POSITIVE PARENTING: CONNECT, EMPOWER AND CORRECT

By Michelle Houk

Parenting during the past few years has certainly been a challenge. Uncertain school schedules, alternative learning, home-based work life, and a whole lot of togetherness during COVID-19 have undoubtedly changed the dynamics of our homes in one way or another. The life and schedule we were used to suddenly changed without a manual to tell us the itinerary or how the story unfolds.

Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) is an approach developed by Karyn Purvis, Ph.D. and David Cross, Ph.D. from TCU Institute of Child Development. TBRI strategies encourage parents to Connect, Empower, and then Correct. These connecting principles help parents to focus on the child’s need for interactions through awareness and lively engagement.

Connecting with your child includes engagement strategies that help them develop a sense of trust with the parent, disarm fear, and allows for learning to happen. This strategy includes getting down to your child’s eye level when talking to them, having a soft tone, being aware of body language and facial expressions, and giving them your full attention. During this time, you are given the opportunity to really hear and listen to the needs of your child. Also, being mindful of what is in the environment that may be impacting their reaction, thinking about how you are presenting yourself to your child, and thinking about what history you are bringing to the situation when your child is not behaving in a way that you desire will help you manage your responses to the behavior.

Empowering strategies include thinking about if your child has an optimal situation for managing their situation. Have they had something to eat or drink in the past two hours? Is your child overstimulated? Is your child tired? Do they have to go to the bathroom? Some children do not recognize the signals their body gives them to meet their basic needs. Your child may need help monitoring and recognizing these signals until they are developmentally able to recognize them on their own. We all function better when our basic needs are optimally met! Behavior is easier for a child to control when they are not focusing on the internal dysregulation of unmet needs. The Correcting principles are both proactive and responsive on the part of the parent. Proactive correcting principles happen during calm times when your child is open to learning. Playfully engaging with your child to redirect if your child begins to exhibit undesirable behaviors can shift the outcome of an outburst in behavior to a nurturing, teachable moment. A responsive strategy allows you to explore what your child is saying through the behavior. What does your child need at that moment? Modeling and teaching desirable behaviors in calm times greatly reduces the need for correcting during dysregulated times!

Connecting with your child and assuring their basic physical needs are met go a long way in helping a child feel successful in their daily activities. This allows them to go on and function at their best so that they can have their best possible outcome. And when it comes to positive parenting, give yourself some grace! Take a few deep breaths. Connect with others around you. Practice good self-care. Remember positive parenting leads to positive relationships you have with your children, and it teaches them how to be in a healthy, positive relationship with others.

Michelle Houk, LCSW

MICHELLE HOUK, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in Franklin, Tennessee. She is a trained TBRI practitioner working with children and families. For more information, contact her at mhoukcounseling@gmail.com.