The McGill Tribune Vol. 29 Issue 25

REDMEN LEAVE NATIONALS EMPTY-HANDED, PAGE 17

YOU SAY PARTY! WE SAY READ THIS!, PAGE 13

M C G ILL Published by tbe Students’ Society o f McGill University

TRIBUNE www.mcgilltribune.com

Vol. 29 Issue 25 • 30 March 2010

Rejoice! The T ribune’s annual joke issue returns at long last

For four glorious pages of inspired satire, see page 9.

ADAM SCOTTI

Daily Publications Society narrow ly passes $1 fee increase Halparin accuses No committee of fostering “anti-Daily sentiment” MATT ESSKRT Contributor

The Daily Publications Society, which publishes The McGill Daily and Le Délit, passed its $1 fee increase on Thursday, with 51.3 per cent of students voting to increase the DPS’s non-opt-outable fee to $6 per semester.

Approximately 2.500 students, or 12.8 per cent of the undergraduate student body, voted in the election. According to Mike Vallo,

the chief electoral officer of Elections McGill, the turnout was higher than that of the general elections in Fall 2008.

“Both [the Yes and the No] committees were really passionate,” Vallo said. “Everyone who voted was clearly on one side or the other, so I'm not surprised it was that close.”

Though the fee hike passed, the DPS’s slim margin of victory has focussed attention on students’ attitudes toward the Daily.

“I’m happy that the DPS is going to be financially sustainable for the future,” said Stephen Davis, the Daily’s coordinating edi­ tor. “But, at the same time, this brought to our

attention a lot of work that needs to be done, and a lot of things we need to address in our coverage.”

Stéphanie Dufresne, the coordinating edi­ tor of Le Délit, echoed Davis’s comments on the DPS’s future.

“Of course, the DPS will have to take [the narrow margin] into consideration and find ways to address the criticisms that were voiced by the No committee,” Dufresne said. “[Now], we’re going to be able to use these resources to make the Daily and Le Délit more responsive to students, more open, and also to develop our web component.”

Allan Cyril, the No committee chairman, said that the committee raised several issues that the Daily needs to address, such as the lack of engineering- and science-related sto­ ries in the paper.

“I think we did inform people about what going on,” said Cyril, who was recently elect­ ed as next year’s vice-president internal of the Engineering Undergraduate Society. “I hope that the Daily takes this as a sign that some stuff that they’re doing doesn’t make the cam­ pus happy, and we’d like to see them reform.”

Max Halparin, the chairman of the DPS’s See DAILY on page 4

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NEWS

2 • 30 March 2010

mcgilltribune.com

CAMPUS

BASiC hosts Lander and Huh at annual Ampersand Conference F our-day events focusses on creativity in the digital age TRIP YANG Contributor

The Bachelor of Arts & Science Integra­ tive Council hosted the second annual Amper­ sand Conference last week, which focussed on creativity in the digital age.

The four-day event featured addresses by Christian Lander, the founder of the popular blog Stuff White People Like, and Ben Huh, the internet entrepreneur who popularized Lolcats, as well as workshops on digitial in­ novation.

“We felt the theme of creativity in the digital age was relevant and interesting to stu­ dents,” said Metz, who helped to organize the conference and also serves as the president of BASiC. “You just need to go a class in Lea­ cock 132 and see people on their laptops to see how much digital media affects us.”

Lander, a McGill alumnus and former Tri­ bune editor, opened the conference by speak­ ing about the surprising success of Stuff White People Like. He started the humour blog using WordPress, an open-source publishing site, after he and a friend spent a night discussing how they didn’t trust any white people who didn’t watch HBO’s critically acclaimed crime drama The Wire.

“I was going after these upper-middleclass boomers, trying so desperately to believe they’re progressive,” Lander said. “I really wanted to make fun of that. I wanted to go after the pretentiousness of it.”

Some of his blog posts were inspired from his time at McGill, such as white peo­ ple’s love of “Arts Degrees” and being able to “Study Abroad.” Other posts deal with issues of multiculturalism, including “Having Black Friends”.

“White people were trying to collect ethnic friends like they were Pokémon—un­ fortunately you couldn’t trade them,” Lander joked.

Ben Huh, the internet entrepreneur who popularized Lolcats, spoke at McGill on Thursday.

Since he started the blog in January 2008, Lander has published two books and has been a featured guest on The Early Show and Late Night with Conan O 'Brien. Lander attributed the blog’s popularity to the accessibility of ap­ plications like WordPress.

“Most of the traffic hits were due to people sharing the blog through their own blog links, Facebook statuses, and IM away messages,” Lander said. “It was really interesting to see the blog grow without having to go through a journalism gatekeeper, such as needing a plug from a show or magazine. If you do something that really connects with people, all of this can happen really quickly because the barriers are gone.”

Huh closed the conference by discussing his experiences as the CEO of the Cheezburger Network, a group of 45 meme humour web­ sites, some-of which Huh purchased from their

original owners. He stressed the importance of simplicity when running websites that centre on user interaction.

“Too often businesses try to make things more complicated,” Huh said. “You need to connect with your fan base. Apple released a phone that was five years behind in terms of features, but 10 years ahead in terms of usabil­ ity.”

Two of the most famous Cheezburger Network sites w e failblog.org, which features embarrassing “epic fail” moments, and icanhascheezburger.com, which combines captions with awkward photos and videos of cats—a concept known as Lolcats.

Huh acknowledged that purchasing a hu­ mour website that revolved around cats and fast food was an unprecedented move that car­ ried financial risks.

“I had a well-paying job in Seattle I didn’t

HOLLY STEWART

like, so I was looking to start up a company,” Huh said. “I realized this could be career suicide, but I wanted to do consumer related things. Our goal is to make people happy for five minutes a day.”

The Cheezburger Network depends on user interaction to make Huh’s goal a success.

The sites depends on users who upload their own comedy pieces, re-caption others’ up­ loads, and provide immediate feedback. Huh believes that today’s internet celebrities ben­ efit greatly from the rapid growth of the online humour industry.

“It’s almost like the business found us,” he said. “WordPress wasn’t available five years ago. But today, internet humour as a vehicle for cultural change is inevitable. One thing’s clear: there’s more untapped potential in the internet user base than in the professional writ­ ers, and we need to tap into this user base.”

CAMPUS

McGill study finds Montreal still a long way from racial equality Blacks, even those with graduate degrees, earn less on average SEAN WOOD Contributor

Montreal is still a long way from racial equality, according to a recent study conduct­ ed by several professors at McGill’s School of Social Work. The comprehensive survey of the city’s black demographics found that black Montrealers make less money and are less likely to be employed than non-blacks.

On average, the unemployment rate for black Montrealers is 10.9 per cent, as opposed to 4 per cent for non-blacks. The poverty rate for blacks, at 39.2 per cent, is nearly twice as high as the rate for non-blacks, at 20.2 per cent.

The study also found that black Montre­ alers who have earned graduate degrees earn

significantly less than non-blacks with simi­ lar qualifications. The average income for all black Montrealers is one-third less that the city’s average.

Though the study doesn’t draw explicit connections between inequality and racism, James Torczyner, a McGill professor of social work who is the study’s lead author, said that it was possible tq read such links into the data.

“The census data doesn’t ask questions about attitudes, so I can’t say it’s because of racism in Canada,” Torczyner said. “But mem­ bers of the black community are saying that.

They’re the ones who have experienced the data in their daily lives.”

Clarence Bayne, a professor of business at Concordia University who has also conduct­ ed research on the subject, said that both Torczyner’s numbers and those of other research­ ers tell a story of “clear, persistent, and almost brutal discrimination by the market against

blacks and visible minorities.”

Other factors may contribute to the city’s racial inequality, however. About 60 per cent of black Montrealers are immigrants. In addi­ tion, the black community is more fragmented in Montreal, because members often have dif­ ferent heritages or speak different languages.

“Because of the way Montreal is, you live in a neighbourhood where your language is spoken,” Torczyner said. “You’ll find Frenchspeaking blacks in the east end and Englishspeaking blacks on the west end, so it divides it by geography as well as by language.”

According to Torczyner, this fragmenta­ tion may prevent the black community from addressing its pressing unemployment and in­ come problems.

“You take [the fragmentation], and you take a community that is growing so rapidly and the resources aren’t, [and] you end up with a proliferation of community groups in

the black community with diminished funds,” Torczyner said.

In the short term, Torczyner said that he hopes he can help keep the city focussed on the issue.

“I would be very pleased if we could cre­ ate a small organization led by members of the black community to be able to do what I e done now, and to be able to bring data to the community and to galvanize an agenda and to organize a strategy,” he said.

Tolu Adeniyi, one of Torczyner’s master's students, called the study’s findings “shock­ ing.” Although she might face an uphill battle as a black person with a graduate degree, Ad­ eniyi said she remains optimistic.

“It is discouraging, but at the same time, I’m not going to let it stop me,” she said.

iI Curiosity Delivers.

30 March 2010 • 3

NEWS IN BRIEF

SPEAKER ON CAMPUS

Gross talks physics and the history of the universe

Coulter address cancelled at UOttawa

When students at the University of Otta­ wa learned that Ann Coulter, the conservative American political commentator, was sched­ uled to speak on campus, many decided to put up a fight.

In the weeks before Coulter was sched­ uled to arrive at the university, students cov­ ered the campus with posters that read, “We value diversity, Ann Coulter does not.”

Several students also created a Facebook group titled “Ban Ann Coulter From Cam­ pus.” According to Taiva Tegler, one of the Ottawa students who created the Facebook group, the group became a “rallying point for students to come together in solidarity against hate speech.” The lecture was cancelled last Wednesday. “[Students] know the difference between discourse and discrimination, and I don’t be­ lieve that banning hate speech is in any form against [Coulter’s] freedom,” Tegler said. “I believe that hate speech in itself is a violation of the students’ rights. Basically, it’s a viola­ tion of their right to be free from discrimina­ tion.”

In an email to Coulter sent before her scheduled address, University of Ottawa VicePresident Academic and Provost Francois Houle wrote that “promoting hatred against any identifiable group would not only be con­ sidered inappropriate, but could in fact lead to criminal charges.”

Tegler argued that Coulter engaged in this sort of hate speech by issuing “discrimina­ tory and racist, hateful and violent comments against identifiable groups.”

She added that she hoped other students who take similar actions to prevent Coulter from speaking on any Canadian university campus.

“I am extremely proud of the students on this campus who stood up against racism,” Tegler said, “and I’d hope that happens at other campuses should an event like this hap­ pen again.”

Nobel laureate emphasizes interdisciplinary research STEVEN HOFFER News Editor

Can you construct a machine with free will? Will the universe accelerate forever?

And how will the universe end? These were the questions that David Gross, winner of the 2004 Nobel Prize in Physics, addressed during his lecture at McGill on Thursday.

Born in Washington, D.C., Gross com­ pleted his undergraduate and master’s degrees at Hebrew University in Jerusalem before earning his PhD at the University of Cali­ fornia, Berkeley in 1966. Gross received his Nobel Prize for his discovery of asymptotic freedom, a key contribution to quantum field theory. He is currently the director of the Insti­ tute for Theoretical Physics at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

In his lecture on Thursday, Gross briefly summarized what physics has accomplished over the last 50 years, highlighting physicists’ attempts to map out the history of the uni­ verse.

“The most important product of knowl­ edge is ignorance,” said Gross, setting the stage for his discussion of current inquiries in theoretical physics and its related fields.

The question of what precisely happened in the moments after the Big Bang is a subject of particular interest to Gross, though he ad­ mitted that “nobody has the vaguest idea” of the answer.

“It is not just an interesting question of why, of curiosity, although that is enough mo­ tivation,” said Gross, who acknowledged that all previous attempts to answer the question have been either religious or philosophical.

“But it’s a question that I, as a particle or string theorist, would like to know to tell my friends, the cosmologists, what happened at the Big Bang. They need to know in order to explain

HOLLY STEWART

those variations in temperature that occurred a few hundred thousand years later that led to all of these galaxies that form a billion years later.”

In his lecture, Gross leaped between is­ sues surrounding vacuums, quantum mechan­ ics, string theory, space, time, and gravity, among various other topics, before segueing into an extended discussion of consciousness and biology.

“Is there a theory of biology?” Gross asked. “And even if there is a theory of biol­ ogy, can theoretical physics have one? The an­ swer to that is probably yes.”

For Gross, a theory of biology would only be a first step from which scientists could ap­ proach other questions, such as, “What are the mechanism and the principles that underline consciousness or memory?”

Those in attendance seemed to find Gross’s references to biology - specifically re­ garding scientists’ ability to measure the onset of consciousness in an infant, particularly — intriguing.

“His connection with biology was very interesting,” said Mahammed Myi, a PhD can­

didate in physics at McGill. “The notion that you can ask questions about consciousness the way you ask questions about physics is an ex­ tremely curious topic by itself.”

Martin Grant, dean of the Faculty of Sci­ ence, who also specializes in theoretical phys­ ics, echoed Myi’s comments on the lecture.

“I thought it was great the way he played up the importance of interdisciplinary study, and the idea of biology and physics working together,” Grant said. “The tricks that we have in physics for understanding theories and de­ veloping models may be applicable to other areas as far as how the brain works, how evo­ lution takes place, or how consciousness takes place.

After the lecture, Gross reflected on the issues he had brought up, saying that choosing his favourite question was like “choosing your favourite kid.”

“What I hope is that there were young people in the audience who think that phys­ ics is still interesting, that physics is alive and well,” Gross said. “I think the questions we ask today are interesting—more interesting than when I started out.”

—Kyla Mandel

INTERESTED IN WRITING FOR THE TRIBUNE’S NEWS SECTION? TOO BAD. THE FINAL ISSUE WILL BE PUBLISHED NEXT WEEK, AND STORIES HAVE ALREADY BEEN ASSIGNED. PISSED OFF? SEND A LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF LESS THAN 300 WORDS BY FRIDAY. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.

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mcgilltribune.com

4 • 30 March 2010

CAMPUS

BE PART OF HISTORY. THE TRIBUNE PUBLICATION SOCIETY WILL HOLD ITS FIRST-EVER ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING AT 4 P.M. ON WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 IN THE SHATNER BUILDING'S LEV BUKHMAN ROOM. THE AGENDA WILL INCLUDE A DISCUSSION OF THE CONSTITUTION AND BYLAWS OF THE TPS, ELECTIONS

Debating Union wins nationals Four o f the tournament’s top eight teams from McGill

FOR STUDENT REPRESENTATIVES TO THE TPS BOARD OF DIRECTORS, AND A CONSULTATIVE FORUM ON THE OBJECTIVES OF THE TPS.

JAMES GILMAN Managing Editor

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS CONTACT EDITOR@MCGILLTRIBUNE.COM

The McGill Debating Union had its most successful performance on the national stage in years, winning the 2010 Canadian National Debating Championships in Edmonton just over a week ago.

Half of the quarterfinalists, three-quarters of the semifinalists, and both of the finalists were McGill teams. Additionally, six McGill debaters were among the top 10 speakers at the tournament, including Sean Stefanik, who was named top speaker.

“It was the best McGill’s done in as long as anyone can remember,” said Stefanik, a U2 political science student who is also the incoming president of the McGill Debating Union. “Four out of the top eight teams in the tournament were from McGill, where no other school had more than one in the elimination round.”

McGill Debating Union President So­ phie MacIntyre, U3 economics and biology, and Vinay Kumar Mysore, U3 philosophy and psychology, won the national championship, defeating the team of Stefanik and Saro Setrakian in the all-McGill final. It was the first time a McGill team won the championship since the 1998-99 season.

“It was a great experience, it was very nice to do really well,” said Mysore, who is also the president of the Canadian University Society for Intercollegiate Debate. “And it was really great because we had a number of different people from the club do really well, and the tournament itself was a lot of fun.”

The University of Alberta Debate Society hosted the tourament, which featured over 250 participants from more than 20 Canadian uni­ versities.

Six two-person teams represented McGill, which was most likely twice as many as there would have been had the union not received

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financial help from the Students’ Society through the new Ambassador Fund.

“It’s always a struggle to get funding to send teams to tournaments, especially when they’re out of province and you have to pay for flights,” Stefanik said. “This year, we were fortunate enough to get money from the SSMU Ambassador Fund, which we’re very grateful for. So that made it possible to send six teams as opposed to three, which is what we usually do.”

Along with the additional funding, Ste­ fanik cited the strong focus on development as one of the main factors in McGill’s success this year.

“We’ve invested a lot of time into train­ ing, particularly with people who come and join the club in their first year,” he said. “That’s something we started last year, and it’s starting to pay off already.”

MacIntyre also saw this as a big reason for McGill’s success at nationals.

“I think we’re known on the university circuit for putting a lot of emphasis on de­ velopment and training,” she said. “We tend to be a club that relies on having really smart undergrads coming in instead of relying a lot on graduate students and we gear our training program toward that. That sort of strength on recruitment and development is how we keep our club strong, given that we don’t have a lot of grad students who have already been on the circuit for a while coming in.”

With the team’s success this year, Ste­ fanik is optimistic for next year because of the depth of the club and its strength in recruit­ ment and development.

“We’re fortunate enough that out of the eight McGill debaters that made the elimina­ tion round, five of them will still be here next year, so we have a great group to start off with,” he said. “We have a huge and dedicated group of enthusiastic individuals, which is by far the most important thing. When you have people who are committed, success usually follows pretty quickly thereafter.”

Daily to incorporate more science and technology stories Board of Directors, expressed concern with the narrow margin of victory and the is­ sues raised by the No committee. He argued that the No committee had inflamed an intoler­ ant “anti-Daily sentiment” on campus.

“I think the No committee raised a lot of legitimate concerns, and then, unfortunately, raised a lot of offensive sentiment that was anti-Daily for not the greatest reasons,” Halparin said.

During the campaign, slogans such as “Say NO to Daily propaganda” appeared scrawled in chalk across campus walkways.

Cyril maintained, however, that the No com­ mittee harboured no “anti-Daily” feelings.

“We aren’t trying to be oppositional to

the Daily; we’re stakeholders in it as well,” Cyril said. “We’re part owners of the DPS. We just want to see a good campus newspaper.

[But] for any type of fee increase, I think there should always be a No committee formed.”

For his part, Davis said that the Daily is already taking steps to address the concerns of the 48.5 per cent of students who voted against the fee increase.

“Truthfully, I don’t think we cover enough stories relating to engineers or science students,” he said. “We’ve already got four or five pitches that are going out on some of our listservs for writers to pick up that are stories specifically related to the Faculty of Engineer­ ing and the Faculty of Science.”

30 March 2010 • 5

Curiosity Delivers.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

Glazer discusses segregation, immigration, and education Is there a clear role for public policy in turning this around?

Nathan Glazer, the prominent sociologist and professor emeritus at Harvard, delivered two lectures at McGill last week. Glazer is per­ haps best known fo r Beyond the Melting Pot, a pioneering study o f different ethnic groups in New York City that he co-authored with Dan­ iel Patrick Moynihan in 1963. His first lecture last week dealt with the state o f American race relations during Barack Obama's presidency, while the second focussed on the role o f public intellectuals in the modern era. The Tribune caught up with Glazer between his lectures to discuss America's contemporary urban dilem­ mas.

You were born to immigrant parents and grew up in working-class neighbour­ hoods in East Harlem and the Bronx. How did that experience shaped your academic views?

I suppose it’s shaped my academic out­ look in one respect. I do believe that the or­ dinary public schools, which I attended, pro­ vided opportunities for upward mobility and still do. In fact, they do so more than they used to because there are many more foundationsupported programs. I do feel that America provides opportunities, and in some ways, one needs the sort of reform within the black community that would make it possible to take more advantage of opportunities.

Can you tell me a bit about your ex­ periences at City College in New York in the 1940s?

City College was almost entirely popu­ lated by immigrant children. It had many vir­ tues—one virtue was that it was free. Another virtue was that it was not a residential institu­ tion, so one could live at home. It was a fer­ ment of political activity on the one hand with perfectly adequate academic standards on the other. It was a unique moment.

JO HN KELSEY

One of the interesting things you men­ tioned in your lecture was that, in many ways, the position of young black males in the U.S. has declined since the 1970s. Can you elaborate on that?

Well, that’s what the figures seem to show. We’re talking about the non-college-go­ ing group, which is by far the large majority— particularly those who have not even gotten high school degrees, which may be one half of the young black male population. Their situa­ tion has declined and it has declined in par­ ticular, because the kind of jobs that were once

available are just not there. The manufacturing jobs, which those without particular education or skills can take, [are being] replaced by ser­ vice jobs.

The figures do show that for blacks without high school diplomas, and even with high school diplomas, the percentage work­ ing is relatively small. It used to be close to two thirds with a job, and now it’s more like one third. In other words, certain elements of the black population are worse off than they were.

It is clear what could help: better school­ ing and better outcomes in schooling for blacks. But despite many, many efforts at improving educational outcomes for blacks, overall progress has been very slow. We do have various kinds of small programs like charter schools and foundation-supported ef­ forts. Intensive efforts have been made to bring blacks, and particularly black males, up to the level where they can go to college, and these programs have worked well. But they do require a lot of money, a lot of effort, [and] dedicated individuals, and we have not really found ways of multiplying them sufficiently [vis-à-vis the] public school, which for-urban blacks has just not been successful.

There’s also the remarkably high rate at which these young black males fall afoul of the law and serve prison terms or are put on probation. The percentages are phenomenal.

Now, one answer is that we need alternatives to standard punishments in the form of imprison­ ment. There are alternatives, particularly for those who get involved in drug dealing in the inner cities ... maybe the reform of American drug policy. On the whole, I think American drug policy has been unenlightened and overly punitive.

Much of your career has been devot­ ed, in one form or another, to the study of American cities. W hat’s the greatest chal­ lenge facing American cities today?

The greatest challenge is the problem of concentrated inner-city poverty and areas of mixed problems—primarily minority, and more significantly black than even Latino— that have been with us for a long time. We can do more to improve the American city by mak­ ing progress in that area, difficult as it is, than by any other means.

—Compiled by Theo Meyer

NATIONAL

Barghouti postpones Canadian tour due to visa complications C JP M E will reschedule lectures fo r sometime in May DANIEL OTIS SMITH Contributor

A speaking tour of Canada by Mustafa Barghouti, a well-known peace activist and member of the Palestinian Legislative Coun­ cil, was cancelled last week due to delays in the Canadian visa application process.

Barghouti, who finished second to Mah­ moud Abbas in the 2005 Palestinian presi­ dential election, had been set to visit Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal—where he was sched­ uled to speak at the University of Montreal on March 21—in a tour organized by Canadians for Justice and Peace in the Middle East. In Ottawa, Barghouti was scheduled to meet with members of the three Canadian opposi­ tion parties, some of whom called the offices of the foreign minister and the Department of Citizenship and Immigration in an effort to ex­

pedite the visa process.

According to a press release, CJPME at­ tributed the delays to “a broader strategy to muzzle or obstruct any voice critical of the policies of the Israeli government.”

According to Grace Batchoun, a spokes­ person for CJPME, the trip to Canada from Barghouti’s residence in Ramallah in the West Bank required that he cross into Jordan before flying overseas, as Palestinians cannot enter Tel Aviv to depart from Israel. When the visa was issued Friday, the night before Barghouti was scheduled to speak at the University of Toronto, Batchoun said, the Jordanian border and the Canadian mission were both closed for Shabbat.

“They decided to sort of trash our plan,” Batchoun said. “They didn’t want his message to come out.”

While Melanie Carkner, a spokesperson for the Department of Citizenship and Immi­ gration, would not comment on this specific case, she explained some of the possible rea­

sons for delays in visa application processes.

“Canadian officials do their utmost to complete visa applications in a timely manner when urgent situations arise, but in some cases, such as when information is incomplete or ar­ rives at the last minute, this is not possible,” Carkner said. “A visa can be issued only when the complete application is received - and I’m giving you a hint here.”

Barghouti could not be reached for com­ ment on the specifics of his case, but CJPME and the McGill University chapter of Solidar­ ity for Palestinian Human Rights both noted that he had received prompt responses to visa applications in previous years, in one case re­ ceiving a visa less than 24 hours after applying to enter Canada from the United States. This year, however, he applied March 5 and was not granted a visa until two weeks later, on March 19. In a recent interview with The Toronto Star, Barghouti noted that this was odd, but re­ frained from blaming Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s government.

Jamal Daoud, a PhD candidate in bio­ medical engineering at McGill and a member of SPHR, which helped promote Barghouti’s visit to Montreal, said that while the reasons for the delay were unclear, he is worried about opportunities for open discussion in Canada.

“In the past year and a half, there has been a sort of limitation on free speech regarding the Middle East conflict,” Daoud said. “I’m worried. Canada has no problem bringing pro­ conservative speakers like Ann Coulter.”

Bob Rae, a Liberal MP representing To­ ronto Centre who was scheduled to meet with Barghouti, confirmed that his office had made enquiries on Barghouti’s behalf.

“My understanding is that a visa was is­ sued, but came too late to allow him to leave, which is unfortunate,” Rae wrote in an email to the Tribune.

Barghouti has now been issued a threemonth visa, which will allow CJPME to re­ schedule Barghouti’s tour for sometime in May.

O p in io n FREE SPEEC H IN C A NADA Ann Coulter is a bit of a troublemaker, isn’t she?

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with the firebrand conservative columnist. A strong advocate for small government, Coulter is also an unapologetic advocate for Western society’s ethics. She decries the silencing ten­ dencies of political correctness and never gives in to moral relativism. She thinks that you’re wrong and she’s right. Really, though, we all think that way, and it’s nice that someone is ac­ tually willing to say it.

Still, I grew up in a tight-knit family headed by a spiritual and respectful grandmother. My family has always valued politeness to a degree that I find refreshing. Indeed, politeness is one of those stereotypical Canadian values that I’m glad we picked up from our British cousins. So even though I admire Coulter’s feistiness, I find that in her quest to outdo Her left-wing adver­ saries she can be rude and hyperbolic. She has a talent for colourful quotes, to say the least.

It has been interesting to watch the firestorm of controversy erupting over Coulter’s cancelled speech at the University of Ottawa. It all began with a small-minded letter from Uni­ versity of Ottawa Vice-President Academic and Provost François Houle. He warned Coulter that “Canadian defamation laws ... limit free­ dom of expression and may differ somewhat from those to which you are accustomed.”

Then there was the protest. A boisterous crowd went mad outside the lecture hall where Coulter was scheduled to speak. Acting on the advice of police and security officials Coulter and the event’s organizers decided to cancel the talk.

There’s been plenty of commentary about the cancellation, and it’s been fascinating try­ ing to decipher Canada’s concept of freedom of expression.

Dare I say these un-Canadian words, but our American neighbours seem to have the right idea on freedom of speech. They don’t have

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Being a student sucks sometimes. Crazy stress, daily intellectual calisthenics, and in­ tense sleep deprivation are all part of the dayto-day routine. By now, you’re probably used to the stress—you may even enjoy it on some level. Still, many of you, like me, have likely been wishing for a lighter course load since you started learning fractions, or at least for a break from homework that didn’t coincide with getting a summer job.

Luckily, I got such a break this semes­ ter. Thanks to some transfer credits, I’ve had a light course load, which I thought would be

agencies ready to impose lifetime publication bans on those who say what they wish. In Can­ ada, truth doesn’t seem to matter when you’re dragged in front of a human rights commission for saying something the government considers out of line. Here, for speech to be free it seems it must fulfill the legally imposed requirement of being “polite” and “politically correct.” As long as you say something relatively agreeable, you’re welcome to your two cents.

Ann Coulter, who isn’t polite, was told by the provost that she didn’t have the right to say what she wanted. He told her that “what may, at first glance, seem like unnecessary restric­ tions to freedom of expression do, in fact, lead not only to a more civilized discussion, but to a more meaningful, reasoned, and intelligent one as well.”

Congratulations, Canada: in order to pub­ licly express an opinion, we have to make sure we are civilized, reasoned, and intelligent. I like reason and intelligence as much as the next per­ son, but speech shouldn’t have to be civilized, reasoned, or intelligent to be legal. Speech is an inherent right—to paraphrase Trudeau, the state has no business in the words of the nation.

This attitude of free speech as a privilege and not a right permeates our student culture.

This attitude led to the angry reaction of pro­ testors who caused Coulter’s speech to be cancelled. This attitude led to pro-life activist Jose Ruba, at our own university, getting yelled down by protestors whose sole intention was to silence his “Echoes of the Holocaust” presenta­ tion.

Hypocrisy permeates these restrictions.

Just last year, George Galloway, a strongly proPalestine British member of parliament, was determined inadmissible by a border services officer on the grounds that his activities violat­ ed Canada’s Anti-Terrorism Act. Galloway had, in the past, provided Hamas—which Canada considers a terrorist organization—with finan­ cial aid.

Despite this damning evidence, the fed­ eral New Democratic Party painted the move

by Border Services as a violation of Galloway’s freedom of speech. Then last Thursday, the NDP complained that the government had allowed a conservative like Coulter to enter Canada and “preach hate.”

Financier of terrorists? No problem for the NDP. Outspoken conservative? Get her out of my country. Seems like a double standard to me.

paradise. I thought I’d have the free time to do everything I wished I had done in past school •years. In some ways, the reduced course load was great. But not being a full-time student changed my life in a way I hadn’t anticipated.

I lost a part of my identity and I had no idea how to fill the void.

Chances are that this will happen to you in a few months (or a few years). You’ll enter the real world where, at least for a little while, you’ll work during the day and come home at night to watch TV and make dinner. (Or, you’ll move back in with your parents and experience a weird Twilight Zone version of high school.)

It’ll be disconcerting, but a bit of aimlessness and confusion is warranted after 17 years of tightly regimented time.

Even if you have great plans for post-grad, organizing your life is difficult when you can no longer claim that you’re a student. Outside of school, no one forces you to think. I under­ estimated the power of an intellectual environ­ ment to make me want to read and engage with ideas that were not my own. Most people’s

C R AZY LIKE A FOX

Thanks to the great privilege afforded to me by living north of the 49th parallel, I find the American right really funny. The Bill O’Reillys, the “These Colours Don’t Run” American-flag T-shirts, and everything Fox News has to offer are far more entertaining and, frankly, far less disingenuous than the earnest approach to con­ servative ideas put forward by the “liberals” of the Democratic Party or our own Conservative Party of Canada.

Of course, every time I visit our neighbours to the south, I am faced with the painful reality of how unfunny the American right really is: as it turns out, close to half of the voting popula­ tion thinks they’re being serious.

At the same time, I’ve never had the same tongue-in-cheek admiration for Canada’s brand of self-proclaimed “straight talk” reactionar­ ies. Mostly, they just aren’t funny. When Bill O’Reilly wants to be homophobic, he hosts a show about “Hollywood’s radical homosexual agenda.” The O’Reillys of the world firmly understand their mission as appealing to an al­ ready-established, hate-based populism.

However, Canada’s reactionaries like to play the victim, mostly because they have failed as pundits of hateful garbage (see the complete financial collapse of the Western Standard and the pending financial collapse of the National Post). In playing the victim, they create a new market and make massive profits, as human rights lawyer—and certainly no radical—Pearl Eliadis pointed out in a recent article in Maison­ neuve. She cites the examples of Mark Steyn, Barbara Amiel, and Ezra Levant, who were taken to human rights commissions over their hateful and hate-inciting writings, and became martyrs for the cause of speaking without con­ sequence. I don’t say free speech, because they are welcome to believe that, as Steyn wrote, if we continue our current, allegedly too-liberal immigration policy, “the cities of the Western world will be filling up with sheep-shaggers” and tell their friends and family about it. No

minds are occupied with their finances, their relationships, and their health. There isn’t a lot of room for McLuhan if you’re barely making ends meet, or if you’re focussed on becoming a CEO. The masses aren’t forced to think, be­ cause it doesn’t necessarily benefit them to do so. This is probably why the Twilight movies grossed more than just the combined allow­ ances of all 11-year-old girls.

Not having to think about complicated ideas made me question the mundane with the alarming frequency of a Jewish grandmother.

Things like whether buying organic dryer sheets was necessary, and whether it reflected on my character that I part my hair on the right.

These inane questions were an attempt to fill the gaps in my self-conception. I am now the kind o f person who buys organic dryer sheets.

This articulation of values (however small) is the valuable product of less stress and more free time. It isn’t revelatory, but it’s an easy way to start rebuilding your identity.

Many people use their jobs to fill this identity gap, and for people in careers they

mcgilltribune.com

one is trying to police others’ thoughts. But, when Barbara Amiel chooses to sign her name to the statement that “Normally a people don’t willingly acquiesce in the demise of their own culture ... but you can see how it happens. Mas­ sive Muslim immigration takes place,” there are definite consequences. Just as there were for Ernst Zundel and James Keegstra for attach­ ing their names to statements on the evil Jewish conspiracy to defame the otherwise impeccable memory of Hitler. Yet somehow Steyn, Amiel, and the unimpressive Ezra Levant have become heroes for the cause of “free speech” in a coun­ try that has had anti-hate crime legislation on the books since the 1940s.

Now the “free speech” reactionaries are up in arms again over Ann Coulter’s recent speaking tour in Canada. Coulter represents Fox News for me more than any of the other sirens of stupidity: when she speaks, I first tend to laugh. Then I realize that not only might she take herself seriously (which is doubtful), but she is actually taken seriously by a large seg­ ment of the American population. And appar­ ently some Canadians, too. I then become pro­ foundly depressed.

Recently, Ann “Kill their [Muslim] lead­ ers and convert them [Muslims] to Christianity” Coulter came on a multi-city speaking tour of Canada. At the University of Western Ontario, an early stop, Coulter was asked by a young Muslim student how she should get around should the government follow Coulter’s insane advice and place every Muslim on the infamous “No-fly List.” Coulter told the hijabi-clad stu­ dent to “take a camel.”

So the University of Ottawa’s provost— doubtlessly under pressure to cancel Coulter’s upcoming lecture but refusing to do so in the in­ terest of free speech—warned Coulter that hate speech can lead to prosecution in Canada. Stu­ dents came to protest loudly, and the otherwise supporter-less reactionaries who organized the event chose to shut it down, citing the “attack on free speech” committed by those holding signs and yelling outside the venue.

And of course, Ezra Levant—whose every venture except playing the victim has failed mis­ erably (lawyer, publisher, etc.)—was rewarded with a long op-ed piece in the Ottawa Citizen on the “venom” of human rights advocates.

And Coulter can return once again to the hateful populism of Tea Party America and be greeted as the hero of a “free speech” controversy that was engineered from the very beginning.

enjoy, this seems logical. I am a doctor or I am a welder are very similar to / am a student. By this logic, the identities of people in jobs they dislike must be incredibly volatile, abjectly negative, or defined entirely by another aspect of their personality. I only worked 20 hours a week and was surprised by how soon and how frequently all three of those descriptions ap­ plied to my perception of my identity.

Obviously, there are preexisting parts of identity that remain once studenthood is gone—your ethnicity, your religious beliefs, even your sports affiliations probably won’t change once you leave school. But your iden­ tity will be scrambled. After over a decade of rigorously scheduled time in an intensely intel­ lectual environment, the relatively free time of the real world is dumbfounding. On the upside, though, you’ll be able to address questions you may have neglected in the past (whether you buy organic or non-organic dryer sheets, for example), and it’s my optimistic suggestion that this leads to a happier and more cogent selfhood.

Curiosity Delivers.

30 March 2010 • 7

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gMCGlLL MTRIBUNE wu'w'.mcgilltribiine.com EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Thomas Quail editor@mcgilltribune.com MANAGING EDITORS James Gilman jgilman@mcgilltribune.com Carolyn Yates cyates@mcgilltribune.com PRODUCTION MANAGER Adam Scotti ascotti@mcgilltribune.com NEWS EDITORS Tori Crawford Steven Hoffer Theo Meyer news@mcgilltribune.com OPINION EDITOR Matt Chesser opinion@mcgilltribune.com FEATURES EDITORS Shannon Kimball Brahna Siegelberg features@mcgilltribune.com ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITORS Kyle Carpenter Laura Tindal arts@mcgilltribune.com SPORTS EDITOR Kailan Leung sports@mcgilltribune.com

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Quebec should leave religious paranoia to the French There are many areas in which France is worth emulating. The French have impressive universal health care, a generous day care sys­ tem, and they enjoy a high standard of living.

But unfortunately, the Parti Québécois and certain elements of Quebec society seem hell­ bent on copying one of the worst aspects of French culture: religious paranoia.

One hundred Quebec intellectuals— including two McGill professors—recently signed a petition to ban public servants from wearing religious symbols, such as the hijab, yarmulke, or cross. According to The Gazette, the PQ has also been pushing for a “charter of secularism” that calls for reforms similar to the petition.

Such a ban would trample Canadians’ right to individual expression. It would take Quebec down the road of what Montreal law­ yer and McGill law professor Julius Grey has termed “secular radicalism.”

Such a proposal acts on a skewed assump­ tion that a religious symbol somehow impedes

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The bastard son of the 17th century’s commissioned works and the late 19th cen­ tury’s photographic revolution, portraits are here to stay. We’ve all had one taken. Gradu­ ations. Weddings. Family Reunions. Selfies in the park. Sunday night webcam sessions.

Blue Dog Friday night Canon-fests. And the elementary school photo. Throughout primary school, once a year, we were shuffled into the gym or library, one by one, to sit in front of the cameraman. And then with a flash bright enough to make our cheeks and forehead glow, we were immortalized in a wallet print you took home to your parents while they hemmed and hawed over purchasing photo package A or photo package B. Photographic portraiture seems a strange practice of the 21st century when compared to its lofty origins. Portraits used to be elitist, available only to the wealthy. Depending on your level of affluence, you’d hire a traveling artist or a famous painter to visit your family and freeze you in time with canvas and oil paint. There was always room for artistic inter­ pretation. Of course, a likeness was necessary,

public servants from doing their job or chang­ es others’ perception of them. Most religious symbols are discrete, personal expressions of faith that have no bearing on an individual’s professionalism. Religious expression has be­ come a ridiculous bogeyman—Quebec’s gov­ ernment services are wholly secular, and a ban on religious symbols would “address” a prob­ lem that doesn’t exist.

The Liberal Party of Quebec has respond­ ed by tabling Bill 94, which would require government employees as well as anyone re­ ceiving a provincial service to have his or her face uncovered. The bill amounts to a ban on religious face coverings such as the niqab in hospitals, the education sector, and social ser­ vices.

Although the niqab is a religious symbol, we feel that banning provincial employees from wearing it seems sensible. As an employ­ er, the Quebec government has the right to set reasonable guidelines on dress and uniforms.

The Tribune feels that an uncovered face is an

appropriate standard for the province to de­ mand of its employees.

But prohibiting citizens from wearing face coverings while using all public services seems unnecessary. Persons wearing niqabs would have to unveil themselves whenever public officials decide that face-to-face contact is required to further the interests of “security, communication, or identification.” Requiring unveiling for “communication” purposes is too vague and is a problematic standard. It’s understandable why a covered face can be an impediment to security or identity, but a piece of fabric doesn’t impede communication.

Furthermore, there are approximately 25 women in Quebec who wear the niqab, ac­ cording to Maclean's. Therefore, this bill is a sweeping overreaction to a small issue. Deal with religious accommodation cases on an individual basis, instead of unnecessarily ban­ ning the niqab from all facets of provincial government.

but a shadow here and a highlight there were the tools of the trade, drawing attention away from less-flattering aspects of the subject. Por­ traits got their first big break during the Re­ naissance, when Leonardo da Vinci painted “Mona Lisa” and Diego Velazquez painted “Las Meninas.” But it was really Vincent van Gogh and Paul Gauguin who paved the way for the ubiquitous self portrait.

The 19th-century invention of the da­ guerreotype, and later the wet collodion process—both revolutionary steps forward in photography—overhauled the .lower echelons of portraiture. Portraits were soon available en masse to the general public through pho­ tographic prints. The industry ballooned out­ ward, exponentially expanding with the in­ troduction of the “Brownie,” one of the first inexpensive personal cameras. Portraits be­ came the new hot topic in the artistic world.

Black-and-white photography invaded the fashion world and Richard Avedon’s stylistic prints changed our perception of capturing the essence of a person through film.

The invention of the digital camera has changed portraiture and photography forever.

Besides the fact that the digital single-lens re­ flex camera is the hottest new spring accessory, our online world had spurred the reinvention of the portrait. Those school photographers no longer toil in a dark room to develop images of cherubic, infantile cheeks, but spend their afternoons in front of their computer touch­ ing up acne spots and shiny foreheads with Photoshop. The price of a respectable digital camera has been cut in half in the last couple

years, flooding the market with affordable choices for budding photographers. Today, we take a picture, manipulate it, and then post it for the world to see—perhaps as our Facebook or MySpace profile picture. Technology has given us the ability to choose how we depict ourselves. Our photographic histories are writ­ ten instantaneously.

In the end, portraits have come full circle.

Photography may have replaced painting as the choice method of remembrance for society’s upper tier, but professional work still comes with a weighty price tag. Martin Schoeller has made a name for himself through his portrai­ ture work. His subjects spend 10 minutes in a white box-like structure with thousands of watts of light beaming onto them. With a click, Schoeller captures a signature white-light re­ flection on his subject’s iris. He has worked with everyone from Jack Nicholson to Heidi and Spencer (“Speidi”) Pratt.

It’s difficult to have a night out with­ out it being captured on someone’s memory stick. Those who love to capture people on film are competing against every artistically inclined camera owner. Sure, your mom tells you they’re good, but When your index finger plunges down on the shutter button or your laptop-embedded webcam snaps a shot, what are you really thinking about? Do you re­ ally need another picture of yourself? Maybe you’re just projecting yet another interpreta­ tion of yourself—a little different from the one before—into the digital universe.

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Throughout my short life, friends and colleagues have often asked me why I wear a veil when I travel abroad, and why I choose to hold on to my Islamic values and Egyptian traditions. For some of them, this is something quite odd and surprising.

I came to Canada a couple of years ago to pursue my PhD at McGill. With my Islamic veil and values, and my Egyptian traditions, I have been welcomed with respect, support, appreciation, and encouragement from my neighbours, colleagues, professors, university, the government, and the whole community in Quebec and Canada. Almost everyone who knows me is aware that I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t eat pork, I return home before 9 p.m., I can’t be alone with a man in a closed area, and I don’t talk to men on the phone unless it is for work or an emergency. It is simply my identity, something that I am proud of, and everyone accepts me and respects me just the way I am.

That’s why two weeks ago, I was shocked to read about the Egyptian Muslim girl who was asked to leave a French-language school after refusing to remove her niqab. I was shocked not by the incident itself, but by the reaction of the girl, who filed a complaint with the Quebec Human Rights Commission, as she felt that her freedom of religion had been vio­ lated, according to CBC News. Is this a logical reaction? I am not sure. I am neither “with” nor “against” her decision. I am neither attack­ ing nor judging. I am not an Islamic scholar, yet'I am an Egyptian Muslim and fully aware that in Egypt the niqab is controversial. The need for a niqab is not clearly stated in the Qur’an and the Sunna. This is why opinions on the niqab have always been varying and al­ ways will be.

Sheikh Mohammed Metwally Shaarawy, a renowned Egyptian Islamic scholar, empha­ sized that the “Niqab is a virtue, not an ob­ ligation.” In October 2009, Sheikh Tantawi, Egypt’s highest Muslim authority, asked a girl to remove her niqab while he was visiting Azhar University. Subsequently, Egypt’s min-

J-Board soars to new lows.

Re: “Newburgh to face J-Board" (23.03.10)

Heat things up this summer at McGill www.mcgill.ca/summer summer.studies@mcgiU.ca 5 1 4 -3 9 8 -5 2 1 2

McGill

There are several doses of shame that are deserved in light of this appeal to the Student’s Society’s Judicial Board.

Shame on you, the J-Board, for accepting this appeal well over a month after the General Assembly. Are you trying to set the precedent that any case, no matter how ridiculous, will be heard before you?

Shame on you, SPHR, for misleading the

ister of higher education, Hany Helal, decided to ban the niqab in Egyptian public universi­ ties. The need for a niqab is a debatable area full of questions marks.

Throughout my journey, I have come across minorities complaining about the val­ ues of foreign cultures, including the Canadian culture. Personally, this has always annoyed me. If you are rejecting these values and can’t get along with them, this means they don’t suit you. So why have you made this choice to come here? It was your decision, not an obli­ gation. Is it logical to come to a foreign coun­ try and start criticising the way people live?

To keep complaining about them? To try to impose your own ideas from your own single perspective? Don’t you think that such an at­ titude is unfair to others who have welcomed you in their homeland?

On the other hand, I also find it totally un­ fair when women wearing a niqab are thought of as oppressed or pictured as locked in pris­ ons, like the cartoon on CBC News two weeks ago. All the people I have met wearing a niqab are highly educated people. It was their own decision, initiating from deep faith, something they felt would bring them closer to God and Paradise. Nobody has the right to judge others except God because He is the only one who knows their intentions.

A few years ago, during a conference I attended in Turkey, I was invited to visit Fatih University. At the main gate of the university, the security officer informed me that I had to remove my veil as per the university regula­ tions. I politely thanked the officer for the information and left. Life is always based on choices, compromises, and decisions. It was my own decision to wear the veil and my own decision not to remove it. My understanding is that rules and regulations have been created so that people abide by them. Allah says what can be translated into: “O believers, obey God, and obey the Messenger and those in authority among you. If you should quarrel on anything, refer it to God and the Messenger, if you be­ lieve in God and the Last Day; that is better and fairer in the issue.”

It is vital to define our comfort zone within the laws that govern the community in which we live together with the values and moral codes we bring along as part of our per­ sonality and heritage. With reasonable com­ promises, we can accommodate each other.

This is how we can co-exist with respect and harmony. And this is my vision of both world peace and inner peace.

student body that this motion was ever about anything other than Israel. News flash: the mo­ tion passed. I take it that the targeted singling out of Israel was just as important to the mo­ tion as many assumed before the GA. I apolo­ gize that the BDS (Boycott, Divest, Sanctions) movement against Israel will have to wait until next year’s GA to get some traction on cam­ pus. I know you won’t be able to sleep at night knowing that this corporate social responsibil­ ity committee will focus on all human rights violations, without focussing on Israel.

Finally, shame on you, Zach, for not de­ fending your own rights with the same vigour that I expect you will use to defend the rights bf others next year.

—Eli Freedman UO Economics and Finance

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T U R N IP Vol. 1 Issue 1 « 1 April 2010

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“ fin a n c ia l re a s o n s ” M att E sse rt C o n trib u to r

Ui biology student Lincoln Duncan is currently on track to fail four out of his five courses during the 2 0 10 ’ winter semester, meaning he will only earn three credits this semester instead of the expected 15 .

In an unexpected announcement, Duncan has blamed the economy for his poor performance.

“W ith this economy, how can you expect anything else?” asked

Mack Chester (right) attempts to catch a flying police baton as he participates in McGill’s newest sports craze.

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Alcohol, youth, and obscure political discourse fu el dodgeball hybrid K ailan Leung Sports Ed ito r

To say that McGill has helped shape many of the sports we know and love today would be the un­ derstatement of the century. From popularizing American football in the late 1 8 0 0 s to forming the first organized ice hockey team in the world, to inventing the game of basketball, McGill has served as a veritable think-tank for athletics over the years. And, it would seem, the school that James built isn’t fin­ ished quite yet.

Frosh Week tends to catalyze a variety of ideas—some good, most

bad—and McGill’s newest sport­ ing innovation is proud to claim lower field as its place of origin.

“It was literally crazy,” said Lauren Tisdale, a Ui education student and Frosh leader. “We had this big beach ball, and it was get­ ting thrown around ... and then the beach ball sort of turned into a bunch of stuff that was just getting thrown around. Literally, people were screaming.”

Screaming, but in the best way possible. The flying beach balls, shoes and beer bottles on a hot August afternoon laid the ground­ work for the most intoxicating sports phenomenon since Michael Phelps: anarchist dodgeball.

“It’s definitely taken the sports world by surprise,” Tisdale said.

“For a lot of people, it provides a sort of stress outlet. Seriously, after listening to those fucking chants from morning to night, I needed an outlet. I needed to throw things. At people. [Anarchist dodgeball] al­ lows me to express myself in a non­ competitive, non-athletic way.”

Perhaps the most important part of the game is its strict lack of guidelines. Influenced heavily by the critically acclaimed feature film Dodgeball, the tenets of anarchist dodgeball are simple: the only rule is that there are no rules. For play­ ers tired of the competitiveness, fit­ ness, and talent required for many

sports, anarchist dodgeball offers a welcome reprieve.

“Whether you’re aware of it or not, there is a large percentage of people [at McGill] who thor­ oughly detest sports,” said Alana Friedman, U3 philosophy. “I never appreciated getting yelled at as a kid for kicking the ball in my own goal. I couldn’t stand everyone’s tone of voice. It just made me un­ comfortable.”

Thankfully, Friedman hasn’t yet had to deal with any yelling or condescension, primarily because stealth is a necessary component of her new favourite pastime.

“Last night, a monkey wrench flew through my window and hit

me in the face,” she said. “But I’m fine with that, I have health insur­ ance. Besides, it’s all part of the game.”

One of the reasons for anar­ chist dodgeball’s success has been the way in which it lends itself to adaptation. Because no one can tell when the game is in progress and when it is not, many groups and individuals have used it to their advantage. Some of McGills var­ sity sports teams, for instance, have applied anarchist dodgeball tactics with great success throughout their respective sports seasons. Teams that hadn’t won a single game in See NEW SPORT, page 2

, tw o b y - fo u rs , a n d b o a r d s w ith n a i ls in th e m c a n n o w b e y o u rs f o r t h e lim ite d - o f f e r p r ic e o f $ 9 .9 9 p e r lb! S o m e r e s t r i c ­

Got weaponry?

t i o n s a p p ly , s e e s t o r e fo r d e t a i l s . W e c a n n o t b e h e ld lia b le fo r a n y s i d e e f f e c t s r e s u ltin g fro m t h e u s e o f o u r p r o d u c ts , in c lu d in g v io le n t b e h a v io u r, h ig h o r lo w s c o r e s , c a r p e t s t a i n s , o r d e a t h . H ap p y p la y in g !

»

2 • 1 April 2010

New sport is sus­ tainable, accessible

Poor preformance is a result of the poor economy, failing students claim

years were able to break into the win column by simply throwing debris at the op­ position until they were forced to quit. , Sach Mewburgh, a recently elected student official, has been elated by the publicity that anar­ chist dodgeball has generated.

“I think first and foremost, it’s great,” he said. “Sustainability and accessibility, along with com­ munity, are key ... I really expect this game to take McGill to even greater heights.”

But not everyone from the school’s student body has been quick to jump on the anarchist bandwagon. Mack Chester, a U5 English literature student, ex­ pressed concern that the sport may have a negative effect on the stu­ dent experience at McGill.

“I know that the point is that there is no point,” Chester said.

“But for some people, that’s not good enough. I want to know why someone is hiding in the bushes outside my door waiting to chuck a two-by-four at me. If this contin­ ues, I’m not going to be able to take a seventh year of undergrad.”

The dissenters are few in number, however, and the major­ ity of students and staff are ready to build up the school’s already impressive athletic reputation. An­ archist dodgeball takes place every­ day, everywhere. There are no teams and no rules, so pick up the closest moveable object and start throw­ ing.

Duncan. “I have to pay for books, pay for grocer­ ies, pay for escorts, and so on. How can they expect me to pay attention in class?”

Duncan has argued that the financial downturn of the past sev­ eral months has forced him to cut back on most of his expenses. One of the first things to be cut in his budget was the amount of atten­ tion he could afford to pay in class.

“I need to survive, so I need food and shelter,” said Duncan. “I get lonely, so I need my escorts.

W hat I don’t need is the nonsense that all the attention is costing me in class.”

“I understand that my grades are suffering, but I’m only just breaking even with my expenses at the end of the month, so I don’t know what other options I have.

And yes, I can guarantee you that I need the escorts.”

Senior economics professor John Carlstein explained that he has seen this kind of problem affect many students in the past.

“Whenever there’s a serious economic downturn, choices have to be made,”he said. “Most students don’t have an income and therefore must be crafty with their finances.

To be honest, I’m impressed by Mr. Duncan’s initiative.”

Duncan admitted that he doesn’t actually spend any money when he pays attention in class, but argued, “It’s the principle that counts.

“W hen I sit down to go over my finances at the end of the month, I have to consider every­

C u ltu r a l

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thing I’ve paid for, whether tangi­ ble or not. It would be irresponsible not to account for the attention I’ve been paying in class. I’m just trying to keep a clean balance book.”

Beside groceries, rent, and pixie sticks, Duncan spends most of his other budgeted money on his escorts. Lana Luvana is one of Duncan’s more frequent escorts.

“He calls me every few days, sometimes to party, sometimes just to talk. A lot of the time, he’ll call me, get a hotel room, and then just cry for a few hours. He usually complains about his early-onset of male pattern baldness.”

Luvana is currendy attend­ ing night classes at Roy’s Beauty School in Dorval.

“Yeah, I’ve seen this before. It’s too bad ‘cause he had nice hair. He showed me pictures from when he was younger, but he’s losing almost all of it. I’d say by 2 4 , he’ll be com­ pletely bald.”

Duncan denied any allega­ tions of an onset of male pattern baldness.

“I just want to get by,” said Duncan. “Is that too much to ask?”

Carlstein has recently part­ nered with Duncan and other pro­ fessors at McGill to form a task force against the rising cost of at­ tention at McGill.

“Too much attention is being paid here at McGill,” said Carl­ stein. “How can we say-that we are offering a reasonable education if students have to drop out due to the high costs of attention that they are being forced to pay?”

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‘P otter’ gam e to help w orsen skills Level I funding to pay for a train­ ing camp, where they will learn to unlearn their football skills.

“One of our players was on the Quidditch team this past year, and it really messed up the plays,” ex­ plained a coach. “He forgot how to run without a broom, and couldn’t throw a football properly any­ more.”

Head Coach Cloudy Fox took this opportunity to arrange a Quidditch training camp this summer, where attendance is mandatory.

While the McGill football team is known for having broom expe­ rience, many players are unfamil­

Shannon K im ball F e a tu re s Ed ito r

After a year that included a few wins, the McGill football team is confident that it won’t disappoint fans next year by being mediocre.

The team plans to continue their los­ ing streak, extending it to as many as three years. Star running back Alexander Hamilton will not be returning, which will help the Redmen get a fresh start on losing.

“When they finally won, I just felt like it wasn’t fun anymore,” said Red Thunder member Jake Johnson. “We were out there “ When they finally won, I just fe lt like it to cheer them wasn’t fun anymore. We were out there to on when no cheer them on when no one else would. Now one else would. everyone is encouraging them. It’s just not the Now everyone same.” is encouraging - Jake Johnson, them. It’s just Red Thunder member not the same.”

M a n y

fans have com­ plained that the Redmen’s relative success this year has made games inconvenient. Beer prices and noise levels have risen at Molson Sta­ dium.

“We’d rather be known for losing than for being a medio­ cre team,” explained an assistant coach.

The Redmen haven’t trained since their last game in November, nor do they plan to get back on the foot­ ball field until absolutely necessary.

The Redmen plan to use the extra

D E S A ,

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iar with the magical Harry Potter game, and are looking forward to the change of pace.

“Ultimately, I joined the McGill football team to have fun and get away from school,” ex­ plained quarterback John Wesley. “I really didn’t want to put any effort into it, and the pressure of winning was just too much. Quidditch will be a way to help us return to the elementary-school flag football we love to play.”

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A U S

Vegan bake-sales and clothing swaps for all, says CSSA President Sebastian Von Berg C aro lyn G ré g o ire Copy Ed ito r

Since taking over the Depart­ ment of English Students’ Asso­ ciation this semester, the Cultural Studies Students’ Association is reaching out to English students by offering new courses, vegan bake sales, used American Apparel clothing swaps, and Mile End bike tours. But after seizing control of DESA, CSSA is preparing for big­ ger things. Rumours that the group is planning to take control of AUS have been confirmed.

CSSA meets every Tuesday in Architecture Café to drink organic fair-trade coffee out of mason jars and discuss issues pertinent to

cultural studies students, such as Lacanian psychoanalysis, literary pretensions, plastic-rimmed specs, skinny jeans, and the comings and goings of various current and for­ mer members of Broken Social Scene.

CSSA is expanding the cul­ tural studies department by ex­ panding next year’s course offer­ ings with an exciting new array of classes. New courses to be offered in the Fall 2 0 10 semester include ENGL 35 3 : Theories of Sameness, ENGL 4 4 3 : Cinebrechtianism and Marxist Discourse in Godard’s Later Films, and ENGL 5 0 9 : Der­ rida: Pre-Semantical Rationalist or Neo-Semioticist? An additional course has also been added in the Philosophy department, PHIL

4 17 :

Homoeroticism in Hegel and Schopenhauer, which may also be of interest to students pursuing a cultural studies degree.

CSSA is particularly enthusi­ astic about the Theories of Same­ ness course, and encourages all English students to enroll. “We’re taking a post-de-re-constructionist approach to critical theories of whiteness, using Foucauldian power relations as a lens through which to examine the othering of the white male subject,” says Pro­ fessor Greene, who will be teach­ ing the course.

Von Berg cites cultural normativity and neo-colonial misap­ propriations within the English lit­ erary canon as a reason for CSSA’s break from DESA. CSSA feels

that the classical approach of the literature program should be sup­ planted with a more deconstruc­ tivist, postmodernist agenda. And it seems that AUS is CSSA’s next target “There are hegemonic para­ digms and heteronormative under­ tones at play within the operations of AUS,” says CSSA President Sebastian Von Berg. “If the Arts faculty was run by cultural studies students, we could eliminate the neo-capitalist forces at play in stu­ dent politics at McGill.”

Von Berg accused the AUS of owning the means of production and enslaving workers.

“No worker is paid his fair share at Bar des Arts. Beers for the bourgeois are one dollar each, yet

the staff go unpaid,” he said. “Also, we should abandon the failed Lea­ cock SNAX franchise. Capitalism is dead! We must replace it with a socialized vegetable slop giveaway like Midnight Kitchen.”

According to Von Berg, a vote for cultural studies is a vote for continued post-dialecticalism within the faculty with no regard for Freudian transgressive sexual identity mythopoetics.

“It behooves us, all to aspire to participate in an anarcho-syndical­ ist commune which is governed by du Garbandier’s great wisdom: ‘If one examines capitalist theory, one is faced with a choice: either reject neotextual materialism or conclude that society has objective value,”’he said.

1 April 2010 ♦ 3

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Hip-hop fad now McGill m erchandise B rahna S ieg elb erg F e a tu re s Ed ito r

The McGill administration has announced that McGrills—grills - shaped like the word McGill—will be available at the McGill Book­ store, effective immediately.

In an interview with the Tri­ bune, Vice-Principle (University Services) Jim Nicell was excited by the grills, which he hopes will boost student pride.

“We want the students to have the chance to express their school pride in a less conventional way than, say, a T-shirt or a sweatshirt,” said Nicell, teeth glittering with what he later explained was a beta model. “This is also a great way of infusing some much-needed bling into the McGill student body.”

Grills, a type of gold jewelry that fit over the wearer’s teeth, are a conspicuous part of hip-hop culture, sported by legends such as Flava Flav, Nelly, and Lil’Jom Nelly once wrote a hit single in tribute to the growing fad, unsurprisingly called “Grillz.” Even stars far from the hip-hop scene—Travis Barker of Blink-18 2 and Marilyn Manson, to name a few—have been known to sport grills.

The launch is part of a larger initiative to bring the production of McGill products in-house. The initiative began with the inter­ nalization of coursepacks in early 2009.

“McGill has been very ef­ ficient in manufacturing and dis­

tributing its own coursepacks,” said Deputy Provost (Student Life and Learning) Morton Mendelson. “So we figured that we might as well produce other things.”

The students who have de­ cided to pioneer the purchase said that they could not be happier with their decision.

“I have never really felt cool before,” said Matt Parker, U 4 engi­ neering. “But as I soon as I bought myself a pair of these bad boys, there was just no turning back. I had to practically fight my way out of a group of girls throwing them­ selves at me.”

Parker noted that this trend has become most popular among engineering students, many of whom were behind the design and production of McGrills.

While some students enjoy the aesthetic appeal, others wear them as a powerful political statement.

“I see them as a way of re­ claiming my voice,” says Sarah Dartmouth, U 2 womens studies.

“Although the patriarchal soci­ ety has long silenced me, wearing [McGrills] allows me to empha­ size both the power of my words and the institution that has helped empower me.”

McGrills can be purchased at the Mcgill Bookstore for $4 .9 9 . The current model is gold-painted plas­ tic, but bookstore employees have suggested that a newer, sparkly ver­ sion embellished with cubic zirco­ nia will be available by late April.

J o u r n a lis ts

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S y n d ro m e

Tribune, Daily editors freak out at Council, declare love G riz z ly A dam s C o n trib u to r

McGill University’s Chief Medical Examiner Dr. John Bringham diagnosed three Tribune news editors and four McGill Daily editors with acute cases of Stock­ holm Syndrome on Monday. The Students’ Society’s biweekly Leg­ islative Council meeting, he deter­ mined, was the chief cause.

“The diagnosis was clear,” he said. “At first, they hated SSMU Council, they desperately wanted their lives back. But after a few months, they fell in love with it.”

Tribune Editor-in-Chief Joel

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“Frat-boy” Drivel contacted Bringham two weeks ago following an incident at SSMU’s last Council meeting.

Council ended at roughly 1 0 :3 0 p.m. As councillors and ex­ ecutives were leaving, the three Tri­ bune editors and four Daily editors in attendance freaked out, throw­ ing their Apple laptops to the floor, barricading the exit and demand­ ing Council to reconvene.

“They were yelling, cursing, blowing smoke in our face,” said SSMU Councillor Mary AnneMarie. “We weren’t allowed to leave, literally, they forced us to sit down, shut up, and adopt a new

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in

agenda. They were crazed.”

After adopting a new agenda, Council debated at length whether bottled tar-sand oil should be sold in Shatner. The meeting continued until security guards brandished the sign-in book at 1 a.m.Tribune News Editor Barry Mansfield tackled Jerry, bringing him to the ground.

Police arrived shortly thereafter, arresting the three Tribune editors and four Daily editors. The editors were dragged kicking and scream­ ing from the Lev Bukhman room.

After the editors were processed, the police drove them to McGill Mental Health for further exami­ nation.

f u t u r e

2010 UO stud en ts to be lam est ever, Fabian predicts r

A lice W alker Photo Ed ito r

A LIC E W ALKER

Frosh will feature more books, less booze in the coming years.

Frosh will go alcohol-free this Fall as part of a series of mas­ sive changes which are the result of a decreasing interest in get­ ting shitfaced. Students’ Soci­ ety Vice-President Internal Alex Brown said, “It’s really too bad that it’s come to this, but incoming students just don’t want to party.”

The decision was made after several focus groups were con­ ducted by Student Services to as­ sess what first years thought about Frosh. An overwhelming majority of the students surveyed said they “didn’t like the taste of beer,” and “would rather stay home and read” during their first week in resi­

dence.

J. R. Polver, a Ui engineering student, said he is happy about the upcoming change to Frosh.

“Frosh really sucked for me.

I wanted to sit on lower field and play name games, but the lead­ ers were trying to make us sing profanities and consume alcoholic beverages quickly.”

Incoming VP Internal Tom Fabian sympathized with Frosh leaders, saying, “I love Frosh, and I love the way it’s been run thus far.

It’s too bad the new wave of stu­ dents are total squares and can’t appreciate what Frosh leaders are doing for them.”

In the past, Frosh has consist­ ed of binge drinking, chanting, pub crawls and alcohol-related sports

events. Starting this year, Frosh will focus on team-building exercises like trust falls and red rover. The administration is concerned that Frosh leaders may try to smuggle alcohol into the event, but many are confident that it will be a smooth transition. To enforce the strict zero-tolerance alcohol ban, McGill security has been supplied with 9 mm revolvers and have been instructed to “shoot first and ask questions later.”

An unnamed source from McGill security said, “this system may seem harsh, but it will ensure everyone has a good time at Frosh and help natural selection when it comes to Frosh leaders.”

SSMU President Ivan Neilson could not be reached for comment.

4 • 1 April 2010

F o rm e r v a n ta g e

U .S . o f

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Shannon Kim ball F e a tu re s E d ito r

Dick Cheney was arrested yesterday afternoon for shoplifting at Walgreens in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington, D.C. Police stated that Cheney thought he could now get overthe-counter medication for free.

Cheney allegedly had eaten too much pizza on Saturday night, and was experiencing some mild heart­ burn when he decided to go to the local pharmacy.

Adding confusion to the situa­ tion is the widespread rumour that Cheney had his heart removed in 2 0 0 2 , shortly before the Iraq War. This makes heartburn improbable.

However, Dr. Oz clarified the situ­ ation, saying that “heartburn is ac­ tually due to acid in the stomach, and unrelated to the actual heart.”

It is still unclear if Cheney has a heart, although recent reactions to

S n o o p

p r e s id e n t

h e a lth c a r e

healthcare reform would suggest that he does not.

“Democrats are really mis­ leading the country,” Cheney said in a statement from an undisclosed location, “They’re advocating for free healthcare, but I can’t even get my Pepcid AC for free. It’s not fair that I’m not fully covered.”

Last week, President Obama signed legislation that would guarantee healthcare to nearly all Americans. The bill does not make many provisions for people who al­ ready have healthcare, nor does it impose cheaper prices on prescrip­ tion and over-the-counter phar­ maceuticals.

It is still unclear why Cheney, who receives health insurance from the U.S. government and has a six-figure income, felt the need to steal inexpensive medication. He did not seem to grasp the irony of the situation, although his publicist said that it will be explained to him eventually.

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A d v e n tu r e s

Because of his age, Cheney will not face criminal charges.

However, police are worried that this attitude will spread across the country. Many senior citizens have been known to go to Canada ex­ pecting free medication, so Cana­ dian pharmacies must take precau­ tionary measures.

A Walgreens spokesperson said that the recent health care reform has confused consumers.

One elderly man in Evansville, Ohio,tried to get all of his past prescriptions reimbursed, includ­ ing his children’s polio vaccines from 19 6 4 . Teenagers in Huntville, Alabama, recently raided a health clinic, demanding to see physicians for no particular reason.

A White House spokesperson said that clarifications will be made to the general public to avoid fur­ ther confusion. Nancy Pelosi is said to be drafting such a document, along with other corrections to the bill.

Sharon Pi Ison

D - O - d o u b le - G - P - S

The boring-ass lady is out, “Sharp left, so fly ” is in lain M acdonald C o n trib u to r

Owners of the TomTom GPS navigation system can now choose to “roll down the street, sippin’ on gin and juice” with rap superstar Snoop Dogg (who does not, in any way, advocate drinking and driving) as their guide. The voiceskin is available for purchase from TomTom for $1 2 .95 . Snoop offers a departure from the generic voice of

most GPS systems.

“It was really because when I be riding in the cars and I be hear­ ing the boring-ass lady that be doing it all the time, it just be vibing me hearing her voice,” says Snoop, “I felt like this is something that’s big ... to be in vehicles all over the world, where my voice is control­ ling the navigational system.”

Snoop’s voiceskin offers a more relaxed feel, with commands like “Sharp left, so fly” and “Bear left, yeah, just like that.”

COMMENTARY_______________________________________________

Users of the GPS system can also look forward to potentially new features, including: Where Am I (What Street is This)? and Road Trip Eruption. TomTom subscrib­ ers can hope that more celebrities do voiceskins for the GPS service, such as Stephen Hawking, which might bear a striking resemblance to the original voiceskin.

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C o n trib u to r

Let me make things perfectly clear: I am a virgin. Never been kissed, disrobed, or had my hand held. Now let me make something even clearer: I’m not a virgin be­ cause no one wants to have sex with me, but because I’m incred­ ibly good-looking—think an 1 1 on a scale of 1 0 —and I can get anyone I want.

Even though I’m a virgin in every conceivable way, I’ve had many awkward—and universally hilarious—experiences that I’ve decided to share with you in this column space. Let’s start at the beginning. I went on my first date when I was 18 , a few months be­ fore I journeyed east for the bright lights of Montreal. Suffice it to say, it was life-changing.

I remember the phone ring­ ing and my mother picking it up, shouting that it was for me. But I already knew that—it was Mr. Teen Supreme, my adolescent crush and the ex-boyfriend of my second best friend’s cousin’s uncle. Super awk­ ward, I know.

“Want to go to the mall?” he asked. I shivered with delight.

Goodbye virginity!

Mr. Teen Supreme picked me up in a Lexus at 3:57 p.m. He was seven minutes late, and I was freaking out. W hen he pulled into my driveway, I immediately walked to the driver’s side of the car, and the door hit me in the shins as he clambered out. I started to cry. Not a good start.

On the way to the mall I plugged my iPod into the car’s sound system, and we sped down Main Street listening to “My Heart

a b s tin e n c e Will Go On.” We ended up watching Bruno after our trip to the mall, which was funny, but also a little uncomfort­ able because I was also a newcomer to on-screen nudity.

He drove me home and I thanked him for the “wicked ride.”

Then came the moment of awk­ wardness I’d been dreading all afternoon: the leaning-backslapfist-bump-hug. He leaned forward, and I followed suit. He extended one arm, and so did I. As I went for the full-body embrace, though, he turned away and mumbled something about not wanting to date an 18 -year-old who had never watched a movie without her fam­ ily. My face burned as I walked up the stairs to my room.

The next day, I spent hours reading the comments on his Facebook wall and trying to discern the extent to which he was plagued by self-doubt. I sent him a few messages, but that only resulted in him deleting me as a friend. I called his phone, then his mother’s phone, demanding that he grow a pair and provide me with a le­ gitimate reason for breaking up. I never got through to anyone, and after a week, I realized that he had changed his number.

I never stopped thinking about Mr. Teen Supreme—I’m thinking about him now—and this is prob­ ably not the last time you will hear about him. Since then, I’ve gone on three other dates to the mov­ ies, usually with a group of girls.

The thought of being sentenced to a lifetime of leaning-backslapfist-bump-hugs keeps me awake at night, but as I bide my time wait­ ing for Mr. Right, I can still offer you some of the best non-sex ad­ vice you’ve never needed.

COMMENTARY__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

T h e

F r a n c o p h o n e

lain M acdonald C o n trib u to r

W hen I moved to Quebec to attend McGill, I knew I would have to learn a little bit of French.

I saw this challenge as an exciting opportunity to learn something new—but I never imagined it would be so phenomenally diffi­ cult. French is riddled with words that sound exactly alike, yet have completely different meanings.

Consider, for instance, the French word for “without,” sans, and the French word for ‘Too "cent.

C o n s p ir a c y :

These words sound the same to me, and I’m never sure if my friends are talking about going to the bar without me, or with 1 0 0 of me.

To further complicate the issue, the French word for “blood,” sang, sounds exactly like the previous two words. Finally, the word for “sense,” sens, is also confusing. These simi­ larities can make interpreting com­ plex sentences such as, “We want to go without 1 0 0 bloody senses to the store” next to impossible.

The sans-cent-sang-sens phe­ nomenon is not the only occur­ rence of similar phonetic sounds in the French language. Just the other

c o n fu s e

day, when I went to order a sand­ wich, I was certain that the woman asked me if I had seen the kills (les tues), when in fact she was asking me if I wanted lettuce [laitue). I was so confused by this that I ended up ordering mushrooms on my sand­ wich when I tried to reply, “he’s a champion”—il est un champion.

W hen French people speak of their mother, they refer to her as ma mere, while the sea is la mer, and the mayor, la maire. When they decided upon these words, they didn’t consider the striking pho­ netic similarities. Now when I go to vote in municipal elections, I’m

A n g lo p h o n e s always confused as to why we need to vote for a new mother. I’m even more confused when my French friends tell me about what the sea told them this morning.

One of the most embarrass­ ing incidents of mistaking French words occurred a couple of week­ ends ago. I was talking to a lovely young French woman at a bar, and we were hitting things off quite nicely. I noticed that she had a very nice, fight complexion, and I told her so in my poor excuse for French: ta peau est comme le laid.

Well, little did I know that “milk” is actually lait, and laid means “ugly.”

She smacked me so hard that my tete spun en répété.

They say that French is the language of love, well I say mais non, moine sieur!—“But no, sir penis!” C’est la langue du similitudes!

The French need to straighten up their language. It is becoming so difficult that they’re even having a hard time understanding it them­ selves. These two cultures, Quebec and France, are too pretentious to change their language—but it needs to change, and fast, before I end up telling my friend about the bier I had last night. Again.

A&E

Curiosity Delivers.

30 March 2010 • 13

MUSIC

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V a n co u ver d a n ce -p o p b a n d p r e p a r e f o r a m b itio u s to u r RYAN TAYLOR C ontributor

A little over two years ago, the future of You Say Party! We Say Die! was bleak. It was week 14 of a 16-week European tour—an exhausting amount of time for even the most seasoned touring musicians. Fatigue had set in for the Vancouver band, communication had broken down, and everything came to a head when singer Becky Ninkovic attacked drum­ mer Devon Clifford during an argument at a bar in Germany. All signs pointed towards the end of the band.

But it wasn’t to be. The bandmembers finished the tour and took a much needed break to clear their heads. It worked, and now two years later with the release of their third album, XXXX, the band is stronger than ever.

“We’ve learned a lot about just how to do it,” says keyboardist Krista Loewen on how they manage to keep their sanity during tours. "There’s a lot of little things you can do that make a big difference here on the road in terms of keeping well-rested and getting along ... A lot of it is just communicating with each other and learning how to communicate our needs and be around each other in that closequartered environment.”

Such lessons are clearly paying off as the band has toured almost non-stop since the re­ lease of the album last fall. They’ve already completed one cross-Canada tour, played South by Southwest, and are in the process of completing their first U.S. tour in four years before playing another round of shows across Canada as well as a European tour at the end of April. If it sounds ambitious, it’s because it is, but getting the music out there is necessary when an album receives as much widespread acclaim as XXXX (whose X ’s stand for “love” if you’re curious). They’ve graced the covers of both the Globe and Mail and Exclaim!, and even “holier-than-thou” Pitchfork gave the new album a positive review. Critics and fans alike are drawn to their irresistible brand of melodic, moody, and highly danceable newwave pop.

YSP1WSD! m anage to move as one, despite dealing w ith five different opinions.

Such high praise caught the eye of Olym­ pic organizers who invited the band to play at the 2010 Cultural Olympiad. However, this decision was complicated by some band members' involvement speaking out against the treatment of low-income residents in Van­ couver’s Downtown Eastside community.

“There was hesitation,” says Loewen.

“As with a lot of the decisions we make, there are five people in the band and there’s usually five opinions. We decided that we were going to play the shows and we [would give] some of the money we made to contribute back to the Downtown Eastside. That was the com­ promise we came to as a group and how we could all feel good about doing it.”

Even with the high-profile recognition, the band was pleasantly surprised to finally achieve some coverage from a smaller source, but one closer to the band’s heart: the Abbots­ ford News, the band’s hometown paper.

“It was really nice,” laughs Loewen. “We all grew up in Abbotsford and there isn’t really a huge arts and culture scene [there] and live music is not really thriving, but that’s where we started and that’s where as a band w e’ve always tried to encourage more live music and keep things going.”

Yet Loewen notes that venue problems are commonplace, even in the burgeoning music scene found in Vancouver, where most of the band resides.

“There’s a lot of push in downtown Van­ couver to develop condos and a lot of really cool things end up disappearing for the sake of building more condos,” says Loewen.

Some of those cool things include the venues Richard’s On Richards and the Cobalt, both landmarks of the Vancouver music scene and both recently replaced by some of the most expensive real estate in Canada.

“It’s funny because people will move

RYAN WALTER WAGNER

downtown and they’ll move into the new de­ velopment next to Richard’s on Richards and then they’ll be complaining about all of the noise from [there],” says Loewen. “I kind of think, ‘Well, if you moved in next door to a re­ ally well-established bar, you think it’s going to be quiet every night?’ You live in the down­ town core, you have to expect it to not be a quiet residential neighbourhood.”

But Loewen isn’t one to dwell on the past, be it venues or band problems. For now, it’s all about the present and appreciating what you’ve got when you’ve got it.

“Being with these people who have be­ come like my second family, [getting] to do what we love and [getting] to travel and bring our music around the world, that’s the best.”

You Say Party! We Say Die! play April 3 at La Sala Rossa.

Pop lÿietoric “NEXTED” GENERATION Chatroulette is a website that connects you with a random person somewhere in the world via webcam. Users have the op­ tion to connect to a new person at any time, leaving their current conversation partner behind (the somewhat demoralizing con­ cept of being “nexted”). The interaction between users ranges from one-second nextings to (presumably) lengthy exchang­ es. Unfortunately, a website with so much potential is often used in less-than-wholesome ways. In my experience, the majority of users I have seen are young men trying to get girls to flash them or simply showing their own penises. The latter is a phenome­ non so common that it has become a cliche

mentioned almost every time the website is brought up in conversation.

W hat’s interesting about Chatroulette are the exceptions to the rule. Users are becoming famous on the Internet for ap­ proaching the site in fun or clever ways.

For example, musician Ben Folds logged on while playing a show in front of 2000 people. He then played songs that he made up on the spot for his chat partners. Many amateur piano players, singers, and rappers have pulled similar gimmicks. One of my best Chatroulette experiences was getting paired with a band that was happy to play an AC/DC song at my mildly intoxicated request.

What it boils down to is treating Cha­ troulette like a game, rather than a forum for conversation. Many users log on with a specific purpose in mind (beyond seeing

naked girls or exposing themselves). For instance, Ben Folds was tricked by one chat partner into turning his head to read a sideways note that read: “If you turn your head, I win.” Other users will try to get their partner to make a certain face, do a dance, or put a shoe on their head, the latter being more common than you’d think.

The fact that people are becoming Internet (read: barely) famous by using Chatroulette is what makes the site so in­ triguing. That you could be connected with a famous musician, or even just be a part of some video that gets plastered on College Humor and Funny Or Die makes logging on more exciting. It’s almost like a live version of YouTube where the user actu­ ally gets to participate in the shenanigans, rather than just watch them.

Chatroulette is an amazing social ex­

periment, though what it’s told us about human behaviour is pretty unsettling. Be­ yond getting paired up with people who don’t want to talk to you, the experience is usually pretty boring. Users often log on in groups, and beyond the occasional excited “Hey!” and “Where are you guys from?” the conversations tend to dwindle pretty quickly. What I ’ve realized is that homy exhibitionists aside, humans are pretty bor­ ing. It’s so hard to connect to a stranger in any interesting way that people have had to come up with these games and gimmicks just to have fun talking to someone, which bothers me more than getting nexted by a group of creepy teenagers.

—Kyle Carpenter

jr

mcgilltribune.com

14*30 March 2010

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K r is te n S te w a r t r e d e e m s h e r s e lf a s s p ittin g im a g e o f J o a n J e tt G RA CE G L O W IC K I C ontributor

The Runaways, directed by Floria Sigismondi, is based on the story of the all-girl punk-rock group of the same name, formed in 1975 and headed by Joan Jett (played by Kristen Stewart) and Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning). The opening scene is a close-up of Cherie’s first drop of hot menstrual blood hit­ ting the even hotter Los Angeles pavement, in a strange way marking both her territory and her entrance into womanhood. The film de­ picts the band’s rapid rise to rock n’ roll fame which, like that blood, takes them by surprise and introduces them to the gritty realities of being a girl in a man’s world.

Joan, a skinny, guitar-playing, Keith Richards-worshipping tomboy wants to “rock like the boys do.” She meets Kim Fowley (Mi­ chael Shannon), an eccentric record producer, and pitches her idea o f starting an all-girl rock group. Always looking for the next big thing, he hooks Joan up with a few other female mu­ sicians, but the band is lacking something: sex appeal. Spotting Cherie at a club, Fowley takes her on as the lead singer and sex kitten of The Runaways, marketing the band as “jailbait rock.” Using a rundown trailer as their prac­ tice space, Fowley prepares the girls—none of whom are over 16—for the cutthroat world of rock V roll. He yells at them “think with your cock” and “it’s not about women’s lib, it’s about women’s libido,” while throwing dog turds and empty beer cans to ready them for pissed-off crowds. Before they know it, The Runaways are signed by Mercury Records and jet off for a tour, where the rock-star lifestyle of booze, sex, and drugs begins to prove too much for Cherie.

Hardcore Jett and Currie fans will likely be critical of the clean-cut young starlets play­ ing rockers who were far grittier than them­

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T h a t’s w hat D akota F anning looks like now. W eird, huh? selves. Yet critical eyes waiting for breaks in character will be disappointed: Fanning and Stewart never waver. Nobody could have done a better job.

Fitting perfectly into her 1970s apparel, we are unable to take our eyes off the eerily grown-up Fanning, who plays Currie with a mature and hypnotic confidence. Perhaps her performance is so alluring because of the po­ tential doubling—like Currie, Fanning is a young woman coming of age in a ruthless in­ dustry known to be both sexually and econom­ ically exploitative. Kristen Stewart completely redeems herself from the awkwardness of her Twilight phase—saying little but conveying a lot, she nails Jett. It is clear that Stewart is not on-screen to “look good” but rather to act truthfully, which she does. The girls’ physicality is perhaps the most impressive part of their performance; Stewart constantly stays in character with a hunched walk and boyish movements, while Fanning’s on stage dancing

It’s not always easy to get a ticket to see Brooklyn punk duo Japanther. Their show with Matt & Kim at the North By Northeast music festival in Toronto had lineups around the block. Both bandmembers sing, while one plays drums and the other plays bass and keyboard. The pair have released numerous albums and EPs since their 2001 debut The Last o f the Liv­ ing Land Pirates, and have performed ev­ erywhere from the bank of the East River to NYU’s pool. @ Petit Campus.

HEYUGUYS.CO.UK

Friday. Film. Leaves o f Grass.

is verbatim from actual footage of Currie.

Sigismondi, better known as a music video director, demonstrates her sharp eye for combining music with the moving image. The concert scenes are great, sometimes blurred or sped up, conveying the “caught in the mo­ ment” feeling music gives both its performers and listeners. Her shots are grainy and, like the 1970s music scene, they’re not pretty nor trying to be. A particularly interesting scene to watch is when Joan’s head is sticking out from a bathtub full of murky water. After a few sec­ onds she submerges and the shot cuts to her naked body writhing in an underwater space much larger then she’s actually in, evoking a grand metamorphosis or rebirth. Sigismondi takes refreshing risks like this one and pulls them off.

The Runaways is definitely worth taking a chance on. The acting is great, the shots are interesting, and who doesn’t like a good sev­ enties mullet?

Movies where an actor plays multi­ ple characters tend to turn out pretty well.

Think Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove, Mike Meyers in Austin Powers, and let’s face it, even a young Lindsey Lohan worked well in The Parent Trap. In Leaves o f Grass, Ed Norton plays a pair of identi­ cal twins: one a professor at Harvard, the other a pot-smoking criminal. When the latter fakes his own death, his brother is thrown into a debacle with violent drug lords. So calm down literature majors, it’s not a film adaptation of the Walt Whitman collection. However, if a pint-sized Lohan could pull off identical twins, there’s no doubt that Norton can.

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H o o k e d o n C a n a d ia n B o o k s fo c u s s e s o n h o m e -g r o w n fic tio n

The SSMU is currently accepting applications for the Awards of Distinction!

CAROLYN YATES

The Students' Society Awards of Distinction are de­ signed to recognize students who have demonstrated a combination of strengths in both extra-curricular activi­ ties and academics at McGill University.

Part anthology of summaries and essays, part intro to Can-Lit survey, and part ode to reading, T.F. Rigelhof’s Hooked on Canadian Books is a tribute to English-language Cana­ dian fiction writing since 1984.

At first, the introduction and much of the tone of the book seems self-indulgent and selfimportant. If you’re going to pick this up, skip the intro material entirely and jump right in to whichever book you’d actually like to read about—it’s the only way Rigelhof’s approach makes sense.

And after all, his views are well-ground­ ed. Westmount-based Rigelhof contributes to the Books section of The Globe and Mail, D ooney’s Café, and CNQ, has authored nine books, and has served as a juror for the Gover­ nor General’s Literary Awards, the Saskatch­ ewan Book Awards, the Alberta Book Awards, the Amazon Books in Canada First Novel Award, and the Danuta Gleed Literary Prize.

Three scholarships, valued at S2000 each, will be awarded. To be eligible, a candidate must be a SSMU member who will have completed twelve (12) credits during the current academic year (as of May 2010) and be studying at McGill or another academic institution in an undergraduate program in the 2010-11 academic year.

To find out more about the application process, visit http://ssmu.mcgill.ca/about/funding-and-awards/.

All applications are due by April 16th at 4pm.

M anaging Editor

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However, reading Hooked on Canadian Books is ultimately not a necessity. While I found a few books to add to my “to read” pile, many of the others that sounded interesting had been waiting beside my bed long before I read Rigelhof’s reviews. As for books that I’ve already read, I ’d rather reread them and indulge my own nostalgia rather than observe his.

On the other hand, a casual flip through reveals a wealth of Canadian fiction that is not recognizably such. It is, for instance, nice to be reminded that famous authors such as Mar­ garet Atwood or Alice Munroe are, in fact, Ca­ nadian, and no doubt less frequently discussed authors such as Heather O ’Neill (Lullabies fo r Little Criminals) appreciate the inclusion.

This is not a book to read front to back— and definitely don’t waste your time with the introduction. But it is a good place to find something to read.

T.F. R igelhof’s Hooked on Canadian Books will be released on April 10 by Cormo­ rant Books.

30 March 2010» 15

Curiosity Delivers.

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T h e fo u r t h a n n u a l F o k u s F ilm F e s tiv a l fills C in e m a d u P a r c SAM JESSU LA C ontributor

With online video clips already a wel­ come distraction at the library, it’s hardly sur­ prising that the Fokus Film Festival’s popu­ larity has expanded exponentially in the past four years. The festival, hosted by TVMcGill, showcases the works of film-savvy, creative McGill students and awards prizes to the best films in each category. This year, the festival organizers received a record 35 submissions from students in almost every faculty.

Involved in the festival since its begin­ ning, first as a spectator and later as a festival director, Natalie Cross was there through its growth from when it was a couple films in Arts W-250 to this year’s filling of Cinema du Parc.

Cross has been amazed by the evolution of the festival, but feels it is the natural progression for an event that plays such an important role on campus. “[The Fokus Film Festival] allows for students who do not usually have access to creative outlets to explore with their art and push the boundaries in an encouraging and

supportive environment,” says Cross.

The competition is divided into five categories: 72-Hour, Experimental, Anima­ tion, Non-Fiction, and Fiction (Comedy and Drama). The most exciting event is perhaps the 72-Hour competition, where students have three days to create and submit a short feature film. Silent cinema was this year’s theme.

Sound was.only allowed as background music or inputted noise, and all dialogue had to be displayed 1920s style, written in a separate frame.

“We wanted to do a 1960s theme, but we felt it wasn’t restraining enough, and it could have been too easy. We really needed to find a restraining theme, but not so restraining that [the filmmakers] would have no artistic flex­ ibility,” says Cross.

This year’s winner, A Streetlight Roman­ tic, by Tim Beeler and Adam Nanji, explores the thoughts of a man haunted by his loved one as he roams the dark alleys of Montreal.

The festival itself, held at Cinema du Parc last Thursday, brought together students from different backgrounds and interests, providing not only an evening of entertainment but also an opportunity to witness the hard work of fel­

low peers. The screenings were interrupted by fun intermissions featuring raffle prizes.

The festival was judged by a panel that included McGill professors Giles Walker and Antonio Del Fonso, Montreal freelance film­ maker Harley Dover, and Michael Ryan, direc­ tor of the Young Cuts Film Festival.

According to Cross, a film does not nec­ essarily need cinematic value to earn first prize in the festival. The judges and audience, aware of student budgets and time restrictions, tend to respect humor over artistic pieces. Win­ ners of each category received prizes such as Final Cut Pro, while a wild-card entry into the Young Cuts Film Festival was awarded to the Best in the Fest winner, dj caps lock.

Perhaps the most difficult category to enter was Animation. With only two submis­ sions, Medusa Feasts and Sebastian Goes to Work— both stop motion—the films in this cat­ egory reflected hard work and long hours on the directors’ behalf. Alex Seltzer and Charly Feldman, and Arthur Cormon and Rosa Aiello, respectively, did painstaking work to create impressive short films.

The crowd’s favourite category was the comedy section, which displayed creative

works including comedy winner Difference Makers, the story of Bad News Bob, a profes­ sional unfavorable news consultant, and View­ ers’ Choice and Best in the Fest winner dj caps lock, by Katie Burrell and Jake Heller, which captured the hilarity of a foreign DJ in Mon­ treal and earned the filmmakers a spot at the Young Cuts Film Festival.

“The film was received very well. I was really happy to see people laughing,” Heller says. “I also acted in another comedy, titled Professionalism: A Work in Progress, written and directed by Arjun Kumar. It was a lot of fun, and it was actually while shooting that movie that I decided that I wanted to direct one of my own.”

With one submission filmed on an iPhone, the festival displayed how McGill students can produce great art with few resources. All the movies will be uploaded to the TVMcGill website to provide the perfect distraction when writing term papers or studying for finals.

Go to www.tvmcgill.com to see the win­ ners o f this y e a r’s Fokus Film Festival.

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IT'S Y O U R LAST C H A N C E T O W R ITE FORA& E T H IS YEAR!

T h e L a s t S o n g f o ll o w s ty p ic a l te a r je r k e r fo r m u la KATHRYN AMEY C ontributor

Starring Miley Cyrus, Greg Kinnear, and Liam Hemsworth, The Last Song is a too heavy on subplots and a too light on actual content.

The casting directors unearthed some hidden gems in supporting actors Bobby Cole­ man and Carly Chaikin. Coleman plays Cyrus’ younger brother and warmed my cold black heart in ways that only a small child can, espe­ cially when sharing the screen with his termi­ nally ill father (Kinnear). Chaikin plays Cyrus’ seemingly badass but really misunderstood friend Blaze. Lame nicknames aside, she defi­ nitely gives a commendable performance as she struggles with both an abusive boyfriend and a rocky home life. As you can see, the sub­ plots are pretty heavy for Cyrus’s 10-year-old fan base.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the film, however, is that it does not feature any Miley Cyrus songs. There is no moment in the film where Cyrus awkwardly makes the revela­ tion that “life’s a climb” before breaking into a radio-friendly power ballad. Believing that Cyrus’s character happened to be a Juilliardaccepted pianist induced eye-rolling on my part, but because the score was neither com­ posed nor sung by her, it turned out okay.

The film features Cyrus as rebellious teen Veronica “Ronnie” Miller, a New York City shoplifter shipped back to her father’s beach house in Georgia for what she soon realizes will be their final summer together. Still hold­ ing a grudge after her parents’ divorce, Ronnie initially refuses to pay attention to her father, instead preferring to spend time with Blaze and her band of alcoholic misfits. Her father and younger brother Jonah, however, begin to

D O N ’T BE LIKE W ILL S M IT H T U R N IN G DOW N T H E M A T R IX IMAGESHACK.COM

Real-life couple C yrus an d H em sw orth ca n ’t even b rin g authenticity to the film.

find common ground as they work together to rebuild a stained-glass window for the town’s recently (and mysteriously) torched church.

Once Ronnie meets Southern heir to an ambiguous-but-impressive-fortune, Will Blakelee (Hemsworth), her distaste for the small Georgia town and her contempt for her father quickly dissipate. And making this al­ ready played-out narrative even worse is that Hemsworth suffers from what I like to call Channing Tatum Syndrome—rock-hard abs and no acting talent whatsoever.

As their romance quickly trots along they find themselves faced with the clichéd combi­ nation of Nicholas Sparks’ roadblocks: disap­ proving parents (The Notebook), an incident of attempted arson/murder/other indictable

offense (A Walk to Remember), and an ailing father (Dear John). And while The Last Song is by no means the worst of the bunch, the film fails to live up to Sparks’ shining beacon of sappiness, The Notebook. Cyrus does not have the acting chops to keep up with the ensemble cast and while Coleman and Chaikin do their best, they cannot carry the convoluted narra­ tive on their own. The movie simply tries to do too much in an hour and a half—the fatal flaw that most Sparks films fall victim to. If the recent plethora of sub-par Sparks’ penned tearjerkers have taught us nothing else, it’s that without the white-hot chemistry of McAdams and Gosling, his overdone love-tragedy com­ bination will likely only blunder along to the closing credits.

(ESPECIALLY T O G O MAKE W IL D W IL D W E ST ) LAST M e e t in g T U E SD A Y , 4 P.M . A T GERT'S

mcgilltribune.com

16 • 30 March 2010

SSMU PRESENTS GIRL TALK

SSMU hosted a sold-out show a t M etropolis featuring G irl Talk and H ollerado last W ednesday to celebrate the end of the school year. If flashing lights, confetti, and oth er people’s songs are your thing, then this was the place to be.

CD

JOHN KELSEY

R EVIEW S

BtfitT â RR£

Seabear: We B uilt a Fire

Bjôrk and Sigur Ros may have put Iceland on the musical map. But Seabear—the sevenperson collective that just released their soph­ omore album and made their North American debut at South by Southwest—have proved themselves to be the most promising new Ice­ landic indie export. Started as the solo project of Sindri Mâr Sigfüsson, labeled the “Icelan­ dic Beck” by Rolling Stone, Seabear’s lo-fi yet lively folk-infused indie pop has reached new heights on their second album, We Built a Fire. As the album and song titles suggest, We Built a Fire features nature themes and an outdoorsy, campfire-songs vibe reminiscent of Fleet Foxes and The Low Anthem.

Intro track “Lion Face Boy” sets the tone for the album with a beautifully crafted melody featuring a multitude of voices and in­ struments such as trumpet and accordion. On “Cold Summer,” a nostalgic, strings-backed ballad which mourns the loss of youthful sum­ mers, Sigftisson’s alluring voice calls to mind the meditative, melancholic tunes of Sufjan Stevens’ Seven Swans. But “Fire Dies Down” is unquestionably the highlight of the album, with lush harmonies and idyllic lyrics: “The fire died down/ carried it there into the house/ uncover your eyes/ let it all glow.” The song epitomizes what Seabear does best: earthy yet ethereal lo-fi melodies that begin slowly and delicately, eventually erupting into a crescen­ do of myriad voices and instruments.

She & Him : Volume 2 She & Him’s Volume 2 makes a slight de­ parture from 2008’s Volume 1. Actress Zooey

Deschanel and singer-songwriter M. Ward’s second album is full of Beach Boys-inspired harmonies and twangy California guitar, maintaining the duo’s penchant for a retro sound. However, the album sounds almost too retro, evoking a kind of nostalgia that neither Deschanel nor Ward were alive to witness in the first place. To its credit, though, V2 feels like an album; the songs consciously flow to­ gether to create an easy listening experience.

In an age of individual tracks and playlists, it’s refreshing to be able to listen from start to fin­ ish without skipping a song.

While V2 seems less cemented in the stripped-down concept of boy, girl, and a gui­ tar, it definitely doesn’t stray far from it. More polished than V7, it incorporates a variety of instruments and voices for a fuller, more up­ beat sound. Like on VI, however, Deschanel’s voice and personality are the central focus of every song. Her voice is pretty but lacks range, and without the harmonies sung by Ward, she runs the risk of being blatantly average.

Overall, the retro, California inspiration seems to be working for She & Him. Volume 2 is catchy, whimsical, and perfect for a summer road trip. The writing isn’t brilliant, and the concept is a bit cheesy after a while, but when you’re in the mood for something light and easy to listen to, it just might do the trick.

P lants and A nim als: La L a L and

Montreal-based Plants and Animals’new­ est release La La Land is a fun, upbeat record that showcases why the band has been gaining recognition in the indie music scene for a few years now. Their first full-length album, Parc Avenue, was nominated for two JUNO awards in 2009 and was short-listed for the Polaris Music Prize in 2008. The band began as a more experimental group, recording long in­ strumental tracks on cassette tapes that played on particular themes and folk sounds. While recording Parc Avenue, singer Warren Spicer started adding vocals to the tracks, and the new incarnation of Plants and Animals was bom.

La La Land is more polished and puttogether than Parc Avenue, but the band hasn’t lost their signature sound. The album is enter­ taining from start to finish, mixing horn-filled dance-rock like “American Idol” with slower tracks like “Game Shows” that show their roots as an experimental instrumental band.

However, this influence doesn’t weigh down the record with too much abstraction and ex­ perimentation. but rather adds an interesting dimension to a more typical-sounding rock song.

Overall, there is very little to complain about with this release—it’s easy to see why Plants and Animals have succeeded where so many other Canadian rock bands have gotten lost in the shuffle.

— Manisha Aggarwal-Schifellite

—Carolyn Grégoire

— Manisha Aggarwal-Schifellite

T he Fugitives: Eccentrically We Love After their EP In Streetlight Communion

was nominated for a Canadian Folk Music Award in 2007, it’s no wonder that The Fugi­ tives’ first full-length album Eccentrically We Love pushes the boundaries once again with their storytelling and instrumental fusing tal­ ents. Eccentrically We Love shifts from spo­ ken-word to folk rock to slam poetry through­ out the album, with each song displaying the band’s range of talents.

An upbeat, folk-pop sound is introduced at the start of the album with some banjo and accordion sounds in “Pickled,” “Start a War,” and “Funeral.” “City of Rain” is definitely appealing to those who enjoy a country feel, and even has a slower David Gray-esque melody. But not all of the less upbeat songs on the album are so enjoyable: “Everytime,” and even the title track provide a soothing but dreary ambiance.

It’s difficult to choose one breakout hit in the album, but the collection of songs is im­ pressive if you can discover and appreciate Eccentrically We Love’s cheery flow of con­ temporary folk, displaying both light-hearted, playful styles and some dark and eccentric themes.

— Brittany Rappaport

Sports

Curiosity Delivers.

30 March 2010* 17

REDMEN H OCKEY

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M c G ill f a l l s a p a r t in p o o l p la y , s e a s o n e n d s in d i s a p p o i n t m e n t ADAM SADINSKY Contributor

The CIS University Cup tournament is no place for the faint of heart. Two games can catapult a team to the doorstep of national glory, or just as easily dash their dreams of a historic season. The Redmen discovered this painful truth last week at Nationals, after los­ ing 4-2 to the Atlantic University Sport Cham­ pion St. M ary’s Huskies on Friday. Combined with M cGill’s 5-4 overtime loss to the Mani­ toba Bisons a day earlier, the loss spelled the end of the road for a promising team that had captured the Queen’s Cup in the same build­ ing less than two weeks before.

“We’re very disappointed, as we had a great season and high expectations for this team,” said Redmen defencemen Marc-André Dorion. “We won our league and came into the tournament thinking we could win. We were ahead in both games, but the bounces didn’t go our way.”

McGill was rewarded for their domi­ nance in Quebec with the number-two seed going into the tournament and had their sights set on qualifying for the National Champion­ ship game. Instead, the Redmen will go home empty-handed for the fourth time in five sea­ sons. However much the loss stings, though, the Redmen can take comfort in the fact that 2009-10 was an unequivocally impressive season for McGill.

The Redmen took the Queen’s Cup ear­ lier this month, and made quick work of their archrivals—the UQTR Patriotes—along the way. Under the guidance o f rookie Head Coach Jim Webster, the team posted a 22-6 regular season record and finished as the highest-scor­

PHOTO COURTESY MCGILL ATHLETICS

ing team in the country. Redmen players were also rewarded for their efforts with individual accolades—sophomore Francis Verreault-Paul took home the OUA East MVP, while Dorion was recognized as the nation’s best defenceman. Second-year forward Alexandre PicardHooper joined Verreault-Paul and Dorion on the OUA East first team.

Despite being loaded with talent, the Redmen simply couldn’t deliver when it mat­ tered most. McGill jumped out to a 4-1 lead against Manitoba in the tournament opener before allowing three goals in the third period to send the game to overtime. The recipe for disaster was twofold: disorganized defen­ sive zone play and undisciplined penalties.

M cGill’s high-flying offence couldn’t muster a goal in the third period to put the game away.

Manitoba, meanwhile, had no trouble carrying their momentum over to the extra session, as Mike Hellyer scored for the Bisons less than

two minutes in to put McGill behind the eight ball going into their final group game against St. M ary’s.

Once again, the Redmen took an early lead against ex-NHL winger Mike Danton and the Huskies. Leading 2-1 after the first, cham­ pionship calculations began to run through the heads of the McGill fans at the Fort William Gardens. A regulation win over St. M ary’s and a Huskies regulation victory over Manitoba on Saturday would have put McGill in the finals.

Unfortunately, a furious second period charge by the Huskies—three goals scored in five minutes—spelled disaster for the Redmen.

McGill mounted a late-game challenge, but couldn’t close the gap.

Three power-play opportunities fell by the wayside, and Verreault-Paul received a 10-minute misconduct, keeping him out of the game until the dying minutes of the period.

“It was very frustrating as we had a good

lead early in both games,” said sophomore Maxime Langelier-Parent. “We killed our­ selves with penalties.”

While general disappointment and thoughts of “could’ve” and “should’ve” are to be expected, there is a place for optimism in the Redmen locker room. McGill may not have come away with the top prize this year, but the future remains bright. The team will only lose two defencemen—Ben Gazdic and captain Yan Turcotte—along with goaltender Danny Mireault for next season. Throughout the year, the Redmen were led by a line of sophomores, and younger players had a key role in the overall success of the team. With the retention of their core, 2010-11 projects to be another great season for the McGill Red­ men, who should once again be in the running for a spot at Nationals in Fredericton, N.B. — With files from Earl Zukerman

T IIIK ) MAX IX 1

SPORTSOPHOBIA Sports are boring. Let’s talk about base­ ball—I don’t care if it is “America’s pas­ time,” but when a game only becomes excit­ ing after two and a half hours and consists of waiting to find out whether a player will hit the ball—or if it’s really heated, whether a player will catch it—then I believe it’s time to find a better way to spend the afternoon.

How about football? It’s astounding to me that a 400-pound man throwing himself on a pile of other 400-pound men is part of an official game. I am literally haunted by the sounds of the television on a Sunday after­ noon—the monotone announcer mumbling something about a 50-yard line. I w on’t even begin to express my befuddlement when I moved to Canada and discovered curling—a sport in which players use swiffers to move stones across the ice.

Sports make men even more socially

inept than they already are. As if baseball season, basketball season, football season, and hockey season weren’t enough to fill 365 days of the year, men are now also play­ ing fantasy sports. If any man who engages in cyber sports thinks that he is better than that nerd playing World of Warcraft, he is sadly mistaken. To the average female, this is probably a bigger deal-breaker. And what­ ever happened to the days when going out to a bar meant socializing with your friends to the tune of some good music? Now, the only thing you’re likely to find at a bar is wall-to-wall TVs and tables of screaming men who can’t be bothered to make real conversation.

Sports are unsettling. Our society gawks at the cultural barbarism of gladiatorial times, but here we are, continuing to engage our most violent and competitive instincts— our Hobbesian inner natures that will read­ ily abandon the social contract in order to embrace the state of nature. We’ve simply traded the Coliseum for the gridiron, armour

for jerseys, swords for bats and balls, and “to the death” for “to the concussion.”

At the risk of having a mob of furious Canadians hunt me down, I will only say that when I hear the sounds of hockey play­ ers crashing violently into the glass or watch a player repeatedly extend his fist into an­ other player’s face like a whack-a-mole at an amusement park, I can only imagine a crowd erupting into chants of “Caesar!”

I take issue with not only the inherent barbarism of contact sports, but the abso­ lutely infantile state in which they place zealous fans and observers. I ’ve seen men who get into fist fights and throw broken beer bottles into people’s faces over petty sports disagreements. I ’ve heard of friends who never speak to each other again because they support rival teams. Why is it that when I visit Boston, the first thing I hear from local men is, ‘Oooh a Yankee.’ Really? When you encounter a New Yorker, your mind runs im­ mediately to baseball?

In my humble opinion, there are a lot

of things that went awry on the Y chromo­ some: the need to direct a woman when she is trying to park, the refusal to ask for di­ rections when lost, and the generally slow intake of emotional cues, to name just a few.

But the fanatical addiction to sports is by far the worst. D on’t get me wrong, I think physical exertion is invaluable, and a little competitive energy is healthy. But the world of contact sports takes on a whole new level of absurdity—both in its participants and in its observers. You disagree with me? How ‘bout I smash a beer bottle over your head?

D isclaimer: This is a gross general­ ization of the male gender and the world of sports as a whole. The author acknowledges that there are women who enjoy sports and some men who do not like sports, or do not revert to cavemen while watching sports.

—Brahna Siegelberg Features Editor

18*30 March 2010

mcgilltribune.com

INTERVIEW

D o y le

r e fle c ts

o n

An 86-game winning streak, three play­ ers on all-Canadian teams, and a silver-medal finish at Nationals. Not a bad result fo r a first -year hockey coach. Then again, experience with the team is one thing Martlets interim Head Coach Amey Doyle had in spades when she took over Canada’s most successful wom­ en 's hockey program from Peter Smith at the beginning o f the year. The form er McGill star took some time to share her thoughts with the Tribune about her team ’s momentous season.

A fter your career as an all-star goalten d er w ith M cGill, w hat m ade you decide to go into coaching?

I have always been very passionate about coaching, although not necessarily at McGill.

My current position kind of fell into place be­ cause one of the assistant coaches left [for] To­ ronto. I started out with a minimal role, [work­ ing] with the goaltenders and with recruiting.

My role gradually increased, and when Peter took his temporary leave, I was very glad that the Athletics Department had enough faith in me to let me have a chance to be in charge.

W h at did you learn as an assistant coach u n d er P eter Sm ith?

He definitely showed [me] the importance of paying attention to detail, and to approach everything with professionalism, regardless of the situation. I admire him for his passion for

h e a d

c o a c h in g

e x p e r ie n c e

w

ith

h o c k e y

M

a r tle ts

[Many] of our girls are returning next season, and hopefully they will all have become better players because of it.

the game, his work ethic, and just how inter­ ested he is in the women’s hockey program.

W hat was your m indset going into the season?

I approached it with the goal of sticking to the keys of our success. Again, it was pay­ ing attention to detail and taking things one day at a time. Even though we were missing a few key components, I thought it was a great opportunity for players to step up, and they all did just that.

Some key offensive players are g rad u ­ ating this y e a r—w hich player of the re tu rn ­ ees do you expect to step up th eir gam e and fill in for the d ep artin g veterans?

I think Jordanna Peroff is definitely a candidate to break out next season. She was great at Nationals, and she continues to prog­ ress in our program. She reads the game very well and is a very strong and powerful player.

Also, Ann-Sophie Bettez brings a lot to the table too, with her experience and great speed.

I don’t really expect scoring to be a problem next year.

Obviously, losing to the A lberta P an ­ das in the N ational C ham pionship game was shocking. If you could go back and play the finals all over again, w hat would you have changed?

That is something I have been thinking for a while now. I thought Alberta played very well. They definitely played a very different style of game than they did in their two previ­ ous games. They were not afraid to get us to ice the puck, and subsequently they took away our bread and butter, which is our speed and our puck control. We just weren’t able to adapt quickly enough. They had a few bounces go their way, and if we had had our share of those, the result may have been different. With that being said, I would have liked to have seen us try to get the puck on net and score a garbage goal instead of looking for the perfect play.

W hen you look back on this entire ex­ perience, w hat stands out to you the m ost?

It was a lot of fun. I enjoyed my time in charge. Winning the QSSF was definitely spe­ cial, [and] we didn’t expect to go undefeated this season because of the personnel we lost.

There are a lot of steps that need to be taken before a team gets to the CIS championships, and I thought the team overcame a lot of ad­ versity in taking those steps successfully.

ADAM

scorn

P eroff is prim ed for a b reak o u t season. sistant coach again. I cannot stress enough how excited I am for Peter to come back. He has been a great mentor for many years. Like I said before, I still have lots to learn, and it’s great to learn from the best. I enjoyed my ex­ perience this year and I look forward to being in the thick of it again next season.

—Compiled by John Hui

W h at does the fu tu re hold for you? A re you staying in McGill?

Peter will be back, and I will be the as-

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Curiosity Delivers.

MARTLET S O C C E R -M C G IL L 0, MONTREAL 1

In d o o r

s e a s o n

e n d s

M c G i l l s e t t l e s f o r s i l v e r in Q S S F c h a m p io n s h ip g a m e KAILAN LEUNG Sports Editor

While the average women’s soccer fan at McGill might point to the team ’s impressive conference record and harvest of major yearend awards as signs of a successful 2009-10 campaign, the Martlet players and coaching staff aren’t nearly satisfied with the season’s results. McGill failed to capture a Quebec championship for the second time in five months, falling 1-0 to the Montreal Carabins in indoor soccer action on Sunday in TroisRivières.

“They were very disappointed,” said Head Coach Marc Mounicot of his team. “A lot of people don’t count the indoor league [to be] as important as the fall [outdoor season], but when you see the disappointment on [the players’] faces, you realize how important it is to them. They weren’t fooling around after the gam e—they were really pissed.”

The Martlets cruised through the indoor schedule, compiling a 5-1-1 record in regular season play and scoring convincing wins over UQTR and Sherbrooke in the first two rounds of the playoffs. Once again, though, McGill couldn’t find a way to prevail against a team that has had their number all year. M ontreal’s Virginia Levesque scored from close range off a set play in the 14th minute of play, and the Martlets struggled to capitalize on their chanc­ es in the offensive third. “ [We] were dominant in the first half and had a lot of chances,” Mounicot said. “Montre­ al went into our half maybe one or two times, and we gave up a stupid goal. It was almost exactly like the goal we gave up a week ago [against Sherbrooke] on a set play. Montreal got more physical [in the second half], and we didn’t have the same fluidity, maybe because

in

IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR. d e fe a t

of fatigue. In general, it was a very positive, game. It’s just too bad that we couldn’t tie it because we deserved it.”

While a few McGill players were forced to play with nagging injuries, Mounicot de­ nied that the team ’s overall health was a sig­ nificant factor in the defeat. Instead, Mounicot stressed the need for more of a killer instinct next season, and the importance of fielding players who can dictate the flow of the game under pressure.

“We have a clear problem finishing,” he said. “It’s not a problem when we play against weaker teams, and we have some players who are able to make a difference, but against a solid team like Montreal, we should have scored—we don’t have a game-breaker player yet. We need a girl who can change the game.

The team was playing so well as a unit, and they played so well with respect to the game plan and moving the ball, but we should have scored, and that’s what we were lacking.

“It is very encouraging [that we can com­ pete with Montreal], The team we had this winter was very young, and it’s just disap­ pointing because we were due to beat [Mon­ treal] and we didn’t. I was hoping yesterday that we would see a different result. That was disappointing.”

The coaching staff will certainly look to address the team ’s mental toughness next season, and Mounicot hopes that some of his incoming rookies will be ready to step into im­ portant roles. Despite the disappointing finish to a promising second half of the season, the program continues to be one of the most con­ sistently successful at McGill, and the outlook is promising for the coming year.

“Recruiting is going well,” Mounicot said. “The class will be solid, and I am very positive about next year. But I have a very bit­ ter taste in my mouth after yesterday.”

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