MAVERICK MAG / issue 1: growing up

maverick mag

growing up

featuring an exclusive interview with jordan johnson poetry by sarah beam and emily lenosky & more!

welcome to maverick mag! welcome to the first issue of maverick

our first issue, published july 2018,

mag! maverick mag (MM) was formed by

highlights pieces centered around the

a group of teens from virginia in

topic of growing up, and includes works

mid-2018 and seeks to publish works

such as playlists, poems, paintings, and

that illustrate the concept of culture and

more. summer is a time for reflection and

identity.

digitally

growth, which made this feel like the

published zine, but we hope to expand to

perfect topic for our first summer issue.

physical copies in the future. the zine

additionally, many of our contributors are

gives contributors an outlet for their

about to embark on their freshman year

thoughts,

art,

in college, which marks a major shift in

knowledge, and anything and everything

life and makes these times especially

else. MM is published bi-monthly and

tumultuous. we hope that our works can

each issue focuses on a specific theme or

give readers a deeper understanding of

topic.

what it feels like to grow up as someone

it

is

currently

feelings,

a

dreams,

with a marginalized identity in today's times.

4

2011 and 2017 by mack runkle

6

big easy by graham kapadia

10

from the start by phoebe oh

12

growing up by nadia ramsahai

14

melting free by sarah beam

16

survivor not victim by emily lenosky

17

colors of me by MJ sequiera

18

shades of cool by MJ sequiera

19

interview with jordan johnson

21

horoscopes by jordan johnson

22

clowned around burton eller

24

ducks, dresses, and dandelions (oh my!) by elliot scaparo

27

scrambled eggs & ketchup by kieran kapadia

28

mudpuddle by kieran kapadia

29

scrambled perception by kristin hines

31

pall mall menthol black emily lenosky

33

11/26 by sarah beam

table of contents

Mack Runkle 2011 / 2017 (2018) Color Pencil and Construction Paper

I did not have the coming out experience most people see in media. For me, coming to terms with being a boy instead of a girl took time. I didn't know from age six I was trans, in fact, I didn't have the realization until the late summer of 2016. In middle school, I was aware that something wasn't right with how I identified. Problems starting occurring immediately after I started voicing my feelings, and I decided to keep it on the low instead of putting myself through that.

After finally allowing myself to identify as genderfluid, I thought it would make that uncomfortable feeling looming over me go away. It didn't. I pushed away the other possibilities to keep my life easy. Until that summer in 2016, I was too scared. That summer I hit a rock bottom that I believe gave me the freedom and strength to come to terms with what I always knew deep down.

I was never a girl. After that night, things got more difficult than before, I will admit, but they also got better. It's been extremely rough getting to this point, but I love what I have become. It finally happened, and I'm ready to see what my future has to offer. And yes, that is me posing as Ben Swolo in the right picture. It's a long story.

graham kapadia big easy (2018) digital photography

Phoebe Oh From the Start (2018) paper, adhesive

Ever since I was a child, I had to struggle with my identity both as a daughter of Korean immigrants and as a queer individual. While I was never always sure of my identity, those parts of me were just as evident then as they are now; this piece is meant to honor their significance throughout my life, so that I may embrace all aspects of my identity and how I've grown.

growing up

she will be loved fluorescent adolescent grow up fallin’ ironic

nadia ramsahai

maroon 5 arctic monkeys paramore alicia keys alanis morissette + 15 more

Nadia Ramsahai Growing Up (2018)

I was never around people who looked like me - dark skin with kinky curly hair and that resulted in an identity crisis I suffered with for years. I questioned my worth and validity because I was one of the only black kids in a sea of white faces. I could never talk about it because the people I was "friends" with, at the time, would never understand. I tried desperately to fit in everywhere I went, but my attempts only made me stand out more.

I lived with a single mother whose job was constantly changing so I bounced around from one suburb to another my entire life. My life was always changing due to my somewhat nomadic lifestyle, but the one thing that stayed the same was my music. I used it as a coping mechanism, it was one of the things that kept me sane during all of the commotion. I had a song for every mood, a playlist for every situation. I used my music to symbolize my ever changing phases in life. This playlist contains a few songs that, I would say, shaped me into the person I am today.

Sarah Beam Melting Free (2018) mixed media

I have found that I never truly "grew up" until experiencing true pain. As all of our journies in finding ourselves have similar beginnings and ends, we truly stand out as individuals in between. Through my process of finding my style, my people, and overall self, I've battled with depression. As many of us do, I've taken a while to be comfortable in my own skin. The piece highlights features of my face more, in an attempt to show off who I see in the mirror.

The newspapers and magazines surrounding my face are media influences and minor setbacks in my personal journey of becoming a "grown up." The tears on the top and bottom of the piece are melting away at my setbacks to

Emily Lenosky Survivor Not Victim (2018) mixed media

When I was 13, I was raped and it had a large impact on me with growing up and trying to find myself. This piece represents everything I experienced after it happened, how I felt, what I did, who I saw myself as, etc. When it comes to rape and sexual assault, laws can really blur things and make it hard to feel like your experience is valid - trust me, I know. I just wanted to make this piece to remind myself and anyone with a situation similar to mine that you’re not alone and what you went through is valid.

MJ Sequiera left - Colors of Me

right - Shades of Cool (2018) acrylic on wood

Explanation kills art.

artwork by phoebe oh

GROWING UP A TAURUS: an interview with Jordan Johnson G: hi, i’m graham kapadia, and today i’m going to be interviewing jordan johnson about his opinions regarding astrology and how it impacts people's growing up experiences. so, i definitely just said your name, but the first question is asking who you are and to give your name, age, and any other pertinent details about yourself!

J: hi, my name is jordan johnson, i’m 18 years old, and i’ve always grown up with astrology in my life, because my mom is an astrologer and she’s trying to make astrology her career. she’s been talking to me about astrology basically my whole life, so i have a lot of background knowledge. i’m still learning, but that’s okay. there’s so much to learn about astrology!

G: what do you consider to be the most prominent placements in your chart? so, your sun/moon/rising/anything else you feel is relevant to who you are.

J: okay, i have libra rising, taurus sun, and cancer moon, and i have a pretty taurus dominant chart - i have 6 planets in taurus. if you know what it means, they’re all in the 8th house, so… i’m a pretty screwed up person. if you meet me and talk to me, i’m your typical taurus. i am stubborn, i like money, food, and art.

G: how do you think astrology affects us, just in general?

J: i think that astrology affect us in various different ways. i think there are different tiers of the way that astrology affects your daily life - there’s you, yourself, where it’s just your chart and your personality, and just your entire personhood, but then there’s also your past and future, because the way that your chart works, it can help predict - this isn’t making any sense.

G: it does!

J: the way that your chart is set up, you can read it to figure out what’s going to happen in your future and to analyze things that have happened in the past. also just the general placements of the planets at any given time is gonna affect your daily life. it’s basically like the weather. so you can give a daily or monthly prediction based on where the planets are. it’s kind of general for most people, but you can make it more specific to yourself.

G: you kind of touched on this a little bit in the last one, but how does our chart impact our lives as we mature, and how do the alignments on a given day impact our daily lives? these are pretty big questions but J: these are pretty big questions but thats okay! basically, when you look at your chart, you start from - well, you look at it, and it’s a big wheel. on the outside it has all of the signs starting from your rising sign, and ending at your rising sign, because it’s a wheel, and that’s how wheels work. as you go through the various signs in the chart you can find little demarcations, like squares and trines, that basically note different aspects in your life and how they connect with other signs in your chart. as you move through your life in cycles, you’ll go through those aspects basically, and you’ll experience different types of good things or bad things related to various situations like money, love, family, careers, and all that kind of stuff. you’ll see how they get to play out - but it’s one of those things where you kind of don’t notice it until it’s already happened most of the time. but if you’re very experienced, which i am not, you can use it to analyze your - it’s really hard because it’s difficult to know where you are on the chart exactly in the present, it’s mostly just that you notice it as it happens in the past.

G: what are your thoughts on all of the retrograde planets right now? how do you think that’s impacting people’s maturing experiences?

J: i think it’s been a wild ride for most people, especially myself. but i think...whenever planets go in retrograde - the thing is, planets are in retrograde at any given time of our lives. there’s never not a planet in retrograde, it’s just that 5 or 6 planets in retrograde at a time is kind of a lot. that will happen at least once every 2 years, or once a year. it’s just something that we've gotta go through. usually a lot of planets in retrograde means we’re all gonna grow from it, and it’s gonna lead to something better than what we had before, because that’s basically what retrogrades are for. it’s time to reflect and to think about things that have been happening in your life, and just making sure that what we’re doing now is going to be beneficial to us in the future.

G: what planets do you think impact our growing up experiences the strongest?

J: ooh, that’s a deep question. i would say… it’s not really a planet, but i think your rising sign definitely has the biggest impact on the way that you grow up, because it determines your whole chart. people always say, “please analyze my astrology chart,” but they'll only have their sun sign. if you don’t know your time of birth, please find out, because i can't really tell you anything of substance. because your rising sign is so important to the way that your chart is read and to everything in general. it determines basically anything of importance. it will determine how you grow up and your experiences getting big and old.

G: okay, now it’s time for a little call-out, no need to spill any tea or anything like that, but which signs do you think are the most “grown up”?

J: grown up as in mature?

G: yeah, which ones are the most “grown up” - like which ones do you think are the most mature.

J: probably earth signs, not to toot my own horn, but they think earth signs are usually the most practical and the most down to earth... the most likely to just shape up and do things even though that usually means sacrificing our own sould to be that way. we’re sometimes not that interesting or emotional, which is… make of that as you wish. but yeah i think earth signs, probably.

G: which signs do you think still have a little growing up to do?

J: probably fire signs. i’m especially looking at aries, but no shade, no tea.

G: any explanation as to what your thoughts there are? i know it’s hard to do without shade.

J: aries are the youngest sign in general. they’re the first sign in the zodiac, and they’re pretty headstrong and have a lot of growing up to do in terms of knowing how to react to things and how to finish things that they start. i think part of being a grown up is not only starting things but also finishing them. that will be a difficult skill for them to learn in general, but once they do that they will be very powerful.

G: any final thoughts?

J: astrology is important, but it’s not that important. don’t let it ruin your life, basically. if you love astrology, that’s great, if you don’t love astrology, that’s ok too - i understand. don't get too caught up in it, it’s supposed to be fun. it’s supposed to be something that helps you, but don’t let it take over your life or anything. i see that happening with a lot of people, and i get scared for them. don't let that happen to you.

G: cool! well, thank you jordan for this wonderful interview, and we hope to see more horoscopes and astrological analyses from you in the future :^)

artwork by MJ sequiera

advice for the zodiac signs growing up written by Jordan Johnson

some astrological analysis 4 your reading pleasure. for most accuracy check your sun or rising sign, and have a nice day :~) aries: your childhood was an eternal battle to stay up the latest, to run the fastest, and to be the best out of everyone else in your peer group. it’s probably true that nothing has changed, but i hope you know it’s okay to not be a superlative. taurus: it’s time for change, and as much as you hate it and want to resist it, it’s going to come. learn to roll with it, to accept it and to embrace it, or else it will screw you. adaptability will be the most useful skill for you to develop. gemini: you work so hard to curate the version of yourself that you project to the world, but why? It’s lonely. crack open the shell. let someone in. it’s good for you to be yourself, even if the world starts to tell you otherwise. cancer: start small. you want to be everyone’s hero and homemaker but you can’t start a fire without tending to the hearth first. take care of yourself. you don’t have to be a guardian so soon. leo: the wait has been long, but now, finally, the world is watching you. when you take the limelight, however, you must not forget that you need to watch the world, too. virgo: the lack of satisfaction you hold towards your circumstances is what will drive you on the road to success. there will be dips and dives, but believe me when i say, it’s all uphill from here. libra: some of the most difficult decisions of your life are just around the corner, and i genuinely hope you’re excited about them, for your sake. i don’t know what i can do to convince you that whatever it is, it’ll probably be fine. scorpio: the perceptiveness you’ve carried from childhood has been a blessing and a curse so far. the strangest observation you’ll notice in the coming years will be that, no matter how old you get, you’ll still somehow feel wise beyond your years. sagittarius: what if i told you don’t have to yearn for the wind to fly beneath your feet, and the mud between your fingers? all of the things you want, they are quite within reach, and it’s your responsibility to go claim them. if you don’t there’s no one to blame but yourself. capricorn: i promise you, you’re stronger than your most primitive, most self-destructive coping mechanism. you don’t need my approval, but here it is: you got this, and this is something you’ve always got. aquarius: never forget to thank the people who help you get to your desired point As and point Bs. yeah, you can do anything, but the people you meet are probably going to help you do it. they love and care about you, and you’re really not as alone as you make yourself sometimes. pisces: most of the time things won’t be the way you imagined them, but that’s okay. when you realize the disparity between your expectations and realities, please give them a chance before you give them up.

artwork by phoebe oh

Burton Eller Clowned Around (2018) acrylic paint

Growing up, I dealt with a lot of social anxiety, causing me to overcompensate with how I acted and presented myself in the moment. I would leave situations feeling ridiculous and embarrassed. Because of this, as I got older I had a difficult time figuring out how I actually wanted to present myself. My parents also hid anything that wasn’t heteronormative from me as well, keeping me from finding things I identified with; I felt outcast and weird. I’m so thankful for the place I’ve come to in loving myself despite the precarious journey it’s been. As an added layer of symbolism because I can’t resist a heavy-handed metaphor, I wanted to actually be a clown for the majority of my childhood.

Elliot Scaparo Ducks, Dresses, and Dandelions (Oh My!) (2018) pen and ink

Time leads to collections; as we grow and change we amass different objects, little trinkets, photos, snippets of childhood and past days. I’ve found that within my own life, along with forming these physical assemblages, I’ve build up less literal ones as well. It’s as if we’re children playing with wooden blocks, each memory or object becoming a pillar in some sort of makeshift fort which evolves with time, often taking on abstract or unstable forms. Eventually, like all block castles constructed by such impatient and quickly changing creators, they will be outgrown, tumbling down only for their remains to be added onto, or subtracted from, as the builder begins their next project. Such is the nature of all construction, but these blocks felled during childhood are different, setting the stage for our future development, and creating the terrain on which the rest of our lives are lived. It’s these landscapes, and their stages of development, which I’ve chosen to explore in these three pieces.

Each work individually focuses on a specific time period of my life, and is filled with objects and symbols associated with that moment in time. The first catalogues infancy, the second lasting from then until 2nd grade, and the third from 2nd grade until middle school. Along with referencing specific memories from these times, the objects are all arranged in ways which showcase different methods of preservation - tied up with string like dried flowers and herbs, packed in a box away as if in an attic, and sealed in tubberware-like containers.

These illustrations ask the viewer to explore the nature of memory, and how the symbols or objects we identify ourselves with at any one point in time will eventually evolve and shape who we become in the future.

kieran kapadia scrambled eggs & ketchup (2018) gelatin silver print

kieran kapadia mudpudd le (2018) gelatin silver print

Kristin Hines Scrambled Perception (2018) mixed media

This piece is about seeing things through a lot of different lenses (with different aspects of identity being their own lens) and how that changes the fundamental life experience, particularly relevant to the time spent growing up.

by emily lenosky

by sarah beam

contributors sarah beam burton eller jordan johnson graham kapadia kieran kapadia emily lenosky phoebe oh nadia ramsahai mack runkle elliot scaparo mj sequiera

for more, please visit:

https://maverickmag.wixsite.com/read

magazine design by graham kapadia