The Happiness Issue by MBMuslima Magazine

JUMADA-AL-THANI

MAY | 2012

The magazine for those who choose to define themselves through the Creator, not the creation.

ISSUE #33 $5.49

12 5 BENEFITS OF WALKING

MONEY & HAPPINESS

5 HEALTH BENEFITS OF CHERRIES

PEACEFUL PARENTING

14 WHY I CHOSE TO BE A STAY AT HOME WIFE

The Path to Eternal Happiness

MAY | 2012

JUMADA-AL-THANI

The magazine for those who choose to define themselves through the Creator, not the creation.

The global contemporary magazine for Muslim women (and men too) who choose to define themselves through the Creator, not the creation Working to keep the guidelines of Islam embedded in every single page, between every single letter, inshaAllah

FOUNDER Sister Yasmin Essa ASSISTANT EDITOR Sister Nur Soliman LAYOUT & DESIGN INTERN Sister Nasim Ali COVER IMAGE Tommy Schultz, Dreamstime VISUAL ARTS INTERN Bint Muhammad PUBLISHING INTERN Sister Aisha B. Ali EDITING INTERN Sister Sarah Mostafa FASHION INTERN Sister Shahirah Elaiza

MARRIAGE SPECIALIST Sister Fatima A. Khan HALAL CULINARY SPECIALIST Sister Yvonne Maffei BROTHER’S AMBASSADOR Brother Kyle Smith

2012 EDITORIAL CALENDAR January: I Love Islam February: 40 Under 40 March: Salah/Prayer April: Jihad May: Happiness June: Marriage & Love July: Ramadan Prep August: Ramadan/Eid September: Time Management October: Holistic Health & Healing November: The Youth December: Faith, Skepticism & Rejuvenation

PARENTING COLUMNIST Sister Ameera Rahim KID’S SECTION CONTRIBUTOR Sister Meriam Essa FREESTYLE COLUMNISTS Brother Gareth Bryant FRENCH COLUMNIST Sister Khadijah CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Sister Reham Ibrahim

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RELATIONSHIP SPECIALIST Sister Tayyaba Syed

q MBMUSLIMA READER CONNECTION We asked:

How is your day going? What mercy has Allah subhana wa ta’ala bestowed upon you today? You answered: “ Juicy tomatoes, food to eat, health for my little family, a library nearby, still Muslim InshaAllah, a good husband (May Allah protect us ameen) and eyesight/hearing...” -Holly Garza “ Wonderful clarity.” -C Nailah AbdulQayyum Metwally “Alhamdulilah, Allah is granting me taqwa and patience.” - Sanober Chowdhry “ That my headache comes and goes, instead of coming, staying, and increasing.” -Gia Daniel

Want to be in the next MBMuslima Reader Connection? Step 1) Like our fan page: www.facebook.com/mbmuslimamagazine Step 2) Stay active & answer our questions via commenting Step 3) Get all excited when you see your name in our next issue :)

IN EVERY ISSUE

MBMUSLIMA’S Favorite Quotes of the Month de, reclining on “They and their spouses – in sha adorned couches.” -Qur’an 36:56

of “No one will be able to withstand the desires this world unless his heart desires the next.”

“And isn’t that just it? Isn’t Jannah that place after all, that place that Allah de scribes over and over and over in 2 ways? La khawfun alayhim wa la hum yahzanoon… On them shall be no fear… nor shall they grieve.” - Sis ter Yasmin Mogahed

-Shaykh Waleed Basyouni

CONTENTS MAY | 2012

signature items

3 3 6 8

MBMUSLIMA READER CONNECTION

MBMuslima Readers share their everyday appreciation

FAVORITE QUOTES OF THE MONTH FROM THE FOUNDER “This journey we are all on is the journey to Allah subhana wa ta’ala, whether we realize it or not. Even those who are Atheists are on this same journey. Every single person, from every single walk of life, is on this journey, simply because the destination of eternal happiness can only end with Perfection.”

FROM THE ASSISTANT EDITOR “Content people aren’t always happy. Things happen to all of us, and times can be hard one way or another. But content people do not suffer the dramatic dips of selfesteem, the deep anxiety and pain because they have put their entire faith in Allah subhana wa ta’ala.”

13 MBMuslima Magazine

for everyone MONEY & HAPPINESS

Does money = happiness? No. Sister Juveria, Finance columnist reports why.

relationship/family

9 11 11

PEACEFUL PARENTING

Parenting columnist Sister Ameera shares awesome tips to establish peace in your parenting. A MUST READ!

FOR THE BROTHERS Once again, Columnist Brother Kyle shares great insight with the brothers.

5 MINUTES As always, nothing short of a gem from Marriage Coach, Sister Fatima.

health & wellness

12 12

5 BENEFITS OF CHERRIES The amazing benefits of these little red blessings from Allah subhana wa ta’ala.

5 HEALTH BENEFITS OF WALKING Find out why you need to get walking, now.

spirituality/life

14 16 18 18 19

WHY I CHOSE TO BE A STAY AT HOME WIFE A beautiful story about why Columnist Sister Jennifer Fawzy chose to be a stay at home wife.

CHASING THE VISIBLE BUTTERFLY Her second time appearing in MBMuslima, Sister Reham really shines the light on ‘rida’, or contentment.

QURAN CHALLENGE OF THE MONTH Can you recite and memorize this month’s ayahs?

CONVERT CORNER Brother Kyle shines on a topic that many go through.

MY COCOON DIARIES PART 3 The last of this series, Columnist Brother Gareth shares his self-reflection, allowing us to look inside of ourselves. 5

FROM THE FOUNDER Bismillah Al Rahman Al Raheem In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, Most Merciful. Assalamu alaykum wa RahmatUllahi wa Barkatu, May the peace and blessings of Allah SWT be unto you, Welcome to the Happiness Issue of MBMuslima! We are so glad you found us. We pray that you leave this issue feeling appreciative, refreshed, inspired, creative, and faithful. Dearest Readers, The origination of the word happiness comes from the 11001200 Middle English root word ‘hap’, meaning “luck, accident, happening”. The problem with this is that nothing happens by luck or accident. Nope, nothing at all.

is always looking for instant gratification. We are in a constant battle between the two, and this is known as Jihad al-nafs, or the struggle of our soul, as we spoke about in last month’s issue of MBMuslima.

It is this struggle of our soul that drives us to seek more. The human soul is on a journey, a journey for eternal happiness. This Everything is perfectly calculated and ordained by the Creator of journey we are all on is the journey to Allah subhana wa ta’ala, everything, Allah subhana wa ta’ala. whether we realize it or not. Even those who are Atheists are on this same journey. Every single person, from every single walk of Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, may Allah preserve him, says, “our spiritual life, is on this journey, simply because the destination of eternal self always looks to elevate us”. On the flip side, our physical being happiness can only end with Perfection.

MBMuslima Magazine

“WHEN WE TRY TO ACHIEVE PERFECTION HERE, WE ARE SETTING OURSELVES UP FOR SELF DESTRUCTION.”

It can only be Him. Clinical studies are showing that depression rates are now ten times higher today then they were in the 1960s. It is no surprise that as we have become spiritually devoid, and further away from Him, we have also become further away from happiness. This occurred when we institutionalized the search for eternal happiness on this earth, a place designed to be imperfect. While the world is a beautiful place, it is temporary, and it is far from perfect. When we try to achieve perfection here, we are setting ourselves up for self destruction. When we seek perfection, we are eliminating what we actually need: contentment, or ‘rida’. When we are content with what we have, we are naturally empowered. Stop thinking that you don’t have enough. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Wake up and look at what’s around you. Regardless of your condition, there is always good around you. We never realize what we have until it taken away. I know it sounds so cliche but I want you to think about it. When we get dissatisfied, it’s because we know something else exists. We know something better exists. Something else does exist and it’s His promise of Jannah (Heaven).

We live in a world that is constantly telling you that you are not enough and that you don’t have enough. That you need to be better. And you need to be more. You need to have more. This leaves us at odds with our humanity and ends up hindering us. You are enough. Allah wants you. Just as you are. Scan the magazine covers as you wait in the checkout line and you’ll see plenty of famous faces. There is a reason that we don’t spotlight one face on our covers. It is because we want these issues to speak to you and your relationship to Allah subhana wa ta’ala. We want you to appreciate yourself, not from a place of self indulgent. From a place of contentment, or ‘rida’. Jazakum Allahu khairan. Sister Yasmin Essa, Founder, MBMuslima Magazine P.S. As always, your comments, criticism, and suggestions as an MBM reader are highly appreciated, encouraged, and valued. By the will of Allah SWT, let us all engage in a deep, collective search for truth, guided by the primary sources of Islam: the Qur’an and Sunnah. As always, JazakAllah khair for being an MBM reader— the magazine would be nothing without you. Enjoy the issue.

FROM THE ASSISTANT EDITOR

HAPPINESS By Sister Nur Soliman, Assistant Editor I heard Habib Umar bin Mohammed bin Hafidh (the well-known master of Habib Ali al-Jifri, a teacher at Dar al-Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen) lecture one winter, and his words about happiness and being peaceful-at-heart have imprinted themselves in my memory. His vocabulary was deeply mystical and esoteric, and his Arabic was sophisticated and deeply loaded with religious meaning – and therefore harder to understand or follow, especially for me, still learning Arabic – but what I got, I kept forever.

constant consciousness of Allah (SWT), this ma’iyyah gives you much to protect you and keep you from being lonely. Why? Because when you’re with God, you are never alone; when you are faced with trials and tribulations, when things go down or get darker, and when worries creep in and fill your heart with uncertainty, you remember that you belong with the Most Powerful, the Most Merciful, the Most Kind, the Most Mighty, and nothing should grieve or worry you, and you are content with Him.

The essence of the lecture, organized by our local society for the advancement of religious sciences, focused on how the loneliness of believers in an increasingly skeptical world can be lessened. Habib Umar kept revolving around various ahadith and ayat from the Qur’an to explain to us that at the heart of the peaceful , there is a never-changing, persistent faith, a little core of undying belief and attachment to the joy and ineffable power of worshipping Allah (SWT). And in this little inner sanctum of the heart, the faithful are never alone; in that sanctum of deep and constant belief, “there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve or have sorrow” (2:38).

Content people aren’t always happy. Things happen to all of us, and times can be hard one way or another. But content people do not suffer the dramatic dips of self-esteem, the deep anxiety and pain because they have put their entire faith in Allah (SWT). And that gives them the space and generosity of heart to be thankful, to be kind, to be curious, to be compassionate, and to smile.

There’s a beautiful hadith narrated by ‘Abdullah bin Ka’b about the power of overwhelming happiness and child-like joy of the beloved Prophet (PBUH). He says, “I heard Ka’b bin Malik talking after his failure to join (the ghazwa of) Tabuk. He said, ‘Whenever I greeted Allah’s Apostle, his face was glittering with happiness, for whenever To be free of anxiety and fear is not easy; to be in a state of peace Allah’s Apostle was happy, his face used to glitter, as if it was a piece and content is as coveted as it is difficult to attain. But for those of the moon, and we all knew this was characteristic of him” (alwith robust taqwa and constant, living yaqin, it becomes a little Bukhari, Volume 4 Book 56 Number 756). easier. The active effort to maintain and care for your inner iman and yaqeen through improved ‘ibada always returns rewards of peace. We always strive to make our hearts open and wide and receiving of Allah’s (SWT) rahma; in all of our efforts we pray that our hearts are It can be salaat (prayer), sawm (fasting), zakat (alms-giving and softened and purified and are made open to Allah’s love that, again, charity), respect and love for your parents and family, compassion “there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve or have and love for those who are less fortunate, those who are down on sorrow” (2:38). May we all be of the mu’mineen of sound hearts and their luck and facing hard times, dedication and passion for what strong iman and yaqin that it may be said of us as well, “You will you do, and an undying fascination and adoration for Him and His recognize in their faces the (beaming) radiance of pleasure (na’im)” creation. All of this constantly builds upon and surrounds your (83:24), Ameen. qalb (heart) with light. And this light fills your whole being, and this

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RELATIONSHIP/FAMILY

Peaceful Parenting By Ameera Rahim, MBMuslima Parenting Columnist

was just recently discussing parenting with other moms when we all realized we had something in common. It turned out that each of us had fallen into one of the categories below at one point in time:

This made me think, how can a parent have a peaceful parenting experience when we are allowing ourselves to fall into one of those four categories? The truth is, we aren’t having a peaceful parenting experience.

Image Credits: Christophe Testi Dreamstime

1) Comparing ourselves with other parents 2) Comparing our children to other children 3) Doubting our parenting ability 4) Stressed out about not having it all together

Comparing Ourselves with Other Parents: Often time, we see another mom, either in person, or on the social networking world and she appears to have it all together. She is super mom in your eye sight. You feel like she should adopt your children, and hey, adopt you too in the process! You beat yourself up because if she can do x, y, and z, then why can’t you? You begin to feel sad, as if you’ve failed your children. Believe it or not, this happens. I have seen it happen in front of my own eyes. Parents reduced to tears and fears, because of the blessings or success of another mom. SubhanAllah, first and foremost, we must be happy for other parents. We also know that all parents have their rough days and none of us are perfect. We may be at different levels in our parenting and have different things to work on, but none of us are without shortcomings. Those parents who appear to have it all together are working on not letting bad days get to them. It’s about how we handle the tests Allah subhana wa ta’ala gives us, while also letting go of the myth that other parents are simply perfect.

Comparing Our Children to Other Children: Another key to peaceful parenting is not comparing our children to other children. What I love about children is that they are all unique and wonderful, mashaAllah. I personally told myself from the start that I would not compare my children with each other or compare them with other children. Allah subhana wa ta’ala has blessed all of our children in many ways and some of them reach levels faster than others. That is okay. It does not mean you are a bad parent. It means that you should allow your child to develop as Allah ta’ala wills. No matter how much you want them to graduate college at 10, if they are not ready, they cannot be forced. Take time to enjoy your child where they are at and you will have a peaceful parenting experience and relationship with your child. Often times. we do not realize that we are so busy comparing our children and trying to make them advance before their time. In doing this, we are stressing our children as well as ourselves. 9

RELATIONSHIP/FAMILY

Doubting Our Parenting Ability: Some days we feel like bad moms. I remember feeling like that recently. It did not have anything to do with anyone else, but I began to question myself. Are they learning properly? Am I being too easy, too hard? Am I helping their life or not? This is a matter of changing the way you look at things. I had to snap out of it and say, alhamdulilah, my children are healthy, happy, and loved. They have a mom and a dad that attempt to make their life a good one and Allah ta’ala has blessed our family. Some days we just beat ourselves up, but we need to build ourselves up. Do we put the time and energy into loving ourselves?

Examples: “You did a good job today.” “Alhamdulilah, the children loved the meal” It is okay to pat ourselves on the back...go on and give it a try!

Stressed Out About Not Having it All Together: With one child or seven, we can feel overwhelmed! The key to this is keeping organized. For some of us, it is easy and for some of us, it is a real test. I recommend baby steps. Start with some daily goals and then weekly goals and inshaAllah you will begin to create habits. If the children sleep whenever they want to sleep, you will feel the stress of it later. Stick to a bed time, stick to a meal time and plan around your salat (prayer) time. InshaAllah it will make the days less stressful. Alhamdulilah, on this journey called parenting, we all may encounter the same issues and we can take those issues and make them a positive experience or we can allow those issues to make our parenting stressful and difficult. We can learn and grow from every situation and let that help us to become better parents. If you feel overwhelmed please do reach out to others and most importantly turn to Allah ta’ala and ask Him to make the days easier, to guide you in your parenting and protect your children. May Allah ta’ala continue to bless us all and our families. Ameen.

MBMuslima Magazine

RELATIONSHIP/FAMILY

TIPS For the Brothers By Brother Kyle Smith, MBMuslima Columnist As brothers in Islam we get many opportunities to do many awesome things. For example, we get to lead Salah, recite Quran at events, hold executive positions, etc. Muslims will praise brothers who do a great job when performing such tasks. On that notion, we need to ask ourselves whenever we perform such a task “why am I doing this?” Am I doing this to please Allah subhana wa ta’ala, or am I doing this to hear praise from others?” The issue at hand here is none other than that of ikhlas (sincerity).

not accept it, and it will do nothing for them. As stated earlier, many Muslims will praise brothers when they do something such as recite Quran well. With that being said, one will never be able to please everyone. There will always be people who do not like certain people, their recitation, etc. However, if one does an act sincerely for the sake of their Creator, they will never be dissapointed. Who would you rather be liked by the creation or the Creator?

Our purpose in this dunya (world) is to worship Allah subhana wa ta’ala, and to strive for the ultimate prize: Jannah. What could possibly make one happier then Jannah? Nothing in this dunya even comes close in comparison with that of Jannah. If we do not have ikhlas then our good deeds (which will help us get into Jannah), are garbage. In conclusion, let us strive to have ikhlas, because true happiness comes from pleasing Him and being liked by Him. Furthermore, let us have ikhlas in our actions so that our good deeds can actually be considered good deeds by our Creator. Those good Basically our Creator is saying that He is so sufficient, and He deeds in turn will get us into Jannah, which is the ultimate does not need our actions. If one cannot fully give their action happiness. to Allah subhana wa ta’ala, then Allah subhana wa ta’ala will

5 Minutes

with Fatima A. Khan MBMuslima Marriage Columnist

“Our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, ‘I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right;” When in disagreement with your spouse, weigh in the consequences of proving your point. Will proving yourself as right at that very moment ensure happiness for the both of you? Will showing patience help or hurt your relationship? Happiness is not relative, except for when you base your happiness on another’s actions. Give in to the argument and place your trust in Allah subhana wa ta’ala to reveal the truth in the best of times.” “Learn more about Sister Fatima at www.lifepepper.org”

Image Credits: Fatima A. Khan

In my opinion, ikhlas is one of the most important things in Islam. I say that because if a Muslim does any act without proper ikhlas, than his/her act is garbage. In a hadith Qudsi the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Allah said: ‘I am so self-sufficient that I am in no need of having an associate. Thus he who does an action for someone else’s sake as well as Mine will have that action renounced by Me to him whom he associated with Me.” (Sahih Muslim)

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HEALTH BENEFITS OF CHERRIES By Aisha Ali, MBMuslima Publishing Intern

REDUCES PAIN Cherries contain enzymes that are also present most painkillers. They have also been shown to reduce levels of uric acid in the blood, which can cause arthritis and gout related pain.

PREVENT HEART DISEASE

CONTAINS HEALTHY ANTIOXIDANTS

INCREASES BONE HEALTH

Cherries contain anti-carcinogenic properties that can help prevent heart disease.

REDUCE STRESS

REDUCE RISK OF STROKE

REDUCES PAIN

By Aisha Ali, MBMuslima Publishing Intern

1/ 2/

BEAT BREAST CANCER Studies have shown that women diagnosed with breast cancer have a 45% greater chance of survival if they walk regularly.

BURN CALORIES Walking for thirty minutes can burn anywhere from 90 to 360 calories.

Sources arthritistoday.org/fitness/walking/tips-and-strategies/mental-benefits-of-walking.php health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/diet-fitness/ exercise/benefits-of-walking.htm rodale.com/benefits-walking?page=0,0 MBMuslima Magazine

Cherries also contain boron, which is used to increase bone health Sources calcherry.com/health_nutrition/health_benefits.cfm medicaldaily.com/news/20101108/3443/health-benefits-of-cherries.htm healthdiaries.com/eatthis/7-health-benefits-of-cherries.html diseaseproof.com/archives/healthy-food-eat-cherries-for-a-healthyheart-a-good-nights-sleep-and-more.html

FIVE BENEFITS OF

WALKING

Cherries contain antioxidants that slow or prevent oxidation, a process that can cause heart disease, diabetes, and various other diseases.

Physical fitness has been proven to promote mental health (i.e. reduce stress, improve sleep, boost energy, etc.) Studies have shown that walking 30 minutes a day can reduce your risk of stroke up to 40%

Walking releases endorphins which have been known to reduce pain.

Image Credit: Janks Dreamstime

Image Credit: Igor Smichkov Dreamstime

HEALTH & WELLNESS

Money & Happiness

FOR EVERYONE

LET’S REALIGN OUR PRIORITIES By Juveria Ali, Finance Columnist “If I win the lottery today, life would be so much easier and happier for me!” How many times have we heard someone else say this or even thought it ourselves? Gaining extra wealth obviously results in becoming a happier person…right? In today’s world, it may seem that money can and does buy happiness. BMW, anyone? It’s an idea that has been ingrained in us since we were young; money = happiness. Yes, money is certainly useful in that it buys the material goods and services that help us live comfortably. Following that line of thought, living in one of the richest countries in the world, we as Americans should be the most satisfied and content, right? Sadly, according to a 2011 study done by the World Health Organization, the United States of America has the second highest rate of depression in the world! So, the relationship may be a little more complicated than the ‘more money I have, the happier I’ll be’. Let’s take a look at the Islamic perspective on this matter. “He (Allah) guides to Himself all who turn to Him - those who believe and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah subhana wa ta’ala - for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah subhana wa ta’ala human hearts find satisfaction.” (13:28) In addition to this, we find that Prophet Mohammed Peace Be Upon Him also gave us insight into this topic by saying “Being rich does not mean having a great amount of property, but [it] is being content [with what one has].” (Bukhari) So, true happiness comes not from money, but from sincere and true remembrance of Allah subhana wa ta’ala and being content with what He has provided us! It’s a simple yet powerful thought that once put into action, will surely gain us favors from our Lord. In an effort to show that we are content with Allah subhana wa ta’ala’s bounties on us, let us try to make the most of this life by realigning our priorities to please Allah subhana wa ta’ala. Whether it’s purifying our money by using it wisely through zakat, investing in Islamic education, or supporting our community, we’re working towards gaining Allah subhana wa ta’ala’s, and in turn, our own happiness. On the flip side, let’s not diminish the barakah in our money by purchasing anything that will not help us in the long run but may actually cause Allah subhana wa ta’ala’s anger; lottery tickets (as tempting as it is!), alcohol, gambling, or any other fitnah, keeping in mind this proverb: “If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can’t buy.”

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SPIRITUALITY/LIFE

Why I Chose to be a Stay at

Home Wife

By Sister Jennifer Fawzy MBMuslima Contributing Writer

Bismillahi Arrahmani Irrahiim

believe that women have the right to decide whether or not they want to work, inside or outside of the home. The trouble is that our society tends to look down on a woman if she stays at home because it is work that is unpaid. Society wants to judge her and say that she is lazy or uneducated and that is simply not true. The way I see it, women who have chosen to stay at home are not unable to work outside the home, but it is like anything else in life, they must decide what works better for their lifestyle. As for me, I had the wonderful blessing of being a stay at home wife for eight months and I would like to share some of the many benefits that I discovered when I worked inside my home. First, I was able to relax! I did not have to wake up at 4:30 am to get ready to head into the office. I did not have to rush out into traffic and sit on the highway for an hour either. Long gone were the days of trying to convince myself that “this is what I always wanted to do” because in reality--it wasn’t. The super tight deadlines, weekly meetings and rude bosses were also a thing of the past. My husband did not have to worry about me coming home and complaining about my day or the fact that there isn’t any dinner because now there was not anything to complain about and I could actually cook a dinner if I wanted to. I saw my new career as a stay at home wife as liberating and meaningful. Initially, it was kind of difficult to organize myself as to what I would actually do with my new found freedom. I decided to wake up a little later in the day as a first step and let me tell you, that in and of itself was rewarding. I also wanted to dedicate more time to prayers, reflection, and religious studies and I enjoyed that. I no longer struggled with the guilt I used to bear about late prayers, or lack of prayers. I could pray openly and freely in my home without people gawking at me or asking about the “turban thing” that I wore on my head. I felt at peace. Working at home was beneficial to my physical health as well. I had time to actually cook and focus on healthy meals instead of take out, junk food, or TV dinners. In fact, I learned new recipes and with some trial and error I learned how to fix disasters! Exercise was now a part of my schedule whereas it was not when I worked in the office 40+ hours a week. I lost weight and that made me very happy and perhaps my husband appreciated it, too. During the afternoon time, I would meet up with friends and do things in the community. I felt useful helping out other people and socializing at the same time.

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My home was always neat and clean, the laundry was done, and my husband had a very happy wife. I never thought that I would have had so much fun just doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Personally, staying at home improved my marriage because I now had a clear enough mind to effectively communicate with my husband. Sure, financially we took a hit, but in a way, staying at home solved many of those financial issues as well. Since I did not have to commute anymore, we saved money on gasoline, my business clothing, coffee, car insurance and my daily lunches. I do realize that many women may not have the opportunity to stay at home, but with some adjustments to your lifestyle, I do believe that it is possible for you to do it someday if you wanted to. It may take a bit of personal sacrifice. I did eventually go back to work, but not 40 hours per week. I still wanted to maintain the good feeling of spending more time on myself and maintaining the emotional and psychological wellness that I had gained. So, I worked about 28 hours per week instead. I was more careful with spending money and I saved more than I used to. I did not buy things impulsively or based on emotions-I just got what I needed. We were able to go on trips and such-which is something I would have not been able to do because I have never been fortunate enough to get any vacation time. Family really is the most important thing to me, and I want to be able be a focused and responsible wife. I do not want to have my family become victim to the many ills that are in the world today. Family is the foundation of society and women have the responsibility to help mold society one family at a time. That is why I chose to work inside my home. I will have to follow up on this article inshaAllah. Next time, it will have to be called “The benefits of being a stay at home Mother.” My husband and I had the huge blessing of finding out after many, many years that now, finally we are expecting a little baby boy!

Image Credit: Rob Bouwman Dreamstime

As always, I pray for peace in your minds and hearts. May Allah always guide you to do what is right in His eyes, even if you are doing what is right by yourself. May peace be upon you.

“I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE MY FAMILY BECOME VICTIM TO THE MANY ILLS THAT ARE IN THE WORLD TODAY. FAMILY IS THE FOUNDATION OF SOCIETY AND WOMEN HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO HELP MOLD SOCIETY ONE FAMILY AT A TIME.”

SPIRITUALITY/LIFE

Chasing the Visible

Butterfly By Sister Reham Ibrahim, MBMuslima Contributing Writer

Image Credit: Bx3t Dreamstime

“The entity that drives people to change is induced by the lack of happiness.”

We all want to be happy. Humans are persistently chasing happiness. The entity that drives people to change is induced by lack of happiness. The sources of happiness known to the world are usually derived from materialistic concepts such as: money, family, fame, status, significant other, career, or even buying a desired new item. The thing we often forget to reflect upon is that happiness is not everlasting. Sometimes when we reach a form of happiness such as money, we then try to search for further happiness. We want more money! More source please! When we then get more money, we are still not happy. When we have failed once again in finding happiness, we start getting depressed. We then wonder where the location for that ultimate happiness is. Where is that butterfly? The one that we hear as it flaps its wings while it passes us by? We want to catch it to be satisfied! But we never find that butterfly… you know why? Because that butterfly is invisible. Once we get one “source” of happiness, we want more of that source. We hear stories of really rich people getting depressed, abusing drugs or ultimately killing themselves. We would say “How are they depressed? They have it all!” These people are trying to feel good, MBMuslima Magazine

but it is not happening. They thought they found the ultimate happiness, and sadly, realized they did not. They felt devastated once they reached a source and still wanted more of that material stuff. We think we will attain happiness in this life through materials. We expect to get a feeling out of an object, but really the most it can give us is temporary satisfaction. Once we get familiar with that material we will hunt for a new object with strong hope that this will actually satisfy us. The human being always wants more. If you have power, you want more power. If you got money, you want more money. If you got status, you want a higher status. It’s that human desire of always “wanting” something. If we stop wanting more then we will be happy with what we have. No matter what source or material we have, there will always be a better alternative. If we keep looking at other people’s sources that are better than our own, we will want what they have, and if we do not get it, we will get depressed. We had our hopes built up on something that is not real. An object cannot bring us an everlasting emotion. We need to derive that happiness from within. In order to get to different places, we need to change the way we think.

So how can we break that ongoing chain of unhappiness? We should stop wanting more, right? How do I do that? AHA! I got it! I need to be satisfied with what I have, this way I will reach the ultimate satisfaction, in Arabic known as “rida” or, contentment. We need to purify our intentions and understand that all the sources and the material that exists in this world belong to God only. Your body, your brain, your talents, your spouse, your money - they all belong to Allah subhana wa ta’ala. We need to have a firm understanding that everything belongs to the Creator of the universe, the One that created me, the One that created you; it all belongs to Him and only Him. Wait a minute. If it all belongs to Him, does that mean that emotions and feelings belong to Him as well? Yes. Allah subhanu wa ta’ala is the Creator of happiness and joy as well. You will be happy with everything you have because you know it’s all from Allah subhanu wa ta’ala. When you reach rida (contentment), you won’t care about further happiness. When we have “rida” for the Creator of the universe, we will automatically have rida in our hearts for the blessings He has given us. We have to be pleased with what Allah subhana wa ta’ala gave us. Why do we even think we deserve all of these blessings? Like our sight, or our health? What did we do to deserve this? Sometimes we think we deserve more and sometimes we actually think we deserve less. This is all a trial. Allah subhana wa ta’ala wants to see if we will choose to go back to Him. We need to remember that this life is temporary and everything in it is temporary. Nothing lasts forever.

Allah subhana wa ta’ala knows best. If someone has one source of happiness, that does not mean you will get the same feeling or experience out of it as someone else does. Some people enjoy the taste of fish, others do not. Yet, when you see how the fish lover describes it, fish sounds heavenly. On the flip side, one who dislikes fish will talk about it in a very ruthless manner. Fir’aoun, the Pharoah of Egypt was running after power for happiness and look how he ended up. He had a terrible death and he is from the people of hell fire. The Creator’s wisdom and knowledge extends any person by far. People should not get upset or depressed if they do not obtain a certain source of happiness because maybe that source would have got out the worse in them, like Fir’aoun! Allah subhana wa ta’ala is the most knowledgeable. May Allah subhana wa ta’ala save us from Hell and make us from the people of Heaven. Ameen!

It is essential to chase the right form of happiness, the one that will take us to heaven, the real everlasting form of happiness. We need to count the blessings that we actually have, like our safety, or a warm blanket, and all of the simple things we have which we do not usually consider. Without these tiny things, our lives would be completely different. We are too used to them. This is why we need to thank Allah subhana wa ta’ala repeatedly for all of His blessings. The more we thank Him, the more He will give us. The gratitude we show Allah subhana wa ta’ala is a form of rida. It is a struggle; this is why we need to make du’a (supplication) to Allah subhana wa ta’ala to make us satisfied (radiyeen) or (content ones,) in all of the circumstances that we face. You might not be living in the best state of which you’d Chase the visible butterfly, not the invisible one and love to be living in, but knowing that if you have rida in look at the beautiful glowing sources in your life - not your heart will get you to even higher places in heaven. the dark ones that you may not have. We need to thank Heaven should be our ultimate goal, because that Allah subhanu wa ta’ala from our head to our toe. Before ultimate happiness we are looking for in this life actually you sleep do something I call “Head to Toe Hamd,” does not exist. We are fooled. We think it exists in this where you give each part of your body gratitude and world. As an alternative we have a substitute called rida appreciation, from your head to your toe. Imagine your that will get us through this life. Being satisfied is the life without eyebrows, eyelashes or if you were missing new happy. Know that everything you have and don’t one hole from our nose. We often take all the blessings have is what is best for you. If anything was different Allah subhana wa ta’ala has given us for granted and then maybe it would’ve made it harder for you to go to neglect to give them any appreciation. Instead we often heaven. It’s like the distance between the earth and the concentrate on the things we lack. Alhamdulilah for sun. If earth was any closer to the sun, then it would’ve making me write this and making you read this. Others been a very hot planet and we wouldn’t bear to live in. do not have the liberty to do any of that. Just give that On the contrary, if our planet were further from the sun a thought. This is all a blessing from Allah subhana wa then we would have one giant iceberg! SubhanAllah, ta’ala, the most Gracious – the All Knowing.

SPIRITUALITY/LIFE

QURAN CHALLENGE OF THE MONTH

“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” Translation Credits: Sahih International Arabic Credits: quran.com/13

CONVERT CORNER By Brother Kyle Smith, MBMuslima Columnist Many times, Muslims will put their convert brothers/sisters on a pedestal. They will say things such as “you are better than me.” The reason why they say such things is because converts were not “born” into Islam, and they did not have their parents there from infancy and on, to teach them about the deen. Rather, they had to find the deen on their own, and teach themselves.

As stated earlier, Muslims will say that converts are better because they were not “born” into Islam, rather they found it on their own. Now let’s think about such a statement after looking at the evidence brought forth in the previous paragraph. It is evident that everyone was born Muslim, yet worldly things bring people away from Islam. Look at the Muslim ummah today, there are so many individuals who are Muslims by name but they are not really practicing the It is clearly a nice/good sign when any Muslim brother or religion. Worldly reasons are constantly bringing individuals sister makes such comments, because it shows that they away from Islam. However, there are so many Muslims who have a sense of humility. However, such statements are not leave those worldly desires, and come back to the deen entirely true. In surah Araf, Allah subhana wa ta’ala says “And (Islam). Every practicing Muslim made a conscious decision [mention] when your Lord took from the children of Adam that they wanted to begin practicing Islam. They did their own from their loins - their descendants and made them testify of research, weighed evidence, and came to the logical decision themselves, [saying to them], Am I not your Lord? They said, on their own that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is yes, we have testified. [This] - lest you should say on the day His messenger, this is the shahadah, or declaration of faith. of Resurrection, Indeed, we were of this unaware.” (Quran 7:172) In reality, all of us were born Muslim, and all of us made the conscious decision to accept/practice Islam. So, the advice Additionally, The Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings that I want to give to the converts is that, when a Muslim be upon him said, “No baby is born but upon Fitra (as a tells you something like “you are better than me,” tell them Muslim).” (Sahih Muslim, Book 033, Number 6426) that we are all born Muslim, and we all made a conscious decision to “revert” back to Islam. Tell them that they are a Therefore, Islamically speaking, everyone is born a Muslim; really good person as well, because they made the conscious we all testified to Allah subhana wa ta’ala that He is our Lord. decision to accept Islam by their own will. Furthermore, tell However, our parents and our circumstances in this dunya them that only Allah subhana wa ta’ala knows who is better. brought us away from Islam. With that being said, make sure that you say this in a nice way, and thank them for their compliment. MBMuslima Magazine

SPIRITUALITY/LIFE

My Cocoon Diaries Part 3 By Brother Gareth Bryant, MBMuslima Columnist

I know it seems kind of selfish to think this way. But, in all My Cocoon-Diaries are poems and/or general writings which reality, self-reflection at its core is a selfish thing: You have to contain self-reflections for me, how I have been living & look into yourself, define/redefine yourself, correct yourself; how I should have not been living, over a significant portion it ends up being all about you anyway. So, in a sense, this of time that I’ve taken to limit my social-spheres & socialwould be a positive type of selfishness, only because I yearn interactions. It’s been a time for me to dig deep within myself, to grow & become better. All during the course of my life, I to wrap myself up in an anti-social cocoon, to find any & all have been doing things to define myself and to constantly, problems within myself, in order to fix them, with the help consistently, seek self-improvement. But, very few things that of Allah, of course. I know that a lot of people thought it was I have done actually achieved this desired goal. Becoming a strange of me to just take some steps back from my socialMuslim, in fact, still remains the most important venture of spheres & place limits on my general social-interaction. But, self-discovery, self-definition & self-improvement that I have this has been a necessary move on my part, to figure out ever embarked upon in my life. Yet, even as a Muslim, there what exactly is wrong with me, as a Muslim, so that I can is still so much that I have not tapped into: from an Islamic further tread the path of guidance, which is Islam, with as academic perspective (i.e. religiously, I’m still ignorant as hell little personal obstacles in my path as humanly possible. & need to learn so much more), from a character perspective, from a maturity perspective, and in regards to so many other This is my journey. Please, join me: perspectives, there is just so much more in which I need to improve upon, for myself & my own self-development, that The spring time has arrived. Yet, unlike the new flowers in it’s very often frustrating, that I have not achieved that as yet. bloom, I’ve still not sprung up from the ground of obscurity. So, this has become an ample opportunity for me to take the With my mission not yet complete, I still feel the need to time/make the time to step back and conceal myself, in order press onward, to keep going forward with this journey, as to achieve this goal that I have set for myself. long as it takes. I have become stronger, yet, still yearning for more to improve upon. However, I’m not sure whether The Lifelong Road: I should stop where I am though. I mean, it’s been a pretty lengthy amount of time that I’ve been doing this. This Never did I ever think that my odyssey to find myself would particular season that has befallen us is representative of make me even more lost. renewal & rejuvenation. It is my sincere hope that I can truly However, I must stay the course; find what I’m still looking be one who has rejuvenated into someone who has evolved for, regardless of the cost. into someone a lot better than when I had initially started this What I need to discover is more important than the pain of journey. If Allah wills, I will be successful at this self-reflective treading the road to find it. odyssey and get back on track. Everything in life is hard; however, giving up makes nothing any easier. I have been wondering whether this had been the right It’s better to struggle and never win, than to settle for being decision, doing this all on my own, without really explaining the loser. to anyone why I wanted to do this so badly or why I’ve even This world is like a puzzle & I must remove all of the pieces in decided to do this at all, without even consulting someone my life which don’t fit. else, to perhaps give me some support in all of this. I came to This life is but a dense forest; yet, I must clear my own path. the conclusion that since no one (other than Allah, of course) And, it must be done right, to secure me from Allah’s wrath. really knows my problems better than I do, then, it’s only intelligent for me to seek out the solutions to my problems by myself and for myself. 19

Image Credit: Roman Korotaev Dreamstine

Author’s note:

ISLAMIC TERMS EXPLAINED INSHAALLAH | Simply translated from Arabic to English, InshaAllah means ‘God willing’. This is a very commonly used phrase, as Muslims believe God has power over everything. MASHAALLAH | Simply translated from Arabic to English , MashaAllah means ‘Whatever Allah (God) wills’. Often, it is used as an expression of delight or achievement. JAZAKALLAH KHAIRAN | Simply translated from Arabic to English, jazakAllah khairun means ‘May Allah reward you for the good”. This is commonly used to thank someone or to acknowledge someone’s effort. SUBHANALLAH | In Arabic, SubhanAllah means ‘Glorious is Allah”. This is used when praising God. It is also commonly used as a exclamation like “Wow!”. MASJID | The Masjid is simply the Arabic word for Mosque. Many Muslims refer to the Mosque as a Masjid. Masjids are primarily used for Salah (Prayer) SUBHANA WA TA’ALA | Arabic Praise used after the name of Allah meaning ‘glorious and exalted is He” HIJAB | Headscarf prescribed to Muslim women for modesty purposes SHAHADAH | Declaration of Islamic faith. ASSALAMU ALAYKUM | May peace be unto you.

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