9.11 Hot Dog, September 8, 2005, Volume 9, Issue 11,

HOME OF HOLOHOLO GIRL, COCONUT WIRELESS, EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK, CUNNING LINGLE, EH BRAH!, TAKE 5, LC WATCH AND TRADEMARK SUBVERSION

■ SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

■ VOLUME 9

■ ISSUE 11

■ MAUITIME.COM

■ FREE EVERY THURSDAY

■

MAUI’S ONLY INDEPENDENT, LOCALLY OWNED NEWSPAPER

5 ‘LOOK AT OUR OFFICE’

Guiding tourists down the mountain

12 ‘BE RESPECTFUL’

Daring to question D.A.R.E.

25 THINK SMALL

Alan Abbott’s bonsai treehouses

All sale prices are after rebates including $500 college grad. Plus tax, lic. And $195 Valley Isle Motors doc. Fees. Vehicles may not be exactly as shown. Ranger sale price $13,201.57, 72 months at 6.5% apr. Deferred payments $20,213.25. Focus sale price $13,221.64 72 months at 6.5% apr. Deferred payment $19,713.28. Financing and APR is on approved credit. Sale ends 9/15/05.

2

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

MAILING ADDRESS: 658 Front St., Ste. 126A-7278 Lahaina, HI 96761 PHYSICAL ADDRESS: 505 Front St., Ste. 216 Lahaina, HI 96761

CONTENTS

15

•Hot Dog!

Contributing Writers: Kelly Chambers, Caeriel Crestin, Liam Green, Gabrielle Poccia, Ted Rall, Molly Rettig, Barukh Shalev, Chuck Shepherd, Cole Smithey

•Employee of the Week •Dining Listings Hours, locations and price ranges of Maui’s eateries

4

•Word for Word •Eh Brah!

5

•Cunning Lingle •‘Look at our Office’

6

•Coconut Wireless •Overheard...

8

•News of the Weird •Ted Rall Cartoon

Interns: Ashley Fitch, Heidi King

19 •This Week’s Picks 22 •Film: The Courtroom Horror Exorcism of Emily Rose ( ) – by Cole Smithey 23 •Movies & Times 25 •A&E: Think Small The art of Alan Abbott is all about living life out on a little limb

What it’s like to work guiding tourists down the mountain – by Liam Green

– by Samantha Campos

26 •The Grid & Calendar Listings 27 •Take Five: Bad Lessons Learned in School

CLASSIFIED

•Op Ed: GReen Room Confessions The inside scoop from a Fox News guest – by Ted Rall

Daring to question D.A.R.E.– by Barukh Shalev

SURF AND SPORTS •Tides & Times •‘Do You Really Want to do This?’

Art Director: Rudi King rudi@mauitime.com (Miss Anderson, 3rd grade) Production Assistants: David Enzo, Wendy Higa Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers brad@mauitime.com (Miss Langager, 9th grade) General Manager: Jennifer Russo jen@mauitime.com (All my teachers were Japanese ladies) Office Assistant: Becky Spector Web Design: Bump Networks www.bumpnetworks.com Publisher: Tommy Russo tommy@mauitime.com (Mrs. Robinson, kindergarten)

MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2005 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited.

Maui Time Weekly may be distributed only by MauiTime Weekly’s authorized independent contractor.

MauiTime Weekly is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime Weekly, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime Weekly are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime Weekly.

31 •Personals 32 •Classified Listings 33 •Sign Language 34 •HoloHolo Girl 35 •Mind, Body & Spirit

•‘Be Respectful’

Illustration: Guy Junker, Glenn Watson Photography: Michele Furmato, Sean M. Hower, Jessica Pearl

DA KINE CALENDAR

MAUI COUNTY

5 11

Calendar Goddess: Kimberly L. Welch kim@mauitime.com (Coach Jackson, 7th grade)

ONO KINE GRINDS

How to win a hot dog eating contest – by Anthony Pignataro and Molly Rettig

12

Associate Editor: Samantha Campos sam@mauitime.com (Mr. Tapleshay, community college)

www.mauitime.com

COVER STORY

10

Editor: Anthony Pignataro anthony@mauitime.com (Mrs. Herbrand, 9th grade)

office (808) 661–3786 • fax (808) 661–0446

VOLUME 9 • ISSUE 11

14

Position (& first teacher we had a crush on)

Abbott’s art - P. 25

How I became a dirt bike rider – by Kelly Chambers

Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime Weekly

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LETTERS

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NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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3

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From the sewage section of the Mayor’s Cruise Ship Task Force Final Report, dated Aug. 15, 2005 but released Sept. 2. Please note that every cruise ship entering Hawaiian waters except the Pride of America is “foreign-flag”: The Hawai’i MOU [Memorandum of Understanding] is an agreement between the NWCA [North West Cruise ship Association] and the State of Hawai’i outlining cruise ship operations and environmental practices… Most of the MOU references environmental practices.

The Hawai’i Department of Health (DOH) is the agency of the State government that oversees cruise ship activities related to waste management. The DOH cannot directly investigate or enforce MOU violations on foreign-flag cruise ships. To board any foreign-flag ship, the DOH must obtain permission from the ship captain and must be accompanied by the USCG [United States Coast Guard] when doing so.

Under these circumstances the DOH cannot make unannounced inspections of waste management procedures on board foreign-flag ships and has no means of determining whether or not a given ship is complying with the MOU other than selfreporting by cruise ships.

The U.S Coast Guard has jurisdiction over the waste practices of foreign-flag cruise ships, and can enforce U.S. law.

However, there are no U.S. laws that specifically address sewage or air pollution on foreign-flag ships.

Under the current MOU, violations are identified by reports from the cruise ships that committed the violation or by third parties reporting the violation. There is no legal mechanism by which DOH can identify violations on foreign-flag ships.

Cruise ships are not required to report

MOU violations immediately after they occur. Foreign-flag ships only stay in State waters a few days at most, therefore, even if a foreign ship does report a possible violation immediately, the DOH has difficulty investigating in coordination with the U.S Coast Guard (as required by law) before such ships leave Hawai’i.

The Federal Clean Water Act (CWA) prohibits discharge of pollutants from point sources into U.S waters unless a permit is obtained from the EPA [Environmental Protection Agency] under the National Pollutant Discharge Elimination System.

Ships are not considered point sources [of] pollution (because they are mobile), therefore they are exempt from the permitting requirements of the CWA. No agency in the State of Hawai’i regularly collects baseline measurements of water quality in State coastal waters. DOH is responsible for water quality but is not required to test or monitor harbors or ocean waters beyond kneehigh depth. DOH has no enforcement authority with regard to violations that may occur in State marine waters. MTW Maui Time welcomes letters commenting on our coverage, but only if they’re complimentary. If you still wish to complain about something, please have the decency to use plenty of bad punctuation and grammar—that makes it easier for us to make fun of you when we respond. Send your letters to the editor via e-mail (letters@mauitime.com), regular mail (Letters to the Editor, Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A-7278, Lahaina, HI 96761) or fax (808-661-0446). All correspondence must include your full name, hometown and phone number.

EH BRAH! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less, changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A–7278, Lahaina, HI 96761 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com Our whole ‘ohana went surfing at Puamana one recent morning. Even my wife had taken the day off to be with family. We were all out there enjoying the majestic beauty of it all—that is, until about 10 a.m., when my son noticed some strange things floating by in the water. They were slimy, chunky, greasy, smelly things. Oh horror of horrors!

It was tour boat shit, floating up on our legs and our boards. Several other surfers verified that this was indeed genuine macerated tour boat poop—lots of it. It sorta looked like you had been eating a lot of fried foods, but we noticed some greens, too. We just want to thank whoever felt the need to empty the tanks on our ‘ohana in our moment of bliss. Bon appetite!

4

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

NEWS

MAUICOUNTY

BY LIAM GREEN

‘Look at our Office’

Restaurant

Tides & times

What it’s like to work guiding tourists down the mountain

I’m sitting in a passenger van at 10,000 feet, it’s four in the morning and a bunch of tourists are fumbling through the dark, towards the edge of a cliff. They’re more or less facing the horizon in a sort of jet-lagged excitement, waiting to see the sun, but the ocean is blocking their view. I look at my watch—their mountaintop photo shoot isn’t scheduled to start for another 78 minutes.

I curl up, waiting for my 6 a.m. wakeup call. No, it’s more like a knuckle-tap on the window. That lets me know it’s time to start passing out helmets. Then I’ll start repeating the words, the so very familiar words: “Pull the strap ‘till it’s tight.”

“You need some help with that?”

Maybe I’ll mutter something about making it down the mountain in one piece, 12 or 13 times, of course.

I do this because I’ve been working as a tour guide helping tourists bike down Haleakala for the past 11 years. It’s a living.

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

It seems counter-intuitive, but the trip actually goes much faster coming down than going up, but that’s only because there’s just more to distract you on the way down. I mean it’s not that us drivers aren’t paying attention. It’s just we’re busy watching people’s nervous arms make the handlebars twitch. Or, staring through the wing-mirror at the guy in the closer-than-he-appears distance, perched in his lifted one-ton pick-up truck, trying to determine if he’ll fly by into the oncoming lane, putting all those people we’ve just met at risk.

We’ve all heard the stories. Some of the cruise leaders will jolt awake a sleepy 4 a.m. huddle of mainlanders, freshly roused from their carefully bleached and tuckedin-corners hotel bed sheets, by mentioning the double-digit number of two-wheeled fatalities on the mountain.

Talk of broken bones and severed arteries really perks up the teenagers. Rising from the back seats, they pull their white ear-bud headphones out and lean a little closer. Seems their

DINING

PAI A Fi s h M ar k et

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

Tide-times set for Honolulu - subtract as follows: Kahului: 1hr 41min Hana: 1hr 23 min Makena: 0hr 32min Kihei/Ma`alaea: 0hr 22 min Lahaina: 0hr 40 min

vacation just got interesting.

When I first started, my instructors said injuries were just part of the job. They said that statistically we’re going to see someone from New Jersey or North Dakota or Maine bleeding to death on the side of the road.

In between cigarettes, they said it’s only a matter of time. Pick a day, any day. Or just throw a dart at the calendar—sooner or later, you’ll find yourself standing there, dumbstruck, trying to think of what to say to the fiancé, parent or younger brother of that road-stain getting sprinkled with cat litter by the police.

Two hours into the trip we’re all eating breakfast in Makawao. The salty bacon and numb sting of hot-sauce eclipse the flavor of whatever else was on my plate. The burning sensation, combined with the wet-dirt taste of fresh coffee reaffirms my suspicions that I’m actually alive.

I think it’s Tuesday.

My esteemed colleagues and teachers told me a bunch of things when I started, like the fact that I’d be working impossibly long and early hours. And that if I ever get sideswiped by some rusted Toyota roaring by in the wrong lane, my medical insurance won’t even cover the damage to the spatula that the paramedics might use to scrape my face off the boiling radiator. Or that if some asshole who mistakenly thought he could pass a 100-foot caravan of overweight and inexperienced tourists and ends up crippling me, there won’t exactly be a lot of future employment opportunities.

Even if I come through unscathed, after 11 years of being a bicycle tour guide, who’s going to hire me?

“But hey kid,” they said, “look at our office.

The top of Haleakala at sunrise. Can’t beat that, right?”

We’re about a half-hour down the road when I hear a colleague say, “And that’s what kind of sugar-cane makes Sweet ‘n Low!” Then a lot of happy, red-shouldered visitors start laughing. I like this part, because it tells me today’s tour of duty is coming to a close. We’re just eight miles from Kahului, then it’s time for the vacuum cleaner and Windex before I can finally make up for lost sleep.

What no one told me when I started working for a bike tour company was that along with the abundance of middle fingers from locals and the friendly pep-talks from the vets, the whole thing’s a lot like getting bitten by a zombie. You learn quickly to communicate in slurs and grunts. And you don’t ever really feel alive unless you’re digesting something.

Finally free of the day’s customers, I sweep all the empty Coke cans and candy bars off the van’s dashboard. They’re my little reminders that I’m in good health and earning money.

Other than the greasy fingerprints lining the inside of the van, they’re all I’m really left with at the end of the day. MTW

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

1 Sun R 6:15A Thur Sun S 6:47P

H 2:43A +1.0 L 8:08A +0.1

H 3:12P +2.2 L 10:02P +0.3

2 Sun R 6:15A Fri Sun S 6:46P

H 3:14A +1.1 L 8:46A +0.1

H 3:39P +2.1 L 10:22P +0.2

3 Sun R 6:16A Sat Sun S 6:45P

H 3:47A +1.2 L 9:23A +0.2

H 4:05P +2.1 L 10:41P +0.2

4 Sun R 6:16A Sun Sun S 6:44P

H 4:22A +1.4 H 4:30P +1.9 L 10:01A +0.2 L 11:01P +0.2

5 Sun R 6:16A Mon Sun S 6:43P

H 4:59A +1.5 L 10:43A +0.4

H 4:55P +1.8 L 11:21P +0.2

6 Sun R 6:16A Tue Sun S 6:43P

H 5:38A +1.6 L 11:30A +0.5

H 5:20P +1.6 L 11:43P +0.2

7 Sun R 6:17A Wed Sun S 6:42P

H 6:22A +1.7 L 12:26P +0.6

H 5:46P +1.3

100 HANA HIGHWAY, PAIA

579-8030

Cunning Lingle What Governor Linda Lingle said in an Aug. 27, 2005 press release announcing her hosting the upcoming International Women’s Leadership Conference: “I am excited about this unique conference that will bring together women leaders from around the world to network, motivate each other, provide insight into their fields of expertise, and share their inspirational stories of success.”

What she didn’t say: One of those “women leaders” who will “provide insight” is Patricia Lynn Scarlett, The U.S. Department of the Interior’s Assistant Secretary for Policy, Management and Budget.

Though she works at a federal agency guarding the environment, a Mother Jones magazine profile of Scarlett mentioned that she compared environmentalism to Marxism, derided statements about the Earth running out of resources as a “myth” and spent many years working for the Reason Foundation, which is funded by Chevron, Dow Chemical, the American Plastics Council, among others.

-Anthony Pignataro

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

5

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SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

NEWS

MAUICOUNTY WEDNESDAY, AUG. 31 Pretty quiet day, really. A crowd of more than 1,000 Shiites just got stampeded to death in Baghdad after someone started yelling there was a suicide bomber in their midst; untold hundreds, perhaps thousands, are dead in flooded, Hurricane Katrina-ravaged New Orleans, which for all intents and purposes doesn’t exist any more; and Camile Velasco just got a recording contract. See, nothing much of anything… Camile Velasco!? She just got a contract?! With Universal Motown Records! Oh my God! Camile Velasco!

She’s that one Maui chick from American Idol last year! The one who made the top 10! Oh my God!!!!! Okay, I’ll stop now. Boy, that gave me a headache.

Anyway, Velasco has a hell of a publicist, because today’s press release on the new record deal misspells her name once (“You’re invited to meet Camille [sic] Velasco…”), calls her “bouncy” twice and describes her debut single “Hangin’ On” as “a loosely-based [sic] cover of the big Supremes hit, ‘You Keep Me Hangin’ On’.” Loosely based. Isn’t the music industry just magical?

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

dren from being repeatedly sexually assaulted by those with whom they live,” the state’s top law enforcement officer fumed in a press release today. “Second, the decision is undemocratic and disregards the will of the Legislature, the vote of the people, and past practice.” Undemocratic? Since when does justice reside with a popular vote? And when exactly did the legislature’s will trump the state Constitution? As for the court disregarding “past practice,” Bennett’s beloved Amendment 1 actually sought to overturn the 2003 state Supreme Court case State v.

Rabago. But have no fear: Bennett’s still got three appalling, anti-civil rights constitutional amendments on the books.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 3 So Republicans like Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R, Jerkland) are talking loudly about how maybe it’s not a good idea to rebuild New Orleans, since it’s a low-lying area prone to flooding and total destruction. How come Hastert only says stuff like that when a bunch of poor African-Americans are wiped out and never when all the rich whites who live in Malibu lose their homes every decade to floods, mudslides and fires?

THURSDAY, SEPT. 1

SUNDAY, SEPT. 4

Courtesy of Bloomberg News and today’s Honolulu Advertiser, we taxpayers now know that our wonderful state and local officials are pretty much carnival rubes when it comes to municipal bonds. Put simply, just about every city, county and state uses bonds to finance big construction jobs. On the mainland, a lot of local officials put their bond sales out to bid. By playing the big bankers off each other, the local officials can get the best interest rates, which will save taxpayers millions of dollars over the 20-year bond life. But as Bloomberg found out, Hawai’i’s different. Turns out there’s not a single government agency in the state that puts bonds out to bid—instead, they all just negotiate with one bank and trust that they’re getting the best deal possible. In response to charges that local officials don’t know a competitive bond sale from a hole in the ground, Kalbert Young, Maui County’s finance director, offered an “everybody’s doing it, so why not us?” defense. “[O]ver 80 percent of municipal bonds are now sold through the negotiated process,” he emailed the Advertiser.

“While we trust our underwriters to provide guidance and quotes on the bond rates, the County also does its own due diligence to ensure that our interests are fair.” Diligence aside, Bloomberg calculat-

I’m just saying.

MONDAY, SEPT. 5 ed that the state could have saved more than $6 million in interest on its current bonds if it had asked for bids. Do you have any idea how many Camile Velasco albums loosely based on old Supremes albums you can buy with that kind of loot?

FRIDAY, SEPT. 2 Our state and county governments may not know much about savvy bond financing, but at least our Hawai’i Supreme Court still seems to comprehend due process. Today our robed jurists ruled that Amendment 1, overwhelmingly voted onto the books last November—is in fact unconstitutional. The amendment removed the ancient provision requiring unanimous jury decisions in cases involving combinations of sexual assault acts against minors. For Maui Time readers who remembered our Oct. 28, 2004 story “Four Amendments of the Apocalypse,” the Supreme Court’s decision is hardly surprising. But it sure put Attorney General Mark Bennett’s panties in a twist. After all, he spent thousands of taxpayer dollars last year boosting the amendment and its three equally detestable cousins. “First, this is yet another example of a Supreme Court decision undermining the Legislature’s attempts to protect young chil-

OVERHEARD...

“WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME WE GO OUT WE END UP DRAWING ON EACH OTHER?” -Woman to her friends at Mulligan’s on the Blue in Wailea, Sept. 1

So how about them gas prices? Man, I bet the big oil companies are just laughing their asses off. Anyway, good news for Hawai’i—our beloved state is no longer home to the highest gas prices in the nation. Not even close, in fact: according to a press release sent out today by the Hawai’i State Legislature, the average price of regular 87 Octane here ranks an amazing 35th in the nation. Thirtyfifth. Not first or second like, well, always, but 35th, behind states like Nebraska, North Carolina, Kansas and Delaware. And you can take that ranking to the bank because it comes straight from AAA—the eminently powerful lobbying arm of American drivers. Why Hawai’i gas prices are no longer the highest in the nation is somewhat controversial. There’s Hurricane Katrina, of course, but then there’s, oh, I don’t know, the wholesale gasoline price cap. Heaven forbid that the new law, which went into effect Sept. 1, may have actually done its job. I don’t think Big Oil could live with that.

TUESDAY, SEPT. 6 Turns out the U.S. Senate won’t be voting on the Akaka Bill any time soon. I think they’ve recessed to go into mourning because of the death of Bob “Gilligan” Denver, who died today at 70 from complications stemming from him being really old, but the Senate may also have just needed more time to appropriate emergency hurricane money.

Anthony Pignataro recently discovered evidence indicating that this country does indeed need a good five-cent cigar. MTW

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In court papers filed in 1994 but which only recently drew public attention, lawyers for the Catholic Archdiocese of Portland, Ore., challenged a child-support claim against a priest by pointing out the culpability of the mother herself for failing to use birth control, which the church regards a grave sin. The 1994 document came to light when the woman went back to court in July 2005 for an increase in child support, but the court turned her down in deference to Father Arturo Uribe’s vow of poverty, although Uribe’s ordaining order subsequently volunteered more support. The man who was archbishop of Portland during the 1994 case recently assumed Pope Benedict’s previous job as the Vatican’s chief doctrinist.

COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS In July, a team of South Korean scientists made history by cloning an Afghan hound, but many experts view the team’s revelation two months earlier as even more important, when they derived 11 stem cell lines from clones of patients with specific diseases. The leader of the team, Hwang Woo-suk, told the journal Nature Medicine then that Koreans have an advantage over westerners in delicate laboratory work because of “Oriental hands.

We can pick up very slippery corn or rice with the steel chopsticks.”

United States and earns about $15 million annually from playing and from product endorsements. That’s about 15,000 times the average earning of Chinese urban workers.

LAME Ronald Schueller, convicted of attempting to hire someone to knock his estranged wife unconscious and kidnap her, said (according to prosecutors) that he was just trying to reconcile with her, based on an idea from a Dr. Phil TV segment in which the host said that sometimes people need a good scare to realize their delusions (Port Washington, Wis., August). And Jessica Stakelbeck, 22, charged with neglect when two of her diaper-clad toddlers were found on the side of a highway, blamed her lapse not on being high from her admitted methamphetamine habit but on sleepiness from missing her meth for several days (Franklin, Ind, August).

NEW RIGHTS Eric Laverriere, 25, filed a federal lawsuit in Boston in July, claiming the Waltham, Mass., police violated his constitutional right to be drunk when they arrested him at a private New Year’s Eve party even though there was no evidence that he was disturbing anyone.

The law in many states requires police to detain someone who is incapacitated and who might be a threat to himself, and indeed, some police departments have been sued if they fail to detain someone who later injures himself.

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

serious brain damage from being submerged, and in August filed a lawsuit against the city for not having guardrails, not having regular patrols of trained and equipped rescuers, and not having more signs warning people of the danger of falling into the river.

OH, DOCTOR In July, Jeanette Passalaqua, 32, filed a lawsuit in San Bernardino, Calif., against the Kaiser Permanente medical organization for the death of her husband in June 2004, when he passed out from watching his wife receive an epidural anesthetic, fell over and fatally hit his head. According to the lawsuit, hospital personnel had asked the husband to hold and comfort his wife while the needle was being inserted and therefore were at fault.

THINGS PEOPLE BELIEVE About 200 major league baseball players wear $23 titanium necklaces made by the Japanese company, Phiten, according to a June New York Times report, with many accepting the company’s claim that they improve circulation and reduce muscle stress. Said a company spokesman: “Everybody has electricity running through their bodies. This product stabilizes that flow of electricity if you’re stressed or tired.” Said New York Mets pitcher Heath Bell, who has two necklaces: “If you think it works, it’s going to work. If you don’t think it works, it’s not going to work. But I’m going to keep wearing it, because next year, there will be something new we’ll all have to get.”

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IRONY In April, the communist government of China presented its quinquennial Vanguard (or Model) Worker award—usually given to loyal factory workers, dedicated public-outhouse stewards, and the like— to Yao Ming, the Houston Rockets’ basketball player who lives most of the year in the

In Old Saybrook, Conn., in October 2004, Alan Hauser, who was parked with engine running, sitting with his mother-in-law, accidentally hit the accelerator, causing the SUV to jump a curb and plunge down an embankment into the Connecticut River, where rescuers pulled the woman out 30 minutes later. Hauser managed to get out on his own. The woman, 75, suffered

QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS Steven Newell was hospitalized in London, Ontario, in June after his large plastic swimming pool, which he had just placed on his secondfloor balcony and then filled with water, caused the balcony to collapse and plunge to the ground.

The pool, eight feet in diameter and filled with water as it was to a height of 20 inches, would require about 640 gallons, weighing more than 2 1/2 tons. Newell had relocated the pool to the balcony to avoid building a fence around it.

MORE IRONY Criminal defense lawyer Donald Johnson apprehended the man burglarizing his home in Cornwall, Ontario, in May, and discovered it was one of his clients, Scott Best, 34. He was apparently unaware of whose home he had entered and wanted to telephone Johnson from the station house.

NEWS THAT SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE Lawyers for horror novelist Stephen King acknowledged in June that King had been sued once again by Anne Hiltner, who now claims that the obsessed, psychotic nurse in the movie Misery must have been based on her. She had earlier claimed that a psychic character from King’s TV show Kingdom Hospital was based on her and sued him before that for allegedly breaking into her home and stealing manuscripts. MTW

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SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

9

OPED

BY TED RALL

Green Room Confessions The inside scoop from a Fox News guest A pleasant-sounding producer from Fox News called to invite me onto Hannity & Colmes to discuss a few controversial political cartoons by Garry Trudeau and Jeff Danziger. “You’ll be on with Michael Reagan,” the fellow explained, “as an expert. You’ll explain how political cartoons work and whether or not there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed.”

“Let me make sure we’re clear on this,” I replied, recalling a prior appearance in which right-wing rottweiler Sean Hannity had gone red in the face because I’d remarked that Reagan had been a terrible president.

“You are mean! You are cruel! You are thoughtless, and you are a hateful human being! You don’t have a soul! And you don’t care about anybody but yourself!

And you do this for shock value so that your name could be noticed. You’re a slob.

You’re an absolutely—you’re a hateful human being!” he’d yelled.

Slob? Hateful—from the biggest hatemonger on television? This hamhock’s hypocritical rhetoric and his weird vocabulary made it nearly impossible to keep myself from bursting into hysterical laughter. It’d been hilarious, but I prefer to maintain my composure when speaking on national television.

“You only want me to appear as an expert on editorial cartoons?” I asked Hannity’s producer.

“Exactly.”

“So the show won’t be about me.”

“Right.”

“I’m not the subject.”

“No.” “Are editorial cartoons targeting Condoleezza Rice crossing a line?” Fox promoted my appearance all afternoon.

“We’ll show you some the most recent cartoons and let you decide with cartoonist Ted Rall and talk radio host Michael Reagan. Join us!” Images of the Trudeau and Danziger cartoons flashed onscreen.

So I was naturally surprised when I walked onto the set of Hannity & Colmes, ostensibly to talk about the Danziger and Doonesbury pieces mocking Condi Rice. “Aw, Jesus,” Hannity snorted when he looked up from his stack of Internet printouts.

“Who booked this guy?” he asked.

“What’s the matter with you—how much publicity do you need? God, you’re a sick, sick person. You need help.”

“Save it for the show, Sean,” I said.

“Nice to see you again,” interrupted Alan Colmes, standing to shake hands.

Colmes, the producer and the camera guys shifted nervously, embarrassed by and perhaps scared of their mercurial chief

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NEWS

LC Watch Still No Due Process

Tales from the Hot Seat host. All the faces were new, as usual. Unlike other Fox shoutshows, you never see the same staffer twice on Hannity & Colmes. Working for this dude would be worse than the Gitmo torture he so admires.

“Fifteen seconds,” the camera guy announced. “Five. Go.” The monitor flickered on. Hannity introduced me, reading from a TelePrompter. No mention of my book, despite my agreement—oh no! Another neocon job!

“Let me go to Ted Rall here. Not only did you mock the handicapped, you have mocked conservative minorities, you mocked Pat Tillman, former NFL player who was killed in Iraq. And after he was killed you called him basically an idiot for serving his country and giving up an NFL contract. You mocked 9/11 widows in one cartoon... You are about as sick a human being as I have ever met... You are a thoughtless, mean, hateful liberal!”

I reminded him that we’d discussed all this stuff before. “I answer this question every time I come on this show, Sean. That cartoon came out in March of 2002.”

He was screaming now. “Apologize!

Apologize!” Spittle flew. I wondered whether he was going to punch me, and whether it would be better to punch back or run away.

He never mentioned Condi Rice, Doonesbury or Danziger.

Fox wages ergonomic warfare on its guests.

For instance, Bill O’Reilly sits on a large chair, perhaps an Aeron in front of a glass desk where he can lean forward into the camera.

His guests, on the other hand, make do with a rickety, armless secretary’s chair set away from O’Reilly’s table. So while the host is cozy and comfy, you’re fending off his questions with your hands hanging in front and half your ass hanging off the tiny chair.

So why do progressives bother with Fox? The chance to access Americans who might not be exposed to their thoughts through other media (such as, in my case, cartoons and this column) is hard to resist. Bill O’Reilly doesn’t have anything close to the five million viewers he once claimed for the Factor, but tens if not hundreds of thousands of households tune in nightly. If I get a kid to reconsider a decision to enlist in the military or a woman to look into organizing a union because they saw me one night, it’s worth putting up with Hannity’s harangues.

MTW

It was Karl Marx who observed that history repeats itself first as tragedy, then as farce. Though looking at the Maui County Liquor Control Board of Adjudication’s Sept.

1 actions concerning the popular Makawao restaurant and nightclub Casanova, it’s hard to tell which descriptor to apply.

At that hearing, the board once again voted to give the Maui County Prosecutor’s Office more time to prepare its cases—a courtesy the board has repeatedly denied defendant establishments in the past.

On Sept. 1, the board was to hear two cases against Casanova—both involving charges that the club served customers who were already drunk. Steven Burgelin, one of the club’s owners, appeared as he was supposed to, though he decided to act as his own attorney.

But Deputy Prosecutor Angela Hedge didn’t show. Rather than dismiss the case—as board member Lance Collins recommended—the board inexplicably chose to let Liquor Control Director Franklyn Silva act as temporary prosecutor, then voted to defer the two cases to a later date.

For Burgelin, this was too much. He argued for a dismissal, saying that if the situation were reversed and he the one who hadn’t shown up, the board wouldn’t have hesitated to throw the book at him.

“Casanova very strenuously objected,” Collins said after the hearing. “They had very good reasons and gave really good arguments.”

In an eerie repeat of the Aug. 4, 2005 Adjudication Board hearing, in which Collins objected to the board deferring a case against the Sly Mongoose in Lahaina because the prosecution wasn’t prepared, Collins told his colleagues on the board that they were denying due process to Casanova. Like the previous month’s hearing, the board ignored Collins’ protests.

After the hearing, Burgelin sympathized with Collins. “He’s really isolating himself,” he said.

“As soon as he opens his mouth their [the other board members’] eyes go to the ceiling. I’m glad he’s there, don’t get me wrong, but my feeling is the others don’t even consider his points.”

—Anthony Pignataro

SURF&SPORTS

BY KELLY CHAMBERS

‘Do You Really Want To Do This?’

How I became a dirt bike rider It’s hot, loud and dirty. My boyfriend and I are sitting on the hard, filthy bleachers, right in front of the “No Alcohol in the Pit” sign, as people pass toting Coronas and Heinekens. There’s a big mix of people, serious riders donning dirt bike pants and tattoos, curious bystanders like me, all wide eyes and cute, little kids and big kids alike riding around the track on their bikes.

It’s mid-August, and we’re at the Maui Motorcycle Association Track in Pu’unene for a night of dirt bike and quad races. The track is covered in small hills, which the bikes fly over. As the dirt flies harder and higher, everyone in the bleachers stands up in excitement.

I don’t remember which race, but there was a point between the fourth and fifth lap when my toes begin to tingle and I began standing with the rest of the crowd. Grasping my boyfriend’s arm, I began pulling and asking questions like “Does the engine control the back or front wheel?” (he said that wasn’t a stupid question) and “If they make high jumps, do they make more points?” (that apparently was a stupid question because racers don’t compete for points, but for the fastest time).

When the night was over, I was filthy, half deaf and stinky. I didn’t know who won or lost or the difference between a two stroke, four stroke, Kawasaki or Honda. But I did know that I had to start dirt biking as soon as possible.

A few days later, I confronted my boyfriend. “Honey, remember how you said that if we went to the dirt bike races that we could do whatever I want next weekend?” I asked.

His face looked grimly prepared.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I want you to teach me how to dirt bike,” I said.

His face lit up for a second, but then grew serious. “Do you really want to do this?”

I heard this question again and again through the week until he finally relented and I wound up straddling a bike in the cane field behind my parent’s house. My boyfriend’s mouth was moving quickly, explaining the brakes (there’s two of them), the clutch, the gears, the throttle (which I like to call “The Gas”) and what would happen to me and the bike if I didn’t do it right (fall on my ass, my face, etc.). I tried to take it all in but it was just so much.

When he was done he looked at me. “Do you really want to do this?” he asked for the 415th time.

I gave my sweaty men’s helmet a big nod. So he pulled the throttle and began

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once again telling me the importance of everything he’d just said.

I took the reins. Oh boy, I thought. I have to feel the clutch pull, then I release it, then I go.

I felt the clutch pull, released it, then listened as the engine died.

My boyfriend started it again. This time it worked and I was off. I felt my foot lift off the ground. I’m going, I thought. Look at how fast I’m going!

Suddenly, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was my boyfriend, jogging next to me. Yeah, jogging. So much for going fast.

Suddenly I realized that a turn was coming up, but by this point the excitement had caused me to forget how to slow down. Next thing I knew my bike was stalled.

And so it went, him starting my bike and me riding a bit more each time before stalling it

out. Until, that is, a group of dirtbikers came flying past me, shirtless and packing their friends. My bike and I fell hard. Not even taking the time to dust myself off, I bent down to pick up the bike. Oh Loooooord , it was heavy.

But I didn’t care. I was elated that I was okay, the bike was okay and I could go again.

By this time, I’d graduated to the point that my boyfriend followed me in the truck, occasionally telling me when to shift and to keep going until I couldn’t go anymore.

So I did. I raced through the cane fields, up and down hills, through narrow roads, which scratched the truck and finally back to the house.

At the end of the day I had a sore back, a parched throat and a desperate need for a manicure. But I also couldn’t wait to do it again. MTW

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11

‘Be Respectful’ .

E .

Daring to questionD.A.R

By Barukh Shalev

One day last January at about 8:15 a.m., I found myself sitting in Mrs. Cloud’s eighth grade class at Lahaina Intermediate School. At the front of the classroom Maui Police Officer Karen Wong was talking to the students. Above her head, in a neat row were all the U.S. Presidents. The face of Lincoln is crowned by a purple halo saying “TurboCharged.”

“Who can tell me what respect means?” she asked. Hands shot up.

“Connor?”

“Being nice,” he said. “Treating people how you want to be treated.”

“Ah, you’re reading from the book,” Wong said with a playful wave. “How about courtesy? Raise your hand if you know what courtesy means.”

“Kindness!” several students shouted.

Wong nodded.

“Do you think,” she asked carefully, “a lot of the problems in the world today have to do with people not having respect? Not being courteous?”

Heads nodded slowly.

Though Wong’s instruction was part of the D.A.R.E. program, which stands for Drugs and Alcohol Resistance Education, there was very little talk of drugs. It seemed more a course of good citizenship.

Officer Wong had an easygoing, maternal charm that resonated with the students. She told amusing anecdotes about her mother and childhood. She told the students she likes brownies, which made

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SEPTEMBER 8, 2004

COVER STORY

the kids giggle. At another point she recounted an amusing story about how her mom was afraid she would get kidnapped at Ala Moana mall in Honolulu.

They sat listening wide-eyed about the dangers of the big city.

Later she told the class to take a piece of paper, fold it into quarter halves and write their names, period numbers and the numbers one through 10 on each of the quarters. A worksheet was passed from the front to the back with a series of questions pertaining to drugs. The questions were simple and should be easy for the students; after all, they’ve been exposed to D.A.R.E. since kindergarten.

Despite D.A.R.E.’s near universal popularity, policy analyses of its effectiveness have been nearly universally abysmal. More than 30 independent studies, including those of the National Academy of Sciences, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology and The American Journal of Public Health have concluded that D.A.R.E. is ineffective, even counterproductive.

Last year, the General Accounting Office published a scathing report concluding the program has virtually “no statistically significant long-term effect in preventing youth illicit drug use.” The report went on to say D.A.R.E. graduates demonstrate “no significant long term differences toward illicit drug use.”

The D.A.R.E. program on Maui is no dif-

ferent. Despite an expansive budget, the program appears to have little effect on either drug arrest rates or drug use in general. How many times have we heard of the “Ice Problem” and how methamphetamine use is rising? Shouldn’t we be hearing the opposite, considering all the money and energy we’ve pumped into D.A.R.E. each year?

In 1988, 81 juveniles were arrested for violating Maui County drug laws. In the ensuing years, the numbers fluctuate all over the scale. Some years they’re lower, some higher. In 2003, police arrested 116 juveniles for drug violations and another 629 adults—many of which were presumably D.A.R.E. graduates.

Since 1990, D.A.R.E. has been under fire across the nation. Numerous cities have dropped the program from the school curriculum entirely. Some of D.A.R.E.’s own proponents have begun talking of “serious revamping” the program.

There’s even evidence D.A.R.E. may be doing damage. The recent report “Truth and D.A.R.E.: Tracking Drug Educations to Graduation and as Symbolic Politics,” published in the academic journal Social Problems, cites “a sharp decline in positive attitudes toward the police and a growing unwillingness to condemn peer’s consumption of alcohol.”

Yet none of this has hindered D.A.R.E.’s popularity. Since its creation in the early 1980s, D.A.R.E. has gone from an experi-

mental pilot program in the City of Angels to a multi-million dollar industry. D.A.R.E. has been used in over 80 percent of America’s schools and is now in 56 nations around the world, including Turkey and Jamaica.

D.A.R.E. received national recognition under President Ronald Reagan’s War on Drugs. Today it rakes in about $700 million from the federal treasury. More than 50,000 police officers nationwide have been trained in the D.A.R.E. curriculum. They in turn have taught 36 million students.

The philosophy and organizational structure is reflective of its founders and sociological imagination. Orchestrated in 1983 by then-Los Angeles Police Chief Darryl Gates (who once famously remarked that casual drug users should be shot), D.A.R.E. was born in the fires of the drug wars that plagued Los Angeles. There was very little good in L.A. at that time: crack cocaine; the Bloods and the Crips; drive-by shootings; racial tension. Frustrated with the inability to match the drug dealer’s efficiency in recruiting children, law enforcement officials adopted a new strategy.

It proved to be the Golden Fleece and made all the right people feel important. For once, education officials, religious leaders, parental groups and law enforcement found something they could all agree on.

Kids loved D.A.R.E. too, at least at first.

The D.A.R.E. officers who visited schools were skilled and charismatic. Kids loved

the free stuff they got: shirts, key chains, sweatshirts and pencils. Gun-carrying cops told thrilling stories of catching bad guys. In the inner city especially, where kids’ experience with police are less than charming, D.A.R.E. officers treated the students with respect. And if none of that appealed to them, they got a break from math and science.

Of course D.A.R.E. uses all this to its advantage. The program wants the kids to look up to it and its facilitators. D.A.R.E. is like the guidance counselor who wants to be liked, wants to be hip. Just look at its logo, written in faux-graffiti blood red script. D.A.R.E. is with you. D.A.R.E. knows the streets. D.A.R.E. is tough.

Back at Lahaina Intermediate, Officer Wong passed out stacks of D.A.R.E. workbooks. Titled Take Charge of Your Life, it has nine chapters, called “Lessons.” It’s a slick publication with fashionable, high quality photographs of good-looking young people in various states of frolicking or lounging. There are a series of small assignments scattered among snippets of information and cautionary moralistic stories concerning drug and alcohol use.

It’s also hard to look at because it’s terminally lame. Messages like “Alcohol is not my thing” and “I don’t want any beer.

Do you have any soda?” may be rooted in good intentions, but there’s no way savvy kids will fall for them.

Looking around, I saw students were already making fun of D.A.R.E.’s whole point. “Be respectful of me,” one giggling girl told another.

Wong is one of five full time D.A.R.E. officers, with several others serving in a similar program called G.R.E.A.T. (Gang Resistance Education And Training).

Others serve as school resource officers (SRO’s). D.A.R.E. serves Maui, Molokai and Lanai.

“We teach prevention and safety strategies,” said Wong. “Like how to say no, how to get out of a sticky situation and withstand peer pressure.”

I asked her if she thought the program actually worked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I guess it depends on who you talk to, what your sources are and what you consider success. For us, success means a kid coming back to us and thanking us for what we did for them. If that happens to me once a year, I would consider the program successful. Some come back and want to get into law enforcement themselves.”

Although the program doctrine and curriculum comes from a central authority—

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D.A.R.E. America—Wong sees the Maui D.A.R.E. program as unique.

‘We [D.A.R.E. officers] each bring something to the schools,” she said. “More than anything, the program is successful, we feel, because the officers care so much about what they are doing.”

Would you say Maui has a drug problem?

“Again, I don’t know the answer to that,” she said. “If you asked a vice officer that question then he would say yes, because he sees it day in and day out. I know there is a drug problem but I don’t know the magnitude of it. We can’t save everyone. I know there is a core group that is going to do what it is going to go regardless of what we say. What we want to do is get the kids off that edge, the ones who can go either way.

“You know, we have kids who come to me and ask how long it would take them to get drunk, what different drugs do to your body, how they affect you and I tell them to look at it in a different way. What I myself try to do is say to the kids, ‘Look, anyone can do drugs, anyone can succumb to peer pressure but what is an accomplishment are those that have restraint and stay drug free.’” MTW

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ONO KINEGRINDS

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO & MOLLY RETTIG

Hot Dog! How to win a hot dog eating contest If you ever find yourself in Moose McGillycuddy’s on Front Street in Lahaina, ask if a guy named Fitzy is working. If he is, wait until he’s not too busy, then go up to him, look him in the eye—try not to get distracted by the Boston Red Sox logo he has tattooed on his neck—and shake his hand.

You don’t meet too many guys like Fitzy in life. You don’t meet too many authentic American heroes.

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On Sept. 3, 2005, Fitzy won Moose McGillycuddy’s annual hot dog eating contest. It’s fitting the competition took place at Moose’s, because Fitzy works there as a bouncer and busser.

Fitzy dominated the contest from the moment it began. Before a modest crowd of a couple dozen friends, spectators and co-workers wearing giant hot dog hats, Fitzy and a field of five other competitors sat at a long table on the dance floor and ate lots of hot dogs.

By the time the smoke cleared at the end of 15 minutes of regulation competition, Fitzy had shoveled an amazing, remarkable 13 hot dogs down his gullet.

That breaks down to nearly one per minute, every minute, for 15 amazing, world record-setting minutes.

“Oh my God!” Fitzy said a few minutes after winning the contest. “Oh my God! That’s so nasty! I can’t even get up!”

Okay, so maybe Takeru Kobayashi of Nagano, Japan won the hot dog-eating world record back in 2004 by eating 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. But then again, he didn’t enter Moose’s contest.

In fact, Takeru Kabayashi was nowhere to be seen when men like Fitzy stepped forward to test their mettle.

When Moose’s put out the call a few weeks ago for contestants for its annual hot dog eating contest, Takeru Kobayashi never showed up.

But Fitzy did.

“I wasn’t even going to do it,” Fitzy said after his glorious victory as Moose’s sound system played Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger.” “I came here to watch the game. I just ate two hot dogs an hour and a half ago. Oh my God, that was so nasty!

Oh my God.” None of the other competitors even came close to Fitzy’s remarkable achievement. Second place went to two entrants who each ate a meager eight dogs.

One participant named Laurie was emblematic of the pack. She came to Moose’s with dreams of taking out the

He can eat a lot of food competition “Nathan’s-style”—eating two hot dogs at a time. But she disastrously underestimated the hot dog’s girth and could barely make it through six, all the while watching Fitzy cruise to victory.

Perhaps fittingly, Fitzy was stoic when asked what was his key to his victory.

“I can eat a lot of food,” he said. “I can eat a large pizza and a large sub and really enjoy it.

Ohhh… I can’t get up.”

Most of the entrants chose the standard hot dog speed-eating tactic of dunking the dog and bun into a glass of water before biting. The theory is that the water makes the bun all soggy, which then makes the hot dog easier— and quicker—to chew and swallow. Fitzy did this, at first.

“Yeah, the last couple of hot dogs started tasting nasty, so I stopped dunking them in the water,” he said. Then Fitzy rose from the table, shook his head slightly and went to work bussing tables. MTW

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$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

CENTRAL MAUI

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

International House of Pancakes - (IHOP) - Open for breakfast, specialty pancakes and sandwiches, along with lunch and dinner entrees.

Sun-Thu, 6 a.m.-12 a.m.; Fri-Sat, 6 a.m.-2 a.m.

Maui Mall, Kahului, 871-4000. $ Kahili - Lunch with a view Served from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.

2500 Honoapiilani Hwy., Waikapu, 242-6000. $$ Kozo Sushi - Fast food take-out.

Open 9 a.m to 7 p.m. Mon through Sat. Sushi platters available. 52 N. Market Pl., Kahului, 243-5696. $ Mama Ding’s Pasteles - This family-owned restaurant consists of a variety of breads, coconut papaya bread, apple cinnnamon, Puerto Rican sweet bread.

Open 7 a.m.-2 p.m.

255 Alamaha, Kahului, 877-5796. $ Marco’s Grill Deli - A lavish and beautiful setting complements the hearty Italian food and excellent wines.

444 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-4446. $$ Maui Beach Hotel - Buffet-style restaurant featuring different foods each night of the week. Features range from Shabu Shabu (tons of meat) to sushi and Japanese.

170 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului, 877-0051. $$ Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and island spices. Queen Ka’ahumanu Mall, Kahului, 871-7726. $ Mike’s Restaurant - Authentic Chinese cooking and ono local grinds. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Also offers catering.

1900 E. Main St., Wailuku, 244-7888. $ Pulehu BBQ - Local plate lunches with a Southern smokehouse twist.

1500 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 244-4049 or 244-6159. $ Saeng’s Thai Cuisine - Vegetarian, meat and seafood Thai entrees in a casual garden setting.

2119 Vineyard, Wailuku, 244-1567. $$ Sam Sushi - A new location and with over 20 years of experience in the food industry. Catering and party trays available. Open Mon-Fri, 11 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sat, 5-9 p.m.

1951 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku, 249-2420. $$ Simply Healthy Cafe - Hawaiian diet that is low in sugar, fat ,sodium and high in complex carbs. Molokai sweet potatoes, taro and brown rice a choice of a plate lunch meat or vegetaritan entree and soup.

Open 11 am - 2 pm, M-F 95 Mahalani St.,Cameron Center, Wailuku. 249-8955.

Alive And Well - Healthy food, juices, smoothies, wraps, salads or plate lunches.

Organic pastries, vegetables.

Open daily, 8 a.m.-6 p.m.

340 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 244-5950. $ Ba-Le - French-Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle dishes, pho, saimin and more. Plus, a large variety of tapioca.

Mon-Sat, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun, 9 a.m.-7 p.m.

270 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-2400. $ Café Marc Aurel - Offers an elegantly casual menu, including gourmet cheeses, dolmas, tzatziki and an extensive wine-by-the-glass list.

Mon-Fri, 6:45 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sat, 6:45 a.m.-1 a.m 28 N. Market Street, Wailuku, 244-0852. $$ Cary & Eddie’s Hideway-Oceanfront affordable dining. Plate lunches available daily.

Sunday Brunch. Omelets made to order Open Tue-Sat 11 a.m. Sun Brunch 8 a.m. - 2 p.m. 500 Puunene Ave Kahului, 873-6555 Da Kitchen - Huge portions of local Hawaiian food. Plate lunches, steak plates and amazing chicken katsu. Very casual; sit and eat or get your food to go.

Mon-Fri, 11 a.m.-8 p.m.; 11 a.m.-3 p.m. 425 Koloa St., Kahului, 871-7782. $ Denny’s - Open 24 hours, serving breakfast, lunch or dinner. Omelettes, burgers, salads.

430 Kele St., Kahului, 873-5550. $ Dish - The concept is simple. Every month, the owner and manager decide on a different “menu” of 14 entrees, of which you may select 12 to assemble in their kitchen.

Sessions avail. Wed-Sat. Mon-Fri, 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

150 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-1414. $$ Fiesta Time - Superior Mexican taqueria.

Order a la carte or combo special with the freshest ingredients.

Mon-Sat, 10:30 a.m.-9 p.m.

1132 Lower Main, Wailuku, 249-8463. $ Ichiban Restaurant and Sushi Bar Breakfast, lunch and dinner featuring modestly priced Japanese and local cuisine. Kahului Shopping Center, 871-6977. $$

KAMA’AINA & SEAFOOD

SPECIALS ALL WEEK LONG

Siu’s Chinese Kitchen - Fast food Chinese with daily specials. All entrees are served with rice or noodles.

70 E. Ka’aumanu Ave., Maui Mall, 871-0828. $ Stillwell’s Bakery & Cafe - Specialty cakes and desserts, breads and pastries, with sandwiches, salads and soups for lunch.

Open 6 a.m.-4 p.m. Mon-Sat. 1740 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Wailuku, 243-2243. $ Sub Paradise - Maui’s famous subs since 1990. An extensive list of breakfast bagels, sub sandwiches and salads.

Mon-Fri, 7 a.m.-7 p.m.; Sat, 7 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sun, 7 a.m.-4 p.m.

395 E. Dairy Rd, Kahului, 877-8779.

Tasty Crust - Local-style cuisine for breakfast (try their famous hotcakes!), lunch and dinner. Serving Maui since 1944.

1770 Mill, Wailuku, 244-0845. $ Tin Ying Chinese Restaurant - A Hong Kongstyle seafood restaurant. They have over 100 menu choices at reasonable prices. Buffet style lunch takeout, as well as sit-down dining.

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 242-4371. $ Valley Isle Seafood - Known for their luau stew, along with several choices of seafood.

475 Hukilike St., Kahului, 873-4847. $ Wow-Wee Maui Cafe - Unique candy bars, ice cream shakes, bagels, coffees, sandwiches and soups. Also a Hawaiian menu, kava kava, sushi and oxygen bars.

333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-1414. $

SOUTH MAUI Antonio’s - Italian cuisine in a cozy atmosphere, extensive wine list and friendly service. Trust us, try the Tiramisu. 1215 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8800. $$ Ashley’s South Shore Cafe - Affordable breakfast, lunch and dinner with burgers, local plates, fresh island fish, comfort foods and deli sandwiches.

362 Hukulii Pl. (behind Tesoro), Kihei, 874-8600. $ Bamboo Chi - Euro, Asian and Mediterranean atmosphere—perfect for relaxing with friends. Pupus, tapas Sushi and Dim Sum, and antipasto. Live music Nightly in the Wabi-Sabi Lounge. Dinner attire suggested.

Open from 5 p.m.

100 Wailea Ike Dr., Wailea, 879-4777. $$

BURGERS • SANDWICHES • STEAKS SEAFOOD • PASTA • SALAD BAR ALL NEW CHEF ALL NEW MENU

All You Can Eat Champagne Breakfast Buffet

NIGHTLY SPECIALS

MON-1-1/4 LB LIVE MAINE LOBSTER $21.95 TUES-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES WED-1LB. ALASKAN KING CRAB LEGS $21.95 THUR-14OZ PRIME RIB $18.95 FRI-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES

Every Sat & Sun 8:00-12:00

Kama’aina valid w/ HI ID & 17% Gratuity prior to Discount

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3-6

$14.95 Adult / $10.95 Keiki 15% Kama’aina

$3.00 TROPICALS / WELLS $3.25 BUD-BUD LIGHT-COORS LIGHT $1.00 FRESH OYSTER SHOOTERS DOLLAR DOUBLE ALL DAY

658 Front Street, Lahaina (Across from the Famous Banyan Tree in the Wharf Cinema Center)

661-8141

OPEN DAILY 8am-2am

www.bluelagoonmaui.com

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

Big Wave Cafe - Small cafe serving Pacific Rim cuisine, including lobster and sweet corn fritter with furikake tartar sauce, and coconut shrimp with fruit salsa and ginger lilikoi sauce.s Open daily.

1215 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8688. $ Bocalino Bistro & Bar - Affordably priced Mediterranean cuisine.

Open for dinner. Late night menu until 1 a.m.

1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-9299. $$ Buzz’s Warf - Steaks, seafood and more, including Sweet Paradise Prawns. Reservations recommended.

Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-5426. $$ Caffe Ciao - Italian cuisine baked in a Kiawe wood oven. Open for lunch and dinner. Dine outdoors poolside.

The Fairmont Kea Lani, Wailea, 875-4100. $$ Cyberbean Internet Cafe - Gourmet coffee, espressos, cappucinos, lattes, sandwiches, smoothies and salads.

1881 S. Kihei, 879-4799. $ Denny’s - Open 24 hours for breakfast, lunch or dinner with omelets, burgers, salads.

Open 24 hours.

2763 S. Kihei Rd., 879-8600. $ Enrique’s Restaurant - Authentic Mexican food.

Fajitas, seafood, enchiladas, tamales, burritos and vegetarian items.

Open Mon-Sat, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun, 10 a.m.-8 p.m.

2395 S. Kihei Rd., 875-2910. $ Ferraro’s - Gourmet Italian cuisine oceanfront with live violin and guitar, outdoor kiawe-wood-burning oven, allday lunches and cucina rustica dinners.

Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$

EMPLOYEE OF THE

WEEK AS TOLD TO GABRIELLE POCCIA

Margie Moncalian Waitress, Big Wave Café in Kihei I like this job more than any other job I have had before, in Hawai’i or on the mainland. It’s a very fast-paced restaurant and the shifts go by very quickly. We also get a lot of regulars here so coming to work can be very fun.

I had seen the café before and it seemed nice. When I met the manager we hit it off and I started work the next day. I have been there for almost two years since then.

One thing that makes our breakfasts so successful is that we have great early bird specials and serve until 2 p.m. We get a lot of tourists who have just gotten off the plane and still want to eat breakfast food. We are one of the only places that you can get it after noon.

I work both breakfast and dinner. The two are very different but the food is always good.

Our night chef is fantastic. All the food he makes tastes great and the presentation is always beautiful. People are very pleased when they see this food set in front of them.

I have always liked helping people. Being a waitress it feels good to make sure that your customers have a good experience. When a server is happy and friendly the customer usually reacts well. I think that is why I have such good relationships with the people who eat at our café. I try to be outgoing and smile so that the customers are more at ease. MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

15

DININGLISTINGS Five Palms Restaurant - Local produce and fish featuring Pacific Rim seafood. Breakfast, lunch, pupus and dinner.

Open 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

2960 S. Kihei Rd., 879-2607. $$ Hawaiian Moons Natural Foods - A fantastic salad bar and healthy natural foods.

Open daily 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

2411 S. Kihei Rd., 875-4356. $ Hula Moon - Enjoy breakfast, lunch, dinner or a champagne Sunday brunch with an open air tropical setting and spectacular ocean views.

Featuring fresh Hawaiian fish.

3700 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 874-7831. $$$ Jawz Tacos - Island-style tacos and burritos, including choice of vegetarian, mahi mahi, ono, shrimp, chicken or steak. Impressive salsa bar and the taco salads are da bomb!

1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-TACO. $ Kai Ku Ono - A tapas-style menu, where everything is a la carte, special late night menu and sushi. Serving breakfast, lunch and dinner with bar and lounge area.

2511 S. Kihei Rd., 875-1007. $$ Kihei Caffe - Affordable breakfast and lunch with lanai seating, hearty portions, tasty sandwiches, huli chicken and fresh fish.

1945 S. Kihei Rd., 879-2230. $ LuLu’s - Ribs, burgers, chicken wings, Black ‘n Blue Ahi and more in a fun, upbeat tiki-fied atmosphere with a huge bar and open-air deck.

1941 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9944. $ Ma’alaea Waterfront Restaurant Seafood and continental cuisine.

Open for dinner daily from 5 p.m.

Milowai Condominium, 50 Hauoli St., 2449028. $$ Maui Espresso & Shave Ice - Finest Hawaiian shave ice, a full service coffee kiosk, fruit smoothies and shakes.

2439 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0414. $ Mulligan’s On the Blue - Maui’s authentic Irish pub, plenty o’ Irish food, whiskey and beer.

Open 8 a.m breakfast, 3 -5p.m. lunch 5-10p.m.

Dinner, Late night pupus 10 p.m.- 12 p.m.

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131. $

OutBack Steak House - Quality steaks, shrimpon-the-barbie, and the Bloomin’ Onion in a casual and lively atmosphere.

Open 4-10 p.m.

281 Pi’ikea Ave, Kihei, 879-8400. $$ Royal Thai Cuisine - Thai food with a large selection of vegetarian dishes.

Open for lunch (Mon-Fri) and dinner.

1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0813. $ Sansei Restaurant - Japanese-based Pacific Rim dining, sushi bar and late night menu. Award-winning cuisine, early bird and late night special.

1881 S. Kihei Rd., 879-0004. $$ K Seawatch - Hawai’i regional cuisine utilizing the freshest island fish and produce.

Open 8 a.m to 3 p.m, dinner 5:30 p.m.

100 Wailea Golf Club Drive, Wailea, 875-8080. $$ Spago - Gourmet cuisine as presented by worldfamous chef-owner Wolfgang Puck. Oceanfront dining at its finest!

Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$ Stella Blues Cafe - Healthy, quality food in a casual, homestyle setting. Breakfast, lunch and dinner with daily specials.

1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-3779. $$ Sports Page Bar & Grill - Over 100 menu items, including half-pound burgers and deli sandwiches, with 24 TVs and a full bar.

Open 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.

2411 S. Kihei Rd., 879-0602. $ Tastings Wine Bar & Grill - Savory and sweet nibbles, such as house-smoked duck breast on wilted spinach with toasted hazelnuts, grilled whole Moi with jasmine rice and ginger braised bok choy, along with an excellent wine list.

Open Tue-Sun, from 5 p.m.

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 879-8711. $$ Yakiniku Steak House - Fresh and flavorful, authentic Korean food.

Open 10 a.m.-10 p.m., lunch and dinner.

752 Lower Main, Wailuku, 244-7788. $ Yorman’s By The Sea - Southern Pacific cuisine with a blend of Louisiana Cajun and tropical flare.

Open 5-10 p.m. Music nightly.

760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-8385. $$ K

UPCOUNTRY

Aha ’Aina - Dining featuring a delicious chili pork burrito and a large variety of omelets. Island fish, chicken katsu.

Open for breakfast and lunch only: Tue-Sat, 7 a.m.-2 p.m.; Sun, 7 a.m.-1 p.m.

7 Aewa Place, Pukalani, 572-2395. $$ Cafe Del Sol - Sandwiches and fresh fish, daily specials.

Open for breakfast and lunch: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572-4877. $ Café Mambo - International bistro featuring Mediterranean and Mexican cuisine with Moorish influences.BYOB. 30 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8021. $ Casanova - First class service, first class food. Fine Italian dining at night and Makawao’s favorite deli by day.

1188 Makawao Ave., 572-0220. $$ Colleen’s - 1940s-style urban bistro serving breakfast, lunch and dinner from 6 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. daily.

Haiku Cannery, 575-9211. $$ Hali`imaile General Store - Gourmet dining in a charming atmosphere with food from Chef Beverly Gannon’s award-winning menu.

900 Hali`imaile Rd, 572-2666. $ Island Tacos - A taco stand with fresh, made-toorder fish, beef and chicken tacos.

Open 11 a.m.-4 p.m.

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery. $ Kitada’s - Saimin for breakfast is a standard. Teriyaki beef, hamburger steak, tofu and teriyaki all available.

3617 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572-7241. $ La Provence - French-style bistro and patisserie with lanai, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Open Wed thru Sun, 8:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. 3158 Lower Kula Rd., 878-1313. $$ Lynne’s Cafe - Affordable homestyle local food including breakfast, plate lunch, chow fun and more!

Catering available.

810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-9363. $ Mama’s Fish House - Fresh island fish with fresh local ingredients at “Maui’s favorite restaurant.”

799 Poho Pl., Kuau, 579-8488. $$$ Milagros Food Co. - South American cuisine with an island influence. Best people watching spot in Paia!

Extensive tequila menu and delicious daily specials.

3 Baldwin St., Paia, 579-8755. $ Pa`ia Fish Market - By serving fresh local Hawaiian fish daily, they are the hot spot for seafood lovers without the upscale pocket.

2A Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8030. $ Polli’s Mexican Restaurant - Paniolo country’s premier Mexican cantina, with nachos, burritos, ensaladas and more!

1202 Makawao Ave., 572-7808. $ Vasi Gourmet - The best cakes and pastries around, along with delicious salads, quiches and gyros with a variety of teas.

Open 7 a.m.-8 p.m.

810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku Marketplace, 575-9588. $

WEST MAUI A&J Kitchen- Choose from American, Hawaiian, Korean and Chinese cuisines. Bakery with cakes and cookies.

Lahaina Center, 667-0623. $

I s l a n d Ta c o Fresh Fish Chicken or Pork Tacos

50% OFF @ THE SUSHI BAR

No reservations necessary. Only on food items, between 5pm &7pm, no carry-out, gratuity included, based on full price.

Sashimi excluded.

Catering Available NEW SUMMER HOURS Mon.-Sat. 11am-2pm & 9pm-3am Sun. Sunset-2am

LOCATED AT PARADICE BLUZ ON FRONT STREET 16

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

DINING

Aloha Mixed Plate - Experience the traditional foods of the varied ethnic groups who call Hawai’i home.

1285 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3322. $ The Bakery - Freshly baked breads and pastries.

Soup and sandwiches available. 991 Limahana Pl., Lahaina, 667-9062. $ Bamboo Bar & Grill - Vietnamese, Thai and Japanese sushi. Delivery available, great daily specials.

Open late with full bar, pool tables.

505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4051. $ K Basil Tomato’s Italian Grill - Specializing in Northern Italian cuisine. Come in for the ambience, stay for the delightful dining experience.

2780 Keka’a Dr., Ka’anapali, 662-3210. $$ Blue Lagoon - Casual dining with local grinds and bar, surrounded by waterfalls and palm trees.

Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661–8141. $ Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. - Fine Southern foods, with “Forrest Gump” movie memorabilia and logo wear in a lively, casual atmosphere.

889 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3111. $$ Cafe Sauvage - Gourmet, hearty, satisfying fare in an unpretentious setting. Extensive beer and wine menu, after-dinner cordials, and desserts!

844 Front St., Lahaina, 661-7600. $$ K Cascades Grill & Sushie Bar - Serving Steaks, Seafood, and sushie Open 5:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.

Hyatt Regency Hotel, Kaanapali 661-1234 Captain Dave Fish & Chips - Classic baskets of fish and chips. Open daily.

126 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 667-6700. $ Cilantro - Fresh Mexican Grill island fish, tacos and burritos. Mexican food beyond the border.

170 Papalaua St., Lahaina, 667-5444. $ China Boat - The best Mandarin Szechwan cuisine on Maui, open for lunch and dinner.

4474 L. Honoapiilani Road, Kahana Gateway Shopping Center, 669-5089. $ Coconut Grove - Steak, seafood and other island favorites. Next to Lahaina Cannery Mall.

Open 5:30-9 p.m.

1312 Front Street, Lahaina, 661-5648. $ Compadres Bar & Grill - Western cooking with a Mexican accent. Oceanview dining and margarita bar. Serving breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-7189. $ Curry-In-A-Hurry - Curry dishes that are delightful and delicious in alternative vegetarian eating.

Open Tue-Sat, 11:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m.

840 Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 661-4370. $ Dollie’s Pub & Cafe - Pizza, sandwiches, salads and full bar.

Open daily 11 a.m. to midnight.

4310 L. Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana Manor Shops, 669-0266. $ Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie Maui’s own restaurant brewery, with rotisserie grill, featuring steak, seafood and ambience.

Late-night menu served until 1:30 a.m.! 4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 669-3474. $$ Gazebo Restaurant - Full breakfast and lunch menu, casual atmosphere and beautiful oceanside setting.

5315 Lower Honoapi’ilani Rd, Napili, 669-5621. $ Giovani’s Tomato Pie Ristorante - Fine Italian dining located.

Open for dinner.

291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., 661-3160. $$

DININGLISTINGS

Happy Hour Daily From 2-5 PM

Hawaiian Village Coffee - Old-Hawaiian styled coffeehouse with pastries, smoothies, salads and sandwiches, quiche.

Open 5:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily.

4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana Gateway Shopping Center, 665-1114. $ House of Saimin - Ono homemade saimin, chicken sticks, and haupia pie are just some of the local favorites here.

Old Lahaina Center, 667-7572. $ i`o - Pacific Rim cuisine among awesome sunset views, and indoor or outdoor dining.

505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8422. $$$ Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Coffee bar and cafe with great food, eclectic atmosphere, lounge ambience.

Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

3350 Lower Honoapi’ilani Rd., Honokowai, 6670787. $ Kahuna Kabob - Healthy food, low prices!

Soups, brown rice, veggies and kabobs. And they deliver.

Lahaina Marketplace, 661-9999. $ K Kobe - Japanese Steak House and Oku’s Sushi Bar, featuring teppanyaki cooking and fabulous sushi.

Dinner nightly from 5:30-10 p.m., Sushi 5:30-11:30 p.m.

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 667-5555. $$ Lahaina Fish Co. - Chef’s signature Pacific Rim specialties prepared with fresh island fish.

Dine on the oceanside lanai. 831 Front St., Lahaina, 661–3472. $$ Livewire Cafe - Gourmet desserts, coffee drinks, smoothies.

Open 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Mon-Sun. 612 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4213. $ Mala - Oceanfront dining and organic whole grains cuisine. From clams and lobster soup to chicken tikka, beet and goat cheese salads. Full bar.

1307 Front St., Lahaina, 667-9394. $$ Mango Cafe - Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. American cusine, along with some local favorites. Full bar Nightly specials.

Open7:30 a.m.-10 p.m.

2290 Ka’anapali Pkwy., 667-1929. $$ K Mercado - Latino/Mexican market, with produce from Mexico, So. America, Tonga and New Zealand. Homemade tamales.

Open Mon-Fri, 8 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

3636 L. Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Honokowai, 6655900. $ Mr. Sub Sandwiches - Specialty sandwiches made to order, with salads and homemade soups.

129 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 667-5683. $ Nalu Sunset Bar & Sushi - Sushi rolls, sashimi, various Japanese appetizers, sandwiches and more.

Maui Marriott, Ka’anapali, 667-1200 ext. 51. $$ “Ono’s Surf Bar & Grill” - Casual poolside dining. Now featuring reasonably priced tapas, Hawaiian style menu for dinner.

Open 6:30 a.m.-10 p.m.

The Westin Maui, Ka’anapali, 667-2525. $

Pacific’O - Elegant oceanfront award-winning contemporary Pacific cuisine. Live jazz on weekends.

505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4341. $$$ Pho Saigon 808 - Vietnamese cuisine, Saigon steaks, vegetarian delight.

Open 7 days a week.

658 Front St., Wharf Cinema Center, 661-6628. $ Pineapple Grill - Pupus, Salads, Sandwhiches, Local fruits.

Open 11 a.m. - 9:45 p.m.

Pad Thai - Delicious Påd Thai, among many other items.

Open daily.

658 Front St., Lahaina. 661-1971$ Plantation House Restaurant - HawaiianMediterranean cuisine. Breakfast, lunch and dinner daily.

2000 Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua, 669-6299. $ Reilley’s - Known for their choice award-winning beef. Gourmet steaks and seafood.

Open at 5:30 p.m.

4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Kahana, 667-7477. $$$ Roy’s Bar & Grill - This fine dining restaurant has mouth-watering Hawaiian fusion entrees in a spacious upbeat atmosphere.

Open nightly from 5:30-10 p.m.

4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 669-6999. $$$ Ruth’s Chris Steak House - USDA prime steak and fine wines.

Dinner served nightly, 5-10 p.m.

900 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8815. $$$ Sea House Restaurant - Looking out over incredible Napili Bay, dining is an amazing experience here under the direction of Chef Michael Gallagher.

5900 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500. $$ Spats Trattoria - Step into old Northern Italy.

Tables are private and the antipasto serves two.

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali, 667-4727. $$$ Sunrise Cafe - Casual and cozy outdoor lanai, serving American food.

Open 6 a.m. - 4 p.m. daily.

693 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8558. $ Take Home Maui - Bagels, sandwhiches, smoothies. Fresh fruit, floavored Coffees.

Open 7 a.m - 6:30 p.m.

121 Dickenson, Lahaina, 661-8067. $ Terrace Restaurant - Serving breakfast only.

Elegant dining, buffet-style rotating menu ranging from “Breakfast on the Farm” to “Hawaiian Plantation-Style Breakfast.”

Open from 6:30-11 a.m.

Ritz Carlton, Kapalua, 669-6200. $$$ Tropica - Oceanfront dining on Ka’anapali Beach, features sizzling steaks, fresh fish, prepared in variety of styles. Specialty entrees, appetizers and deserts.

Open 5:30-9:30 p.m.

Westin Ka’anapali, 667-2525. $$ Vinny’s Pizza - Authentic New York style pizza, calzones and heros.

Open daily, delivery 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

840 Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 661-6773. $

$2.50 Well Drinks $3.50 Margaritas $1.50 Bud Lights Watch Your Favorite Sports On Our New Bar T.V.s

Fridays

2. Mai Tais 16. Prime Rib Nite $

50

Wednesdays

$

95

Variety Is Our Specialty 2511 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei • 879-1954

For corrections or to get your listing in this section, please fax 661-0446

Not to be used with any other coupons or discounts. Coupon has no cash value.

Coupon expires 8-31-06

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

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A&E

FILM

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THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

17

Willie K EVERY MONDAY NIGHT

SEPTEMBER 9TH

SEPTEMBER 10TH

KAPENA & MALINO

Three Plus

9pm Nahenahe Opening Band

AQUA BOOGIE Daniel J & Ed V

18

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

KAPENA & MALINO

DA KINE CALENDAR

Three TEEN Plus NIGHT

ULTRA FAB Grammy Nominee

WITH

Willie K

DJ FAT JO

SERVICE INDUSTRY NIGHT

Kokua New Orleans Sunday, 2 p.m. at Casanova Restaurant, Makawao [MUSIC/BENEFIT] If you’ve been following the coverage of last week’s disaster in New Orleans, as thousands of people are being flooded out, stranded and basically losing their homes, their jobs, their family members, their lives—you might be feeling more than a little helpless. Well, this is a small step but at least it’s something: a benefit concert for New Orleans’ Hurricane Katrina victims. Every other Sunday, Casanova Restaurant and Mana’o Radio have been hosting their benefit concert series called “Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style.” But now, in light of this harrowing disaster, they are devoting this Sunday’s performance to the New Orleans victims of Hurricane Katrina. And thankfully, everyone is jumping on the band wagon to perform, including Dorothy Betz and Les Adam, followed by Kanekoa with Vince Esquire, Marty Dread, Gypsy Pacific (Tom Conway, Willie Wainwright, Marcus Johnson, Phil Benoit), Gail Swanson and the Barefoot Natives (Willie K & Eric Gilliom). Admission is $20 (up from the usual $7) at the door, all of which will go to the Salvation Army’s relief fund. Casanova is also donating proceeds from food and beverage sales for that day.

[SAMANTHA CAMPOS]

Sep 05, 2005; New Orleans, LA, USA; With his son's luggage in hand, Lynwood Doronslet, 69, uses the high area of the railroad tracks in hopes of getting to his son's home in Metairie, Louisiana.

Doronset wasn't able to reach the house due to flooding from Hurricane Katrina.

Photo: J Lara/San Antonio Express News/ZUMA Press. (©) Copyright 2005 by San Antonio Express-News

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ThIS WEEK’S PICKS

by Samantha Campos

Taste This!

Collective Soul

Friday-Saturday, 5-10 p.m. in Lahaina [FOOD/MUSIC] Maui’s annual Taste of Lahaina food and music festival is back, with their usual beer and wine garden, live Hawaiian music, a country store, Kid Zone, and 25 restaurant tents. I’ll never forget my first festival of this kind. We called them Farmer’s Markets in Pennsylvania, for good cause. The day was overflowing with all the corn, apples, pumpkins, pies and melons that give Pennsylvania its very rural reputation. After chowing all day, getting a ride on a tractor and having my face painted, I counted myself the luckiest 10-year-old alive. The only detraction from the fun came when I accidentally taunted a goose with a piece of funnel cake and was bit—thus learning not to mess with adult geese. Anyway, since then I’ve attended every food festival possible, and realized they’re just as fun at all ages. Life feels carefree, waltzing through the commotion with a smile on your face and something edible in your hand. I can only imagine Taste of Lahaina will be a more gourmet, island-style version of the homestyle farmer’s markets from my bumpkin childhood. Frolicking around an environment of local homegrown produce, yummy kettle corn, refreshments, and joyful people sounds like a slice of heaven.

Admission: $5, keiki under age 12 get in for free.

Located at the Lahaina Recreation Center II behind the Lahaina Aquatic Center. For info, call 667-9175.

[MOLLY RETTIG]

THURSDAY

Friday, 7:30 p.m. at the Castle Theater, MACC [MUSIC] With a name taken from a line in Ayn Rand’s book The Fountainhead, Georgia alt-pop-rockers Collective Soul became a regular contender of catchy hooks and Billboard chart hits of the 1990s.

Featuring principal songwriter Ed Roland (lead vocals/keyboards/guitars), guitarists Dean Roland and Joel Kosche, and rhythm section Will Turpin (bass/percussion) and Shane Evans (drums/percussion), the band released Hints Allegations and Things Left Unsaid on an indie label in ’93, only to be picked up by mega-conglom Atlanta and subsequently releasing “Shine,” a modern rock and MTV staple. Collective Soul got their platinum debut, and seven #1 hits, as they played arenas with Aerosmith and even did Woodstock 1994. Now they’re back, a little older, a little wiser, and just as ready to alt-pop-rock. A portion of the proceeds to benefit Arts Education in the Schools. Tickets: $35, $40, $45; call 242SHOW. [SAMANTHA CAMPOS]

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McLibel Being the Change

Healthy Hawaii Expo

[DOCUMENTARY] In the late 1980s, London residents Dave Morris and Helen Steel—a postman and gardener, respectively—enjoyed handing out fliers criticizing the fast food empire McDonald’s for serving unhealthy food, degrading the environment and exploiting its employees. Infuriated that two citizens would engage in such acts, in 1990 the corporation demanded the two activists apologize or face a libel lawsuit.

Morris and Steel refused, and embarked on an insane two and a half year trial.

The longest trial in British history saw the two activists represent themselves against McDonald’s $19 million legal time. Ultimately, the whole affair brought about a million times more bad publicity on McDonald’s than Morris and Steel ever dreamed during their days handing out leaflets on street corners. The new documentary McLibel, which screens as part of the Vegetarian Society of Hawai’i’s ongoing series of free lectures, brings to life the plight of Morris and Steel. For more information call 5757694. [ANTHONY PIGNATARO]

Saturday, 8 p.m. at Life’s a Beach

Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at Lahaina Cannery Mall [HEALTH] We all want to look and feel better. I know all the beer I’ve been drinking hasn’t improved my physique, or my health for that matter. Since I know there’s a bunch of you out there boozin’ it up along with me, this may be a good opportunity to clean up shop a little bit. Along with informative speakers, this free event also will bring forth the latest inventions in health and nutritional products as well as low cost massage and energy healing. There’ll also be a “Psychic Alley,” where you can find the best astrologers and psychics the island has to offer. Hmm… maybe I’ll be able to find out what the heck I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Hey, let’s all meet up there and then maybe go get drinks afterwards! For more info, call 281-7645 or 669-9091 or go to www.mauivision.net. [HEIDI KING]

DAY

Tuesday, 7 p.m. at the Cameron Center Auditorium in Wailuku

[MUSIC/BENEFIT] Gandhi said, “Be the change in the world you want to see.” And Jesse, a 20-year-old waitress at Life’s A Beach is doing just that. Jesse has received a grant from the Hawaiian branch of the AIDS Foundation to teach Liberian refugees displaced in Ghana, about AIDS awareness.

Jesse will be returning to Ghana for the second time to help educate and comfort the people.

The “Be the Change” Fundraiser will raise extra money in order to improve the refugees’ learning of written English before their return to their homeland. Prizes, gift certificates, and services donated from different Maui businesses will be raffled off and tickets can be purchased for $5, or 3 for $10. Bring down a Teddy Bear to donate, which will be handed out by Jesse to the Liberian children during the holiday season.

The Erin Smith Band and other musical guests will be providing the entertainment for the night.

T-shirts will be available and all donations will be much appreciated. Be the change and help fund the change to better the lives of these refugees of war. [GABRIELLE POCCIA]

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Demonic possession fizzles on testimony Audiences seeking the elusive rush of fear that William Friedkin so eloquently delivered in his bar-setting 1973 horror classic The Exorcist will be sorely disappointed by writer/director Scott Derrickson’s imbalanced attempt at stirring similar emotions. Purportedly based on actual events, the story commences just after the death of a 19-year-old girl (Jennifer Carpenter) during an exorcism performed by a priest (Tom Wilkinson— In the Bedroom) who suddenly finds himself the target of murder charges based on his assumed negligence.

Father Richard Moore (Wilkinson) refuses to cop a plea and instead insists on publicly airing the girl’s story in a jury

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose

★★★★★ Rated PG-13/114 mins.

our Stars.

Stars. “““ our our Stars.

An intriguing, intriguing, An An intriguing, important docuimportant important docudocumentary. Don’t Don’t mentary. mentary.

Don’t miss it.” it.” miss miss it.”

FF

M

cLibel is the true story of a postman and a gardener who took on McDonald’s in what became the longest trial in English legal history.

Every aspect of the corporation’s business was cross-examined: from junk food and McJobs, to animal cruelty, environmental damage, and the company’s advertising to children.

This film is not about hamburgers.

It is about the power multinational corporations wield over our everyday lives and two unlikely heroes who are changing the McWorld. (85 mins.)

TUE., SEPT. 13, 7 P.M. Cameron Center 95 Mahalani St., Wailuku & FREE Admission Refreshments

Vegetarian Society of Hawaii Over 1800 Members Strong 575-7694 - VSH.org

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SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

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trial with the assistance of his power-hungry attorney Erin Bruner (Laura Linney— Kinsey). The movie unsuccessfully toggles between snappy courtroom testimony and creepy flashback episodes that build toward an anticlimax that reneges on the stated promise of portraying the immediate circumstances of Emily Rose’s death.

Campbell Scott (Roger Dodger) is well cast as Ethan Thomas, a vengeful prosecuting attorney with far right Christian bent to his strident personality. But Scott’s character off-handedly contributes to the film’s downfall. There’s an overemphasis on the courtroom aspect of the story that should have been relegated to a subplot instead of a flip side to the exorcism at hand.

Derrickson deflates the film’s gloomy tension of prevailing horror every time he abandons Father Moore’s flashbacks of attempting to exorcise a demon that identifies itself as Satan from the helpless girl. Lacking too is a sufficient strength of presence from newcomer Jennifer Carpenter (White Chicks) whose Emily Rose character is severely underdeveloped, especially as compared with Linda Blair’s Regan in Friedkin’s Exorcist. Make-up and visual effects designer Keith Vanderlaan is partially to blame for not going far enough with his designs toward creating a complete physical transformation for Emily.

Yet, the exorcism sequences carry a pragmatic approach that gives them a literal and believable air of authenticity that bristles with goose bump-raising capacity.

It’s clear Derrickson and co-scriptwriter Paul Harris Boardman have transposed accurate language and events from factual

She’d be kinda cute if she wasn’t so damn possessed exorcisms and yet don’t allocate additional dramatic and artistic license to properly pressurize the scenes with hostility, suspense and blood-curdling fear. The film returns so regularly back to courtroom banter over science and demonic possession that it seems the writers were scared to dig into the dark reality of their own material.

As an agnostic career-obsessed attorney, Linney’s character Erin is posited somewhere between the wicked husband played by John Cassavetes in Rosemary’s Baby and the young priest in The Exorcist. The screenwriters flirt too briefly with intrusions of evil in Erin’s personal life and squander their opportunity to delve into aspects of her experience that link her to the evil that took Emily Rose’s life.

Because we’re experiencing Emily’s story in flashback we are distanced too much from the palpable danger of a demon taking its toll in the here and now. The evil has already been evicted before the movie begins. This built-in flashback narrative device buffers the audience from ever feeling vulnerable.

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose must inevitably be compared to The Exorcist, and pales drastically in the process. The problem is that too much attention is given to the trial of a priest whose future is already irrelevant because he’s already damaged goods.

We know that he is a good man who has been made to suffer by a cold brand of evil that will haunt him forever. Father Moore is an emotionally maimed victim who will get through his life by way of his faith no matter where he lives out his days. Erin, however, has a chance of being normal if she hasn’t already been polarized by her mental proximity to evil. For just as much as the film is a contemplation of science versus religious belief, it is also a meditation on physical reality versus mental belief.

The epithet of The Exorcist as the “scariest movie ever made” is secure until some overtly ambitious filmmaker dares to flirt so dangerously with demonic evil that it strangely affects an audience’s five senses. The Exorcism Of Emily Rose merely provides a whiff of monolithic horror. MTW

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MOVIECAPSULES

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL’S CANDLELIGHT CINEMA WEDNESDAY, Sept. 14

Castle Theater, 572-3456 Apres Vous - R - Wed 5 & 7:30pm

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Showtimes) = Matinee Brothers Grimm - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (1:20, 4:10), 7, 9:45, Sa-Su (1:20), 4:10, 7, 9:45 Constant Gardener - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1:15, 4), 6:50, 9:40, Sa-Su (1:15), 4, 6:50, 9:40 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - PG - Th-Fr, M-W (1, 3:45), Sa-Su (1), 3:45 Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - R - Th (1:15, 3:15, 5:15), 7:30, 9:35, Fr, M-W (1:15, 3:15, 5:15), 7:25, 9:30, Sa-Su (1:15, 3:15), 5:15, 7:25, 9:30 Dukes of Hazzard - PG13 - Daily 6:30, 9:10 40 Year Old Virgin - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1:40, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:40), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50 The Man - PG13 - Fr, M-W (1, 3:10, 5:20), 7:30, 10, Sa-Su (1, 3:10), 5:20, 7:30,10 March of the Penguins - G - Th-Fr, M-W (1:05, 3:05, 5:05), 7:05, 9:15, Sa-Su (1:05, 3:05), 5:05, 7:05, 9:15 Skeleton Key - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (2, 4:40), 7:15, 9:45, Sa-Su (2), 4:40, 7:15, 9:45 Sound of Thunder - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (1:30, 3:50), 6:45, 9:25, Sa-Su (1:30), 3:50, 6:45, 9:25 Supercross - PG13 - Th (1, 3:10, 5:20), 7:35, 9:55, Fr-W (3:20), 7:40 Underclassman - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (1, 3:15, 5:30), 7:45, 10, Sa-Su (1, 3:15), 5:30, 7:45, 10 Undiscovered - PG13 - Th (1:10, 3:20, 5:30), 7:45, 10, Fr, M-W (1:10, 5:30), 9:55, Sa-Su (1:10), 5:30, 9:55 Valiant - G - Th-Fr, M-W (1:25, 3:25, 5:25), 7:20, 9:20, Sa-Su (1:25, 3:25), 5:25, 7:20, 9:20

APRES VOUS 5 & 7:30 P.M., CASTLE THEATER Two of France's most celebrated actors, Daniel Auteuil (Girl on the Bridge) and José Garcia (Jet Set), team up with French stunner Sandrine Kiberlain, in this contemporary Paris based romantic comedy, described as an I Love Lucy episode rewritten by Woody Allen by the SF Examiner and "Delightfully spirited and irresistible" by the LA Times, that begs the question: can it actually be bad to be a Good Samaritan? In French with English subtitles. Rated R (aka "Ooo-Laa-Laa"). 110 min.

New This Week THE MAN - (PG13) - Action Comedy - It’s time for another odd couple comedic crime adventure! This one’s with Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction, 1994, and he’s done, like, two movies every year since then) and Eugene Levy (the American Pie movies and all Christopher Guest mockumentaries), as fed agent Jackson tracks down the murderer of his former partner, who for some inexplicable reason, has been replaced by chatty Levy. You know the rest: Car chases abound as Levy annoys Jackson with his bumbling idiot routine, and Jackson makes The Face. 84 min. (Samantha Campos) THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE - (PG13) Suspense/Horror - Okay, this seems really familar...

A 19-year-old college student has been officially recognized by the Catholic Church that she is possessed. As told in flashbacks—you’ll have to pay close attention—this film chronicles the real life, “haunting” trial of the priest accused of negligence resulting in the death of the young girl believed to be possessed and the laywer who takes on the task of defending him. Well, I guess that’s a little different from The Exorcist. 114 min. (Kimberly L. Welch)

Now Showing THE BROTHERS GRIMM - (PG13) - ActionAdventure, Fantasy - My friend complained to me that our movie capsules are too cynical all the time. So this is me trying to be more positive: Matt Damon and Heath Ledger play brothers that fight fake evil in the 1800s. When their scam is discovered, they are forced to go up against real evil. It can’t be too scary because it’s only rated PG13. But, I’m sure there will be scenes for us ladies to salivate over and witty lines to keep the public entertained. There—was that upbeat enough? 118 min. (Heidi King) THE CAVE - (PG13) - Action, Horror - Two scientists and their team of top-notch divers make an incredible and mysterious discovery. Somewhere in the Romanian forest the group finds the ruins of an old abbey. But this is no ordinary abbey.

Underneath the building lies the entrance into an extensive cave system. Eager to be the first to discover the caves and possibly a new species, the team enter without the slightest idea of the danger that lies within. And carnage ensues. Evil, growing and breeding, hidden underneath the house of God… what a metaphor. 97 min. (Gabrielle Poccia) CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY - (PG) - Family, Musical, Fantasy - This Tim Burton adaptation of Roald Dahl’s rather dark and brutal children’s book stars Johnny Depp as famed chocolate magnate Willy Wonka. Yes, I know Depp and Burton do great work. And that Helena Bonham Carter also appears. But come on! Must Hollywood remake every film? Gene Wilder played the definitive Willy Wonka back in 1971! Give me a break! 106 min. (Anthony Pignataro) THE CONSTANT GARDENER - (R) Romantic Drama, Thriller - In Northern Kenya a British activist, Tessa Quayle (Rachel Weisz,) has been found murdered while her companion is missing. Justin (Ralph Fiennes), her widower, a normally dull and unmotivated man, shocks everyone when he sets out, independent from his colleagues, members of the British High Commission, to find the truth behind Tessa’s murder. The clues he finds bring him across three different continents and the mystery that unfolds suggests more than simply a crime of passion.

On his search he learns of who his wife really was, who he himself has been, and of a dangerous conspiracy that reaches deeper than he ever imagined. 129 min. (GP) DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO - (R) - Comedy - So they had to go there again? Why? Well, Deuce (Rob Schneider) is back to his gigolo self, only this time he’s in Europe, and his former pimp TJ (Eddie Griffin) is implicated in the murders of Europe’s greatest gigolos. So Deuce, being the guy that he is, goes there to work (ha!) in order to clear his good friend’s name. But, of course, on the way he must compete against the powerful European Union of prostidudes—?!—and court a bunch of abnormal female clients including the beautiful Eva, who suffers from acute obessivecompulsive disorder. 83 min. (KLW)

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Don’t worry, it’s not loaded THE DUKES OF HAZZARD - (PG13) - Comedy, Action - Yeehaw! The famous orange car is back with sexy bad boys Johnny Knoxville playing Luke Duke and Sean William Scott as Bo Duke. Don’t forget their hot cousin Daisy Duke, this time played by a toned, tan and oiled-up Jessica Simpson in Daisy’s infamous tiny cut-offs. It’s gonna be a ho-down and a hootenanny set in present day. I bet we all try to jump in our cars through the windows after this. And I give props to anyone who succeeds. FYI, convertibles don’t count.

106 min. (HK) 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN - (R) - Comedy - This is one of those pictures in which the title pretty much tells you everything you need to know. Steve Carell, The Daily Show’s funniest correspondent, stars in this twist on the old, well-told story of the guy whose friends attempt to help into the sack. If this works, it’ll be because Carell is his usually hilarious self and the producers didn’t puss out and try to make this a PG-13 flick. 116 min. (AP) FOUR BROTHERS - (R) - Drama/Crime - So here we are with four adopted brothers, who come together to bury the woman who raised them. But at the funeral, they discover that their mother may have been murdered and they want revenge. Wouldn’t any son? But did I mention that yummy Mark Wahlberg is one of the brothers? Mmm... 109 min. (KLW) MARCH OF THE PENGUINS - (G) - This little documentary is going to make you laugh and cry. It’s amazing how easy it is to relate to the flightless birds. Aren’t they the only animals that mate for life? It seems to me they’re more faithful than humans. (I’m not bitter!) It’s adorable. It’s real. It’s narrated by Morgan Freeman. It follows a flock for one year, and more specifically one couple, to see how they travel across the Antarctic. 84 min. (HK) RED EYE - (PG13) - Thriller - There’s nothing worse than sitting next to some goon on a long flight at midnight. Either they’re chatty or smelly or they fall asleep drooling on your shoulder. Well, imagine Lisa’s (Rachel McAdams, The Notebook) surprise when handsome Jackson (Cillian Murphy, Batman Begins) with the big baby blues sits next to her. But don’t worry, dude turns out to be more creepy-scary than sexy as he tells her his plans to assassinate some important political figure on board—and if she tries to stop him, he’ll kill her father, too. Geez... Hey, stewardess! Oh, flight attendant? Sorry. Uh, could you please seat me next to the drooly guy? Yeah, thanks. 85 min. (SC) SKELETON KEY - (PG13) - Horror - In the dark backwoods just outside of New Orleans, Caroline (Kate Hudson,) a live-in nurse is hired to care for an elderly woman's (Gene Rowlands) ailing husband (John Hurt) in their home—a foreboding and decrepit mansion in the Louisiana delta. Intrigued—or nosy, whatever you wanna call it—by the enigmatic couple and their rambling house, Caroline uses the skeleton key they gave her to go where she, of course, shouldn’t go and stumbles upon a dark and deadly secret in the attic. Eek! Hope she didn’t find my yearbook photo. 104 min. (KLW) A SOUND OF THUNDER – (PG13) – ActionAdventure, Sci-fi. In this total blatant rip-off a classic Ray Bradbury short story titled something I can’t remember right now, Ben Kingsley plays a guy who takes rich slobs back in time to hunt dinosaurs. But then someone acci-

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dentally steps on a butterfly, which causes, um, trouble in the future, forcing Edward Burns to step in and help save humanity. Ed Burns? What happened, Ben Affleck wasn’t available? 103 min. (AP) STEALTH - (PG13) - Action, Adventure, Drama - Three attractive young fighter jet pilots are concerned when their superior adds another fighter jet to the team. The difference is, this jet is its own pilot. In flight, lightning strikes and hits the artificially intelligent jet. (Oh, I didn’t see that coming.) The fighter jet then becomes aware of itself and wants to kill people. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood, but haven’t we already seen this movie before? i.e. A Space Odyssey 2001, Maximum Overdrive, I Robot—you get the idea. 121 min. (HK) SUPERCROSS - (PG) - Action - Gag me. Okay, two brothers race dirt bikes. Lemme guess: At first, they’re going to be super close. Then they’ll run into some hardships. I’m guessing a girl might be involved in the demise of their relationship. They’ll become rivals.

Hmm.. I also think one or the other will face a physical challenge with some crash or something. Yeah, then in the end, one or both of them will win the Big Race, their brotherhood will be restored and they probably both “get the girl.” There—I just saved you $10.

You’re welcome. 92 min. (HK) THE TRANSPORTER 2 - (PG13) - Action, Drama - So this is one of those movies where the first one did better than they thought it was going to do and now they’re trying to make it pay off again. This time around, “Frank” (as he’s called in this movie), has retired from the exciting transporting business and is on to driving around a kid (sound familiar yet?). The kid captures his heart and then is abducted (how about now?). Then, apparently, he goes nuts on people to get the kid back safe and sound (got it?). C’mon, I know you people saw Man on Fire! Let’s just be honest, there’s no way this version of the same plot is going to be more hardcore than that one. I’m sorry, but someone had to say it. 120 min. (HK) UNDISCOVERED - (PG13) - Romantic Comedy - The title has a double meaning. First, it refers to the struggle of new hopefuls breaking into show biz, while at the same time pointing there’s a lot to learn about the world when you’re young and stupid. The main young and stupid role is a model living in New York who falls in love with a musician. She eventually ventures to Los Angeles to give acting a shot, and again meets up with her old musician flame, who’s not having any luck breaking into rockstar status. Then model-girl and her new friend (Ashlee Simpson) decide to help him out. But the fame and pressure soon begin to take their toll, as they learn that it’s not all fun, games and uppers. Starring several new actors, this movie is guaranteed to showcase Ashlee’s yet undiscovered abilities, lip-syncing on the silver screen. 97 min. (GP) VALIANT - (G) - Animation, Family - Okay, so it’s a Walt Disney film about patriotic carrier pigeons during World War II. Got it. 109 min. (SC) WEDDING CRASHERS - (R) - Comedy - Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn play a couple divorce counselors who cruise weddings looking to score with chicks. But then one of them—does it really matter which?—actually falls in love with the daughter of some strange politician played by Christopher Walken.

Then all hell breaks loose. 119 min. (AP)

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Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910 Cave - PG13 - Daily (1, 3:15), 5:30, 7:45, 10 Four Brothers - R - Daily (12:25, 2:45), 5:10, 7:40, 10:05 Red Eye - PG13 - Daily (12:35, 2:45), 5, 7:15, 9:30 Sky High - PG - Daily (12:30, 3), 5:15, 7:30 Transporter 2 - PG13 - Daily (12:45, 3:05), 5:15, 7:35, 9:45 Wedding Crashers - R - Daily (12:45), 4:45, 7:25, 10

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 Brothers Grimm - PG13 - Th (1:30), 4:45, 8, Fr-Sa (1:30), 4:45, 7:30, 9:50 Exorcism Of Emily Rose - PG13 - Fr-Sa (1), 4:15, 7, 9:30, Su-W (1), 4:15, 7:30 40 Year Old Virgin - R - Th, Su-W (1:15, 1:30), 4:30, 4:45, 7:45, 8, Fr-Sa (1:15), 4:30, 7:30, 9:50 Transporter 2 - PG13 - Th, Su-W (1:45), 5, 8:15, FrSa (1:45), 5, 7:45, 9:45 Wedding Crashers - R - Th only (1), 4:15, 7:30

FRONT STREET THEATRE 900 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Brothers Grimm - PG13 - Th (1:15), 4:15, 7:15, 9:45, Fr, M-W (4:20), 7:10, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:10), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50 Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - R - Th only 7:30 Exorcism Of Emily Rose - PG13 - Fr, M-W (4), 7, 9:45, Sa-Su (1), 4, 7, 9:45 40 Year Old Virgin - R - Th (4:30), 7, 9:50, Fr, M-W (4:15), 7:15, 9:55 March of the Penguins - G - Th (4), 7:30, 9:30, Fr, M-W (4:30), 7:30, 9:30, Sa-Su (1:35), 4:30, 7:30, 9:30 Undiscovered - PG13 - Th only 4:20, 9:35

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Four Brothers - R - Th only (1, 4), 6:45, 9:15 The Man - PG13 - Fr, M-W (1:45, 4), 7, 9:15, Sa-Su (11:30, 1:45), 4, 7, 9:15 Red Eye - R - Th (1:30, 4:30), 7:15, 9:30, Fr, M-W (1:30, 4:30), 7:30, 9:30, Sa-Su (11:15, 1:30), 4:30, 7:30, 9:30 Transporter 2 - PG13 - Th (1:15, 4:15), 7, 9:45, Fr, M-W (1:15, 4:15), 7:15, 9:30, Sa-Su (11, 1:15), 4:15, 7:15, 9:30

8*

$

WED., SEPT 14 *with MFF passport (5 films-$40)-single tickets Phone: 572-3456 www.mauifilmfestival.com

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

23

★

★

Every Friday Night is Party Night ★ ★ ★ ★Come As You Are ★ or Dress Like A Star! ★★ sts e u r G FREE e n Din mitted Ad

★

S P R E

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★Longhi’s is Maui’s Best Open Air ★

NFL FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE!!

Night Club with Fantastic Ocean Views!

KANOA SAYS

COME WATCH THE RAIDERS TAKEDOWN THE PATRIOTS 3:00 PM WATCH IT ON 28 TVS

DJ BOOMSHOT

HAPPY HOUR 3-6

FRIDAY, SEPT 9 FREE Valet Parking • Dinner served until 10:00 p.m. 10:00 music begins $5 Cover • Dinner Guests Free Admission

Dancing on Longhi’s fabulous koa wood dance floor longhis@maui.net 888 Front St. Lahaina 667-2288 www.longhis.com

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UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS—KOKUA FOR NEW ORLEANS A BENEFIT CONCERT for the victims of Hurricane Katrina

BAREFOOT NATIVES (Willie K and Eric Gilliom) Fri. Sept. 9th GAIL SWANSON — GYPSY PACIFIC MARTY DREAD KANEKOA with VINCE ESQUIRE SIRUS B. POSSE DOROTHY BETZ and LES ADAM Funk & Soul & Roots A $20.00 DONATION IS RECOMMENDED

Sat. Sept. 10th

Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $ 5. Cover

IZClassic, AKA (Joshua) Tweekin

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY with DJ BLAST

MJ Gamez—Steveo Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $ 10. Cover

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

DAY&NIGHT

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9:45 pm $ 5. Cover

Make it a memorable evening. Dine and dance at Casanova.

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ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS

Think Small The art of Alan Abbott is all about living life out on a little limb Alan Abbott used to be an actor. Actually, he used to be a lot of things in New York and L.A.: blues musician, Hollywood screenwriter, rock climber, mural painter. Now on Maui he’s a full-time handyman. Oh, and he also makes bonsai treehouses.

That’s little itty-bitty dream homes for Japanese houseplants.

Hey, it may be the only Maui real estate left.

From as far back as he can remember, Abbott’s been obsessed with treehouses— the big kind. His father built one out back for Abbott to cavort in with his buddies, while his sister played with her dollhouse around the base. When they moved, and Abbott had to leave his clubhouse behind, he was heartbroken.

As an adult, Abbott bought some matchstick blinds that were too wide. So he cut them and kept the scraps, thinking he could eventually use them for something creative. Holding up the mini blinds, and eyeing his houseplants behind them, miniature treehouse constructs was born.

Before he finished his first treehouse, Abbott received an offer for it that would pay his rent and bills for an entire month. In no time at all, buyers lined up. But he couldn’t make houses fast enough to actually keep one for himself. And so started his bonsai treehouse making business, “Tree Creations.”

Six years later, Abbott left L.A. and the independent film industry to set up a home for his son on Maui. Since then, his son went to England and Abbott decided to stay on the island.

“The hard part is there’s not people stopping by to play music three times a day,” he said. “It hurts me not to create.”

But his idea to build an artistic community is quickly materializing, as plans to build a space for glassblowing, acting classes and a larger Tree Creations studio gain momentum. I visited Abbott at his small workshop, which he set up in an old horse stable stall in Haiku.

“Soon it’s gonna be in a 200-square foot treehouse,” said Abbott. “I’m gonna put it in these pine trees out here.”

Abbott says he hasn’t found anyone who does what he does. He also admits he’s faced opposition from bonsai purists, who denounced the building of treehouses as “not traditional.”

Bonsai originated more than a thousand years ago in China, but were popularized in Japan. Considered a symbol of prestige, traditional bonsai trees were found in the wild on cliffs and presented as gifts to the emperor.

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

“Well, nobody does that [anymore],” said Abbott. “They grow them!”

Today bonsai trees are considered more of an art form than horticulture, representing an Asian aesthetic that fuses culture, mythology, imagination, simplicity and harmony between man, the soul and nature.

Bonsai trees typically range from two inches to two feet in height. Abbott sometimes uses other similarly sized trees, building the miniature houses around the plant’s trunk. A complete multi-level, fully furnished and electricity-wired treehouse can take as much as 300 hours to complete. Abbott utilizes exotic hardwoods like Koa, Monkeypod, Ebony and Purple Heart, sawing, sanding and gluing together pieces as minuscule as fingernails with his tiny tools and desktop magnifying glass.

Abbott doesn’t draw elaborate architectural blueprints, preferring to simply study the tree before coming up with a plan. And the intricate feats of arboreal design are constantly under scrutiny by the artist.

Each multi-tiered miniature treehouse Abbott creates must be unique, whether it’s adorned with a spiral staircase and elaborate hanging lights, or offers an octagonal deck, rope bridge and thatched roof.

Doors open, latches shut, knobs turn, drawstrings open and close window shutters, elevator cranes pull up little carts and every ladder is lit.

“I got a thing about ladders,” Abbott said, smiling. “You know, it’s a liability.”

He’s also working on a haunted treehouse, to be placed around a dead bonsai. That house will feature a wrought iron fence with gate and a crow’s nest at the top of a two- or three-story mansion.

“I may even let spiders live there and make their webs,” said Abbott. “Then kick ‘em out.”

He’s tried the effects of stained glass windows—using lighting gels and microscope slide covers rather than actual glass, which is too thick—but was displeased with the outcome.

“It looks too churchy,” he said.

Rooms have mini beds, tables, chairs, rugs, upholstered couches, framed mirrors, shelves filled with little leather-backed books and lampshades of redwood shaved so thin you can see the grains of wood as the light casts a warm glow on its tiny surroundings. No minute detail is left untouched.

“I definitely have my mental shrink gauge,” said Abbott. “I’m constantly running around the rooms and thinking this big.”

For more information, or to purchase one of Alan Abbott’s “Tree Creations,” contact sam@mauitime.com or call (808) 661-3786, ext. 8. MTW

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

Abbott (inset) and a couple of his creations

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

25

Friday 09/09

Saturday09/10 Sunday09/11

Summer Jazz, Wailea No cover, 7pm

Bobby Ingram, The Ray Charles Show, $5, 7:30pm

Neto Peraza Trio, Latin Dance Fever, $5, 7:30pm

The New Project, Jay Malina, & Gilbert Emata w/Marsha $5, 10pm

Kilohana Cruise w/Sujana $5, 10pm

Ohana Groove $5, 10pm

No entertainment

Shimmy Nights Belly Dance, No cover, 7 & 8pm

Sweet Steel, Calypso, Latin, Brazilian & Island, 7:30-10:30pm

Closed

MON-TUE - No Entertainment; WED - Open Poetry Night, No cover, 7pm

Sirus B. Posse, Funk & Soul, Roots, $5, 9:45pm

Iz Aka (Joshua), MJ Gamez Steveo, $10, 9:45pm

Kokua For New Orleans, benefit concert w/6 bands, $20, 2pm

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DJ Blast, $5, 9:45pm

Ladies’ Night w/DJ Durty $5, 10pm

No entertainment

MON - Kanoa & Friends, No cover, 9:30pm; TUE- No entertainment

Thursday

BAMBOO CHI

100 Wailea Ike Dr., Wailea - 879-4777

BOCALINO

1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

CAFE MARC AUREL

28 N. Market St., Wailuku - 244-0852

09/08

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9453

Surf Industry Night No cover, 8pm

KATRINA RELIEF FUNDRAISER Join us at WAVERIDERS, LAHAINA CENTER SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 • 7 TO 11 PM Tickets are available in advance for a donation of $100 Complimentary pupus and live music Silent auction to follow Call in advance for tickets, 283-5037 All checks should be made payable to The American Red Cross Memo: 2005 Hurricane Relief Please join other concerned residents of West Maui in raising funds to aid the people devastated by Hurricane Katrina.

Monday09/12 – Wednesday09/14

Neto Peraza No cover, 7pm

MON - Martini Monday, No cover, 6:30pm

Industry Night, DJ Shark In The MON - Tom Cherry Band & Positive Energy, $5, 10pm; TUE -The New Project, Jay Malina, & Water, No cover, 9pm Gilbert Emata w/Marsha, $5, 10pm; WED - Neto Peraza, Latin night, $5, 10pm

DA KINECALENDAR BIG SHOWS

Collective Soul - Friday. These Georgia rockers are loaded with pop/rock hits that have kept them at the top of the Billboard charts over the past decade. From heartfelt ballad to raucous chorus, this band delivers infectious stand-out song selections and memorable hooks, including “Gel,” “Shine” and “The World I Know.” A portion of the proceeds to benefit arts education in schools. Tickets: $45, $40, $35. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Taste of Lahaina - Friday-Saturday. Ono food prepared and often times presented by the chefs themselves. Two nights of live music by Island superstars including Hapa, The Krush, Kaina Girls, Raiatea Helm, Three Plus, Malino, The Hula Honeys, and Na Palapala.

Also, a Keiki Zone, which includes a jumping castle and other enjoyable activities for the keiki. And for the adults, there’s the beer and wine tent. Admission: $5, keiki 12 and under free. 5-10 p.m., Lahaina Recreation Center II (behind the Lahaina Aquatic Center), 667-9175.

TICKETS ON SALE

Volunteers of the U.S. Army Field Band “Sandstorm” Concert - Sept. 22. The army’s premier touring show band, a talented 10-piece group that has performed in venue ranging from state fair concert stages to bedside at children’s hospitals. Audiences across the world, have been entertained and inspired by the band’s exciting blend of rock ‘n roll, country, jazz and patriotic favorites. Free! 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

2nd Annual LifeFest Kapalua - Sept. 23-25. Three days await health-conscious devotees and novices as an inspiring program is presented by renowned wellness authorities. Empower your mind, body and soul at one of the world's foremost rejuvenating destination.

Special guest speakers are Peter Burwash, world-wide motivational speaker, Naomi Judd, author of Naomi's Breakthrough Guide: 20 Choices to Transform Your Life, Dean Ornish, MD, author of Eat More, Weigh Less. Kapalua Resort. 1-866-669-2440 or www.kapaluamaui.com/activities/events/lifefestorder.php.

Poncho Sanchez - Sept. 24. His career as a bandleader has been set in the Afro Cuban Latin jazz pioneered half a century ago by his heroes. The music he produces with his band is infused with fresh and engaging interpretations based on his own early musical experiences in the 1960s. The result is infectious and joyous Latin rhythms, slathered with smokin’ R&B and soul sounds. Tickets: $35, $22, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Loggins & Messina - Oct. 9. Yes, that’s right—a reunion tour of Loggins & Messina, one of the most popular and successful rock duos of the 1970s. Didn’t they sing “Whenever I Call You Friend”? We love that song! Plus, we do know they sing a song titled “Lahaina.” And hey, that’s cool. Tickets: $45, $55, $65.

7 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Dance Magic - Oct. 8. Maui Song & Dance presents a new variety show featuring local entertainers and performers. Special guests include Dennis and Jennifer Goss, Sunny Gorg, Debra Lynn, Andre Morissette, Joel Suarez, Heart Dance Productions, MAPA’S Senior Company Dancers, Samba Ashay Dancers and Drummers, and The Pono Players. Tickets: $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

CHI - Oct. 14-16. A breathtaking fusion of acrobatics and martial arts, in a contemporary circus production by their artistic director who previously worked with

26

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

Cirque de Solei. These phenomenal gymnasts, dancers, tumblers and jugglers use their own chi (life force) to demonstrate intense strength and impeccable balance in their individual acts, all enhanced with dramatic lighting, costumes, music and statecraft.

Hunh, sounds easy to me. Tickets: $35, $25, $10.

Friday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Sun, 2 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Black Grace - Oct. 20. Black Grace is New Zealand’s preeminent professional Pacific modern dance company, with a style specific to Aotearoa and its cultural landscape. The ensemble, all professional dancers of Pacific Island background, performs original works which incorporate Maori and other indigenous forms with western modern dance and martial arts for a dynamic and startlingly fresh mix of rhythm, spirit and energy-infusing movement. Tickets: $35, $20, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Kenny Endo - Oct. 21. Rhythms of taiko drumming provide an energetic and energizing evening when taiko master Kenny Endo directs the stage. Synthesizing traditional Japanese drumming techniques, world musical rhythms, and western jazz percussion styles. Tickets: $25, $18, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

A Chorus Line - Oct. 26-29. One of Broadway’s famously long-running musicals, A Chorus Line opened to rave reviews, ran for 15 years and won almost every award possible, including the Pulitzer Prize for Drama. A Chorus Line is set during auditions for a new Broadway production; the 17 actors and dancers chosen for the final cut talk about themselves so the director can learn more about them. The result is an intriguing, sometimes-tensesometimes-hilarious view into the backstage world of Broadway. Wed eve & Sat matinee: $53, $48, $38. Thu, Fri, Sat eve $58, $53, $40. Wed-Fri, 7:30 p.m.; Sat, 2 p.m. & 8 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469 Ozomatli - Oct. 29. Los Angeles’ beloved Afro-Latinand-beyond style-mashers are a multi-racial, multicultural 10-piece band that is more than the sum of its parts. The band's deep commitment to social justice and progressive politics leads their music into a surprisingly natural collaboration of hip-hop, salsa, and funk. Tickets: $25 advance, $30 day of show. 7:30 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, MACC, 242-7469.

Cecilio & Kapono - Nov. 5. Presented by the Ho‘onanea Series, Cecilio Rodriguez and Henry Kapono led the way to contemporary Hawaiian music, with a distinctive style and trademark harmony that has won the duo a place in Hawaiian music history. As a team and as solo artists, Cecilio and Kapono have released more than 20 albums, won multiple Nä Hökü Hanohano Awards. Their unique blend of Hawaiian and folk rock music make them enduring favorites. Tickets: $35, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Beijing Modern Dance - Nov. 10. With originality and diversity, this new generation of dancers ably demonstrate that the modern can flourish in new art forms in Mainland China. Their willful irreverence and verve has rapidly drawn media attention to the courageous young artists, who express themselves with the likes of music

by Pink Floyd. The repertoire includes much of their own work, created with strong visual themes, an upheaval of expectations, confrontation of contemporary issues and vibrant social commentary. Tickets: $35, $20, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Storytelling: Tom Cummings - Nov. 11. Hawaiian myths and legends with the intergenerational storytelling about the family of Tom Cummings from O‘ahu. Tickets: $20. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242SHOW.

Thursday 09/08 Friday09/09

Saturday09/10 Sunday09/11

COMPADRES BAR & GRILL

Monday09/12 – Wednesday09/14

Salsa $5, 10pm

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

HAPA’S NIGHTCLUB

Three Plus 9pm

Kapena & Malino 9pm

Aqua Boogie w/Daniel J, Ed V 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-9001

MON - Willie K; TUE - Ultra Fab w/DJ Fat Jo, 9pm; WED - S.I.N Night, Bartenders Flair Expression Session, 9pm

Teen Night

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

MON - Reggae at the Rock w/Marty Dread, $5, 10pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL

DJs El Gato and Arge, A Funky Latino Affair, $5,10pm

JACQUES

120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB 36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

MON - Dr.Nat, Jazz/Salsa, No cover, 7:30-10pm; WED - MJ3, Live Jazz, 7-10pm

Rene Alonza 6pm

Kenny Roberts 6pm

El Nino 6pm

Trevor Jones

Shaggy & The Big Hawaiian, DJ Stylz, $6,9:30pm

Conscious Healing $6, 9:30pm

Sat. Night Live w/Q103, $6, 9:30pm

Karaoke w/James 10pm

DA KINECALENDAR Storytelling: Pacific Peoples - Nov. 12. This is a storytelling weekend. Native American storytellers from California tell of their people and legends, joined

by Pacific Islander storytellers. Tickets: $20. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Leo Kottke - Nov. 13. Guitarist, singer, composer and master of the 12-string guitar, Leo Kottke has what one reviewer has called “the most instantly recognizable guitar sound in the world.” Tickets: $35, 30, $35, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Sistah Robi and Sean Na‘auao - Nov. 18. Robi's multi-cultural, multi-lingual background is reflected in her music, which ranges from soft Hawaiian rhythms to funky reggae beats, from American pop songs to Polynesian traditional she sings it all in her own special way. Tickets: $28. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Na Lani ‘Eha 2005: The Four Royals - Nov. 19. A program to celebrate and illuminate the cultural accomplishments of royal siblings King Kaläkaua, Queen Lili‘uokalani, Princess Likelike and Prince Leleiohoku, offering a glimpse into the life, talent, personality and humor of each. Tickets: $35, $25, $10.

7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

2005 EA Sports Maui Invitational - Nov. 21-23.

Top teams will gather to kick off the college basketball season. Games to be televised nationally on ESPN, ESPN2 and ESPNU. Featuring Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Gonzaga, Kansas, Maryland, Michigan State and host Chaminade. For info, visit www.mauiinvitational.com The Nutcracker - Nov. 26-27. Ballet Hawai’i presents Tchaikovsky’s unforgettable score, lavish sets and gorgeous costumes make this the perfect holiday treat. Saturday, 2 & 7:30 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m, Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Alexander’s String Quartet - Dec. 4. The Quartet has performed in the major music capitals of four continents to secure its standing as one of the world’s premier ensembles, especially admired for its vibrant and thrilling performances. Sound and technical fluidity” are the benchmarks of Alexander String Quartet performances. An anniversary program in honor of Mozart. Tickets: $30. 5 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Sonny Ching and Halau Na Mamo O Pu`uanahulu - Dec. 10. This holiday performance, with more than 70 dancers ranging in age from teens to seniors, celebrates ancient Hawaiian cultural traditions through chant, song and dance. Tickets: $38, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469 Tower of Power - Dec. 19. The renowned horn-driven funk outfit Tower of Power has been making albums and touring the world steadily since the early '70s.

Long considered one of the greatest horn sections in the business, the 10 band members have collectively and individually recorded with most of the legends of rock, funk, blues, soul and jazz. Their distinctive fusion of funk and jazz will definitely help you get your groove on. Tickets: $45, $35, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Elvis Costello - April 2 2006. With songs like, “Pump It Up,” “Watching The Detectives” and “Every Day I Write the Book” (our fave)—oh, we could go on and on! For over 25 years, along with his backing group The Attractions, Costello changed the face of modern rock. This will be a great show, not to be missed! 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242SHOW.

LETTERS

NEWS

Gina Martinelli 6-9pm

Crunch Pups 9pm

Wild Rose 9pm

Kenny Rovac 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

COVER STORY

SURF

EVENTS

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA Do they still teach this? Tell me they stopped teaching this. Please. I always wondered how Columbus could “discover” a landmass that already had thousands of people living on it. Okay, so he was the non-Indian who dropped anchor on American shores. So what about the Chinese who voyaged across the Pacific? Or the Vikings who landed in Greenland and Nova Scotia? Why do we even learn about Columbus? Oh yeah, because he’s the one who opened the gates so all the madmen of Europe could come here and steal the Indian’s treasures and demolish whatever culture they found. [Anthony Pignataro]

Indecent Exposure - 7 p.m. at Maui Booksellers Wailuku. Performance artist Felicity Artemis is known on Maui for her outrageous onstage antics. Felicity bares all to untwist our collective perceptions of what is decent or obscene, through poetry, humor and lust.

Ooh, lust! Our favorite! For info, call 244-9091.

SATURDAY, SEPT 10 Classical Indian Dance Comes To Maui - 11 to 12:30 p.m. at The Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace.

Sarala Dandekar will teach classes in Odissi (a Classical Indian Dance with renowned performer and cradled in spirituality. Odissi dance was originally performed in the temples of North Eastern India. The weaving together of eye movements, hand gestures, rhythmic footwork, music and mythology creates a timeless monument to Indian Culture. For info, call 575-9390.

Fall 2005 Healthy Hawaii Expo -10 a.m.-5 p.m. at Lahaina Cannery Mall. Explore a lineup of healers, products and services to help make you stronger, reduce stress, relieve pain, live longer, delve into your future, and look and feel your best. Hawaiian healer Bula Logan is the keynote speaker. Free. For info, call 661-5304.

CURSIVE WRITING Remember the unbelievably tedious process of learning to write cursive?

Suffering through stroke after stroke of bizarre looking letters that sometimes didn’t even resemble “normal” letters? We diligently endured this because our teachers assured us it would shape people’s perceptions of us. How can you trust someone who has a runny “n” or a slouchy “g”? I took it seriously, exercising my cursive in my diary. But now electronic communication has practically made handwriting obsolete. Now I only use a pen to take orders, write grocery lists and scrawl notes in class. All of this can be done with chickenscratch, which means we never needed to get all riotous about the capital Q looking like a 2. [Molly Rettig]

TUESDAY SEPT 13

McLibel: A Film About Two People Who Wouldn’t Say McSorry - 7 p.m. at Cameron Center Auditorium, Wailuku. McLibel is the true story of a postman and a gardener who took on McDonald’s in what became the longest trial in English legal history. So in other words, McLibel is not about hamburgers—it’s about the power multinational corporations wield over our everyday lives and two unlikely heroes who are changing the McWorld. Refreshments will be served, but no hamburgers. Free. For info, call 575-7694.

FITTING IN High school is where we learn to be functioning human beings. No wonder we’re all so desperate to fit in. While at the time it seems like you’re learning how to be a likeable, well-rounded person, you’re really just trying to find out where you specifically fit into this huge mass of personalities. But it’s really just a testrun. Every day you’re forging new relationships but it takes imagination and originality to do it well. Back then, I felt like I was learning to fit in, but I really learned how to be someone who has the strength and courage to stand out. And it’s actually much easier than trying to be like everyone else. [Gabrielle Poccia]

ART

Friday Night Art Night - Fri, 6:30-9:30 p.m at Lahaina Galleries. Ronaldo Macedo’s use of color is incredible and, because of his talent and personal experiences, Ronaldo’s understanding of color, light, shadow, and shape render his paintings breathtaking. Wine and Pupus will be served. Free. For info, call 661-6284.

Meet the Artist Wyland - Sat, 7-9 p.m. at Wyland Galleries, Wailea. Meet world famous marine-life artist Wyland as he unveils new works. Free. For info, call 875-6633.

Wood Skin Ink - Through Sept. 25, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Hui No'eau Visual Arts Center. “The Japanese Aesthetic in Modern Tattooing” is an exhibition of 18th and 19th century Ukiyo-e prints, alongside works on paper by five leading contemporary tattoo artists. With the aim to educate, inform and entertain, this exhibition will explore the influence of Japanese Edo period Ukiyo-e woodblock prints, images, themes and icons on the present day tattoo master. For info, call 572-6560 ext. 23. .

“ALEGEBRA HELPS YOU THINK” My 10th grade math teacher told us that. Nice guy, really knew his quadratic equations and such, but he was wrong, wrong, WRONG. Algebra does not “help” you think—it forces your thinking down a narrow, rigid alley of variables, equivalents and multiples. It replaces ideas with integers and feelings with formulas. Did Van Gogh solve differential equations? Did Foucault integrate trig functions? Did Steinbeck solve simultaneous equations? I think not. [AP]

GOING TO COLLEGE Everyone told me that if I didn’t get good grades then I wouldn’t get into the “smart classes,” then in high school I wouldn’t get into the advanced classes and then I wouldn’t be able to qualify for any college worth going to. That would make me an unsuccessful loser. But there are plenty of successful people today who didn’t put “their all” into school back then. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be educated. I’m a firm believer that you should always continue to learn, but my friend said it best: “College is for people who know what they want to be. If you don’t, why waste years on getting the degree that you aren’t going to use?” [Heidi King]

LECTURES

Ahupua’a in the 21st Century - Tue, 7-8 p.m. at Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary Education Center. The Ahupua’a is the ancient Hawaiian land division system. The Ahupua’s supported a self contained community working with a spirit of cooperating and revering the land to meet the needs of all. Learn how Hawaiians sustained a pristine ecosystem before western influence. Free. For info,

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

MON - Habanero Brothers, $5, 9:30pm; TUE - Island Grooves w/Vaugn, No cover, 10pm; WED - DJ Boomshot, No cover, 10pm

TAKE 5 Bad Lessons Learned in School

FRIDIAY, SEPT 09

DINING

MON - Steve Mendoza, 6pm; TUE-WED - Da Hawaiians, 6pm

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

27

Thursday09/08

Friday09/09

Saturday09/10 Sunday09/11

Monday09/12 – Wednesday09/14

Tom Cherry 10pm

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Karaoke 9:30pm

Karaoke 9:30pm

LIFE’S A BEACH

Brian and the Boys from Cool Rush, 9pm

Underground $5, 9pm

"Be the Change" Benefit w/Erin Smith Band, 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

MON - Open Jam with Adam Bowen, 9pm; TUE - $2 Night with Kanoa & Sean of Gomega, 9pm; WED - Pool Tournament, 9pm

LOBBY LOUNGE

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

Nils & Anastasia 8:30-11:30pm

Ricardo Dioso 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Nils & Anastasia, 8:30-11:30pm; WED - Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, No cover, 8:30-11:30pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

DJ Boomshot $5, 10pm

LONGHI’S

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Live Music 9pm

Live Music 9pm

Live Music 9pm

WED - Karaoke, 9pm

DA KINECALENDAR call 879-2818.

Chi Nei Tsang Intro - Wed, 7:30 p.m. at The Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace. Andrew Clauer teaches fundamental techniques of Chi Nei Tsang, a non-invasive method of abdominal massage based on ancient Taoist practices. CNT detoxifies the body, releases emotional charges, & relieves chronic tensions. Highly effective with digestive/intestinal disorders, & women’s issues.

Free. For info, call 575-9390.

POETRY

Express Yourself - Wed, 7 p.m. at Cafe Marc Aurel, Wailuku. Open Mic Night with music, song and poetry.

Free. For info, call 276-5467 Maui Live Poets Society - Thu, 6:30-9 p.m. in Lahaina Open poetry readings. Free. For info, call 661-0517.

POLITICAL

The Downing Street Basement Tapes - Fri, 7 p.m. at MCC Ka Lama 103. Documents of a forum held in the basement of the US Capitol in June, 2005, to demand congressional inquiry into the infamous British document reporting US prewar intelligence "fixed the facts" for invading Iraq. Free. For info, call 573-3255.

Unity Church Movie Double Feature - 6 p.m. at Unity Church, Wailuku. A Walk of Wisdom is a feature length documentary paying a tribute to the people most affected by the tsunami that hit Southeast Asia in December 2004. Join Buddhist nun Mae Chee Sansanee, spiritual leader of Thailand. The Yogis of Tibet, A feature length documentary introducing us to the world of the Dalai Lama and the tradition of the Tibetan Yogis who have spent years in isolation practicing secret rituals. Love Offering $5. For info, call 2429327.

SPORTS

Team Soccer Direct Camp - Fri, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at Eddie Tam soccer field. Open to boys and girls ages 5-17. for info, call 808-876-0020

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria – John Kane, Wed, Thu and Fri; Harry Troupe, Sat; Kaleo Phillips, Sun; Clay Mortenson Mon, Tue. All sets from 7:30-10 p.m. 730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700.

Cheeseburger In Paradise – Brooks Maguire, Thu, Sat, Sun and Wed; Harry Troupe, Fri; Gail Swanson, Mon and Thu. All sets from 4:30-7:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

Cool Cat Cafe - Erik Pietsch, Mon and Thu; Howard Ahia Fri-Sun; Hau Phat, Wed. All Sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie - Nino Toscano, Thur and Fri; Kawika Lum Ho, Sat; Damien, Tue; E rnest Puaa, Wed Open mic night; Brian Haia, Mon. All sets from 6-9 p.m. 4405 Honoapiilani Highway, 669-3474.

Hula Grill - Kawika Lum , Albert & Billy, Mon; Jarret Roback and Albert & Billy, Tue; Ernest Pua’a and Brian & Roy, Wed; Ernest Pua’a and Bradah Brian & Don Thur; Bradah Brian & Roy, Fri; TBA, Sat; Kawika Lum Ryan Tanaka & Friends, Sun. All sets 6:30-9 p.m. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Building P, Kaanapali, 667-6636.

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz – Acoustic Music every night.

7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd., 667-0787.

Kahana Terrace Restaurant – Harry Troupe, Tue and Thu; Randy Reno, Sat. All sets from 6-9 p.m.

Sands of Kahana Resort, 669-5399.

28

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

Kimo’s – Glen Kaku Grava; Thu, Sam Ahia, Sun, Hula Honey’s Mon-Tue7-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

Leilani’s On The Beach – Crazy Fingers, Thu, 3:30 - 5:30 p.m.; JD & Friends, Fri-Sat, 2:30-5:30 p.m.; Kilohana, Sun, 3:30-6 p.m; Wed Scotty Rotten 3:30 5:30 p.m. 2435 Ka’anapali Parkway, Building J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

Moose McGillycuddy’s - Greg & Steve, Thu; Llayne & Greg, Fri; Mark & Mike, Sat-Sun; Anastasia, Wed. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758.

Pioneer Inn – Ah-Tim Eleniki (Local-style guitar), Thu, 6-9 p.m.; Greg Di Piazza, Wed, 6-9 p.m.; Captain Billy Bones, Tue, 6-8 p.m. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Reilley’s Steaks & Seafood - Piano Music with Shiro Mori - Thur., Darrin Lenett - Fri, Gene Argel - Mon. -Tue., Angie Carr, Wed., all showes 6-8 p.m. 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Ste #304 Kahana, 667-7477 Sea House Restaurant – Hawaiian music with Albert Kaina and Kincades Basques, Thu; Kincade Basques, Fri, Sat, Mon and Tues; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed. All sets 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapiilani Road, Napili, 669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI

Blue Marlin Harbor-Front Grill & Bar - Boy Kana’e and Ka’ Uhaneleo, Fri and Mon, 6:30-9 p.m.; Braddah Frances and friends, Sat, 6:30 p.m.; Terri Garrison, Sun, 4-6:30 p.m Maalaea Harbor, 244-8844.

Capische? – Mark Johnston, Thu-Sat; Brian Cuomo, Su and Wed; Sal & Estaire Godinez, Mon. All sets 7-10 p.m. Diamond Resort, 555 Kaukahi, 879-2224.

Maalaea Grill – Benoit Jazz Works, Thu, Fri and Sun, 6:30-9 p.m.; Jimmy C Jazz, Sat, 7-9 p.m. Maalaea Village Shops, 243-2206.

Marco’s Southside Grill – Various artists (piano), Mon-Sun. All sets from 7-10 p.m. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., 874-4041.

Mulligan’s on the Blue – Wailea Nights, Thu and Fri, 8 p.m.; Celtic Tigers, Sun, 7 p.m.; Gypsy Pacific, Mon, 7 p.m.; Acoustico, Tue, 7 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

Seawatch Restaurant - Nightly Music 6-9 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., 875-8080.

South Shore Tiki Lounge - Sunset happy hour, $3 special's. Live entertainment. Tony & Peter, Sun, Tue and Thu; Wed and Fri, Trevor Jones 4-6 p.m. Outdoor seating on the Aloha Jungle Lanai. 1913 Kihei Road, Kalama Village, 874-6444.

Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café – Guitar and vocals w/ Brado, Wed-Fri; Brian Wittman, Sat; Patrick Mayor, Sun-Mon. All sets from 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983.

Yorman’s By The Sea – All That Jazz Band, WedSun 7-10 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Rd. Kihei 874-8385.

CENTRAL MAUI

Brigit & Bernard's Gardencafe - Live entertainment. 335 Hoohana St., Kahului Café Marc Aurel - Gene Argel and Shiro Mori, Thursdays, 7-10 p.m., Shimmy Nights with Bellyroll Dance Company, 2nd Friday of every month, 7-9 p.m. 28 N. Market Street, Wailuku near the Iao Theatre. 244-0852.

Mañana Garage – Nightly Neto & Friends, Latin music, 6:30 -9 p.m. 33 Lono Ave., Kahului, 873-0220.

Sushi Go - Presents a concept unlike anything on Maui: Conveyor-belt sushi. Live Music every Wed, 4 8 p.m. Queen Ka'ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI

Jacque’s - Live Jazz, Mon, 5 p.m.120 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-8844.

Livewire Cafe - Various Artists, Fri-Sat and Wed, 9 p.m. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009.

Moana Cafe - Hula Honeys, vintage and contempo-

Thursday 09/08 Friday09/09

Saturday09/10 Sunday09/11

Monday09/12 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Wednesday09/14

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Insane No cover, 9pm

DJ Insane No cover, 9pm

MON - Mark & Mike, 9pm; TUE - DJ Mackie, $5, 9pm; WED - DJ Mackie Mac, No cover, 9pm

MULLIGANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON THE BLUE

No Entertainment

Wailea Nights featuring Eric Gilliom & Barry Flanagan, 8pm

Celtic Tigers, Traditional Irish Music, No cover, 7pm

Celtic Tigers, Traditional Irish Music, No cover, 7pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific, Gypsy Jazz, No cover, 7pm; TUE - Tuesday Blues Club, No cover, 7pm; WED - Dylan Donkin, Classic Rock, No cover 7pm

No information available

No information available

No information available

No information available

No information available

Live Jazz, No cover 9pm-12am

Live Jazz, No cover, 9pm-12am

Hau Phat is Dat Thursday 9pm

Three Plus & Offical Taste of Lahaina After Party, 9pm

Malino & Official Taste Of Lahaina After Party, 9pm

Uncle Willie K 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Shake Your Heini w/Kapakahi, 9pm; TUE - Bikini Tops & Surf Shorts w/DJ Stylz, No cover, 9pm; WED - VooDoo Suns, Live Blues, $5, 9pm

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

NEPTUNES

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-2555

PACIFICâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;O

505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

PARADICE BLUZ

744 Front St., Lahaina - 667-5299

SANSEI 115 Bay Dr., Kapalua - 669-6286 SANSEI Kihei Town Center - 879-0004

0DXL 0DXL $UWV &XOWXUDO &HQWHU $UWV &XOWXUDO &HQWHU %LOOERDUG 7RSSLQ· 3RZHUIXO 5RFNHUV

Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar

&2//(&7,9( 628/ )5, Â&#x2021; 6(37 Â&#x2021; SP &DVWOH 7KHDWHU Â&#x2021;

HRC MAUI

+2¶2.(1$ VSHFLDO JXHVW .HDOL¶L 5HLFKHO 6$7 Â&#x2021; 6(37 Â&#x2021; SP

900 Front St., Lahaina Info: 808.667.7400

MONDAYS

1/2 Wells & Drafts

MARTY DREADâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

&DVWOH 7KHDWHU Â&#x2021; '\QDPLF /DWLQ -D]] 'UXPPHU %DQG

321&+2 6$1&+(= 6$7 Â&#x2021; 6(37 Â&#x2021; SP &DVWOH 7KHDWHU Â&#x2021;

REGGAE AT THE ROCK

¶6LWWLQ· ,Q $JDLQ· <U 5HXQLRQ 7RXU

/2**,16 0(66,1$ 681 Â&#x2021; 2&7 Â&#x2021; SP

21/,1(

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FREE KARAOKE - DRAFT BEER SPECIALS

KIHEI, THURSDAY - SATURDAY KAPALUA, THURSDAY & FRIDAY 5:30pm to 6:00pm DAILY

Kapalua 669-6286 $5 COVER

6+2: 021 6$7

50% OFF SUSHI & APPETIZERS EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

$ % $PSKLWKHDWHU Â&#x2021; %2; 2)),&(

Late Night Specials 10pm to 1am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 21 & over with I.D.

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3:00-6:00pm

1/2 PRICE WELL COCKTAILS AND DRAFTS

IRRG DYDLODEOH

The Shops at Kapalua

Kihei 879-0004 Near Foodland

h a r d r o c k . c o m

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

29

Thursday09/08 Friday 09/09

Saturday09/10 Sunday09/11

Monday09/12 – Wednesday09/14

DJ Blast $10, 9:30pm

SPATS TRATTORIA

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali - 667-4727

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Sunny No cover, 9pm

DJ 9pm

DJ 9pm

Kanoa & Cody 9pm

MON-WED - DJ, 9pm

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

Open Jukebox 9pm

Kenny Roberts & Friends 9pm

Hale & The Hot Lava Band No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ, No cover, 10pm; TUE-WED - Live Entertainment, 10pm

Kenny Rovac & Freedom $3, 9pm

Funky Monkey $3, 9pm

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

TSUNAMI NIGHTCLUB

3850 Wailea Alanui Dr. - 875-1234

WAVE RIDERS BAR & GRILL 900 Front St, Lahaina - 661-1200

Thirsty Thursdays 8pm

MON - No Entertainment, No cover; TUE - Erin Smith, No cover; WED - John Moore Project, 9pm

Jah Radio, Roots, Rock Reggae, Soulful Saturday, DJs, Hip Hop 10pm $3-$5, 10pm

Football Sundays All day, 10pm

MON - White Trash Monday, Home of Tape-Delayed Football, No cover, all day; TUE - $2 Tuesday, No cover, 10pm; WED - Service Industry Night w/DJ, 9pm

DA KINECALENDAR rary Hawaiian music with elegance and aloha. Live Jazz, Wed and Fri; Anik, Sun, 6-9 p.m. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI

★ ATOMIC ★

TATTOO

JAXON, FELIX & ERIC HAVE MOVED COME CHECK OUT THE NEW SHOP Since 1998 10am-10pm Daily

113A Prison St. Upstairs at Prison & Front • 667-2156

Dr.Nat Available for private events, parties & weddings

Solo/duets and with Pacificaribe Jacque’s every Monday 7-10pm • No Cover (3-5 piece) playing Latin, Gypsy and Brazilian Jazz, Reggae, Contemporary Island Style or with Hot Tropical Latin/Brazilian dance band

Rio Ritmo Playing at Hapas Fri, Sept 16th and Casanovas Sat, Sept 24th (6-9 piece) playing Salsa, Samba, Pop Latin

Call 572-9536 for booking or visit website www.drnat.com 30

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

■ EMBASSY VACATION RESORT 104 KA’ANAPALI SHORES, LAHAINA, 661-2000 Ohana Bar & Grill: Live music, Thu and Wed; Patrick Major, Fri; Wayne & Friends, Sun; Ernest Pua’a w/ Hawaiian music, Mon and Tue. All sets from 5:309:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

Spats: Weeping Banyan Lounge with nightly Live Hawaiian Contemporary Music 6:30-9:30 p.m.

■ HYATT HOTEL REGENCY MAUI RESORT 200 NOHEA KAI DR. 661-1234 Swan Court: Live music with Jimmy Borges and his 17-piece Big Band 7 p.m-11 p.m. Sun-Tue. ■ KA’ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL 2525 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0011 Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages: Illusions and dinner show Tue-Sat, 4:30 p.m., Kanahele Room; Lanui, live music and dancing, 6-9 nightly. Free hula show, 6:30-7:30 nightly; Sunday Champagne Brunch with Hawaiian music by Polinahe, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Tiki Courtyard Of Ka’anapali Beach Hotel: Live music featuring Hawaii’s premier Slack Key Guitarists Ola Hou with Pekelo Cosma and Ohana Brown, Fri, 6-9 p.m.

Whalers Village Center Stage: Thus, Hula Lessons 3 p.m.- 4 p.m. Island Sounds with Ray Gooliak, 7 p.m.-8 p.m. Fri, Lei Making Class 12-2p.m. Music of Hawaii with Bob Jones 7p.m.-8 p.m. Sat Drums of the Island 7p.m.8 p.m. Sun, Rhythms of Aloha with Benny Uyetake 7-8 p.m. Mon, Dances of Polynesia 6:30 p.m.-7 p.m. Drums of Tahiti 7:30 p.m. – 8 p.m.Tue, Lei Making Class 11a.m.1p.m. Music of Hawaii with Bob Jones 7p.m-8 p.m. Wed Polynesian Hula Show 7p.m-8p.m. All Shows free.

■ MAUI MARRIOTT 100 NOHEA KAI DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 667-1200 Nalu’s: Kilohana, Wed, 8-10:30 p.m.

Napili Kai Beach Resort 5900 Honoapiilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500 Hawaiian Music: Kincaid & Albert, Thu; Kincaid Basques Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed; All Hawaiian music shows from 7-9 p.m.

■ RITZ-CARLTON KAPALUA ONE RITZ-CARLTON DRIVE, KAPALUA, 669-6200 Lobby Lounge: Live music, 6-10 nightly. Banyan Tree Restaurant: World fusion duo Ranga Pae,Tue-Sat, 6:15-9:45 p.m.

Kapalua Indoor Theater: Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar Concerts series features traditional Hawaiian music. Every Tues 7:30 p.m. Tickets: $40 visitor and $30 kama`aina rate. 1-888-669-3858.

■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT 2780 KEKAA DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 661-3611 "Eddie and Eddie" w/Eddie Lilikoi and Eddie Sebala, 5-9:30 nightly in the Royal Ocean Terrace. Royal Lahaina Luau featuring authentic Hawaiian and Polynesian song and dance at 5 nightly.

■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL 2605 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar Entertainment w/hula dancers, 6-8 nightly; Bobby & Ralph, Thu, Mon and Tue; Ralph & Allan, Fri; Fausto & Kawaika, Sat and Sun; Nathan & Ralph, Wed. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset, 7-8 nightly.

■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL 2365 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 667-2525 Tropica: Mitch Kepa, Mon and Sat-Su; Benny Uyetake, Tue-Fri, 6-9 p.m. Tableside magic by Fortunato Tue and Thu, and Wed and Sat 7- 9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI

■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA 3900 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 874-8000 Lobby Lounge, Hawaiian music w/Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran, Thu, 5:30-7:30 p.m. followed by jazz w/Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; contemporary music w/Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis, Fri, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; island style trio, Sat and Mon, 5:307:30 p.m. w/hula dancer 5:30-6:30 p.m.; Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria, Sun, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; Nils & Anastasia (of VooDoo Suns) live & unplugged Mon and Sat, 8:3011:30 p.m.; Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata, Wed, 8:30-11:30 p.m. Sunset torchlighting nightly.

■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA 3850 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-1234 Botero Bar entertainment, Live Music, Wed, 5:309:30 p.m.; Strolling Hawaiian duo in the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a nightly.

■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI 4100 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-4100 Cafe Ciao Restaurant. Live music with Toshomee 6:30 p.m. -9:30 p.m.Thu-Sat.s ■ WAILEA MARRIOTT 3700 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-1922 Hawaiian Entertainment w/hula 6-9 nightly in Kumu Bar & Grill. Hawaiian entertainment 9-11 nightly in the Mele Mele Lounge featuring Pam Gamboa Peterson Mon and Sat, Mitch Kepa & Raymond "Mundo" Medeiros. Paradise & Ka Poe O Hawaii perform at the Luau, Mon, Tue, Thu and Fri. ■ RENAISSANCE WAILEA BEACH RESORT 3550 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-4900 Sunset Terrace: Live Hawaiian contemporary music

by Lono, Mon-Tue; Bobby Krueger, Wed-Thu; Mahalo Greg, Fri; Rama Camarillo, Sat; Mondo Kane, Sun. All sets 6-9 p.m.

■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL 5400 MAKENA ALANUI, 874-1111 Molokini Lounge: Ron Kuala’au, Hawaiian and contemporary guitar and vocals, Sun, 6-10:30 p.m. and Tue, Thu and Sat, 6-8:30 p.m.; Mele ‘Ohana duo, Mon, Wed. and Fri, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. and 6-8 p.m., Mon-Sat, 8:30-10:30 p.m.

EAST MAUI

■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI HANA, 248-8211

Hawaiian Music in Paniolo Lounge: Thu thru Sun, 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Hula show, every Thu and Sun, 7:30-8:15 p.m. in the Main Dining Room.

Send your listings & photos for the Da Kine Calendar to calendar@mauitime.com or fax (808) 661-0446

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For customer service call 1-617-450-8773 or email MauiTime@placepersonal.com ABBREVIATIONS: A-Asian; B-Black; C-Christian; D-Divorced; F-Female; G-Gay; H-Hispanic; J-Jewish; M-Male; N/S-Non-Smoker; P-Professional; S-Single; W-White GUIDELINES: Personals are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses and have first meetings occur in a public place. This publication reserves the right to edit, revise, or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content of or replies to any ad. Not a service of all ads have corresponding voice messages. To review our complete guidelines, call (617) 425-2636

LETTERS

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SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

31

AUTOMOTIVE

The Plantation House

CARS - DOMESTIC 97 Jeep Wrangler Sport 4L/6Cyl, red with tan soft top, many Xtras, great cond., 8k OBO, 298-1740

Located in Kapalua Is currently seeking to fill the following positions:

AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES $500 POLICE IMPOUNDS Cars from $500! Tax Repos, US Marshall and IRS Sales! Cars, Trucks, SUV’s, Toyota’s, Honda’s, Chevy’s and more! For Listings Call 1-800-8206515 x1105. (AAN CAN)

Inexpensive Paint Jobs, & Bodywork

283-0104

NOW HIRING ALL POSITIONS Apply in person • Aplique ahora 889 Front St., Lahaina

Please apply in person between 11- 5 Monday - Friday

Paint Jobs Cars at $469 • Trucks at $669

ISLAND COINS & STAMPS

WE BUY & SELL

coins, tokens, medals, stamps, paper money, Hawaiiana, sport collectibles

667- 6155

3rd floor Wharf Cinema Ctr.

COMPUTER EQUIPMENT

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

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Mailing our brochures. Genuine Opportunity. FREE INFO. Call Now! 1-800-691-4742 24 hrs. (AAN CAN)

Golf Pros and Caddies Wanted Email: cgh@caddiegolfhawaii.com

ALL CASH CANDY ROUTE! NEED NEW COMPUTER Do you earn $800 in a day? Your own $996.00 WEEKLY INCOME Bad Credit - No Problem! Buy a new local candy route. Includes 30 computer Now and pay for it later. mailing our sales brochures from Machines and Candy. All for $9,995.

New Computers and Laptops from home. Genuine opportunity. No per1-800-807-6525. (AAN CAN) $20/month. Call Now 1-800-311-1542. sonal selling or advertising. Supplies (AAN CAN) provided. $50 Sign-up Bonus. Call 1-(702)988-0357 (24 hours). (AAN CAN) NOW HIRING FOR 2005 EARN $3500 WEEKLY! Postal Positions. $17.50-$59.00 +/hr.

Answering Surveys Online! $25-$75 Full benefits/ paid training and vacations.

NEWS FLASH! POLAR ICE CAPS Per Survey! Guaranteed Paychecks. No experience necessary. 1-800-584MELTING AT ALARMING RATE! Process E-mails Online $25.00 Per 1775. Reference #5000. (AAN CAN) FULLY STOCKED HYDROPONIC E-mail. Mystery Shoppers Earn Learn to SCUBA before it’s too late! *MOVIE EXTRAS* $57.00/HourShopping!

GARDEN STORE Dive Today with SHAKA DIVERS, Earn $150-$300/Day. All Looks/Types 300 Hukilike St. #2M, Kahului Professional, Safe, Fun Lessons and www.RealCashPrograms.com (AAN Needed. No Experience Necessary.

Industrial. Call (808) 283-3427 for Dive Tours. Torpedo Dives, Hydro- CAN) TV, Music Videos, Commercials, Film, hours & directions.

Optix Masks! (808) 250-1234 www. $CASH NOW$ AS SEEN ON TV. Print. Call Tollfree 7 days! 1-800-260shakadivers.com it’s SHAKA-RIFIC Advances for insurance, lawsuit set- 3949 x3025 (AAN CAN) tlements, annuity payments, 2005 POSTAL POSITIONS!! lottery/casino winnings.

Call Prosperity Partners - Cash in future $17.50 -$59.00 +/hour. Full benefits.

JEWELRY • DIAMONDS payments!

1-800-815-3503. Paid training & vacations. No experiwith the WATCHES • COINS ence necessary! Green Card OK! For www.ppicash.com (AAN CAN) COLORED STONES MEISNER ACTING TECHNIQUE more information call 1-866-714-8894 For actors and non actors MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS GOT DRIVE & DESIRE? ext. 1050 (AAN CAN) 8-Week Class SURF BOARDS Incredible Income Potential. No comNext Class Thurs. $750 WEEKLY SALARY! mute, No boss, Total freedom. Call Sept. 8th, Tues. & Mailing our promotional letters.

Now: 1-800-524-6214 www.thinkfreeThur. evenings 100% from home. Real Opportunity. dom.org (AAN CAN) Youth Class FREE INFO! Call Now! 1-800-4821000 LIMAHANA PL. LAHAINA Begins Wed. Sept.

1798 24 hrs. (AAN CAN) 14th for 5 weeks Join us and rediscover the CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE! JOY OF SELF-EXPRESSION STAY HOME! A very substantial 1st year earning with Andrea who has had over PLACING AN AD 10 potential. Earn what you deserve & Earn Extra Cash Weekly! Mailing Letters classes and 40 students since teaching on Maui in 2004! control your own chedule. If seri- From Home!Easy Work! No Experience IS EASY! Call for information or to register 573-3253 Required! FREE Information Package! ous, 800-678-0467 (AAN CAN) CALL 661-3786 Call 24/hrs. 1-800-242-0363 ext.4223 www.NICpublishers.com (AAN CAN)

EMPLOYMENT

283-7725

CLASSES & INSTRUCTION

BUY & SELL

$BUY & SELL$

“GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND INTO YOUR BODY”

WEST MAUI GOLD 667-7689

32

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

CLASSIFIED

WANNA HAVE FUN? WANT MORE HOURS? See us today for your interview!!

Floor Manager Book Keeper Food Runner

Captain Bondo

Bubba Gump Shrimp Company

Looking For A Little Experience?

Is Seeking Interns.

Entry level positions. High school students okay. We will train.

• Must Be Bright & Adaptable • School Credit Possible

• Work With A Fun Team • Gain Valuable Experience

Send resume to: Jen Russo 658 Front St. #126A-7278, Lahaina HI 96761 or call 661-3786 x3#

JAVA JAZZ Needs Baristas, Servers, Bartender & FT Manager. Call 667-0787 SURFWEAR SALES REP Seeking experienced rep with existing account base.

Contact: craig@MauiBorn.net MODELS Enhance your portfolio for FREE! 5 People Productions. Dial 808-5-PEOPLE FILM, MUSIC RECORDING, RADIO Schools Don’t Work! Don’t waste $25,000 or more on schools when we can get you in the door. Train one-onone in actual Recording Studios, Radio Stations and Hollywood Movie sets shooting in your local area. www.careerconnection2000.com (AAN CAN)

Sansei Seafood Restaurant and Sushi Bar Kapalua is looking for

Incredible Opportunity!!!

SUSHI CHEF OR

SUSHI CHEF APPRENTICE (no experience required)

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Great fun, great money!

Apply in person daily

669-6286

NEW REAL-LIFE TV series seeking shopaholics, gamblers, steroid users, bulimics, gang members, cult members, or anyone ALOHA VALUED READERS struggling with an addiction of compulsion. www.newdocudrama.com We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of (AAN CAN) our ads. We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a Maui Time Weekly national ad and was not submitted accepts credit cards directly to us. If you have a question for classified directly concerning AAN CAN, please and display ads check out aancan.org

NOTICES

CHARGE IT!

REAL ESTATE

Maui Recycling Service

FOR SALE

FREE Recycling Bins – And No Sign-up Fee! When you subscribe for 3 months of bi-weekly service – (A $25 value!)

New customers only – offer expires 9/30/05

Surf the Maui MLS Listings at www.barrybrownmaui.com Barry Lee Brown (R) P.O. Box 11782 Lahaina

(808) 661-1800

ALL AREAS - ROOMMATE.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse!

Visit: www.Roommates.com (AAN CAN)

VACATION RENTALS CLEAN, AFFORDABLE Accommodations in our vacation rental from $49 per day. Call Toll Free Wailuku Guesthouse 877-986-8270 or www.wailukuhouse.com Friends or Family Visiting Maui?

Affordable Studio Condo w/ Kitchen.

Newly Remodeled, Clean, AC, View of Pool. Ideal Kihei Location, 2 minute walk to Maui’s Best Swimming Beach. Call for rates 875-7893 or 877618-4482

SERVICES Want That “Playing on the PGA Tour” Feeling?

We can make that happen. http://www.caddiegolfhawaii.com (808) 344-0256

SERVICES

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Your soul is not a deep, dark cavern filled with massive white spiders, blind crickets with foot-long antennae, and strange rustlings and drippings, as some people imagine. They’re projecting, because this is how the unexplored areas of their minds look. They figure your fascination with death, sex and other heavy shit would make your head much more terrifying, but they’re wrong. You see a dark corner, you rush in to explore it; consequently your interior landscape is surprisingly clean and well-lit. The next time you intimidate someone without meaning to, make a point of inviting them in. They’ll probably be surprised by how at home they feel there.

MONDAY 4PM

“we do all the work . . . so you can enjoy your yard”

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) How, you wonder, do people persist with their petty little concerns when we’re all going to be dead in a few decades, more or less? The answer: Denial. Most people don’t think about this stuff, not like you do. It’s not because they have answers you lack, and even if they did, it’s not likely you’d be able to understand or appreciate them. It’s also not easy grappling with nihilism all by yourself, but carry on as best you can with this hard spiritual work. It’ll yield, if not an answer, a better question soon enough.

TO ADVERTISE

Jason Meyer 573-1920

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Call 661-3786

Capricorns are vulnerable to logic. Cogent rational arguments can sway you. Try making that same argument to a Pisces or Cancer, however, and you’re screwed. You might as well be speaking Mandarin. However, the inverse is also true—they’re much more likely to accept a passionate emotional plea that actually makes no sense. You and your bud are having this problem: even though you’re both talking English, you’re actually speaking really different languages. They’re not in a position to realize this and alter their approach. You are. If you want this conflict to end, it’s up to you to end it.

HIV COUNSELING AND TESTING If you feel that you have been potentially exposed to HIV and would like Free, Confidential and Anonymous testing call the Maui AIDS Foundation at 242-4900.

It is important to know your HIV status so that you do not unknowingly pass the virus to others, also early detection is vital to your health and treatment.

The Maui AIDS Foundation now offers Drop-In HIV Counseling and Testing (No appointment necessary) Drop in hours are Mon.-Fri. 8:30am to 4:30pm, Wed. 8:30am to 7pm 1935 Main Street, Wailuku For more information on HIV/AIDS, STD’s including Viral Hepatitis and HIV Counseling and Testing call the Maui AIDS Foundation at 242-4900.

In Hana call 248-7801, Lanai 5656722, and Molokai 553-9086.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

FAX NUMBER

The other night I was on a roll. I guessed everyone’s sign within two tries. Alright, I had a one-in-six chance— not so impressive. Still, I never missed. Statistics would dictate otherwise. I’m not trying to convert anyone to this subversive cult of astrology or anything, especially not you Aquarians, who practice skepticism religiously. I’m just looking for a concession from you: you don’t know everything. You can’t explain away or disprove everything, try as you might. You don’t have to believe what other people give credence to—simply please admit that you might not know better.

808.661-0446

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) I’m always impressed by your ability to simply take things at face value, without having to figure them out or make sense of them. But it’s a bewildering tendency for those who can’t help taking things apart and seeing how they work. Most people haven’t been around the block as often as you have. They don’t have the kind of spiritual experience that engenders that kind of acceptance. Humor and help them. When you’re presented with a conundrum this week that starts driving them crazy, don’t follow your impulse to just shrug it off and move on, leaving them alone with the puzzle. Roll up your sleeves and help them “solve” it.

EMAIL classifieds@mauitime.com

A public health message provided by The Maui AIDS Foundation.

MAUI RECYCLING SERVICE Picks up all your glass, plastic, aluminum, tin, mixed paper, & cardboard.

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Bi-monthly pick up. Now available for the first time on Commercial accounts avail. Call Now! Maui. many commercial and agricultural applications. Call Ohana Greenhouse 244-0443 and Garden Supply @ 283-3427 to hear HOME REMODELING SPECIALIST about this new technology.

MISCELLANEOUS

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A couple weeks back, I told you your cat would kill and eat you if it could, and that any love you perceived coming from it was simply self-delusion. This struck home because it’s true. If I’d told you your cat was actually a pineapple, you’d just shake your head at the preposterousness of my statement. The only reason to protest (which many of you did, rigorously) is to deny what you know to be true. Facing a difficult reality is unpleasant, yet I urge you to do so anyway; shrugging off illusions is necessary for you to move on to the next chapter. Once you do, there are pleasanter truths to embrace, even about your smelly cat. For instance, it can’t torture and eat you, and it’s still pretty and pleasant to touch and still a companion, albeit not exactly the companion you imagined. Might you also have illusions about any of your other companions?

AD DEADLINE

Maui Lawn Works

A portion of every commission is donated to the Surfrider Foundation of Maui

SHARED HOUSING, ROOMMATES

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

244-0443 • www.mauirecycles.com

CLASSIFIEDS

S.&W. MAUI CONDOS $240,000 fee simple W. & S. MAUI HOMES from $575,000

Like you, I’m a major multitasker. I like surfing the Internet while watching television while playing with the dog while cooking dinner while getting dressed while tidying the room. I am always in the middle of at least five books (in three different languages). So I get it. But I also get totally dropping all those balls I’m juggling and losing my brain in a hot bath. That mindless downtime is essential; just because you need less than everyone else doesn’t mean you can go without. This week, find a way to truly lose your busy thoughts and worries, even for just a few minutes at a time, or you will simply lose it.

CURBSIDE RECYCLING!

BANK FORECLOSURES! Homes from $10,000! 1-3 bedroom available! HUD, Repos, REO, etc.

These homes must sell! For Listings Call 1-800-820-6515 ext. 3015. (AAN CAN)

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

If not now, when?

KAANAPALI GOLF ESTATE Spectacular views of Molokai & Lanai. Outrageous sunsets, quiet neighborhood. 2500 sg. ft. of living space, 300 sq. ft. lanai, 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, newly remodeled. $1,950,000. Call 276-3177 (3% to Realtors)

from

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PREGNANT? Thinking ADOPTION? Talk with caring people specializing in matching birthmothers with loving families nationwide. EXPENSES PAID. Toll free 24/7 One True Gift Adoptions 866-921-0565. (AAN CAN)

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) It’s rare when you get overlooked. That’s why it smarts so much when it happens. You’re so shaken and hurt when you find out your friends did something without you, especially if it’s something you might really have enjoyed. It was probably just an oversight, but even if it wasn’t, the fact that your buds wanted to do something that didn’t include you doesn’t mean they don’t adore you. Please understand, and forgive; you take up a lot of space—your friends obviously enjoy it, but maybe they need to shine once in a while, too. And it’s kind of a compliment that that’s not so easy with you around.

WEBSITE

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

www.mauitime.com

Taureans are notorious couch potatoes. I’m not about to scold you for your TV addiction (that’d be the pot calling the kettle, there). But balance is good. You don’t want to lay on your deathbed all fat and prematurely old, with a head full of only two-dimensional memories, do you? That means exercise and doing real shit, too. Go ahead and chill in front of the tube, but make sure you end up doing stuff to acquire memories (and muscles) you’ll want to keep for years to come, not forget as soon as the episode’s over.

MAILING

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) On a whim the other day I shaved my head. My hair was pretty long, too. As I was doing it, I was trying to channel you and your willingness to just go with spontaneously-made decisions without over-thinking them or second-guessing them once you’re on the path you’ve chosen. Oh sure, you do occasionally double back or overanalyze things, like everybody, but you’re generally more willing to be spontaneous than nearly everyone I know.

I could use some lessons, and so could a few of your other friends. This week, dole out the wisdom, and since it’s about being spontaneous, please have fun doing it.

658 Front Street #126A-7278

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) You’re not in the zone, yet. The thing about being in the zone is you rarely notice you’re in the zone. In fact, once you notice, it’s hard to stay there—it’s like trying to not wake up once you’ve noticed you’re dreaming. The zone is characterized by total absorption in the task at hand; time passes without you even noticing, and that extra concentration yields better than usual results. You can’t force it, of course, but you can set yourself up to get the most out of it once it comes, by smoothing out all the logistics of your to-do list (and gathering relevant materials) ahead of time—that way, when you hit the zone, you don’t have to spend time buying paper or figuring out exactly how to do something—you can just do it.

Lahaina, HI 96761

DROP OFF

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) I got tons of hate mail a couple weeks back (because I told the Librans an unpleasant truth (that their cats would kill and eat them if they could)). Many people lashed out rather than accept this simple, if distasteful fact, but I’m guessing I’d never have gotten this kind of reaction from you Leos. Your optimism isn’t so easily daunted. You can accept your cat’s carnivorous, wild nature without your whole reality sucking ass. You’re able to look at the bright side of having a companion whose submission can be mistaken for adoration. Consistently looking at the bright side is a skill that’ll come in handy this week. Practice it.

505 Front St. PLACING AN AD IS EASY! CALL 661-3786

Ste. 216, Lahaina

CAERIEL@YAHOO.COM

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

33

HOLOHOLOGIRL

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS

Working Girl The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. – Vidal Sassoon As this recent three-day weekend came and went, I attended barbeque after barbeque, resuming my usual bibulous behavior and weekend shenanigans. But in honor of Labor Day, I also reflected on past jobs I’ve had… Jobs that have taken me from the far reaches of pizza dough prep and spinning, to the intricate dissections of lab rats in studying the effects of lead on osteoporosis… Jobs that have supplemented my rockstar lifestyle, scholarly pursuits and desire to do something meaningful in the world, on minimum wage plus tips…

Jobs that have, thankfully, led me here.

Go ahead, take a look:

Palm Springs Babysitter Envelope stuffer Ice cream scooper Pizza maker Fuddrucker’s food expeditor and number caller Bob’s Big Boy waitress Contempo Casuals cashier The Warehouse Records & Tapes sales clerk Natural Wonders store manager (also in Santa Cruz) Santa Cruz Gayle’s Bakery café worker, barista El Palomar hostess, cocktail waitress UCSC Environmental Toxicology lab assistant Long Marine Laboratory docent Maui Compadres Bar & Grill server, bartender and Taco Tuesday Corona slinger Red Lantern bartender Front Street flower girl Hard Rock Café server, trainer (also in SF) San Francisco The Ramp server, cocktail waitress Maui, Part Two Mana Foods cashier Casanova cocktail waitress Milagros Food Co. bartender Borders bookseller Four Seasons Pacific Grill server, room service coordinator Lingerie shop clerk (temp) Coffee shop barista (temp) Gayot.com restaurant reviewer Maui Time Weekly proofreader, freelance writer, calendar editor, assistant to Mr. Pignataro, A&E maven and Holoholo bee-yotch Damn, I’ve worked hard! Somebody please pass me my pau hana. I’m ready for a nap.

Samantha Campos once taught a Jello sculpture class at a little known, very exclusive, all-girls boarding school for the visual arts called Sisters of the Perpetual Disillusionment, in Queens. MTW

34

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

CLASSIFIED

, Rock n Roll , Like you Haven t Heard in a While Fridays 7pm until Midnight

Mind Body

Mind Body Spirit A G U I D E F O R H E A LT H Y L I V I N G

Spirit

GET BACK THE ONE YOU LOVE! SACRED BODYWORK Male Witch offering psychic readings Intelligent, subtle, tantric touch for betand counseling. Casting and removal of ter health, longevity & spiritual wellspells. Contact with spirits. Call 24/7. being. 9am-9pm daily. 572-2623 visiTom 800-419-3346. Credit/Debit Cards. tors welcome.

(AAN CAN) Sex life on hold?

BODYWORK SESSION Sex therapist with 20+ years exp. will Treat yourself to a full body experience help you overcome ED, premature ejacuof Swedish, Pressure Point & lation, lack of desire, shyness, fear of intiReflexology in a private setting. macy, communication problems.

Enjoyable, Therapeutic & affordable. Call Discuss your sex & relationship concerns Dennis for an appt. at 344-3425. confidentially. Free initial phone consult. www.MauiBodyWork.com Call Dr. Bouchard today at 891-0952.

Priestess of the Heart Enter the Temple and Be Loved

Sacred healing on all levels, channeled through loving hands of an empowered Dakini. Touch that goes where no one has gone before; clearing and energizing all chakras to open you to more love and vitality. Let go of the blocked energy and open to the new expanded you.

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Dynamic Life Coach Life Style • Communications • Self Improvement • Relationships Author, Workshop Leader, TV, Radio, Key Note Speaker CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED

www.lifebydesignonmaui.com

ALOHA SEXUAL HEALTH & HAPPINESS

Blown Aboriginal PIPES MAUI Home

Full Circle Toe Rings Since 1987 14k • Sterling • Unique Jewelry Oceanic Woods • Weapons • Spiritual Fetishes

Counseling For all Sex & Intimacy Concerns

For appt. call 268-1337

TTOP ROPICAL ARTWARE / U.L.C. FLOOR WHARF CINEMA CENTER ACROSS FROM BANYAN TREE

Confidential • Free Phone Consultation

Find Maui’s Holistic Events!

Visit www.mauivision.net today and explore our extensive mind, body & spirit listings. New August/September Maui Vision Magazine Out Now! Call 669-9091 for info.

Michael Ra Bouchard, M.A., Ph.D.

PIPES

• Glass Designs • Vaporizers • Grinders • Hand Made on Maui

CLUB TANTRA Tantra lesson, followed by intimate party. Saturdays, 7PM, 244-4103.

Couples only. 244-4103

Alice In Hulaland

Massage & Energy Healing to quiet the mind, relax the body & open the heart. Learn to listen to your body. Feel the difference! call Grace at 283-1222 MAT#3018

19 Baldwin Ave Paia 579-9922

CATCH THE LATEST

Mind Body Spirit

Napili Acupuncture Lanette Questa L.Ac. Acupuncturist & Herbalist Caring for locals & visitors Specializing in pain and injury management and women’s health Napili Plaza Suite 205 (2nd Floor)

808.269.2405

Doctor of Human Sexuality If not now, when? 891.0952 www.sexhappiness.com

CLASSES & INSTRUCTION BELLYDANCE CLASS Dance yourself into shape, express your inner-beauty at any age. North end Kam 3 park in Kihei, near white gazebo.

Saturdays 9:am. Leyla Atwill 891-8979

PRIVATE YOGA INSTRUCTOR

Mind Body Spirit

HEALTHY WAVE! The Fall 2005 Healthy Hawaii Expo takes place at the Lahaina Cannery Mall on Sat., Sept. 10. 10am-5pm.. Free admission. Release stress with a massage, get a psychic reading and experience Maui’s best alternative healers!

Explore the fascinating exhibits of products and services to help you stay healthy and live longer. Enjoy fitness demos, music, hula, dance and lots more onstage. For information on attending, exhibiting or co-sponsorship, call 281-7645 or 669-9091, email MauiPromo@aol.com or visit www.mauivision.net

Overweight? Need More Energy?

Get Healthy with All-Natural, Doctor Recommended Supplements. www.paradisenutritionandweightloss.com

Mon-Fri 9am-7pm • Sat 9am-4pm • Sun by Appt.

NOW ACCEPTING MOST MAJOR CREDIT CARDS

30 YEARS OF TEACHING EXPERIENCE CALL

280-9574 or go to

www.hathayogalesson.com

Connecting Spirit with Motion

HEALING HANDS In Kihei

MASSAGE

FOR YOUR HEALTH

CHRONIC ISLAND VIBE BEING CLOTHING & WELL THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE @ Swedish, Sports, Deep Tissue, NMT, BARBARA WILLIAMS ISLANDSPICEHAWAII.COM Reiki, Healing Energy, Breath. Summer 250-9639, Kihei. MAT #8526. www.solhealing.com

• Yoga • Belly Dancing • NIA • • Exclusive Clothing Line & Boutique • • Over 25 Classes • 7 Days a Week • Group & Private Lessons

NIA FOUNDERS COMING TO MAUI! Jan. 7-13, 2006 at The Studio Maui join Debbie & Carlos Rosas, Nia creators, for a White Belt Nia training intensive, lifechanging week. Space limited, inquire now. www.niamaui.com or 808-2800149

Ama 1 1/ z i n g Mass 2 Hour age $65

re unctu Acup cials.

Fa !

Work They

808.667.2111 Move your body!

Express your spirit!

Free your mind!

840 Wainee St., (Behind Ace Hardware) Lahaina Square Shopping Center www.islandspirityoga.com

EFFECTIVE THERAPIES CLINIC 81 Central Ave. Wailuku and outcall (or Mondays-Lahaina). Specializing in Therapeutic Lomilomi, Deep Tissue and Injury Rehabilitation. $70 or DonationInsurance, Cash, Credit, w/Daniel Fowler MAT#2765, MAE#1241 Call 280-0733 Lomilomi Retreat Nov. 2-10 in Hana. $45 MASSAGE!!! $35 Acupuncture, $45 Facials. 7 days a week. Blue Bamboo Chinese Medical Center, 2099 Wells St. Wailuku 2446778

Nia – fitness for every Body Erin Graue – Certified Nia Teacher

www.niamaui.com – 242-4343

875-2081 MAT #7179

CHARGE IT!

PLACING AN AD IS EASY!

Maui Time Weekly accepts credit cards for classified and display ads

CALL

661-3786

OPEN YOUR MIND CHALLENGE YOUR BODY A GUIDE FOR HEALTHY LIVING for advertising info • call 661-3786 ex.5#

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

CLASSIFIEDS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 8, 2005

35

PAYDAY LOANS - CASH LOAN NOW

PAYDAY LOANS - CASH LOAN NOW

CASH ON THE SPOT

$ - $300 INSTANT LOANS $ - PAY CHECK LOAN ADVANCES $ - WE’LL HOLD YOUR CHECK

No credit check • No amount too large Insured & Licensed Pawn Broker DIAMONDS • JEWELRY • GOLD • FINE WATCHES COINS • BULLION • MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS COMPUTERS • COLLECTABLES

NEED MONEY! Come in or call NOW! •

46 North Market Street, Wailuku

kcab

edis HIGH VISIBILITY! LOW COSTS! BACK SIDE CLASSIFIEDS WORK!

CALL (808) 661-3786 for complete details!

VIAGRA $2.40/dose - CIALIS available Lowest price refills Guaranteed! Call PBG we can help! Non Profit Organization Toll free: 1-866-579-8545. (AAN CAN)

Sweet Life Fruit Company

Comprehensive Pain Management

Delivered on Maui or shipped worldwide. Sweet Life Fruit Co. 808-27SWEET (277-9338) or (6629338) www.mauifruitbasket.com

Burton Feinerman, M.D. Cosmetic Dermatology •Anti-Aging Medicine •Weight Loss Program That Works •PPC Injections To Dissolve Fat Safely •Contour and Shape Your Body •Botox-Collagen-Restylane Wrinkle Fillers •Foto Facial IPL Wrinkles, Brown Spots •Chemical Peels Safe; No Down Time •New Acne Scar Treatment With Levulan/IPL •IPL Hair Removal •HGH-Testosterone Female Bioidentical Hormones

Spinal Trauma and Orthopedic Injuries Automobile and Occupational Injuries Chronic Neck and Back Pain Shoulder, Knee, and Hip Pain

FISHING ACTION!

Accepting most insurance plans, including

STOP WISHIN’ & GO FISHIN’

HMSA, UHA, Tri-West, No Fault, Work Comp

42’ BERTRAM SPORTFISHERS

RATED #1

Maui: (808) 667-2774 KONA: (808) 327-1265

TOLL FREE 1-800-590-0133

Located in Kukui Mall

1819 S. Kihei Rd. Suite D-101, Kihei 874-5141

We sell for you on EBAY!

RECEPTIONIST WANTED!

1819 S. Kihei Road Kukui Mall, Kihei

Web Auctions Hawaii 242-4567

www.anti-agingmedicine.com

Part-time, flexible hours. Must be dependable, reliable & good presence. Fax resume: 249.8947

LOOKING FOR SPORTS MEMORABILIA?

NEW 2006 SCION MODELS!

We’ve got Maui’s Best Selection and Lowest Prices.

Also Collectable Old Stamps, Flags From Around the World and Collectable Old Coins. Island Coins & Stamps, Wharf Cinema Center, 3rd Floor, Lahaina, 667-6155

2005 HEALTHY HAWAII EXPO

874-5141

First National Pawn 877-0676

for your cameras, ukuleles, big diamonds, fine watches, Hawaiiana, musical instruments, fine jewelry, & gold. Kamaaina Loan 242-5555

Dr. Robert Ley

Gift Baskets, Fruit Baskets & Flowers

Maui’s mobile Pawn Shop HIGHEST CASH DOLLARS

Or do your loan online at: www.paycheckloan.com

Payday Loans Cash Loan Now, $300 Instant , & Pay check loan advances. Kamaaina Loan 242-5555

Home Based Business $100K Part Time www.xscash.biz Air Maui Helicopter Tours 2 for 1 Special!

West Maui/Molokai Special. Only Air Maui offers this incredible flight! Call now for your 2 for 1 Kama’aina special or special visitor rate! Expires Dec. 31, 2005.

For reservations call 877-7005

I’AO ACUPUNCTURE & SPA Experience 90 minutes of relaxing bodywork. MASSAGE SPECIAL $65. Call 249-8280 MAT #5266

xA, xB, tC Models now available at Maui Scion.

320 Hana Hwy, Kahului 877-2781

Saturday September 10th at Lahaina Cannery Mall

45

$

MASSAGE & FACIALS

35Acupuncture

$

ACUPUNCTURE PRICES VALID THRU AUGUST 2005

7 DAYS A WEEK

BLUE BAMBOO Chinese Medical Center & Spa

244-6778 2099 Wells St., Wailuku

MAE#5293

242-5555