FOCUS ON THE GOOD — LEARNING HOW TO DREAM AGAIN

By Elizabeth Shane

Women have made great strides in society over the years making the rank of CEOs at Fortune 500 Companies, entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers, with a list of endless opportunities. However, one of the most significant jobs carries the title of mom. With Mother’s Day on May 8 this year, there is a group of moms that deserve an extra shout-out, the single moms. Being a mom is a very rewarding and challenging job, but being a single mom takes extra courage, stamina, and strength. Brandi Wilson, a Certified Personal and Executive Coach, author, and speaker shares her story and how she pivoted in life to forge a new successful life professionally and as a single mom.

Instagram Post

I owe all my single friends an apology. Let me explain …

This was probably a better post for yesterday, but here we go. I am loved by a lot of people and I’m so grateful for the love and support.

However I’m surprised when people ask my friends something to the effect of “She’s still single? Doesn’t she want to be happy?” As if living life as a single woman and being happy can’t coexist.

To be honest, that’s a thought I probably expressed when I was married. And let’s not forget I wasn’t in a “healthy” marriage, I repeatedly faced trust being broken and I was lonelier married than I am single.

Yet still I believed the misconception you must be in a relationship to be what society deems as “happy”.

Yes, I’m happy. Next month I will have been single for 5 years and I’m truly happy. I’m okay. I’m in a beautiful place. And I’m cheering on all my single friends who are also happy. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what a gift it is to enjoy your own company and to live a complete and full life as a single person.

Here’s to your happiness regardless of relationship status.

Love, Brandi

“The response to my Instagram post was truly positive,” exclaimed Wilson. “Having been a married woman, I would have never guessed the fulfillment I would have as a single person here five years after my divorce. I learned to enjoy myself and believe that it's not too late because you know I'll be 50 in a couple of years. Life looks different now than what I thought it would look like in my mid-40s, but at the same time, I wouldn't change it. I know a couple of my kids feel that way regardless of everything that happened.”

There is a healing process for single moms and it is challenging, regardless of whether the singleness was a result of death, divorce, or some other circumstances. As Wilson explained, “I really enjoyed being a wife and I love being a mom. I married my college sweetheart and when that marriage ended after 20 years I was really lost. I think I knew I was damaged at the core, but I wasn't destroyed. I asked myself, ‘What can I do to take care of my heart?’ I've done a lot of hard work through therapy and learned that my past did not define my future.”

Brandi and her boys.

Photo by First Love Photo and Film

Through the healing process of her divorce, Wilson found she wanted to help other single moms who were experiencing what she had herself. She also wanted her kids to see someone who was able to take care of herself, grieve and deal with the loss that had happened in her life but was also able to take time to focus on herself, and take care of the parts that had been hurt and broken. “Sometimes women, especially with kids, lose their voice. I knew the voice of everyone in my home really well and when it came to myself, I was last. I knew nothing around me felt good, amid the divorce, but I believe God is good and wanted to find the good around me,” said Wilson.

To help find the good in life, Wilson took a little paper journal that was on her shelf and wrote on the front, focus on the good, and every day before she went to bed was intentional to find five good things from the day. “I believe that when we're going through something difficult, perspective is vital. There were days when I didn't want to get out of bed and depression was something I dealt with. Anxiety was also a struggle, but I am very strong in my faith and continued to believe God is so good,” stated Wilson. “I wanted to see the goodness around me and this became my intentional way to shift my perspective and deal with the bad.”

When Wilson divorced, her kids were in elementary and middle school and she was figuring out what a career might look like someday. She thought, “What am I going to do to move forward and take care of myself financially.” One of the major changes she made to cope was to move and downsize. Many women do want to stay in the home where they raised their children, however, Wilson did not and sold her house. The transition to a new home was a fresh start, one where she made all the rules and her new home would be known as the house of truth, a place Wilson and her kids could deal with anything as long as they told the truth. “This was our house of truth, and this was how we started over,” Wilson said.

Now as a single mom, Wilson focused in on herself and her three sons, and together they created ‘Us 4 No More.’ “My kids had started to understand this was how we have redefined family as a unit of four without feeling like something was missing since we didn’t have a traditional family anymore. I wanted something to signify the growth during such a transitional and hard time in my life so my oldest son and I are getting ‘Us 4 No More’ tattoos. It’s change we can embrace,” explained Wilson. Wilson had been involved at Cross Point for many years and that naturally gave her a platform to reach single moms. “I had never envisioned my life at all as a single parent, but whoever does? During the pandemic shutdown, I started to embrace being a single mom and it became easier to understand the definition of our family,” Wilson said. “I learned how to dream again and then thought, ‘How can I help impact other people to live a life of freedom and confidence?’ Because I remember feeling so isolated, lonely, and lost I wanted to help others.”

As Wilson began talking with other women who were going through the trauma of divorce, she realized she could take her suffering and help others develop emotional and mental health to survive, by living a life of freedom and confidence, since her own journey had taught her those very skills. Wilson completed her vision and is now a Certified Personal and Executive Coach with The Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute as well as a Certified Coach through Blessing Ranch. She works as a personal coach for individuals, a nonprofit called Leading and Loving It, and with Blessing Ranch Ministries, an organization in Florida, to help people live a life unhindered as they find strength, freedom, and joy.

While Wilson continues to work with her individual clients, she also teaches a course on divorce, is developing new online courses, is writing a book that releases in August 2023, and pursues further training for her practice. “I just finished teaching a course, Unbroken: Survive Your Divorce and Come Out Stronger, and am developing a couple of video courses that will begin releasing this fall. For myself, I want to continue to grow in my field and receive additional training on trauma and how to have more positive psychology for my practice,” said Wilson. “I hope to invite other women into their own truth so they too can live a life they love living because you never know what life is going to bring.”