mbmuslima
The Parents Issue
The Parents Issue
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Check out Page 14 for an amazing Honey & Lemon Facelifting Mask that I have tried myself and now integrate into my weekly routine. Forget all of the chemical-filled garbage you see in advertisements and in stores and open your eyes to the natural blessings given to us by Allah SWT. Props to Sister Yvonne Maffei from My Halal Kitchen for the awesome homemade treatment that leaves faces glowing! Just remember, that true glowing faces don’t come from products or treatments. They come from putting your face on the floor in sujood. - Sister Yasmin Essa
This issue of MBMuslima is coming your way an embarrassing 12 days after its usual publication date—for no reason other than a severe case of writer‟s block. For a reason that only Allah subhana’wa ta3la knows, I was unable to put together what I thought to be a meaningful editor‟s letter. How was I supposed to write something that does justice to my mother and father‟s 23 years of hard work? Since I can remember, I have never seen my parents do anything other than struggle in the way of their three children for the ultimate purpose of pleasing their Creator.
My parents immigrated to the United States when I was 11 months old. They left the life they knew so well in Egypt for the sole reason of giving my sisters and I more opportunity, here in the United States. My parents are not alone in their struggles, as we are all but the children of immigrants, one way or another. The United States is a land of immigrants. For those living in the United States, keep this in mind: you too descended from immigrants—whether it was one or four generations ago. A year ago, when I put together the 2011 editorial calendar for MBMuslima, I decided to make this issue the Parent's issue for a few reasons. With the 10th anniversary of September 11 coming up, there were many other fitting topics I could have chosen—politics, justice, peace, etc. Why then, did I choose parents? I will tell you why. To me, the biggest agony of September 11th are the parents who lost their children. I don‟t just mean the parents that lost their children on that particular day, but also each parent that lost a child every single day that followed that one. Many Americans have been conditioned to only see the lives killed on September 11th alone. But what about the aftermath? What about the people that have been killed every single day afterwards? What about the children being killed right now, as you are reading my unimportant words. Right now, while I am typing this, there are children being unjustly killed. May God bring peace to the hearts of every mother, father, child, sister, brother, family member, or friend of anyone who has been killed unjustly.
In today‟s society, parents are looked down upon in many ways. Middle school is usually the turning point where many children loose some of their loyalty to their parents. In an effort to fit in and „be cool‟, many children rebel and subsequently loose a whole lot of respect for the parents that raised them when they were nothing. I, myself, am also guilty of this. For some of my adolescent years, I took the two most important people for granted. Although I have grown out of this phase that was pushed on me through our society, I still am very far from being the daughter I should be. To this day, I do not give my parents what they truly deserve. Alhamdulilah, I do try hard in the way of pleasing them, for the sake of Allah subhana wa’ta3la. I know I will never be able to repay my parents for everything they have done for me, and what they continue to do for me. At an earlier time in my life, when I was pushing this beautiful deen away, I am more than certain that a pivotal reason that Allah subhana wa’ ta3la opened my heart back up to this deen is because of my mother and father. My parents are constantly doing dua for my sisters and I. As we know, the dua of a parent is highly likely to be accepted by Allah subhana wa’ ta3la . Please keep my parents, Mona ElRouby and Diaaeldin Essa, the two most amazing people, whom I owe many things to, in your most sincere dua. JazakAllah khair for reading. P.S. On a bit of a lighter note, make sure you check out page 14 for an amazing Honey & Lemon Facelifting Mask that I have tried myself and now integrate into my weekly routine. Forget all of the chemical-filled garbage you see in advertisements and in stores and open your eyes to the natural blessings given to us by Allah SWT. Props to Sister Yvonne Maffei from My Halal Kitchen for the awesome homemade treatment that leaves faces glowing! Just remember, that true glowing faces don‟t come from products or treatments. They come from putting your face on the floor in sujood. JazakAllah khair, Enjoy the issue,
In his number 1 hit of 1974, folk rock singer Harry Chapin sung the sad but common family tragedy of parents and children. One of the last verses in the song, narrated by the father who was too busy for family, goes as follows: “Well I‟ve long since retired, my son‟s moved away / I‟ve called him up just the other day, / I said „I‟d like to see you, if you don‟t mind,‟ / He said „I‟d love to, Dad, if I can find the time, / You see my new job‟s a hassle and the kids have the flu, / But it‟s sure nice talking to you, Dad, / it‟s been sure nice talking to you.‟ The dad who was too busy for his son after a long life of working hard to provide, now discovers that his grown-up son is too busy to visit his elderly father in his old, lonely age. The pain of the elderly mother, or father, who find that they have been abandoned one way or another by their children, is possibly one of the saddest things that can happen in this world. This tragedy does not only impact parents in nursing homes, but also touches parents living within their own homes. Parents who have been abandoned by children who think they are too old, a nuisance, and unnecessary can perhaps be just as bad, whether or not the parent „deserves‟ it or otherwise. While one sees it in homes of neighbors, relatives, friends, in novels, plays, and in films—let it not be in our own homes. Our parents brought us into this world, and if it is Allah‟s will, they raise us until we are adults ourselves. When our parents are older and in need of care, it is our duty to take care of them. People become busy, and caught up in their own jobs, private struggles, their family, and their own trouble, but one must not forget the parent(s) that raised them, nor the family they grew up in. The Prophet ranked goodness and kindness to one‟s parents as second to keeping our obligatory prayers as the most beloved act in the eyes of Allah (SWT). Ibn Abbas is reported as saying, “I questioned the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), „Which deed is the most beloved in the eyes of Allah the Mighty the Glorious?‟ He (PBUH) answered, „[Offering] prayers at the stipulated times.‟ I then asked, „Which is the next most beloved deed?‟ He (PBUH) answered, „Goodness towards (one‟s) parents.‟ I asked him again, „After this which is the most beloved act?‟ He (PBUH) said „Jihad in the way of Allah.‟” Our parents may sometimes irritate us, make us lose our patience or lose our temper. They may not see things they way we want them to see them and they may misunderstand us. When they are older, they may have Djordje Komljenovic | Dreamstime.com (Image Credit)
different needs and demands. Some of you may have parents who may act unkind, cruel, may not support your dreams, hopes, your job, education or even your religious convictions. Even so, they are your parents, and if it does not trespass your faith, you must obey and respect them with the devotion they deserve. Most of us, alhamdulillah, have been blessed with wonderful parents. They are imperfect, just like every other human being you know. They may make you feel stressed or annoyed. However, no matter what imperfections they may have, it is their unconditional love for you as well as their blossoming pride in you that they are unable to conceal when they talk about you. The unending, unceasing sacrifice and effort that your parents make for your happiness, safety, and success truly represents parenthood. They will believe in you no matter what. They took care of you in your physical illness and your personal problems. They gave everything just for you. When they become older, remember the Qur‟anic verse where Allah (SWT) says,
(Qur‟an 17:24). May Allah (SWT) bless us and bless our parents for raising us, and help our families to work together to create bonds of strength, love, and respect between us and our parents, Ameen. JazakAllah khair, Enjoy the issue,
Sister Nur Soliman, MBM‟s Assistant Editor
By Sister Tayyaba Syed,
When I am driving, I tend to jumble all the noises in the car as one big mixture of sound. It is like music to my ears. There is someone talking non-stop, another snoring, one crying and one screaming for no apparent reason. Since I cannot keep everyone at peace, I just let them be and focus on the road instead. This is a typical afternoon for me. It may seem as if I am talking about a car full of rowdy, uncontrollable children. However, only two of them are my kids; the other two are my parents.
I have a preschooler and a toddler, and my retired parents are in their mid to late sixties. My father has been quite sick for some time now, and my mother needs a good amount of help taking care of him. She has plenty of health issues herself. They live on their own about a half hour south of me. I am there almost every other day running errands for them, taking them on outings, helping them around the house, and just giving them company.
I do not mind it at all. I consider myself truly blessed. I have been given the opportunity to take care of my parents after all they have done for me. In Islam, parents are highly regarded; we have to honor and respect them unreservedly and treat them with utter kindness.
The latter part of the verses is a beautiful du‟a to incorporate in our daily lives. It is very simple and easy to memorize.
It can be hard sometimes to balance my time and energy between my kids and my parents. My mom tries to help me out with my kids as much as she can, but most of her time goes to assisting my dad. He needs help showering, getting dressed, walking, and doing simple tasks. Plus, the man absolutely loves food, so she is constantly cooking for him throughout the day. Unfortunately, I cannot be much help in that department, because he only prefers my mom‟s cooking.
My kids have definitely gotten used to this lifestyle. They enjoy spending time with their grandparents, and they learn so much from them. In the same way, being around the kids keeps my parents content, energized, and distracted from their health issues. For example, my dad cannot run around with the kids, so instead he tells stories to them, loves to tickle them, and plays simple games with them. Their favorite game is when he asks for a hug, he pretends to trap them, so the kids have to find a way out of the hug. If my daughter complains of her legs hurting due to restless leg syndrome, my mom forgets all about her arthritis and massages her granddaughter‟s legs for her. These types of moments are what give me purpose in my daily life. I can honestly say, though, that I did not learn to value my parents until I became a parent myself. I hope one day my kids will be able to take care of me in my old age as well. They will only learn that by example. It is never too early to instill in my kids these types of family values, which are a huge part of the religion. It is one of the things I find so beautiful about Islam. Trying to be a good person, keeping good relations, and treating people with kindness, especially one‟s parents, is what it means to be a Muslim.
—*A modified version of this article was originally featured on the National Public Radio (NPR) program, Speaking of Faith. My father has since returned to his Creator. I am grateful for every last minute I was able to spend with him. May Allah have mercy on him ameen. Image Credit: Hixon | Dreamstime.com
By: Safa Kariti,
The word healthy is usually associated with physical well-being, and we as Muslims know that your body is as an amana, or something entrusted to you by your Creator, SWT. As important as taking proper care of your body is, keeping your soul healthy is something exceedingly more significant. There are many ways to exercise and feed your soul the proper nutrition (so to speak), and I hope to delve into that after a brief description of my own personal jihad, or inner struggle, and how I improved, and continue to improve, the health of my own soul. I was born into the “Muslim” label, but for a lot of my life, I did not know what that title entailed. I learned how to pray in school when I was four or five years old, but because I, and my family at the time, did not practice Islam at home, I quickly forgot how.
Nothing I did made things better. With the overwhelming exposure surrounding clinical depression at the time, I self-diagnosed, and was convinced that I was incapable of finding peace and happiness. My soul was ill, and nothing but the guidance of Allah, SWT, would remedy it. I believed in Allah, SWT, but I did not fear Him. I knew a few of His commandments and made no effort to follow them. I now thank Him everyday that I did not die in such a state, and that He allowed me to live long enough to see the error and shamelessness of my ways. Truly, it would have been a great loss for me, and not for Him. Alhamdulilah. Alhamdulilah. Alhamdulilah. I could say it constantly from now until I die, and it would not be enough. By the will of Allah, SWT, my life only got harder, and although I did not see it at the time, these hardships were blessings; a few negative things happened (at least that is what they appeared to be at the time) that set off a chain of events that led me back to Him, Alhamdulilah. Repairing the damage I did to my soul is an ongoing process. In finding Allah, SWT, I am ashamed of not having comprehended His greatness before. There was a sickness in my heart that kept me from loving Him, putting Him first, and most of all fearing nothing in this dunya, or world, but Him.
So, once confronted with the truth, by the will and guidance of Allah, SWT, I was able to re-teach myself how to pray. I began to wear my hijab, and I fasted Ramadan for the right reasons (versus before where it was just „something you do‟). I may not have been (and still am not) the perfect Muslim, but it‟s the act of striving for it that I feel exercises my soul. The way I continue to treat my illness and improve the health of my soul can be summed up by two simple things: dhikr, or remembrance of Allah, SWT, and the pursuit of hasanat, or good deeds.
While foul language, lies, and distractions of this dunya are to your soul what junk food, drugs, and a sedentary life-style are to your body. Keeping your soul in good shape and elevating it closer to your Creator requires a constant quest to please Allah, SWT. A simple act such as a smile or a comforting word to someone in distress is a form of exercise for your soul. Good manners, awareness of your environment, and seeking knowledge are all essential to keeping your soul healthy. Through experience, anything good that I do for the sake of Allah, SWT, makes me happier than anything I could do for myself. That is what brings me peace. That is what brings me happiness. That is what revitalizes my soul and makes me feel closer to the Creator of the heavens and the earth. What could be healthier than that?
Image Credit: Ye Liew | Dreamstime.com
By Brother Kyle Smith,
Parents are so important in Islam. In Surah al Isra’, Allah subhana wa’ta3la gives us a beautiful explanation of the duties owed to parents. Br. Nouman Ali Khan does a great job giving tafseer of these ayahs. The following is a flavor of his tafseer, sprinkled with my input on these amazing verses.
Through repetition, this ayah (verse) stresses the importance of parents. Here, Allah subhana wa’ta3la mentions numerous factors in relation to one‟s parents, while only mentioning one factor in relation to Himself. Linguistically, we are given an idea of how important this topic is. At the same time, Allah subhana wa’ta3la still mentions himself first, with the implication that it is becomes easier to be good to one‟s parents once you are a sincere servant to Allah subhana wa’ta3la. If someone is messing up their relationship with their parents or finds it
very difficult to be nice to them, then they haven‟t really become a good servant to Allah subhana wa’ta3la. If that person were really a good servant to Allah subhana wa’ta3la, then the later duty (being good to parents), would have been easier, if they fulfilled the former duty (being a good servant to Allah subhana wa’ta3la). In Arabic, “wa bil waladayne ihsanan”, emphasizes the importance of parents of others. It means that one is to be especially and exclusively good to their parents in comparison to others. In other words, it‟s easy to be the best to your boss, because he may fire you if you are not. Or, it‟s easy to be the best to your professor—because if you are not, than he may fail you. However, when it comes to our parents, we take them for granted. To this notion, Allah subhana wa’ta3la says “especially when it comes to your parents”. For example, let‟s say you are on the phone with your friend and then your mom calls you. You need to fulfill your duty to her first, so you have to tell your friend “I have to go”. Another example is while watching an intense football game, when your mom asks you to do something, and you tell her “Yeah I‟ll do it in a bit” (usually in an annoyed tone of voice). This is very bad and we should not be like this. In these situations, we need to obey our parents first. Fulfilling our duties to parents is a primary obligation in Islam.
In addition, Allah subhana wa’ta3la made emphasis on mentioning our parents when they reach old age. This is significant because when our parents get older, they become more dependent. Furthermore, as the children get older, they become more independent and responsible. So by extension, the parents come to expect more from their children. So at this point in time, someone may think „Well, I want to live my own life and do my own thing”. While having your own life is totally fine, Allah subhana wa’ta3la puts a special emphasis on being good to parents when they get older and need you more. When Allah subhana wa’ta3la mentions Himself first, He is telling us that being good to our parents when they get older is not going to come easy unless we our true servants to Allah subhana wa’ta3la. In the same ayah, Allah subhana wa’ta3la says “wa la tanharma” (don‟t shrug them off, don‟t push them away). This is significant because it‟s the same comment that was given to the Prophet (SAW) in Surah Duha in verse 10. We shouldn‟t shrug off or push aside the orphan, so we should be no different with our parents. An example is when a mother is speaking to their son/daughter, and their son/ daughter walks past without even acknowledging her. How can anyone do this to their mother after all that she has done for them?
In the same ayah, Allah subhana wa’ta3la tells us to speak to them in noble word/speech. A big problem in the world nowadays (Muslims included), is that so many people use curse words, and just disgusting language in general. After hearing it so much, it just seems normal for individuals to use it. Therefore, one may not even realize that they are using it since it has become second nature to their tongues. However, Allah subhana wa’ta3la is letting us know that we need to be extra careful with disgusting language in front of our parents—although we shouldn‟t use it anyway). SubhanAllah. Allah subhana wa’ta3la follows up the previous ayah with another ayah dedicated to parents. “And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, my Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.” (Quran 17:24).
An example may be when one has the ability to walk away, or hang up the phone yet they don‟t actually use that ability. Instead, they hear their parents out and listen to what they have to say. Many of us may think that we have a special circumstance and we may think that our parents are really messed up. However, in situations like this, everybody feels like they have an exceptional circumstance. Essentially, not many individuals think this ayah is talking about them. Rather, they think its talking about someone else who has a “normal” circumstance. Allah subhana wa’ta3la knows the ins and outs of what He created. Therefore, when He is telling us something, He knows everyone‟s circumstances. In Arabic, min ar rahma (out of mercy), means at least three things. First, it means that one better humble themselves to their parents despite their ability to not have to. This is because their parents are at an age when they need mercy. Second, it means that parents showed their children mercy when they were small. Parents don‟t flaunt a make a list of all the sacrifices they made for their children. Rather, they show their children mercy by not doing this. Therefore, their children need to show their parents mercy as well. The last meaning is that if we want Allah subhana wa’ta3la to show us mercy, than we better show our parents mercy. SubhanAllah. May Allah subhana wa’ta3la make us the best to our parent‟s lives, insha‟Allah. Ameen.
Citations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrokzxqiebs
Tatiana Morozova | Dreamstime.com (Image Credit)
By Sister Yvonne Maffei,
Ingredients 
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1 tsp. lemon juice 1 TB. easy-to-pour honey
Preparation Mix the juice and honey in a bowl. Then, using your fingers or a cotton ball, apply the mixture to your face and neck. Gently massage the mixture into your skin, using circular motions, working from the neck up. Leave on for 20 minutes. Rinse with warm water. Leaves your skin feeling soft and looking fresh and clean. Resources 1) Cox, Janice. Natural Beauty at Home 2) Benge, Sophie. Asian Secrets of Health, Beauty & Relaxation. 3) Kostyk, Annmarie. Chocolate is Healthy: Myths, Truths and Delicious Recipes. The Kindle edition of this book is now available on amazon.com
Yvonne Maffei is a food writer, recipe developer and the publisher of MyHalalKitchen.com, a halal food blog that offers recipes, tips and halal cooking techniques to readers. Image Credit: My Halal Kitchen
Visit www.myhalalkitchen.com
, "Most women tend to turn out like their mothers, despite promising themselves they never will. This is because we spend a big chunk of our lives thinking how we do not want to be, instead of what we would like for ourselves instead. Your focus lies on what you think about most of the time, so appreciate and adopt what you like best about your parents into your relationship, and focus on that entirely."
By Sr. Khadijah Eghf ,
Creme Fraiche, Figs and Honey By Sister Yvonne Maffei, Honey is one of my absolute favorite food and health items. I don‟t consider it as just a food, but also a medicine and a beauty product. Whenever I have an upset stomach, I take a heaping tablespoon of honey and normally feel the stomach ache disappear. To soften my skin, I make my own honey facials. In baking, I use it as a sweetener. Sometimes, I simply crave it for what it is and have recently been exploring new varieties of honey and other bee products. I‟m very interested in the state of our honeybees today in relation to colony collapse disorder we‟ve been seeing for the past several years. I was incredibly moved by a conversation I had with an Amish farmer who told me last summer that there was no Ohio honey because the bees were just gone. They had to get their honey from somewhere in Michigan and even then, they didn‟t have much. Without our bees to pollinate the flowers that give us fruits and vegetables to feed us and our livestock, we no longer have a viable source of food. It reminds me of the many references in the Qur‟an and ahadith (sayings of Prophet Muhammad, peace be on him) to the importance of honey and the bees themselves.
I‟m happy to learn about beekeepers and purveyors of honey, such as Grampa‟s honey in Colorado and Nutra B in Niagara Falls, NY. Grampa’s Honey (shown in the photo above) sent me four wonderful, generous size bottles of their varied honey flavors. On the plate you may be able to see light honey and darker honey and even a thicker, deeper white colored one. I‟ve been fortunate enough to try their clover honey, seasonal honey, white honey, and tamarisk honey. Each has its own distinctive flavor and will go well with different fruits and different recipes, but all are delicious in their own right. Experiment with each one- you may have never tried honey like this before. Nutra B is a company owned by the only known Muslim beekeepers in North America. I‟m currently trying out their Bee Pollen in Honey. In general, bee pollen, has been known for thousands of years to have many health benefits. It‟s not the only product they sell, so a scan of their website is a good way to see all of the other products they offer. I decided to begin my expirimentation of Grampa’s Honey when I found beautiful fresh figs and had a nice fresh batch of homemeade creme fraiche and homemade citrus peels on hand. This dish of Creme Fraiche, Figs & Honey is a great way to start the day for breakfast or even as a light dessert. There‟s no need to label it- just make it when you‟ve got the freshest fruits of the season. I might even substitute fresh apricots or peaches for the figs. Whatever is seasonal, fresh and on-hand is best. Serves 2 Ingredients 1/2 cup creme fraiche, preferably homemade 1 tsp. lemon zest, preferably homemade 4 fresh figs 1-2 tablespoons honey, such as Grampa‟s Honey Directions 1. Prepare the creme fraiche and citrus peels if making your own. 2. Wash and dry the figs. Cut into quarters. 3. On a plate or platter, dollup the creme fraiche alongside the fig quarters. Drizzle the creme fraiche with honey and citrus peels on top. 4. Serve at room temperature with small forks for dipping. Image Credit: www.myhalalkitchen.com
Amana alrrasoolu bima onzila ilayhi min rabbihi waalmuminoona kullunamana biAllahi wamalaikatihi wakutubihi warusulihi la nufarriqu bayna ahadin min rusulihi waqaloo samiAAna waataAAna ghufranaka rabbanawailayka almaseeru The Messenger has believed in what was revealed to him from his Lord, and [so have] the believers. All of them have believed in Allah and His angels and His books and His messengers, [saying], "We make no distinction between any of His messengers." And they say, "We hear and we obey. [We seek] Your forgiveness, our Lord, and to You is the [final] destination." (Quran 2:285) La yukallifu Allahu nafsan illa wusAAaha laha ma kasabat waAAalayha maiktasabat rabbana la tuakhithna in naseena aw akhtana rabbana walatahmil AAalayna isran kama hamaltahu AAala allatheena min qablinarabbana wala tuhammilna ma la taqata lana bihi waoAAfu AAanna waighfir lana wairhamna anta mawlana faonsurna AAala alqawmi alkafireena Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people." (Quran 2:286) Translation: http://www.quran.com/2Translation: http://noblequran.com/translation/index.html Transliteration: http://iknowledge.islamicnature.com/quran/surah/2/lang/englishtran/ Transliteration: http://iknowledge.islamicnature.com/quran/surah/2/lang/englishtran/
InshaAllah Simply translated from Arabic to English, InshaAllah means „God willing‟. This is a very commonly used phrase, as Muslims believe God has power over everything. MashaAllah Simply translated from Arabic to English , MashaAllah means 'Whatever Allah (God) wills'. Often, it is used as an expression of delight or achievement. JazakAllah khairan Simply translated from Arabic to English, jazakAllah khairun means „May Allah reward you for the good”. This is commonly used to thank someone or to acknowledge someone‟s effort. SubhanAllah In Arabic, SubhanAllah means „Glorious is Allah”. This is used when praising God. It is also commonly used as a exclamation like “Wow!”. Masjid The Masjid is simply the Arabic word for Mosque. Many Muslims refer to the Mosque as a Masjid. Masjids are primarily used for Salah (Prayer) Jummah prayer The Friday prayer services that Muslims attend weekly. SWT: Subhana wa’ta3la Arabic Praise used after the name of Allah meaning „glorious and exalted is He” Hijab Headscarf prescribed to Muslim women for modesty purposes Shahadah Declaration of Islamic faith. Assalamu Alaykum May peace be unto you.