The McGill Tribune Vol. 22 Issue 26_1

A semester in photos

McGill Athletics: A behind the scenes Sports 20

News 6-7

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H

www.mcgilltribune.com

LL Vol. 22 Issue 26

RIBUNE

Published by the Students' Society of M cGill University since 1981

Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Synthetic Folk Hero to save the world from Kenny G Greg McKenna

I can honestly say that I had never heard anything like this before. Friday night at Casa del Popolo, the Synthetic Folk Flero, a.k.a. Leon Kingstone, fought a battle for folk music with his super-synthesizing pow­ ers. The saxophone player for local Montreal ska band the Planet Smashers took to the stage playing his own unique style of music, calling it “confounded rock.”

“I kind of made that up,” said Kingstone. “I’m trying to describe what my music sounds like; it’s a mix of Ween, Zappa and They M ight Be Giants.”

Arming himself with two saxophones, a synthesiz­ er, two microphones (one that is processed), four elec­ tronic devices and a cape, Kingstone becomes the Synthetic Folk Hero: singer, synthesizer and super saxplayer. Like all superheroes, he fights a relentless bat­ tle with the forces of evil in an attempt to overthrow the mighty supervillain.

“M y nemesis is Kenny G,” said Kingstone. “I think he’s every sax player’s nemesis. You grow up and you study all these amazing sax players. Then you hear this guy Kenny G, and he’s fine and whatever, but you know that he’s making millions and all these other wonderful people are starving, so you end up hating the guy.”

Kingstone’s performance was entertaining, amus­ ing and sometimes downright silly. Using cutlery and Barbie dolls, he takes time to explain to the audience key concepts in his songs, such as phagocytosis, invagination and spooning. It is impressive that Kingstone manages to create a good one-man show, given that he can neither play the keyboard nor sing well, and that the only thing he does exceptionally is play the saxophone.

The Synthetic Folk Hero has been a side project for Kingstone over the past year. Originally accompa­ nied by a band, he was forced to go solo since he was always on tour with the Planet Smashers. Last week, Kingstone officially departed from the ska band so that he can devote all of his energy to this act.

“I need to do this right now,” he said. “Who knows if I’ll go back to the Planet Smashers, we’ll see.”

Now with more time as the Synthetic Folk Hero, he expects to put out an album by May, polish up his live act and work more on the creative process.

“When I’m writing music, I throw all my ideas out there and then I arrange things accordingly,” said Kingstone. “I think my music is really deep and I do have a lot to say, though it is surrounded by quirki­ ness.”

The song lyrics could be described as interesting and thought-provoking. They range from weird to goofy, stupid to serious, and then sometimes they are everything all together. In “The Sinking Feeling”, the chorus is insightful: “If it’s just me and my loneli­ ness/then why do I feel so all alone?” Whereas, the song “Morning Wood” is simply about having an erec­ tion.

See CAPTAIN KINGSTONE, page 20

.

NATHAN LEBIODA

No, that’s not Hunter S. Thompson, rather just another McGill student desperately anticipating the barbecue season.

The soul o f James Grohsgal

The Simpsons is in a class of its own.

Eminent people have slammed the car­ toon as an exemplar of the dysfunctional American family, while the equally famous laud the show for its clear and bit­ ing wit. It helped define the 1990s as an age of irony and, despite the laurels heaped upon it by A1 Gore and The N ew York Times editorial page, praise has not caused the show to jump the shark.

While television has trained viewers to accept some shows as “pro-family” (read: godly) and others as “irreverent” (read: satanic), The Simpsons manages to depict humans as they really are—a little good and a little bad. The greater the imperfection, the greater the empathy— thus, the viewers’ affection.

However, sappy cartoons, such as

The Simpsons F am ily C ircus, are not funny. The Sim psons balances between love and laughter; its animated form allows it to avoid either maudlin sentimentality or simplistic slapstick. Nota bene\ there will never be “a very special episode of The Simpsons.”

Hath not a toon... organs, senses, dimensions?

When bullies drop Bart Simpson into a garbage can and roll him down a hill, the viewer can both chuckle and feel sympathetic, but were David Schwimmer to be mauled to death by wild boars, most Simpsons fans, while laughing uproarious­ ly, might feel a touch of shadenfreude.

Animation distances the viewer from the physical constraints of form and time— See REDEMPTION, page 8

IN S ID E T h e Tribune’s year-end P h o to S h o w c a s e P a g e s 16 & 17

“ T h e w o r l d is f u l l o f p e o p l e w h o se n o tio n o f a s a tis fa cto r y f u t u r e is, i n f a c t , a r e t u r n to t h e i d e a l i z e d p a s t. ” — R o b e r t s o n D a v ie s

2 News

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

This is not a war; It is an invasion The un-subtleties of the campaign against Iraq

In the Ioann .Luca In the sixth a n d fin a l instalm ent o f the Tribune s Panama series, Luca’s person al experiences in Panama an d Romania inform h er analysis o f the w ar in Iraq.

The people of Panama carry with them the indignity of having been violated by the United States.

In 1989, armed forces bombed Panama City, causing damage and casualties disproportionate to the

threatening, General Omar Torrijos.

The US government turned a blind eye to the drug money Noriega was earning as the intermediary between the Colombian cocaine supply and the US market, but once Noriega made the unpardonable mistake of thinking he was independent of the US, he became the enem y, suddenly accused of poisoning America’s youth with drugs.

Panamanians were outraged when their homes were blown apart, their livelihoods trampled upon and their lives reduced to nothing, as the US purposefully hid the thousands of dead behind underestimated casualty numbers.

Are Panamanians happy that Noriega is serving a life sentence in Florida? Yes. Do they think that the

I0ANA LUCA

A sidewalk chalk cartoon shows a Panamanian holding back US influence.

aim of the invasion: capturing Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega.

As in similar scenarios, the dic­ tator had received the uncondition­ al support of the US government (he was also a CLA operative) to replace (read: assassinate) the much too nationalistic, and therefore

bloody US invasion was the only solution, or even a second-best choice? No. The peace protests that have occurred in every country, including Panama, during the diplomatic farce staged by the US, are meant to question the US policy of war and not to support Saddam Hussein. It

is only in the two-dimensional world of George W. Bush and his supporters that the phrase “if you are not with us, you’re against us” has any logic. In the new world of good and evil’, one has only to pin­ point the ‘evilness’ of another and then become, by default, ‘the good’— unquestioned and morally superior.

And what of the Iraqi people? I lived under the Romanian dictator­ ship and I know what it is like to have my grandparents bitterly whis­ per that they had been waiting all their lives for the Americans to come and save them ... and they never did. Are the Iraqis as desper­ ate to be saved as the Romanians who lived under communism for 45 years? I would venture to think so.

However, I think that, just as in the case of Romania, the repressed not only need to idealize their self-pro­ claimed saviour, but also need to forget that it is the same saviour that has thrust their world into the claws of dictatorship by either drawing the borders between communism and capitalism at Yalta (in the case of Romania and all other Eastern European states and Soviet satel­ lites), or setting up a friendly regime and fuelling it with armaments and money (in the case of Iraq).

Let’s just assume that the inter­ changeable labels of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ are symptomatic of the game of realpolitik, and no matter what the prevailing interests of the invading countries—which cannot be humanitarian, or they would have acted much earlier or never created the situation to begin with—the people of Iraq will ultimately be-free of their brutal dictator, and that is a good thing. One argument, present­ ed by Elliott Cappell in the March 18 issue of the Tribune, even goes as far as to make the parallel of the current invasion with the liberation of Europe during World War II and

the subsequent reconstruction under the Marshall Plan. How naive it is to assume that the US has the same interest in Iraq as it did in reconstructing Europe and its mar­ ket for US goods. How easily can one forget about a more recent and, I would argue, more pertinent case of the ‘reconstruction’ of Afghanistan, which became an empty promise as soon as the CNN cameras moved into Iraq, leaving the population of Afghanistan no better off than before.

Who remembers the Afghans?

Who will remember the Iraqis? The peace protests are there to remind everybody that human life is being destroyed, that human reason is being insulted and that fighting for peace doesn’t mean supporting inac­ tion; on the contrary, it is about the kind of action that looks at the root of the problem, and not at the symptoms, in order to find a lasting solution. But who has time for introspection when shiny new toys of combat are being deployed?

I0ANA LUCA

Face-painting: the art of protest

I0ANA LUCA

Protestors question the US-led war in Iraq, not Saddam Hussein’s brutality.

J-Board hears DeCastro vs. SSMU Kate Rhodes_______________________________

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The Students’ Society Judicial Board heard argu­ ments in DeCastro vs. SSMU, a case concerning access to executive credit card statements, on Friday morning.

“Efficiency cannot trump access to information,” said Fred Fisher, advocate for petitioner Rodrigo DeCastro. DeCastro says he witnessed SSMU VicePresident Operations Kathleen Morrison purchase beer on her executive credit card, and, concerned that execu­ tives were abusing their cards, requested copies of exec­ utive credit card receipts from SSMU President Martin Doe, who denied DeCastro’s request.

Erin Shaw, advocate for Doe, said that, as the beer was an approved, budgeted purchase, the Judicial Board could not force disclosure of the documents.

“In the absence of a constitutional violation, the Judicial Board cannot order the release of these docu­ ments,” she said.

Shaw said that, as the information DeCastro was pursuing is available in club ledgers and budget reports, access to credit card receipts is not necessary.

Fisher argued that budget reports are secondary sources of information, so that if a SSMU member did not know any details of a potential abuse, he or she would not be able to locate them.

“Access to information is an important mechanism to hold representative officials accountable for their 4

NINA ZACHARIDES

DeCastro will see all the receipts he wants next month, when he becomes SSMU vice-president operations.

actions,” he said.

Chief Justice Hugo Maureira, who heard the case with three other justices, said the Board would issue a ruling later this week.

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

News 3

Dean of Arts' term ends M ille r describes years o f financial stru gg le and his e ffo rt to b rin g faculty to "th e edge o f greatness" Laura Saba

Carman Miller’s term as dean of the Faculty of Arts is expiring after eight years of service, but he will return to McGill after a oneyear sabbatical to resume his posi­ tion as a history professor.

Miller described his term as divided into “two phases dictated by the economic climate.”

“M y first four years, there was cutting in public funding... we lost about 40 professors that could not be replaced. This period was replaced by one where the University had the resources, and we were building... to renew the academic staff.”

During M illers first year as dean, no new professors were hired in the Arts faculty, while at the start of his last year, 50 new professors were appointed.

He also believes the Faculty can surmount funding cuts.

“The first period increased the importance for the Faculty to deter­

mine what was essential, and find efficient ways to maximize its avail­ able resources. When we were faced with not having enough financial resources, it forced us to use our richest resource—the mind.”

The Arts undergraduate cur­ riculum was restructured, and a new language facility was created during M illers term. He said the combination of the facilities of each language department allowed for funding to create a single state-ofthe-art facility.

Miller stressed the importance of communication between depart­ ments, as well as between faculties.

“We are a community; we are not a constellation of competing departments,” he said, repeating his catch phrase.

“We have to encourage multi­ track systems and create a commu­ nity that crosses departments. We have to break down the territorialism that has restricted [the growth of this community].”

He believes students are

McGill’s greatest resource: more than half of McGill’s students come from outside the province, and that makes for a diverse mix, said Miller.

He said that it is crucial to contin­ ue to attract superior students and professors. However, he said, “there has been a barrier. We shouldn’t have to turn away students because they can’t pay.”

Some of M iller’s favourite experiences as dean include work­ ing with l’Université de Montréal and the Arts Undergraduate Society, as well as “learning the value of working with other facul­ ties.”

Miller will take a one-year sab­ batical, during which he plans to continue his writing and research.

He will then return to McGill to teach history, as he did before his appointment to the dean’s office.

Although his replacement has not been formally announced, Miller said, “I think they’re taking over a faculty that is on the edge of greatness. The challenge is for us to

articulate clearly what we are, what we aspire to do, and to persuade people to help us do that, and that’s

where cooperation with other facul­ ties [comes in].”

Physical Plant reorganizations leave workers dissatisfied Kim D’Souza

The ongoing reconfiguration of McGill’s Physical Plant into zones has discontented many mem­ bers of the Trades Union of Physical Plant, whose base of operations used to be centralized in the James Ferrier Building. Former foremen also complain that their job titles were changed to eliminate their positions.

Two years after the University first announced its plan to make the existing informal working districts into zones with individual centres, all the zones are still functioning out of the Ferrier building, although each zone has a separate shop. Director of Facilities Management Réal Tessier, who said his contract prevents him from speaking to the media, is overseeing the reorganization, which he believes will bring building services closer to where they are needed.

Robert Savoie, executive direc­ tor of Human Resources, said zone centres have been identified and “the effect of the zones will really be felt next year... They will be... ready for services.”

Michel Quentin, the union president, said, “Zoning is not a bad idea... it’s logical.” However, “It’s a way to create a no-friends politics... no wonder morale is going down. If they had consulted us, we would have been glad to make the change together... They removed the people who had the experience to do the job and follow up on it,” he said. He and union members fear that decreased com­ munication might hinder their desire to put their experience at the service of the University, especially when expertise is urgently needed.

Savoie explained that he hoped this was not the case: “I’m sure the

physical plant manager and director are more than interested in the experience of the people.”

Quentin voiced the grievances of six working foremen whose jobs were abolished in December 2002, when the position of “building technologist” was created. “You abolish a job when it doesn’t exist anymore, not when you change the name,” he said.

“W hat these technologists are doing is a glorified secretary job, plus the job that we used to do— ordering materials, organizing tasks,” said John Murphy, a former foreman who has worked for McGill for 27 years.

Murphy was an acting supervi­ sor when zoning was announced two years ago, but he said he was not consulted prior to the announcement. “When I asked him [André Aylwin, director of opera­ tions] questions, even basic [ques­ tions], he wouldn’t give me any answers, even after the announce­ ment.” Aylwin said that he could not speak to the Tribune about the zoning changes.

Stewart McCarthey, a former carpentry foreman, said that the way the change was carried out “put a gap between the management and workers.” Rosario Borsellino, a for­ mer decoration foreman with 32 years of work at McGill, said that, as a result of this gap in communi­ cation, he sometimes thinks, “These days, if I’m able to see two per cent of the management’s rea­ soning, I’m more than a genius... I must be God.” Savoie said that foremen and building technologists have differ­ ent job descriptions.

“They were called ‘foremen’, but they were never really foremen.

They were lead hands—unionized trade men who got a premium—

but they did not have the power to exercise discipline. We are going to put in place a front-line supervisor [in each zone]... [and] building technologists who will be assistants to the supervisors, and that’s why you don’t need lead hands. The jobs were posted... local candidates, if deemed suitable, could have gotten the job.”

Quentin said that two former

foremen, who had been acting supervisors for 16 and 12 months, had applied for supervisor posi­ tions, but neither was called for an interview.

Savoie noted that a CEGEP diploma is required to be a building technologist, whereas this is not required of a working foreman.

Sylvie Bédard, a staffing officer in Human Resources, added that tech­

(McQiCC in

nologists “need to know how to read plans and have to be familiar with AutoCAD.” Only one of the four technologists needed has been hired so far, said Bédard, “because there is not a big pool outside, and they also have to be bilingual.” She emphasized that the former fore­ men could not be trained to do this job because of the academic qualifi­ cations required.

the‘MiCCe

A celebration of the SSMU Library Improvement Fund

McLennan-Redpath Library Lobby 4 pm Come celebrate seven years of student generosity to the Libraries with the Principal, v Director of Libraries, ^ administrators and fellow students.

“Planning the Future of McGill”

Lev Bukhman Council Room (Shatner University Centre) 5 pm Speaker: Luc Vinet Provost Wine and cheese to follow.

Come celebrate McGill with students, faculty and senior administrators.

C o n t a c t T r e c f S a g e C , V î P ' U n i v e r s i t y ^ A f f a i r s ua@ssmu.mcgill.ca or 398-6797

4 News

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

J-Board to Anber: Not our problem Katie Fugler________________

David Anber, former cam­ paign manager for Students’ Society presidential candidate Alex Kemeny, attempted to bring SSMU C hief Returning Officer Sarah Huggins to the Judicial Board for failing to disqualify candidate Saeed Fotuhi from the presidential race.

His case was dismissed last week by Chief Justice Hugo Maureira, who said that the case falls outside of the court’s jurisdiction.

Anber believes that Fotuhi’s ‘Speed, Speed, Saeed’ posters were pre-campaigning and gave the U2 History major an unfair advantage.

“It is incomprehensible that five ‘justices’ could... come to this appalling conclusion,” wrote Anber. “We often hear criticism

directed at the Supreme Court of Canada for carelessly going beyond what is their rightful role; how ridiculous that we have the oppo­ site: a court that does not want to adjudicate.”

Huggins did not believe the Judicial Board would hear the case. “[Fotuhi] did not win, so it seems that Mr. Anber’s challenge is a bit of a moot point,” she said.

“Disqualification is a sanction that is at the CRO’s discretion, but which must be reserved for the most serious, malicious, intentional and bad-faith infractions of the by­ laws,” said Huggins.

SSMU President Martin Doe supported Anber’s intentions.

“I openly disagree with the CRO’s actions. [Anber] feels that a precedent has been set, and that future candidates can campaign

outside of the election period.”

Huggins defended her deci­ sion.

“I am very confident that I made the right decision. ... The elections by-law gives the CRO a lot of discretion, particularly with respect to [sanctions].”

W ith the dismissal of Anber’s case, there will be no further review of the CRO’s decisions or of Fotuhi’s campaign. Anber expressed concern that the lack of action by the CRO and the J-Board would lead to deterioration of elections.

“A Chief Returning Officer who doesn’t want to enforce elec­ tion rules and a Judicial Board that does not want to prosecute charges represent two of the highest traves­ ties against student democracy at McGill,” he said.

April TA strike

Education dean leaves After five years as dean of the Faculty of Education, Ratna Ghosh will resume her position as professor in the Department of Integrated Studies in Education and the Department of Culture and Values.

Since her appointment in 1998, Ghosh, who last year cele­ brated 25 years at McGill, founded and directed the International Office, which is dedicated to promoting interna­ tional projects in knowledge and education through development seminars and conferences for fac­ ulty members and foreigners. In 1999, she became a Fellow of the Royal Society of Canada and, in 2002, received the title of Member of the Order of Canada.

Her research interests include studies in multiculturalism, minority and developing groups, and the effects of global­ ization on education.

S 0U M 0 MUKHERJEE

“We must develop in our students an ability to learn to deal with the unprecedented pace of change and emerge as leaders in the twenty-first centu­ ry,” she said.

— Natalie M alo-F letcber

At Wednesday’s general assembly of the Association of Graduate Students Employed at McGill, TAs approved a motion calling for a strike vote, should the administration fail to make a ‘serious’ offer by the third week o f April. AGSEM President Jordan Geller clarified that the assembly was not voting to strike, but rather to allow AGSEM to call such a vote if they failed to receive a substan­ tial counter-offer from the administration.

The administration is expected to submit an offer to AGSEM on March 31. This proposal would then allow AGSEM to decide if it is going to hold its strike vote or not.

McGill TAs are seeking $22 per hour, with an 8 per cent vacation pay. The administra­ tion initially refused this offer.

—-Jeremy Dietz

N O W HIRING

A ssist a n t M a n a g e r pi£S> J o aabagie— 1 SADIE'S TABAGIE The SSM U is lo okin g for an assistant manager for the Sadie's and AUS SNAX Tabagies. Duties include inventory management, ordering, stockkeeping and product developm ent for 15-25 hours per week. Sum m er work, in clud in g the developm ent of a new tabagie location, is required.

A pplicants should have an accounting background, retail experience and a desire to w ork in a student environm ent. Com m itm ent and entre­ preneurship is also an asset!

Please drop off C.V.s at the SSMU Front Desk (Brown Building, Suite 1200) by April 4th

For more information: Kelly Shone Sadie's M anager 398-8368 tahagie@ssmu.mcgill.ca

Fundraising campaign hopes to raise millions Jennifer Jett

The University is preparing to launch a five-year capital campaign to supplement government funding of post-secondary education by raising $500-million in donations from individuals, businesses and foundations.

“When you get into a cam­ paign, people tend to give more than they normally give,” said VicePrincipal Development and Alumni Relations Derek Drummond, whose term as McGill’s chief fundraiser is coming to a close.

Responsibility for the capital campaign, which will begin next year, falls on Nancy L. Wells, who is currently associate vice-president for development at Stanford University. On March 17, the Board of Governors approved her to assume Drummond’s position on May 1.

Wells’ leadership of the capital campaign “represents a tremendous opportunity for us to raise the bar for private giving to McGill and strengthen our ties of support among alumni and friends,” Principal Heather Munroe-Blum said in a March 18 press release.

“The Stanford fundraising team is one of the best in North American higher education.”

Private giving is “hugely important” to McGill, Drummond said, because it provides money for buildings, scholarships and chair positions. The last capital cam­ paign, completed in 1996, raised $205-million. In 2001 to 2002, McGill received $67.2-million in private support.

“We could not do with just government support,” said Drummond, who will continue to teach in the School of Architecture.

In Drummond’s seven-year

tenure, McGill raised approximate­ ly $450-million in private support.

He said that corporations do not contribute as much as some may believe.

“The vast majority of our gifts come from individuals,” he said.

“We probably get something around 10 per cent of our money from corporations, and that’s usual­ ly corporations that have a McGill component to [them].”

Wells said McGill should reach out to potential donors by making them feel connected to the University.

“Fundraising is generally the end result of a long relationship­ building process,” she said. “That’s what we need to do in all of our aspects, in other words bring our faculty out to the community, out to the alumni so they can see what’s going on in terms of the academic programs.”

Wells is particularly interested in working with students and stu­ dent groups.

“If students in general don’t feel that their educational experi­ ence was a positive one, then it is going to be more difficult... to stay connected to the University when they’re alumni,” she said.

Drummond estimated that between 20 and 25 per cent of McGill alumni contribute finan­ cially to the school.

The effect the economy will have on the success of the campaign is hard to predict, Wells said.

“The perception of the econo­ my always plays a role in the mind of a would-be donor, particularly those that would be giving the larg­ er gifts,” she said. “I think [the economy] will certainly affect this campaign, whenever it launches.

Once funding priorities are decided, they will be presented to Senate in the fall.

Crack news team, yeah!

As we celebrate the end of our 21st year of excellence in journalism, and polish our shiny new “Publication of the Year” award, the Tribune acknowlegdes the dedicated and tireless efforts of its crack news team.

It is not easy to run out of the office, notebook in hand, every time the phone rings, chasing after yet another breaking story. On the beat, in the crowd, back in the gallery and hurried in research, our news team brought the McGill community insightful analysis and in-depth coverage of issues that effect the student community and beyond. Our readership is engaged and informed; student dialogue and politics have never sounded so good.

Congratulations to writers Lome Kotler, Jacob Wolpert, Sam Goffman, John Sciascia, Rashida Pirbhai, Kim D’Souza, Jennifer Jett, Justin Renard, Ioana Luca, Kate Fugler, Dany Horovitz, Laura Saba, Jeremy Dietz, Heather Haq Lawrence, Brandon Schott, Molly Kay Marra, Paula Magahaes, Caroline Morissette, Hunter Hardin, Greg McKenna, Panthea Lee, James Empringham, Ayse Gauthier, Divya Watal, Adam Klevinas, Sue Han, Seth Offenbach, Nathan Lebioda, Mirynne O’Connor, Matt Saunders, Natalie Malo-Fletcher, Maxim Lewkowski, Nadia Sulistiono, Katy Forgues, Tasha Kissoon, David Anber, Chryssi Tsoupanarias, Brodie M. Ramin, and Lynne Hsu. Your hard work has made the Tribune the source for news on campus, and your love of journalism is an inspiritation.

Congratulations to Kim D’Souza, Katie Fugler and Jennifer Jett who will be carrying on our newsie tradition as next year’s news editors.

It’s been a crazy year. Look for us on Tuesdays.

From the gallery, James Nicholas Whelan Grohsgal, Katherine Emma Rhodes & Mark Allan Sward

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Cards

Fred Sagel ........

Report

—

GRAPHICS BY JENNY GEORGE

M artin Doe —

A

VP University Affairs

F

Kathleen Morrison

—

News 5

President

lways convinced that the voice of students mattered, Doe had gravitas in Students’ Society Council, and prevented disorder by obeying brilliant Speaker Andrew Bryan. At University receptions, he was a pleasant face to present to the McGill administration. Within Shatner, he preached what we would coin the Doe Doctrine, a nuanced approach to external issues that allowed SSMU to defend students’ interests without fracturing the students’ society he represented. He led SSM U’s accreditation cam­ paign, and succeeded. Despite his honesty, he never stopped being a politician. Doe, whose easygoing style many predict­ ed would derail his efforts, exceeded all expectations.

—

VP O peration s

M

orrison proved her ability to get things done, making the most of her campaign promises. After her year in office, SSMU now has a fullyoperational day care. A champion of stu­ dent-run cafeterias, Morrison tried to organize student resistance to University corporatization, and helped make Midnight Kitchen a reality. She also suc­ cessfully led the Shatner renovation “yes” committee. However, her catty attitude and preferential treatment of her friends alienated many of her constituents, and her campaign against successor Rod DeCastro failed miserably. She was unable to give straight answers at Council because she thought her business too complex to convey; she does make an entertaining drunk, however. Despite dancing on pool tables and flirting with reporters, her work ethic is unmatched.

5? M cGill The Department of Jewish Studies Call for Subm issions:

BLACHER AND GLASROT FAMILIES MEMORIAL AWARD FOR HOLOCAUST RESEARCH Established by Mr. and Mrs. Josef Glasrot, survivors of the Holocaust and residents of Montreal. Open to any M cGill student, the award will be pre­ sented for excellence in research in Holocaust and related studies, and par­ ticularly on the history of the Ghettos in Warsaw and Kovno [Kaunas]. The award is administered by the Department of Jewish Studies in cooperation with the Jewish Community Foundation. Presentation of the Blacher and Glasrot Families Memorial Award will take place at the Closing Exercises of the Department of Jewish Studies, in June 2003. The value of the Blacher and Glasrot Families Memorial Award is $1000.

• The competition is open to undergraduate and graduate students at McGill University.

• Students must submit 2 typed copies of their essays.

• Essays can be based on primary or secondary materials.

• Essay submissions must reach the Department of Jewish Studies Office, 3438 McTavish Street, by April 28,2003.

• Essays must be accompanied by full contact information.

red Sagel was far and away the sexiest executive this year, bringing boyish good looks and an imposing yet endearing stature to Senate and the numerous committees on which he represented students. After a successful Campus Equity Week, a new environmental policy and delegation of the Library Improvement Fund, Sagel’s year, albeit unsung, was a great success. Unfortunately, his legacy will not include a Senate-approved anti-dis­ crimination policy. A frequent visitor to the Tribune office, Sagel worked diligently on a politi­ cal economy journal, only to submit it yesterday.

Sagel was the go-to man for random questions to the SSMU front desk, proving his fetish for bureau­ cracy. Other fetishes allegedly abound for Sagel, as he is rumoured to be quite the ladies’ man. H can also communicate solely in acronyms.

Naeem Datoo .. ...... VP C o m m u n ica fio n s & Events

A

s C&E, Datoo organized some killer parties without putting the Students’ Society into the red. Despite his blasé attitude towards the figures (he had Morrison for that), he demonstrated strong organizational and delegation skills with his leader­ ship of the revived Students’ Society Programming Network. He always sought feedback and surveyed the stu­ dents. The SSMU website, on the other hand, failed to pass the test.

Datoo’s success as C&E brought him to the presidency, and he’ll have to relinquish his who-gives-a-shit out­ look for a more earnest comportment.

Rachel DeLorie —

VP Clubs & Services

B

ehind the poured concrete of Shatner, DeLorie made manag­ ing a decrepit building seem like child’s play. Nonetheless, she took her job seriously, and made successor Mia Gewertz’ job easier with the passage of the Shatner Renovation Fee. This year, DeLorie helped many new clubs get off the ground. She brought to her job an apolitical posture, so she had no qualms giving equal funding to clubs with political agendas. However, she lacked patience for bureaucracy, and preferred the more casual atmosphere of Gert’s to the dry drudgery of the Ixv Bukhman Council Room.

Nick Vikander —

VP C o m m u n ity & G o v e rn m e n t

M

ore a child of the 1960s than the disco age, Vikander nevertheless showed his fashion sense with his sig­ nature green plaid shirt. He con­ vinced la FEUQ to adopt McGillfriendly policies (and will soon dis­ cover if international affairs include Bolivian insurgencies), but didn’t alienate the provincial lobby group like he did CASA. However, despite tension with the conservative federal group, be heeded predecessor Danielle l^mteigne’s warning and attempted change from within.

Furthermore, he hates the FTAA.

6 News

A S E M E S T E R IN P H O T O S

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

■

Through the lens of students A semester of politics, power and protest 1. Bonhomme disrupted classes and encouraged students to attend Snow Air Pub. 2. At the first SSMU General Assembly in five years, 200 students voted to formally support a strike against a US-led war in Iraq.

3. Principal Heather Munroe-Blum began her term as the first female principal in McGill history.

4. United Nations Deputy Secretary-General Louise Fréchette spoke to McGill Model UN. 5. Ioana Luca reported on Third World politics as the Tribunes Panama correspondent.

6. Associate Dean of Arts Chris Ragan is spearheading the fundraising for Arts Renaissance, a Faculty initative to reorganize Arts and add another building.

7. Elections McGill worked into the night tabulating ballots. SSMU, SUS and AUS passed accreditation referenda.

8. Students protested out­ side the Ritz-Carlton Hotel against International Trade Minister Pierre Pettigrew and the Free Trade Area of the Americas.

9. The University prepared to take over the remaining stu­ dent-run and residence cafeterias to amalgamate all campus food services and contract their man­ agement to a private company.

10. Law Dean Peter Leuprecht resigned from his posi­ tion, allegedly because of plans to privatize the Faculty.

11. Montrealers protested impending war in Iraq every weekend of this year.

12. G o v e r n o r - G e n e r a l Adrienne Clarkson spoke about the power of the media at “Who Controls Canada’s Media?”, conference organized by the McGill Institute for the Study of Canada.

13. Naeem Datoo won the SSMU presidential race against candidates John Doyle, Alex Kemeny and Saeed Fotuhi Fotuhi was censured by Elections McGill for his ‘Slanderous and Biased’ posters.

14. Students draped with red paint-stained sheets demon­ strated against the Iraq war.

15. Transgender activist Leslie Feinberg spoke at Campus Equity Week.

16. Canadian Alliance insider Tom Flanagan sparked controversy when he spoke about First Nations policy to £ Canadian Public Policy class.

17. The Phi Delta Theta fra­ ternity house, at the corner of Milton and University, was gut­ ted by a fire on January 6.

—K ate Rhodes

JENNY GEORGE

GRACIA JALEA

JENNY GEORGE

RIGHT, SAM GOFFMAN

JENNY GEORGE

IOANA LUCA

JENNY GEORGE

NATHAN LEBI0DA

A SEMESTER IN PHOTOS

T h e M c G ill T rib u n e , Tuesday, A p ril 1, 20 03

New s 7

SHARON\MWf5 BÃœSHTSKttl 5A80AM NOWAY tflSTtKOS'

NO WAR LA PAIV EN PftlfSTINF DA80HD

GEMMA RHODESIDE

PAULA SIMAS MAGALHAES

NATHAN LEBIODA

Back row (1 to r) — Mora Judd, Florence Tracy, Victoria Lees, Hillary Kaell, Sarah Stabb, Shannon Cohen, Rachel Telch, Rachel De Lorie, Matlyda Gawor, Anna Nelson, Christie Finney, Jeremy Farrell, Andrew Tischler (pres SKS), Principal Heather Munroe-Blam, AU Shivji (VP SKS) Front (1 to r) — Kevin Thornhill, Ben Davies, Spencer Mann, Jeremy O'Hara, Fred Sagel, Damien Liddle, Andres Friedman, J. Kelly Nestruk, Nabeel ALKady, John Gosset, Samir Hussein, Alex Ouimet-Slorrs, Steve Ingold, Jason Carlos Parente (Missing: Dan Park, Anjali Mishra)

The Scarlet Key Award recognizes outstanding student leaders who have made a significant contribution to the McQill community. A Scarlet Key leader is someone who goes beyond the call of duty, is truly committed to McQill, inspires and motivates others, and demonstrates unselfishness, perseverance, passion, and creativity . If one can say - without hesitation —that McQill and its students have benefited extraordinarily from this particular person s presence, he or she fulfills our definition of leadership and is deserving of recognition.

Board of Governors Update What is the Board o f Governors?

McCUi ^

two principal decision m aking bodies,The Board of Governors and the Senate. The Senate deals m ostly w ith academic issues and is comprised of members from ah over the internal M cG ill community. The Board is M cGill s highest

decision-m aking body principally dealing m atters of finance, adm inistration, and overall governance of the university. The board consists o f 45 voting members as weB as many non-voting members including the Vice Principals and em eritus governors.

Composition of the board: 25

Mem bers-at-iarge from the greater com m unity {Montreal, Canada, In ti) {selected by the Nom inating Com m ittee and elected by the Board)

5

M cGill Alum ni Association

4

+ The SSMU President Students (1 for each of SSMU, PGSS, MACES, MCSS)

{Note: The number o f student seats on the board has rem ained constant for many years. Although more student représentation is desirable, it w ould require

4

Senate

an entire overhaul o f the com position o f the beard

1

Adm inistrative and Support Staff

and the ratios of students to staff to governors at

2

Academic Staff (i.e. p rofs not on senate)

large, etc.)

t

Principal {ex-officio)

j ___________ __________

Chancelier {ex-nffkio)

45

--------------------------- --------------- --- ---- — _ --------------------- —

~

What kinds o f issues does the board deal with?

W ithin the aii-encom passingtopk o f fin an ça i, adm inistrative, and overall governance o f the university, there are several sub-com m ittees of the board that handle specific issues: Academic Salary Policy Com m ittee Executive Committee

*

• Investment Com m ittee

Audit and Finance Com m ittee *

M cGill Fund Council

•

Building and Property Committee •

*

Nom inating Committee

Com m ittee on the Regulations Concerning Com plaints of Sexual Harassment Rem uneration Com m itte

These sub-comm ittees are where a m ajority o f the work of the board is done. Topics covered in these com m ittees range from building construction and renovations to the University Budget and new governor appointm ents.

Current Issues:

. . . . . . .

W ith the new principal Or. Heatte r Munroe-Btum having just taken office, the board is in the m idst o f redefining itse if under ber leadership. There is already a dram atic difference in her styie o f ^ d e rsh ip over P rm o p i

,, ™ aB

looking forw ard to reaching some am azing m ilestones for M cGill in th e upcoming years. As the board only meets five tim es a year {with only 3 m eetings having taken place thus far), here is a bunted tes o f issues we have dead w ith thus far.

New Residence Space

University Funding

- Under lhe ta ie ts h tp o f m sew principal, the dence spare is enter!® assure a sped to r every a u te s s r* has approached the prevmte and asked f e more stable t a g leim funding «Sajncofflisg » a f e r g r a d » te , The search 1er a tinss assl csssmstHwots. SSsferlirraiety, the last a w s bedding is « g o in g m i a 8 parties o f th e Ouefeecbudget S im «U nde any substantial university s e in agree m ent th a t th is needs t s t e f t s g for s m m s itk i. We can m tf to p e for happen very quickly 0 » « f e r t e e p o s a «tew th e h eft in the upcoming p rs ris fe i e te tte s s residence f « September 2CB3j. « ta r e the major parties h a w a« made «ommK- M e ® is i s d esperate n e e d o f m ore resi­

mentswith respect to education t e s t a g .

Selective Purchasing and Ethical Investment Location of Convocation Ceremonies

Student Fees - is®»!»!»®! «SS» has h e » * a g to te d Pace 30#- towtves !t kata as Sseagti liMflwhK «wraram» fen* HtSSl ts rm g u tm '«mraaOBMiersirraccivaie te as» ty !6ecs4srtto yets; - Tto Bohusto has stares! Imkag into she nethed is whack Ires m u n e i and «unhang» in thrse Stasias. Mr to w te fsa ts u a k x to the 6«<« hi * * f <s r a w no»*h a m w castre® way Wstock ** eats tarshe stssfen® is das poste®, - the h w f t feast»! t o absM tas tore ami is toissg «rntnaW « h n i « s lo sh * os the beam.

- There is m n à M fe riy in g t e n s i o n W e e way a b o u t how to conduct th e

- Many governors sympathcre w ith an d sam e even echo oar c«>

university's business » » é d i t a i m anner. Im im m & m i protection, tobacco

a m

w ith holding C « * s ta tio n in th e fieldhause instead of a

rom pantes, labour a n d Bring standards t a w a » com e u p this yea». Contrary l® m « e f®Bi»i or appropriate settin g . We expe rt th a t a s o t a i » wiB b e found for tile Spring 200* c s w m tittto «re m o n te s. popular beS ef th e board a n d s w im adw irw tesfien la ke this i s * very » w siy . t e s t assured th a t s tu d e n t representatives a s th e board have b e r» an d continue l« m a w th e se t e w t i m t s forward, We hope th a t a t th e next m eet

mg of the board, a committee vrid be strurk la look into the issue m ore deepfy.

http://www.m cgiB.a/governofS/'. We hope that th is has given you a basic overview o f the Board o f Governors, and how ft affects you. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please feel free to em ail beg^ssmu.mcgiM.ca

AH Shivji

Martin Doe

Undergraduate Representative

President

M cGill University Board of Governors

Students' Society of M cG ill University

|

Features

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

R edem ption in the age of

television Continued from page 1

W ile E. Coyote falls into the canyon, but moments ater he opens an ACME pack­ age to attempt to thwart the Road Runner once again. It is funny, but this physical humour, which certainly reflects mans frus­ trated attempts to control his environment and achieve his goals, does not provide a rich context for the human experi­ ence. Flat and repetitious, R oad R unner cartoons are suitable for children and stoned university students.

So what makes The Simpsons, an animated fami­ ly sticom without a laugh track, a richer source of com­ mentary than S ein feld or R oad R unner, Friends of The F lintstonesl W hat makes favourite of intellectuals as well as children and wasted froshies? The answer seems to be this: since The Simpsons rejects the three-dim ensional constraints of banal reality, its writers are given leave to explore a deeper reality, one that focuses on humani­ ty’s moral, cultural and psychological condition.

eschew social commentary or shove it down the audience’s throats. Rather, it destroys convention to reveal the fundamental: “Despite the fact that the show strips away any semblance of value, despite the fact that week after week it offers us little com­ fort, it still manages to convey the raw power of the irrational (or nonrational) love of human beings for other human beings,” writes Matheson.

The family shares the same vapid cultur­ al tableau with viewers who also always want to have real love.

During a family get-together after a funeral, ostensibly an occasion for timehonoured family traditions, the

sponsorship: “The government needs to spend its money on more important things, such as anti-tobacco programs, pro-tobacco programs, killing wild donkeys and Israel.”

Homer adds, “Good old government.”

(AABF12) None of the main characters on Seinfeld, on the other hand, make a connection between their action or inaction and the ter­ rible consequences that ensue. They don’t care that they lack control, except when their Chinese restaurant reservation is delayed. Or if they do recognize causality, they shrug it off as unavoidable. On The Simpsons, at least the question is asked.

Springfieldianites ex machina and the evasion of tragedy In Springfield, every action matters.

Marge is arrested for shoplifting after put­ ting a bottle of bourbon for Grandpa into her jacket (the Kwik-E-Mart could not fulBart’s request for Flintstones chewable morphine). Police Chief Wiggum demonstrates professionalism: “All :ome out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says ‘Capricorn’, and some­ thing with coconut on it!” Then a riot ensues because Marge could not make Rice Crispies squares for a bake sale.

Mayor Quim by has a personal, albeit self-serving, interest in Irony, the real M arge’s fate when American W iggum wants to family value throw her in the slamThe Simpsons, while retaining Blank-faced but happy: Am erica’s typical family bonding hour ___mer: “Thanks for the the generic family focus of shows civics lesson. Now listen I with different degrees of idealism, from Leave family know any songs that aren’t commer­ me, if Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can it to B eaver and The A dventures ofO z z ie a n d cials?” (1F2I) kiss the chick vote goodbye.” (8F14).

H arriet, to R oseanne and M a rried w ith Lisa tries the hardest to drag her family By contrast, after Jerry, in an act ^ Children, exploits the type for ironic effect. out of the moral and cultural gutter, but they, of good will, suggests that restaurateur Instead of an opening montage depicting the like most couch potatoes, don’t want to Babu cook Pakistani food, the enterprise fails happy family singing a theme song, all the move. In episode IF 12, when Lisa rejects miserably, causing Babu to be deported. Jerry Simpsons rush home to sit in front of the tel­ shrugs it off. evision. Back in the day, former US ViceHomer learns from Lisa the conse­ “In a c a rto o n w o r ld free President Dan Quayle called for more fami­ quences of his actions and redresses wrongs. lies like the Waltons and fewer families like o f c h ro n o lo g ic a l tim e , th e When he tells Apu that he will vote against the Simpsons. Quayle didn’t note that the S im p so n s, a fte r a d a y o f an anti-im m igrant law, Lisa exclaims, shows the Simpsons watch are just as dread“Alright! Now you have all the Simpsons ful as what the real American family endures, e rro rs a n d in d ig n ities, ru sh behind you.” Apu responds, “That’s nice, but instead of Friends, they turn on D on’t Go although three of you are below voting age,” There and Talk to the Hand. Although the h o m e to th e so fa to w a tc h and Homer, always the everyman, adds, “And shows they watch may be devoid of morals, it b ad T V .”

I’m not registered.” But with Lisa’s help, Apu is not the Simpsons family itself that lacks becomes a citizen, and tragedy is averted. morals.

Babu, though, does not reappear until On shows in the S ein feld vein, as Malibu Stacey, Marge says, “Lisa, ordinarily the final episode, when Jerry, George, Elaine opposed to 7th H eaven (whose moralism is I’d say you should stand up for what you and Kramer are put on trial for videotaping a gag-me-with-a-shoe obvious), viewers revel believe in, but you’ve been doing that an car-jacking rather than aiding the victim. in commiseration rather than empathy. awful lot lately!” Bart affirms, “Yeah. You W hile on The Simpsons, the characters face “S ein felds ability to maintain a devoted made us march in that gay rights parade!” the consequences of their actions before the audience in spite of a cast of shallow and and holds up a newspaper depicting him as a end of each episode, for Seinfeld and his petty characters engaged in equally petty and gay marcher. Homer adds, “And we can’t friends, judgment comes only once at the shallow acts is miraculous,” writes Carl watch Fox because they own those chemical end of the series.

Matheson in “The Simpsons, Hyper-Irony weapon plants in Syria.” and the Meaning of Life”, an essay in The Consider also the OmniTouch represen­ This parable has 22 minutes Simpsons a n d P hilosophy: The D ’o h o f Homer. tative’s response to Lisa’s question as to why The Simpsons are spared the trial The Simpsons, on the other hand, does not the Smithsonian Institution needs corporate because every moral dilemma is resolved dur­

ing the episode— The Simpsons characters repent to recover their morality. But what about Bart the Incorrigible?

Mark T. Conrad, in “Thus Spake Bart: On Nietzche and the Virtues of Being Bad”, also in The Philosophy o f the Simpsons, argues that Bart rejects “slave morality” and “seems to create or define himself precisely in oppo­ sition to authority, as the other to authority, and not as some identifiable character in his own right.” This view is simplistic.

In “Bart Sells His Soul”, Bart is pun­ ished for defiling the church organ with “rock and/or roll” by distributing “In-AGadda-Da-Vida” song sheets, and Milhouse is punished for snitching on him after Rev. Lovejoy, the head of a church with a sign that reads “No shirt, no shoes, no salvation,” makes the children recite a litany of the tor­ tures that await them in hell (“where fiery demons will punch me in the back... where my soul will be chopped into confetti and be strewn upon a parade of murderers and sin­ gle mothers... where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds.” As die friends clean the organ pipes, Milhouse describes what a soul is. Bart responds, “Oh, how can some­ one with glasses that thick be so stupid?

Listen: you don’t have a soul, I don’t have a soul, there’s no such thing as a soul!” Yet, after Bart sells his soul, he is desperate to get it back. O f course, it is Lisa who regains it For him, but not until Bart has suffered misery without it. Bart prays: “Are you there, God? It’s me, Bart Simpson. I know I never \ paid too much attention in \ church, but I could / \ really use some of f % that good / stuff now. V \

r m ...y

may mischievous and he may reject Lovejoy’s religion, but he is no “nihilistic danger”, as Conrad alleges.

In another episode, Bart shoots a bird and raises the eggs, only to discover that they are Bolivian tree lizards. Principal Skinner wants to kill the ovoraptors with a paper cut­ ter, but Bart pleads for their lives. “Everyone thinks they’re monsters, but I raised them, and I love them! I know that’s hard to under­ stand.” Marge responds, “Mmm... not as hard as you think.”

The next episode, the lizards disappear, and Bart remains a mischief-maker, but he is less a devil than a Prodigal Son. In a cartoon world free of chronological time, the Simpsons, after a day of errors and indignities, rush home to the sofa to watch bad TV. They have four-fingered figures, but they are true to life. By depicting this self­ reflexive reality with nuance and good will, The Simpsons provides a respite from televi­ sion shows that either idealize the unattain­ able or sacrifice all value for cheap laughs.

10 Features

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Bye-bye McGill REZ LIFE Evan Placey

s m y days in resi­ dence come to an end, the smell of beer and senti­ m en tality are overly present. In my final Rez Life article, I would like to examine the things we’ll miss and the things we won’t.

A

Five things we will miss The convenience The convenience of just about everything in Rez. First of all, its location. It’s just a hop, skip and a hill away from school.

If you forget a paper, friend or brain up in your room, it’s easy to just run back up and get it.

The cafeteria was also incredibly convenient. W ith three meals a day, five days a week, always prepared for you, who cares if there’s something moving in the rice every now and then?

And, of course, the conven­ ience of always having people around who were procrastinating as much as you were. There was always someone w ith their door open, just jonesing to have a drug-induced philosophical con­ versation with you, or to cook Kraft Dinner at 2:00 am, or to reassure you that it’s your TAs fault, or to watch a movie down­ loaded from Kazaa. There was always someone who had what you needed or knew someone else in the building who did if they didn’t. It was the convenience of 250 neighbours.

The hill W ho needed a pass to the M cGill gym when we had the hill? And there was no skipping a workout. Going to class meant working your legs. The hill acted as a great spot to meet other peo­ ple who were also late for class.

The co-ed bathrooms They were the social spot, where the whole floor was wel­ come. They brought us together in a way no other bathroom ever could. W ho needed a magazine or cordless phone while on the toilet, when there was always someone to chat with and keep you busy?

The fire alarms These 3:00 am incidents were weekly bonding moments for the building. They encour­ aged residents to showcase their sleeping attire and, more impor­ tantly, to talk with people whose rooms you wouldn’t norm ally go visit. It was a weekly social party, where you could see the people you hadn’t seen all week.

Through the common dislike of

A s h o rt n o te fro m y o u r fa v o u rite F e a tu re s e d ito rs .

To our writers,

Residences

the idiot who decided to cook in the hall at three in the morning, bonding occurred between build­ ing-mates.

Floormates Finally, we will of course miss all our floormates. They were our lovers, enemies, friends and, above all, family. They were there for us when we needed a hug, a slap, some milk, some paper, a quickie, a smile and, of course, a reason not to do our work.

beneath the fire alarm, especially at 3:00 am? There should be a stup id ity questionnaire along w ith the rez application that everyone fills out. Not that I don’t think waking up in the middle of the night to go outside in the sub-zero weather in under­ wear isn’t fun.

Floormates Rez is an eight-month ver­ sion of B ig B rother. W hat? Did you expect the 18 of us would emerge as best friends for life?

Five things we wii NOT miss

11 things we'd bring and leave behind

The inconvenience Residences weren’t really on cam pus. T he w alk down was often reason enough for many residents not to go to class. And yet we are still stuck in the M cGill “bubble”.

The meal plan was inconven­ ient. There was barely any choice.

There was no opt-out opportuni­ ty and every meal was already pre-paid. The hours suited the

W ith the help of the resi­ dents of Molson Hall, I have compiled a list of the 11 things residents would take w ith them from rez and the 11 things they’d leave behind. The residents were able to suggest animate and inan­ imate things.

“There was always someone w ith their door open, just jonesing to have a drug-induced philosophical conversa• » tion. routine of a 75-year-old more thah that of a first-year. Breakfast was punctually stopped at 10:00 am on the dot, and dinner at 7:00 pm. And if you got there w ithin the last hour of service then, in all likelihood, the entrée yôu really wanted had already disappeared and you were stuck with Cabbage Surprise.

And, of course, there were always people around. W hen you were trying to sleep, they were blasting m usic that came out three years ago, and when you wanted to have fun, they got mad at you because they had a midterm the next day.

The hill M ontreal w inters. Enough said.

The co-ed bathrooms Put down the seat. Put up the seat. Whose hair is this? W ho didn’t flush the toilet? I can’t pee while you’re in here. W hose genius idea was it to have 18 hor­ m onal and cranky first-years sharing one bathroom?

The fire alarms W ho is stupid enough to cook on the hall floor right

W hat we’d leave behind - the fire equipment - the outside spotlight that travels into the rooms facing the north side - the uncomfortable desk chairs provided in the rez rooms - the BMH meals - the smell in the study room - the stench of vomit and urine and everything else from the bathroom - having to wear flip-flops in the shower - the 10 pounds gained from the caf food - the ash-stained hall carpets - the beeping of the delivery truck every morning.

- some of the friends we’ve made W hat we’d take with us - the big-screen TV - independence - the memories - Charlie the porter - the entire cleaning staff - the holiday dinners at BMH - the alcohol that caused the stench of vomit and urine and everything else in the bathroom - the 10 pounds we lost from w alking up the hill every day - the views of M ontreal from the windows - the sauna room (you mean that works?)

- some of the friends we’ve made

So, th is is it. W e’ve covered eve ryth in g from drug d e crim in a liza tio n to organized crim e. W e've had adve n tu re s to S u p e r-S e xe and escapades involving those darn Raelians. T he section has been o u tsta n d in g —don t you love m odest e d ito rs—and th ere's no w ay we co uld've done it w ith ­ ou t you all. T ha n k you fo r all y o u r re m a rka b le e n thu sia sm and bou n d­ less creativity. It's been fabu lous to w o rk with such a talen ted team .

C o n g ra tu la tio n s to o u r new Features e d ito r fo r 2 0 0 3 -0 4 , Brody Brown, we know you 'll do us proud!

To this year's Ed Board, T han k you fo r all th e help you 've given us, fo r y o u r dedication and am azin g energy, but m ost of all, for y ou r frien dship and fo r th e m e m o ­ ries. Each and every one o f you has been an in credible sou rce o f in s p i­ ration. (S pecial sh ou t-o uts go out to Bonnie, M arvin, Clyde, iM acD addy and, la st but not least, A u n t Sally.) T his y e a r has been one hell o f a ride.

Cheers, Panthea Lee N a talie M alo-Fletch er

FACULTY OF ARTS M c P O N A L D -C U R R IE L E C T U R E

JO Y K O G A W A P o e t, N o v e lis t

"M ERCY IN A N A G E O F W AR" T u e sd a y , A p ril 8, 2 0 0 3 a t 17:00

Redpath M u se u m A u d itoriu m , 8 5 9 Sh erb rooke St. W. AH w e l c o m e SEM IN A R : « T h e Rain A sce n d s » and « O b a s a n » Monday, April 7, 2003 at 13:00 Stephen Leacock Building, Room 232 For additional information, please contact Department of East Asian Studies, 398-6742

Room to rent, no view, ugly neighbourhood and wicked guard.

Perfect for the summer.

A Rez end And so it ends. This year’s freshmen will clear out to make room for the next round of ram­ bunctious pretend-adults who w ill make history repeat itself.

And so, until the next fire alarm ... the doors of Rez are closed. It’s been fun!

ENTREPOSAGE

DOMESTIK SELF-STORAGE

UNE SOLUTION PRATIK!

MONTREAL (Downtown), 255 Shannon tel.: 954-1833

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

M YYM N6 M M U G fiN

*

Features 11

Demystifying a J ia l7 sex

An analysis of "alternative" penetration

iven the topic and the “receiver”, or “the bot­ of this column, tom”. For all of you heterosexuals it seems fitting and otherwise, avoid labels like that the US “the man” and “the woman”.

Supreme Court Sure, often you can tell who is a is currently top and who might be the bot­ hearing a landmark case about tom, but occasionally, it’s not as the Texas sodomy law. According obvious.

Not many people perform to the law, straight people may engage in oral and anal sex, but only one role. When surveying a gays may not. Nine states, group o f people who had engaged including Florida, Louisiana and in anal, I found that many iden­ Virginia, have sodomy laws that tified as “versatile” and only a few prohibit gay and straight people were exclusively bottoms or tops. from engaging in either anal or oral sex. (How they catch people “Jonathan, the bum is another column entirely.) But what’s so wrong with a little is n o place fo r the “alternative” penetration?

• n penis.

I used to hate the idea o f anal penetration even more than I —M y f r i e n d ’s m oth er hate people who wheel around those backpack suitcases. After a try or two, it becomes enjoyable. Also surprising was that most, Therefore, I’ve packed this col­ while receiving, had always expe­ umn with all you ever wanted to rienced pleasure. Those that had know about anal sex— what your not, attributed it to a top who momma never told you and what was overly-endowed, rough fist­ ing or fingering, a lack of lubri­ you were too scared to ask.

First, a few terms. In classic cant, or not enough relaxation.

A minority o f those surveyed male-on-male anal there are two roles: “the giver” a.k.a “the “top” reported a small amount of

bleeding (usually after intense sex) and most just claimed to feel a bit sore the day after inter­ course, ranging from “minimal soreness” to “that whole [feeling of] ‘don’t-run-or-your-insideswill-fall-out’”. While most with a fair amount o f anal experience warned against sex with giantpenised men, others stressed that relaxation and lubrication were vital.

“Lube can be a boy’s best friend. It’s true,” one said.

“Anal sex is all in how the ‘doer’ does it (or how he works it),” another answered.

On top o f that (no pun intended), straight women I spoke to were all for an analicious evening and remarkably openminded about the activity. While my mother was not enthusiastic about rear-entry, other women I polled expressed a love for this intimate form o f recreation.

“Jonathan, the bum is no place for a penis,” my friend’s mother warned him. But many disagree.

Although most people think they know what goes in where,

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often they’re confused about the ’in where’ part. It isn’t the colon that’s being entered, but the rec­ tum. Dr. Pierre-Paul Tellier of McGill Health Services said that the anus is “pretty accommodat­ ing” for an average-sized penis.

He also said that, theoretically, because one is dealing with a blunt instrument— the penis— bashing or breaking is highly unlikely.

When asked if health com­ plications could occur as a result o f anal sex, Tellier mentioned that mucosal tears could develop and tears in the muscles at the opening of the anus could pro­ vide a “portal o f entry for STDs”.

However, chances o f this occur­ ring are minimal; carelessness, like not using enough lube or not relaxing enough, can result in potential disease.

Also, (beware all you sizequeens!), Tellier warns against size. “[Anal penetration with a] larger-than-average penis could cause stretching and tears in the sphincter, consequently leading to anal incontinence,” he explains.

Now, that’s not very pretty.

Tellier also dispelled all rumours that one’s colon could fold inside out or become permanently stretched from a “normal” amount of anal sex.

Before some hetero-censor­ ship, the original lyrics to Little Richard’s “Tutti Fruitti” were: “Tutti Fruitti, good booty. If it don’t fit, don’t force it. You can grease it, make it easy.”

Richard’s ode to anal should also serve as a warning to all who engage in the act. Lubricant. Use it, love it and apply it liberally.

Sebastian Yeung, owner of Montreal sex toy shop Joy Toyz, recommended using a “thicker, more concentrated lube that’s going to stay and not dry out.”

Yeung also told me that siliconebased lubricant can last up to 10 hours. Whew.

Yeung graciously listed the areas stimulated for the recipients o f anal penetration. In men, aim for the prostate. Other pleasure zones include the nerve endings around the sphincter, on the rec­ tal walls and even the skin out­ side, around the opening o f the anus. Women have the same nerve endings, but also have a

membrane that exists between the rectum and the vagina that is so thin it allows the anal penetrator to access the G-spot.

When I expressed my con­ cern about the cleanliness of anal, Yeung was quick to reassure. “[One just has to] clean real­ ly well before anal sex,” he explains. “Some use enemas regu­ larly but others at Joy Toyz think [enemas] are bad news.”

One woman hopped on the phone and proceeded to warn me about a dangerous fad in the world o f kink: coffee and wine enemas. (We won’t even go there.)

“Enemas,” she warned, “are okay once in a while, like a douche, but they destroy natural bacteria and are a bit traumatic to the delicate membranes in the area.”

So, anal sex might not feel great for the receiver in the beginning, but hey, vaginal sex the first few times often isn’t exactly the best feeling either, now is it? And if all o f these adventuresome ladies are anal advocates, even though they have more than one area that can be penetrated, it might just be an indication o f how good it really is.

Gay men have always been trend-setters in music, fashion and other aspects of life. Maybe there is something to anal that will make it to pop culture. Hell, at least you’ll get the thrill of doing something illegal in 12 American states and many other countries in the world. And, as always, if you’re going for a romp in the hay, be it anal or any other kind of penetration, take a sec­ ond to slap on that condom, because it’s always better safe than sorry.

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Correction: Last week’s arti­ cle “Homo-age to Pride Week” incorrectly stated that Joanna Broby performed at Rock out With Your Cock/Vagina Out At Gert’s. The performer’s real name is Joanne Ansell, and she’s really very talented.

12 Features

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Fashion

goes g jr lie

McGill wom en taking over the style scene, as ARIANE M ALAW SKI reports.

T

here are many up-andcoming fashion design­ ers in M ontreal and M cG ill students are making their mark in the pack. A t M cG ill’s annual P[h]assion show, four o f them were showcased for the first time. Each with their own distinct style, these four women are demonstrating that even a school like M cG ill, which epito­ mizes the cookie-cutter academ­ ic education, can still foster a creative environm ent for design­ ers.

Minh-Tuong Dao

Caitlin Dunne

In her second year of Mechanical Engineering, Dao s style can be characterized as feminine with an edge. She started designing in high school and, for many years, just drew sketches while she learned how to sew. All of her fabrics are meticulously picked in Toronto and brought back to Montreal for the “creation” phase. One piece that stood \ out above the rest at P[h]assion was a white \ v-neck tank top with a ruffled neckline that would be a perfect addition to anyone’s spring wardrobe. Her sharp lines, combined with feminine fabrics and pale colours, give her clothes a universal appeal. Dao hopes to make a career out of fashion design.

Currendy enrolled in Science as a U1 student, Dunne’s signature style is vintage chic. She started designing four years ago and decided that her calling was in remaking old vintage clothing. Since fabric is so expensive, Dunne prefers buying old clothing—often at Value Village—and updating it to fit her retro-80s style.

Premiering at the show this year was a blue sling top, reminiscent of F ootloose, and a knit black miniskirt.

According to Dunne, her clothing is for girls who want something unique and are not afraid of colour. However, she says science is her true passion for now, and design­ ing will only remain a hobby.

Maya Khana

Zayna Aston

A third-year Religious Studies and Political Science major, Khana’s designs scream iiber-feminine.

Designing for herself and friends for over 10 years, Khana’s focus was mostly on handbags and purses. Now that she has branched out into clothing, her love of detail and luxurious fabrics is quite evident. “When I’m designing, my inspirations comes from visualizing a mood or setting. For these pieces, I imagined a gorgeous and serene beach house and asked myself, what would a woman like to wear in this environment?” It is not sur­ prising that silk, linen and lace are her favourite fabrics, and that the colours she use are mostly white, pink and beige. Khana wants to continue in fashion and plans to pursue a degree in fashion design after graduating from McGill.

In her third year at McGill, enrolled in Psychology and Humanistic Studies, Aston is not only a designer, but also a model, actress and f a producer for TV McGill. She describes her , clothing as being her version of a corporate takehostile and with a lot of flare. “As a kid, I had major issues finding clothes that would fit me because 1 was so tall, and so I had to start mak­ ing my own stuff.” Aston is often playful with fabrics, exemplified by outfits showcased at P[h]assion that were constructed completely out of neckties. Her colours are dark and muted, such as tan, pinstripe blue and black, but her playful style compensates for the understated colors. Aston says she’ll keep on designing, but for now, acting and producing are her true loves.

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ar t s&ent er t ai nment

The M cG ill T ribune, Tuesday, A p ril 1, 2003

Mosaica rocks the body piece, danced to Mr. Scruff’s “Get A Move On”, starts in the early hours A lot of people say they don’t of a: day, where the partying nightlike seeing dance because they don’t owls are just finishing up, the street bums are just waking up and the understand it. And a lot of dance is business people are just starting pretty remote from its audience. But their day on their cellphones. not M osaica.

The five vignettes, or transi­ M osaica is the annual dance show put on by the McGill tions, were each about one-minute long comedic expressions in silence Contemporary Dance Ensemble. It is a company of real people, who are of the slow merging of three groups: “selected uniquely for their ability to bums, businesspeople and nightperform and express their personal owls. These vignettes are more than styles.” It is so refreshing to see a just time fillers; they are highlights of the show and pull together the dance show where every dancer is not a clone of the previous one to themes of the city and togetherness grace the stage, and every expression in diversity. My personal favourite on the faces of the dancers is not was when one of the street bums tried to steal a purse from one of the premeditated.

There are 18 McGill students business people and, in a satire of in this year’s company and 20 sepa­ interpretative dance, they break into rate pieces, plus five short vignettes a passionate tango, dancing off the stage in harmony. to fill in time between costume These transition pieces were changes. The dancers are the chore­ great, but as for their real purpose of ographers of the entire show. There filling time, they fell somewhat is a huge variety of pieces on display short.

Each of the blackouts here, and each one seems to reflect between pieces sometimes felt the distinct personality of the chore­ longer than the pieces themselves. ographers. There is something for This one shortfall of the show, how­ every taste: interpretative dance, ever, should be easily fixable. In the modern, hip hop, romantic duets, first couple of nights of a perform­ comic vignettes and rip-roarin’, ance, usually the set and costume booty-shakin’ numbers that made changes are the least polished part of me want to go out dancing. the show.

By the end, there is usual­ Urban is the best description of ly a faster rhythm going between the evening. The set is a darkly painted skyline of a city and the pieces, and even by the end of this music made me think of a hot, chic opening night, the blackouts got lounge bar downtown. The first shorter and shorter.

The in-betweens were long, but Julie Peters

the dances were definitely worth waiting for. All of the pieces had a youthful, urban edge and were just plain fun to watch. Some of them were a little more experimental, and mosdy they were interesting and made you think a little bit. The inti­ macy of Players’ Theatre was perfect in this context, because seeing the dancers’ faces was one of the best parts of the show. Each piece is so personal, and in the programs the choreographers and dancers are all referred to by their first names.

Attitude was a key element in the entire show, but I have to admit I could do with more smiling from a few of the dancers.

For example, one really fun piece, entitled “High School Sweethearts”, was an adorable dance performed by Kai, a guy who tran­ scends gravity in his C en ter Stage jumps, and Joanna, a girl who defies body constraints with her Cirque de Soleil flips. Danced to the Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”, the piece was cute and amazing.

However, if the dancers had looked at each other more and enjoyed the feeling of the dance more than the technicality of it, it would have been all the better.

“Going, Going...” was Mosaica’s take on Stom p. It was good, but needed more... well, stomp! Running shoes weren’t really the proper attire to make a thump on the ground and the cement floor didn’t help all that much.

"Feast of Contem porary Plays" hits MAI Theatre

One thing that was really impressive in this show was that, despite the fact that there are only two guys, as is a common problem for most companies in the perform­ ing arts, it didn’t mean they had to be in every single piece. Even the romantic duet to a love song was danced by two beautiful girls, and the romance came across just as effectively as if they had been boy and girl.

M o sa ica was a dance show made for real people by real people.

The dances celebrated wanting to be

young and sexy, to have fun and to dance. The show will rile up an audience, not alienate them.

M osaica screams youth, fun and urbanity. Anyone who goes, as long as they can handle five-minute blackouts from time to time, is guaranteed to have almost as much fun as the dancers.

M osaica playing at Players’ Theatre April 2-4 at 8:00 pm and April 5 at 3:00 pm. For more information, call 3986813.

receive during her subsequent recov­ Rock P aper Sistahz celebration. ery comes from “on contract coverage. » For tickets, call (514) 932-1104 or She falls into a depression, visit the box office at 3680 rue Jeanne because she can no longer chase her Mance. lifelong dream. Desperate, the young woman goes back to her roots of doing monologues from old black plays. In fact, she can recite verbatim any part from any play. Excessive TV viewing—“24/7”, to be exact—leads her to make up some very strange monologues, including “Martin Luther King Before a Night of Fellatio”. In television shows, she dis­ covers similarities between various Continued from page 1 series and national holidays. She points out the link between C olom bo “That’s the best song about a and Columbus Day, but can’t find a boner I’ve ever heard!” said a fan at link for M u rder She Wrote, “except maybe President’s Day—that’s all the the show.

The music, as well, is interest­ American-bashing you’ll hear from ing and thought-provoking, but me today.” not along the same lines. “What is In the end, she can only think of herself as a “professional hang- this?” is a thought it provokes. arounder,” because it’s been 25 years “Interesting, this is really bad,” is since she last said, “Theatre’s gonna another. Behind the synthesizers be my life.” Meanwhile, she can’t get and processed microphones, Kingstone pre-records drum and a grant; she can’t even get welfare. bass lines to accompany his act on She’s stuck. stage.

These are very much skaUnfortunately, the quality of acting left something to be desired, as influenced, so much so that he the pain and suffering from a drawn- occasionally skanks quietly behind out depression was not fully commu­ his keyboard.

Synthetic folk is a new kind of nicated to the audience. This blemish is merely an anomaly at the Black sound, and thank goodness we Theatre Workshop, which normally have a superhero to fight for it. produces very believable productions Interesting, funny, weird or bad of a high standard. In addition to would be all good ways of describ­ Belvett and Mandiela, Debbie Young ing the Synthetic Folk Hero. But writes and performs as part of the the best way, I think, is unique.

Captain Kingstone a big hit

Danny Chodos The Black Theatre Workshop has entertained and enlightened audiences for 32 season and, as of March 28, it finally has a permanent home. The city of Montreal accepted BTW’s proposal to officially move into the Strathearn Centre, located in the same building as the Montréal Arts Interculturelles, where its plays have been performed since 1999.

The MAI Theatre produces a wide variety of multicultural performanc­ es, from plays to dance to poetry.

In conjunction with this monu­ mental event, the BTW is presenting “a feast of contemporary plays,” fea­ turing works by three young, black female artists. The festival is aptly named Rock Paper Sistahz , presenting an assortment of one-woman plays.

This celebration of black culture will continue until April 6, with alternat­ ing performances on given evenings.

Last Wednesday’s play was writ­ ten by Naila Belvett, a playwright and actor, who describes her agoniz­ ing struggle to recover her zest for life after losing both her father and the use of her legs. On this night, Ahdri Zhina Mandiela played the role.

Stuck is the story of a woman

JENNY GEORGE

M o s a ic s dancers glide gracefully across the floor of Players' Theatre.

SANDRA ALLAND

(L) A scene from Nalia Belvett’s S tu ck ; (R) Y a g a y a h is a dub theatre piece by Debbie Young and Naila Belvett.

whose only dream, at first, was to be a famous dancer and actor. However, after a series of marginal, low-paying opportunities, she solemnly declare,: “I ain’t doing this shit anymore.”

At her latest gig, she accepts the opportunity to perform a minor stunt, hoping it might further her career, but unfortunately, only ends

in disaster. She falls off the stage and lands semi-conscious on the floor. She suffers from intermittent paralysis, causing her to lose her balance occasionally, and forcing her to walk with a cane.

Adding insult to injury, she does not qualify for personal acci­ dent insurance because the mishap occurred at work. Furthermore, she would have been covered under ACTRA, which applies to many obscure injuries suffered by artists on the job. However, she was not a member of ACTRA—if only she’d paid the $2.50 a month, she won­ ders. What litde payment she does

14 A&E

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

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Its always nice to see a concert in a musician’s hometown. Usually, family and friends get together and the musician looks a little more nervous than usual, but they usually do okay and are visibly happy to be playing, rather than slogging it through yet another town on tour.

The sparsely populated^ Petit Campus was the site for the double­ billing of Canadian indie alt. coun­ try darlings Luke Doucet and NQ Arbuckle, and it was hometown hero Arbuckle that had his own lit­ tle posse at the front. Armed with

excited to see him again. He didn’t disappoint and had made some great leaps in his live act, adding some ‘magic pedals’ into the mix. The ‘magic pedals’ are also used, albeit more prominently, by Joseph Arthur. Luke plays a chord, records it by pressing down on the ‘magic pedals’, and then loops it back to create a backing beat, guitar chord, etc.

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signs reading “All Neville, All Night”—NQ stands for Neville Quinlan; Arbuckle is his middle name—they cheered and danced during his set, yet remained politely quiet, for most of the time, during Doucet’s. Apparently, they haven’t been formally introduced yet.

Nevertheless, the night was an enjoyable, intimate affair, with some quality guitar licks and atmosphere to boot, as both Luke and NQ bared their souls with tales of heartbreak and dire situations.

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were both heartfelt and wonderfully played, yet when he expanded musi­ cally, either through the ‘magic ped­ als’ or through an amplified tele­ phone receiver, he kept the indiejaded audience rapt.

Also to his advantage, Doucet has an easygoing stage presence. He likes to explain the stories behind his songs, which can be annoying, but in this case, endearing. Hailing from Winnipeg, Doucet also plays with rock band Veal, and, with a voice very similar to The Weakerthan’s John K. Samson, I’m convinced there must be something in the Manitoba water. All are recom­ mended to pick up his excellent, most recent album, Aloha,

that really stand out, and he left them both for the encore. “Mixkin Dancehall Blues” and “Song for Deborah” just ooze with heartbreak and remorse, and it was at this time that NQ Arbuckle really stood out, which is a shame, as the place had pretty much emptied out at that point.

Next time either Luke or NQ swing back around, stick your head in because it’ll be cheap, there will be good music and it will be guaran­ teed to be an intimate affair; the per­ fect night for a little soul-baring and searching for redemption at the bot­ tom of a beer bottle. The battlescarred pinata, indeed.

Thank you Teye, viva el flamenco!

Andre Legaspi

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As for Arbuckle, his claim to fame seems to be as a prodigious side-man with many prominent Canadian stalwarts like Blue Rodeo, and for also dating current Canadian indie goddess, Sarah Slean. Though, considering that he made constant reference to “Erin” throughout the set, you gossip mon­ gers can extrapolate that NQ and Sarah are no more.

NQ Arbuckle took to the stage with great confidence and, with a full backing band, initiated some much-needed energy into the night.

With a voice that is akin to a more melodic gravel-eating Tom Waits, you truly believe that NQ has indeed suffered much heartbreak and hardships. Concentrating on songs from his debut album, with a few choice Springsteen cov­ ers, NQ Arbuckle commanded the stage. His little cheering squad helped him out by dancing and swaying, but the sparseness of Petit Campus did seem to overtake any achievements on stage.

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Two things in my life have left me completely breathless. The first was an accident I had when I was young, involving the frame of my BMX bike, a five-foot jump and my crotch. The other was witnessing a volcano erupt at night in Costa Rica. But when Teye and Viva el Flamenco dancers stopped by Montreal’s Spectrum two weeks ago, the event entered that sacred list at No. 3.

Born in the Netherlands, Teye learned his skills in the Conservatory of Music in Groningen. There, he honed his gui­ tar chops and soon began touring.

In Montreal, he came with three fla­ menco dancers, a vocalist and his mentor. From the outset, he charmed the audience with his hum­ ble, but very capable, grasp of the French language. Switching flawless­ ly from French to English to Spanish, Teye joked and chatted without an accent.

Thankfully, his humility did not transfer to his performance, as he intricately moved up and down the fret board, mesmerizing the crowd with unabashed strumming

and finger-picking. Drawing from from rumbas to slower, more pas­ the rhythm that the Gypsies in sionate numbers. As he sipped his Spain created, the dancers provided port between songs, he gave us an a fantastic, yet simple, percussion abridged history of flamenco and section with only their hands and a how the various religions in Spain had affected it. While it was inform­ single box-like bass instrument.

The dancers also showed their ative and interesting, it did not passion for flamenco with their detract from the music. Rather, it quick spins and powerful, fluid gave the audience an understanding movements. The first dancer, Ana of how and why certain songs were Maria, was the most intense, captur­ created.

For one piece, Teye ditched the ing the music in her stare and with her sharp and powerful turns. axe and wielded a single cane.

Drawing most.of the applause from Gypsies that had fled parts of Spain the trio, Ana Maria spun and tapped could not bring instruments that so powerfully that every piece of would slow their travels. Thus jewelry from her hair and dress had instruments were made from what was available, in this instance, a fallen on the stage.

Later, Teye’s wife Belen per­ stick. From this one stick, Teye formed to a song called “Martillo began tapping an intricate beat with Chisposo”. While her moves weren’t the cane and his feet. The dancers as sharp as the other two, Belen still responded with each strike and pro­ made the crowd smile with furious vided a sort of melody with their tap moves that none of the other arms and movement.

Put together, the performance dancers could match. Finally, Estefania proved to be the most was indescribable. Like most of the graceful, with fluid and beautiful night, it’s hard to put into words; spins that would end in backbreak­ Teye is something that must be experienced. While it is easy to for­ ing poses.

Probably the most overlooked get about flamenco as a genre of aspect of concerts these days is set- music, a night of Teye and Viva el list balance. Teye made sure that the Flamenco can make it extremely crowd was never bored, switching memorable.

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

What will they think of next?

Light-up alcoholic energy beverages hitting Montreal kamikaze taste is a mix of caffeine and extracts of cola nut and yerba maté.

In an ever-growing market of According to Houle, there have energy drinks and alcoholic bever­ been recent increases in consump­ ages, it is no surprise to see the latest tion of both energy drinks and one on the block: Pulse Energy shooters. As of two years ago, Shooter. Hoping to start in Quebec law stipulated that bar­ Montreal’s club scene and break out tenders were required to prepare into the global market, this latest mixed drinks in front of the cus­ drink combines the obvious allure of tomer. As a result, Houles product alcohol with the trendiness of herbal would become the first pre-mixed extracts. shooter on the market that is both The drink premièred a few time-efficient for bartenders and weeks ago at an industry party at legal for consumption at the bar.

Club Soda. After the flashing lights Pulse is produced, marketed and a techno DJ, the lights went out and bottled by the Maison des and acrobats climbed down ropes Futailles, a Canadian company with from the ceiling, as well as per­ a North American scope, involved in formed on stage in the production of order to unveil this wines and spirits. new product.

The result of the Pulse has been backing of a multi­ available in local million dollar com­ SAQs for about pany is a marketing month, giving the tour in local bars public the opportu­ and clubs in con­ nity to purchase the junction with TV beverage at its pricey h a n n e 1 cost of $27 per 750 Musiqueplus. The mL bottle. Unlike “Take Your Pulse” many others, Pulse tour, starting April has used an 10, will feature unprecedented mer­ dancers and light chandising strategy JACQUES EMPRINGHAM shows and provide that promises to Trib Photo Editor Nathan says customers a chance keep the Pulse brand it's more of a sippin' drink. to try the new bev­ name around. erage. If these pro­ To start with, the primary mar­ motional nights are anything like the keting gimmick takes place m the unveiling, they will be spectacles in form of, according to a press release, and of themselves. a “revolutionary transparent 750 mL Not without its downfalls, the bottle that pulsates with light when scope of the Pulse marketing cam­ you gently strike it.” In short, a paign is rather limited, expecting to coloured light is attached to the bot­ draw in the lounge/club scene of 18tom of the bottle and blinks for six 25-year-olds, Houle claims. By cre­ seconds when you hit it. In a dark ating an underground buzz, Houle nightclub, this creates a neat effect expects to limit the “billboard adver­ that allows club-goers to see the bar­ tising” of other popular energy tender more visibly. The battery is drinks, such as Rev, Guru and Red designed to last for 30 hours, or Bull. This could be potentially detri­ 1,080 hit. [Ed. Note: It only took us mental to the even larger portion of two days to break the light]. that age group that frequents local Mathieu Houle, creator of the bars like Bifteck or Frappé. drink, says that his idea for the bot­ In addition, inconclusive tle design came from a night in the health risks of such drinks still exist. club with his friends. After not being Ice Xtreme flavoured Pulse contains able to spot the bartender, he and his guarana (a natural source of caffeine) friends started asking each other the and caffeine. Mixed with vodka, this question, “Why does the shooter girl is potentially a powerful combina­ not have a spotlight on her?” tion. In 2001, three deaths in The increased demand for Sweden occurred as a result of inges­ drinks like Goldschlagger and tion of the Red Bull energy drink; Kamikaze inspired Houle to create two of those deaths occured after the first line of vodka-based energy mixing Red Bull with vodka. While drinks. The bottle would be best Red Bull has yet to be directly linked served by adding edible silver flakes to these deaths, the risks of mixing in the drink to make the lights reflect caffeine and vodka are still present, off them in the bottle. Perhaps the the Red Bull-Vodka combination is cost of such flakes increased the still very popular. already expensive cost of the drink In the meantime, the people at itself and resulted in its removal.

Maison des Futailles are hoping that The first phase of the vodka- Pulse catches on with their target based Pulse consists of three flavours, consumers and that they can eventu­ each with a distinct bottle-colour ally expand into the Europe and US and light. Ice Xtreme contains markets. If these ventures prove suc­ extracts of guarana and caffeine, and cessful, Pulse aims to come out with has a minty taste; Hot Passion has a several new flavours. Given the cur­ base of Korean ginseng, guarana, rent ones, perhaps they should maca and caffeine, giving it cinna­ rethink that strategy for their sur­ mon undertones; Sweet ‘n Sour’s vival on the energy drink market.

Spencer Ross

A&E 15

The carnal sense of Log Thobey Campion____________

Great, just what the world needs, another pervert in a onepiece Russian gymnastics suit.

Although a profile of Vladimir Putin and his relationship with his ring-jumping dog would be inter­ esting fodder for a magazine piece, it has nothing to do with what went on at la Salla Rosa last Wednesday night.

So, what did go on? This ques­ tion must be asked with the same angst and confusion as the ques­ tion, why did those Gypsies steal my shoes? Now one understands the trouble of comprehending Bob Log III and his performance.

First and foremost, Bob Log III is a one-man blues band, and he’s got talent. He plays slide guitar, a bass drum, foot cymbals, a drum machine and sings simultaneously.

The most noticeable aspect of this type of performance is the coordi­ nation it actually takes to keep this all up. One-man blues bands have typically included folk singers that | only combine the harmonica and guitar.

The power of the one-man band can be compared to playing pool alone as opposed to with a partner. It is fun to play with a partner and you tend to drink more, but by the end of the game, you realize there is only a maximum number of times that you can say “you’ve compromised my art” to a good friend. Singles allows for the cohesion of mental targeting and committal to the game. Roland Kirk, another pseudo one-man band, was famous for playing five saxophones at the same time. Kirk’s “One Ton” may just be the most exciting modern blues song ever performed.

It’s this musical spark, lyrical excitement and rhythmic juice, combined with his controversial’ shenanigans on stage that has given

Bob Log III the hype. However, because of this somewhat ‘contro­ versial’ material, his talent as a musician is often overlooked.

Newspapers across Canada have heralded Bob Log III with head­ lines such as “Bob Log’s Titty Show” and “Sleazy Rider”. I’m not going to mention any names here, but if you are reading this and came up with one of those head-up-yourown-pre-schooler’s-sense-of-sexuality-ass headlines, I’ll find you, sit you down and tell you that YOU are the pervert for cutting short your appreciation of a musician at such an innane level. With that said, I’m all for different opinions

the receiver into an amp.

Regardless, Lynard Skynard’s “Free Bird” and Billy Cobham’s “Quadrant 4” have achieved this ‘danger zone’ tempo in the past. It gallops and bites, and so do the people who dance to it. The dance­ floor at Salla turned into a wilder­ ness of jumping punks, swaying hippies and a very careful group of sober people.

Wild is how one can best describe the feeling at the end of a Bob Log tune. He stands up in his gymnastics suit with his fist in the air and the crowd just erupts. His guitar-playing could use a bit of polishing, but what’s a good show

and free speech and, apparendy, so is Bob Log. But beyond his wild antics lies a musical gusto. This umph had a hysterical effect upon the crowd.

There is a specific tempo that I like to refer to as the ‘danger zone’. Bob Log has.mastered it and decided to add his own funky voice. By funky, I’m getting at his rigging of a tele­ phone up to a helmet and plugging

without a few mistakes? So go see this guy play.

A word of warning: I wouldn’t suggest going to the library with Bob Log on the earphones.

Apparently, they respect books, photocopiers and windows in that fortress of fear, all of which one will have a tough time doing when lis­ tening to the up-and-coming Bob.

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16 A&E

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Nina Z ach ariad es

N athan Le b io d a We would like to thank all o f our photographers who have worked so hard to produce the images which appear in the Tribune every week. Without your dedication and imag­ ination, the Tribune would cease to be the aesthetic tour de force that it is... ahem. We would also like to congratulate Nicole and Nina, the Photo Editors o f next year’s editorial board!

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The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

A&E 17

M axim Lewkowski

G ra c ia Ja le a Rushan G a la g o d a

Patrick Fok TR IB U N E Staff

N icole Leaver

Here you go kids, this is the editorial staff for 2002-03. There’s one from Brazil, one from the West Island, one from Regina, one goes by Girthy, another by Jimmer and then there’s the one you talk to if you’re looking to score. From left to right: (John Gosset, Natalie Malo-Fletcher, Panthea Lee, Karen Kelly, Lynne Hsu, James Grohsgal, Kate Rhodes, Mark Sward, Sarah Wright, Scott R. Medvin, Raquel Kirsch, James Empringham, Michael Liew, Mark Kerr, Tomoko Shida, Ric Lambo, Jenny George, Nathan Lebioda).

18 A&E

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Green Tea Cheesecake at Jardin Sakura (2114 de la Montagne): This has to be mentioned, it was so damn good. A sweet and sticky ground graham-cracker crust lays the foun­ dation for the two distinct layers of green tea-flavoured goodness. The thick middle layer is tasty cheese cake, not too rich or heavy on top ol the plate full of sushi I had just pol­ ished off. The top layer is green tea mousse, also available on the dessert menu. The masterpiece is topped off by green tea icing, sweet and gooey. Definitely original and inex pensive, this dessert is not grainy or overpowering like many other green tea desserts I have tried.

The best and worst of a semester's entertainment Worst Concert The All Day Breakfast Singers: I like T he R ed H erring, I really do.

But leave it to them to book this band to open up their r e c e n t f u n d r a is e r .

They showed up over an h o u r-a n d -a half late, and played for an h c u r-a n d -a half instead of a half hour. Their costumes were the best part of the show—a guitarist in sexy drag and a bassist in a Mexican wrestler’s mask—but once they opened their mouths it was all over.

Having missed their own sound check, the band’s vocals were so loud that I covered my ears. And the protest lyrics were just a poor excuse to rant and rave. Please, donate your instruments to someone who can actually play.

— S cott R. M ed vin

Best Movie C ity o f God. A masterpiece, in

every sense of the word. Set in the slums in and around Rio de Janeiro, it can justifiably be compared to G oodfellas. It is brutally powerful, beautifully made and, hands down, the best movie of the year.

— D any H orovitz

together, turning the tiny bar into a full-fledged dance party.

— SRM

Worst Album Hootie and the Blowfish: Although it may not sound any worse than much of the other crap that came out this year, H ootie a n d th e B lo w fish is certainly the MARK k u p f e r t most disap­ pointing of them all. Once a mighty force in the music industry, the band has come out with an album that is full of bland sounds and dull lyrics.

—DH

Best Documentary P rom ises : A beautiful, amazing­

ly real documentary shown earlier this year by Hillel McGill. The film­ makers follow a highly diverse group of pre-teens through war-torn Jerusalem. The heartfelt opinions of these sometimes less-than-innocent kids was an incredibly effective way to get to the heart of the issue: who does this land belong to, and which of your playmates should be killed for it?

—J u lie Peters

Best Bar Queue Leu Leu: The Queue Leu Leu’s got it all: A name that’s hard to pronounce, tables used for dancing on, a regular routine danced by waiters in lederhosen and five squares of sidewalk packed with McGill kids in the otherwise dead Old Port on a Saturday night. You can’t really go wrong looking for a good time at the Queue Leu Leu!

-JP INDB.COM

Worst Movie F in al D estination 2\ Yet anoth­

er example of a sequel that simply rehashes the plot from the original, but executes it poorly, and hopes the audience won’t notice. F in a l D estin a tion 2 is poorly written, directed and acted, and should not be viewed by anyone.

Best Comic Book/ Concert Combination N ufonia M ust Fall book release: N ufonia M u st F all is local turntable legend Kid Koala’s new 300-plus page comic book. With no dialogue, the reader is allowed to fill in the works and thoughts of the book’s lovestruck characters. At the release

—D H

Best Improvisational Collaboration Moondata Presents: Nights of Ambience and Beats: The personali­ ties behind Parkside Jones took over O Patro Vys on alternate Saturdays for almost two months, picking a theme and musicians to play it. I caught three out of four, and each was better than the last. The Beats night featured a furious jam con­ ceived from DJ P-Love’s timely introduction of a Digable Planets sample. The Electronics night chal­ lenged the New Deal, and the series’ finale featured most of the members of Parkside Jones and local dub impresarios Ark of Infinity onstage

ECWPRESS

party, Kid Koala and collaborator PLove played through the comic’s soundtrack, using mostly pianos.

Kid wowed the crowd with news of his upcoming LP, and even featured a never-before-heard excerpt, aptly titled “Flu Season”, and composed completely from the sounds of a doctor’s waiting room during the

dregs of winter. I can’t decide what the highlight of the night was... I’ll call it a three-way tie between an unbelievable cut-up of Jessica Rabbit’s show tune from Who F ra m ed R oger R abbit, the bingo game during intermission and the instant, comedic rapport that exist­ ed between the audience and the shy DJ on stage.

— SRM

— SRM

Best Movie (rereleased) Baraka-. This is a quintessentially modernist film: a story told in visuals, with a message that is up to you to decide on. No plot, no char­ acters, no dialogue, and it still man­ ages to make you feel like you understand everything in the uni­ verse. I promise you’ll love it, even if you are not the least bit pretentious.

And, don’t worry, there’s amazing music. It resurfaces at Cinema du Parc every couple of months—but go early, it’s always sold out.

-JP

Best Concert The Roots: On those rarest of occasions when expectation and anticipation converge, a live show can delight, thrill and encapsulate an audience. It can also, of course, thoroughly disappoint.

So that’s exactly why the longawaited, and much-anticipated show by the Roots crew of Philadelphia fame was the best live show of the year.

NATHAN LEBIODA

Those lucky enough to have been at Montreal’s Metropolis on January 31, 2003 saw the Roots rock for nearly three hours, playing tracks from four albums that span the recordings of 10plus years of collabo­ ration. The show was that much more spe­ cial, seeing as hiphop’s top acts have become accustomed to passing over Montreal as a tour stop. Perhaps the success of the sold out Roots show has something to do with the decisions of Jurrasic Five and Talib Kweli to grace us with their presence in the coming weeks.

—Ja m es E m pringham

Best Dessert

Best McGill Play When asked by my editors to come up with the best play of the semester, I could only think of one which played at the end of the last.

Although a tough choice, it has to be The H ouse o f Yes by Wendy MacLeod and directed by J. Kelly Nestruck last October at Players’

NADIA SULISTI0N0

Theatre. The black and white set was gorgeous, the acting superb and they did it in only a month and a half.

— Liz T ruchanow icz

An editor's note at week 26 Being the editor of the Arts & Entertainment section of a student newspaper is an interesting thing.

The publicity-hunting publicists, promoters, press agents and artists often treat you like second-class cit­ izens next to almost any other media. They are using you for press the same way you are using them for the free CDs and concert tickets. Performers often don’t take you seriously, since they are professional celebri­ ties (no matter how minor) and you are an amateur writer. You have to balance the countless phone calls and emails with class and homework. Sometimes it is hard to even find time to write your own pieces for the paper.

As editor, I do the best that I can to maintain a number of different balances. Since the T ribune is a McGill newspaper, we have done our best to provide fair coverage for events that take place on campus, as well as off-campus happenings featuring McGill artists, musicians, filmmakers and writers. We have strived to be fair to all, mentioning the negative and accentuating the positive, doing our best to not be too critical. Liz Truchanowicz has lent us her knowledge of all things theatre to provide a subjective, yet informed, take on McGill Theatre productions.

There are so many things going on every week in this city, so it is hard to figure exactly what to put in the section each week. We write about the things that we love, because we want other people to experience them. “I have to get the secret out: this is the next big thing, everybody!” There are so many different striv­ ing artistic and musical subcultures in Montreal, and we’ve tried to give as many writers as possible a chance to share their passions. David Barclay’s “Je Cherche” column appeared for yet another year, giving his opin­ ion on local bands, profiling record labels and featur­ ing the most obscure music from around the world.

At the same time, we have covered mainstream

events, attempting to provide a student’s view on movies, television and music more usually featured in P eople or R olling Stone, allowing our writers liberty in praising or lampooning as they see fit. The “Main St. column, excellently penned by Tim Chan, provided a humorous take on popular culture.

The most difficult thing for me this year has been coverage of the more civilized side of Montreal’s culture. Luckily, I was teamed up with Mr. Ricardo Lambo as my co-editor. We tried to complement each others obscure tastes, and have divided the work fair­ ly so no one went too insane. It’s been a great year; you’re a legend.

I want to thank all of the writers that have braved the second-hand smoke to attend our Monday meet­ ings. Thank you for being such intriguing people with such interesting tastes. Continue to preach the gospel of what you love, be it theatre, Brit Pop, hip hop or Britney Spears. Thank you for making your dead­ lines—almost all of the time. Newspapers are made or broken by their writers; you are all responsible for our acknowledgement as Publication of the Year. I hope that all of you that are coming back next year will continue to be a part of the team.

Congratulations to next year’s editorial board, especially to the new A&E Editors, Panthea Lee and Greg McKenna. We are leaving the section in capable hands, for sure.

I hope that everyone who has read the A&E sec­ tion of the T ribune this year has learned something new and gone to see a random play, or bought a rec­ ommended CD or checked out some oddball show.

We’ve done our best to provide you with the most interesting and entertaining things Montreal, and the world, has to offer. Hope you’ve enjoyed it a fraction as much as I have.

—S cott R. M edvin

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Behind the scenes...

With the fields and courts silent after another school year, we are left to reflect on the accom-

« Crim inal for his alma plishments of McGill Athletics teams.

The act number mater’s squash two. team.

The object of an 80-year-old Tribune goes beyond the scores and stats to get “After the O w e n Hungarian’s affection cops chased us Watson, a What is now established as a the stories that did not make the headlines. down, we had member of the team tradition began on a fluke night to go back,” McGill squash in London, Ontario, when the e xplained team, thinks wrestling team was starving and des­ tour—a simple bus trip to Durban, Laurin. “But on our way, we did some A double-celebrity visit having Powers at the event really perate. Earlier this semester, after a like driving to Kingston from calculations and we realized that we Alex Boyne of the McGill men’s increased the status of the sport. meet at the University of Western just needed to do some strategic squash team has guts. He wanted to “As a Canadian-born and top- Montreal.

Ontario, the wrestlers settled on what In Canada, the only resistance on weight movement in order for the bring more notoriety to squash at two in the world, he’s pretty up looked like a risky choice for dining, McGill and knew that he would need there,” said Watson of Powers. “We such a road tour might be an extraor­ front to be heavier.” but it was the only place that would Because all the luggage was in something big to entice spectators up were all just thrilled to meet him and dinarily long line-up at the Tim accommodate their numbers. to the Sports Complex. So, he to watch him play, especially the Hortons drive-thru. South Africans, the back of the bus in storage, the 14 The moment they set foot in the however, chose to limit the weight of engineers on the team decided that approached Johnathan Powers, who girls.”

Hungarian restaurant, the short men owns and manages a sporting goods Apparently Powers garners good buses and trucks in order to keep con­ every single person had to cram them­ of the team were quickly accosted. A gestion to a minimum. selves into the first four rows of the business in Montrea, to askl if he reviews for his looks, too. women who is described as very old, “We were told by our bus driver bus in order to trick the scales. “So, would make an appearance.

Mark Smith, who held the lucky very short, and very Hungarian Powers also dabbles with squash raffle ticket and is the No. 1-ranked that we were too heavy,” explains we put everyone at the front to coun­ bounded right up to the group at the on the side. He is ranked No. 2 in the McGill squash player, got the chance swim team head coach Francois terbalance the back weight,” said door to greet her next victims. world. to play against Powers. No winner Laurin. “Forty-five minutes later, Laurin. “We had curtains on the win­ “She looked right at Jed after shifting the bags around, we got dow of the bus so the inspectors At lunch, Powers said he would was officially declared.

[Zaretzki],” said head coach David the okay from the bus company to couldn’t see what we were doing and love to come to McGill for a fundrais­ The event drew an enormous Mendelson. “She told him that he leave. it worked.” er aimed at attracting more youth to crowd to the courts. and all the other short guys had ‘very At check points, which appear Deceiving a government official: play squash. Preceding the event, “We have never had a crowd like big ding-a-lings’.” which took place on June 10, 1998, we did that day,” said Watson. “If you every 150 kilometres, buses are criminal act number three.

The Hungarian woman, who Once the team narrowly passed CTV aired a segment on the evening didn’t come early enough, you would­ weighed at the front and back. The still remains nameless after several news promoting the event. The sur­ n’t have gotten a seat. It was a success two weights combined cannot go over inspection, they set off for Durban. trips back to the restaurant by the a designated limit. The swim team Two hours later, they were stopped prise addition to the bill was the man by every stretch of the imagination.” team, spent the whole night fawning was traveling with all its luggage and for speeding. Criminal act number who donated money for the construc­ over all the men who she claimed equipment, plus nearly 30 bodies. four. tion of McGill’s newest squash courts Heavily weighed vacation were “gifted in other areas than After making the bus driver very five years ago.

Last Christmas, the McGill swim Needless to say, that bus could not height.” pass inspection.

Criminal act number angry, and arriving four hours late, Lome Webster, an 85-year-old team traveled to South Africa for a Avi Yan, who is the tallest mem­ the McGill swim team arrived in McGill graduate, who arrived in a two-week training camp. Aside from one. ber of the team, according to “We had to pull over [at the first Durban. wheel chair with his daughter and friendly competitions and training in Mendelson, was crushed that she did checkpoint] and our bus driver got “You never know what is going grandchildren in toe, had seen CTV’s the pool, the team managed to travel not hit on him. fined,” said Laurin with a laugh. “But to happen in a foreign country on a promotion of the event and thought a fair bit.

“I was really hurt because I felt it would be fun to show some support It was to be an easy three-hour they made us wait for over an hour bus,” Laurin said. left out,” admits Yan. “I wished I was and a half, so we decided to leave.”

Sarah Wright_______________

a young, attractive and sexy man like Jed.” Not only was the team received with an unprecedented warm wel­ come, but it was also one of the best meals they had ever had, according to Mendelson.

It's what you learned in the process that matters Martlet Hockey

A lthou g h there was no national title, m any of McGill's

McGill, ranked No. 2 at season’s end, finished atop the Quebec Student Sports Federation with a 17-1-2 record, and breezed through the playoffs. Head coach Peter Smith’s squad went on to win a bronze medal at the CIS Championship in Regina.

Kim St-Pierre, who was to travel to Beijing for the women’s hockey championship, was spectacular once again this year, breaking the CIS shut-out record and posting a sparkling 0.40 GAA. Katherine Safka emerged as a gritty goal-scorer, leading the team with 29 points in 18 regular season games. She should make up for the loss of Sophie Acheson, Paula Mailloux and Sarah Lomas, all graduating this year.

w in te r Intercollegiate team s had strong showings. The

Tribune sends h o m e the reports.

Redmen Hockey Although they were ranked in the Canadian Interuniversity Sport top-10 for most of the season, the Redmen faltered in the play­ offs, bowing out in the first round. McGill finished second in the Ontario University Athletics Far East Division with a record of 166-2, six points ahead of Ottawa, who swept the Redmen in the bestof-three affair.

Despite the setback, there were some excellent individual efforts during the year. Goaltender Luc Vaillancourt posted a sparkling .926 save percentage, with a 2.08 goals-against average and three shutouts.

Forward David Burgess became the ninth Redman to earn allCanadian honours, scoring nine goals and 39 points in 23 regular season games. nathan It was a solid season for head coach Martin Raymond’s squad, with home games at McConnell Arena consistently drawing large, rowdy crowds. The team will need to regroup for next season, as goalies Vaillancourt and Murray Cobb, as well as other key players, graduate.

MVP: Although Vaillancourt had a standout season, the nod goes to captain David Burgess. His scor­ ing touch and leadership will be sorely missed in the fall.

Player to Watch: Rookie Ken Davis, a Detroit Red Wing draff pick, was named to the OUA East

MVP St-Pierre is a no-brainer for this category. While this year’s team was one of the most balanced in recent memory, St-Pierre provided that extra confidence for her teammates. Not only did she make crucial saves, St-Pierre also moved the puck up the ice with greater ease than all other goaltenders in the QSSF. Player to l e b io d a

W atC h : Véroniq ue Sanfaçon was named QSSF rookie of the year. She showed some offensive outbursts and should be a star in the future.

Grade: AM a rk Ker

all-Rookie team, netting seven goals and adding six helpers in 24 league games.

Grade: B —-John Bowden

PATRICKF0K

20 Sports

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Martlet Track and Field

Redmen Track and field The Redmen track and field team set their sights on a sixth-place finish at this year’s Canadian Interuniversity Sport Championships. After placing second at the Quebec Student Sports Federation championships behind host Sherbrooke with 134.5 points, the men could only muster a I4th-placing out of 20 teams.

Relying on team depth rather than several superstars, McGill had many strong efforts this season, taking home four gold medals at the Vert-et-Or Open. Other highlights include finishing second of 11 Quebec teams at the McGill Team Challenge and another four gold medals.

At the QSSF finals, the Redmen came away with three gold medals, including single achievements from Daniel Lennox’s 1000-metre victory, and Ryan Beaton’s win in the 1,500 m.

Daniel Lennox brought home the lone McGill medal at CIS with a bronze in the 1,000 m. He also anchored the fifth-place finish by the 4x800-m relay team with Jeff McCabe, Marty Fox and Ryan Beaton.

MVP: Daniel Lennox Player to watch: Marty Fox Grade: B— Sarah W right NATHAN LEBI0DA

Redmen Basketball

MVP: The dominant force for the women goes by the name of Ali-Khan who, in her final campaign for McGill, won 12 races in five meets, with three gold medals at the Canadian Interuniversity Sport Championships, as well as the Tissot Award as the CIS track athlete of the year.

Player to watch: Ashley Shumate

The Redmen basketball team was nationally ranked during the 2001-02 campaign, and finished tied atop the Quebec conference with a 12-3 record.

This season, with all five starters and head coach Nevio Marzinotto returning, the vet­ eran squad inexplicably fell to 4-11 and missed the playoffs.

A weekend in early February epitomized the team’s one step for­ ward, two steps back-type year. Two days after a stunning victory at No. 4 Laval kept their post-season hopes alive, the Redmen were defeated in a game against unranked Concordia that essentially elim­ inated them.

Next year’s edition of the Redmen will try to put the disap­ pointment of this season behind them by relying on returning sec­ ond-team all-Quebec guard Denburk Reid, and some emerging freshmen, in their quest to return to the top of the Quebec University Basketball League.

MVP: Domenico Marcario. The former second-team allCanadian provided offensive firepower and kept the Redmen close in their defeats.

Grade: B+ — SW

NICOLE LEAVER

Mamet Basketball The Martlets made their first Quebec University Basketball League playoff appearance in five years in 2001-02, but their chances of going to the post-season again this year suffered a set­ back when star guard Cheeka Mitchell tore ligaments in her knee over the summer. From that point on, it was all downhill for the Martlets and coach Lisen Moore, who dropped 10 of the first 11 games on their non-conference schedule.

As the season progressed, the team was beset by additional injuries to veterans Shannon Howard and Alisen Salusbury and was forced to rely on less-experienced players, including seven fresh­ men. As a result, the Martlets lost 11 QUBL games before notching a win, finished 2-13, and missed the playoffs.

MVP: Maude Vallières. She led the team in scoring, and played a key role in the team’s few wins.

Player to watch: Craig Clare

Player to watch: Anne-Marie Scherrer

Grade: B, high expectations, but few results —A ndrew S egal

Grade: C, only because of the vast number of injuries

Marltet Volleyball

Redmefl Volleyball

For the Martlets volleyball team, coached by Rachèle Beliveau, this season was not the most impressive, largely due to extraneous and uncontrollable factors.

Combining a multitude of injuries (three starters suffered sprained ankles and cap­ tain Elizabeth Jamieson had a herniated disc) and a squad comprised almost entire­ ly of freshmen and sophomores, it’s not hard to see what plagued them. With an overall record of 14-27-2, the Martlets did not accomplish all they would have liked.

Despite the last-place finish in the QSSF, however, McGill managed to prove that it is a team with talent simply waiting to gain experience and knowledge. In the five tournaments they attended this season, the Mardets placed no lower than sixth, and they succeeded in taking a silver medal at the McGill Invitational.

Individually, as well, players showcased their own abilities. At the McGill Invitational, Christine Borisov was selected for the all-tourney team and, at the Bison Coast-to-Coast Classic in Winnipeg, Jamieson was named top defensive player and was also chosen for the all-tournament team. Finally, Anne Robitaille and Julie Heroux were second-team all-stars.

Vania Gamache describes the season well: “We do get down but, individually, we work harder and keep from getting negative.” With more experience and an older team next season, the squad will have the opportunity to prove what they can do.

JENNY GEORGE

In their second-best showing ever, the Martlets captured the Quebec Student Sports Federation tide, as well as fourth-place at the CIS national championships this season.

Led by two-time all-Canadian Sarah Ali-Khan, the Martlets maintained confer­ ence supremacy through all five regu­ lar-season meets. The Martlets won the McGill Open on November 30, as well as the Laval Open in Ste-Foy. JENNY GEORGE At the eighthannual McGill Team Challenge, the Martlets placed second of 11 teams and came away with a pair of gold medals. At the QSSF Campionships, the McGill women blew away the competition by col­ lecting eight gold medals on their way to winning the four-team event.

MVP: Captain Elizabeth Jamieson, who returned from a serious injury to con­ tribute to the team

Player to watch: Anne Robitaille

The men’s volleyball squad never seemed to find their groove this sea­ son. The roster was comprised of only six returning players, with seven fresh­ men and just two seniors.

The 0-15 in league play and 2-22 overall record is not necessarily indicative of the team’s strength, as several key games were decided by two or three points.

In a strong Quebec Student Sports Federation conference, the Redmen finished fourth behind first-place Laval (15-0), l’Université de Montréal (96) and Sherbrooke (6-9).

The team was definitely in a rebuild­ ing year.

The Redmen’s hopes, for the most part, rested on senior Kyle Pushkarenko, a power-hitter and multi-talented U2 Libero/power/setter, and Andrew Royes, who led the team in almost all offensive categories. Pushkarenko’s exploits led to selection for the Quebec conference sec­ ond-team all-star team.

MVP: Andrew Royes Player to watch: Paul Grinvalds

Grade: B — C aitlin B uck ley

Grade: C—S W

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Sports 21

McGill Athletics' most embarrassing moments A n d re w S e g a l

When it comes to performance in competition, members of the McGill Redmen and Martlets are usually pretty reliable. After all, McGill teams did win 11 champi­ onships this past season, and the school has a proud history of athlet­ ic achievement.

But execution during games and meets is one thing— the goingson kept under wraps is quite anoth­ er. In fact, McGills athletes have some stories that those who hold the university’s sportsmen and women in high esteem probably wouldn’t want to know about.

Unfortunately for all involved, some of their embarrassing moments are revealed herein.

Wresders are a gas Take, for instance, wrestler Hana Askren. Once during a prac­ tice, she was working on a move known as the gut-wrench, which takes place when one wrestler is face-down on the mat, and the other is on top of her. There are three stages to the move: first, the top wrestler must get her grip, then she has to squeeze her opponent extremely tightly, and then roll the other grappler over.

Askren described what hap­ pened in this particular instance.

“I was practicing it on this guy, and I squeezed him really hard. And when I did, I squeezed a huge fart out of him, and everyone heard it,” she said.

Can’t think of a sub Awkward as that experience may have been, it doesn’t compare to some of the antics of Jed Zaretski of the Redmen wrestling team.

And, like in many of these athletes’

New meaning to “drank a little too much” However, none of their stories can compare to the weekend of humiliation suffered by Andrew Stirling of the McGill ski team. The

humiliating moments, alcohol played a big part.

“After a tournament, we all get really hammered. So this time, we got really hammered at the hotel, and then walked all the way to the bar and grill. All night I’d been crav­ ing ribs, so when the waitress comes by to take my order, she asks what I want, and I just say ‘ribs’. So she asks what kind, but I was so drunk, I just said ‘ribs’ again. Eventually, I think she just gave up and put down ‘rack of ribs,”’ he explained.

But Zaretski’s inebriated night was not over yet.

“On the way home, we were even more drunk, and it was blister­ ing cold, and blowing wind like crazy,” he continued. “So this other guy on the team, Avi Yan, and me, we just take off our shirts and start singing in this blistering cold weather. We’re walking down the street wearing nothing above our waists, singing to everyone who’s walking by, and they’re just staring at us and running away,” Zaretski added.

CEGEP sees the light a little early Another embarrassing story, this one told by Dan Holden of the Redmen volleyball team, involved beer, but in a far more innocuous way.

“We were going to an exhibi­ tion game for the junior team, and we had some beer with us [in the locker room] for after the game, because the deps were going to be closed when it was finished. Right as my coach walked in, one of them spilled all over the locker room at the CEGEP, and it smelled like beer.

[The] other team came in to get changed, and we were horsing around, and they thought we were drunk,” said Holden of the uncom­ fortable situation.

COURTESY OF ANDREW STIRLING

“I wasn’t completely naked. I was still wearing the helmet,” said Stirling.

team hadn’t even left Montreal for its final meet of the season, and things were already going badly for him.

“I was late to get the van on our way to leave. So I was running through the Ghetto, and I got hit by a Jeep. I pretty much demolished the guy’s sideview mirror,” he said.

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fell on my head. I was unconscious and puking,” he said.

“The guys who were chasing me had been drinking a fair bit too, so they can’t remember either,” Stirling added when prodded for details. “They don’t know whether I slipped on the ice or hit my head on the bumper of our van, but either way, I ended up underneath the

van,” he continued.

“The next morning, we went to the hospital, and I was told I had a concussion and ended up with five stitches in my head, and I was told I couldn’t race for the next few weeks.”

Embarassing as that might be, it was just a harbinger of things to come.

“I took it easy the next night, but the doctors didn’t mention any­ thing about not drinking with a concussion, although I’m told now it’s probably not such a good idea,” Stirling noted.

“So I went out to a bar on the last night, but some of the people on the team made me wear a hel­ met, so I wouldn’t hurt myself. So I was drinking through this helmet, and I got pretty drunk, and every­ body thought I was retarded or something. And everyone was pat­ ting me on the back of the head, and telling my friends it was so good of them to take me out. Also, I was dancing and just bumping into everyone on the dance floor, but all my friends were like, ‘Watch out, you can’t bump into the retard­ ed guy!”’ said Stirling.

But that time at the bar was just the lead-up to Stirling’s final degradation.

“I had the helmet on, and I fell asleep in the hallway outside my room. So my friends stripped my clothes off, wrote some marker all over me and left me there. The secu­ rity guard came up, just shook his head, laughed and walked away,” Stirling related.

Despite the embarrassment, Stirling did manage to save some face in the incident. “I wasn’t com­ pletely naked,” he said. “I was still wearing the helmet.”

Indoor soccer ends

L A S E R V ISIO N C O R R E C T IO N

Pierre Demers, MD

of Stirling’s problems.

“That night, we were having some beers, and it’s unclear how it happened, but I ended up getting chased in the parking lot, which was covered with ice. So I slipped, and

1

5

N ia g a r a F a l ls

S a r a h W rig h t

It was a disappointing finish to a very strong season for McGill’s men’s and women’s indoor soccer teams. Both squads travelled to Laval on Sunday for the Quebec Student Sports Federation Championships, with both losing out in the quarter-finals.

It is the first season the indoor soccer league has been recognized by the QSSF. The Redmen lost to l’Université de Montréal 3-2. Joe McBride and Gino Lalli both scored on clean headers.

The game was tied 2-2 until a Carabin found the back of the net with just 15 seconds remaining.

“It was very equal,” said Martlets head coach, Marc Mounicot. “There was strong com­ petitive play and it was a very phys­ ical game.”

The Redmen took a red card towards the end of the second half.

They were forced to play with a oneman disadvantage for the last five minutes of the game.

The squad returns to the out­ door in the fall, looking to improve

on the bronze medal it won this year. The National Championships are to be held at McGill.

The Martlets soccer squad, who have been ranked in the top two all season, were favoured to play in the gold-medal game. Soccer power­ house Sherbrooke upset McGill 2-1 in a game where the better team won, according to Mounicot.

“We were facing a really strong keeper,” said Mounicot. “The other team deserved to win.”

The game was almost a carbon copy from last season.

“Two years ago, we were in the same scenario,” explained Mounicot. “We gave them two easy goals, and we should have learned from last season [that] we need a killer instinct.”

The Martlets missed two chances in the opening few minutes of the game, which cost them a chance at taking the lead and gain­ ing much needed confidence.

Nicole Shepherd’s goal, McGill’s only one, was a fluke that happened after much scrambling in front of the Sherbrooke net, according to Mounicot.

2 2 Sports

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, April 1, 2003

______________

Save the pat on the back Many of us are guilty of hitting Redmen football crew dance all the up Gert’s on a Thursday night, too. way to the semi-finals. For a while, The protest, drinking and dancing it looked like the Redmen would capital of Canada is officially locat­ earn a trip to the Vanier Cup, after ed at the corner of Sherbrooke and having beaten their arch-rival and University, and my earlier article known pest, Concordia, in the did little to change that distinction. Quebec final. The Saskatchewan After what has gone on this Huskies put an end to that dream, year, though, can we blame people however.

A few of us braved the harsh for not showing up in droves to some fairly decent games? The usu­ weather to support the Red n’ Ja m e s S ca rfo n e ally consistent basketball program White, but alas, it just got too cold.

When there’s a problem with had quite the off year. The Redmen The ultimate dream of any managed only six wins during the enthusiasm in this country, you journalist is to somehow change the regular season, despite good show­ turn to hockey. Combine the pas­ world. Sure, we love the satisfaction ings prior to playing the games that time with some cold brew and that spells fans. The idea worked... for a of a witty phrase or critical feedback count. from our readers, but our true Their female counterparts couple of games. In hopes of grab­ intention is to find someone who endured a long season of losing, bing the attention o f students, has listened to our words and while dressing a line-up full of Molson and a marketing team full adjusts his/her daily routine accord­ rookies. Winning two consecutive of creativity tried to fill the seats at ingly. games only once and not getting McConnell Arena. The Redmen A while back, I wrote a critical their first home win until February put on some great games to help piece on the overwhelming apathy is not the formula for filling the out, as well. Toronto, Queen’s, students have for McGill sports. It seats at Love Competition Hall. Concordia— the herd of spectators was argued that, between More people can be found writing a was loose. Where were they the rest of the season?

Montreal’s exciting nightlife and Physics final in that venue.

If it weren’t for MACHO, the the varying cultures and interests We also can’t say much for the among the student body, attending volleyball teams. After a promising eccentric and wild group of hockeysporting events, or even paying year for the Martlets last season, it lovers that seemed desperate to find attention to the sports world, was looked like a more cohesive squad the right words to fit their beloved on the back burner for countless would be on the court this time acronym, the stands would only be students and faculty. Showing up around. Result: 1-14 and last place half-full. Interestingly, the club’s en masse in front of Roddick Gates in the Quebec conference. The only absence at Martlets games, featur­ or the American consulate with school that played worse, in the ing an Olympic gold-medalist, was anti-Bush placards was the thing to entire country, was Waterloo, a quite conspicuous. The winningest do this year. The outdoor pubs were school better known for its math team at McGill could only attract parents, the statistician and a voice also in fashion. Heck, even our new geniuses. principal enjoyed one of those par­ O f course, McGill’s more pop­ that belongs in an NHL booth, ties. Can we drag her to a Martlets ular sports, football and hockey, Matt Howatt, on a regular basis.

Both hockey teams, however, volleyball game, perhaps? fared much better. We watched the

JENNY GEORGE

We will have to wait until Montreal wins another Grey Cup for fans like this.

fell short of expectations in their run for the national crown. The women lost to eventual runner-up Toronto, and the men were ousted in the first round by the underdog Ottawa Gee-Gees. The Redmen and Martlets will lose key players to graduation this year, placing a big­ ger burden on their respective coaches to achieve higher results.

Unsung heroes We cannot forget about the lesser-known athletes of McGill, either. This group of people, often placed under the heading of ‘mis­ cellaneous’ by many, had an impressive season. The swim team headed to Victoria and came back with its best results in more than 30 years. The men’s rugby team breezed through an undefeated campaign, culminating with a win over, yes, those hated Stingers in the Quebec championship.

Pool party turns ugly the mud-slinging that has occurred in the last week and a half.

I have to confess, I am just as guilty as the rest in this area of pool etiquette. My most recent posting, propelled by an uncalled-for remark, prompted me to compare someone to a lab rat from the comfort of my desk chair.

Another interesting feature about web brackets is the ability to post a poll. This feature fits perfectly in my pool. We justify the use of the poll feature through zingers, burns and downright personal attacks. One guy posted a poll concerning his gen­ italia. This confirms at least one thing: we take these pools way too Yes, it is tournament time. Pools seriously. and brackets cloud desks and sign-up Pool politics are a whole differ­ booths everywhere. With little knowl­ ent story. edge of this year’s field, I still find This year, five of my close friends myself glued to the television for the and I decided to participate in a seastatus of my picks in hopes of bring­ son-long hockey pool. We each con­ ing home some cash. Pools, brackets tributed $50 and auctioned off play­ and fantasy teams are becoming more ers in a mock draft prior to the start popular with every new season and of the regular season. At a cost of $5 every new technological innovation. per player, trades and free agent pick­ I say technological innovation ups were deemed to be fair game until because the majority of these pools the NHL trade deadline. The fees col­ are registered on the internet. My lected from free agent pick-ups were NCAA pool is on CNNSI.com and distributed to that month’s points my regular season hockey pool is reg­ leader. The pool ran fairly smoothly istered at thehockeypool.com. So with only minor complaints. much for giant scoreboards taped to a However, the pool’s tranquility came wall. Now we have cyber trash-talk. to an abrupt end a couple of days The features available are quite before the trade deadline. practical. My NCAA pool offers a After sitting deep in the base­ message board, and I am sure we have ment and watching the rest of the a server dedicated solely to processing pool excel for the majority of the sea­

son, I finally gave up hope for a lateseason comeback and decided it was time to cut my losses. I had to make a deal.

Call me the Pittsburgh Penguins, but I had to start selling off assets. I was contacted by one of the pool members, who shall remain anony­ mous, to make a deal. 1 intended to dump my best forward and best defenceman in exchange for a sub-par forward, an injured defenceman and an undisclosed sum of cash—a fixed amount upon closure of the deal and a bonus if the participant with whom I was negotiating won the pool. To any onlooker with a pulse, this was a cash-strapped owner dumping players strictly for financial purposes.

Within minutes of the pool members catching wind of the deal, the phone rang.

My actions were referred to as “filthy”, and I was called a snake and various other nouns and adjectives that cannot be repeated. After a meet­ ing of several pool members, a deci­ sion was reached to veto my trade.

“How the hell can a pool that prides itself on being as realistic as possible veto my damn deal?” I thought. Then it dawned on me: I was taking this pool too seriously.

I have since accepted my fate of finishing last. I will probably have a tough time dropping the habit of checking the nightly results of my team, but, hey, at least I still have a shot at winning the NCAA pool.

Ali-Khan makes international debut All-Canadian Sarah Ali-Khan placed 59th of 68 competitors at the IAAF world cross-country championships in Lausanne, Switzerland over the weekend.

The 29-year-old doctorate student in Pharmacology ran the 8-kilometre course in 31 minutes and 14 seconds. Werknesh Kidane o f Ethiopia took first in a time of 25:53.

It was the longest race that Ali-Khan had run competitively in her career. Ali-Khan joins an elite group o f McGill athletes, only the third runner to compete on the international level.

We even had some heated debates about the validity of cheer­ leading as a sport. I’ll leave my edi­ tor to moderate that one, though.

So, some teams deserve more recognition than others, but will likely be forgotten by the time the fall semester rolls around. Maybe when the Redmen rugby squad relocates its home games closer to Upper Rez next year, there will be some support, as was shown for the game against Harvard in September. Maybe our home foot­ ball games won’t have more fans from visiting schools. Maybe this year’s fallen teams will come back next year with a vengeance. Maybe we just shouldn’t have high expecta­ tions in this world of uncertainty. It does not look like this writer changed the aura surrounding McGill sports in 2002-2003, but it is possible the students are not the ones who feel shame.

Darche back with the Seahawks Long snapper JP Darche re­ signed with the Seattle Seahawks of the National Football Leaguelast week. He has been with the team for three years.

The former McGill star wouL l have become an unrestricted fro. agent had he chosen to exercise that right. Darche, whose brother Mathieu currently plays with the Syracuse Crunch of the American Flockey League, played for the Toronto Argos for two years before moving to the US. Calling Sports editor applications The T ribu n e is looking for one sports editor for the 2003-04 school year. Submissions should be addressed to Mark Kerr, Editor-InChief. A letter o f intent, CV and three sample writing peices are required.

Applications are welcomed in September at the T ribune office, room 110 in Shatner.

Mark and Sarah would like to thank all of the writers that have contributed to the Sports section this year. Your hard work and dedication in covering McGill athletics has been superb and well-appreciated.

We hope that many of you will continue writing for the sec­ tion next year.

Have a good summer, and play ball!