Things are better on solid ground

Ihate flying. Always have. It has nothing to do with fear of flying, a malady that caused John Madden for years to take a tricked-out bus cross country to his various announcing assignments.

I’m not afraid the plane is going to crash or land at the wrong destination, though those things do happen.

The Aggie men’s basketball team may have different feelings about flying after a scary experience last winter on a trip from Sacramento to Los Angeles when their plane apparently sucked a bird or two into its engine, forcing the plane back to Sacramento.

As I understand it, the team was then given the option of taking a bus to Southern California — another form of travel torture — but wisely voted to take another flight. All’s well that ends well.

I’m a person of average height and weight with a built-in flotation device around my midsection. That extra layer of padding helps keep me warm when I swim and allows me to keep my head above water.

And yet, the only times I have been comfortable on an airplane are the two or three occasions when I was “invited” to sit in first class because the plane was oversold in the Peasant Section at the back of the plane.

I don’t like being jammed into a seat, with my knees jabbing the back of the person sitting in the row ahead and my size 14 feet with no comfortable place to rest.

I was once on an 11-hour flight from London to San Francisco that I was certain would never end. I was armed with magazines and newspapers and a copy of War and Peace. None of it eased my pain or my feeling that touching down at SFO was simply a distant and impossible dream. I even made out a will to kill the time. I think I Ieft it all to the Largest Man in the World who was sitting in the middle seat next to me. If I was uncomfortable, I can’t imagine how he felt.

On the several occasions when I’ve had to travel to New York City, I’ve always taken the non-stop red-eye that leaves Sacramento around midnight and arrives at 8 or 9 in the morning.

Everyone on the flight is asleep before take-off and remains so until arrival. Except me.

I cannot sleep on an airplane, a bus or in the passenger seat of a car, no matter the hour. I need to be stretched out completely with some sort of pillow — a folded up sweatshirt will do — before I can doze off.

So it was with great interest that I saw the headline “Air

New Zealand reveals price of new economy sleep pods” over a story by Lilit Marcus of CNN Travel.

Sleep pods on an airplane? Please, fill me in.

Turns out Air New Zealand is planning to launch something called “Skynest” in September of 2024.

There will be six pods in some sort of bunk bed formulation on certain long haul flights, including “the 17-hour direct flight between New York and Auckland.”

Wow, 17 hours with nowhere to go.

“Passengers will be able to prebook a slot in the pod for between $254 to $380 for a four-hour session.”

Just four hours? What about the other 13?

“Amenities in the Skynest will include USB charging ports, a reading light, ear plugs, full-size sheets, a blanket and a pillow. There are also seatbelts to make sure that the beds adhere to onboard safety protocols.”

Nothing like a seatbelt to keep you from tossing and turning during a bad dream.

“The airline did a fair bit of research around sleep cycles. A typical sleep cycle is around 90 minutes, so a four-hour session gives the opportunity for customers to wind down, fall asleep and wake up.”

The last time I slept for just 90 minutes was when I was less than 12 months old. If I fall asleep and have to get up and out of my pod 90 minutes later, I’m going to be grumpy for the rest of the flight.

According to Air New Zealand,”We have zeroed in on sleep, comfort and wellness because we know how important it is for our customers to arrive rested. Whether they are heading straight into a meeting or to their first holiday hotspot, they want to hit the ground running.”

I’d settle for just hitting the ground.

— Reach Bob Dunning at bdunning@davisenterprise.net.