The McGill Tribune Vol. 30 Issue 25

U .S .- C a n a d a r e la t io n s c o n f e r e n c e d r a w s p r o m in e n t p o lit ic ia n s

(Left to right) Brian Mulroney, David Johnston, and Jean Charest spoke at “Canada and the United States: Conversations and Relations.” (Holly Stewart and Alice Walker/McGill Tribune)

“We have much in common,” says Governor-General Johnston; former PM Mulroney also attends

By Ricky Kreitner Opinion Editor Last week, the Omni Hotel on Sherbrooke hosted the McGill In­ stitute for the Study of Canada’s annual conference, this year titled, “Canada and the United States: Conversations and Relations.” The conference brought together highranking decision-makers from the U.S. and Canada to engage in con­ versation with the audience and one another. The conference’s goal was

to consider how this close relation­ ship operates at the highest levels of business and government.

The program began with Gov­ ernor-General David Johnston, a for­ mer McGill chancellor who helped found MISC in the 1990s. Returning to the university for the first time since his installation last fall, he an­ nounced, “I ’m home.” He shared his vision of creating a “smarter, more caring nation,” and emphasized that this can only be done in cooperation with, and not in opposition to, the

U.S. “We have much in common, and much to learn from one anoth­ er,” he said.“There has been no more beneficial relationship between two nations in history, at least from the Canadian viewpoint.”

The next portion of the pro­ gram, “Presidents & Prime Min­ isters,” featured a taped message from former president George H .W. Bush, and a dialogue between former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney— introduced by businessman Charles

Bronfman as “one of the most un­ derappreciated and underrated prime ministers of this country’s history” and James A. Baker III, who served in the cabinets of the Reagan and Bush administrations. He appeared from Texas via Skype.

After mostly exchanging com­ pliments and anecdotes related to their work together on N A FTA , the first Gulf War, and the 1991 Canada-U.S. Air Quality Agreement, the guest speakers briefly addressed the nature of the bilateral relationship.

“Through the years the rela­ tionship has been extraordinarily strong,” Baker said, adding that the two countries are essentially “joined at the hip.”

Mulroney admitted the partner­ ship between the two countries is not one between equals. “The most important profile any prime minis­ ter has or ever will have is our rela­ tionship with the United States,” he said. “The president, the Congress, both parties, the interest groups, imSee “LEADERS” on page 2

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Japanese students shaken by catastrophe at home

By Eric Mauser Contributor On March 11, Shaon Basu, like many Japanese students at McGill, panicked as he learned of the tragic events unfolding back home.

“I freaked out, quite honestly,” said Basu, a U2 physiology student.

“It was after one of my labs and I came to know about it from a string of text messages from concerned friends.”

Even though Japan is thousands of kilometres away, the recent earth­ quake and subsequent tsunami have had a significant impact on McGill students and prompted extensive re­ lief efforts.

“I was terrified when I couldn't contact my parents because all the phone lines were jammed,” Basu said. “Luckily, I was able to get a hold of my cousin on Skype, who told me that my family members were fine. Two of my relatives actu­ ally lived in Sendai [a city close to the epicentre] but they're alive and well. Not their apartment, though.”

The earthquake measured 9.0 on the Richter scale, making it one

of the most forceful quakes in mod­ em times.

“I would say that that particu­ lar event is generally regarded as the fourth or fifth largest earthquake that we have ever measured,” said Prof.

Olivia Jensen, from the McGill earth science program.

However, she pointed out, that the earthquake itself wasn’t the real problem— the epicentre was ap­ proximately 130 miles offshore and Japan’s infrastructure was prepared to deal with shaking.

“The real surprise was the tsu­ nami,” she said. “There was no ex­ pectation of one on this scale.”

She added that initial estimates of the damages’ costs are compara­ ble to those of Hurricane Katrina in 2005 in the United States.

With such high costs ahead, many McGill students, particularly those with personal connections to Japan, have begun to help.

Monica Ôstergren, a U3 Fac­ ulty of Education student, has been heavily involved with relief efforts at McGill. Ôstergren, who is also a vice-president of the Japanese Stu­ dents' Association (JSA), was raised

in Tokyo, where her family still lives.

With the JSA, Ôstergren has been holding bake sales, fund rais­ ing, and distributing donation boxes in Japanese restaurants to collect money for the Japanese Red Cross.

She noted that other campus groups have taken active roles as well, and that other solo relief efforts have been undertaken by concerned indi­ viduals.

“I think the fact that we are so far away motivated us even more to truly think hard about what we can do from here in Montreal that could help Japan,” Ôstergren said. “For me personally, being involved in this process of working for this cause has helped me feel part of Japan. Instead of reading the news and watching the footage and becoming depressed, I think we all benefit from having the sense that we are doing something to help.”

For all students wishing to do­ nate, the JSA would be holding bake sales on March 29 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Redpath Library and March 30 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. in the Mc­ Connell Engineering Building.

L e a d e rs c o m e fo r M IS C c o n fe re n c e Continued from COVER portant members of the media if you don’t have that relationship, nothing happens.”

Throughout the conference, speakers offered various metaphors to characterize the dynamics of the relationship between the countries.

Canadian Senator and former CBC journalist Pamela Wallin com­ pared the relationship to that of a teenage girl who has a crush on a star football player.

“If he walks by and smiles at her, she swoons and says, ‘Oh my God, he’s paying attention to me,’ and is so thankful,” she said. “But if he ignores her, she goes into a fit of depression and tells her girlfriends that she doesn’t really care about him anyway.”

“We live and die by their notice, and it makes us a little vulnerable on some issues,” Wallin added.

Gary Doer, Canadian ambassa­ dor to the U.S., disagreed.

“When I go into an office in Washington, I don’t go in as Oliver

Twist,” he said in a conversation with David Jacobson, the American ambassador to Canada. “This is not love, trust, and pixie dust when it comes to trading in dollars.”

Quebec Premier Jean Charest and Vermont Governor Peter Shumlin, who spoke about relations between their two governments, agreed in an interview with the Tri­ bune that, at least between Vermont and Quebec, it’s best characterized as a brother-sister relationship.

“It’s very much a relationship of equals— it’s not a question of size,” Charest said. “One can be older or younger, richer or poorer, they’re still brother and sister.”

Most speakers and questioners from the audience seemed to agree that the most pressing issues for discussion were trade and border se­ curity. One question to the ambassa­ dors regarding the Omar Khadr case was ignored by both, though Jacob­ son addressed the general issue of Guantanamo Bay. Tim Reid, a former U.N. peace­

keeper, asked Doer whether Canada ever has foreign interests either op­ posed or irrelevant to American in­ terests. He objected to Canadian in­ vestment in certain African nations with questionable human rights re­ cords, like Rwanda and the Demo­ cratic Republic of the Congo.

“I think we shouldn’t focus only on [trade],” he said in an inter­ view. “Most Canadians don’t seem to have much of a concept that we have other interests, too.”

Though the conference went smoothly, some attendees were dis­ appointed.

“It hasn’t been factually the most enlightening thing,” said Nich­ olas Moritsugu, a U2 economics student. “I ’d have liked to see some more frank discussion. A lot of the stuff was anecdotal.”

“We didn’t ask people to come to be on the firing line,” added An­ tonia Maioni, director the Institute for the Study of Canada. “We asked people to come to be in a conversa­ tion.”

Jo n

E ls t e r g iv e s t a lk

McGill Law’s annual Cassin Lecture

By Ivan Pi____________________ Contributor Columbia University’s Jon El­ ster, a renowned scholar in rational choice theory, delivered the René Cassin Lecture in the Faculty of Law on Thursday entitled “Justice, Truth, and Peace.” In a discussion attended mainly by Law professors and stu­ dents, Elster argued that most of the time, justice, truth, and peace don’t go together.

Elster is the latest in a line of re­ spected scholars to give the lecture.

Named after the 1968 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, the lecture series hopes to attract renowned speakers to discuss a growing need for human rights education and engagement be­ yond the university.

As Dean of Law Daniel Jutras noted, Elster’s “research includes a range of political philosophy, in­ cluding the rational choice theory, the theory of distributive justice, and history of social thought.”

In his lecture, Elster pointed out that two good things might not always work well together. For ex­ ample, profits and community ben­ efits are both good things individu­ ally, but they can clash in certain situations.

Even in profit-sharing schemes, such a system is inefficient. “When transferring wealth from a rich per­ son to a poor person, some wealth is often destroyed or not created,” Elster said.

Elster argued that the same principles can be applied to truth, justice, and peace, even if this seems somewhat counterintuitive. Conflict resolution, he says, comes in three steps. First, there must be justice in the forms of punishment for the wrongdoers and reparation for vic­ tims. Second, truth commissions are set up to uncover and document the wrongdoings that took place. Finally, the establishment of a durable peace is of overwhelming importance.

In his lecture, Elster discussed the link between justice and truth.

For example, the justice system may serve the goal of truth “when truth is produced as a byproduct of the ordinary workings of the justice sys­ tem,” he said.

“The Nuremberg trials served this function as the public trial ex­ posed the wrongdoing of the wrong­

doers,” he added.

Truth may also serve the goal of justice, such as when publication of the names of wrongdoers exposes them to public contempt. Addition­ ally, truth may also provide justice to victims by laying down the fac­ tual groundwork for reparations.

“There is also a link between truth and peace,” Elster said. “Truth commissions, for example, can help preserve the peace.

“Truth commissions prevent re­ surgence of armed conflict, by mak­ ing it impossible to deny the massive wrongdoings that took place,” Elster said.

The framework breaks down however, when the three things are brought together, like in the case of public apologies. Official apologies occur when regimes acknowledge their past wrongdoings. Often, these apologies do not go hand in hand with compensation.

The dangers of apologies come at a time when politicians around the world have expressed regret and remorse for what their predecessors did at various times in the past.

Elster argued that often these public apologies become meaning­ less.

“Sometimes they have used moral impersonal language, as when deploring these past actions or ac­ knowledging that they were wrong, he said. “The moral status of these statements is highly ambiguous.

Often, they are nothing short of meaningless. To apologize for what dead individuals did to other dead individuals is absurd on metaphysi­ cal grounds.”

Some, though, have questioned his controversial opinion.

“I found the concept that public apologies have no real meaning is interesting if debatable,” said Siddharth Mishra, U1 economics. “On a rational standpoint, his arguments make sense in terms of pure utility.

But there is a lot of criticism of that particular framework is too narrow, and too encapsulate political ac­ tions.”

Regardless, the scholarly lecture presented and shared new ideas.

“It was interesting; it brought a whole new perspective,” Mishra said. “And that is what it is all about, sharing ideas.”

T H E T R I B U N E P U B L IC A T IO N S O C IE T Y A N N U A L G E N E R A L M E E T I N G W E D N E S D A Y A P R I L 6 , 5 : 3 0 P .M .

LEV B U K H M A N R O O M , S H A T N E R B U I L D I N G

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

3 CITY

L ib e ra ls kick o f f fe d e ra l c a m p a ig n w ith M o n tr e a l rally With DJ spinning tracks, Ignatieff and com pany pursue notoriously apathetic

18 -2 4

demographic

By Hoily Stewart_______________ Photo Editor

The Liberal Party 2011 election campaign began Sunday night with a rally at Montreal’s performing centre TOHU, where diverse attend­ ees voiced their support for party leader Michael Ignatieff and their local MPs as well as their distrust in Harper’s leadership.

At the rally, a DJ played tracks in the comer, perhaps an attempt to galvanize the notoriously apathetic 18 - 24 year-old demographic. The youth vote was represented by 25 Liberal McGill supporters and a few others. Overall they made up a small percentage of the crowd.

Rushing from a rally in Ottawa on Saturday and leaving for Toronto immediately after stepping offstage, with stops planned in Winnipeg and Vancouver over the next three days, Ignatieff has a busy schedule that re­ flects the urgency that will define the strenuous 37-day campaign period.

With many voters undecided, every speech and political manoeu­ vre will count. Ignatieff’s campaign got off to a rough start when ru­ mours of a Liberal-Bloc-NDP coali­ tion were spread by members of the Harper government, but most rally attendees thought he handled the accusations well when he firmly de­ nounced the possibility.

“It was clear yesterday—no co­ alition,” said Mark Bruneau, a sup­ porter from the Jeanne-Le Ber rid­ ing. “It’s the beginning of the cam­

A crowd of 1,000 Liberal supporters came out to TOHU, a performing arts centre, to cheer for Ignatieff. (Holly Stewart/McGill Tribune)

paign so we’re going to move on.”

A wall of Liberal signs obscured the bleachers as an enthusiastic crowd cheered on Ignatieff’s speech, but high spirits were tempered by the knowledge that a Liberal major­ ity government is unlikely.

“It’s not going to happen,” said Zach Paikin, a member of Liberal McGill. “We know it’s the case but if we work really hard, hopefully we’ll get a minority government.”

“A snowball’s chance in hell,” said Steve Tomes, another McGill student.

Ignatieff’s speech, delivered with 70 Liberal MP candidates from around Quebec standing onstage behind him, tried to reach out to the

hearts of Canadians with picturesque anecdotes about the citizens who in­ spired him.

“I think of a young man I met in north Winnipeg about a year ago ... he didn’t know whether he would finish high school,” Ignatieff said at one point.

But Ignatieff also drove home the message that the Liberals were an alternative to the Harper govern­ ment, which lost the confidence of Canadians when Finance Minister Jim Flaherty’s 2011 budget was re­ jected in the House of Commons on Friday.

“The Quebec people are no longer capable of withstanding the Harper regime,” he said. “With all

the respect I have for Gilles Duceppe, he will not get us out of the Harper regime.”

Justin Trudeau, Liberal MP for the Papineau riding, cited Canada’s international reputation and transi­ tioning economy as relevant cam­ paign issues, expressed his beliefs that the Harper government is not trustworthy.

“The message of the campaign is: If you want a government of anyone other than Stephen Harper, you’re going to need to vote Liberal, and that message needs to be heard the strongest in Quebec right now,” Trudeau said.

Though absent from Ignati­ eff’s speech, education and health

care ranked high on some attendees’ priority lists for the campaign. But Kathleen Klein, president of Liberal McGill, pointed to the biggest prob­ lem faced by all campaigns.

“The biggest issue is voter turn­ out,” she said.

Trudeau echoed a similar senti­ ment.

“Canadians sort of coast on our government,” he said. “During an election, Canadians pay attention.

We take a look and realize this is not good enough.”

Whether the Liberal message— that Canadians should choose an alternative to the Harper govern­ m ent-will ring true with enough voters remains to be seen.

News in Brief L O O K IN G M cG ill w ebsite begins redesign

The McGill website is being revamped. The university’s website redesign team is .gathering feedback in a survey to ensure the new chang­ es are beneficial to the large number of visitors who access the site daily.

McGill’s team of web editors is redesigning of all the pages that are linked to the homepage and creating a new template.

“We need to make the homep­ age match with the new design and we need to make it more responsive to people’s needs, basically, and [make it] more usable and modem,” said Susan Murley, director of com­ munication services at McGill’s Of­ fice of Public Affairs, and part of the website redesign team. “We need to try to get people what it is that they’re looking for.”

Currently, the team’s focus is on gathering feedback to learn what is being proposed, and what kind of

D E S IG N E D

work would be necessary to imple­ ment the proposed changes. Murley said the university is looking to im­ plement these changes by the end of the summer.

The McGill website receives a significant amount of traffic on a daily basis, internally from students, faculty, and staff, and externally from alumni, prospective students, and journalists. The site, therefore, cannot afford to be down.

“The biggest challenge with the homepage is that we have so many different types of people that use it,” Murley said. “Each of those groups have different things they’re looking for, so trying to get a homepage that works for all of those groups, that helps them find what they’re looking for, without it being very clustered, is difficult.”

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A c c la m a tio n a g r o w in g p r o b le m fo r c a m p u s s o c ie tie s i in

4

S tu dents’ Society executives acclaimed in the past decade, l in

By Sean Wood_________________

Faculty Executive Elections 2 0 11

3

faculty execs this year SSMU Executives Elections, 2 0 0 1-2 0 11

News Editor

The turnout for last week’s Arts Undergraduate Society elections was a relatively healthy 14.4 per cent.

What the AUS didn’t have, though, was enough candidates. Five of the 10 elected positions, including the presidency, were acclaimed.

This is an all-too-familiar story in McGill student politics. It’s rare to find a Students’ Society or fac­ ulty association executive without at least one acclaimed executive. In the past decade, one in every four SSMU executives have been acclaimed, ac­ cording to the Tribune’s records.

This year, within the four largest faculty associations (AUS, the Sci­ ence Undergraduate Society, the Engineering Undergraduate Society, and the Management Undergraduate Society), approximately one in three executives were acclaimed.

Management Undergradu­ ate Society President Celine Junke called the problem “huge.”

“Ideally, you want every posi­ tion to be contested,” said Tais Mc­ Neil, the chief electoral officer of Elections McGill.

An acclaimed candidate isn’t always unqualified—they can often be as passionate and committed as those who are elected. But history, at least, shows that acclamation is risky. Last year’s Arts Frosh lost the AUS $30,105 under the management of acclaimed AUS Vice-President Events, Nampande Londe. Faculty associations sit on thousands of stu­ dent dollars, but there is nothing to stop an unqualified candidate from getting their hands on them.

“This is the second year I’ve run without an opponent. I was ready for [one],” said Jade Calver, who was acclaimed as next year’s AUS presi­ dent on Wednesday.

The Reasons Current student executives say that the problem isn’t student apa­ thy, but the nature of the positions.

“It is a very difficult job,” said Dave Marshall, the current AUS president, who was also acclaimed.

“It’s a huge time commitment and it’s a lot of time away from your studies. In many cases, it requires you to take a fewer number of courses. Students, particularly inter­ national students, will take a look at a role like this and say, ‘If I get in­ volved in a student association, I’ll have to pay another $15,000 to stay an extra semester.’”

Marshall’s year has been par­ ticularly stormy. After the AUS’s drastic Frosh losses, the federal and provincial governments seized three years of the organization’s back

Acclaimed: 15,25%

Acclaimed: 14, 36% E lected:

Elected over opponent(s): 44, 75%

25, 64%

Acclaimed candidates are a consistent feature of the campus political landscape, at SSMU and at the faculty level. (McGill Tribune)

taxes, the City of Montreal sued the AUS over a misplaced poster, and the university administration withheld the Society’s student fees because of unfiled audits. It is therefore not surprising that students aren’t eager to run for executive positions.

Moreover, some portfolios re­ quire serious technical expertise, es­ pecially finance and operations and external representation positions. “[These positions are] very technical, they’re very difficult, and some students are intimidated by them,” McNeill said.

Unsurprisingly, these positions are the most commonly acclaimed.

“A lot of people say that it’s indicative of student apathy, and I don’t think that that’s absolutely correct,” Marshall said. “If you look at the number of people involved at the AUS, if you look at the people who are unpaid and stick around our offices and do great things for our students, that’s not the case. You won’t get any more qualified candi­ dates involved, because the people who really want to be involved are already involved in the AUS in some capacity.”

While apathy isn’t the main reason for the problem, it seems hard to believe that it does not play a role. This year’s paltry 14.4 per cent AUS election turnout was one of the “highest ever,” according to Marshall.

The Solutions There are a number of possible solutions. Marshall said that the uni­ versity should compensate student executives.

“When I look at my fellow stu­ dent leaders across McGill, I know that they’re doing amazing things, and it’s sort of a shame that a lot of them won’t get the recognition they deserve,” he said. “There really is an obligation for the university to

put their money where their mouth is, when they say that they support student leaders.”

He suggested that they might subsidize the extra semesters that executives often have to stay, as is the case at some other universities in Canada. The student executives of the colleges at the University of Western Ontario, for example, are exempt from tuition during their pe­ riods of service.

According to McNeill, some think getting rid of some execu­

tive positions and reallocating their responsibilities is a solution. Mar­ shall, however, said that this would overburden the executives who re­ mained.

There is an awareness of the problem in the faculty associa­ tions, however, and some signs that change may be coming. Earlier this year, the MUS. effected changes in its administrative structure which make most of its executive positions appointed. The students elect a 13member Board of Directors, includ­

ing a president, which then appoints six executives.

“We saw the election process as not the most ideal way to select the most qualified candidates,” Junke said. “Appointing is something that we do not regret right now.”

Marshall noted that the ac­ claimed position that caused the most problems for the AUS last Sep­ tember, VP events, drew three can­ didates this year. Occasionally, stu­ dents aren’t as apathetic as they’re made out to be.

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News in Brief W iner, Cheney, and W un win S S M U Co u n cil seats

Last Tuesday, members of the Students’ Society’s 290 clubs voted to elect the clubs and services rep­ resentatives to SSMU Council. The three spots up for election went to Adam Winer with 19 votes, Sahill Cheney with 16 votes, and Billi Wun with 15 votes.

Most of the candidates—An­ drew Tyau, who earned nine votes, and Shaina Agbayan, who earned 2 votes, along with Winer, Cheney, and Wun—were in U0 or Ul, which impressed current Clubs and Ser­ vices Representative and SSMU President-elect Maggie Knight.

“It’s very exciting to see young­ er students involved,” she said.

“They’re all very keen [about their positions], which is good, especially earlier on.”

Anushay Khan, the outgo­ ing SSMU vice-president clubs and services, had high hopes about the candidates and their prospects for next year. But she was quick to

warn the newly elected representa­ tives of the difficulty of balancing the many projects they will have to deal with and without becoming overwhelmed.

“No candidate showed bad ideas, but the clubs and services portfolio is the largest portfolio,” she said.

All the candidates gave speech­ es affirming their positions, and later fielded questions from the audience.

The questions were about a wide va­ riety of issues, including how they would separate their personal poli­ tics from their clubs and services duties, how they would handle con­ troversial club events, and how they would make themselves known to McGill’s clubs.

They all expressed enthusi­ asm about winning positions on the SSMU Council and had high hopes about their prospects.

SEE FACULTY ASSOCIATION ELECTION RESULTS ON LI NE AT MCCILLTRIBUNE.COM thlTtax experts

—N a th a n ie l F in e sto n e

EDUCATION

T u r n it in u s e rs a ffe c te d b y d o w n t im e Most servers unusable March

By Anand Bery C o ntributor

Over the last few weeks, a num­ ber of Canadian universities have experienced problems with Tumitin, the digital paper-submission system which detects plagiarism by com­ paring students' work to that of their peers.

The University of Toronto and Ryerson University both posted university-wide notices regarding the outage, which began on March 9. It appears that students were able to submit their work, but instructors were unable to retrieve results.

“Users trying to access Tumi­ tin.com at this time are not able to access originality reports,” read a public notice on the University of Toronto teacher’s website. “Access has been restored for a few courses but the problem persists.”

Instructors at McGill were also affected by the disruption. Professor Alberto Sanchez-Allred of the an­ thropology department experienced minor problems last week. “[I]n the end it wasn't such a big deal for me,” he said in an email.

“I couldn't access the assignments that students turned in or the reports for a few days, but now everything seems to be back to normal.”

According to iParadigms, the

9

- 22

creator of Tumitin, less than one percent of the affected accounts ex­ perienced downtime longer than two days, and as of March 22, only 0.4 percent of affected accounts were still without service.

Tumitin operates at 9,500 edu­ cational institutions in 126 coun­ tries. According to Chris Harrick, vice-president of marketing for iP­ aradigms, the problem has had little impact outside of Canada.

“This outage was confined to the storage nodes that hold data for our Canadian customers,” he said in an email to the Tribune. “It did have a very brief impact on our world­ wide user base, but the majority of the impact was only on Canadian customers.”

But to Ryerson’s students, their two-week server disruption felt like an eternity.

In its defence, last year Tumitin was online roughly 99.9 per cent of the time. Nevertheless, Harrick re­ mained apologetic.

“We know how much our in­ structors and students rely on the service and we're very sorry about the inconvenience this outage has caused to our customers,” Harrick said. “We take these sorts of disrup­ tions very seriously and are con­ stantly working to improve the reli­ ability of our service.”

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O

It’s hard out here for a columnist Over the past year we’ve spent a lot of time talking about different issues that we feel are important.

This week we’d like to do some­ thing different. We’d like to tell you a little bit about ourselves to give you a glimpse into our world. What is it like to be a columnist? What are some of the pitfalls along the way?

What mistakes do you have to make in order to recognize them? What is our motivation?

All year we have been in pur­ suit of something. Call it a silly dream, but we prefer to think of it as a lofty ideal; something to aspire to.

The perfect column: it hasn’t exact­ ly been a conscious orientation. But it is something we have spent sleep­ less nights contemplating, at first unknowingly and then with growing awareness. Gazing off rusty bal­ conies with a thousand-mile stare.

Watching restless clouds scurrying along the horizon. Bearing silent witness as autumn leaves fall and decay.

Actually, that’s not really right at all. We have been searching for something, but only in that transi­ tory sense where you’re bent over your laptop, and your head jerks up as you realize that something is on the tip of your tongue but you can’t find the words to express it. Being a columnist isn’t easy. There is a cer­ tain sense of entitlement, initially.

You’ve been given a privileged position, but you learn to shed this kind of attitude as soon as possible.

There will always be someone to come along and do whatever you’re doing at least 10 times better.

C o m m e n ta ry Cathal Rooney-Céspedes

Toward accessible education When I graduate this June, I’ll be in a far better position to be hired than I was four years ago. More­ over, I’ll have accrued great memo­ ries and incredible experiences, and I’ll feel much more ready to be hired than I felt right out of high school. I thank McGill for forcing me out of Rez after first year, encouraging me to engage in conferences, and for sometimes making me take two final exams in one day. I thank McGill for making things challenging.

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It’s important to remember this. No matter how many times the point is driven home, people tend to forget it. Entitlement is painful to witness, almost as painful as student commentators' frequently passion­ ate, but pathetic, displays of selfassumed superiority. We’re sick of the vapid, blog-derived content that gets pumped out in place of genu­ ine, well-researched material. We will not stand for this self-righteous hijacking of campus publications in the name of free speech.

What the hell are we supposed to do when it is so easy to become pigeonholed? So easy to be miscon­ strued? The most important thing to remember is to be honest. This sounds easy to do, but trust us, it’s quite difficult. How do we know that you will read this and be able to make sense of it? Appreciate what we’re trying to show when we’re trying show it, understand what is ironic and what isn’t? There is so much uncertainty. It creeps finder your skin, makes you second guess yourself. It distracts you from the pursuit of the perfect column.

What are its ingredients?

Maybe something that stands alone, or makes a suitably interesting point that can be eloquently framed in one or two lines: There is absolutely nothing of substance here. By forc­ ing you think around in circles, we are trying to make it sound like there is some conclusion. There is none.

But when you’re hunched over your keyboard, with half an hour to go before the deadline, there is only one thing that matters. What do you want to say? If you’re sitting there writing then there must be some­ thing that is struggling to emerge.

The perfect column is fantasy. The perfect column is myth. The perfect column is something you can feel between heartbeats, something that animates, guides, and appears for a transitory moment. You have to hold your breath. There it is. Then it dis­ appears.

Some of humanity’s greatest achievements are rules that have been written-down. Whether on pa­ pyrus or webpages, we document how we think things should be run, then we run them accordingly. For predictability and fairness, the Do’s and Dont’s are visibly laid out for all to see. We mobilize around them, argue about them, and sometimes kill over them. But ultimately, we write them down—for the most part.

Some rules are just too malleable and complex to define, like how a conversation starts, flows, and ends.

Others are simply so well ingrained that writing them down would be re­ dundant, like urinal etiquette.

Anybody who has spent time in a men’s room will know what I mean. The unwritten statutes at work around the urinal area are not to be tampered with, or discussed; they simply are. Like the rights to liberty and life in a constitution, these are laws we use to explain and direct other laws, not to be tweaked themselves.

Take, for instance, the Middle Urinal Act. Years ago, some idiot was humming along, and decided the average amount of urinals to be found in medium-sized men’s wash­ rooms should be three. He failed to understand the effect of this arbi­ trary decision. Seeing as the urinal rules are not spoken about, the col­ lective men’s-washroom-using con­ sciousness had to strive for decades to mutually agree on what has be­ come the Middle Urinal Act, which states: should you come upon three urinals, the two outside ones being

in use, never (ever!) use the middle one. It’s untactful; and simply gets into the aura of another man’s pee­ ing space. It’s just not cool.

Sometimes it gets even tricki­ er. One of the Middle Urinal Act’s most adhered-to bylaws deals with the conundrum of arriving at three empty urinals. The rule still stands: do not use the centre urinal. The consequences could be catastrophic.

Someone might show up with dire need, and be forced to stand right next to you. This means expos­ ing him to the Can’t-Get-It-Started complex, or—and this is much, much worse—it means you have to contemplate switching urinals mid­ action. And once you’ve commit­ ted this despicable act, you might as well be banned from Urinaldom altogether.

There is one more rule that de­ serves mentioning; the Don’t Speak Decree (the No Sharing a Urinal Regulation goes without saying).

The very last thing you want to do while using a urinal is chitchat. It always seems forced and—if you’re correctly following the Middle Uri­ nal Act—you have to yell across an­ other urinal. Again, not cool. It has been agreed upon to stare straight forward, do the deed, and proceed to the hand washing section. There you can exchange pleasantries to your heart’s content.

Inside and outside the men’s restroom, unwritten rules abound.

Some are silly, but some aren’t.

Being aware of them, their history, and why we follow them is perhaps one of the most perceptive things we do in day-to-day life. Changing them is often an important duty, but leaving them exactly as they are is also necessary. Believe me, the very last thing you want to do is delegitimize things like the Middle Urinal Act. Urinal users the world over will see this as tantamount to anarchy.

Thank God the two-urinals-only washrooms are less widespread than their three-urinal counterparts.

The university has provided much more than what I could gain from a- public library card. I’ve learned how to articulate myself, how to persuade, how to be a bet­ ter person. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to learn: I can absorb information, extract meaning, and theorize more efficiently than four years ago. The phrase “raw talent,” often used to describe prominent, athletes emerging from high school, is just as applicable to any 18-yearold; after four years, the unrealized raw becomes progressively, but no less magically, real.

Every high school graduate deserves this type of progressive experience. I’m not more deserving than the next person. Provided one is accepted into a given university, one should be able to go there regard­ less of means. For some, the only way to ensure this is through free or

relatively low tuition. I fail to under­ stand why a- blanket policy of free tuition for all is the only means by which this can be attained. After all, there is a return to this investment, and those capable of paying for their education should do so.

Perhaps if bursaries, scholar­ ships, and zero-interest loans did not exist, I would be more understanding .of the idea of free tuition for all. But they do exist, for the very purpose of mitigating the issue of inaccessibil­ ity. These are the things for which SSMU should exercise greater ef­ forts in lobbying. Not only is it far more practical, but it addresses the issue of inaccessibility in a direct manner. Inaccessibility is a problem for those who can’t afford university tuition, not those who can. When student politicians argue against tu­ ition hikes, they consistently point to those who will be unable to af­

ford an education once these hikes come into effect. Instead of walking out of meetings and thinking we can overthrow a democratically elected government that isn’t “progressive,” let’s concentrate our efforts on help­ ing these students directly.

The student movement will never be successful until it is truly representative of what the students want. Students at McGill are compas­ sionate: they care about the fact that some people their age don’t have the financial means to attain a univer­ sity education. And some—myself included—are fine paying a little more, so long as it’s ear-marked for the financial aid of others. You and I stand to learn more in a commu­ nity of students from diverse socio­ economic backgrounds, as opposed to one that represents only an afflu­ ent elite. In fact, doesn’t this model share the same logic and virtues of

The unwritten rules of Urinaldom

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the “progressive” tax system?

Perhaps SSMU can continue with its protests and flash mobs and advocate for a system which is neither economically practical nor representative of its constituents.

Or perhaps they can stop making us feel guilty for paying tuition for an experience that some of us deem priceless, and instead focus greater attention directly on the students af­ fected. More bursaries, more schol­ arships, more loan forgiveness. Am I crazy thinking these are attainable and more representative of the views of the student body? With a bit more rationality, we can put the progress back in progressive.

C a th a l R o o n e y -C é sp e d e s is a U 3 stu d e n t in E c o n o m ic s a n d P o ­ litic a l S cien ce, a n d th e 2010-2011 S p e a k e r o f S S M U C o u n c il. H e ca n be

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c a th a l.ro o n eyc es-

p e d e s@ g m a il.c o m .

TheMcGill

—

T r WiWW.MbCGILLTRIBuUNE.COMn e Editor-in-Chief Tori Crawford editor@mcgilltribune.com Managing Editors Mookie Kideckel mkideckel@mcgilltribune.com Theo Meyer tmeyer@mcgilltribune.com Production Manager Iain Macdonald imacdonald@mcgilltribune.com Senior Design Editor Zoe Brewster zbrewster@mcgilltribune.com News Editors Matt Essert, Sean Wood, and Maria Flores news@mcgilltribune.com Opinion Editor Ricky Kreitner opinion@mcgilItribune.com Features Editors Alison Bailey and Elisa Muyl features@mcgilltribune.com Arts & Entertainment Editors Brahna Siegelberg and Manisha AggarwalSchifellite arts@mcgilltribune.com Sports Editors Sam Hunter and Walker Kitchens sports@mcgilltribune.com Photo Editors Holly Stewart and Alice Walker photo@mcgilltribune.com Design Editor Kathleen Jolly design@mcgilltribune.com Copy Editor Kyle Carpenter Advertising Manager Dallas Bentley cpm@ssmu.mcgill.ca Publisher Chad Ronalds

7

E In this semester’s debate over whether and how to reform the General Assembly, most of those involved repeatedly stressed their commitment to representative democracy for students at McGill.

All proposals for reform were offered in the name of that democracy and its continued improvement.

The discourse surrounding student governance at the university could easily convince an outsider that McGill students constitute an interested, engaged, and enthusiastic populace, eager to participate in all forms of political activity on campus. This outsider would probably be surprised, then, to learn that the approximately 21 per cent of students who voted in this year’s SSMU elections is considered acceptable turnout, and elections in which only one candidate runs for any given position are extremely common, especially at the faculty association level. This poses a problem for student democracy at McGill, and it’s time to initiate a serious conversation about its ramifications and possible solutions.

Though the Tribune was heartened to see only one 20112012 SSMU position filled in this way—Joël Pednault, no doubt a qualified candidate, was acclaimed

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A c c la im e d e x e c p o s itio n s a g r o w in g p ro b le m

Contributors Rebecca Babcock, Anand Bery, Johanu Botha, Ivan Di, Natalia Evdokimova, Nathaniel Finestone, Alex Hamilton, Eric Mauser, AndrewMeade, Gabe Pulver, Cathal Rooney-Céspedes, Jonathan Rosenbluth, Alex Shiri, Daniel Sorger, MirandaWhist,

A d v e rtisin g

d it o r ia l

I always thought there would be glory in being quoted by a major publication. But when an American Spectator blog reposted the open­ ing paragraph of my article last week (“Anti-Semitism is real”) in their own coverage of McGill’s threatening tweets affair, I was disheartened—though not terribly surprised—to see that readers in the comments section had chosen to respond to one form of racism with another.

The barrage of xenophobic and Islamophobic statements really don’t deserve rebroadcasting here, or anywhere. But for understand­ ing’s sake, the gist of a remarkably uniform sentiment expressed over 16 reader responses was that univer­ sities need to tighten restrictions on who gets student visas. Add to that a barrage of disparaging remarks about Muslims—with writers only sometimes remembering to put

for VP external—the bigger picture is less than promising. As Sean Wood reports in today’s Tribune, 15 of the last 59 SSMU executive positions (going back 10 years) have been filled by acclamation rather than by contested elections. That’s just over 25 per cent. In the faculty student associations, the situation is even worse. For instance, in the Arts Undergraduate Society— McGill’s largest undergraduate student association, responsible for the most cash—both this past year’s president, David Marshall, and the incoming president-elect, Jade Calver, ran unopposed. While Marshall has done an excellent job steering AUS through murky waters, and we’re sure Calver will prove to be just as capable, student leaders at McGill have real control over thousands of dollars of student fees; that power should not be trusted to any random student who merely gets a few signatues and clicks their heels together three times.

While many acclaimed candidates over the years have certainly proven to be efficient and sometimes superb executives, this lack of participation in student government is a significant issue.

Moreover, the problem is not reducible merely to apathy. Many

students insist they are interested in being involved with undergraduate associations, but balk at the thought of going so far as to run for and hold an executive position—which often requires so much time and attention that the students have to tack an extra semester or two onto their time at McGill. For many international students especially, this informal requirement of the executives’ job is not only daunting, but financially prohibitive too.

Some ideas for remedying this situation have been proposed by various individuals in recent years.

One possibility is increasing the number of appointed positions, the argument being that the electoral process might be one factor that convinces students that it’s simply not worth the effort to seek an executive position. Another option is lobbying the university to offer stipends to students willing to assume the responsibilities of executive positions. While basic economics indicates that this would be an incentive and might decrease the number of acclaimed positions, it seems idealistic to think the university would be much interested in the proposal. A third possible solution is to decrease the number of executive positions in each student

association (SSMU included), which would thereby release funds to increase the stipends offered to students who fill the remaining positions. However, one obvious problem with this proposal is that while the number of students willing to run for elections is thinning, the responsibilities involved for each position remain the same; if anything, they’ve increased over the years. Thus, while cutting executive positions would help address one problem, it would probably only exacerbate another.

There are advantages and disadvantages to all of these-ideas, and it is not the Tribune’s intention to endorse or discount any of them here. However, next year’s SSMU and faculty association presidents should think seriously about the problem of acclaimed positions, and perhaps even form a committee to consider these and other proposals.

A great venue for initiating this conversation already exists in the Presidents’ Roundtable. This is a problem that will likely only get worse the longer it is ignored. If representative democracy is really important to McGill students and in itself worth preserving, it’s time to get serious about how it can be maintained.

“radical” in front—and it made for a pretty sickening display of intoler­ ance in the name of acceptance and security.

None of this, of course, is new.

But that makes it no less frightening.

And it adds a new perspective to ex­ actly what I tried to emphasize in my last article: prejudice in our society is deeply political. For some reason, anti-Semitism is given a pass by many on the far left and denounced primarily by conservatives. And for some reason, it tends to be mainly the left who denounce the Muslimbashing that is so prominent on the far right. Instead, everyone should condemn both—alongside all other forms prejudice—as totally unac­ ceptable; as issues of human decen­ cy, not politics.

The thing about prejudice is that it so often takes the same form no matter whom it targets. Accusa­ tions of not being properly loyal to their country but instead belonging to a worldwide faith-based conspir­ acy have been lobbed at Jews and Muslims in equal proportion, and often by each other. That girl from UCLA ranting on YouTube against Asians could have substituted any tight-knit ethnic community as the target of her tirade; many of the witch hunts against leftists suppos­ edly sympathetic to radical Islam

evoke images of Jews targeted for being socialists and supposedly projecting their values through lib­ eral Hollywood in the McCarthyite 1950s.

It seems the catchphrase of the day is “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Jews have a proud tra­ dition of being on the far left. Israel was founded as a socialist Country.

Most Jews still vote overwhelm­ ingly for the Democratic Party and many continue to send their kids to labour Zionist camps. A Jew co­ founded the NAACP, and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was drafted in­ side the headquarters of a Jewish lobby group. How could anti-Mus­ lim extreme right-wingers be their natural allies?

And how could the far left apologize for militant groups abroad? Many who fight tooth and nail for equality and fundamental freedoms in the West apologize for or ignore groups and governments who—in addition to spouting antiSemitism—violently oppress oth­ ers. Meanwhile, many of the same people who work to curb abortion rights, affirmative action, and gay marriage praise Israel for being the most pluralistic and open state in the Middle East. So the left favours progressive • causes and religious freedom in North America, and the

right vaunts them for people across the sea. The world is, indeed, a top­ sy-turvy place.

Obviously, this is a general­ ized, not rigorous, analysis. It refers to extremes, and takes for granted neat categories of left and right that rarely exist outside of party plat­ forms and writings of people at each pole. But the fact that most people would not identify wholesale with either of these positions makes it even more disconcerting that dis­ criminatory rhetoric is so prevalent and widespread.

More important than foreign policy is how we treat people here at home. In a society that prides itself on its protection of civil liberties— not the least important of which is the assumption of innocence—we shouldn’t be targeting people based on their faith, ethnicity, or anything else. The left should not be letting anti-Semitism run free in the name of tolerance. The right should not be ignoring that contemptible form of hatred called Islamophobia (or homophobia, their other favourite form of intolerance). The com­ ments on the original Tribune story were disturbing, but the comments on American Spectator are scary in their own right. Racism cannot be fought with racism, and we should rebuke all those who think it can.

Blaming rape victims is still not okay Apparently a topic the Tribune editorialized about a few weeks ago—a Manitoba Justice who used a woman’s clothing and behaviour to justify a lenient rape sentence—is part of a trend when it comes to sex crimes. In Cleveland, Texas, a storm has been brewing around an alleged attack on an 11-year old girl last fall, for which 18 men have been arrest­ ed to date. % *■ That’s right: 18 men.

Attorney James Evan, who is representing four of the 18 men charged with sexual assault of the sixth grader, had this to say: “This is not a case of a child who was enslaved or taken advantage of.”

He bases this comment on the fact that she supposedly wore revealing clothing, heavy makeup, reportedly made sexually explicit statements

The Times, It Is A-ChangirT When The New York Times announced a couple of weeks ago that it would begin charging read­ ers to access more than 20 stories per month on its website, it didn’t take long for those who knew I was an obsessive reader to start making jokes.

Within hours of the announce­ ment, my friend Shannon mentioned the limit in a post on my Facebook wall. “How long will that last you,” she teased, “eight minutes?”

In reality, I survived for a sur­ prisingly long time. The Times’s payment scheme—which launched on March 17 in Canada and yester­ day in the United States—is riddled with holes, most of which seem to be intentional. Stories accessed through Facebook and Twitter, for instance, remain free of charge, as well as some breaking news on the site’s main page.

In spite of the holes, however, I exhausted my allotment of free sto­ ries within a few days. Other McGill students, I expect, will last consid­ erably longer, if they hit the wall at all. Whether you keep nytimes.com as your homepage or glance at a few

on her Facebook page, and hung out with older men.

He isn’t alone in thinking this way. A report by the Associated Press on a community gathering to discuss the arrests gives a sense of the hostility and resentment that has emerged toward the young girl.

Community members claimed the girl lied about her age and consent­ ed to sex. A well-known activist in the black community implied, with his comments about her clothing, makeup, and behaviour, that she invited the attacks, as he defended several men who he claims are inno­ cent and were only arrested because of their race. Donations were taken to pay for the defendants’ lawyers.

Many of the accused are still high school students, and the com­ munity is reeling from the assault by searching for a scapegoat, but shifting the blame towards the vic­ tim is unacceptable. The girl acted inappropriately for her age but that is not and never will be an excuse for sexual assault. Whether or not she consented to sex is irrelevant, as she is underage, and whether she lied about her age is also irrelevant, as ignorance of a minor’s age does not excuse a statutory rape charge.

In that group of 18 men, some of whom may have attended the same school as the girl, one of them must have known or suspected that she was under the age of consent.

While recording the rape on their cell phones, not one of the al­ leged assailants paused to wonder if this was an acceptable thing to do. The community itself is at least partially responsible, too. The par­ ents of the girl, their neighbours, the school, even the parents and friends of the assailants themselves are responsible for the values they instilled (or failed to instill) in the assailants, and for failing to look out for the young girl. The community should be examining its own short­ comings in response to this event.

The girl herself certainly did not invite the attacks in any way, and even the community can’t re­ ally be responsible for the attacks.

No amount of shifting blame should change the responsibility that the individuals bear for the events. The fact that this community will agree with statements like the one made

by Evan, that they are actually standing up for the attackers, shows they haven’t learned at all from the girl’s assault.

blogs from time to time, though, the Times may be the source of more of your news than you-think.

Last week, Nate Silver set out to prove this. Writing on FiveThirtyEight, a blog about polling and statistics hosted on The Times’s website, Silver devised a simple experiment designed to measure the amount of original reporting carried out by different news outlets.

First, Silver compiled a list of 260 prominent newspapers, maga­ zines, and blogs published in Eng­ lish from around the world. Then he “tracked the number of times that the publication’s name has appeared in Google News and Google Blog Search over the past month, fol­ lowed by the word ‘reported.’” For CNN, for instance, Silver searched the phrase “CNN reported.”

This is obviously a rough methodology for measuring a news outlet’s worth. As Silver notes in his post, many insightful stories might not necessarily be cited by other re­ porters. (The Atlantic and The New Yorker, for instance, fared poorly in Silver’s study, despite producing a good deal of thought-provoking reporting.) But as a rough measure, it’s pretty useful.

Silver found that eight news outlets—The Associated Press, The New York Times, Thompson Reuters, The Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg News, the BBC, Agence France Presse, and CNN—account­ ed for more than half of all original reporting cited online, according to his methodology.

Taken in this context, The Times decision to charge readers for its on­ line content makes a bit more sense.

Of the eight news organizations that do the most original reporting—an expensive, often risky endeavour— none operate on the same business model as The Times.

Four of the outlets are wire ser­ vices, which make money by sell­ ing their content to other news or­ ganizations, and two are television stations. (One of them, the BBC, is also partially supported by the Brit­ ish government.) The Wall Street Journal, the other newspaper on the list, already charges for access to its online content.

As newspapers’ print advertis­ ing revenues and circulation num­ bers continue to fall, America’s larg­ est newspapers may face a choice.

They can either cut back on original reporting, thereby shuttering foreign bureaus and filling their pages with wire reports, or they can risk trying to get online readers to pay for some of their stories.

The Times’s new payment model is far from perfect. The pric­ ing scheme, in particular, which charges different amounts based on whether you want access from your iPad, your smartphone, or both, doesn’t make much sense to me.

But I’m hoping that The Times is lurching, however slowly, toward a new business model that will en­ able the paper to keep producing the huge volume of original reporting that it does today. The Web would be much poorer without it.

The Tribune Publication Society is seeking student representatives for next year’s Board of Directors.

The TPS Board of Directors oversees the administrative aspects of the McGill Tribune, including the selection of the annual Editorin-Chief, the approval of the budget and any expenses incurred by the newspaper, and the resolution of complaints about content.

If you are interested in sitting on next year’s Board of Directors, please send an email to chair@mcgilltribune.com for further details. All candidates must write a 300-word letter of intent and obtain the signature of 20 McGill undergraduate students advocating the applicant’s candidacy.

Applications are due two days before the TPS Annual General Meeting, which will be held on April 6 , 2011 at 6 p.m. in the Lev Bukhman Room.

LEADERSHIP TRAINING PROGRAM

Leadership Skills Development Workshops

Leadership M c G ill

Leadership Training Program First-Year Office

•In te re s te d in g ain ing skills in leadership?

• Involved in a student club, service or organization as an executive, organizer or event planner?

•L oo kin g fo r w ays to e x p a n d & build on your life skills?

If the answer is ‘yes’ to any of the above, then don't miss this opportunity to sign up for the Leadership Training

Program’s FREE Skills Development Workshops!

These workshops w ere created to give you the chance to develop and build on your leadership and life skills. Attend a minimum o f five workshops throughout 2 0 1 0 /1 1 academ ic y e a r and receive a certificate of completion.

T h is M a r c h & A p r i l , c o m e a n d c h e c k o u t ...

P r o f e s s io n a l E t iq u e t t e in t h e W o r k p la c e Tuesday, March 29, 5:30-7:30p m (Dow ntow n campus) Professionalism in the workplace can be a pivotal point in your success in your profession. Come learn different ideas in improving your professional etiquette..

N e g o tia tio n

S k ills

Thursday, April 7, 5:30-7:30pm (Dow ntow n campus) W e all negotiate everyday with friends, other students, professors, landlords, etc. In this experiential workshop you will explore and expand your own negotiation skills by being involved in an actual negotiation simulation. Be prepared to see that we can all be better negotiators, and attain more winwin outcomes!

Registration now available via Minerva!

To access the site a n d /o r see a complete list of workshops offered this semester, go to our website at:

www.mcgill.ca/firstyear/leadertraining/ For more info, drop by the First-Year Office

Want to be a Trib columnist next year? Write to opinion@mcgilltribune.com.

in the Brown Building, Suite 21 0 0, or call 5 1 4 -3 9 8 -6 9 1 3

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Grab your bros, grab your brews: The Tribune’s joke issue is here

Sit down and have a beer, or 20, while reading the next five pages. (Tori Crawford/McChill Brobune)

U o s tu d e n t w o r rie d a b o u t A fr ic a a fte r P o li S c i class Bakesale and club event the obvious solution to problems such as “poverty, hunger, and s t u f f ’

By Michael Easterman In-House Ad Editor

After finally attending a lecture for POLI 227: Developing Worlds, Rachel Birkwire, a UO student from “Toronto” (Oakville), said she is “actually really worried” about the current situation in Africa. Though she couldn’t be any more specific about which situation she was refer­

ring to, Birkwire said she thinks “we actually really need to tell somebody or have a bake sale or something.”

Birkwire explained that after attending the first lecture in order to find out what would be required of her to pass the class, she didn’t at­ tend any lectures until the midterm.

Birwkire said that her Bikram yoga class is “at the same time as the class, well, not at the same time, but

[she] actually really needs to cool down after the class,” and decided that physical attendance to the class was not feasible.

Birkwire planned to get all the notes from WebCT, but began to en­ counter some trouble trading notes when her only bartering chip was a set of notes she took summarizing the content of the course syllabus.

“I actually really didn’t know

what to do,” said Birwkire. “So my friends Michelle and Stacey told me to actually go to class and I was ac­ tually really excited to learn about Africa because I love T he L io n K ing.

I know it’s animated or whatever, but it’s actually really such a good movie.”

But all the dreams and fanta­ sies of the Africa sketched out in the classic L io n K in g movie were

dashed after Birkwire attended her first real lecture. Images and sta­ tistics of famine, disease, and gen­ eral unpleasantries were revealed to Birkwire, who had a difficult time maintaining composure throughout the lecture.

“I actually really don’t totally remember what the lecture was about, something like trade or gold See “AFRICA” on page to

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W o r ld M u g g l e C h a m p i o n s h i p s - F e b r o a r v

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Just chill out, man—mcchillbrobune.com

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SSMU

SSMU exec vows to be as transparent as the headline above

By Matt Essert Brews Editor

After lofty promises were made during this year’s election campaign period, Adam Russell, next year’s incoming Students’ Society presi­ dent has vowed to lead the SSMU with “so much transparency that ‘you won’t even see me.’”

Russell, a U7 earth and plane­ tary sciences student, said he is tired of students’ general inability to truly see what is going on in the SSMU, and that executives and councilors need to be much more transparent in all aspects of their jobs.

“What it boils down to is a com­ mitment from me to the students that they will be able to dissect every as­ pect of my life,” Russell said. “And I think the best way for students to be able to do that is for them to be able to see right through me. Almost as if I’m not even there.”

In what the incoming president is coining his “ghost term in office,” Russell plans to spend very little time attending to the actual duties of the position from within the Shatner building and instead spend most of his time at penny arcades and malt

shops.

“I figure the less I’m actually there, the less I’ll actually have to show to people and people will stop complaining about transparency.

You can’t complain about not being able to see what I’m doing if I’m not doing anything.”

Jack Stewberg, the current SSMU president, has taken a lot of flak for what some have called his lack of transparency during the ten­ ure of his presidency. This is par­ ticularly true of his dealings with Bob’s Vendors to get two new pop machines installed in the cafeteria, an especially touchy issue after the closing of the Urban Planning Café in the fall.

“It was just a couple of pop machines,” Stewberg said. “I don’t understand why people needed to see transcripts of texts to my mom.

That’s a bit too transparent.”

After his term in office, Stew­ berg said he can totally understand why Russell has decided to take this course and fully supports the deci­ sion.

“They want to know ever bit of your life and pry into everything.

Can’t a guy have a Friendster ac­

count without being constantly pes­ tered?”

However, while a number of current and incoming councillors are delighted by Russell’s commitment to transparency, others have raised concerns about the method Russell intends to use to achieve such acces­ sibility and transparency.

“I love transparency. I actually love most empty words that end in -y,” said Roger Godolfy, Faculty of Internet Memes representative to SSMU Council. “But I’m worried about this idea of not actually doing any work. I’m not sure if this strat­ egy will pay off in the long run.

Pepper Brooks agreed with Godolfy, “it’s a bold strategy. Cot­ ton. Let’s see if it pays off for him.”

Despite these concerns, Russell said she is “pretty resolute” in her plan and can’t wait to start next year.

However, she added, “summers are kind of crazy and a lot could change before next September.”

“I mean, like, a lot can hap­ pen over the summer,” Russell said.

“I may change my mind about this transparency, or I may completely change my mind about this presiden­ cy and not do it at all. Whatever.”

P h o to o f th e w e e k

Brobilization boys ‘savageing’ for a cause. (Joe Juda/McChill Brobune)

MORE SSMU

Consultating consultation Nobody really g o e s to OAP anyways

By Reed “Read" Reid____________ Reader

Still months away from assum­ ing their posts, next year’s Students’ Society executive has announced plans to hold multiple consultation forums in the coming semesters in order to better understand how McGill students want to be consult­ ed about consultation.

Though the seed of this idea was part of incoming President Adam Russell’s campaign platform, Russell explained that the election of this ideologically united execu­ tive has led to the organization of the consultation forums for next year.

“We just want students to tell us how they want to be consulted on any number of things,” said Russell.

After concerns over a lack of consul­ tation over this past year at McGill, Russell explained that he and his fellow executives not only need to know what students want, but also how students want to be asked what they want.

“I think these forums will be a great venue for asking students about how they want to be asked about things we want to ask them about.”

The forums are slated to begin during the first week of classes, with the first such event to take place on the Wednesday at 8:30pm in Three Bares Park.

“What is OAP?” querried in­ coming SSMU VP External Broseph Walsh when asked if he thought the first consultation fomm would con­ flict with the ever-popular Open Air Pub that runs for two weeks around the beginning of the school year.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I think we’ll be fine.”

“The point is that students need to have their voices heard concern­ ing how they want their voices heard concerning any number of things,” said Walsh. “Things like GA reform and MoA agreements, you know, stuff that all McGill students really care about.”

A fr ic a h a s p ro b le m s Continued from COVER

Two local cool guys were spotted hanging out by the elevator. According to sources, future plans include “whatever,” “chilling,” and “leave me alone, narc.” More updates to come. (Alice Walker/McChill Brobune)

or something,” she said. “I couldn’t pay attention after they told us about how hungry people are. Right then and there I put down my Venti Moccachino because you might not be­ lieve me, but I was actually really not even hungry anymore. And you can ask Michelle, I love Starbucks.”

“Yes,” said Michelle Greenburg, a close friend of Birkwire who has been known to call Birkwire “kind of a bitch” behind her back.

“She actually really loves Starbucks.”

Ralph Bonet said the course syllabus is roughly the same as it has been in previous years, with no alterations made to “scare” the stu­ dents.

“Yes, I understand that Africa has some problems, that’s why I’m teaching the class,” Bonet said. “But I kind of thought everyone else also sort of knew about it too.”

Bonet also explained that the

lecture Birkwire had attended was most likely on the lower end of the frightening spectrum and her atten­ dance at some of the more “intense” lecture may have been very startling for her.

“Well, I’m not try in g to scare them, but some of this [expletitive deleted] is pretty [expletive deleted] up,” Bonet added.

Birkwire said she has been spending the last several days on Yahoo Answers trying to learn more about the situation in Africa and plans to join “at least two” campus clubs that aim to help and provide support to people in Africa.

“We should hold a bake sale and have a party at a club,” Birkwire said. “I have this new dress I want to wear to a club and I actually re­ ally look so hot in it, and it would be good because Jimmy would see me and get so jealous about how hot I was looking. Also, we could give some of the money to Africa.”

Yesterday was Monday

HYPOTHETICALS

News in brief

S h ip m e n t o f s c a rv e s d e la y e d Major concerns a m o n g Philosophy department

By Matt Essert_________________ Brews Editor

A shipment of scarves and cardigans intended for the McGill philosophy department has been de­ layed in transit, causing major con­ cern and worry for the members of the program.

The philosophy department, which many students in the depart­ ment call “the only thing worth doing,” is currently searching for the package. However, because the Internet is “too open to being tam­ pered with and isn't pure knowl­ edge,” those in charge of the search have had a difficult time tracking the package using Wittgenstein’s L o g i­ c a l In ve stig a tio n s.

“I know it was published post­ humously, but it’s the only tool for investigations we have,” said John Boome, the U5 student in charge of

the search effort. “Although most of Wittgenstein’s investigations involve language games rather than package location, I think we’re doing pretty well so far.”

Howard Michaels, VP Apparel and Accessories of the Philosophy Students’ Association, said the order for the cardigans and scarves was originally placed four weeks ago from “a place you’ve never heard of and is too complicated for you to understand anyways.”

“This is very distressing,” Mi­ chaels said. “People need to know, at all times, that we’re smarter than them. How are they going to know if they can’t tell from my appearance that I’m in philosophy?”

“My job, as VP A&A, is to make sure that all students know how smart we are without actually having to say it,” assed Michaels.

Lauren Chard, a philosophy

student waiting on a personal order of two cardigans and five scarves, said she was especially concerned about the delayed order since she is tired of just telling people how smart she is, “I want them to just know.”

“In my program—a program based entirely on hypotheticals— we are too busy being the smartest to have time to tell others how smart we are,” Chard said. “My scarves are just an easy signal to others that I’m smarter than them.”

Boome said that after so much time spent on an unsuccesful inves­ tigation, he has begun to grow con­ cerned that the scarves and cardigans were “lost in an empty, bottomless hole of despair and othering.”

“No, I’m not joking,” Boome said sternly. “The more we know about the shipment, the less we actu­ ally know.”

McGill ranked among top schools in reporting on rankings

The McGill administration proudly announced last week that it was recently ranked among the top Canadian universities at constantly announcing its various rankings on a number of surveys.

John Lasi, supreme viceroyin-chief of the McGill Spirit Squad, said he was delighted for the school to be recognized with such an hon­ our.

“We consistently announce our place in the various ranking systems, and we are glad that we are finally being recognized for this commit­ ment,” Lasi said.

The World Holiday Organiza­ tion and Canadian Association of Ranking Examinations announced the rankings last week to the de­ light of the McGill community.

Jason Brinkman, a spokesperson for WHOCARES, said he was con­

fident McGill would place near the top of the list of talking about being on top. “[McGill] always talks about how great it is, even when it’s not doing that great anymore,” Brinkman said. “Also, Flag Day is right around the comer, so get ready for that.”

The ranking looked at various organizations which consistently publish and boast their rankings across a variety of fields. Unsurpris­ ingly, McGill was ranked near the top, coming in at number three over­ all for reporting on rankings.

Some have been less thrilled about this ranking.

“Yeah, we get it,” said McGill student Tim Howards. “McGill is great. Now just stop sending me those stupid emails.”

SUSTAINABILITY

D i d n ’ t b rin g tu p p e r w a re ? T o o b a d Automated shredder will train students to recycle

By Holly Stewart_______________ First-at-the-party-last-to-leave

This Tuesday, the Students’ Society passed a General Assembly motion to make McGill campus the most sustainable campus in Canada, and probably on Earth.

SSMU’s environmental motion will create a number of changes on campus starting in September 2011.

Firstly, all disposable plates, cups and cutlery will be banned. Students carrying their own Tupperware will be permitted to use it in all campus cafeterias, but those without will have to make do.

“Students don’t need coffee cups and plates—cafeterias can just

serve food into their cupped hands,” said SSMU VP University Affairs, Emma Pear, when asked how she thought students would cope with the transition.

A team of engineers has been commissioned by SSMU to design new recycling bins which punish students who fail to recycle. When students go to dispose of their waste, they will have to insert their hand into a five-inch hole. If they have not correctly recycled, their hands will be ravaged by an automated shredder.

“The team we’ve commis­ sioned for the automated shredder hasn’t quite perfected the system yet,” said Pear. “But we’re really ex-

cited for the changes that will take place on campus.”

Furthermore, in an effort to eat more local foods, McGill will start a small farm on lower campus that will grow beets, tomatoes, and potatoes; it will also feature some cattle and pigs. All programs will also requires three credits per semester of Farm Maintenance courses. Approved courses include: Farming 110: Cow milking; Farming 210: Quality fer­ tilizer; and Farming 422: Advanced techniques in legume watering.

Because the university can’t regulate how students get to and from school, all students who use modes of transport that bum fossil fuels will be socially ostracized by being forced to wear a large scarlet letter “C” for carbon. The James Administration building, formerly home to the offices of university of­ ficials, will be gutted and turned into a massive bike storage locker.

When wintertime rolls around, thermostats will be kept between 0°C and negative 5°C in all build­ ings.

“Deal with it,” said McGill Principal of Sustainability Hayley Bonroe-Plum, when asked to com­ ment on the complaints of some stu­ dents that the cold libraries would numb their fingers and effectively prevent them from writing papers.

“Students come and go; sustainabil­ ity is here to stay.”

Drinking with your hands isn’t quite as easy. (Holly Brewart/McChill Brobune)

Brovember 1 3 -1 8 John is having a party this weekend. You could go, I guess.

He’s going to have peach schnapps and apparently that one cute but approachable girl you like is going to be there, but you’ll probably be too scared to talk to her anyways.

play is about something boring, like post-pre-post-modemism or something, so watch out for that.

The P la y e r ’s T heatre. T ues­ d a y a t 7 :30 p .m . N o a d m issio n p ric e, b u t y o u sh o u ld p ro b a b ly h a ve a f e w d rin k s before y o u go.

J o h n ’s a p a rtm e n t, way, w ay u p on St. L a u ren t. S o m e tim e this w eeken d . $ 1 0 cover.

That dude who always hung out in the hall in first year has a band and they’re playing at some dingy bar on St. Urbain. They play a lot of Men at Work covers, and they’re pretty bad. You could get drunk and heckle the guy you know for stealing your soap in first year, or you could just stay home.

T h a t w e ird b a r w ith th e lady b o u n c e r o v e r o n St. U rbain. F r i­ day

@

11 p .m .. $2 s u g g e ste d d o ­

na tio n .

The one hot girl from your conference is performing in a play on Tuesday night You’ve never heard her talk and you’re slightly worried that you’ll see the play, she’ll really suck, and your infatu­ ation will be over. Is this a risk you’re willing to take? Also, the

Cinema du Parc will be screening a series of independent, foreign films. It’ll be really artsy and therefore boring, If you want to pretend like you’re an adult, you should totally go. But if you real­ ize you don’t understand any of this, don’t go. The choice is yours, friend.

C in em a d u P arc. W h en ever m an, i t ’s so fo r e ig n . $ 3 0 tickets.

You could get super high and go to tam-tams. In case you don’t know, tam-tams is a totally tubu­ lar, out of this world experience, man. It’s gonna be so rad brah. I’m gonna break out Cleo, our favou­ rite bowl.

M o n t R o y a l P a rk,

n e x t to

th a t sta tu e o f th e c h ic k o r d u d e or w hatever.

Ai so o n

a s i t ’s w a rm out,

i f n o t sooner. T echnically fr e e , b u t th e d ru g s w ill c o s t y o u a bit.

TheMcChill

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B robune W W W .M CCHILLBROBUNE.COM Bro-ette-in-Chief Tori Like-a-Boss headbro@mcchillbrobune.com Large and In Charge Brookie McDeckel brookie@mcchillbrobune.com The-Oh-Bro ohbro@mcchillbrobune.com Reproduction Manager Big-Mac Mcbronald mcbronalds@mcchillbrobune.com Makin’ ‘er Pretty Zoe Chug-a-chug-a-Brewster thebroster@mcgilltribune.com Brews Editors Eat Messert, Sean-John Wood, and Maria Hit-the Flor-es newly@mcchillbrobune.com Bropinions Ricky the Rickster Reitner bropinion@mcchiIlbrobune.com The Featured Presentation Ballin’ Bailey, Shan the Man Fratball, and Elisa More Beer featuring@mcchillbrobune.com Party and Bullshit Brobro Brobrobrobro and Manisha to the A-S pandb@mcchillbrobune.com SPORTS! Sam Hunter ‘n’ Punter and Walker Gettin-busyin-the-Kitchen SPORTS !@mcchillbrobune.com Flashing E’erbody Out There Holly Grab-a-Brewart and Alice Walker ‘n’ Talker cameras@mcchillbrobune.com Makin’ ‘er a Beaut Kathleen Have-a-Holly-and-Jolly beaut@mcchillbrobune.com Proofreads my English Papers “Kyle” In House Ads Houston-we-have-a-problem Bentley ads@mcchillbrobune.com Brofessional Laserjet Bad-to-the-bone Ronalds

Contributors Chaz “Chunky” Wentsworth, Trey “Too-Tall” Taft, Brantford “Bigsy” Sides, Carrey “Animal” Parker, •Miles “Milesy”Andresen, Reed“Read” Reid, Johnson “Slappy” Matthews, Riley “Fishbowl” Hothwords, Giles “Bed-Wetter” Forrest, Woody “Handsome” Haverford, Monty “Money” Weathersford, Timmy “Lax” Fams, Jarvis -“Boom” Judd, Travis “BarnDoor” Beans, Billy “Beans” Topper, Yan“Euro-Bro” Czchemonitopolousimancy

Brobune Offices B roditorial Shatner Building Suite LOL, 1McBroington Party-Capital, QC BRO BRO T: 800.276.3728

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The McChill Brobune is a serious newspaper at McChill University.Weclaimabsolutelynoresponsibilityforanything publishedinthesepages, man. It’snotourfaultifyougetof­ fendedbyanyofthisstuff,soseriouslyjust ‘laxalrightAlso, ifyouwant tosenduslettersorcommentsorwhatever,just sendthemtotheaddresslistedaboveandwewillthrowthem rightinthetrash.

AWARDS & ACHIEVEMENTS

News brief

Student avoids SSMU

Student asks question in last few minutes of lecture, receives annoyed glares from everyone

D oesn ’t really mind

By Elisa Muyl

Position: on top

As May approaches, many graduating students will be looking back on their time spent at McGill and reflecting on their legacies. Jack Stewburgh will likely graduate with the distinction of being the most controversial SSMU president in recent history. U3 student Stephanie Gagné, however, has accomplished an equally notable feat; next month, she will graduate without ever hav­ ing gotten involved in SSMU. “Nah,” answered Gagné when asked if she regretted missing the opportunity to take part in the orgabuzation that shaped her under­ grad experience.

The extent of Gagné’s lack of involvement is nothing short of im­ pressive. Not one General Assem­ bly, one SSMU election, or even one Jobbank Q&A has been graced with Gagné’s presence. Gagné’s interac­ tion with anything SSMU-related has been limited to Thursdays at Bert’s, the occasional 4Floors party, and naps in the Shatner Lounge.

“Nope, not one,” Gagné said of her attendance at any dry SSMU events. “I’ve just never had any in­ terest in going to any of those meet­ ings. I mean, it’s not like any of it

makes a difference, right?”

“Not really,” she responded when asked if she had any opinion on the Jobbank controversy, the re­ cent elections, or anything that has anything at all to do with student life. “Smoking weed just always seemed more appealing,” she par­ ried in response to concerns about her failture to take any initiative in student government.

In a year marked by controver­ sy, it appears that Gagné may have faced her greatest challenge as as a senior, since it became increasingly difficult to avoid being drawn into any conversations about Jobbank, Jack Stewburgh, or the word SSMU. Dedicated to her apathy, Gagné took to wearing earplugs and a pair of Kanye West stunna shades around campus to hinder her vision and hearing in the face of the onslaught of articles, blog posts, discussions, and TVMcGill appearances.

“1 guess I’d just like to thank my friends and family for support­ ing me in my quest to avoid student government at all costs, particularly in this last year,” she said. “It’s been a difficult journey but we got here in the end.”

After graduation, Gagné plans to return home to Vancouver and continue smoking weed.

= B r o d it o r ia l = No room for brocism The Brobune wants to talk about some of the stizzle in Deputy Brovost (Student Life and Ballin’) Gorton Pendelson’s recent Diver­ sity Survey. One thing that sucks is that whole thing about the “under­ representation of and discrimina­ tion towards the bro community at McGill.” Dude, what the frick, guy?

Even though there aren’t that many bros, especially when you’re talk­ ing about big groups with lots of members like those frickin’ hipsters, bros are seriously chill and can’t be replaced at McGill. So, we want the SSMU to make the position of “Bro Rep to the SSMU.” Listen, we know that those reps posts usually go to faculty nerds, but this is for serious.

The bro voice has been squashed and if you don’t listen then this party’s gonna be a bust.

Part one. Bros are chill, more chill than you dankbombs and it’s superunchill when you guys are jerks

about it. Sorry for partying. It’s not my fault your gf saw my tight glutes, sweet flow and those dank wings and wanted to make out with me in my bed under my dank Sublime and DMB posters. Also, I merk at flipcup, which all chicks like too. So, again, sorry bro, but I’m not sorry.

Actually, this one bro Miles went to boarding school for a semester with this guy Chazz, and he’s super chill at flipcup, but so are we, so that’s an­ other thing. It’s not funny when you make fun of lacrosse, either.

Part B, bros are important to McGill. Do you even have any idea how many sports bros play? Well, it’s mainly intramural, but the A league, or mostly B league, so it’s still legit. If you don’t fix this, bros are just gonna keep on being danked on and that’s just weak sauce.

Also, if you give us the bro rep, we’ll tell you what all these ridicu­ lous words actually mean.

With only two minutes remain­ ing in the lecture for MATH 140, an eager student, Andrew SmithAppleby, said he didn’t understand question two of the problem set, and asked how to evaluate the following equation:

lim

s in ( | + fa) - s j p ( f )

h~>o

h

“The prof was just remind­ ing us about an assignment we had due the following week, usually a sign that the lecture is coming to an end—another sign being that we had two minutes left in class—when this kid in the front row shot his hand up in the air,” said Michael Steinberg.

“What a jerk.”

Although another lecture was supposed to start in that classroom.

the professor didn’t seem to notice, or care, and spent the next 20 min­ utes going into excruciating detail on how to solve the problem. He also started talking about his sailboat.

Some of the students from the class started a petition to be let off 20 minutes early from next week’s lecture as well as to have negative credit assigned to Smith-Appleby.

“Every minute we go over in lecture is a ridiculous waste of my time and should be a one per cent re­ duction off this joker’s final mark,” said Steinberg.

“I pay $7,202.10 to learn at McGill, every extra minute I get to learn is just an added bonus, I love learning and I love...” Smith-Appleby said before he was interrupted

by Steinberg punching him in the face.

— A liso n B ailey

SUCCESS STORIES

Student tries beer Dumps dreams o f Med School

By M onty “ M oney” Weatherford

Contri-bro-tor

After finally trying beer for the first time this past week, fresh­ man Steven Karp has officially an­ nounced his plans to abandon his intentions of going to med school to become a doctor.

Karp said that during recent weeks of “experimentation” with beer, he has decided that drinking and partying is a more valuable way to spend his time than studying for his biology and chemistry classes, which Karp described as “boring and way too hard anyways.”

“I was really interested in be­ coming a doctor. H ouse and Scrubs are two of my favourite shows. I also really like M .A .S.H .” Karp said.

“But that stuff is really hard and drinking beer is way more fun.”

Karp was first introduced to beer in a friend’s room down the hall. Ron Gamer, the hallmate who gave Karp his first beer said he didn’t realize Karp had never drank alco­ hol before and is concerned about the consequences of his actions on Karp’s future.

“I hope I didn’t screw him up,” Gamer said. “At least he’s way more fun now. He’s also way more will­ ing to lend me money now, which is wicked.”

Lloyd Hathe, a friend and class­ mate of Karp, is glad that Karp final­ ly tried beer and thinks his switching programs is a good idea.

“He was always pretty annoy­ ing in class,” Hathe said. “He al­ ways acted like he was J.D. from Scrubs, which was very weird. Also, he was terrible at this stuff. I’m glad he finally was able to relax and have a beer. I think it’ll do him a lot of good.”

Though only a UO student, Karp said that he had firm plans to get a Bachelor of Science degree in mo­ lecular cell biology and then move on to medical school. But after be­ ginning to drink beer, Karp said that he just doesn’t have time to'balance “parting and drinking and doing all that stupid nerdy stuff.”

“That stuff is so lame,” he said.

“I’ll probably switch into Arts and do something fun and easy, like cultural studies or communications.

That’s pretty easy, right?”

“Totally, man,” answered Gar­ ner as he readied a beer bong for Karp at 1:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

“Now stop being such a girl and take this to the face,” Gamer added.

Z am broni D rivers W anted.A pply 2 Sports Bro.

Three days from now is Friday

1 MCGILL IS NOW OFFERING A COMBINED MBA/NBA DEGREE

3

SPO RT SCIENCE

Retired N H L player wins Nobel Bi-winning: Hockey and Physics

D ESAUTELS I M c G i l l

By Sam Hunter and Walker Kitchens know what they say, there’s no T Bailers

M /N BA

Retired NHL player of the Ot­ tawa Senators, Allan Starford, has just won the Nobel Prize in physics for his advances in quantum theory.

The Brobune was granted an exclu­ sive interview after the award cer­ emony.

in ‘physics.’ After I get out of this monkey suit, the boys from the lab are going to meet me at the bar to crush some brewskis and see if we can theoreticize a way to drink bub­ bly out of this here trophy.

Q : C an y o u e x p la in y o u r th e o ­

Q : So, Mr. S tarford, n o w th a t y o u ’ve w o n th is N o b e l p r iz e so m e

Engineers need English

p e o p le are sa y in g th a t y o u r c o n tri­

N ew course to address awkwardness

g re a t th in k ers lik e Isa a c N ew to n ,

b u tio n s to th e fie ld m a tc h th o se o f A lb e rt E in ste in , a n d S te p h e n H a w k ­

By lain Macdonald Engineer-at-Large

The Faculty of Engineering will add a new course to its curricu­ lum beginning in the 2012-13 aca­ demic year. This addition will not affect any current students but will be grandfathered in. The change means that all Engineering students, beginning in September 2013, will be required to take an English course in order to graduate.

Faculty head Tim Newton says he hopes this will make McGill En­ gineering students more attractive to potential employers and graduate schools.

“A lot of our students graduate with about as much knowledge of English and communications as a Chemistry student has knowledge of neo-post-zionistic modemismist feminismumbojumbo theory,” he said. “I mean, what does that even mean anyways? It’s like real­ valued phasors. It just doesn’t make sense.”

The course, ENGL 2Te,o,5< Æ Rô(T)dT}dX. + will be a departure from the math- and science-oriented courses that en­ gineers usually take. Students will be forced to write two essays and participate in mock job interviews.

The course is intended to improve Engineering students’ communica­ tion abilities, both in writing and in more social contexts. It will not have a final exam. In its place, stu­ dents will participate in a round of toumament-style speed dating.

“We’re hoping that this will make our graduates much more well-rounded,” Newton says. “Ul­ timately, we just don’t want out alumni to embarrass themselves. As far as the tournament goes, if any of the students can sustain a two min­ ute conversation with a member of the opposite sex, we’ll be happy.”

Newton referred to the case of Kovachevitsalamanovadelartorova Tesla, the top-of-class electrical Engineering graduate who was declined a job because he cracked

under pressure. In response to the stressful situation, the 24-year-old succumbed to urinary incontinence, which pissed off the employers so much that he was immediately escorted off the premises. Not long after the incident, he was hired at Bombardier.

“That’s the kind of thing we want to avoid,” said Newton.

The course will pose a chal­ lenge to many students because it is drastically different from any other course in the curriculum. Some stu­ dents, like third year civil Engineer Sammy Plank, are apprehensive about this.

“I don’t see how can we take this course?” he questioned. “In my engineering, all is numbers. None is words. I cannot think it. Forty-nine, negative three point two. This is what I like. Not A, E, I, O, U and Y too.”

Others are optimistic that the course will enrich the qualifications of future engineers. Second-year electrical Engineer Tim Watson says he wishes he had the opportu­ nity to take the course.

“I think these students will learn many things,” he said.

“Words, they can be tricky some­ time, much like this mysterious MOSFET—I cannot tell you, what is it? I wish I have the opportunity to learn this course. These students, they will learn very well English, and other stuff too. And also speed dating,” he added, winking. “I can like speed dating.”

“They can’t build robots to do the speed dating,” Newton insisted.

“That really defeats the purpose of the course.”

The Brobune attempted to con­ duct an interview with four other students in the faculty of Engineer­ ing, but they were unable to speak on the record.

ing. W h a t d o y o u sa y to th o se c o m ­ p a riso n s?

A: Well, y’know, it’s an hon­ our just to be mentioned in the same sentence as guys like ‘Steiner and Wheels. Those guys were my idols growing up. Every Sunday night, me, pops, and my bros would gather around the ol’ International Journal of Theoretical Physics and have our­ selves a time reading stuff that they wrote.

Q : Is there a n y b o d y y o u w a n t to th a n k f o r y o u r re ce n t a w ard?

A: The boys at the lab deserve this award just as much as I do. You

Q : W h a t ca n y o u sa y a b o u t th e te a m e ffo rt th a t w e n t in to this a w ard?

ry?

A: It is what it is.

Q : C an y o u e x p a n d o n th a t?

ACADEMIC AFFAIRS

Hawking and all those guys over there. They’re a real good lab and deserve all the credit in the world for making us work so hard and pushing us to be our best. It is what it is, but it also will be what it will be.

A: Well I took old Hawky’s work on gravitational singularities and I just took that and said to my­ self, “But isn’t a gravitational singu­ larity just like a hockey net?” And from there it was a piece of cake. I, mean, not to say that the boys and I didn’t have to bust our humps and give 110 per cent to prove it.

Q : E a rlie r th is y e a r it lo o k e d as th o u g h H a w k in g w a s g o in g to w a lk a w a y w ith th is aw a rd . B u t y o u a n d th e te a m re a lly m a d e so m e d e v e lo p ­ m e n ts d u rin g th e y e a r th a t w o n y o u g u y s the aw ard. W h a t ca n y o u sa y a b o u t th e tu rn a ro u n d y o u m a d e this y e a r?

A: We just had to be more con­ sistent. Y’know, just keep our feet moving, our heads up and do our thing for a full calendar year. And that’s not taking anything away from

A: Well, what can you say?

Eh? We were never satisfied. Phys­ ics is a game of details and we need to continue to focus on getting back in the lab, working hard on defend­ ing our theory and just working as a team. I can’t say enough about the guys around me. You know, not only are they great physicists but they’re great guys as well—guys like Wrighty, Bones, and Sully—just a bunch of grinders. Just every day we would grind away, give it 110 per cent and work on the little things that you need to be successful in this game. Just a bunch of hard working beauties who kept working to im­ prove each and every day. But walk­ ing away with this award, not as an individual, but being part of such a great group of guys is an incredible feeling, y’know. It’s just the best— there’s nothing else to be said.

MCGILL 32 , Q U EEN S 4

Ultimate Leap Frog on ice

McGill came up on top in this year’s new varsity sport, Ultimate Leap Frogging. (Holly Brewart/McChill Brobune)

---------------------- A & E ----------MUSIC

T h e n e w p rin c e o f C a n a d ia n h ip -h o p Vancouver-based artist Shad wins Rap Recording o f the Year at

By Manisha Aggarwal-Schifellite

A&E Editor Nowadays, the words “Cana­ dian hip-hop” usually lead to a dis­ cussion of Toronto hitmaker Drake, whose surge in popularity has earned him fans all over the world. But Sun­ day’s Juno Awards saw Drake lose Rap Recording of the Year to Van­ couver-based rapper Shad, whose 2010 album T S O L has also been get­ ting positive buzz in the Canadian hip-hop scene. Shad, or Shad K as he is sometimes called, has solidified his place in the hip-hop community over the past five years with his so­ cially conscious lyrics and self-dep­ recating style that make him unique among mainstream rap. This is even more apparent on his latest release, which blends clever rhymes and beats with discussions of slavery, fe­ male empowerment, and recognition of his position in the rap game.

“The album’s main inspiration was that I had the chance to even make another album, and feeling privileged to do that,” he says. “I thought, ‘How can I make songs that are fun and also meaningful?”’

It’s clear that with his album he has done just that. Along with his re­ cent Juno win, the album was short­ listed for the Polaris Music Prize, and Shad’s fan base has continued to grow outside of Canada. “We just got back from South by South­

west,” he says. “Austin is crazy; it’s like Frosh week for bands, kind of like Pop Montreal. All the clubs are fairly close together, and the whole thing is just interesting spaces full of music.” In addition to the festival circuit, Shad has been crossing the continent on his own tour.

“Touring is better [than the fes­ tivals],” he says. “South by South­ west is hectic; you don’t get a break.

I did seven shows in two days.” But in his humble way, Shad doesn’t completely object to the schedule.

“You run around and sing and dance for anyone who’s interested,” he says. “I can’t complain.” Shad has perfected the song and dance rou­ tine with the help of his backing band, who he says are an integral part of his onstage presence. “I like to perform with the same guys,” he says. “It feels comfortable onstage, it feels right. That might change at some point but if you have a certain dynamic, we can have a good time.”

That comfort level has allowed for greater freedom onstage, which is also key to Shad’s performance style. “It’s easier to be off the cuff,” he says. “It’s good to have guys who can do that with you.”

Between touring and making music videos, Shad has also found time to attend graduate school, and will finish a master’s program at Simon Fraser University. Juggling school and a burgeoning rap career

can be a handful, but Shad wel­ comed the challenge. “It’s hard on weekends like this, with the Junos and everything, to write a paper,” he says. “It’s nice to be away from school sometimes—it feels like a bit of a getaway to work on my own

2011

Juno awards

stuff.”

With more time to devote to his music, Shad has some new ideas for his own records and for the music industry as a whole. In early March, he wrote an op-ed for the Vancouver Sun suggesting an alternative format

to award shows like the Junos that would honour both musicians and ordinary Canadians. “Music awards are great, and serve a lot of purposes that benefit musicians like me,” he says. “But they can do even more than that, and it wouldn’t hinder the music promotion side of it.”

Always on the quest to give fans something worthwhile, Shad is turning his attention towards mak­ ing his own music and collaborating with other musicians. This will con­ tinue at the upcoming CBC Hip-Hop Summit in Toronto, which also fea­ tures Kardinal Offishal and k-os.

“What I do is pretty well-rooted in classic hip-hop,” he says. “But the musicians I work with have different backgrounds, which makes it inter­ esting to work with them.” Among these collaborators are Broken So­ cial Scene’s Brendan Canning, and Dallas Green of City and Colour and Alexisonfire. With the support of different facets of Canadian music behind him, Shad feels more able to work on expanding his influence outside of Canada. “Canadian hiphop is in a good place,” he says. “I’m starting to get more fan support, and if there’s an audience out there in other places, I have the time now to invest in getting the music out there to whoever wants to hear it.”

S h a d p la y s L ’A s tr a l on A p r il I a t 8 p .m . T ickets sta rt a t $18.

LITERATURE

M o r e d im e n s io n s th a n th e fiv e d o lla r bill Penguin releases biography o f Wilfrid Laurier, o n e o f the more controversial Canadian prime ministers

By Ricky Kreitner

Opinion Editor Andre Pratte, the author of a new mini-biography of Wilfrid Laurier for Penguin’s Extraordinary Canadians series, complains that the man on the five-dollar bill has been mothballed by myth. “Laurier’s fame today is confined to old books on the shelves of public libraries,” he writes. It is the dual purpose of his book to resurrect the historic truth of Laurier’s life and career and to convince Canadians that only by returning to Laurier’s principles can the country possibly survive the 21st century in one piece. While this is no small task for a 208-page book, Pratte executes it with tact, balance, intelligence, and poise.

A recurring theme of the book is the Sisyphean task—for writer and reader both—of trying to nail down what exactly Laurier’s principles were. Whenever Laurier seemed close to taking a definite stance on a given issue, he was able to maneu­

ver himself into precisely the oppo­ site position within a few years. This is more a biography of several Lau­ riers than of what other biographers have considered to be one man.

For instance, can the man who denounced Confederation as “det­ rimental to the interest of Lower Canada” and “[binding] us hand and foot to the English colonies” be the same Laurier who, only a few years later, announced to the Quebec Leg­ islative Assembly that federation was adopted only to maintain “the exceptional position of Quebec on the American continent”?

Pratte argues that compromise was the key to Laurier’s career as a public figure, and indeed, the politi­ cian eventually settled upon an al­ ternative view of French Canadian patriotism. Pratte concludes that Laurier’s insistence on compromise was dictated by his need to both pre­ serve the unity of the country and his party, and to win and hold on to power. However, it’s difficult to de­ termine how much Laurier was mo­

tivated by the more noble concerns, and how much by the more selfish ones.

While the author admits one’s answer to this question depends on one’s general political disposition on any given issue, Pratte himself be­ lieves Laurier’s insistence on com­ promise was not only the best way of governing a country like Canada, but the only way. “If Canada still ex­ ists today,” Pratte writes, “it is be­ cause there have always been Cana­ dians who felt that Laurier was right, that compromise is not surrender or cowardice, but rather daring and courage.”

One reason for Laurier’s im­ munity to the kind of reflexive xe­ nophobia then gripping his fellow French Canadians might be his years spent at an English-speaking school a few kilometres from his home town. This could have given him a built-in resistance to the hypocrisy of the nationalists, who wanted the federal government to intervene in other provinces’ affairs—to help

preserve the French language—but to refrain from meddling in Quebec’s own. Laurier insisted all French Ca­ nadians should learn English and be proud of their status as British sub­ jects.

In this tendency toward cos­ mopolitanism and compromise, in his rhetorical skills, and even in his admiration for Abraham Lincoln, the Laurier of Pratte’s book closely resembles Barack Obama. What we like about Obama, we like about Laurier. Similarly, what we dislike about the one, we dislike about the other. Pratte could easily be writ­ ing about the 44th president when he calls the seventh prime minister “idealistic in his pragmatism,” and reliant on “moderation and reason in an area where emotion, preju­ dice, and rancor dominated on both sides.”

“Those who are seeking a knight in shining armour, a defender of principles against all odds, will be disappointed by Wilfrid Laurier,” Pratte writes. “Those who know that

a man of principle can govern only by showing patience and realism will find in him a model.” This new biography proves what many Cana­ dians—especially in this depressing election season—will probably only accept with great reluctance: if Can­ ada wants its own Barack Obama, it would do better not to look forward to the future, but rather to the past.

Wilfrid Laurier (warmuseum.ca)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

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THEATRE T

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tra n s la te s in to p u re th e a tric a l g o ld

McGill Department o f English performs Ben Jon son ’s

By Brahna Siegelberg A&E Editor

A few swindlers promise gull­ ible investors a huge rate of return for modest investments. Sound familiar? Actually, these kinds of schemes were going on long before the 21st century, and Ben Jonson’s 1610 comedy, The A lc h e m ist , is a testament to that.

Currently being performed by the McGill Department of English Drama and Theatre Program and directed by Sean Carney, T h e A lc h e ­ m ist tells the story of Renaissance London turned upside down as a result of the bubonic plague. After Lovewit (Matthew Banks) tempo­ rarily flees his home to evade the plague, his servant Jeremy (Chirag Naik) seizes the opportunity to turn the mansion into the headquarters for fraudulent acts. He transforms him­ self into “Captain Face” and enlists the help of fellow con artists Subtle (Michael Ruderman), a commoner who pretends to be “the alchemist,” and Doll Common (Katie Scharf), a prostitute who dons various disguis­ es. They go through lengths to make their ploys convincing—exploiting widowers and pretending to be fairy queens and crazy people afflicted with scurvy—but can they get away with their ruse before Lovewit re­ turns?

A friend and contemporary of Shakespeare, Jonson is a relatively unknown entity within the canon of English Literature despite his prolific outpouring of both poetry and dramatic works. Unlike Shake­ speare, whose plays took viewers to foreign lands and through ancient history, Jonson’s plays are set in the London his contemporaries knew and recognized. They grappled with

17th-century London preoccupa­ tions: plague, prostitution, dueling, smoking, the rise of Puritanism, and, most prominently, alchemy.

With Jonson’s classical under­ standing of theatre, he transforms the singular set of the mansion into a frame through which the various archetypes of Renaissance England converge. For example, Dapper (Teis Jorgensen), a lawyer’s clerk, wants Subtle to use his “necromantic” skills to summon a “familiar” who might help him become a better inves­ tor. Sir Epicure Mammon (Charles Harries), a nobleman, wants the al­ chemist to procure for him the Phi­ losopher’s Stone, which he believes will bring him eternal wealth. With Epicure is Surly (Fraser Dickson), who sees through Subtle’s ploy but is unable to prove his case. Greedy Puritans also get involved, hoping to get metal to be turned into gold, as well as a tobacconist who wants to establish a profitable business.

Despite certain familiar themes, the play is by no means easy to fol­ low. Although considered “modem English,” the language of Jonson’s play is far from the one we under­ stand; the dialogue is fast paced; and the action moves alarmingly fast. It’s silly rather than witty, and the humour is almost frustratingly slapstick, so that if you’re looking for a moment to sit back and relax, the constant shrieking, falling, and jumping around on stage will surely hinder you from doing so.

That said, the actors do an im­ peccable job of making the play ac­ cessible to a modem audience. Their comedic timing is spot on, the stag­ ing is done with professionalism, and the costumes and scenery really add to the quality of the production.

As “Face,” Naik is incredibly funny,

17

th-century classic

Clockwise from left: Subtle and Doll share an intimate moment; “Face” and “The Alchemist” trick a naiive tobacconist; Jeremy and Subtle bicker over the details of the ruse. (Alice Walker / McGill Tribune)

seamlessly switching from the rever­ ent Jeremy to the agile, shrill “Face.”

Other notable performances came from Harries,'who played Epicure with subtlety and a superb sense of comedic timing, and Scharf, who elicited a number of laughs in her portrayal of Doll.

In T h e A lc h e m ist, typical gen­ der and class roles are reversed as the prostitute Doll holds together the trio with reason and common sense, the goofy Dapper is forced to undergo humiliating cross-dress­ ing in order to meet the “queen of fairy,” and the upper class end up looking like the greatest fools of all.

All castes of society ultimately fall

prey to the same weakness: while Epicure, already wealthy, wants still more, even Ananias (CeCe CulverGrey), a supposedly zealous Puri­ tan, is looking for a get-rich-quick scheme. The con artists themselves, always looking for more money, are ultimately undone by the same folly that they exploit in their victims.

Jonson was a turbulent charac­ ter in his time—he drank too much, rebelled against authority, and con­ verted to Catholicism at a time when it was suicidal to do so—but he was rightly skeptical of the violent po­ tential of the individual. Like Jonson himself, The A lc h e m ist contains no neat morals. While some characters

receive their well-deserved retribu­ tion, others remain unscathed.

T he A lc h e m ist has enjoyed such a long and active life on the stage be­ cause of its moral ambiguity, and its timeless themes. As Carney notes, “Lots of people in Jonson’s world believed it was possible to turn im­ pure lead into gold, just as plenty of people today people believe in astrology, fe n g shui, Scientology ... and the stock market.”

The Alchemist p la y s

a t M o yse

H a ll fr o m M arch 31- A p r il 2 a t 7:30 p .m .

T ickets

are

$5

stu d e n ts/se-

niors, $ 1 0 g e n e ra l a d m issio n . T icket H o tlin e : 5 1 4 -3 9 8 -6 0 7 0 .

THEATRE

W r it t e n , d ir e c te d , a n d p e r fo r m e d b y M c G ill s tu d e n ts Players’ Theatre h osts

By Natalia Evdokimova Contributor

The 2011 McGill Drama Festi­ val (MDF), an annual event put on

by Players’ Theatre, features seven student plays that highlight the im­ peccable acting, writing, and direct­ ing exhibited by McGill students.

“MDF is the only theatre festi­ val at McGill which is entirely stu­ dent-run, and it also acts as a unique opportunity for student writers to have their works realized on stage,” says Dane Stewart, coordinator of the festival. “Furthermore, it acts like a stepping block for students to get involved with theatre.”

2011

McGill Drama Festival

The stepping stone analogy can be applied to many aspects of the festival. Not only does the MDF showcase first-time playwrights, but it also features first-time directors.

Daniel Beresh, a U2 honours cul­ tural studies major, a world cinemas minor, and a novice play director for E u g e n e e t E tie n n e, has an intensive background in directing film, but he says this is quite different from di­ recting plays.

Despite the difference, Beresh finds the MDF a rewarding experi­ ence. “MDF is great because it says, ‘We're in a school that tends to be analytical, but we're also gonna be creative. We're just gonna do this!

The 2011 festival will feature seven plays, as opposed to the usual five: C o o l L o v e Story, B ro written

by Julian Silverman, S o ft S h o e s by Tabia Lau, F lic k e r by Isaac Rob­ inson, T he T axm an's Visit by Sean Phipps, L n c a n d R ya n B a k e a P ie by Kyle Martins, A T ragic Im a g in a tio n S to ry by Dara Murphy, and finally E u g en e e t E tie n n e by Sean Phipps.

Maya Gunnarsson, director of A T ragic Im a g in a tio n S to ry , says she appreciates the ability to be flex­ ible in her interpretation of the play.

Set in the present day, the play tells the story of a 15-year-old girl with a host of insecurities who escapes into a make-believe perfect world where

her parents aren't serial killers and where her non-existent boyfriend waits on her hand and foot. Her imagined reality begins to gradu­ ally deconstruct when a mysterious masked villain starts to reappear in her fantasies.

“I tried to play up the spectacu­ lar aspect of it,” Gunnarsson says.

“It was already over the top, and I tried to even further exaggerate the actions. The idea was universal but with the twist of how bloody it was.”

Gunnarsson is not the only one whose hard work has come to frui­ tion. Rebecca Pearl, director of The T axm an's Visit, points to the impor­

tance of timing in her play. “All of the actors need to be on their toes,” she says. This is expressed in Pearl's favourite line of the play: “But now you have come. You're the perfect man for her. Not a man in the sense of a manly man, but a man of maths, her man, her dashing math man. You will drive her mad, I say.”

With flawless performances from the actors and original rendi­ tions of each of the plays, this year's MDF promises to stand out from the rest due to the sheer enthusiasm and overabundant talent of everyone in­ volved.

T he fe s tiv a l ru n s fr o m M a rch 2 9 -A p r il 9. $ 5 stu d e n ts, $ 8 g en era l.

Curiosity Delivers - mcgilltribune.com

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CD Reviews

M c C o n a u g h e y ru le s

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The actor stars in

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Contributor

The Mountain Goats: All Eternals Deck A ll E te rn a ls D ec k, the newest album from the Mountain Goats, represents an evolution from their last record, T he L ife o f th e W orld to C om e. Their latest release is a melt­ ing pot of brilliantly worded social and political commentary, combined with an expanded instrumental rep­ ertoire.

This latest release captures the listener right off the bat with its opening track, “Damn These Vam­ pires.” Possibly an allusion to the latest tween craze, this song also re­ minds the listener that, one day, this fascination will be “barely worth remembering.”

In addition to “Damn These Vampires,” the album's fourth song, “Age of Kings,” speaks to the desire for times past. Achingly nostalgic for a different epoch, the song's melancholic lyrics and wistful per­ formance evokes pleasant memo­ ries of one's past. The inclusion of orchestral instruments, such as the violin, and the use of a slower, tango rhythm truly showcase the band's evolution from a low-fi garage outfit to a more mature and experimental band.

Lead singer and band founder John Damielle's unique voice is present throughout the record, and the array of instruments builds on his clever lyrics. With more ups than downs, the Mountain Goats' A ll E te rn a ls D e c k is definitely an enjoy­ able listen.

— N a ta lia E vd o k im o va

T h e L in c o ln L a w y e r

By Alex Shiri

Mother Mother: Eureka E u re k a , the third album from Canadian rock band Mother Moth­ er, really packs a punch. Full of dance hooks, swelling harmonies, and heavy percussion, the first four tracks showcase what the five-piece band does best. The pop and rock el­ ements are spot-on, and the addition of heavier synth beats makes thè album all the more appropriate for a dance party. The album’s first sin­ gle, “The Stand,” has been steadily climbing the CBC Radio 3 Top 30 chart, and is among the best tracks on E ureka. Other standouts include the energetic “Simply Simple” and “Baby Don’t Dance,” which is rem­ iniscent of fellow Canadian band Metric. Even the album’s slower songs, including “Original Spin” and “Oleander,” are upbeat and make you want to dance, although maybe less frantic than the rest of E ureka.

As an album, E u rek a is a wel­ come break from the dreariness of March. The musical arrangements of the album are its strongest point, although some of the synthesizers feel superfluous at points and make the songs less interesting. The lyr­ ics aren’t groundbreaking, but they don’t seem to be the focal point of the record and aren’t a huge drag on its overall appeal. Cutting back on some of the synthesizers and adding more interesting lyrics would defi­ nitely make this album a winner, but it’s good for a kick when you need to get out of your bed and celebrate the end of winter.

Hey Rosetta!: Seeds When I saw Hey Rosetta! play in a crowded band shell in the pour­ ing rain at Osheaga in 2009, the last thing on my mind was “Man, these guys sound like Coldplay” (coinci­ dentally that night’s headliner). But when I started listening to S eed s, their third full-length album, I real­ ized that it was the only thing I was thinking.

The album feels over-produced at first, with a multi-layered sound crowding the opening tracks. It sounds as if a lot of effort has been put into making the album sound a certain way, instead of letting it take form on its own. And that’s fine if you’re making spacey stadium pop rock like X & Y , but for a grassroots east coast folk rock band, it’s just wrong.

The good news is that it doesn’t stay that way. By the time we get to track four, the skies have started to clear. “Bricks,” is crisp and complex without being a pile-on, and “New Sum (Nous Sommes),” is more than a witty title: it’s catchy, unusual (frantic drum fills during the chorus, anyone?) and easily the best song on the album. The next track of ambi­ ent nonsense notwithstanding, the album is gravy until the end (even though more acoustic songs like “Bandages” would have been a wel­ come addition).

S e e d s is a mixed bag to be sure, but it definitely veers positive once you get a couple songs into it.

At first glance, Matthew McCo­ naughey’s new mystery/suspense/ legal thriller T h e L in co ln L a w y e r might strike you as an unusual proj­ ect for the actor. A stray from his typecasting as a shirtless hunk in every woman’s favourite romantic comedy, McConaughey plays Mick­ ey Haller, a Los Angeles criminal defense attorney. When he is hired to work on the case of Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillippe), who is accused of rape and attempted murder, the plot gets complicated and the dangers of Haller’s profession come about— people in jail threaten him and his client breaks into his house. The plot of the movie catches your attention, but the story ultimately lacks sub­ stance. For a thriller, the film doesn’t exactly leave you on the edge of your seat, save for a brief moment in the final scene when Haller’s life is in danger.

The film’s greatest strengths are its actors, with a cast including McConaughey, Phillippe, Marisa Tomei, and William H. Macy. The introduction of McConaughey’s character in the first few scenes is slightly odd, and it’s hard to take him seriously in a dramatic role; he’s not hitting on girls or using his signature hunky charm. After some time, though, it becomes clear that

McConaughey can actually pull off a dramatic role. His scenes in the courtroom are particularly strong, and he and Phillippe play off each other well. For his part, Phillippe does his usual thing: playing the Beverly Hills playboy and criminal, reminiscent of Sebastian Valmont, the wealthy New Yorker he played in C ru el In ten tio n s. Tomei is partic­ ularly memorable in the film as Mar­ garet McPherson, Haller’s ex-wife with whom he has a child. McPher­ son is also a lawyer, and often argues with Haller over the moral dilemma that emerges when he defends the worst kinds of criminals. The movie might have been a little better had director Brad Furman explored the history of the relationship, and pos­ sibly shown more of these two to­ gether on screen. The same goes for Macy’s character Frank Levin, who is Haller’s detective and best friend.

Overall, T he L in c o ln L a w y e r has all the ingredients to make a solid hit, but they don’t quite come to­ gether in the right way. The movie is enjoyable nonetheless and does a de­ cent job of adapting the eponymous 2005 novel by acclaimed American crime writer Michael Connelly. For regular moviegoers, this one could be saved for a DVD rental, but lov­ ers of the genre should catch it in theatres, because it does have some fun and surprising twists.

—K y le C a rp en te r

— M a n ish a A g g a rw a l-S c h ife llite

Mickey Haller (McConaughey) and Louis Roulet (Philippe) await the verdict in the courtroom, (ramascreen.com)

----------------------S p o r t s --------------------HOCKEY— CAM E ONE: M CGILL 2 ST. FRANCIS XAVIER 1 , GAME TWO: M CGILL 6 ALBERTA 3, CHAM PIONSHIP: M CGILL o UNB 4

M c G i l l ’ s h is to ric s e a s o n e n d s in C I S C h a m p io n s h ip loss R edm en’s run en d s against physical, top-ranked Varsity Reds; all but three players will return next year The 2010-11 season will go down as the most successful cam­ paign in McGill Redmen history despite a disappointing finish. In an extremely physical contest McGill lost 4-0 fn the National Champion­ ship final to the University of New Brunswick Varsity Reds on Sunday night. This season the Redmen won the Queen’s Cup, set a school re­ cord with 38 wins, led the nation in scoring by averaging 5.08 goals per game, and made the National Cham­ pionship title game for the first time in McGill’s history.

“We got manhandled a little [in the Gold Medal game], there’s no doubt about it,” said McGill Head Coach Kelly Nobes to the Canadian Press. “We weren’t able to utilize our speed and were pushed around left, right, and centre. But at the end of the day, I was really proud of my team. They had an outstanding sea­ son. They showed that they’re one of the top programs in the country as well as the top students. I’d also add that these are also top-notch guys, high-quality people and I’m extremely proud of them.”

The Redmen entered the CIS Championships as the second ranked team in the country. The

beating the X-Men 2-1.

This was the first University Cup meeting between the two teams.

In their only other meeting this sea­ son, the X-Men defeated McGill 6-5 in overtime.

St. FX had a rough start, receiv­ ing a penalty for high sticking just 30 seconds into the first period. McGill dominated from there, getting 12 shots through to St. FX’s player of the game, goalie Joseph Perricone, but couldn’t find the back of the net.

The first period ended in a scoreless draw.

McGill outshot St. FX in every period of the game. However, the X-Men were the first to tally when CIS Rookie of the Year Jason Bast chipped the puck between the legs of a McGill defender, retrieved it, and popped a goal into the top left comer with five minutes left in the second period, opening a one-goal gap over the Redmen.

In the third period, McGill alter­ nate captain and player of the game Guillaume Doucet finally broke the ice and tied the game. With a long pass from Simon Marcotte-Légaré, Doucet accelerated into St. FX’s half, skated around a defenceman, and cut to the right before firing the

remaining in regulation.

With the win, McGill earned a day off and the chance to face the third-ranked Alberta Golden Bears in their second round robin game.

—R e b e c c a B a b co c k G AM E TW O : M C G IL L vs. A L B E R T A

The Redmen entered their sec­ ond game of the CIS Championship against the Alberta Golden Bears knowing a win would clinch their spot in the National Championship title game for the first time in McGill history. The Redmen did not disap­ point as they jumped out to a quick 2-0 first period lead and cruised to a commanding 6-3 victory.

McGill lived up to its reputa­ tion' as the highest-scoring team in the nation with six goals on just 20 shots. In addition, the Redmen’s brutally efficient specialty teams continued to fire on all cylinders as the power play converted three of their six chances and the penalty kill successfully shut down all four of Alberta’s power plays.

Forward Maxime LangelierParent scored twice to lead a bal­ anced McGill offence which had five players tally for the game.

McGill lead to three goals.

From then on the final result was never in doubt. LangelierParent and CIS MVP Alexan­ dre Picard-Hooper scored in the third to help the Redmen advance to the CIS Championship to face the UNB Varsity Reds.

—W alker K itch en s C H A M P IO N S H IP G A M E : M C G IL L vs. U N B

The Redmen were on their heels all game faced by a physical UNB squad. (Andrew Meade / The Brunswickian)

THE AMBIENCE Hordes of McGill students filled BDP last night, but beer pong was nowhere in sight. From comer to comer, McGillians draped in red kept their eyes fixed on the several flatscreens broadcasting SportsNet’s coverage of the game. But an ini­ tially boisterous crowd lost steam as UNB’s lead rose goal by painful goal. Occasionally taking pause to express outrage at a nasty hit on one of McGill’s Redmen, by the third period many in the bar were morose and distracted. At this point even thè occasional commercial about McGill’s sports history lost its nov­ elty. Still, it was fun to see a McGill team on national television.

— M o o k ie K id e c k e l

six-team tournament was split into two groups, with the winner of each group playing for the title. The Red­ men were grouped with the St. Fran­ cis Xavier X-Men and the Universi­ ty of Alberta Golden Bears, and won both games to advance to the cham­ pionship against the Varsity Reds.

GAM E ONE: M C G IL L vs ST. F X

The Redmen opened the CIS tournament against fifth ranked St. Francis Xavier in Fredericton this past Thursday. Despite playing from behind for most of the game, the Redmen managed to clinch the victory with a classy tic-tac-toe play resulting in a goal in the third period,

puck low into the back of the net.

The momentum continued when five minutes later Maxime Langelier-Parent, Doucet, and Marc-André Daneau showed beautiful offensive control in the St. FX’s end. With two quick, easy passes and a hammering shot, Daneau gained a 2-1 lead with another McGill goal.

St. FX fought back with re­ newed pressure in the dwindling minutes of the third period and registered a handful of challenging shots. However, McGill goalie Hu­ bert Morin was more than up to the challenge. Morin not only saved 25 shots over the course of the game but made a miraculous stick save to preserve the lead with five minutes

“I thought overall we didn’t play badly. But credit to McGill,” said Alberta Head Coach Eric Thur­ ston to the Canadian Press. “They’re a very skilled team. They scored six times on 20 shots.”

The game started slowly, re­ maining tied at 0-0 with three min­ utes to go in the first frame. Howev­ er, Francis Verreault-Paul and Langelier-Parent scored within a minute of each other to seize the momentum despite being outshot 8-5 in the first period.

McGill led for the rest of the game. Alberta was able to trim their deficit to a single goal at 2-1 but Ryan McKieman and Evan Vossen scored back-to-back to increase the

THE GAME The 2011 Redmen had the school’s best-ever finish at Nation­ als, making the University Cup gold-medal final. However, once they arrived their inexperience and lack of size showed in a lopsided 4-0 defeat against the four-time cham­ pion University of New Brunswick Varsity Reds.

The Reds’ superior physical play prevented the Redmen from using their speed, and UNB’s vaunt­ ed defence proved too much for McGill’s normally puissant attack.

When McGill did make the offen­ sive zone, they were usually turned away after a single shot.

UNB kept McGill pinned in the defensive zone early, grinding away until tournament MVP Luke Gallant scored with a shot from the point at 10:04 of the first. With five minutes remaining in the period McGill at­ tempted to counter-attack. They reg­ istered seven consecutive shots on net but couldn’t solve UNB goalie Travis Fullerton. Fullerton made a diving save on a shot from McGill’s Patrick Belzile to preserve the onegoal lead and then stoned Redman Andrew Wright on a partial break­ away.

UNB turned to some rough tactics to stymie the McGill mo­ mentum. Josh Kidd went for a dirty hit, sticking his leg out and hitting Belzile with a painful knee-on-knee collision that required him to be car­ ried off the ice. Kidd only received a minor two minute penalty.

The Varsity Reds controlled play in the second but goalie Hubert Morin kept McGill in it. However, 12 minutes into the period, after a great post-to-post sliding right pad save by Morin, UNB’s Daine Todd notched a goal by batting the puck off a skate and in. With 3:30 to go, Fullerton made the two biggest saves of the game in tight on Redmen cap­ tain Evan Vossen.

In the third the Reds got away with murder, or near murder, as UNB’s Dion Campbell tagged Ben Morse with a dirty, late hit from be­ hind. There was no call, as the refs had clearly decided early on to let the players play. UNB’s Matt Fillier and Todd capped the scoring with two goals in the third.

Despite the disheartening loss, the Redmen are looking ahead to next season. With the team only los­ ing three players to graduation, a return to Fredericton for next year’s championship looks like it’s in the cards.

—Sam H u n ter

M a jo r L e a g u e B a s e b a ll A m & C A N LEAGUE 1st—Boston Red Sox: A fan­ tastic offseason for the Red Sox has given good reason for the Fenway faithful to be optimistic. Additions Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez give the lineup the punch that it needs to win the AL East. Crawford provides the game changing speed at the top of the lineup in the form of 47 stolen bases last season, while Gonzalez provides the power. Even playing home games in the pitcher friendly Petco Park, Gonzalez averaged over 35 home runs the past three seasons to go along with a career .284 bat­ ting average. The question for Boston is whether or not Josh Beckett and Daisuke Matsuzaka can bounce back from sub par seasons. If they can, the Red Sox will be World Series contenders, but if not the back of their rotation might prove to be their Achilles heel.

2nd—New

York

Yankees:

While the Red Sox had a great offseason, the Yankees had an abysmal one. After

1st—M innesota Twins: Year in

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and year out the Twins contend for thë di­ vision title. Coming off a 94 win season in which they won the AL Central, the Twins appear poised for yet another di­ vision crown. Strong pitching, with ace Francisco Liriano, anchors the ball club. If Joe Nathan can return strong from Tommy John surgery, the bullpen will be among the best in the league since they acquired Matt Capps to fill Nathan’s absence last season. One concern is whether or not Justin Momeau will be able to come back from his prolonged absence, due to a con­ cussion he sustained sliding into second base last year, at full form. Along with former MVP Joe Mauer the two make for a fearsome middle of the lineup and the Twins' hopes to contend for the World Se­ ries might rely on his presence and highlevel performance on the field.

2nd—Chicago White Sox: The addition of power hitting first baseman Adam Dunn makes this lineup much more

1st—Texas Rangers: Last year’s unexpected run to the World Series is hopefully a sign of things to come. How­ ever, the Rangers limited their chances at another division crown by leaving Neftali Feliz in the bullpen, when they could use another impact starter. They could still win it because of their hitting. Have you seen their lineup? Josh Hamilton, Nellie Cruz, Adrian Beltre, Ian Kinsler, and Mike Napoli—yikes. That incredible lineup pro­ vokes sheer terror in all other teams in this pitching-rich division.

2nd—LA Angels of Anaheim:

striking out in the Cliff Lee sweepstakes, they weren’t able to address their weak starting rotation and Andy Pettitte’s retire­ ment did nothing to help. While CC Sabathia is a bonafide ace and Phil Hughes showed tremendous growth in an 18 win campaign, the rest of the rotation is shaky.

Burnett had the worst season of his career, and Ivan Nova and Freddy Garcia are question marks. Nova is young, 24, but struggled at times in the minor leagues last season, and Garcia, 34, is past his prime.

That being said, the Yankees lineup is still deserving of the name the Bronx Bombers and should keep them in the playoff hunt for most of the season.

3rd—Tampa Bay Rays: The Rays’ offseason was filled with depar­ tures. Carl Crawford, Matt Garza, Jason Bartlett, Carlos Pena, Rafael Soriano, and Joaquin Benoit were all major contribu­ tors for the Rays last season and none are returning. Still a young team, the Rays are

hoping player development, the addition of Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon, and superstar pitcher David Price will help keep them afloat in the AL East, but the reality will likely be different. The Rays simply lost too many important pieces to be contenders this year and their bullpen, which lost its closer and setup man, looks shaky at best. With a young pitching staff on innings limits, the weak bullpen could prove very costly.

4th—Toronto Blue Jays: Alex Anthopolous has had a short but busy ten­ ure as the Blue Jays’ GM. In his first off­ season he traded Roy Halladay and in his second he dealt Shaun Marcum and signed Jose Bautista to a long-term deal. These moves have left the Blue Jays with a farm system that is brimming with young talent and a future that looks very bright. Kyle Drabek and Brett Lawrie, the prizes of the Halladay and Marcum deals respectively, have impressed the Blue Jays brass this

spring and will likely spend most of the season at the big league level. If Bautista can follow up his breakout 54 home run campaign with another 35+ home runs and Adam Lind and Aaron Hill bounce back, the Blue Jays will likely finish above .500 again, and maybe even flirt with a playoff spot for the first few months.

5th—Baltimore Orioles: Ori­ oles fans beware, another cellar-dwelling finish and a 14th straight sub .500 finish is likely in the cards. While the Orioles were very active this offseason, adding Vladi­ mir Guerrero, Mark Reynolds, Derek Lee, Justin Duchscherer and others, their lineup is still not strong enough to carry a young and inexperienced pitching staff. They’re much improved over the 66 win Orioles of 2010, but this division is simply too tough.

One player to watch is Brian Matusz, com­ ing into his second full season. He has fu­ ture ace written all over him and will soon be leading the O’s staff.

fearsome. Having hit 38 or more homeruns in each of his past six full seasons, Dunn will team up with Paul Konerko (39 homeruns last season) to try and power this team to the playoffs. While the lineup is strong, the pitching rotation is no slouch either. Their ability to make the playoffs, however, might quite literally rest on Jake Peavy’s shoulders. He will likely miss the first month of the season as a result of shoulder surgery, but if he doesn’t miss any more time than that and returns to form quickly then the White Sox could cause quite a rumble in the AL Central.

3rd—Detroit Tigers: Miguel Cabrera’s (lack of) sobriety has been a con­ stant source of drama for this team. After rehab last offseason Cabrera responded with a monster season (.328, 38 HR, 126 RBI), only to get a DUI just before spring training. His ability to concentrate on baseball amidst all the other distractions will be crucial to the team’s success. The pitching staff will be top-heavy this year,

with Justin Verlander leading the way and Brad Penny and Phil Coke as the team’s fourth and fifth starters. Penny has been up and down the past few years and Coke hasn’t been a regular starter since 2008— when he was in Double-A. Look for the back end of the rotation to be a crucial part of the success or failure of these Tigers.

4th—Cleveland Indians: 69 wins last season and not a very active off­ season leaves a pretty gloomy outlook for the 2011 Indians. The pitching rotation is poor, with Fausto Carmona, who is mid­ dle of the rotation caliber, as its ace. The lineup hopes that Grady Sizemore, having missed the better part of the past two sea­ sons, will finally return healthy and pro­ vide a much-needed boost. First baseman Matt Laporta is a player to watch as well.

After being acquired in the 2008 CC Sabathia trade from the Brewers, Laporta has been a disappointment and 2011 will be a major year if he is to develop into the su­ perstar he was once predicted to become.

Look for young catcher Carlos Santana to break out this season, and provide one of the lone bright spots in an otherwise dif­ ficult season for the Tribe.

5th—Kansas City Royals: It’s very hard to be optimistic about a team that won 67 games last year and then traded its ace in the offseason. Greinke, the 2009 Cy Young Award winner, was shipped to the Brewers in a trade, leaving Kansas City a very thin starting rotation. The one asset this team does have is youth, as at age 30 Mike Aviles is the club’s oldest regular.

Super-prospect Mike Moustakas will look to break into the ‘Bigs’ this season after clubbing 36 home runs in the minors last year, and Billy Butler is also a source of excitement. Royals fans hope that Alex Gordon will finally shed the “bust” label and show why he was taken 2nd overall in the 2005 draft. Still, Royals fans, get the paper bags ready—this is going to be one ugly season.

The Angels have a terrific pitching staff, but is Vernon Wells really the hitter they needed to bring the team over the hump?

Their offence is centered around him, Kendry Morales, and what’s left of the aging Torii Hunter and Bobby Abreu. Count down the days until superstar-in-waiting Mike Trout is promoted. The 19-year-old hit .341 in the minors last year and could make an immediate difference to a weak lineup. They also have a 7’1” relief pros­ pect named Loek Van Mil who sounds to­ tally awesome.

3rd—Oakland Athletics: Many

pundits are predicting Oakland to compete in this division, but I don’t see it happen­ ing. They have many nice young pitch­ ers including 2010’s breakout star Trevor Cahill, but trading Carlos Gonzalez two seasons ago for mere months of Matt Hol­ liday was a terrible move that seriously harmed their future. There is no offensive franchise player and the lineup is filled with “just-decent” hitters who are merely short-term answers. Simply, there is just not enough hitting in Oakland.

4th—Seattle Mariners: Hold on to your Lattes! It’s going to be a slow

summer in Seattle. Last year the Mariners had Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee and still lost 100 games. We should all, how­ ever, enjoy the pleasures of watching the Great Ichiro play before it’s too late (He’s already 37). Ichiro also once said this of his playing style: “I think there’s sexiness in infield hits because they require tech­ nique. I’d rather impress the chicks with my technique than with my brute strength.

Then, every now and then, just to show I can do that, too, I might flirt a little by hit­ ting one out [of the park].”

Compiled By: Gabe Pulver, Jonathan Rosenbluth, and Walker Kitchens

S e a so n P re v ie w NATIONAL LEAGUE 1st—Philadelphia

Phillies:

The Phillies are undoubtedly the class of the NL East after assembling one of the greatest pitching rotations in baseball history. It’s always risky to prematurely label something “great” before the sea­ son begins but these pitchers are just too good—Roy Halladay is the best pitcher in baseball and Cliff Lee may be the sec­ ond best. Throw in Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels, who are both legitimate aces, and you have four pitchers on one team who can win 20 games each. While injuries to all-star second baseman Chase Utley and closer Brad Lidge are concerning, the in­ credible pitching staff will easily carry this team to a division title.

2nd—Atlanta Braves: The At­ lanta Braves’ present and future looks promising. They should be one of the fa­

vourites to claim the NL Wild Card since the division title looks out of reach. Future Hall-of-Famer Chipper Jones has recov­ ered from injury and Jason Heyward be­ came a star in his rookie season after hit­ ting .277 with 72 RBIs and 83 runs. They should carry the offence and the pitching staff looks great. Emerging stars Jair Jurrjens and Tommy Hanson complement veteran studs Derek Lowe and Tim Hud­ son nicely. Hanson is especially impres­ sive-look for him to improve on his 3.33 ERA from last season and challenge for the Cy Young Award.

3rd—Florida Marlins: The Marlins are not lacking in star power, but they do lack depth. Shortstop Hanley Ramirez is one of the best players in base­ ball. He hit .300 with 21 homeruns and 32 stolen bases in what was a disappointing

year by his standards. Two second-year sluggers, Gaby Sanchez and Mike Stan­ ton, will complement Ramirez and both could hit 30-plus homers. But other than these three, the lineup looks very weak.

Josh Johnson is one of the best and most underrated pitchers in baseball but he’s coming off surgery and has very little sup­ port in the rotation. This season look for the Marlins to show flashes of brilliance but finish out of the playoffs.

4th—New York Mets: Every year the Mets spend over $100 million on their team and every year they find a way to miss the playoffs. There hasn’t been this much money wasted since Charles Bark­ ley last went to Vegas. This year the Mets are hoping Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, and Jason Bay can remain healthy and lead this team to a playoff berth. Keep dreaming

1st—Milwaukee Brewers: This could be the year where the Brewers be­ come legitimate contenders. Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun will both be 27 this year, which is an age when players traditionally fulfill their potential. This means that the “Brew Crew” could have two MVP can­ didates on the same team. Milwaukee also upgraded their rotation by trading for Cy Young winner Zach Greinke and Shaun Marcum. These two pitchers will join the always-improving Yovani Gallardo to form one of baseball’s best pitching staffs.

The Brewers have as much talent as any­ one and if the stars align this season, look for them to be a dark horse World Series contender.

2nd—Cincinnati Reds: These Reds will look to repeat as division cham­ pions after they unexpectedly won the NL Central last year. Last season they led the league in runs and their offence should be equally impressive this year. MVP Joey

Votto will continue to develop into one of baseball’s best hitters, Brandon Phillips is amazing at second base, and young out­ fielders Jay Bruce and Drew Stubbs will continue to improve. The rotation is shaky, however, as Edison Volquez, Travis Wood, and Mike Leake are the only reliable pitch­ ers the Reds have. Still, Cincinnati are the defending division champs and will be tough to dethrone as they improve.

3rd—St. Louis Cardinals: It was not a good summer for the Cardinals.

The best player in baseball, Albert Pujols, ended contract negotiations with the team meaning that this may be his final season in St. Louis. Also, ace Adam Wainwright needed Tommy-John surgery and will be out for the season. Still the Cardinals will contend for the division title as Matt Hol­ liday, Colby Rasmus, Lance Berkman, and Pujols will combine to create one of the MLB’s most formidable lineups. Coupled with a solid and deep pitching staff led by

Chris Carpenter, the Cardinals will look to make a playoff run in what could be Pujols final season for the Cards.

4th —Chicago Cubs: It has been a well-documented 102 years since the Cubs last won the World Series. By the end of 2011 the streak will reach 103, as the Cubs do not have the depth to com­ pete for a playoff spot. Ryan Dempster and Matt Garza form a reliable one-two punch atop the Chicago rotation but other than that the Cubs’ pitching is suspect. Scor­ ing could also prove to be a problem as Aramis Ramirez and Alfonso Soriano con­ tinue to decline as they age. 21-year-old shortstop Starlin Castro will be a joy to watch develop into a star but the Cubs will not score enough runs to make up for their suspect pitching.

5th—Pittsburgh Pirates: The Pittsburgh Pirates are arguably the worst franchise in professional sports. With 18 straight losing seasons there is less hope

surrounding this Pirates team than there is for Tiger Woods’ golf career. They do have an incredible talent in 24-year-old Andrew McCutchen and he will be a su­ perstar for the next decade. Jose Tabata, 22, and Pedro Alvarez, 24, are promising prospects as well. While this season is sure to be their 19th straight losing campaign, there might finally be hope for the Pirates’ future with this trio of young talent.

6th—Houston Astros: The As­ tros struggled to field a competitive team last year even with Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt. After trading them both, making the playoffs in 2011 is a hopeless endeavor. When Hunter Pence and Wandy Rodriguez are the faces of the franchise you know the team is rebuilding. The As­ tros, however, will be in one competitive race: they will seriously challenge the Pi­ rates for last place in the NL Central.

1st—San Francisco Giants:

everything goes right. I doubt Carlos Gon­ zalez will replicate his .335 batting aver­ age, 34 homerun and 117 RBI season now that everyone’s seen what he can do, but he is absolutely a franchise player like Tulo.

If Todd Helton has one more great year, their hitting might be able to compete with San Francisco’s superior arms. Still Colo­ rado’s pitching isn’t good enough to make the division anything better than “kinda close.” It will be interesting though to see how Ubaldo Jimenez bounces back from a terrible second half of the 2010 season.

took a year too long to develop. With a healthy and productive outfield tandem of Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier, they might be on their way back to relevance, but they need another impact hitter. They banked on last year’s World Series hero Juan Uribe to be that solid bat, but his career is winding down. After Kemp, Ethier, and first baseman James Loney all regressed last year, they need bounceback seasons from too many players to challenge for the division crown or the Wild Card.

4th—San Diego Padres: Fans of the Padres had better pray that Matt Latos’s shoulder problems are minor, be­ cause years of competitiveness will seem distantly past if he misses significant time with the injury. Last season’s 90 wins will

look more and more like an outlier than a sign of things to come, but veteran all­ stars like Orlando Hudson and Ryan Ludwick could go a long way in mentoring the team’s youth.

The reigning World Series champs should continue to dominate a pretty weak divi­ sion. Tim Lincecum had a down year last year, which he is sure to rebound from and the rest of the pitching staff is improving around him. Fitness-heads, rejoice!—for­ merly fat Pablo Sandoval lost 35 pounds this offseason. Now that the team has the confidence of champions he’ll have a bounce-back year as well. Miguel Tejada will put up another solid late-career year, and Freddy Sanchez will continue to be the most underrated player in baseball.

2nd—Colorado Rockies: One GM said that Troy Tulowitzki was the best player in baseball. He’s wrong, but the Rockies might be pretty good this year if

3rd—Los Angeles Dodgers: For a little while, the Dodgers were really close to being a force in the division. Then Manny Ramirez faded and left, Russell Martin flamed out, and Clayton Kershaw

Mets fans. Mike Pelfrey will be the only competent starter when the season begins, as Johan Santana will be recovering from surgery. Sure David Wright is a superstar at third base but this team is not nearly healthy or talented enough to compete.

5th—Washington Nationals: The Nationals made strides this offseason by bringing in (albeit also overpaying for) solid veterans Jayson Werth and Adam La­ roche to compliment slugging third baseman Ryan Zimmermann. But let’s be hon­ est, the most exciting part of the Nationals was 22-year-old phenom Steven Strasburg with his 100 mph fastball and unhittable curveball. Unfortunately he’s injured this year so the best part of watching the Na­ tionals will be sitting on the bench and rehabbing.

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5th—Arizona Diamondbacks: Apparently Manager Kirk Gibson had to ban toys—that’s right, toys—as well as cell phones in the clubhouse this spring because players weren’t taking games se­ riously enough. When a team gives up on caring about the season before the season, begins the manager has a lot of work to do. Will Justin Upton finally become the fantastic hitter everyone expected? Frank­ ly speaking, it probably wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

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S ILE N C E

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F R A N C E

BY H O LLY STEW ART AND MIRANDA W H IST

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