9.06 Akaka's Eskimos, August 4, 2005, Volume 9, Issue 6, MauiTime by MauiTimes

HOME OF HOLOHOLO GIRL, COCONUT WIRELESS, EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK, CUNNING LINGLE, EH BRAH!, TAKE 5, LC WATCH AND CULTURAL PANTHEONS

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7 ‘PEACEFUL ANARCHY’ Andy Von Son’s bad taste

14 PINEAPPLE GRILL Sweet sophistication

25 RULE #102

You need to buy this book

Akaka’s

Eskimos page 12

All sale prices are after rebates including $500 college grad. Plus tax, lic. And $195 Valley Isle Motors doc. Fees. Vehicles may not be exactly as shown. Ranger sale price $13,201.57, 72 months at 6.5% apr. Deferred payments $20,213.25. Focus sale price $13,221.64 72 months at 6.5% apr. Deferred payment $19,713.28. Financing and APR is on approved credit. Sale ends 8/15/05.

AUGUST 4, 2005

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COVER STORY 12

Maui’s Largest Selection of Musical Instruments & Sound Systems for 26 years

BOUNTY MUSIC 26th ANNIVERSARY SALE Everything on Sale

•Akaka’s Eskimos Our senators say they voted for oil drilling in Alaska to help indigenous people. Here’s who really wins. – by Anthony Pignataro

NEWS 4

•Letters to the Editor •Eh Brah!

•Cunning Lingle •Star Trex

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•‘Peaceful Anarchy’

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Why it’s good Andy Von Son sells bad taste – by Gabrielle Poccia

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•OP ED: Bush Vs. America

Position (& actor who would play us if this paper was a movie)

Karl Rove’s treason apologists – by Ted Rall

•News of the weird •Ted Rall Cartoon

Editor: Anthony Pignataro anthony@mauitime.com (Topher Grace) Associate Editor: Samantha Campos sam@mauitime.com (Katy Jurado)

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Contributing Writers: Caeriel Crestin, Stephen R. Hart, Gabrielle Poccia, Ted Rall, Eric Paul Shaffer, Chuck Shepherd, Cole Smithey

Eating at the Pineapple Grill – by Molly Rettig

•Employee of the Week •Dining Listings Hours, locations and price ranges of Maui’s eateries

DA KINE CALENDAR 19 •This Week’s Picks 22 •Film: Dukes Preserving Southern Isolation of Hazzard ( ) – by Cole Smithey 23 •Movies & Times 24 •Pure Volume 25 •A&E: Rule #102 Buy this book – by Eric Paul Shaffer 26 •The Grid & Calendar Listings 27 •Take 5: Old TV shows that should

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LETTERSTOTHEEDITOR

Keith Tucker Versatile, prolific, enthusiastic—just a few adjectives quoted in the media to describe Keith Tucker. Curiosity is Keith’s intriguing perspective and life story has prompted features like a spot on “Hawaiian Moving Company” and appearances in newspapers and magazine articles nationwide. Where did all this begin? Why, in the crucible of creativity itself—Hollywood, California! As a child of the world’s movie capital it was only natural that Keith would gravitate to making big impressions. As a pioneer in the ‘70s mural movement, buildings were his canvas. His love of the environment found expression in the bold, vibrant colors of nature. Like a magnet, Hawaii’s splendor drew him to her shores and Keith continued to paint murals as well as show in gallery exhibitions throughout the islands. In the ‘80s, Keith returned to Hollywood and immersed himself in the special effects boom where he made a name for himself as an animator and storyboard artist. He worked for everybody from Steven Spielberg to Disney, Warner Brothers and Marvel on projects such as “Pinky and the Brain,” “Spiderman,” “Robocop,” “Conan” and “Star Trek” to name a few. Keith has spent the last 30 years splitting his time between L.A. and Hawaii. He lives and works in his Maui home studio where his imagination thrives on the island’s beauty and aloha of Hawaii’s people. To learn more about this fascinating artist visit: www.keithtuckercartoonist.com. (paid advertisement)

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ANOTHER SENSELESS BASEBALL REFERENCE We are a non-profit citizen advocacy group dedicated to assisting folks in legal disputes and responding to governmentgenerated abuse of the people. We wish to offer you some, hopefully, constructive criticism regarding the “The Boss” (July 21, 2005). In our initial reading of that article it struck us like someone swinging a Louisville Slugger right into the frontal lobe of the skull! The negative remarks that you made, your diversionary remarks, took away from what we believe the folks you were interviewing were attempting to get across, in good standing, to educate the people and inform them of their righteous efforts to get back that which was illegally taken, their country, their government, and their people. Your article was, essentially, a grave insult to these people and, we believe, warrants an apology to them, and all the Hawaiian people! -Pete Munoz, Director, Citizens for Truth and Justice Maui County

One particularly charming lady named Olivia did a sexy lounge song with so much feeling and intimacy that the whole place was totally enraptured. After her song the room went crazy with applause and the proprietor of the cafe ushered over a bottle of wine to her table in appreciation. Another musician stepped in with a funky wind instrument that was connected to a hand-held keyboard, I think it’s called a Melodica. Anyway, it was a fabulous evening. Obviously Cafe Marc Aurel is a hangout for many talented and creative musicians who are not afraid to take risks and improvise in the true sprit of jazz. Maybe next time rather than a misguided tale of discontent, you could write an article about what is really happening in the Maui Jazz scene. Wouldn’t that be more interesting? -James Mitchell, via email The Editor responds: Actually, reporter Samantha Campos did discuss Maui’s small jazz scene and Gene Argel in her story. But the main point of her story was to explore the contradiction between Jazz’s rough, African-American past and its current Maui popularity in wealthy resorts.

CORRECTIONS The Editor responds: The story you call “a grave insult” was simply an account of an interview between reporter Barukh Shalev and two officials with the Reinstated Hawaiian Nation. I’d address the story’s supposed “negative” and “diversionary” remarks, but you didn’t give any examples.

NO RHYTHM, LOTS OF BLUES This music lover read your recent cover story on the blasé’, watered down, tourist catering, Maui “Jazz scene” (“Jazztastic,” July 14, 2005). I had to laugh, because the very night before I read your out-of-touch article I had an amazing evening that in my opinion optimized the essence of the true spirit of improvisational Jazz. I went to hear Keyboardist Gene Argel and Guitarist Shiro Mori for their Thursday night jam session at Cafe Marc Aurel in Wailuku. Not only were Argel and Mori hip and talented but much to my delight by the end of evening three different singers and two other musicians had jumped up from their cafe tables to join in the jam and contribute their own flavors of Blues and Bossa Nova.

The correct name, address and phone number for the Best Buffet listed in our July 28, 2005 Best of Maui issue should have been Shabu Shabu Toji, 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8366. In the same issue, the phone number for Las Pinatas should have read 877-8707 and Stella Blues’ phone should have been listed as 874-3779.

Maui Time welcomes letters commenting on our coverage, but only if they’re complimentary. If you still wish to complain about something, please have the decency to use plenty of bad punctuation and grammar—that makes it easier for us to make fun of you when we respond. Send your letters to the editor via e-mail (letters@mauitime.com), regular mail (Letters to the Editor, Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A-7278, Lahaina, HI 96761) or fax (808-661-0446). All correspondence must include your full name, hometown and phone number.

EH BRAH! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less, changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A–7278, Lahaina, HI 96761 or send an e-mail to

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AUGUST 4, 2005

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(888) HONOLUA

ehbrah@mauitime.com Just wanted to write this little note congratulating whatever couple it was who decided to have safe sex on my favorite beach. Way to go. With unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases increasing by the day, it’s nice to see two people who care about each other enough to think a little before they have sex. Just one thing, though: next time, how about disposing of the used condom? Children play on that beach and, well, I don’t even want to think about one of them finding your little expression of love.

MAUICOUNTY

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

Star Trex

PHOTO: US AIR FORCE, STAFF SGT. STEVEN R. NABOR

Boosting Maui’s military-industrial complex

High tech stuff like this costs a lot This paper gets a lot of press releases from U.S. Congressman Ed Case (D, 2nd District). Most are pretty routine and, frankly, somewhat dull—a couple recent ones dealt with Case calling for more stringent “federal ag inspections” and his new bill that would add “Hawaii macadamia nuts to country-of-origin labeling,” respectively. But on July 21, 2005, Case’s office faxed over one release that definitely caught our eye. “Congressman Ed Case today said the U.S. Department of Defense’s Missle Defense Agency has awarded a $48 mil-

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lion contract to develop cutting-edge missile defense technology at Trex Enterprises locations in Lihue, Kauai and at the Maui Research and Technology Center in Kihei, Maui,” stated the release. By itself, the announcement of a firm winning a relatively tiny Defense Department contract ($48,594,922 to be exact) isn’t exactly news. Trex, based in San Diego, California, has earned millions in DOD contracts for the last five years. But the release’s next paragraph was different. “This contract further demonstrates the growing value of Hawaii’s high-tech industry

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and the important role it’s continuing to play in strengthening the security of our country,” the release quoted Case as saying. Remember when Democrats—especially Hawai’i Democrats—used to be liberal? Used to say government was spending too much money on war and not enough on homeless people? Used to call missile defense an endless boondoggle and Cold War relic that will never work? Whatever happened to those guys? Anyway, Trex Enterprises isn’t like Boeing— the granddaddy of all defense contractors—but they make a few bucks now and then off the high-tech weapons our armed forces are increasingly addicted to. DOD contract announcements show that since 2000 the company has made more than $100 million doing work for all the armed services. For instance, in 2002 the company got $6.2 million from the U.S. Navy for work on a “radio frequency shift to better suit the needs of the warfighting community.” A year later, the U.S. Army was paying them $5 million for “advanced radio frequency technology.” In 2004, Trex worked on a satellite-imaging program for the U.S. Air Force ($25 million) and optical sensor equipment for the Navy ($5.6 million). Formed in 1978, the privately owned firm employs 150 people, who actually own twothirds of the company. Trex has offices in four states, including our lovely Hawai’i. The company first came to Maui in 1991, when it began research and development at the Maui Space Suveillance Site atop Haleakala. To great fanfare, on April 21, 2000, the company opened a million-dollar office in Kihei’s Maui Research and Technology Center. No less a personage than longtime “liberal” U.S. Senator Daniel Inouye (D, Hawai’i) showed up on opening day. “I hope that this manufacturing will further enhance the quality of life of the people,” he said, according to the Honolulu Star-Bulletin account of the festivities published the next day. Trex has worked hard to get such attention. So far, the company has donated $10,000 to the National Republican Congressional Campaign (NRCC)—$5,000 in 2000 and another $5,000 two years later. In addition, corporate officers like CEO Kenneth Tang have donated more than $36,000 to various congressmen since 2001. Hawai’i’s elected representatives have done very well for themselves, according to the Washington, D.C.-based Center for Responsive Politics. Senator Inouye has accepted $10,300 from Trex officers in the years since he helped dedicate Trex’s Kihei office. Congressman Neil Abercrombie (D, 1st District) has cashed $3,250 in checks from Trex employees. And Congressman Case, who first alerted us to the company’s new $48.6 million DOD contract, took $1,000 from Trex CEO Tang on March 10, 2005. MTW

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Cunning Lingle What Governor Linda Lingle said in a July 21, 2005 Hawai’i Department of Defense press release after the most recent London bombings: “While authorities have detected no credible threat to Hawaii, it is prudent that we maintain the increased threat condition level and again remind everyone to be alert and vigilant.”

What she didn’t say: In the old days (2001-2004) government only blew the doomsday whistle when they had a “credible threat.” Nothing ever happened, of course, since only a fool would continue an attack after being compromised. But now Lingle’s trying a different approach: sounding the alarm when there’s no actual threat. And the use of rational-sounding words like “prudent” and “vigilant” masks a more sinister reality—once scared, government will only get more paranoid. -Anthony Pignataro

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

MAUICOUNTY WEDNESDAY, JULY 27 Just got the new Legislative Report newsletter from State Representative Kameo Tanaka (D, 10th District). He holds Republican Brian Blundell’s old seat—awwww yeaaaaaaahhh—representing the Westside coast from Honokohau to North Kihei. In it he explains why he voted against the general excise tax hike that ended up passing, why he supports “the gift of life” and how he helps to “strengthen the community.” So laudable—I don’t think it’s out of line to say that congressional representatives who oppose “life” and “community” in their respective forms aren’t doing their jobs. Anyway, Tanaka’s newsletter also referenced a new campaign spending reform just passed by the legislature prohibiting any contractor doing business with the state or county from donating money to a legislator’s campaign “for the time between the execution and completion of the contract.” After first reading that, my reaction was probably similar to yours: Damn straight! What took you guys so long? But then I realized that’s all a measure like this is supposed to do. It’s not real reform at all. It’s still perfectly legal for a firm to donate money to a legislator’s campaign committee before any contract’s been assigned (a practice sometimes vulgarized as a “bribe”). Or the contractor can just wait until the contract is completed and then hand over the cash (on the street, that’s called a “payoff”).

THURSDAY, JULY 28 Stuff like that makes me feel that Hawai’i is a quaint place to live. But then I read stuff like today’s Honolulu Advertiser story reporting that St. Ann Church deacon James “Ron” Gonsalves has

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

just been arrested on 30 counts of first-degree sexual assault and 32 counts of third-degree sexual assault involving a youth that was 12 when the assaults allegedly began and 15 when they allegedly ended. Gonsalves is pleading not guilty, but stuff like this shows that Hawai’i is just like everywhere else.

FRIDAY, JULY 29 Looks like the Fed is okay with how the state Department of Human Services (DHS) is spending U.S. taxpayer money, sayeth the Associated Press. The department had been under fire from state Democrats for spending more than $513,000 of federal money set aside for welfare on anti-drug efforts and the arts, but that’s apparently just fine by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which originally sent the money our way. “This does bring to a conclusion the misinformed accusations,” DHS director Lillian Koller told the AP, ignoring the fact that some people— Democratic politicians or not—might just have a problem with the state spending federal money earmarked for poor people on antidrug programs. A longtime pal of Governor Linda Lingle—the two go back to when Lingle was Maui County Mayor and Koller was a deputy prosecutor and then deputy corporation counsel—Koller was something of a superstar department head, if there is such a thing. On June 5 of this year, the Advertiser even called her “Intense, driven and tenacious” in a fawning tribute to her decision to make it legal for her department to release child welfare case information in abuse and neglect matters. But hey, nobody’s perfect.

SATURDAY, JULY 30 Some day soon, the U.S. is going to have to do what most other nations did long ago and develop what political science-types call a

OVERHEARD... “NONE OF YOU WERE MY FRIENDS LAST NIGHT. NOBODY SAID, ‘HEY, YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK.’” -Guy talking to his friends at 505 Front St. in Lahaina, Aug. 1

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

“coherent” foreign policy. You know, one that’s free of hypocrisy and contradiction and makes sense, instead of the one we’ve got now that resembles a drunken man stumbling down the street. But that day isn’t today, as a recent press release from Maui’s man in congress, Big Ed Case (D, Hawai’i), made clear today. Case left today for China with a “bipartisan U.S. House delegation.” The point of the trip? Your guess is as good as mine: “I will be taking a very close look at China’s rapid and continuing military buildup,” Case says ominously in the release. But then a few sentences later, he notes that he’ll “also be looking to identify and highlight opportunities for Hawaii business in China.” China is becoming an enemy! But they’re also becoming a big market for our junk! Let’s just pursue policies that push both tracks,

Maui Community College U N I V E R S I T Y

O F

H A W A I ‘ I

AUGUST 4, 2005

NEWS

The Maui News reporter Harry Eagar is becoming one hell of an advocacy journalist. No, it’s cool. I mean, some mainstream daily reporters try for stuff like “balance” by always showing “both sides” to a given story, but not old Harry. He knows that balance is in the eye of the beholder. Take today’s “State cap on gas price could cut supply” story on page A3. It’s a fairly lengthy piece on how Hawai’i’s upcoming gasoline price cap “could result in shortages of fuel.” The kicker is that the story is not only uncritical but is based entirely on a single source—economist John Felmy, who works for the American Petroleum Institute (API). The only problem with the story is that Eagar didn’t feel the need to explain what API actually is: it’s an organization that lobbies for about 400 oil companies and firms. “As the voice of the industry, API responds quickly to address public concerns, provides crucial information to the media, and delivers information to both regulators and elected officials at the national and state level,” API helpfully points out on its website www.api.org. “We know the rule makers and the rules.” In the past, API has helpfully pointed out to rule makers that environmental regulations are “burdensome” and global warming is overblown and based on “bad science.” They’ve also donated more than $63,000 in soft money to both major political parties—the Republicans got all but $15,000 of it—and API officials and lobbyists gave another $44,000 to various congressional candidates and lobbying groups. Why Eagar left all that out of the story is a mystery to me.

You know, times are tough for the oil industry right now. With Iraq spiraling out of control and the whole Middle East getting kinda queasy, they can really use all the help they can get.

TUESDAY, AUG. 2 I’m spent. Anthony Pignataro’s dog Sam eats purple flowers. MTW

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BY GABRIELLE POCCIA

‘Peaceful Anarchy’ Why it’s good Andy Von Son sells bad taste

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making bumper stickers saying, “George Bush does not speak for me.” It was a loud and clear statement. As a criminal lawyer Von Son has seen how oppressive the system can be. Except for the random cartoon dealing with cows or toilets, most of his work has to do with money. From his experience he sees that money and taxes are the bottom line—“that is how they manipulate and control,” he said. Von Son believes that any revolution begins with consciousness and awareness; that’s what he said drives him. Over the past few years he’s gotten more recognition, especially in Paia, where his law office is located. The harder he works, the more people seem to accept and enjoy what he produces. Perry Colombatto, who lives near Von Son’s office, noticed him a while ago. “I always look forward to what he puts out next,” she said. “I enjoy his style because it is smart, funny and unique.” You can order Andy’s t-shirts www.mayflowerunlimited.com. MTW

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FAMOUS VEGETARIANS: FROM BUDDHA TO THE BEATLES A Presentation By Rynn Berry Interest in vegetarianism may seem like a recent phenomenon, yet distinguished men and women throughout history have followed this healthful and compassionate course. Noted historian Rynn Berry will describe the fascinating lifestyles and the dietary customs of some of the world’s most famous vegetarians, including the Buddha, Pythagoras, Plato, Leonardo da Vinci, Annie Besant (founder of the International Theosophical Society), Gandhi, and Tolstoy. More recent proponents include Frances Moore Lappé, Paul McCartney, Woody Harrelson, and even Lisa on The Simpsons. Rynn Berry is the historical advisor to the North American Vegetarian Society. In his lectures, articles, and books, he has specialized in the study of vegetarianism from an historical perspective.

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Andy Von Son is a very interesting man and would be funny if people got his jokes. A lawyer by day and a satirist by night, Von Son is working his hardest to raise consciousness in the communities around him. Like many Americans, Von Son worries about the direction society is heading. But instead of feeling helpless, he contributes by making a difference with art and humor. He manufactures cartoon criticism of President George W. Bush and other social quirks. But as usual, what’s funny to one person may be offensive to another—hence the name of his collection: Bad Taste T-Shirts. “I didn’t like [Former President Bill] Clinton but George W. is obscene,” he told me. Von Son’s first distaste for modern government policies surfaced in the late 1960s while he was attending law school in Los Angeles. Things all around him were changing: Martin Luther King Jr. and JFK were assassinated just as people were coming together and speaking their minds about the Vietnam war, minority rights and other civil injustices. Von Son had always doodled as a child but at this point in his life a specific message was beginning to form. Eddy in America, about a man who pondered the meaning of life while exercising, was the cartoon that started it all. The books The Money Rebellion and Cops n’ Dopers came after. They were meant to educate Americans about their rights and inform them about government corruption that affects everyone. “Cartooning is a great way to communicate if you want to get someone to look at something,” he said. “Most books about money problems are too wordy.” Von Son makes civil disobedience fun. His cartoons are meant to raise awareness, though not all are politically and socially based. When Von Son first began creating his T-shirts they were of a much lighter nature—one simply says “Peaceful Anarchy”—though some people found them to be offensive. Why, I have no idea. “The Singing Cow Poke” depicts some yokel having sex with a cow. Another, “So Long, Suckers,” concerns a guy snorkeling in a toilet bowl. Stuff like that and “Loading Zone,” in which two men are sitting in a loading zone getting loaded first got him attention. His subject matter is so wide that most people can find some truth in his comics. But they give him a unique platform to speak his mind and continue his cause. Fast forward to 2003: around the time that the new Iraq war was starting Von Son began

Von Son

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It may not make sense, but it’s true. We’d like NOTHING better than to sit down with you and go over your W-2’s and 1099’s and other tax information. Then you can go home and we’ll get down to the fun stuff. email: Web:

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BY TED RALL

Bush or America? Karl Rove’s treason apologists “Karl Rove is loyal to President Bush,” a correspondent wrote as Treasongate broke. “Isn’t that a form of patriotism?” Not in a representative democracy, I replied. Only in a dictatorship is fealty to the Leader equal to loyalty to the nation. We’re Bush’s boss. He works for us. Unless that changed on 9/11 (or 12/20/00). Rove had no right to give away state secrets, even to protect Bush. Newly loquacious Time reporter Matt Cooper has deflated half a dozen Rovedefending talking points since we last visited. Republicans, for instance, have argued that Rove had merely confirmed what Cooper already knew: that Valerie Plame was a CIA agent. That claim evaporated in Cooper’s piece in the magazine’s July 25 issue: “This was the first time I had heard anything about Wilson’s wife.”

And he’s not the only high-ranking Bush Administration traitor. In a recent column I speculated that Treasongate would almost certainly implicate Dick Cheney. Now, according to Time, Cheney chief of staff Lewis “Scooter” Libby is being probed as a second source of leaks to reporters about Plame. We already know that Rove is a traitor. So, probably, is Cheney. Since George W. Bush has protected traitors for at least two years; he is therefore an accomplice to the RoveLibby cell. We are long past the point where, during the summer of 1974, GOP senators led by Barry Goldwater told Richard Nixon that he had to resign. So why aren’t Turd Blossom and his compadres out of office and awaiting trial? Democrats are out of power. And, sadly, Republicans have become so obsessed with

THE NBC/WALL STREET JOURNAL POLL FINDS BUSH’S CREDIBILITY AT 41 PERCENT, DOWN FROM 50 IN JANUARY. GIVEN EVENTS PAST AND PRESENT, THAT’S STILL A LOT HIGHER THAN IT OUGHT TO BE. “I’ve already said too much,” Cooper quotes Rove as he ended their 2003 conversation. Rove may avoid prosecution under the Intelligence Identities and Protection Act, says John Dean, counsel at the Nixon White House. “There is, however, evidence suggesting that other laws were violated,” he says, alluding to Title 18, Section 641 of the U.S. Code. The “leak of sensitive [government] information” for personal purposes—say, outting the CIA wife of your boss’ enemy—is “a very serious crime,” according to the judge presiding over a similar recent case. If convicted under the anti-leak statute, Rove would face 10 years in a federal prison. Even if Rove originally learned about Plame’s status from jailed New York Times reporter Judith Miller, Dean continues, “it could make for some interesting pairing under the federal conspiracy statute (which was the statute most commonly employed during Watergate).” Conspiracy will get you five years at Hotel Graybar. Rove’s betrayal of a CIA WMD expert— while the U.S. was using WMDs as a reason to invade Iraq—is virtually indistinguishable from Robert Hanssen’s selling out of American spies. Both allowed America’s enemies to learn the identities of covert operatives. Both are traitors. Both are eligible for the death penalty.

personal loyalty that they’ve forgotten that their first duty is to country, not party or friend. Unless they wake up soon and dump Bush, Republicans could be permanently discredited. Bush sets the mafia-like tone: “I’m the kind of person, when a friend gets attacked, I don’t like it.” His lieutenants blur treason with hardball politics: “[Democrats] just aren’t coming forward with any policy positions that would change the country, so they want to pick up whatever the target of the week is and make the most out of that,” says GOP House Whip Roy Blunt. Congresswoman Deborah Pryce blames the victim and absurdly argues that Rove was innocently trying to expose Wilson’s “lies.” The NBC/Wall Street Journal poll finds Bush’s credibility at 41 percent, down from 50 in January. Given events past and present, that’s still a lot higher than it ought to be. We don’t need a law to tell us that unmasking a CIA agent, particularly during wartime, is treasonous. Every patriotic American already knows that.

MTW

LC Watch Not Resting in Peace

It isn’t every month that the Maui County Liquor Control Adjudication Board takes on two bars accused of serving the same intoxicated guy on the same night. But this is that month: on Aug. 4, 2005, the LC’s Board will take up exactly that. That would be strange enough. But what makes these cases especially strange is the fact that Jeremiah Michael McDougall, the intoxicated man the Lahaina establishments Hecocks and the Sly Mongoose allegedly served, is dead. He died in a car accident in Waikapu the night the overserving allegedly took place. McDougall, a 28-year-old Wailuku resident, was a backseat passenger in a car with two friends heading home after a long day of partying. At 2:25 a.m. on the morning of Jan. 26, 2005 the car went out of control and hit a utility pole. McDougall, who wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, died at the scene. The seatbelt-wearing driver and front passenger were injured, but not seriously. McDougall’s death was a tragedy, but Hecocks and the Sly Mongoose had nothing to do with it. Far from drunk, the driver in the car was reportedly a designated driver who hadn’t been drinking. In any case, Hecocks is pleading no contest—which is probably why it’s only facing two counts: actually serving McDougall and “fail[ing] to exercise due care.” Often, the LC will drop a count in exchange for a no contest plea. But the Goose, which is facing both the above and an additional count of merely letting McDougall onto the premises, is pleading not guilty. That means a trial, which should prove very interesting, considering that the most important witness, McDougall, won’t be testifying. -Anthony Pignataro

NEWSOFTHEWEIRD GEEKSTA RAP A subculture of hip-hop music has developed recently among computer science professionals, who taunt each other in verse much as mainstream rap artists do, according to a June report on Wired.com. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Geekstaâ&#x20AC;? rappers like Ytcracker and MC Plus+ spin verses such as the latterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m encrypting shit like every single day/sending it across a network in a safe way/protecting messages to make my pay/if you hack me youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re guilty under DMCAâ&#x20AC;? (referring to a federal copyright law). Explained another, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Monzyâ&#x20AC;?: â&#x20AC;&#x153;[I]nstead of boasting about our bitches, blunts, Benzes or Benjamins, maybe we talk about our math skills or the efficiency of our code.â&#x20AC;? A hip-hop journal editor doubted the genre would endure, though, because so far the major artists are males: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to need some females.â&#x20AC;?

COMPELLING EXPLANATION Andre Guthrie, 22, faced with a special five-year-minimum sentence under the law because he robbed a Sovereign Bank in Lowell, Mass., â&#x20AC;&#x153;while masked,â&#x20AC;? argued to his sentencing judge in June that he wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t actually in disguise but merely in his transvestite mode (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Andrea Guthrieâ&#x20AC;?), including wig, false breasts, and a fake nose and facial moles. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is what he does,â&#x20AC;? said Guthrieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lawyer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is who he is.â&#x20AC;?

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

Nicholasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; death. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It [was] Nickyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to go,â&#x20AC;? she told the San Francisco Chronicle. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re born, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re destined to go, and this was his time.â&#x20AC;?

Cessna in Fort Payne, Ala., took it up for about 30 minutes, touched down and took off again, then landed hard on a road. He suffered only cuts and bruises.

PIECES OF WORK

NEED FOR SPEED

In April, Florida Highway Patrol officers in Miami-Dade County had set up surveillance, including an airplane, to catch a notorious motorcyclist who at least twice before had sped past officers, at speeds up to 140 mph, and escaped. On April 24, he blew by again, going the wrong way in rush-hour traffic, but with the help of the plane, officers tracked him to his apartment and arrested him on six counts. The motorcyclist turned out to be David Carpenter, 24, who was at that time on track to become a Florida Highway Patrol officer, with his physical exam only a week away. (He was advised to forget about the new career.)

A 27-year-old Saudi woman, Hanadi Zakaria al-Hindi (whose countrywomen are not permitted to drive cars), was granted a commercial pilotâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s license in June after flight training in Jordan and returned home to fly for Saudi Prince al-Walid bin Talalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s company. And Ms. Laleh Seddigh, 28, won Iranâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s national championship car race in March after becoming the first woman allowed to compete against men in any sport since Iranâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Islamic Revolution. In the winnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s circle, Ms. Seddigh put on a scarf and draped a cape over her tight-fitting uniform.

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AMERICAN LEADERSHIP SPEEDY TRIAL In February, a Judicial Conduct Board in Pittsburgh filed charges against District Judge Ernest Marraccini, who apparently was upset one day at having to sit as a substitute traffic judge. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not spending the day here,â&#x20AC;? he allegedly said in court. Then to the 30 people waiting to appeal their tickets, Marraccini reportedly said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, then, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just find everybody not guilty!â&#x20AC;? When the stunned appellants didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t immediately react, Marraccini said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I told you youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all not guilty... What are you, a bunch of morons?â&#x20AC;?

FATE

CESSNAS MUST BE EASY TO FLY

Maureen Faibish, the owner of two pit bulls that attacked and killed Faibishâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 12year-old son in June in San Francisco while he was home alone (after Faibish had ordered him to stay away from the dogs and shut him in a room), denied that she was in any way responsible for little

In a widely reported incident in June, an apparently intoxicated 20-year-old man with seven hoursâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; student flying time stole a singleengine plane in Danbury, Conn., and joyrode for three hours before landing in White Plains, N.Y. But a week before that, a 14-year-old boy, who police said had never flown before stole a

According to an Associated Press report, Texas House Speaker Tom Craddick told a middle-school class he was visiting in April that the U.S. Congress is different from the Texas legislature, in that in Washington there are â&#x20AC;&#x153;454â&#x20AC;? members on the House side and â&#x20AC;&#x153;60â&#x20AC;? in the Senate. (The real numbers are 435 and 100.) And The Kansas City Star, reporting in May on a Missouri legislative debate on the Confederate flag, quoted Rep. Jim Avery as stating that the 1803 Louisiana Purchase involved a fight with France over the territory: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, we fought over it. We fought over it, right? You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think there were any lives lost in that? It was a friendly thing?â&#x20AC;? It appears well settled in history that the Louisiana Purchase was just a land deal.

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LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS According to police in Shreveport, La., in June, Jared Gipson, 24, had entered Blalockâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Beauty College looking to rob the place but left (according to a Shreveport Times reporter) â&#x20AC;&#x153;crying, bleeding and under arrestâ&#x20AC;? after the 20 students and teachers (almost all women) wrestled him down and attacked him with curling irons, chairs and a table leg, as well as their fists. Manager Dianne Mitchell had led the charge, tripping Gipson as he headed out the door, then yelling â&#x20AC;&#x153;Get that sucker!â&#x20AC;?

HYPERACTIVE SENIORS Lawrence Brown, 91, was arrested in June after an armed standoff with police, who said he was operating a drug market out of his home in order to, according to one officer, â&#x20AC;&#x153;supplement his Social Security incomeâ&#x20AC;? (Chicago). Dorothy Densmore, 86, was arrested in May for having called 911 20 times in a 40-minute period to complain of poor pizza-service delivery and then biting the officer who came to question her (Charlotte, N.C.). Vera Tursi, 80, who uses an oxygen tank and a walker, was nonetheless arrested in June and charged with running a prostitution service out of her apartment in a low-income project (Lindenwold, N.J.). MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

A ka ka’s Our senators say they voted for oil drilling in Alaska to help indigenous people. Here’s who really wins.

By; An tho ny Pig na ta ro 12

AUGUST 4, 2005

COVER STORY

Esk i mos

small business status no matter how large they get. ASRC took over the ANWR land back in 1983, as part of a controversial deal with the U.S. Department of Interior now known as the Chandler Lake land exchange. Put simply, After 45 years of federal government protection, extracting oil from the beautiASRC gave Interior more than 101,000 acres within Gates of the Arctic National Park in ful, pristine Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) is now possible. No more will exchange for 92,160 acres of ANWR territory. oil drillers and wildcatters have to shake their fists at 19 million acres of In a scathing October, 1989 report, the U.S. General Accounting Office (GAO)—the investigaunspoiled wilderness. tion arm of the U.S. Congress—said the deal “was not in the government’s best interest” and “[A]ccording to the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service, the Arctic Refuge coastal Interior “was plainly outnegotiated by ASRC.” plain contains the greatest wildlife diversity of any protected area above According to the GAO, Interior priced the 101,000-acre portion of the deal at $5.1 million, but “inithe Arctic Circle,” stated 1,000 scientists and natural resource mantially valued” the 92,160 acres of ANWR at an astonishing $395.5 million. Before the deal was done, agers in a Feb. 14, 2005 letter to President George W. Bush. “We the figure mysteriously plummeted to a mere $5.9 million. reject any notion that development and its impacts could be isolated So a bunch of wily Native Alaskans hoodwinked the U.S. Government. Just payback for centuries of getinto a 2,000-acre portion of the refuge, as has been proposed for ting screwed over, right? development by pro-drilling advocates.” Not quite. They should have sent their letter to Hawai’i’s U.S. Senators On the day of the big 2005 ANWR vote, Senator Stevens took the floor and said that, “every Daniel Akaka and Daniel Inouye. On March 16, 2005, Akaka and Alaska Native will share in the money that is received by the North Slope people.” Inouye made possible a razor-thin 51-vote Senate majority that voted to In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. According to the 1983 land exchange, authorize ANWR drilling (seven Republicans opposed the measure). In a curiwhich the GAO conceded was perfectly legal, ASRC gets to keep all the money it makes ous twist, the senators immediately offered the novel argument that they voted off ANWR oil extraction. that way because oil exploitation was best for the indigenous peoples of Alaska. In its 1989 report, the GAO found great fault with a provision in the Chandler Lake On July 15, 2005, Senator Akaka wrote a two-page, mostly boilerplate letter explainexchange that negated the revenue-sharing provisions with other Native Alaskan corpoing his reason for defying the national and Hawai’i State Democratic Party platforms. rations Stevens was referring to. Those provisions, which were part of the original 1971 “I voted in support of Alaska’s indigenous peoples, the Alaska Natives,” Akaka wrote Settlement Act, forced companies like ASRC to share 70 percent of all money it earned in response to inquiries from Jen Russo, Maui Time Weekly’s General Manager. from subsurface rights with the other 11 regional corporations—spreading “The Inupiat, who live within the boundaries of the coastal plain, are a people with the wealth, as it were, to the rest of the native strong cultural values who are deeply in touch with their environment and everyAlaskan community. thing that lives there… I want to provide the Inupiat with the opportunity to provide for themselves and their future generations.” Akaka’s rhetoric ignores the complex truth about the Inupiat people and Native Alaskans in general, which number about 98,000, according to the 2000 Census. Far from a simple, aboriginal tribe, the Inupiat today run the largest and richest oil and construction firm in the state of Alaska. Akaka’s statement also glosses over the fact that a measly nine percent of the “Alaska Natives” will reap any benefit from extracting oil in Alaska’s wilderness. In his letter, Akaka wrote that his affinity with the Inupiat began 10 years ago when he visited their tiny village of Kaktovik, which lies within ANWR’s Coastal Plain about 70 miles from the Canadian border. Today just 260 Inupiat (sometimes spelled Inupiaq) people live in Kaktovik. No more than 240 lived there 10 years ago when Akaka stopped by. While numerous reports say all Inupiat residents in Kaktovik support ANWR oil extraction, an April 13, 2005, Seattle Times story referred to a recent petition signed by 57 of the village’s 150 or so adults opposing drilling. In any case, it’s true that a majority of the Inupiat support ANWR oil drilling. The reason—far from any attachment to “strong cultural values,” as Akaka pointed out— But the land is simple: ANWR will make them rich. exchange ended that—at least as far as ANWR was conOkay, richer. About 9,000 Inupiat people own shares in the Arctic Slope Regional cerned. In the hunt for ANWR oil, the Arctic Slope Regional Corporation and its 9,000 shareCorporation (ASRC), which is actually the only organization that will make money off holders will be the only ones to profit. The rest of the 90,000 or so Native Alaskans get squat. ANWR. According to its 2004 annual report, the company brought in $1.3 billion last “We included a discussion of this issue in the report because it was a significant element of year. Though the revenues were $300 million more than the previous year, the the exchange and had financially adverse effects on other Alaskan Natives who did not have an company ended up posting a $17 million loss, due mostly to one-time costs. opportunity to comment on this element of the exchange,” wrote the GAO in a response to comASRC owns all sorts of subsidiary corporations. There’s Petro Star, ments from ASRC and the Interior Department. “Interior knowingly accommodated ASRC’s wishes Inc., a petroleum refining and marketing firm. It owns two civil engiby structuring the exchange, however legally, in a manner that denied other Alaskan Natives from neering firms—ASCG and SKW—the latter of which is currently doing participating in the benefits of the exchange.” missile defense contracting. It also owns Tundra Tours, Inc., which The trouble is, no one really knows how much oil lies in ANWR. Estimates run between 5.7 billion conducts tours of Alaska’s North Slope and operates a Barrow hotel. and 16 billion barrels—a substantial amount, even if the reserves end up at the lower end of the scale. Eskimos, Inc. sells auto parts, snow machines and handles some ASRC might have an idea, but if they do, they’re keeping it to themselves. To date, the company has fuel distribution. They also own a commercial financing firm and a sunk just one test well into the proposed extraction zone, but under the terms of the Chandler Lake wireless communication company. land exchange, the company is allowed to keep the results secret. Oh, and ASRC also owns 92,160 subsurface acres within ANWR—the ASRC likes to point out that they could lose big if they don’t strike oil in ANWR. “If same area, in fact, where oil drilling will begin. And therein lies the problem in Congress fails to open ANWR, or if ANWR is opened and no oil is discovered on ASRC’s Akaka’s insistence that ANWR drilling will benefit “the Alaska Natives.” If there’s lands,” wrote the company in response to the GAO’s report, “ASRC will suffer a loss as oil there, all the proceeds go to ASRC and its 9,000 shareholders. a result of the exchange.” The company enjoys solid political connections. In fact, its corporate headquarters Ironically, the Arctic Slope Regional Corporation had already benefited handsomeare located in Barrow, Alaska, in a building part-owned by U.S. Senator Ted Stevens (R, ly from owning the ANWR lands when company officials wrote the above sentence. Alaska). As a junior senator, Stevens helped pass the 1971 Alaska Native Claims “ASRC has already received $30 million (or over 5 times Interior’s calculated Settlement Act, which sought to redress past injustices by giving newly created Eskimo, Native value of the exchange to ASRC) for the right to conduct exploratory activities American and Aleutian-owned and operated corporations like ASRC 44 million acres. In and to acquire oil and gas leases in ANWR,” reported the GAO in 1989. “[I]f return, Native Alaskan groups ended their claim of ownership over 300 million acres. ANWR is opened to oil and gas development, we believe that the benefits of the Corporations like ASRC hold huge advantages over regular companies. They can exchange would be skewed heavily in favor of ASRC, and would be contrary to the get “sole-source”—no competitive bid—contracts from the federal government. best interests of the government.” While considered minority-owned corporations, they don’t have to follow the fedThanks to our two fine U.S. Senators, now we get to see if the GAO was right. MTW eral rule mandating a minority CEO. And they can retain their advantageous

After 45 years of federal government protection,

extracting oil from the beautiful, pristine Arctic

National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) is now possible. No

more will oil drillers and wildcatters have to shake their fists at 19 million acres of unspoiled wilderness.

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AUGUST 4, 2005

DINING

Walking in the door feels like a breath of fresh air. The restaurant isn’t very big, but its sprawling layout and high ceiling create ample space. A circular, robust bar greets guests at the entrance and a chic glass wine room lies just behind. Tall windows encase the whole restaurant, which is a flow of several levels and sections. Ocean views are available from almost all of the indoor tables. Elegant wood furniture and art create a very fine decor. A large party section has walls painted to symbolize the evolution of primitive man; a lower level features emblems of Hawai’i’s turtle. Colorful glass lights and marine ornaments descend from the painted ceiling and add contemporary style. There are also two levels of tables on the lanai, which is perched on the 19th hole of the Bay Course with a lovely view of the West Maui Mountains. Pineappleshaped lampposts illuminate the indoor and outdoor dining rooms. It’s sophisticated without being pretentious. After soaking up the classy atmosphere, I was a bit worried I wouldn’t be able to afford lunch. Then I looked at the menu and was pleasantly surprised to find very affordable pupus, salads and sandwiches. Chef Joey Macadandang, most recently of Roy’s in Kihei, infuses modern Pacific Island cuisine with interesting flavors and garnishes. The menu takes advantage of many local Maui products, especially pineapples, vegetables, beef, cheese and fish. Salads and sandwiches range from $7-$12.50 and cover the full spectrum of tastes. I ordered their signature Pineapple Grill Cobb Salad and would wholeheartedly recommend it to any salad buff (but only if you’re hungry!). There was nothing sparse or dietary about the huge painter’s palate-like bowl of greens, grilled chicken, blue cheese, avocado, boiled egg bacon and diced apples with creamy buttermilk dressing. A fresh crusty French roll accompanied the beautiful dish, and I meticulously dug through it until I got to the bottom. The ingredients came together in harmony in each bite, a testament to Chef Joey’s

ability to synchronize foods and flavors. My dining companion Christa ordered the Sashimi of Ahi Tuna. She received 12 big pieces for $14, plus a generous dollup of wasabi. She shared a bite with me and it dissolved perfectly in my mouth. It was just after noon (so beer was kosher) and Pineapple Grill scored extra points for having Heineken on tap. The service was very friendly and timely. The lunch experience was so positive we went back for dinner the next evening. There was even more ambiance and charm at night. The dinner menu was a little more exotic and pricey with an array of pupus, soups, salads, seafood and steak. I started with the Kona Lobster Coconut Thai Bisque and was enthralled to actually taste each of those elements as I stopped myself from licking the bowl clean. Menu entrees “from the Moana” and “from the ‘Aina” ran from $25-$35 and the burden of picking just one is heavy. Christa and her mother ordered the Seared Rare Ahi with garlic yuzu-pepper vinaigrette, hearts of palm salad and bell pepper relish. Her father chose the Sweet Butter Roasted Sea Bass with mashed Molokai sweet potato and vanilla-bean orange butter. I opted for the Crab and Macadamia Nut Crusted Giant Prawns on creamy risotto with sweet butter asparagus and lobster essence. If I ever saw a live shrimp half this size I would never go back in the ocean. We were all elated with our dishes, which we washed down with a Whitehall Lane Cabernet from Napa Valley. Our waiter Jeff was top notch, too, answering menu-related and personal trivia and graciously attending to us. My dining experiences at The Pineapple Grill left little to be desired. It’s an enchanting little restaurant with recipes for great food and success. MTW

Sophisticated, not pretentious

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

CENTRAL MAUI Alive And Well - Healthy food, juices, smoothies, wraps, salads or plate lunches. Organic pastries, vegetables. Open daily, 8 a.m.-6 p.m. 340 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 244-5950. $ Ba-Le - French-Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle dishes, pho, saimin and more. Plus, a large variety of tapioca. Mon-Sat, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun, 9 a.m.-7 p.m. 270 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-2400. $ Biwon Restaurant - Fresh and flavorful, authentic Korean food. Open 10 a.m.-10 p.m., lunch and dinner. 752 Lower Main, Wailuku, 244-7788. $ Café Marc Aurel - Offers an elegantly casual menu, including gourmet cheeses, dolmas, tzatziki and an extensive wine-by-the-glass list. Mon-Fri, 6:45 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sat, 6:45 a.m.-1 a.m 28 N. Market Street, Wailuku, 244-0852. $$ Da Kitchen - Huge portions of local Hawaiian food. Plate lunches, steak plates and amazing chicken katsu. Very casual; sit and eat or get your food to go. Mon-Fri, 11 a.m.-8 p.m.; 11 a.m.-3 p.m. 425 Koloa St., Kahului, 871-7782. $ Denny’s - Open 24 hours, serving breakfast, lunch or dinner. Omelettes, burgers, salads. 430 Kele St., Kahului, 873-5550. $ Dish - The concept is simple. Every month, the owner and manager decide on a different “menu” of 14 entrees, of which you may select 12 to assemble in their kitchen. Sessions avail. Wed-Sat. Mon-Fri, 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m. 150 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-1414. $$ Fiesta Time - Superior Mexican taqueria. Order a la carte or combo special with the freshest ingredients. Mon-Sat, 10:30 a.m.-9 p.m. 1132 Lower Main, Wailuku, 249-8463. $ Ichiban Restaurant and Sushi Bar Breakfast, lunch and dinner featuring modestly priced Japanese and local cuisine. Kahului Shopping Center, 871-6977. $$ International House of Pancakes - (IHOP) Open for breakfast, specialty pancakes and sandwiches, along with lunch and dinner entrees. Sun-Thu, 6 a.m.-12 a.m.; Fri-Sat, 6 a.m.-2 a.m. Maui Mall, Kahului, 871-4000. $ Kahili - Lunch with a view Served from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 2500 Honoapiilani Hwy., Waikapu, 242-6000. $$ Kozo Sushi - Fast food take-out. Open 9 a.m to 7 p.m. Mon through Sat. Sushi platters available. 52 N. Market Pl., Kahului, 243-5696. $ Mama Ding’s Pasteles - This family-owned restaurant consists of a variety of breads, coconut papaya bread, apple cinnnamon, Puerto Rican sweet bread. Open 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 255 Alamaha, Kahului, 877-5796. $ Marco’s Grill Deli - A lavish and beautiful setting complements the hearty Italian food and excellent wines. 444 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-4446. $$ Maui Beach Hotel - Buffet-style restaurant featuring different foods each night of the week. Features range from Shabu Shabu (tons of meat) to sushi and Japanese. 170 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului, 877-0051. $$ Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and island spices. Queen Ka’ahumanu Mall, Kahului, 871-7726. $ Mike’s Restaurant - Authentic Chinese cooking and ono local grinds. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Also offers catering. 1900 E. Main St., Wailuku, 244-7888. $ Pulehu BBQ - Local plate lunches with a Southern smokehouse twist. 1500 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 244-4049 or 244-6159. $ Saeng’s Thai Cuisine - Vegetarian, meat and seafood Thai entrees in a casual garden setting. 2119 Vineyard, Wailuku, 244-1567. $$ Sam Sushi - A new location and with over 20 years of experience in the food industry. Catering and party trays available. Open Mon-Fri, 11 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sat, 5-9 p.m. 1951 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku, 249-2420. $$

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Simply Healthy Cafe - Hawaiian diet that is low in sugar, fat ,sodium and high in complex carbs. Molokai sweet potatoes, taro and brown rice a choice of a plate lunch meat or vegetaritan entree and soup. Open 11 am - 2 pm, M-F 95 Mahalani St.,Cameron Center, Wailuku. 249-8955. Siu’s Chinese Kitchen - Fast food Chinese with daily specials. All entrees are served with rice or noodles. 70 E. Ka’aumanu Ave., Maui Mall, 871-0828. $ Stillwell’s Bakery & Cafe - Specialty cakes and desserts, breads and pastries, with sandwiches, salads and soups for lunch. Open 6 a.m.-4 p.m. Mon-Sat. 1740 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Wailuku, 243-2243. $ Sub Paradise - Maui’s famous subs since 1990. An extensive list of breakfast bagels, sub sandwiches and salads. Mon-Fri, 7 a.m.-7 p.m.; Sat, 7 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sun, 7 a.m.-4 p.m. 395 E. Dairy Rd, Kahului, 877-8779. Tasty Crust - Local-style cuisine for breakfast (try their famous hotcakes!), lunch and dinner. Serving Maui since 1944. 1770 Mill, Wailuku, 244-0845. $ Tin Ying Chinese Restaurant - A Hong Kongstyle seafood restaurant. They have over 100 menu choices at reasonable prices. Buffet style lunch takeout, as well as sit-down dining. 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 242-4371. $ Valley Isle Seafood - Known for their luau stew, along with several choices of seafood. 475 Hukilike St., Kahului, 873-4847. $ Wow-Wee Maui Cafe - Unique candy bars, ice cream shakes, bagels, coffees, sandwiches and soups. Also a Hawaiian menu, kava kava, sushi and oxygen bars. 333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-1414. $

SOUTH MAUI Antonio’s - Italian cuisine in a cozy atmosphere, extensive wine list and friendly service. Trust us, try the Tiramisu. 1215 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8800. $$ Ashley’s South Shore Cafe - Affordable breakfast, lunch and dinner with burgers, local plates, fresh island fish, comfort foods and deli sandwiches. 362 Hukulii Pl. (behind Tesoro), Kihei, 874-8600. $ Bamboo Chi - Euro, Asian and Mediterranean atmosphere—perfect for relaxing with friends. Pupus, tapas and antipasto. Live music Fri-Sat in the WabiSabi Lounge. Dinner attire suggested. Open from 5 p.m. 100 Wailea Ike Dr., Wailea, 879-4777. $$ Big Wave Cafe - Small cafe serving Pacific Rim cuisine, including lobster and sweet corn fritter with furikake tartar sauce, and coconut shrimp with fruit salsa and ginger lilikoi sauce. Open daily. 1215 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8688. $ Bocalino Bistro & Bar - Affordably priced Mediterranean cuisine. Open for dinner. Late night menu until 1 a.m. 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-9299. $$ Buzz’s Warf - Steaks, seafood and more, including Sweet Paradise Prawns. Reservations recommended. Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-5426. $$

Caffe Ciao - Italian cuisine baked in a Kiawe wood oven. Open for lunch and dinner. Dine outdoors poolside. The Fairmont Kea Lani, Wailea, 875-4100. $$ Cyberbean Internet Cafe - Gourmet coffee, espressos, cappucinos, lattes, sandwiches, smoothies and salads. 1881 S. Kihei, 879-4799. $ Denny’s - Open 24 hours for breakfast, lunch or dinner with omelets, burgers, salads. Open 24 hours. 2763 S. Kihei Rd., 879-8600. $ Enrique’s Restaurant - Authentic Mexican food. Fajitas, seafood, enchiladas, tamales, burritos and vegetarian items. Open Mon-Sat, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. 2395 S. Kihei Rd., 875-2910. $ Ferraro’s - Gourmet Italian cuisine oceanfront with live violin and guitar, outdoor kiawe-wood-burning oven, allday lunches and cucina rustica dinners. Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$ Five Palms Restaurant - Local produce and fish featuring Pacific Rim seafood. Breakfast, lunch, pupus and dinner. Open 8 a.m.-9 p.m. 2960 S. Kihei Rd., 879-2607. $$ Hawaiian Moons Natural Foods - A fantastic salad bar and healthy natural foods. Open daily 8 a.m.-9 p.m. 2411 S. Kihei Rd., 875-4356. $ Hula Moon - Enjoy breakfast, lunch, dinner or a champagne Sunday brunch with an open air tropical setting and spectacular ocean views. Featuring fresh Hawaiian fish. 3700 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 874-7831. $$$ Jawz Tacos - Island-style tacos and burritos, including choice of vegetarian, mahi mahi, ono, shrimp, chicken or steak. Impressive salsa bar and the taco salads are da bomb! 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-TACO. $ Kai Ku Ono - A tapas-style menu, where everything is a la carte, special late night menu and sushi. Serving breakfast, lunch and dinner with bar and lounge area. 2511 S. Kihei Rd., 875-1007. $$

VOTED BEST BURGER ON MAUI BY MAUITIME WEEKLY READERS

FRESH FISH STEAKS • SALADS BABY-BACK RIBS CHICKEN

On Front St. in Lahaina upstairs in

The Wharf Cinema Center

667-0908

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

EMPLOYEE OF THE

WEEK AS TOLD TO GABRIELLE POCCIA

Kristin Kennedy Server, Hard Rock Café I was expecting it to be hard to find a job in Lahaina because when I arrived it was summer and all of the seasonal travelers would be looking for jobs as well. Luckily, I was in the right place at the right time when I applied at Hard Rock and I started working the next day. I had about four years experience working in restaurants during college, doing everything from serving tables to bartending to managing. I had enough experience so I was able to start as a waitress. I see my job at Hard Rock fitting perfectly into my life in Maui. I am here to have a good time, take things easy and not get stressed out. At the restaurant I can be myself and they let me keep my nose ring in, which is rare for any business. Fortunately it fits in well with our rock and roll theme. I have been working here for a little over a year and have gotten to know the restaurant pretty well. My shifts all go pretty smooth. I really like all the people I work with. When I was working in Providence during college everyone I met was from Providence but here all the employees and customers are from somewhere different. There is a very eclectic mix of people. I hear a lot of interesting stories. My college degree is in equine business management. That is basically managing businesses that manage horses. It’s still a business degree but I had horses on all my books. I have a part-time job at the Iron Wood Ranch as a trail guide. I love going out with the horses and coming back dirty and smelly. It’s my sanity job. MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

DININGLISTINGS

“WHO HAS

SAID A GREAT MEAL TO BE EXPENSIVE ”

Chef M a rk E llma n’s

Kihei Caffe - Affordable breakfast and lunch with lanai seating, hearty portions, tasty sandwiches, huli chicken and fresh fish. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., 879-2230. $ Lobster Cove - Seafood, steak and lobster at its best in a relaxed and casual atmosphere. Open 5 p.m. to midnight daily. 100 Ike Dr., Wailea, 879-7677. $$$ LuLu’s - Ribs, burgers, chicken wings, Black ‘n Blue Ahi and more in a fun, upbeat tiki-fied atmosphere with a huge bar and open-air deck. 1941 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9944. $ Ma’alaea Waterfront Restaurant Seafood and continental cuisine. Open for dinner daily from 5 p.m. Milowai Condominium, 50 Hauoli St., 244-9028. $$ Maui Espresso & Shave Ice - Finest Hawaiian shave ice, a full service coffee kiosk, fruit smoothies and shakes. 2439 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0414. $ Mulligan’s On the Blue - Maui’s authentic Irish pub, plenty o’ Irish food, whiskey and beer. Breakfast served till 3 p.m 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131. $ OutBack Steak House - Quality steaks, shrimp-on-the-barbie, and the Bloomin’ Onion in a casual and lively atmosphere. Open 4-10 p.m. 281 Pi’ikea Ave, Kihei, 879-8400. $$ Royal Thai Cuisine - Thai food with a large selection of vegetarian dishes. Open for lunch (Mon-Fri) and dinner. 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0813. $ Sansei Restaurant - Japanese-based Pacific Rim dining, sushi bar and late night menu. Award-winning cuisine, early bird and late night special. 1881 S. Kihei Rd., 879-0004. $$ K Seawatch - Hawai’i regional cuisine utilizing the freshest island fish and produce. Open 8 a.m to 3 p.m, dinner 5:30 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Drive, Wailea, 875-8080. $$ Spago - Gourmet cuisine as presented by world-famous chef-owner Wolfgang Puck. Oceanfront dining at its finest! Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$ Stella Blues Cafe - Healthy, quality food in a casual, homestyle setting. Breakfast, lunch and dinner with daily specials. 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-3779. $$ Sports Page Bar & Grill - Over 100 menu items, including half-pound burgers and deli sandwiches, with 24 TVs and a full bar. Open 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. 2411 S. Kihei Rd., 879-0602. $ Tastings Wine Bar & Grill - Savory and sweet nibbles, such as house-smoked duck breast on wilted spinach with toasted hazelnuts, grilled whole Moi with jasmine rice and ginger braised bok choy, along with an excellent wine list. Open Tue-Sun, from 5 p.m. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 879-8711. $$ Yorman’s By The Sea - Southern Pacific cuisine with a blend of Louisiana Cajun and tropical flare. Open 5-10 p.m. Music nightly. 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-8385. $$ K

UPCOUNTRY

Beer & Wine Pastas, Salads, Pizzas, Sandwiches and Nightly Seafood Specials We now have Brown Rice Pasta! Wheat & Gluten Free! 50¢ extra / Cooked to order so it takes a few minutes longer

661-6633 • 180 Dickenson Street • Lahaina 16

AUGUST 4, 2005

DINING

Aha ’Aina - Oceanfront dining featuring a delicious chili pork burrito and a large variety of omelets. Island fish, chicken katsu. Open for breakfast and lunch only: Tue-Sat, 7 a.m.-2 p.m.; Sun, 7 a.m.-1 p.m. 7 Aewa Place, Pukalani, 572-2395. $$ Cafe Del Sol - Sandwiches and fresh fish, daily specials. Open for breakfast and lunch: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. 3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572-4877. $ Café Mambo - International bistro featuring Mediterranean and Mexican cuisine with Moorish influences.BYOB. 30 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8021. $ Casanova - First class service, first class food. Fine Italian dining at night and Makawao’s favorite deli by day. 1188 Makawao Ave., 572-0220. $$ Colleen’s - 1940s-style urban bistro serving breakfast, lunch and dinner from 6 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. daily. Haiku Cannery, 575-9211. $$ Haliìmaile General Store - Gourmet dining in a charming atmosphere with food from Chef Beverly Gannon’s award-winning menu. 900 Haliìmaile Rd, 572-2666. $ Island Tacos - A taco stand with fresh, made-to-order fish, beef and chicken tacos. Open 11 a.m.-4 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery. $ Jameson’s Grill & Bar - Featuring fine steaks, fresh local fish and seafood, and of course, baked artichoke. 200 Kapalua Dr., Kapalua, 669-5653. $$$ Kitada’s - Saimin for breakfast is a standard. Teriyaki beef, hamburger steak, tofu and teriyaki all available. 3617 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572-7241. $ La Provence - French-style bistro and patisserie with lanai, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Open Wed thru Sun, 8:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. 3158 Lower Kula Rd., 878-1313. $$ Lynne’s Cafe - Affordable homestyle local food including breakfast, plate lunch, chow fun and more! Catering available. 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-9363. $ Mama’s Fish House - Fresh island fish with fresh local ingredients at “Maui’s favorite restaurant.” 799 Poho Pl., Kuau, 579-8488. $$$ Milagros Food Co. - South American cuisine with an island influence. Best people watching spot in Paia! Extensive tequila menu and delicious daily specials. 3 Baldwin St., Paia, 579-8755. $ Paìa Fish Market - By serving fresh local Hawaiian fish daily, they are the hot spot for seafood lovers without the upscale pocket. 2A Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8030. $ Polli’s Mexican Restaurant - Paniolo country’s premier Mexican cantina, with nachos, burritos, ensaladas and more! 1202 Makawao Ave., 572-7808. $ Vasi Gourmet - The best cakes and pastries around, along with delicious salads, quiches and gyros with a variety of teas. Open 7 a.m.-8 p.m. 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku Marketplace, 575-9588. $

WEST MAUI A&J Kitchen, Deli & Bakery - Choose from American, Hawaiian, Korean and Chinese cuisines. Bakery with cakes and cookies. Lahaina Center, 667-0623. $ Aloha Mixed Plate - Experience the traditional foods of the varied ethnic groups who call Hawai’i home. 1285 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3322. $ The Bakery - Freshly baked breads and pastries. Soup and sandwiches available. 991 Limahana Pl., Lahaina, 667-9062. $

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

Bamboo Bar & Grill - Vietnamese, Thai and Japanese sushi. Delivery available, great daily specials. Open late with full bar, pool tables. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4051. $ K Basil Tomato’s Italian Grill - Specializing in Northern Italian cuisine. Come in for the ambience, stay for the delightful dining experience. 2780 Keka’a Dr., Ka’anapali, 662-3210. $$ Blue Lagoon - Casual dining with local grinds and bar, surrounded by waterfalls and palm trees. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661–8141. $ Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. - Fine Southern foods, with “Forrest Gump” movie memorabilia and logo wear in a lively, casual atmosphere. 889 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3111. $$ Cafe Sauvage - Gourmet, hearty, satisfying fare in an unpretentious setting. Extensive beer and wine menu, after-dinner cordials, and desserts! 844 Front St., Lahaina, 661-7600. $$ K Captain Dave Fish & Chips - Classic baskets of fish and chips. Open daily. 126 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 667-6700. $ Cilantro - Fresh Mexican Grill island fish, tacos and burritos. Mexican food beyond the border. 170 Papalaua St., Lahaina, 667-5444. $ China Boat - The best Mandarin Szechwan cuisine on Maui, open for lunch and dinner. 4474 L. Honoapiilani Road, Kahana Gateway Shopping Center, 669-5089. $ Coconut Grove - Steak, seafood and other island favorites. Next to Lahaina Cannery Mall. Open 5:30-9 p.m. 1312 Front Street, Lahaina, 661-5648. $ Compadres Bar & Grill - Western cooking with a Mexican accent. Oceanview dining and margarita bar. Serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-7189. $ Curry-In-A-Hurry - Curry dishes that are delightful and delicious in alternative vegetarian eating. Open Tue-Sat, 11:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m. 840 Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 661-4370. $ Dollie’s Pub & Cafe - Pizza, sandwiches, salads and full bar. Open daily 11 a.m. to midnight. 4310 L. Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana Manor Shops, 669-0266. $ Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie - Maui’s own restaurant brewery, with rotisserie grill, featuring steak, seafood and ambience. Late-night menu served until 1:30 a.m.! 4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 669-3474. $$ Gazebo Restaurant - Full breakfast and lunch menu, casual atmosphere and beautiful oceanside setting. 5315 Lower Honoapi’ilani Rd, Napili, 669-5621. $

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Giovani’s Tomato Pie Ristorante - Fine Italian dining located. Open for dinner. 291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., 661-3160. $$ Hawaiian Village Coffee - Old-Hawaiian styled coffeehouse with pastries, smoothies, salads and sandwiches, quiche. Open 5:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily. 4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana Gateway Shopping Center, 665-1114. $ House of Saimin - Ono homemade saimin, chicken sticks, and haupia pie are just some of the local favorites here. Old Lahaina Center, 667-7572. $ i`o - Pacific Rim cuisine among awesome sunset views, and indoor or outdoor dining. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8422. $$$ Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Coffee bar and cafe with great food, eclectic atmosphere, lounge ambience. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 3350 Lower Honoapi’ilani Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787. $ Kahuna Kabob - Healthy food, low prices! Soups, brown rice, veggies and kabobs. And they deliver. Lahaina Marketplace, 661-9999. $ K Kobe - Japanese Steak House and Oku’s Sushi Bar, featuring teppanyaki cooking and fabulous sushi. Dinner nightly from 5:30-10 p.m., Sushi 5:30-11:30 p.m. 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 667-5555. $$ Lahaina Fish Co. - Chef’s signature Pacific Rim specialties prepared with fresh island fish. Dine on the oceanside lanai. 831 Front St., Lahaina, 661–3472. $$ Livewire Cafe - Gourmet desserts, coffee drinks, smoothies. Open 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Mon-Sun. 612 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4213. $ MaLa - Oceanfront dining and organic whole grains cuisine. From clams and lobster soup to chicken tikka, beet and goat cheese salads. Full bar. 1307 Front St., Lahaina, 667-9394. $$ Mango Cafe - Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. American cusine, along with some local favorites. Full bar Nightly specials. Open7:30 a.m.-10 p.m. 2290 Ka’anapali Pkwy., 667-1929. $$ K Mercado - Latino/Mexican market, with produce from Mexico, So. America, Tonga and New Zealand. Homemade tamales. Open Mon-Fri, 8 a.m.-5:30 p.m. 3636 L. Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Honokowai, 665-5900. $ Mr. Sub Sandwiches - Specialty sandwiches made to order, with salads and homemade soups. 129 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 667-5683. $ Nalu Sunset Bar & Sushi - Sushi rolls, sashimi, various Japanese appetizers, sandwiches and more. Maui Marriott, Ka’anapali, 667-1200 ext. 51. $$ Ono’s Surf Bar & Grill - Casual poolside dining. Now featuring reasonably priced tapas, Hawaiian style menu for dinner. Open 6:30 a.m.-10 p.m. The Westin Maui, Ka’anapali, 667-2525. $

Pacific’O - Elegant oceanfront award-winning contemporary Pacific cuisine. Live jazz on weekends. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4341. $$$ Pho Saigon 808 - Vietnamese cuisine, Saigon steaks, vegetarian delight. Open 7 days a week. 658 Front St., Wharf Cinema Center, 661-6628. $ Pad Thai - Delicious Påd Thai, among many other items. Open daily. 658 Front St., Lahaina. $ Plantation House Restaurant - HawaiianMediterranean cuisine. Breakfast, lunch and dinner daily. 2000 Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua, 669-6299. $ Reilley’s - Known for their choice award-winning beef. Gourmet steaks and seafood. Open at 5:30 p.m. 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Kahana, 667-7477. $$$ Roy’s Bar & Grill - This fine dining restaurant has mouth-watering Hawaiian fusion entrees in a spacious upbeat atmosphere. Open nightly from 5:30-10 p.m. 4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 669-6999. $$$ Ruth’s Chris Steak House - USDA prime steak and fine wines. Dinner served nightly, 5-10 p.m. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8815. $$$

Happy Hour Menu

During Happy Hour

Blackened Ahi . . . . . . . . . . .12.00

Margaritas & Mai-Tais

Shrimp Cocktail . . . . . . . . . .9.00

Tuesday

Quesadilla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5.00 Add Chicken . . . . . . . . . .6.50 Chicken Fingers . . . . . . . . . . .4.50

Air Conditioned Smoke Free Bar TV’s • Pool Tables • $2 Beer • $4 Glass of Wine

Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner

LETTERS

NEWS

Thursday

Ceasar Salad . . . . . . . . . . . . .4.50 Add Chicken . . . . . . . . . .6.00

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

Wednesday Captain Morgan & Malibu Rum Mixed with soda or juices All Well Drinks

Chips & Salsa . . . . . . . . . . . .3.50

SURF

Blue Hawaii Island Blue Lemonade Stella Blue Martini

French Fries . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3.50

Dinner Served 5pm - 10pm Full Bar - Late Night 10pm - close

COVER STORY

Monday

Onion Rings . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4.50

Open Daily: 7:30am - 1am

WHERE PEOPLE & FOOD OF GOOD TASTE COME TOGETHER! In Our New Location - Azeka II - 874-3779

$4 Drinks

Served from 3:30pm to 5:00pm in the Bar & Lounge Area Only

Mango Wings . . . . . . . . . . . . .6.00

Homestyle New American Comfort Food

Sea House Restaurant - Looking out over incredible Napili Bay, dining is an amazing experience here under the direction of Chef Michael Gallagher. 5900 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500. $$ Spats Trattoria - Step into old Northern Italy. Tables are private and the antipasto serves two. Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali, 667-4727. $$$ Sunrise Cafe - Casual and cozy outdoor lanai, serving American food. Open 6 a.m. - 4 p.m. daily. 693 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8558. $ Terrace Restaurant - Serving breakfast only. Elegant dining, buffet-style rotating menu ranging from “Breakfast on the Farm” to “Hawaiian Plantation-Style Breakfast.” Open from 6:30-11 a.m. Ritz Carlton, Kapalua, 669-6200. $$$ Tropica - Oceanfront dining on Ka’anapali Beach, features sizzling steaks, fresh fish, prepared in variety of styles. Specialty entrees, appetizers and deserts. Open 5:30-9:30 p.m. Westin Ka’anapali, 667-2525. $$ Vinny’s Pizza - Authentic New York style pizza, calzones and heros. Open daily, delivery 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 840 Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 661-6773. $

Friday Dekuyper Tropicals

Saturday Bloody Marys

Onion Rings Cup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2.95 Bowl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3.95

Rock Star & Smirnoff or Jager

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AUGUST 4, 2005

The all-new 2006 Sonata Nicely equipped, under $20,000 A soul-stirring, 235-horsepower V6 A Hyundai like you’ve never seen before

A class above.

A new standard in safety.

Ordinary sedans can be so...well, ordinary. The 2006 Sonata offers a soul-stirring 235-horsepower V6, and an elegant, ergonomic interior that’s loaded with amenities - and roomier than Accord or Camry. Because sometimes bigger is better.

At Hyundai, we don’t believe safety should be an “option”. Thats why it’s the first and only midsize sedan with standard Electronic Stability Control (ESC). Because protection isn’t just about safeguarding you in an accident - it’s about helping you avoid one in the first place.

2005 Accent GLS #31678/Only One at this Price

2005 Sonata GL #31626/Only One at this Price

2005 XG350L #31783/Only One at this Price

$9,544 After $1,000 rebate

$14,919 After $1,750 rebate

$24,159 After $3,000 rebate

Air Conditioning; AM/FM Cassette; Tinted Glass w/ Sunshade Band, Removable Cargo Cover; 60/40 Split Folding Down Rear Seat

Air Conditioning; Power Windows, Locks, & Mirror; Cruise Control; AM/FM CD; Remote Keyless Entry W/Alarm; 60/40 Split Folding Down Rear Seat

3.5-liter V6; SHIFTRONIC Automatic Transmission; Air Conditioner; Power Windows, Locks, Mirrors; 4 Wheels ABS Brakes; Traction Control; AM/FM Cassette, 8 Disc CD Changer; Cruise Control; Leather Seating; Remote Keyless Entry w/ Alarm; Power Front Seats; Power Tilt/Slide Sunroof; Sunroof Wind Deflector; 16” 12-Spoke Alloy Wheels

AWARD-WINNING HYUNDAI QUALITY BACKED BY AMERICA’S BEST WARRANTY™

10-Year/100,000-Mile

5-Year/60,000-Mile

5-Year/Unlimited Miles

Powertrain Protection

Bumper-to-Bumper Coverage

24-hr. Roadside Assistance

* See dealer for LIMITED WARRANTY details. America’s Best Warranty™, the Hyundai Advantage™ On approved credit. Prices shown are after all applicable rebates and/or other incentives are applied. Advertised rebates and/or finance rates may have specific eligibility requirements and/or may be available only to certain customers and/or apply only to specific vehicles. Not all buyers will qualify. Ask dealer for complete details. Vehicles may not be exactly as shown and are subject to prior sale. All prices plus 4.166% tax, license, registration, doc fee of $195, and any dealer installed accessories. Sale ends 8/15/05.

“ The Coolest Little Corner in Kahului” 18

AUGUST 4, 2005

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442-9600 • 25 S. Kahului Beach Rd.

Trevor Chavers Ongoing, at the Kinkade Gallery on Front St., Lahaina [ART] There’s something that makes the day a little brighter talking to a happy person. When I called Trevor Chavers, that attitude is exactly what I got. He seems to be in such a good mood that the sun shining is enough to call his day “wonderful.” That’s the spirit! Chavers is our local painter in the spotlight this week. He was born in Mississippi, which he thinks may have been a “cruel joke by [his] parents.” He grew up in Colorado and California. Then, about 15 years ago, he made it to Maui and has yet to leave. Actually, he’s kept to the West Side this entire time. “I’ve been privileged to live in beautiful places,” he said. Although Chavers’ previous works consisted mainly of school-related paintings, Maui is the place that actually inspired him to “pick up a brush and paint. Seriously paint.” His work now is surreal and colorful, producing “more and more to stay in the gallery.” Finally, he says, Chavers is being recognized as a real artist. “I’m on cloud nine,” he tells me, after explaining that it hasn’t been all fun and games. After previous rejections—some harsh enough to make him question who he is and where he’s going— with characteristic optimism, Chavers simply dusted himself off and got back on that horse. Giddyup, Trevor! So, what’s next? For now, the main focus is the Kinkade Gallery. “That’s what I’m doing right now because it feels good.” A wise decision, I think. Check out this upcoming local artist’s work and smile, like I did. [HEIDI KING]

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AUGUST 4, 2005

ThIS WEEK’S PICKS by Samantha Campos

Slightly Stoopid

Maui Onion Festival Saturday-Sunday, at Whaler’s Village in Ka’anapali

Friday, 10 p.m. at Paradice Bluz [MUSIC] I know these guys have rocked it at The Catalyst in Santa Cruz, CA. My friends always rave about the shows when Slightly Stoopid is in their town. Now, we’re going to have them in ours. They have a Sublime/Spearheadesque sound that is oh so popular in these parts. I checked out their website http://www.slightlystoopid.c om/ where they have samples off their newly released CD, Closer to The Sun. Now, I might just have to go to Request to get it. You can see them at Paradice Bluz for $20. If you make it before 10 p.m., it’s only $15. [HEIDI KING]

[FOOD] Whalers Village is the place to be this weekend and not just because of Dig Me Beach. It’s time for the 16th Annual Maui Onion Festival! See thousands of onions create laughter, not tears. For those of you who missed it last year, here’s what happened. Local celebrity chefs joined forces to celebrate the world-famous Maui onion through festive demonstrations, tastings and competitions. For free, you can watch these guys take raw, native-grown onions and transform them into tasty sensations. And do it with flair. You can expect the vegetable to take the shape of onion rings, onion salsas, onionflavored kettle corn and much, much more. Highlight activities will be the raw onion eating contest (it’s up for grabs!), and the Maui Onion Recipe contest. Killer prizes go to the one amateur and one professional chef who conjure up the most creative, daring and mouthwatering onion recipes. If you already appreciate the onion and realize how boring life would be without it, it’s a nobrainer to show up. If not, let the Maui Onion Festival make a believer and onion-lover out of you. Just try to see if you can make it through the day without falling for some new, intoxicating onion treat and have heaps of fun in the process. And don’t worry about onion breath; sweets are readily available and there’s always Leilani’s hula pie or Hula Grill’s ice cream sandwich to drown the aftertaste away. [MOLLY RETIG]

THURSDAY

➤➤➤➤➤FRIDAY ➤➤➤➤➤SATURDAY ➤➤➤➤➤SUN

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5TH

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6TH

KOA 'UKA

AUTO FEST AFTERPARTY

AQUA BOOGIE

AUGUST 4, 2005

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Lots of Giveaways Xibit Wheels Booty Groove & Maui Built

TEEN NIGHT

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Willie K

INAOLE

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TICKETS FOR

Xibit Wheels Booty Groove & Maui Built

BRAZILIAN GIRLS

891-MEXI

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ULTRA FAB TUESDAYS WITH FAT JO

SIN

PARTY!

(NY CITY)

GO ON SALE THURS, AUG 4th AT HAPA’S or hulatickets.com

The Big Six-Oh Saturday, 7 p.m. at the Maui Community College Student Lounge [PEACE ACTION] Exactly 60 years ago this Saturday, Aug. 6, the United States dropped a 15-kiloton nuclear bomb—the first ever used in wartime, but tiny by today’s standards—on Hiroshima, Japan. About 90,000 people died from that bomb—most immediately, but a few thousands in the months following from radiation poisoning. From that day forward, we’ve lived in a world where a single nation can possess the power to wipe just about everybody else out in less than a day. This weekend, author and playwright Lane Nishikawa will speak about this and how we might think about peace. The event is free. [ANTHONY PIGNATARO]

Saturday, 7:30 p.m. at Café Marc Aurel

We Love Scary Stories! Saturday, 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the McCoy Studio Theater [STAGE] Mana’o Radio is presenting a live music and storytelling collaboration to celebrate the CD release of Rank Devil Mountain. Jeff Gere’s enthusiasm and storytelling will be the feature of the show, with support from Sandra Lee Akaka’s percussion performance, Les Adams’ piano, and Alana Cini’s unique playing of an Australian instrument called a didgeridoo. Gere runs the yearly Talk Story Festival and hosts Mana’o’s‚ Talk Story Radio every Sunday. This foursome has already performed twice on the show and both performances have been made into CDs, Rank Devil Mountain being the recording of the second aired show. In two acts, Gere will tell real-life supernatural events that have occurred around the islands involving Menehune, haunted graveyards and a Hawaiian sorceress. Remembering tradition, culture and history of the Islands, “Haunted Hawaiian Tales” is an excellent exhibition of the power of spoken word and music. This group has an enchanting chemistry and the performance will turn the MACC’s McCoy studio audience back into children, captivated by stories we all love to fear. Adults $12, kids $5. [GABRIELLE POCCIA]

DAY

The Return of Hinterlander [MUSIC] For those of you who may have mourned the death of indie rock on Maui last season, weep no more! Local “melodic and somewhat folkish with an art-damaged vibe” band Hinterlander is releasing their second CD of music, Minikin, that they call “largely acoustic and soft yet embellished by layers of electric guitar and strange synthesizers.” And you can check out the magnificent return of Heidi Nelms’ warm and inviting voice, which “can also rip into glasslike shards.” As it should be, darlings! For info, call the café at 244-0852 or visit www.skinnychest.com.

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY

Preserving Southern Isolation TV show-based movie keeps its foot in its mouth It’s wretched to think that the Dukes Of Hazzard television show lasted from 1979 to 1985 and even sadder to see that Hollywood has seen fit to package the stupidity-flaunting storyline into yet another 2005 summer bummer feature. With an anachronistic confederate flag emblazoned on the roof of “General Lee,” their 1969 Dodge Charger, cousins Bo (Seann William Scott) and Luke (Johnny Knoxville) displace their concerns for smuggling moonshine to saving Hazzard, Georgia from being turned into a coal mine by corrupt commissioner Boss Hogg (Burt Reynolds). Forget that the notoriously red southern states couldn’t care less about ecological conservation because this movie allows its southern dimwitted stereotypes to have their cake and eat it too. A plethora of southern rock music from the likes of Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Charlie Daniels Band and Molly Hatchet stinks up this already rancid piece of cinematic codswallop. Johnny Knoxville (Walking Tall) and Seann William Scott (American Pie) carry out their typecast goofball misfit roles with a decidedly Yankee attitude that never translates into the southern mentality of their

AUGUST 4, 2005

FILM

shout-a-lot characters. As such, Knoxville and Scott mock their characters’ southern archetypes with a masochistic glee that’s as uncomfortable to watch as the repetitive car chase scenes between the uneducated cops and the “good ole boys.” There isn’t a story in the movie so much as repeated sequences of riffing humor that aren’t funny on the first or even ninth time you see it. Jessica Simpson provides a distinctly celibate air of sexuality as Bo Duke’s bodacious sister Daisy. Daisy persistently shakes her barely clad bum and mannequin-like cleavage in the faces of law officers to extricate Bo and Luke from incarceration. So it’s oddly satisfying when a butch female officer shuts down Daisy’s patronizing bump and grind act late in the movie. Although we don’t get a reaction shot of Daisy’s face, there’s sufficient subtext to the scene to infer that the tough talking woman cop is just what Daisy requires to unbridle her counterintuitive passions. There are two derailing sequences that push the bluntly comic narrative into a territory of anticonfederate hatred that puts the good ole boys in a position of ignorant victims. When Bo and Luke drive to Atlanta to get soil samples identified at a university there, vehemently angry citizens confront the boys about the fascist imagery of the confederate flag that adorns the top of their car.

Though the boys were not responsible for their mechanic’s decision to put the flag on the car, they take the brunt of verbal abuse from fellow drivers who berate them for the image. This confrontational urban animosity against the image, and consequently Bo and Luke, is allowed to reach a fever pitch when they drive through a black neighborhood after engaging in buffoonery that’s left their faces covered in black soot. A group of young black men set about delivering the kind of ass kicking you’d expect under the circumstances. Director Jay Chandrasekhar (Super Troopers) interrupts the potential violence with a silly voice-over narration about the boys being up shit

The Dukes Of Hazzard

★★★★★ Rated PG-13/100 mins.

creek without a paddle or a canoe before a police car ironically intervenes. The canny subtext of the scenes is that racism is still allowed in the rural south but not accepted in its urban areas. The Dukes Of Hazzard is a movie that makes you feel unclean. Willie Nelson presents the only likable character in the movie as the boys’ Uncle Jesse. Nelson’s singular service to the script is to interject as many one-two punchline jokes into his scenes as possible. MTW

The Dukes: driving into the 20th century

SHOWTIMES

MOVIECAPSULES MAUI FILM FESTIVAL’S CANDLELIGHT CINEMA Wednesday, August 10 MAD HOT BALLROOM 5 & 7:30 P.M., CASTLE THEATER Proving that anyone can make it if they learn to shake it, this effortlessly smooth hybrid of Spellbound and Strictly Ballroom follows 6,000 NYC ‘tweens in a citywide ballroom dancing competition that's entrancing, funny and moving, and will have you dancing in the aisles. Rated PG/105 min.

New This Week THE DUKES OF HAZZARD - (PG13) Comedy, Action - Yeehaw! The famous orange car is back with sexy bad boys Johnny Knoxville playing Luke Duke and Sean William Scott as Bo Duke. Don’t forget their hot cousin Daisy Duke, this time played by a toned, tan and oiled-up Jessica Simpson in Daisy’s infamous tiny cutoffs. It’s gonna be a ho-down and a hootenanny set in present day. I bet we all try to jump in our cars through the windows after this. And I give props to anyone who succeeds. FYI, convertibles don’t count. (Heidi King)

Now Showing BAD NEWS BEARS - (PG13) - Comedy - Is it fair to assume a movie featuring Billy Bob Thornton will be raunchy good fun? Yes! Billy Bob plays a former baseball pro (named Morris Buttermaker) who gets a little too aggressive with the umpire and is kicked off the team. Buttermaker finds drinking cold ones and pursuing hot ladies far more exciting than baseball. But he’s brought back into the game when the Little League must accept all players, regardless of their abilities. Buttermaker finds himself coaching the Bears, the worst team in Little League history. (Linda Gampert) CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY - (PG) - Family, Musical, Fantasy - This Tim Burton adaptation of Roald Dahl’s rather dark and brutal children’s book stars Johnny Depp as famed chocolate magnate Willy Wonka. Yes, I know Depp and Burton do great work. And that Helena Bonham Carter also appears. But come on! Must Hollywood remake every film? Gene Wilder played the definitive Willy Wonka back in 1971! Give me a break!. 106 min. (Anthony Pignataro)

into an old friend, Key, who is a sound engineer and is itching to make it in the music industry. The two team up together with a church musician who supplies a beat machine. Watch DJay’s transformation as he spits out freestyle raps and heads to Memphis, hometown of the famous rapper Skinny Black. (LG) THE ISLAND - (PG13) - Action/Adventure, Thriller Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson make a yummy pair in this futuristic thriller. The two think they live in a utopian society that’s actually a contained facility where nothing is so utopian. Then they’re picked to go to “The Island,” the last uncontaminated spot on their planet (so they’re told), code for they are going to be killed off. Turns out, the inhabitants are human clones, serving as extras to their original human forms. (LG) MADAGASCAR - (PG) - Comedy, Kids/Family and Animation - Ah! Finally a movie with stars we can respect: a lion, a zebra, a giraffe and a pregnant hippo (voiced by Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer and Jada Pinkett-Smith, respectively). See, the animals were all “residents” of the zoo but when one of them disappears, the other three go looking for him and all four end up getting captured, put in boxes and shipped back to Africa. Only, something happens with the ship and the four wash up on the shores of Madagascar, having to fend for themselves after being “cared for” by humans all their lives. Yeah, I know, it sounds fishy to me, too, but that’s just half of it! (Samantha Campos)

other they could just call it quits but this is one messed up case of “I do.” People will go to this movie to see the hotness of Angelina and Brad or maybe for some reassurance in their marriage. (LG) MUST LOVE DOGS - (PG13) - Romantic Comedy Diane Lane plays a divorced woman looking to meet a new man. Her friend, played by Elizabeth Perkins, tries to help by putting her profile on one of the match-making websites. Of course, she’s pretty so she gets tons of responses. And let the dating mishaps begin. Enter John Cusack, everyone’s favorite lovesick male, and gee, I wonder how it works out. Let me guess... Is Cupid afoot? Because, I sense a pair about to fall in love, and everyone shall live happily ever after. I hate you Hollywood. I hate you and your dirty misleading misrepresentations of “romance” in the real world. 88 min. (HK) SKY HIGH - (PG) - Action-Adventure, Family - As the son of the world’s most famous superhero parents (Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston), you can only go to one school. Sky High teaches the responsibility of uniqueness and molds today’s power-gifted students into tomorrow’s superheroes. Well, there’s a problem for Will (Michael Angarano): not only is he lacking superpowers of his own, but he’s not in the ranks of the hero class, and so becomes relegated to being a dreaded “SideKick.” That’s okay, little Will—Robin was a sidekick to Batman and he rocked it out! (Kimberly L. Welch)

MARCH OF THE PENGUINS - (G) - This little documentary is going to make you laugh and cry. It’s amazing how easy it is to relate to the flightless birds. Aren’t they the only animals that mate for life? It seems to me they’re more faithful than humans. (I’m not bitter!) It’s adorable. It’s real. It’s narrated by Morgan Freeman. It follows a flock for one year, and more specifically one couple, to see how they travel across the Antarctic. 84 min. (HK)

STEALTH - (PG13) - Action, Adventure, Drama - Three attractive young fighter jet pilots are concerned when their superior adds another fighter jet to the team. The difference is, this jet is its own pilot. In flight, lightning strikes and hits the artificially intelligent jet. (Oh, I didn’t see that coming.) The fighter jet then becomes aware of itself and wants to kill people. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood, but haven’t we already seen this movie before? i.e. A Space Odyssey 2001, Maximum Overdrive, I Robot—you get the idea. 121 min. (HK)

MR. & MRS SMITH - (PG13) - Action/Adventure, Romance, Thriller - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie star in this movie that brings domestic abuse to the big screen. Secret assassins they are and now their next targets are each other! Mr. and Mrs. Smith chase each other around with guns, shout out some cheesy lines and then fire off another round. If they loved each

WEDDING CRASHERS - (R) - Comedy - Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn play a couple divorce counselors who cruise weddings looking to score with chicks. But then one of them—does it really matter which?—actually falls in love with the daughter of some strange politician played by Christopher Walken. Then all hell breaks loose. (AP)

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL Castle Theater, 572-3456 Mad Hot Ballroom - PG - Wed 5 & 7:30pm

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Showtimes) = Matinee Bad New Bears - PG13 - Th (1:15, 1:45, 4, 4:30), 6:40, 7:15, 9:20, 9:45, Fr, M-W (11:15, 1:45, 4:25), Sa-Su (11:15, 1:45), 4:25 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - PG - Th (1, 1:30, 3:45, 4:15), 6:30, 7, 9:15, 9:40, Fr, M-W (11:10 1:15, 1:50, 4:10, 4:40), 6:45, 7:15, 9:20, 9:50, Sa-Su (11:10, 1:15, 1:50), 4:10, 4:40, 6:45, 7:15, 9:20, 9:50 Dark Water - PG13 - Th only (3:55), 6:45, 9:25, Devil’s Rejects - R - Th (2:10, 4:50), 7:30, 9:55, FrSu 7:05, 9:25 Dukes of Hazzard - PG13 - Fr, M-W (11, 11:30 12, 1:30, 2, 2:30, 4, 4:30, 5), 6:30, 7, 7:30, 9:15, 9:30, 10, Sa-Su (11, 11:30, 12, 1:30, 2, 2:30), 4, 4:30, 5, 6:30, 7, 7:30, 9:15, 9:30, 10 Hustle and Flow - R - Th (1:50, 4:30), 7:10, 9:50, Fr, M-W (11:05, 1:55, 4:35), 7:10, 9:45, Sa-Su (11:05, 1:55), 4:35, 7:10, 9:45 Madagascar - PG - Th only (1:40) March of the Penguins - G - Th (1:10, 3:15, 5:20), 7:25, 9:35, Fr, M-W (11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30), 7:40, 9:40, Sa-Su (11:30, 1:30, 3:30), 5:30, 7:40, 9:40 Mr. & Mrs. Smith - PG13 - Th (1:20, 4:10), 6:55, 9:45, Fr, M-W (1:25, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35, Sa-Su (1:25), 4:15, 6:55, 9:35 Stealth - PG13 - Th (1, 1:30, 2, 3:50, 4:20, 4:40), 6:50, 7:20, 7:40, 9:30, 10, Fr, M-W (11, 11:20, 1:20, 1:40, 2, 4, 4:20, 4:50), 6:50, 7:20, 7:45, 9:30, 10, Sa-Su (11, 11:20, 1:20, 1:40, 2), 4, 4:20, 4:50, 6:50, 7:20, 7:45, 9:30, 10

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910 Fantastic Four - PG13 - Daily (12:15, 2:45), 5:10, 7:40, 10:05 Island - PG13 - Daily (12, 1:05, 2:45), 4:25, 5:35, 7:15, 8:30, 10:05 Must Love Dogs - PG13 - Daily (1, 3:15), 5:30, 7:45, 10 Sky High - PG - Daily (12:30, 3), 5:15, 7:30, 9:45 Wedding Crashers - R - Daily (11:55, 2:25), 5, 7:35, 10:10

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 [Thursday schedule not available at press time] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - PG - Fr-Su (1:30), 4:45, 7:45, 10:10 Dukes of Hazzard - PG13 - Fr-Su (1:45), 5, 7:30, 9:45 Stealth - PG-13 - Fr-Su (1:15), 4:30, 7:15, 9:45 Wedding Crashers - R- Fr-Su (1), 4:15, 7, 9:30

FRONT STREET THEATRE 900 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - PG - Th-Fr, M-W (4:15), 7:15, 9:55, Sa-Su (1:30), 4:15, 7:15, 9:55 Must Love Dogs - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (4:40), 7:30, 10:05, Sa-Su (1:40), 4:40, 7:30, 10:05 Sky High - PG - Th-Fr,M-W (4:30), 7:20, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:15), 4:30, 7:20, 9:50 Stealth - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (4), 7, 10, Sa-Su (1), 4, 7, 10

DARK WATER - (PG13) - Thriller - Did you see The Ring? Did you know that it was based on the Japanese movie Ringu? I watched both and frankly, I liked the Japanese version better. I felt like it made more sense. Anyway, this movie is based on another movie by the same people that made Ringu and it should be just as disturbing. What is it about little kids that make scary movies just that much creepier? Jennifer Connelly stars as the mom in this psychological thriller. She and her daughter move into a new place that seems to be in need of repair. There’s a ceiling leak that drips “dark water” from the uninhibited apartment from above. And so on. 103 min. (HK)

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Bad News Bears - PG13 - Th (1, 4), 7, 9:30, Fr, MW (1, 4), Sa-Su (10:15, 1), 4 Island - PG13 - Th (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 9:45, Fr-W (6:45, 9:50) Wedding Crashers - R - Th (1:15, 4:15), 7:15, 10, Fr, M-W (1:15, 4:15), 7, 10, Sa-Su (10:30, 1:15), 4:15, 7, 10 Dukes of Hazzard - PG13 - Fr, M-W ( 2, 4:30), 7:15, 9:45, Sa-Su (11:30, 2), 4:30, 7:15, 9:45

THE DEVIL’S REJECTS - (R) - Horror - I think you should know that this movie is directed by Rob Zombie. That said, you either want to keep reading or you’ve been scared away and want to see Herbie: Fully Loaded. This film continues after the events in Zombie’s first flick, House of 1000 Corpses, with the Firefly family continuing their unforgiving killing spree. Sheriff John Wydell is pissed about his brother’s death and wants to avenge the murder, so he tries to find the Firefly family for a deadly showdown. Hey, it’s got a plot! (LG)

“ENTRANCING, FUNNY & MOVING! You’ll waltz out exhilarated!” -Ken Tucker

FANTASTIC FOUR - (PG13) - Action, Sci-Fi Let’s just be honest. Jessica Alba is smoking hot and the fact that this movie received a PG13 rating for “some suggestive content” is enough to pack the aisles with horny little bastards old and young. The story line is that four astronauts are changed by cosmic rays while in space and attain super powers. One is stretchy and flexible, another can go invisible, another can light up like human fire, and one is ridiculously strong. That makes them The Fantastic Four. Get it? ‘Cause there’s four of them! 123 min. (HK)

NEW YORK MAGAZINE

WED., AUG 10

HUSTLE AND FLOW - (R) - Drama - DJay is a Memphis pimp, talented with words but lives a dead-end life. Fate helps him out when he runs

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Come Experience

PURE VOLUME Americana the Beautiful JOSH RITTER HELLO STARLING

The Shops & Restaurants singer/songwriting-based soft rock with edge

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what the difference is between the soft rock of the 1970s and the singer/songwriter-based “Americana.” All I could come up with is that in the ‘70s, they tried really hard to file down all the edges to make it palatable. In Americana, the edges remain intact, along with the craftsmanship of some of the best ‘70s songwriters. “All the girls here are stars, you are the northern lights,” Josh Ritter sings in “Kathleen,” a bouncy waltz on Hello Starling. Damn! I wish I could’ve said that line first—that’s really frickin’ clever. Nevertheless, the standout song is “Wings.” Every single person I’ve played this song for has asked if I could play it again. Every time I hear it, I feel as though I’m floating down a slow river with a finger-picked acoustic guitar, as Ritter points out all the interesting characters he knows. I’m really smitten with this CD and hope that you look it up. —Signature Records 2003

RANK AND FILE SUNDOWN

• Bamboo Bar & Grill • Breakwall Cafe

imaginative cow-punk

• The Feast at LeLe • Friends of Moku’ula

Before there was “Americana,” we used the term “cow-punk” to describe a country-tinged genre of music oftentimes played by former punk rockers. The seminal cow-punk record is Rank and File’s Sundown. Formed from the ashes of the Dils, Chip and Tony Kinman created Rank and File with Alejandro Escovedo on lead guitar. Every track on Sundown features phenomenal songwriting, and Kinman’s harmonized vocals float over a bed of new-wavish/country/reggae rhythms as Escovedo dances around them with his amazing guitar playing. The song “Coyote” tells of a bone-chilling tale about the plight of a possible immigrant tied up by a rancher’s son, left in the baking sun to die. Sundown has a very imaginative, original sound and has just been reissued by Collector’s Choice music. —Smash Records 1982

• Gaby’s Pizzeria

JOHN THOMAS GRIFFITH

• Gallerie Hawaii

APPLES AND ONIONS

• Goofy Foot Surf School • Hecocks Restaurant • I’O Restaurant • Lahaina Print Sellers • Lei Spa Maui

wistful, ironic, weary and hopeful

• Maggie Coulombe • Maui To Go Arts & Crafts

SUN KIL MOON

• Nancy Emerson School of Surfing

GHOSTS OF THE GREAT HIGHWAY

• The Needlework Shop • Pacific’O Restaurant • Seaside Gems Maui • Whalers General Store

20+ Shops & Boutiques • 4 Oceanfront Restaurants • Polynesian Canoe Exhibits www.lahainashops.com • www.lahainarestaurants.com.

I’ve been a fan of Griffith for a long time. Griffith was the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, the Red Rockers. After the Red Rockers broke up, John became a solo artist and recorded two CDs, Son of an Engineer and Aluminum. He also sings and plays lead guitar in Cowboy Mouth. Anyway, Apples and Onions is his strongest effort yet. From the wistful “Blue Mountain” to the ironic “I’m an American,” Griffith paints a portrait of a man well traveled and weary, but also of a man in love and hopeful of the future. Another standout track is the acoustic version of Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together.” You have to have a lot of confidence to sing an Al Green song but Griffith grabs a hold of the beast and makes it his own. —Valley Records 2001

melancholic, simplistic, rainy day soundtrack

I have to admit, I avoided the Red House Painters while I lived in San Francisco. Don’t ask me why—I just did, okay? Mark Kozelek, the singer from the Red House Painters, is Sun Kil Moon now. And from the first song I was hooked: “Cassius Clay was hit more than Sonny Liston, some like K.K. Dowling more than Glenn Tipton.” You will get my full attention if you write a melancholic song referencing the guitarists from Judas Priest over a slow galloping acoustic guitar. The second song, “Carry me Ohio” also is absolutely stunning in its simplistic beauty. A variety of moods are created on Ghosts of the Great Highway, but this is the perfect soundtrack to lying in bed with your loved one on a rainy day. —Jet Set Records 2003

Got Music? If you’d like to share your thoughts on a great or not-so-hot CD you just bought, it’s show and tell time here at Maui Time Weekly! Just send your sage words of music opinions to 658 Front St., Ste. 126A-7278, Lahaina, HI, 96761 or email me at sam@mauitime.com. Rock on! BY STEPHEN R. HART

AUGUST 4, 2005

DAY&NIGHT

ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT

Rule #102 Buy this book Here’s a book so inspirational that now I begin my day by reading a rule or two. Most books about how to write I read for fun. I jeer or snarl or guffaw at their advice. Too many of these inflated authors declaim to a gaggle of new writers eagerly clasping their first sharpened pencils or plead their cases

The Writer’s Book of Wisdom 101 Rules for Mastering Your Craft by Steven Goldsberry, Writer’s Digest Books, 2005, $ 19.99. before grim, black-robed judges whose approval means life or death. Usually, I have a pressing writing assignment, as I do now, so I don’t spend much time on “craft books” that actually distract me from writing. Steven Goldsberry’s The Writer’s Book of Wisdom is different. It’s worth reading and re-reading. Goldsberry knows what he’s talking about. His books include Maui the Demigod, Luzon, Over Hawai’i and Sunday in Hawai’i. He’s been teaching writing for 25 years.

BY ERIC PAUL SHAFFER

cluster of grunting, sweating friends and foes, poking eyes and pulling hair. But writers don’t fight because positions are wrong; they fight because, when stated, any position drives us to seek the opposing view. In this, too, Goldsberry is wise. His mission is to get us to write, whether we agree with all he says or not. There are surprising rules. “Rule #10: Stay out of sight,” writes Goldsberry, “Ego can kill art.” Poking the “I” out of our writing is essential; T.S. Eliot even called writing “an escape from personality.” Yes, accept awards and accolades when they’re offered, but the point is clear: the writing is yours, but it’s not about you. It’s about the reader. There are sobering rules. “Rule #6: Get used to despair.” Gentle reader, I assure you, after 35 years of writing, here is wisdom. Goldsberry knows that most people, even you, will find your work lacking, and he accurately catalogues the causes: you, friends, family, colleagues and, eventually, readers and critics. You will despair. Writing is work that is tough to do at all, supremely difficult to do well, and good work is often overlooked in favor of work much less than good. The final insult is that everybody thinks he can do it. Imagine someone cockily telling Michael Jordan, “I’ve always wanted to play basketball,” as though the only requirement for playing well is finding some spare time.

He’s a professor of English at University of Hawai’i, a Michenor Fellow, a regular at the Maui Writers Conference and winner of Hawai’i’s own Elliot Cades Award for Literature in 1990. He walks the walk. There are fully accredited, well-staffed academic programs offering Ph.D.s in creative writing that don’t get as detailed and specific as this book. His points will benefit beginner and established writer. Not only are individual rules useful, but explanatory sections reveal significant reasons and important assumptions. Organized in three parts, the book details “Approach,” where and how to begin physically and mentally; “Language,” examining the tools and the tasks; and “Craft,” instructions and tips on playing with words in an amusing and enlightening manner. This book also offers something else writers crave: an articulate opponent. Quizzing my writer pals with some of Goldsberry’s insights, I discovered some disagreement. One said he didn’t need to know grammar (Rule #34); another declared that eccentric characters were the only ones interesting to her (Rule #72). I disagree with both friends. That’s good for us writers. A book of clear statements with which to take issue is worth its weight in cash. Writers fight like little girls and baseball players—sprinting in with windmilling arms to a

THE

H EART

This is what writers are up against. So be it. There is only one appropriate response, one gritty and blithe: “keep on writing, of course.” There are rules to awaken us: “Rule #37: The ‘As’ Clause is for Amateurs” (I checked a few lines); “Rule #55: Write Like You Talk” (yes, please); “Rule #84: Go with God, But Write with the Devil” (If it’s good enough for Milton, it’s good enough for me); “Rule #96: Ultimately, Content Matters More than Craft” (Say “ouch,” then see why). I close with my favorite rule: “Rule #17: Stop reading this book.” Bold and direct, Goldsberry points to the fundamental mystery of writing, so don’t stare at his fingertip. Look at the truth about writing: it’s hard. In fact, it’s always easier to talk, read or even write about writing than to do it. He elaborates his rule with a single essential word: “Write.” Need he say more? MTW

O LDE M AKAWAO T OWN

Wild Wahine Wednesday with dj blast

Casanova’s Famous Ladies Night! T E T E C T A HE

VENING

HAT

ARNED

ASANOVA

“B EST L ATE N IGHT I N M AUI ”

WARD

MUSIC STARTS @ 9:45PM • $5 COVER

. 5TH FRI. AUGIO NS presents

SAT. AUG. 6

ODUCT CHILLTOWN PR

BAD RTY 80’S DANCE PA AS COME FREE NS AND MADONN MICHAEL JACKSO 5PM

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MUSIC STARTS @ 9:4OR $5.00 AT THE DO

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0PM MUSIC STARTS @ 2:0 RADIO ’O NA MA TO N $7 DONATIO

Make it a Memorable Evening • Dine and Dance at Casanova For dinner reservations call 572–0220 • Log on at casanovamaui.com LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

thursday

08/04

friday 08/05

saturday08/06 sunday08/07

monday08/08 – wednesday08/10

BADA BING

1945 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 875-0188

BAMBOO CHI

100 Wailea Ike Dr., Wailea - 879-4777

Summer Jazz at Wailea 7:30pm

Ray Charles Show w/Bobby Ingram, $5, 8pm

Neto Peraza Trio, Latin Dance Fever, $5, 8pm

Kilohana No cover, 10pm

Neto Peraza, Latin, $5, 10pm

Ohana Groove $5, 10pm

BOCALINO

1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

CAFE MARC AUREL CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

Industry Night No cover

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9453

DJ Shark In The Water No cover, 9pm

MON - Mark Epstein & Friends, Blues & Jazz, No cover, 10pm; TUE - The New Project w/Jay Molina & Gilbert Emata, $5, 10pm; WED - Tom Cherry Band, $5, 10pm

Hinterlander CD Release Party 7:30-10:30pm

Gene Argel, Smooth Jazz, No cover, 7:30pm

28 N. Market St., Wailuku - 244-0852

MON - Martini Monday w/Rita and Brian, 6pm

Bad ‘80s Dance Party $5, 9:45pm

Koa Uka, TailGate Party Time $12, 9:45pm

George Kahomoku Jr. & Haiku Hillbillys, $7, 2pm

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DJ Blast, $5, 9:45pm

Sirus B Posse $5, 9:30pm

Ladies Night w/DJ Durty $5, 10pm

Marty Dread, The Maui Boys 7:30pm

MON - Kanoa & The All Stars, No cover, 10pm; TUE - No entertainment; WED - Electro Night w/DJ Durty, $5, 10pm

DA KINECALENDAR No Panties No Piercing Just Kick-Ass

Tattoos Since 1998 10am-10pm Daily

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TEAM! Now accepting applications for Advertising Sales and Support Staff. Send resume. Fax: (808) 661-0446 or Mail: 658 Front St. Ste. 126A-7218 Lahaina, HI 96761

AUGUST 4, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

BIG SHOWS

Redman - Thursday. You may recognize the name, along with his hip hop partner Method Man. But Redman has five albums and several collaborations under his belt, including a Grammy nomination for best rap duo. And, of course, he’s also an actor. Local favorite Emirc will open the show. Tickets: General $35, Tiki Lounge $50. 9 p.m., Pipeline Cafe, Oahu, 808589-1999. Pieces XXIII: It's Time to Dance - ThursdaySunday. Maui's premiere dance concert featuring Los Angeles choreographer Denise Leitner and 15 of Maui's finest choreographers. Something for everyone, and an opportunity to see our top dancers. Tickets: $20 adult, $16 kids.. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469. Disney’s Beauty and the Beast - Friday-Sunday. Be transported to a lovely French provincial town where you'll meet Belle and her father, a dotty inventor. When he doesn't return from a local fair, Belle discovers her father is being held captive by a horrible beast, and she trades her freedom for his. What a great daughter! Tickets: $20 adult, $16 kids. Fri, 7:30 p.m.; Sat, 11 a.m.; Sun, 2 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. “Hold Onto Your Seat” Adult Tales - Saturday. A musical event starring master storyteller Jeff Gere from Oahu, with Maui musicians Les Adams, Sandra Lee Akaka and Alani Cini, in a collaborative performance of local supernatural tales. Tickets: $12. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469. Hinterlander CD Release Party - Saturday. Melodic and somewhat folkish with an art-damaged vibe, Minikin is Hinterlander’s second CD produced on Maui. 7:30 p.m., Cafe Marc Aurel, 244-0852.

TICKETS ON SALE

Ho‘omana‘o - Aug 21. Hapa (Barry Flanagan and Nathan Aweau), the Barefoot Natives (Willie K and Eric Gilliom) and Raiatea Helm come together in an all- star show to benefit Mana’o Radio. With Emcee Kathy “Tita” Collins, Mana’o radio co-founder and DJ. Expect many other surprise guests. Tickets: $10, $25, $35. 3 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Steel Pulse - Aug 27. Steel Pulse have explored various styles of music since 1975. But take note when it comes to the message, the UK's Reggae band has remained close to their roots. The Group has continued their commitment to fighting injustice, educating the masses, and promoting positive messages through spiritually uplifting music. Also with Wailing Souls and Ooklah The Moc. Tickets: $32 advance, $37 door. 4 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, MACC, 242-SHOW. NYC's Brazilian Girls - Aug 25-27. They opened for Sting in Atlantic City, and have sold out shows across Japan, Europe and the mainland U.S. They’ve performed and recorded with Femi Kuti, Ozomatli and Me'shell NdgeOcello. Brazilian Girls have taken the elegant seduction and gentle mystery of a Film Noir nightclub act, infused it with melodic beats, along with the force and vivacity of a solid dance beat. Tickets: $22-25, on sale at www.hulatickets.com. Thu, 9:15 & midnight, Casanova, Makawao, 572-0220. Fri-Sat, 10 p.m., Hapa’s Nightclub, Kihei, 879-9001.

Richard Ho‘opi‘i Leo Ki‘e Ki‘e Falsetto Contest - Aug 27. One of Hawai‘i’s most unique musical traditions! Ten male contestants, who are required to be at least 18 years old, will compete for a recording deal with Hula Records. Cash prizes courtesy of the Maui Hotel Association, products from Meadow Gold Dairies and Hawaiian Host Macadamia Nuts, Hilo Hattie and Hawaiian Airlines round trip tickets. Tickets: $20 adults, $10 Kupuna, 7 p.m., The RitzCarlton, Kapalua, Salon Ballroom, 878-1888. David Sanborn - Sept 1. One of the most influential saxophonists in pop, R&B and jazz-crossover music of recent times. He grew up in St. Louis and played with many blues greats, then played important stints with the Butterfield Blues Band and many rock, pop and jazz names. He began recording as a bandleader in the mid'70s. Tickets: $45, $35, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Collective Soul - Sept 9. These Georgia rockers are loaded with the kind of pop/rock hits that have kept them at the top of the Billboard charts over the past decade. From heartfelt ballad to raucous chorus, this band delivers infectious stand-out song selections and memorable hooks, including “Gel,” “Shine” and “The World I Know.” A portion of the proceeds to benefit arts education in schools. Tickets: $45, $40, $35. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Loggins & Messina - Oct. 9. Yes, that’s right—a reunion tour of Loggins & Messina, one of the most popular and successful rock duos of the 1970s. Didn’t they sing “Whenever I Call You Friend”? I love that song! Plus, I do know they sing a song titled “Lahaina.” And hey, that’s cool. Tickets: $45, $55, $65. 7 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Leo Kottke - Nov 13. Guitarist, singer, composer and master of the 12-string guitar, Leo Kottke has what one reviewer has called “the most instantly recognizable guitar sound in the world.” Tickets: $35, 30, $35, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

EVENTS

Bishop Museum’s Hula Today Exhibit - Through Aug. 31, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at Old Jail Gallery, Old Lahaina Courthouse. This is the first international traveling exhibit of its kind and one of the world’s best known and beloved dance forms. Bringing together artifacts and costumes from winning Hula competitions, documents, films and sound recording, along with photographic images to tell the story of Hula. For info, call 661-0111. 16th Annual Maui Onion Festival - Sat-Sun, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. at Whalers Village, Ka’anapali. The event will feature demonstrations from local chefs. A Maui Onion-eating contests for kids and adults, fresh produce booths, fresh onion rings fried up piping hot by the Maui Onion Growers Association farmers. Food tasting, a professional chefs’ recipe contest, live music and entertainment, Maui onion-themed games and lots of prizes. For info, call 661-4567.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 04 St. Jude Workout Benefit - 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at Shapemaker Fitness, 250 Alamaha St., N-3, Kahului. To benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital locally, with help from Johnny Jackson, James “Kimo” Apana and Lindy Blas.

thursday 08/04

friday08/05

Howard Ahia 7:30-10pm

MON - Carroll Brothers, 7:30-10pm

Aqua Boogie w/Daniel J & Ed V, 9pm

Koa Uka 9pm

Auto Fest After Party 9pm

Teen Night

MON - Willie K, Live 104.7FM; TUE - Ultra Fab Tuesdays w/Fat Joe, 9pm; WED - Sin Party, 9pm

COOL CAT CAFE

658 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

HAPA’S NIGHTCLUB

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-9001

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

saturday08/06 sunday08/07

Welcome Canoe Regatta w/Marty Dread, $5, 10:30pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL

The Edge 9pm

Tommy Ray 9pm

Kenny Roberts & Friends 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB 36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

Gina Martinelli 6-9pm MON - Dr.Nat, Jazz/Salsa, No cover, 7:30-10pm WED - MJ3, Live Jazz, 7-10pm

Rene Alonza w/Mike 6pm

Kenny Roberts 6pm

El Nino 6pm

Habanero Brothers No cover, 10pm

Thirsty Thursday w/DJ Z $6, 9pm

Natural Feeling $7, 7pm

Dezman $8, 9:30pm

Karaoke w/James No cover, 10pm

DA KINECALENDAR SATURDAY, AUGUST 06 Maui Sugar Plantation Festival - Sat, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at Alexander & Baldwin Sugar Museum, Puunene. The community event celebrates Maui's sugar plantation history and multi-ethnic heritage through cultural music and entertainment, demonstrations of plantation-era activities, historical exhibits, "plantation days" games and educational activities for children, and ethnic foods. Sampling of the cultures that contributed their traditions, foods, arts and customs to plantation life, such as Hawaiian, Chinese, Japanese, Okinawan, Portuguese, Puerto-Rican, Korean and Filipino. Free. For info, call 986-0404.

ART

Artist Lau Chun - Fri, 6:30-9:30 p.m. at Lahaina Galleries, Lahaina. His paintings explode with jewellike tones, up close they look like a mixture of random colors but from far away, the compositions flow together in symphonic harmony. Meet Lau Chun, who travels extensively throughout the world in search of inspiration. Enjoy wine and pupu. Free. For info, call 661-6284. Wood Skin Ink - Through Sept 25, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Hui No'eau Visual Arts Center. “The Japanese Aesthetic in Modern Tattooing” is an exhibition of 18th and 19th century Ukiyo-e prints, alongside works on paper by five leading contemporary tattoo artists. With the aim to educate, inform and entertain, this exhibition will explore the influence of Japanese Edo period Ukiyo-e woodblock prints, images, themes and icons on the present day tattoo master. For info, call 572-6560 ext. 23. Sue Perry - Wed, 6:30-9:30 p.m. at Lahaina Galleries, Wailea. Using only a palette knife to apply paint to canvas, Sue creates unique oil paintings full of life and movement with her adept handling of this fast-paced style. Free. For info, call 874-8583.

KEIKI

Cartwheel Festival Benefit - 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Valley Isle Gymnastics, Kahului. The event is held in conjunction with National Gymnastics Day, which celebrates the sport and encourages physical fitness and community service for children of all ages. Children ages 4-18 are invited to collect pledges for the number of cartwheels or trampoline bounces they will perform that day and 100% of funds raised will go to Special Olympics Maui. For info, call 871-6116.

LECTURES

Famous Vegetarians from Buddha to the Beatles - Mon, 7 p.m. at Cameron Center Auditorium, Wailuku. Noted historian Rynn Berry will describe the fascinating lifestyles and the dietary customs of some of the world’s most famous vegetarians, including the Buddha, Pythagoras, Plato, Leonardo da Vinci, Annie Besant (founder of the International Theosophical Society), Gandhi and Tolstoy. More recent proponents include Frances Moore Lappé, Paul McCartney, Woody Harrelson, and even Lisa on The Simpsons. Free. For info, call 573-3255. .

POETRY NEWS

MON - Marty Dread’s Reggae At The Rock, $5, 10pm

DJs El Gato and Sal $5, 10pm

JACQUES

LETTERS

monday08/08 – wednesday08/10

COVER STORY

SURF

MON - Steve Mendoza, 6pm TUE-WED - Da Hawaiians, 6pm MON - Crunch Pups, $6, 9:30pm; TUE - Island Grooves w/Vaughn, No cover, 9pm; WED - DJ Boomshot, No cover, 10pm

TAKE 5 Old TV shows that should become movies

Local Author Spotlight: Ayin Adams - Sat, 5-7 p.m. at Maui Booksellers, Wailuku. Award-winning Maui poet, playwright, actress and healer, Adams will celebrate the release of her new book of poetry, The Woods Deep Inside Me, with a book signing and selected readings from her most recent work. For info, call 244-9091.

GOOD TIMES Nothing is sacred anymore. Certainly not the beloved, 1970s poverty-is-comedy sitcom Good Times. And especially when it stars none other than David Chapelle as Jimmie Walker’s “Dyn-o-mite!” J.J. We’ve got Oprah Winfrey in the role of sharp-tongued mama Florida Evans. Samuel L. Jackson plays belt-disciplinarian papa James. Pam Grier is sassy neighbor Willona. Spike Lee’s the preadolescent black activist son Michael. And Jessica Alba portrays hottie daughter Thelma. Look, I know she’s not black but Hollywood doesn’t make a movie without Jessica Alba these days so just live with it. (Samantha Campos)

Express Yourself - Wed, 7 p.m. at Café Marc Aurel, Wailuku. Express yourself with music, song and poetry on Open Mic Night. And yes, you have to be 21 to attend and perform. For info, call 276-5467.

POLITICAL

Horns and Halos - Fri, 7 p.m. at Maui Booksellers, Wailuku. This documentary shows how media, money and politics combine to virtually destroy the life of an already troubled man. The film captures the improbable connection of three men, an ex-convict turned celebrity biographer, a former janitor turned underground publisher, and President George W. Bush, whose path to power and popularity become tangled in the book, Fortunate Son. For info, call 244-9091. Hiroshima/Nagasaki Day - Sat, 7 p.m. at Maui Community College’s Student Lounge, Kahului. Community peace program, on the 60th anniversary of the bombing of these cities, will feature as keynote speaker Hawai’i-born playwright Lane Nishikawa, and will honor the memory of Hiroshima Day founder and lifetime peace worker Dr. Steven M. Moser. International, interdenominational dance, sound and spirit events start. For info, call 573-3255.

BARETTA This is such a natural I hesitate to even put it into print, lest some wily screenwriting hack read this and then steal my idea and then sell it to Dreamworks for seven figures. Anyway, Robert Blake reprises his Emmy-winning role as gruff but kind-hearted Detective Tony Baretta. Except this time, Baretta’s the one on trial! You see, the movie opens with his wife being shot, but the police immediately suspect that Baretta, in fact, hired the hit man who killed her! Baretta’s arrested and put on trial. Then he has to prove his innocence. It can’t miss! What? (Anthony Pignataro)

FANTASY ISLAND Tony Cox, that evil elf from Bad Santa, will take on the role of Tattoo. Benicio del Toro will be the suave, white-suited “Welcome to… FAHN-TA-SEE ISLAND!” host, Mr. Roarke. And uh… I will guest star as a nerdy, sexually frustrated lab scientist whose ultimate fantasy is to succumb to a series of wild, passionate affairs and drunken debauchery with her new glamorous job as newspaper columnist on a balmy tropical island. Yeah, only Benicio—um, Mr. Rourke—will come to my rescue as I sit alone on a beach, hung over and huddled under a pile of cocktail napkin-scribbled notes. With dramatically raised eyebrow, he’ll say something poignant like, “One must always climb the tree before one picks the fruit. Now come with me to my bungalow.” (SC)

SPORTS

St. Jude Workout Benefit - Thu, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at Shapemaker Fitness, Kahului. St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is internationally recognized for its pioneering work in finding cures and saving children with cancer and other catastrophic diseases. For info, call 877-7375. 2005 Fall Adult Tennis League - The fall league is being held to promote the development of tennis as a means of healthful recreation and physical fitness. Teams must be formed no later than Aug. 28 and all players registered by Sep. 30. Captains interested in forming teams should contact the League Coordinator. For info, call 280-1281. Summit District of the Park Summer Programs - Aug. 5, 13, 19, 21 and 27, 9:15 a.m.-1:30 p.m. Hosmer Grove Campground, Waikamoi Preserve. With the regular naturalists programs. Programs include Calendars, Uaù—Voices in the Night, Nä mo òlelo o hina ài—Stories of the Moon, and a Westside hike. For info, call 572-4459. Hawaiian Isle Auto Fest - Sat, 2-10 p.m. at War Memorial Baseball Stadium. This year’s event will include exhibits and demos, a huge raffle, $40,000 worth of prize giveaways, an outrageous bikini contest. Oh yeah, did I mention there will be a hard body contest, and a soft body contest? Uh, what the heck is a softbody contest? Live music by Assault Squad, Gomega, Cool Rush and Malino. Tickets: $12 adv., $15 door. For info, call 244-7799. Tour Of Waiheè Coastal Refuge - Sat, 9 a.m. at Waiheè Coastal Dunes. Remnants of ancient Hawaiian villages, an inland fishpond, several heiau and one of the last relatively unmodified coastal dunes systems on Maui are among sites to be explored. Free. For info, call 573-1935.

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

THE PRISONER This controversial British ‘60s series followed a man (Patrick McGoohan) who was known only as “Number 6.” The show opens with him trapped in a totally bizarre place called The Village where he screams things like “I am not a number!” while guys spy on him with periscopes while riding a seesaw and a big white balloon that wheezes and is named Rover makes sure he stays put. Is he spy trapped in some virtual reality world set up by his interrogators to make him talk? Is he under the spell of mind control drugs? Who knows? But it could fun today, given America’s increased fascination with secret prisons and “military tribunals.” (AP)

GOLDEN GIRLS The Golden Girls needs serious revamping. Hilary Duff will finally get the chance to hone her acting skills as the wry, butt of too many she-could-be-aman jokes Dorothy (Beatrice Arthur). Lindsay Lohan is well equipped to tackle the role of Dorothy’s salty Sicilian mother Sophia (Estelle Getty). Paris Hilton is perfect for the job as promiscuous Southern belle (read: bitchy ho) Blanche (Rue McClanahan) and Jessica Simpson is a natural as the sweetly naïve— a.k.a. knucklehead—Rose (Betty White), the only virginal, denture-wearing septuagenarian on her block to rock denim cut-offs and oiled cleavage. (SC)

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

thursday08/04

friday08/05

saturday08/06 sunday08/07

monday08/08 – wednesday08/10

Tom Cherry 10pm

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Karaoke 9:30pm

LIFE’S A BEACH

Brian and The Boys from Cool Rush, 9pm

Underground 9pm

Gomega $5, 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

MON - Open Jam Night w/Adam, 9pm; TUE - Rubber Sole, 9pm; WED - Curtis, 9pm

LOBBY LOUNGE

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

Nils & Anastasia 8:30-11:30pm

Ricardo Dioso 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Nils & Anastasia, 8:30-11:30pm; WED - Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, No cover, 8:30-11:30pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

VooDoo Suns $5, 9:30pm

LONGHI’S

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Live Music 9pm

LULU’S

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Live Music 9pm

DA KINECALENDAR

DINNER MUSIC

Check out our SWEET new website.

F L if e r ui

WED - Karaoke, 9pm

WEST MAUI

wish to send out a BIG Mahalo to the Maui Community for all your love, support & for choosing us as the Best Rock & Roll Band on Maui of 2005!

Gift Baskets • Fruit Baskets • Flowers Delivered on Maui and now Shipping WORLDWIDE.

(808)27-SWEET(277–9338) SweetlifefruitCo@aol.com

10pm to 1am – 21 & over with I.D.

50% OFF SUSHI & APPETIZERS FREE KARAOKE - DRAFT BEER SPECIALS

HRC MAUI 900 Front St., Lahaina Info: 808.667.7400

MONDAYS

1/2 Wells @ Drafts

MARTY DREAD’S

REGGAE AT THE ROCK

KIHEI, THURSDAY - SATURDAY KAPALUA, THURSDAY & FRIDAY

SATURDAY AUGUST 6TH

EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

Welcome Canoe Regatta!

$5 COVER

5:30pm to 6:00pm DAILY

MARTY DREAD

Kapalua 669-6286

$3.00 Bud Select Bottle and Bud Light Draft

The Shops at Kapalua

Kihei 879-0004 Near Foodland

AUGUST 4, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

VISIT US AT www.sweetlifefruitco.com

Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar Late Night Specials

s r

BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria – John Kane, Wed, Thu and Fri; Harry Troupe, Sat; Kaleo Phillips, Sun; Clay Mortenson Mon, Tue. All sets from 7:30-10 p.m. 730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700. Cheeseburger In Paradise – Brooks Maguire, Thu, Sat, Sun and Wed; Harry Troupe, Fri; Gail Swanson, Mon and Thu. All sets from 4:30-7:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855. Cool Cat Cafe - Erik Pietsch, Mon and Thu; Howard Ahia Fri-Sun; Hau Phat, Wed. All Sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908. Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie - Nino Toscano, Thur and Fri; Kawika Lum Ho, Sat; Damien, Tue; E rnest Puaa, Wed Open mic night; Brian Haia, Mon. All sets from 6-9 p.m. 4405 Honoapiilani Highway, 669-3474. Hula Grill - Kawika Lum , Albert & Billy, Mon; Jarret Roback and Albert & Billy, Tue; Ernest Pua’a and Brian & Roy, Wed; Ernest Pua’a and Bradah Brian & Don Thur; Bradah Brian & Roy, Fri; TBA, Sat; Kawika Lum Ryan Tanaka & Friends, Sun. All sets 6:30-9 p.m. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Building P, Kaanapali, 667-6636. Java Jazz/Soup Nutz – Acoustic Music every night. 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd., 667-0787. Kahana Terrace Restaurant – Harry Troupe, Tue and Thu; Randy Reno, Sat. All sets from 6-9 p.m. Sands of Kahana Resort, 669-5399. Kimo’s – Sam Ahia, Wed thru Sun, 7-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811. Leilani’s On The Beach – Crazy Fingers, Thu, 4-6 p.m.; JD & Friends, Fri-Sat, 2:30-5:30 p.m.; Kilohana, Sun, 3:30-6 p.m; Wed Jarret Robak 4-6 p.m. 2435 Ka’anapali Parkway, Building J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495. Moose McGillycuddy’s - Greg & Steve, Thu; Llayne & Greg, Fri; Mark & Mike, Sat-Sun; Anastasia, Wed. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758. Pioneer Inn – Ah-Tim Eleniki (Local-style guitar), Thu, 6-9 p.m.; Greg Di Piazza, Wed, 6-9 p.m.; Captain Billy Bones, Tue, 6-8 p.m. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636. Reilley’s Steaks & Seafood - Gene Argelle, Mon and Tue, 6:30-9 p.m.; Irish Billy Bones, Wed-Fri, 6-8 p.m. 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Ste #304 Kahana, 667-7477 Sea House Restaurant – Hawaiian music with Albert Kaina and Kincades Basques, Thu; Kincade Basques, Fri, Sat, Mon and Tues; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed. All sets 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapiilani Road, Napili, 669-1500. Sir Wilfred’s At Whalers Village - Sun. Live Jazz 5-9 p.m. Main stage. The Best Jazz Musicians on the island, along with special guest stars. 2435 Ka’anapali Park Way, Lahaina 661-0202.

SOUTH MAUI

Doors open at 10:30pm $5 COVER

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3:00-6:00pm

1/2 PRICE WELL COCKTAILS AND DRAFTS h a r d r o c k . c o m

Blue Marlin Harbor-Front Grill & Bar - Boy Kana’e and Ka’ Uhaneleo, Fri and Mon, 6:30-9 p.m.; Braddah Frances and friends, Sat, 6:30 p.m.; Terri Garrison, Sun, 4-6:30 p.m Maalaea Harbor, 244-8844. Capische? – Mark Johnston, Thu-Sat; Brian Cuomo, Su and Wed; Sal & Estaire Godinez, Mon. All sets 7-10 p.m. Diamond Resort, 555 Kaukahi, 879-2224. Maalaea Grill – Benoit Jazz Works, Thu, Fri and Sun, 6:30-9 p.m.; Jimmy C Jazz, Sat, 7-9 p.m. Maalaea Village Shops, 243-2206.

Marco’s Southside Grill – Various artists (piano), Mon-Sun. All sets from 7-10 p.m. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., 874-4041. Mulligan’s on the Blue – Wailea Nights, Thu and Fri, 8 p.m.; Celtic Tigers, Sun, 7 p.m.; Gypsy Pacific, Mon, 7 p.m.; Acoustico, Tue, 7 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131. Seawatch Restaurant - Nightly Music 6-9 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., 875-8080. South Shore Tiki Lounge - Sunset happy hour, $3 special's. Live entertainment. Tony & Peter, Sun, Tue and Thu; Wed and Fri, Trevor Jones 4-6 p.m. Outdoor seating on the Aloha Jungle Lanai. 1913 Kihei Road, Kalama Village, 874-6444. Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café – Guitar and vocals w/ Brado, Wed-Fri; Brian Wittman, Sat; Patrick Mayor, Sun-Mon. All sets from 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983. Yorman’s By The Sea – All That Jazz Band, WedSun 7-10 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Rd. Kihei 874-8385.

CENTRAL MAUI Brigit & Bernard's Gardencafe - Live entertainment. 335 Hoohana St., Kahului Café Marc Aurel - Gene Argel and Shiro Mori, Thursdays, 7-10 p.m., Shimmy Nights with Bellyroll Dance Company, 2nd Friday of every month, 7-9 p.m. 28 N. Market Street, Wailuku near the Iao Theatre. 244-0852. Mañana Garage – Nightly Neto & Friends, Latin music, 6:30 -9 p.m. 33 Lono Ave., Kahului, 873-0220. Sushi Go - Presents a concept unlike anything on Maui: Conveyor-belt sushi. Live Music every Wed, 4 8 p.m. Queen Ka'ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI Jacque’s - Live Jazz, Mon, 5 p.m.120 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-8844. Livewire Cafe - Various Artists, Fri-Sat and Wed, 9 p.m. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009. Moana Cafe - Hula Honeys, vintage and contemporary Hawaiian music with elegance and aloha. Live Jazz, Wed and Fri; Anik, Sun, 6-9 p.m. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI

■ EMBASSY VACATION RESORT 104 KA’ANAPALI SHORES, LAHAINA, 661-2000 Ohana Bar & Grill: Live music, Thu and Wed; Patrick Major, Fri; Wayne & Friends, Sun; Ernest Pua’a w/ Hawaiian music, Mon and Tue. All sets from 5:309:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly. Spats: Weeping Banyan Lounge with nightly Live Hawaiian Contemporary Music 6:30-9:30 p.m. ■ HYATT HOTEL REGENCY MAUI RESORT 200 NOHEA KAI DR. 661-1234 Swan Court: Live music with Jimmy Borges and his 17-piece Big Band 7 p.m-11 p.m. Sun-Tue. ■ KA’ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL 2525 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0011

thursday 08/04

friday08/05

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Swerve No cover, 9pm

DJ Rock Hard Tark No cover, 9pm

MON - Mark & Mike, 9pm; TUE - DJs Mackie Mac & Big Zeek, $5, 9pm; WED - DJ Mackie Mac, No cover, 9pm

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Wailea Nights w/Eric Gilliom & Willie K, 8pm

Wailea Nights w/Eric Gilliom & Barry Flanagan, 8pm

Murray Thorne No cover 8pm

Celtic Tigers No cover, 7pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific, No cover, 7pm; TUE - Acoustico, No cover, 7pm; WED - No entertainment

Live Music 9pm

Live Jazz, No cover 9pm-12am

Live Jazz, No cover, 9pm-12am

Slightly Stoopid 9pm

Live Music 9pm

Uncle Willie K 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Shake Your Heini w/Kapakahi, $5, 9pm; TUE - Bikini Tops & Surf Shorts w/DJ Stylz, No cover, 9pm; WED - Bobby Ingram, Live Blues, $5, 9pm

844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

NEPTUNES

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-2555

PACIFIC’O

505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

Hau Phat Is Dat Thursday 9pm

PARADICE BLUZ

744 Front St., Lahaina - 667-5299

saturday08/06 sunday08/07

[ the grid ] SUNDAY

August MONDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

HAU PHAT IS DAT THURSDAY

SLIGHTLY STOOPID

LAHAINA GROWN

SHAKE YOUR BIKINI TOPS LIVE BLUES HEINI SURF SHORTS VOODOO LIVE MUSIC W SUNS KAPAKAHI DJ STYLZ

HAU PHAT IS DAT THURSDAY

THE HEAT IS ON DJ HEAT

LIVE MUSIC!

HIP-HOP/DANCE 12

HAU PHAT IS DAT THURSDAY

THE HEAT IS ON DJ HEAT

UNCLE WILLIE K 7

UNCLE WILLIE K

MAUI’S TRUE LIVE MUSIC VENUE

TUESDAY

$3 HEINEKENS 8

WEDNESDAY

SHAKE YOUR BIKINI TOPS LIVE BLUES HEINI SURF SHORTS BOBBY LIVE MUSIC W INGRAM KAPAKAHI DJ STYLZ $3 HEINEKENS

monday08/08 – wednesday08/10

NOW ONLINE www.mauitime.com

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5

slightly stoopid

DA BOMB 102.7 END OF SUMMER BASH

HIP-HOP/DANCE

CHECK PARADICEBLUZ.COM FOR CALENDAR UPDATES

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6

LAHAINA

GROWN 744 FRONT STREET • A FEW STEPS BELOW FRONT STREET • 667-JAZZ (5299) • paradicebluz.com LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

thursday08/04

SANSEI 115 Bay Dr., Kapalua - 669-6286 SANSEI Kihei Town Center - 879-0004

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

friday08/05

DJ Blast $10, 9:30pm

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali - 667-4727

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Sunny No cover, 9:30pm

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

Open Jukebox 9pm

No information available

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 5721380

monday08/08 – wednesday08/10

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

SPATS TRATTORIA

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

saturday08/06 sunday08/07

TSUNAMI NIGHTCLUB

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm

3850 Wailea Alanui Dr. - 875-1234

Kenny Roberts & Friends 9pm

Acoustic w/Kanoa & Cody No cover, 9:30pm

MON - DJ, No cover, 10pm; TUE-WED - Live Entertainment, 10pm

Hale & The Hot Lava Band No cover, 9pm

MON - No Entertainment, No cover; TUE - Erin Smith, No cover; WED - John Moore Project w/Elan Rae, 9pm

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm

DA KINECALENDAR Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages: Illusions and dinner show Tue-Sat, 4:30 p.m., Kanahele Room; Lanui, live music and dancing, 6-9 nightly. Free hula show, 6:30-7:30 nightly; Sunday Champagne Brunch with Hawaiian music by Polinahe, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Tiki Courtyard Of Ka’anapali Beach Hotel: Live music featuring Hawaii’s premier Slack Key Guitarists Ola Hou with Pekelo Cosma and Ohana Brown, Fri, 6-9 p.m. Whalers Village Center Stage: Polynesian Hula Show, Sat, 6:30-7 p.m.; Sunset Jazz Show, Sun, 5-8 p.m.; Dances of Polynesian, Mon, 6:30-7 p.m. and Drums of Tahiti 7:30-8 p.m; Polynesian Hula Show, Wed, 6:30-7 p.m. and Tahitian Dance 7:30-8 p.m. All Shows free. ■ MAUI MARRIOTT 100 NOHEA KAI DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 667-1200 Nalu’s: Kilohana, Wed, 8-10:30 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort 5900 Honoapiilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500 Hawaiian Music: Kincaid & Albert, Thu; Kincaid Basques Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed; All Hawaiian music shows from 7-9 p.m. ■ RITZ-CARLTON KAPALUA ONE RITZ-CARLTON DRIVE, KAPALUA, 669-6200 Lobby Lounge: Live music, 6-10 nightly. Banyan Tree Restaurant: World fusion duo Ranga Pae,Tue-Sat, 6:15-9:45 p.m.

THANK YOU FOR VOTING US BEST HAPPY HOUR! HAPPY

HOUR 7 Days a week

3pm-6pm $1 well & domestic drafts, $2 Premium Drafts, Long island ice tea, chi-chis, pina coladas, margaritas

Kapalua Indoor Theater: Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar Concerts series features traditional Hawaiian music. Every Tues 7:30 p.m. Tickets: $40 visitor and $30 kama`aina rate. 1-888-669-3858. The Legend of Kaulula'au: Young Hawaiians loving their culture and willing to perpetuate an aspect of their Hawaiian culture, the art of storytelling. Every Thur at 7:30 p.m. Tickets: $30 and $27 Kamaaina. 1888-808-1055. ■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT 2780 KEKAA DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 661-3611 "Eddie and Eddie" w/Eddie Lilikoi and Eddie Sebala, 5-9:30 nightly in the Royal Ocean Terrace. Royal Lahaina Luau featuring authentic Hawaiian and Polynesian song and dance at 5 nightly. ■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL 2605 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar Entertainment w/hula dancers, 6-8 nightly; Bobby & Ralph, Thu, Mon and Tue; Ralph & Allan, Fri; Fausto & Kawaika, Sat and Sun; Nathan & Ralph, Wed. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset, 7-8 nightly. ■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL 2365 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 667-2525 Tropica: Mitch Kepa, Mon and Sat-Su; Benny Uyetake, Tue-Fri, 6-9 p.m. Tableside magic by Fortunato Tue and Thu, and Wed and Sat 7- 9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI

■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA 3900 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 874-8000

AUGUST 4, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

Lobby Lounge, Hawaiian music w/Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran, Thu, 5:30-7:30 p.m. followed by jazz w/Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; contemporary music w/Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis, Fri, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; island style trio, Sat and Mon, 5:307:30 p.m. w/hula dancer 5:30-6:30 p.m.; Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria, Sun, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; Nils & Anastasia (of VooDoo Suns) live & unplugged Mon and Sat, 8:3011:30 p.m.; Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata, Wed, 8:30-11:30 p.m. Sunset torchlighting nightly. ■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA 3850 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-1234 Botero Bar entertainment, Live Music, Wed, 5:309:30 p.m.; Strolling Hawaiian duo in the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a nightly. ■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI 4100 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-4100 Cafe Ciao Restaurant. Live music with Toshomee 6:30 p.m. -9:30 p.m.Thu-Sat.s ■ WAILEA MARRIOTT 3700 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-1922 Hawaiian Entertainment w/hula 6-9 nightly in Kumu Bar & Grill. Hawaiian entertainment 9-11 nightly in the Mele Mele Lounge featuring Pam Gamboa Peterson Mon and Sat, Mitch Kepa & Raymond "Mundo" Medeiros. Paradise & Ka Poe O Hawaii perform at the Luau, Mon, Tue, Thu and Fri. ■ RENAISSANCE WAILEA BEACH RESORT 3550 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-4900 Sunset Terrace: Live Hawaiian contemporary music by Lono, Mon-Tue; Bobby Krueger, Wed-Thu; Mahalo Greg, Fri; Rama Camarillo, Sat; Mondo Kane, Sun. All sets 6-9 p.m. ■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL 5400 MAKENA ALANUI, 874-1111 Molokini Lounge: Ron Kuala’au, Hawaiian and contemporary guitar and vocals, Sun, 6-10:30 p.m. and Tue, Thu and Sat, 6-8:30 p.m.; Mele ‘Ohana duo, Mon, Wed. and Fri, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. and 6-8 p.m., Mon-Sat, 8:30-10:30 p.m.

EAST MAUI ■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI HANA, 248-8211 Hawaiian Music in Paniolo Lounge: Thu thru Sun, 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Hula show, every Thu and Sun, 7:30-8:15 p.m. in the Main Dining Room.

Send your listings & photos for the Da Kine Calendar to calendar@mauitime.com or fax (808) 661-0446

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LETTERS

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AUGUST 4, 2005

AUTOMOTIVE $500 POLICE IMPOUNDS Cars from $500! Tax Repos, US Marshall and IRS Sales! Cars, Trucks, SUVs, Toyota’s, Honda’s, Chevy’s and more! For Listings Call 1-800-8206515 x1105. (AAN CAN) AAA RATED DONATION Donate Your Car, Boat, or Real Estate. IRS Deductible. Free Pickup/Tow. Any Model/Condition. Help Underprivileged Children. OUTREACHCENTER.ORG 1800-715-1222. (AAN CAN)

NEWS FLASH! POLAR ICE CAPS

KITES COACH Learn & earn or just have fun teaching your friends with the revolutionary KITES method. Classes are held Thursdays at 5pm. Cost is $49 and includes a book & DVD. Kiteboardcenter.com-276-2667-96 Amala Place, Kahului

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REGIONAL DIRECTOR

Come and join the nation's largest Chinese food chain with over 700 locations nationwide. At Panda, you will experience a culture dedicated to serving our guests and providing delicious Chinese food. We are dedicated to developing our team as the best investment toward a future of quality operations and growth!

AREA MANAGER MULTI - UNIT MANAGER

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Is now hiring for all positions

ISLAND COINS & STAMPS

COOKS SERVERS BARTENDERS & GM

WE BUY & SELL

coins, tokens, medals, stamps, paper money, Hawaiiana, sport collectibles

ALL CASH CANDY ROUTE! Do you earn $800 in a day? Your own local candy route. Includes 30 Machines and Candy. All for $9,995. 1-800-807-6525. (AAN CAN)

EMPLOYMENT

Looking for fun, energetic & experienced applicants

Call 661-1200 or John 298-3562 or apply in person

EOE

RADIO Schools Don’t Work! Don’t waste $25,000 or more on schools when we can get you in the door. Train one-onone in actual Recording Studios, Radio Stations and Hollywood Movie sets shooting in your local area. www.careerconnection2000.com 1800-295-4433. (AAN CAN) PART-TIME RECEPTIONIST Iao Acupuncture & Spa is looking for a part-time receptionist. Flexible hours and special benefits! Call Christine at 249-8280 MODELS WANTED For Calendar & Print Work. Cash Paid. 573-6753 *MOVIE EXTRAS* Earn $150-$300/Day All Looks/Types Needed. No Experience Necessary. TV, Music Videos, Commercials, Film, Print. Call Tollfree 7 days! 1-800-2603949 x3025. (AAN CAN)

PROFESSIONAL NAIL TECH. NEEDED $800 WEEKLY! Independent, Self-Starter to lease Mailing letters from home! Easy station in Lahaina. Call Kim or Mary at 3rd floor Wharf Cinema Ctr. $ MODELS WANTED $ work! Free postage, supplies! FREE 661-1819 COMPUTER EQUIPMENT 2005 POSTAL POSITIONS!! INFO. PACKAGE! Call 24/hrs. 1-800- For calendar magazine and artistic 242-0363 ext. 4223. print work. Ages 18 to 35. 573-3712 NEED NEW COMPUTER $17.50-$59.00+/Hour. Full Benefits. www.NICpublishers.com (AAN CAN) Bad Credit - No Problem! Buy a new com- Paid training & Vacations. No experiMEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS puter Now and pay for it later. New ence Necessary! Green Card OK! For Computers and Laptops from $20/month. More Information Call 1-866-329-0801 earn up to $500/day for television, ext. 1050. (AAN CAN) Call Now 1-800-311-1542. (AAN CAN) CD/videos, film, fashion. One week **2005 POSTAL POSITIONS** course in Los Angeles while building portfolio.Brochure 310-364-0665 $17.50-$59.00+/hr. Full Benefits/Paid w w w. M e d i a M a k e u p A r t i s t s . c o m Training and Vacations. No Experience (AAN CAN) Call 661-3786x5 by 4 Necessary. 1-800-584-1775 Reference # 5000. (AAN CAN) pm on Monday to Part Time Gal/Guy Friday BARTENDERS get your ad in up to $1200 per week. Tips + wages. Movie extras, Actors, Models! Needed to make phone calls. No sellNo Experience Required. Multiple Make $100-$300/day. No Exp. Req., ing. Possibly run some errands. New Maui Time Weekly! FT/PT positions available. Call 1-800- FT/PT All looks needed! 1-800-714- Startup. Hours Flexible. Results Needed. 344-0256 806-0083 ext. 202. (AAN CAN) 7565 (AAN CAN)

667- 6155

CLASSES & INSTRUCTION

AUGUST 4, 2005

CLASSIFIED

Is Seeking Interns. Entry level positions. High school students okay. We will train. • Must Be Bright & Adaptable • School Credit Possible

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Send resume to: Jen Russo 658 Front St. #126A-7278, Lahaina HI 96761 or call 661-3786 x3#

Bubba Gump Shrimp Company WANNA HAVE FUN? WANT MORE HOURS? See us today for your interview!!

FILM, MUSIC RECORDING,

Would you like to work in a fun environment?

BUY & SELL

A $360,000/year FULLY STOCKED HYDROPONIC Opportunity From ANYWHERE. GARDEN STORE Executive level pay without Executive 300 Hukilike St. #2M, Kahului level stress. Training included, No Industrial. Call (808) 283-3427 for Selling Required, Not MLM. Call Now: 800-801-5898! (AAN CAN) hours & directions.

Looking For A Little Experience?

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NOW HIRING ALL POSITIONS Apply in person • Aplique ahora 889 Front St., Lahaina *MOVIE EXTRAS* Earn $150-$300/Day All Looks/Types Needed. No Experience Necessary. TV, Music Videos, Commercials, Film, Print. Call Tollfree 7 days! 1-800-2603949 x3025. (AAN CAN)

ICE HOUSE LOFTS TUCSON, ARIZONA Only 1 unit available. 2290 sq. ft. - $485K (520) 623LOFT www.icehouselofts.com Metro Realty Advisors LLC. Owner/Broker (AAN CAN)

BANK FORECLOSURES! Homes from $10,000! 1-3 bedroom ALOHA VALUED READERS available! HUD, Repos, REO, etc. We would like to let our readers These homes must sell! For listings know that we try to screen most of Call 1-800-625-5051 ext. H103 our ads. We read back the ad copy to CALLING ALL INVESTORS! ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see This clean, nicely renovated 2 bedthe acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a room, 1.5 bath unit rents for $1246. national ad and was not submitted per month. Ocean and Haleakala directly to us. If you have a question views. Complex has a swimming directly concerning AAN CAN, please pool. Maintenance fees include water, electric, basic cable, etc. Condo is check out aancan.org walking distance to Maui Community College, Maui Arts & Cultural Center and Kaahumanu Shopping Center. Listor has an ownership interest. FOR SALE SELLERS ARE MOTIVATED! Maui Investment Condo- Hale $255,000. Barnhart Associates Kamaole 1bd/1ba Hawaii. Josj Jerman R (S) 283-2222 “True tropical delight in highly desir- www.JoshJerman.com able South Kihei. This fully remodeled, LANAI REAL ESTATE spacious, 1 bedroom, 1 bath ground floor unit is tastefully decorated Looking for a charming, spacious “Maui Style.” Sold beautifully fur- home in the islands without the traffic nished, this turn-key vacation rental is and crowds? We’ve got just the an investor’s dream. Unique features home...a spacious 4 bedroom, 2 bath, abound: Wi-Fi Internet access, two- 2 car garage, storage, extensively person shower, and peek-a-boo ocean landscaped yard with attractive water views from a tiled lanai. Located feature! With Appliances and partially directly across from Kamaole III beach furnished, this home is ready for park and just a short walk to restau- move in today- a rare find on the most rants, shops and oceans fun!” exclusive island in the chain. Seller Barnhart Associates Real Estate may carry portion- fantastic opportuniHawaii Josh Jerman Realtor (S) 293- ty! Seller is Hawaii real estate licensee. Fee Simple. Barnhart Associates 2222 www.JoshJerman.com Real Estate Hawaii. Josh Jerman R (S) 283-2222 www.JoshJerman.com

NOTICES

REAL ESTATE

BANK FORECLOSURES! Homes from $10,000! 1-3 bedroom available! HUD, Repos, REO, etc. These homes must sell! For Listings Call 1800-820-6515 ext. 3015. (AAN CAN)

Maui Recycling Service

SIGNLANGUAGE

If not now, when?

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) You’d never guess that your friends and family have heard the bit about letting sleeping dogs lie, from the way they seem bound and determined to consistently disturb your attempts at rest this week. To their credit, they only want to give you a friendly pat, or maybe a vigorously affectionate belly rub. Try not to snarl at them despite your surprise (and irritation). Be as gracious as you can, Leo, because nastiness won’t deter them from bugging you; it’ll just turn each tender cuddle and well-meant kiss to ice water and a kick in the ribs.

CURBSIDE RECYCLING! FREE Recycling Bins – And No Sign-up Fee! S.&W. MAUI CONDOS from $240,000 fee simple W. & S. MAUI HOMES from $575,000

When you subscribe for 3 months of bi-weekly service – (A $25 value!) New customers only – offer expires 8/31/05

Surf the Maui MLS Listings at www.barrybrownmaui.com Barry Lee Brown (R)

A portion of every commission is donated to the Surfrider Foundation of Maui

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CLEAN, AFFORDABLE Accommodations in our vacation rental from $49 per day. Call Toll Free Wailuku Guesthouse 877-986-8270 or www.wailukuhouse.com

SERVICES HOME REMODELING SPECIALIST Repair, Install, & Remodel - inside and out Home or Condo> kitchens - bathrooms paint electrical carpentry- walls - windows - doors - lighting - ceiling fans - outlets - fencing - flooring - and much more - save big bucks QUALITY AND EXPERIENCE 20 + YEARS 1K CALL GREG 879-4149 leave message CUSTOM COMPUTER SERVICES Have computer/network problems? Need programming services? We can help you get them fixed and supported. Reasonable rates. 344-0256

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LETTERS

NEWS

What would you do if I told you that no one would notice if you left the blocks for this particular race five seconds before the starting pistol went off? I hope you’d stay where you are and begin the sprint at the same time as everyone else. You don’t need any artificial advantages at the moment, and things aren’t so desperate and cutthroat that this kind of cheating is merited or necessary. Go on and win that race without handicapping the other players; that way you’ll be able to look them in the eye when they shake your hand.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

FREE SURPLUS DVD/VHS while supplies last! Adult Content – 21 years and over only. A small S&H fee may apply. Call 1-800-223-5811 – Tell Your Friends! (AAN CAN)

HIV COUNSELING AND TESTING

You’re the New York City cab drivers of the zodiac; you’ll pick anyone up as long as they can pay the fare. And you’re cheap, compared to drivers in most other places. Anyone in possession of a good true story (or, occasionally, a very sweet ass) can afford it. Don’t let anyone talk you into a different business, or change the way you do things now. You’re doing something that makes you happy and you’re good at it. So what if there’s more money elsewhere? So what if you could be milking your current situation for more? Good stories (and sweet asses) have always been enough for you before. Don’t let anyone else’s judgment change that.

PREGNANT? Thinking ADOPTION? Talk with caring people specializing in matching birthmothers with loving families nationwide. EXPENSES PAID. Toll free 24/7 One True Gift Adoptions 866-921-0565. (AAN CAN)

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Resist that whole fight-or-flight thing. It’s hard to combat millennia of finely-honed instinct, but those ancient impulses no longer serve you the way they once did. Right now to survive and thrive you need more than your monkey ancestry can give you—like cunning, reason and wit. Doing battle or fleeing are both losing strategies. What about rounding up enough allies so that actual conflict is avoided (for fear of your forces’ greater strength)? Perhaps your opponent could be felled with words (preferably over the phone, so fists can’t get involved no matter how heated things get). If worse comes to worst, don’t run. Hide. Cache yourself underwater and suck air through a reed. Whoever’s after you will pass you by soon.

LOST & FOUND

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

MISSING CAT: HENRY

The fact that you’re still having the same fight you had last year means you haven’t changed enough. Never mind that whoever you’re arguing with ought to change, as they’re in the wrong. Never mind even that they should at least meet you halfway, but haven’t bothered. Those are all moot points, as they pertain to aspects of the situation that you have absolutely no power to affect, and aren’t likely to change significantly any time soon. They won’t yield or back off. In this particular case, it’s up to you to do all the bending. That, or all the walking away.

MAUI HUMANE SOCIETY TATTOO LOCATED INSIDE EAR NUMBER 1043AI

$100 reward for his safe return.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) You have such a hard time with other people’s expectations. They hang over you like a shroud, making everything fuzzy, muddled, slow. Sometimes it feels like it might be impossible to get out from under them. I get it; no one could live up to all the things people demand of you. But it’s not an all-or-nothing situation. Your instincts scream: “Walk (or run) away!” But you’d only disappoint everyone. Take a step back, to be sure. There’s actually a lot in that mess that you can handle. There’s no way not to disappoint some or most of those making demands. So what? Fuck ‘em. Pick and choose the things you can and want to do, and leave the rest—along with their associated guilt trips.

HENRY IS A MALE, NEUTERED, 3 AND 1/2 YEAR OLD CAT WITH GREEN EYES; TABBY MARKINGS BLACK-BROWN-GREY-WHITE. HE IS SMALL AND LEAN; VERY FRIENDLY.

CALL 280-7855

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

THANK YOU!

FINANCIAL TRAINING SERVICES A public health message Learn to live debt free and have more provided by The Maui AIDS Foundation. money from your current income. Learn to invest properly. Do not believe that if you have no money there is nothing that you can do. Call 344-0256 HIGH POWER DIGITAL LIGHTING Now available for the first time on MAUI RECYCLING SERVICE Maui. many commercial and agricultural Picks up all your glass, plastic, aluapplications. Call Ohana Greenhouse minum, tin, mixed paper, & cardboard. and Garden Supply @ 283-3427 to hear Home Pickup; a convenience for about this new technology. $16/mo! Bi-monthly pick up. Commercial accounts avail. Call Now! TELEPICTURES CASTING 244-0443 FAMILIES

SINGING TELEGRAMS

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

JOB TRAINING Save Time/Money! Microsoft Office Training. Earn up to $4000/mo. FREE 160 Question Practice Exam. Call Toll Free 1866-308-4900 ext. 1800. (AAN CAN)

573-1920

MISCELLANEOUS

Plants spread out their leaves like hands to catch as much sunlight as possible. They don’t do it because it makes them beautiful, or provides us with shade, or offers cover for squirrels. It’s purely a survival mechanism. If you were a plant, however, you’d be shriveled and half-dead, because you haven’t made enough of an effort to catch the stuff that sustains you. You know what you need to do to get yourself fed. Spread out your leaves and thrive. Enjoy another side benefit, too: the gratitude of photographers awestruck by your beauty, picnicking lovers basking in your cool shadow, and cute furry animals offering to stick their nuts in your holes.

COMPUTERIZED CLERICAL

Jason Meyer

If you feel that you have been potentially exposed to HIV and would like Free, Confidential and Anonymous testing call the Maui AIDS Foundation at 242-4900. It is important to know your HIV status so that you do not unknowingly pass the virus to others, also early detection is vital to your health and treatment. The Maui AIDS Foundation now offers Drop-In HIV Counseling and Testing (No appointment necessary) Drop in hours are Mon.-Fri. 8:30am to 4:30pm, Wed. 8:30am to 7pm 1935 Main Street, Wailuku For more information on HIV/AIDS, STD’s including Viral Hepatitis and HIV Counseling and Testing call the Maui AIDS Foundation at 242-4900. In Hana call 248-7801, Lanai 5656722, and Molokai 553-9086.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

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“we do all the work . . . so you can enjoy your yard”

VACATION RENTALS Friends or Family Visiting Maui? Affordable Studio Condo w/Kitchen. Newly Remodeled, Clean, AC, View of Pool. Ideal Kihei Location, 2 minute walk to Maui’s Best Swimming Beach. Call for rates 875-7893 or 877618-4482

I’d hate for you to start ascribing to dumb-ass cheesy aphorisms like that bit about making lemonade from life’s lemons. But you are going to have to try to find a way to sweeten the current mix, or you’ll be left scowling at the sour taste in your mouth for months to come. The things that befall you this week aren’t going to taste delicious on their own, or seem remotely desirable, to be absolutely honest. But looked at in the right way, and mixed with the right other ingredients, they don’t have to actually be bad. In fact, like a perfect lemonade, if you find the perfect balance, they could be exactly the thing to satisfy (and refresh) you.

HEALTH COVERAGE FROM

Maui Lawn Works

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SHARED HOUSING, ROOMMATES

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

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It’s a terrible time to buy a house or make any serious investments in your future; unless you’re very, very lucky, they’re likely to disappoint or even backfire. There is something you can do with the money burning a hole in your pocket, though: invest in your present. Acquire stuff and experiences that improve your life right now. Make every minute of this week as sweet and satisfying as you possibly can, within your budget. And don’t worry (or even think) too much about the weeks and months to come. Keep living this way, and they’ll take care of themselves.

VOLUNTEERS WANTED LIVE, WORK, LEARN in Buddhist Community. Resident Volunteering in Berkeley, CA and new rural center, Sonoma County, CA.Includes Room/Board, Buddhist classes. 510-981-1987. www.nyingma.org (AAN CAN)

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) Don’t go overboard. Right now you’ve got a certain amount of well-earned power and influence. Some might even call it the upper hand. Please don’t abuse it; that’s the surest route off this perch and to an ignominious sprawl in the mud. Perhaps you’ve forgotten what first got you started on the path that led exactly here. I guarantee you it wasn’t to be a big-shot or to even call all the shots. What use is power if you don’t actually exercise it, you ask? I ask your question back: What use is it, indeed? Don’t act until you’ve come up with a positive answer.

HEALTH

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) All is not as it appears this week. For reasons too complicated to explain—or perhaps, in some cases, even to understand—there’s likely to be a lot of subterfuge, illusion and deception. So restrain your knee-jerk reactions until you know what’s really going on. That person who punched you in the nose might have only been trying to get close enough to slip a wad of money into your pocket without anyone suspecting. That “no” to your proposal may have only been a test to see how much you really want it. Why someone does something a certain way isn’t always obvious. It’s time to deepen your game and figure out the moves behind the moves behind the moves.

HOODIA GORDONII SUCCULENT DIET PILLS Imagine an organic pill that kills your appetite and fools your brain into you are full. couples, and friends struggling and believing desperate for help. Doctors and life www.PureHoodia.com (AAN CAN) coaches help resolve issues with weight, addictions, family crisis, etc. C o n t a c t realityhouseproject@yahoo.com or Maui Time Weekly (818) 972-0405. (AAN CAN)

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) I’m a New Moon partier. The first quarter is my ideal time to go out and live it up. I’m a little out of sync with most of humanity in this department. Full Moons are more traditionally the time to get smashed, go dancing and screw one’s brains out. But this week I’m going to find my people, the rare ones who know how to live it up during the dark of the moon. Won’t you join me? Whatever you usually do, try it my way this week. Be as social and party-oriented as you can. Some unique experiences (that could never happen during the looniness of a Full Moon) await.

CHARGE IT!

PLACING AN AD IS EASY! CALL 661-3786

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

accepts credit cards for classified and display ads

CAERIEL@YAHOO.COM

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

HOLOHOLOGIRL

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS

Panty Panorama My breasts have never done anyone any harm, while bin Laden’s war has caused thousands of victims. — Ilona Staller, former disco singer, porn star and Italian politician I’ve recently put in a shift here and there at the Lahaina Lingerie shop. In general, I’m enormously busy with my regular full-time gig. But every once in awhile, Aunty Panty needs a day off, I could use some extra cash and hey, what girl doesn’t love to be surrounded by lacey, silky, vibrating, chocolate-covered and banana-shaped things? This is, of course, delightful news to my guy friends. They get this half-crazed look in their eyes as they ask stuff like, “How many breasts do you have to squeeze to find out their cup size?” and “Do you help put on garter belts and lace up corsets?” as well as the ever-popular, “Have you ever, you know, been with a hot girl in the dressing room?” For the most part, the work is decidedly less erotic. I find that much of my time with customers is spent finding adequate replacement underwear for visitors who’ve lost their luggage, or to answer questions about parking. Still, there are the rewarding moments. Like, when older couples come in giggling, holding up various negligees or thongs they’d like to see each other in. It’s seriously cute. Or the sheepish but sincerely lovelorn guy who needs help impressing his girlfriend. So sweet. Or when a middle-aged woman, slightly embarrassed but determined, asks which dildo is best for her first one ever. Now that’s downright tragic. But damn if I can’t help a sister out when duty calls! Even before all that, I knew I picked the right temporary side-job when, after a couple hours into my first shift, Aunty called and beckoned me to join her for a Sunday afternoon mimosa. Now who am I to refuse my new Panty boss? It was a scorching hot day when I met her at the members-only, dive-bar-on-the-sea Lahaina Yacht Club and I was drenched in sweat from the short walk. Pasty white-skinned tourists scrambled for shade and air-conditioned comfort within the gecko-inundated gift shops along Front Street. Had this been a city in Middle America, kids would be playing around busted fire hydrants in the street. You get the idea. But beyond the saloon doors of the Yacht Club, there was Aunty, sitting solo in her tastefully skimpy white tennis outfit, nary a drop of perspiration, makeup flawless, blonde braid neatly tucked under her white visor. Two champagne splits sat on the bar in front of her in individual buckets of rapidly melting ice. I didn’t sell much for Aunty that day, as one mimosa morphed into seemingly five million and the hours quickly raced by. I met some fascinating people, including Aunty’s ex-cop friend, who had recently survived an in-the-field attack and was recovering from the resultant six-week—or maybe it was eight years, did I mention the mimosas?—coma. Aunty’s friend was very fun, but was intent on enlisting me to help debauch her visiting guy friends from the mainland. Apparently, these guys were quite naïve and easily embarrassed. Well, after my third mimosa, color me compliant! I always welcome the chance to corrupt grown men. Once you reach the legal age, innocence is for losers! Aunty insisted I run back to the shop and adorn myself with her feathered nipple clips and peek-a-boo fishnet body stocking. Through the rounds of champagne and naughty displays of affected hedonism, Aunty and I did have some poignant conversations. We talked a little about “defining moments.” You know, those little moments—like when your new lover orders dessert for you without asking or puts new sheets on the bed before you come over—that can be a turning point in your relationship, or even just help you discover something about yourself. I thought about this as another shift at the shop had me confronting a series of strange encounters. I knew the day would be unusual when the first couple that came in began asking me explicit questions about my piercings, and then asked if they could see them. I politely demurred. Later in the day, another woman demanded to know, rather hostilely, what exactly does “motion lotion” do and can she use it with the textured silicon rings? My face beet-red, I timidly stammered my normally eloquent dissertation on lubricants and penile attachments. But the coup de grace, the moment that would have my lascivious male friends moaning with disbelief, occurred at the end of this odd day. And no, I am not making this up. Just as I was about to close up shop, a raven-haired cutie in her early 20’s walked in. She said she was visiting from San Diego and shopping for a discreet travel-size vibrator. We made the usual small talk as I closed the sale on her new purchase. Then she asked me if I could “help her out” in the dressing room. I’d love to tell you what happened next, but it would just ruin my guy friends’ fantasies. Samantha Campos is considering running against Cicciolina in Milan’s upcoming mayoral election. MTW

AUGUST 4, 2005

CLASSIFIED

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Mind Body

Mind Body Spirit A G U I D E F O R H E A LT H Y L I V I N G

FIND MAUI’S HOLISTIC EVENTS! Visit www.mauivision.net today and explore our extensive mind, body & spirit listings. New August/September Maui Vision Magazine Out Now! Call 669-9091 for info. COLON THERAPY With Shelley St John RN., CHT. Other holistic therapies available. 573-0696 BODYWORK SESSION Treat yourself to a full body experience of Swedish, Pressure Point & Reflexology in a private setting. Enjoyable, therapeutic & very affordable. Call Dennis at 344-3425 for an appointment

Spirit

Napili Acupuncture

Lanette Questa L.Ac.

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re unctu Acup cials. Fa ! Work They

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Connecting Spirit with Motion

Classes & Instruction BELLYDANCE CLASS Dance yourself into shape, express your inner-beauty at any age. North end Kam 3 park in Kihei, near white gazebo. Saturdays 9:am. Leyla Atwill 891-8979

CHOCOLATE YOGA! Located at the

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NIA KEEPS EXPANDING! The Studio Maui, Maui Lotus Yoga, and NOW Island Spirit Yoga in Lahaina. Please visit www.niamaui.com for further details and come sweat your joy! SACRED BODYWORK Intelligent, quality touch for discerning clients. Enjoy better health, longevity & spiritual well-being. 9am9pm daily. 572-2623 Visitors Welcome!

Move your body! Express your spirit! Free your mind! Nia – fitness for every Body Erin Graue – Certified Nia Teacher

www.niamaui.com – 242-4343 INDIGO OCEAN Spiritual Energy Healing & Channeled Guidance. 573-4290 www.clearlightnature.com Sex life on hold? Sex therapist with 20+ years exp. will help you overcome ED, premature ejaculation, lack of desire, shyness, fear of intimacy, communication problems. Discuss your sex & relationship concerns confidentially. Free initial phone consult. Call Dr. Bouchard today at 891-0952.

GIFTED PSYCHIC (808) 891-9247 (877) 894-8219 Dynamic Life Coach Life Style • Communications • Self Improvement • Relationships Author, Workshop Leader, TV, Radio, Key Note Speaker CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED

www.lifebydesignonmaui.com

COVER STORY

RELAX THE MIND, BODY & THE SENSES The Power of Therapeutic Touch. Massage Therapy by Dante. In/Out Calls. $50/$60 for an hour. Swedish, Shiatsu, Lomi and Reflexology. Lahaina area. MAT#8577 250-9442 WEST SIDE MASSAGE Downtown Lahaina. Bring your body back into balance. Relaxing Therapeutic. MAT #4273 661-8639 $45 MASSAGE!!! $35 Acupuncture, $45 Facials. 7 days a week. Blue Bamboo Chinese Medical Center, 2099 Wells St. Wailuku 244-6778 EFFECTIVE THERAPIES CLINIC 81 Central Ave. Wailuku and outcall (or Mondays-Lahaina). Specializing in Therapeutic Lomilomi, Deep Tissue and Injury Rehabilitation. $70 or Donation - Insurance, Cash, Credit, w/Daniel Fowler MAT#2765, MAE#1241 Call 280-0733 Lomilomi Retreat Nov. 2-10 in Hana.

HEALING HANDS In Kihei

With an emphasis on breath, core conditioning and body awareness, PILATES exercise is a safe and highly effective way to stretch, strengthen and streamline your body without building bulk or stressing your joints. The perfect complement to cardiovascular exercise, sport, rehab and life, PILATES exercises will leave you looking toned, feeling revitalized and moving with ease. A limited number of openings for private sessions are available.

Body Dynamics ~ Lahaina 661-7790

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FOR YOUR HEALTH & WELL BEING

Call 661-3786x5 by 4 pm on Monday to get your ad in Maui Time Weekly!

NEWS

THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE Deep Healing Energy, Feel Like New! Summer 250-9639, Kihei. MAT #8526

Sharon Brooks

BOOK YOUR AD TODAY!

LETTERS

Massage

CLASSIFIEDS

Overweight? Need More Energy? Get Healthy with All-Natural, Doctor Recommended Supplements. www.paradisenutritionandweightloss.com

808.661-0446

ACROSS FROM BANYAN TREE

• Yoga • Belly Dancing • NIA • • Exclusive Clothing Line & Boutique • • Over 25 Classes • 7 Days a Week • Group & Private Lessons

875-2081

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

www.mauitime.com

MAILING 658 Front Street #126A-7278 Lahaina, HI 96761

DROP OFF

Ste. 216, Lahaina

MAT #7179

DINING

WEBSITE

505 Front St.

BARBARA WILLIAMS

SURF

classifieds@mauitime.com

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

AUGUST 4, 2005

PAYDAY LOANS - CASH LOAN NOW

CASH ON THE SPOT

$ - $300 INSTANT LOANS $ - PAY CHECK LOAN ADVANCES $ - WE’LL HOLD YOUR CHECK

No credit check • No amount too large Insured & Licensed Pawn Broker DIAMONDS • JEWELRY • GOLD • FINE WATCHES COINS • BULLION MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS COMPUTERS • COLLECTABLES

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•

46 North Market Street, Wailuku

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edis HIGH VISIBILITY! LOW COSTS! BACK SIDE CLASSIFIEDS WORK!

CALL (808) 661-3786 for complete details!

LOOKING FOR SPORTS MEMORABILIA? We’ve got Maui’s Best Selection and Lowest Prices. Also Collectable Old Coins, Collectable Old Stamps and Flags From Around the World. Island Coins & Stamps, Wharf Cinema Center, 3rd Floor, Lahaina, 667-6155

INZANE SURF COMPANY. Custom & Used Boards, Repair. Near Foodland. 661-4289

Or do your loan online at: www.paycheckloan.com

Home Based Business $100K Part Time

Burton Feinerman, M.D. Cosmetic Dermatology

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Medical Marijuana

FISHING ACTION!

Is approved in Hawaii for: Cancer, Glaucoma, HIV/AIDS Cachexia/Wasting Syndrome, Chronic Nausea Epilepsy/Seizures, Multiple Sclerosis, and Crohn’s Disease also Chronic Pain Disorders such as Chronic Neck and Back Pain If you have any of these conditions, you may qualify for Legal Medical Marijuana. We are medical doctors and we can help you obtain your permit. You will need to provide us with copies of your medical records documenting your medical history.

874-5141

Weekdays 9-5

mjmaui.com

VACATION RENTAL-DISCOUNT RATES!!! Luxury condo in Kihei. Newly remodeled studio unit, kitchen, AC, 2 minute walk to Maui’s best swimming beach. 269-3333

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RATED #1

Maui: (808) 667-2774 KONA: (808) 327-1265

•Anti-Aging Medicine •Weight Loss Program That Works •PPC Injections To Dissolve Fat Safely •Contour and Shape Your Body •Botox-Collagen-Restylane Wrinkle Fillers •Foto Facial IPL Wrinkles, Brown Spots •Chemical Peels Safe; No Down Time •New Acne Scar Treatment With Levulan/IPL •IPL Hair Removal •HGH-Testosterone Female Bioidentical Hormones

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BLUE BAMBOO Massage/Acupuncture. Voted Best on Maui!

1819 S. Kihei Road Kukui Mall, Kihei www.anti-agingmedicine.com

MAUI WAVERIDERS

$45 Massage (50 minutes) rejuvenate and pamper yourself. $35 Acupuncture: balance your body, mind & spirit. The best acupuncturists and treatments on the island! Open 7 days a week (9am-7pm) 244-6778

Big Mountain

VIAGRA

For those of you who filled out the Best Of Ballot this year thank you. Everyone here at MauiTime Weekly would like to thank you for making this years’ Best Of a success.

VIAGRA - $2.40/dose - CIALIS available Lowest price refills Guaranteed! Call PBG we can help! Non Profit Organization Toll free: 1-866-579-8545 (AAN CAN)

Air Maui Helicopter Tours 2 for 1 Special! West Maui/Molokai Special. Only Air Maui offers this incredible flight! Call now for your 2 for 1 Kama’aina special or special visitor rate! Expires Dec. 31, 2005. For reservations call 877-7005

Live Wednesday August 10th!

MAHALO TO OUR READERS

Dermalogica facials from $45 Herbal Aromatherapy facials

Sweet Life Fruit Company Gift Baskets, Fruit Baskets & Flowers Delivered on Maui or shipped worldwide. Sweet Life Fruit Co. 808-27SWEET (277-9338) or (6629338) www.mauifruitbasket.com

MAUI TATTOO COMPANY Traditional, Custom, Polynesian, Cover-Ups, Portraits. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., under LuLu’s. 874-0034

www.JoshJerman.com

Thu/4th

Fri/5th

Sat/6th

from $60 With each of our luxurious facial treatments, receive a complimentary skin analysis and product samples!

BLUE BAMBOO Chinese Medical Center & Spa

244-6778

2099 Wells St., Wailuku BSH#3982 • BEO#15763 • BEO#14976

Sun/7th