“ THE MAGIC OF ADOLESCENT SUMMER LOVES”

Who among us adults does not remember the heartbeat, the dreamy thought, and the irrepressible desire to be close to those who, in a hot summer, made us lose our minds when we were still teenagers? Love was something light but, at the same time, overwhelming, made of an irrepressible and entirely rational force. Our kids feel it when they meet love in the most carefree period of the year, when school commitments, sports, and other activities leave room for freedom of thought and soul. Adolescence already has a characteristic desire to bite into life beyond all possible consequences, let alone if the heart is beating, the head is in the clouds, and the body begins to do more and more. Requests that do not respond to the sphere of “duty.” All these aspects are very familiar to parents with children in this age group. They know well how difficult it is to manage a teenager and even more so how difficult it can become to control and give return times or limits on the activities children can do when the call of summer, friends, and love is real. Too irresistible.

BY ROSANNA MAZZITELLI

Falling in love and discovering \the other is one of the most critical moments of growth that a teenager has to face. Friends already help develop an increasingly autonomous identity and separation from the family. With friends we meet, we clash, we meet again. Friendships are open and closed all the time. This helps the adolescent discover more and more aspects of his own character and personality; he is forced to deal with his fears, internal relational and emotional limits, and frustration with joy and pain. Through friendships, adolescents also have the opportunity to discover all the colors of emotions.

Falling in love also brings all these experiences, amplified by the beating heart, the need to feel the other close, and the fear of losing him or not being reciprocated.

By chases and approaches, all intensified by the physical appearance and sexual needs that are increasingly clear and urgent with growth.

It is not certain that a teenage summer love also brings with it a physical approach, maybe there will only be fleeting or platonic contact, but most likely, the sexual appeal will be a strong push that moves a teenager in the search for the other. Often summer loves, as such, end up leaving a trail of sadness that at times seems inconsolable, and as parents, it is essential not to underestimate the importance of these feelings. It is necessary not to belittle what your children feel and to make them think of support and, if they feel like it, the possibility of being able to confide and compare. A parent needs to be aware that summer loves and other relational experiences of their children are critical moments of transition that help children develop their autonomy more and more. At the same time, these experiences are test benches, a bit like the dress rehearsals of a show, which allow parents to grow together with their children through the awareness that the process of disengagement from the family is underway and is essential. Accompany the children on this path to make them feel safe and stable, so they can venture into life on firm legs.