The McGill Tribune Vol. 8 Issue 23

B T A L K S

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R A T T L E AND HUM

P . J .

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L IV E B A N D S Thursday through Sunday

T H

Available for group parties with SPECIAL RATES for McGILL STUDENTS

U N

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I G

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A Y

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L iv e B a n d Free Admission 9 p.m. to closing

Acumilco Gold Contest March 1st - March 26th Fill out a contest entry form at the "ROCK".

You could win a trip to Acupulco and stay at the LAS BRISSA 4 i t RESORT.

at the McIntyre Medical Sciences Building

McIntyre - that ugly round building G r a n d P r iz e s;

1. Trip for two to Paris 2. Weekend for two at Le Quatre Saisons 3. One night at the Chateau Bromont 4. One night at the Delta Hotel

Each donor receives coupons for free meal at Peel Pub, coupons for free beer, lots o' food and drink at the donor clinic, PLUS the opportunity to win many daily door prizes such as records, gift certificates, art work, movie passes and yes, even food.

Bring a friend (or meet a friend)...

GIVE A LITTLE BIT!

a no holds barred presentation of the McGill Medical Students' Society, Labatts,

2 .R oll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989

9 7 .7

A m n e sty In t e r n a t io n a l: L e tte r w ritin g m ee tin g , U n io n 4 2 5 /4 2 6 , 7 p .m .’

L a s e m a in e fra n c o p h o n e d e M c G illQ u e b e c: F ilm : E scatlerC de J . T a c h e lla , 19 8 5 . P a v ilio n P e te rso n , s a lo n d es é tu d la n t(e )s, 1 9 h 0 0 , In fo .: 4 8 9 -6 9 7 3 .

M c G ill F o lk S o c ie ty : T u e sd a y s 8 p .m . 't il la te . Y e llo w D o o r, 3 6 2 S A y lm e r. N ew m em b ers w elco m e. A ll typ e s o f F o lk M u sic .

F a c u lt y o f M e d ic in e F ro m th e B e n c h to th e B e d s id e S e rie s : M or­ tim e r Levy.

M .D ., F .K .C P .(C ). o n "H ig h B lo o d P re s s u re : E a s y Q u e stio n s a n d 1 la rd A n ­ s w e rs '. L e a co ck B u ild ­ in g . 2 3 2 . 8 p .m .

W ED N ESD A Y, M A R C H

p .m .

N ic a ra g u a n C o ffe e , o th e r 'B rid g e h e a d O xfam * p ro d u c ts. Y e llo w D o o r, 3 6 2 5 A ylm e r. 1 -5 p .m . In e x p e n siv e ; s o c ia lly

10a.m. to 6p.m.

Tuesday M arch 14th to Friday M arch 17th

dim

Meeting, Newman Centre. 3484 Peel, 6 p.m.

G ro u p ):

15T H T h e M c G ill S o c ie ty o f M o n t r e a l- F o o d fo r T ho ugh L un ch eo n Se­ r ie s : IT o fc ss o rY .G . K efcb a y , F a c u lty o f E d u c a ­ tio n , M c G ill U n iv e rs ity , o n "T h e C a se fo r'S u p p ly S id e ' E d u c a tio n (P riva te v s . P u b lic E d u c a tio n )'. M c G ill F a c u lty C lu b . 3 4 5 0 M cT a vish . 1 l;4 5 a ..m .

C a s h B a n 1 2 :1 5 p .m . L u n c h . 3 1 3 .5 0 e a ch . In fo . : 3 9 8 -3 5 5 6 ; T ic k e ts: 3 9 8 -3 5 5 1 .

N o rth e rn S tu d ie s F ilm S e rie s : la s ljtta y s o f O kak, N .F .B . film o n L a b ra d o r a n d M o ra v ia n in flu e n c e . L e a co ck 1 5 , 12 -1

1 9 8 9 M c G i l l M e d ic a l B lo o d D r iv e

...and

TU E S D A Y . M A R C H X 4TH A lE S E C -M c G iD * M c G ill U n iv e rs ity : S eco n d A n n u a l in te rn a tio n a l T ra v e l and C u ltu re F e s tiv a l. U n io n B a llro o m , 3 4 8 0 M c T a v ish , 1Q .6 p .m . T ra v e l A g en cie s, T o u ris t O rg a n iz a tio n s, A T ra v e l A p p a re l S to re s. E th n ie fo od , d a n c e s, m u s ic b y ca m p u s g ro u p s. In fo .: 3 9 8 -6 8 2 1 . A ll w elco m e.

Is s u e s in E d u c a tio n W e e k ’8 9 : “D is ­ a b le d S tu d c n ts /E d u e a lio n a l T e ch n o l­ ogy*. H a ll B u ild in g . 1 1 -1 1 0 . C o n co rd ia U n iv e rs ity , 1 4 5 5 de M a iso n n e u ve , W , 3 p .m . S p o n so rs: C o n co rd ia U n iv e rsity S tu ­ d e n ts' A sso c ia tio n . C o n c o rd ia ’s D e a n s, th e R e cto r's o ffice .

E le c t r ic a l E n g in e e rin g G ra d u a te S tu ­ d e n ts ' S o c ie ty -S e m in a r S e rie s : J a c ­ q u e s P a riz e a u , p ro f. a tU E C . 1*9 le a d e r, on "F re e T ra d e : It s Im p a ct on R e se a rch a n d U n iv e rs itie s". L e a co ck F ic ld h o u s c A u d ito riu m . 1 3 2 . 3 :3 0 -4 :3 0 p .m . S p o n ­ s o rs : P o st G ra d u a te S tu d e n ts' S o cie ty; F a c u lty o f G ra d u a te S tu d ie s a n d R e ­ s e a rc h .

L a s e m a in e fra n c o p h o n e d e M c G ill Q u e b e c: C o n fe re n ce : Isa b e lle C o u rv ille .

“L a fé m in ism e ", L e a co ck 2 1 9 . 1 6 h 3 0 .

In fo .: 4 8 9 -6 9 7 3 .

P ro je c t P lo u g h s h a re s (M c G ill's P e a c e

fin

ju s t . S p o n so re d b y S C M .

Is s u e s in E d u c a tio n W ee k '8 9 : "P rio r L ca m tn g A c c re d ita tio n : T h e P re se n t C o n te xt". H a ll B u fld tn g . H - Î 1 0 . C o n c o r­ d ia U n iv e rs ity , )4 5 5 d e M a iso n n e u ve , W ..

3 p .m . S p o n so rs: C o n c o rd ia U n iv e rs ity S tu d e n ts ' A s s o c ia tio n . C o n c o rd ia ’s D e a n s, th e R e cto r’s o ffic e .

A s s o c ia tio n g é n é ra le d e s é tu d ia n t(e )s d e lit t é r a t u r e fra n ç a is e : F ilm : Adorable m onteuse. R é a l.: M ic h e l D e v ille . P eterso n H a ll. 3 4 6 0 M c T a v ish , S a lo n d es p ro fe ss e u rs . 16 h , E n tre lib re .

L a s e m a in e fra n c o p h o n e d e M c G illQ u e b e c : C o n fé re n c e : P ic r rc - M a r c J o h n s o n , "1-a b io è th iq u e ". L e a c o c k 2 3 2 , 1 7 h . In fo .: 4 8 9 -6 9 7 3 .

Q P IR G -G Q R IP -M cG iU : In fo rm a i in fo rm a tio n /O rie n ta tio n M e e ü n g . P la ce T U A .

5 :3 0 p .m . In fo .: 8 4 8 -9 5 2 3 ; 2 8 4 -7 8 8 8 , New m em b ers w elco m e.

M c G ill G O C lu b : G e n e ra l M eetin g , U n ­ io n 3 1 0 , 7 p .m . E le c tio n s : P o lic y D e c i­ s io n s . A ll m em b ers a tte n d .

M c G ill C h o ra l S o c ie ty : F a u ré 's R e ­ q u ie m , w ith o rg a n is t S co tt B ra d fo rd .

B ro a d w a y R e v u e . C h e s s . L e s M is é ra b le s , a n d th e M C S C h a m b e r C h o ir. D ire c to r: M ary J a n e P u lu . E rs k in c a n d A m crica n U n ite d C h u rc h . 3 4 0 7 A ve. d u M u sé e (S h e rb ro o k e a n d C re s ­ ce n t). 7 :3 0 p .m . D o n a tio n : $ 2 .0 0 . In fo .: 2 7 4 -0 4 6 5 . ________

M c G ill S tu d e n t P u g w a sh : A n n u a l "C O F F E E -H O U S E ". A ll p erform e rs a n d sp e c ta to rs w elco m e. E n jo y re la x e d m u s ic , fin e fo od , a n d co n v e rsa tio n .

N ew m an C e n tre , 3 4 8 4 P e e l, 7 :3 0 p .m .

In fo .: 9 3 9 -0 3 8 8 : 9 3 9 -5 9 8 7 ; M c G ill C h in e s e S tu d e n ts ' S o c ie ty : G e n e ra l M eetin g : E le c tio n s. U n io n B ld g .. B 0 9 /1 0 , 7 :3 0 p .m . F re e B u ffe t fo r m em b ers.

M c G ill O u tin g C lu b : G e n e ra l M eet­ in g . L e a co ck 2 6 . 7 :3 0 p .m . E le c tio n s: F a ll 19 8 9 E x e c u tiv e : P re s id e n t, V ic e P re sid e n t, T re a s u re r, S e c re ta ry , A d ­ v e rtisin g . 1 lo u se M an a g er, A s s t. 1 lo u se M an a g e r, E q u ip m e n t M an a g er, v a r i­ o u s a c tiv ity co m m itte e s. E v e n ts: M ar.

1 1 -1 2 : X -C o u n try S k i W eekend a t H o u se : M a r. 1 8 -1 9 : T e le m a rk F e s ti­ v a l. V e rm o n t: M a r. 2 3 -2 4 : E a s te r a t H o u se , In fo .: U n io n 4 1 1 : 3 9 8 -6 8 1 7 .

L a se m a in e fra n c o p h o n e d e M c G illQ u c b e c : F ilm : L 'hom m e qui pUmliiU

d e s arbes, Illusion et C ra c de F re d e ric B a c k . M . B a ck ré p o n d ra â vo s q u e s ­ tio n s a p rè s le s v is io n n e m en t. S te w a rt B io lo g y, S I / 3 , 2 0 h . In fo .: 4 8 9 -6 9 7 3 .

M c O U lF lh n S o c ie ty : OpcnCUy. Ita ly 1 9 4 5 (1 0 0 m in ). D ir.: R . K o s s c lin i.

F D A A u d ito riu m . 8 p .m . F R E E .

TH U R S D A Y , M A R C H 16 T H E tu d e de la B ib le F ra n c o p h o n e : le c tu re /d is c u S s io n s s u r p a ssa g e c h o is i.

U n io n 4 2 5 , 1 2 h 3 0 - lh 3 0 . A p p o rtez “lu n c h ",E tu d ia n t(e )s e t p e rso n n e l de M c G ill se u le m e n t. O rg a n isé p a r le M c G ill C h ris tia n F e llo w sh ip .

D e p a rtm e n t o f E p id e m io lo g y a n d B io s ta tis tic a -S e m ln a r: D o n n a lu m p ­ in g . P h .D , A ss ista n t P ro fe sso r. D e p t. o fE p ld cm to lo g y & Bf o stattsU cs. M c G ill. & C lin ic a l E p id e m i­ olo g y, K ello g g C e n tre , M o n tre a l G e n e ra l H o sp ita l, o n 'H e m io d ia ly s is C o m p lia n ce a n d M o rb id ity /M o rta lity " lY irv is H a ll.

10 2 0 P in e A ve .. W .

R m . 2 5 . ) p .m .

C a n a d ia n S tu d ie s C a n a d ia n S o c ie ty a n d E n v iro n m e n ta l Q u a lit y - S p e a k e r * ’ S e r ie s : C a ro l M a rk h a m . F o re tg n S crvtce O ffic e r. E n ­ e rg y a n d E n v iro n ­ m en t D iv is io n , D e ­ p artm ent;, ; o f E x te rn a l A ffa irs, on "C a n a d ia n E n v iro n m e n ta l A c tiv itie s In a n In te rn a tio n a l C o n te xt”. A rts C o u n ­ c il R oo m . 2 :3 0 p .m . In fo .: 3 9 8 -4 3 0 4 .

L a se m a in e fra n c o p h o n e d e M c G lllQ u e b e c; C o n fé re n ce : N a th a lie P etrow s k i, “L a c ritiq u e c u ltu re lle a u Q uebec*.

L caço ek 2 1 9 . I6 h 3 0 . In fo .: 4 8 9 -6 9 7 3 .

A s s o c ia t io n g é n é r a le des é tu d la n t(e )s d e lit t é r a t u re fra n ç a is e : C o n fé re n ce : M a rco M lc o n c , é c riv a in , s u r "L 'in té g ra tio n lin g u is tiq u e d e s im m ig ra n ts a u Q u e b ec". P a v illo n P e ­ te rso n .3 4 6 0 M c T a v ish . S a lo n d e s p ro ­ fe s se u rs. 1 8 h . E n tre lib re .

M c G ill M u lt ic u lt u r a l S o c ie ty : S ym ­ p o siu m : “T h e la n g u a g e C o n tro v e rsy in Q uebec* G u c s ts :D r. P ie rre B é la n g e r, S t. J e a n B a p tiste d e M o n tré a l: D r.

S te p h e n B o m ste fn , A llia n c e Q u e b ec.

F D A A u d ito riu m , 7 p .m . R e se rve com p lim e n ta ry tic k e ts a t S a d ie 's . Is s u e s ln E d u c a tio n W e e k '8 9 ; “G e n d e r E q u ity : T h e C la ssro o m E n viro n m e n t* .

D .B , C la rk e T h e a tre , C o n c o rd ia U n i­ v e rs ity . 1 4 5 5 de M a iso n n e u v e , W , 7 p .m . S p o n so rs: C o n c o rd ia U n iv e rs ity S tu d e n ts’ A ss o c ia tio n , C o n c o rd ia 's D e a n s , th e R e c to r's o ffice .

D e p a rtm e n t o f A n th ro p o lo g y -E th ­ n o lo g y S p e a k e rs S e rie s : lY o f. S a lly F a lk M o o re. H a rv a rd U n iv e rs ity , on "S o c ia l T h e o ry a n d th e A n th ro p o lo g i­ c a l P ro je ct: Som e C o m m en ts on 1 la b e rm a s". D s ic o c k 7 3 8 . 4 :3 0 -6 p .m .

M c G ill W r it e r s ' G u ild : E v e ry T h u rs ­ d a y : S tu d e n t re a d in g s , d is c u s s io n , w ritin g e xe rc.ise s. A rts 3 5 0 . 6 p .m .

In fo rm a tio n : 2 8 4 -4 4 2 1 .

L à s e m a in e fra n c o p h o n e de M c G lllg u e b e c -S u p e r v e rs io n fra n ç a is e : s o iré e “L a n c e e t co m p te ! V e n e z d is c u te r..,o u r ire ! (b iè re p o u r le s fa n a ­ tiq u e s ,.) “T h e A lle y " 1 9 h 5 9 . In fo .: 4 8 9 6 9 73. ____________ ;V ' "

’N o

D ru g s

a n d

L E T T E R S

P e r r ie r ’

F E A T U R E S

LET T E R S, LETTER S A N D M O R E LETTER S PAGE 4 I R R A T I O N A L

a

A F F A I R S

B L O O D Y S T O R IE S F R O M H E L L innocuous innuendo continues PAGE 13 WHAT’S HOT AND WHAT'S TACKY AT MCGILL Roll Your Own Super Special PAGE 14

T H E U N IO N B U IL D IN G IS IN C E S T C ITY, as the SSMU executive is elected in a flurry of nothing PAGE 5 S P O R T S K A T E M O R IS S E T T A L K S A B O U T H E R L IF E , about her men, and about her satanic verses. PAGE 6

AND

S T U F F

P E T E L O R U S S O : D R U G S M A D E H IM the best at passing, running, and cantering PAGE 16

T H E S I X T I E S A R E B A C K and old hippies like u s are raking it in. PAGE 7 R E C O R D S B O O K

R E V I E W

T H E CO NSUELO S

release their b est album sin c e D on't T a lk

to M e o n M o n d a y s

A B O O K R E V IE W ...(yawn) .. about... boredom...PAGE 7 A N O V E R H A U L of the Seafood Computer Monday night!

PLUS: MORE BEATLES, SLEEPY COWBOYS AND MORE. PAGE 18

M c G ILL S T U D E N T S ’ S O C IE T Y STUDENT LEAD ER

SU M M ER REGISTRATION FORM 1. Organization,

R EG IS TR A T IO N

Campus Address

A t t e n t io n a ll M c G i ll s t u d e n t l e a d e r s :

The 1989/90 President, Editor, Chairperson, Co-Ordinator or Chief Officer of any McGill stu­ dent Club, Society, Publication, Service, Coun­ cil, Committee or Association must register with the McGill Students' Society N O L A T E R T H A N A P R I L 14,1989.

Registration allows M cGill organizations to:

1. be able to book space in the University Centre; 2. be able to book space in other campus buildings at McGill rates; 3. receive the summer edition of the McGill Student Leader Bulletin; 4. be kept informed about the leadership seminar in September; 5. receive a copy of the operating manual for club officers.

C am pus g ro u p s not reg istered b y April 14th will b e co n sid e re d inactive and will lo se all ca m p u s privileges until s u c h time a s they are reinsated.

(Building)

(Room No.)

Campus Telephone No(s). (1)_

____(3)___

J2)_

| 2. Your organization is recognized by the,

I I

(N .B . O n ly th e S t u d e n t s ' S o c ie t y , th e 1 4 F a c u lt y a n d S c h o o l S o c ie t ie s a n d the

......................

S t u d e n t s ' A t h le t ic s C o u n c i l h a v e t h e a u t h o r ity to r e c o g n i z e o t h e r c a m p u s g r o u p s . )

3. Name of Chief Officer (First Name) Summer Address (No.)

Title (Last Name)

(Street)

(Apt.)

Postal Code Summer Telephone (1) (2) (3) 4. If you will not be in the Montreal area during the summer, please fill in the name and summer address of one member of your organization who will be in Montreal.

Name

Title (First Name)

Summer Address (No.)

(Last Name) (Street)

(Apt.) Postal Code

Summer Telephone (1)___________ _(2)_ (3)_ 5.

AUTHORIZATION TO RELEASE INFORMATION The Students' Society is often asked for the address and phone number of students holding various positions at McGill. Kindly initial one or more of the following lines authorizing the Students' Society to give the above addresses and phone numbers to those requesting them: I a) Student leaders on campus only ________

I I b) Any member of the public asking to get

________

Student leaders must complete the form below or in touch with the person holding your position I obtain a "Summer Registration" form from the Students' I .Today's Date, Society General Office, University Centre, Room 105, I Signature, 3480 McTavish Street, complete it and hand it in BY | Hand this form in at the Students' Society General Office or mail to: Leslie Copeland, Operations APRIL 14TH to Leslie Copeland, Operations Secretary. ^Secretary, Room 105, 3480 McTavish Street, Montreal, Quebec H3A 1X9.

j

O R R E S P O N D E N C E ,

? he McG ill C hristian Fellow­ ship has sponsored displays of anti-abortion propaganda in the foyer of the Arts building on several occasions, the most recent being on March 2, 1989. This dis­ play is resplendent with the d is­ gusting, retouched foetal "photo­ graphs” th a t we have all seen be­ fore, and such “religious” queries as “Does God forgive abortion?"

S p o n s o r i n g

m

e s s y

p i c t u r e s

T his type of display uses the

techniques of advertising, propa­ ganda and sensationalism. O ur com plaint is not primarily an ideo­ logical one. It would be ju s t ethi­ cally irresponsible for another school group to set up a Pro-Choice display complete with gory pic­ tures of women m utilated by backstreet or self-inflicted abortions.

Nor are we attem pting to limit "free speech". O ur complaint is one of offense. One may c h o o s e to view abortion in this graphic and bi­ ased way, b u t when it is displayed in a hallway th a t hundreds of students walk through several times a day, we do not choose, we are forced to see.

Last year a t Concordia there were com plaints made about the bloody and graphic displays being p u t u p around the university by Israeli and Palestinian students.

Both the pictures and the one­ sided views offended many s tu ­ dents. The problem w as solved by partitioning off an area in the school and allowing the groups to put their displays up side by side.

O ther students could choose to enter and see both views. We suggested to one of the m en a t the abortion display th a t they set up in the McGill C hristian Fellowship room. He said he'd never thought of that.

As of yet, we have been unable todiscoverw hichlevelofthe McGill adm inistration allows or vetoes this sort of graphic propaganda. We suggest th a t concerned members of the McGill community write to the building director a t Dawson Hall, room 216. It is im portant th a t McGill students - especially th e hundreds or thousands of women here who have had abor­ tions - be protected from this side of sensationalist harassm ent.

J u lie Crawford P ericles Lewis U2 A rts

Concordia's brawl F riday, F ebruary 24, we a t­ tended the McGill-Concordia hockey playoff game a t Loyola n

L O V E

cam pus. Although hockey is a violent sport, the violence usually stays be­ tween the hockey players themselves.

We were shocked with the realization ently a t Con­ th a t a p p a r nût so. Never cordia this is before have we w itn e s s e d such blatan t brutality at a game. college hockey second interDuring the McGill engim ission, the a tte m p t to neers, in an raise McGill spirit, wrongcently, went fully, butinnoan d played onto the ice w ith a nerf b r o o m b a ll a brief time of ball. After only 1= C o n c o r d i a “playing", the asked them announcer C o n c o rd ia to leave the ice. o guards prose curity out onto the ceeded to rush the engineers ice and shoved tion of the in the direc , exit gate. One i guard, how­ ever, w ent beyond the call of duty and lashed out violently a t a McGill engi­ neer. He pushed him down on the ice, took the broomball stick and th ru st it into the engineer's abdomen.

The engineer did not physically threaten the guard. This act of vio­ lence was u n ju st and uncalled for. The rather immense guard pounded on the engineer, despite the McGill su p ­ porter screaming, “Get off of hlmll" The commotion continued for a few minutes; but, settled down before the third period started.

However, the Concordia security guards were not through "harassing" the McGill students. Immediately af­ ter the game, another McGill student

u

was severely beaten by the sam e guard who Injured the engineer. The attack was unprovoked and left the student’s face covered with blood and requiring stitches. The guard th en turned on a photographer, recording the incident on film. The guard sm ashed the pho­ tographer’s cam era and verbally threat­ ened the photographer.

Dumbfounded by this display of ir­ rational behavior for a security guard, we feel we cannot let this u n ju st oc­ curence go by w ithout public notice.

Incidents su ch as these should not occur. The function of a security guard Is to keep the peace in the stands w ithout violence as the first resort.

4 .R oll Your Own, M arch 14T H , 1989

L E T T E R S

Only if the security guard is threatened physically should he react in the sam e m anner. In this particular case, the secu­ rity guard w as not in any way endangered physically by any of his victims. Not only was he twice as big as any of them, b u t they did not incite su ch frenzied behavior. They never expected such an o u tb u rst and were u n ­ prepared and therefore unable to react in self defence.

W eareoutragedlll Does Con­ cordia University advocate such behavior by their employees?

We hope not. It is imperative th at Concordia recognizes this misdeed and th a t they correct it by com pensating the victims in some way. A review of the Con­ cordia security is in order as well.

With fury an d astonishm ent, Three pissed off McGill s tu ­ dents, S tep h a n ie M ahler M elissa S an d ers S u san Sow alsky

Berry's Compilation Tapes: Give it up, guy. You're too dull

I

AMFORMALLYDECLARING my support for David Wright, candidate for president of SSMU. The reason for my support is his strong stand on the issue of Student Initi­ ated R eferenda.

SIRs will introduce a m easure of de­ mocracy into the workings of the Students [sic] So­ ciety. The first ref­ eren d u m I will instigate will be to get Paul Horwitz o u t of our stu d en t newspaper. Horwitz's latest article is so boring, th a t I phoned my m other instead of reading the concluding p ara­ graph. You've lost your spark, dude. Psychopaths such as myself need a healthy outlet for their highly critical tenden­ cies, which might manifest themselves as violent behav­ ior. If Paul Horwitz doesn't write insulting crap, Iwill have n o th ­ ing to react to and would have no choice b u t to become a physical m enace to certain VP University Affairs candidates. I would m uch prefer if Horwitz

&

A D V IC E

would write insulting crap (to me personally), instead of boring crap (which appeals to no one, and w astes trees). In the meantime, it looks like I am going to rack up an enorm ous phone bill talking to my mother, whom, as I am sure you have ascertained, I hate.

E rin Berry U1 A rts P.S. Getting letters published in the T r i b u n e is such an ego trip for me. It m u st be sim ilar to run ning for stu d en t office.

O nce again I am committing an act of narcissism by writing a n ­ other letter, to protest a letter criticizing me and my pals, and also to complain about the poor quality of Paul Horwitz's “The Disneyland Tapes". I realize now th a t my approach to attacking Mr. Horwitz was all wrong. McGill's newest, an d I might add, finest publication, the R e d H e r r i n g , has captured the tru e essence of Mr. Horwitz's latest column, su ch th a t I find it impossible to form any co­ herent criticism. I've read this column over three times and still cannot fathom as to w hat Mr. Horwitz is trying to say. I there­ fore conclude th a t it is crap. W hat shocks me even more, is th at these colum ns are steadily more unin telligible each week.

As for Mr. Carlson calling me and my “cronies" dickheads, I gen erally Ignore people who resort to juvenile nam e calling, b u t I'll make an exception in this case. Firstly, I think Mr. Carlson is right th at everyone does not know th a t TV is mindless drivel. But I do think th a t anyone attending a higher level institute such as McGill Uni versify, does know about the w orthlessness of television (ex­ cept for a few programs, such as S ta r T r e k and D a v e L e t t e r m a n ) and does not need someone tell ing them about it week in and week out. Write about aspects of culture th a t university students are interested in, was the point th a t was being made. Secondly, accusing me of narcissism seems ridiculous, in view th a t Paul Horwitz’s column is nothing more than Narcissus himself looking into a pool of w ater and falling in love

P ublisher S tud ents ' S ociety U niversity

of

M c G ill

E ditor in C hief K ate M orisset N ew s E ditors P aul H orwitz P aul M ichell F eatures E ditors K im F arley H eather M itchell E ntertainment E ditors M ike C rawley K elly G allagher M ackay S ports E ditors N ick L eonardos R uari N icholson P hoto E ditor N eal H erbert P roduction G urus D avid G ruber C harlie Q uinn P roduction G urus from A bove J osie D uan N ancy F erguson A ndréa H itchfield C laire M c M anus K irsten M yers M assimo S avino F iona S tewart P ublications M anager H elene M ayer S taff S hannon A ldinger , Z aphod B eeblebro x , S ylvia B iletnikoff , C hristine B yron , L ionel C ho w , T h e entire C o N S U E L O F A M IL Y , C H R IS

F o r b e s , A ndrew G r een , T im H ouston , S arah J ohnston , A aron M argolis , L inda M iller , M ike M artin , S usie O lsler , D eborah R o sen b er g , Ian S irota , A n d rzej S zymanski , M oira M ac D onald , C olin S c o tt , D avid K ennedy .

Cover Illustration M assim o Savino w ith v a lu ­ able a ssista n c e from Neal Herbert and D avid G ruber MERCI ANTOINE with his own reflection. I can only hope th a t Mr. Horwitz reads his column for once, instead of ju s t writing it. He may then realize its flaws.

E rin B erry U1 A rts P.S. My evil twin brother has been writing nasty letters to the T r i b u n e , using my name. Please disregard them - he is of unsound mind and quite misogynistic when it comes to popular culture.

Ed. w e e k ?

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You know how, every so often, i n u t e s will send Morley Safer down to some little town in Ala­ bam a or o u t to Nova Scotia where incest is rife, and e v e r y b o d y in the town is nam ed Smith. A town in which everybody is someone else’s uncle or a u n t or m other or cousin or sister or husband. The whole goddamn town. The mayor is the dogcatcher's uncle, the reeve’s m other is the fire chief, and the sheriffs cousin paves the streets.

The kind of town you might see in an Ansel Adams retrospective. And as you tu rn off the TV, you think, w

h a t

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w a te r . T h a n k w h e r e n e s s

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The nightm are continues. Even in a big brassy city such as Mon­ tréal, which likes to think of itself as groovy and intellectual, such scary things are commonplace.

Take McGill University’s recent S tu d en t Society elections, for example.W hat at first might seem to be a pack of keen chess-club types trying to whine their way into overpaid ceremonial positions of self-gratification and résum é-build­ ing becomes a m uch more insidi­ ous and frightening phenomenon: institutionalized nepotism. To use the political science language, the SSMU Executive Committee is a self-perpetuating oligarchical b u ­ reau-technocracy. Plus, there's incest.

Any discussion of such a d an ­ gerous social condition m ust nec­ essarily be prefaced by the steady consumption of m uch Gin and more Tequila. Wine is for the m uses, and m using was certainly not called for. As the election results crawled in on Thursday night, R o l l Y o u r O w n reporters were doing a little research with the aid of perform­ a n c e -e n h a n c in g c o n s u m p tio n goods. O ur marginal propensity to consume was great.

All the im portant candidates were there at that local fraternity hangout and postmod McDonald’s, Gert’s. All im portant former candi­ dates and executives were there.

All hangers-on, obsequious posi­ tion seekers, weasels, toadies and self-appointed political cognoscenti were also there, and occasionally you could tell the difference be­ tween them. All of u s were there,

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sipping w ateiy draft, watching the “Like A Prayer" video while New Order-clone music blared o ut of the 1940s era sound system, and (for those of us who have confused public service with the road to the Scarlet Key) hoping for th a t crucial appointm ent to APPC w hich might come at any moment.

When you walk into a b ar on election night and see, sitting a t one tablé, 3 years running worth of SSMU executives, all looking as if they have their hands on each other’s knees, and people who are going to be spending thousan d so f dollars of s tu d e n t money keep on trying to steal your cigarettes, you know why you decided to become a journalist.

It took until about 2 lh 3 0 for the dedicated staff of Wedge-appointed ballot-counters to come up with the first set of results. In th at time, easily 30 gallons of sweat poured off of potential executive brows; if it had only been collected, we could have made the S ahara a m arsh.

There was m uch idle banter, cas­

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ual specu lation, and some new pick­ up lines were tried o ut (“Ever touched a Vice-President before, tiger?").

The first announcem ents were made to gleeful cheering from the pre-execubescent gallery. After

highly provisional counting of about one third of the votes, early returns had Monty Shillington o ut in front w ith all of 157 votes, clearly a sign th at relatives are everywhere. Quoth Mister Shillington, ju s t before re­ turning to a crucial pool game, “Yeahl" O thers were a little cooler Presidential candidate and disco guru David Wright and a beautiful

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mystery date had no comment, as they were both alone on the dance floor, doing their darndest to put together a credible version of the Funky Chicken, to primordial hiphop sm ash “White Lines".

To those of u s who were still both still in the ru n n in g and still con­ scious, things proceeded to w ax te n se .

Some candi­ dates took to drink, others to in h a lin g prim e P eru ­ vian flake, but m ost can d i­ dates took to other candi­ dates. Puppydog ey es, ten se grins, and sp o n ta­ neous group hugging set the pace for the next hour and a half. At the shooters end of the bar, we reasoned th at it might be time to season some of the rookie reporters to the trials of gastronomic combat.

Vodka shots abounded, and u n ­ successful Arts Senator candidate A tjun Singh led the charge to blottodom.

Meanwhile, over a t the candi­ dates' inbreeding table, VP Univer­ sity Affairs hopeful Kate “Hug Me,

I’m Nervous” Morisset proceeded to launch into a free-for-all of SSMU Trivial Pursuit. JMC, MUNASA, how many votes Paul Pickersgill won by - the trivia th a t fills the m inds of £ hundred ju n io r Kennedys. Danie: Tcnenbaum, perhaps guiltier than anyone of the “Yes, I graduated last year, but..." syndrome, cornered me and tried to tell me yet agair about all his wonderful experiences a t IBM over the last year.

"Shut up, Daniel," I kept or saying, in between bouts of escap­ ing to the bar for a little JD action J e s u s , I thought to myself, i f t h e y d o n ’t

g e t

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a r e g o in g

th r o a ts

f a s t e r

y o u c a n s a y "Starving mongrel poli tics junkie dog."

Funnym an Jean-C harles Viens, candidate for VP Finance against renowned hum an rights activist Freya Kodar, was suitably socially lubricated for the occasion, and proceeded to w ander about, hug­ ging this reporter at knee level and calling for the next round of results in a Brandoesque voice. When questioned about his plans for allo­ cation of next year’s $1,700,000 budget, Viens babbled incoherently about something he termed “Kej Mania." Already acclaimed VP In ternal Ray Satterthw aite and VP External Jo h n Fox spoke of the Canadiens-N ordiques m atch and appeared to be at the candidates table for a little piece of the action themselves. Satterthw aite refused to commit himself to any position b u t mentioned th at a renovation oJ continued on page 6

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R oll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989. 5

continued from page 5 G ert’s a n d the Alley might be in order, involving some minor u se of plastique. Apparently, the two were there to ensure th a t th e proper candidates were brought into the executive fold, sort of like u p p er­ classm en a t a Yale freshm an class initiation, only w ithout the paddles.

J ust when the bar began to dip into the synthetic G in, th e final re ­ su lts were announced to a gleeful m ass. The stale, smoky area a t the d a n c e f lo o r edge of the w ith hopew as packed th eir blood fu is and w h ile th e re la tiv e s

L e t ’s s e e . . . b e a u tifu l were rolled 2 7 % o f th e A nd...S anto g in e e r ex1 4 % v o te r w as elected v o t e , a d e n t, w ith t u r n o u t ...y e p , a t ty p ic a lly 27% of the M c G i l l t h a t ’s see...27% of 14% v o te r w h a t w e c a ll a a t M cGill w e ca ll a d a t e ,

w im p

m a n d a te .

n um bers o f f .

M anna, entraordinairc, SSMU Presi733 votes, a w h o p p in g vote. L et's the vote, a turnout..yep, th a t's w hat wimp man-

M a n n a ’s

large enough m andate is th a t he gets the office, b u t needs a referendum to get perm ission to go to the bathroom . O ther winners: Morisset, by a kazillion votes, won the University Affairs position, dooming u s all to horrific quantities of good cheer: while J-C Viens, the guy who would have a kind word for Ted Bundy, took Finance. Every referendum w ent the way th a t the p resent SSMU executive h ad hoped, a n event which caused a mild seizure in execs M aria Battaglia and Nancy Côté. The QPIRG board of governors election took a little longer, since the wise QPIRG volun­ teers h ad apparently forgotten to bring a calculator (one SSMU staf­ fer’s opinion of the QPIRG vote-counters? “Assholes. ), b u t by the time they arrived everybody w as far too wailed to notice.

And so the Games of the SSMU come to a another well-deserved close, a s did Gert's, b u t not before R o l l Y o u r O w n staffers w ere able to get in a few terrible rounds of pool on the cocktail-napkin sized "tables" a t the Shallow End of th e pub, an d to reach a few conclusions ab o u t the elections, an d ab o u t next year’s executive. First off: short.

Not th a t this is a bad thing, b u t three of the five SSMU executives for next y ear would have to pray to reach 5'3”. I m ean, sure, they can govern, b u t imagine how badly the SSMU intercollegiate executive m em ber basketball team will do next season.

S eriously, though, this is a group of people who are all quite com­ petent, well-meaning, and who have good ideas for change a t McGill; b u t don't expect any h u g e changes. The sta tu s quo for th ese folks is ju s t a thing to be m ade better; hell, th a t’s why we a t Complacent, Cowardly U. elected them . Until we really w a n t a . difference, we'll have quality leadership, b u t no con sen su s an d no paradise.

In the end, the final word on the elections has to go to Louie the porter. According to T enenbaum , Louie h a s called the elections cor­ rectly for th e la st three years, and got it right this year. How does he do it? The sam e way I do - heavy drinking, and a serious need for sleep.

N

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not safe from the insidious danger of falling prey to the vicious plans of the U.S. mili­ tary, it seems. R o l l Y o u r O w n h a s discovered th a t the United S tates Army h a s a contract, w orth several million dollars, w ith McGill University, w hich funds research into th e devel­ opm ent of heavily arm ed, and possibly lethal, tricycles.

McG ill U niversity students

should be familiar w ith the lit­ any of devices of doom w hich the Pentagon h as procured. But never before h a s the U.S. Army gone so far as to directly fund full-scale research and devel­ opm ent of the so-called M3 AFV (Armoured Fighting Vehicle) a t a C a n a d ia n u n iv e rsity of McGill's stature.

W hen reached for a com­

and ViceChancellor David Jo h n sto n said, “W hat are you talking about? Armoured tricycles?You idiot! We don’t engage in th a t

A

I R

S

o f D e a th

G R E I D E R

are

ment, McGill Principal

A

J R .

sort of thing,” sniffed Jo h n sto n , “Excuse me, b u t I've got a m eeting w ith C hancellor de G randpré now.

O ut of my way."

V ice P rincipal (Research) Gor­ don M aclachlan said, “The eagle h as landed. The fat m an w alks alone. The eagle h a s landed, th e fat m an w alks alone. Alpha Charlie Tango." M aclachlan w as later seen discussing som ething of great im portance w ith a group of people dressed as gorillas, an d th u s m u st be completely disregarded as a source.

Later on, R oll Your O wn report­ ers caught u p with Engineering Dean Belanger, who will be h ead ­ ing u p the death-tricycle research.

“FAEs were neat,” he opined, “b u t killer trikes have th a t certain som e­ thing, y’know? They tu rn every kindergarten into a place of fear an d death, an d they'd look great in aTV movie ab o u t my life." He added th a t “Lee and I are m aking w ads of cash on this deal."

P roject Aquarius, a student

6 .R o ll Your-O w n,-M atch 14T.Hr 1 9 8 9

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M

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r is s e t

C a n d id a n d

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T a lk

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A b o u t

M u s ic ,

M o v ie s ,

M a r r ia g e

BY PAUL LIBEL JR .

T he T ribune offices, as always,

b ig g e s t in flu e n c e

are hot. Kate Morisset, ju s t back from a record-breaking solo aco u s­ tic tour of FEEQ-membcr universi­ ties, is wearing a w hite m uscle shirt and pink B erm uda sh o rts (“I'm nothing w ithout my w ardrobe a s ­ sistan t, Ray," she laughed a t one point in the interview), quaffing iced café au lait after iced café au lait. For th e first time in m onths, she is n o t onstage or in the studio, an d can take th e tim e to speak candidly abou t things th a t are dear to h er soul, like h e r music.

At 18 years of age, Kate Moris­ set w as squatting in an abandoned w arehouse in London, sharing space with skinheads, an arch ists, and outlaw in su ran ce salespeople.

A year later, h er first single, “Ian Brodie is the King of Rock", w as num ber 16 w ith a bullet. Now, a t the tender age of 20, she h a s three h it album s u n d er h er belt, includ­ ing the recent n u m b er 1 album M a r i a . “No, all the fuss h asn 't turned my head in the least,” she says, “you little serf." Her b u sy schedule h a s wreaked havoc with more th an one relationship in th e past, b u t she currently h a s high hopes for her new b eau , w ho she only refers to cryptically a s “Monty.”

RYO: Y o u ' v e b e e n d e e p l y a f ­ f e c t e d w o u ld la s tin g

b y c e r ta in a r ti s ts . W y o u

s a y

h a v e

h a d

h ic h o n e s th e

m

o s t

in flu e n c e ?

Morisset: I'm twenty years old!

VVhatdo you want! Well, I'd say th a t Germaine Greer, M argaret Atwood and Simone de Beauvoir have cer­ tainly given me a lot of food for thought. [ L i g h t s a c i g a r e t t e ] Yeah, I'd have to say th a t...Um...Mostly, I rely on myself. I am , after all, me.

RYO: T h a t ' s n i c e . W h a t a b o u t

o n

y o u r

“p a n d e r

w o r k ?

Morisset: Well, while I'm edit­ ing, I like to listen to Melissa Etheridge...she'sw onderful. Also, 1 love to listen to th e early J a n e Siberry EP’s.. .you know, from before she got so commercial. Tracy C hapm an’s also really good, and Dave G ruber plays a wicked tuba.

RYO: T h a t ’s c e r t a i n l y a d i v e r s e a n d

e c le c tic

g r o u p ,

w o u l d n ’t

y o u

a g r e e ?

Morisset: No. RYO: F i n e . N o w y o u r

p e r s o n a l

p e r s o n

a n d

,

te ll

m

d e v e lo p m

a s

a n

e

a b o u t

e n t,

a s

a

a r tis t.

Morisset: Well, first of all, my Mommy loves me! She does, you know. Honestly, shedoes. Um...my college y ears have helped m e to develop w hat some m ight call an outgoing personality. I've become more aw are in a political sense of the really n asty stuff th a t goes on o u t there. Also, I've gotten myself a lot more organized. U m ...the job entails th a t kind of personal disci­ pline, th a t willingness to forget ab o u t your own life now an d then, to leave things by the wayside, to w atch your life explode in a ca ta­ clysmic b u rs t of pain an d sorrow leading inevitably to the Void. Plus, I've learned to love myself.

RYO:

H

a v e

p a n d in g

in to

t h a t

w e r e

a s a

y o u

y o u

th e

o u t th e r e

c o n s id e r e d

c in e m

a ?

in te r e s te d

y o u th , a n d

I 'm

w o u l d

s u r e

lo v e

to

a

in

I

e x ­

k n p w

organization m ade u p of J o a n Baez fans, h a s consistently lobbied against su ch research a t McGill, claiming th a t the research is “grody," an d th a t it m ight “se t off bad vibes, m an." Project Director Alex Lem an suggested th a t the problem might be solved if“we could ju s t be excellent to each other.

M

T V " , a s

y o u

s a i d

Morisset: Well, we’ll have to see w h at the budget allows, you know. We're n o t m ade of money! [laughs, l i g h t s a n o t h e r c i g a r e t t e ] W hat are you getting at?

RYO: I ' m j u s t s u r p r i s e d , t h a t ’s

a l l

M o risse t: W ell, y o u sho u ld n ’t be. People change, you know. Take Springsteen, for instance. I loved T h e R i v e r , b u t th is B o m i n t h e U . S . A . idi­ ocy drives me completely b atshit! Really.

RYO: A r e y o u g e t t i n g m o r e p o litic a lly

a c tiv e ?

o u s

in

tr e n d

I t's

a n

o b v i­

y o u r p r o fe s s io n .

Morisset: Well, I've always been pretty concerned ab o u t accessibility to ed u catio n , trying to prevent increasing class sizes, an d ju s t sprucing u p th e place a little, y'know?

RYO: U h , s u r e , w h a t e v e r y o u s a y . I s it tr u e y o u 'r e w i th

C la p to n

in

to u r in g

th e f a l l ?

Morisset: I'm n ot su re I know w hat you m ean. I'll be taking office in th e spring.

RYO: T a k i n g o f f i c e ? I h a v e n o

id e a

w

h a t

y o u ’r e

ta lk in g

d r a m

a

Morisset: Yes, I’m VP Uni­ versity Affairs for th e SSMU. [Puts o u t b o t h c i g a r e t t e s 1

lo t o f f a n s

s e e

RYO:

it.

Morisset: Listen, don't th in k of them a s fan s...th in k of it a s a m andate. Still, any talk ab o u t films is p r o b a b ly a b it prem ature... although Maria d i d say som ething ab o u t renting a Vide-

w in n in g , c ia n ?

T h e

Y o u 'r e

n o t a n

c h a r t- to p p in g w r ite r

a n d

a w

a r d ­

m

u s i ­

s in g e r

o f

“So Sue Me"?

Morisset: No. Definitely not.

Uh-uh.

RYO: So t h e S e a n P e n n r u ­ m

o u r ’s

o u t o f th e

q u e s tio n ?

Morisset: No comment.

RYO: So a

e

to

1 9 8 6 ...

a b o u t

m u s ic ia n s ?

Morisset: W hat a b o u t them ?

RYO: W h i c h o n e s h a v e h a d t h

in

w o r k s ?

v id e o

Y o u ’v e

a l w

m

ig h t b e

a y s

in

r e fu s e d

th e to

y'know, man?" He refused to com ­ m ent fu rth er on the ru m o u r th a t the Project intends to love-bomb th e cam pus, saying th a t he h ad a prior engagem ent on Venus.

SSMU P resident S anto Manna had little to say on th e issue: “You know, I ju s t received a m andate, so

RYO:

S h it.

I'm kind of bu sy right now," he said w hilst getting doused in w arm flat beer by legions of crazed supporters. “B u t hell, it sounds like a lot of fun. Maybe SSMU can get in on it.” M ean­ while, weirdo U.S. m ilitary preschoolers w ait w ith eager­ ness.

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, th e S o

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M u c h

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B e tte r E ig h tie s

I» * T H lg o 5 t

BY PAUL HAIGHT AND PAUL ASHBURY (Number 666 in a series.)

Last night, I was sitting in my BMW, listening to a little Steppenwolf on CD, and chatting w ith J a n n W enner ab o u t rais­ ing advertising rates, an d I got to thinking ab o u t the old days of peace m arches, an d acid, an d VD. Born to Be Wild, baby.

Those days in w hich everybody w as a little freer, a little more idealistic, a little less greedy an d a little less vain an d anx­ ious ab o u t their m ortality and th eir income statem ents. No, I’m n ot talking ab o u t the Mezozoic Era, I’m talking about the Sixties. My Sixties. Mine!

Don’t think for a moment

I’m glorifying those days gone by. If you started to think th at, I might cease to grow w ealthy selling their im ages to you in small, bim onthly porthat

B o o k

lO i magazine. In other words, you. If someone h ad told m e thirtysom ething years ago th a t I could m ake a bundle of cash by m ak­ ing an entire generation w orship a decade during which they were still in diapers, I would have w rapped his or her h u la hoop aro u n d his or h er head.

r*C.«-t -'f**'*-

**

tions. B ut w hen you com pare them to the Eighties, w hich m ight also be referred to as The Decade I T urned 40 And Got Really Nervous, you sta rt to worry; and since all of my income is derived from com paring the Sixties to the Eighties, I worry a lot.

To get right down to it, the sixties rocked, an d the eighties ju s t kind of h u n g aro u n d and tried to look good like a kid a t a high school dance. Let’s face it: those of you who were unfor­ tu n a te enough to grow up during the 70’s have lost ou t in a big way. T h at is to say, 95% of the people who b u y this

Quantifying Student Boredom Badm an B ook s $ 1 9 9 .5 3

I

t isn't often that someone

w rites a pop psychology book specifically intended for students; an d th is one is c e r ta in ly w o rth a look.

I.M.Slipie, a psychologist a t McGuilt University, claim s to have spent y ears of careful research on the subject of boredom, b u t quite honestly, there isn ’t m uch in the way of corroboration for his theories.

W hat there is between the 600 odd pages of h is w ork is a sketchy foray into tim e and the space in w hich you occupy it.

Slipie’s m ain th ru st is th a t boredom is essentially related to perception of time, i.e. the more boring som ething is to do, th e longer it seem s to take!

So w hat’s new here? W hat’s

m inutes.

“Well, th a t's great,” you say, “ b u t how do I use it?” Slipie doesn't say, b u t the au th o r suggests the following. Use your experience w ith a class to establish the boredom constant, th en on a p articular day a sk yourself be­ fore you enter, “J u s t how boring is this going to be?" If the answ er

contains so m any “very"’s th a t the experienced time exceeds 2 exp.m in/m in, go have a drink instead, it ju s t isn ’t w orth it.

Dr. Slipie discusses, b u t does not approach another topic in his conclusion. Is there a re­ sidual effect on experienced boredom ? Hmmm... can a sequel be far behind?

I MEAN, you try and tell kids

R e v ie w :

B y , I .M .S lip ie P h D .

them w ant Hendrix, or the Straw ­ berry Alarm Clock or th e Troggs or Blind Faith or whoever, it’s us.

I didn't spend three m iserable soaking days a t W oodstock for

nothing. So, even if it m eans a lotofhard w orkand late nights, a lot of time sp en t digging in the attic, a few less nights over a t Hard Rock, we a t Roll Your Own intend to cram our life down the collective th ro ats of your life until you're dead and we’re rich.

You know those $20 tie dyes you buy on the street?

Ours. You know th e Reebok in serts? They pay us. Bono? A m edia creation - our media creation. Selling consciences w ith rhythm , wearing our hair too long for anybody to notice we're actually balding 38-yearolds, asking everybody from Timothy Leary to Timothy H utton if they don’t agree th a t the Sixties were nirvana-ish while the Eighties are not unlike G ehenna...ours, ours, ours. And you should ju s t see how m uch o u r stock is worth.

new is th a t he h a s d e v e lo p e d a m athem atical, and therefore more sci­ entific, approach to th e relatio n sh ip between tim e and the ever presen t Bword.

Essential to the theory is the for­ mula: T=KB, the so called ‘perceived time equation’. The variables are as follows: “T" is the p erceived tim e, given in perceived m inutes per actual m inute, and corre­ sponds to th e time any particular activity seem s to take. “B” is the boredom factor given in boredom units, and corresponds to the num ber of tim es you’d be likely to say the word Veiy' before the word boring during a p articu lar activity.

“K" is a bit trickier; it is the bore­

today ab o u t Hendrix, m an, and they ju s t smile and say, “Sure.

How m uch did you say th a t Tif­ fany album w as going for?" Fuck­ ing Tiffany, man. We got teargassed by the pigs in Chicago in ’68 for the sake of capitalist teenybopper fascist m arket-slaves like Tiffany!

S till, if anybody’s gonna make

W here is h e n o w W hen Marc Cameron was recently

ousted from h is lofty position as VP External a t McGill Univer­ sity, some of you were devas­ tated. O thers were oblivious.

We a t R o l l Y o u r have kept close ta b s on Marc an d are happy to report th a t he is gradually ad ­ ju stin g to life in the real world. M arc’s first task w as to retu rn his text­ books to the bookstore for a f u l l O

dom constant, w hich is based on gen­ eral factors (for an example, the bore­ dom co n stan t for a class is based on the room, the prof, the course su b ­ ject, and the presence of attractive m em bers of the opposite sex) an d is given in experienced m inutes per boredom u n its tim es experienced

w n

r e fu n d .

A

fo llo w

M A R C

He th en w ent on to join a PhD com m une in the B.C. inte­ rior. However, never having completed th a t religion course, Marc w as three credits sh o rt of a PhD. Rum or h a s it t h a t Marc's new plan is to ru n for le a d e rsh ip of the NDP. The catch is th a t M arc d o e s n ’t own any corduroy suits. But keep it quiet, w hat the NDP doesn't know yet w on't h u rt it.

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C A M E R O N R o ll Your Own, M arch 14T H , 1 98 9. 7

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Into the stratosphere D i z z y G i l l e s p i e ’s s o u n d b u r i e d i n B a l l r o o m

B Y D A V ID “R I F F S ” KENNEDY

J

azz has precious few giants remaining. Far too many great talents, such as the alto sax genius Charlie Parker, succum bed to th e s e lf-d e stru c tio n th a t thrived in the jazz of the 40s and 50s. ■Dizzy” (John Birks) Gillespie is a fortunate excep­ tion. With boundless gusto and hum our, he has outlasted all b u t a few from the bebop school, and continues to bring his music and unique zest for life to listeners everywhere.

LastW ednesday's perform­ ance by the legendary trum ­ peter featured some old clas­ sics an d a taste of the sound

fromA N i g h t i n H a v a n a , his new film which opened in Montreal last Friday.

After several delays and a lack­ lustre introduction, the band en ­ tered and settled into a funky groove. Dizzy walked on and began to play in a way th a t w as alm ost anti-clim actic. His tra d e m a rk sound w as buried u n d er echo and reverb, emerging only towards the end of the tune. His best solo in the first num ber w as unfortunately on the cowbell.

Dizzy’s playing sounded brittle and tired, b u t he performed with ease and lyricism, leaving the screaming high notes to Arturo Sandoval, a C uban trum peter who played with unfailing conviction.

Sam Rivers, a veteran of the sixties avant garde jazz scene, gave the

audience tension and fire on the soprano sax, and a memorable rendition of ‘R o u n d M i d n i g h t on the tenor. The som ew hat younger rhythm section w as solid, but tended to resort to dynamics and pyrotecnics when inspiration was lacking.

Gillespie's irrepresible antics throughout the show were unex­ pected. His 71-year old pelvis gy­ rated wildly, he danced, shouted, and hugged bandm em bers after great solos. The atm osphere Dizzy created gave rise to several unfor­ gettable moments. When the time cam e to introduce his bebop masterpiece,A N i g h t i n T u n i s i a , he proclaimed th a t "it h as withstood th e vasticities of the contingent world and mooooowes in an oddessey into the realm of the m etaphysical...no shit!!' During the tune, I couldn’t help b u t think of how many tim es it had been played over the last forty five years, and with whom. Dizzy’s solo was the best of the evening during this song. He occasionally soared into

the stratosphere, spinning o u t lines like those he and Charlie Parker unleashed on the unsuspecting public years ago Those who managed to catch

last Wednesday’s show were treated to a evening of jazz by one of its m ost im portant inno­ vators, and perhaps its great­ est living figure.

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8 .Roll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989

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WE’RE ON YOUR WAY

C r e a t iv e S p ir it

S o a rs

BY MOIRA MACDONALD

monial fire. Ravel's music was a good pick for the story and the movement was excellent in reflecting the passions in ­ volved.

'Slippery People' however was the real show stopper of th e perform ance. C horeo­ graphed by Andrea Brown, the dance was the epitome of funki­ ness. Music provided by the Talking Heads probably had something to do with it b u t the dancers also made the contri­ bution of g e 11 i n ’ down and oilin’ the grooves.

A 1 -

P

Y e t A n o t h e r C o w b o y J u n k ie s BY PAUL CON­ GLOM ERATE JR .

M

argo Timmins, her soft voice wafting through the room like a Kitaro album on half­ speed, says, very quietly, barely even m o v i n g h e r l i p s , as si­ lently as she possibly can w ith­ o u t actually being silent, “Would you keep it down, please?" to sleeping band m em ber and brother Alan Timm ins, whose breathing patterns have ju s t risen in volume by about 1/ 100th of a decibel.

The Cowboy Junkies, w ith­ out ever making noise them ­ selves, have caused more criti­ cal noise th an any other band this year. The ban d , which hails from Toronto, C anada (for readers who may not know, th at's the country ju s t to the north of us, the one with all the accountants), have been called “really super" by T i m e m aga­ zine, “like, totally super neat"

by S a s s y magazine, and “an ontological reflection of other­ wise innocuous poststructu­ ralist Hobbesian stuff that's nice" by the New York Times.

The band's reaction to their newfound cache am ong really pretentious critics and really pretentious listeners alike has been subdued. “T hat's nice," mumbled Margo, in an alm ost

A r t ic le

inaudible voice. Alan would have made a comment, bu t he w as sleep­ ing, so we decided not to bother him.

the band recently broke the B i l l ­ b o a r d record for inducing comas in listeners, a record previously held

by Perry Como.

The band's music is best de­ Still, the Cowboy Ju n k ies aren't scribed as a everybody's cross between ______________ cup of very lig h t, Ny q u i 1; dreamy, q u i e t people with country music p u lse s, for a c r o s s and a truckin s t a n c e , load of acid. may not like b e tw e e n v e r y Really, really th e m , an d acid. q u i e t lig h t, d r e a m y , narcoleptics Since its re­ shouldn’t lis­ lease several c o u n t iy ten to them m onths ago in w hile driv­ the U.S. (Ca­ m u s ic a n d a ing. None of nadians claim this m atters tr u c k lo a d o f to have had to M argo the album for T im m in s ,

q u ie t

a c id

several

m onths before --------------------that, b u t they may be lying), the album h as been making its way up the ch arts -qui­ etly- and is providing much-needed new exposure for quiet bands from Canada on the American music scene; not to mention the fact th at

how ever,

whose stated intention is ju s t “to drop some ‘cid and have a little nap." Two other band mem­ bers couldn't be contacted, since they were meeting Je su s with the aid of certain little pills, and Alan was still asleep. Shhhh...

layer's Theatre is politely referred to as an “intimate space" b ut when it comes to dance, 'intim ate' is not a word dancers are fond of hearing. Never­ theless, the McGill Contemporary Dance Ensemble did an admirable job of putting the Player’s space to maximum use for their production entitled T he Language of Dance’.

T he show ran last week­ end beginning on Wednesday and show ed that, despite the oncoming ava­ lanche of re ­ p o rts, essay s and ex a m s, McGill students still have a great deal of creative spirit left. The programme was well-varied with a m ixture of ballet, jazz and some rath er pessi­ mistic modem. 'Bamboleo' was the ensemble’s tip-o-the-hat to tap dance b u t tap's more impressive and intricate steps were sorely missed here. Fred Astaire may not have cu t it with the Gipsy Kings' S panish rhythm s b u t some u n ­ abashed flamenco foot stomping would have been a welcome addi­ tion.

All the show pieces were cho­ reographed by members of the en ­ semble (save one by a former McGill student). '[-Voiced]-> [+Beat] [Body] was particularly interesting with its u se of hand-clapping as the sole accom panim ent and some original 'handy' costumes. This piece proved th a t at the root of dance is rhythm, an ’ honey: if you ain 't got rhythm you ain 't got no dance t ’alll 'Funeral for a Friend' and 'La Valse' showed the ensem ble's ca­ pacities for the dramatic. As the audience vainly tried to sm other its giggles during ‘La Valse', four women were successively seduced by one very robotic and m urder­ ous-looking m an and then driven crazy by him (in fact I failed to see how any one could not be). How­ ever, they all succeeded in having their final revenge w hen they danced around this Frankenstein, as witches would do around a cere­

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th o u g h most of the d an cers a re f u ll­ time s tu ­ d e n ts a t

Mc Gi l l and there­ fore don't have the tim e to dedicate themselves to daily dance classes, they still had at least one up on those interm i­ nable five-hour recitals so m any am ateur ballet schools are known for. The troupe lacked technical polish b ut made up for this by its sense of professionalism. The choreog­ raphers had a sound sense of stagecraft with dances free of the monotony of sam e-steps and boring direction patterns.

The 'Language of D ance's’ fi­ nale of the same nam e was a marvellous b lu r of movement involving the entire ensemble and an appropriate finish to the evening. It may also have set the record for m ost per­ sons on the Player's Theatre stage a t any one time.

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Roll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989. 9

S t ill

W a te r s

Warhol Lives: I t

R u n s

D e e p

Ex-PINK FLOYD masterm ind and middling solo artist ROGER WATERS did not appear a t any parties in the past two weeks, has not launched any new legal action against his former b and m ates and is not currently producing or recording any new material.

W aters could not be reached for comment. Incidentally, epic Pink Floyd 1973 LP The D a r k S i d e o f t h e M o o n is no longer on the BILL­ BOARD Top 200. It could, however, make a resurgence a t any time.

We've got ou r fingers crossed.

W a s Q

C lo s e , u ite

G

e t

B

u t R

id

W e

C

O

f H

o u ld n ’t im

The great pop-art m a ste r ANDY WARHOL w as se e n recently at CBGB’s, th e great p op -m u sic club in that great p op-cu lture city NEW YORK. Previous reports of W arhol’s death w ere found to b e greatly exaggerated. You will recall, I’m su re, that W arhol w as reported to have ask ed for relatively bizarre funeral arrangem ents, s o no one ever saw h is body dead. In an interview ; ■ With ROLL YOUR OWN, W arhol sa id he faked h is 1 death to collect on in su ran ce, to increase the ___ _____ valu e of h is p ain tin gs, and to see w hat the ex p e­ rience w a s like. “Hell, everybody’s doing it th ese J ______________ d a y s.” com m en ted W arhol a s h e took a drag from a CAMEL LIGHT. “Look at ROY ORBISON. He died, and all th ese n o n -fa n s started b u yin g h is S' 0 SC records. He’s a m illionaire.” On leaving th e club, W arhol w a s ask ed w h at h is future p la n s would ____________ be. O nlookers reported that h e sa id so m eth in g -------------ab ou t a series o f SANDER SHALENSKY litho-

Fashion Note: R ip p in g

O ff th e

The MILAN fashion scene is abuzz with excitement a t the arrival of the fall collection of sensational Ja p an ese designer AKIRA TOSHIBA. Toshiba, a native of O saka who currently resides in London's fashionable Knightsbridge district, creates his rath er u n ­ orthodox evening gowns o ut of refuse and old new spapers.

“You know, rich people are idiots. They will really wear anything if I stitch a fancy label on it and price it a t £4000. Seriously," said Toshiba a t a reception hosted by resi­ dent junkie KARL LAGERFELD. Toshiba

D y la n D isc o v e r s A lla h ; N e w A lb u m P o stp o n e d A g a in

BY PAUL SANDMAN CAIRO

P ost-D ylan children w ere sh ock ed la st w eek to see old w ar-horse and S p in w hipping boy BOB DYLAN at terrib ly-un fash ionab le NELL’S in New York. Dylan, p utting in a n ap pearan ce in full tra ition al S h i’ite dress, w a s h ou n d ed by th ron gs of w ealthy you n g th in gs w h o th ou ght th at h e w a s th e artist b eh in d th e recen t sm a sh hit, “You’re a D ead Man, S alm an ”. D ylan com m en ted th at “R u shd ie m u st die” and th at h e and cam pfire legend CAT STEVENS w ere th ink in g of doing a Middle E ast Tour th is su m m er to su pp ort D ylan ’s new album . R e h a sh . W hen ask ed ab out a release d ate for h is la test effort, w h ich h a s b een p u sh ed b ack four tim es now , h is only com m en t w a s a m u m bling growl. T h is reporter learned afterw ards th at D ylan h ad only b een clearing h is throat. D ylan left th e party early after InX S b ad boy MICHAEL HUTCHENCE threw u p all over D ylan ’s khailaya, before th is reporter h ad a ch a n ce to a sk h im w h eth er h e th ou gh t the S ixties w ere m u ch b etter th a n th e E ighties.

10 .R oll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989

R ic h

In

Ita ly

showed up a t the event an hour early, spraypainted expletives on the walls, spat on the floor, an d generally was a big hit with the room full of bronzed, fifteen-year old coke addicts and their bloated agents.

“W hat a b u n ch of assholes," said Toshiba, “These people are diseased vermin who should be shot a t dawn.

Lagerfeld is su ch a total geek."

“Isn't he wonderful?" asked Lager­ feld.

“ C a l l M r. L e n i n !

I

t h in k

t h e r e 's

w r o n g

w

it h

s o m

e t h in g

F r o s t y ! ”

Literature fans w ere startled and stunned last w eek w hen fam ed aphorist and annoyance F R O S T Y died last w eek . T he redoubtable Frosty, w h ose faux-anarchist spoutings graced the classified s o f som e new spaper or other, w as found ju st outside the U nion B uild in g, his round face m elted dow n to nothing more than a puddle. C oroner’s verdict: death by springrunoff. A grieving J E N N IF E R A U G U S T , editor o f said N A M E L E S S paper, said tearfully, “I hated the guy. W hat an ic e king.

T he P ost

Still, at tim es he w as a jo lly happy soul, w ith a corncob p ipe filled with prim e hash. P lus it m eant w e had to print on e less C U P story.”

R e v o lu tio n a r y A e s th e tic C o p u la tio n fusion trio I n f l a t a b l e C h r i s t has an independ en t single rocketing up local charts. The time, “Drink the Poor", h as received su b ­ The Sheboygan underground scene con­ tinues to flourish despite repeated police stantial airplay beyond the Tri-State area. harassm ent, a devastating crack epidemic, B assist Clive A runga w as quoted as saying th a t “Breaking o u t of this scene would be the power shortages, an outbreak of meningitis, best goddamned thing to ever happen to us. and job losses a t the local Ford p la n t The scene focuses around the local trucker Can I get a lift? I have friends in New York, you know." bar, the G r e e n R o c v d h o u s e , and the She­ Mr. Willy, slide whistle player for S a n t o boygan cam pus of the State University. In a M a n n a 's D e a d , a t­ veritable ocean of tempted to sum up the S p rin g s te e n , M e lle n c a m p , u n d e rg ro u n d b a n d “ B r e a k in g o u t philosophy over a glass Doors, Van Halen, CCR, A llm an of T-Bird in his loft: “The first thing to do is Brothers, Doobies o f th is s c e n e to come up with a name and the Stones, th a t guarantees you'll there is also room w o u ld b e th e for an un d ercu r­ tu rn off half of your possible listeners. Then ren t of artists pro­ b e s t g o d d a m n e d viding alternative you get a contract with entertainm ent. a M arxist collective th in g to e v e r M y M o t h e r record label, to ensure C o u ld W a s te Y o u r th at your 3-song EP is M o th e r , a local impossible to find and h a p p e n to u s . e n s e m b le , h a s way too expensive outraged civic au_____________________ ________________ Then you p u t whale thorities with wail­ genitalia on the record ing covers of early Talking Heads tunes ac­ cover, as a sign of solidarity w ith the Q atar companied by a chainsaw and live anim als liberation struggle. Then, you tour college towns, playing 20-seat arenas to reprobates onstage. Band spokesperson David D. told R o l l Y o u r O w n th a t su ch gems as "Heaven" and trendies in black turtlenecks. The im­ portant rule here is, get arrested. Then, if a and “Psycho Killer" were well suited to a major label w ants you, you cu t your hair and rendition involving a 30" Black and Decker and a chorus of gophers. try to sound like J o h n n y H a t e s J a z z . Then, “It’s very Kafkaesque. We're trying to and only then, you learn to play your in stru ­ ment." Then he lapsed into literacy, and recreate th a t Eastern-European angst com­ bined with a Spectorian wall-of-sound and shortly after term inated both the interview, th a t sensitive Je rry Garcia enunciation. We and a 14" colour television. love Cleo Laine. ont We love Jo h n n y Coltrane. Hell, we bakbook have so m uch to /V o iv say, we should write a book." ir - T Rival b a n d s h av e b e e n a t ­ tempting to cash in on the ground­ breaking publicity achieved by M y

BY PAUL LITE

All-Star Jam At Some No-Name Club In Cleveland R ockers JO N BON JOVI and DAVID LEE ROTH join ed neverbefore-heard-of garage band THE POINTLESS NOBODIES in a j am at dow ntow n C leveland’s THE STONED PONY for a hard-rockin’ s e s s io n w h ich lasted into the w ee sm all hours. Also in atten dan ce w ere STING, w ho sp ok e with h um ility about the rainforests in Brazil, roots m an TOM WAITS, w ho ju m p ed on stage w ith a g u i­ tar and la u n ch ed into th e w ick ­

T r ib u n e M

T o

a g a z in e

ed est solo we've ever heard, and m u sica l insp iration an d virtual deity CARL PERKINS, w h om Roth called “My idol - 1 love h is stuff, w orship th e ground h e w alk s on, and it w a s the thrill of m y life to be on stage with h im .”A lso sp otted in th e crowd were KATE M ORISSET and h er escort, developer DONALD TRUMP. Trum p w a s overheard to say, “F u ck th is Cleveland sh it, m a n .” M orisset ju s t sm iled and reached greedily for a n ­ other Long Island Iced Tea.

S p o o f N a m

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The latest news out of Union B-01A? It seems the staff of the McGill TRIBUNE, having been diagnosed by psychiatrist DR. RUTH WESTHElMER as paranoid schizo­ phrenics an d slow learners, have finally flipped their collective lids. “Wc ca n 't take being the best anymore," said dangerously unbalanced editor-in-chief Kate Morisset, "so we decided to spoof a nice, m ajor American entertainm ent magazine. They're called ROLLING...ROLLING...oh, I forget." Morisset added th a t the spoof gave the new spa­ per's staff the opportunity to relax, roll up their sleeves, and try to be as am using as PAUL HORWITZ, though some held out for the dry wit of ERIN BERRY, fu tu re editor CHARLIE "CHAZ" QUINN said about the whole afTair, "It's an enjoyable experience it gives me the chance to stop being su c h a cool guy, an d kick some heads instead."

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11 .R oll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989

P

U n a n s w e r e d q u e s t io n s : T h e E c s ta s y o f R ita J o e

BY GEORGE JETSON

T

he McGill D epartm ent of English has banded to­ gether to focus world a t­ tention on the plight of today's native people in T h e E c s t a s y o f R i t a J o e .

The story centers around the tragic struggle of Rita Jo e (gritty Cybele Chivian, fresh from her trium ph in English & The Stage), a young Indian girl who h as left the reservation for the city. She soon tu rn s to prostitution and becomes a victim of the cruel injustices of white society.

The action of the play takes place in two locations. Rita Jo e is repeatedly found in a courtroom answering charges of theft and pros­ titution. The other scenes in the play serve to provide m uch of the background and attem pt to explain how Rita Jo e h as come to b e the person th a t she is.

As the story unfolds we are in ­ troduced to the rest of the cast. Rita Jo e is the daughter of David Jo e ( the legendary Simon Oliver) who is the Chief of the reservation. Rita Joe's boyfriend Jam ie Paul ( sm oul­ dering pop idol Zaa Nkweta) is ‘an angry young m an' who rebels against everything for w hich the Indian nation stands. Together, Rita Jo e and Jam ie Paul m anage to al­ ienate themselves from the rest of the tribe.

The legendary Joel Miller has agreed to direct the piece, and with th a t step, the McGill D rama de­ p artm ent h a s achieved the notori­ ety to m ake them an effective lobby.

Miller h as been involved in theatre

DISTINGUISHEDPUBLICLECTURESERIES/ BEATTYLECTURESATMeGILL R E N O W N E D A N T H R O P O L O G IS T

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for twenty-five years and his tal­ ents range from directing to acting.

As a professional he was the direc­ tor of the National Theatre School ofC anada for eight years. However, working with university students is not new to Miller as he has directed productions for the University of Winnipeg for the last six years.

Miller commented th at he is “very impressed with the stu d en ts [at McGill). I don't know if it's normal b u t 1 love working with students."

Working with students after having dealt w ith professionals w as a chal­ lenge for Miller b u t the results have been ju s t as rewarding. “I said on the very first day th a t I'm w as going to treat them as professionals.

T hat's the only way th at they can learn. I fell very good about this and I feel th a t this production is on the par with a professional piece."

The play did indeed feature some excellent performances. Of particu­ lar interest was the moving por­ trayal of Jam ie Paul by Zaa Nk­ weta. Nkweta’s powerful perform­ ance constantly clawed a t the audience's attention an d kept the tension of the play at a phenom enal level. CybeleChivian’s performance

as Rita Joe serves as a touching complement to Nkweta. She has managed to find the soul of her character and superbly bares it for all the world to see. The com ­ bination of these two charac­ ters is the key to the power of this play. The final piece in this dram atic puzzle is provided by the performance of Kevin Say­ lor as the Magistrate. His con­ sta n t dialogues w ith Rita Joe help the play achieve its goal of promoting some sense of social awareness.

The whole cast p u ts in ex­ cellent performances leading to an overall feeling of satisfaction w hen you leave. The play is moving, and it is disturbing.

The ending is tragic and leaves the audience with many ques­ tions. Yet the level of dram a is so intense th a t you can not help b u t enjoy yourself. For those who enjoy true dram a, and w ant to help w ith a worthy cause this is production is not to be missed.

The Ecstasy of Rita Jo e p la y in g a tr e f r o m

a t th e M

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a r c h 8 -1

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Sport Shorts

by H ulk Hogan C urrie Gym to be destroyed.

“We don’t w ant a bigger gym, " say students. “We don’t even w ant a gym, w ithout it, there’ll be no final exams". “ R obert D ubeau remarked from his Pins avenue office, “I find th a t rem arkably hum erous; the little worms, I'd say Horwitz had som ething to do with this."

S p o r ts fla sh ! P rin c ip a l J o h n s o n crash es new McGill Rowing team boat a t Olympic b a­ sin. Jo h n so n , u n d er the strange im pression th a t since the boat was nam ed for him he had certain “privilidges", crashed this expensive craft into the cem ent siding a t the basin.

“ I'm real sorry,' said the revered p r e s id e n t o f M cG ill,"b u t, heh.heh, it was kind of worth it." The incident started early S a tu r d a y m o rn in g w h e n Jo h n so n strapped a 550 h.p. mo ter to the boat an d proceeded to spin wildly o u t of control until he slammed the $20,000 item into the shore. “It appears he w as over a t Annies," said officer Guy Amour," and b oast­ ing about “his “ boat" w hen he took several patrons over to the Olympic basin to show them.

It's really unfortunate th a t a m an of this statu re should be involved in such things," said the officer, secretly gloating.

POWER AND PROPERTYIN INCA PERU T H E O N LY

LAWAS PROCESS SOCIAL FACTSAND FABRICATIONS: "CUSTOMARY LAW" ON KILIMANJARO 1880-1980.

F A S T -F O O D R E ST A U R A N T

W IL L S P E A K O N

O P E N

N a tio n a lis m , C u lt u r a l P l u r a l i s m a n d th e S H tte W ED N ESD A Y, M ARCH 15, 1989 A T6 :30 P.M. L E A C O C K B U IL D IN G . RO O M 132. O N T H E D O W N T O W N M eGILL CA M PUS

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Fries Onion Rings Poutine Egg Omelettes Pancakes

1333 D e M a is o n n e u v e W (corner C rescent)

$ 3 .2 5 ^

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10% D isc o u n t w ith S tu d e n t ID

9 8 2 -0 0 0 6 T ake-out orders

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Amanda stood towering above the

bleeding, twitching heap th a t w as now Sylvia. The scream from within her faded.

The scream from the receiver in Sylvia's h an d faded. Plagued by a nagging uncer-

v ir t u e .

“Uh-oh."

“Hi. You’re going to have to come w ith me, little girl. Some people would like to a s k you a few questions ab o u t w hat h appened here."

“No!" yelled H arriet, “You're ju s t gonna take m e to Brownies, go away!" She clutched a t J u ­ lie for support, w hispering som ething in w h at looked like Ju lie's ear.

“Your friend is dead," explained Offi­ cer Pontormo, “she ca n ’t h ea r you."

Well, now, th a t w as cruel. H arriet's nervous system w as balanced precari­ ously enough w ithout the m orbid su g ­ gestions of th e officer, an d w hen they came, she cracked. “ L i a r , " she shrieked, rising to h er feet, “U l i i i a a a n - m r ! ! ! l ! n Officer Pontorm o m ade a move to re ­ strain her, w hen instead he should have moved to defend himself. W hum p. Jo se Pontormo w ent pale an d fell to the ground m oaning like a m an w hose testicles have somehow been shot clear to the back of h is throat. H arriet ra n off w ith a terror in her eyes, swinging h er b at madly. Even­ tually she connected w ith a ca r's h ea d ­ light, b u t n o t before Buick had been per­ m anently stam ped across her forehead.

The only living w itness dead, it would

B y N ew p o rt F reem an tainty for her future, trem bling on the b rin k of m urder one and six counts of gross negligence, and perhaps a haunted conscience, A m anda's circus training paid off. Calm. Focus. As she placed the incredulous Dickie and the entire A,B,& C em pire on hold, a sm all voice from behind h er squeaked, "Miss O'Manley?”

“Five counts," she thought a s she tu rn ed to see little H arriet Davidson looking very harried indeed.

“Here, H arriet," she w hispered to the shaking child while handing her the b a t.T h e re h a s been a n accident. This w om an's head h as gotten in the way of my backsw ing an d she needs help. I am going to find th e police."

H arriet accepted th e bat, always happy to be of service.

Once A m anda had driven away in Sylvia's car, H arriet w ent over to her friend Ju lie who w as awkwardly lying w ith h er head all over h er heels.

“H eyJules,"sheannounced, “I don’t th in k we'll have to go to Brownies today!"

It w as not long before the police arrived, b u t by then w A m anda w as straddling a barstool a t the Pit, driving the b arten d er to unforseen depths of depravity with her foul, ac­ rid, overbearing m anner as guilt dripped from h er toes and formed puddles of blood u nder her. Rookie officer Jo se Pon­ tormo approached H arriet ca u ­ tiously, listening a s she spoke to her m utilated friend.

“I don't m ind ab o u t M arsha. I never liked h er anyway, she always had to be the first to..."

“Excuse me."

G R A P H I C

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be weeks before the police could piece to ­ gether the evidence in w hat appeared to be a vicious a ttac k upon the Girl Scouts Organization, an d even longer before Of­ ficer Jo se Pontormo could m ake love again w ithout pain.

N A N C Y

r a s h W " G lass splintered off of > th e table. The Pit w ent silent.

Beer foamed on th e table an d some sprayed on the face of C hris H arri­ son, a second year university student, who h ad been having the tim e of h is life a b u s ­ ing the Pit's blatan tly sexist custom s.

Chris’s search for an alternative to cam ­ p u s p u b s h ad led him to th e Pit, w here he had sa t w ith th e regulars a n d found th a t women were vocally discouraged from entering th e bar.

So w hen A m anda cam e in, there w as young Chris H arrison pounding his stein on th e table, stom ping on the floor, belch­ ing an d h arrum phing so contentedly th a t he did n ot notice his com pany had moved away.

U

and th en th-th-threatening them with d-ddominance. I-I know who you are. I k-k-kn-n-nnow w hat you're u p to.”

“W hat’s wrong, J.P.?" A m anda figured the b arten d er had ju s t flipped into a relig­ ious experience again, or th a t his stu tter w as pissing him off, b u t she enjoyed being thought of so evilly. “....click...”

“You’re the d-d-Devil—and Is-s-swear

by Jehovah—you shall n-n-n-not corrupt m-m-m-me!”

A m anda tu rn ed w ith interest. “I believe the little guy is right into it." she thought, “p erh ap s I should change into my leather... "

B u t J.P . (Jean-Pierre) Sm ith, head b a r­ Then A m anda h ad h it the table, an d tender of the Pit, confidant an d sexual vic­ Chris fell clear off his seat. Looking u p he tim of the alternately sadistic an d m asochis­ saw six feet of p ure intim idation. Six feet of tic Amanda, h ad a Sm ith & W esson in his unbridled anger, com plete w ith bloodied h and and was squinting with one eye through knees a n d no hair, were winding u p a the sight, right a t A m anda's left breast... fastball, bottle sh ard in hand, straight a t (stay tu n e d for th e e x c itin g conclusion!) his head.

“I am n o t a ______ w o m a n ," scream ed Amanda, an d let it fly.

“S m a s h ! " The McGill Management and Nursing Undergraduate Societies Present: bottle disintegrated on th e wall w here Chris had been.

“J e s u s ! ! ! " Chris glanced over his shoulder an d then a t Amanda, who did not, so h e thought, a p p e a r sa tisfie d with h er n ear miss.

1 0 As soon as A m anda's se arch ­ ing gaze fell upon his chair, Chris w as up, an d , in a flash, out.

“G u tless little punk," thought A manda, “I w ant him."

“T h a t . . . i s . . . i t , " hissed a voice from b e h in d h er, “you come in here every day t-t-tem pting men w ith your lewd stares

F E G U S O N

F ash io n S h o w

V ia M o d a

59 STE. CATHERINE EAST 8:30 p . m .Tickets on sale at the Door $7.00

R o ll Y our Own. M arch 14T H , 1 98 9. 13

T H E

B E S T

A N D

W O R S T

O F

M c G IL L -

and into the twisted world beyond...

BY THE DOUBLEMENT TWINS

P A R T M

O N E :

c G IL L

FRIENDLIEST EMPLOYEE -The Weeble by the McLennan elevators.

-Runner-Up: Anyone who has ever worked a t Sadie's.

L IF E

WORST PICK UP LINE HEARD IN GERT'S -”Fuck me if I'm wrong, b u t is your nam e Griselda?"

LEAST FRIENDLY EMPLOYEE -The change m achine in the McLennan caf, w hich will only accept your $1 dollar bill if it h as been perm anent pressed.

MOST UNCONVINCING AT­ TEMPT AT HUMILITY -The D a i l y editorials entitled 'Voice from Below'.

THE WHERE DO THEY GET THE NERVE?' AWARD -To C.V.C., for charging 5 cents extra for the plastic cup if you ask for w ater in the Union Cafeteria.

T H E O F

BEST PLACE TO GET PICKED UP -The weight room, peak hours between 5 and 7 pm BEST CLASS AT McGILL: -199-279A, The History of Philosophy in Canada, the only class th a t seats all of its s tu ­ dents.

MOST ECCENTRIC FOOD AT McGILL - The vegetarian pizza a t G ert’s.

Where else can you find the entire stock of Del Monte repre­ sented in one food item?

I I L A N D BEST LINE IN A NEW MOVIE - “Excellent, dudesl” (Bill and Ted)

E N T E R ­

T A IN M E N T

LEAST SYMPATHETIC McGILL SERVICE -The exam schedule MOST IMPRACTICAL PROCE­ DURE AT McGILL -Having to write o ut every vital sta t b u t your place of birth eight separate times on eight little green cards in order to take out eight library books.

WORST ATTEMPT AT COOL BEHAVIOUR -People who smoke perkily while sitting under the no-smoking sign in the far end of the Alley.

WORST CRUELTY TO ANIMALS - To the owners who m ake their dogs sit in the space between the b ank m achine and the Alley for eight smoke filled hours every day.

WORST CELEBRITY COUPLE -Barbra Streisand and Don Jo h n so n (brief, b u t painfully high profile)

THE BEST DEAL ON CAMPUS -McGill diplomas. People are buying them as if they were going o u t of style...and they are.

P A R T

MOST SYMPATHETIC McGILL SERVICE -The 'Help' button on the MUSE.

WORST PLACE TO GET PICKED UP - Annie's. Especially on a Thursday.

THE VANNA WHITE AWARD FOR BEST ATTITUDE -To each and every candidate in the S.S.M.U. elections. We love you. Now get out of the Union Lobby and stay out.

BEST NEW FEMALE VOCALIST -EdieTanitaSamTracyMelissaToni

WORST LINE IN A NEW MOVIE -“Print it".

“YESl" (Malarek, ‘the new Robert De Niroj WORST NEW SONG - ’ H a n d s upl" by Sway ,for selling o ut to a capitalist playpen.

BEST SHNOZZ -Tie Between Opus and Ruari Nicholson

McGILL'S GREATEST ARCHI­ TECTURAL FLAW -One bathroom for the entire Arts Building McGILL'S GREATEST ARCHI­ TECTURAL ASSET -The Tunnels THE ‘WHY CAN "T THEY COOK ME?' AWARD -To Gert's pizza. R unner up: cafeteria muffins.

BEST LINE IN A T.V. AD -"And b est of all, it's got wingsl"

MOST NAIVE SONG LYRIC -Sade for “Why can 't we all ju s t live together mmmmmm"

A lw a y s .

BEST LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST -Yvan H uneault, anchor of N e w s w a tc h .

1

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1

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..... ........

MOST DEPRESSING ALBUM COVER -Prince, who bared all on

ARE YOU RECOGNIZED BY THE SSMU? DO YOU WANT FUNDING? Budget requests for the upcoming fiscal year will be received from March 27th until 4:30p.m., April 7th, 1989 Budget requests are limited to groups directly recognized by the McGill Students' Society (i.e., organizations classified as "Functional Groups", cam­ pus-wide "Interest Groups" or "Society Activities").

As per SSMU Council Policy, certain interest groups are not eligible to receive Students' Society funds. These include groups with political or religious affiliations or beliefs.

Application for Budget packages may be obtained at the Students' Society General Office. Requests, with justifications, should be typed and addressed to the Joint Management Committee (JMC). They should be delivered or mailed to: Leslie Copeland, Operations Secretary, Students' Society General Office, Room 105, 3480 McTavish Street, Montreal, Quebec H3A 1X9 NO LATER THAN 4.30 P.M., FRIDAY, APRIL 7TH, 1989.

Kasey Fukada Vice President (Finance) Students' Society of McGill University 14 .R oll Your Own. M arch 14TH , 1989

L o v e s e x y .

BEST CELEBRITY COUPLE -Director Mike Nichols and Di m e Sawyer.

R unner up: Connie C hung and A C u r r e n t A f f a i r ' s Mauiy Povitch.

Hot off the press it's R o l l Y o u r O w n ’s updated list of w hat's in and w hat's out. You may not agree. We do. Read on: OUT Textbooks B andannas Sex Aerobics Boxer Shorts C hairs Dirt Cat Stevens S ean Penn Cafe au Lait Whitney Houston Sixties nostalgia The Alley Exams Sleeping in class

IN Copieville Hats Gender- Neutral Language Co-ed Kraft Dinner Wrestling Tightie Whities Floors Tide Salm an Rushdie M adonna Red Zinger Tea Tracey Ch- no,never mind Eighties self absorption Union Caf Papers Walking out

Split personality flees exposure o n t r e a l,

S E Z ...

Due to the in­ t e r e s t in g sch edu lin g o f

on the critical ability ofZaphod B. by long-since graduated McGill alum nus, author, and critical expert, Jim Chanin.

Zaphod started a storm of con­ troversy with his reference to th e slightly inpenetrable n a ­ tu re of Mr. Chanin's subm is­ sion I f D o s t o e v s k y w e r e / h a d

B y K .G . S n i t c h

- M

R O L L YOUR O W N

Q u e b e c .

I n the light op a storm of

controversy th a t b u rst out after his recent term as act­ ing editor of the McGill Trib­ une, Mike Crawley w as caught fleeing the storm of controversy pursuing him and hisalterego, Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Crawley declined to'com­ m ent on rum ours of a pendinglibel suit pressed by presi­ d en tial candidate, Doug Fowler. Fowler took issue a t a reference to the potential effect on school spirit of a president who w ent bare ch­ ested a t hockey games in an editorial, week of Feb. 8. He felt the com ment was a per­ sonal affront and a violation of electoral by-laws.

The T r i b u n e does not d a r e question possible motives for whipping off one's shirt in front of two thousand people, midway through a political campaign, if one does not w a n t com ments made.

Crawley also chose not to repond to aspersions cast

M

c

G

i

l

l

'

s

p se u d o -sp rin g break, the Trib­ une w ill not be pu blish in g f o r the next two Tuesdays. How w il you survive w ith o u t u s ?

The next Trib issue w ill a p ­ p e a r on A pril 4, and w ill be our la st issue o f the year.

Y o u rs s in c e r e ly ,

A s ix d o lla r b o u n ty h a s b een p la c e d on h is h e a d . b e e n a h o c k e y p l a y e r . Beeblebrox w as told th a t anyone who assaulted the sanctity of h u ­ m our deemed worthy by R e a d ­ e r s ’ D i g e s t , deserved to die.

A six dollar bounty h as been placed on his head. Crawley has gone into hiding, after last hav­ ing been sighted in some far­ away maritime land. Best wishes and prayers for his safety follow him from the n e w _-editor of entertainm ent and the returned editor in chief, whose sole com­ m ent was, “better he th an I..."

THE MANAGEMENT

Interview with rugby great Jock McKill b y R o ry R u c k

ust returned from a tour

with the Black Irish Rugby Club through W estern Austrailia, C ap­ ta in J o c k McKill was happy to do the following article with the ideaof, in h is w ords, “fu rth u rin g the sport of R u g b y ' in Canada."

Rory Ruck: Jock, you're pretty big in th e Rugby world.

Y ou’ve got your own line of m outh guards, and are in the p ro c e s s of doing a rap album. What J o c k McKill has hap­ pened in be ...en the touring of Austrailia... the travelling of Austrialia aaand now the new tour?

Jock: Aaah, Oi.„. I don now. (lots of laughs)

Rory Ruck: Jock, baby... come now, ..

Jock: Don you go callin’ me baby, yeh pillowbitah. (aftera short wrestling m atch the interview con­ tinues unimpeded.)

Jock: Yeh bastard, bitin' me there! Oil Rory: Hey, chill out. So tell our readers about your mission in Canada. _____________________ Jock: & e 1 1 Gory,...

Rory:

on a 2 year probation for alleged incidents a t Harvard University.

W hat do you feci ab o u t this situ ­ ation, Jock?

Rory: T hat's probation, Jock, PROBATION. Jock: Oil I’m oi ever em bar­ rassed.

all like me m um back in Auzl She used to m ake me this lovely little meal of fried sheep brains over burnt toast, it was simply lovely.

Jock: Oi’ve been advised of the proceeding situation and am hoihly angered by the whole incident. Fist, I say ya bind on to all those Athletic blokes and give 'em the good Rugby push, then askw otthey think about prostitution.

Roiy: Anyway, w hat do you think of the C anadian hospitality, Jock?

Jock: Um, Hos...pital?

Rory: I'll get back to you on that one Jock. Whew. Listen, why do they call you Jock?

Jock: I dunnol Rory: T hat's it ladies and gen­ tlemen, end of this interviewl From R o l l Y o u r O w n , I'm Rory Ruck.

T h e M c G i l l M u lt ic u lt u r a l S o c i e t y p r e s e n t s :

T H E

L A N G U A G E

T h a t 's Jock: Rogy, ya see, you C anucks 'ave got it a 1 1 w ro n g .

H ockey is a sport f e r w im p s , ru n n in ' aro u n d o n th e b le e d in ice boppauses to th in k pin each other o'er the head with sticks. I’m here to tell ya, ta show ya the light.

Rugby is the only sport th a t can divide m en boys from blokes.

Roiy: Recently at McGill Uni­ versity, the Rugby team w as placed

C O N T R O V E R S Y

IN

Q U E B E C

Rory.

We l l

Rory: Eats, grub... housing.

Jock: Oh, Oi see, well, it’s not at

L A

Q U E S T I O N

O F F I C I E L L E S

D E S A U

L A N G U E S Q U E B E C

An informative, wide-ranging symposiumon the French language issue and its effect on the multicultural heritage of Québec Speakers: • Representatives from Alliance Québec and La Société St. Jean Baptiste de Montréal • Dr. Pierre R. Bélanger, B. Eng. (McG.), S.M., Ph.D. (M.I.T.), F.I.E.E.E., Eng. Dean of Engineering, McGill University

Moderator: • Dr. Stephen Bornstein, B.A. (Tor.), Ph.D. (Harv.)

Assoc. Prof. Political Science, McGill University

T h u rs d a y , M arch 16, 7 :0 0 P.M. F ra n k D a w so n A d a m s A udito riu m W h a t a r e B ill 101 a n d B ill 1 7 8 ?

D O N T J U S T F O R M A N O P IN IO N , F O R M A N IN F O R M E D O P IN IO N !

Complimentary tickets available at Sadie's Roll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989. 15

T he Doobin In-

D on't kick san d in th is m an 's face

quiry seeks the tru th behind the allegations th a t prominent m em bers of the McGill Redmen Football team were in fact engaged in the use of a n a ­ bolic steriods during this p ast sea­ son.

The m ost scathing of these al­ legations involves Peter Lorusso, offensive lineman and Psi U frater­ nity president. How the mighty have fallen. It seem s Lorusso re­ ported to camp last A ugust and tipped the scales a t a mere 98 pounds. As anyone can see, he now tips it in a larger m anner. Ac­ cording to Coach Charlie Daillie, “Lorusso w as a m adm an, he didn’t know the m eaning of m oderate drug u se...th at is, until I showed him how. He spent more time in the doc’s office doing his pin cushion impersonation th an out here on the field".

Daillie also implicated quarterback Bryan Fuller and running back Michael Soles in less frequent use of steroids. “Soles w ouldn’t have had a chance in hell of getting drafted last week w ith o u t th o s e h o rs e horm ones”, Daillie said.

D octor J amie B.H. R astaphan, Lo -

russo's personal doctor from Haiti, has been called repeatedly to face the inquiry board. It seem s R asta­ p han is out of the country. Accord­ ing to Lorusso, he's been “h arshed out by the allegations and has fled to his homeland to score a lid".

Rem em beritw as Lorusso who, along with Fuller and Soles, tested

( S u b m is s io n s will b e r e c e iv e d from M a rch 27th until 4 :3 0 p .m ., A p ril 7th, 1989)

A n y s tu d e n t g ro u p on c a m p u s m a y re q u e s t o ffice s p a c e in th e U n iv e rs ity C e n tre p ro v id e d th e g ro u p has b ee n in o p e ra tio n sin ce J a n u a ry 1 st, 1988. A c c o rd in g to C o u n c il p o lic y a d o p te d S e p te m b e r 13th, 1978, th e s a m e g ro u p s in e lig ib le to re c e iv e S tu d e n ts ' S o c ie ty fu n d s a re a lso not e lig ib le to be g iv e n o ffic e s p a c e in the U n iv e rs ity C e n tre .

P le a s e note th e fo llo w in g : -G ro u p s w ith o ffic e sp a ce in 1 9 8 8 /8 9 w ill be g ive n p re fe re n c e .

-T h e J o in t M a n a g e m e n t C o m m itte e w ill re v ie w all s p a c e re q u e s ts a n d , at its d is c re tio n , w ill d e c id e w h ic h g ro u p s a s s ig n e d s p a ce w ill h a ve to sh a re o ffice s.

positive for steroids after the Q ueen's game. Coach Daillie firstbecame suspicious when he found th a t Lorusso had been spending every night in the stables at Blue Bonnets Racetrack. Soon after, Lorusso was seen with his date, Quick-n-Easy (who by the way, paid $21.50, $15.70, and $9.80 across the board in last Saturday’s Pacer's Cup). The two were spotted at various troughs around town, in ­ cluding Annie's, Gert's, and both Peels. A farm hand in Northern O n­ tario spotted Lorusso an d Ben Jo h n so n with their dates romping about in the hay ju s t two weeks ago. Pete was on top of the world.

T he inquiry, however has changed

all that. Quick-n-Easy could not stand the constant press attention wherever they went. Pete responded by slugging four photographers outside Blue Bonnets. Things came to a head when Quick-n-Easy re-

fused to let Lorusso ride h er in the $75,000 Handicap last Saturday.

She preferred to have jockey Rick Zeron ride her. Although she won the race and paid a whopping $121.74 exacta , Lorusso was crushed. He spent the next week eating oats and crying. His doctor Jam ie B.H. Rastaphan soothed him, feeding him sugar cubes dipped in hallucinogenic substances.

An anonym ous friend of Lorusso's, who lives a t Psi U com­ mented: “It was horrible, he would nail horseshoes to his hands and feet, keeping the entire frat awake every night stomping around. I need time to studyl On Thursday pub nite we had to lock Pete in his room, fill his trough with Carlsberg Light, and keep Mr. E d reru n s going on the VCR ju s t to calm him down".

A recent road trip to Syracuse was spoiled when “Pete grabbed the wheel an d drove down to Saratoga because he had heard about this lightning fast two year old filly", he said.

W

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a

s e n ­

s a t i o n a l i s t r e p o r t e r

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o u t

f i v e -

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h o u r

a

i n d e p t h

s t u d y d r u g

o n u s e

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b a l l

t e a m

w

n o t

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p a r e d w

w

p r e ­

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n o w

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t h i s

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i n

M

c G ill

l e t i c s w

A -

h i c h

t o u c h e d

e v e n

T his is an all-too familiar saga of

In th e le tte r o f a p p lic a tio n fo r o ffice sp a ce , p le a se in clu d e a n y c o m m e n ts o r re c o m m e n d a tio n s re la tin g to th e p h y s ic a l c o n d itio n o f th e c lu b o ffic e s , th e a d e q u a c y o f th e fu rn itu re a nd a c c e s s o rie s a n d a n y im p ro v e m e n ts th a t s h o u ld be m a d e.

NOTE There is no specific request form for office space. Requests, with justifications, should be typed and addressed to the Joint Management Committee. They should be delivered or mailed to: Leslie Copeland, O perations Secretary, Students' Society General Office, Room 105, 3480 McTavish Street, Montreal, Q uebec H3A 1X9, NO LATER THAN 4:30 P .M ., FRIDAY, A P R IL 7TH, 1989.

(OR SOMETHING | LIKE THAT)

K a se y Fukada

t h ­

f a c t s

rags to riches to rags these days.

One m inute you are on top of the world, starting offensive lineman for the defending national cham pi­ ons: the next m inute you are wear­ ing blinders and begging people to ride you. The Doobin Inquiry into drugs in sports will conclude its hearings in a few weeks, ju s t in time for the first leg of the Triple Crown, the Run for the Roses, the K entucky Derby a t C hurchill Downs. The early money is on Pete.

Due to the extrem ely high demand for office sp a ce in the University Centre, it would be highly appreciated if groups, which do not absolutely need office sp a ce , refrain from requesting an office.

t o

E x ­

p o s e d a r e

h e

f o r

h a t

c o m

,

B y

K

i n g

h i s

t r u s t e d

f r i e n d s . . . a n d h i s

f a v o r i t e

b e t

a t

B

B l u e

o n n e t s .

F i t z g e r a l d

C h a irp e rs o n J o i n t M a n a g e m e n t C o m m it t e e 16 .R oll Y our Own, M arch 14TH . 1989

PHOTOGRAPHY

BY

GERALD

FITZKING

P O R T S ,

R E C R E A T IO N ,

&

G E N E R A L

L e s s

t h a n

H O T

S T U F F

t e n

paper known well for its mindless “Clear and simple,"said Rudribble. And th e next, he'sw ithout ari Nicholson of the Tribune,"it a voice on the radio, and w ithout a w as the coke, I m ean th e guy word in the paper. Aaron, where could not get enough of the stuff.” aron Ma r q o u s ; have you gone? We're waiting faith­ “So often it's the case w ith the guy A downed by life in the fully for your return. who gains too m uch fame and fast lane, or so wc ; Several members of his family fortune too quickly." “When l met assum e. Aaron was : have phoned th e office of Roll Y o u r him, he was a shy, unim posing last seen in Gert's with O w n , claiming that members Df the guy, really a farm boy", said a pitcher of beer on his head, paper have corru pted their boy and Nicholson. “But this p a s t sem esmumbling, “to hell with CKUTand turned him on to the road of sports 1er, he'sgone wild. No longer would the T nbunr" It's a sad tale of the fanaticism. “Sure, it's an awful he say 'III, w hat's u p ’ with th a t young m an with the boyish face upset to a u s awl," said his Irish cute accent. He’d ju s t walk right from Winnipeg. One week he's on Catholic mother from their Lon­ past me. I rem em ber his eyes, his top of the world, calling the play by donderry home. pupils were nearly dilated arid play for the CKUT Redmen hockey Pictures of the young sports bright red. I doubt he even re­ games, and spewing forth mindless wfz show a hokey boy turning into members me, his mind is really dribble in the McGill Tribune, a a city slicker. shot to shit."

Kevin McHale. him back and still do, hell, we ain't and jam m ing basketballs as part “It’s a p art of m e life, I don too p r o u d t o b e g . " When informed of his stage shows. “It m akes me m uch like tawkin about," said the th a t this was Rick’s latest song, a little sad.it does, b u t I can feel reserved su p erstar. "They did n oth­ Bird said reflectively, “God, ju st the old rythym, you know?" Rick ing b u t use my playing ability, they like on the court, th a t little fellow Is Astley claims .however, th a t he is never respected me for who I am, second-guessin’ mel“ happy in the knowledge th a t if he for me voice." Astley claimed, how­ At many of his recent con­ ever gets a sore throat, “the Celtics ever, th a t despite problems in the certs, Astley can be seen dunking will be there for me. “ past with the team they are pres­ ently his greatest fans, using his hit single, “Together, forever." as the team song. “In a way, it’s ironic,” said Astley, “because we were in fact together for such a sh o rt time."

“Y eah, th e r e ’s' no h a r d feelings,“said Bird from his Malibu home, “I think it was all a little too much for the Rickster, or Trickster •selling advertising space for Student Handbook as we called him. The fast life didn't •office & client follow-up work suit him, I told him that. We w anted

B y C h u c k le

AARON AND SATAN

Rick Astley: my basketball days.

B y R i c k H a rt an d

J e s s i V e n tu r a EVER WANTED TO give him up", said ■ C e ltic s' co a c h K.C. Jon es as he ™ re g re tfu lly r e ­ flected on the loss of powerhouse ball player Rick Astley. In a recent insider N.B.A report it was made public th a t rock sta r Rick Astley, the acclaimed singer of ou r times, gave up a first draft choice placing with the Boston Celtics for his more lucrative singing career.

"He was quite a guy", said for­ m er team m ate Larry Bird. "He had an awfully strong inside game, a

great sky hook and a voice th a t made taller m en cry.’

“Hell, the way I looked at it, " said owner Don Gaston, “we had ourselves one heck of a ball player and didn't have to worry about guest spots for the national an ­ them .”

It w as the spring of 1984 when Astley, coming from his native England to vacation in Boston, went to see the Celtic's in action. It was here that the unknowing English­ m an w as to make history. On a misfired freethrowfromBird, which w ent sailing into the stands, Astley quickly recovered the ball and launched it from his seat sinking it in the Celtic's hoop. "It was there and then I knew he had it," said

Looking for enthusiastic, dependable, artistic & creative students for part-time work this summer & next year.

Jobs available are:

•typesetting & layout of ads

For more information and interviewplease call

Rediscover your heritage at

H e le n e M a y e r :

3 9 8 -6 7 7 7

Interviews will take place after April 5th.

The Ivy League Torah Study Program

VOLUNTEERS ARE NEEDED YOUR IMPETUS IS NEEDED TO THE MAXIMUS!! next year's Blood Drive. Programming Network and Students' Society Publications

Summer 5749 June 19th thru July 30th, 1989 Catskills, New York Admitted students will receive full room and board and $1200 fellowship

N °W

is t h e t i m e t o v o l u n t e e r t o h e l p o u t w ith n e x t y e a r ' s a c t i v i t i e s !

.y»

V O LU N TEER

Name.

(Mr/Ms/etc.)

In terv iew s F rid a y , M arch 31

(Given)

FO RM

(Family)

Present Address..

(No.)

The director of the Ivy League Study Program will be on campus Friday, March 31 to interview students, both undergraduate and graduate, for admission into the Program. Students who have a sincere interest in exploring authentic Torah study and Jewish observance and their contemporary relevance are candidates for the Program. The Program is open to students who have minimal or absolutely no back­ ground in authentic Torah Learning and Observant Judaism.

Students admitted to the Program will be provided full room and board and a $1,200 stipend.

Candidates are invited to sign up for individual interviews and obtain Program information and applications by contacting Rabbi Ronnie Fine at the Chabad House, 3429 Peel St. - 514/842-6616 or 514/342-8195. Additional information can be obtained by calling the Program office at 718-735-0248 or 1-800-33-NCFJE or by writing:

Telephone No(s). (1)

(Street)

(Apt.)

___ ___ (2)

(3)

Summer Address

D)

(No.)

(Street)

Summer Telephone No(s). (1)

(Apt.)

(3)

Volunteer Interest(s): (C heck as m any as you wish) V\>

□ BLOOD DRIVE □ PROGRAM M ING NETWORK

□ Activities Night □ Alternative Programming □ Concerts □ Performing Arts □ Speakers □ Welcome Week □ Winter Carnival

□ McGILL fiesta □ g r o u p leader p r o g r a m □ STUDENTS' SOCIETY PUBLICATIONS

(photography, layout, writing, editing ordesign)

□ McGill Tribune □ Old McGill (yearbook) D Student Directory □ Student Handbook

—' Ch eck here if you are interested in getting involved during the summer.

Please indicate any particular area(s) within the activities or interests you checked in which you would like to work (e.g. publicity, logistics, finances, etc.).

T h e Ivy L ea g u e T orah S tu d y P ro g ra m 824 E a stern P a rk w a y , B ro o k ly n , N ew Y ork 11213 «(< S p o n s o r e d

b y

th e

N a tio n a l C o m m itte e f o r

th e

F u r th e r a n c e

o f J e w i s h

E d u c a tio n .

. • *and ? cojr,Pleted format the Students- Society General Office or mail to: Leslie Copeland. ^TOr<^onsSecretary,^UniversityCentre. Room105.3480McTavishStreet. Montreal.QuebecH3A1X9y Roll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989. 17

E C O R D IN G S

U n fo r g etta b le F ir e U2

A R e t r o s p e c t iv e The B eatles

D e s e r t I s la n d A p p le

I

R e c o r d s

U

TS BEEN NEARLY TWO YEARS

since the latest regurgita­ tion of You-Know-Who's material. Last time, if you will recall, someone taped the oldies on CD. In the vacuum, natives of perpetual Beatleland have been getting cranky. Noone has even erected a statue!

W hat really seem s to have sparked this Beatle’s rem inder is a secretly banned R o l l Y o u r O w n poll: Did the Beatles really write the Club Med jingle? Al­ though we are unable to p ub­ lish the results, let's ju s t let you know th a t someone would be em barrassed if we did.

T hanks to David Chapm an's virtuoso mixing, this album is innovative. The I m a g i n e track is a rap, the work of Schooly D, with a sensitive over dub of Jo h n Lennon's funeral service.

The rest of the album is predict­ able enough: L o v e M e D o , S h e L o v e s You, and M o n e y C a n ' t B u y Y o u L o v e . The special catch with this album is still to come: Play side two on speed 66.6, and on the last cu t you will hear the ghostly voice of Jo h n Len­ non singing " H a n d s U p B a b y , H a n d s

U p ..."

-YOKO

From their opening track, Was O u t o f t h e C o u n ­ tr y , to their closing song, I Q u i t , they offer brief looks a t w hat m ade their first album, A F i g m e n t o f Y o u r I m a g i n a t i o n , a flop (50 copies sold).

W hat they do offer to their fans is a brief look a t ju s t w hat m akes this band from nowhere tick. In the first single released from the album, N o T h a n k Y o u , I D o n ' t D r a w , they reit­ erate their dedication to th e bleak and skinny. Esquino, the lead image projector, describes it a s "some­ thing th a t has to be done, as to­ day’s top-forty stations are getting too pompous and fat sitting on their collective asses."

Meanwhile one of the more popu­ lar tracks on the B-side of the album, G o i n g H o m e t o N e w B r u n s ­ w i c k , causes even more confusion with its chorus “I’m going to Cancun, I'm going to France, maybe I won't be a t home, b u t a t least I won't be in Toronto." But, before anyone goes looking for Estella and G lim p s e .

The o o D (4

c

CD

>—k o to • *

a entary Slimy J

u st

★ ★ ★ A M om entary

G l im p s e Th e Consuelos I n te r s te lla r

he

T

D u s t

C onseulos offer pre-

cious little insight into their innner workings with their latest release, J u s t a M o m e n t a r y

I t W

a s n 't M e , I

company in New B ru r wick, the very next song is a co’ r of Gene Autry’s classic H o m e o n t h e R a n g e .

O ther songs of note include I t s A lr ig h t I W

o n 't T a k e

th e F a ll,

L e t M e

and C a n Y o u F o r ­ g i v e M e , W a l t ? , which all have com­ pletely different and conflicting them es.

I t s a l r i g h t , talks about the vir­ tues of being honest, an d getting your p artn er in trouble. L e t m e s l a p y o u r f a c e h as some veiled refer­ ences to recycling: “p u t th at paper in the bin or I’ll sm ash your face in", while, c a n y o u f o r g i v e m e seems to be a passionate attem pt to bed some innocent eighteen year-old."

It's clear th a t the Conseulos do not really have a clear idea as to where they are going, b u t th an k ­ fully enough they do not seem to really care. This is their m ost en ­ dearing quality, and the primary reason why this album touches the heart an d soul of so many of us, even if we do not realize it.

S la p

Y o u r

F a c e ,

NFORGETTABLE FlRE

IS A

misty, m ushy painting th a t will make Zamfir and George W inston trem ble in their Cream-of-Wheat hearts. This m as­ terpiece is a collage of styles th a t has the truly powerful effect of four guys ju s t fingerpainting the walls in m ud an d Crayola. With this album, the band h as found the sound on w hich they should try to expand in further releases.

The boys from Ireland may go far w ith work like this.

Adam Clayton's talent m u st be heard to be believed. Those two notes c a n y with them amazing aplomb and loudness, sortof: t h u d t h u n k - t h u d - t h u n k - t h u d . It is he who carries this record, despite all the attention given to th a t bigmouthed wimp Bono. The Edge? No bite— he swipes all the noise he has from old bouzouki records. Some high­ lights of the tracks:B ad sounds too m uch like Michael Jack so n for comfort. The title song, U n f o r g e t ­ ta b le F ir e , flashes by w ithout a single memorable verse. There were some truly inspirational tracks— P r o m e n a d e & 4 t h O f J u l y could easily be summ arized as THE future of new age.

This album proves music moves to the hymn of the accordion at the b est of times.

-Massimo S avino

H A R T S

T o p

T e n

MICHELLE PFEIFFER

U .S .

4 .

d r o p

d e a d

C

o f f e e m

a k e r s

d o w n ,

y o u r

r a z o r

k ic k

'e m

t h e y 'r e B l a c k ,

w h e n k ic k

'e m

a ll

l.

b lo o d y

JO E DIMAGGIO

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BODUM a m

c o u ld

h e

cvc

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a z in g

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COLOMBIA

o is y

JULIANNE PHILLIPS 6.

in

a r o u n d

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f l a s h

g o r g e o u s .

S i n g l e s 5 .

BRAUN

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PHILLIPS

h o m e

o f c o ffe e

b a c k

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CSIS w e

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MR. COFFEE BABS STREISAND 7 .

th e m

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SEAN PENN 2 .

w h i te

te e to ta lin g

th e

c r e a m

o f th e

5 . a

d e fe n s e

6 .

SHIRLEY MACLAINE 1 0 .

r e je c t

18 .R oll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989

th is

life ,

A

g e n c i e s

see

"M U C "

e n t

GUARDA

c a p p u c in o

6 .

th e

" n e w "

w e e b l e s

r e a lly

1

MCDEATH'S n e e d

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CIA

WEEBLES

g a lo r e

1

p u r p le f a n

y e s

n f o r c e m

d r ip

JACK NICHOLSON 9 .

E

THE ALLEY

in d e s c r ib a b le

m a m m a l

JO H N TOWER 3 .

MELITTA

DAVID GRUBER

a l e

METRO POLICE

L a w

in g e n u ity

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d o n 't

m o r e ?

MELITTA th e

S e a fo o d

2 m o d e l,

e h ?

*

n e e d

w e

s a y

m o r e ?

d o w n

MUC 7 .

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they make me w ant to c r e a m my egg whites and bake cinnamon buns. Could you tell them for me?

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PREGNANT? Consider Golden Ladle H andouts to feed your young and starving.

Sponsored by M. “New Shoes' Wilson.

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Send $1.00 for catalogue to: ZYBLAGM, Box 80187, Pheonix, AZ 85060.

Q ifts & Merchandise

If antone can plat mt flute, please call 604-524-3517.

Cher, tou're one hell of a lat, if I were conscious, I would tell Rolling Stone about our escapades.

Isabella,

Rare experimental electric. Mag­ nificent woodwork. Unique tech­ nology. $12,500.00. 850-6886222.

Tsychics as tou reach for that

milestone th at m akes ordinary women cringe w ith fear and loath­ ing, I find myself craving for a taste of your navel like no other. Happy 4 0th (or thereabouts).

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Travel C ome with me to paradise and a

Adorables, jaunes citrons Avendre

Het little girl, is tour Daddt home,

pour les vrais connaisseurs d'aigre.

Who takes pictures of the Redmen,

did he go and leave you all alone, - th e little b o y hey, heyl

1940's War memorabilia for sale.

Trib newsmen don't know how much

Acquire your own piece of history from the era th a t spawned Hitler,

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promises instant

cures to impotence through Elvis Presley image on hand-mixer.

Instruction

fireworks

W h y

dfappy 'Birthday

and show it to a b u nch of fools?

T our G uide to Michael J ackson -

M usical Instruments

Semie Moseley's Personal Guitar.

H et LITTLE GIRL DID TOU GET A TATTOO

Boohs & Buètications

tury - guide of things to come in the catacom bs of SSMU bureaucracy, an all new executive: when will Mz. Morisset adm it th a t she is a n alien from planet TMY 5054?

rite jean s shit-gunned. Hot, new b u ttsh o t look , perfect for brownnosers .

Yammamoto, and Mussolini at clearance prices. Lava lamps, k a­ leidoscopes, ponchos, etc..., avail­ able a t LOW, LOW, priced-to-dump rates! For catalogue: Gypsy Rose, Box 624-R, Richboro, PA 18954.

the Martlets, bands, Trib staff, and any other person(s) willing to pay “retainer" fees?... why Paul Stanley of course! For lessons with the Pro, call 273-2184.

halfl I have two tickets to a brand new Club Med in P apua New G uinea where I plan to escape the norm al and visit warring cannibal­ istic tribes for fun! Call 613-8348765 right away for the adventure of your present life!

fo r p e a n u ts

w h e n y o u c a n s e ll t h e m ?

Starting your own business is one way to guarantee yourself a job this summer.

for Students, any branch o f the Royal Bank o f Canada and Quebec branches o f the National

I f you’re a full-time student returning to

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someone you really like. You.

to $3,000 to help you start a business.

Call toll-free 1 800 361-2126.

Details are available at any branch o f the Federal Business Development Bank, Canada Employment Centres, Canada Employment Centres

1 ^ 1

Governm ent of C a n a d a M in ister of State for Youth

G ou ve rne m e nt du C a nad a M in istre d ’État à la J e u n e ss e

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Federal B u s in e s s D e v e lo p m e n t B a n k

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N A TIO NA I BANK

RANCH IF N A T IO N A LE

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C a n a d a Roll Your Own, M arch 14TH , 1989. 19

Announcing a New Fraternity at McGill:

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C A R E ?

f c G il l

University j

M c G ill A s s o c ia tio n o f C o n tin u in g E d u c a tio n S tu d e n ts

Colony M

W elcom e

Founding Executives

A C E S ’ G E N E R A L

5:00 PM . FRIDAY. MARCH 17. i m - ___ -

Founding Fathers Chaim Bell Russel Horowitz David Felsen David Tortell

Paul Pearl Justin Beber Michael H ait Bill Levitt Noah Levine

NOMINATION FORMS ARE AVAILABLE AT THE INFORMATION DESK AT THE CENTRE FOR CONTINUING EDUCATION, AS WELL AS AT THE MACES’ OFFICE, ROOM 201 OF THE EATON BUILDING ^ALLOTS WILL NOW BE MAILED DURING THE WEEK OF MARCH 20 TO MARCH 24,1989

S u b -Z e ro B e a c h V o lle y b a ll M a r a th o n % nd general sum m er-esque frolic

Bar-B-Que Hot Dogs and Refreshments Proceeds:

M o n tr e a l C h ild r e n 's H o s p it a l

Prizes to be Won!

BALLOTS TO BE RETURNED BY 5:00 PM, FRIDAY, APRIL 7,1989 AS WELL, THERE WILL BE A POLLING STATION SET-UP IN THE FOYER OF THE tENTRE FOR CONTINUING EDUCATION IN THE REDPATH LIBRARY BUILDING FROM 10:00 AM TO 6:30 PM FROM APRIL 3 TO APRIL 7,1989.

MEET THE CANDIDATES ON MONDAY, MARCH 20,1989, FROM 5:00 PM TO 6:00 PM IN ROOM 136 (MATURE STUDENTS’ LOUNGE) OF THE ARTS BUILDING. A P O S IT IO N S T O B E E L E C T E D

Thursday, March 16th 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Lower Campus near Redpath Museum

PRESIDENT VICÈ-PRESIDÈNT INTERNAL VICE-PRESIDENT EXTERNAL

For more info rm ation on this or fu tu re events, please call:

Jonathan Daniels Barry Levitt

E L E C T I O N

THE DEADLINE FOR RECEIVING NOMINATIONS HAS BEEN EXTENDED UNTIL

Master: B a r r y L e v itt Lieutenant Master: D a v id R o b in s Scribe: S e a n A tk in s Exchequer: J a y B r o o k e r Member-at-Large: J o n a th a n D a n ie ls Adam Dodek Dan Siegal Corey Beinhaker Edward Wilson Roy Wynman

Y O U

SECRETARY TREASURER SENATOR (2)

939-5973 284-6387______

Grab a Piece ofthe Pi!

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