The McGill Tribune Vol. 41 Issue 24

The McGill Tribune TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022 | VOL. 41 | ISSUE 24

EDITORIAL

McGILLTRIBUNE.COM | @McGILLTRIBUNE

Published by the SPT, a student society of McGill University

FEATURE

THE JOKE ISSUE

The Palestine Solidarity Policy must stand

Study on naked mole rats makes SHOCKING discovery (18+)

Opening the curtains to the Montreal theatre scene

PG. 5

PG. 13

PGs. 8-9

I’m not a robot

(Jackie Lee / The McGill Tribune)

Cuffing season is over: Best places on campus to break up with your significant other The end of the semester is approaching, and so is the end of your relationship Dante Ventulieri Staff Writer Whether it’s the green spaces, reading rooms, restaurants, or historical architecture, there’s no shortage of places on campus to fall in love. However, when deciding where to break up with someone, things get a bit muddier. To help out

with these nerve-wracking decisions, The McGill Tribune has identified the best spots at McGill to end things with your partner.

Birks Basement The stained glass Birks chapel and study room are among the most romantic places on campus, great

for asking out your crush.

The basement, on the other hand, is a decrepit network of weird hallways, mysterious rooms, and unsettling bathrooms: The perfect place to end it with your not-so-perfect other half.

Bonus points if you both had to take your shoes off at the entrance.

PG. 15

Know Your Athlete: Varsity ghosts of McGill

Meet the unfortunate souls of athletes who haunt the bleachers of Molson Stadium Sarah Farnand, Sophia Gorbounov, & Madison McLauchlan Sports Editors & Managing Editor After the Athletics department brutally murdered a slew of varsity sports last fall, many athletes on these fallen teams lost their minds, some of them literally.

The scores of ghostly figures haunting the entrance of Love Competition Hall, the corridors of McConnell Arena, and the bleachers at Percival Molson Stadium have become regular fixtures of the athletics scene at McGill. The McGill Tribune

Sports section summoned a few otherworldly presences by seance to understand what life, or the afterlife rather, has been like for these phantom athletes.

We first met Meathead Jones at the stroke of midnight on the thirty-yard line of the Percival Molson football field.

A former member of the lacrosse team, whose varsity status was viciously struck down by McGill’s evil overlords last fall, Jones lopes around the field with crosse in hand, pantomiming—or phantomiming— the drills he used to run with his fellow teammates.

PG. 16

2

NEWS

news@mcgilltribune.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

McGill threatens to terminate MoA with SSMU over the approval of Palestine Solidarity Policy Students stage protest, demand that SSMU resists McGill’s pressures Ghazal Azizi Staff Writer

O

n March 21, the Palestine Solidarity Policy question on the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) Winter 2022 Referendum passed with a 71.1 per cent majority. The following day, however, Deputy Provost Fabrice Labeau informed SSMU that the university found the policy to be in violation of SSMU’s constitution and provided SSMU with a notice of default in accordance with the Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) between SSMU and McGill. Labeau then publicly announced in an MRO email sent to all McGill students and staff on March 24 that the university threatened to terminate its agreement with SSMU if the alleged violation is not remedied.

The approved Palestine Solidarity Policy mandates that SSMU institutionalize its support for Palestinian and pro-Palestine students by creating a Palestine Solidarity Committee. The policy was subject to much controversy during the Winter 2022 referendum and is now facing more as the university administration weighs in on its legitimacy.

On March 25, approximately

100 members of the McGill community gathered outside the James Administration Building in protest of the university’s disavowal of the Palestine Solidarity Policy.

The demonstration featured speeches from several student groups on campus, including Independent Jewish Voices (IJV) and Solidarity for Palestinian Human Rights (SPHR) McGill, as well as SSMU president Darshan Daryanani, former SSMU president Bryan Buraga, and former McGill University Board of Governors (BoG) member Ehab Lotayef.

Chanting “Free Palestine,” Daryanani began his address to the crowd. He decried McGill’s decision

to interfere in the democratic processes of a student association, calling it an overstep on the part of the administration. “[As] the Students’ Society of McGill University, we require a certain degree of autonomy to effectively carry out [our] roles and we fear that the statement made

by McGill University severely encroaches in this ability,” Daryanani said. “At this time, regardless of the communications sent by the McGill administration, the Palestine Solidarity Policy remains in force.

Despite the pressure from the McGill administration, we will not stand down. We will do everything in our power to defend and implement this

On March 21, McGill announced a new initiative, spearheaded by Associate Provost Campbell and Deputy Provost Labeau, to address antisemitism and islamophobia on campus. (Anonymous / The McGill Tribune)

democratically approved policy.”

Lotayef applauded Daryanani and the students present at the protest for resisting the administration’s demands. In May, 2021, Lotayef stepped down as a member of the BoG after the board refused to table his motion for an equity statement.

After the rally, he told The McGill Tribune that he was “disgusted” by the administration’s continued refusal to acknowledge the crimes committed by the Israeli regime, despite their history of speaking out against other international human rights issues.

“The student body should be totally independent and putting such a pressure is shameful,” Lotayef said.

“When we are seeing the whole world encouraged to speak up in support of Ukraine, [to] deny Palestinians the right to pass a motion that is not attacking anyone, it’s disgusting [....]

Those who will be offended by this motion are those who are saying we support apartheid. Apartheid that has been acknowledge by Amnesty and

by Human Rights Watch.”

Dana,* a member of SPHR McGill who attended the rally, was outraged that Labeau stated that the Palestine Solidarity Policy would “bring more division” to the McGill community. Dana believes the

administration intentionally taints conversations around Palestine with accusations of antisemitism to deter people from the issue.

“There is a really really big line between antisemitism and antiZionism,” Dana said in an interview with the Tribune. “McGill constantly and repetitively blurs that line which is a danger to Jewish students on campus as well as pro-Palestinian students. The administration is scared that because of this policy, the donors and collaborations they have with Israeli or pro-Israel corporations will back out. That’s what we want.

We want them to divest from these institutions that are complicit in settler colonial apartheid.”

Socialist Fightback Club president Lucas Marques also spoke at the protest. In an interview with the Tribune, he criticized McGill for “blackmailing SSMU” in an attempt to infringe on the democratic rights of the student body.

“Ultimately, this is a threat to student democracy and our power comes from our ability to withhold ourselves from going to class,” Marques said.” I think SSMU should be unequivocal and call for a strike if that is what is needed.” *Dana’s name has been changed to preserve their anonymity.

McCall MacBain Arts, University Centre, and Leacock buildings vandalized Actors responsible for vandalism remain unknown

Madison Edward-Wright News Editor

O

n the morning of March 21, students arrived on campus to find the front of the McCall MacBain Arts Building vandalized. On the banners flanking the main entrance, along the front wall, and on the small statue in front of the building, phrases including “education for liberation,” “fucking slave owner,” “decolonize,” and “the university is a factory” were spray painted in black and red ink.

The “slave owner” comment and the call to “take him down” refer to the fact that James McGill enslaved Black and Indigenous people. Students had been calling for the removal of his statue for

(Léa Bourget / The McGill Tribune)

years before it was eventually removed after being vandalized. Whether the statue will be returned has yet to be determined.

The Arts Building was not the only graffitied site; the pillars on the side of the Leacock Building had “divest” written across them and the front of the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) building, the University Centre, had the words “democratize SSMU” sprayed on. All of the spray paint was cleared by March 23, but not before many students had the opportunity to see the messages.

Taylor,* U1 Science, stopped to take photos of the messages scrawled across the front of the Arts and Leacock buildings after a class on March 21. While Taylor says he understands the message behind the graffiti, he disagreed with the methods

vandalizers took to deliver it. Taylor believes it undermined student resistance to the McGill administration.

“I think making graffiti on the Leacock building is sort of detrimental to their cause, perhaps not the best way to protest what the university is doing,” Taylor said in an interview with The McGill Tribune.

“I think there are more effective and more respectful ways of being in disagreement with certain policies.”

Chloé Mersereau, U3 Science, spent half an hour sitting outside Arts on March 21, studying and watching other students stop and look at the paint. Mersereau agreed with Taylor, but felt somewhat conflicted.

“I did not exactly know what it was at first, but I just saw ‘slave owner’ written

(Madison Edward-Wright / The McGill Tribune)

all over and I was just a little bit shocked,” Mersereau said in an interview with the Tribune. “Graffiti is bad on its own, but I am torn because [James McGill] was a slave owner, so like, am I for this or am I against this?”

The McGill administration was not pleased when they discovered the state of the Arts building on March 21. In an email statement to The McGill Tribune, McGill media relations officer Frédérique Mazerolle stated that the university supports students’ rights to voice their opinions, but not in an illegal manner.

“While we recognize the right of every individual to express their views and opinions, we regret that in this case, the manner of expression damaged University property,” Mazerolle wrote.

news@mcgilltribune.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

NEWS

3

Tribune Explains: SSMU and McGill’s Memorandum of Agreement

A termination of the MoA could jeopardize a diplomatic relationship between the two organizations Ghazal Azizi Staff Writer

What is the Memorandum of Agreement between McGill and SSMU?

n an email sent to the student body on March 24, McGill’s Deputy Provost Fabrice Labeau condemned the adoption of the Palestinian Solidarity Policy, a question that was approved in the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) Winter 2022 Referendum with a 71.1 per cent majority.

Labeau announced that McGill found the policy to be in violation of SSMU’s constitution and threatened to terminate its Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) with SSMU if the student union’s leadership does not remedy the alleged violation.

The Memorandum of Agreement between McGill University and SSMU governs the relationship between the two institutions. The majority of the document describes the process by which McGill collects and distributes fees gathered from students to support the SSMU. It also outlines rules guiding the society’s use of the McGill name and the University Centre.

Both parties typically renew and update the MoA for necessary changes every five years.

The current MoA was signed in 2019 and is scheduled to end on May 31, 2024.

I

Clause 11.6 of the agreement allows SSMU Directors and Officers to collect up to 12 credits toward their degree for the work they do.

(Corey Zhu / The McGill Tribune)

What is an ‘event of default’ and what happens after a default occurs?

According to SSMU president Darshan Daryanani, Labeau provided SSMU with a notice of default on March 22. Section 12 of the MoA defines a default as an instance where either party breaches any term of the agreement, or when SSMU violates Quebec law, policies of the university, or its own constitution.

Once a party believes that a default has occurred, it must inform the defaulting party with a written notice and allow them 30 working days to remedy the default. Should the accused party disagree over the existence of the default, either party may submit the dispute to be resolved by a jointly selected arbitrator within 90 calendar days of receiving

the default notice.

If the occurrence of a default is confirmed after the arbitration process, the MoA may be terminated by the accusing party. This would cause all funds intended for the society currently held by McGill to be placed in an interim trust fund. The funds will then be overseen by a committee of two McGill representatives, two SSMU representatives, and a mutually selected chairperson.

Currently, the university is in sole possession of the gathered fees until McGill transfers the funds to SSMU on its three scheduled distribution dates.

Would SSMU cease to exist if the MoA is terminated?

No. Quebec’s Act respecting the accreditation and financing of students’ associations mandates educational institutions such as McGill to collect fees assessed by an accredited student association, such as SSMU, from students during registration. McGill is also mandated to transfer those funds to SSMU within 30 days after the end of the registration period. While Quebec law protects SSMU’s existence and financing, a termination of the MoA would prompt legal complications in SSMU’s use of McGill’s name.

Is there precedent for the current dispute?

In

2017,

Legislative

Council

representative Igor Sadikov tweeted “punch a zionist today.” According to anonymous sources who reached out to The McGill Daily, the controversy allegedly led Principal Suzanne Fortier to threaten to terminate the MoA if the SSMU Board of Directors (BoD) did not demand Sadikov’s resignation. Though Sadikov eventually resigned, the university’s actions spurred protests amongst students who viewed the threat of a default as undermining student democracy.

While the aforementioned notice of default has been the only one publicly known since 2017, SSMU directors and officers have cited approaching decisionmaking with caution in recent years to avoid confrontation from the administration.

On Feb. 16, 2021, the motion for the adoption of the Divest for Human Rights policy passed at a SSMU General Assembly and Legislative Council. However, the policy’s final ratification by the Board of Directors was postponed on March 4 due to fears of an MoA default. While the BoD eventually approved the motion, hesitations spurred by previous threats of an MoA default overshadowed the process.

Students continue to protest SSMU’s historical compliance with the administration’s interference in student affairs. Many believe the administration is infringing on SSMU’s democracy and are calling on SSMU to fight back against these challenges to student autonomy.

SSMU passes motion condemning McGill’s response to Palestine Solidarity Policy

Legislative Council convened hours after McGill threatened its Memorandum of Agreement with SSMU Juliet Morrison Staff Writer

O

n March 24, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) held its third Legislative Council session of the winter semester at 6 p.m. Discussion centred around an email the McGill administration sent just hours earlier through its MRO Communications system. The email, sent to all McGill students and staff, denounced the Palestine Solidarity Policy that students voted in with 71.1 per cent in favour during SSMU’s Winter 2022 referendum.

Authored by Deputy Provost Fabrice Labeau, the administration’s MRO expressed dismay at the passing of the Palestine Solidarity Policy, calling it “an initiative that can only bring more division to [the McGill] community,” and asserting it was in violation of the SSMU’s constitution.

McGill has called on the Society to take “appropriate remedial action,” threatening to end the Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) that governs its relationship with the SSMU if it fails to do so.

At the onset of the meeting, Arts

representative Yara Coussa proposed the possibility of introducing motions to publicly condemn the university’s message and stand in support of the referendum’s result. The Council’s Steering Committee approved the presentation of these motions for later in the meeting.

Multiple constituent questions were brought forth during the question period about how the Society would respond to the MRO and whether it would stand by the result of its referendum. In response to these queries, vice-president (VP) Finance Eric Sader noted that the issue at hand revolved around the constitutionality of the policy, and that the decision would be primarily left to SSMU’s Judicial Board (J-Board), not the Legislative Council.

“The university should not have a say as to what SSMU does,” Sader said. “They do not have a legal right to do so and they do not have a legal right to determine what is or is not an acceptable stance in that sense.

What does exist, however, is the SSMU constitution itself [....] We are not allowed to violate our own constitution. Does McGill have a right to tell us what opinions to hold? No.”

One of the motions moved by councillor Coussa called on the SSMU to issue a statement standing against McGill’s message and denouncing its decision to publicly intimidate the Society and its democratic process.

The motion passed with 11 votes in favour, and four opposed.

Another motion moved by Coussa called for a joint statement with SSMU and the Solidarity for Palestinian Human Rights McGill (SPHR) to stand by the policy and condemn the administration’s disregard for the safety of Palestinian students. The motion was indefinitely tabled for the purposes of verifying the policy’s legalities with J-Board first, as many councillors raised concerns

about potentially exposing SSMU to litigation from McGill.

Cited potential repercussions included the significant cost of a legal feud, as noted by VP Student Life Karla Heisele Cubilla, and the implications of terminating the MoA, which councillor Andres Perez Tiniacos believes would put many SSMU spaces in jeopardy, including the University Centre.

“It is important to look at

the risk of should termination of the MoA happen by the McGill Administration,” Tiniacos said. “A lot of the current services and a lot of the spaces that SSMU is able to provide to students right now are under the MoA. The University Centre is not one of them, but as we heard previously, the lease of this agreement [...] is binding to the MoA as well. So, it could also mean the SSMU losing the University Centre.”

MOMENT OF THE MEETING

Member of the Gallery Saf Hakawati urged the Legislative Council to take note of the pressing nature of their response, emphasizing that the whole student body was waiting to see how SSMU would react and that the story was garnering attention from both national and international media outlets.

SOUND BITE

VP Finance Sader presented a mandated presentation about SSMU’s divestments and its relationship with RBC. (Defne Gurcay / The McGill Tribune)

“As a Jewish student, I am absolutely apalled to see the interference in this way and the blatant attempt to undermine student democracy and smear Palestinian human rights. I urge all of the members of SSMU to stand up for the student body here and stand up for Palestinian human rights and against this blatant interference.”

—Member of the Gallery Geneviève Navin during the question period, condemning the administration’s MRO.

4

NEWS

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

news@mcgilltribune.com

Floor fellows rally as bargaining for collective agreement with McGill continues AMUSE and McGill administration met amid loosening restrictions and COVID-19 surge in residences Noa Crebassa Contributor

O

n March 24, the Association of McGill University Support Employees (AMUSE) held a rally outside of the James Administration building to bolster support for the floor fellow’s bargaining team. Floor fellows, upper-year students who work in McGill residences, have been on strike since March 18 over failure to reach a collective agreement with the university. The rally eventually relocated to outside University Hall, where the bargaining team met virtually with Susan Campbell, interim senior director for Student Housing and Hospitality Service (SHHS), and other administrators in an attempt to negotiate a new agreement. Among the floor fellows’ top priorities are higher wages, retroactive pay, and an updated meal plan.

Both students and members of the Association of Graduate Students Employed at McGill (AGSEM) joined the rally in support of floor fellows and AMUSE in their bargaining efforts with McGill.

“I’m here in solidarity,” said Lucas Marques, member of AGSEM and of McGill’s Socialist Fightback Club, in an interview with The McGill Tribune from inside University Hall. “It’s absolutely unacceptable what McGill has been offering the floor fellows. My dean [David Eidelman] makes almost $900,000 in compensation, Suzanne Fortier makes almost $860,000 in

compensation.”

Because no agreement was reached between the bargaining team and the administration at the March 24 meeting, the strike will continue. According to James Newman, MA ‘20 and president of AMUSE, actions are planned for the near future to show that floor fellows are willing to stand their ground until they reach a fair deal with McGill. Overall, he believes the strike has been a powerful mobilizing force that has helped garner support for the floor fellows

McGill reported 143 COVID-19 cases on campus between March 13 and 19.

(Autumn Chu / The McGill Tribune)

throughout the McGill community.

“This week has been spectacular,” Newman told the Tribune, referencing the open letter in support of the AMUSE negotiation team addressed to McGill. “We went from about 600 signatures before the strike started [...] to over 1,500 [....] We’re mobilized, we’re motivated, but we are also distraught at the situation going on in residence.”

The “situation” Newman was referring to is the recent spike in COVID-19 cases within McGill residences, which he sees as further evidence of the need for better working conditions for floor fellows. According to Newman, COVID-19-positive students have been told to use shared bathrooms and dining halls, and McGill’s testing program for those in residence is being scaleddown to just the Carrefour Sherbrooke site.

Newman believes that McGill’s decision to loosen COVID-19 restrictions in residences at this time is dangerous both for students and floor fellows.

“Things are really hunkering down right now as a result of the ongoing casebreaks that are plaguing McGill,” Christian Tonnesen, U4 science and vice-president floor fellow, elaborated. “I know that many floor fellows are concerned about the possibility of working in these conditions [....] As it currently stands, we as employees are being asked to live and work in conditions that place us at increased risk of contracting COVID-19, which seems to be a

flagrant disrespect of Quebec labour safety codes.”

At the beginning of their strike on March 18, floor fellows left residences and stayed in hotel rooms until March 21— paid for by the Public Service Alliance of Canada, AMUSE’s parent union. Tonnesen explained that because St. Patrick’s weekend is a particularly busy time for floor fellows, they hoped their action would resonate with McGill. According to Tonnesen, the university did not communicate with students in residence about the fact that floor fellows would be away.

“Per strike rules, the only people that were allowed to work our roles were those above us in the chain of command, meaning that only Residence Life Managers (RLM) could take our spot,” Tonnesen said.

“However, I saw no communications from McGill to students about the fact that floor fellows would be on strike, which seems concerning given how active of a weekend St. Patrick’s Day weekend usually is.”

In an email to the Tribune, McGill media relation officer Frédérique Mazerolle provided an identical statement to a previous request for comment regarding the ongoing bargaining between AMUSE and the McGill administration.

“Both parties have come to agreement on all non-monetary elements within the collective agreement,” Mazerolle wrote. “It is our hope we will reach a fruitful agreement as quickly as possible.”

‘Living with Law 21’ panel tells personal narratives of Bill 21's multifarious impacts

Four panellists represented different facets of Quebec society contending with the bill Elena Lee Staff Writer

O

n June 16, 2019, the Coalition Avenir Québec (CAQ) government implemented Bill 21, which banned public sector employees from wearing religious symbols at work. Since then, many McGill students and staff have critiqued the secularism the Act purports to uphold, drawing particular attention to its effect on racial and gender minorities. In their latest efforts to educate and mobilize others against the Act, the McGill Institute of Islamic Studies, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU), McGill Coalition Against Bill 21, and the Muslim Students Association of McGill University (MSA McGill) hosted a joint panel on March 24 titled “Living with Law 21: Second-class citizenship in Quebec today.”

Weeam Ben Rejeb, 1L, one of the event organizers, explained to The McGill Tribune that the McGill Against Law 21 Coalition identified a critical need for public awareness while distributing “No to Law 21”

buttons to the McGill community last fall.

“The majority of people that we spoke with had no idea that this law was in effect or what are the impacts and implications of the law,” Ben Rejeb said. “We wanted to organize this event to give a chance for folks interested in learning more to come and learn from our panellists, and to raise awareness. We wanted to provide a forum for learning and discussion where people can learn and also hear about practical ways that they can help in the fights against the law.”

The panel reflected an array of expertise and experiences, bringing together academic Zeinab Diab, lawyer Faiz Lalani, previous public sector employee Fatemeh Anvari, and community leader Rabbi Lisa Grushcow.

First to speak, Anvari recounted the events of Dec. 2021, when she was removed from her position as a third grade homeroom teacher at Chelsea Elementary School for wearing a hijab. Although she spoke from personal experience, she implored

the audience to think of her story in the context of broader society, and consider their own positionality within it.

“If the experiences I shared of loneliness, pain, fear, sadness, and disappointment do not resonate with you in a similar sense or context, I invite you to look at whether this is due to a privilege,” Anvari said.

“Now that this privilege exists for you, what do you choose to do with it? How do you choose to be, and how do you choose to exist, and coexist?”

Next to speak was Rabbi Lisa Grushcow, BA ‘96, a senior Rabbi at Temple Emanu-El-Beth Sholom.

Rabbi Grushcow acknowledged the importance of sharing experiences such as Anvari’s, echoing her belief that resistance to the law is and should be shaped by stories.

“It’s about us, as another religious minority, as people who often [...] dress in a certain way as part of the practices of our faith,” Grushcow said. “It’s [also] very clearly a case of Islamophobia, of targeting Muslim women in particular.”

The panel’s two legal experts—

The event used a Zoom/in-person hybrid model to accommodate around 100 engaged attendees, which included students from other universities like UQAM and UDEM, as well as community members at large.

(McGill Against Bill 21 / Facebook) Zeinab Diab, a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Montreal, and Faiz Lalani, BA ‘10, BCL/LLB ‘14 and partner at Davies Ward Phillips & Vineberg LLP—spoke about the technical dimensions of Bill 21, describing practical steps one can take to resist the bill.

“If you can, donate to the cause, write to the politicians, and participate in local politics, because that will have a tremendous impact,” Lalani said.

Rabbi Grushcow added that

this panel was preaching to the choir. She urged attendees to open dialogue with people outside of the space in order to continue pushing for change.

“We need to be taking on this bigger societal project of getting in conversations with people with whom we disagree,” Grushcow said. “For us in this room who are advocates of diversity and pluralism, maybe it’s even more incumbent upon us to find ways to start those conversations.”

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

T

EDITORIAL BOARD Editor-in-Chief Sequoia Kim editor@mcgilltribune.com Creative Director Ruobing Chen rchen@mcgilltribune.com Managing Editors Kennedy McKee-Braide kmckee-braide@mcgilltribune.com Madison Mclauchlan mmclauchlan@mcgilltribune.com Maya Abuali mabuali@mcgilltribune.com

News Editors Lily Cason, Ella Fitzhugh & Madison Edward-Wright news@mcgilltribune.com Opinion Editors Sepideh Afshar, Aubrey Quinney & Matthew Molinaro opinion@mcgilltribune.com Science & Technology Editors Adam Matthews-Kott & Shafaq Nami scitech@mcgilltribune.com Student Life Editors Holly Wethey & Wendy Zhao studentlife@mcgilltribune.com Features Editor Tasmin Chu features@mcgilltribune.com Arts & Entertainment Editors Lowell Wolfe & Michelle Siegel arts@mcgilltribune.com Sports Editors Sarah Farnand & Sophia Gorbounov sports@mcgilltribune.com Design Editors Jinny Moon & Xiaotian Wang design@mcgilltribune.com Photo Editor Anoushka Oke photo@mcgilltribune.com Multimedia Editor Wendy Lin multimedia@mcgilltribune.com Web Developers Abby de Gala & Sneha Senthil webdev@mcgilltribune.com Copy Editor Jackie Lee copy@mcgilltribune.com

opinion@mcgilltribune.com

The Palestine Solidarity Policy must stand The McGill Tribune Editorial Board

O

n March 21, in a historic win for student activists, the Palestine Solidarity Policy, put together by Solidarity for Palestinian Human Rights McGill (SPHR), passed at the Winter 2022 Referendum with a 71.1 per cent approval.

This win came after Elections SSMU initially removed it from the ballot based on a last-minute Judicial Board (J-Board) interim order—it was later reinstated following public backlash. Only three days after the policy’s approval, Deputy Provost (Student Life and Learning) Fabrice Labeau sent out a statement to the entire McGill community denouncing the policy and deeming it incompatible with McGill’s alleged values of inclusion, diversity, and respect. Above all else, the email represents an attempt to suppress student activism at the expense of Palestinian students, dismissing activism and antiZionism as antisemitism. Moreover, threatening the Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) between the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) and the administration sets a dangerous precedent whereby McGill disregards democratic proceedings and grossly oversteps their bounds. SSMU must reject these attempts unequivocally. If they back down, it will permanently stain the future of student activism at McGill.

Labeau’s statement uses inflammatory buzzwords and harmful misrepresentations of antiZionism in an attempt to intimidate those in support of the Palestine Solidarity Policy—and in doing so, it imposes the beliefs of administrators, the Board of Governors, and donors onto students. By branding the policy as contradictory to values of diversity and

OFF THE BOARD Shafaq Nami Science & Technology Editor

Social Media Editor Taneeshaa Pradhan socialmedia@mcgilltribune.com Business Manager Joseph Abounohra business@mcgilltribune.com

TPS BOARD OF DIRECTORS Sequoia Kim, Reem Abdul Majid, Matthew Molinaro, Shafaq Nami, Joseph Abounohra, Namrata Rana, Shreya Rastogi

STAFF Sehrish Ahmed, Ghazal Azizi, Valentina de la Borbolla, Léa Bourget, Tillie Burlock, El Bush, Autumn Chu, Elissa Dresdner, Mika Drygas, Sébastien Géroli, Saumya Gogte, Suzanna Graham, Bronte Grimmer, Karthikeya Guatam, Charlotte Hayes, Rose Kaissar, Arian Kamel, Leo Larman Brown, Shani Laskin, Elena Lee, Louis Lussier-Piette, Dima Kiwan, Abby McCormick, Adam Menikefs, Zoe Mineret, Juliet Morrison, Sara Chiarotto O’Brien, Mikaela Shadick, Erin Smith, Courtney Squires, Niamh Stafford, Dante Ventulieri, Corey Zhu

CONTRIBUTORS Anna Berglas, Noa Crebassa, Maria Gheorghiu, Lauren Hicken, Cyril Kazan, Sabrina Nelson, Atticus O’Rourke Rusin, Annika Pavlin, Catherine Plawutsky, Brian Schatteman, Osman Warsi

TRIBUNE OFFICE 3480 McTavish, Suite 110 Montreal, QC H3A 0E7 - T: (519) 546-8263

The McGill Tribune is an editorially autonomous newspaper published by the Société de Publication de la Tribune, a student society of McGill University.

The content of this publication is the sole responsibility of The McGill Tribune and the Société de Publication de la Tribune, and does not necessarily represent the views of McGill University. Letters to the editor may be sent to editor@mcgilltribune.com and must include the contributor’s name, program and year and contact information. Letters should be kept under 300 words and submitted only to the Tribune. Submissions judged by the Tribune Publication Society to be libellous, sexist, racist, homophobic or solely promotional in nature will not be published. The Tribune reserves the right to edit all contributions. Editorials are decided upon and written by the editorial board.

All other opinions are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the McGill Tribune, its editors or its staff.

A

month ago, I opened my social media only to be met with a flood of panicked posts. Ranging from tweets to reels and everything in between, the message was the same: How unbelievable it was that our generation was experiencing live coverage of war––a statement with which I did not exactly resonate. My earliest memories of hearing about ongoing war were stories of resistance during the Gaza siege, in particular that of Rachel Corrie, an American student who was crushed by an Israeli bulldozer while peacefully protesting the attempted demolition of a Palestinian family’s home. Even though I remember hearing about this incident at the age of eight, it actually happened five years prior, in 2003– –a stark reminder of the decades of conflict and war that have been happening in our lifetime and covered by civilians on social media in the

inclusion, while touting accusations of antisemitism without any real explanation, Labeau’s statement appears to be nothing more than a fear-mongering technique to silence those in opposition to Palestinian liberation and the profit McGill makes from investing in apartheid.

Rather than diffusing the situation, the administration’s move effectively exacerbates existing on-campus tension by threatening to jeopardize SSMU if they implement the democratically approved policy. The policy makes no mention of religion, yet by referencing antisemitism and Islamophobia, Labeau unnecessarily pits Jewish and Muslim students against each other. Jewish students at McGill who support the policy have even spoken out against the monolithic view that all Jewish people are Zionists.

Palestinian students face constant targeted, structural racism at McGill, but never receive any institutional support. The administration’s latest interference upholds the institutionalized oppression of Palestinians at the expense of student safety. If anything, Labeau’s statement reminds students exactly why the Palestine Solidarity Policy is necessary.

In calling the policy unconstitutional, Labeau is presumably referencing the 2016 J-Board ruling that bars SSMU from adopting an official position on geopolitical issues that do not directly affect students or events on campus. This ruling was specifically made to limit SSMU’s possible support for the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions movement.

However, this ruling does not prohibit vocal support of Palestinian liberation. McGill must reassess not only their stance, but also their hypocrisy in voicing

OPINION

5

EDITORIAL

support for Ukraine while constantly shaming those looking to do the same for Palestine.

Fundamentally, as a union whose mandate is to represent the interest of students, SSMU requires a certain degree of autonomy, especially when student and administration interests are at odds. By dangling the termination of the MoA over the heads of executives, McGill is, once again, choosing profits over students and forgoing democratic practices. This complete disregard for SSMU’s democratic system sets an extremely dangerous precedent for the future.

Student activism has a strong legacy at McGill.

McGill divested from South African apartheid in 1985 after sustained student pressure, proving the popular power of students. At the root of the struggle for the Palestine Solidarity Policy are Palestinian students who, faced with constant politicization, are put in positions where they have to prove themselves worthy of basic protection and support. The fight for McGill to so much as recognize the Palestinian struggle has been a long one, and it is imperative that Palestinian students not carry this burden alone.

Instead, all students must be active in their support, attending SPHR’s rallies and events and using the group’s email template to express frustration and solidarity. Those who wish to remain silent should weigh the costs of losing student democracy—especially for the sake of upholding a settler-colonial, apartheid state. SSMU president Darshan Daryanani has publicly stated that the policy’s implementation will continue as planned.

To the 2022-2023 executive team: SSMU must stand their ground and remember that the students who passed this policy are those who elected them.

Every conflict deserves equal coverage absence of Western coverage.

Politicians and media figures’ attempts to garner sympathy for Ukrainian people by describing their “blonde hair and blue eyes” dragged many racialized people into the middle of the coverage of a war unrelated to them. This media attention did not portray the conflict in Ukraine as the latest addition in a long list of recent tragic wars and conflicts, but rather tried to emphasize that it was different.

No one deserves to have their country attacked, to be forced to leave their homes, or to lose their loved ones violently. Yet, many in the media and in politics revealed a racial bias when they attempted to explain why the Ukrainians deserved it even less.

Elevating Ukrainians above others under similar circumstances of displacement and war by describing them such as “civilized,” “intelligent,” and “educated” has exposed the dangerous, racist tendencies to further marginalize non-Western people.

Other statements, however, were overtly ludicrous, with some claiming Ukrainians were less deserving of war because they were “well-dressed,” had access to “Netflix and Instagram,” or had similar “cars.” This dehumanization of people in Africa, Asia, and the Middle East not only normalizes their tragedies but facilitates their continued suffering. The insistence that those in the West are more advanced and educated than those in “developing countries” has been used in the past

to justify colonialism and American military invasions of countries such as Afghanistan and Iraq—both of which were justified under the guise of “civilizing” the populations living there.

Coverage of Ukrainian civilians learning to use guns and creating molotov cocktails depict them as heroes fighting for their country.

However, in recent decades, Palestinians and other racialized people worldwide have been dubbed as “terrorists” for doing the same. The simultaneous glorification of white people and condemnation of people of colour who engage in armed resistance reminds us who has the right to defend themselves.

Biases do not just affect our perceptions, they also affect our policies: They dictate who gets to flee a warzone. Consider the African and South Asian students fleeing the Ukrainian crisis, who are struggling to find transportation and being denied entry at the Polish border.

This treatment is reminiscent of how racialized refugees and immigrants have been treated—as criminals and “aliens” who threaten Western culture.

Beyond blatant racism comes ignorant and incorrect media coverage. In the early days, people circulated videos of airstrikes in Gaza falsely identifying them as Ukrainian.

The claim that we have not been privy to a war or conflict of this scale before serves as nothing more than an erasure of the tragedies suffered by a long list of countries including

Yemen, Libya, Ethiopia, and Nigeria.

No one is immune from the harms of this selective empathy. For Ukrainians, where the conversation should centre their suffering, criticisms of media hypocrisy and comparison with other conflicts have become dominant.

If there is anything that facing a pandemic together should have taught us, it is compassion. Being apathetic about war and conflicts is a privilege not afforded by all. In one part of the world, children are labelled as terrorists and killed for defending themselves against occupying forces, or have to walk 1,000 kilometers to escape a warzone, while those in another part of the world are making memes about war. With a wealth of information at our fingertips and the biases in media well-known and welldocumented, it is inexcusable to be ignorant to human tragedies.

ERRATA An article in the May 22, 2022 issue (“The show goes on: The McGill Savoy Society returns to live theatre after a two-year hiatus”) incorrectly stated that the McGill Savoy Society wasn’t able to perform at Moyse Hall due to changing health measures. In fact, the Savoy wasn’t able to perform there due to McGill’s prior scheduling. The Tribune regrets this error.

An article in the March 22, 2022 issue (“Hear ye, hear ye: Floor fellows’ collective agreement is long overdue”) incorrectly stated that floor fellows live for free in the accommodations provided by McGill University. In fact, the Student Housing and Hospitality Services deducts a fee of living in residences from the floor fellows’ paychecks.

The Tribune regrets this error.

STUDENT LIFE

6

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

studentlife@mcgilltribune.com

A conversation with ‘The McGill Nightly,’ the source of satire for McGillians From online school to SSMU, the ‘Nightly’’s humour highlights McGill’s absurdities Dante Ventulieri Staff Writer

T

he history of student publications at McGill goes back nearly 150 years, with the creation of the McGill University Gazette, the first undergraduate-run monthly publication at McGill, in 1874. Despite social and political satire being commonplace for centuries, it took until the creation of The McGill Nightly in 2019 for McGill to have its own satire publication.

Unlike fake news, which takes advantage of the reader to peddle falsehoods, satirical news plays with the reader by using humour and irony to poke fun or make social commentary at real-world events and social trends.

The McGill Nightly’s team comprises a small inner circle, including two permanent writers, a website developer, and manager––all of whom remain set on maintaining anonymity.

Though the Nightly covers a wide range of topics, it initially came into being to poke fun at The McGill Daily––apparent in their name, brand design, articles, and tagline.

“We call ourselves ‘McGill’s Second Least Trusted News Source’ for a reason,” the team said. “[The McGill Daily has] a $260,000 annual budget to write articles that, at best, the vast majority of the student body doesn’t care about, and at worst disagrees with.”

The Nightly’s claim is factually incorrect, however: The Daily splits its $260,000 DPS budget with Le Délit.

While a few of their articles directly critique the Daily’s operations, the Nightly is more often writing about the failures of SSMU, the university administration, McGill’s on-campus services (or lack thereof), and online school, among others.

“Whenever shit hits the fan in a major way, we know we’re in for a fun article,” the team said.

“It’s always fun to write about a big current event that everyone knows about. It helps make our articles feel relevant and timely and lets us have our say on all the important goings-on at McGill.

Those articles also rack up the most views, which is fun too.”

Whether it is online publications like The Onion or The Bea-

The McGill Nightly team, who remain anonymous, posts roughly two or three articles per month. (source) verton, or shows like Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, the use of humour and wit to mock or break down current events is extremely popular—and it’s something that is not lost on The McGill Nightly team.

“We don’t think there is anything that makes McGill politics easy to understand,” the team said. “But we do find humour to be a great way to comment on these often-complicated issues.

[We] use our articles to express the opinions and disappointment

that McGill students too often feel in these institutions. Humour is a great way to communicate these feelings in a way that people will want to read.”

The McGill Nightly’s satirical perspective on campus events has become a staple part of students’ communal commiseration over the institution’s absurdities, with their articles consistently receiving thousands of views.

“Thankfully, we didn’t have any friends at the time to tell us we’re not funny, so three

years and 60 articles later, here we are,” the team said. “When they’re good enough, we’re always happy to publish guest submissions.”

Although they don’t have a big budget, this hasn’t stopped the Nightly from continuing to write.

“Whatever money we do have comes from merch sales and we put all the profits back into the Nightly [website], usually by giving away laptop stickers on our Instagram.”

LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT The McGill Tribune is situated on the ancestral and unceded territory of the Kanien’kehà:ka; a place which has long served as a site of meeting and exchange amongst many First Nations, including the Kanien’kehá:ka of the Haudenosaunee Confederacy, Huron/Wendat, Abenaki, and Anishinaabeg, among others. The Tribune honours, recognizes and respects these nations as the traditional stewards of the lands and waters.

scitech@mcgilltribune.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY

7

From bioink to cryogenics: The rapid acceleration of 3D printing

3D-printed freezable human tissue now in the works Atticus O’Rourke Rusin Contributor

A

nozzle squeezes out a stream of molten plastic, ceramic, steel or even cells—layers and layers of which stack up, one after the other.

Every layer laid down must wait for the last to dry before the next is begun. Patience is a virtue, and these machines are virtuous. 3D printers can create wildly imaginative works of art and cost-efficient products; they are only limited by the speed of research and the human mind.

3D printers have taken the world by storm. Once viewed primarily as tools for the production of low-quality prototype parts or casual artistic endeavours, 3D printing is now being used in commercial production, like in the example resin printing for shoe soles.

Where things get even more interesting is the 3D printing of organic materials such as cells and tissues. Not only is it incredibly difficult to find organ donors, but tissue and organ transplants often fail due to a mismatch be-

tween donor and recipient, resulting in transplant rejection.

Bioprinting, as this phenomenon is often called, aims to help solve these problems. If tissues and organs can be printed, the long lines for organ transplants will be just a memory. In 2018 alone, over 200 people in Canada died due to an inability to receive an organ transplant. As bioprinting technology continues to develop, a future without waitlists may be on the horizon.

Just as in the case of inorganic 3D printing, there are also multiple ways to approach bioprinting. One such example, and the most popular, is extrusion bioprinting.

Researchers developed a bioink made from a mixture of materials, including cells, hydrogels, and growth factors—proteins that stimulate the growth of tissues.

The mixture is placed into a syringe and the bioprinter is then linked to a computer that guides the movement of the nozzle, creating the desired product by extruding the ink in different shapes and concentrations to mimic different organic tissues.

Hossein Ravanbaksh, a postdoctoral researcher in McGill’s Department of Mechanical Engineering, led a research team to determine how best to store these materials and extend their shelf lives. Hydrogels, Ravanbaksh explained, are a key element in the bioprinting process.

“The hydrogels play exactly the role of a scaffold, to keep the cells in place and to keep all the nutrients in place,” Ravanbaksh said. “On the other hand, the waste materials from the cell can be washed away. The hydrogels will be degraded in the body so that the new regenerated tissue can take the place of the hydrogel after it is degraded.”

In a way, the hydrogel is the life blood of the bioink. It acts as the body, before the cells are put into an actual body.

A common issue with bioprinting, however, is the shelf life of key materials—the tissue dies very rapidly after production. As most hospitals do not yet have the sophisticated machinery to 3D-print tissues on demand, organs need to be printed at another location before being shipped to

3D printing minimizes waste in comparison to other production methods, preventing machining scraps from reaching the landfill. (Léa Bourget / The McGill Tribune) where they are needed. This is where Ravanbaksh’s research into cryobioprinting comes in.

Cryobioprinting takes place at temperatures of between -15 to -20 degrees Celsius. The bioink exits the extruder, or nozzle, and touches the surface of a freezing plate, causing the bioink to freeze in a process called cryopreservation.

A primary goal of the study was to find the best cryopreservative that would ensure that the highest amount of viable cells are produced and stored. According to Ravanbaksh, the bioinks are highly resistant to low tempera-

tures and can last months in liquid nitrogen—the storage medium for these tissues. The tissues can then be transported to any hospital that needs them and thawed on site.

Although much of the innovations in 3D bioprinting are still in early development, cryobioprinting, for example, is purely in its proof-of-concept stage.

The possibilities are promising and could be life-changing in the near future. From mechanical Michaelangelos to a new-age robotic Hippocrates, 3D printing machines have the ability to radically alter art, medicine, and industry.

New vaccine could lead to the elimination of deadly parasite McGill researchers co-develop a vaccine against Leishmaniasis Cyril Kazan Contributor

P

revalent in habitats ranging from rainforests in Central and South America to deserts in the Middle East and Africa, a devastating protozoan parasite carried by tiny flies infects over a million people each year.

This parasite, which belongs to the Leishmania genus, enters the body through the bite of an infected sand fly. Once inside the body, the parasite can cause two types of disease: Visceral or cutaneous leishmaniasis. In the case of visceral leishmaniasis, the parasite breaks down the internal organs, eventually leading to internal bleeding and, if left untreated, death.

On the other hand, cutaneous leishmaniasis can cause severe skin lesions, and, at its worst, can even migrate and propagate inside of the nose, leading to the progressive destruction of the face.

Despite the potentially severe consequences of a Leishmania infection, there is currently no vaccine that protects against it. For centuries, doctors in several countries with high rates of the disease have had to resort to intentionally infecting people with the live parasite on their arm as a means of immunization. The immunity conferred from a Leishmania infection lasts for life, and although this method prevents the infection from occurring at more critical locations such as the face or internal organs, it is considered unethical and

no longer practiced.

In collaboration with researchers from Ohio State University and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, McGill researchers recently created an attenuated form of the parasite that can be used as a vaccine.

They used CRISPR, a gene editing technology, to delete a single gene coding for a protein called centrin, which plays a key role in cell division. Without it, the parasite’s ability to replicate is very limited, and it cannot survive for long inside the body.

“Using CRISPR, we created a weakened parasite that is still alive but cannot cause disease. It still stimulated the same kind of immune response as the wild type

parasite,” said Greg Matlashewski, a professor in the Department of Microbiology and Immunology at McGill who co-led the study, in an interview with The McGill Tribune.

The Leishmania genus comprises over 20 different species that cause different types of leishmaniasis— all of which are found in various parts of the world. Leishmania major (L.major) is the parasite that causes cutaneous leishmaniasis primarily in Europe, Asia, and Africa, while Leishmania mexicana (L.mexicana) causes cutaneous leishmaniasis primarily in North, Central, and South America.

Documented in a 2021 study, the first vaccine developed by the team targeted

Sand flies are only three millimeters in length but are deadly vectors of disease. (Frank Collins / CDC)

L. major. The safety and efficacy of this vaccine has been confirmed in mice, and human clinical trials are set to start in early 2023. In March 2022, the team published another study documenting the development of a vaccine against L. mexicana, which was also shown to be safe and effective in mice. Clinical trials for the L. mexicana vaccine will likely start in 2024.

Despite the development of two vaccines, each targeting a different parasite species, the researchers expect that the L. major vaccine will be effective at protecting against all cases of leishmaniasis.

“We will initially use the L. major vaccine for both cutaneous and visceral leishmaniasis, but if it doesn’t work, we have the L. mexicana one as a backup, which may work better in the [North, Central, and South America],” Matlashewski said.

The vaccines will be produced in India by the biopharmaceutical company Gennova. The estimated cost of an individual vaccine will be between two and five U.S. dollars. In contrast, a leishmaniasis treatment can cost up to $200 USD, and involves repeated drug injections with very unpleasant side effects.

Given its low cost, great capacity for production, and that immunity from Leishmania lasts for a lifetime, Matlashewski believes that the vaccine has the potential to have a significant global impact.

“The vaccine could certainly contribute to the elimination of leishmaniasis as a major public health problem.”

Opening the curtains to the Montreal theatre scene

Why does theatre still matter?

Taneeshaa Pradhan, Social Media Editor

ACT I

Enter Canadian Theatre.

I

n 1949, Vincent Massey led the Massey Commission in an investigation of Canadian cultural and intellectual production. After its investigation, the commission declared the country guilty of ignoring home-grown artistry in favor of foreign cultural products. While the American monopoly over publishing was a part of the problem, the commission ultimately placed the bulk of the blame on the Canadian public for failing to champion a national artistic identity. As the commissioners wrote: “Canada is not deficient in theatrical talent, whether in writing for the stage, in producing or in acting; but this talent at present finds little encouragement and no outlet.”

Early Canadian theatre owed itself mostly to Europe. Typically, theatres would produce classic plays written in the Old Country, rather than screenplays by local talent. In response to countless productions of Shakespeare and Molière, scholars, critics, and playgoers involved in the commission raised the question: What constitutes an authentically Canadian theatre? With a country-wide creative landscape buzzing with untapped potential, the custodians of Canadian theatre were hopeful that the commission’s promise of federal support would allow theatre professionals to move beyond their dependence on imported scripts.

It’s hard to delve into the roots of early Canadian theatre–or Canada at large– without coming across its explicitly nationalist and colonialist themes. Erin Hurley, Professor of Drama and Theatre in the English department at McGill, explained in an interview with The McGill Tribune that Canadian theatre originated as a mouthpiece

for the settler-colonial state.

“The first theatrical production that theatre historians point to is Le Théâtre de Neptune en la Nouvelle-France,” Hurley said. “It features Indigenous peoples in it, and it is about conforming to the wishes of the French king, basically saying, ‘Welcome colonialism!’ So, this is the sort of groundwork for theatre in what we now call Canada.”

After the recommendations of the Massey Commission were implemented, Canadian theatre expanded its support beyond the interests of the state. It became a creative outlet for marginalized groups, who used it as a way to experiment with the form’s social and political potential: Quebec, for example, is home to a rich theatrical history that supported the formation of the women’s experimental collective, as well as Yiddish and Black theatre companies. But while many artists and theatregoers now recognize the oppression of marginalized groups, the theatre continues to grapple with productions like Robert LePage’s SLAV, a play which was taken off the stage in 2019 for its offensive portrayal of enslaved Black people. Quebec’s reliance on American and European productions may now be a thing of the past, but the province continues to struggle with the remnants of its settler-colonial past in its mission to offer informed and intellectual depictions of marginalized communities.

ACT II

Enter Institutionalization.

As the years progressed, Montreal became the ideal backdrop for some of the most iconic moments in Canadian theatre.

The opening of the Theatre Royal, which many consider Montreal’s first theatre, marked the beginning of a new era for cultural production. While plays were performed in Montreal long before this landmark opening, typically they were limited to temporary structures such as warehouses, converted stores, and circus venues. The Theatre Royal was the first permanent building dedicated to the theatrical mission, serving as a manifestation of the city’s increasing desire to seek entertainment on the stage. Staging over 111 full-length productions, the building was home to productions of Shakespeare, the Restoration authors, and Tit Coq, one of Montreal’s first major local plays.

In response to suggestions by the Massey Commission, an Act of Parliament established the Canada Council for the Arts in 1957 to manage the endowment of grants and services for theatre professionals, among other professionals and organizations dedicated to the arts, on a national level. The rising institutional support for the performing arts spurred the development of infrastructure to support Canadian theatre.

“The big story of the development of Canadian theatre starts with provincial and federal arts funding, [which] allow for the building and sustaining of theatrical institutions,” Hurley explained. “The joke in a lot of Canadian theatre studies is that Canada was really good at building theatre, like the building, and somewhat less good at building the theatre. There was a big emphasis on the buildings, and those buildings go on to spawn the regional theatre system.”

At the same time, government officials, clergymen, and popular dissenters often policed the content of theatrical productions. These cases of censorship were often influenced by societal prejudice. Whether it was a production that hired Belgian actors to bypass a temporary ban on French performers or a feminist play that upset the patriarchal sentiments of audiences, theatre that expressed its support for marginalized groups did not have protection to fight for artistic freedom.

Over time, actors, directors, and performers contested this censorship during a period of collective creation, which established unions to regulate the working conditions of theatre professionals and prevent censorship by external bodies. The development of nationwide training programs, too, played a part in legitimizing Canadian theatre as a professional practice.

“Union formations, like the Union des Artistes, preceded [the creation of] Canadian Actors Equity to allow for training and working structures that implemented a collective creation phase in the 1970s,” Hurley said. “The institutionalization of funding bodies [...] also allows for the proliferation of training programs such that actors, directors, playwrights, designers, and technicians have the training to participate in these professional level funded shows. That’s a big moment in terms of building a Canadian theatre.”

Exit Institutionalization.

ACT III

Enter COVID-19 and Digital Theatre.

In the last two years, the arts have been ravaged by COVID-19. Digital theatre was transformed from a distant possibility into the industry standard. The aftermath of theatre’s temporary foray into the online world is proof that the stage is more than capable of adapting to the occasion. Nonetheless, the consequences were immense as the average theatregoer’s interest in watching productions online could scarcely compete with the desire for in-person theatre.

Overnight, recreational spaces in Montreal closed due to the pandemic. Theatrical institutions in the city were forced to find methods to save money while remaining productive. Many actors, artists, and employees in the cultural sector reported feelings of hopelessness and an increased risk of mental illness as they grappled with unemployment and financial loss. Coupled with the logistical constraints of staging shows without an audience at full capacity, these factors put an undeniable strain on the economics of local theatre. As the Massey Commission predicted decades ago, government grants and initiatives were among the most important sources of monetary support keeping the theatre scene alive.

“When COVID hit, major French language theatres [in Montreal] shifted relatively quickly to using their grant money to support in-house artists. Instead of having rehearsals, they would have a workshop period,” Hurley explained.

During the two-year break from live performances, in-house workshops allowed

artists to develop original work.

This creative period has led to a surplus of productions, however, since the backlog of plays awaiting to be showcased increased exponentially during the pandemic. In this saturated theatrical landscape, emerging creators may find it even more difficult to produce their first play.

The lack of a live audience led many major theatre companies to experiment with digital theatre.

But although the industry became well-acquainted with digital theatre during the pandemic, it returned to the loving embrace of live performances as soon as restrictions were lifted.

Nonetheless, the lessons of digitized theatre may go on to inform future innovations in the field that incorporate customizable digital environments and spotlight playwrights, performers, and other theatre artists who skillfully experimented with the stage during its online era.

Enter COVID-19 and Digital Theatre.

ACT IV

Enter Student Theatre.

Theatre is a fundamentally organic and democratic art form––and educational institutions across the world can attest to the medium’s ability to spark change. On campus, the student theatre community attracts a variety of individuals looking to get involved in, around, or behind the stage. For those interested, the options are endless.

Supporting student-written plays since 1921, Players’ Theatre stages a variety of English-language shows that are organized entirely by students, while the McGill Savoy Society produces plays by popular authors. In general, McGill fosters a rich theatrical culture– it is home to Tuesday Night Cafe, Franc-Jeu, McGill Improv, and a Drama and Theatre program in the English department.

With the return of inperson performances, theatre is once again thriving on campus.

Maya Earn, U1 Science, who recently stage-managed the play Everyone is Annoying, produced by the Players’ Theatre, finds theatre to be a creative relief from the analytical focus of her degree.

“I think that there’s nothing like live theatre,” Earn said. “I find that it’s a much different experience than watching something on film or watching TV. There’s a lot of work that goes into it and I find that it’s a very important part of the arts community that I think sometimes gets pushed under the rug a little. For students, it’s such a good extracurricular [...] to get out of your comfort zone and be a part of something other

than your work.”

Even during the two-year period when productions went entirely online, student theatre at McGill continued in the digital sphere. Daniel Benjamin Miller, a producer at The McGill Savoy Society, admitted that the lack of a live audience was a learning experience for the club.

“I can attest to the impact of Pinafore,” Miller wrote in an email to the Tribune. “[As a] fully-remote show, it was a new form for all of us, both in the cast and in the audience. Theatre, as a form, is about feeding off the audience, for one, which is rather hard without having one in the same room. But it’s also about choreography—and I don’t just mean dancing and blocking. It’s about nailing the exact pacing—this is the heart of the performance. Working on an online substitute for theatre taught me a lot about the process of performing.”

These theatre clubs don’t just teach students the basics of on-stage performance and stage management. They are also centres of community building that support emerging playwrights in sharing narratives that may not be endorsed by mainstream theatre houses.

“I stage-managed a short

play by an Indigenous writer last semester for Players’ Theatre, and it was honestly a really great experience,” Earn said. “I’ve made friends through [student theatre], and it has allowed me to have a creative outlet that I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to have during the last few years. It’s student-run at every step of the way, and I’m really enjoying that.”

Despite the hospitality of student theatre at McGill, getting involved can feel like a daunting step. Miller emphasized that it can be as simple as watching a performance on stage.

“The performers need you; there’s a symbiotic relationship between those on stage and those in the seats,” Miller wrote.

“Becoming an active audience member can lead to joining a cast or orchestra, too [....] there are great opportunities in all of these fields, and student theatre programs are designed to make those opportunities available to you.”

Exit Student Theatre.

ACT V

Enter Epilogue.

Despite

the

monopoly

of streaming services in the cultural landscape, live theatre remains an irreplicable experience for performers and audiences alike. For all of its advantages, the advent of digital theatre proved that the experience of going to the theatre can only be simulated to a limited extent.

“No remote performance can compare with in-person theatre. It is not and cannot be the same,” Miller wrote. “Having the performers together, rather than apart, is the only way to create a natural performance.

It will always be more polished, more interactive, and more spirited. For opera and musical theatre particularly, the impact is even more pronounced, as you really need to be together to create music like that—ask anyone who’s tried to do it remotely.”

Theatre inspires something that films and books can’t.

Every production is open to the performer’s interpretation, meaning well-known narratives are a living thing, often subject to radical reinterpretations.

Performers and directors alike have reinterpreted The Taming of the Shrew to allow Katherine’s character to transcend the misogynistic

limits of her historical context and regain her autonomy as a survivor of spousal abuse. In some productions, Katherine is submissive; other times, she is subversive. Elizabeth Taylor’s Katherine winks at the audience to inform them of her subtle impudence in the movie adaption from 1967, while Garrick’s 18th-century version of Katherine depicts an obedient Katherine who bends to her husband’s will. It is clear, in this case, that a difference in interpretation can change the course of a woman’s life.

Why does theatre still matter? Perhaps James Baldwin summarized it best: “You read something which you thought only happened to you, and you discover that it happened 100 years ago to Dostoyevsky.

This is a very great liberation for the suffering, struggling person, who always thinks that he is alone. This is why art is important. Art would not be important if life were not important, and life is important.”

Exit Canadian Theatre, Epilogue.

Design by Xiaotian Wang, Design Editor

10 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

arts@mcgilltribune.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

Charli XCX’s ‘CRASH’ yields gems among the generic The album delivers solid clubbing music that unfortunately lacks in substance Anna Berglas Contributor

I

f you’ve come to appreciate Charli XCX’s hyper-pop charm, you’ll love CRASH, released on March 18, a collection of dance tracks perfect to bob your head to. However, the fastpaced set lacks the expressionism that has defined Charli’s career so far. Especially following her latest, self-reflexive pandemic album, how i’m feeling now, CRASH deviates from that inward gaze.

Every song on CRASH fits the high energy of nightclub music, but the best tracks find ways to be original: They subvert the often hollow EDM club music style by layering melodies or incorporating elements of classical music. “New Shapes,” featuring the synth-pop vocals of Christine and the Queens, plays with a confident and bubbly ‘80s

‘Beg for You’ and ‘New Shapes’ are the stars of Charli XCX’s latest heavily commercialized performance. (dazeddigital.com)

sound. The upbeat tone juxtaposes regretful lyrics about shying away from commitment, inspiring reflection from the listener about the complications of love and vulnerability. “Beg for You” is another highlight; Charli XCX shines in her lower vocal range over a harp melody, complemented by the more delicate voice of feature Rina Sawayama.

“Every Rule” strays furthest from the selfdestructive lyrics and layered synthesized effects that are characteristic of many of the tracks on CRASH. It’s a pop ballad with a slow, gentle beat.

Despite the more distinct sound, this love song falls short, lacking Charli XCX’s unique signature apart from unpleasant moaning. The lyrics are out of a highschool diary, with lines such as “straight away, we started falling/Conversation never boring.” The ballad is simple, but not pretty—the auto-tune works against the supposed intimacy of a love song.

If there’s one thing Charli XCX excels at, though, it’s fun. For instance, “Baby” is a particularly groovy song, where Charli XCX delights in her allure with provocative lines such as “I’ma put you on the floor/Leave you wanting more.” The lyrics are simple and repetitive, but the dynamic instrumentals keep the track fresh.

“Lightning” is another exciting song with some beautiful vocal harmonies, although the vocal splitting can be abrasive.

To those devoted to Charli XCX’s characteristic experimental sound, CRASH may come as a disappointment. The album is unashamedly more mainstream than her previous records, which is apt in light of her recent lighthearted jokes about the joy of selling out.

Though Charli XCX is not necessarily on a quest for authentic self-reflection in her music, this direction does allow for some more high-energy songs. Whether Charli XCX’s self-awareness saves the songs is up to the listener to decide.

Indigenous Artists and Different Styles of Art Sponsored by the McGill School of Continuing Studies, Indigenous artists Owisokon Kahache and Candia Flynn will discuss their unique takes on corporate art design and storytelling clothing.

Wednesday Mar. 30 12:00 p.m.-1:00 p.m.

McCord Museum 690 Rue Sherbrooke Ouest; live streamed on YouTube Free; Register online

Ovid’s Metamorphoses

Come see the McGill Classics Play’s theatrical adaptation of Ovid’s Metamorphoses and enjoy ancient tales of love and poetry.

Thursday Mar. 31-Friday Apr. 1; Thursday Apr. 7-Friday Apr. 8 7 p.m.-9 p.m.

Théâtre Sainte-Catherine, 264 Ste-Catherine Est $10 with student ID, $15 general admission; Tickets sold online

‘The Room’ movie screening Imagine it’s 2003 and come watch the so-bad-it’s-good cult-classic film, The Room. Expect audience participation and a movie experience like you’ve never seen before. Bring spoons!

Thursday Mar. 31 9:30 p.m.-11:30 p.m.

Cinéma du Parc, 3575 avenue du Parc $20; Tickets sold online

Trivia night with Pam Demic

Come play pub trivia with Montreal’s premiere trivia hostess Pam Demic! Play in teams of six or fewer to win prizes and enjoy food, drinks, and drag.

Monday Apr. 4 8:00 p.m., doors open at 7:30 p.m.

The Diving Bell Social Club, 3956 St. Laurent Boulevard #Étage 3 Free; Reserve tables online

A penny for your prose McGill-hosted poetry competition offers the world’s largest monetary prize for a single poem Arian Kamel & Louis Lussier-Piette Staff Writers

E

ncapsulating one’s thoughts and emotions into words can be as rewarding as it is daunting. Such rewards are monetary in the case of the bi-annual Montreal International Poetry Prize, a competition for poems of 40 lines or less, where the winning poet receives $20,000 and, along with 54 finalists, gets to be published in an anthology by Véhicule Press. Hosted by McGill’s English Department, the prize is accepting submissions until May 15. Then, a judging committee of 11 local and international poets review the submissions and each pick five favourites. Of the 55 chosen finalists, former Poet Laureate of Jamaica Lorna Goodison, this year’s prize judge, will pick the winning poem. “[The Montreal International Poetry Prize] was founded in 2010 by Asa Boxer, who was an alumnus of McGill,” Eli MacLaren, prize director and associate English professor at McGill said in an interview with The McGill Tribune, who explained that

McGill began managing the prize in 2019. “We’re trying to maintain what Asa Boxer started and rooted institutionally, so it survives for a long time.”

American poet Victoria Korth won the Prize’s last cycle in 2020, with her poem “Harlem Valley Psychiatric Center.” This 40-line freeform piece tells the story of her father’s institutionalization, describing the toll of his mental health on their relationship in hauntingly vivid detail.

MacLaren explained that Yusef Komunyakaa, the 2020 prize judge, selected the poem in part because of its “authentic voice.”

“It convinced him that this speaker was writing about something that was really crucial to her, which was essentially the death of her father,” he said.

MacLaren also mentioned that diversity is a key priority for the organizers. “We are trying to get in touch with the international culture of contemporary poetry. And in order to do that, we want to make sure that the prize is open to entrants from all around the world, and also that we have a jury that can judge poetry in diverse ways.”

In addition to the poetry compe-

tition, the Prize will host a virtual poetry reading series, //Fluid Vessels//, a new addition for this iteration of the competition. From January to May, monthly readings from poets across the globe will be held to create a sense of community around the Prize—one that crosses continents while uniting jurors and poets from past and current iterations of the competition.

“We’re going to try to do [the

poetry reading series] every year from now on, because it’s been working so well,” MacLaren said.

For example, March’s poetry reading featured Indian poets Nabina Das, Sridala Swami, and Maithreyi Karnoor. Das, one of the 2022 jurors, kicked off the reading with her introspective pieces. Her poem “Thinking Tank,” which was inspired by John Lennon’s “Imagine,” drew heart-

The Montreal International Poetry Prize’s March poetry reading featured Indian poets Nabina Das, Sridala Swami, and Maithreyi Karnoor. (reporter.mcgill.ca)

breaking contrasts between the terminal consequences of war and the bliss of a world where the only tanks are thinking tanks.

Next up was Swami, a 2020 juror and recent author of Run for the Shadows. Her shortest and most bittersweet poem, “Meditations,” gave shocking insights into her psyche and anxiety, such as how “disorder shapes the leaves down into my rippling mind.”

Also unforgettable was “Annotations,” a citation of her youth that pays homage to the gardens, her private playgrounds, she once explored.

Karnoor, a 2017 and 2020 finalist for the Prize, concluded the reading, displaying her artistic range through humorous snippets and poems of epic scale. Her breathtaking piece “A Burden of Beasts” traversed the Himalayas, the staggering behemoths which stretch beyond eye’s reach, indifferent to humanity’s whim despite their dependence. Leaving the audience wanting more.

The Prize remains open for submissions until May 15. Upcoming poetry readings from Canadian, Jamaican, Nigerian, and other poets occur on April 5, April 19, and May 2.

arts@mcgilltribune.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

11

Cara Connors doesn’t want to see your ugly boyfriend on Tinder LA comedian brings ‘Straight for Pay’ tour to Montreal Kennedy McKee-Braide Managing Editor

O

n March 20, Diving Bell Social Club hosted LA-based comedian Cara Connors and opener Inés Anaya for one of the last stops on Connors’ North American Straight for Pay tour. The hour-long set hilariously captured elements of modern queer experiences—from exploring one’s identity to navigating dating apps to incessant requests for threesomes with straight couples.

Connors grew up in Los Angeles and moved to Toronto for graduate school at the University of Toronto, where she discovered the city’s robust comedy scene.

When they initially got into comedy, Connors identified as straight and was married to a man. Connors told me how her time living in Toronto played a role in the development of her comedic voice, which developed in tandem with her sexuality and gender identity.

“I think it’s fair to say that Canada made me gay,” Connors said. “I think that is an objective, accurate statement.”

While Connors has plenty of experience in different areas of comedy––boasting numerous writing credits and performances on projects like E!’s Dating: No Filter and several CBC comedy series––stand-up remains their true love. Straight for Pay initially premiered at the New York Comedy Festival before the pandemic. When restrictions were first relaxed, Connors organized a monthly show in LA alongside other queer comedians and a few token allies. When the time was right, they decided they were ready to take it across the continent.

“As an extreme girl boss and Taurus, I knew that I

needed to go my own way,” Connors said. “So then I was like, okay, I feel ready. I have this hour, I feel like it’s sharp. I feel like people will come and see it. I’ll just put the work into making sure that people come and see it. And now I’m really proud of it.”

As a queer comedian, Connors is very intentional about

Diving Bell Social Club, located on St. Laurent, aims to showcase the diversity of talent that comes to perform in Montreal through multimedia performances. (IMDb) the venues and audiences she pursues. When planning the tour’s stops, she tried to choose progressive cities with large queer populations, where she knew a queer comedy

scene already existed in some capacity. Unlike the average smaller-scale stand up night, the majority of tickets are snapped up before the official sale.

“It’s like they’re coming to see this show to see me–– they’re not just like ‘Oh, I love going to the Guffaw Barn and seeing what ancient dinosaur they can pull out who has some horrific take on the Me Too movement in the same 10 minutes he’s had for the last 10 years,” Connors said. “People are like, let me come and see this weird gay cowboy.”

As a result, Connors’ crowds tend to represent the diversity of queer spaces, reflecting her content’s relatability. Connors enjoys seeing the different groups of people who come to her shows, from hip Gen Z-ers to 75-year-old lesbian therapists, to name a few.

“They’re like, I got my ex-girlfriend’s’ ex-girlfriend to watch my child that I had with a different ex-girlfriend.

And we’re in a polyamorous family couples’ share, they’re gonna watch our gender fluid baby so that we can come and see this show. The fucking energy is so sick,” Connors said. “That’s what I want the world to be––I’m like great, can we make this the majority? It’s really a plot for the gay agenda.”

As for what fans can look forward to in the future, Connors hopes to take Straight for Pay overseas, and eventually develop a new set for other demographics who need some gay comedy in their lives.

“Maybe I’ll just do a tour on retiree cruises too––I don’t know, maybe I’ll take it on every Disney Cruise and I’ll start there,” Connors said. “I’ll only perform on cruises that exit out of Florida or Texas. Because there’s a lot of things happening there. Obviously, it’s a dystopian nightmare. So yeah, I think I have no choice.”

The McCord Museum’s Artist-in-Residence Niap weaves a story of Inuit women through inventive bead-work Photographs, garments, tools, beaded tapestries on display at ‘Piqutiapiit’ exhibit Charlotte Hayes Staff Writer

T

he McCord Museum’s newest Artist-in-Residence, Niap, is a Montreal-based multidisciplinary artist from Kuujjuaq, Nunavik. Her sculptures, textiles, and murals are currently displayed in some of Canada’s largest galleries. On March 25, her new exhibit, Piqutiapiit— meaning “precious belongings” in Inuktitut—premiered at the museum, a display of past and present Inuit beading practices that showcases the creative ingenuity of Inuit women. Niap’s collection is a beautiful tribute to the artist’s Inuit

identity told through entrancing craftsmanship. The exhibit features photography, crafting tools, and Inuit clothing, including a new beaded tapestry that took Niap six months to complete. The tapestry was inspired by savviqutik—the beaded decorations on the front of Inuit women’s clothing. These decorations are constructed out of suede, cotton, leather, and Caribou hide, but are embellished with ivory, glass, brass, and turquoise beads, as well as freshwater pearls.

Niap admitted that although the beads are widely available in Inuit communities, the Caribou hide was tough to source. Even though a savviqutik is typically stitched

A beaded amauti serves as one of the two central pieces of the collection.

(Musée McCord)

over the chest of a coat, Niap said she felt inspired to make it into a mural.

“There are a lot of things that inspired my work,” Niap said in an interview with The McGill Tribune. Pointing to a tapestry on the wall, she explained, “This piece in particular, was inspired by the chest piece that you’ll see on Inuit traditional clothing. There’s the ulu that inspired the wood piece. There are a lot of things that inspire, but most, the intricate work on Inuit clothing.” An ulu is an Inuit hand-held knife, many of which are displayed in the exhibit.

Upon entering the exhibition, one encounters a series of blackand-white photographs of Inuit women dressed in beautifully intricate beaded parkas lining the walls. These forays into the history of Inuit women’s clothing provide a visual history that sheds light upon Niap’s own creations, such as her own hand-beaded chest piece hanging up on the back wall.

During a tour of the exhibit, Niap explained that even to this day, the creation of the garments is an activity reserved for the women and girls of the community. Contrast, yet continuity, between grayscale photos and Niap’s vibrantly

coloured creations create a timeline of Inuit women’s clothing that culminates in an explosion of colour, marking Niap’s creations as culturally celebrative pieces that speak to both the past and present of Inuit women’s artistry.

Indeed, Niap recalled the important role beading played in connecting her to family and, particularly, her female relatives: The artist began beading at a young age, with her grandmother and cousins. The entire exhibit exudes a familial air. For instance, a mother’s coat known as an amauti, retrieved from the McCord Museum’s Indigenous Cultures Collection, sits adjacent to Niap’s own creations. Such coats are typically worn by mothers carrying babies, who ride in a snuggly pouch, or an amaut, below the mother’s hood. One can also find examples of such coats in photographs on the walls, worn by the women of Inuit history.

The exhibit also displays an impressive collection of small tools and crafting artifacts that Inuit women use in the beading and sewing of clothing, including items such as thimbles made of Caribou bone and needle cases made of animal hide. These items are also

accompanied by a series of small knives, referred to as women’s knives, and a qulliq, a traditional seal oil lamp. Described by the artist as “precious little things,” such tools complete the narrative of Inuit creativity that Piqutiapiit weaves together: Photographs tell a visual history of Inuit garments, while tools represent each stage of such garments’ production—from the cutting of fabric to the stitching of beads. Along with Niap’s savviqutik, the multiple objects of Piqutiapiit come together into a tapestry-like story not just about Niap as a female Inuk designer, but of generations of Inuit women, using small tools, beads, and most importantly, creative innovation, to keep Inuks not just warm, but stylish.

“I hope [visitors] take away the pure ingenuity and the pure talent that Inuit women had and continue to have today, and the patience and perseverance it takes to make something like the coats and the clothing and the kayak,” Niap said. “I really hope people realize how much time is spent with such little material, all these handmade items.”

Piqutiapiit remains open until Aug. 21 , at the McCord Museum.

12

SPORTS

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

sports@mcgilltribune.com

All we need are some private jets

The untapped potential of women’s professional sports Tillie Burlock Staff Writer

I

magine if Lebron James, Auston Matthews, or Mookie Betts had to work a day job. Imagine if they were not paid unfathomable sums of money or built up to be some of the biggest celebrities in North America. Would they still be held in such high regard? When you ask aspiring young athletes what their dream job is, would their responses stay the same, even without the prospect of a future padded by millions of dollars?

Young female athletes don’t get to dream about the 12-year, $426.5 million contract that Mike Trout signed. They don’t get to wonder what it would be like to sit on a private jet while smoking a cigar à la Michael Jordan. They don’t get to think about their next mansion, sports car, or yacht. They get to think about what their second job will be if they choose to dedicate their life to sport.

The conversation surrounding women’s professional sports always seems to be singing the same tune: The pay is too low.

There isn’t equal opportunity. There aren’t the same development programs. And although women’s professional sports have made significant progress in terms of pay equity, promotion, and marketing in recent years, there is still one major element missing: The celebrity. The prospects. The dream.

As Anya Alvarez highlighted in an article for the Guardian, the root of the problem isn’t just what women are getting paid—it is also the lack of foundational infrastructure that they have for capitalizing on their talent. By focussing on equal pay, we overlook the small things that have allowed the men’s sports industry to be so successful.

Let’s start with marketing at the collegiate level in the U.S. During the week of March 18, many were left wondering why there were so many empty seats at the women’s Frozen Four tournament games.

Despite the men’s games having low attendance as well, the $182,000 per year discrepancy in marketing and promotion by the NCAA was a contributing factor to the lack of fans.

An investigation by Kaplan Hecker & Fink LLP, a legal firm specializing in employment and discrimination matters, revealed that the structure of the NCAA itself is designed to maximize the support for the men’s March Madness tournament as it is the primary source of funding for the NCAA. Not to mention the $13.5-million budget gap in the 2021 tournaments.

This disparity is felt across all levels of college sport. For Sara Escallon-Sotomayor, a Martlets soccer wingback, the social and financial barriers associated with being a professional female athlete made it difficult for her to fantasize about a future in professional sports.

“I’ve always noticed that the boys who would play at the same level as me seemed to have such unrealistic ideas of what they could do with soccer after high school,” Escallon-Sotomayor said in a conversation

with The McGill Tribune. “A lot of them would just expect that one day it would work out for them. There’s just so much money in men’s soccer, and so much more scouting. It has always been very clear to me that I need a university degree and that I need a job. And soccer would not be enough to support me, because realistically, I’m not the best player in the world, and there are very few women that have lucrative contracts.”

Indeed, the struggle to tear equal pay out of the hands of professional sports has been ongoing for a long time. After 39 years of equal pay advocacy by tennis legends such as Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, and Chris Evert, Wimbledon announced that female tennis players would receive equal prize money in 2007.

In turn, Venus Williams was awarded her well-deserved $1.4 million for her fourth Wimbledon victory. But even for one of the most decorated tennis champions in the world, Williams’ million-dollar prize did not come without a fight. Following a failed plea to Wimbledon’s governing body for equal pay—and an ultimate tournament victory in 2005—Venus Williams wrote an op-ed essay in the Times of London titled “Wimbledon Has Sent Me a Message: I’m Only a Second Class Champion.”

Labelled as cocky and arrogant by the media and sexist fans, the US women’s players recently settled an equal pay lawsuit with US soccer. (Getty Images)

Again, young female athletes are only left to dream of a world where the sport they love so dearly loves them back.

Elizabeth Benn, who was recently hired as the director of Major League operations for the New York Mets—now one of the highest-ranking women in the sphere of professional baseball—knows this feeling all too well. In an interview with the Tribune, Benn discussed the hardships of her unrequited love for baseball.

“It’s tough because I think I always really loved baseball. I think that the lack of opportunity definitely affected my development, but it did make me more curious about learning the game on a more intellectual level,” Benn said. “When I wasn’t given the opportunities to play competitively and develop well, I ended up watching a lot more baseball, and studying it that way. It did affect my enjoyment. I knew that there wasn’t really a future on the field, to the point where I actually wasn’t even considering a future working in the game.”

Even in scenarios where there is an opportunity to play at the highest level, female athletes are often brought to centre stage in a negative light.

Megan Rapinoe, with a bottle of Veuve CliMegan Rapinoe, with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in one hand and the FIFA World Cup trophy in the other, chanted “I deserve this!” and the media immediately berated her as cocky and unbearable. Brittney Griner, one of the highest-paid and most skilled WNBA players, has only begun to garner media attention after her recent arrest in Russia. And Lia Thomas, a transgender woman and NCAA 500m freestyle champion, has recently become the GOP and

(Adrian Dennis / Getty Images)

a sector of cis liberals’ newest obsession in their hell-bent attempt to keep trans people out of sport.

The world knows how to talk about female athletes—but only if it is to demonize them. This form of notoriety is not so desirable for young athletes dreaming of a professional sports career.

However, this negativity isn’t the case for all female athletes. For many, like Martlets head basketball coach Rikki Bowles, their love for the sport overshadows the weight of existing barriers.

“I’ll be honest, when I began playing, it was out of a pure love for the game,” Bowles told the Tribune. “My father built a basketball court in our backyard, and I played out there until the sun went down and I couldn’t see the rim anymore. I guess as a child playing, I wasn’t aware of any burden or even thinking of the difficulties faced by professional female athletes.”

Even for Benn, as a trailblazer in one of the most male-dominated sports, her love for baseball has never wavered. In fact, during her time working for MLB, she has seen more and more eyes gravitate toward

women’s baseball.

“The Breakthrough Series in Texas last October got so much publicity,” Benn said.

“There were a ton of former players and agents coming to watch the games because they knew about it from Twitter. People are learning about it. And when they see it, they support it.”

As for Escallon-Sotomayor, she feels lucky to be playing a sport that has seen such rapid growth as of late. The development of the UEFA Women’s Champions League has exploded, with streaming service DAZN guaranteeing coverage of every single match for the upcoming season. Each participating team will earn $464,538, and each game will be available to global audiences in three languages—the language of the home and away teams, and English.

The untapped excitement and potential surrounding women’s sports is unmatched.

The opportunity to build up the infrastructure that has made men’s professional leagues so successful and profitable is sitting right there, waiting. The talent is there. The personality is there. The fans are there. All we need are some private jets.

sports@mcgilltribune.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

SPORTS

13

Redbirds basketball seals their undefeated streak with RSEQ championship win

Highlights from the Redbirds’ 77-71 semifinal victory over UQAM Citadins Zoé Mineret Staff Writer

A

n unprecedented 460 people attended the RSEQ semi-finals which saw the top-ranked Redbirds (13-0) face off against the Citadins (4-9) on March 23. After a thrilling game, McGill emerged undefeated once again with a score of 77-71. With the highest attendance record of the season until the finals, both teams had hundreds of supporters in the stands eagerly cheering them on.

Before the start of the game, the Redbirds and coach Ryan Thorne received their RSEQ conference awards. Haris Elezovic was named the conference’s Rookie of the Year and received recognition as a second team all star along with captain Sam Jenkins. Jamal Mayali was named Player of the Year by the conference and Ryan Thorne received Coach of the Year in his third year of coaching.

The first quarter saw strong defence from both sides, but the Redbirds were already starting to come out on top, solidly ahead by seven points at only the three-minute mark. Mayali continued the scoring with a beautiful three-pointer, a layup, and two free throws made with ease, earning roars from the crowd. But UQAM remained strong and, unfortunately, the quarter ended off with the opposition edging out a 20-18 lead.

The second quarter was as uncertain as the first, with Citadins and Redbirds alike not

With 14 victories under their belt, the Redbirds broke their own streak record, previously winning 12 consecutive games during the 1976-1977 season.

(Matt Garies / McGill Athletics) letting each other gain a significant advantage.

Though the first to score, UQAM was quickly matched by a jumper from Elezovic. Quarry Whyne closed a three-point gap with a free throw and a layup, but the Citadins swiftly retaliated, scoring four additional points.

With just over seven minutes remaining in the second quarter, Sam Jenkins scored a swift three, narrowing the deficit to 27-26 for UQAM. Although the Citadins scored again, Jenkins scored another three-pointer to equalize the score, making the crowd go absolutely bonkers.

The rest of the second quarter was marked by successful free throws, as Mayali made four clean shots, and Whyne two. McGill came out on top with five points over their opponents.

The first few minutes of the third quarter proved tougher for the Redbirds. Mayali quickly

scored with a jumper, but UQAM was right on their tails. The Citadins managed to tallyscore 12 points while the Redbirds struggled to match them. However, with less than six minutes left, the Redbirds changed their pace and pushed the score back up, thanks to a series of layups and threes from Jenkins, Whyne, and Mayali. The score was 54-50 for the home boys going into the final frame.

Jenkins gave the Redbirds their first points of the last quarter with a layup and another three-pointer. The Redbirds were relentless with quick passes and excellent defence. Sydney Gauthier and Mayali both scored with amazing three-pointers; the fourth quarter was once again marked by free throws as the team sank four. The Redbirds finished the fourth quarter with a 77-71 win.

Mayali explained to the Tribune that the victory came as no surprise.

“It went as expected,” he said. “We knew they were going to come out aggressively and want to push the pace. We were ready for that and knew how to respond when we felt the force of UQAM. I expected us to come out victorious [....] I only see us being champions.”

This 13th consecutive win was a reflection of the team’s incredible performance this year, as well as coach Ryan Thorne’s leadership. It was also a good omen for Saturday’s RSEQ final against the Concordia Stingers, which saw the Redbirds

clinch the championship, 48-46.

“We know basketball is a game of runs and that was especially evident last night against UQAM,” Jenkins said in an interview with the Tribune. “But, all throughout the game we kept reminding each other if we play this game at our pace, nobody is going to beat us. In the end, we found our pace, and the game turned out in our favour.”

MOMENT OF THE GAME During the second quarter, Sam Jenkins scored back-to-back three-pointers sending the crowd into frenzy.

QUOTABLE “The team throughout the year has performed very well. We have managed to grind out some very tough and close games.

As a team, we have responded very well in those tight moments and it has shown us and everyone that we don’t run away when the pressure intensifies.”

—Jamal Mayali, fifth year guard

STAT CORNER Mayali tallied 21 points and Jenkins 20, meaning the pair scored over half of the game’s 77 points.

JOKE

Study on naked mole rats makes SHOCKING discovery (18+)

Hot new research recently made available to the general public Adam Matthews-Kott

Science & Technology Editor

A

recent study published in Nature dived into the behavioural patterns of the naked mole rat. The 18year study was led by Salamander Zizek, a professor in the Department of Biology at McLung University.

As with all of Zizek’s work, the paper generated a fair amount of excitement in the scientific community. Much of Zizek’s associated infamy comes from a previous failed project, where he tested the vocal range

of the lyre bird by teaching them a variety of Western music hits, ranging from religious canticles to 2000s pop classics such as “Baby One More Time.” The birds remain in conservatorship for their own personal safety to this day.

Despite the controversy, Zizek was able to fund his work by piggybacking on previous findings which found that mole rats are resistant to many varieties of cancer. The funding was bestowed both by McGill and a selection of private donors including worldrenowned immunologist, Dr. Bro Jogan.

Zizek sat down for an interview with

Naked mole rat colonies contain only one female, similar to an ant nest. (Mika Drygas / The McGill Tribune)

The McGill Tribune alongside his pet mole rat Stuart. As the interview progressed, Stuart began periodically nibbling on Zizek’s ear lobe while emitting soft squeals of delight. I began by asking him to describe the evolution of his project.

“Overall, it was simply fascinating observing the behaviour of the naked mole rat,” Zizek said. “Of course as any project does, we ran into some initial snags that delayed the project, but I was lucky enough to have a wonderful team which I worked with to solve the underlying issues [....] After some promising initial findings, we were able to get our party—I mean, project—back on track.”

After realizing that his team was struggling to handle the naked mole rats due to their sheer ugliness, Zizek implemented a mandatory minimum blood alcohol concentration of 0.03 per cent for researchers.

The team, having overcome this one small hurdle, quickly scrambled to resolve the other issues clouding the project.

A flurry of discoveries followed, including that naked mole rats are much more at home in an environment containing Dolby surround-sound speakers and a full-size pool table.

Although the reception of the paper was predominantly positive, there were many fair criticisms levied against Zizek’s work. They felt that the paper was but a collection of pseudoscientific jargon that failed to contain any meaningful information. I must confess that I, too, was unable to pinpoint exactly what

the study was about, although I chalked it up to my own lack of knowledge in the field. This confirmed my suspicion that Zizek was indeed an international man of mystery.

Within Zizek’s own team there also appears to be a small subset of dissidents. An anonymous graduate student, who wished to withhold her name out of severe mortification, told me about their experience working in the mole rat lab.

“When I first began working on the project, I was excited to do important scientific work,” the anonymous informant said. “When I first arrived, I started setting up my Excel spreadsheets, which is my favourite part of my job. Every time I copy and paste information into a spreadsheet I feel like I made the world a slightly better place.”

Their experience has disillusioned them from scientific work and academia at large.

“Another researcher saw my spreadsheets and quickly turned off my computer, explaining to me that my laptop was vibing poorly with his electromagnetic sensitivity syndrome,” they said. “I really think that the project has potential, but part of me worries that our work will be like 90 per cent of everything else that’s published—entirely useless and unlikely to be replicated.”

The situation is not entirely bleak for Zizek and his team. Only time will tell whether Zizek has added yet more meaningless gibberish to the overcrowded sphere we call knowledge, or if he has made a genuine important scientific discovery. Only time will tell.

14

JOKE

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

On becoming the It-Girl Courtney Squires Staff Writer

W

ith the spring weather suddenly upon us, it is time to look wistfully forward to summer…or more specifically, the summer aesthetic. It doesn’t matter that it is barely spring, or that the spring solstice was only last Sunday—it will never be too early to start working on your bikini body!

Luckily for you, That Influencer just uploaded their 10-minute summer body workout. Now you can sneakily do crunches beside your bed as the mind-numbing, non-copyrighted music trickles out of your Airpods—MOM GET OUT OF MY ROOM! You’ll have to leap to your feet and run to the

Popularity is overrated, this summer is the season to stand out! (screenshot-media.com)

door in a shameful attempt to conceal your flimsy athletic aspirations, wondering why parents must always have the worst timing. Returning to the floor, you’ll dutifully recommence your Russian twists and reassure yourself that you’ll see results soon. Maybe you have model genetics too, they’re just recessive.

Of course, all bodies are bikini bodies…and besides, you’re working out for your mental health, right? But on top of that, this year’s trending pieces actually only look good on a small fraction of the population. That won’t stop you from buying them though, since stores are now more inclusive than ever! Maybe you’ll try asking an employee for fashion advice. She’s ignoring you? Weird.

Whatever, Aritzia is overpriced anyways.

Though you’ve heard mixed reviews, you’ll place an order from SHEIN instead; 10 shirts for less than $100? Steal! But when you check the tracking email, you’ll be horrified. Estimated Delivery: One month! What ever happened to fast fashion? You probably should’ve paid the extra four dollars for express shipping. So because you have no clothes to wear, you’ll head down to Eva B. for some muchneeded retail therapy. But don’t worry, you’re shopping sustainably.

The feminine urge to categorize yourself for others’ consumption is overwhelming, so you’ll definitely open Pinterest, pinning inspiration for the aesthetic that’s All Yours. Remember, the ItGirl is not just an aesthetic, it’s a lifestyle. You must dress like you’re vacationing in Italy—but still weather appropriate: It is only 10 degrees out.

Listen to small indie artists (like Tame Impala or Mac DeMarco) that you discovered before they got

popular—but also know all the popular radio ones.

Workout—but not too much. Drink green juices and eat your vegetables but also be able to enjoy a burger and fries and party—in a classy way that costs more money than you currently have.

The stress of preemptively defining your summer vibe swells, and you might decide you need a coffee, your third one of the day, but it’s okay because you’re in your Lorelai Gilmore era. As you walk to Starbucks, you’ll pass a guy who checks you out. You’ll roll your eyes and meet the lens of an imaginary camera: You’re in your Fleabag era.

As you wait for your iced white mocha latte with oat milk to be ready, the BeReal notification will ping. You’ll snap a selfie and upload it. Gotta update your friends on what you’re doing at this exact moment in time. Scrolling through: McLenny, cafe, still in bed, oh—she’s in a lecture right now. You smile at your phone. It’s fun to be so present in your friends’ lives…almost like hanging out with them.

A text will pop up on your phone, it’s your friend. She says you guys are going out tonight.

You’ll ask her the dress code and she’ll respond: Medium whore. You’ll mentally sift through your box of nearly identical tiny black tops and decide on one. Or maybe you’ll wear that one.

And then you’ll be at the club, dancing and trying to pretend you don’t notice the guy who has been staring at your tits for the last 10 minutes.

You’ll raise your phone above the crowd to snap a picture to post on your Instagram story—for how else are people going to know that you’re having more fun than they are?

The McGill Tribune’s declassified McGill tour guide Dima Kiwan Staff Writer

T

is’ the season for university campus tours, when dozens of wide-eyed McGill hopefuls explore our beautiful campus, filled with promise for a future at this wondrous institution. Though optimism is great, realism is better. Here’s what your average preppy tour guide and his polyester fanny pack won’t tell you.

You’re lucky you’ve got me, I’m not like other tour guides.

To your right entering from Roddick gates is Burnside Hall, the single greatest building at McGill.

Burnside can’t decide if it’s a prison compound or an underfunded high school, so you’re sure to get the best of both worlds. And don’t worry too much about the sudden thump noises in the elevators––once you’ve attended your Calc tutorial in the basement, you’ll realize falling down the shaft isn’t much worse.

On your scenic walk up towards the Arts Building, avoid eye contact with the squirrels and mentally prepare yourself to abandon the glossy image the brochures sold you. Here it is! Note the marble floors, high ceilings, and students camped out in tents occupying the lobby––ah, the charms of a colonial landmark.

Continue to your left toward the McLennan-Redpath library complex, a dynamic study spot for all your diverse student needs. If you’re looking to

watch YouTube at full volume with your friends, morph your spinal cord while trying to plug in your computer, or get absolutely nothing done, Cybertheque is the place to be. If you enjoy loud silence—the kind that pressures you into holding in a cough to the point of a self-induced aneurysm—McLennan’s upper floors will never disappoint.

And of course, if you’re fascinated by the “duality” of entirely unspecific things, Emma will be attending her Zoom conference straight dab in the middle of the McLennan stairwell every Wednesday, without fail. Watch your step!

Continue right and you’ll find McTavish, where the Desautels Chad who mansplained the stock exchange to you last Friday is probably taking his Linkedin headshot. Off McTavish you’ll spot the Islamic Studies building, where white people love to congregate for the dark academia aesthetic despite not knowing Persians from Arabs, or the Palestinian from the Sudanese flag. This building is also where McGill takes most of its promotional human rights shots, in the Octagon Room.

For the classic lecture hall experience, you’ll find Leacock and Adams auditoriums on opposite ends of campus. Nay-sayers will urge you to watch the recording and spare yourself from cramming into a room of hundreds of overheated and likely hungover students. Perhaps you could’ve done without the leg cramps and half-hour

Don’t forget to stop by the coveted hot-dog man for a $10 vegan dog! (nextcanada.com) of incessant questions from the firstyears at the front. But isn’t that what university is all about?

High up Rue University, you will see beloved Trottier to your left. Don’t be fooled by its relatively modern design and good maintenance, for Trottier will find creative ways to elevate your blood pressure. For one, if you manage to squirm into the desk-attached chairs without breaking both your legs, prepare to cease all breathing and movement for the next hour unless you want to curse your class with screeching metal hinges. The last thing you need is a dirty look from the Electrical and Computer Engineering major next to you running 854 programs on his soonto-explode MacBook Air.

Finally, a moment of silent admiration for all those that made it to Stewart Bio or McMed for their 8:30 a.m. in the winter. It doesn’t matter that you got a 34 per cent on that midterm, crossing the Peel and Doctor Penfield intersection without sliding to your doom is a true accomplishment worthy of the utmost respect.

Hopefully, this campus tour has cured any doubts you may have had about McGill from recent news stories denting our ironclad reputation. It really is an excellent option, and McGill is beyond excited to welcome your tuition, and you, of course! Best of luck with your applications.

JOKE

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

The April fools horoscope

Forebodings for foolish McGillians

df fida,c

Maria Gheorghiu & Dante Ventulieri

that your confidence is unearned—try drawing the map of Mongolia from memory, then let us know if you still think your geography skills are superior.

W

Contributor & Staff Writer

ith the exam season—and possibly a sixth wave—on the horizon, The McGill Tribune plots out what the stars have in store for us for us.

Taurus: April is the month to step outside the box and be adventurous. Unfortunately for you, that means taking a Bixi to get to your finals. The commute will not be relaxing, and it might just drain all your energy, but at least the physical strain will distract you from thoughts of the impending doom of failing your exam.

Capricorn: Watch your step when you finally get up from that study spot! You wouldn’t want to trip and fall in front of everyone at the library. Your pride won’t recover from that, it’s low enough as is.

Gemini: We know you have a great discount code for Uber Eats—and yes, Boustan does sound great tonight— but maybe focus on the $150 worth of groceries that’re molding away in the back of your fridge.

Virgo: Don’t be afraid to not go to Café Campus this weekend. Diversity is the key to getting a classic Montreal nightlife experience, and we’re certain you’ll have more fun by doing literally anything else.

Aquarius: We sense you’ll need to store up some good karma for exam season. We sense you’ll need to store up some good karma for exam season. Next time you go see the hotdog guy, try to pay for the person behind you in an act of spontaneous kindness. Out of all you see on TikTok, whether it’s rock climbing, baking, or calligraphy, this is something you could actually pull off.

Your wallet will not appreciate it, but you might make a friend.

Scorpio: Mischief is calling your name. Next time

15

Aries should think twice before bragging about getting good grades in bird courses. (goop.com) you Mischief is calling your name. Next time you go to Birks and take your shoes off at the entrance, try leaving with someone else’s shoes. It will be a fun experiment that others will definitely appreciate.

Leo: We know you’re out of luck with love—again.

We know you’re out of luck with love—again. As a funny opener for your next Tinder match, ask them to deposit $10,000 into your bank account. Chances are that they’ve heard about the Tinder Swindler and will laugh at your joke—if not, at least you’ll make some cash.

Aries: You got 95 per cent on the midterm for some geography elective you took this semester and your confidence is immeasurable. The stars are saying

Libra: Your quest to find the perfect work-life balance has been fruitless at best. Seek a work-life imbalance instead by trying the reverse-Pomodoro: Five minutes of work, followed by 25 minutes of welldeserved scrolling.

Cancer: It’s time to get crafty and reconnect with your artistic side. Next time you go to a house party, impress everyone by bringing home-brewed alcohol. It’s even more impressive of a power move if you bring the leftovers to class the next day.

Sagittarius: You’re hungover after a weekend of drinking Cancer’s booze—understandable. Treat yourself to an Uber up to Stewart Bio for your 8:30 a.m. lecture.

You can’t skip class; your prof will be heartbroken if they don’t see you in the crowd of 300!

Pisces: Master of the aquatics, we think you should try going to the McGill pool every morning this week.

But don’t do a butterfly stroke. Everyone in your lane will hate you if you do a butterfly stroke.

Cuffing season is over: Best places on campus to break up with your significant other

The end of the semester is approaching, and so is the end of your relationship Dante Ventulieri Staff Writer

Continued from page 1.

The Leacock hallway before an exam in 132 What’s better than a quiet, one-on-one

setting when you want to end things? How about a packed corridor with 600 nervous and erratic first year students. If things go poorly, you can always slowly disappear into the crowd and eat the guilt away with a box of Krispy Kreme frequently sold by tabling peers.

Bonus points if the exam in 132 is the dumpee’s.

In line at the hot-dog stand

Quiet section of McLennan

Between school, work, and hobbies, it’s always ideal to maximize your time. For years, the hot-dog cart has been your go-to place for a quick bite. Now, it just became your go-to breakup spot. The momentum of the line, the smell of the grill, and the trash-digging squirrels—what could be less endearing? At the end of it all, regardless of how the breakup goes, you can reward yourself with a hot-dog.

Bonus points for ending it as they’re taking your order.

If you’re the type of student who rarely leaves the library during finals season, then there’s no reason to break that streak for a break up. If you want to do it right, start off by looking through the shelves for the biggest book you can find (atlases are good), then invite your partner to the library for a study date. Right as it looks like they’re getting into a good working grind, shoot them a quick message asking to break up (it’s the no-talking section), and then open the book to hide your face if need be. It’s efficient for both of you and courteous to the other library patrons.

No bonus points on this one, I think it does enough damage.

During a lecture

Going for lunch at a casual restaurant is so passé, especially when campus is overflowing with breakup energy. (Brian Schatteman / The McGill Tribune)

If you share a class with your soon-to-be ex, the possibilities are endless for initiating the tragedy: At the start of class, during the powerpoint, or right at the final moments when students are asking questions—it all depends on what feels right to you. The Tribune recommends the moment when you sense the professor is about to go off on some tangent—that way you won’t have to miss any valuable material. If your ex starts hammering you about the breakup, just whisper, “Shh, I really need to pay attention.”

Bonus points if you snag the middle seats in the second row.

Lightning Round

sdgurtghsscvnwoxocmv, Option 1: Post it on the MyCourses Discussion Board of a class you share.

Option 2: Urge the Provost to mention it at the bottom of the next email blast.

Option 3: Submit it to a vote in an SSMU referendum.

Option 4: Go the meta route. Show them this article and ask which they would prefer.

16

JOKE

TUESDAY, MARCH 29 2022

Dear Students, from Cloudberry

“It’s hard being famous,” says Albino squirrel and de facto school mascot Sabrina Nelson (on behalf of Cloudberry) Contributor Cloudberry the squirrel has asked The McGill Tribune to publish the following letter on her behalf.

Hey McGillians, Cloudberry here. I’ve asked the Tribune to share this message on my behalf as I don’t have social media.

The Tribune has shown me all of the fan accounts on social media and the endless Reddit posts with pictures of me attached, titled “Spotted Cloudberry” and “she’s so hot.” I am so flattered by all the love that you all have shown me and would want to thank you. However, I’ve come to a certain age where I don’t have the patience to put up with crazy fans and stalkers who follow me around 24/7—don’t you guys have class?

I know as the designated “McGill squirrel” I have an obligation to be present on campus and to show myself to the people to raise school spirits, but I’m TIRED OF THE FAME AND OF THE ATTENTION. I want to be able to walk around unnoticed like my other squirrel friends and not have a group of students gather around me, pulling out their phones to take who knows how many pictures from unflattering angles?

I already have to deal with the heightened threat of predators because of my white fur.

Cloudberry is tired of all the fame and wishes for students to give her a little space.

(Lauren Hicken / The McGill Tribune) I don’t want to add crazy fans to my list of worries—I’ve already had to hire body doubles to evade the paparazzi.

I loved the winter because it gave me a break from all of the spotlight. There weren’t as many students on campus and because of the snow, I could easily blend in the environment. But, summer is around the corner and I am already dreading it. More

people go out and pass through campus, and I can’t go anywhere without drawing attention. Put yourself in my shoes—or, paws: Imagine every time you went out everyone would stop to look at you and take pictures of you WITHOUT ASKING. It’s exhausting. I miss the time when I could just go out without worrying about being followed. Before moving to Milton-Parc,

I grew up in Mont-Royal, surrounded by nature and peace.

I don’t think most of you realize that being famous isn’t easy. Do you know how much time I spend getting ready in the morning to make sure that my pearly coat is perfect? Definitely more time than I should be. Once I’m on campus I have to be careful with what I do to make sure something embarrassing, like peeing behind a tree, doesn’t end up getting posted on social media and getting me in trouble with my community.

Also, all this fame has made my other squirrel friends jealous. I mean I get why you guys adore me, I am pretty cute, but maybe you should show them some love for a change. I’m tired of dealing with their complaints and of being constantly left out of their nutty games.

All I’m asking is for all of you to give me a bit of space—summer is around the corner and I don’t want to have to deal with all of you. Next time you spot me on campus, perhaps don’t take a picture of me.

Just treat me like any other squirrel!

I hope you all understand.

Sincerely, Cloudberry

y err b d u o l C

Know Your Athlete: Varsity ghosts of McGill

Meet the unfortunate souls of athletes who haunt the bleachers of Molson Stadium

Sarah Farnand, Sophia Gorbounov, & Madison Mclauchlan Sports Editors & Managing Editor

Continued from page 1.

When we spoke to him, we got the sense that Jones is totally oblivious to no longer being on this earthly plane.

“We started pretty slow this season, it’s been hard to practice with the weird hours my teammates have been keeping,” Jones said, his eyes glazed over. “And I keep popping in and out of consciousness, so it’s kinda hard to keep a good training regimen.”

Attempts to gently explain that he had passed on to the next phase of existence were unsuccessful—we left Jones to his burpees and headed toward a shadowy figure lurking underneath the bleachers and staring daggers at us. It turned out to be none other than Jill Jockerman, former lacrosse player on the women’s team from 2009.

“Nobody remembers us,” Jockerman spat out. “I’ve been here for years, and NOW everyone cares because it’s

men’s lacrosse that got slashed.

Nobody comes and visits me except that loser Meathead!

I was doomed to this cursed miserable existence, and now I have to deal with THAT GUY!” The interview came to an end when Jockerman opened her jaws wider than humanly possible and started screeching like a banshee. We made the executive decision to get the hell out of dodge and to head over to the tennis courts.

Shnovak Shjokovic was forced into athletic retirement when the McGill Tennis team was cut from the list of varsity sports, but the revenant racket-player has found a silver lining to his new afterlifestyle: Pranks.

When we spoke to Shjokovic, who materializes every afternoon on the McGill tennis courts, he explained the ins and outs of his afternoon routine.

“I’ve really been honing in on my craft,” he said. “You know, ever since my sport got cut and they tried to make me take the ‘athlete’ out of ‘student athlete,’ I’ve really just been vibing with scaring some folks for kicks.”

Shjokovic’s favourite

Cover image credits:

(Left to right, top row)

1. Léa Bourget / The McGill Tribune 2. MyCourses 3. u/zzzz0718 / Reddit 4. Cyndy K. / Yelp 5. Issan Z. / Yelp Rumours have been floating around of artistic swimmers turned sirens haunting the deep end of the Memorial Pool. (Sophia Gorbounov / The McGill Tribune) pranks include unforgettable classics, such as rattling the fences and letting out ghostly howls. But the tennis player emphasized his creative side, noting that his parlour of jokes has diversified significantly since the start of his japing days. In a fit of jealous rage, after hearing about the promising season the Redbirds football program was set to have, he possessed the team and led them to a 1-7 season, the worst since their 0-9 run in 2011.

“Now I don’t want people

thinking I’ve been lazy here,” Shjokovic said. “Last fall, I repainted all the lines on the courts to be slightly off, and man, were people off their game that day—it was hilarious.

That wasn’t anything ghostly though, if I’m being honest. I just did it by hand. And it was actually only two courts. Trust though, hilarious.”

It was nearing the witching hour, and Shjokovic was beginning to rattle with excitement. We let him go, and the giddy ghoul disappeared into the netting of the courts.

6. Alexis Hamel / Images Montréal

7. McGill Department of Chemical Engineering

8. Kate Addison / The McGill Tribune

9. McGill Athletics 10. Leanne Young / The McGill Tribune