Reflections 2009
Archbishop McNicholas High School 6536 Beechmont Avenue Cincinnati, Ohio 45230
Writers Anderson, Ian Andrew, Katie Ashworth, Amy Birk, Libby Blair, Josh Blanco, Susanne Bloemer, Anna Boyd, Emily Cmar, Emily Custer, Luke Daly, Maggie Ecker, Allison Flammer, Abby Forsthoefel, Adam Geraci, Gus Gormly, Tim Halpin, Steph Hartman, James Hartwell, Brenna Hoffman, Dakota Hoke, Meghan Hollenkamp, Amy Hornsby, Maria Klatte, Patrick Knopf, Julia Laube, Ava Leach, Austen Lewis, Josh Markins, Tiffany Martin, Tyler McLaughlin, Kody McMahon, Megan Meyer, Cheyenne Morrow, Kerry Mowery, Matt O’Flaherty, Kelsey O’Flaherty, Maddie
Pages 21, 51 5 6 7, 17 14 31, 41 52 4 49 10, 20, 24, 36 8, 18, 47 5, 22, 38 11, 21 54 10,17, 31 10 14, 19 13, 16, 42, 15 19 16, 22, 24 20, 23 30, 33 5 4, 41, 47, 49 12, 23 11 6 7, 13 24 25 25 4, 18, 48 51 9 27, 37 36
Table of Contents Writers Paulik, Michael Pulskamp, Kelly Quesnell, Evan Rauch, Mario Roeding, Andrew Sage, Laura Salyers, Julie Schengber, Andy Schneider, Ashley Severyn, Jenny Shrader, Nathan Sonnega, Marc Sun, DongWoo Tabet, George Tomblin, Katie Trauth, Audrey Veleta, A.J. Wadell, Rachel Walsh, Ray Webb, Tess Weber, Gretchen Weisshaar,Rebecca Wersching, John West, Darren Wilch, Puddy Wolfer, Annie
2
Pages 21 26 46 38 20 12, 34, 44-45 26 39 32, 43 28-29, 35 46 32 50 48 30, 35 53 39 37 33 22, 27, 40 8 9 40 52 8, 56 34
Chief Editor: Sterling Shaw Art/Layout Editor: Laura Sage Staff: Creative Writing II Class James Hartman Ava Laube Kody McLaughlin Cheyenne Meyer Hannah Schoolfield Nathan Shrader Moderator: Meloney Feldkamp
Artists & Photographers Bruno, Sam Buettner, Austin Burke, Brian Cho, Eunyoung Cooper, Lea Foster, Christine Goosman, Erin Grever, Natalie Guthrie, Garrett Haas, Emily Hain, Michael Hiltz, Molly Ingram, Charlie Jenkins, Ashley Knopf, Julia Laube, Ava Lehnhoff, Emily LeMaster, Michelle Luedtke, Erica
Pages 17 48 40 24 3 1, 7 7 51 34 27 21, 22 25 9 11 29, 38, 47 10, 36 49 32 26
Artists & Photographers Martin, Taylor Moore, Brian Motz, Claire Mueller, Kelsey Newman, Kevin Oney, Brandon Ostermann, Theo Richardson, Brianna Rizzo, Josie Roberts, Taylor Sage, Laura Sandmann, Mary Semancik, Gretchen Smith, Ryan Stapp, Abby Tomblin, Katie Wadell, Rachel Weber, Gretchen
Pages 33 23 8, 36 5, 18 39 11 23 16, 20, 31 4, 50 12 cover, 14, 26 46 42 6 13, 35 19, 30, 41, 43 15 5
Reflections is a co-curricular publication of the English and Fine Arts Departments of Archbishop McNicholas High School, 6536 Beechmont Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45230. It features original poetry, formula poems, reflections, a song, a short story, artwork, and photography of students in grades 9-12. Archbishop McNicholas High School does not necessarily endorse the content of any of the writing, artwork, or photography, but offers the magazine as a vehicle for creative expression.
Through my eyes All I see is you I got to make it through, I have to be strong Even if I don’t want to. I’ve been through it all Every moment and call, I don’t know what to do Now that I’m through with you. I’ve been told all my life To cut clouds like a knife, What about what I think? There has to be a better way. Why are there angels? And why are they crying? What has been done here In my own society? Today I turn sixteen, What if I don’t make it to eighteen? What will become of me Two years from now?
The Indecisive Mother One day everything I do is right, The next everything is wrong. One day I’m treated like a big girl, The next like a four year old. Indecisive much? You love me with your whole heart, Oh wait, not anymore—they’re more important. You say you’re willing to do anything for me, Oh no, not that—it’s a waste of time. You say you want me to learn from my mistakes, But I’m not allowed to make any. You say that you’re stressed because of “everything.” What do you think I am? I’ll love you always and forever, Even if you change your mind every day. You give up everything for me, And then you complain about it. Why then? Tell me, why? You want me to succeed, Do well, and go far in life. You want me to reach every goal that I set. Help me. Cheyenne Meyer
Tops
I have all these questions in my head But some are to be misled, What am I to do? Can you answer me?
Love, Life, Dreams; They are all like tops, Spinning, spinning Until one day it stops.
Julia Knopf
4
Emily Boyd
Imperfections
Judgment
To think of all my imperfections Is a waste of time. To sit there and question Why aren’t I?
You branded me “nerd” And thought you knew Everything about me. You judged all my actions Without knowing the reasons for them. You saw me succeed and be happy And you thought school must be my life. You saw me cry, you thought It was because I did badly. But did you know this “nerd” Has feelings? Did you know I was happy to succeed? To be proud of something I accomplished? Did you know I was crying Because I heard what you said? Next time think before you talk, You never know who is standing behind you.
Katie Andrew
I’m a Nerd. I’m quite the nerd In every sense of the word. I sit and watch Lord of the Rings, That is one of my favorite things. I know ping, and I’m fond of pong My Batman cape is five feet long! My best friend is mega, my brother is byte My D&D skills are outta sight! My friends and I gather day to day To watch Spock and follow his way. Beware the school bully, his name is Buck. Quick! Take him out with this nun-chuk. I go to bed with my PJ’s tight, Don’t let Mom turn off the light. I close my eyes and go to sleep. Pray to the mothership my soul to keep. Patrick Klatte 5
Allison Ecker
friends 4 years Starting out I had “bestie best friends.” We liked to dance and sing And jump and play And pretend we weren’t trying so hard To be loved and noticed. And when that year ended we would have died for each other. We’d walk to the ends of the earth If only we could spend more time together. That second year I felt so far apart. I had acquaintances. I didn’t even remember who you were, But that didn’t matter. We still said the same things Whether we knew what they meant or not, And we were dark and we were deep, Whatever that really means. And when our time was half done Maybe we had a few more scars, But we were still so attached with our half empty words And we had so much time left to spend together. That third and fateful year that seemed to wear us down the most I had soul mates, And things just seemed to almost slide into place Until they all fell apart. For once we meant what we said, And we felt we were infinite Talking all night long About love, religion, and concepts I could never understand. But time was running out while we were running around And we would be friends forever. Who could ever understand us more? And our future still stretched forever Until it knocked down our door. Finally, this last year is upon us And I no longer know what I have Except the tension running through your voice, Springs coiled so tight I’m afraid of letting go. But everything’s moved on anyways. This year has been the best But in some ways the worst When we can no longer promise more time together And we only fall apart in what little time is ours.
ODE TO DARKNESS Darkness sign of all that is wrong Darkness that which plays evil’s song Darkness which carries all that is bad Darkness was once all that I had Darkness will always prevail Darkness hammered over light like a nail Darkness always drawing near Darkness bringing nothing but fear Darkness never bringing good Darkness the way it always should Darkness that which is dread Darkness that which holds the dead Darkness that which encloses the sun Darkness that which can be stopped by no one. Josh Lewis
Amy Ashworth
6
By Its Cover
You are the puppet, I am the master
Puppets Lifeless puppets That’s all they were But he knew With one flick of his wrist He could bring them to life. Tiffany Markins
The pretty blond waitress Walks up to table two And says, “Hey I’m Whitney And I’ll be serving you. I’ve never seen you before, So you’re probably new to this place And I bet you’re wondering How the food will taste. Well I’m not gonna lie, I’ll tell ya straight out, That you’ll regret eating here Without a doubt. All the food’s nasty, The service is bad, And I guarantee You’re gonna leave here mad. But before you judge this place, Take a look around And ask yourself What you have found. Because no matter how bad The food or service is, This rackety hellhole Is still doing business. So I’m not really sure What you’re gonna think, But enough about this – What do you want to drink?” Libby Birk
7
Love’s Assumed Shall I compare thee to a garden’s blooms? Thou art more lovely, full of colors bright. The nature brings me gifts, which love’s assumed, And summers keep me rich, put hope in sight. Sometime too, I see you in petals wide And often is my love for you in all And every leaf or insect, small, which hides. By chance or nature’s path, it’s just a flaw, But thy could only dream you would return, Nor lose no memories of life before, Nor shall no flowers die, to them I mourn. When in time, I’ll move on and wait no more. So long as men can change their hearts and minds, So long lives garden blooms, which fade o’er time. Maggie Daly
Baggage Claim The company is good, but it’s half past ten and you’re hungry for words I can’t give you. Go get your baggage because my rent is too high for your cost. Run out the door and don’t come back until you want company, not words I can’t give you. Gretchen Weber Proposal for 2009 Sometimes you have to take life as it comes and stick with it. Unexpected things will occur; you’d better get used to it. There will be plenty of times when you get your way and plenty of exciting moments, but there also will be plenty of disowning times, too. Throughout these experiences people will come and people will go, but in the end the only person you can depend on is yourself; so, never give up on yourself. Do what you think is right and stay constant. You might be surprised in the outcomes; things always have to get worse before they can get better. Stay practical and you’ll receive and be known for success. 8 Puddy Wilch
Nights Seeing the dawn brings no light only it brings the day and its frights trying to make it to the night where I am safe and away from my life.
Day prolongs life and leaves me astray when it is clear that I don’t want to stay the day’s light burns life with its heat and ray killing the night and leaving me to wait.
I hurry the day like an anxious child because it doesn’t treat me well, not mild it stares at me grinning its smile knowing I want to hide in the night.
Feeling cold because the day’s hell heats my fears bringing them out of their shell tearing me apart not letting me tell of the warmth and calm of my nights. Matt Mowery
Marines with Guns A single damned tear stains a mournful white face In a silent procession, each tries to keep pace. A bitter cold wind interrupts in its haste But the stoic old priest holds composure and grace. The darkening skies call an end to the sun As death dances merrily; it finally has won. Morbid decaying beneath dirt has begun as The birds cease their song, sweet innocence done. Soldiers play taps as men fill in his grave A new life must dawn; a new path must be paved. Even the wildest of children behave While curious bystanders silently rave: Is it all going back to the locusts now? That and the marines to shoot this city down. We’ve been sinking for years; only patience will tell If all of this time we’ve been headed straight for hell. Rebecca Weisshaar 9
Have You Ever Seen a Portal? I lie down in my soft, warm bed Ready to sleep and dream. The day was long and my head is sleepy. I close my eyes and drift off to sea. Tranquility at first, But then the people I know Become workers Throwing coal into the furnace. The pistons start up, I know it is too late now. Hundreds of them are pounding with increasing speed, My body is tense and scared. Faster. Faster. Faster. Until I am trapped. The end is near. Gus Geraci
Deceit Tell me love, Do you know this game? It starts out simple I ask for your name. You answer my question, I ask you more. I learn about you And what you’re looking for. I become that man And steal your heart. I am who you want Right from the start. However, the end is different If you see who I am. That I’m not who you thought But instead, a wicked man. Luke Custer
School I don’t know if I can make it through it. I just want to be done, even quit. All the work is so hard. There is always a quiz to catch me off guard. My grades are always getting me into trouble, Probation and eligibility, always on the bubble. I’m trying my best to get good grades So I can go to college and have it made. Tim Gormly 10
Failing When I fail it’s almost like hitting a brick wall, Especially when I thought I knew it all. It’s just unacceptable for me. It means I’m not being all I can be. I let myself down, I let my family down, And believe me, I do not want to see them frown. I always try my hardest not to flunk. If I do fail, I get into a funk. And I feel like a piece of junk, Nothing more than punk. In this life I want something more for myself. Which is why I study all the books upon the shelf. Because in the end I must prevail, This is why I do not fail.
Dear Alex,
Austen Leach
I don’t even know what to say, You never should have been treated that way. You had nowhere to turn and no place to go. And they just threw you out in the rain, sleet, snow. Every holiday I can’t help but miss you. I wonder how you are, and what you’re up to. I know you needed help with your addiction, I remember watching you from the window in the kitchen. You’d go outside with that creepy friend, And your “smoke breaks” never seemed to end. Now you’re gone and have your own life, I hope it’s not full of struggle and strife. I’m sure now you feel lost and alone. But Alex, please just come home. -Abby Flammer
11
Time Time, you don’t heal all wounds. You have a way of only masking the pain. You stitched up the pieces of the heart all too soon, But when the source of pain returns, the heart breaks free from its chains. Time, you say you’re a healer, a medicine man. But don’t give yourself that much credit, Time, I’m not as strong as you think I am Because Time, I saw his face again today and I just wanted to cry. But you said it was months ago, you said that I’d be fine. But I tell you that’s a lie, Because I broke into a million pieces, and I felt so small, But you told me I would be able to stand tall. Time, please don’t pretend to heal me, when I say I am in pain. I want you to leave me alone, because the pain remains the same. Laura Sage
Good Morning The light breaks, Abrupt noise. It can’t be time yet; I’m told to get up. Cold air, Heavy eyes. I try to pull myself out of bed. It’s morning. I don’t want to get up. Ava Laube 12
The Rose Garden
Brothers Torn apart by hatred Forgetting their past Except for that day When everything changed Younger looking for revenge Older looking for peace Only one will win Older gets his wish.
These roses will cover your bed, A soft blanket will not pierce your skin. I picked each one of them myself, Carefully removing each and every thorn. For you, it is only perfection. -I am but an admirer in a rose garden, Desperately attempting to flourish with you. Merely a tourist, in love with familiar photographs, A foreign land ignorant to my fingerprintYou have existed without fail or flaw, But I am that fatal thorn in the small of your back. I must force myself away from brilliance, And find exile in an empty room with red walls. Crimson, a constant reminder of you… The desire…temptation…never coming to be. My dreams will fool my senses, My thoughts will tell of yours untrue. I must shut you out from my paradise, And let the clouds ease my anxious mind. So that I can stare straight into the sun, Without seeing your face in the shafts of sunlight. So I can lose my soul in the stars, Without glancing over to see your empty place. It’s getting warmer with each passing day, And at night I sleep more peacefully and undisturbed. As this winter fades to spring, I’ll welcome this world warming my core. The leaves will blow on branches in the breeze Paradise will bloom in yellow, green, and redRed. Crimson – roses. Roses, roses, my fatal flaw, These crimson roses will end it all. James Hartman
Tiffany Markins 13
Ideas Ideas are where true happiness lies For when reality sets in, We are far away. But in our minds the dream is right there. We may not be able to touch the stars, But we don’t mind looking When we finally obtain the dream. All we have are questions. We can never settle, We are never content, It’s on to the next idea. Josh Blair DAD Dad, you were my hero. You made me feel so safe. I remember lying on your stomach Watching TV and falling asleep. You did everything I wanted you to do. You were my knight in shining armor. I was daddy’s little girl. I told you everything, And you knew the right things to say every time. Dad, we’ve now drifted apart. I want to feel safe again. I want to hear the comfort in your voice. I want to watch TV with you again. I want you to listen to me and understand How much my life has really changed. Can’t you see we’re not the same as we used to be? Daddy, please listen to me. Stop blocking me out of your life! Listen to how I feel for once. Don’t leave me alone in the cold. Dad, I need you. STEPH HALPIN
Reflections on a Country Jog At dawn, everything about a clear Sunday morning in early autumn is perfect, from the sunrise, etching brilliant shades of pink and orange into the early sky, to the uplifting chirp of birds, beginning a new day. Even as I watched, a small gust of wind sent leaves soaring gracefully across the sky like a flock of magnificently colored red, orange and yellow birds. This early morning jog was going to be perfect; the beautiful view from my front porch was telling me so. The country landscape was overflowing with beauty and color. The endless rows of golden cornstalks swayed gently in the breeze, and the trees were splashed with nature’s colors. As I jogged, breathing in the fresh cool air, a small deer mouse scurried alongside the path a little ways ahead of me, as if we were competing in a laid back race. It weaved nimbly in between cornstalks until it finally disappeared into the vast corn forest that protected him from the sharp talons and beaks above. The mouse ventured out again from the safety of his field to run along the edge of the path again. Another deer mouse sat expectantly on the other side of the path, much like a mother waiting for her first child to come home from school. The running mouse hurried in front of me to the other side where he greeted the sitting mouse, their noses touching and sniffing each other like some sort of handshake. Together, the pair scampered back into their safeguarded home. Not yet even breathing hard, I noticed that my favorite horse, Dakota, which belonged to our closest neighbors, was grazing on the short grass right next to the fence. As I approached, his ears perked up curiously and he bounced jovially over to me and searched my outstretched hand. His soft, velvety lips tickled my palm as he felt around for anything I might have had for him. Laughing, I reached up and scratched the white star on his otherwise brown forehead. I looked into his spirited, yet gentle brown eyes, and I saw myself in them. He nickered softly, and after a final pat, I began jogging again. The air was still cool and crisp, perfectly comfortable for jogging. After a moment of peace, I realized that there was a trotting beat of hooves behind me. Thinking at first that I was in the way of a horseback rider, I moved closer to Dakota’s fence so they could pass me. Then, I looked sideways into Dakota’s field, and it scared me out of my wits. He was trotting next to me from his side of the field, like a small child trying to keep up with his mother. It wouldn’t have scared me if I knew the massive animal was coming up. I laughed again (mostly at myself), and challenged the happy-go-lucky horse by speeding up to almost a sprint. He broke into a slow canter, hooves pounding the grass, which was still covered in a thin covering of frost. The hood of my sweatshirt was thumping on my back as I ran with him. At the end of the fence, we both halted, breathing hard. I smiled in spite of myself and of Dakota’s antics. I rubbed his nose gently and began jogging again into the path through the corn back to the country sanctuary that I called home. Brenna Hartwell
15
Don’t Hold Back
Relax and move on. Take a chance, stay strong. Life keeps moving forward; what’s the point of dreading what was left behind? Take it slow but don’t hesitate, The things you do are the choices you make. So don’t hold back from what could be fun. This is your life to live, you only get one. Meghan Hoke A Burden in My Bed Awakening in the dark, A man struck a match. The light flickered on his face, Pallets of color escaping grey eyes. He reached for a cigarette, And took one long drag. Exhaling floating smoke, Weightless in the stale, winter air. Reaching beneath his pillow, He withdrew a brandished pistol. Stumbling towards the door, And falling to his knees in hollow silence. Forgetting the pistol on the hardwood, The man struggled to reach his feet again. His worn hands pulled the door ajar, Harsh winds breaking the threshold. He glanced outside, But only momentarily. Turning his back to the world, Returning to pale blue sheets. With cigarette still burning, His head rests upon the pillow, softer than before. Eyelids portraying a peaceful darkness, His mouth, a carefree smile. And as his body lost its feeling, That faithful cigarette hit the floor. James Hartman 16
Pressure
I Can’t Go On
Trying not to shatter I can’t go on They say it does not matter, These lungs need deflation The ever-constant stream of pressure My mind relaxation Is way too strong for me to measure. Oppression of digression eats away my heart Criticism, comparison Family, teachers, coaches, friends, Nowhere to start. Pressure comes from every end. A dot on the map They lay it on thick, and they don’t see A sphere in space What their expectations do to me. I need deliverance from this awful place. Do this, do that, good grades, perfection. But I am here by choice It’s all adding up, and not to mention A choice made to stay The stress from you is making it worse In the abyss of minimization. But not from my mouth will you hear a curse. Of extreme limitation Because my problems are mine, not yours, And self annihilation And hearing them would be a bore. I just can’t go on. So just keep in mind, as the pressure builds, End of song. The level of stress I can take is filled.
Gus Geraci
Libby Birk
17
Time comes and goes in the blink of an eye, Many are left wondering why. It seems so slow, yet moves so fast, You don’t get a chance to make it last. It teases your brain with night and day, Will I ever get time to play?
Cheyenne Meyer
decision and as I was driving, I didn’t care how fast I was going or what the others would assume happened. I didn’t care if the radio wasn’t on or if the person behind me was driving too close or whether I was going to be late. all I could think about was the future and how fast the rhythm and beat of my life was playing. all I could hear was the tires rolling down the road. all I could hear was the engine roar and the sound of his voice. all I knew was nothing at all. all I could think about was the decision I had to make. I didn’t care how many red lights I hit or how cold it felt in my car. all I could think about was the stopping of my heart and how chilled my emotions were at this moment. all I could think about was what I couldn’t think about. all I knew was what I knew. I didn’t care about now or then or how I would get there. all I could think about was the future and I didn’t care how fast I was going as I was driving. Maggie Daly
18
Anger Anger is my grandma. It sounds like someone who doesn’t care if you do something for them. It smells like a musky house. It tastes like her cheesecake gone badly because she forgot to add sugar. Anger is knowing your grandma is forgetting who you are more and more every day. Steph Halpin
Love is not at all easy, it is very hard. Nor is it easy to be able to trust one person Nor is it easy to let down your guard, And sometimes your feelings begin to worsen. Love can give us an amazing feeling Nor is it always worth all the pain Yet many a times our heart needs time for healing. Even as I speak, you give me an adrenalin rush within my vein. It well may be worth it so I don’t lose you of fright Or the possibility you won’t be in my life. I might be driven to fight Or I might never become your wife. It well may be worth it all in the end But for now let’s make time between us to spend. 19
Dakota Hoffman
RUNNING Running, Running towards a future, Running away from the drama that plagues our sleep, Running from your fate that tells us who we are and who we are meant to be, Running away from the pressures that suck us in, never letting us escape, Running through the barriers that attempt to stop us along the way, Running towards the good that lights our lives, Running away from the evil that blackens our souls, Running towards change that feels so out of reach, Running for our lives, We are all running. Amy Hollenkamp
Lessons Learned Sit back and hear me. Listen with your eyes And tell me what you see. First let me establish some common ground. Is it understanding you seek but haven’t found? Have you searched the world for another soul? It’s your body that’ll take the ultimate toll. Live with less than what you desire For having less will take you higher I can tell you now; it’s hot by the fire. Believe what I say, or call me a liar. Luke Custer
Moms
Moms are loving, Moms are mean, Moms are everything In between. They like to yell, They like to shout, They don’t like it when you pout. I love my mom Even when she is mad. She really isn’t all that bad. 20 Andrew Roeding
I Just Can’t Help Myself. I just can’t help myself. You have changed, But I miss the old you. The laughs and smiles remain, But the feeling just isn’t the same. When it’s convenient for you I get a call, But if I’m busy you just get mad. You say nothing has changed, But now you just won’t let down your wall. Where did the wall come from? You used to be so open with me, But now there is a cold barrier between us. I can’t help myself but want you back. Your exterior self is still here, But I miss what’s on the inside, That’s what truly matters. I miss the one I shared everything with, And you shared with me. I know you aren’t the same, But I keep coming back. I just can’t help myself.
Blind Bartholomew
Blind Bartholomew was forever blind For as long as his mem’ry could rewind. -Abby Flammer Tables, chairs, and stairs were his true friends not. His pathetic demise thus did they plot. They placed themselves in his wretched path, Loneliness In order to hurt him and prove their wrath ‘Til one day Bartholomew fixed it all. Loneliness is not fun. New bean-bag chairs cushioned his fall. Loneliness is very different from being alone. Betrayal the old furniture did feel, Being alone can be good The wooden chair’s emotions turned to steel. To discuss our thoughts with ourselves, Now that chair plots a most horrible feat. But being lonely is dreadful For it was never taken to the street: And can only be cured by others. Trip Bartholomew on his way outside, And send Bartholomew for one more ride. Michael Paulik Ian Anderson 21
Blind
McNick is... A feeling of belonging Ringing bells that end and begin classes Caring for the environment through recycling Helping others through times of trouble Being friends, youthful and free Including everyone Smiling, Laughing at little jokes. Having a chance to learn. Opening your eyes to new horizons Playing sports in freshman gym class.
Love does not judge and peace does not fight, So how do we live, with all of this fright? Guns for “protection” and war from hate, Killing ourselves ’cause it’s considered our fate.
Mardi Gras, dancing and having fun Conferring on group projects Nurturing, as you receive the care you need. Intramural dodge ball games Cheering for teams at all-school games Hopefulness as you look to a bright future. Opportunities to grow Listening to lectures packed with information Appreciating differences in personality Shaping the mind for what you plan to do.
How can you judge without knowing at all, seeing only the cover and only watching the fall? Our eyes are blind to the nature around, all the pain and suffering, no one hearing a sound.
Helping inner city parishes Interviews for the Rocket Report Giving money on Penny Day Hiding in the nurse’s office to avoid class. Shadows visiting and disrupting class Cookies in the cafeteria. The best ever. Hopping students, leaving early from classes on crutches Ordering cookie dough to support the theater One of a kind experiences Learning new things. Allison Ecker
So what do we do? Start a revolution because peace on earth should be our only solution. Tess Webb
Skittles There’s purple and yellow There’s orange, green and red. The thought of the flavors rushes through my head. So many flavors even tropical and sour I crave skittles almost every hour. Beautiful colors, wondrous taste What is it that makes skittles so great?! 22
Meghan Hoke
Recipe Poem 1 pair of brown eyes, 2 cups of pain, A spoonful of disregard for the rules of the game. 1 lying smile, Add some regret. Now pour in a Thanksgiving and Summer I’ll never forget. One-sided love And a dream unfulfilled. Stir until all your fantasies are forgotten and killed. A ton of deception Sprinkle secrets and bake. Hold back the tears and try not to break. 1 ounce of confidence It’s time I get gone. Your presence is lingering on and on. Avoid accidental meetings Forget your name. But it’s too late now; I’ll never be the same. Ava Laube
FAILURE
Your body tenses, Your throat closes, You can’t breathe, The world stands still. You are knocked to the floor Fists pound on you Time and time again, You take the punches one by one. You believe this opposition can’t be vanquished, So you curl in a ball, And feel your soul being taken. When will you get up and fight? When will you face yourself? Amy Hollenkamp 23
Trees Are COOL! Enormous and petite Skinny and spacious They come in all shapes and sizes Green, yellow, and red Orange, brown, and black. They loft in the breeze With the slightest of ease. They shelter us with their shade Never seeming to fade. Like giants they silently stand We should give them a hand.
Gold.
Shimmering. Glistening. The look of the rich. Tyler Martin From the outside, it costs. But look inside. There it is. Holding On Shimmering. Glistening. The look of a true friend. Everything is going wrong. From there it is free. How much longer can I hold on? Put a price on the first. You promised me things would get better The latter is gratis. Now look where we are, we don’t even talk to each other. But which is worth more? I know I’m not perfect and That’s for you to decide. Your flaws reveal too, But choose wisely. But I thought we’d do better; I was working so hard for you. Wisdom. These days when I see you To them it’s obvious. I only want to stare But the internal is of its own. And it hurts to think you may not even care. It is unique in itself I know it’s over and I know we’ve moved on And carries greater value. But our memories together will never be gone. Happiness. Comes from the gold you can’t see. Meghan Hoke It’s the wealth within the heart. Gold. Luke Custer
24
Perfection
Perfection is a mistaken perception, One that makes life harder. It forces a sense of standard, A standard much too high to meet. It draws away creativity, Uniqueness, Forcing us to conform to its rules. In reality, perfection in itself is imperfect. It takes away the creative gifts of an individual, Forcing just another perfect face in the crowd. Kody McLaughlin
Time The hands are always moving never slowing down, ticking at the same pace no matter the distractions around. The happiness and joy moves quicker while anger and sadness slows time; the same cycle day by day leaves us feeling fine. But time moves on and change is good, being, growing and learning. Understanding life is rough but the flame continues burning. Time will throw us challenges all in different forms, but learning how to catch and throw finds yourself and lets you be reborn. 25
Megan McMahon
Betrayal As we part our separate ways, it’s clear that we’ll have better days. What we once were, are just bitter ashes on the floor. You betrayed me, you broke my heart, I should have known from the start. I hurt you also, I know it’s true. I needed my space, some time away from you. I waited too long, I’m sorry I led you on. I made the bad choice, and I spoke the wrong voice. It’s my price to pay, I regret it every day. Can you blame me? Your heart of gold turned to sudden coldness. It blew me away with nothing left to say. Unfaithfulness – my biggest fear. Yet you made the play, and you were successful. Remorse is what I felt and still feel to this day. Everything we once had is now blown away. I hope you find what you’re looking for – ’cause it isn’t me. Don’t mistake again – I know you’ll be true Just follow your heart, you’ll figure out what to do. Kelly Pulskamp
Friends Friends are always there when you need them most. Friends know when you’re feeling sad, And somehow put a smile on your face. Friends are there when you fall, And come running to pick you up again. Friends will never abandon you, They are forever. Julie Salyers 26
Forever Bittersweet Smile never fades, only with him. It’s a sincere happiness Knowing that hope finally exists. No longer a four letter word in my dictionary, Reality. The soft sweet laughter, Spine tingling, Dreaming of the nights to come, Music of his guitar strings. The words that take me away from every worry around. Sweet serenity, No longer alone, A weed in a flower patch, Individuality, And the only truth in the world of lies; I can’t control this feeling. Tess Webb
Anger Anger is an emotion I’m sure we all wish we could live without, Sometimes we wish we didn’t scream and shout. We can hurt some of the people we care the most for, When we realize our mistakes, it’s already too late, they’re out the door. We can try and try to bring them back, But in the end it’s our own fault and the word sorry is what we lack. We don’t know how to start, or what we say first, The words start to come out, as we begin to speak, then we just burst. Talking 100 mph we don’t know how to stop, We’re trying to apologize, so we begin again from the top. “I’m sorry for my anger, for all I said to you,” “I know I have some problems to work out, but I’d like to be with you.” 27
Kelsey O’Flaherty
Blind Date By the time my parental units managed to strangle my spirit enough that I crumbled under the pressure and entered rehab for my alcoholism, it was autumn-time. Talk about one giant leap for mankind, dude. My drinking had always been a boasting point for me. After all, not many guys in my well-to-do neighborhood could brag about anything of that nature. Sure, they could show off their new cardigans and A+ essays, but they didn’t have any class like moi. If any of them drank anything, it was done on the down-low at clandestine weekend gatherings in the basements of buddies; but as for me… I took my first drink at the age of thirteen—stole it from Step-papa’s liquor cabinet—and by fifteen I had a fake ID. Fortunately, the Asian half of my genetics didn’t contribute much to my stature, so I’ve always been tall and slender, and growing a bit of facial hair was never tricky. That, combined with my suave college-guy attire and older friends, helped me pass for 21 so I could sneak into the greatest bars around. Maybe I got a little hooked on alcohol. Just because I was sneaking out in the middle of the night with my chums for a beer only to wake up groggily in the morning on some random sidewalk in gosh-knows-where… Not much of a problem, eh? Okay, it was a problem. But really it didn’t start six years ago when I took my first drink. It began a few months ago, in the summer of 2008, where I found a note addressed to me taped to our front door that read: Rylan—Meet me at the corner of Lake Street and 45th today at 4:00 P.M. Come alone. Bring me flowers. I’ll have a present for you, too. –Your Secret Admirer Not sketchy or weird at all, right? But I decided, hmm, what’s the worst that could happen? I was always game for a smidgen of adventure. After all, I was a self-proclaimed daredevil (and superhero, but that’s another story). If I could have another tale of wonder to embellish to make me seem amazing at the next beer bash, then what the hey, right? So at 3:30 I plucked a couple of dandelions from the lawn and headed to the designated locale, hoping this trip would have some outstanding outcome, like, say, my “secret admirer” was a gorgeous, brunette model from Australia who liked to tromp around in a skimpy bikini. Yeah. Something like that would be fantastic. Just as my hormones were beginning to ricochet off the walls of my skull, I reached my destination and, with a surge of disappointment, discovered no beautiful dame awaiting her Prince Charming. Phooey. However, there were three bulky guys smoking and kicking at the litter on the streets; when they noticed me they all grinned these creepily identical smiles, and one beckoned me into a nearby alleyway. Double phooey. No matter how one scrutinized that situation, it wasn’t good. “Hey, fellas,” I greeted, saluting them. “Brought those flowers you requested.” “Ain’t they pretty,” one remarked as he flicked his cigarette to the ground. “But there’s only two. An’ there’s three of us. Dopey little lover boy.” He snickered. “He’s a black boy, you gotta remember,” another one interjected. “His brain ain’t quite right.” “Nothin’ about that kid’s quite right,” the first replied. “And he ain’t black. He’s a half-breed. Halfblack, half-Chinese.” “Vietnamese,” I corrected, attempting to sound nonchalant, though inside I was cranking up my superhero senses. These clownish thugs didn’t seem to be friendly types. They ignored me as the third one squeaked, “All those genetic inferiorities workin’ together, man. That must be why he had to repeat freshman year in high school. And then sophomore year.” “It’s a shame he wasn’t around in Hitler’s time,” one commented. “He might’a been exterminated then. We could’ve kept our hands clean. But oh well.” “So wait,” I piped up. “You guys are Neo-Nazis? Or are you KKK-ers?” Well, I suppose I needn’t divulge every miniscule detail of my encounter with those lovely ignoramuses. The situation escalated and words were exchanged, including a few racial epithets, and I endeavored to keep a level head; but when people start speaking like they’re gonna come set your house on fire because they want a nice, clean, white city, you kind of begin to wig out a little. So naturally I let myself slide into superhero mode
and let out some machine-gun blows on their faces, but they retaliated, and three on one, and blah, blah, blah… So what’s a guy to do when his blind date with his secret admirer turns out to be nothing more than a lame trick to be cornered like a varmint, beaten, and bound with duct tape? Hmmm… Step one: be liberated by a random passer-by. Step two: locate the nearest bar. Step three: drink so much you don’t even know why there’s blood in your mouth and your eyes are swelling shut. Step four: be picked up by police for public intoxication after wandering into the streets and taking a leak on a sidewalk. Well, that last step can be skipped, but… For serious, there really isn’t anything more terribly awkward than being driven home from the police station by your angry mother and stepdad who are hollering at you while all you can think about is how much you need to throw up. All I can vaguely recall of that lovely conversation on that drive home is Step-papa clenching the steering wheel of his truck as he growled, “Rylan, we’ve had about enough of your drunken laziness and all your ridiculous shenanigans, and this is the last darn straw.” “Honey, you need to go to rehab,” my mom added in a bitter tone. “Alcoholics Anonymous,” Stepdad announced heatedly. “That’s where you’re going.” Hmm, appropriate. Well, I wasn’t about to become their customer just yet. I was still a bit cross about the whole racial hate crime deal, so my drinking, since it wasn’t heavy enough, got just a bit heavier. In other words, I was plastered every single night. Heck, some days I even took my first drink at noontime. Pretty soon I was wasted by noontime. I always had in mind those guys who beat the bloody stuffing out of me, who wanted to see my guts splattered everywhere just because I was different. And I never told anybody about this, but you know what, man? Who wants to live in this sick world being conscious and aware all the time? Who wants to live in fear and wallow in self-pity or self-anger for something he or she is? Who wants to fully experience the pain in this messed-up place, the suffering that encloses everyone and overshadows everything? Well, as autumn tumbled into town, that dry, cool autumn, I realized that I did. What’s the point of living if you’re not really living? So I did it. Of my own volition, in my own spare time, without anyone knowing, I hauled my booty into an AA building, ready to feel like a traitor to my own life by giving up the one thing I had to be proud of, to feel vulnerable, to feel stupid, to feel sentimental and mushy. But alcohol screws you up, man. So I was ready to just feel in general. Jenny Severyn
Meant To Be We have known each other forever But I don’t remember how it all began. Did I naturally just come to you? Was it fate calling me to you? You remember and I don’t, But I have this feeling inside like I was meant to be with you. I still remember the times I made you cry and all the times we would fight, No matter what I would do I always needed you. As years went by I felt my feelings changing, I could feel my heart maturing but you were growing more distant And I was becoming more dependent. You were the one I never forgot, Sometimes I think about our memories and I break down and cry, I also think about how you almost were never here. If you left this world what would I do? I can’t imagine you not with me, I can’t bear the thought of you gone, I still love you after all these years. Maria Hornsby
Soliloquy O Soliloquy of the Skies, Don your goggles, cap, and scarf. Take flight into the sky of aquamarine. O Sojourner of Blue Yonder, For whom do you ever soar? What force compels you from sunrise to sunset? O Ever-Flying Wanderer, Take not of the orange sun. Perhaps you will discover what eludes you. O Pilot of Sunlit Journey, Why do you constantly seek? May you wander forever ’til you find love. 30
Katie Tomblin
See through the noise
Focus on
Lose your ears forever Trapped in a silent endeavor The lightning flashes, but hear no thunder Communication is through eyes and touch It’s hard here, you haven’t a social crutch This language you speak is rarely understood. Will this life fill with tragedy or good? But your eyes see more than the present …these people are caught in deception …the sounds cloud their perception This building is a failed plan. Does anyone else see what you can?
Stupid flushing and flustered gills They flap in my stomach My head Rubber pond overflows and drowns The blades with fir scrapers Money making cutters bagging the heads The fins – the goals Moving vans drive away from trimming, Sculpting what they’re told to want. I want. Death wants of me – for me. Give me a mouth Another one.
She feels alone but talks surrounded She is prided and envied by the voices sounded But you see no one is truly beside her In her eyes she asks for a savior She will not say it, because of fear You are the only one who is truly near. Gus Geraci
Feeding from the outside, Blowing through tears, Folding into heads ‘MAKE YOUR BED!’ Do you stare to get the drowning off? The drunk swimmer falls into my eye Focus spills And brims over the desk. Susanne Blanco
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Goodbye I never said goodbye Because I thought I’d have more time. I thought I’d be old and not quite so surprised, I thought I had days, months, and years still to come, I didn’t know the time would be so short. 11 years is hardly fair There were still things for him to see Like a cap and gown A wedding day And children of my own. There were still things to say Like “I love you” And “I’ll miss you” And “I could never be mad.” There were still things to hear Like reasons And explanations So I could maybe understand. Instead I got the shock The whys and what did I do wrongs. Instead I got the tears and pain I got the visits to the quiet field The talking to the ground Instead of saying it to his face. I said goodbye to the ground. Ashley Schneider I REMEMBER I remember the bright lights in middle school shining down on the football field so people could see us play. I remember the gunshot in track telling the runners to go. I recall going down the street playing football and then going to Jared’s to drink a Mountain Dew to cool off. I recall sitting around a fire with friends and just enjoying ourselves and talking about good times in life. I remember riding dirt bikes back in the woods and sometimes on the road even though we were not allowed to. I remember now that those times were some of the best times in my life. Marc Sonnega 32
Secrets Darkness Fills inside with every Breath, The air so cold. Hiding away the secrets, Secrets That hold us back Away, from what’s really inside. Ray Walsh
Why did I ever care for you? As days go by I still find myself wondering why I ever cared for you. Your annoyance was like a cyst that always grew, You never made time for me You irresponsible shrew. Could it have been just one joke? A joke that gave you fame Or was I just too naïve to see through the smoke? The smoke was always the same. Every now and then I take a look at you And I still can’t believe I was so devoted and true. I look at your eyes and see no truth, You were always so aloof. I hear the familiar sound of your voice and don’t miss it at all, I don’t even miss the annual phone call. I guess I can say I’m over you. It’s been a long time and it’s nice to be free, I guess there never was a you and me. 33
Maria Hornsby
Loneliness Loneliness is an abandoned road at midnight without streetlights. It sounds like a puppy whimpering in its icy crate at the pet store when no one wants to buy it. It smells like dead flowers your ex bought for you a month ago that you won’t throw away because you can’t let go. It tastes like an overcooked steak you keep chewing but doesn’t break down and it hurts to swallow. Loneliness feels like you were punched in the gut by the person you love the most and the feeling you get when it takes the wind out of you; you can’t cry or scream so no one can hear your pain. Laura Sage
Pain It fills us up until we feel like we will burst, and sometimes it feels the worst. Indescribable feeling is something we all know, sometimes you wish it was just all a show. Feeling better as time goes by, I still think about it and sigh. The hurt’s real and clear, time to tell me how you truly feel. Words will only go so far, so make me feel better; don’t drive off in that car. Yeah I want to, so please do show. Annie Wolfer 34
Expression of Emotion Standing near the skylight, I looked out across the city; It was a wasteland of injustice, a sea of poverty. In sickness and in dying, in sickness and poor health, We all just trot on broken glass and knock each other down. Weep beneath the willows; the funeral bells clang. Darkness from the new moon sweeps across the dirty land, And beneath this land is buried secrets and a man Whose truth, like all, was sputtered in explosions of white sin. As ghosts wail and moan near the empty window seats Of the burnt-down house, the ashen house, of graffiti The orange and gray of dawn slides into outstretched, hang-nailed hands Likely marred by autumn and screaming, blaming bands. Tense, dizzy, paranoid, the heart attempts to fly, But fails and merely flutters and starts to slowly die. Flatlines are so commonplace in this volcanic life With lava flames engulfing all for nothing can go right. Jenny Severyn A Broken Dedication For someone that I used to know Just a little while ago A gentle soul, so sweet and kind But now you possess a different mind. I thought you’ve come, finally, to stay But now and then you just run away. For now when you stand in front of me Just leave, just go, just let me be. No need to flaunt, no need to gloat, Don’t even try to “get my goat.” You were always an ally to me, Please don’t become my enemy. Katie Tomblin
Parents Questioning me till no end Trying to find every detail of every second of my entire life Grounding me for every little move I make, I feel trapped, I cannot move. I am crippled, I feel hopeless. Making ridiculous rules to “help” me, Keeping me locked in the house to “protect” me. I want to break free, I want to scream. I want them to know that I don’t need their help and protection, That I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, That without their constant nagging and grounding, I will be all right, And that though their protection is a very nice gesture Hovering is not necessary. The only way they can help me is if they let me make my own decisions and learn from them in return. Maddie O’Flaherty
Dry Spell My mind has been dry these last few nights Not many images there, not many sights. I wish to write about what I’ve thought. But without resting my mind, I can’t think a lot. It takes good time, but time I have not. I’m stuck in a web, tangled and caught. My mind is depleted, but I have no choice. Sleep only hears my schedule’s voice. Luke Custer
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Senseless World Small children, Dark as ink. So young, but know so much About the world. Hear the others laugh and play. They can’t play with the others. Not today, Not tomorrow, Not the next, Or by the Crow, They will be pecked. Thud. She bumped into her neighbor. Not “Sorry sir,” But by his name, She apologized. She turned and saw The hatred grow, The anger on their faces. She too felt hatred, But it was towards the world. In the darkness, Overcome by white. Unable to mutter a word, She softly sways Back and forth, Then stops.
The man sits in his house. Alone and afraid of the world. He is a mockingbird. He watches the children Day after day. He needs them. They don’t need him. But they do. Can’t see. Unable to speak. But able to hear the insults Every day. They think she is as dumb as her tongue. What is wrong With the world? The world is blind, It cannot see What it is afraid of. The world cannot speak, Without placing others into groups. The world cannot feel The emotions of the labeled. The world doesn’t know How to live. Rachel Wadell
Loss Losing someone you care for is the worst pain in the world. It feels like everyone is gone: friends, family, everyone. No one cares for you anymore. You pick up your phone, dialing their number, erasing it And dialing it again. Thinking of something, anything to say to get them back. But there’s nothing in this world that you could say. Kelsey O’Flaherty 37
Our Way
I am Sitting silently Waiting watchfully As you rant all your woes. You are Standing strong Talking tactfully Asking if we’re friends or foes. I am Muttering mutely Stammering stupidly Because neither of us really knows. We are Parting peacefully Separating seamlessly As the distance between us grows.
Allison EckerÂ
I Remember I remember the smell of the early morning air That filled my nostrils and woke me up. I remember the sight of a family of deer with the babies trailing behind, attempting to keep up. I remember the feeling of the damp early morning grass as my bare feet tracked through it. I remember the raising and lowering of the sun every morning and night, and the way the sun would start to illuminate the sky, and it seemed so close but yet so far away. I remember the smell of cinnamon rolls and coffee every Saturday morning. I remember the love in every hug you gave me. I remember the joy I felt in seeing your car pulling into the driveway night after night after a stressful day at work, and I would try to cheer you up. I remember how the dog Izzy would run and jump on me almost forcing me to the ground. Most of all though, I remember the way our family would sit down every night for dinner and share our day with other family members. Mario Rauch 38
Lunar Park I wish I lived, In Lunar Park Where the grass never grows, but it’s always dark The reflections of the sun’s persona Keeps me running, all the way to Tijuana. Well I’m coming home… tonight Even though it keeps me running from the view Of tomorrow’s sight. Underneath these leaves I found me all my dreams. Back to you. Now in Lunar Park, people dance around They think they hear music, but there is no sound Now in Lunar Park, The Wheel was turning And then one night… it went down burning. Well I’m coming home… tonight Even though it keeps me running from the view Of tomorrow’s sight. Underneath these leaves I found me all my dreams. Back to you. In Lunar Park, people find new highs Is this life? Or is it a lie? Move your life, to Technicolor Find your friends, here in Lunar Park. Lyrics by A.J. Veleta, Andy Schengber Arrangment by Stuart’s Rhino: Adam Forsthoefel, Andy Schengber, Chris Brokamp, Alex Elesner, A.J. Veleta
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Another World The people there are so real. No lying, judgment or fakeness. They understand exactly how she feels But this reality life is different. She used to hide her teary eyes Pretending everything was okay. She couldn’t face her issues Or take things day by day. If others could really see The pain and hurt she went through, But getting goals and staying positive Is helping her dreams finally come true. No more crying, scars or loneliness, Only doing what she wants to do. She used to try so hard to please others, But pleasing herself first? She had no clue. She is deeper than all the graves, Or any ditch around. And she is a guitar waiting to be played, To make beautiful sound. She is the solider, preparing to fight In this battle, the battle of strife, Listening to the sound of the drums, The beat of her life. Tess Webb
Waking up At 6:20 the alarm sounds Piercing my ears and disturbing the peace, After switching it off I struggle to get out of bed. Walking like a zombie I make my way to the toilet Still in darkness, I hope I’m on target As I unwillingly dress I know I must hurry For soon, school awaits. . . 40
Maybe I should go back to bed. John Wersching
Only With You
Bloomed?
I’m sitting in bed Thinking of you, I’ve just woken up So many things to do, I wish you were here by my side, I can’t think of a better time, Sometimes I wonder If this love will ever change, But then I remember What you always say, I want to tell you how I really feel, That I can be with you forever, This love is real, To always have your back Knowing you have mine, I can be myself around you Always making me smile, I’ve never felt this way before, I wonder if this can be anymore, I promise to never hurt you Because I care about you, You’ve fixed my broken heart But you’re making me melt apart, Your love is overwhelming But I know it’s true, I hope you never leave me Because my world revolves around you.
Down from the gross ends came the young girls With their trendy clothes. Fed from the ears of reciprocating told They fill in the squares Like canned sardines
Julia Knopf
Running from grandmothers she ends up dry. Flossed hair and rubbered Killed off – cut off – the nose Screeching halt. Burned skin. Flying air drops with ashen lips. Grey bearded flips of colorless bangs. Crud overhangs her window – Meat strung from coarse hair, Down to the window. Thawing winter breezes slammed shut. How tuff? How much? Brand? We’ll brand your tongue – kill its tastingFill it with chatting. Chatting cold gold and gnashing teeth. Susanne Blanco
12.15.08 The pain of loss exceeds the sweetest of simplicities, Death too soon overshadows these striped candies. This peppermint brings out memories: The Sight of a little girl, smiling, running, candy in hand. The Sound of my father’s jaw snapping at the dinner table. Yet again the mind will return to darkness. Oh, the Taste of sweet sorrow, the Aroma of regret. Realizations that came days, months, years too late. A life has been taken “Hold on, if you feel like letting go.” By the absence of a mother, “Hold on,” The apathy of a father, “It gets better than you know.” And the carelessness of humanity. Here I sit in this desk, crinkling an empty wrapper. Somewhere, there is an empty desk, an empty bed. And empty hearts that lay awake, Writing personal letters of regret, never to be sent. And with that fifth sense, we Feel nothing. James Hartman
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Why The world is filled with questions And no one ever gets answers. Why do we fight, if love is so strong? Why do they drop bombs, if the war is all wrong? Why do people use stereotypes, to make themselves feel right? Why do hypocrites walk around, feeling they have the right? Why do men choose to hurt the innocent girl? Why do girls choose to play the loving guy for a fool? Why are we all so quick to judge, but keep our true selves behind closed doors? Why do some feel they’re better because of color, sex, or age? Why do we let so many people suffer, instead of helping them out? And why do we always pretend like everything is okay, And let the questions keep going, without ever knowing the answers? 43
Ashley Schneider
My Nightmare Ever since that day, words cannot describe the pain I feel in the depths of my soul. Every pulse of my heart rings heavily in my ears. Every lub and every dub takes too much effort to even want to try to live. Lying on the floor, eyes widened in the bitterness of the cold winter night, I realize the bed I had once been accustomed to retreating to after the trials of the day had run its course and is gone. If it hadn’t been for the friends, no matter how obscure and twisted they are in their own right, watching me through the night, I would’ve hit rock bottom a lot harder than I actually did. The hit would’ve been my demise considering I reached my breaking point days prior to this eve. In order to deeply comprehend my anguish, it’s only right to start from the beginning. My best friend Nick was indeed the greatest man I had even known. He’s the type that you think about when you’re a little girl with a checklist in hand thinking, “one day my boyfriend will be just like this.” As our friendship blossomed, so did an unbreakable love for him and a bond I felt to be inseparable. That was, of course, until I really began to see his true interior, the side of him I always blocked out because I figured it couldn’t be true. He couldn’t be this cruel to his family, friends, and women. Could he? Despite my denial, the fear seemed to linger in my mind for months that quite possibly the mutual feelings I thought existed were really just one-sided. Even though that night disturbed even the worst picture of Nick and me possible, feelings are things so far beyond my control. In the beginning of our love, it was so effortless, and those are the days I wouldn’t change for all the money in the world. Like most men, he made me a fool of the words ‘I love you.’ He spat upon them by pulling the lies over my love-stricken eyes. Her name was Jennifer and still is Jennifer. I would just rather picture her in another place not on this dirty world, because after all, she can’t help how much I loathe her. She was the other girl, the one I caught him red-handed with. Jonathon, a friend of mine, was having his celebration honoring the day he came into this semimeaningless world. Jonathon is that guy who is an addict of sports, turning him into an egocentric male who puts up a front of sarcasm and toughness to make himself seem cool. When his barrier is broken, his emotions are there in a bottle, which has been sealed for way too long, causing him to be sentimental and broken by a single tear of another. His love lies on the line in a pool of tears for a mutual friend of ours, Nicole. One look at her and one would think a poke on her arm would shatter her petite body. However, it would take a bulldozer and a wrecking ball to even lay a crack in her strong willed spirit. Nicole’s mixed emotions and endless inner turmoil over Jonathon make their open romance a drama of epic proportions. The four of us, all so different in our own right, come together to form the greatest of friends. Upon my arrival to the festivities, I put on my smile as the finishing touch to the clothing I had worked so hard to pick out. The smile was masking the uneasiness that something was about to go wrong. My gut is the one thing in this world that has never lied to me. Once again, like a loyal dog it kept barking at me to realize what was about to happen. I placed my hand on the banister to hold myself up from falling because at the top of the stairs I saw Nick. He smiled my way a smile I had never seen before on his face. For once, it seemed forced. Even though it was odd this time, his smile never ceased to sweep me off my feet, making my words stumble carelessly. He ran down the steps and threw his arms around my waist. My feet left the floor as he swung me around to face what used to be behind me. “I love you,” I whispered in his ear. He gave me back to gravity and turned away without saying a word. Just as I became worried as to why he didn’t return the admiration, I heard a door shut upstairs. I looked up and saw a girl with short brown hair and eyes the color of the Atlantic standing before me just ten feet up the staircase. “Jennifer!” Nick called up the stairs. I was confused; I never knew he had a sister. My initial assumption of who this girl was was far from reality. He met her halfway on the steps, grabbed her chin, and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. “Everyone, this is Jennifer. We’ve been dating for a couple of weeks.” He introduced her to the room of partygoers. My heart dropped to my feet.
“Are you serious Nick?” I asked in utter shock. “Sweetheart, you know we are just friends. When I said I loved you, I meant as a friend. Come on, you know you and I have something good between us as best friends. I don’t know why you seem so shocked really. You know me. It’s okay that I’m with her,” Nick explained as if my feelings were nonexistent. Nick interlocked hands with Jennifer and guided her to the party going on in the other room. My legs turned to Jell-O. I was about to hit the floor when two strong arms heaved me to my feet. Jonathon and Nicole were on either side. “Don’t worry, Leah, we’re going to make sure you still have a good time tonight,” Natasha assured me in a hopeful tone. “Thank you,” I said as my voice cracked with internal tears. The night dragged on like days and weeks had passed. Watching their flirtatious love scene was like watching myself get punched in the face on videotape over and over again. Her childish giggle overpowered every conversation I attempted to the point that I felt as though my head were going to explode. The party began to die long after I saw my soul mate walk away with another woman. I watched them from the top of the balcony overlooking the living room with tears in my eyes. I silenced the cry that was in my heart. The glow of the street lamps from outside the window cast a silhouette of them in my field of vision. How could I be so naive not to notice the signs that quite possibly I was reading far too much into the words he spoke? I wanted nothing more than to go back to way things were, but I knew no progress would be made with Jennifer clouding his view tonight. I walked into the den and saw Nicole and Jonathon lying fast asleep in the pleasantry of their own dreams on the floor in separate corners of the room, and in the center of the nearly barren den were a blanket and a pillow unoccupied. I curled up and hugged my knees and closed my eyes. The room was eerily silent, making it difficult to escape my thoughts, which were keeping me from a peaceful sleep. Finally, my mind eased long enough for me to doze off. An hour or two passed without dreams in my mind, only the blackness of the inside of my eyelids. Suddenly, Nicole snapped out of the land of the dreams to find she hadn’t remembered falling asleep where she was. “Leah, where are we?” I stated the first thing that came to mind, “This is my hell. Make yourself at home.” She seemed confused, yet sympathetic, as she rolled over and drifted back into her dreams. Now I couldn’t sleep because I felt the surge of nausea come and go with every passing minute on the hands of the clock. The scent of his skin is everywhere like a ghost haunting my nose. What seemed like days later, the sun rose and the lonely woodpecker greeted the morning humbly. I peeled the blinds back to see if Jennifer’s car had stayed for the night. She was gone. I tiptoed downstairs trying to avoid him. “Hello, sunshine,” a cheerful yet groggy voice said from behind me. Nick was standing there with his party attire still on but more disheveled. “Please leave me alone, Nick,” I pleaded, knowing I looked as bad as I felt. No sleep and a broken heart isn’t the formula for a pretty early morning face. I stepped into my moccasins and reached for the doorknob. Nick grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. I didn’t want to look at him because I knew anything he was about to say was all make believe. He just didn’t want his friend to be mad at him forever. The friend in me wanted to forgive him, but the soul mate said no. “Leah, it’s been only a day, and I already miss your friendship.” “You’re going to have to miss it for a little longer because I can’t stand to be near you,” I protested. I opened the door, slammed it, and then ran to my car. I sat in my car with the keys in the ignition for a few seconds just gathering my thoughts. I came to the conclusion that the only way to get past Nick was to forget him. I waved goodbye to the house of secrets and drove off into the horizon. I was halfway to nowhere when it dawned on me: I had forgotten something important at that house. It was my heart. Laura Sage 45
Narcoleptic Chemist I am a puppet, Pull my strings. I am a bicycle, Pedal me wherever. I am a pen, Write your creed. I am a luxury, Providing you with comfort At my own expense. I am a pill, Solve your problems quickly. I am a dreamer Hit the snooze… I am a dreamer Not meant for this reality. It’s dissolved in my sleep. Do not wake me, D.N.R. I am a suspension No light shines through… Sleep my solvent. Reality my solute. Dreams are my solution. No light shines through. Evan Quesnell
Let Go My Leg, Mother, I’m Already Runnin’ You’d best remember that life ain’t about me. The stars don’t rely on a run-away child. Tears over sin are like tears over scorn. And tears over scorn are like livin’ alone. And livin’ alone is worse than not livin’, Wearin’ away with the thought you’ve been givin’. Learn that two eyes are better than one. But havin’ two of ‘em ain’t half-good as none. And a spider’s more innocent than God’s favorite nun. And a spider’s killed by the heat of the sun. And the grave of the earth is soon to be done. And the sole of your shoe may help you to run, But the skin of your heel ain’t gon’ let you run far. And a run-away child don’t rely on no star. Nathan Shrader 46
Just Our Way Go to a meet; at least one or two. You will see that running, there’s a slew. ¼ lap to eight laps in all, Of course it’s not a sport with a ball.
Freshmen to seniors going crazy and wild. The pre-race is your own style. Every second, every place: it all counts. Getting better shows when you get to mount
It’s track, I tell. The cheering and the yell, The finishes by a nose, The excitement as someone goes
that first place plaque in the school. A personal record feels oh so cool. Competing, speeding, getting that top spot, Your simple goal is don’t get caught!
by with the speed of light. Finish line is always in sight. Warm ups, jackets, spikes, the look, Just can’t be written in a book.
Running so hard, we think we’re gonna die. Most don’t get it; they just wonder why. Practice or meet; running every single day And all we can say is, “I guess it’s just our way.”
Silence as the gun fires with a bang. The outcome leaves the audience at a hang. Rain or shine we are ready to go. Blocks or on the line, there is no such thing as no.
Losing is not loved, but it’s part of the sport. We’re just too good for a court. Sprint, field, distance, hurdle; different it may seem, but we are one, together, on the track team. Maggie Daly
Just a Dream So I’m sitting by my window pane, Wind up against my face, Trees brushing against each other, Leaves glistening, The lake sounding like an ocean, Sun shining on my face, Makes you want to tan, Maybe wiggle your toes in the sand, Then, back to my reality, This couldn’t be a dream. 47
Julia Knopf
Action The cold has come Here to stay, For the next five months The cold will stay. Now the normal walk Is no longer pleasing, Because the cold hits hard As you walk when it’s freezing. Every step is painful Until your feet become numb. As your foot hits the ground, there’s pain in every step, And your only thoughts are I’m moving when I get older To a place that’s always warm. George Tabet
In Death We Must Prevail Because I am strong in the face of death I am cold. Because I crack jokes to lighten the mood I am not serious. Because I do not know what to say I am careless. Because I have fun instead of mourning I am childish. Because I do not cry I am unable to feel. Because my last words were “You’re welcome, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I regret every minute I did not spend with her. 48
Cheyenne Meyer
I’d love to pick your brain, I want to pick it apart with a straw. Specifically the bendy straw that I’ve been chewing on for about fifteen minutes as I wait for my food to be delivered to me from the depths of the kitchen of the burger joint down the street from my house. The service is slow, but the dining room is empty. I come because I feel like it’s my own private restaurant, even though the food is terrible and I’m convinced the cook has no concern for health codes. I’d love to pick your brain, piece by piece. Examine every inch or centimeter, depending on what country we’re in when I do so. The metric system has always been an interest of mine, even though I don’t prefer it. I like to make things complicated and I like not being able to do conversions in my head. I’d like much more to get a pen and paper involved, a piece of concrete evidence that I needed to turn forty-eight inches into four feet. I’d love to pick your brain, looking between all the complex folds. The folds that I learned in third bell anatomy class create more surface area and actually may determine your brain capacity. I’m sure your brain has more folds than a complex origami masterpiece. One that I will never be able to fold back together once I pull it apart when I decide to see how it was made.
I’d love to pick your brain because I’d love to see how a sane mind works. Emily Cmar
All Inside My heart is like a locked up book But you have me on a hook, Telling you all these things May make your ears ring, Never let me be so vague Because it could hit like a plague, Trust is not my issue, It’s just I miss you, My life is always personal It’s something I have to haul, I know who can hurt me But do I want to see? It seems as if I’m oblivious Too many things I say are mischievous, Just to say I feel like running away, So is my heart like a locked up book? Maybe you should take a closer look. Julia Knopf
Yearning Even in rich rice fields And pretty autumn view, That somehow I am feeling lonesome again and again In the innermost recesses of my heart Might be mainly due to you who I am missing. That might be mainly due to you paining my heart Since I can’t meet you any time, As I please. My longing is growing By the span of a hand every day, Like a river swaying in the wind Blowing back and forth. You, like a reed swaying in the breeze to and fro instead of lying down You, becoming my song and my poem You, the spirit of my long wish You, the root of the cause of my living existence. Despite my heartache owing to my one-sided love to you, Like the most colorful glow Of the setting sun in the west at sunset, How cheerful it is for me To have you who I am missing. You, pain and happiness to me, are always Being floated in the middle of my heart Like a twinkling star. DongWoo Sun
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My Creed I believe in the inherent goodness of man, The unspoken lessons of suffering, The ability to shape my own destiny, The seduction of lust and greed, The strength of perseverance, Cooperation, confidence, endurance. But the notion that anybody is the master Of my life but me is incredulous. I believe in honesty that promotes trust, I believe in living virtuously and with conscience, I believe in my responsibility to myself, My peers, the environment, the world. And I believe in the unlimited potential of mankind. Ian Anderson
A Song A song is more than a melody with lots of rhyming words. It’s more than what the blue jays whistle to humming birds. A song is the secret you hold inside your heart, The things you keep from people that have set you apart. A song is a make up of the words you just can’t say, The thoughts you keep to yourself every single day. They’re the words that need a nice sweet tune to help carry them along. Yes, honey, that’s what I think is a song. 51
Kerry Morrow
The Chronicles of Us There are seven of us Who eat in B lunch At the table three rows from the door.
But the seven of us Will laugh and sing on “For longer than forever” fa, la.
There are seven of us: Six girls and one boy With cookies that should not be cooked more.
While the seven of us Drink our powerthirst And 400 babies run to Kenya.
And all seven of us Ask the burning questions Like, “Do bananas have seeds?”
Well, the seven of us Have this odd obsession With those who talk like the British do.
“Where is the Internet?” “Did you see the black dog?” And “Explain the birds and the bees.”
And of course one of us Had a panic attack When a British girl spoke in the loo.
Then the seven of us Will eat and we’ll talk And spit out the pistachio worms.
Don’t get one of us started On William Moseley Or Hugh Laurie or Mr. Darcy.
And then a few of us Sit with bottles of water And speak of cows and deer and of germs.
Or the rest of us Will begin to use words Like bewitched and incandescently.
There is one of us Who once made a haiku About a bird who is liked that’s named Fred.
There are seven of us One boy and six girls Who have to be pushed out the door.
And the seven of us Will sing Disney songs ’Til ev’ryone wishes that we were dead.
And all seven of us Though our time is done Are already hungry for more.
Word and Song Every day I see it, With every sense In every way. I see poetry in the world, In each well-built man And every beautiful girl, All the birds and trees on walks Or every time a friend talks. The spirit of poetry tries to move
Anna Bloemer
And if you feel it the spirit can blow through. Architectural monsters are wonderful in a way. The same amazement comes from the mountains And the valleys that will stay. Poetry is everywhere and with glorious tunes, If you listen it can clear your blues. If a heart is open the soul can’t go wrong Such as this celebration of word and song. Darren West
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A War Story I will show you strength, I will show you courage in the burning hearts of men. Breathless in its beauty you will rise. You will see what I speak, and you will hear what I show: the sparkling light on the face of youth; the inspiring bonds reached through the haze of death; the touching sympathy evoked through nothing. You will find the meaning of joy. You will know the completeness of friendship. You will know the heroism in war, the justice of its cause, and the loyalty of its fighters. You will feel the undying pleasure to fight for one’s beliefs, and protect the freedoms of nations. You will be touched by the gratitude of millions. I will tell you the honor in which men died, the pain they endured for you, and the desire they had for you to be safe. I will tell you this, and it will be good, and it will be what you want to hear, and it will be completely untrue. Audrey Trauth 53
The Streets of Espanol Verse:
Well, it seems like it was years ago I was On the streets of Espanol and it was sad. I couldn’t believe with my two eyes what I Saw by surprise And as I stared at this scene I saw that Everything was unclean. It was bad for me and good for me but what I saw was true poverty.
Chorus:
It was hard, It was hard for me to breathe. It was hard, It was hard for me to leave.
Verse:
Well, it’s been five days since I’ve been gone And I never planned to write a song for this, And if you take a journey there I hope You care and find happiness.
Chorus:
It was hard, It was hard for me to breathe. It was hard, It was hard for me to leave.
Bridge:
And if you take a journey there I hope You find some other care for me, And as I looked back and stared I knew That my long lost trip was reached.
Chorus:
It was hard, It was hard for me to breathe. It was hard, So hard to wait and let it be.
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Adam Forsthoefel
Photos courtesy of Adam Forsthoefel
A Foggy Perspective You see, my wishes form like a melody, But they’re misunderstood by last century’s pedigree. By speaking my native tongue of hope, freedom, and harmony, They won’t lose me, not in my perfect world of serenity. In my world, like Alice’s Wonderland, Maybe everyone would dance around hand-in-hand. Caterpillars would be arrogant and full of magic, And if I grew too small, it’d be tragic. The sea that carried me to that state of mind, Changed tides just in the nick of time. Once again, you see, in order to keep my going, My spirits must always be flowing. You must understand, though, that I’m being truthful, The reality of my words is beautiful. Wrapped around my brain is no elastic; My attitude isn’t made of plastic. In other clouds, I may sing differently, Perhaps I’d even have more creativity. However, these never-ending thoughts tend to be the same, Strung together like a melody, these thoughts will someday sprout fame. Puddy Wilch
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