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“A poetry book about love.Talking about love is difficult, especially when it comes to our love, our emotions. What are the bonds that bind us as a species, is evident, but much more evident is the thread that connects us, one to the other. The desire to be recognized as part of the world, is very often identified with the conjunction of the loved one, and therefore, the fusion, the attempt to be part of a single emotion.Then, time naturally sweeps away the memories, and transforms anger, pain and even love into acts of resistance, and this, out of a spirit of survival, taking away all denied pain...all silent love.”

Caseylsh, a user on Reddit, says, “The concept of marriage was created by religion. A unification under god. Before the tax benefits. That’s why the Christians were so upset about gays getting married. I am not religious. And I frankly don’t see the legal benefits of marriage as worth it. Humans existed and started families for hundreds of thousands of years before someone came along roughly 5,000 years ago and made it ‘official.’ “I do not need paperwork to affirm I’m in a relationship. I also don’t need more paperwork should I choose to not want to be with that person anymore. A perfectly reasonable and human thing to do. There are billions of people on this earth; it’s stupid to pretend someone might like me forever.”

As mentioned above, many men grow up in dysfunctional families and lose faith in the idea of ‘forever.’ Some men fall in love but don’t need a marriage certificate to act as proof. Also, some men think that marriage is only worth some of the hassle.

Women’s independence and gender equality

Marriage rates are dropping, according to studies. In the US, 340,000 fewer marriages occurred in 2020 than in 2019. The drop of 16.8% is proof enough that men are avoiding marriage. But why is this happening?

Philip Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, points out, “Women’s independence and gender equality is a huge factor in the long-term decline in marriage.”

As the structure of society is changing fundamentally, the roles of men and women in marriage are also undergoing a significant transformation. Men find it difficult to adjust to a world where patriarchy doesn’t exist anymore. Giving up power is not easy, after all. This is precisely the reason behind so many failing marriages.

Some men feel that laws are biased against them. In fact, there has also been a rise in men’s rights groups such as Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) and the Manosphere, where men in droves complain about men’s unfair treatment in relationships and family courts. For this reason, millions of men don’t want to get married and opt out of marriage altogether.

Why men don’t want to get married anymore – A deadline for dreams

The 20s are a time to chase your dreams (when you are unsure about what you want in a relationship). Many young men don’t want to get married because it puts a pin on their goals and life plans. The silver lining for men is that they don’t have to worry about their ‘ticking biological clock’ as much as women. But on the downside, there’s societal pressure on many men to become ‘financially stable’ before getting married. These factors contribute to men not marrying these days.

Marriage changes men in fundamental ways.

According to the work of sociologist Steve Nock, marriage changes men in fundamental ways. In his book Marriage in Men’s Lives, he discussed how men’s beliefs about themselves and their wives change when they cross the line. His argument rests on the potency of the so- cial role of the “husband.” He argued that men begin to see themselves as fathers, providers, and protectors when they transition into marriage. After marriage, men work more, spend less time with friends, and are expected to care for others. Men have an inner view that after marriage—but not before—their partners have the right to tell them what to do. And this could be one of the overwhelming reasons men don’t want to get married.

Rising divorce rates and struggle for child custody

A successful marriage is only some people’s cup of tea. Tincanbrain, a Reddit user, says, “Almost half of all marriages end up in divorce, which makes me question the purpose behind marriage in the first place. Divorce is a long-drawn-out legal battle that saps your resources and continues to do so even after the proceedings. Sometimes, even with a prenup, the divorce doesn’t go smoothly. Marriage just feels like you’re setting yourself up for financial and mental pain in the future, so why do it?”

According to studies, 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, and 80% of those divorces are initiated by women. Since women are more likely to start a divorce, men usually pay a lot more for a divorce. The fear of being financially exploited is one reason men avoid marriage nowadays. Research says that out of the total population of custodial parents, 82.5% were women. So, getting custody of their children is very difficult for men in the case of a divorce, but they end up paying for alimony and child support.

Waiting for the ‘perfect’ soulmate

The research was conducted on unmarried men to know why men don’t want to get married anymore. Many men were waiting for the ‘perfect’ soulmate who would not try to change them. They want to get married but not ‘settle’ for someone incompatible. Most people have a hard time saying yes to marriage because there is a good chance they will end up with the wrong person. Maybe you find her silence charming, but with time, realize that she’s too quiet and you want someone to talk to and listen to. You might be infatuated and mistake it for love, only to regret it after a certain period.

Some men and women have trust issues, and some find it challenging to share rooms with others. Imagine being with somebody who thinks fundamentally differently from you, and this starts making you dislike everything about them? Many men avoid marriage because they realize that the future is uncertain and that pretending otherwise is the most naive thing one can do.

Family involvement can put people off the idea of marriage

Family makes things all the more complicated. We all do love our families despite all the disagreements or problems. But it is not fair to expect that we will get married one fine day and love a new family just like we love our own. You might find yourself in a dysfunctional family setting if you’re unlucky. One can try, but finding fault in a new family becomes easy, and it is not always easy to love them like your own.

For me, things were all lovey-dovey in our live-in relationship, and I must admit that we had a perfect equation before our families decided to play a role in it. When two families are forced to come together, they can bring in more problems. One big reason why men don’t want to get married anymore is that they don’t want to go through the whole process of bringing the two families together to live with a person they’re already living with.

Marriage means giving up independence

Many men love their independent lives (living away from home and spending their money on everything they want). They are busy finishing all the tasks on their bucket list and must prepare to give it all up. After all, losing identity in a marriage is a scary thought. Also, men don’t get married because they are beginning to tilt more towards cohabitation and live-in relationships. So, the benefits of physical intimacy can now be easily enjoyed by two people without putting a label on it.

According to studies, the marriage rate of US adults has declined from 58% in 1995 to 53%. Over the same period, the share of adults living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3% to 7%. While the number of couples who are currently cohabiting remains far smaller than those who are married, the percentage of adults ages 18 to 44 who have lived with an unmarried partner at some point (59%) has surpassed those who have ever been married (50%).

Thetokenwan, a Reddit user, opines, “Understand that the reasons I’m about to give are from my perspective only and the perspective of people I’ve spoken to about the topic. With that said, I am not against marriage. I believe that the government has no place in interpersonal relationships. Plus, some people feel that the tradition of a civil union is outdated and, in some cases, sexist. Overall, marriages in America also have a horrible rate of ending in divorce.”

Refrain from conforming to everyone’s expectations

From the time you were born, you have been trying to be fitted into some kind of role and given responsibilities you probably didn’t even want in the first place. It starts with fulfilling your parents’ expectations. And then your teachers’ and professors’ expectations, and later on, it shifts to the expectations of your bosses. But with marriage on the cards, you have to fulfill your spouse’s expectations too! And then, if kids come into the picture… You see where this is going, right?

The list of marriage roles and responsibilities continues. It’s your life, and no matter what society or your family feeds you, it’s your choice to do what you want to do with it. If you like taking and fulfilling responsibilities, if it adds meaning to your life, good for you. But if they bog you down, and take away your individuality, maybe it’s time you sat down and asked yourself what it is you want.

A good reason behind men avoiding marriage in today’s age is to not conform to the expectations everyone has of them and lead lives independently. It doesn’t always have to be that way. Take some time and re-evaluate if this is the life you want for yourself. You should have time to breathe easily and relax too. Don’t be bound by these social constructs of what your role in a marriage should be. This is one of the biggest reasons for men not marrying anymore. And the benefits of marriage for a woman are barely any, which is why they’re doing away with the concept of marriage as a necessity.

Have conquered the fear of loneliness

Why do people settle down? More often than not, they want to experience a lasting sense of companionship and never be alone. The fear of being alone is ingrained in us, and getting married is often presented as the perfect alternative to us by society. We’re told that once our parents are gone and if we don’t have kids, we’d need some kind of family to hold onto. But many men don’t buy that narrative and fill the lonely void with spiritual support and passion towards work (instead of a new relationship).

Key Pointers

Young men don’t get married anymore because they can enjoy the benefits of marriage by moving in together

The rising divorce rates and accompanying financial loss are other reasons behind men avoiding marriage

Single men are also fearful of losing their independence and having a serious relationship with the wrong person

Men don’t have to worry about their ‘ticking biological clock’ as much as women

Family involvement is another reason behind men not marrying

To conclude, everyone’s timeline is different, and you can get married whenever you want. Even if marriage is not your priority, it is totally alright. Your relationship can still be equally unique without putting a legal ‘stamp’ on it. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone. It doesn’t have to make sense to others if it makes you happy. Follow your gut; that is all you need!