of the General Scholarship was Wailuku resident Chasity Cadaoas, who has demonstrated a commitment to LGBT community with her work at the Maui Aids Foundation and her volunteer work at Women Helping Women. Cadaoas is studying human services at University of Hawaii Maui College and has impressed community members with her specialized training, family-style leadership and compassionate service to others. She received a $2,500 scholarship.

The fourth Maui Pride General Scholarship went to 19-year-old WenLu Duffy, a two-time scholarship recipient from Kula. Duffy is a musician who has played violin in the Maui Youth Philharmonic Orchestra and recently appeared in Evita . Duffy has set an example for young members of the LGBTQ community by dedicating herself to her music and to community service since she was just a child. Duffy, who received a $2,500 scholarship, attends UH Maui and will continue her education next semester at University of Hawaii in Hilo, where she plans to study Marine Science.

The evening’s first Raja Shortell Memorial Scholarship went to Jade

Chihara, whose parents fostered a transgender sibling while Jade was still in high school. The Lahaina resident is studying women’s and gender issues at Smith College in Massachusetts.

Her parents accepted the scholarship in her honor and father Walter Chihara gave the most moving speech of the evening. He quoted a Jackie DeShannon song from the 1960s at the end of his acceptance speech: “What the world needs now is love sweet love. Not just for some but for everyone.” Chihara’s family accepted a $3,000 Raja Shortell Memorial Scholarship on her behalf.

The final 2015 scholarship went to Raysha Mamala, a transsexual woman who is studying at University of Hawaii Maui College. In addition to being a full-time student, Mamala is a dedicated volunteer with the Queen Liliu‘okalani Children’s Center’s Youth Leadership Program. She also is an active member of the Lahaina Hawaiian Civic Club and has a passion for educating others about Hawaiian culture. Her dedication to mentoring lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transsexuals through their social struggles demonstrates she will continue to be a leader in the LGBTQ community.

Mamala accepted a $3,000 Raja Shortell Memorial Scholarship.

Funds for the scholarships are raised through various Maui Pride events including their annual Pride Festival Weekend, annual Lava Soiree and monthly Rainbow Dine-Out events. If you would like to support the scholarship fund, visit Mauipride. org for details about upcoming events and giving opportunities.

Yeah, I guess this is a nice island

OCTOBER 29, 2015

7

by Chuck Shepard

News & Views

News Of The Weird TAG HAS BEEN BANNED?!

Two suburban Minneapolis elementary schools this fall hired a consulting firm to advise officials on kids’ recess, and the leading recommendations (promoting “safety” and “inclusiveness”) were elimination of “contact” games in favor of, for example, hopscotch.

Some parents objected; recess, they said, should be more freestyle, unstructured. (More consultants’ advice: De-emphasize refereed “rules” games in favor of monitors who simply praise effort.) One Minnesota principal noted improvement–fewer fights and nurse visits now–but as one parent said, her child feels that recess is no longer really “playing.”

UNAPPARENT PROBLEM, SOLVED Vladimir Laurent (an insurance executive in Coral Springs, Florida) received his U.S. patent on Sept. 29 and can proceed massproducing “The Shield”–his brainstorm to keep men’s genitalia from dragging on the inside of toilet bowls while they’re seated.

Laurent told the South Florida Business Journal that his device was something he “needed, personally” (though he’s aware that not all males experience the sensation).

The Shield is basically a cup attached to the bowl by suction that allows movement via a ball-and-socket joint.

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LATEST HUMAN RIGHTS Kentucky’s government ethics law bars gifts from lobbyists to legislators, but state Sen. John Schickel filed a federal lawsuit in September claiming that he has a constitutional (First Amendment) right to receive them.

(The laws were passed after the FBI found several Kentucky politicians selling their votes.)

And in May, officials of the American Gaming (gambling) Association and the Association of Club Executives complained to the Pentagon

that a threatened prohibition of the use of government credit cards at casinos and strip clubs violated card users’ constitutional rights, in that protected activities (such as business strategy meetings) take place at those venues.

FLORIDA JUSTICE Orville “Lee” Wollard, now 60, was convicted of aggravated assault in 2008 after he fired one “warning shot” into a wall of his home during an argument with his daughter’s boyfriend. Believing his shot defused a dangerous situation (the boyfriend had once angrily ripped sutures from Wollard’s stomach), Wollard had declined a plea offer of probation and gone to trial, where he lost and faced a law written with a 20year minimum sentence. Florida has since amended the law to give judges discretion about the crime and the sentence, but Gov. Rick Scott and the state’s clemency board have refused to help Wollard, who must serve 13 more years for a crime he perhaps would not even be charged with today.

INEXPLICABLE Christopher Hiscock, 33, got only a year’s probation after his guilty plea for trespassing on a ranch in Kamloops, British Columbia, in September–because it was a trespass with panache. Since no one had been home, Hiscock fed the cats, prepared a meal, shaved and showered, took meat out of the freezer to thaw, made some coffee, started a fire in the fireplace, did some laundry, put out hay for the horses, and even wrote some touchingly personal notes in the resident’s diary (“Today was my first full day at the ranch.”

“I have to remind myself to just relax and take my time.”) In court, he apologized. “I made a lot of mistakes.” “Beautiful ranch.

Gorgeous. I was driving [by] and I just turned in. Beautiful place.” ■

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Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 16 S. Market St, Ste. 2K, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

A

s I was enjoying one of my last days on Maui at Ukumehame Beach with my children, someone stole my camera bag with my camera, camcorder and three weeks of pictures. I understand that somebody couldn’t afford their own camera, so they went after mine. But my children and I are devastated and heartbroken over the loss of all of our pictures. I know the camera and camcorder can bring a lot of money, but all those pictures of my family were priceless. ■

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Think Local OCTOBER 29, 2015

9

IN THE PATH OF THE

NIGHT MARCHERS A SPOOKY TALE BY RICK CARROLL

A writer in some strange way knows his own future–his end is in his beginning...

-Graham Greene

I

used to live in old Ka‘a‘awa on Windward Oahu near Lae o ka ‘O‘io, which, depending on Hawaiian pronunciation, translates either to “the point of the bone fish” or “the point of the night marchers.”

Many people, people who knew about such things, warned me about night marchers, the spirits of early Hawaiians who appear on ancient trails on certain moonlit nights. I doubted the existence of something so ridiculous until we found the perfect cottage by the sea.

A real estate salesperson would call it a surfer’s shack, I called it my writer’s retreat.

It was small, 600-square-feet, perched on the very edge of the open Pacific on Oahu’s sunrise shore.

The cottage was simple and rustic, board-and-batten exterior with thick cedar shakes on a steep-pitched Polynesian roof, and a picture window framing blue sky and blue sea.

Any closer and the cottage would be in the tide pools. Built years before codes required ocean setbacks, the cottage stood a stone’s throw from a lava rock seawall facing turquoise waves that curled ashore endlessly.

The seawall kept most waves out of the yard and provided hidey-holes for the little “corpse-eating” black crabs Hawaiians call a‘ama and consider a delicacy.

All day, all night, the waves rolled in (they are rolling in now) and died just below the lip of the sea wall, splashing over

10 OCTOBER 29, 2015

the black crabs, and sometimes staining the green grass brown. The spray often wet my deck chairs. Some mornings after high tide when the onshore breeze was strong I awoke to find my picture window frosted with salt. It was like living on a landlocked yacht and I loved it.

The rent was cheap, neighbors interesting and creative (an architect, a local comedian, a marketing wizard and a writer), the isolation ideal, and sense of place complete.

When I looked out across the lagoon south down the palm-lined coast of Kaneohe Bay the coast reminded me of photographs of old Hawaii when men in malo held fish in clenched teeth.

Even now when I show people pictures of where I lived they can’t believe such a place exists, certainly not on Oahu. “You lived there?” they ask. Most don’t believe it is Hawaii; it looks so South Pacific, Moorea-like or Bora Bora.

We tried to buy the cottage but it was not for sale, not for a million dollars even then.

The cottage and main house where Michael and MaryLou lived stood under a honey almond tree at the foot of Kanehoalani, the knife-like promontory named for the father of Pele. The landmark point visible from the Pali Lookout is the gateway to Ka‘a‘awa Valley, one of Hawaii’s most sacred and scenic, on Oahu’s windward side.

With the Pacific Ocean in my front yard and the jagged cliffs of Kanehoalani in my backyard, the location combined two key elements of Hawaii-mauka and makai, the mountains and the sea. The sun and the moon rose out of the sea and set behind

the coastal Ko‘olau range.

We had our own gold sand beach, a lagoon full of manini that attracted net fishermen, and a surf break worked by bronze local kids who arrived in rusty four-wheeldrive pickups with “Eddie Would Go” bumper stickers.

When friends from town (which on Oahu always means Honolulu) came to visit they never wanted to go home, “back to reality” they would say. “This is reality,” I would remind them. Only the search for food forced me to leave my seaside retreat.

It was the ideal place to write, and I did–two books in three years including IZ Voice of The People and Huahine Island of the Lost Canoe, with a good start on a novel set in the Sea of Cortez about a 11year old Oregon boy and his grandfather, an underwater photographer paralyzed by polio, on a voyage of discovery aboard a La Paz shrimp boat.

There was only one problem–the neighborhood was haunted. At least, that’s what I have come to believe after all that happened.

Nobody knew it then, and if we had, we would have denied it, but strange things happened, not all at once or with any regularity to give fair warning, but now, years later, I can see how one thing led to another, how little episodes grew into something larger like brain coral on the reef, signs I now realize we ignored or were just too busy to notice.

Michael always said there are no coincidences but whatever set certain events in motion and influenced all our lives began the day Michael found the Ku statue in the backyard of Desu’s old house in Waimanalo and brought it home. I don’t really think the Ku statue had anything to do with what happened but I do know everything changed after it appeared on the property.

Michael laid the Ku statue face down in the front yard under the honey almond tree. I guess he thought by placing it face down none of the statue’s mana would ooze out at night. I’m not sure it worked.

Some nights the neighbor’s dogs would bark at nothing, nothing visible, anyway.

Sometimes our house lights flickered on and off. The fruit rat quit the honey almond tree and moved under the tin roof of the Weber barbecue. My new car battery died. Little things, like that.

Kenny, an electrician who worked on the ranch, stopped by to check out the main fuse box, and saw the Ku statue laying there. “It’s all the Ku’s fault,” he said, half-joking. We laughed but didn’t believe him. You know how superstitious some Hawaiians are.

One night, we came back from a shrimp dinner at Ahi’s and found a Coast Guard helicopter hovering above the rocky shore.

From the chopper, a searchlight probed the tidepools, scattering little black crabs, at the foot of James and Deborah’s seaside house.

There had been an accident. Deborah had fallen off her lanai and landed on her back 15 feet below.The Coast Guard helicopter crew plucked her out of the tidepools with a basket and a sling and flew her to Queens where x-rays showed cracked vertebrae.

MaryLou always sensed a sinister presence at that end of the beach. Now, she was convinced. She’d heard about the gay couple a few doors down who ran scream-

ing from their house after something came through the house one night.

“Night marchers,” Michael said. “I don’t know what it is,” Lani said that night, “but something out there makes me nervous.”

Michael lighted candles in the night like Tahitians do to keep the tupupau (spirits) out of their houses.

MaryLou took Deborah flowers at Queens and tried to find out how the accident happened. Soon after, she moved to Waimanalo. Said she wanted to be closer to town. I know there were other reasons.

Michael gave the Ku statue to Ahi. Bula and Ahi blessed it, performed a proper Hawaiian rite of exorcism over the primitive wooden carving, and Ahi stood it upright behind his restaurant in Punalu‘u for tourists to see.

Nothing unusual happened for a long time after that. Life in Ka‘a‘awa settled back into a seamless continuum of endless waves defined only by sunrises, sunsets and tide changes. I kept an eye on the place and kept writing.

Michael made one of his frequent collecting trips to Bali and brought back Indonesian antiques (hand-carved armoires, stone gargoyles and tea planter’s chairs) for the Japanese tea shop he designed in Kaimuki-and a new, young girlfriend, named Tri, from Java, who caught fish with her bare hands in the lagoon, polished her English watching TV soap operas, and took a shine to Pringles.

One afternoon I came home to find Tri and Michael outside their house while men from Ka‘a‘awa Fire Department with long hoses doused a blaze in the power pole next to the bedroom.

The power pole had burst into flames that engulfed the main house while Tri watched soap operas and Michael drew house plans for a new client on Kauai.

We thought at first that Tri might have left the rice cooker on but the fire inspector blamed spontaneous combustion.

After the mysterious fire the incidents began to escalate. One afternoon Michael began babbling as if possessed by demons and was rushed by ambulance to Castle Hospital; the doctors said he suffered a stroke, but I never believed that. Marcie got bitten on the ankle by a stray dog at the beach. One night Billy fell asleep driving home, hit the power near his house, and broke a chest full of ribs. A fatal head-on car crash in broad daylight closed Kamehameha Highway, police diverted traffic along the horse trail through the ranch.

None of us could recall if any of those events occurred during a full moon or in the time of night marchers. We really didn’t believe in all that old Hawaiian stuff, anyway.

And then “Mr. Big,” as Michael always called the supernatural force, raised the ante. Deborah’s husband sat up in bed one night, lighted a joss stick and died of a heart attack, and soon after I was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Years later, I wonder if I should even tell this story.

This story is an excerpt of Mean High Tide: Surviving Paradise, a work in progress by Rick Carroll. ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

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Halloween Parties Maui Arts & Cultural Center. (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; Mauiarts.org HALLOWEEN PARTY WITH HOT APPLE PIE Head Upcountry for some good ol’ Halloween fun with live music by Apple Pie from 8pm-midnight.

Halloween costume contest at 10pm. The contest groups are Best Couple, Sexiest, Most Original and Scariest. Each winner will receive $35 gift certificates. 21 and over. $4 cover. Stopwatch Bar & Grill. (1127 Makawao Ave.); 808-5721380; Stopwatchsportsbargrill.com

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31 HALLOWEEN IN LAHAINA - Front Street closes at 3:30pm until midnight. The Keiki Costume Parade starts at 4:30pm. The Adult Costume Contest starts at 6pm. There will be live entertainment, t-shirt sales, activities and more at Banyan Tree Park and Campbell Park. The Halloween Express Shuttle is $7 each way and picks up at the War Memorial Parking Lot and the Kihei Community Center. For more info call 808-667-9175 or go to Visitlahaina.com.

TRICK OR TREATING IN LAHAINA - Bring your keiki for some classic trick or treating fun.

Maui Wishes and Adventures, (136 Dickenson St., Lahaina).

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

TRICK OR TREATING IN KAHULUI - Bring your ghosts, goblins and scary little creatures for some fun and safe trick or treating in a family-friendly environment. Free. 5-8pm. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); Queenkaahumanucenter.com

Rock Out With Your...

N

ot sure how to celebrate Halloween this year? Let our handy schedule of all things spooky and creepy help you out!

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29 MAUI’S WICKED WOODS WALK - Thu, Oct 29 - You may feel thrilled, disoriented, exhilarated, stalked, hunted and preyed upon. Don’t say they didn’t warn you. Your tour will end at the Kula Fields Farm Shop and Cafe and with coffee, cider, holiday treats, and snacks. For children who may be sensitive to scary people or scenes, come before 4pm. $13. 5-9pm.

Enchanting Floral Garden, (2505 Kula Hwy.); 808-280-6533; Enchantingfloralgardens.com PAIA PAN’S DARKEST TALES OF NEVERLAND - An interactive walking theatre experience journey into the shadows and be part of the mystery, magic, and mayhem in this scary Halloween re-invention of the classic Peter Pan story. Located at the Haunted Haiku Hike, 2 miles up from Awalau Farm. $25. 6pm. Awalau Farm, (1008 Awalau Rd, Haiku); 808-878-8091.

‘THE SHINING’ UNDER THE STARS - Jack Nicholson and Shelley Long are still terrifying in this Stanley Kubrick classic take on the Stephen King novel. Outdoor movie features free popcorn. Come early for Happy Hour! 8pm.

Gannon’s, (100 Wailea Golf Course Dr.); 808875-8080; Gannonsrestaurant.com ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW - Dress like your favorite RHPS character and sing along! 9pm. Spanky’s, (505 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-BEER; Spankysmaui.com

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30 FEEL DI VYBZ HALLOWEEN WITH GAVINCHI BROWN - Get all costume irie and get down to music by Gavinchi Brown and DJ Irie Dole. This will be one ‘Dancehall-oween’ to remember. Music starts at 9:30pm. 21 and over. $10 cover. Casanova. (1188 Makawao Ave.); Casanovamaui.com HILLBILLY FUNK COSTUME PARTY W/ YUM YUM BEAST - Get funky in your most hillbilly-like costume, or just show up dressed like a zombie cheerleader (or whatever strikes your ghoulish fancy).

Either way, you’ll be gettin’ down to some funky music with YumYum Beast, Deborah Vial and special guests MC Trish Da Dish. 21 and over. 10pm. $15 cover.

Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com SCARY FACE PANCAKES - IHOP will be treating Maui’s keiki to some free sweet treats for children 12 and under. Kids can also make some yummy and scary face pancakes for free. 7am-10pm. IHOP (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-4000 KEIKI NIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY - Keeping it classy with a Night before Halloween costume party, so costumes are required.

Third place winner receives a $25 Visa gift card, second place gets $50 at Maui Toy Works and the first prize winner receives a $100 Visa gift card. Twentyfive percent off of food at the barefoot bar for anyone in costume. 4:30pm. Hula Grill, (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636; Hulagrillkaanapali.com ‘HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA’ - Just in time for Halloween! Bring all your family and friends, wear your costumes, bring blankets and beach chairs and get ready to have a fantastically spooky time.

Free. Gates open at 5pm, film starts at 6:30pm.

HALLOWEEN IN LAHAINA KEIKI PARADE - Everyone is invited to join the annual Halloween in Lahaina Keiki Parade. The community comes together to host a grand and enduring child’s Halloween celebration. All the ghouls and goblins, princesses and fairies, princes and knights are all invited to walk in the parade, receive their customary Halloween treats, congratulatory ribbons and partake in keiki activity tables. 4:15pm. Banyan Tree Park, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina).

SPECIAL HALLOWEEN FUSION DINNER BUFFET - Enjoy Chicken Manchuria, vegetable noodles, shrimp fried rice, pumpkin pudding and lots of Indian specialties. 5:30pm. Monsoon India, (760 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-6666; Monsoonindiamaui.com TINY TEA HALLOWEEN PARTY - Treat your kids to a party they will never forget with Alice and the Mad Hatter. Also a magic show with Brenton Keith and his bag o’tricks, a balloon clown, prizes and games. $25. 11am. The Tea Box, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 877-794-4176.

HALLOWEEN GOULISH GALA - Celebrating 32 years of Halloween fun. There will be a keiki costume parade, open mic, costume and karaoke contest and lots of prizes. 4pm. Wharf Cinema Center, (658 Front St , Lahaina); 808-661-8748; Thewharfcinemacenter.com HENNA GALLERY BODY & FACE PAINTING - Plan ahead for your Halloween prep. The Henna Gallery, Wharf Cinema Center, (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8748; Thewharfcinemacenter.com TRUNK OR TREAT SPECTACULAR - If you’re looking for a full-out, all-good-things-go Halloween Party that’s ultra-safe, fun and full of treats, rides, and entertainment for the whole family, then don’t miss this year’s annual Trunk-or-Treat Spectacular. A special hayride will be waiting for you. There will be a petting zoo, a mechanical bull, games, entertainment and food. Proceeds will help support the Maui Food Bank. $3.

5:30pm. Hope Chapel, ( 300 E. Welakahao Rd., Kihei); 808-879-3853; Hcmaui.com

Continued on page 15

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A&E

by Jen Russo & Alex Mitchell Continued from page 13 SOUL KITCHEN HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY - Looking for something fun to do on Halloween but don’t want to fight the traffic and crowds in Lahaina? Welcome to a cozy, new two-story coffee lounge loaded with character. It’s also the perfect venue for a costume party. And not just any costume party, but one with prizes, dancing, great music, food and non-alcohol beverages. $10. 7pm. Maui Coffee Attic, (59 Kanoa St., Wailuku); 808-250-9555.

‘DEAD CELEBRITIES’ HALLOWEEN WITH KINGS OF SPADE - The Waikapu Ballroom hosts “Dead Celebrities.” Kings of Spade, with Maui’s Fish Tank–fronted by Pete Sebastian–and DJ Boomshot. Photo booth and tons of fun. 21 and over. $30 advance/$40 door. 8:00pm. The King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Wailuku); 808-249-0033; Kamehamehagolf.com HOUSE OF HORROR - It’s the Honeygirls ‘House of Horror’ Halloween party with Erica Dee, Rhythm star, and Monks B2B Turtle. It’s a night full of EDM, roots and hip hop and including visuals by Professor Lightway. $20. 9:30pm. Casanova, (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220; Casanovamakawao.com

LONGHI’S HALLOWEEN PARTY - Party Halloween-style with the Funk-a-holics, an awesome nine-piece band. 21 and over. Cover is $10-20.

9:30pm-close. Longhi’s Lahaina (888 Front St., Lahaina); Longhis.com HALLOWEEN WITH THE NEVERMINDS - The Neverminds, BlackSand and G-Land. $15. 9:30pm. Charley’s Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com NIGHT OF THE LIVING DREAD - Live music with Marty Dread. $10. 10pm. Cool Cat Cafe, (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908; Coolcatcafe.com DJ ILLZ - Maui’s best DJ. $10. 10pm. Captain Jack’s, (672 Front St., Lahaina) DEADMAN WALKING - Halloween party with DJ Skinny Guy. 10pm. Ambrosia Martini Lounge, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011; Ambrosiamaui.com HALLOWEEN RUCKUS - DJ LX, door prizes, giveaways for fun costumes, drink specials and no cover charge. Free. 10pm. South Shore Tiki Lounge, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444; Southshoretikilounge.com

HALLOWEEN W/DJ $MIKE - Check out Kihei’s Halloween scene and hear $Mike do his thing. 21 and over.

Diamond’s Ice Bar (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299 HALLOWEEN BASH W/ DJ L - Roll thru Dog & Duck Irish Pub on All Hallow’s Eve and dance to grooves with DJ L. There’s also an “on-the-hour” costume contest all night long. 21 and over. 9pm. Dog & Duck Irish Pub (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 875-9669 HAUNTED FLEETWOOD’S - This year, check out Fleetwood’s on Front St. for their annual Halloween party, and ghostly and mysterious quarters. Music with DJ Gary on the main floor and The Drivers on the roof. The main floor event is open to the public and costs $20, and the rooftop party is private access with tickets available online for $100. Doors open at 6pm. 21 and over. Fleetwood’s (744 Front St., Lahaina); Fleetwoodsonfrontst.com MONSTER HALLOWEEN BASH - Celebrate Halloween all night long with music by Steve Craig and The Lonely Hearts Band 8-10pm, DJ from 10pm-close and dress to win the Halloween costume contest that starts at 11pm. 21 and over. $10 cover, but it’s half off if you’re in costume.

Starts at 7pm. Mulligan’s on the Blue (100 Kauka-

hi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131 STEEL HORSE HALLOWEEN - Party in costume with the Natalie Nicole Band. 21 and over.

9pm. Steel Horse Saloon (1234 L. Main St., Wailuku); 808-243-2206 HAUI’S HALLOWEEN PARTY - It’s a live music kind of Halloween party with an island Reggae band. 21 and over. 9pm. Haui’s Life’s A Beach (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010 A HAWAIIAN STYLE HALLOWEEN - Enjoy Halloween specials all day including an award winning poke bar, appetizers, dinner specials and a chance to dine with Master Chef Philippe Chin. Savor some Halloween-inspired rum cocktails like the Witches Brew and Black Magic. There will be live entertainment from 7-10pm. Don’t forget to wear your costumes! Sugar Cane Maui (736 Front St., Lahaina); 808-214-6662; Sugarcanemaui.com ■

jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more entertainment news, visit: mauitime.com/entertainment

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This Weeks Picks THURSDAY, OCT. 29 PATTON OSWALT – The Maui Comedy Festival Series continues with comedian, writer, King of Queens actor and the voice of Ratatouille’s Remy, Patton Oswalt at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center. With material covering a range of topics from pop culture to foreign policy, Oswalt has won over audiences young and old. Beth Stelling will kick off the evening.

7:30pm. $42.50-72.50. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului), Mauiarts.org.

Photo courtesy Maui Comedy Festival

TS RESTAURANTS CONCERT SERIES – Maui T S Restaurants will host ost ugh a concert series featuring renowned Hawaiian musicians this Thursday through m Sunday, Oct. 29 through Nov. 1. Grammy winner John Cruz will perform at Leilani’s on the Beach (Thursday, 2-5pm); Na Hoku Hanohano winner Raiatea Helm will appear at Duke’s (Friday, 5-7pm); and Walt Keale will end the weekend at Hula Grill (Sunday, 2:30-5:30pm). Guests are welcome to bring a blanket to sit on for the Duke’s show while restaurant seating will be available for the other two shows. Leilani’s on the Beach, 808ui.

661-4495, Leilanis.com; Duke’s Beach House, 808-662-2900, Dukesmaui. son com; Hula Grill. 808-667-6636, Hulagrillkaanapali.com. Photo: Tor Johnson

THURSDAY, OCT. 29 JOSH KAHULA – Relax under the trees and listen to Josh Kahula, lead singer of Nuff Sedd, at the Baldwin Home Museum lawn in Lahaina. Enjoy the sweet island sounds of the guitarist responsible for composing and arranging much of Nuff Sedd’s records.

The Na Hoku Hanohano recipient has been influenced by a variety of genres including ska, funk and R&B. Bring a mat, blanket or low beach chairs and slow down your work week with cozy Lahaina town as your backdrop. Free. 6-7:30pm. Baldwin Home Museum (120 Dickenson St., Lahaina), Lahainarestoration.org.

Photo courtesy Lahaina Restoration Foundation

13 CANDLES GHOST STORIES – Get a head start on Halloween with 13 Candles Ghost Stories by Papa Lopaka at the MACC. An English literature scholar, Papa Lopaka is a prolific local storyteller. 13 candles will be lit and one candle is snuffed for every story told. With each story darker than the one before, can you handle the suspense? $20. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului) Mauiarts.org.

Photo courtesy the MACC

FRIDAY, FR F R ID I DA AY Y, OC OCT. O CT CT T.. 3 30 0 L LANAI TOWN PARTY – Spend your evening on Lanai during their Fifth Friday Town Party. It’s a night dedicated to highlighting the island’s intimate community and food booths, music and live entertainment await you. Tour the newly renovated Lanai Theater and catch a flick. The Lanai Culture and Heritage Center will also welcome guests. Be sure to contact Expeditions Ferry to reserve a seat on the special late night fare from Manele Harbor at 9:30pm. 5-8pm.

Fifthfridaylanai.com.

KID’S CLUB – Whole Foods Maui Kid’s Club welcomes autumn with a special fall craft. Keiki five and up are invited to get festive and creative. The kids will decorate mini-pumpkins to take home as a keepsake.

RSVP required. Free. 4pm. Whole Foods Market (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului), 808-872-3310; Wholefoodsmarket.com. Photo courtesy Whole Foods Maui’s Facebook page

FR R IID DAY AY, OCT. 30 FRIDAY, ‘HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA’ – When monsters want to get away from it all, they go to Count Dracula’s Hotel Transylvania, a lavish resort where they can be themselves without humans around to bother them. An unforeseen complication unfolds when an ordinary human unwittingly crashes the party and falls in love with Mavis.

Gather the family for Starry Night Cinema at MACC. Arrive early for pre-show entertainment by Steve Grimes, dinner and beverages. Free. 5pm gates/ 6:30pm film. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului), Mauiarts.org. Photo: Movieweb.com

TOO SHORT – Maui For Life and The Farmacy are presenting Too Short at Mulligan’s on the Blue. A contributor to the West Coast Hip Hop scene, Too Short has worked with 2Pac and Notorious BIG. His hits include “Blow the Whistle” and collaborations with E-40 and Snoop Dogg, among others. $25 pre-sale. 9pm Doors. Mulligan’s On The Blue (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-359-1480, Mulligansontheblue.com.

Photo courtesy Too Short Facebook page

SATURDAY, OCT. 31 MAUI COUNTY SENIOR FAIR – In honor of our kupuna, the 42nd annual Maui County Senior Citizens Fair returns to War Memorial Gym. The public is invited to visit dozens of vendors dedicated to the care and wellbeing of the elderly as well as health screenings will be available. This year’s performances include Pu‘u Wai, Pearl Rose, Judy’s Gang, Kaunoa Seniors and the Japanese Buyo Dancers. 7:30-11:30am. War Memorial Gymnasium. (700 Halia Nakoa St., Wailuku), Meoinc.org.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

HARF BAKE SALE – Let Hawaii Animal Rescue Foundation seduce your senses with a Spooktacular Bake Sale benefiting the animals. Pick up a sweet treat and visit with the friendly future pets next to Whole Foods Market.

10am-3pm. Maui Mall (70 E Ka`ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Hawaiianimalrescue.org.

Photo courtesy HARF

SUNDAY, NOV. 1 DIA DE MUERTOS PARTY – Sangrita Grill + Cantina presents a post-Halloween Dia De Muertos (“Day of the Dead”) party. The party includes live music by Indio & Avi, a costume contest and prizes. The evening’s contestants will be judged in three categories: Best Dia De Muertos Face Painting, Best Costume and Best Overall. The whole deal kicks off a prix-fixe menu available for the months of November and December (a portion of proceeds benefiting Imua Family Services). 5pm. Sangrita Grill + Cantina (2580 Keka‘a Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-6000, Sangritagrill.com.

Photo courtesy Imua Family Services

SATURDAY, SATU UR RD DAY, AUG. 29 XTERRA WORLD CHAM CHAMPIONSHIPS – The XTERRA World Championships return to Maui’s Westside. The off-ro off-road triathlon is the finale in a series of races held worldwide. Navigating Maui Land & Pin Pineapple Company’s private 22,000-acre property, pros will swim, bike and run through ssome of the island’s toughest elements and terrain. Spectators will gather at The Ritz-Carlton Kapalua to watch transitions, the finish line and rec ceive live race reports. For times, fees and location go online.

X Xterraplanet.com/maui. Photo courtesy XTERRA Facebook page

HOLOHOLO KA‘A – Punana Leo O Maui presents Holoholo Ka‘a 2015 in the parking lot of UH Maui College. A benefit for Hawaiian language immersion education programs, your ohana is invited to explore emergency and non-emergency vehicles: a fire engine, cement truck, police car, an ambulance and more. The showcase affords keiki an interactive opportunity to learn about each vehicle’s purpose as well as demos. $1. 9am-1pm, Ahapunanaleo.org.

Photo courtesy Holoholo Ka‘a Facebook page

SUNDAY, AUG. 30 FREE AIKIDO CLASSES – Founded in 1953, Maui Ki-Aikido is the oldest Aikido dojo in the U.S. Everyone’s invited to learn from their decades of experience at the Pukalani Community Center. The classes are beginner children (5pm), intermediate children (6pm), teens (7pm) and adult beginners (8pm). Participants should check in 15 minutes early and bring comfortable shoes. Hannibal Tavares Community Center (91 Pukalani St., Pukalani), Mauiaikido.com. Photo courtesy Maui Ki-Aikido

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Film

by Barry Wurst II

Bad Apple ‘Steve Jobs’ would make a better stage play than movie ★★★★★ Rated R / 122 Min.

N

early every movie plays like an advertisement for Apple. I’ve noticed this for years and suspect moviegoers have as well: in about 85 percent of all movies, there’s a scene where a character turns on their laptop and the Apple symbol is always in plain view. The cliché used to be that when a character needed to do research, they would rush to the library and scroll through tell-tale reels of microfilm. Now, when scenes of a character’s uncertainty arise, it’s always a quick Internet search on an Apple computer.

Here we have a film about Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple computers and, not unreasonably, a man considered one of the most important technical innovators of the late 20th century. Whether you’re already in love with Jobs or would prefer to be watching The Bill Gates Story, there’s no denying that Steve Jobs feels like a glossy advertisement for itself.

Michael Fassbender stars as Jobs, who we see frantically putting together the final touches on his product before a stage presen-

tation. His long suffering assistant (Kate Winslet) forces Jobs to address his long-neglected daughter before he takes to the stage. Meanwhile, Jobs’ friend and co-collaborator (Seth Rogen) begs that he recognize the efforts of those working in his company, though Jobs refuses to take the focus off of his latest technological advancement.

The screenplay is by Aaron Sorkin, who gives the film a three-act structure, broken up into sequences of Jobs backstage, waiting to unveil the Macintosh in 1984, the NeXT in 1988 and the iMac in 1998.

Sorkin, whose screenplay for A Few Good Men is a textbook example for adapting a stage play to the big screen, struggles to translate his unusual approach cinematically. Clearly, this would have worked better on stage, with its blatantly theatrical, dialogue-heavy approach.

The many long scenes of actors walking around long hallways, yelling at one another, makes this more like Birdman 2 than a fitting ode/dissection of Jobs.

Sorkin’s screenplay has some witty banter (I particularly liked the references to Patty Hearst and The Jetsons) but his overly stagey format comes off like a clumsy adaptation of a Broadway play.

The next person who mentions Kutcher's name is fired

Fassbender is so electric as Jobs, I almost overlooked how wrong he is for the role.

While always a commanding actor, Fassbender distractingly looks nothing at all like the world famous man he’s playing. Winslet mostly overcomes a wobbly accent and gives a sturdy performance, while Rogen and especially Jeff Daniels are rock solid in supporting turns. The scenes of Jobs dealing with his daughter are the best the film has to offer, though they play like formulaic melodrama.

Director Danny Boyle often has Fassbender framed against structures that resembles the inside of computer grids and has imagery projected against blank spaces to give visual zip to the many scenes of actors droning on. The moments of visual zip help but also illustrate how a more straightforward approach could have salvaged this.

I’m not a fan of the lousy 2013 Jobs, in which Ashton Kutcher played the title role. Yet, that film covered more ground, told the story in chronological order and had a leading man who, while out of his league as an actor, couldn’t have looked more like the person he was playing. Steve Jobs, on the other hand, is best for those already familiar with the subject matter, as this limited biopic only offers on-thenose observations about a complex figure.

Clearly, it’s too early for a definitive film about Jobs. Allow me to pitch the ideal man for an authoritative movie on Steve Jobs: Ridley Scott. After all, he directed the famous Apple 1984 ad that launched the Macintosh. Surely he knows not to make Job’s life into a pompous, mannered, filmed stage play. ■

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 19

Cool Cat’s 12th Annual

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DREAD Live Music with

MARTY DREAD

Saturday, October 31st 10pm-Close • $10 Cover DRINK SPECIALS ALL WEEKEND LONG!!

667 6 66 667-0908 677-09 0908 0 908 08 The T Th he Wh Whar W har aarff Ci C Cine in nema ne ema ma C ente ent ente en ter ter Wharf Cinema Center Lo L Located oca cated cate teed Upstai Upst Up U Upstairs, pstai stai st air airs irs rs, Over rs, Ov O Overlooking verlo errlo look ookin oking oki ok iin ng th the B the Ba Banyan an nyyan an T Tree r e ree re

Captain Jack's Presents

BEST OF MAUI WINNER “BEST DJ"

D J ILLZ

HALLOWEEN

WEEKEND OCT 30TH & 31ST

SATURDAY, OCT. 31ST

10PM - CLOSE

$10 COVER UME

E IN COST

ETS COM $15 TICK

142 HANA HWY a PAIA a 579.8085

672 Front St. Lahaina Located next to Cool Cat Cafe 20 OCTOBER 29, 2015

Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului.

1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Must Date The Playboy- NR- THU-SAT 10:45 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:50, SUN-THU 10:45 1:30 4:10 7:10 Goosebumps - PG13- 2D THU 11:10 1:40 4:20 7:00, FRI-SAT 11:10 1:40 4:20 7:00 9:25, SUNTHU 11:10 1:40 4:20 7:00 Rock The Casbah- R- THU 10:35 12:55 3:10 5:25 7:45, FRI-THU 10:45 4:10 Hotel Transylvania 2- PG- THU 10:30 12:40 2:50 5:00, FRI-SAT 10:30 12:40 2:50 5:00 7:15 9:25, SUN-THU 10:30 12:40 2:50 5:00 7:15 Crimson Peak -R- THU 10:45 1:30 4:10 7:10, FRISAT 1:30 7:10 9:50, SUN-THU 1:30 7:10 The Martian - PG13 - 2D THU 10:25 1:25 4:25 7:25, FRI-SAT 10:25 1:25 4:25 7:25 10:20, SUNTHU 10:25 1:25 4:25 7:25

Bridge Of Spies- PG13- THU 12:30 1:00 3:40 4:10 6:50 7:20 10:00 10:30, FRI-SUN 11:40 1:50 5:10 7:00 7:30 10:00 10:20 Truth-R- FRI-SUN 11:30 2:10 4:50 7:30 10:10 Woodlawn-PG- THU 11:30 2:00 5:00 7:20 10:10, FRI 11:40 1:50 4:50 7:10 10:50, SAT 7:10 10:50, SUN 11:40 1:50 4:50 7:10 10:50 Steve Jobs- R- THU 1:20 4:10 7:00 9:50, FRI-SUN 11:30 2:10 5:00 7:50 10:40 The Walk-PG- THU 2D 2:20 7:40, 3D 11:30 4:50 10:10.

Black Mass-R- THU 11:40 2:10 4:40 7:40 9:50, FRI-SUN 12:00 2:40 5:20 8:00 10:40 Everest- PG13- 2D THU 11:40 5:00 10:20, 3D 2:10 7:30, FRI-SUN 2D 2:30 7:50, 3D 11:50 5:10 10:30 Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials-PG13- THU 11:30 2:20 5:10 8:00 10:50, FRI-SUN 11:30 2:20 5:10 8:00 10:00 The Perfect Guy-PG13- THU 11:40 2:30 4:50 7:50 10:20

Pan- PG- 2D THU 11:00 1:50 4:30 7:30, FRI-SAT 11:00 1:50 4:30 7:30 9:55, SUN-THU 11:00 1:50 4:30 7:30

THURS | 10/29 A Walk In The Woods-R- THU 11:30 2:20 5:00 7:30 10:40

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) Burnt-R- FRI-SUN (1:30) 4:15 7:15 9:45, MON (1:30 4:15) 7:15, TUE (1:30 4:15 7:15 9:45), WEDTHU (1:30 415)715 The Last Witch Hunter- PG13- THU (1:00 4:00) 7:05, FRI-SUN (1:00) 4:00 7:05 9:30, MON (1:00 4:00) 7:05, TUE (1:00 4:00 7:05 9:30), WED-THU (1:00 4:00) 7:05 Crimson Peak- R- 2D THU (12:45 4:15) 7:15, FRIMON (12:30) 6:45, TUE (12:30 6:45), WED (12:30) 6:45, THU (12:30) The Martian- PG13- 2D THU (12:30) 7:00. 3D THU (3:45). 2D FRI-MON (12:30) 6:45, TUE (12:30 6:45), WED (12:30) 6:45, THU (12:30). 3D FRI-SUN 3:40 10:00, MON (3:40), TUE (3:40 10:00), WED-THU (3:40)

THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH MARK JOHNSTONE & LENNY CASTELLANOS 6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

FRI | 10/30

YUM YUM BEAST & DEBORAH VIAL HILLBILLY FUNK COSTUME PARTY WITH SPECIAL GUEST - MC TRISH DA DISH

10PM • $15 COVER at door

SAT | 10/31

HALLOWEEN

with

THE NEVERMINDS, BLACKSAND & G-LAND Tickets available at CharleysMaui.com & door

9:30PM • $15

SUN | 11/01

NFL SUNDAY TICKET! BREAKFAST SERVED 7AM

DON’T MISS OUR BLOODY MARY BAR!

MON | 11/02

CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM 7PM-10PM • NO COVER

MALL MEGAPLEX

TUES | 11/03

Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) (NOTE: Showtimes weren’t completely available by press time, so please contact the theater directly for more information)

TOM CONWAY

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

WED | 11/04

ANDREW CORRADINI

The MET OPERA: Tannhauser-NR- SAT 12:00, WED 6:30

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

Burnt-R- FRI-SUN 11:30 2:20 5:00 7:40 10:20

142 HANA HWY a PAIA a 808.579.8085

Dancin’ It’s On- PG- FRI-SUN 11:30 2:30 4:40 7:40 10:10 Our Brand Is Crisis-R- FRI-SUN 11:30 2:00 4:40 7:20 10:50 Jem And The Holograms -PG- THU 11:30 1:50 4:30 7:10 10:00, FRI-SUN 11:30 1:30 4:10 The Last Witch Hunter- PG13- THU 12:20 2:50 5:20 7:50 10:30, FRI-SUN 11:30 2:40 5:00 8:20 10:50

NEW THIS WEEK BURNT - R - Drama/Comedy - After ruining his life with drugs and bad behavior, a chef goes to London to redeem himself. Stars Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller. 100 min.

DANCIN’ IT’S ON - PG - Family/Musical - A young woman from Beverly Hills visits Florida on Spring Break, meets a dishwasher and enters a dance contest because whatever. 89 min.

MET OPERA: TANNHAUSER - NR - Music See New York’s Metropolitan Opera Company perform Wagner’s tale of a young knight torn between love and passion. 260 min.

MUST DATE THE PLAYBOY - NR- Romance A rich hotel heiress tries to date a playboy to help her friend. 126 min.

OUR BRAND IS CRISIS - R - Comedy/Drama An American political consultant (Sandra Bullock) goes to South America to help install a new leader but ends up in conflict with an old rival. 107 min.

TRUTH - R - Biography/Drama - Story of the bogus 2004 CBS News reporting on George W. Bush’s military career that cost Dan Rather his job. Stars Cate Blanchett and Robert Redford. 121 min.

NOW PLAYING BLACK MASS - R - Crime/Drama - Johnny Depp plays Whitey Bulger, a violent South Boston gangster who turned FBI informant to go after the Mafia. 122 min.

Burnt opens this week

BRIDGE OF SPIES - PG13 - Drama - Tom Hanks stars in this Cold War story as an American lawyer tasked with getting a spyplane pilot released from the Soviet Union. Directed by Steven Spielberg. 142 min.

CRIMSON PEAK - R - Drama/Horror - An aspiring writer dealing with tragedy finds herself in a haunted house. 119 min.

EVEREST - PG13 - Adventure/Thriller - A snow storm messes up an Everest climbing expedition. 121 min.

GOOSEBUMPS - PG - Action/Comedy - A teen joins up with the daughter of author R. L. Stine (Jack Black) when Stine’s imaginary demons descend on their town. How wonderfully post-modern. 103 min.

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 - PG - Animation/ Family - Dracula and his friends try to help his (Dracula’s) half-human grandson because of some weird hotel politics. Stars Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg and Adam Sandler. 89 min.

JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS - PG - Adventure/Fantasy - A small town girl goes from Internet star to global sensation. 118 min.

THE LAST WITCH HUNTER - PG13 - Action/ Fantasy - Vin Diesel plays some badass who destroys witches. 106 min.

THE MARTIAN - PG13 - Action/Sci-Fi - Matt Damon plays an astronaut who accidentally gets left on Mars, then has to survive and find a way to tell Earth he’s still there. Also stars Jessica Chastain. 141 min.

MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS PG13 - Action/Thriller - The Gladers may have

escaped the Maze, but now they have negotiate their way across a desolate landscape. 131 min.

PAN - PG - Adventure/Fantasy - Everyone loves prequels, right? Good, because here’s that Peter Pan prequel you didn’t know you wanted. Stars Levi Miller as 12-year-old Peter and a bunch of other adults you’ve probably heard of. 111 min.

ROCK THE KASBAH - R - Comedy - A has-been music manager (Bill Murray) discovers a brilliant teenage vocalist while on tour in Afghanistan. 100 min.

STEVE JOBS - R - Biography/Drama - Michael Fassbender portrays the powerful, mercurial boss of Apple. See this week’s film review. 122 min.

THE WALK - PG - Biography/Drama - The story of Philippe Petit (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who in 1974 walked a high wire between the World Trade Center towers. 123 min.

WOODLAWN - PG - Drama - A high school football player must also deal with racial tensions, on and off the field. 123 min.

LAST CHANCE

EVENTS

Maui Comedy Festival

PATTON OSWALT

With BETH STELLING TONIGHT! 7:30 pm Castle Ghost Stories of Hawai‘i

LOPAKA KAPANUI’S 13 CANDLES 721,*+7 SP 7KH 3ą Starry Night Cinema’s Halloween Treat!

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA

FRI Oct 30 6:30 pm/Gates 5:00 pm A&B Amphitheater -- FREE! R&B, Pop, Soul Legend

BOOKER T. JONES THU Nov 5 7:30 pm Castle 2nd Annual

Made in Maui County Festival

THE PERFECT GUY - PG13 - Thriller - A woman breaks up with her boyfriend, then gets involved with a guy who’s perfect–too perfect, in fact (hence the title, I guess). 100 min.

SAT Nov 7 8am-4:30pm $5@the Gate Shopper’s Preview-FRI Nov 6 2-6 pm Limited tix - $35 - available via Box Office

A WALK IN THE WOODS - R - Adventure - Two old friends reconnect by hiking the Appalachian Trail together. Stars Nick Nolte, Robert Redford and Emma Thompson. 104 min.

Through Dec 20 - Two Exhibits NANI I KA HALA: WEAVING HAWAI‘I +Ņ 0$, .$ +$/$ BRING FORTH THE HALA

GALLERY

Tues - Sun 10-5 FREE

OCTOBER 29, 2015 21

Calendar

by Alex Mitchell & Soleil De Zwart

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS JOHN CRUZ - Thu. Oct 29. Grammy winning musician John Cruz is celebrated for his soulful vocals and unique acoustic style of music. 2pm. Leilani’s on the Beach, (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495; Leilanis.com RAIATEA HELM - Fri. Oct 30. Raiatea Helm is celebrated for her natural leo ki‘eki‘e (falsetto) voice.

Helm is an eight time Na Hoku Hanohano Winner, Grammy nominee and winner of the Native Arts & Cultural Foundations Fellowship in Music Award.

5pm. Dukes Beach House, (130 Kai Malina Pkwy, Lahaina); 808-662-2900; Dukesmaui.com WALT KEALE - Sun. Nov 1. Walt Keale’s music invokes Niihau, the bluegrass of the Dustbowl and the Latino strings of Jarocho, Cumbia and Ranchera. Ukulele master Andrew Molina and electric bassist Jay Molina (Andrew’s son), will open the show. 2:30pm. Hula Grill, (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636; Hulagrillkaanapali.com RASTA WEDNESDAY - Wed. Nov 4. Come chill with DJ Irie Dole as he helps you get your groove on. Best Reggae jams from Paia to Kapalua.

10pm. Paradise Grill, (2291 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700; Paradisegrillkb.com

STAGE SHOWS HUMPTY-DUMPTY IS MISSING’ - Saturday, Oct 31 - Sun, Nov 8. Sammy Scoop is a private investigator in the tradition of his grandfather, Samuel Shovel and his father, Sam Spade. Sammy faces the biggest challenge of his illustrious career with the sudden fall and disappearance of Humpty-Dumpty, who apparently had no enemies. Presented by Maui Onstage Youth Theatre. 11am. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com KUPANAHA MAGIC SHOW - Daily (except Mon and Sun). Watch “Maui’s Magical Family” team up with the Kupanaha dancers. See scintillating hula interpretations bring spectacular illusions, charm and culture to the stage. Gold Circle VIP seating $99, General seating $79, Teen $65, Child $49, Infants free. 4:45pm. Kupanaha Magic, (2525 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0011; Kupanaha.com ‘ULALENA - Mon, Tue, Thu, and Fri. Delight in the richness of Hawaiian history and culture through music and dance. $29.99 Keiki / $59.99 adults. Children 5 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, and dinner partner offers are available. 5pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com WARREN AND ANNABELLE’S MAGIC SHOW Daily (except Sun). Warren Gibson, one of the country’s best magicians, treats you to the best “closeup” magic and comedy in a beautiful 78-seat venue.

Annabelle, their resident ghost, will entertain you while you enjoy cocktails, appetizers and desserts. $64 for regular, $104.50 for the royal flush package.

5pm. Warren and Annabelle’s, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-6244; Warrenandannabelles.com WILLIE K - Thu. This Hawaiian phenomenon captivates audiences around the world with his astounding performances and remarkable array of musical styles. Dinner and a show $60, just show $25. 6:30pm. The King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu); 808-249-0033; Kamehamehagolf.com BURN’N LOVE - Mon, Tue, Thu, and Fri. Maui Theatre’s Burn’n Love brings back the golden era of Elvis in Hawaii. Starring Darren Lee, relive the days of Blue Hawaii with the best Elvis impersonator in the world!.

Tickets start at $59.99; Children 12 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, and dinner partner offers are available. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Maui Food Bank. 7:30pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com MARK TWAIN - Fri. Oct 30. Enjoy a performance of An evening with Mark Twain by Rick Scheideman. With humor and wisdom Mark Twain shares aspects of his fascinating life including his time on

22 OCTOBER 29, 2015

Maui. $20. 6pm. The Pioneer Inn, (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-276-4201; Pioneerinn-maui.com ISLAND RHYTHMS SUNSET COCKTAIL CRUISE - Fri. Check out PWF’s Island Rhythms Sunset Cocktail Cruise with local reggae star Marty Dread. With a sunset view, enjoy delicious appetizers, Mai Tais and other awesome cocktails. $62.95. 4:30pm. Pacific Whale Foundations Discovery Center, (Ma‘alaea Harbor Shops); 808-249-8811; Pacificwhale.org BRENTON KEITH AND HIS BAG O TRICKS Tue. Be amused and amazed by the high energy comedy. 6:30pm. Mulligans on the Blue, (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131; Mulligansontheblue.com GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR.’S SLACK KEY SHOW - Wed. Nov 4. Come see the masters of Hawaiian music. The concert features an array of Hawaii’s top musicians. $37.99. 7:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Aloha Pavilion, (5900 L Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Lahaina); 808-669-6271; Napilikai.com

FOODIE SCENE THANKSGIVING THURSDAY - Thu. Oct 29. Sous Chef Codeh Davis of Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop is offering another delicious Thanksgiving turkey dinner. The meal consists of Leoda’s signature stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and turkey, all layered under pan gravy. $16.95. 12pm. Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop, (820 Olowalu Village Rd.); 808-662-3600; Leodas.com PLANTATION HOUSE WINE SERIES - Daily.

The monthly wine series is back on with the specials from selected featured wineries each month. Executive Chef Jojo Vasquez will create specialty-pairing menus for each monthly series and phenomenal species will be available on selected premium bottles.

2pm. Plantation House, (2000 Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua); 808-669-6299; Theplantationhouse.com BEATS AND EATS - Fri. Oct 30. DJ Eliza spins fun and funky tunes while Chef Jojo whips up creative appetizers and light bites. No cover charge.

5pm. Plantation House, (2000 Plantation Club Dr, Kapalua); 808-669-6299; Theplantationhouse.com MAUI TASTEMAKERS ROSE PAIRING DINNER - Fri. Oct 30. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort and Spa Turns Pink with Maui Tastemakers Rosé Pairing Dinner in Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Enjoy fresh Hawaiian bites and crisp rosé. $75. 5:30pm. Japengo, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4796; Japengomaui.com PI ARTISAN PIZZA BACKYARD BRUNCH Sun. Enjoy delicious fritatas, paninis, breakfast pi’s, and pi BBQ specials. 10am. Pi Artisan Pizzeria, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com WILLIE K AND FRIENDS SUNDAY BRUNCH - Sun. Nov 1. How do you take a Sunday Brunch and make it better? Well, by allowing Uncle Willie K’s to bring Hawaiian entertainment to a setting where all ohana are welcome. $47. 12pm. The King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Wailuku); 808-249-0033; Kamehamehagolf.com KO SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun. Enjoy Chef Tylun Pang’s healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Go early–the laulau special is first-come, firstserved and does sell out. 5pm. Ko, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-2210; Korestaurant.com UNCORKED - Sun. Wine series hosted by Sommelier Vanessa Lampson. Enjoy light bites from Cane and Canoe’s menu developed by Sous Chef Davis Hood created specifically to pair with each week’s wines.

Price includes three glasses of wines and light appetizers. Advanced reservations required. $35. 5pm.

Cane and Canoe Bar-Montage Kapalua, (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Montagehotels.com WINE SOCIAL - Sun & Mon. Book ahead of time for this fabulous weekly event. Sixteen people will

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

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10/30

10/31

11/1

11/2-11/4

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

Le Grind w/ DJ Blast, 10pm

Deadmam Walking Halloween Party w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm

Sunday Sessions w/ DJ 10pm

PURE: Top 40, House & EDM w/DJ Big Mike

House Party Saturdays w/ DJ Big Mike & DJ Kamikaze

Service Industry NIght House Music w/DJ Big Mike

Maui Erotic Slam w/ Monsieur Remy, DJ Elf & Pole Dancing, 9:30pm $15 cover

Gavinchi Brown Halloween Warm-up w/ DJ Irie Dole, 9:30pm $10

House of Horror w/DJ’s Erica Dee, Rythmstar, Monks & Turtle, 9:45pm $20 cover

Mana’o Hana Hou Radio’s Upcountry Sundays 2pm, $7

WED- Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Kurt, 10pm $10 cover

Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos, 6:30pm no cover

YumYum BeastHillbilly Funk Costume Party, 10pm, $15

Halloween w/ The Neverminds, BlackSand & G-Land, 9:30pm $15

NFL Sunday Ticket (Bloody Mary Bar starts at 7am)

MON- Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7pm, TUE-Tom Conway, 6:30pm, WED-Andrew Corradini, 6:30pm

Will Hartzag (time tba)

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Night of The Living Dread w/ Marty Dread, $10, 10pm

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm , TUE - Jazz 7:30-10pm WED-Kaleo Philips

NFL/ SIN, 9pm

Halloween Bash w/#Poundtown, 9pm

Halloween Party w/ DJ $Mike, 9pm

NFL/ Gina Martinelli Band, 7pm

MON- NFL, TUE- Pool League, WED- Pool Leaugue

Pub Quiz 7pm, DJ L 10pm

DJ L, 10pm

Halloween Bash w/ DJ L, Costume Contest on the hour, 9pm

NFL/ Steve Craig 6-9pm, SIN, 9pm

MON- NFL/Bartenders Mix, 10pm TUE- Johnny Ringo 10pm, WED- Jessica & Kanoa 10pm

The Fultones

The Houseshakers, 7pm

Haunted Fleetwoods $20/$100, 6pm

Jazz Sunday w/ Paul Marchetti Band

MON-WED- TBA

Kanoa, 9pm

Dat Guyz, 9pm

Halloween Party w/ Island Reggae, 9pm

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm

MON-Karaoke, TUE-Rick G 4-8pm, Karaoke 9pm, WED- Rick G 4-8pm, Open Mic 9pms

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SIN w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm

BLACK ROCK LOUNGE Sheraton Maui Resort, 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy, 661-0031

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St #160, Lahaina - 667-0988

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

enjoy three award-winning wines, one bite to eat and great conversation with new friends. 5pm.

Pulehu An Italian Grill, (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3254; Pulehurestaurantmaui.com LUAU DINNER SHOW - Tue. Nov 3. Ka‘anapali Beach Club is proud to announce their new Luau Dinner show “Huaka‘i–Journey through Polynesia.”

The luau includes traditional games, woodcarvers, cultural demonstrations and a buffet. 6pm.

Ka‘anapali Beach Club (104 Ka‘anapali Shores Pl.); Diamondresorts.com/Kaanapali-Beach-Club

ART SCENE HO MAI KA HALA: BRING FORTH THE HALA In collaboration with the Bishop Museum, the MACC presents “Nani I Ka Hala: Weaving Hawai‘i.” Accompanying the exhibit is their concurrent exhibition, “Ho Mai Ka Hala: Bring Forth the Hala.” The collection presents the work of contemporary Lauhala weavers in Hawaii. Lauhala weaving transfers all cultural knowledge (style, traditions, patterns and resources; language, beliefs, protocols, stories, relationships) and distinguishes the genealogical line of the weaver.

10am. Schaefer International Gallery, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; Mauiarts.org MALAMA WAO AKUA EXHIBITION - Daily.

Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center and East Maui Watershed Partnership present Malama Wao Akua, a fine art exhibition that merges the worlds of art and conservation with works of art that honor Maui Nui’s native plant and animal species. Free. 9am.

Hui Noeau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; Huinoeau.com OHANA ABROAD - Sat. Oct 17 - Thu. Nov 26. See works by artists such as Jonathan Yukio Clark, Ayumi Ditamore, Sharon McGauley and John Shoemaker.

10:30am. Viewpoints Gallery, (3620 Baldwin Ave, Makawao); 808-572-5979; Viewpointsgallerymaui.com WILLOW NORRIS - Thu. Willow Norris is a meticulous artist who spends a great deal of time perfectly rendering her pieces. She begins with a detailed drawing on high quality archival watercolor paper and it goes on from there. 1pm. Maui Hands Paia, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; Mauihands.com CLAIRE BLAHNIK - Fri. Oct 30. Maui Hands Gallery presents Claire Blahnik and her beauti-

ful oil paintings. 11:30am. Maui Hands, (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-2008; Mauihands.com IPO KUDLICH - Fri. Oct 30. Local girl Ipo Kudlich is a talented multimedia artist best known for her natural fiber weavings inspired by the vivid colors and natural materials of the Hawaiian Islands. 4:30pm. Maui Hands, (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898; Mauihands.com IAN HAIGHT - Sun. Nov 1. Haight will be working live on his beach and ocean inspired paintings.

1pm. Maui Hands, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808579-9245; Mauihands.com MEET CHRIS LARSON - Wed. Nov 4. Chris Larson’s artistic journey began at 13 when she took an art class from her oil painter mother. Her journey continued merrily into watercolor, acrylic, charcoal, graphic design and photography. 10pm. Maui Hands, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-7997; Mauihands.com COMMUNITY ART SESSIONS - Wed. Nov 4.

Always wanted to paint and draw? Here’s a fun laid back atmosphere to have at it. Free. 7pm.

Treehouse Gallery, (375 W. Kuiaha Rd., Haiku).

ISLAND ART PARTY ALL AGES CLASSES Daily. It’s part art party, part painting class. Check online schedule for class times and availability. $59 adult and $39 child. 10am. Island Art Party, (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-419-6020; Islandartparty.com

TICKETS ON SALE ‘HUMPTY-DUMPTY IS MISSING’ - Saturday, Oct 31 - Sun, Nov 8. Sammy Scoop is a private investigator in the tradition of his grandfather, Samuel Shovel and his father, Sam Spade. Sammy faces the biggest challenge of his illustrious career with the sudden fall and disappearance of Humpty-Dumpty, who apparently had no enemies. Presented by Maui Onstage Youth Theatre. 11am. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com ‘LOVE LETTERS’ - Fri. Nov 13. This play is a fundraiser for ProArts. Love Letters, by A.R. Gurney, is about two characters who chronicle their lives through love letters. $30. 7:30pm. ProArts Playhouse, (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-463-6550; Proartspacific.com MHOK BOCCE BALL TOURNAMENT - Sat. Nov 14. Montessori Hale O Keiki will present the third annual MHOK Bocce Ball Tournament. This “Bocce Bash”

will feature five games of round-robin play with a Championship Game and special prizes. $110. 4:30pm.

Maui Nui Golf Club, (1345 Pi‘ilani Hwy., Kihei).

HUI NO‘EAU WAILEA FOOD AND WINE CELEBRATION - Sat. Nov 14. Toast to Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center’s mission and support community visual arts education on Maui by joining for the Hui No’eau Wailea Food and Wine Celebration.

The evening features a silent auction and generous tastes by the island’s top chefs. Standard $150, VIP $275. 6pm. Hotel Wailea, (555 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 866-970-4167; Hotelwailea.com SWINGIN’ TIKI TIME WITH ERIC GILLIOM Sat. Nov 14. Swingin’ Tiki Time is back, and they’ve teamed up with the gorgeous Sugar Beach Events of Hawaii to whisk you away to Maui Tiki Paradise. Chef Lee McBride has put together a delectable menu to satisfy all your Tiki tastes. $35. 5:30pm. Sugar Beach Events, (85 N. Kihei Rd.); 808-856-6151; Sugarbeacheventshawaii.com ZIP 4 THE TREES 2015 - Sun. Nov 15. This event supports Maui Children’s charities along with the native reforestation on Skyline’s Haleakala zipline course. $40. 8:30am. Skyline Haleakala Zipline Course, (16727 Haleakala Hwy.); 808-518-4002; Zipline.com/haleakala ‘ELF THE MUSICAL’ - Fri. Nov 27. The beloved musical comedy about young orphan Buddy who mistakenly crawls into Santa’s bag and grows up thinking he is an elf. $20. 7:30pm. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com

CALENDAR OF EVENTS THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29 AMERICAN WINDSURFING TOUR ALOHA CLASSIC - Thru - Tue. Nov 10. The competition is fierce this year and it’s going to be a close call, but the athletes are ready to prove themselves in this windsurfing competition. 8am. Ho‘okipa Beach Park, (Hana Highway, Paia); 808-572-8122.

BELLY DANCE CLASSES - Thu, Tue & Wed. These classes focuses on strength, flexibility and muscle control as a solid foundation for dance. Sweat, stretch, and strengthen the muscles you need for snappy hips and fluid movements. Thursday & Tuesday classes are Beginner, and Wednesday is choreography. $17.

MON-Movies & Games w/DJ Firefly, 10pm, TUE- Tequila Tuesdays w/ DJ Firefly ,10pm, WED-Wine Down w/ DJ Firefly,10pm

9am. Afterglow Yoga, (1942 Main St., Wailuku); 808268-9723; Afterglowyoga.com THE BENOITS - Thu. The Benoits play their sweet island jazz at Whalers Village. 7pm. Whalers Village Kaanapali, (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; Whalersvillage.com TALK STORY THURSDAYS - Thu. Join East Maui Watershed Partnership at Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center for the Maui Environmental Lecture Series.

5pm. Hui Noeau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; Huinoeau.com POLYNESIAN HULA SHOW - Thu & Tue. Get in touch with Polynesia and join us for an inspiring Polynesian Hula Show performance. 7pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30 ALOHA FRIDAY MUSIC - Fri. Enjoy the best local style music jam courtesy of Hawaiiontv.com and BMW of Maui.

11:30am. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310; Wholefoodsmarket.com KIRTAN & MANTRA MEDITATION - Fri. Kirtan and Mantra meditation with Krishna Japa Das and friends.

Dancing, chanting and refreshments. Free, but donations appreciated. 7pm. Maui Yoga Shala, (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com COCONUT WEAVING - Fri. Join Bolly Helekahi for the 2015 Hana No‘eau cultural demonstration series. Bring your family and friends and learn the ancient art of Hawaiian coconut weaving. Free. For location info, call 808-572-4400. 1pm. Kipahulu District, (Haleakala National Park); Nps.gov/hale WAILUKU FRIDAY FARMER’S MARKET - Fri. Come to Pau Hana Kava Cafe for local, organic, food, beverages and handmade goods. Pau Hana Kava Cafe will be showcasing organic produce, raw cold-pressed juices, kombucha, kava, raw food, Middle Eastern Cuisine, fresh coconut water, succulent arrangements, essential oils and jewelry. Free. 4pm. Pau Hana Kava Cafe, (2070 W. Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-298-6926.

KEIKI HULA PERFORMANCE - Fri. Come by to witness a true array of talents by our island’s keiki in their native Hawaiian hula performance. 5pm. The Outlets of Maui, (900 Front St, Lahaina); 808-661-8277; Theoutletsofmaui.com

OCTOBER 29, 2015 23

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT DJ TRVR MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $10 COVER

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

THURSDAY OCTOBER 29TH

AMINA ABDUSAMAD & RACHEL DEBOER PRESENT

THE MAUI EROTIC SLAM ORAL ARTS OF SPOKEN WORDS COMPETITION

MONSIEUR REMY & DJ E.L.F. POLE DANCING

FRIDAY OCTOBER 30TH FEEL DI VIBZ PRESENTS

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

SHOW STARTS AT 9:30PM $15. COVER $100. PRIZE SHOW STARTS

GAVINCHI BROWN DANCE HALL-O-WEEN WARM UP AT 9:30PM DJ IRIE DOLE

$10 COVER

SATURDAY OCTOBER 31TH HONEYGIRL PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS SHOW STARTS

HOUSE OF HORROR

ROOTS, DUBSTEP, HIP HOP, HOUSE, EDM. DJ ERICA DEE (CANADA) RYTHMSTAR (LA) - DJ MONKS - B2B - DJ TURTLE

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 1ST

MANA’O HANA HO RADIO PRESENTSS

UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS ACOUSTIC STYLE

AT 9:45PM $20 COVER

MUSIC STARTS AT 2PM $7 DONATION

THE HONEYCHASERS - DICK TILTON & ONO GRIMES EVA TREE

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS | 808.572.0220 | CASANOVAMAUI.COM

24 OCTOBER 29, 2015

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

10/29

10/30

10/31

11/1

11/2-11/4

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Rick Glencross

Guest Band & Dancing

Guest Band & Dancing

Guest Band & Dancing

MON- Soundlab, TUE & WED-Fulton Tashombe

Crunch Pups

Ladies Night w/ DJ Blast

8 Track Players

Annie & The Orphans

MON - John Ness, TUE - Kihei Cowboys, WED- Natalie Nicole

Ma’a, 6:30pm

Tori Dixon Band, 8:30PM

Happy Hallowen!

JD & Harry 3-5pm Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm

MON-Benny & Glenn 6-8pm, TUE & WED- Sam Ahia 6:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON-Trivia w/ Niki Guy, 7pm

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

SummerSet w/ Macedo 6:30-9pm, no cover

Halloween w/ Funkaholics, 9:30pm $10-$20

Live Music, 6-9pm

Live Music, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Makai Jazz Group, 7pm DJ Mike, 9pm

Soul Kitchen, 5-7pm, Too Short, 9pm $35 cover

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2

THE MAUI SPIRIT OF SURVIVAL WALK AGAINST BREAST CANCER - Sat. Oct 31. The Maui Spirit of Survival Walk Against Breast Cancer is a three-mile walk along the scenic Wailea Coastal Path. Sponsored by the American Cancer Society. 8am. Polo Beach, (4400 Makena Rd.); 617-710-7073; Mauispiritofsurvivalwalk.com

MEET CASTING DIRECTOR KATIE DOYLE Mon. Nov 2. Katie will speak about her role as casting director and give you all the details of an upcoming “open casting call” for her new project. Bring a pen and paper to take notes and learn. $1. 5:30pm. Maui Coffee Attic, (59 Kanoa St, Wailuku); 808-250-9555.

YOGA FOR EVERY BODY - Sat & Wed. Enjoy a free, open to the public yoga class in Kihei with certified yoga instructor Gylian Solay. Free. 8am. Gylian Solay, (Waipuilani Park, Kihei); 808-344-8068; Gyliansolay.com VOLUNTEER: MALAMA HONOKOWAI - Sat. Volunteer with Malama Honokowai and visit the beautiful and hidden Honokowai Valley, an area closed to the public.

Among Hawaiian archaeological sites, you’ll learn about Hawaiian history and culture as you help to remove invasive weed plants and possibly plant native species.

9am. North Sugar Cane Train Station, (Pu‘ukoli Road, Ka‘anapali); 808-249-8811; Volunteersonvacation.org SALSA NIGHT - Sat. Enjoy the Smokehouse’s three favorite drinks specials, well drinks, tequila and fireballs all for $4 and a long night of dancing. 10pm. Smokehouse BBQ Bar and Grill, (930 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-667-7005; Smokehousebbqbarandgrillmaui.com YU-GI-OH CARD SESSION - Sat. Maui Toy Works is proud to announce a weekly Yu-Gi-Oh Card Session for all Yu-Gi-Oh Card enthusiasts. 3pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com LAHAINA ARTS SOCIETY’S FINE ART FAIR - Sat & Sun. Under the shade of Lahaina’s famous Banyan Tree, check out more than 50 Maui artists. Listen to live music and find unique treasures including paintings, ceramics, jewelry, photography, glass art, wood carvings, baskets and more. Free. 9am. Banyan Tree Fine Art Gallery, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-0111; Lahainaarts.com

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1 FREE SUNDAY ZUMBA - Sun. Stop by the Maui Mall for free Zumba with Keoni’s Hot Lava DanceFit Studio. Free. 9am. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com FREE HULA SHOW - Sun. A completely free of charge hula show, occurring just for you. Free.

11am. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com STORY TIME WITH READ ALOUD AMERICA Sun. Oct 25. Enjoy great stories with Aunty Joanne.

Plus a healthy snack and a brand new book. 2pm.

Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310; Wholefoodsmarket.com

VOLUNTEER: HO‘ALOHAAINA - Mon-Tue. Join South Maui volunteers and group leaders Bob and Lis Richardson to help maintain an ocean-side trail, restore sand dunes, pick-up litter and remove invasive species. 7:30am. Unnamed Venue; 808264-1798; Southmauivolunteers.com HULA SHOW BY TE TIARE PATITIFA - Mon. Enjoy a Hawaiian hula show by Te Tiara Patitifa.

10:30am. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; Queenkaahumanucenter.com

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3 POLANUI HIU COMMUNITY GATHERING Tue. Nov 3. The Polanui Hiu is a group of concerned kama‘aina who believe that involving people of like minds and like hearts can heal and find balance in our reefs.

Free. 9am. Lindsey Ohana Hale, (393 Front St., Lahaina); 808-276-5593; Facebook.com/polanuihiucmma FREE UKULELE LESSONS - Tue. Free ukulele lessons, because it’s never too late to learn how to play the ukulele. free. 5:45pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4

Two Cats Acoustic Jazz, 7-9:30pm, no cover NFL Football Specials ALL DAY LONG

MON-Service Industry Night 5pm-close, WED- Open Mic,10pm-close

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

Monster Halloween Bash w/ Steve Craig & Lonely Heart Shakers Band, DJ $Mike & Costume Contest

Celtic Tigers, 7-9:30pm

MON-Stay Eazy 6:30pm, TUE- Joel Katz 5:15pm & Willie K Dinner Show 6:30pm, WED- Johnny Ness 6:30pm

INDIAN MUSIC AND DANCE - Wed. Manju Chattopadhyay is from Calcutta, India. Gifted with a honey-sweet voice, she has studied and performed Tagore songs, devotional music, folk and North Indian classical music. F6:30pm. Maui Yoga Shala, (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com

LIVE MUSIC WEST MAUI CANE AND CANOE BAR - Thu, Gary Larson 7-9pm; Fri, Kapali Keahi 7-9pm; Sat, Daniel Querubin 7-9pm; Sun, Joseph Chee 7-9pm; Mon, Kincaid Kipahu 7-9pm; Tue, Brian Haia 7-9pm; Wed, Kalani Smythe 7-9pm; (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Montagehotels.com/kapalua CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Thu, Adam Masterson 7:30-10pm; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:3010pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm; Mon, Dave Carrol 7:3010pm; Tue, Jordon Cuddy 7:30-10pm; Wed, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988; Captainjacksmaui.com CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE LAHAINA - Thu, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Fri, Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm; Fri, Joe Benedett 4:3010:30pm; Sat, Scott Freeman 4:30-10:30pm; Sun, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Mon, Mark Burnett 4:30-10:30pm; Tue, Scott Freeman 4:3010:30pm; Wed, Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm; Wed, Joe Benedett 4:30-10:30pm; (811 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4855; Cheeseburgerland.com

SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - Wed. You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back. Road bikes recommended. Free.

6:55am. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-0068; Southmauibicycles.com

COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Peter D 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm; Wed, Benny Uytake 7:30-10pm; (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908; Coolcatcafe.com

VOLUNTEERING ON VACATION: O‘O FARM - Wed. Work on an exquisite organic farm in the misting forest of Waipoli in Kula. Wear sturdy shoes and bring a light jacket that you do not mind getting a little dirty, plus water and sunscreen. Gloves and gardening tools provided. Please call 24 hours in advance to sign up. free. 8:45am. Oo Farms, (651 Waipoli Rd., Kula); 808-249-8811; Oofarm.com

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ben DeLeon 3-5pm; Thu, Peter D and Garrett Probst (Ukulele Boys) 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Fri, Damon Parrillo and Tim Osbourne 6-8:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana 3-5pm; Sat, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Sun, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Sun, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Mon, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Mon, Danyel Alana 3-5pm; Mon, Danyel Alana and Guest 6-8:30pm; Tue, Ben DeLeon 3-5pm; Tue, Roy Kato and Guest 6-8:30pm; Wed, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Wed, Puhi Ko 6-8:30pm; (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900; Dukesmaui.com

UKULELE MIX PLATE - Wed. Mele Ukulele and The Shops at Wailea invite everyone to Ukulele Mix Plate this week! With over 20-plus years in the business, Mele Ukulele has developed great relationships with Maui’s best ukulele teachers. 6pm. The Shops at Wailea, (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-891-6770; Theshopsatwailea.com

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. - Thu, The Fultones 6-8pm; Fri, The Houseshakers 7-9:30pm; Sat, Halloween Party with the Drivers 7-9:30pm; Sun, Rick G 7-9:30pm; Mon, Rick G 7-9:30pm; (744 Front St., Lahaina); 808-669-6425; Fleetwoodsonfrontst.com HULA GRILL - Thu, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Thu, Kealii Lum and Naiwi Teruya 2:30-4:30pm; Thu, Damon Parillo and Friends 6-8pm; Fri, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Fri, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho and Friends 6-7pm; Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sat, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana 6-8pm; Sun, First Sunday Funday 2:30-5:30pm; Sun, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Sun, Kawika Lum Ho and Friends 6-7pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Mon, Kapali Keahi 2:30-4:30pm; Wed, Ernest Puaa 11am-12pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 2:30-3:30pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636; Hulagrillkaanapali.com JAPENGO - Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:308:30pm; Fri, Elaine Ryan 5:30-7:30pm; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Margie Hart 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kanoa Kukaua 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Josh Sumibcay 5:30-7:30pm; (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4796; Japengomaui.com JAVA JAZZ AND SOUP NUTZ - Thu, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Fri, Farzad and Mike Madden 7-10pm; Mon, The Soundlab 7-10pm; Tue, Fulton Tashombe and Paul Bunuam 7-10pm; Wed, Fulton Tashombe and Paul Bunuam 7-10pm; Wed, Fulton Tashombe 7-10pm; (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Honokowai); 808-667-0787; Javajazz.net KIMO’S RESTAURANT - Thu, Maa 6:308:30pm; Fri, Tori Dixon Band 8:30-10:30pm; Sat, Maa 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Mon, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Tue, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811; Limosmaui.com LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Thu, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Joseph Chee 7:30-9:30pm; Wed, Scotty Rotten 7:309:30pm; (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700; Lahainapizzacompany.com LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm; (843 Wainee St., Lahaina); 808-667-6655; Lahainasportsbar.com LEILANIS ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret and Wilson 3-5pm; Fri, JD and Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD and Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Wed, Jarret and Josh 3-5pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495; Leilanis.com

OCTOBER 29, 2015 25

FUN COSTUMES & GIVEAWAYS!

10pm -1:30am / Free Cover/ Drink Specials

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

1913 S KIHEI RD | KIHEI | 808.874.6444 26 OCTOBER 29, 2015

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

10/29

10/30

10/31

11/1

11/2-11/4

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

PARADISE GRILL

2291 Kaanapali Pkwy, Lahaina - 662-3700

Ladies Night w/ drink specials

PI ARTISAN PIZZERIA 900 Front St, Lahaina, 667-0791

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku - 243-9351

Sudden Rush, 9pm $10

Seven Deadly Sins, 9pm $10/$15

Garrett Probst 10pm

DJ Lobstah 10pm

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Jamie Gallo 4-6pm, DJ Big Mike 10pm

Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini 10pm

Tom Conway 4-6pm, DJ LX 10pm

Viva La Rumba 4-6pm, Kanoa 10pm

MON - Kanoa 4pm & DJ Big Mike SIN 10pm, TUE - Jon Bowser 4-6pm, WED- Wildcard Wednesdays

Free Pool, no cover

Andy Kaina & Kaina Kountry Band, 9pm

Halloween Party w/ Natalie Nicole Band, 9pm

Free Karaoke, 8pm no cover

MON-Industry Night/ Martini Monday TUE- Free Pool, WED- Free Pool/ Whiskey Wednesday

FREE Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

Halloween Party w/ Hot Apple Pie, $4 cover

FREE Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; $4 cover

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm-no cover

Louise Lambert Trio, 7:30-10:30pm

Skip, 6:30-8:30pm

Skip, 7-9pm

MON- Elaine Ryan 5:30pm, TUE- Power Up Comedy Tour 9pm, WED- Steve 9-11pm,

Karaoke, 8pm-close

Karaoke, 8pm-close

Karaoke, 8pm-close

Karaoke, 8pm-close

MON-WED-Karaoke, 8pm-close

TBA, 10pm

Free Karaoke, 8pm

TBA, 10pm

Free Karaoke

TUE- Free Karaoke, WED- Dinner Music 6-8pm

(2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); Cliffdivegrillmaui.com

MERRIMAN’S KAPALUA - Thu, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sat, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm; Wed, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; (1 Bay Club Place, Kapalua); 808-669-6400; Merrimanshawaii.com/kapalua

CAPISCHE - Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; (555 Kaukahi Road, Wailea); 808-879-2224; capische.com

OCEAN POOL BAR AND GRILL - Fri, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Mon, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200; Westinkaanapali.com/dining/oceanpool

DOG AND DUCK IRISH PUB - Wed, Jessica and Kanoa 10pm-1am; Thu, Pub Quiz 7-9pm; Sat, Jordan Cuddy 8-10pm; Sun, Steve Craig 6-9pm; Sun, Sin 9-11pm; Mon, Bartenders Mix 7-9pm; Wed, Jessica and Kanoa 10pm1am; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669; Theworldfamousdogandduck.com

PAILOLO BAR AND GRILL - Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Mon, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Tue, Ukulele/ Pop 5-8pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-6673200; Westinkaanapali.com/dining/pailolo PI ARTISAN PIZZERIA - Fri, Nestor Ugale 6-8pm; Sun, Pi Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm; ( 900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com PIONEER INN GRILL AND BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza and Alana Cini 6-9pm; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm; (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-3636; Pioneerinnmaui.com/grill-bar.htm SANGRITA GRILL AND CANTINA - Thu, Live Flamenco Music by Indio and Avi 6:30-8:30pm; (2580 Kekaa Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-6000; Sangritagrill.com SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Thu, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Fri, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sun, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; Sun, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Mon, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Tue, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; Wed, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-1500; Seahousemaui.com THE CLIFF DIVE GRILL - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:30-8pm; Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; Sat, Larry Golis and Hollis Lee 6:30am-8:30pm; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm; Tue, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; Wed, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm;

Welo & Kekai 10:30am-1:30pm

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

LONGHI’S - Sat, Evan Shulman 6:30-9pm; Sun, The Two Cats 6:30-9pm; Tue, The Tori Dixon Duo 6:30-9pm; Tue, SummerSet 6:30-9pm; (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288; Longhis.com

OHANA BAR AND GRILLE - Thu, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Fri, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Sat, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Sun, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Mon, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Tue, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Wed, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; (104 Ka‘anapali Shores Pl.); 808-667-1337.

MON-Open Mic 10pm, TUE- SIN, WED-Reggae w/ DJ Irie Dole, 10pm

808-661-0031;

SOUTH MAUI

DIAMOND’S ICE BAR AND GRILL - Thu, S.I.N. 6-8pm; Fri, House Music 6-8pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299; Diamondsicebar.com

GANNON’S - Thu, Classic Rock Live 5-7pm; Fri, Jazz Fridays 5-7pm; (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080; Gannonsrestaurant.com HAUI’S LIFE IS A BEACH - Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Tue, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Wed, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010; Mauibars.com KONO’S ON THE GREEN - Thu, Bossa Nova with Katya Williams 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Music by Sierra and Sal 5:30-7:30pm; Sat, Easy Listening with Neto 5:30-7:30pm; Sun, Omar and the Rare Vibrations 5-8pm; Tue, Easy Listening with Neto 5:30-7:30pm; Wed, Acoustic Classical Guitar with Jim Spektor 5:30-7:30pm; (470 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei ); 808-633-4220; Konosonmaui.com MAKENA BEACH AND GOLF RESORT - Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm; Tue, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm; (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-874-1111; Makenaresortmaui.com MAUI BREWING COMPANY KIHEI - Thu, Live Music @ The Brewery 5-8pm; Mon, Live Music @ The Brewery 5-8pm; Tue, Levi Poasa 5-8pm; (605 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei); 808-213-3002; Mauibrewingco.com MOLOKINI BAR AND GRILL MAKENA RESORT - Thu, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; Fri, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; Sat, Alan Stevens 6-10pm; Sun, Kaena Elaban 9:30am-12pm; Sun, Larry Golis 6-9pm; Mon, Eddee Sebala 6-10pm; Tue, Deason Baybayan 6-10pm; Wed, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888; Makenaresortmaui.com

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Thu, Keola and Datguyz 1-3pm; Thu, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Thu, Mike Finkiewicz and Craig Soderberg 7-9pm; Fri, Stay EZ 1-3pm; Fri, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Nako’oka 7-9pm; Sat, T-Flatz and The Highlights 1-3pm; Sat, Brian Haia 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, T-Flatz and The Highlights 1-3pm; Sun, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Sun, Ohana Groove 7-9pm; Mon, Kanoa Louis 1-3pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Joshua Kahula 7-9pm; Tue, Kanoa and Jessica 1-3pm; Tue, Stay Eazy 4-6pm; Tue, Duane Feig 7-9pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 1-3pm; Wed, Alika Nako’oka 4-6pm; Wed, Jarret Roback 7-9pm; (10 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 808891-2322; Monkeypodkitchen.com MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Makai Jazz Group 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Soul Kitchen 7-9pm; Sat, Beatles Tribute 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Celtic Tigers 7-9:30pm; Mon, Stay Eazy 6:308:30pm; Wed, Joel Katz Hawaiian Steel Guitar 6:30-8:30pm; (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808874-1131; Mulligansontheblue.com PITA PARADISE - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 6:30-9pm; (34 Wailea Gateway Center); 808-879-7177; Pitaparadisehawaii.com

6:30-8:30pm; (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808283-4123; Maui-yoga.com STEEL HORSE SALOON - Wed, Free Karaoke 9pm-12am; Sun, Free Karaoke 9pm-12am; Wed, Free Karaoke 9pm-12am; (1234 L. Main St., Wailuku); 808-245-2206.

WATERCRESS - Fri, Pauhana 6-9pm; Sun, Karaoke 8pm-2am; Mon, Karaoke 8pm-2am; Tue, Karaoke 8pm-2am; (270 Waiehu Beach Rd., Wailuku); 808-243-9351.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT AND SALOON - Thu, Mark Johnstone and Lenny Castellanos 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Open Mic 7-10pm; Tue, Tom Conway 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 6:30-8:30pm; (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com STOPWATCH SPORTSBAR AND GRILL - Thu, Karaoke with Dudley 9pm-12am; Sat, Karaoke with Dudley 9pm-12am; (1127 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-1380; Stopwatchsportsbargrill.com

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Steve Mantelli 4-6pm; Wed, Natalie Nicole 4-6pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444; Southshoretikilounge.com THREE’S BAR AND GRILL - Thu, Salsa Dancing with Barb and Ernesto 8-11pm; Fri, Jazz Night with Louise Lambert 7:30-10:30pm; Sat, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Sat, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Sat, Live Solo Guitar from Cpt. Dan Saunders 5:30-9pm; Sun, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Sun, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Tue, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Tue, Mark Harvey 122pm; Wed, Live Piano with Katya Williams 5:308:30pm; (1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei); 808-879-3133; Threesbarandgrill.com

CENTRAL MAUI BEACH BUMS BBQ AND GRILL - Thu, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Sun, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; (300 Maalaea Rd.); 808-243-2286; Beachbumshawaii.com KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Fri, Local Live Music 5-8:30pm; Sun, Local Live Music 5-8:30pm; (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001; Alehouse.net MAUI YOGA SHALA - Fri, Kirtan and Mantra Meditation 7-9pm; Wed, Indian Music and Dance

OCTOBER 29, 2015 27

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Horoscope

Sign Language SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

If only all the pests clinging to you would realize it’s wintertime and finally just drop off and die, like fleas. To rid yourself of their sapping presences, you’ll need to be a bit more proactive than you have been, and that’s a little more complicated than just buying a special shampoo. You’ve been generously allowing leeches to mooch off you and take credit for your work, trusting in your strength and the fact that you’ve got plenty to spare. But enough is enough. Do what you’ve got to do to be rid of freeloaders, once and for all.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

A Sagittarian’s life is constantly in flux. You are the definition of dynamism. This week, more than most, is a time to make changes, try new things, begin daring new ventures, but you do those things all the time. The problem with this kind of thinking, though, is it’s too one-track; this week is all about trying something new–for you that might mean not changing. It might mean committing to something for the long haul, or staying in one place despite your wanderlust. Go for it; do the unexpected this week–even if that means embracing a total cliché.

beneath the surface. We can’t help it, lately; our minds naturally drive us back to those crazy and somewhat disturbing places, even when we try to keep things light and easy. Now it’s your turn to explore these uncomfortable places with those you love, whether you’re in the mood or not. Will it bother you to discover that your best girlfriend has rape fantasies, or that your buddy is terrified about his own mortality? You’re about to find out. Try to get into it, not resist it.

As I acquired my third language (German), my second language (French) was being buried inside my brain. It tripped me out, to be totally honest, because I can understand French when it’s spoken to me, but when I try to respond I’m either totally paralyzed or it comes out, embarrassingly, in German. Don’t take your innate quick thinking for granted, though, as you have, lately. Just like anything it will get stiffer with age–and with disuse. Don’t shy away from mental gymnastics when they appear, or soon you’ll have trouble just thinking about climbing a flight of stairs.

1: C–Earthjustice 2: D–Kaiser Permanente 3: B–$300 million

Optimism isn’t cool anymore. I hardly know anyone who’s openly hopeful; I think people worry that it’ll come off as hopelessly naïve. However, I hope you do a Pollyanna on it this week anyway, whenever things don’t seem to be going well. Assume that any negative developments are necessary steps towards the positive outcome you desire–and they will be. Make pessimism your dire enemy this week, because the inverse is also true; decide that these shitty turns are just the beginning of a depressing downward spiral, and they’ll swiftly conform to your gloomy expectations.

tattoos by Rachel G

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Aquarians are generally as low-maintenance as they come. Naturally, there are exceptions, but the most easy-going social creatures I know are of your sign.

What’s your secret? This is important information that we desperately need to know–especially the biggest worrier in your life; you know who I’m talking about. Spare them the nervous breakdown they’re headed for by giving them some practical advice on how to relax in the face of all those things they can’t control. You’ll have done your job; whether they take your wisdom to heart is up to them.

When you’re not around, your friends get together and discuss you; they might even be plotting your downfall. Also, your coworkers are making a concerted, passive-aggressive effort to make you look bad. Plus your lover is slowly turning the dog against you. If any of these statements provoke a feeling of grim confirmation, a cry of, “I knew it!” you’re too suspicious for your own good, because none of this is happening. Your co-workers’ whispering is likely gossip they know you’re too cool to be interested in, and the dog will never stop loving you no matter what. Chill out, darling. Everything, believe it or not, is cool.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Some weeks you feel like one of Lemony Snicket’s hapless Baudelaire orphans, a trio of children subject to a terrible series of unfortunate events. Even your supposed lucky breaks, during these times, turn out to be crushing disappointments. Fortunately, you balance these miserable losing streaks with equally dramatic winning ones, when even your mistakes are resounding successes. The trick is not getting too used to either mode; that’s where weeks like this one, to which you could ascribe no particular trend, come in handy. You’ve acquired the habit of relying on a piece of luck (good or bad) that you probably shouldn’t count on. Spend this time unlearning it.

ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Prey animals generally have eyes on either side of their heads, the better to get a wide-angle view of their surroundings, and spot potential threats. Carnivores, on the other hand, usually have close-set, forward-facing eyes, so they can accurately judge the distances to the creatures they hope to kill and eat.

Lately, you’ve been feeling like prey, semi-passively waiting for someone to chase and catch you. But we both know that’s not working out that well for you; if you want to achieve your desires, you need to shift into hunter mode and actively seek their fulfillment.

This week, at least give that a try.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

QUIZ understood

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

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Even as a child, you scorned Hansel and Gretel for leaving a paltry trail of breadcrumbs to find their way back with. You’ve always been too practical for something this poorly thought-out.

But over the years you’ve learned that many people are fairly foolish when it comes to common sense matters–and that you can help, when you choose to. I hope you decide that the people around you, who are frantically strewing croutons about as we speak, are worthy of your aid. Rescue them from the fairy tale they’re trying to live, before they get eaten by witches or invest their life-savings in candy houses.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Last night’s dream featured an imaginary movie trailer for a film called Deader. In it, a girl bitten by a vampire avoided passively accepting her fate, but instead embraced it, deciding to see just how undead she could become. She set about attempting to trick various creatures of the night into endowing her with their powers, ultimately becoming some kind of vampire werewolf witch zombie demon. She didn’t waste time bemoaning what had happened to her, as you have, the past couple weeks. What’s done is done, for good or ill. Now follow her example: take what you’ve got and run with it, as far as you can go.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

My conversations with friends keep veering towards turbulent, deep dark waters, where monsters dwelt

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

If you’re dating a Scorpio, dump them now, before they breaks your heart. Your relationship is doomed no matter what, so the sooner you escape it, the better. Go deliver the bad news. I’ll wait… All done? Now here’s my real advice: don’t be such a sucker. If anyone presumes, without tongue-in-cheek, to give you such unequivocal and all-around bad advice this week, ignore them.

Your relationship with a Scorpio may be ill-fated, but there are simply too many variables for me to know that. Don’t let anyone else spout such bullshit in your direction. Call them on it. If they still don’t quit, go ahead and kick their ass.

To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

OCTOBER 29, 2015 29

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