ParentingNH July 2019

YOUNG WRITERS CONTEST, PAGE 4 â&#x20AC;¢ HAMPTON BEACH 21+ FUN

JULY 2019

COMPLIMENTARY

Get ready for

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INSIDE features

First-time parent FAQ Pregnant? Planning to be? Local experts answer your questions.

18 Yes, you will sleep again Personalized sleep plans are helping parents and child get their zzzz’s.

JULY 2019 24 Traveling with your infant Tips on how to get there from here.

28 Headed to a baby shower? Check out our picks for a unique gift.

31 Car seat guide What you need to know — from buying to installing.

departments ON THE COVER: Meet Iris Brindley, 10 months. Photo taken by mom and photographer, Kate, of Kate Brindley Photography at home in New Hampshire in June 2019. Find more of her work at www.kate brindleyphotography. com.

3 From the editor’s desk

4 The short list 6 I want that 38 Dad on board 40 House calls 42 Out & about 44 Time out

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ParentingNH® is published by McLean Communications, 150 Dow St., Manchester, NH 03101, (603) 624-1442. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher assumes no responsibility for any mistakes in advertisements or editorial. Statements/opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect or represent those of this publication or its officers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this publication, McLean Communications, LLC.: ParentingNH disclaims all responsibility for omission and errors.

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from the editor’s desk HOW TO ENSURE THAT YOUR FAMILY HAS A GREAT SUMMER Enjoy free fun. Towns and cities are putting their best foot forward when it comes to entertaining families during the summer. Manchester and Nashua offer free musical performances and movies all summer; you’ll find free things to do in Hampton Beach on any given day, including the annual weeklong Children’s Festival in August; even smaller communities such as Milford and Lebanon have an impressive slate of free fun. For a ton more ideas, get your copy of PNH ’s Family Summer Fun Guide at your favorite pickup location or view it online. Be aware. Maybe you’ve noticed there are more vehicles with out-of-state license plates in your area. It’s not an illusion — millions of tourists will visit New Hampshire this summer. So naturally the highways and turnpikes are going to be more crowded, with many drivers who might not know where they are going opting to take that highway exit at the last second. This time of year it’s more important than ever to keep your eyes on the road, have more patience and keep the speeds down. Along those lines … Watch out for motorcycles. Even when wearing helmets, they are the most vulnerable in a crash. It’s harder for them to stop suddenly, navigate around road hazards and they aren’t surrounded by airbags. Read. Find time to relax and get lost in a novel, check out a new cookbook or listen to a book on your phone. Start at your local library where they’ll be happy to give you a few reading suggestions and tell you how to access digital books, magazines and more for free. During the summer, libraries are also great places to take the kids for summer reading fun. Most importantly, if you are reading, your child will be reading, too. Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing. It’s hard for busy parents to find those moments when they can just be. Send the kids out to play, drop them off at a summer program or wait until the fall asleep. Be still, even for a few minutes and revel in the peace and quiet. You are allowed. Don’t feel guilty and don’t sweat it. Parents often feel the pressure to make sure their kids have the summers of their lives — every summer. They hear about all the “fun” other parents have lined up for their kids. But what summers do you remember? It could be the summer you spent in your neighbor’s pool or the one when you slept outside in the backyard and had a campfire or maybe it was the summer you visited Grandma. There was time to make your own fun. Your children won’t necessary remember all the money you spent and all the activities that they did. What they will remember is being happy and the good times they had with family and friends.

contributors • JULY KRYSTEN GODFREY MADDOCKS has worked as a journalist and a marketing director, and now regularly writes for higher education and technology organizations in New Hampshire and Massachusetts. Mom to Everett, she has lived on the Seacoast for the past 20 years. MARY ELLEN HETTINGER, APR is an award-winning reporter, editor and writer, and accredited public relations professional. She has won multiple awards from the Parenting Media Association and is a longtime contributor to ParentingNH. BILL BURKE has been writing the gold-award winning Dad on Board column since 2008 and is the author of the Mousejunkies series. When he isn’t at Disney World, he’s the managing editor for custom publications for McLean Communications in Manchester.

MELANIE HITCHCOCK, EDITOR

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the short list

CELEBRATE THE FOURTH Check out PNH’s list of the state’s best July Fourth celebrations, events and fireworks. And the fun doesn’t stop after July 4. If you haven’t yet planned out what you’ll be doing with your kids, check out the online Guide to Summer in NH. Also, if you have not picked up a copy of ParentingNH ’s 2019 Family Summer Fun Guide at a Welcome Center or at a regular distribution spot, you can view the digital edition online.

Write-on! It’s time for the Young Writers Essay Contest ParentingNH is holding its fifth-annual essay writing contest. If you are a Granite State kid who loves to write, we want to put the spotlight on you. Winners will be chosen from three age groups: age 7 and younger; age 8-11, and age 12 and older. A winner from each of these age categories will have their essays published in the September issue of PNH. Additionally, an overall winner will be selected — their essay will also be published and they will be photographed for ParentingNH ’s September issue. The essay topic is: What is your favorite book? Tell us about it. Why is it your favorite? Why is it important and meaningful to you? What do you like most about it? Do you have a favorite character? Essays will be judged on clarity, thoughtfulness and creativity. The deadline is Wednesday, Aug. 7. Winners will be contacted via email or phone on Thursday, Aug. 8; a photo shoot will be scheduled for the winner shortly after they are notified.

for even more fun ParentingNH.com

facebook.com/ParentingNH

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twitter.com/ParentingNH

CONTEST RULES: Essays must be 100 to 300 words. Submissions must be received via email or postal mail by Wednesday, Aug. 7, at 5 p.m. Email to editor@ parentingnh.com with Writing Contest in the subject line; or mail to ParentingNH Editor, McLean Communications, 150 Dow St., Manchester, NH 03101. All essays must include the child’s name, age, grade level, name of school they attend (or home school), parent’s name, address and phone and email. For more information, go to www.parentingnh.com. Children of Yankee Publishing Inc. or McLean Communications employees are not eligible.

BUILDING ON HOPE’S NEXT PROJECT IS THE NASHUA PAL YOUTH SAFE HAVEN

A young visitor engages with the new Children’s Museum exhibit that opened in June. COURTESY PHOTO

Lights! Shadow! Action!: New exhibit open at the Children’s Museum The Children’s Museum of New Hampshire in Dover has opened “Lights! Shadow! Action!”, an interactive classroom incorporating low-profile interactive technology that can quickly transform a classroom to an exhibit space with a flip of the switch. When visiting this new exhibit, guests will be able to create colorful designs with Everbright, an interactive LED light wall for all ages with a 4-foot by 4-foot grid of hundreds of adjustable color dials that rotate endlessly in either direction through the color spectrum. Guests can also explore color mixing with light at the Additive Mixture “Shadow” exhibit, which shines red, green and blue LED lights onto a white wall to create a white light. When any of those light beams are interrupted, it creates a different color shadow on the wall. For more information, go to www.childrens-museum.org.

The New Road Project is marching for reform to state’s child protection system The New Road Project, a new organization advocating for full reform of New Hampshire’s child protection system, is hosting the March for Children and Families on July 27 from 12:303:30 p.m. in front of the State House in Concord. All ages are invited to attend this event meant to celebrate families and demonstrate that New Hampshire citizens demand swift change to the state’s child protection infrastructure. The event will include a march around downtown Concord, invited speakers representing different aspects and

Building on Hope, an organization of New Hampshire volunteers, including designers, architects, suppliers and builders who have completed more than $4.1 million in community-supported renovation projects, announced that the Nashua Police Athletic League will receive major renovations to its facilities in 2020. The Nashua PAL Youth Safe Haven provides a safe environment for Nashua’s at-risk youth to gather outside of school; approximately 20 percent of both felony assaults and heroin overdoses in Nashua occur within one mile of Nashua PAL. Nashua PAL’s free afterschool and summer programming is designed to help children and teens build leadership skills through educational experiences, mentoring and the development of trusting relationships between Nashua’s at-risk youth and Nashua police officers. More than 400 Nashua youth are cared for each year at Youth Safe Haven at no cost to families. Building on Hope and Nashua PAL are seeking help from the community including tax-deductible contributions, a commitment to volunteer or donation of materials. For more information, go to www.buildingonhope.com.

experiences within the child protection system, a vigil to honor those children and families negatively impacted by the system, and a community resource and activity fair to bring resources to families. Planned activities include free family photography sessions, free car-seat safety checks, craft projects, and free trauma-friendly activities and exercises for families to try hosted by a professional counselor and occupational therapist. Learn more at: www. thenewroadproject.org.

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I want that

Summer’s here

Sole support EEGO flip flops feature heel control and arch support, so they help reduce the strain on your arches and maintain heel position when your foot hits the ground. The flip flops were designed by a physiotherapist and podiatrist with comfort in mind. Several colors available for both men and women. Available at www.thegrommet.com; $29.95

Kick it

A hat with something extra

Keeps cool then collapses

Wallaroo Hat Company will have your mini-mes looking their best while keeping their scalp and skin safe from the sun’s harmful rays. Made to block 97% of UV rays, Wallaroo’s UPF 50+ hats have been granted the Skin Cancer Foundation seal of recommendation. The fashion-forward hats come in a variety of styles and colors for any kiddo’s style.

The Tahoe leak-proof collapsible cooler by Clevermade can hold up to 50 cans, but then folds down to a three-inch layer. Equipped with a built-in bottle opener, outer pockets, and durable handles, this cooler keeps drinks cold up to 36 hours. Snap to collapse it flat and avoid a bulky container when you return from a trip.

Available at www.wallaroohats.com; $25-$29

Available at www.thegrommet.com or Amazon; $29.95

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Rukket’s Backyard Kickball Set — complete with bases, ball, cones and pump — is portable and easy to set up. Play in the backyard or basement. High visibility bases and foul cones make the sport easy to understand for anybody wanting to join the fun. Available at www. rukket.com; $39.99

Bicycle art Hook Chalktrail to a bike then get riding. Draw figure eights, wavy meandering paths, perfect circles, and fascinating designs by retracing the same route again and again in succession. Create a masterpiece on sidewalks, parking lots and streets. Available at www.fatbraintoys.com; $19.95

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First-time parent

FAQ Pregnant? Planning to be? Local experts answer your most popular questions BY KRYSTEN GODFREY MADDOCKS

or first-time mothers, the months leading up to childbirth include a long to-do list and oodles of advice from wellmeaning family and friends. From planning the perfect nursery to tying up loose ends at work, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard to know what to prioritize. Here are some tips to help you plan everything from choosing a hospital to taking care of yourself to making sure you spend your money wisely on baby goods. WHERE SHOULD I GIVE BIRTH?

Depending on your health insurance carrier, you will likely have some latitude in deciding where to give birth. Most hospitals in New Hampshire have labor and delivery units, and depending upon where you live, you might be able to choose between hospitals only a few miles apart. But how do you choose and when should you decide? Christine McKenney, RN, BSN, CLC, CCBE is the perinatal education coordinator and a lactation counselor at Catholic Medical Center in Manchester. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worked as a prenatal, postpartum, and NICU nurse at CMC since 2012, and has two

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‘‘

It’s important for families to do their research and find out all of the information they can about local hospitals.

’’

— Christine McKenney, RN, BSN, CLC, CCBE

children with one on the way. She encourages all expectant families to tour a few hospitals, even if they think they want to deliver at a particular hospital. “It’s important for families to do their research and find out all of the information they can about local hospitals and what their care practices are,” she said. “If you are a first-time parent, you often don’t know what’s out there and what you want. That’s why it’s important to know what your options are early in your pregnancy journey.” CMC offers a free 90-minute tour to expectant parents; families can meet staff, explore birthing suites and ask questions. Some questions to ask, according to McKenney, include: • What prenatal offices/providers deliver at this hospital? • Do you have midwives and doctors who deliver? What about residents or students?

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• What are your practices for moms wishing to labor and birth in positions other than in bed? Can moms labor in the tub? • Do you encourage rooming in (staying with your baby at all times)? • Is there ample lactation support? • Do you have a labor and delivery doula program or allow doulas if families hire them privately? (Doulas are non-medical personnel who provide support to women during labor and delivery.) • Do you encourage skin to skin immediately after birth? What about for cesarean births? • What is your policy on support people during labor/birth? What about visitors during our stay? • What do you provide us with during our stay? What should we bring?

• How many patients does a labor nurse at your hospital typically care for at one time? (Ideally there should be one nurse per mom during labor.) It’s important for families to understand that where they choose to receive prenatal care determines where they will be able to deliver their baby. “If a family wants to give birth at a particular hospital, they will need to establish prenatal care at an office that delivers at the hospital they desire. Often moms have been seeing a gynecologist for years, but when they get pregnant and start receiving obstetrical (prenatal) care, they later learn their midwife/doctor only has delivery privileges at a specific hospital,” McKenney said. For example, the following practices deliver at CMC: Women’s Wellness and Fertility Center and The Pregnancy Care Center (both affiliated with CMC), and the obstetricians, midwives, and Dartmouth-Hitchcock OBGYN-Bedford.

DO I NEED TO TAKE CHILDBIRTH EDUCATION CLASSES? We’ve all seen the TV sitcoms that show couples on a mat breathing heavily through “labor pains” in childbirth class. But what would be helpful to learn before you deliver your baby? Like most hospitals, CMC offers a variety of childbirth education classes. In these, couples learn the basics about childbirth and the standard labor and delivery process, McKenney said. “What makes our classes unique is that we dive much deeper into preparing parents for their birth and parenting journey than a typical hospital birth class. We use multi- sensory experiences and our discussions go beyond ‘this is what you can expect,’ she said. “We challenge parents to think about how they can be resourceful and solution-focused in any situation they find themselves in. By gaining knowledge, confidence, and expanding their ideas on what this experience may be like, parents report how empowered and prepared they felt having taken our classes.” Other specialty classes offered at CMC include breastfeeding, infant CPR and parenting your newborn. For parents who need a refresher, CMC also offers a “Birthing Again” class and a class for women who will be planning a vaginal delivery after a cesarean section (VBAC). “Every birth is unique — there is always something unplanned and unexpected that happens and catches the family by surprise,” McKenney said. “People often are shocked by how powerful their birth experience is. No book, advice, or movie can fully prepare you for your transition into parenthood. It is momentous.”

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WHAT SHOULD I BRING TO THE HOSPITAL? The hospital tour provides a good opportunity for you to learn what should come with you to the hospital and what should stay home, McKenney said. At CMC, among the items moms can expect to receive include diapers, wipes, a digital thermometer, a nasal aspirator and self-care supplies for mom. Moms also receive a newborn care and postpartum care book and the formula they need

8/31 /19. 18.

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‘‘

Lay low for the first couple of weeks after you get home...asking family and friends for help.

’’

— Christine McKenney, RN, BSN, CLC, CCBE

to feed their infants while they are staying in the hospital. What you don’t need to bring are excessive amounts of baby clothing, formula or a breast pump. One of the most important things you can bring is a safe car seat: it’s the one thing every baby must have before he or she leaves the hospital. “You must have an unexpired car seat to take the baby home in. Read your manual, play with the car seat in your car ahead of time to figure out how it works, install the car seat, and make an appointment at a local car seat check station (usually your fire or police department),” McKenney said. “Eight out of 10 car seats are installed wrong, even after people follow the instructions. In the hospital, nurses will provide you with car seat safety information and check if your baby is properly strapped in prior to you leaving, but they are not allowed to go to your car to check or install your seat.” (See related story, Page 31)

WE ARE HOME. WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? It’s a good idea to lay low for the first couple weeks after you get home. Resting as much as possible, limiting the number of visitors who come to your house, and asking family and friends for help are all good rules of thumb, McKenney said. Here are some other things families should tackle after they return home: • Set up a follow-up appointment with a pediatrician. At CMC, parents are encouraged to make those appointments before they leave.

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• Set up a follow-up appointment with your OB/GYN. Most moms are seen six weeks postpartum, but some practices schedule follow-ups between two and six weeks, depending on the patient’s needs and what kind of birth she experienced, McKenney said. • Know the number of your lactation consultant. Breastfeeding a newborn can be challenging. At CMC, there is a “warm line” moms can call to get help. “Sometimes breastfeeding can be difficult in the first few weeks — we don’t ever want moms to feel alone. We can help moms by answering questions over the phone or by having them visit our lactation office. It’s great to have support from friends and family, but if there are issues it is best to seek expert advice,” McKenney said. • Recognize the signs of postpartum depression. It’s normal to be tired, overwhelmed, and cry sometimes. But, if

Recognize the signs of postpartum depression and seek help if needed.

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What should I know about maternity leave? Many moms feel a pit in their stomach before they tell their boss that they plan on taking a maternity leave. Fear of losing a job or title, confusion about whether you are entitled to compensation, and concern about who will do your work when you are gone may all play into your anxiety — even if your boss and coworkers are thrilled by your announcement. No matter how you break the news, it’s important to understand that for both sides it’s all about good communication, according to Charla Stevens, an attorney and chair of the employment practice group at McLane Middleton in Manchester, where she advises workplaces on employment law. Employees need to make the best decisions they can, based on how much time they can afford to take off to care for a newborn, while balancing that with the cost of child care. It’s an even bigger burden for employers when employees quit jobs or are unable to return to work, particularly in this labor market, she said.

important to know the basics about the federal Family Medical Leave Act and New Hampshire state law as it pertains to maternity leave, your own company’s benefits, and any disability pay you might be entitled to receive while you are recovering. The amount of time, compensation and disability pay you receive as a result of maternity leave can differ, but there are some basic laws that can provide most moms a general rule of thumb about what they might expect, Stevens said.

FAMILY MEDICAL LEAVE ACT This is a federal law that applies to full-time employees who work for an employer who has 50 or more employees in a 75-mile radius. It states that an employee is entitled to a leave of absence and job protection for 12 weeks after the birth of a child. This time period is not paid unless your company has a separate benefit.

• Both parents are eligible for unpaid FMLA time off after childbirth • If both spouses work for the same employer, that 12-week time period must be split.

However, if you do think you will stay home to care for your baby, it’s best to be up-front with your employer if you are 100 percent sure of your decision.

• If the mom has medical complications, she might be able to receive more than 12 weeks of FMLA under state law.

“The last thing an employer needs to hear at the last minute, a week before you are supposed to go back to work, is that you’ve changed your mind and plan to stay home with the baby,” she said. “Assuming you didn’t just make that decision just that last week, the decent thing would be for you to be in communication with your employer to alert them of your plan.”

• Health insurance, if you purchase it from your employer, has to continue during the FMLA time period. However, you are responsible for paying your portion of your premium while you are away from work.

Before you go public with your pregnancy and finalize your plans, it’s

• If you work for an employer with fewer than 50 employees, you are not eligible for protection under FMLA.

• You cannot complete unpaid work for an employer during the FMLA period. However, some employees do opt to do some work for pay if

you can’t take care of yourself and/or your baby, it’s a bigger concern. Moms should reach out immediately to providers if they are having trouble getting out of bed and functioning. While you might be excited to dig into your baby “stuff” and even have a desire to buy more to ensure you have what you need, McKenney urges families to keep it basic. “Websites and companies tell us we need to fill our homes with $5,000 worth of baby stuff. In reality we may never use most of these ‘must have’ items they recommend or use them for a short period of time and then store them to collect dust in our attic,” she said. “You don’t need to spend a lot of money to be prepared.” She adds that some baby gear like jumpers and other devices can actually force a babies’ bodies into positions they aren’t ready for. It’s most important to hold them, keep them warm and fed — and let them play on the floor to allow them to explore their body and environment.

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WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE: • Basic supplies for feeding, whether you formula-feed or breastfeed • A safe sleeping place (flat, firm) • Diapers/wipes • Car seat • Blankets • Bibs/ burp clothes • Baby carrier/wrap

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• • • •

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• Baby monitor • Bottle warmer • Activity mat

Visit the Possibilities the employer doesn’t cover part of that leave, but it has to be completely voluntary, Stevens said. • Your job is protected during the FMLA time period, with some caveats. “You aren’t exactly guaranteed the same job, but a job with equivalent conditions of work, pay and responsibility,” Stevens said. “However, your employer does not have the right to ask you to work third shift or in Rochester if your job was on the first shift in Manchester.”

NEW HAMPSHIRE STATE LAW State law provides the employee a leave of absence and job protection for the period of time in which a mom is disabled as a result of pregnancy or related medical complications for employers with more than six employees.

“Unlike FMLA, under NH law, you are entitled to whatever unpaid time off you need that has to do with medical conditions resulting from childbirth (bedrest, high-risk pregnancy) and it could be more than 12 weeks,” Stevens said.

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Charla Stevens is an attorney and chair of the employment practice group at McLane Middleton in Manchester.

HOW CAN I GET EXTRA HELP IN MY ‘FOURTH TRIMESTER’? After settling down with baby during your maternity leave, you may find that you need extra help after all of your visitors have departed. What many moms may not know is that you can hire a postpartum doula to help you adjust during the postpartum period known as the “fourth trimester.” Although postpartum doulas do not have a medical background, they are experts in newborn care and behavior. Postpartum doulas often help moms after the first three months of birth. They answer questions about newborn care and feeding, make sure the new mom is eating well and stays hydrated, and assist with tasks like meal preparation, housework, and child care while moms nap, shower, or run errands, according to Darcy Sauers, a postpartum doula and the founder of Dover Doula in Dover. “Throughout history when women had a baby the community came around and supported that family and helped with the birth and caring for the baby afterwards,” Sauers said. “Society is not set up that way anymore — often people are taking care of their new baby in total isolation.” A doula’s role is to help by providing nonjudgmental physical and emotional support to moms in whatever ways they need.

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‘‘

Having a safe sleep space is the most important thing.

’’

— Kateri Kaloyanides, director of education at Nini Bambini

Sauers is also a certified lactation consultant and can help support breastfeeding moms, too. Although she supports her clients during the day, her partner provides overnight help to moms who might need assistance with night-time feedings, for example. It’s important for moms to realize that there is no stigma to asking for help, she said, and that working harder at being a new parent doesn’t make it easier. “The birth and postpartum experience is seared in your mind, you might as well make that time enjoyable,” Sauers said. “A doula can help you enjoy it all instead of making you feel like you are pushing and struggling.” Other tips Sauers has for new moms: • Cook and freeze meals ahead of time for easy-to-reheat meals • Put the changing table in the living room • Consider interviewing postpartum doulas before your baby is born

WHAT SHOULD I INCLUDE (OR HAVE INCLUDED) ON MY BABY REGISTRY? Maybe you scanned random pieces of furniture at the department store or checked off a bunch of items on an online retailer’s website, but you still don’t find that you have quite what you need. That’s fairly common, according to Kateri Kaloyanides, director of education at retailer Nini Bambini in Bedford. “With my oldest I was walking through the aisles just scanning things, and you end up buying a million things you don’t need,” she said.

16 www.parentingnh.com | JULY 2019

Nini Bambini offers parents specialty products in its boutique, including locally handmade items such as baby blankets and essential oils. Swaddles and creams for mom and carriers are some other products on the store shelves. Kaloyanides, who teaches the newborn care and breastfeeding classes at the store, urges moms not to feel like they need to purchase every product at once. “You have lots of time to set up the nursery and the baby doesn’t usually go in it until after a couple of months,” she said. “Having a safe sleep space is the most important thing; and if a mom is nursing, I recommend good nursing bras, a nursing pillow, and a pump. Beyond that, there is not a huge amount you need right away.” One thing you should avoid is registering for one brand of any particular item. For example, if you order one brand of baby bottles and your baby doesn’t end up liking that bottle, you may end up with a box of bottles you’ll never use, she said. “Some people have a closet of newborn-sized diapers that their babies never fit into,” Kaloyanides said. Strollers, carriers, bassinets, and other big-ticket items can all be bought used, as well as clothes. At Nini Bambini, moms often purchase from one another and donate items. Breast pumps should be bought new, she said. While there’s a lot to consider while you are planning for your baby to arrive, with a little preparation, you can get back to enjoying this special time. Krysten Godfrey Maddocks has worked as a journalist and a marketing director, and now regularly writes for higher education and technology organizations in New Hampshire and Massachusetts.

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JULY 2019

Rest assured you will A custom sleep plan and better sleep habits could help you get more zzz’s BY KRYSTEN GODFREY MADDOCKS

amantha Foster was waking up every two to three hours with her baby and trudging to her full-time job every morning, frustrated and exhausted. She and her husband, who live in northern Massachusetts, found themselves bickering about schedules and unable to enjoy their evenings. Something had to give, she said, which led her to seek out a sleep specialist, Arielle Greenleaf of Expect to Sleep Again, who helped turn her family’s nightmares into sweet dreams. While the internet, how-to books, and friends and family all have well-meaning advice, there’s something to be said for working with an expert one-on-one, Foster said. “I worked with Arielle and discovered that bed-

18 www.parentingnh.com | JULY 2019

Greenleaf started Expect to Sleep Again in 2016, a little more than a year after the birth of her daughter. She knew firsthand how anxious parents were about getting their children — and themselves — back to sleep. “My story starts much like many new moms would — I was tired! Really tired. And I desperately needed sleep. As a child, I didn’t sleep through the night until I was four years old. And even after that, I struggled with sleep. I knew I needed to address my daughter’s sleep issues for her sake and for mine. I felt confused, defeated, scared, and exhausted,” she said. Greenleaf said “the clouds parted for her” after she worked with a sleep consultant. Thanks to her positive experience, she wanted to assist others who were suffering from sleep deprivation like she had and became a certified sleep pediatric consultant. Greenleaf and her team of sleep consultants create personalized sleep plans for parents of newborns and kids up to age 10. Plans not only take into account a child’s developmental sleep pattern, but also the method the family prefers. They consider holistic, developmentally appropriate recommendations, while also supporting families with their individual needs. For example, some families prefer a gentler method, while others prefer a firmer one. Greenleaf and her consultants who are based in the Boston area work with parents from all around the country, communicating with parents by phone or email. Specific sleep services include newborn packages, help for parents challenged by their 4- to 6-year-olds, and a special “refresher” option for returning clients who find themselves stuck.

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time did not have to be an anxious activity — and four or five days later, my husband and I could have dinner together and we could watch TV. I could shower alone. Just being on a schedule was so wonderful and I had no idea it was even possible,” she said. Foster’s daughter is now 19 months old and will be joined by a baby sister in August. She’s more than ready to tackle sleep deprivation head on; Foster is now one of Greenleaf’s sleep consultants who helps other families enjoy better infant and toddler sleep. “It’s important to understand that every baby is different; what works for one child may not work for another. That’s the hardest misconception that I think a lot of parents have,” she said.

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For those parents who want guidance in lieu of a personalized plan, Expect to Sleep Again offers a self-paced online newborn sleep course that gives parents the basics to survive the newborn stage, a newborn guide for purchase, and a self-paced online sleep course. Whatever path families decide to take regarding sleep, one thing is for sure: sleep is an important building block that shouldn’t be ignored. “Sleep is important for growth and development. Studies show that sleep helps a baby’s brain develop. During the newborn stage, your baby should be sleeping anywhere from 15 to 18 hours in a 24hour period,” Greenleaf said. “Because newborns don’t have clear-cut sleep patterns, the most important thing is to attempt to get them to sleep before they become overtired. This means getting them down for naps during the day about every 45-60 minutes.” At around 4 months, sleep patterns shift again, often surprising parents. At this point, babies sleep cycles can become more adultlike, she said. This is the point where sleep scheduling may become possible, although this varies by child as some aren’t able to get on a good schedule until closer to 6 months. Throughout infancy, babies do tend to experience sleep disruptions during developmental “leaps.” “Technically speaking, a ‘leap’ is when your baby is going through a developmentally sensitive period during which time her cognitive skills are rapidly developing,” Greenleaf said. “Due to these developments, babies can often struggle with sleep disruption. Likewise, physical developments can also disrupt sleep, crawling and walking in particular.” When should parents be concerned about a newborn’s sleep? While you do have to “survive” the newborn stage, if a baby is inconsolable much of the time and not sleeping at all, you may need to uncover whether there are physical issues at play such as gastrointestinal discomfort or ear infections. “If your baby is inconsolable and appears to be struggling to sleep for a few days, definitely consult your pediatrician,” Greenleaf said.

BATTLING SLEEP DEPRIVATION WITH SLEEP TRAINING Christine Brown, a certified sleep consultant and owner of Nashua-based Bella Luna Sleep Consulting -- who also teaches classes at Nini Bambini in Bedford -- developed her passion for sleep after the birth of her twin boys in 2014. Like Greenleaf, she now works fulltime helping families and their children get back to sleep. Long-term sleep deprivation not only affects children, but it affects moms and dads, too. “Sleep deprivation affects mental, emotional and physical health and can contribute to increases in postpartum mood disorders including postpartum depression and anxiety,” Brown said. “For optimal growth and development, babies need happy and healthy parents. A lack of sleep oftentimes brings out the worst in us and then we aren’t the parents or spouses that we want to be due to the negative effects of sleep deprivation.”

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Sixty to 70 percent of Brown’s clients seek sleep support for their children between the ages of 4 and 11 months, which represent a major development period in a baby’s life. The other 30 to 40 percent are parents of toddlers and preschoolers, up to age 6. In addition to the 4-month sleep regression, babies also experience an 8-month sleep regression, Brown said. Whether parents are already aware of how these developmental milestones affect sleep, it’s helpful for them to have a road map to develop healthy sleep habits from the start, she said. Parents often resort to sleep theories they’ve read about such as “Cry it Out,” co-sleeping, or laying down with their child to provide comfort. Often, these attempts can backfire, particularly if you aren’t consistent, Brown said. “It’s difficult for humans to make change in general. But if you don’t follow recommendations, it’s not fair to you or your child. You are setting them up to be confused by giving them mixed messages,” she said. Brown and her Bella Luna consultants offer families customized sleep plans based on answers to a detailed family intake form and information gathered from a one-hour video consultation. Most consultation takes place through text, phone, and email.

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Brown and Greenleaf agree that providing a safe sleep space is one of the most important aspects related to newborn sleep. Neither recommends co-sleeping, as it’s not considered to be safe by the American Academy of Pediatrics. “Always place your baby on a flat, firm surface such as a crib, bassinet, or pack and play. Babies should always be placed on their backs for sleep and their sleep space should be free of any blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, lovies or any other toys before the age of 12 months,” Greenleaf said. It’s also best for your baby to be swaddled (up to 8 weeks of age or until your baby is mobile enough to begin rolling) and the AAP recommends pacifiers for SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) prevention as well, she said. Rooms should be kept dark, with temperatures between 65 and 72 degrees. You’ll especially want to avoid any product marketed as a “sleeper” that does not have a flat, firm surface. Recently, the popular Fisher Price “Rock and Play” inclined sleeping product was recalled from the market. “Only use approved cribs, bassinets and play yards for sleep,” Greenleaf said. “Avoid all inclined sleep as it increases the risk for positional asphyxiation; including wedges, bouncers and swings.” Although room sharing can be convenient from a breast-feeding standpoint and can potentially reduce SIDS incidences, Brown suggests that parents reconsider if no one is able to sleep as a result. Bed-sharing is another story. Many parents resort to bed-sharing as a reaction to not being able to get their babies to sleep. When working with families, Brown always recommends an independent

Develop healthy sleep habits from the start • Keep baby’s awake windows short so that your baby doesn’t get overtired • Learn baby’s sleepy cues so you can get them down before they become overtired • Respect and prioritize your baby’s need for sleep (They don’t fit into our schedules; we fit into theirs) • Starting at 8 weeks, put your baby down tired, but awake, so they can learn to put themselves to sleep • Discontinue sleep crutches such as feeding to sleep; rocking, bouncing or holding to sleep; replacing the pacifier, or putting baby to sleep using movement (for example, car seat, swing, or stroller) • You can wake a sleeping baby — this is particularly true for newborns who need to learn the difference between night and day • If you need help or guidance, seek the advice of a qualified sleep expert

sleep space for babies, especially since spikes in SIDS incidences have been linked to bed-sharing. “This is a personal choice and my only advice would be to recommend that they do their research to ensure that they are taking every precaution to make co-sleeping as safe as possible,” she said.

A FINAL WORD: RECOGNIZE ‘SLEEP SHAMING’ In our culture of busy, moms can be made to feel shamed when they prioritize themselves and their sleep, Greenleaf said. Now that many more moms are working, and are critical to supporting their families, it’s even more important that they have access to tools and resources that allow their families to be happy, functioning members. “There are false claims out there that if you are sleep training your baby, you aren’t being responsive to their needs. That is false. It does not cause learned helplessness,” she said. Megan Knopik, of Minneapolis, Minn., is a mother to twins who will turn 3 this summer. Owen is a champion sleeper, while Claire needed extra help getting to sleep. At one time, Knopik woke up 14 times a night and remembers what life was like before hiring a sleep consultant. “I went from being homebound to getting my life back,” she said. Now a sleep consultant for Expect to Sleep Again, she is excited to assist families and is happy when she hears they are finally getting rest, thanks to her guidance. “One of the things I love most about sleep consulting is waking up to emails from parents who just got their first good night’s sleep in months, or even years. It brings me back to when my children first started sleeping well and how good it felt,” Knopik said. Krysten Godfrey Maddocks has worked as a journalist and a marketing director. Mom to Everett, she has lived on the Seacoast for the past 20 years.

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Traveling with your very young one Flying or driving long distances with an infant can be tricky. Here are some tips. BY MARY ELLEN HETTINGER

hen it comes to traveling with an infant, a good rule may simply be not to unless absolutely necessary. But if you do have to travel with your newborn, here are few things to keep in mind before you take off for your journey. “When you have a very young infant who is not yet immunized, be very careful not to expose your baby to people. With very young children, make sure they get their vaccines, and they’re up to date before traveling. Babies are very susceptible to things, and you should avoid large groups of people,” Dr. Pamela Hofley of

24 www.parentingnh.com | JULY 2019

Dartmouth-Hitchcock Manchester said. There are many reasons why traveling with a baby is not a good idea, besides being exposed to a multitude of germs. Planes get delayed, leading to lengthy stays on the tarmac. Weather causes cancellations and unexpected overnight stays. Ear pain and fussiness can make a flight a nightmare for everyone. Luggage gets lost, and how many outfits, diapers and formula can you fit in a carry-on? Summer heat on long drives can lead to carsickness. Have the grandparents visit you instead of taking an infant on a cross-country tour to meet the family. But if you have to travel, “if your child is healthy and well, off you go,” Dr. Hofley said. And don’t forget the appropriate car seat.

MORE TIPS • Never leave a child in a vehicle, not even for a minute. It can be tempting, especially if they are asleep, but don’t do it. Cars heat up to dangerous levels very quickly. • Don’t give your baby Benadryl or anything to make them sleep before flying or a long car trip. “It could have the opposite effect and you don’t want to travel with a strungout child,” Dr. Hofley said. • Recent ear infection? Clear air travel with your pediatrician first before flying. • An international trip requires planning months in advance. Depending on your destination, your family may need extra vaccines that need to be given over a span of time. You may also need visas.

FLYING WITH BABIES Before you get on board — early and before the crowd — does your baby have the proper identification? In the United States you’ll need a birth certificate (contact the airline first: some require the original certificate, some will accept a photocopy or digital copy), possibly a passport, and immunization records. If your infant is less than two weeks old and you absolutely must fly, check with the airline first. Most will require a doctor’s note saying the newborn is OK to fly. In fact, play it safe and notify whatever commercial airline you’re traveling on that you will have a babe in arms with you. Then you can find out everything you need to

know to avoid any hold-up at the counter or being turned away at the gate. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, even though most domestic commercial airlines still allow babies to travel on your lap, it’s not safe. Whether in a jet or a car, in turbulence or with sudden stops, unsecured children get thrown around. If you expect to fly a few times throughout the year with your child, not every Child Restraint System is approved by the Federal Aviation Administration. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly recommends using an FAA-approved device.

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| JULY 2019 25

GETTING THROUGH SECURITY The Transportation Security Administration has modified screening procedures for children under 12 and babies and their gear are not exempt. Your child is considered an infant if you have to carry him or her through screening; a toddler is a child who needs help walking through screening with a grownup. Don’t leave home without them, but formula and breast milk in “reasonable quantities” must be removed from your carry-on for screening. If you have more than 3.4 ounces of liquid, the TSA officer will X-ray it. Baby food in a can or jar is OK but may be subject to additional screening. (The Food and Drug Administration says there are no known adverse effects from consuming liquids, medicine or food that has been X-rayed.) Also: • Ice and freezer packs are allowed in a carry-on but may be screened if they are “slushy.” • Bring hand-washing gel and use it liberally. Use disinfectant wipes on the seats and arm rests, tray tables — every surface you come in contact with. • To deal with ear pain from changes in pressure during takeoff and landing, plan to nurse or have the baby suck on a bottle or pacifier. • The website of the Military Wife and Mom (www.themilitarywifeandmom.com) has

26 www.parentingnh.com | JULY 2019

lots of tips for travel with children. Lauren Tamm, who is also a parent coach, suggests this hack for nursing moms: Wear a nursing tank top with a zippered active-wear jacket or sweatshirt for discreet nursing. But first, thread a colorful shoelace through the zipper hole. Baby can play with the shoelace, but the key is bringing a few small toys to tie on to the shoelace, one at a time, for distraction without playing “dropsies.”

ROAD TRIP First, be sure to take care of yourself when driving and stop every few hours to stretch or rest, Dr. Hofley said. To keep kids entertained, she suggests having them read or playing road games, “not 15 hours of screen time.” Even a preschooler can help entertain a baby; making faces, playing peekaboo and singing silly songs can go a long way. Bring water and healthy snacks with you but leave the soda and juice at home.

YOU’VE ARRIVED When baby’s on board, safety never takes a vacation. Whether staying with relatives,

at a motel, campground or resort, childproofing is vital. Dr. Hofley recommends blue painter’s tape for covering outlets and wires. Warn grandparents to lock up or move medicines and cleaning products higher up, or pack a few cabinet locks. Bring your own Pack ‘n Play, playpen or bassinet so you know you’ll have a nice clean bed for your child. Even if a resort has them for guests, “You can’t be sure they’re really clean,” the pediatrician warns. By the water or a swimming pool, you can’t count on a lifeguard (or there may not even be one). Besides being vigilant about watching your children, “I recommend kids wear life jackets whenever they are around a pool or on a boat,” said Dr. Hofley. “Parents should set an example by wearing theirs too, on a boat, for example.” Children and toddlers may not even make a splash when they fall into water, so keeping them in flotation devices is much safer. Finally, when the inevitable traffic jams, detours and lost reservations happen, keep your cool. Months from now mishaps will become part of family lore and yes, you will laugh about it — even that trip to urgent care with everyone in their bathing suits after your toddler crammed a popcorn kernel way up her nose. Mary Ellen Hettinger is a frequent contributor to ParentingNH.

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Transitions in Early Childhood Samantha Wingate, Director of Admissions

NOW OPEN

Hayward’s ICE CREAM is New Hampshire’s #1 homemade ice cream stand. Supporting local farmers throughout New England since 194O.

New Merrimack Location!

360 Daniel Webster Highway Offering: • • • • • •

Our famous hotdog special Specialty dogs Angus beef chili Indoor seating Drive-Thru 4 outside walk-up windows • Over 40 flavors of hard serve • 11 flavors of soft-serve

Nashua (603) 888-4663 ∙ Merrimack (603) 424-5915 www.haywardsicecream.com

SUMMER FAMILY EVENTS

This is a step back in time the whole family will enjoy!

Sensory Friendly Fridays Month of July Tea with Cinderella July 12, August 9 Circus Train July 19, 20, 21

Please visit our website for details on these and more events!

Enjoy an old-fashioned railroading experience on vintage trains, all departing from our 1874 Victorian Station in the center of North Conway Village.

magine suddenly being uprooted from everything you know about your world … being put in a new building with strangers and not understanding the language or what is expected of you. As an adult, that would be very confusing and hard to adjust, right? But what if you were only two years old in that same scenario… and had never been away from your parents! Children being introduced into a childcare center or preschool setting have to learn to cope with a multitude of changes all at once … being separated from parents, finding comfort in and taking direction from unfamiliar adults, getting their needs met, being surrounded by new people and lots of noise, and learning new routines … without being able to fully understand why all these changes are suddenly happening. Fortunately, good early childhood educators understand this process, as they see it every day, and are trained in how to make these situations easier for our youngest and sweetest. We know the special ways to approach children, to hold them, to soothe them and to support them, so they feel connection and comfort. Some children just jump right into the new setting and thrive; others are apprehensive, shy and take time to become acclimated to the new situation. There are those who just flat out cannot handle so many changes at once, and we are careful about initiating that child into the group. We do it slowly, mindful of respecting the child’s need for pacing and allow him/her to move on when he/she is ready. The key to a successful start to school is in the preparation. Children at all levels, even the most fearless, need to know/be prepared for what is happening to them. Proper transitioning from one activity or setting to the next helps children feel some measure of control. This can be done at any age. Just as an adult adapts with warning, prior to a major change taking effect, children will surprise you with how resilient they can be when transitioned in the right way. With intentional preparation and practice, even the youngest children can get prepared for big changes and learn that their families are happy for their new experiences. They will form valuable connections with others, learn self-regulation and gain self-esteem as they accomplish the developmentally-appropriate tasks supported by their teachers and care givers. They will have fun and will flourish. At World Academy, we intentionally have students come for an observation hour to help determine how a new child’s transition into our center may go. This allows the new student to adapt and move into his/ her new setting slowly and carefully, to meet new friends and teachers and to explore at a personal pace to establish trust. Our teachers are able to support families through the transition into care by helping with tips that are personal to each particular child, to lessen child anxieties, based on the observation time. (And parent’s anxieties, as well!) The start of school at any age is an anxious time of uncertainty for all, but when facilitated by well-trained educators, both the new students and their parents can feel at ease knowing that all of their experiences are going to be individualized to meet the needs of all. And just like that they are on their way! SAMANTHA WINGATE,

1 hour, 1¾ and 5 to 5 ½ hour roundtrip excursions. Coach, First Class and First Class dining options on both the Notch and Valley Trains.

Children under 4 ride FREE in Coach! Well-behaved dogs are alway welcome.

ConwayScenic.com • (603) 356-5251 38 Norcross Circle | North Conway Village

30 www.parentingnh.com | JULY 2019

138 Spit Brook Road, Nashua, NH (603) 888-1982 • worldacademynh.com

Director of Admissions, joined World Academy in 2011. She earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration/Marketing from the University of New Hampshire.

A parent’s guide to

car seats What you need to know about ‘the right seat, the right size, the right use’ BY MARY ELLEN HETTINGER

emember those cute “Baby on Board” stickers of years back? The thought was sweet, but you can’t count on other drivers to avoid hitting your vehicle just to protect your little one. Your best defense against injury, or worse, in an accident is having your child tucked securely into an appropriate and correctly installed car seat. “Car seats are absolutely vital, whether in your car, on a plane, in a grandparent’s car or Uber or rental car. Because kids who are not secured in car seats get thrown around in any collision, the American Academy of Pediatrics is very strong about this,” said Pamela Hofley, MD, MPH, Medical Director at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Manchester and a pediatrician. “Improved vehicle crashworthiness and greater use of child restraint systems have significantly affected the safety of children in automobiles,” the AAP wrote in November 2018. Child safety seats reduce the risk of injury by 71% to 82%, their latest research shows, compared to child passengers using just seat belts.

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| JULY 2019 31

Key to Communication Speech Therapy Services, LLC Jennifer R. Edwards, MS, CCC-SLP Fun, professional speech therapy evaluation and treatment.

Why register your car seat? It’s vital to fill out the registration that comes with the seat and mail it in or go online. In case of a manufacturer recall due to a defect, you’ll be notified of steps to take for repair or replacement. If you have a used car seat, look the model up online to see if there are issues. You can also register your car seat at www.nhtsa.gov

Treating adults and kids with a wide variety of communication disorders in Concord and nearby areas — including autism facebook.com/KeytoCommunication SpeechTherapyServicesLLC

802.272.4709

jjennettslp@gmail.com

Kids Op Shop

TAKE A BACK SEAT FOR SAFETY

LLC

One of the first things to know is that car seats belong in the back seat. The same airbags in the driver and passenger seats that protect adults and save lives in a crash can be fatal to a child. The back seat is best because it is farther away in case of a head-on impact. Also, the seat (or Child Restraint System, or CRS) should be installed with the baby facing the rear. These are a must, the American Academy of Pediatrics said, because the baby’s “head, neck, and spine are all supported by the hard shell of the car safety seat, allowing the car seat to absorb most of the crash forces, and protecting the most vulnerable parts of the body.” Rear-facing seats should be used for as long as possible, according to www.safety.com. A baby in a front-facing car seat is “much more likely to sustain a head or spinal injury if the car stops short,” according to the Journal of Pediatrics.

Gear, Toys and More!

30-40% off Retail Prices!

Open Saturday and Sunday 10am–3pm 1065 Hanover Street Manchester NH 03104 Facebook.com/KidsOpShopNH

BUYING A CAR SEAT

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