9.12 Big Waste, September 15, 2005, Volume 9, Issue 12, MauiTime

HOME OF HOLOHOLO GIRL, COCONUT WIRELESS, EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK, CUNNING LINGLE, EH BRAH!, TAKE 5, LC WATCH AND MIXED BAGS

■ SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

■ VOLUME 9

■ ISSUE 12

■ MAUITIME.COM

■ FREE EVERY THURSDAY

■

MAUI’S ONLY LOCALLY OWNED INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER

‘GOVERNMENT LIKES HIGH PRICES’ 5

What you should know about oil

FREE FAIR TICKETS 11

But only if you eat a ton of junk food

BIG-HAIRED BEAUTIES 25

At the Ultimate Panache Pageant

BIGWASTE Thirty-five reasons why Maui shouldn’t build an incinerator

All sale prices are after rebates including $500 college grad. Plus tax, lic. And $195 Valley Isle Motors doc. Fees. Vehicles may not be exactly as shown. Ranger sale price $13,201.57, 72 months at 6.5% apr. Deferred payments $20,213.25. Focus sale price $13,221.64 72 months at 6.5% apr. Deferred payment $19,713.28. Financing and APR is on approved credit. Sale ends 9/30/05.

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

MAILING ADDRESS: 658 Front St., Ste. 126A-7278 Lahaina, HI 96761 PHYSICAL ADDRESS: 505 Front St., Ste. 216 Lahaina, HI 96761

CONTENTS

Editor: Anthony Pignataro anthony@mauitime.com (Pied Piper of Hamelin)

office (808) 661–3786 • fax (808) 661–0446

VOLUME 9 • ISSUE 12

Associate Editor: Samantha Campos sam@mauitime.com (Sleeping Beauty)

www.mauitime.com

Calendar Goddess: Kimberly L. Welch kim@mauitime.com (Cinderella)

ONO KINE GRINDS

COVER STORY 12

Position (& favorite fairy tale)

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•Big Waste

Contributing Writers: Sarah Callender, Caeriel Crestin, Gabrielle Poccia, Ted Rall, Molly Rettig, Chuck Shepherd, Andrew Shkolnik, Cole Smithey

•Bamboo Where West Maui meets East Asian dining – by Molly Rettig

Thirty five reasons why Maui shouldn’t build an incinerator – by Anthony Pignataro

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MAUI COUNTY

Illustration: Guy Junker, Glenn Watson

•Employee of the Week •Dining Listings

Photography: Michele Furmato, Sean M. Hower, Jessica Pearl Interns: Ashley Fitch, Heidi King

Hours, locations and price ranges of Maui’s eateries

Art Director: Rudi King rudi@mauitime.com (Robin Hood)

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•Letters to the Editor •Eh Brah!

DA KINE CALENDAR

5

•Cunning Lingle •‘Government Likes HIgh Prices’

19 •This Week’s Picks 22 •Film: Lord Bloody Hallelujah of War ( ) – by Cole Smithey 23 •Movies & Times 24 •Earshot: Metal Cum Laude 25 •A&E: Big Haired Beauties ‘The sky’s the limit’ at this year’s Ultimate Panache Pageant

What consumers should know about oil – by Anthony Pignataro

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•Coconut Wireless •Overheard...

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•News of the Weird •Ted Rall Cartoon

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Production Assistants: David Enzo, Wendy Higa Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers brad@mauitime.com (Little Red Riding Hood) General Manager: Jennifer Russo jen@mauitime.com (Rumpelstiltskin) Office Assistant: Becky Spector Web Design: Bump Networks www.bumpnetworks.com Publisher: Tommy Russo tommy@mauitime.com (Shrek)

– by Sarah Callender

26 •The Grid & Calendar Listings 27 •Take Five: Things you May Not know about women

•LC Watch •Op Ed: What a Disaster Or, why everyone hates us – by Ted Rall

11

CLASSIFIED

•Free Fair Tickets!

31 •Personals 32 •Classified Listings 33 •Sign Language 34 •HoloHolo Girl 35 •Mind, Body & Spirit

If you eat a ton of junk food – by Anthony Pignataro

KUNG FU FILM FESTIVAL PG.19

MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2005 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited.

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MauiTime Weekly is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime Weekly, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime Weekly are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime Weekly.

Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime Weekly

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

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WANTED:

Interns Maui Time has immediate openings for internships. If you are a high school or college student, or recent grad this may be the opportunity for you! Potential positions in editorial, graphic design, accounting, or sales could give you the experience or college credits that you need. Previous experience is not necessary. Budding interns should want to work in a dynamic newspaper office with a great crew.

Please send a resume to 658 Front St. # 7278, Lahaina, HI 96761 or call 808-661-3786 x3# and speak to Jennifer.

LETTERSTOTHEEDITOR REALLY HATES HOT DOGS I am very disappointed to see you promote that most disgusting ritual of American piggery and stupidity, the hot dog eating contest (“Hot Dog!” Sept. 8, 2005). It is perhaps the most appropriate symbol of the shameless gluttony that has become an integral part of the American character. The attitude behind it is responsible for a great deal of morbidity and mortality and our enormous medical bills and therefore our high taxes. It is about as appropriate as a contest to see who can smoke the most cigarettes in an hour, drink the most whiskey, drive the fastest without seatbelts, shoot the most dope, snort the most coke, etc.

It’s not a skill. It’s a form of madness.

-Kurt Butler, Kahului The Editor responds: Who can drink the most whiskey? That’s the greatest contest idea ever. Thanks!

BEST LETTER EVER Maui Time is really good, though I might mount a psuedo-attack today. [Anthony] Pignataro—the editor—attacks algebra as useless in teaching one to think (Take 5, Sept.

8, 2005). This piques the old math teacher’s interest and he considers leveling the upstart, only to re-build him upon a more informed and balanced foundation. We got the political right attacking science; our left shouldn’t blunder into the same mistake.

This man Pignataro—who has perhaps created a pseudonym that subliminally uses the Hawaiian’s (and my) favorite food to enhance his readership... Even stooping so low as to subliminally incorporate Denny’s pig ‘n a blanket (sausage under a pancake I think and am drooling thinking about it)—owes Arabia an apology.

Ignorance is using knowledge to undermine knowledge, and this is a perfect example. Because you don’t know enough or have ignored (ignorance) that there would be no Maui Time without the incredible wonders of algebra, is in perfect keeping with your promulgating Foucault as an example of a more functional thinker.

Such is the mental mishmash since the post-modern deconstructionists ensnared the

minds of two generations of witless college graduating Americans. The right wing didn’t suck up to these French folks with physics envy and a grudge against gravity—the humanities departments did—and it has a lot to do with creating the weakened left and the absurd anti-evolutionist right.

And it is doubly hurtful to the cause of liberality he would espouse, for both Al’s—Al Jabhr and Al Einstein—used this algebra he would disdain to create the modern world. Like it or not, it is the one reality that has undergone the formality of occurring!

People all have their own subjective “truth” and “reality,” but if there weren’t the same “objective reality” for everyone, there wouldn’t be any science. Zero tech goodies, Anthony— sticks and stones.

PS: Thanks for the great paper!!!!! Do you know where the distinction is made between two kinds of minds—literal and ironic? That, I hear, is where the battle lies. I totally love your Lindbergh flight (Coconut Wireless, Sept. 1, 2005)! I love laughter more than anything and my jaw dropped. Howls and howls.

I’ve written a “de-cookstruction” of Captain Cook like that (only because I am Captain Cook: Captain James Cook Loomis.)

Things can only move so fast. I’m a blunt old curmudgeon. Can’t push the river, so I’ll go jump in it.

-Jim Loomis, via email

Maui Time welcomes letters commenting on our coverage, but only if they’re complimentary. If you still wish to complain about something, please have the decency to use plenty of bad punctuation and grammar—that makes it easier for us to make fun of you when we respond. Send your letters to the editor via e-mail (letters@mauitime.com), regular mail (Letters to the Editor, Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A-7278, Lahaina, HI 96761) or fax (808-661-0446). All correspondence must include your full name, hometown and phone number.

EH BRAH! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less, changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 658 Front Street, Ste. 126A–7278, Lahaina, HI 96761 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

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I would just like to say thanks to the jackass who totally sideswiped my car in the bank parking lot last week. While you were destroying the ENTIRE passenger side of my car, leaving $2,000 in damage, I was away getting x-rays for the ankle I broke that very morning. I have no medical insurance, so the accident added grandly to my expenses. You can’t imagine how great it was to hobble back to my car on crutches and see you’d not only done a ridiculous amount of damage to my car, but that you also neglected to stay or leave a note giving me your contact information. How stupid of me to even expect that kind of behavior.

MAUICOUNTY

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

‘Government Likes High Prices’ What consumers should know about oil If you’re part of the vast majority of Americans who feels the need to drive, then you’ve noticed the stratospheric high prices at the pump. To find out what’s going on, I called Tyson Slocum, the energy program research director for the consumer advocacy group Public Citizen.

Slocum’s appeared on CNN, Fox News and in The New York Times and Wall St. Journal. This week he testified before Congress on rising prices. Clearly, he knows oil.

There are record profits at every stage.

Recent statistics from the federal Department of Energy show record profits in the refining industry. Refining profit margins in 1999 were 22 cents per gallon. In 2004 they were 40 cents per gallon. I guarantee 2005 will be higher.

Maui Time Weekly: Why are gas prices so high?

Tyson Slocum: There’s no question demand does play a role in this. Americans have a huge demand for oil The U.S. uses 25 percent of the world’s oil. China is the second largest consumer— they use seven percent.

The U.S. uses 21 million barrels a day. Seventy percent of U.S. use goes to highway transportation. We have worse fuel economy in 2005 than we did in 1985. Our competitors in Europe and Asia use half the fuel we do.

For most consumers, demand is what economists call “inelastic”—Are consumers going to stop driving to work? No. For the most part, people need their cars.

We’re in a bind: we need to make our cars more fuel-efficient.

Is it just demand that’s driving the high prices?

No. There’s a big disconnect between the prices we’re seeing and actual supply and demand. This is much different than the 1970s—there are no shortages except in isolated areas. This time, there’s a direct correlation between our record high gas prices and record profits for the oil companies.

How so?

Price gouging is absolutely going on.

The federal government has concluded this. In 2001, the Federal Trade Commission found conclusively that oil companies were manipulating the market. They were holding supplies, waiting for prices to rise, then releasing their product. In 2004 the General Accounting Office found that recent [oil industry] mergers have directly led to higher prices by squelching competition.

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enacting price controls. These price controls ended the blackouts and put Enron out of business. It was extraordinary. Analysts who say price caps don’t work are lying at worst or don’t know what they’re talking about at best.

Besides, it’s not like you’re imposing this on an industry in dire straights. Since George W. Bush took over in 2001, Chevron/Texaco has had more than $31 billion in profits. Shell has had $60.7 billion in profits since 2001. The refinery Tesoro has had profits of $615.6 million since 2001—they’re smaller than the other firms, but they’ve got a healthy profit margin for their business. Refining profit margins are through the roof.

Not really. I think we’re on a steady march towards much higher prices. Markets respond to what the government does. When Bush signed that energy bill, the industry got a clear signal that government likes high prices. They have incentives to produce more SUVs. Last year Goldman Sachs put out a report saying we’d have $100 barrels of oil in a year. When it first came out, I dismissed it. But now, we’ll see $100 barrels before we see $30 barrels of oil. And when that happens, our economy is in the tank.

For more information about Slocum and high gas prices, visit www.citizen.org. MTW

Now the refiners are saying they haven’t built any new refineries since 1976 because of environmental regulations. What about that?

Prices leapt after Hurricane Katrina—they show oil companies are willing to take advantage of a national emergency. Public Citizen called for temporary national price controls.

Hawai’i recently instituted a wholesale price gas cap. What are your thoughts on that?

I like the general concept of it. It’s a moving cap, changing every week, based on some variables. It uses the averages of prices in various regions on the mainland. You can ask whether these regions are relevant, and maybe make the cap more exact, but the general concept is very solid. It’s sound. Because Hawai’i is getting no help from the federal government, it’s an appropriate move to get control.

The cap is very controversial out here.

Analysts in the pay of oil companies always say price caps won’t work. They’re wrong. In 2000, 2001, Enron was ripping off California’s energy market. Regulators allowed it to continue for 13 months. Finally they ended it by

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They always say environmentalists are keeping them from building new refineries.

They’re lies. But the reason they haven’t built any new refineries is because they have no financial interest to do so.

Think about it: more refineries will drive prices down. In 2001 an oil industry executive actually said, “I would rather produce less gas… than flood the market with gas and earn a lower margin.”

They want to make as much money as possible.

Now Anderson Clean Fuels, a small company based in Arizona, is building a new refinery.

And they’ve successfully obtained all the necessary environmental permits. If a small independent company can get the money to build a refinery and get all the environmental permits, why can’t Exxon-Mobil do it?

Now what about that giant energy bill that Bush signed in August?

That energy bill—which unfortunately both Hawai’i senators voted for—is one of the worst bills in history. Weeks after it passed [both houses of Congress], prices are rising.

The bill was just $6 billion in new subsidies for oil companies. There was $1.5 billion for companies doing deep water drilling in the Gulf of Mexico. There was another billion dollars in tax breaks—companies can now write off exploration. There are tax breaks for refiners. A barrel of oil costs $65-70—these subsidies make no sense. Hawai’i’s senators should be ashamed. It was an outrageous piece of legislation.

Do you see any hope for a drop in prices?

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Cunning Lingle What Governor Linda Lingle said in a Sept. 7, 2005 Associated Press story about fears that the Akaka Bill would lead Native Hawaiians to secede from the U.S.: “We have over 500 recognized Indian tribes in America. They don’t secede, they simply get a federal recognition that allows them to avoid these kinds of lawsuits that Hawaiians have faced.”

What she didn’t say: The lawsuits Native Hawaiians “have faced” usually involve them suing to reassert their claims over lands that the U.S. Government seized following the 1893 overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy. But hey—once the Akaka Bill passes, they won’t have to worry about those pesky, horrible lawsuits anymore, because they’ll have the same rights and privileges as Native Americans. And we all know what kind of Renaissance they’re going through these days.

-Anthony Pignataro

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

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MAUICOUNTY WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 7 Thankfully, our brave U.S. Congressman Ed Case (D, Hawai’i) is finally back from his Middle Eastern fact-finding trip. He gave the Associated Press in today’s Maui News the standard administration line that most of the country is peaceful but we need at least 150,000 combat soldiers in the field until 2007 at least. And Case even resurrected the old, thoroughly nonsensical “Domino Theory”—the U.S. had to slaughter hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese people to keep the commies from overrunning all of Southeast Asia—to justify his position. “The alternative to doing so will be chaos and even greater tragedy not only within Iraq, but well beyond, as that path will surely negatively impact other crucial countries in the region like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan.” Never mind that between 24,000 and 27,000 Iraqis have died in the war. Never mind that there were no terrorists—Al Qaeda or otherwise—in Iraq blowing up cars, cutting off heads or setting mines before we invaded in March, 2003. Never mind that U.S. troops are doing practically nothing to stop the sectarian, Sunni-on-Shiite violence that’s increasingly plaguing the nation. And never mind that the whole reason U.S. soldiers and marines got sent to Iraq in the first place—destroying dictator Saddam Hussein’s massive stockpiles of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons—turned out to a big, fat lie. But hey, Case says we need to stay the course, so by all means, let’s keep right on killing.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 8 Today’s the day The Maui News joined up the Associated Press to carry Norwegian Cruise Lines’ water. And why not? The

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

company—owned by Hong Kong-based Star Cruises, Ltd.—only brought in $1.3 billion last year. For its part, the News glorifies the cruise operator with a big full-color front-page photo of the gaudy NCL ship Pride of America and an even bigger story on how the cruise line is bitching about the recent, wonderfully scathing Mayor’s Cruise Ship Task Force report. “[I]t didn’t include the cruise ship industry,” NCL spokesman Robert Kritzman told the News, ignoring the fact that cruise line officials had given recommendations to the task force. But that story was inconsequential when compared to the big wet one the AP planted on NCL’s ass that ran on page A4. Titled “Norwegian Cruise Line finds success in Hawaiian waters,” the “story” detailed how NCL owns all these ships and is so popular and can’t build ships fast enough to keep with demand because it’s just so popular.

“The ships also provide a unique vantage point of the islands, sailing past the glowing lava fields of Kilauea volcano on the Big Island, the remote green peaks of the Na Pali coast on Kauai’s North Shore and the urban cityscape of Oahu,” wrote AP reporter Jaymes Song in a style rarely found outside visitor brochures and in-flight magazines.

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

MONDAY, SEPT. 12

FRIDAY, SEPT. 9 Maui’s real estate market is hot, Hot, HOT! Nearly as hot as NCL! And that’s fantastic, right? Um, not especially, Hawaii Pacific University economics professor Leroy Laney told island business types today at the Maui Beach Hotel. You see, since property values have risen 190 percent since in just eight years—high enough and fast enough to induce dizziness, loss of vision and nosebleeds—Maui quite possibly meets all the qualifications of a full-blown housing bubble.

It’s definitely a seller’s market right now, until something small pops the bubble, plummeting

OVERHEARD...

“THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I HAD OVER 400 CDS. BUT THEN THEY WERE STOLEN. IT WAS A BIG LESSON IN LETTING GO.” -Woman talking at the Sly Mongoose in Lahaina, Sept. 8

the 1932 presidential race. On the Democratic side, former State Senator and current Wailuku Agribusiness tool Avery Chumbley is considering a run, as is former Mayor James “Kimo” Apana. You know he’s serious because he—who never met a developer he didn’t like while in office—is now bitching about “sprawl.” All the above challengers are perfectly nice and more than acceptable to the big money establishment, but my money’s on Councilman Dain Kane, the father of the county’s contradictory, notat-all enforced anti-smoking ordinance.

Have you people seen this guy’s hair? It actually radiates ambition—it alone could beat Apana in a one-on-one race.

housing prices so much that everyone pretty much loses their shirts, pants and even an accessory or two. Granted, that’s a worst-case scenario, but these things do happen from time to time… you know, like the way gasoline shortages sometimes follow exploding prices.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 10

Sometimes, when I’ve had too much to drink or not enough sleep or when I’m just so bored that absolutely nothing seems interesting, I try to imagine what it’s like to be President George W. Bush. His is truly Bizarro World, where facts are lies and defeats are victories. Case in point: Bush’s threat today to veto Senate Resolution 20, which would force the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency to return to the 1996 CLean Air Act rules concerning mercury emissions from power plants (see our “Mercury on the Rise,” Aug. 25, 2005, for more information). According to Bush, the resolution would “unnecessarily delay [his] first-ever reduction of mercury emissions.” To anyone but Bush this is nonsense—the old Clean Air Act requires far lower mercury emissions than Bush’s new industryfriendly rules. But considering he’s president and we’re not, does that really matter?

Not now—enraged.

TUESDAY, SEPT. 13 SUNDAY, SEPT. 11 It’s just a scant 15 months away, but The Maui News is already handicapping possible Maui mayoral candidates. Five people, including current Republican Mayor Alan Arakawa, have either announced or refused to rule out a candidacy. There’s fellow Republican Councilwoman Charmaine Tavares, who’s termed out in 2006 and is toying with the idea of either taking Arakawa’s job or opening her own bowling alley—a dilemma not seen since Herbert Hoover made the wrong call back in

Soaring gas prices… housing bubble… elevated mercury emissions… a never-ending war in Iraq… I forget—why did we reelect George Bush again? Was it his eloquent command over the English language? His Alfred E. Newman good looks? That weird square hump on his back? Come on, I’m a grown-up.

You can tell me.

Anthony Pignataro just left for a week’s vacation and will not be checking his email or voicemail messages. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

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NEWSOFTHEWEIRD HUGE PROBLEM In July, the Uttar Pradesh Eunuchs Association in Lucknow, India demanded that the district magistrate and the senior superintendent of police order cops to begin exposing fake eunuchs by lifting their skirts to verify their status.

Charlatans, according to the group, deprive real eunuchs of “legitimate” income—a large part of which derives from eunuchs’ entering places of business and private parties, exposing themselves and otherwise being obnoxious, and demanding a fee to leave.

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In July 2004, as News of the Weird mentioned, a federal appeals court ruled that the leak-safety standards for the long-awaited nuclear waste depository at Nevada’s Yucca Mountain were too weak, in that the Environmental Protection Agency would regard the facility as safe for only 10,000 years (almost five times the length of time since the birth of Jesus). One National Academy of Sciences panel had recommended against the site unless leak safety could be certified for at least 300,000 years. In August 2005, EPA issued a revised durability standard, now claiming the site would be free of unsafe leaks for a million years.

(Context: 110 years ago, science had not even discovered radioactivity.)

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS A 1958 Pablo Picasso original, “Atelier de Cannes,” was placed on sale recently by the discount chain Costco (at its Web site Costco.com), priced to move at the retailtype listing of $129,999.99. Costco began offering art on consignment from dealers last year, but “Atelier” (a crayon drawing

authenticated by daughter Maya Picasso) is by far its most expensive piece. According to an August report in the New York Post, the company extends its regular guarantee of full refund if dissatisfied.

IT’S JUST OUTSOURCING A Pakistani company, The Resource Group, seeking more call-center work from U.S. firms, set up an office this year in Washington, D.C., a block from the White House, and installed a receptionist, live from Karachi, via a flatscreen TV on the office wall. According to a May Washington Post report, Ms. Saadia Musa cheerily greets visitors, answers and routes phone calls to the Washington office, lets in deliverymen, and orders sandwiches from down the street.

FIRE-FREAKING Apparently, forest fires make the jewel beetle (also known as the black fire beetle) frisky, according to Dr. Helmut Schmitz and colleagues at the University of Bonn (Germany), for males and females will fly toward one in a mating frenzy after detecting even the faraway flickering of flames and crackling of burning wood. Schmitz, and predecessor William George Evans, hypothesized that the fire eliminates the beetle’s predators and prevents tree secretion from trapping the beetle larvae, according to a March report by BBC News.

CUTTING-EDGE RESEARCH In research published in May in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, biologist Brian Langerhans and colleagues found that large genitals in some fish species (such as the western and Bahamas mosquitofish) represent evolutionary pluses and minuses. Apparently, females prefer well-endowed mating partners, but on the other hand, well-hung males tend to have shorter life spans because, weighted down as

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

they are, they cannot swim away from predators as nimbly as can mosquitofish with smaller endowments.

AWESOME! Sam, the 14-year-old Chinese crested, won in June for the third time as the World’s Ugliest Dog at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in California. According to an Associated Press reporter, the hairless dog’s “wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches; a line of warts marches down his snout; his blind eyes are an alien, milky white; and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there’s the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles from his mouth.” Owner Susie Lockheed said that even the judges recoiled when they first saw him. Fortunately, for those concerned with dog beauty, Sam has been neutered.

FIRST THINGS FIRST On July 3 in San Marcos, Texas, Dave Newman, 48, rescued a swimmer caught in the currents of the San Marcos River, pulling the man underneath a waterfall and to shore.

However, when Newman tried to climb out of the water, a police officer offered his hand but only to arrest Newman for interfering with “official” rescuers (who, of course, failed to get to the man before Newman did). And according to police in Jacksonville, N.C., Dorothea Thomas was shot six times by her boyfriend in June and forced to jump from her apartment’s second-story balcony to survive, but by the time she returned from the hospital, her landlord of nine years, United Dominion Residential Community, had posted an eviction notice, kicking her out for letting such a dangerous man come onto the property.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS Jeremy Suggs, 21, was arrested in Las Vegas in August and charged with robbing a Wells Fargo bank, done in by the familiar lapse of having accidentally left behind his wallet and a name-imprinted deposit slip. Also, according to police, he had fired two shots in the bank out of frustration at noncompliance with his demands, with one narrowly missing his own head, and had to re-count down a threat to shoot (“five, four, three, two, one”) when no one gave him money the first time. His alleged partner and getaway driver, known as “Jap,” had supposedly talked him into the crime by assuring him that there were no surveillance cameras, but of course there were.

BRIGHT IDEAS The owner of Al’s Lock and Safe in North Platte, Neb., made a truck key in June based entirely on looking at an X-ray of the key inside the stomach of Arthur Richardson, who had accidentally swallowed it in an inept attempt to play a prank on the friend of his who owned the truck. The friend said he needed the truck right away and couldn’t wait for Arthur to receive a nature’s call. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

9

OPED

BY TED RALL

LC Watch

What a Disaster Or, why everyone hates us

Taps run dry. Food rots when the power goes out. Toilets overflow with waste.

Looters strip homes, businesses and public buildings. Armed bandits run wild in the streets. Fires rage out of control.

Terrified policemen abandon their posts.

Flies buzz over bloated corpses. People wave signs at passing helicopters. “Please help us,” they read.

“Help is on the way,” their head of state assures them. But the government sends soldiers instead of relief workers. The troops treat the victims, who are taxpayers and citizens, as if they were prisoners.

Aiming weapons at the sick and dying, they herd thousands into sports arenas where they receive neither water, nor food, nor safe harbor.

While indifferent soldiers man checkpoints to prevent the detainees from leaving, babies starve, the elderly die from lack of medicine and children are raped and murdered. They set up checkpoints to prevent anyone from leaving.

Reuters reports from inside a conven-

10

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

NEWS

tion-center-cum-refugee camp: “Sitting with her daughter and other relatives, Trolkyn Joseph, 37, said men had wandered the cavernous convention center in recent nights raping and murdering children. She said she found a dead 14-year old girl at 5 a.m. on Friday morning, four hours after the young girl went missing from her parents inside the convention center. ‘She was raped for four hours until she was dead,’ Joseph said through tears. ‘Another child, a seven-year old boy was found raped and murdered in the kitchen freezer last night.’“ The horror of the aftermath is so extreme that it nearly erases the memory of the initial disaster.

Water, food, housing, electricity: in the modern era, society collapses without them. However, as I found while reporting on the invasion of Afghanistan, they are not equally essential.

I was surprised to discover that I hardly missed food. On the other hand, thirst turns people mean within hours. Water, orange cola and a rusty case of mid-’90s Qatari Pepsi got me through for over a week.

The Joke’s On Us

The lack of electricity, conversely, proved inconvenient in unexpected ways. Laptops and even satellite phones—essential technology whether writing from a war zone or organizing rescue operations in a flooded American city—rely on rechargeable batteries.

Generators are expensive and cumbersome, and they run on gas. But without electricity you can’t pump out the fuel.

Shelter took a back seat to hygiene. Absent rain (a safe bet in Afghanistan), I would have picked a hot shower over housing. That had to go double for the newly homeless who have been wading through filthy floodwaters in New Orleans. Whether for drinking or bathing, clean water comes first.

American politicians and bureaucrats neither know life without the basics nor talk to those who do, which is why they failed to respond coherently to the humanitarian crisis caused by Hurricane Katrina. Airlifting bottled water ought to have been the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s (FEMA) first priority.

Refugee centers ought to have featured rows of portable showers. It is inexcusable that hospitals weren’t outfitted with backup generators and fuel reserves to run them.

Police, firefighters and other first-responders ought to be equipped with satellite phones powered by disposable batteries.

Of course, the government’s biggest mistake was its decision to privatize the evacuation.

Those who owned cars fled. But 100,000 poor people, who ride New Orleans’ streetcar system, were left behind to die.

Greyhound’s nearly 2,000 buses could have gotten them all out—but commandeering private property is the act of a civilized nation, not the leaner, meaner, tough-break United States. Similarly, storeowners should have distributed water and other emergency supplies under a FEMA guarantee of reimbursement.

It only took a few days for New Orleans to descend into anarchy, for the survivors of Katrina to lose hope, for disgusted Americans to conclude that their leaders are too staggeringly stupid, incompetent and uncaring to protect them from bad weather, much less a terrorist attack.

Now think about this: the citizens of cities under U.S. occupation in Iraq and Afghanistan have been suffering under similar conditions, exacerbated by an identical lack of planning by the same U.S. officials, for nearly 900 days.

New Orleans is Baghdad plus water minus two and a half years.

Still wondering why they hate us?

MTW

You don’t have to attend many hearings to realize that the Maui County Liquor Commission doesn’t know a lot about the island’s bars. Some would say the appointed members of all Maui County Liquor Control boards should take extra effort to familiarize themselves with the establishments they permit to open and punish when violating the law.

They seem to be in no hurry, but on occasion they do succeed in turning their ofteninexplicable ignorance into a bit of good humor. Their Sept. 7, 2005 hearing is a choice example.

The first public hearing of the day concerned Hawai’i Sea Spirits, a new Kahului company seeking a license to manufacture and sell bottled mixed drinks like Blue Hawaiian, White Russian, Harvey Wallbanger and so on. Anyway, owner Shay Smith had only been in the hot seat a couple minutes when Commissioner Manuel Moniz, Jr. looked up from the long list of proposed drinks.

“You’re selling Sex on the Beach?” he asked.

Smith looked at Moniz. “That’s one of our proposed drinks,” he said after some hesitation.

“Because I just wanted to let you know that’s another division,” Moniz said.

And his fellow commissioners chuckled.

Oh, how they chuckled. They made a joke about sex on the beach! How delightfully naughty!

But they were just getting warmed up.

The next case dealt with the liquor license transfer of Tiffany’s Bar & Grill in Wailuku.

This time, Commissioner Curt Morimoto and Commission Vice Chair Joe Tanaka launched into a little routine.

“How often do you have live entertainment?” Morimoto asked owner Sun Orite, who was appearing with her attorney, famed LC legal eagle Lawrence Ing. Orite said their establishment never had live entertainment.

“You don’t karaoke?” Tanaka asked with surprise.

“We do!” Orite said. “Oh, that’s what you meant by ‘live entertainment.’”

“As long as Mr. Ing doesn’t sing,” Tanaka responded to much laughter.

“It sounds like I’m dying,” Ing said, getting into the act.

Hilarious.

—Anthony Pignataro

MAUICOUNTY

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

Environmentally Aware

Small price to pay to get to the fair

Free Fair Tickets!

PHOTO COURTESY OF GILBERT & ASSOCIATES

If you eat a ton of junk food Ahh, the Maui County Fair: land of smoke meat plate, chow fun and cotton candy. So I suppose it’s logical that this year the Fair is “partnering” with Sack N Save, Foodland and Maui Soda & Ice Works to give away free admission tickets.

Well, sort of give away. Everyone who buys “two 12-packs of any Coca-Cola product and two 1/2-gallon containers of Roselani Ice Cream,” according to a Sept.

8, 2005 press release, gets “one adult pass to the Fair, absolutely free.”

That’s 24 Cokes and a full gallon of ice cream—enough sugar and fat to pretty much bring down a charging rhino—just to get one free ticket.

Let’s do the math on this one. A 12-pack of Coca-Cola goes for $6.59 (or $5.99 if you buy it at Foodland with your discount Maika’i Card). A half-gallon of Roselani Ice Cream retails for about the same: $6.45 ($5.99 Maika’i). Since you have to buy two of each to get a single free fair ticket, your grand total at the checkout line will be $26.08 ($23.96 Maika’i).

Now compare that to the fact that Maui County Fair tickets sell for a whole three bones if bought before Sept. 22—fools who wait until they get to the gate have to pony up a staggering $3.50 at the gate.

“The Fair has always been about tradition and family values, and we feel these

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companies share that same philosophy,” said Maui County Fair director Mike Victorino in the release.

Reading that almost makes you forget that more than 20 percent of Hawai’i’s children are obese, according to a 2001 study conducted by the University of Hawai’i and Brigham Young University. Hawai’i’s obesity rate is double the national average.

“It’s not known why kids are relentlessly drawn to soda pop, candy, animal food and junk food, but surely advertising of these items must be part of it,” William Harris, M.D., one of the founders of the Vegetarian Society of Hawai’i, told me a few months ago.

He should know, because in 1993, he wrote a report for the American Vegan Society titled “TANSTAAFSL: There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.”

“Obesity, a common concern for U.S. high school students, is often the result of consuming animal source foods in a sedentary society,” Harris wrote. “Excessive cholesterol and fat consumption patterns acquired in childhood, lead to adult risk for cardiovascular disease, cancer of the bowel, breast, prostate, and uterus. Animal source protein may be implicated in musculoskeletal disease, genitourinary disease, insulin dependent diabetes, lymphatic cancer, and osteoporosis.”

But hey, we’re talking one free fair ticket here. MTW

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

11

BIG WASTE Thirty-five reasons why Maui shouldn’t build an incinerator

By Anthony Pignataro

12

SEPTEMBER 15, 2004

COVER STORY

Just burn it. That’s what Maui Mayor Alan Arakawa wants to do with all the trash we’re piling onto our dwindling landfills. “The idea would be to incinerate whatever we don’t want to recycle,” he said in an Aug. 28, 2005 Maui News article. Not only would the island be getting rid of garbage, he said, but it would also be generating electricity from a “renewable energy source.” Arakawa mentioned possibly putting this “trash-to-energy” incinerator over by the Pulehu Landfill, though he admitted that he won’t propose anything to the County Council until he’s gathered enough information about incinerators.

Well, I know how busy our mayor is, so I went ahead and researched modern trash-to-energy incinerators. To my surprise, I was able to find a lot of information on them. Too bad none of it was good.

AIR POLLUTION 1. “Incinerator proponents mistakenly claim that waste burning reduces emissions of greenhouse gasses,” reported the Philippines-based Global Anti-Incinerator Alliance (GAIA) in its 2003 report Waste Incineration: A Dying Technology.

“Their argument is based on the assumption that organic wastes, if not incinerated, will decompose anaerobically in a landfill, producing large quantities of methane (a potent greenhouse gas) that will vent to the atmosphere.

However, [the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)] concluded in a 1998 study that incineration and landfilling of mixed municipal solid waste yield similar levels of net greenhouse gas emissions.”

2. Incineration creates particulates—dust and soot saturated with dioxin and other toxic metals—that stay in the atmosphere for a long time.

3. The pollution goes on round the clock. The H-POWER incinerator on Oahu runs 24 hours a days, seven days a week. All that burning, and they still produce just five percent of the island’s electricity.

4. To lower air emissions, incinerators rely on carbon injection—carbon particles are shot into the exhaust gasses, which then soak up dioxin and other toxics. Unfortunately, this technique creates “fly ash,” which causes an entirely different set of problems.

FLY ASH 5. This stuff is bad. It requires disposal in special landfills capable of disposing of toxic residue.

6. And incinerators produce a lot of fly ash. In 2003, company officials trying to build a $120 million incinerator in Brighton, Australia admitted in a public hearing that their proposed plant would spew at least 3,000 tons of fly ash each year and not the 18 tons that was mentioned in project’s environmental report.

7. Getting rid of fly ash properly isn’t easy, but can be done. It’s called vitrification, and it requires dumping the ash into a melting furnace, where it’s fused into glass-like nodules. The intense heat destroys any toxics in the ash.

8. This works, but it does have one minor problem. “[I]t increases disposal costs by $20 to $30 per ton of waste,” according to GAIA. “Vitrification of ash from municipal waste combustion [also] consumes more energy than is generated by burning the trash in the first place.”

9. Turns out that the less air pollution an incinerator puts out, the more “fly ash” it creates. Or as GAIA’s 2003 report put it, “A hundred times more dioxin may leave the incinerator on the fly ash than is emitted into the air from the smoke stacks.”

DIOXIN 10. Burning plastic releases dioxin, a cancer-causing chemical used in the herbicide Agent Orange during the Vietnam War. 11. Trash-to-energy incinerators run their exhaust through heat exchangers. This allows for electricity generation, but also leads to greater than usual dioxin formation.

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12. No incinerator anywhere continuously monitors its air emissions for dioxin. At most, they conduct a couple six-hour “stack tests” each year, usually under optimum conditions.

13. In 1994, an incinerator operator running a dioxin-spewing facility in Columbus, Ohio specially treated the garbage used during a stack test to make sure the results were cleaner than usual. Even though an EPA official later wrote that such actions “might constitute a criminal conspiracy to violate federal environmental laws,” the agency accepted the test results.

14. Some proponents also say that burning medical waste is a good way to get rid of dangerous biohazards, but most of that junk is plastic, which creates dioxin when burned.

15. There is already more than enough dioxin in our environment as it is. Do we really need to keep producing it?

OTHER TOXICS 16. High furnace temperatures break down dioxin in an incinerator, but they also increase the formation of other toxics like nitric oxide, which helps create smog.

17. Injecting ammonia into the furnace will break down nitric oxide, but that in turn releases particulates, which are also dangerous.

18. Trash-to-energy incinerators also emit sulfur dioxide, which can aggravate heart disease, emphysema and bronchitis as well as kill plants and see acid rain clouds.

19. And they put out PCBs, which may cause birth defects.

20. Oh, and incinerators also belch lead, mercury—both inorganic and methyl!—cadmium, chromium and arsenic, all of which are probable or proven carcinogens that cause kidney damage, neurological problems, birth defects and cancer.

COST 21. Trash-to-energy incinerators—at least the ones equipped with the latest pollution control features—are really expensive.

22. A 2,000-ton-per-day incinerator built a couple years ago in the Netherlands cost $500 million American. Around the same time, Japan bought two high-tech incinerators— one cost nearly $700 million in U.S. dollars and the other cost more than $800 million.

23. In fact, incinerator construction is so risky that the World Bank has actually concluded that, “when applying waste incineration, the economic risk of project failure is high.”

BANKRUPTCY 24. The kind of money required to build incinerators can only come through bonds—taxpayer-backed bonds. In the 1980s, taxpayers in Washington and Warren counties in New York had to fork over $87 billion to pay off an incinerator run by Foster Wheeler. But as is typical in these matters, once the bonds were paid off ownership went to Foster Wheeler instead of the counties. Sound fair?

25. Speaking of Foster Wheeler, in 1994 that firm got a $400 million trash-to-energy incinerator built in Robbins, Illinois. According to Reason Online, the whole works went

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bankrupt in 2001. Bond investors were lucky to get back 45 cents on each dollar they invested.

26. In 1993, 29 towns surrounding Claremont, New Hampshire had to declare municipal bankruptcy because they ended up locked into 20-year contracts demanding more trash than their respective towns could produce.

According to GAIA’s 2003 Waste Incineration report, “the local municipalities found themselves paying exorbitant fees to burn waste that they did not produce.” Unfortunately, the courts threw out the town’s bankruptcy filing, forcing them to raise taxes to pay off the incinerator operator.

27. Not to belabor the point, but something similar happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma. In 2003, that city’s incinerator— run by the firm Covanta, which coincidentally also runs the H-POWER incinerator on Oahu—went bankrupt, leaving the city with $32.2 million in unpaid construction bonds.

LABOR 28. Cleaning fly ash out of an incinerator is tough.

Workers rarely wear protective clothing, even though the ash is highly toxic. Often they end up storing the ash in open pits, exposed to wind and rain.

29. Though incinerators are hideously expensive, they’re not exactly job-creators. A typical trash-to-energy facility will only employ a couple dozen engineers—about a tenth as many jobs generated by a comprehensive recycling program.

30. This is Maui: resorts and restaurants can’t even fill management positions. Where are we going to get waste management engineers?

RECYCLING 31. Contrary to the promises from incinerator builders and operators, burning trash to make energy doesn’t complement recycling. In fact, it hinders it.

32. That’s because the best way for incinerators to generate energy is for them to burn trash that’s got a “high caloric value.” Unfortunately for recycling advocates, that means incinerating lots of plastic, wood and paper. Simply tossing old tires, Styrofoam containers and last night’s chicken carcass into the furnace isn’t going to do it.

33. Keeping recyclable wood, paper and plastic from the incinerator risks insufficient energy production, which makes it more difficult for the county to off those multimillion dollar construction bonds. So you can pretty much forget about instituting an island-wide recycling system.

34. This is tragic, because recycling actually saves more energy than you get by burning waste. According to the New Zealand group Zero Waste—which has so far succeeded in keeping incinerators completely out of that nation— recycling plastic saves about four times the energy burning it generates; paper recycling saves three times more energy; and recycling metal saves an amazing 30 to 888 times the energy generated by incinerating it.

AESTHETICS 35. Incinerators smell like burning crap. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2004

13

ONO KINEGRINDS

“WHO HAS

BY MOLLY RETTIG

SAID A GREAT MEAL TO BE EXPENSIVE ”

Chef M a rk E llma n’s Owner Linda with three-colored noodles

Bamboo Where West Maui meets East Asian dining Until last week, I always equated the Lahaina establishment Bamboo with pool playing and taking late-night shots I would later regret. Little did I know it has a pretty impressive lunch and dinner menu of Thai-Vietnamese food. After surfing Breakwall the other day, I went in and experienced the softer—and spicier— side of Bamboo at lunch time.

Bamboo Bar & Grill 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-4051. $

Beer & Wine Pastas, Salads, Pizzas, Sandwiches and Nightly Seafood Specials We now have Brown Rice Pasta! Wheat & Gluten Free!

50¢ extra / Cooked to order so it takes a few minutes longer

661-6633 • 180 Dickenson Street • Lahaina 14

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

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I sat with a friend at the bar and checked out the menu, which changed a few months ago after the restaurant got a new owner. Though nothing more than a folded yellow laminated sheet, its contents insinuated a lot of flavor behind those kitchen doors.

Bamboo offers Asian-style appetizers like calamari, chicken sate, and wontons for between $5.95 and $9.95. Special noodle dishes include classics like Pad Thai, Chow Fun BBQ pork, and a variety of crispy noodles for between $9 and $11. Special entrees feature chicken, pork, shrimp, and vegetables prepared in different curries, barbecue and peanut sauces and also run modestly between $8 and $10.

After serious deliberation, my friend decided on the $8 special of the day,

Lemongrass chicken with onion and bell pepper, known to Asian linguists as Ga Xao Xa. Feeling vegetable-deprived, I ended up ordering the tofu pad thai. While it sounded more to me like something a chiropractor uses than food, the dish was a tantalizing tangle of rice noodles replete with stir-fried egg, green onion, bean sprouts, and a zesty peanut sauce. Armed with chopsticks, we dug into our eastern cuisine.

I shared home-cooked Thai meals with close friends from Bangkok all throughout last year and have designated this ethnic cooking as my favorite. Thus my standards for Thai food are very high, yet I was still pleased with the eats at Bamboo. Lo and behold, my favorite item there is no longer a Jagerbomb!

We enjoyed, but not quite finished, our dishes as we watched Andre Agassi fight his way to the quarterfinals of the U.S. Open on Bamboo’s large-screen plasma TV. I always appreciate watching others’ physical exertion while relaxing in the air-conditioned luxury of a restaurant. Later we biked home with full stomachs and gratitude for the ThaiVietnamese penetration into American cuisine that exists just a few blocks from our house.

The service was very friendly and quick. If you’re in the area and hungry, stop by for some noodles or curry. It’s always fun to jump out of the water and come be surrounded by the local commotion down on south Front Street. Dining at Bamboo was like seeing it through new eyes, and drove up 505’s stock considerably. MTW

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

CENTRAL MAUI Ale House - Wide selection of food with sports and games all around.

355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001. $ Alive And Well - Healthy food, juices, smoothies, wraps, salads or plate lunches.

Organic pastries, vegetables.

Open daily, 8 a.m.-6 p.m.

340 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 244-5950. $ Aloha Grill - A large assortment of burgers with veggie styles and all the extras. Mon-Sat, 8 a.m.-8:30 p.m.; Sun, 8 a.m.-7 p.m.

270 Dairy Road Marketplace, Kahului, 893-0263. $ Bangkok Cuisine - Casual setting featuring exceptional Thai food with plenty of crisp vegetables and fresh seafood. Lunch, dinner or take-out.

Open daily, 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m.

395 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 893-0026. $ Ba-Le - French-Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle dishes, pho, saimin and more. Plus, a large variety of tapioca.

Mon-Sat, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun, 9 a.m.-7 p.m.

270 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-2400. $ Brooklyn Café - Delicious healthy alternative.

Eat in or take out plate lunches and snacks.

Finest organic whole foods used.

Open Mon-Fri, 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

Corner of Market and Main, Wailuku, 877-4950. $ Cupie’s Drive-In - Local lunch take-out.

Open Mon, 9 a.m.-4 p.m.; Tue-Sat, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.

134 W. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-3055. $ Da Sushi Bar - Full menu and a variety of sushi.

Open 11 a.m.- 2:30 p.m. and 5-9 p.m. Fri-Sat, 5 p.m.-12 a.m.

333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-4849. $$ Dragon Dragon Chinese Restaurant Excellent service and fair prices with dishes like Kung Pao Chicken, Crispy Gau Gee Mein and Honey Walnut Prawns. Maui Mall, Kahului, 893-1628. $ Dunes Restaurant - Adventuresome revisions of local and American breakfast, lunch and dinner favorites.

Mon-Fri, 6:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m.; Sat-Sun, 6:30 a.m.-9 p.m.

Maui Lani Golf Course, Kahului, 877-7461. $$ Gardencafe (Brigit & Bernard's) - Oasis of cozy European and fresh island fish cuisine in the midst of the industrial zone. Lunch, dinner, catering.

Mon-Fri, 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

335 Ho'ohana St., Kahului, 877-6000. $ Little Ceasar Pizza Station - Specialty pizzas along with salads and sandwiches. Located inside of K-mart.

424 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-1566. $ Koho Grill & Bar - Comfort food in a casual setting. Breakfast, lunch and dinner Open daily at 7 a.m.

275 Kaahumanu Ave., Queen Ka’ahumanu Center, 877-5588. $ Krispy Kreme - This place is known all over the world for its warm, tasty glazed doughnuts.

433 Kele St., Kahului, 893-0883. $

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Manaña Garage - Latin-American cuisine with unique and colorful decor. Try the Chicken Tortilla Epozote, vegetarian enchilada and paella. Cool, quaint bar.

33 Lono St., Kahului, 873-0220. $$ Maui Coffee Roasters - Ono grinds and freshly roasted coffee in a fun and casual atmosphere makes this the place to take five.

444 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-CUPS. $ Maui Mix Plate - Traditional foods of the varied ethnic groups who call Hawai’i home.

70 Ka’ahumanu Ave, Kahului, 877-0706. $ Mercado - Latino/Mexican market, with produce from Mexico, So. America, Tonga and New Zealand.

Homemade tamales.

Open Mon-Fri, 8 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

325 Hukilike St., Kahului, 871-5067. $ Las Piñata’s - Fresh and wholesome Mexican food from Kitchen Sink burritos to quesadillas. Casual dining and various piñatas available.

395 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-8707. $ Ruby’s - Walk down memory lane at this fabulous ‘50s cafe. Old-time American dining morning to night.

Queen Ka`ahumanu Center, Kahului, 248-7829. $ Saigon Cafe - Wailuku’s hidden secret! Delicious and affordable Vietnamese cuisine with excellent service.

1792 Main, Wailuku, 243-9560. $$ Sheik’s Restaurant - Local favorites including Loco Moco and Shoyu Chicken.

97 Wakea Ave., Kahului, 877-0121. $ Simply Sweets Bakery - Delicious sweet and savory pastries, rolls, cakes, Mauisadas and deli sandwiches.

Open Mon-Thu, 7 a.m.-5:30 p.m.; Fri, 7 a.m.-6:30 p.m; Sat, 7 a.m.- 4 p.m.

150 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 893-0700. $ Squeaky’s Family Restaurant - “A Taste of Philadelphia” with real Philly cheesesteak, pan-fried trout, vegetarian meatloaf.

Open for breakfast.

197 North Market St., Wailuku, 244-4100. $ Sushi Go - Presents a concept unlike anything we’ve seen on Maui: conveyor-belt sushi!

Queen Ka'ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744. $ Takamiya Market - Plate lunches, homemade corned beef, sashimi, tossed salads. Catering and banquet facility.

359 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-3404. $

VOTED BEST BURGER ON MAUI

On Front St. in Lahaina upstairs in

The Wharf Cinema Center

667-0908

NEWS

COVER STORY

SURF

SOUTH MAUI Alexander’s Fish & Chips - Affordable take-out seafood, chicken, ribs—all deep fried tempura style or grilled.

1913 S. Kihei Rd., 874-0788. $ Aroma D’Italia Ristorante - Southern Italian cuisine and full wine list at reasonable prices.

Open Mon-Sat, 5-9 p.m.

1881 S. Kihei Rd., 879-0133. $$ BadaBing! - Home of the Rat Pack Bar. Pizzas, pastas and Italian specialties created with love and a little attitude. $10 wines and kids eat free on Monday and Saturday. Fuhgeddaboudit!

1945 S. Kihei Rd., 875-0188. $$ Beach ’n Bagels Cafe - Fresh Bagels with traditional toppings of flavored cream cheeses, smoked salmon, sandwiches, salads, smoothies and specialty coffee drinks.

2395 S. Kihei Rd., Dolphin Plaza, 875-7668. $ Bistro Molokini - Blend of California and Island cuisine, lunch and dinner. Poolside.

Grand Wailea, 875-1234. $$ Blue Marlin Harbor Front Grill & Bar - Get amazing seafood, steaks, sandwiches, pizza and sushi.

Eat outdoors overlooking the Ma’alaea Fishing Fleet.

Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-8844. $$ Cafe Kiowai - Authentic Japanese fare according to centuries-old tradition. Casual dining in a relaxed garden setting.

5400 Makena Alanui, Maui Prince Hotel, 874-1111. $$ Capische? - Contemporary Italian with a twist and an extensive wine list. Commanding ocean views from every table.

Wailea Diamond Resort, 879-2224. $$$

After A Jaws Workout

BY MAUITIME WEEKLY READERS

FRESH FISH STEAKS • SALADS BABY-BACK RIBS CHICKEN

LETTERS

Tiffany’s - Featuring 103 items of local and Asian entrees, Bento boxes, noodles and fish. Featuring DJ and Karaoke.

Open 10:30-2 a.m.

1424 Lower Main St. Wailuku, 249-0052. $ Tokyo Tei - Lunch and dinner featuring teriyaki beef and fish, tempura, katsu, saimin and more.

1063 E. Lower Main St., Wailuku, 242-9630. $ Wei Wei BBQ & Noodle House - Very affordable Chinese cuisine, counter-service, delicious noodle dishes.

210 Imikala St.,Wailuku, 242-7928. $

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

Give Your Jaws A Workout We’re Close to Jaws Serving: • High quality, healthy food at reasonable prices • Fresh baked pastries and bread daily • All items available for take-out orders

In the Pauwela Cannery 375 W. Kuiaha Rd. • Haiku

575-9242 7am-2:30pm, 7 days a week

EMPLOYEE OF THE

WEEK AS TOLD TO GABRIELLE POCCIA

Sara Stockalper Waitress, Blue Lagoon in Lahaina A little while before I began to work here the restaurant came under new ownership. I really like working with a new owner because he asks the employees what suggestions we might have to improve the restaurant. It’s nice to be able to give input and be listened to.

We’re also changing the look and I have been assigned to help. My project is to change our bamboo room. The owner bought a bunch of paint and I will paint and decorate it to give more of a tropical lounge feel.

I will also be displaying my own art. It gives me a really creative part in the new look of the Blue Lagoon.

This is my first waitress job and I’ve really learned a lot during the past five months. For some extra cash I had worked at a cafe in San Diego but that was all orders taken at the counter so there was little serving involved.

When you’re serving at the Blue Lagoon you have to rely on yourself. The server has to deliver all the food and drinks, bus the tables and seat the guests. You quickly learn how to multi-task and how to balance efficiency and personality with customers.

I moved from Paia to Lahaina about five months ago when I saw an ad in the paper for an open position at the Blue Lagoon. I applied and have really enjoyed working there since.

The best part about my job is my co-workers. The owner and my manager are really great to work with. They are always respectful and flexible when it comes to schedule changes. They try to make our working conditions as pleasant as possible. It is really easy to be an employee there. MTW

www.pauwelacafe.com

FILM

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

15

DININGLISTINGS Homemade Italian Cuisine

opopopopopopopopop

Made from Scratch Ravioli Lasagna Meatballs Osso Buco Tiramisu Open Tuesdays thru Sundays 5pm - 9pm

1215 S. Kihei Rd. (Long’s Ctr.) • 875-8800

BURGERS • SANDWICHES • STEAKS SEAFOOD • PASTA • SALAD BAR ALL NEW CHEF ALL NEW MENU

All You Can Eat Champagne Breakfast Buffet Every Sat & Sun 8:00-12:00 $14.95 Adult / $10.95 Keiki 15% Kama’aina

658 Front Street, Lahaina (Across from the Famous Banyan Tree in the Wharf Cinema Center)

661-8141

OPEN DAILY 8am-2am

Hurrican Katrina Relief Sundays Every Sunday in September from 8am-2pm we’ll donate 10% of our gross sales to the American Red Cross

Ashley’s Cafe 362 Hukulii Pl., Kihei (Behind Tesoro Gas Station on Piilani Hwy.)

874-8600

www.bluelagoonmaui.com

Tired of Pizza Delivery?

R DELI VE !

E W D MIGO’S N FOO CALL A ST MEXICA E THE B

• Enchiladas • • Tacos • Burritos • • Best Chili Verde • • Full Salsa Bar • • Daily Specials •

WE DELIVER 5-8:30 pm TAKE OUT AVAILABLE

FAST! 879-9952

KIHEI • 41 E. Lipoa • Next to Gold’s Gym

Da Kitchen - Huge portions of local Hawaiian food. Plate lunches, steak plates and amazing chicken katsu. Very casual; sit and eat or get your food to go.

2439 S. Kihei Rd., 875-7782. $ Dina’s Sandwitch - Deli sandwiches, salads and hot dogs, homemade potato salad, pasta salad, healthy garden fresh salads and saimin.

Open 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 145 N. Kihei Rd, 879-3262. $ Fernando’s - Authentic Mexican food.

Open 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily.

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei, 879-9952. $ Fiesta Time - Superior Mexican taqueria.

Order a la carte or combo special with the freshest ingredients.

300 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma’alaea, 244-5862. $ Horhitos Mexican Cantina - Burritos, salads, appetizers and “food for gringos,” too.

Located next to Hapa’s Nightclub.

Open 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. Mon.-Sat. 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei, 891-MEXI. $ Humuhumunukunukuapua’a - Hawaiian and Polynesian cuisine oceanside.

Grand Wailea Resort, 875-1234 ext. 4900. $$$ Joy’s Place - “Smart eating” featuring organic foods which are low fat, low salt and wheat free.

Open Mon thru Sat, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

993 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9258. $ Keoki’s Fish ‘N Chips - Ono Fish & Chips.

Open for breakfast at 7 a.m.

Kukui Mall, next to Starbucks, 891-1400. $ Life’s A Beach - Food and drinks in a fun atmosphere. Nachos, burritos, prime rib and grilled mahi mahi and lunch specials. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8010. $ Longhi’s Wailea - Seafood, meat and pasta entrees with many not listed on the menu.

3750 Wailea Alanui Dr., 891-8883. $$$ Ma`alaea Grill - Reasonably priced fine dining overlooking the harbor from the Maui Ocean Center.

Ma`alaea Harbor Village, 243-2206. $$ Marco’s South Side Grill - A lavish and beautiful setting complements the hearty Italian food and excellent wines. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., 874-4041. $$ Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and spices from the islands.

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kamaole Beach Center, 8795005. $ Nick’s Fishmarket - Fine dining in open air and elegance with amazing seafood dishes and fresh fish.

Fairmont Kea Lani, Wailea, 879-7224. $$$ Pita Paradise - Good food served fast.

Serving up a mean Mediterranean-style “gyro,” salads and wraps, with outdoor lanai.

Kihei Kalama Village Center, 875-7679. $ Roy’s Bar & Grill - Mouth-watering Hawaiian fusion entrees in a spacious and upbeat atmosphere. Fine dining, reservations recommended.

Open nightly from 5:30 to 10 p.m.

Pi’ilani Shopping Center, 303 Pi’ikea Ave., Kihei, 891-1120. $$$ Sarento’s on the Beach - Contemporary dining near the water’s edge. Italian cuisine, very romantic. Private VIP table available. 2980 S. Kihei Rd., 875-7555. $$$ Shabu Shabu Toji - Healthy and delicious Japanese style fondue. Beef, pork or seafood, and veggies.

Open for lunch Wed-Fri; dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m. nightly.

1280 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8366. $ Spices - Steak, seafood and more!

Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S. Kihei Rd., 8918860. $$$ South Shore Tiki Lounge - Killer burgers, sausage sandwiches, mai-tais and pizza.

Awesome outdoor seating on the Aloha Jungle Lanai.

Open 11 a.m.-2 a.m., serving food 'till midnight!

Kihei Kalama Village, 874-6444. $ Sunset Mixed Grill - Local, Japanese and Chinese cuisine, along with some Korean dishes. Entrees come with two side dishes. BYOB. Open 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

2395 S. Kihei Rd. 891-1991. $ Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Cafe - Relaxed island luxury in ambience and cuisine, with ocean views and live music.

The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983. $$ Vietnamese Cuisine - Hawaiian Opakapaka filet, soft shell crab, New York steak.

Open 10:30 a.m.-9:30 p.m.

Azeka Place I, Kihei, 875-2088. $$ Yakiniku Steak House - Fresh and flavorful, authentic Korean food.

Open 10 a.m.-10 p.m., lunch and dinner.

752 Lower Main, Wailuku, 244-7788. $

UPCOUNTRY 16

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

DINING

Anthony’s Coffee Company - A full espresso bar, hot and cold sandwiches, ice cream. Make sure to stop in for a great box lunch to go!

90 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-8340. $ Café 808 - Local diner-style serving breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Open daily from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m.

4566 Lower Kula Rd., Kula, 878-6874. $ Café Des Amis - Charming cafe with delicious sweet and savory crepes and Mediterranean fare.

42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323. $ Cakewalk Paia Bakery - High quality baked goods, sandwiches and specialty cakes.

100 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8770. $ Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon - Hankering for some grub? Charley’s serves it hearty and healthy from breakfast to dinner and beyond.

142 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-9453. $ K Fresh Mint - Vietnamese vegetarian cuisine including Summer Rolls, Spicy Lemongrass Soup and Soy Fish in Clay Pot. Catering and take-out available.

Open daily 11 a.m. to 9 p.m.

115 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9144. $ Hana Hou Cafe - Hawaiian homestyle cooking with aloha-filled ambience and local musicians.

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery, 575-2661. $ Jacque’s Northshore Bistro - Tropical yet festive atmosphere, with a sushi bar, indoor and lanai dining.

120 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-8844. $$ Kimura Saimin Shop - Casual atmosphere, simple, affordable menu with fresh ingredients done right!

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery, 575-5228. $ Kula Lodge & Restaurant - Upcountry’s familystyle restaurant with sweeping views of the island.

Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Haleakala Highway, 878-1535. $ Livewire Cafe - Gourmet desserts, coffee drinks, smoothies.

Open 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sun thru Thu; 6 a.m. to midnight Fri and Sat. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009. $ Makawao Steak House - Classic and comfortable menu with daily fish preparations and salad bar.

3612 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572-8711. $$ Maui’s Best Tamales & Local Food - Authentic, fresh and tasty Mexican cuisine along with local favorites.

81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani Square, 573-2998. $ Moana Bakery & Cafe - Pacific Rim dining for vegetarians and meat eaters. Bakery provides wonderful goodies for the sweet tooth.

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999. $ Pauwela Cafe & Bakery - Healthy, low-fat deli cuisine and daily fresh baked goods.

Open 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m.

375 W. Kuiaha Rd., Haiku, 575-9242. $ Veg Out - Vegan and vegetarian food, from Mexican, Italian and Far East influences.

810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-5320. $

WEST MAUI Alexander’s Fish & Chips - Seafood, chicken, ribs, deep-fried tempura style or grilled. Great food, great prices.

840 Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 667-9009. $ Athens Greek Restaurant - Affordable and authentic gyros, shish kebab, falafel and more.

Ya’Sou! Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-4300. $ Ba-Le - French Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle dishes, pho, saimin and more. Wide variety of tapioca.

Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-5566. $ Banyan Tree - “Eclectic Pacific cuisine with a Hawaiian twist.” Lodge atmosphere, ocean views.

Ritz Carlton Kapalua, 669-6200. $$$ BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Deep-dish specialty pizzas and homemade Pizookies with live music nightly.

Overlooking Lahaina Town with ocean view. 730 Front St., 661-0700. $ Breakwall Cafe - Serving breakfast, coffee, sandwiches, salads, smoothies. Open everyday 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-7220. $ Cafe O’Lei - Oceanfront dining featuring light and healthy yet hearty gourmet lunch and dinner.

Delicious salads and focaccia sandwiches.

839 Front St., Lahaina, 661-9491. $$ Canoes - Casual yet elegant dining serving Polynesian style steaks, and seafood. and salad bar.

Lunch 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., dinner 5-9 p.m. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0937. $$ Castaway Cafe - Beachside, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Soups, salads, pasta.

Maui Kaanapali Villas & Resort, 661-9091. $ Chez Paul Restaurant - Fine dining French cuisine, .romantic setting. Call for reservations.

Open for dinner only 820 Olowalu Rd., Olowalu, 661-3843. $$$ K CJ’s Deli & Diner - Reasonably priced comfort foods like Reuben sandwiches, pot roast, freshly baked pies and more.

Open daily.

2580 Keka’a Dr., Fairway Shops, Ka’anapali, 667-0968. $ Comercial Mexicana Store - Authentic Mexican food, tamales, enchiladas, tacos, soups, rice and beans.

Open everyday 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

840 Wainee St., Lahaina, 661-6193. $

DININGLISTINGS Cool Cat Cafe - 1950s-style dinner. Delicious burgers and sandwiches, huge salads and fountain desserts.

Food served 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Wharf Cinema, Lahaina, 667-0908. $ K David Paul’s Lahaina Grill - Fine Pacific Rim cuisine in the intimate dining room on the ground floor of the Lahaina Inn. 127 Lahainaluna, Lahaina, 667-5117. $$$ K Feast At Lele - A royal tour of the cuisine of Polynesia sharing the spotlight with music and dance from four Pacific Islands.

505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-5353. $$$ Gaby’s Pizzeria - Casual Italian dining with pizza and pasta from $6-$25. Open 11 a.m. to 12 a.m. daily. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8112. $ Gerard’s - Fine French dining in downtown Lahaina. Rich, flavorful yet light foods await your taste buds. 174 Lahainaluna, Lahaina, 6618939. $$$ Hard Rock Cafe - Good American food at decent prices amongst rock ‘n roll memorabilia.

900 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7400. $ Hecocks - Italian restaurant and cocktail lounge oceanside. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8810. $$ K Hula Grill - Barefoot bar and beachside dining, 1940s-style. Menu is a seafood lover’s delight.

Whaler’s Village, Ka’anapali, 667-6636. $$ Island Taco - The best soft shell tacos ever!

Beef, fish, pork or chicken, served with black beans, fresh cabbage, cheese, onions and jalapenos.

Open very late night, next to Paradice Bluz.

744 Luakini St., Lahaina. $ Jonny’s Burger Joint - Great burgers, as well as Mexican food, salads and fried items, served until midnight, with bar and pool table.

2395 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Ka’anapali, 661-4500. $ Kimo’s - Fresh fish, prime rib and their famous Hula Pie, oceanside dining. Live entertainment daily.

845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811. $$ Lahaina Coolers - Off the beaten path surf bistro. Good food, good quality, late night menu.

80 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 661-7082. $ Leilani’s On The Beach - Relaxed beachfront dining, specializing in fresh seafood and Pacific Rim cuisine.

2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., 661-4495. $$ Longhi’s - Elegant fine dining, freshest ingredients, pasta, seafood and steaks.

888 Front St., Lahaina, 667-2288. $$$ Mama’s Ribs & Rotisserie - Serving ribs and roasted chicken, BBQ baked beans, coleslaw and macaroni salad.

Napili Plaza, 665-6262. $ Maui Tacos - Featuring tacos and burritos with chargrilled steak, chicken and seafood marinated in pineapple, lime juices and spices from the islands.

Lahaina Square, 661-8883; Napili Square, 6650222. $

KAMA’AINA & SEAFOOD Moose McGillycuddy’s - Great value, large portions, all-you-can-eat specials, merry atmosphere and a large bar.

844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758. $ Nachos Grande - Fresh Mexican food, fast.

Vegetarian, too.

Honokowai Marketplace, 662-0890. $ Okazuya Deli - Quality Japanese plate lunch. The best lemon caper mahi mahi and Okinawan potato tempura ever!

Open 10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and 4:30 - 9 p.m.

3600 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Honokowai, 6650512. $ Outback Steak House - Quality steaks, shrimp-onthe-barbie, and the Bloomin’ Onion in a casual and lively atmosphere.

Open 4-10 p.m. nightly.

4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 665-1822. $$ Penne Pasta - Mark Ellman’s inexpensive Italian bistro with homestyle pasta, pizza and salads.

180 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 661-6633. $ Pioneer Inn - Breakfast, lunch and dinner daily, with live entertainment nightly. 659 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636. $ Pizza Paradiso - Award-winning pasta dishes, toss-to-order salads, big fat Greek gyros, homemade tiramisu and panna cotta.

Honokowai Marketplace, 667-2929. $ Quizno’s Subs - Toasted subs, 100% dairy-made ingredients.

Open Mon-Sat, 11 a.m.-9 p.m., Sun, 12-8 p.m.

170 Papalaua Street, Lahaina Mall, 667-5111. $ Rusty Harpoon Restaurant & Tavern - Quench thirst, satiate hunger and watch sports. Large parties welcome.

Whalers Village, Ka’anapali, 661-3123. $$ Sansei Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar - D.K. Kodama has combined the highest quality sushi bar infused with Hawai’i’s cultural flavors.

115 Bay Dr., Kapalua, 669-6286. $$ K Smoke House - Delicious barbeque, ribs, chicken, sandwiches and hamburgers, along with a full bar.

Open 11:30 a.m.-10 p.m.

927 Wainee St., Lahaina, 667-7005. $ Sports Club Kahana Grill - Upscale, healthy restaurant inside Sports Club Kahana. Breakfast, lunch and take-out.

4327 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani Rd., Kahana, 669-3539. $$ Swan Court - One of the top 10 romantic restaurants in the world, with an extensive list of contemporary fine wines.

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali, 667-4727. $$$ Thai Chef - Thai food like you’ve never had it, with curry, Pad Thai, summer rolls and more. Veggie dishes available Old Lahaina Center, 667-2814. $ Vino Italian Tapas & Wine Bar - Comfort and contemporary cuisine featuring fresh pasta and an extensive wine list.

Open for dinner nightly 6 p.m Village Course Clubhouse, Kapalua, 661-8466. $$$

SPECIALS ALL WEEK LONG NIGHTLY SPECIALS

MON-1-1/4 LB LIVE MAINE LOBSTER $21.95 TUES-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES WED-1LB. ALASKAN KING CRAB LEGS $21.95 THUR-14OZ PRIME RIB $18.95 FRI-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES Kama’aina valid w/ HI ID & 17% Gratuity prior to Discount

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3-6 $3.00 TROPICALS / WELLS $3.25 BUD-BUD LIGHT-COORS LIGHT $1.00 FRESH OYSTER SHOOTERS DOLLAR DOUBLE ALL DAY

Happy Hour Daily From 2-5 PM

$2.50 Well Drinks $3.50 Margaritas $1.50 Bud Lights Watch Your Favorite Sports On Our New Bar T.V.s

Fridays

2. Mai Tais 16. Prime Rib Nite $

50

Wednesdays

$

95

Variety Is Our Specialty 2511 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei • 879-1954

For corrections or to get your listing in this section, please fax 661-0446

50% OFF @ THE SUSHI BAR

The Restaurant will also offer $10 New York Steaks from 5-7pm.

No reservations necessary. Only on food items, between 5pm & 7pm, no carry-out, gratuity included, based on full price.

Sashimi excluded.

LETTERS

NEWS

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DINING

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

17

CHECK OUT THIS WEEKS

KILLER

LINE-UP

Thirsty Thursdays

Thursday

No Cover, Killer Drink Specials, Great Late Night Food

Friday

The Easy CD Release Ska-Rock-World, $3-5 Cover, 9:30 Show Time, Great Drink Specials 21+

Saturday

Natural Vibrations Island Roots-Rock-Reggae, $5-10 Cover, 10pm Show Time, Bud/Bud Light Specials

Sunday

CALLING ALL MUSICIANS

OPEN MIC NIGHT

With the Jim Freeborne Band

Monday

White Trash Night

Come On In and Watch Taped Delay Monday Night Football with Draft Specials and Pupu Specials. And After The Game Jam Out to Some Serious Rock and Roll! No Cover

Tuesday

$2 TUESDAYS

Drinks, Drafts and Food Specials, No Cover All Day & Night

Wednesday

BIGWith WEDNESDAYS SIN Specials Service Industry Night.

Come In Hang Out, Live DJs, Killer Drink Specials for Service Industry Employees, No Cover.

900 Front St. • Lahaina • 661-1200 18

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

Kung Fu! Saturday, 5 p.m. at the Iao Theater [MOVIE DOUBLE FEATURE] There aren’t many better ways to spend Saturday nights than plopped down in front of the television watching old Kung Fu movies. Thanks to Revitalize Wailuku and Maui OnStage, now you have a far superior way this weekend: plopped down in the old Iao Theater watching Kung Fu movies on the big screen, the way nature intended them to be seen. First up is Bruce Lee’s classic 1973 Enter the Dragon, followed immediately after by Jet Li’s 2001 Kiss of the Dragon.

Tickets are $8 for adults and $4 for anyone under 18 (kids under 12 get in free, but must be accompanied by a parent and/or guardian). All proceeds go towards buying kick-ass projection equipment for the theater, so don’t even consider bitching about the very reasonable ticket price. Oh, and the box office opens at 4:30, so don’t be late.

[ANTHONY PIGNATARO]

SEND YOUR LISTINGS & PHOTOS FOR DA KINE CALENDAR TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM OR FAX (808) 661-0446 LETTERS

NEWS

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

19

ThIS WEEK’S PICKS

by Samantha Campos

Saving Kidneys

Fun Running

Friday, 5:30-9 p.m. at the King Kahili Golf Course & Clubhouse

Saturday and Sunday, 8 a.m., Kahului to Ka’anapali

[BENEFIT] Here’s another chance to do something good for your community and get drunk at the same time! I love that kind of charity work. The National Kidney Foundation of Hawai’i is having its annual fundraiser and this time the theme is “Indiana Jones and the Aborigines Hunt Treasure in the Outback.” That’s a pretty involved theme! This event is an adult only, costume-optional soiree that will take place at the King Kahili Golf Course and Clubhouse in Wailuku (formerly Sandalwood). Outback Steakhouse will host and cook the BBQ—how appropriate!—while the party proceeds with live entertainment, on-course golfing contests, prizes, drawing, silent and live auctions, the chance to win an 18K gold treasure secret hidden in the Tiffany & Co. treasure chest and don’t forget, the no-host bar. Wait a minute, isn’t “no-host” code for “you’ve got to buy your own booze, sweetheart”? Oh well, that’s what paychecks are for, I suppose. C’mon people now, let’s get together to save some kidneys and ruin some livers. Who’s with me?! Tickets are $20 in advance, $30 at the door. Must be 21+ and bring the IDs. For more info, call 986-1900. [HEIDI KING]

THURSDAY

SUNDAY

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➤➤➤➤➤FRIDAY ➤➤➤➤➤SATURDAY ➤➤➤➤➤SUN

September MAUI’S TRUE LIVE MUSIC VENUE MONDAY

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WEDNESDAY

21

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

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HAU PHAT IS DAT THURSDAY

THE HEAT IS ON DJ HEAT

DJ HEAT

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HIP-HOP/DANCE 23

LIKE SHAKE YOUR BIKINI TOPS APARTY ROCK STAR HAU PHAT HEINI SURF SHORTS IS DAT WITH LIVE MUSIC W DJ STYLZ THURSDAY VOODOO KAPAKAHI NO COVER SUNS $3 HEINEKENS 26

[SPORTS] The island’s most dedicated runners will join worldwide contestants and compete in the 35th annual Maui Marathon this Sunday, September 18th. Although it’s a little late to start your training for that, there’s also a 5K Fun Run/Walk on Saturday, open for last-minute signups until the day before. Whereas the full-scale marathon goes from Kahului to Kaanapali—which is why its not labeled “fun”—the 5K heads from Ka’anapali towards Lahaina, then boomerangs back up north after less than two miles. Now doesn’t that sound a bit more feasible than traversing the island? I’ve run quite a few road races in my time, and am very familiar with the public outcry, “Why would you want to put yourself through that?” Only joggers and athletes understand the process whereby running releases endorphins, which have a euphoric effect that justifies such physical effort. A 5K is only a microcosm of a marathon, and yet 5K competitors are still rewarded with an after-party and awards ceremony! Plus, being in a race is fun in itself. Although you’re just one in a big stampede of runners, you’re united with all kinds of people with the same goal in mind. It’s pretty cool the way kids, young adults, pregnant ladies and even the elderly will come out of the woodwork, lace up their running shoes and hit the road. Running a half-marathon last summer taught me never to underestimate someone who doesn’t fit the profile of a runner, after being passed by a chubby teenager and a 70-year-old man in full spandex. But I took it in stride and had a great time, then got a bunch of free food and a massage after crossing the finish line! [MOLLY RETTIG]

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LIKE SHAKE YOUR BIKINI TOPS APARTY DJ ROCK STAR HAU PHAT HEINI AND SURF SHORTS IS DAT WITH MUSIC W DANCING LIVE DJ STYLZ THURSDAY VOODOO KAPAKAHI NO COVER SUNS $3 HEINEKENS CHECK PARADICEBLUZ.COM FOR CALENDAR UPDATES

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DJ SHORTKUT

CD RELEASE PARTY LAHAINA GROWN

30

1

THE HEAT IS ON DJ HEAT

LIVE MUSIC

HIP-HOP/DANCE

- FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23RD Mercurial Bull Productions Proudly Presents:

beat junkies triple threat

Since 1987, Jonathan Cruz, known internationally as Shortkut, has thrilled all DJ, turntablist, and hip-hop audiences worldwide. As an explosive member of the Beat Junkies, he continues to stir the imaginations of audiences, and leaves then captivated with his phenominal music. Shortkut, together with QBert and Mixmaster Mike formed the Invisible Skratch Piklz. As seen in the movie “Scratch”.

- SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH -

Lahaina Grown CD Release Party 744 FRONT STREET • A FEW STEPS BELOW FRONT STREET • 667-JAZZ (5299) • paradicebluz.com 20

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

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Protecting Nature’s Art Saturday, 5-8 p.m. at Viewpoints Gallery, Makawao [ART] The title of this juried art exhibit and contest, “Malama Wao Akua,� means to preserve and take care of the upper-forested watersheds. If you’ve had the opportunity to make it to the windward side of Haleakala, you’ve already gotten a preview. Otherwise, check out the amazing, ancient rainforest as it’s been reflected by Maui’s own sculptors, painters and photographers at this event, created by the East Maui Watershed Partnership. It’ll be open to the public 5-8 p.m., so that you can partake in the pupus and outdoor screening of Maoli No—Truly Native, a short film about Hawaii’s native ecosystems, as well as witness the awards and blessing. Exhibit runs Sept. 15 through Oct. 12. Viewpoints Gallery is located at 3620 Baldwin Ave. in Makawao. For more info, contact 572-5979. [HEIDI KING]

For Physics Fanatics Saturday, 4 p.m. at McCoy Studio Theater, MACC [LECTURE] Fantastic! I’ll admit I’m one of those sickos who actually enjoyed my Physics classes in college. After all, playing with circuits (Electricity and Magnetism) and the merrygo-round outside (Centripetal/Centrifugal Forces) was far more exciting than the (yawn) chemical formulas and drosophila mating experiments of my main curriculum. Plus, the Physics TA’s were really hot. Anyway, 2005 has been declared the World Year of Physics in celebration of the centennial year of Einstein’s five greatest papers. So in his honor, and as part of the worldwide celebration, the MACC will host science writer Lawrence Krauss, author of Einstein’s Biggest Blunder: A Cosmic Mystery and six other popular books. And the event is free. Unlike those “fun� classes I took. [SAMANTHA CAMPOS]

DAY

➤➤➤➤➤MONDAY ➤➤➤➤➤TUESDAY ➤➤➤➤➤WEDNESDAY

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+2œ2.(1$ VSHFLDO JXHVW .HDOLœL 5HLFKHO 6$7 ‡ 6(37 ‡ SP &DVWOH 7KHDWHU ‡

HRC MAUI 900 Front St., Lahaina Info: 808.667.7400

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MONDAYS

6$7 ‡ 6(37 ‡ SP &DVWOH 7KHDWHU ‡ +XOD œ2OL 0HOH +DODX 1D /HL .DXPDND 2 8ND

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LETTERS

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HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3:00-6:00pm

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Noon - 5:00pm

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

21

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY

Lord of War

★★★★★ Rated R/122 mins.

Just four stars? We totally deserve five.

Bloody Hallelujah Andrew Niccol opens a gigantic can of global satire Lord of War opens with a virtuosic CGI credit sequence that follows the manufacture of a bullet in an ammunition factory and on through many pairs of hands that eventually fire it directly into the brain of its young African victim. From the point of view of the bullet writer/director Andrew Niccol (Gattaca) sears the audience into a cauldron of daringly cynical global satire that never relents.

Nicholas Cage ushers the picture with a steady stream of voice over narration as gunrunner extraordinaire Yuri Orlov. Yuri has an epiphany in the early 1980s about the demand for guns being as high as the need for food when he witnesses an attempted assassination in his Brooklyn burb of Little Odessa where he lives with his Ukrainian emigrant family.

Yuri convinces his younger and far more sensitive brother Vitali (Jared Leto) to join him in attending an arms fair in West Berlin where they meet and are belittled by the world’s top arms dealer Simeon Weisz (Ian Holm). Undeterred by Simeon’s condescension Yuri is soon taking advantage of the end of the Cold War to sell vast quantities of Russian AK-47s and helicopter gunships to dictators like Liberia’s Baptiste Senior (Eamonn Walker).

With Interpol agent Valentine (Ethan

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

FILM

Hawke) hot on his trail and his brother left to fend for himself as a newly transformed drug addict, Yuri confidently seduces and marries the advertising model of his childhood dreams Ava Fontaine (Bridget Moynahan) while selling arms to every despot around.

Yuri is the anti-hero to end all anti-heroes.

He brags that he never sold guns to Osama Bin Laden because, “Back in the ‘80s Osama was too busy bouncing checks.”

With his six different passport identities Yuri is the ultimate freemarket capitalist. It doesn’t matter to him if the AK-47 is the “real weapon of mass destruction,” because every government, including his own, will use him to provide arms to the enemy of their enemies at the end of the day.

Although Andrew Niccol’s overtly flippant soundtrack and third wall-breaking narration penetrates the movie with a heavy-handed amount of irregular information Lord of War works as a cohesive diatribe on the way governments arm poor people to kill the state’s enemies.

Its polemic is fierce, its information is sound and the way you feel about Nicholas Cage’s character is exactly how you might feel about the leaders of all governments.

They are indeed cut from the same bloody cloth. MTW

SHOWTIMES

MOVIECAPSULES MAUI FILM FESTIVAL’S CANDLELIGHT CINEMA Friday, Sept. 16 ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM 5 & 7:30 P.M., CASTLE THEATER Go behind the headlines in this documentary that takes over where The Corporation left off. The film opened to rave reviews, including: "A fiercely intelligent, terrifying and absurdly funny documentary" (LA Weekly), "Chilling, completely fascinating" (LA Times), "A thoroughly professional, frequently spectacular piece of muckraking" (Dallas Observer), and "Not only a great cautionary tale, it's a civics lesson that should be seen by every concerned citizen" (The Hollywood Reporter). Unrated. 110 min.

Wednesday, Sept. 21 SAINT RALPH 5:00 & 7:30 P.M., CASTLE THEATER The amazing young actor Adam Butcher stars alongside Campbell Scott (Off the Map), in this "deliciously offbeat, funny, heartwarming, inspirational and surprisingly compelling", according to Variety, tale of a boy who dares to dream big when told that only a miracle can save his mother. "The kind of well-acted, genuine heart warmer that some people complain Hollywood doesn't bother making anymore. And in this case, Hollywood didn't," raved USA Today. Rated PG-13. 98 min.

New This Week AN UNFINISHED LIFE - (PG13) - Drama Jennifer Lopez plays a woman who escapes her abusive boyfriend, and along with her daughter, goes go live with her estranged father (Robert Redford), who is tending to his friend (Morgan Freeman) after a severe bear attack. Symbolism abounds. 100 min. (Samantha Campos) CRY WOLF - (PG13) - Thriller - I didn’t realize a prestigious prep school could have students like this! You see, there’s this student who makes a game out of lying to people. However, the lies start to revolve around murder. Then a real killer appears and offs the students one by one. Oh yeah—and Jon Bon Jovi’s in this. The moral of the story? Maybe it’s “Don’t lie, it’ll get you killed... Or, “Watch out for the phenomenon of Instant Karma... I dunno, but I wonder if Jon has the answer. 90 min. (Kimberly L. Welch) JUST LIKE HEAVEN - (PG13) - Romantic Comedy - I have a feeling this one’s going to be a tearjerker. Reese Witherspoon (Legally Blonde) and Mark Ruffalo (13 Going on 30) meet under strange circumstances; they both think the same apartment is theirs. Ruffalo’s character has just moved in and Witherspoon’s character thinks the place is still hers. Maybe it’s the car accident she gets into that messes with her memory. Or, could she be a ghost? An attractive and sweet ghost that steals the heart of the new tenant? Ah, but will their love be enough to keep them together even though he’s still alive? Oh, the obstacles!

Get the tissues. 95 min. (Heidi King) LORD OF WAR - (R) - Action-Adventure, Drama - Nicholas Cage plays an international arms dealer who runs guns to wars all over the world even as an Interpol agent (Ethan Hawke) chases him down but then suddenly he has pangs of conscience when he meets some chick played by Bridget Moynahan. Somehow this goes on for 122 minutes. (Anthony Pignataro)

Now Showing THE BROTHERS GRIMM - (PG13) - ActionAdventure, Fantasy - My friend complained to me that our movie capsules are too cynical all the time. So this is me trying to be more positive: Matt Damon and Heath Ledger play brothers that fight fake evil in the 1800s. When their scam is discovered, they are forced to go up against real evil. It can’t be too scary because it’s only rated PG13. But, I’m sure there will be scenes for us ladies to salivate over and witty lines to keep the public entertained. There—was that upbeat enough? 118 min. (HK) THE CAVE - (PG13) - Action, Horror - Two scientists and their team of top-notch divers make an incredible and mysterious discovery. Somewhere in the Romanian forest the group finds the ruins of an old abbey. But this is no ordinary abbey. Underneath the building lies the entrance into an extensive cave system. Eager to be the first to discover the caves and possibly a new species, the team enter without the slightest idea of the danger that lies within. And car-

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

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nage ensues. (Gabrielle Poccia) CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (PG) - Family, Musical, Fantasy - This Tim Burton adaptation of Roald Dahl’s rather dark and brutal children’s book stars Johnny Depp as famed chocolate magnate Willy Wonka. Yes, I know Depp and Burton do great work. And that Helena Bonham Carter also appears. But come on! Must Hollywood remake every film? Gene Wilder played the definitive Willy Wonka back in 1971!

Give me a break! 106 min. (AP) THE CONSTANT GARDENER - (R) - Romantic Drama, Thriller - In Northern Kenya a British activist, Tessa Quayle (Rachel Weisz,) has been found murdered while her companion is missing. Justin (Ralph Fiennes), her widower, a normally dull and unmotivated man, shocks everyone when he sets out, independent from his colleagues, members of the British High Commission, to find the truth behind Tessa’s murder. The clues he finds bring him across three different continents and the mystery that unfolds suggests more than simply a crime of passion. On his search he learns of who his wife really was, who he himself has been, and of a dangerous conspiracy that reaches deeper than he ever imagined. 129 min. (GP) DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO - (R) Comedy - Well, Deuce (Rob Schneider) is back to his gigolo self, only this time he’s in Europe, and his former pimp TJ (Eddie Griffin) is implicated in the murders of Europe’s greatest gigolos. So Deuce, being the guy that he is, goes there to work (ha!) in order to clear his good friend’s name. But, of course, on the way he must compete against the powerful European Union of prostidudes—?!—and court a bunch of abnormal female clients including the beautiful Eva, who suffers from acute obessive-compulsive disorder. 83 min. (KLW) THE DUKES OF HAZZARD - (PG13) - Comedy, Action - Yeehaw! The famous orange car is back with sexy bad boys Johnny Knoxville playing Luke Duke and Sean William Scott as Bo Duke. Don’t forget their hot cousin Daisy Duke, this time played by a toned, tan and oiled-up Jessica Simpson in Daisy’s infamous tiny cutoffs. It’s gonna be a ho-down and a hootenanny set in present day. I bet we all try to jump in our cars through the windows after this. And I give props to anyone who succeeds. FYI, convertibles don’t count. 106 min. (HK) 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN - (R) - Comedy - This is one of those pictures in which the title pretty much tells you everything you need to know. Steve Carell, The Daily Show’s funniest correspondent, stars in this twist on the old, well-told story of the guy whose friends attempt to help into the sack. If this works, it’ll be because Carell is his usually hilarious self and the producers didn’t puss out and try to make this a PG-13 flick. 116 min. (AP) THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE - (PG13) Suspense/Horror - Okay, this seems really familar... A 19-year-old college student has been officially recognized by the Catholic Church that she is possessed. As told in flashbacks—you’ll have to pay close attention— this film chronicles the real life, “haunting” trial of the priest accused of negligence resulting in the death of the young girl believed to be possessed and the laywer who takes on the task of defending him. Well, I guess that’s a little different from The Exorcist. 114 min. (KLW) FOUR BROTHERS - (R) - Drama/Crime - So here we are with four adopted brothers, who come together to bury the woman who raised them. But at the funeral, they discover that their mother may have been murdered and they want revenge. Wouldn’t any son? But did I mention that yummy Mark Wahlberg is one of the brothers? Mmm... 109 min. (KLW) MARCH OF THE PENGUINS - (G) - This little documentary is going to make you laugh and cry. It’s amazing how easy it is to relate to the flightless birds. Aren’t they the only animals that mate for life? It seems to me they’re more faithful than humans. (I’m not bitter!) It’s adorable.

It’s real. It’s narrated by Morgan Freeman. It follows a flock for one year, and more specifically one couple, to see how they travel across the Antarctic. 84 min. (HK) THE MAN - (PG13) - Action Comedy - It’s time for another odd couple comedic crime adventure! This one’s with Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) and Eugene Levy (American Pie), as fed agent Jackson tracks down the murderer of his former partner, who for some inexplicable reason, has been replaced by chatty Levy. You know the rest: Car chases abound as Levy annoys Jackson with his bumbling idiot routine, and Jackson makes The Face. 84 min. (SC) RED EYE - (PG13) - Thriller - There’s nothing worse than sitting next to some goon on a long flight at midnight. Either they’re chatty or smelly or they fall asleep drooling on your shoulder. Well, imagine Lisa’s (Rachel McAdams, The Notebook) surprise when handsome Jackson (Cillian Murphy, Batman Begins) with the big baby blues sits next to her. But then the dude turns out to be more creepy-scary than sexy as he tells her his plans to assassinate some important political figure— and if she tries to stop him, he’ll kill her father, too.

Geez... Hey, stewardess! Oh, flight attendant? Sorry.

DINING

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL Castle Theater, 572-3456 Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room - R - Fri 5 & 7:30pm Saint Ralph - PG - Wed 5 & 7:30pm

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

Um, that’s not really my shade Uh, could you please seat me next to the drooly guy?

Yeah, thanks. 85 min. (SC) SKELETON KEY - (PG13) - Horror - In the dark backwoods just outside of New Orleans, Caroline (Kate Hudson,) a live-in nurse is hired to care for an elderly woman's (Gene Rowlands) ailing husband (John Hurt) in their home—a foreboding and decrepit mansion in the Louisiana delta. Intrigued—or nosy, whatever you wanna call it—by the enigmatic couple and their rambling house, Caroline uses the skeleton key they gave her to go where she, of course, shouldn’t go and stumbles upon a dark and deadly secret in the attic. Eek! Hope she didn’t find my yearbook photo. 104 min. (KLW) A SOUND OF THUNDER – (PG13) – ActionAdventure, Sci-fi. In this total blatant rip-off a classic Ray Bradbury short story titled something I can’t remember right now, Ben Kingsley plays a guy who takes rich slobs back in time to hunt dinosaurs. But then someone accidentally steps on a butterfly, which causes, um, trouble in the future, forcing Edward Burns to step in and help save humanity. Ed Burns? What happened, Ben Affleck wasn’t available? 103 min. (AP) SUPERCROSS - (PG) - Action - Gag me. Okay, two brothers race dirt bikes. Lemme guess: At first, they’re going to be super close. Then they’ll run into some hardships. I’m guessing a girl might be involved in the demise of their relationship. They’ll become rivals.

Hmm.. I also think one or the other will face a physical challenge with some crash or something. Yeah, then in the end, one or both of them will win the Big Race, their brotherhood will be restored and they probably both “get the girl.” There—I just saved you $10.

You’re welcome. 92 min. (HK) THE TRANSPORTER 2 - (PG13) - Action, Drama - So this is one of those movies where the first one did better than they thought it was going to do and now they’re trying to make it pay off again. This time around, “Frank” (as he’s called in this movie), has retired from the exciting transporting business and is on to driving around a kid (sound familiar yet?). The kid captures his heart and then is abducted (how about now?). Then, apparently, he goes nuts on people to get the kid back safe and sound (got it?). C’mon, I know you people saw Man on Fire!

Let’s just be honest, there’s no way this version of the same plot is going to be more hardcore than that one.

I’m sorry, but someone had to say it. 120 min. (HK) UNDISCOVERED - (PG13) - Romantic Comedy - The title has a double meaning. First, it refers to the struggle of new hopefuls breaking into show biz, while at the same time pointing there’s a lot to learn about the world when you’re young and stupid. The main young and stupid role is a model living in New York who falls in love with a musician. She eventually ventures to Los Angeles to give acting a shot, and again meets up with her old musician flame, who’s not having any luck breaking into rockstar status. Then model-girl and her new friend (Ashlee Simpson) decide to help him out. But the fame and pressure soon begin to take their toll, as they learn that it’s not all fun, games and uppers. 97 min. (GP) VALIANT - (G) - Animation, Family - Okay, so it’s a Walt Disney film about patriotic carrier pigeons during World War II. Got it. 109 min. (SC) WEDDING CRASHERS - (R) - Comedy - Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn play a couple divorce counselors who cruise weddings looking to score with chicks. But then one of them—does it really matter which?—actually falls in love with the daughter of some strange politician played by Christopher Walken.

Then all hell breaks loose. 119 min. (AP)

DA KINE CALENDAR

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CLASSIFIEDS

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Showtimes) = Matinee Brothers Grimm - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (1:20, 4:10), 7, 9:45, Sa-Su (1:20), 4:10, 7, 9:45 Constant Gardener - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1:15, 4), 6:50, 9:40, Sa-Su (1:15), 4, 6:50, 9:40 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - PG - Th (1, 3:45), Fr, M-W (1:10, 3:50) Sa-Su (1:10), 3:50 Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1:15, 3:15, 5:15), 7:25, 9:30, Sa-Su (1:15, 3:15), 5:15, 7:25, 9:30 Dukes of Hazzard - PG13 - Th 6:30, 9:10, Fr, M-W (4:25), 9:25, Sa-Su 4:25, 9:25 40 Year Old Virgin - R - Th-Fr, M-W (1:40, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:40), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50 Just Like Heaven - PG13 - Fr, M-W (1, 1:30, 3:15, 4:30, 5:30), 7:15, 7:45, 9:45, 10, Sa-Su (1, 1:30, 3:15), 4:30, 5:30, 7:15, 7:45, 9:45, 10 The Man - PG13 - Th-Fr, M-W (1, 3:10, 5:20), 7:30, 10, Sa-Su (1, 3:10), 5:20, 7:30, 10 March of the Penguins - G - Th-Fr, M-W (1:05, 3:05, 5:05), 7:05, 9:15, Sa-Su (1:05, 3:05), 5:05, 7:05, 9:15 Skeleton Key - PG13 - Th (2, 4:40), 7:15, 9:45, Fr-W (1:50), 6:55 Sound of Thunder - PG13 - Th (1:30, 3:50), 6:45, 9:25, Fr-W 6:45, 9:10 Supercross - PG13 - Th only (3:20), 7:40 Underclassman - PG13 - Th (1, 3:15, 5:30), 7:45, 10, Fr, M-W (1:45, 4:15), 6:40, 9:35, Sa-Su (1:45), 4:15, 6:40, 9:35 Undiscovered - PG13 - Th only (1:10, 5:30), 9:55 Valiant - G - Th-Fr, M-W (1:25, 3:25, 5:25), 7:20, 9:20, Sa-Su (1:25, 3:25), 5:25, 7:20, 9:20

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910 Cave - PG13 - Th only (1, 3:15), 5:30, 7:45, 10 Cry Wolf - PG13 - Fr-W (12:30, 2:45), 5, 7:20, 9:30 Exorcism of Emily Rose - PG13 - Daily (1), 4:15, 7, 9:35 Four Brothers - R - Th only (12:25, 2:45), 5:10, 7:40, 10:05 Lord of War - R - Fr-W (1), 4:30, 7:10, 9:50 Red Eye - PG13 - Daily (12:35, 2:45), 5, 7:15, 9:30 Sky High - PG - Th only (12:30, 3), 5:15, 7:30 Transporter 2 - PG13 - Daily (12:45, 3:05), 5:15, 7:35, 9:45 An Unfinished Life - PG13 - Fr-W (12:35, 2:55), 5:10, 7:30, 9:55 Wedding Crashers - R - Th only 10

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 Exorcism of Emily Rose - PG13 - Th (1), 4:15, 7:30, FrSa (1:15), 4:30, 7:15, 9:40, Su-W (1:15), 4:40, 7:45 40 Year Old Virgin - R - Th (1:15, 1:30), 4:30, 4:45, 7:45, 8, Fr-Sa (1:30), 4:45, 7:30, 9:50, Su-W (1:30), 4:45, 8 Lord of War - R - Fr-Sa (1), 4:15, 7, 9:30, Su-W (1), 4:15, 7:30 Transporter 2 - PG13 - Th, Su-W (1:45), 5, 8:15, Fr-Sa (1:45), 5, 7:45, 9:45

FRONT STREET THEATRE 900 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Brothers Grimm - PG13 - Th only (4:20), 7:10, 9:50 Exorcism of Emily Rose - PG13 - Th (4), 7, 9:45, Fr, MW (4:15), 7, 9:30, Sa-Su (1), 4:15, 7, 9:30 Just Like Heaven - Fr, M-W (4), 7:15, 9:45, Sa-Su (1:30), 4, 7:15, 9:45 40 Year Old Virgin - R - Th (4:15), 7:15, 9:55, Fr, M-W (4:20), 7:20, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:15), 4:20, 7:20, 9:50 March of the Penguins - G - Th (4:30), 7:30, 9:30, Fr, MW (4:30), 7:10, 9, Sa-Su (1:45), 4:30, 7:10, 9

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Lord of War - R - Fr, M-W (1:15, 4), 6:45, 9:30, Sa-Su (10:30, 1:15), 4, 6:45, 9:30 The Man - PG13 - Th (1:45, 4), 7, 9:15, Fr, M-W (1:30, 4:30), 7:15, 9:15, Sa-Su (11, 1:30), 4;30, 7:15, 9:15 Red Eye - R - Th only (1:30, 4:30), 7:30, 9:30, Transporter 2 - PG13 - Th (1:15, 4:15), 7:15, 9:30, Fr, MW (1, 4:15), 7, 9, Sa-Su (10:45, 1), 4:15, 7, 9

8*

$

WED., SEPT 21 *with MFF passport (5 films-$40)-single tickets Phone: 572-3456 www.mauifilmfestival.com

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

23

EAR SHOT Metal Cum Laude STORMTROOPERS OF DEATH (S.O.D.) “SPEAK ENGLISH OR LIVE” DVD “20 YEARS OF DYSFUNCTION” DVD “SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE” CD

In the heart of Olde Makawao Town

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY with DJ BLAST

Casanova’s Famous Ladies Night The evening that earned Casanova the award

Fri. Sept. 16th Burning Man Decompression Party with

“Best Late Night In Maui”

DJ OOAH

9:45 pm $5. Cover

Break Beats & Hip Hop

DJ ZELLIS and DJ ODYSSEUS

Sat. Sept.17th

VINCE ESQUIRE

Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $ 5. Cover in costume $10. without

AND HIS BAND Maui’s Music Sensation

ROCK AND SCREAMING BLUES

STS9

Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $ 10. Cover

Tickets on sale Sept 20th

Make it a memorable evening. Dine and dance at Casanova.

For dinner reservations call 572-0220 www.casanovamaui.com

24

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

DAY&NIGHT

Have you ever noticed that these days heavy music seems to come in two varieties?—cookie cutter and Cookie Monster.

To find the good stuff, you know, the stuff with integrity, balls, power and maybe, God forbid, a sense of humor, sometimes you have to go back in time.

In 1985, the iconic metal band Anthrax (whose only recent claim to fame is as the #1 unsolved mystery of 9/11—does anyone remember this? George, are you listening?) was taking a little hiatus. The rhythm section (the section that really matters in any metal band worth their salt), Charlie Benante on drums and Scott Ian on guitar, joined up with Nuclear Assault bassist Dan Lilker and inexperienced, extremely obnoxious singer/ranter Billy Milano for a one-shot side project called S.O.D.—Stormtroopers of Death. Their debut was a refreshingly un-PC LP called Speak English Or Die. The debut sounded like a scrapbook of simple and ingenious New York hardcore punk and metal riffs with their Bronx nightmare of a vocalist spitting out hilariously despicable lyrics. These guys not only parodied every hardcore, thrash and death metal cliché, but they improved on them, at some points hinting at the Platonic Ideal of Metal. Meaning MTV’s Headbangers Ball used their music to advertise their show.

Most of SOD’s songs are brutal and mean spirited, but blissfully short, rarely clocking in at over two minutes—some a short fistful of seconds. Take “The Ballad of Jimi Hendrix,” for example. It starts with the opening riff to “Purple Haze”: da-DUH, da-DUH. Then the whole band joins in “HE’S DEAD!!”

And that’s it. Nice and simple. And what some mathematicians would describe as “elegant.” The gift that keeps on giving is the anti-Arabic theme that runs through the album. Who’d athunk it would still be relevant 20 years later?

The title track “Speak English Or Die” and “F@!k the Middle East” contain singer Billy Milano’s sheik-seeking, rapid fire, projectile vomited string of insults, sure to warm the hearts of young American boys everywhere. Any true fan of heavy music needs to pick this CD up.

If you’re already a fan of the band, they just released a live DVD, 20 Years of Dysfunction. The main course is a collage of fan bootleg footage from SOD’s 1997-99 tour. Crushing versions of most of the songs off their first album, hilarious interviews, and extreme moshing are scattered haphazardly through the DVD. Much like Metallica’s Cliff ‘em All, the video and sound quality varies. The vocals suffer the most, although he usually sings so fast, it’s hard to tell what he’s saying.

The extras include a few bonus concerts, interviews, music videos, and the true prize-an extra CD of a live bootleg from ‘85 that they stole from other bootleggers (a la Frank Zappa). It’s a very raw, ugly and powerful snapshot of the band’s earliest incarnation. All in all, a great package for less then 20 bucks.

If any of this sounds remotely interesting, by all means pick up the band’s CD first. But if you can appreciate the irony of a band getting a roomful of Japanese punks to scream “Speak English Or Die!”—get the DVD.

Andrew Shkolnik works at Request Records, 10 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-9315, and is not really snobby but knows way more about music than is necessary. MTW

BY ANDREW SHKOLNIK

ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT

BY SARAH CALLENDER

Big Haired Beauties ‘The sky’s the limit’ at this year’s Ultimate Panache Pageant

The American beauty pageant as we know it is dead. The Ramseys first turned it into an ugly thing in the mid-1990s, followed by a rash of evening news reports and cover stories on the “dark side” of beauty contests. After 2001, Americans started worrying about other things like freedom-hating Jihads, the “axis of evil” and which Olsen twin wasn’t getting enough protein.

As our country went to war, the President ran for re-election and the economy struggled, beauty pageants started to feel like something from the past—a pair of shoes that no longer fit our feet. And it shows: the Miss America pageant had to leave ABC this fall after 50 years on the network, because the ratings dropped exponentially over the last decade. Its new home: Country Music Television. Ouch.

Despite all this, Maui’s Ultimate

LETTERS

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SURF

Panache Pageant continues to thrive. Maybe it’s because of the location—almost anything goes on an island where the weather is always beautiful and people come to escape the pace of the mainland. Maybe it’s because the contestants in the Ultimate Panache Pageant are all men. Well, sort of.

The pageant, in which contestants vie for three titles, including “Jewel of the Galaxy,” “National Showgirl Goddess” and “Mr. Galaxy Pacific,” includes female illusionists (both with and without surgical enhancement) and men from Hawai’i, Oahu and Maui.

Pageant creator and producer Casey Carrington isn’t surprised by the event’s success.

“I honestly feel it brings us all together and brings people from all over Hawai’i and beyond to experience Hawai’i, Maui and the community we embody,” Carrington said.

“Many people come yearly for this event

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ONLY so it is like a huge party of old and new friends coming together and being a part of the Maui ‘ohana.”

This year’s event will feature 13 contestants hand-picked by Carrington through a rigorous pre-screening process.

“Contestants are chosen on personality and attitude and over-all personal look,” said Carrington. “They must be able to work with me, contestants and other aspects of a pageant without attitude and drama. Other pageants are different; they will allow anyone to enter regardless. But to me that can cause [chaos] and drama with much unwanted [and unnecessary] attitudes flying around.”

Seven volunteer judges (three male, three female and one tie-breaker) rate the contestants. Each competition has four different categories, which include themes (this year’s are Moulin Rouge and Las Vegas), talent and a formal wear portion. Most intriguing is the

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“Hairdo Odyssey” category in the “Jewel of the Galaxy” competition.

“This is a division which allows the contestant to create a hairdo creation that looks like hair,” said Carrington. “The sky’s the limit.”

Literally. Past creations have included hairstyles the size of Kilauea that look like something straight out of Hairspray. For each category, a 25-point system rates each contestant’s creativity, style, charisma, on stage personality, charm, construction of costume, overall look and the all-important ability to move in costume.

Besides the hair, the costumes are the most elaborate element of the four-hour event.

Most contestants make the costumes themselves, often spending hundreds of hours and up to $5,000 on each outfit. While participating in an Oahu pageant, Carrington remembers, “To create my showgirl costume my feathers cost me roughly $3,500, if not more, JUST FOR FEATHERS ALONE!” In case you’re worried that the Ultimate Panache Pageant is just too much fun, Carrington wants you to remember that this event has a serious aim.

“It [is] designed as an event for the people of Maui to have an event on their island,” said Carrington, “because most BIG events happen on Oahu so I wanted to have something BIG here and to give back to Maui through charitable contributions to different non-profit organizations. This year we are doing a minor fundraiser for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.”

With all the support that Carrington and the Ultimate Panache Pageant have received from the community and the government of Hawai’i—yes, they’ve actually received congratulatory letters from the state legislature— Carrington is confident the event won’t suffer the same fate as Miss America.

“We are the ONLY pageant that has been born, rejuvenated and continue to grow and get better year after year,” Carrington said.

“That is all [due] in part to the contestants, sponsors, support, friends, families and of course ALL the people of MAUI. [They allowed] us to grow to this magnitude.” MTW

7th Annual Ultimate Panache Pageant Sunday, 6 p.m. at the Maui Theatre in Lahaina. Tickets: $30 advance, $35 at the door. To purchase, visit the Coffee Store in Kihei (808) 875-4244, ask for Casey. For more info, check out www.thedynastycollection.com.

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Thursday

09/15

Summer Jazz, Wailea No cover, 7pm

BAMBOO CHI

100 Wailea Ike Dr., Wailea - 879-4777

BOCALINO

1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

CAFE MARC AUREL

28 N. Market St. Wailuku - 244-0852

Bobby Ingram, The Ray Charles Neto Peraza Trio, Latin Dance Fever, $5, 7:30pm Show, $5, 7:30pm Kilohana Cruise w/Sujana $5, 10pm

Ohana Groove $5, 10pm

Gene Argel & Shiro Mori No cover, 7:30-10:30pm

No entertainment

Victoria Barrett, coffee-house folk, No cover, 7:30-10:30pm

Monday09/19 – Wednesday09/21

Neto Peraza No cover, 7pm

MON - Martini Monday, No cover, 6:30pm

Industry Night, DJ Shark In The MON - Tom Cherry Band & Positive Energy, $5, 10pm; TUE - The New Project, Jay Molina & Water, No cover, 9pm Gilbert Emata w/Marsha, $5, 10pm; WED - Neto Peraza, Latin night, $5, 10pm MON - Open Poetry Night, No cover, 7pm

Closed

Burning Man Decompression Party, Vince Esquire, Rock & Screaming $5 w/costume or $10 w/o, 9:45pm Blues, $10, 9:45pm

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9453

Saturday09/17 Sunday09/18

The New Project w/Jay Molina, Gilbert Emata & Marsha, $5, 10pm

CASANOVA

CHARLEY’S

Friday 09/16

Surf Industry Night No cover, 8pm

Sirus B. Posse 9:30pm

Ladies’ Night w/DJ Durty $5, 10pm

HOLOHOLO

GIRL CAN’T SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT?

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DJ Blast, $5, 9:45pm No entertainment

MON - Kanoa & Friends, No cover, 9:30pm; TUE- No entertainment; WED - Sunn Lounge, 9pm

DA KINECALENDAR BIG SHOWS

Burning Man Decompression Party - Friday.

Featuring DJ Ooah, DJ Zellis, and DJ Odysseus.

Spinning all the top break beats and Hip Hop. In costume $5; without costume $10. 9:45 p.m., Casanova, Makawao, 572-0220.

Ho‘okena - Saturday. Ho‘okena is the winner of multiple Nä Hökü Hanohano Awards. They maintain high standards with their vocal blends, clean instrumentation and fresh compositions, ensuring the group’s respect in Hawai‘i and abroad. With hula accompaniment by Nani Dudoit, this promises to be a show that is part traditional, part contemporary and entertaining!

Joining Ho’okena onstage for a portion of the program will be Maui favorite and world renowned Keali’i Reichel as special guest. Tickets: $30, $22, $10. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW.

TICKETS ON SALE

Volunteers of the U.S. Army Field Band “Sandstorm” Concert - Sept. 22. The army’s premier touring show band, a talented 10-piece group that has performed in venue ranging from state fair concert stages to bedside at children’s hospitals. Audiences across the world, have been entertained and inspired by the band’s exciting blend of rock ‘n roll, country, jazz and patriotic favorites. Free! 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

The 2nd Annual LifeFest Kapalua - Sept. 23-25.

Three days of await health-conscious devotees and novices as an inspiring program is presented by renowned wellness authorities. Empower your mind, body and soul at one of the world's foremost rejuvenating destination. Special guest speakers are Peter Burwash World-wide motivational speaker. Naomi Judd, author of Naomi's Breakthrough Guide: 20 Choices to Transform Your Life. Dean Ornish, MD author of Eat More, Weigh Less.Tickets: 3-Day pass $295; Lectures 2 $145, single $80. A la carte $40.

Kapalua Resort. 1-866-669-2440 or www.kapaluamaui.com/activities/events/lifefestorder.php Poncho Sanchez - Sept. 24. His career as a bandleader has been set in the Afro Cuban Latin jazz pioneered half a century ago by his heroes. The music he produces with his band is infused with fresh and engaging interpretations based on his own early musical experiences in the 1960s. The result is infectious and joyous Latin rhythms, slathered with smokin’ R&B and soul sounds. Tickets: $35, $22, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Mohala Mai: ”To Blossom Forth” - Oct. 1. In its 6th year anniversary, join Na Kumu Hula Napua Greig and Kahulu Maluo-Huber along with Halau Na Lei Kaumaka O Uka and Na Hoku Hanohano award winning Makaha Sons in an evening filled with hula and Hawaiian Music. Take a journey through the fascinating evolution of Hula. Tickets: $30. 7 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Sound Tribe Sector Nine (STS9) - Oct. 6-8. Sound Tribe Sector 9’s self-produced album Artifact is a refreshing and insightful glimpse into the ever-evolving musical entity. Capturing over two years of dedicated in-studio work, this album clearly depicts the band’s progression from jazzy jamband to post-electronic pioneers. Tickets: $22. Thu, 10 p.m., Casanova, Makawao, 572-0220; Fri, 10 p.m., Hapas, Kihei, 8799001. Sat, 10 p.m., Hard Rock Café, Honolulu, Oahu, 808-955-7383.

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

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Inside Out: A Theatrical Satire - Oct. 6-8. This homegrown play by Pat Masumoto is spiced with Maui’s local character, the sounds of jazz at the Papaya Café, and a surprise finale that will apparently will knock you right out of your chair! Directed by supertalented Lisa Teichner, this theatrical satire is enlivened by a well-loved cast. Tickets: $18. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Dance Magic - Oct. 8. Maui Song & Dance presents a new variety show featuring Maui’s hottest entertainers and performers. promises to be a memorable evening of dazzling entertainment. Special guests include Dennis and Jennifer Goss, Sunny Gorg, Debra Lynn, Andre Morissette, Joel Suarez, Heart Dance Productions, MAPA’S Senior Company Dancers, Samba Ashay Dancers and Drummers, and The Pono Players. Tickets: $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Loggins & Messina - Oct. 9. Yes, that’s right—a reunion tour of Loggins & Messina, one of the most popular and successful rock duos of the 1970s. Didn’t they sing “Whenever I Call You Friend”? We love that song! Plus, we do know they sing a song titled “Lahaina.” And hey, that’s cool. Tickets: $45, $55, $65.

7 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, MACC, 242-SHOW. CHI - Oct. 14-16. A breathtaking fusion of acrobatics and martial arts, in a contemporary circus production by their artistic director who previously worked with Cirque de Solei. These phenomenal gymnasts, dancers, tumbler and jugglers use their own chi (life force) to demonstrate intense strength and impeccable balance in their individual acts, all enhanced with dramatic lighting, costumes, music and statecraft.

Sounds easy, Yeah Right! Tickets: $35, $25, $10.

Friday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Sun, 2 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Black Grace - Oct. 20. Black Grace is New Zealand’s pre-eminent professional Pacific modern dance company, with a style specific to Aotearoa and its cultural landscape. The ensemble, all professional dancers of Pacific Island background, performs original works which incorporate Maori and other indigenous forms with western modern dance and martial arts for a dynamic and startlingly fresh mix of rhythm, spirit and energy-infusing movement. Tickets: $35, $20, $10.

7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Kenny Endo - Oct. 21. Rhythms of taiko drumming provide an energetic and energizing evening when taiko master Kenny Endo directs the stage.

Synthesizing traditional Japanese drumming techniques, world musical rhythms, and western jazz percussion styles. Tickets: $25, $18, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

A Chorus Line - Oct. 26-29. One of Broadway’s famously long-running musicals, A Chorus Line opened to rave reviews, ran for 15 years and won almost every award possible, including the Pulitzer Prize for Drama. A Chorus Line is set during auditions for a new Broadway production; the 17 actors and dancers chosen for the final cut talk about themselves so the director can learn more about them. The result is an intriguing, sometimes-tense-sometimes-hilarious view into the backstage world of Broadway. Wed eve & Sat matinee: $53, $48, $38. Thu, Fri, Sat eve $58, $53, $40. Wed-Fri, 7:30 p.m.; Sat, 2 & 8 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469 Ozomatli - Oct. 29. Los Angeles’ beloved Afro-Latinand-beyond style-mashers are a multi-racial, multicultural 10-piece band that is more than the sum of its parts. The band's deep commitment to social justice and progressive politics leads their music into a surprisingly natural collaboration of hip-hop, salsa, and funk. Tickets: $25 advance, $30 day of show. 7:30 p.m., A&B Ampatheater, MACC, 242-7469.

Thursday 09/15 Friday09/16

Saturday09/17 Sunday09/18

COMPADRES BAR & GRILL

Monday09/19 – Wednesday09/21

Salsa $5, 10pm

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

HAPA’S NIGHTCLUB

Aqua Boogie W/ Daniel J, Ed V 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-9001

Kapena & Malino, Dr. Nat, Neto, & Rio Ritmo 8pm

Love & Light presents M3 9pm

MON - Willie K, Live; TUE - Ultra Fab w/DJ Fat Jo, 9pm; WED - S.I.N Night, Bartenders Flair Expression Session, 9pm

Live DJ 9pm

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

MON - Reggae at the Rock w/Marty Dread, $5, 10pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL

Tony Ray 9pm

DJ El Gato & DJ Boomshot A Funky Latino Affair, $5 10pm

DJ El Gato, World Lounge, No Cover, 10pm

Steve Mendoza 6pm

Kenny Roberts 6pm

El Nino 6pm

El Nino No cover, 10pm

Shaggy & The Big Hawaiian DJ Stylz $6,9:30pm

Crunch Pups $6, 9:30pm

Lahaina Grown $8, 9:30pm

Karaoke W/ Alana 10pm

JACQUES

120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB 36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

DA KINECALENDAR Cecilio & Kapono - Nov. 5. Presented by the Ho‘onanea Series, Cecilio Rodriguez and Henry Kapono led the way to contemporary Hawaiian music, with a distinctive style and trademark harmony that has won the duo a place in Hawaiian music history. As a team and as solo artists, Cecilio and Kapono have released more than 20 albums, won multiple Nä Hökü Hanohano Awards. Their unique blend of Hawaiian and folk rock music make them enduring favorites. Tickets: $35, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242SHOW. Beijing Modern Dance - Nov. 10. With originality and diversity, this new generation of dancers ably demonstrate that the modern can flourish in new art forms in Mainland China. Their willful irreverence and verve has rapidly drawn media attention to the courageous young artists, who express themselves with the likes of music by Pink Floyd. The repertoire includes much of their own work, created with strong visual themes, an upheaval of expectations, confrontation of contemporary issues and vibrant social commentary. Tickets: $35, $20, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Storytelling: Tom Cummings - Nov. 11. Hawaiian myths and legends with the intergenerational storytelling about the family of Tom Cummings from O‘ahu.

Tickets: $20. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Storytelling: Pacific Peoples - Nov. 12. This is a storytelling weekend. Native American storytellers from California tell of their people and legends, joined

by Pacific Islander storytellers. Tickets: $20. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Leo Kottke - Nov. 13. Guitarist, singer, composer and master of the 12-string guitar, Leo Kottke has what one reviewer has called “the most instantly recognizable guitar sound in the world.” Tickets: $35, 30, $35, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Sistah Robi and Sean Na‘auao - Nov. 18. Robi's multi-cultural, multi-lingual background is reflected in her music, which ranges from soft Hawaiian rhythms to funky reggae beats, from American pop songs to Polynesian traditional she sings it all in her own special way. Tickets: $28. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Na Lani ‘Eha 2005: The Four Royals - Nov. 19. A program to celebrate and illuminate the cultural accomplishments of royal siblings King Kaläkaua, Queen Lili‘uokalani, Princess Likelike and Prince Leleiohoku, offering a glimpse into the life, talent, personality and humor of each. Tickets: $35, $25, $10.

7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

2005 EA Sports Maui Invitational - Nov. 21-23. top teams will gather to kick off the college basketball season. Games to be televised nationally on ESPN, ESPN2 and ESPNU, and include Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Gonzaga, Kansas, Maryland, Michigan State and host Chaminade. For info, www.mauiinvitational.com.

The Nutcracker - Nov. 26-27. Ballet Hawaii presents The Nutcracker Tchaikovsky’s unforgettable score, lavish sets and gorgeous costumes make this the perfect holiday treat. Sat, 2 & 7:30 p.m.; Sun, 2 p.m, Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW. Alexander’s String Quartet - Dec. 4. The Quartet has performed in the major music capitals of four continents to secure its standing as one of the world’s premier ensembles, especially admired for its vibrant and thrilling performances. Sound and technical fluidity” are the benchmarks of Alexander String Quartet performances. An anniversary program in honor of Mozart. Tickets: $30. 5 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

LETTERS

NEWS

Gina Martinelli 6-9pm

EL Dogg 9pm

Funky Munkey 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

COVER STORY

SURF

MON - Dr.Nat, Jazz/Salsa, No cover, 7:30-10pm; WED - MJ3, Live Jazz, 7-10pm

MON - Conscious Healing, $5, 9:30pm; TUE - Island Grooves w/Vaugn, No cover, 10pm; WED - DJ Boomshot, No cover, 10pm

TAKE 5 Things You May Not Know About Women

Sonny Ching and Halau Na Mamo O Pu`uanahulu - Dec. 10. This holiday performance, with more than 70 dancers ranging in age from teens to seniors, celebrates ancient Hawaiian cultural traditions through chant, song and dance. Tickets: $38, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Tower of Power - Dec. 19. The renowned horn-driven funk outfit Tower of Power has been making albums and touring the world steadily since the early '70s.

Long considered one of the greatest horn sections in the business, the ten band members have collectively and individually recorded with most of the legends of rock, funk, blues, soul and jazz. Tickets: $45, $35, $25.

7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Elvis Costello - April 2, 2006. With songs like “Pump It Up,” “Watching The Detectives” and “Every Day I Write the Book” (our favorite!)—oh, we could go on and on. For over 25 years, Costello along with his backing group The Attractions, has changed the face of modern Rock and Roll. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-SHOW.

WE WISH WE COULD PEE STANDING UP That spout and bladder is just another piece of manly equipment you boys take for granted. Oh yeah, what I could do with that thing! How did we get the short straw with the smaller bladder and longer bathroom lines? Squatting in parking lots sure isn’t lady-like either, and then there’s the question of what to do with the paper, and who is going to see your ass. I would be so hip if I could lift my mini in the bushes while standing and not trickle down my leg and dribble on my heels, without the need for a tissue. (Jen Russo)

WE THINK SHE’S HOT, TOO Yes, it’s true—we, too, can appreciate the beauty of well-formed cleavage or a nice ass. Not all women are catty, competitive bitches! But we’d much prefer it if you openly shared your opinions of that buxom blonde or the sexy waif who walks by, rather than sneaking a lascivious glance over our shoulder. Just as long as you bring your wandering eye back home, to tell us in maybe not so many words, that you like what you see in front of you so much more.

(Samantha Campos)

EVENTS

Annual International Coastal Cleanup - The Cleanup is an expression of the commitment to clean and safe beaches and waterways—it’s about doing something responsible for the environment and finding solutions for the debris problem, which can kill thousands of wildlife and fish each year, and damage sensitive underwater habitats. So grab a trash bag! For info, http://www.coastalcleanup.org.

DIAMONDS ARE NOT OUR BEST FRIEND Do men know that not all women dream of Gucci shoes, Prada purses and Tiffany’s jewelry? I can’t speak for all girls, but I know a lot of chicks who are more interested in the latest Nike dry-fit or even in a high-tech tent than diamonds. Of course, we’re all bred differently, making it crucial for men to tune in to a girl’s specific tastes and interests. Maybe Louis Vuitton has the perfect birthday gift for her, or maybe you’re better off shopping at Local Motion. Just don’t assume that all women are swept away by something sparkly. Then we’ll respect that not all men prize Sports Center or Circuit City over a pretty painting or thoughtful poem (only a vast majority!). (Molly Rettig)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

Haleakala: A Sense of Place - 7 p.m. at Tavares Community Center, Pukalani. Native Hawaiian cultural specialist Kahu Charles K. Maxwell Sr. will introduce this documentary film on the historical and cultural overview of Haleakala Mountain. Free. For info, call 572-9724.

Wacky Outback Golf Party - 5:30-9 p.m. at King Kahili Golf Course and Clubhouse, Waikapu. So this “wacky” party is a fundraiser to help support the programs and services of the Maui Office National Kidney foundation. Featuring a BBQ cooked by Outback Steakhouse, a no host bar, golfing contest, prizes for best Aussie costume. Live music by J.D on the Rocks, and Jungle Rhythm Drummers. Tickets: $20 adv, $30 door. For info, call 986-1900.

WE LIKE SEX… A LOT Men seem to think that women aren’t as interested in sex as they are. We females may not talk about it as openly or brag to everyone about our scores [Speak for yourself, Heidi. –Assoc. Ed.]. We may also desire more than just a physical relationship with the people we choose to get sexual with. That does not mean that the “gentler sex” doesn’t want to get down and dirty. One of my best friends is like, “Get on your knees, b!t@h. It ain’t gonna lick itself.” That’s a little too hardcore for me, but I’m not saying I don’t fantasize about marathon sex complete with multiple positions, booty smackin’ and hair pulling. Was that an overshare? All I’m saying is that us ladies want to get ours just as much as you fellas want yours, if not more. (Heidi King)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

Public Satsang with Madhukar - 7 p.m. at The Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace. Silence, presence, and loving clarity dialogue. Infinite Peace and happiness. Followed by Fire of Love Retreat, September 18th-25th at Hale Akua Shangrila, Huelo. One day drop-ins welcome throughout the retreat. For info, call 415-407-3577 The Somos Amigos Festival - 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Maehara Baseball Stadium, War Memorial.

Celebrating Maui’s Multi-Cultural Hispanic and Portuguese heritage. For info, call 249-2990, ext 267.

Kung Fu Saturday - 4:30 p.m. at the Iao Theater, Wailuku. It’s a double feature! Including Enter the Dragon (1973), starring Bruce Lee—the original Kung Fu classic and one of the first Kung Fu movies to be shown at the Iao Theater. The second feature is Kiss of the Dragon (2001), starring Jet Li and Bridget Fonda—a modern classic directed by the great French director Luc Besson. Tickets $4, under 18; $8 adults.

For info, call 244-8680.

DINING

MON - Steve Mendoza, 6pm; TUE - Da Hawaiians, 6pm; WED - Chico Da Kine, 6pm

DAY&NIGHT

A&E

FILM

WE DON’T NEED TO TALK EVERYTHING THROUGH Yeah. See? (SC)

DA KINE CALENDAR

THE GRID

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

27

Thursday09/15

Friday09/16

Saturday09/17 Sunday09/18

Monday09/19 – Wednesday09/21

Scotty Rotten 10pm

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Karaoke 9:30pm

Karaoke 9:30pm

LIFE’S A BEACH

Brian and The Boys from Cool Rush, 9pm

Vince Esquire BBQ Band $5, 9pm

CD Release Pimped Out Ho Down Pimp Daddy Nash, 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

MON - Open Jam w/Adam Bowen, 9pm; TUE - $2 Night w/Kanoa & Sean of Gomega 9pm; WED - Curtis, 9pm

LOBBY LOUNGE

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

Nils & Anastasia 8:30-11:30pm

Ricardo Dioso 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Nils & Anastasia, 8:30-11:30pm; WED - Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, No cover, 8:30-11:30pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

DJ Boomshot $5, 10pm

LONGHI’S

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Live Music 9pm

Live Music 9pm

LULU’S

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Live Music 9pm

WED - Karaoke, 9pm

DA KINECALENDAR Both Sides Women’s Movie Night - 6:30 p.m.at Maui BookSellers, Wailuku. Lesbian ‘Ohana of Both Sides Movie Night for eating, socializing, and browsing. The espresso bar will be open and offering a full menu of delectable coffee drinks, waters, fruit drinks and teas as well as delicious vegan quiche, and a palate-watering selection of European sweets. BYOB. Bring a beach chair if you want front row seating. For info, call 575-2901.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

Sharon Brooks - 7 p.m. at Maui Booksellers, Wailuku. Sharon will introduce her new workbook Perfect Timing. A valuable manual offering specific methods for developing your intuition, creative visualization exercises and worksheets for designing successful personal and professional relationships. For info, call 244-9091.

ART

Friday Night Art Night - Fri, 6:30-9:30 p.m at Lahaina Galleries. Using only a palette knife to apply paint to canvas, Sue Perry creates unique oil paintings full of life and movement with her adept handling of this fast-paced style. Wine and Pupus will be served. Free.

For info, call 661-6284.

Malama Wao Akua 'o Maui Hikina - Fri, 5-8 p.m. at 3620 Baldwin Ave., next to Makawao Steak House.

An evening of art and pupus, including a blessing by Kumu Kelii Taua and Mayor Arakawa, followed by an outdoor screening of Maoli No-Truly Native, a short film about Hawai’i's native ecosystem set to traditional and contemporary Hawaiian mele and oli. Exhibit showing through Oct. 12. For info, call 573-6999.

The Seventh Biennial Exhibition of Hawai‘i Fri, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. at Schaefer International Gallery, MACC. The Biennial exhibitions are intended to promote a wider awareness of the significant achievements of Hawai’i’s artists throughout the state, on the mainland and abroad. The Seventh Biennial features the work of the following artists: Charles Cohan of Honolulu; Sergio Goes of Honolulu; Claudia Johnson of Haiku, Maui; Jacqueline Rush Lee of Honolulu; Michael Lee of Honolulu; Michael Marshall of Hilo; and Christopher Reiner of Honolulu. Exhibit showing through Oct. 16. Gallery hours: Tue-Sun, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. For info, call 242-7469.

Wood Skin Ink - Through Sept. 25, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Hui No'eau Visual Arts Center. “The Japanese Aesthetic in Modern Tattooing” is an exhibition of 18th and 19th century Ukiyo-e prints, alongside works on paper by five leading contemporary tattoo artists. With the aim to educate, inform and entertain, this exhibition will explore the influence of Japanese Edo period Ukiyo-e woodblock prints, images, themes and icons on the present day tattoo master. For info, call 572-6560 ext. 23. .

LECTURES

Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar Late Night Specials 10pm to 1am – 21 & over with I.D.

50% OFF SUSHI & APPETIZERS FREE KARAOKE - DRAFT BEER SPECIALS

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28

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

Planning For Your Future - Sat, 9 a.m.-12:30 p.m. at the J. Walter Cameron Center Auditorium, 95 Mahalani Street, Wailuku. MAFCE and the Maui County Office on Aging discuss topics including record keeping, end of life planning, gifting/inheritance, Medicaid, living will, planning for personal aging and more. For info, call 244-3242.

A World Year Of Physics - Sat, 4 p.m. at McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 2005 has been declared the World Year of Physics. In celebration of the centennial year of Einstein’s five greatest papers, this event features science writer Lawrence Krauss, author of Einstein’s Biggest Blunder: A Cosmic Mystery. Free.

For info, call 242-7469.

Indian Ocean Tsunami, The View from Ground Zero at Banda Aceh - Tue, 6 p.m. at Maui Ocean Center’s Open Ocean Exhibit. Mike Napier, GIS Analyst with the Pacific Disaster Center, recently returned from Indonesia and Thailand where he witnessed first-hand the devastation and destruction caused by the Sumatra earthquake and tsunami. Mike will be giving a multi-media presentation about his time spent assisting the support team of the United States Pacific Command and World Health Organization. Free. For info, call 270-7084.

POETRY

Express Yourself - Wed, 7 p.m. at Cafe Marc Aurel, Wailuku. Open Mic Night with Music, Song, Poetry!

Free. For info, call 276-5467.

POLITICAL

Concert with the U.S. Army Field Band - Thu, 7-9:30 p.m. at the Plantation, Molokai. The concert is benefiting the Molokai Veterans, the Boy Scouts and Special Olympics. All three organizations will have an assortment of food available for purchase. For info, call 808-567-9490.

Iraqi Voices - Fri, 7 p.m. at Maui BookSellers, Wailuku. The producers of this documentary distributed 150 digital video cameras across Iraq to enable everyday people, mothers, children, teachers, sheiks, even insurgents, to voice their perspectives on issues like war, terror and the democratic reform. (NR) 244-9091.

SPORTS

Maui Tacos 5K Fun Run/Walk - Sat, 8 a.m. at Whalers Village in Ka’anapali. As part of Maui Marathon race week activities. The 5K will end with an awards ceremony including chilled fruit, pastries and refreshments for all participants. For info, call 283-2078.

Maui Marathon Aid Station Sponsors Needed - Sun. Two new aid stations are needed. The 35th annual Maui Marathon and 2nd annual Maui Half Marathon presented by the Valley Isle Road Runners.

For info, call 986-8065. or www.mauimarathon.com.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria – John Kane, Wed, Thu and Fri; Harry Troupe, Sat; Kaleo Phillips, Sun; Clay Mortenson Mon, Tue. All sets from 7:30-10 p.m. 730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700.

Cheeseburger In Paradise – Brooks Maguire, Thu, Sat, Sun and Wed; Harry Troupe, Fri; Gail Swanson, Mon and Thu. All sets from 4:30-7:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

Cool Cat Cafe - Erik Pietsch, Mon and Thu; Howard Ahia Fri-Sun; Hau Phat, Wed. All Sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Fish & Game Brewing Co. & Rotisserie - Nino Toscano, Thur and Fri; Kawika Lum Ho, Sat; Damien, Tue; E rnest Puaa, Wed Open mic night; Brian Haia, Mon. All sets from 6-9 p.m. 4405 Honoapiilani Highway, 669-3474.

Hula Grill - Kawika Lum , Albert & Billy, Mon; Jarret Roback and Albert & Billy, Tue; Ernest Pua’a and Brian & Roy, Wed; Ernest Pua’a and Bradah Brian & Don Thur; Bradah Brian & Roy, Fri; TBA, Sat; Kawika Lum Ryan Tanaka & Friends, Sun. All sets 6:30-9 p.m. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Building P, Kaanapali, 667-6636.

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz – Acoustic Music every night. 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd., 667-0787.

Kahana Terrace Restaurant – Harry Troupe, Tue and Thu; Randy Reno, Sat. All sets from 6-9 p.m.

Sands of Kahana Resort, 669-5399.

Kimo’s – Glen Kaku Grava; Thu, Sam Ahia, Sun, Hula Honey’s Mon-Tue7-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

Leilani’s On The Beach – Crazy Fingers, Thu, 3:30 - 5:30 p.m.; JD & Friends, Fri-Sat, 2:30-5:30 p.m.; Kilohana, Sun, 3:30-6 p.m; Wed Scotty Rotten 3:30 5:30 p.m. 2435 Ka’anapali Parkway, Building J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

Moose McGillycuddy’s - Greg & Steve, Thu; Llayne & Greg, Fri; Mark & Mike, Sat-Sun; Anastasia, Wed. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758.

Pioneer Inn – Ah-Tim Eleniki (Local-style guitar), Thu, 6-9 p.m.; Greg Di Piazza, Wed, 6-9 p.m.; Captain Billy Bones, Tue, 6-8 p.m. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Reilley’s Steaks & Seafood - Piano Music with Shiro Mori - Thur., Darrin Lenett - Fri, Gene Argel - Mon. -Tue., Angie Carr, Wed., all showes 6-8 p.m. 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Ste #304 Kahana, 667-7477 Sea House Restaurant – Hawaiian music with Albert Kaina and Kincades Basques, Thu; Kincade Basques, Fri, Sat, Mon and Tues; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed. All sets 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapiilani Road, Napili, 669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI

Blue Marlin Harbor-Front Grill & Bar - Boy Kana’e and Ka’ Uhaneleo, Fri and Mon, 6:30-9 p.m.; Braddah Frances and friends, Sat, 6:30 p.m.; Terri Garrison, Sun, 4-6:30 p.m Maalaea Harbor, 244-8844.

Capische? – Mark Johnston, Thu-Sat; Brian Cuomo, Su and Wed; Sal & Estaire Godinez, Mon. All sets 7-10 p.m. Diamond Resort, 555 Kaukahi, 879-2224.

Maalaea Grill – Benoit Jazz Works, Thu, Fri and Sun, 6:30-9 p.m.; Jimmy C Jazz, Sat, 7-9 p.m. Maalaea Village Shops, 243-2206.

Thursday 09/15 Friday09/16

Saturday09/17 Sunday09/18

Monday09/19 – Wednesday09/21

MAUI WAVERIDERS, B&G

Thirsty Thursdays No cover, 9pm

The Easy’s CD Release Party $3-$5, 9:30pm

Natural Vibrations, Roots-RockReggae, $5-$10, 10pm

Open Mic Night w/The Jim Freebourne Band, 9pm

MON - White Trash Night, Football, Rock & Roll, No cover; TUE - $2 Tuesdays, No cover all day; WED - Big Wednesdays, DJ’s, No cover, 9pm

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Insane No cover, 9pm

DJ Insane No cover, 9pm

MON - Mark & Mike, 9pm; TUE - DJ Mackie, $5, 9pm; WED - DJ Mackie Mac, No cover, 9pm

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

No Wailea Nights

No Wailea Nights

Celtic Tigers, Traditional Irish Music, No cover,8:30 pm

Celtic Tigers, Traditional Irish Music, No cover, 7pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific, No cover, 7pm; TUE - Acoustico Latin, No cover, 7pm; WED - Dylan Donkin, Classic Rock, No cover, 7pm

NEPTUNES

Live entertainment No cover, 9pm

Live entertainment No cover, 9pm

Live entertainment No cover, 9pm

Live entertainment No cover, 9pm

MON - Live entertainment, 9pm; TUE - Live entertainment, 9pm; WED - DJ El Gato and Elan Rae, A Funky Latino Affair

Live Jazz, No cover 9pm-12am

Live Jazz, No cover, 9pm-12am

Hau Phat is Dat Thursday 9pm

DJ Heat 9pm

Live Music, 9pm

Uncle Willie K 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Shake Your Heini w/Kapakahi, 9pm; TUE - Bikini Tops & Surf Shorts w/DJ Stylz, No cover, 9pm; WED - VooDoo Suns, Live Blues, $5, 9pm

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

900 Front St, Lahaina - 661-1200

844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-2555

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SERVICE INDUSTRY NIGHT

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

29

Thursday09/15 Friday 09/16

Saturday09/17 Sunday09/18

Monday09/12 – Wednesday09/21

DJ Blast $10, 9:30pm

SPATS TRATTORIA

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali - 667-4727

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Sunny No cover, 9pm

DJ 9pm

DJ 9pm

Kanoa & Cody 9pm

MON-WED - DJ, 9pm

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

Open Jukebox 9pm

Kenny Roberts & Friends 9pm

Hale & The Hot Lava Band No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ, No cover, 10pm; TUE-WED - Live Entertainment, 10pm

Evolution w/Jerry Caires Jr. $3, 9pm

Habanero Brothers $3, 9pm

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm

DJ Dancing, $10, 9:30pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

TSUNAMI NIGHTCLUB

3850 Wailea Alanui Dr. - 875-1234

MON - No Entertainment, No cover; TUE - Erin Smith, No cover; WED - John Moore Project, 9pm

DA KINECALENDAR Marco’s Southside Grill – Various artists (piano), Mon-Sun. All sets from 7-10 p.m. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., 874-4041.

Mulligan’s on the Blue – Wailea Nights, Thu and Fri, 8 p.m.; Celtic Tigers, Sun, 7 p.m.; Gypsy Pacific, Mon, 7 p.m.; Acoustico, Tue, 7 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

Seawatch Restaurant - Nightly Music 6-9 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., 875-8080.

South Shore Tiki Lounge - Sunset happy hour, $3 special's. Live entertainment. Tony & Peter, Sun, Tue and Thu; Wed and Fri, Trevor Jones 4-6 p.m. Outdoor seating on the Aloha Jungle Lanai. 1913 Kihei Road, Kalama Village, 874-6444.

Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café – Guitar and vocals w/ Brado, Wed-Fri; Brian Wittman, Sat; Patrick Mayor, Sun-Mon. All sets from 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983.

Yorman’s By The Sea – All That Jazz Band, WedSun 7-10 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Rd. Kihei 874-8385.

CENTRAL MAUI

Brigit & Bernard's Gardencafe - Live entertainment. 335 Hoohana St., Kahului Café Marc Aurel - Gene Argel and Shiro Mori, Thursdays, 7-10 p.m., Shimmy Nights with Bellyroll Dance Company, 2nd Friday of every month, 7-9 p.m. 28 N. Market Street, Wailuku near the Iao Theatre. 244-0852.

Mañana Garage – Nightly Neto & Friends, Latin music, 6:30 -9 p.m. 33 Lono Ave., Kahului, 873-0220.

Sushi Go - Presents a concept unlike anything on Maui: Conveyor-belt sushi. Live Music every Wed, 4 8 p.m. Queen Ka'ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI

Jacque’s - Live Jazz, Mon, 5 p.m.120 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-8844.

Livewire Cafe - Various Artists, Fri-Sat and Wed, 9 p.m. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009.

Moana Cafe - Hula Honeys, vintage and contemporary Hawaiian music with elegance and aloha. Live Jazz, Wed and Fri; Anik, Sun, 6-9 p.m. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI

■ EMBASSY VACATION RESORT 104 KA’ANAPALI SHORES, LAHAINA, 661-2000 Ohana Bar & Grill: Live music, Thu and Wed; Patrick Major, Fri; Wayne & Friends, Sun; Ernest Pua’a w/ Hawaiian music, Mon and Tue. All sets from 5:309:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

Spats: Weeping Banyan Lounge with nightly Live Hawaiian Contemporary Music 6:30-9:30 p.m.

■ KA’ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL 2525 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0011 Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages: Illusions and dinner show Tue-Sat, 4:30 p.m., Kanahele Room; Lanui, live music and dancing, 6-9 nightly. Free hula show, 6:30-7:30 nightly; Sunday Champagne Brunch with Hawaiian music by Polinahe, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Tiki Courtyard Of Ka’anapali Beach Hotel: Live music featuring Hawaii’s premier Slack Key Guitarists Ola Hou with Pekelo Cosma and Ohana Brown, Fri, 6-9 p.m.

Whalers Village Center Stage: Thus, Hula Lessons 3 p.m.- 4 p.m. Island Sounds with Ray Gooliak, 7 p.m.-8 p.m. Fri, Lei Making Class 12-2p.m.

Music of Hawaii with Bob Jones 7p.m.-8 p.m. Sat Drums of the Island 7p.m.-8 p.m. Sun, Rhythms of Aloha with Benny Uyetake 7-8 p.m. Mon, Dances of Polynesia 6:30 p.m.-7 p.m. Drums of Tahiti 7:30 p.m. – 8 p.m.Tue, Lei Making Class 11a.m.-1p.m. Music of Hawaii with Bob Jones 7p.m-8 p.m. Wed Polynesian Hula Show 7p.m-8p.m. All Shows free.

■ MAUI MARRIOTT 100 NOHEA KAI DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 667-1200 Nalu’s: Kilohana, Wed, 8-10:30 p.m.

Napili Kai Beach Resort 5900 Honoapiilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500 Hawaiian Music: Kincaid & Albert, Thu; Kincaid Basques Fri-Sat, Mon-Tue; Kapule Paoa, Sun; Albert Kaina, Wed; All Hawaiian music shows from 7-9 p.m.

■ RITZ-CARLTON KAPALUA ONE RITZ-CARLTON DRIVE, KAPALUA, 669-6200 Lobby Lounge: Live music, 6-10 nightly. Banyan Tree Restaurant: World fusion duo Ranga Pae,Tue-Sat, 6:15-9:45 p.m.

Kapalua Indoor Theater: Masters of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar Concerts series features traditional Hawaiian music. Every Tues 7:30 p.m. Tickets: $40 visitor and $30 kama`aina rate. 1-888-669-3858.

■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT 2780 KEKAA DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 661-3611 "Eddie and Eddie" w/Eddie Lilikoi and Eddie Sebala, 5-9:30 nightly in the Royal Ocean Terrace.

Royal Lahaina Luau featuring authentic Hawaiian and Polynesian song and dance at 5 nightly.

■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL 2605 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar Entertainment w/hula dancers, 6-8 nightly; Bobby & Ralph, Thu, Mon and Tue; Ralph & Allan, Fri; Fausto & Kawaika, Sat and Sun; Nathan & Ralph, Wed. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset, 7-8 nightly.

■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL 2365 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 667-2525 Tropica: Mitch Kepa, Mon and Sat-Su; Benny Uyetake, Tue-Fri, 6-9 p.m. Tableside magic by Fortunato Tue and Thu, and Wed and Sat 7- 9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI

■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA 3900 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 874-8000 Lobby Lounge, Hawaiian music w/Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran, Thu, 5:30-7:30 p.m. followed by jazz w/Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; contemporary music w/Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis, Fri, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; island style trio, Sat and Mon, 5:307:30 p.m. w/hula dancer 5:30-6:30 p.m.; Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria, Sun, 8:30-11:30 p.m.; Nils & Anastasia (of VooDoo Suns) live & unplugged Mon and Sat, 8:3011:30 p.m.; Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata, Wed, 8:30-11:30 p.m. Sunset torchlighting nightly.

30

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

DA KINE CALENDAR

■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA 3850 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-1234 Botero Bar entertainment, Live Music, Wed, 5:309:30 p.m.; Strolling Hawaiian duo in the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a nightly.

■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI 4100 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-4100 Cafe Ciao Restaurant. Live music with Toshomee 6:30 p.m. -9:30 p.m.Thu-Sat.s ■ WAILEA MARRIOTT 3700 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-1922 Hawaiian Entertainment w/hula 6-9 nightly in Kumu Bar & Grill. Hawaiian entertainment 9-11 nightly in the Mele Mele Lounge featuring Pam Gamboa Peterson Mon and Sat, Mitch Kepa & Raymond "Mundo" Medeiros. Paradise & Ka Poe O Hawaii perform at the Luau, Mon, Tue, Thu and Fri. ■ RENAISSANCE WAILEA BEACH RESORT 3550 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-4900 Sunset Terrace: Live Hawaiian contemporary music by Lono, Mon-Tue; Bobby Krueger, Wed-Thu; Mahalo Greg, Fri; Rama Camarillo, Sat; Mondo Kane, Sun. All sets 6-9 p.m.

■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL 5400 MAKENA ALANUI, 874-1111 Molokini Lounge: Ron Kuala’au, Hawaiian and contemporary guitar and vocals, Sun, 6-10:30 p.m. and Tue, Thu and Sat, 6-8:30 p.m.; Mele ‘Ohana duo, Mon, Wed. and Fri, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. and 6-8 p.m., Mon-Sat, 8:30-10:30 p.m.

EAST MAUI

■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI HANA, 248-8211 Hawaiian Music in Paniolo Lounge: Thu thru Sun, 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Hula show, every Thu and Sun, 7:30-8:15 p.m. in the Main Dining Room.

Send your listings & photos for the Da Kine Calendar to calendar@mauitime.com or fax (808) 661-0446

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

31

AUTOMOTIVE CARS - DOMESTIC 97 Jeep Wrangler Sport 4L/6Cyl, red with tan soft top, many Xtras, great cond., 8k OBO, 298-1740

CARS - FOREIGN 1995 NISSAN 240 SX Air, Auto, Like New tires, New Paint, Low Miles, first $6000 takes it (808) 573-3376

AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES $500 POLICE IMPOUNDS Cars from $500! Tax Repos, US Marshall and IRS Sales! Cars, Trucks, SUV’s, Toyota’s, Honda’s, Chevy’s and more! For Listings Call 1-800-820-6515 x1105. (AAN CAN)

Captain Bondo Inexpensive Paint Jobs, & Bodywork Paint Jobs Cars at $469 • Trucks at $669

283-0104

A $360,000/year Opportunity From ANYWHERE. Executive level pay without Executive FULLY STOCKED HYDROPONIC level stress. Training included, No GARDEN STORE Selling Required, Not MLM. Call UP TO $4,000 WEEKLY!!

300 Hukilike St. #2M, Kahului 11 Year Nationwide Company Now Now: 800-801-5898! (AAN CAN) Industrial. Call (808) 283-3427 for Hiring! Easy Work, Sending Out Our Golf Pros and Caddies Wanted hours & directions.

Simple One Page Brochure! Free Email: cgh@caddiegolfhawaii.com Postage, Supplies! FREE INFORMATION, CALL NOW!! 1-800-242-0363 (808) 344-0256 Ext. 4200 (AAN CAN) ALL CASH CANDY ROUTE!

BUY & SELL

$BUY & SELL$ JEWELRY • DIAMONDS WATCHES • COINS COLORED STONES MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS SURF BOARDS

WEST MAUI GOLD 667-7689 1000 LIMAHANA PL. LAHAINA ISLAND COINS & STAMPS

WE BUY & SELL

coins, tokens, medals, stamps, paper money, Hawaiiana, sport collectibles

667- 6155

3rd floor Wharf Cinema Ctr.

CLASSES & INSTRUCTION

CLASSIFIEDS

283-7725

32

NEWS FLASH! POLAR ICE CAPS MELTING AT ALARMING RATE! Learn to SCUBA before it’s too late!

Dive Today with SHAKA DIVERS, Professional, Safe, Fun Lessons and Dive Tours. Torpedo Dives, HydroOptix Masks! (808) 250-1234 www. shakadivers.com it’s SHAKA-RIFIC

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

GET PAID $3624 WEEKLY! Typing From Home. Data Entry Workers Needed Online Immediately. Everyone Qualifies. No Experience Required.

Amazing Opportunity! Guaranteed Program! www.DataEntryPro.com

CLASSIFIED

EMPLOYMENT

BE YOUR OWN BOSS! Learn to make your annual income FIRE-KNIFE DANCERS WANTED your monthly income. Home based. For Hong Kong Disney. Auditions Have time, fun, freedom. Call Now Sept. 24th in Kahului. Call 808-2263484 to register. Great opportunity, 800-439-1017 excellent pay and medical benefits Leaders Needed NOW! NOW HIRING FOR 2005 This Pre-Launch is Hot. www.808live.com Postal Positions. $17.50-$59.00 +/hr.

Full $CASH NOW$ AS SEEN ON TV. benefits/ paid training and vacations.

Advances for insurance, lawsuit settle- No experience necessary. 1-800-584ments, annuity payments, lottery/casi- 1775. Reference #5000. (AAN CAN) no winnings. Call Prosperity Partners 2005 POSTAL POSITIONS!!

Cash in future payments! 1-800-8153503. www.ppicash.com (AAN CAN) $17.50 -$59.00 +/hour. Full benefits.

Paid training & vacations. No experiGOT DRIVE & DESIRE? ence necessary! Green Card OK! For Incredible Income Potential. No com- more information call 1-866-714-8894 mute, No boss, Total freedom. Call ext. 1050 (AAN CAN) Now: 1-800-524-6214 www.thinkfreedom.org (AAN CAN) Movie extras, Actors, Models!

Make $100-$300/day. No Exp. Req., CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE! FT/PT A very substantial 1st year earning All looks needed! 1-800-714-7565 potential. Earn what you deserve & (AAN CAN) control your own chedule. If serious, 800-678-0467 (AAN CAN) *MOVIE EXTRAS* Earn $150-$300/Day. All Looks/Types $$CASH$$ Needed. No Experience Necessary.

Immediate Cash for Structured TV, Music Videos, Commercials, Film, Settlements, Annuities, Law Suits, Print. Call Tollfree 7 Inheritances, Mortgage Notes, & days! 1-800-260-3949 x3025 (AAN Cash Flows. J.G. Wentworth CAN) - #1 1-(800)-794-7310. (AAN CAN)

Ad Deadline Monday 4pm To Advertise Call 661-3786 Fax Number 808.661-0446 Email classifieds@mauitime.com Website www.mauitime.com Mailing 658 Front Street #126A-7278 • Lahaina, HI Drop off 505 Front St. Ste. 216, Lahaina

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

Do you earn $800 in a day? Your own local candy route. Includes 30 Machines and Candy. All for $9,995. 1-800-8076525. (AAN CAN)

Bubba Gump Shrimp Company WANNA HAVE FUN? WANT MORE HOURS? See us today for your interview!!

NOW HIRING ALL POSITIONS Apply in person • Aplique ahora 889 Front St., Lahaina

Looking For A Little Experience?

Is Seeking Interns.

Entry level positions. High school students okay. We will train.

• Must Be Bright & Adaptable • School Credit Possible

• Work With A Fun Team • Gain Valuable Experience

Send resume to: Jen Russo 658 Front St. #126A-7278, Lahaina HI 96761 or call 661-3786 x3#

Maui Recycling Service If not now, when?

CURBSIDE RECYCLING! FREE Recycling Bins – And No Sign-up Fee! When you subscribe for 3 months of bi-weekly service – (A $25 value!)

New customers only – offer expires 9/30/05

244-0443 • www.mauirecycles.com

CLASSIFIED LINE AD RATES 5 lines included – approx. 140 characters

Frequencies of 1-8weeks Frequencies of 9-26weeks Frequencies of 27-52weeks

$15/week* $11/week* $8/week*

Additional lines are $3 per each - bold and/or caps are $3 per line *Does not apply to Backside or Adult Services. Please call for pricing details.

MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS earn up to $500/day for television,CD/videos, film, fashion. One week course in Los Angeles while building portfolio.Brochure 310-3640665 www.MediaMakeupArtists.com (AAN CAN) HAIRSTYLIST NEEDED For Fun & Exciting New Salon & Spa. Health Insurance, high commissions & bonuses. Call Wendy at Soleil Luna 662-0203

FILM, MUSIC RECORDING, RADIO Schools Don’t Work! Don’t waste $25,000 or more on schools when we can get you in the door. Train one-on-one in actual Recording Studios, Radio Stations and Hollywood Movie sets shooting in your local area. www.careerconnection2000.com (AAN CAN)

CHARGE IT! Maui Time Weekly accepts credit cards for classified and display ads

MUSICIANS WANTED

RELAX...SERIOUSLY PT/FT and on-call, self-motivated, creRECEPTIONIST WANTED ative person for work. Call 667-6776 or apply in-person Mon. thru Fri., Island Part-time, flexible hours. MUST be Music & More, lower level kiosk at dependable, reliable & good presence.

Whaler’s Village, Kaanapali Fax resume: 249-8947 Office Assistant for Maui’s #1 Retail Adult Store.

Experience Preferred but will train right person. Paid Medical, Dental, Vision.

Drug Free Workplace, Apply In Person 1010 B Lower Main (808)249-2449

SIGNLANGUAGE

SURFWEAR SALES REP WANTED One of Maui’s most successful surf companies has a new line and is seeking EXPERIENCED reps. High commissions and bonuses. Contact: craig@mauiborn.net

$ MODELS WANTED $ MODELS For calendar magazine and artistic Enhance your portfolio for FREE! 5 print work. Ages 18 to 35. 573-3712 People Productions. Dial 808-5-PEOPLE

ESTABLISHED WORKING MUSICIANS TEAM w/manager and bookings on all islands and beyond. Looking for Bass Player, Keyboardist and Vocalist for World Beat Reggae Band. 573-8278

NOTICES ALOHA VALUED READERS We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of our ads.

We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not submitted directly to us. If you have a question directly concerning AAN CAN, please check out aancan.org

CEnthusiastic ool Restaurant Highest Standards

It’s supposed to be good luck to fold 1000 origami cranes in a year. I’m giving it a try. Someone gave me a stack of fancy paper and whenever I have a minute I fold it into a crane. It’s very meditative, actually, and it occurred to me that this kind of activity might suit you, because of its low time commitment (it only takes a minute). Like I said last week, you need to generate bits of downtime; because finding or making a spare half hour on a regular basis is beyond you, I thought I’d suggest something like this, that you can squeeze into all the chinks in your schedule. I’m not kidding about this. If you don’t find some way to truly chill out during the gaps in your routine, it’ll be all gaps before you know it.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Last night I went to one of those huge drug culture parties in a massive warehouse. They were blasting bonevibrating minimalist techno that only robots and people out of their minds on speed can appreciate. Needless to say, I was a bit bored. But I didn’t get all bitter and down like you did last time you found yourself someplace that just wasn’t your scene. Maybe I’m being a bit hard on you, but only because as you get older you’re becoming so conservative; sticking steadfastly to the tried and true. To stay vital and truly alive, you’ve got to keep exploring new places and situations, which means—yes—you’ll be bored or annoyed sometimes. Luckily, you’re liable to occasionally be delighted and excited, too.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) There are at least 73 good reasons why you shouldn’t smoke, drink, or otherwise screw yourself over, but you’re not likely to heed them. Scorpios have a built-in self-destruct that no one can override; the only one who can convince you to turn your shit around before you drive full-speed off a cliff is you. There’s good news to go along with all this depressing crap, though: you’re more likely to be able to quit your bad habit cold turkey and never look back than any other sign. Guess what else? This week’s the best week to do just that; you won’t get a better chance until sometime next year.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) You don’t respond well to authority figures, unless they’re backing you up. When they tell you not to do something you really want to do, your usual response is a hearty laugh and a “Go fuck yourself,” then it’s all on. Hey, rebellion turns me on. In this case, however, more than one of your friends have independently approached you with the same emphatic suggestion. Maybe it’s best if you listen. This isn’t just your ass on the line; you’re risking a pair of friendships as well. These guys are just not going to be around to help you nurse wounds you acquired by ignoring their advice. How much would your life suck then?

Here’s the kind of situation you can expect this week: You’re about to enter some big meeting or pick up a hot date when you notice your deodorant just kicked out. On the one hand, it’s just B.O. But on the other, these stupid details matter, sometimes. Don’t spend the entire time freaking, when one little thing (for example, 10 seconds with a stick of deodorant) could change your whole outlook and experience. It might be slightly embarrassing to ask to borrow someone’s deodorant, but so what? Just do it anyway. It’s far less stress in the long run.

Dedicated

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

C

ool People!

Passion for Freshness

Someday, they may be able to manufacture tiny robot mites that can crawl right into our brains and broadcast what we think to the whole world. While it might be interesting to have your dreams available for daytime playback, I doubt most of us could sanely withstand such a fundamental violation of our inner sanctums. You Aquarians, who bristle when someone is too curious about your feelings, might especially have trouble. Hopefully, the day when our brains our invaded by nanobots is still far off. However, you should prepare for some lesser invasions of your privacy this week, because they’re unavoidable. Just remember: it could be worse.

Lahaina Store Grille & Oyster Bar

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Front Street’s newest eatery is centrally located in the historical 1916 Lahaina store building across from the board walk. The two floor restaurant is offering Maui’s only rooftop dining and a 47-foot raw oyster bar, this 10,300 square foot restaurant is also featuring an exhibition kitchen complete with four chef’s tables and a total of 350 seats.

If this exciting restaurant fits your bill then apply for the following positions:

• dish washer • host help • bartenders • wait staff

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Looking For

• line cooks • baker

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

You don’t go nuts during the Full Moon like some other signs. Hell, it’s not like you need an excuse to go crazy.

You’re half-mad at the best of times and that’s just fine. But when the Full Moon does come rolling into your sign this week, you’re more likely to get more out of your particular brand of insanity than usual. Whether that translates to intuitive insights with practical applications, telepathic sex with your lover, or a flash of inspiration that leads to some brilliant new invention that finally makes you your million, I can’t say, exactly. But I’m willing to bet you’ll enjoy it.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Equality is overrated, according to you Rams. I’m not talking civil rights here—you’re usually up for a level playing field. But beyond that, it’s all on. You play the cards you’re dealt. That means some people are smarter, or faster, or prettier, or healthier, or just plain better than other people. You don’t give a crap about bullshit political correctness. Let people be offended by the fact that life’s not necessarily fair. Resist other people’s lameass strategies to reduce the amount of competitiveness in your life. They don’t want to compete because they can’t win. Tough doodoo. If they don’t like the way the game is played, they don’t get to change the game. All they get to do is not play.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

• supervisors

Bulls love bloopers. Admit it: you like to see other people screw up. It’s not like you’re a malicious asshole; it’s just funny. Remember that, when others have a chuckle at your expense this week. You’re not immune to mistakes, after all. Why begrudge someone else their enjoyment of them? Yeah, it’s different when the shoe’s on the other foot, especially because you go out of your way to avoid situations you’ll mess up in. But developing a sense of humor about your own flaws and screw-ups is never a bad thing, so don’t get all puffed-up and defensive when that embarrassing moment comes. Just let all that pride go and laugh along.

Applications accepted at 744 Front Street in the Lahaina Store building first floor office from 9:00 am through 5:00 pm Monday through Friday or email dhanley@lahainastoregrille.com TAKE A SNEAK PEAK!

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Some say that Geminis are in love with the sound of their own voices. It’s not really vanity, though; you’re inflamed with ideas, not ego. However, that distinction is lost on the one who most often has to hear your endless patter. I’ll be blunt: she’s over it. Don’t flip your shit, though. She might not say it exactly this way, but she doesn’t want you to actually talk less so much as listen more. The distinction is an important one, and makes all the difference. You can say everything you want (and need) to say—just take breaks so other folks can speak their piece, too.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) It’s a good week to ponder imponderables. All those questions without answers usually drive you nuts, but as you’re more likely to be able to accept or laugh at them than usual, you could win yourself a little peace of mind while strengthening your sense of humor. Anything that reduces the amount of worry in your life has got to be a good thing. Cool, now that you can stop freaking out about what happens when we die, or why someone doesn’t love you, you can focus on tackling problems that actually have solutions.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Perhaps someday you’ll be able to simply download yourself into a new body when this one wears out, but not soon. See where I’m going here? You’ve got to take care of the gravity vehicle you’re riding around in now.

You haven’t exactly been doing that—admit it. You’ve been eating like shit, not sleeping enough, and doing too many things that are just plain unhealthy. I’m not asking you to become a vegan Buddhist gym nut, or anything.

I’m just saying: tone it down and clean it up, just a little. You know what I’m talking about. Get to it.

CAERIEL@YAHOO.COM

LETTERS

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33

HOLOHOLOGIRL

In the Light of Day There is less to this than meets the eye.

– Tallulah Bankhead You all know how much I love to go out with my friends. Many of you even ask about them when I’m out solo, or recognize their names from this column when I introduce them to you in person. I gotta say, I feel very fortunate—my pals are some of the most beautiful and entertaining people I know. They’re basically the reason why I get to do this column. They say something funny or sage, I write it down. They get drunk or horny, I tell you all about it. Sure, it’s exploitation—but with love.

However, last week, I did a lot of things without them.

Like Saturday night, when I went to Café Marc Aurel. For dinner, I had a glass of Lagavulin 16 Year Scotch and a Petit Misu—an orgasmic dessert with espresso and cognac soaked chocolate genoise and mascarpone mousse. It was a rare moment when I was glad there were no friends around with whom to share, you know what I mean?

Anyway, I was there in time to catch Sweet Steel, a calypso, Latin, Brazilian and island music band with Brian Whittman and Andrea Walls. They were cool and quite eclectic—very NPR— but I was most impressed with the variety of instruments the two busted out. At any one time, Whittman would handle the steel drum, saxophone, a Brazilian version of the ‘ukulele—which I think is called a cavaquinho—and various percussion, not the least of which was the allimportant cowbell, while Walls tackled the violin, marimba, conga drums and keyboard.

Did I mention I play a mean recorder?

Then Sunday afternoon, I went to the benefit for the victims of Hurricane Katrina at Casanova. It warmed my little heart to see such an immense turnout and so much community support. I stood outside for a while, waiting to get in and chatting with some amicable folks.

People are quite nice in the light of day—who knew?! I saw old friends and made new ones.

By the time I got in, I just barely missed my Mr. Wonderful, the forever charming Marty Dread. But I did catch the entire Barefoot Natives act of dreamy Eric Gilliom and Willie K, and I swooned with utmost reverence and googly-eyed awe. I’m such a flippin’ groupie.

That’s why it was so cool when I got to sign my first gee-tar! I met a fabulous man named Gardner, of the Rodeo General Store, and his lovely wife, Susan, and they insisted I sign—in red, no less!—their recently auction-acquired purple electric guitar, alongside the more deserving luminaries of Maui’s music scene. What honor! What prestige!

But then I had to run away. Frankly, so much warmth and happiness makes me queasy.

And it occurred to me—I hadn’t seen or talked to Sasha in days. Where the hell was she?

Usually, we catch up at the Candlelight Café on Wednesday but I opted out this time. Often, we’ll have pau hanas on Thursday but not this week. Sasha was officially MIA. The next day, she finally called. And it was just as I’d suspected.

“Well, I fell in love,” she said. Uh huh. You see, us girls, once we get involved in some romantic entanglements, we tend to drop our friends pretty quick.

“Oh yeah? What’s he like?” I asked, somewhat dourly.

“He’s five-eight… blue—” she said, breathlessly. “It was love at first sight.”

“Wait, go back. He has blue eyes?”

“No,” she said. “My new boyfriend is blue. I saw him alone in the back of the surf shop and I just couldn’t help myself. I mean, I can see my kids riding this board. He’s on the bed with me now…”

And then, just like with any new paramour, my friend launched into a detailed discourse on “her new boyfriend’s” features, cooing about where they would go together, waxing poetic on the magic of their first meeting. And so on.

“It was meant to be,” she said, sighing. “It’s the most healthy relationship I’ll have. As long as there’s waves.”

Samantha Campos has formulated a new dietary supplement called SINXS, designed to eradicate any and all dastardly deeds done within 10 days. Side effects include boredom, depression, weight gain, lethargy and a killer case of vaginal dryness. MTW

Now accepting applications for Advertising Sales and Support Staff. Send resume. Fax: (808) 661-0446 or Mail: 658 Front St. Ste. 126A-7218 Lahaina, HI 96761

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS

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SHARED HOUSING, ROOMMATES

PLACING AN AD IS EASY! CALL BRAD AT 661-3786 EXT. 5

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

CLASSIFIED

CALL

661-3786 HIV COUNSELING AND TESTING If you feel that you have been potentially exposed to HIV and would like Free, Confidential and Anonymous testing call the Maui AIDS Foundation at 242-4900.

It is important to know your HIV status so that you do not unknowingly pass the virus to others, also early detection is vital to your health and treatment.

The Maui AIDS Foundation now offers Drop-In HIV Counseling and Testing (No appointment necessary) Drop in hours are Mon.-Fri. 8:30am to 4:30pm, Wed. 8:30am to 7pm 1935 Main Street, Wailuku For more information on HIV/AIDS, STD’s including Viral Hepatitis and HIV Counseling and Testing call the Maui AIDS Foundation at 242-4900.

In Hana call 248-7801, Lanai 5656722, and Molokai 553-9086.

A public health message provided by The Maui AIDS Foundation.

MISCELLANEOUS

Maui Lawn Works “we do all the work . . . so you can enjoy your yard”

Jason Meyer 573-1920

34

PLACING AN AD IS EASY!

HIGH POWER DIGITAL LIGHTING Now available for the first time on Maui. many commercial and agricultural applications. Call Ohana Greenhouse and Garden Supply @ 283-3427 to hear about this new technology.

PREGNANT? Thinking ADOPTION? Talk with caring people specializing in matching birthmothers with loving families nationwide.

EXPENSES PAID. Toll free 24/7 One True Gift Adoptions 866-921-0565.

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Beginners Welcome. Call for time & Visit www.mauivision.net today and location. Leyla Atwill 891-8979 explore our extensive mind, body & spirSex life on hold? it listings. New October/November Maui Vision Magazine Out Soon! Call Sex therapist with 20+ years exp. will help you overcome ED, premature ejac669-9091 for info. ulation, lack of desire, shyness, fear of CLUB TANTRA intimacy, communication problems.

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CLASSIFIEDS

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MAILING 658 Front Street #126A-7278 Lahaina, HI 96761

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In Kihei FOR YOUR HEALTH & WELL BEING Mon-Fri 9am-7pm • Sat 9am-4pm • Sun by Appt.

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NOW ACCEPTING MOST MAJOR CREDIT CARDS

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505 Front St. Ste. 216, Lahaina

875-2081

OPEN YOUR MIND CHALLENGE YOUR BODY A GUIDE FOR HEALTHY LIVING for advertising info • call 661-3786 ex.5#

LETTERS

NEWS

COVER STORY

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FILM

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THE GRID

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005

35

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for your cameras, ukuleles, big diamonds, fine watches, Hawaiiana, musical instruments, fine jewelry, & gold. Kamaaina Loan 242-5555

BLUE BAMBOO Chinese Medical Center & Spa

244-6778 2099 Wells St., Wailuku *SOME PRICES ARE SLIGHTLY HIGHER

Air Maui Helicopter Tours 2 for 1 Special!

West Maui/Molokai Special. Only Air Maui offers this incredible flight! Call now for your 2 for 1 Kama’aina special or special visitor rate! Expires Dec. 31, 2005.

For reservations call 877-7005

VIAGRA $2.40/dose - CIALIS available Lowest price refills Guaranteed! Call PBG we can help! Non Profit Organization Toll free: 1-866-579-8545. (AAN CAN)

Sweet Life Fruit Company

Maui’s mobile Pawn Shop

Gift Baskets, Fruit Baskets & Flowers Delivered on Maui or shipped worldwide. Sweet Life Fruit Co. 808-27SWEET (277-9338) or (6629338) www.mauifruitbasket.com

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Feel & Look Young Anti-Aging Medicine

• Permanent Hair Reduction (Underarms, Legs, Bikini) • Cosmetic Dermatology • HGH • Botox • Collagen - Restylane • Foto Facial IPL Laser • Chemical Peels • Natural Hormones (Female) Testosterone (Male) • Wrinkle Removal Acne Scars, Age, Sundamage Spots, Lip Enhancement, Microdermabrasion DNA Skin Stem Cells Offices in

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1999 Ford F150 pick up.

Well maintained, 6 disc CD player, bed liner, good tires. 135,000 miles. $8750 OBO Call Wes 870-5793.

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Dr. Robert Ley Comprehensive Pain Management

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1945 S. Kihei Rd., under Lu Lu’s. 874-0034

Spinal Trauma and Orthopedic Injuries Automobile and Occupational Injuries Chronic Neck and Back Pain Shoulder, Knee, and Hip Pain

42’ BERTRAM SPORTFISHERS

RATED #1

Maui: (808) 667-2774 KONA: (808) 327-1265

TOLL FREE 1-800-590-0133

Located in Kukui Mall

1819 S. Kihei Rd. Suite D-101, Kihei 874-5141