Melbourne Observer. September 16, 2015

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S TATE EDITION Vol 47 No 1613 SERVING VICTORIA SINCE 1969

3AW CUTS BRUCE, PHIL Listeners outraged as Sydney program replaces ‘Nightline’

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● Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady: on-air time has been halved by 3AW

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■ Sydney-based management of Melbourne radio station 3AW have cut the Nightline radio program in half.

The Melbourne-based radio show, which has been hosted

by Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady for the past 25 years, will be reduced to two hours - 10pm to midnight - from October 5.

It will be replaced from 8pm10pm by a show hosted by 2GB Sydney commentator Steve Price, flanked by right-wing promoter Andrew Bolt.

The station’s Sports Today show hosted by Dwyane Russell and Gerard Healy is also being cut - to one hour each night.

Turn to Pages 8-9

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■ Newly-elected Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is tipped to allow a conscience vote on ‘marriage equality’, overturning plans for a plebiscite previously announced by former PM Tony Abbott.

Turnbull, and deputy PM Julie Bishop, took over control in Canberra on Monday night after a Coalition party room 54-44 showdown. Mr Turnbull has promised “a thoroughly Liberal Government”.

Abbott is the third PM to lose office in five years.

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Education

Page 6 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

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Frankly Winehouse

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 7

Paint firm must pay $3518

■ Hands Free Painting Pty Ltd has been ordered by the Victorian Civil and Administrative Trubinal to pay$2993 plus $525 costs after a job that went wrong at Seddon.

Helen Papadopoulos and Paul Papadopoulos lodged a small claim hearing with Senior Member Mark Farrelly.

The couple said the painting works carried out by the company were of “very poor quality”.

Mrs Papadopoulos terminated the contract with director Mr Rabiee before the works were fully completed.

The couple claimed damages for the costs of completing the painting works, and rectifying the defects and associated damage to the home.

The company unsuccessfully brought a counterclaim seeking payment for the works.

The couple lodged an inspection report by consultant Mr McKinnon.

Mr Farrelly visited the home to inspect the works.

He heard that the company provided a quote of $6500 plus GST for the interior of the home, plus some exterior painting to the front door, some fascias, eaves and gutters.

Soon after the works commenced, Mrs Papadopoulos reached the view that the paint and tools being used were unsatisfactory.

She went and bought new Dulux paint and some brushes and rollers.

Mr Rabiee said Mrs Papadopoulos constantly interefered with the progress of the painting works and refused him reasonable access.

Mr Farrelly said Mrs Papadopoulos often provided univited directions. When Mr Rabiee wanted full payment, she instead only paid $1000, after having paid a $2000 deposit. He was ordered to leave the house, and says he was denied a reasonable opportunity to complete the works, including final touch up and cleaning.

Mr Farrelly listed the deficiencies in the work carried out by Hands Free Painting Pty Ltd. He said the termination of the contract was justified.

It’s All About You!

Melbourne

Observer In This 136-Page Edition

Nightline Outrage: Listeners protest .... Pages 8-9 Melb. People: Upstanding citizens ........ Page 10 Fraud charge: Guilty plea .................. Page 11 Yvonne Lawrence: Enforced rests ......... Page 12 Di Rolle: I love my job ...................... Page 13 Photos: Red Ball Pictorial ................. Page 14 Melb. Confidential: ‘Not competent’ .... Page 15 Long Shots: Samurai reunion plans ..... Page 16 Victoria Pictorial: Hastings flashback .... Page 17 Gavin Wood: West Hollywood goss ....... Page 19 Whatever Happened: Leslie Howard ...... Page 20 3AW Feedback Country Music Local Theatre Top 10 Lists

Observer Showbiz

Latest News Flashes Around Victoria

Boy molester jailed

■ Melbourne art curator John Hamilton Buckley, 74, has been jailed for a minimum 4¾ years for molesting six young boys when he was a teacher at Geelong Grammar's Toorak campus in the 1980s, reports the Geelong Advertiser.

Death at hotel

■ Condolences go out to Russell Gilbert after the loss of Rochelle Nolan, his partner of 19 years, who was found dead in a Crown Casino hotel room. Police confirmed they are not treating the death as suspicious.

Drugs: guilty plea

■ Jessica Fogarty, 26, alleged co-ringleader of what police have said was a multi-million dollar drug syndicate operating in Wangaratta entered guilty pleas to nine charges on Friday, reports The Chronicle.

Interlock device

■ Daniel Blay, of Horsham, banned from driving for 32 months has been granted an application to apply for a licence. He had lost his licence after blowing .166. An alcohol interlock device will be fitted to his car for four years.

Crayons removed ■ Stationery giant Officeworks has taken all its crayons off the shelves while "rigorous testing" is carried out.

Weather Forecast ■ ■ ■ ■ ■

Today (Wed.). Partly cloudy. 8°-16° Thurs. Partly cloudy. 8°-15° Fri. Partly cloudy. 7°-15° Sat. Mostly cloudy. 8°-18° Sun. Partly cloudy. 8°-19°

Mike McColl Jones ● Ashleigh Kreveld presents Frankly Winehouse at The Butterfly Club.

■ Meet Amy Winehouse back from the grave caked-on eyeliner and cleavage, and into the as writer-performer Ashleigh Kreveld pre- damaged, but divine rawness of Amy sents an all out cabaret experience featuring Winehouse. all the soul, sass and vulnerability of this late Featuring all the gags, eye-rolls, and witty modern legend, as part of the Melbourne repartee of the cheeky Amy, Ashleigh will Fringe Festival, opening on September 22. delve in her life of addiction, pop idols and Frankly Winehouse features Ashleigh what really held that hair up.

Kreveld as Amy Winehouse and StephanieThis cabaret will feature all the tunes of Jane Lendowen-Lowe on piano. the glorious Winehouse herself, plus more.

Joining the 27 Club like many great music Dates: September 22-27 at 10pm (no Frilegends before her, Amy Winehouse’s legacy day) has truly lived on.

Venue: The Butterfly Club, Carson Place, With a voice that ignites all, and the talent Melbourne and ingenuity to match, Amy Winehouse’s Tickets: Adult $32, Concession $28 story is one of intrigue, torment and passion.

Bookings: www.melbournefringe.com.au Ashleigh Kreveld steps into the world of or call 9660 9666.

Winehouse delving well past the beehive, - Cheryl Threadgold

Top 5

THE T OP 5 THINGS TOP WE WILL NEVER SEE 5. Bronwyn Bishop "strap-hanging" on a 109 tram.

4. Maria Venuti wearing Bindi Irwin's T-shirt.

3. A Disney attraction for Victoria called "Moe-Land".

2. The new Apple product for Christmas, iPud. 1. Myki working!

Page 8 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

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3AW listeners have their say Send your contribution to editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

Prediction

● Melbourne radio listeners have been quick to complain strongly to radio station 3AW about its move to cut Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady’s Nightline onair time by half. The station is replacing Bruce and Phil from 8pm-10pm with the Sydney evening broadcaster Steve Price and right-wing commentator Andrew Bolt.

Cost-cutting

■ Ian Jones: “Just a cost cutting move. I hope it backfires spectacularly.”

■ 3AW’s Sports Today has been cut in half. It will only air from 6pm7pm. The following hour will be replaced by finance man Ross Greenwood, broadcasting from Sydney. Listener Colin Creece said: “Ross Greenwood won't last long.”

Another 3AW listener Robert Pullin agreed: “This is what happens when you have management from Sydney.” ● Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady

Upset

Look out!

■ Anita Monk: “There will be a lot of upset people for sure.”

Sydney-led

Money talks

■ Ross Waugh: “It is sad, but it seems that 2GB wants to call the shots regardless of their failed MTR efforts a few years ago. It wouldn't surprise me that over ChristmasNew Year it will be all Sydney programs hosted by the 2GB/2UE ‘B’ teams.”.

■ Jenna Bulley DiNicolantonio: “Can't believe this 3AW, what is going on there? All in the name of cost cutting I bet!”

Bad decision

■ Karen Lindsay: “Ridiculous.”

■ MaureenKannegiesser: “Smooth FM is sounding good, ■ Ben Cowan: “Very bad decision!”

■ Toni Irenyi-Brunne: “Not happy.”

■ Leonie Birrell: “No way. That is really terrible.”

Making a Bolt

Price-point ● Alan Jones ■ Ryan Phillips: “Look out 3AW, Ray Hadley and Allan Jones next!

■ Maureen Taylor: “We don't want a Sydney shock jock at 8pm.”

Bombastic ■ Lindel Bell: “Steve Price?

Ohhhh please. Guess I will have a quiet snooze between 8 and 10 so as to avoid the sweeping judgments and bombastic opinions. Then at 10pm the entertainment will begin again.”

Lost the plot ● Andrew Bolt ■ Sue Allwood: “I will be turning off 3AW after 23 years. I refuse to listen to Steve Price and Andrew Bolt. Not happy 3AW, this is how you treat the public who have kept this program in its top spot.”

Loyalty goes ■ Terry Murphy: “Have been listening to Bruce and Phil for many many years and am very disappointed in 3AW's decision to reduce their time slot. If the change in format goes ahead, I will no longer be a loyal listener. Watch 774's ratings explode. Good luck 3AW.”

Lifeline ■ Christina Dimech: “Absolutely shocking 3AW Management, what about the lifeline these two gentlemen give to so many people who are lonely, sick and maybe just need to have a bit of a laugh! You are not considering your listeners at all.

Shame, shame, shame!”

Shame ■ Ian Douglas: “3AW wants loyalty from its listeners, and they repay us getting them to number one by decisions like this. As your previous drive time announcer said: ‘Shame Shame Shame’.”

■ Cheryl Ferguson: “3AW has lost the plot. Never liked Steve Price, just means 3AW will only have two quality hours of radio in the evening now 10pm-12 midnight! Not happy 3AW.”

Top rating ■ Dale Harvey: “What is wrong with you management people at 3AW. Bruce and Phil, as I understand it have the No 1 spot in the last ratting survey. You will lose more than you think you will gain.”

‘Dangerous’

Do not like ■ Sharon Jackman: “Look back at your ratings the last time Bruce went off. Goodbye 3AW. Do not like.

If there was a don’t like button you would get it. 3AW have definitely lost the plot. Think I will have to move stations!”

‘Just wrong’

● Lissi Heffernan ■ “Cannot believe they are messing with Nightline. It's unbelievable. Unhappy listeners means unhappy advertisers.

Dangerous territory. Thought Steve Price moved to Sydney to stay!”

■ Audrey Stanaway: “I will be tuning out. Sorry but think the changes are just wrong.”

■ Jane Synnot: “They are really cutting back on the people who really care.”

■ Charleen George: “Sounds like aw dont want to have listeners anymore.”

MTR again

Who’s next?

■ Muriel Cooper: “Can't believe this.”

■ Jan Neilson: “Not happy Jan! Time to turn 3AW off!”

■ Craig-Lee Smith: “3AW has gone completely downhill since they axed Melbourne overnight (replaced with a Sydney overnight hosted by Luke Bona), Macquarie taking a share in the station, Andrew Bolt being a regular (along with Scott Morrison) on Neil Mitchell's show, and now this! It is slowly turning into MTR take two.”

‘Boo!’ ● Steve Price ■ Don Baker: “So many institutions in the radio industry, many of who have brought comfort to so many lonely people. Obviously nobody who makes decisions listens to their own show, otherwise they would find a replacement which supported the audience, not an angry little troll doll. What's he going to say to the lonely granny who rings up to say hello, "rack off you silly old fool"?

No way ■ Fiona Mackenzie: “My mum does not want such a Price!”

■ Lorraine Tucker: “Bad, bad decision. Not happy ... Steve Price?

Booooooo. Money Talk? Boo.”

Re-hashed ■ Pam Shaw: “Is Steve Price going to rehash what Tom (Elliott) commented on two hours previously? Then Luke Bona rehashes what Steve said. Money Mattersmost night time listeners are on a fixed income, Bring back more light entertainment! Very disappointed.”

Promise

‘Very sad’

● Patti Newton ■ Jan McGregor: “Does that mean we don't have Patti (Newton), Andrew (McLaren), John (Blackman) and others? I am very sad.”

Big mistake

■ Pauline Speersnepean: “Big mistake 3AW Management. Big, big, big mistake.”

■ Judy Turnbull: “Leave Bruce and Phil on from 8 to12. Not happy.”

■ Joan Verhagen: “Seems very unfair to make Bruce and Phil come in for just two hours. They are easy to listen to and give us a laugh before we go to sleep.”

■ Ross Sanders: “Well I will be changing stations. What a stupid decision.”

■ Betty Neville: “You will lose many listeners.”!

‘Disgusting’

Interstate ■ Jackie Murphy: “Steve Price will be broadcasting from Sydney? Like Luke Bona. I wonder if Ross (Greenwood) broadcasts from Sydney as well.

“3AW management, who are making such decisions to save a $: your listeners are in Melbourne and don't like Sydney centric babble. Guess I will only turn on the radio between 10pm-12 midnight and then from 5.30am through to 6 pm.”

■ Sandra Folie: “Oh no! I have been going to sleep with Bruce and Phil for years! Can't stand Steve Price!

“Let Simon (Owens) have a go with someone from 8 till 10!

Shocking decision by management”

‘Kamikaze’ ■ Alex Hutchinson: “Kamikaze, whoever is calling the shots at 3AW. Steve Price No 1 ?. Pigs might fly.”

● Alex Hehr ■ Alex Hehr: “Very sad for the many Nightline fans. Who wants to hear a finance bloke at 9pm, for goodness sake.” Alex works at the volunteer station, Golden Days Radio, and added a prophetic note: “As they say it is an ill wind ...”

● David Mann ■ Carol Wood: “I remember the night that David Mann said to Bruce and Phil, on air, that they would have their 8-Midnight for as long as they wanted it.

“So, this announcement gives me the gift of time to do things I enjoy between 7 pm-10pm ... none of which includes Price or Greenwood. Especially Price.”

■ Pam Burton: “Terrible decision! Watch the ratings plummet!”

This is feedback from 3AW listeners posted on social media such as the 3AW Nightline page on Facebook

● Gigi Hellmuth ■ Gigi Hellmuth: “We are not happy at all - disgusting decision.”

Got a complaint about 3AW? E-mail to editor@ MelbourneObserver.com.au or mail to PO Box 1278, Research, Vic 3095

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 9

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Observer

Radio Latest

3AW cuts Bruce and Phil ■ Melbourne radio station 3AW has cut the top-rating Nightline program by half. From October 5, the show will only be heard from 10pmmidnight on weekdays.

Hosts Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady, producer Simon Owens, and 3AW staff were told about the move late last week.

Mansfield and Brady are to be replaced from 8pm-10pm by Sydney broadcaster Steve Price.

In the 8pm-9pm hour each night, Price will be joined by controversial right-wing commentator Andrew Bolt.

The pair are already heard each evening on the Sydney 2GB station, and were last month also introduced to the sister 4BC station in Brisbane.

Listeners have their say

■ Melbourne radio listeners have reacted angrily to 3AW’s announcement to cut the Nightline program by half from October 5.

■ Debbie Barbarino: “Not happy.

Why can't they put Bruce and Phil on from 8pm to 10pm at least and let the nitwit they got rid off from 10pm to 12? No one wants to listen to Steve Price, believe me.”

■ Diane Palmer Hudson: “Not a good change. Phil and Bruce should be 8pm - 12 midnight. Not Greenwood and Price.”

■ Lorna Currie: “Think maybe the end coming for Bruce and Phil.

Can't imagine both of them driving in for 10pm to 12 midnight of an evening. Rather insulting considering they have won ratings for so long.”

Air time halved

● Brue Mansfield and Philip Brady: 3AW cuts Nightline

3AW’s new line-up 6pm-7pm: Sports Today

● Dwayne Russell and Gerard Healy

■ Kathy Tofts: “I stopped listening overnights when Andrew (McLaren) left but now it’s going to be no 3AW nights.”

■ Margot Cavanagh: “Very disappointing. Steve Price is awful and Luke Bona just repeats everything that's already been on.”

7pm-8pm: Money News

● Ross Greenwood

● Steve Price

■ Steve Price will take over the 8pm-10pm timeslot on 3AW from October 5. He will be joined by Andrew Bolt in the first hour each weeknight.

It is 14 years since Price was last heard on 3AW when he hosted the Drive program.

He has since been the 2UE morning man, MTR breakfast host, and 2GB evening presenter.

10pmMidnight Bruce and Phil

■ Judy Denton: “What are you doing 3AW? This will not work in Melbourne. Certainly not with Steve Price.Your funeral 3AW.” - Source: 3AW Facebook page

■ Ross Greenwood will present a one-hour nightly program on money, superannuation, the Stock Exchange, economy and superannation from 7pm-8pm.

Ross Greenwood was raised in the Melbourne suburb of Keon Park, and later in Wangaratta. He appears on the Today show on Channel 9 and works for radio station 2GB in Sydney.

8pm-10pm: Steve Price

■ Karen Madzell: “Bad move AW, my elderly Mum, an avid listener enjoys listening to Bruce and Phil which has assisted her with her well being.

Shame on you - on behalf of the elderly & lonely.”

■ Helen Lambert: “Steve Price I thought they had already been there and done that! Not again.”

■ An abbreviated version of Sports Today will be heard on 3AW from October 5, immediately after the AFL Grand Final weekend.

The show has been hosted in recent years by Dwayne Russell and Gerard Healy, fitting in with the ‘blokey’ sports culture of 3AW. It has always struggled in the ratings.

The new 60-minute format will mean sharper, shorter segments.

● Philip Brady and Bruce Mansfield

■ Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady have been in 8pm-Midnight timeslot on 3AW for the past 25 years, with the exception of 2000 when Derryn Hinch was at the microphone. They also host Remember When from 8pm-Midnight on Sundays. Their new hours, from October 5, are from 10pm-12pm.

Sports Today hosts Gerard Healy and Dwayne Russell are also seeing their show cut in half.

Sports Today, produced from the 3AW studios at Docklands, will now only be heard by 6pm-7pm weeknights.

The 7pm-8pm timeslot will be taken over by Sydney-based Money News commentator Ross Greenwood.

Price, Bolt and Greenwood were all part of the Melbourne Talk Radio experiment that ran from 2010-2012.

MTR broadcast on the 1377 frequency now used by 3MP. It was a challenge by the Macquarie Radio Network headed by John Singleton and Russell Tate to the commercial radio scene in Victoria dominated by 3AW. The frequency was leased by Macquarie from Pacific Star Network, which ownes 3MP and sports station 1116 SEN.

$15 million loss

The MTR experiment lost $15 million in under two years.

Earlier this year, Macaquarie and Fairfax merged their radio interests which include 3AW and Magic 1278 in Melbourne; 2UE, 2GB and 2CH in Sydney; and 4BC and 4BH in Brisbane.

Listeners were quick to tell 3AW of their objection to the air time of Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady being cut by half.

On Monday last week, Bruce Mansfield had announced that he was undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. Five days later, 3AW management announced that the Nightline show would be cut back.

Interestingly, 3AW management chose 5.05pm Friday to make the announcement about the changes to the evening line-up.

Program Producer Simon Owens was quick to tell his Facebook followers that Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady were “happy” with the changes.

Cancer diagnosis

The announcement in the same week as Mansfield telling of his cancer treatments raised some eyebrows in the radio industry.

“We hope to welcome Bruce back behind the microphone in November, but his health remains our main priority,” said the network’s statement.

3AW's Director of Operations Stephen Beers said the new line-up enhances 3AW's position as Melbourne's home of news, talk and sport.

"We are constantly looking for ways to engage our audience with informative and entertaining content," Beers said.

"The addition of Ross Greenwood, Andrew Bolt and Steve Price will add to 3AW's stellar line-up and ensure 3AW's evening listening is not to be missed."

‘Locals’

“Both Bolt and Price are locals who have worked in the Melbourne media industry for many years,” said the 3AW statement.

Price, 60, was raised in Adelaide. He worked as a senior executive at The Herald afternoon newspaper in Melbourne, later joining 3AW as producer for Neil Mitchell.

Price went on to become both Drive show presenter and 3AW Program Director.

He left for 2UE Sydney in 2001, quitting in late 2009 to join Macquarie Radio, and head its MTR experiment. It achieved ratings of between 1.5-3 per cent of the available audience.

Price’s wife, Wendy Black, has worked as Chief of Staff for Liberal minister Greg Hunt.

Producer Simon Owens has his say

● Simon Owens ■ 3AW Nightline and Remember When Simon Owens took to social media to explain his opinions about the station’s cutting of the Nightline program to just two hours, 10pmmidnight, Monday-Friday: I'm not one to "toe the company line".

I have spoken honestly when asked about the goings on at 3AW many times.

I like to take the Derryn Hinch approach and just be honest.

He has said "Always tell the truth, then you don't have to remember what lies you told."

Am I happy about today's announcement?

Selfishly my answer is "No." We lose the wonderful Patti Newton, Doug Aiton,Andrew McLaren and John Blackman segments.

However. I was employed by Steve Price when he ran 3AW and worked with him on Drive in 2001 and I have always held him in high esteem as a broadcaster. A Melbournestyle broadcaster.

He was very successful here.

Steve knows better than anyone that if he tries that crap Sydney ‘bully boy’ stuff here he will bomb. I am pretty sure that most of you will like what you hear.

History Lesson No. 1 In 2000, Derryn Hinch hosted Nightline.

By the end of the year ratings from 8pm-9pm were better than Bruce and Phil ever achieved.

But ratings after 9pm bombed. At 8pm our roads are still busy and I reckon Pricey will be a good fit there. He is entertaining and a stirrer.

9pm-10pm I am not so sure.

But at 10pm, companion radio is what rates its socks off.

That's Bruce and Phil at their best and that's where they shine.

Am I happy? No. But do I think this is a bad decision? No. Ultimately it is you who will decide. If Pricey is woeful, you won't listen and he will be axed (Derryn Hinch style December 2000).

If he is good he will stay.

History Lesson No. 2 In the 1980s 3AW was huge because the audience loved ‘Personality Radio’.

Then in 1989 management axed that and put in ‘Thinking Person’s Radio’ You all switched off and the station collapsed.

So they brought in Ross (Stevenson) and Dean (Banks), Neil Mitchell, Paul Barber, Bruce (Mansfield) and Phil (Brady) etc and you all came back (eventually) and made the station number one.

Ultimately - you the audience program this station.

I have faith that Pricey knows the Melbourne audience. But if he doesn't get it you'll let him know.

As for Bruce and Phil? Six nights per week, but with a reduced workload.

Phil tells me he is very happy. To be that popular and that successful and employed full time in his 70's is awesome.

I celebrate 20 years at 3AW on December 18. I am honoured and lucky to still be with them.

Personally I am happy to see Pricey back home where he belongs.

Blackers and McLaren are still on staff, if we can find new spots for Patti (Newton) and Doug (Aiton) I will be happy.

Oh, and I want Rex Hunt back too!”

- Simon Owens

Page 10 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Big Enough and Ugly Enough

Melbourne Observer

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Ash

The Showbiz Bible

● James McLean ■ Clean-cut and wholesome comedian James McLean, 25, has travelled from his family home in the Adelaide Hills to our ‘cultural capital’.

Fresh from a sell-out in the Adelaide Fringe and under the direction of Wes Snelling, James presented his one-hour show Big Enough and Ugly Enough last week at The Butterfly Club.

Accompanying James is a box of mystery items bequeathed to him by his recently departed grandmother, whose friendly voice from above (with a touch of Dame Edna), advises James on how to find happiness in his new life.

James recalls Grandma’s life lesson about making friends when starting high school.

While initially thrilled to encounter the welcoming sign ‘Swinging Social Club, Newcomers Welcome’, James soon discovers it’s not about swing dancing after all, and needs help from the voice of his consciousness to escape a tricky situation.

James takes us on a personal journey of amusing experiences, with Grandma’s life advice also including finding employment, love, caring for the environment and giving back to the community.

Many of today’s emerging comedians seem to prefer an improvised chat format, smattered with a few funny lines.

James McLean, however, presents an intelligently written, well-structured narrative in a series of vignettes, engaging audiences with his storytelling from beginning to end, while seamlessly switching between characters.

Not only that, this boy from the west plays the piano and sings with impressive style, and has composed his own entertaining songs.

My only criticism would be for James to increase audibility and clarity of his dialogue delivery to the same level as his strong vocals.

And Grandma’s box of mystery items? In a delightful yet poignant twist, they contain personal tools to help James navigate his new life away from home in Melbourne.

Here’s hoping that this nice, talented young man who describes his life as a ‘light comedy’ has found his destination and is here to stay to write and present more shows..

- Review by Cheryl Threadgold

Editor Ash Long is heard: ● 8.45am Wed., with Ron Burke, 3NRG-FM Sunbury ● 10am Wed., with Denis Scanlan, Pulse 94.7 Geelong ● 9.15am Thu., with Bob and Judy Phillips, 3RPP Peninsula

Upstanding Citizens

● Gerad Dwyer is bringinbg two Dizzy Productions shows from Seymour. All the details are on Page 9.

Lovely Lady Lump

● Kate Wilkinson and Steve Varley are Upstanding Citizens.

■ Kate and Steve are stand- audiences as they venture into ing up. They’ve had enough of the world of solo stand-up comedy, before combining their tal■ The next Shorts@45 lit- sitting - that’s for office jobs ents in a well-rehearsed finale. and cycling, not suited for the erary program titled SomeWell, maybe they might thing Special, Something straight legged lives of profes- make this up on the night sional comedians.

Rare (re-scheduled from They’re standing up for the though.

August 10) taking place at By the end of the show Kate fortyfivedownstairs at little guys, like office jobbers and Steve can 100 per cent guarand cyclists.

6.,30pm-8.30pm on Monday They’re standing up be- antee audiences will laugh at (Sept. 21). once. cause they’re quality humans least How can they be sure? How ■ The Maldon Folk Festi- and they’ve got something can they be trusted? val Showcase is happening funny to say.

Because Kate and Steve are Kate and Steve are Upstand- Upstanding Citizens! at the Flying Saucer Showcase, 4 St Georges Rd, ing Citizens.

Performances: September Returning to the stage after 22 – 26 from 8om (1 hour duraElsternwick, at 8.40pm on their debut Melbourne Fringe tion) Saturday (Sept. 12).

Festival show in 2014, Kate Tickets: $20/$15 ■ The Murder Spectrum and Steve Are Friends, these Venue: Highlander Bar, 11A will be held by Sisters In two crazy cats are ready to go Highlander Lane CBD, Crime at 8pm on Friday solo, but together.

Melbourne (Sept. 18) at the Rising Sun Kate's wisecracking oneBookings: www.melbourne Hotel, cnr Raglan St and liners and Steve's hilarious fringe.com.au Eastern Rd, South Mel- musical stylings will amuse - Cheryl Threadgold bourne. Crime writers Robin Bowles and Kate Kyriacou debate with Vikki Petraitis as to whether one murder can be 'worse' than another and who decides.

Briefly

Town criers’ book launch

■ The winner of the Royal Como Art Commission will be announced on Thursday, October 8 at the Royal Como display suite, 663 Chapel St, South Yarra.

■ The We Will Rock national tour will be staged in Melbourne’s Regent Theatre from August 30 next year.

■ The Caulfield RSL is taking its Back to Gallipoli Exhibition award-winning exhibition to the races at the Caulfield Racecourse on Saturday (Sept. 19). Football identity Kevin Sheedy will officiate.

● Brian Whykes and Sophie Walters ■ Historian Anne Doggett's newly completed book A Far Cry - Town Crying in the Antipodes" will be launched on Friday (Sept. 18) at the Ballaarat Mechanics Institute.

The book covers town crying in Australia from the landing of the First Fleet to today.

Entrance fee is $10. Copies of the book will be available at the special price of $25.

● Lana Schwarcz presents Lovely Lady Lump, opening September 26 in North Melbourne.

■ Writer and performer Lana Schwarcz is a breast cancer survivor. She is presenting what she calls ‘a theatrical romp through one comedian’s breast cancer adventure’ in the Fringe Festival from September 26 to October 3 at Upstairs at Errols in North Melbourne.

After successfully not dying off-stage last year, Lana says she refuses to die on-stage this year when presenting her new show, Lovely Lady Lump, in which the characters, stories, fears and jokes that accosted her in the fairy-tale woods of diagnosis, come to life.

Lana will skilfully make mutated cells the butt of the joke, because she believes cancer seriously deserves to be laughed out of town.

There is a story about Lana’s diagnosis from last year that features a dog, a strange woman in the dog park, and a mammogram that she had purely because she was depressed (because, you know, a mammogram is something to DO, isn’t it?).

It’s a good luck story about an early detection that frames her quirky perspective of the fears and questions surrounding life, death, surgery, loss of identity through treatment, fertility preservation, and art therapy for cancer patients.

A show was not the outcome that Lana intended, as at the time the only outcome necessary was that she survived.

But, making sure that people knew what was going on suddenly seemed terribly important, so Lana wrote a blog to keep friends and family updated.

Then, as a comic making things entertaining for her blog reading friends and family, Lana found ways to make things funny and entertaining for herself too, and suddenly the cancer experience didn’t seem so awful anymore.

Performance Season: September 26 – October 3 (no show Monday) Times: 6.30pm, Sun 5.30pm (75 min) Venue: Upstairs at Errols, 69-71 Errol St., North Melbourne Tickets: $25/$20; Cheap Tuesday $20.

Bookings: melbournefringe.com.au or call 9660 9666 - Cheryl Threadgold

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 11

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne

Observer

Showbiz News

Side Part: style over substance Briefs Stabbing

■ Brent Gilbert has been charged with attempted murder and was remanded to appear before Bendigo Magistrates’ Court followinga stabbing in California Gully. A30year-old woman was airlifted to a Melbourne hospital where she remains in a stable condition.

Summons

■ A 66-year-old Moe man is expected to be charged on summons after an alleged sexual assault on a 19-yearold women at a Moe department store, reports the Gippsland Times.

Hunt

● Mitchell Lock ■ Police are appealing for information to help find Mitchell Lock, 20, known to frequent the Benalla and Shepparton areas.

Lock has 10 warrants against him for matters including failure to appear on bail, being drunk in public and recklessly cause injury.

■ Arts House is partnering with Melbourne Fringe to open the Fringe Club program on Saturday (Sept. 19) from 10pm to 1am with an excitingly different performance art party, The Side Part.

Co-curated by Rinske Ginsberg and new gen artist Shian Law, The Side Part presents short works from inter-disciplinary artists, drawing from diverse lineages and imagined futures, culminating in an all-out dance party.

Bold and experimental, critical and quirky, The Side Part features a line-up of intergenerational artists presenting works exploring a rich diversity of art practice from across this city.

From the extravagant to the intimate, the Side Part will challenge, entertain and importantly remind us of the significant breadth of experience and depth of artistic rigor across our independent arts sector.

The Side Part will feature style over substance, Willoh. S Weiland (Aphids), Melanie Lane and Briana Corchado, David Rosetzky, Jo Lloyd, Jack Riley, Timothy Harvey and Lee Serle, The Golden Tappers, Carly Sheppard, Rinske Ginsberg, Bec Jensen, Klo, VJ Brendan Harwood and DJ JeTaime Abelard.

Melbourne-based emerging choreographer, performer and co-curator of The Side Part, Shian Law, says his team is presenting “a rich and eclectic mix of provocateurs occupying different corners of the performance art world, such as dance, contemporary art, live art and spoken text”.

Performance Details: Saturday September 19 Time: 10pm – 1am Venue: The Fringe Club, Arts House, North Melbourne Town Hall, 521 Queensberry St., North Melbourne Admission: Free - Cheryl Threadgold

● Choreographer and performer Shian Law. Photo: Christine Francis

Fraud charge: guilty plea ■ Aizaz Hassan, 34, of Victoria, has pleaded guilty to one charge of conspiring to defraud financial institutions.

The charge follows an Australian Securities and Investments Commission investigation into Footscray-based finance broking company, Myra Home Loan Pty Ltd, trading as Myra Financial Services.

The charge relates to Hassan's role at Myra and the creation and use of false documents to support loan applications valued at approximately $110 million.

Hassan entered the guilty plea during an appearance at the Melbourne Magistrates' Court on September 9, and follows his arrest and charge in January.

Hassan is currently on bail and is required to appear at the County Court at Melbourne on October 14.

The matter is being prosecuted by the Commonwealth Director of

Melbourne Observations

with Matt Bissett-Johnson

Shah is currently on bail and will be appearing in the Melbourne Magistrates' Court on September 28 for a contested committal hearing.

Illumuniated

Public Prosecutions. Hassan's guilty plea relates to conspiring with others, including Najam Shah, to defraud financial institutions through the provision of false documents in support of loan applications submitted on behalf of Myra clients between about March 2008 and August 2010.

Shah was also arrested in January 2015 and charged with conspiracy to defraud financial institutions.

■ Two of Australia’s greatest ensembles, Sydney Dance Company and Australian Chamber Orchestra, come together on Sunday, October 25, for one performance of Illuminated.

There will be a trio of breathtaking dance piecescreated by Helpmann Award-winning choreographer Rafael Bonachela, are set to the compositions of Benjamin Britten, Vivaldi, JS Bach, and Jean-Philippe Rameau.

The one show will be Melbourne Art Centre’s State Theatre for one show at 5pm.

Tickets are on sale from today (Wed.).

Radio station’s marathon theme

● Stefan Cassomenos, Jan Grant and Robert Whitehead ■ Most radio stations and newspapers do not receive government funding, so they have to find innovative ways to pay the bills.

Melbourne fine music and arts station 3MBS announced its next musical marathon to help keep the station on air 24 hours a day.

Dubbed Australia's biggest classical music event, the 2016 3MBS big bash with be the Mendelssohn Marathon on Sunday February 28 at Hawthorn Arts Centre.

Following on from the success of the previous years' Beethoven, Schubert and Brahms marathons, the Mendelssohn Marathon will include 70 top Australian chamber and vocal musicians to perform 25 of Felix Mendelssohn's works, alongside compositions from his talented sister Fanny.

Running from 9.30 am until 9.30 pm, the music will include the famous Mendelssohn Octet, Songs Without Words, and a rare piano arrangement of the Hebrides Overture by Fanny Mendelssohn.

There will also be arias from Mendelssohn's oratorio Elijah, piano trios and quartets, a string quartet and his Symphony No 7.

Performers include major Australian names such as Stefan Cassomenos, Henry Choo, Tiffany Speight, Hoang Pham, Kristian Chong and many more musicians of this ilk.

Curator Chris Howlett, a highly respected Melbourne cellist who will also be performing on the day, is delighted with the program he has put together.

"This marathon will be a highlight on the 2016 Melbourne musical calendar and a unique opportunity to engage deeply with a musical genius," Chris said.

All 70 musicians will donate their time, as 3MBS is a vital element in promoting and showcasing their work to a music-loving public.

All day tickets will be on sale to the general public from September 24, with single session tickets being available from November at www.hawthornartscentre.com.au - Julie Houghton

ONJ on air ● Shirley Richmond, Alan Richmond and Anne Frankenberg

■ Olivia Newton-John has returned to Smooth 91.5 FM to host her own Sunday afternoon show.

Olivia and Barry Gibb will provide guests with a once in lifetime evening at the Grand Hyatt for The ONJ Gala on Saturday, September 19.

Olivia will walk alongside participants in The Wellness Walk in Melbourne on October 4.

● Blair Harris, Tony Wildman and Wade Martin

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 12 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Enforced rest helps me see the world

Yvonne’s Column

■ It takes an enforced rest to see the world as it really is.

It never crossed my mind that I would be told to go to bed and not move. Heavens above, I was in the middle of an exciting project, plus normal responsibilities and this couldn’t happen. But it did.

So what kind good fairy was going to come in and complete my tasks?

That was my first lesson. Don’t argue with the doctor!

And don’t argue with karma.

It’s a funny thing you know, but I didn’t think that I could ever just lie around and do nothing.

It wasn’t in my DNA.

Speaking terms ■ If that wasn’t enough, I couldn’t even bat the breeze with friends over the phone because Telstra had changed my password and user name without telling me.

They didn’t know how to fix it, and so my phone, computer screen, and Foxtel remained out of service until the technicians found out how to fix it.

I won’t go any further because Telstra and I are on speaking terms again. Just wait for the next episode!

With Foxtel gone it meant no free-to-air either. Not being able to sit up, there was not much I could do. Knitting was out. How many times could I brush Moosh and twirl his whiskers?

Thankfully, I could take my mind off looking at four walls, albeit interesting ones with pictures and memorabilia’ by reading books and devouring the daily newspapers.

Rereading books that I enjoyed a few years ago was a joy. And I absorbed every newspaper more keenly than any Editor could, and kept abreast of what was happening in the world.

More discouraged ■ After a while, I began to see that the world had gone absolutely insane. No matter how I looked at any situation I could see no end, just pain and misery.

My heart went out to those trying to escape their homeland no matter the danger, and any way they could. And there are actually some people who object to Australia giving any help.

What has happened to the Aussie spirit whilst I’ve been ensconced in hospital?

The more I read. The more discouraged I became.

I could never remember it being like this when I was growing up, or indeed since I was an adult.

Domestic violence is at an all time high. Al-

Over and out ■ Maybe a coincidence - most likely a result of the Four Corners expose , the boss of the 7-Eleven convenience chain, Warren Wilmot, has resigned from the executive board of the Franchise Council of Australia.

7-Eleven is a major sponsor of industry awards at the forthcoming FCA Conference on the Gold Coast.

Guest speakers at the Conference are Gruen's Todd Sampson, along with former AFL chief Andrew Demetriou.

Both will travel in the pointy end of the plane and sure to trouser hefty appearance fees.

Pay day

with Yvonne Lawrence

yvonne.lawrence@bigpond.com cohol is to blame for most of it. And now ‘ice’ has been added.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that alcohol is the cause of most young people going off the rails. And certainly boozed up males are responsible for most of the domestic violence.

Adding ‘ice’ to that is a recipe for absolute mayhem.

‘Quit’ drinking ■ If I had my way, I’d start a campaign hopefully as successful as the Quit campaign to restrict the advertising of alcohol.

I’m not a wowser, but something has to be done to discourage young people consuming alcohol.

It only takes a few slurps and they think they are invincible.

Imagine driving off and not paying for your petrol. This is petrol theft.

Offenders should lose their cars for a while and see what happens.

Perhaps confinement in the ‘stocks’ in the Town Square for a week might shame them. If only we still had them.

Should there have been more thought given when petrol stations decided on self-service?

We should have complained then, but we accepted this withdrawal of service, and now look what’s happened.

At Linden Auto in Box Hill South, Bill, the very friendly proprietor, is on deck.

He, with his assistant, serves the petrol, and on request, checks under the bonnet, checks the tyres, all with a cheery word and a friendly wave as the motorist drives off without even having left the vehicle.

Simply wonderful on a rainy or freezing day

✔

OK

with John O’Keefe

Sleep pattern

■ Ratings are the slave drivers of the radio industry, Thanks to Mumbrella website we reproduce this cynical take on ratings by comedian Wil Anderson.

“I was in Adelaide ,aged about 25 and had just started on Triple J. I was staying with folk who were great fans of mine. The house had a radio survey book.

One morning while lying in bed, I filled in the book. Next survey Triple J ratings had a massive spike - from six to nine.

“If only I could have slept my way around the country."

■ AFL players get paid a lot of lolly and the wise ones invest in bricks and mortar.

In 2004 a consortium of players paid $3.8 million for the Waterside Hotel, corner King and Flinders Sts, Melbourne. Same hotel is rumoured to have been sold recently for near on $ 15 million.

AFL players involved include Nick Reiwold, Nathan Brown, Brendon Gale and Stuart Wigney. ■ In the frantic fight for tv ratings

Contra blowout

to stay in the warmth of your car. Remember how it used to be?

I recall pulling into a petrol station because I was running low on gas. The attendant, sporting a natty bow tie and a big smile also offered to wash the windscreen.

Running late I declined. I can still hear him say “ I wouldn’t forgive myself if you had an accident because of a dirty windscreen, so an extra minute won’t spoil your day”.

Can you imagine that happening now?

I used to dread reading the papers on a Monday because it seemed that more teenagers were killed in road accidents due to speed, inexperience, alcohol and drugs. It’s hard to believe that some young drivers even use their mobile phone.

I was fortunate to be given a car when I was 18. But there were conditions to this gift.

Use it with respect or lose it, went with the birthday card.

I’d be not telling the truth if I said I never disobeyed my Mum, but it did make me a careful and thoughtful driver.

It was instilled in me that a car was a lethal weapon, and what could happen.

Police Week ■ Remember, these were the good old days when we listened to our parents.

I was thinking that somehow these kids who are caught hooning around should be forced to see a few of the films, which the police have in their library. Horrific films about accidents.

I remember when I was Marketing Manager at Eastland I organised Police Week. It was an enormous success. The Police were magnificent in the way each division got behind their display.

Sunrise is out to top Nine's breakfast show by telecasting live from five foreign cities in five days.

The worldwide jaunt is a logistical nightmare transporting 25 cast and crew for the 39,688 kilometres itinery consisting of seven different flights (plus check-ins and customs) with a total of 48 hours 20 minutes in the air.

Costs won't be billed to Kochie's credit card but will make a decent dent in Seven's contra budget.

Bombers away

■ Considering their poor performance over the last two seasons it would be fair to assume Essendon AFL side would not be planning anything too flash for their end-of-season trip.

Maybe a trip to Seaford with a cut lunch? No way, the Bombers are off to Las Vegas. You know the saying “whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”.

One announcement you're unlikely to hear in the passenger boarding lounge “last call for passenger James Hird”.

Wondering if Club Chairman Paul Little will be joining the boys aboard the plane, or travelling in his own Gulfstream private jet worth $ 35 million.

An expert from the Motor Division would give a talk on safety when driving, and at certain times they showed a film. I think it was called Mechanised Danger. It was horrific and showed the results of an accident. That film stuck in my mind for years after.

Hopefully, the film saved a young person from driving with a lead foot.

We also were very privileged to have an appearance of Gendarme, the magnificent grey drum horse with Alex Tassell, one of Victoria’s best known and longest serving police officers.

Gendarme and Alex posed for photographs for queues of shoppers who waited in line to pat the big grey horse and a word with Alex.

Straw vote

■ I, of course, loved Gendarme and every spare minute was patting him. One day a shopper came up to speak to me, and whilst I was busy with her, Gendarme was busy chewing my straw handbag.

Alex was mortified, but how could I not love that big grey horse?

When my doctor told me that driving my car was not advisable, in a mad moment I gave it to my sister.

Gosh, I miss that car. But that’s life!

When I finally got out of bed, and had to look after Peter, I couldn’t even zap up the street for a few provisions. That’s when my good friend Ross came to my help.

But it’s not the same as having your own car, I do hope that Public Transport Minister Allan has a big voice and manages to get, trams and trains back on schedule.

Bad old days

■ It’s like going back to the bad old days when a strike was the order of the day.

There are lots of good things happening too, because there are still good people in the world I’m happy to say.

Your messages welcoming back my column after a long break are much appreciated.

And also remembering my husband Peter’s stint in hospital.

I know we have lots of cat lovers who sympathized with us on the sad loss of our beloved Moosh, head of security, and pest controller at Casa Lawrence.

He will be long remembered.

If you see me in the street come up and say hello.

You’ll know me.

I’m the one limping with the elegant walking stick.

Have a happy day.

- Yvonne Lawrence

Observations & Revelations Celtic Tenors

Tonight

■ Internationally-acclaimed vocal group, The Celtic Tenors, are the most successful classical crossover artists to emerge from Ireland.

They will be performing at the Margaret Court Arena on Sunday (Sept. 20) at 7.30pm as guests on The Celtic Women concert.

The three young Irishmen - Matthew Gilsenan, James Nelson and Daryl Simpson - formed The Celtic Tenors in 2000 and have toured the world.

The Celtic Tenors have just released their new album Timeless.

Tickets can be booked via Ticketek.

- Kevin Trask

■ Author Professor Tim Flannery will talk about his new book Atmosphere of Hope: Searching For Solutions to the Climate Crisis at Eltham College tonight (Wed.) at 6.30pm. Entry is $35.

Daylight saving

■ Monash Art Ensemble is travelling to Sydney Conservatorium of Music on October 1 to present a performance of Beyond Borders.

■ Victoria will adopt summer daylight saving from Sunday, October 4..

Arts House ■ The Melbourne premiere of Piece for Person and Ghetto Blaster will be resented by Arts House from November 11-15.

New season

■ The Melbourne Cinémathèque is presenting a season focused on awardwinning Polish director Jerzy Kawalerowicz (1922–2007). The season runs from September 30-October 14.

To Sydney

Fitzroy picnic

■ University of Melbourne’s Strive Student Health Initiative is collaborating with Festival 21 to hold a 'flash mob' style free picnic in the Fitzroy Gardens on October 31.

Di

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Great month ■ “September, I don’t need sunny skies for things I like to do ‘cause I stay home the whole day long and think of you as far as I’m concerned each day’s a rainy day so it might as well rain until September”.

These wonderful words written by the fabulous Carole King.

It is most certainly one of the best songs every written about September.

September is certainly one of my favourite months.

It is the month we start leaving our balcony and windows open and the breeze changes and the birds start appearing.

The flowers bloom and footy starts to reach fever pitch with the pending one day in September ... which of course is the one day in October for us this year.

The AFL Grand Final - and all that comes with it including the pesky public holiday - is always very exciting and so infectious.

Of course, the Spring Racing Carnival is a must.

I have been invited out to the track and am working on my ensembles and hats.

With events on nearly every day in Melbourne, September is the month to certainly be here.

Why?

■ OK, I admit it is hard to avoid bad news stories.

Beside my bedside table is a pile of books I am currently reading.

One of them relates to the ever increasing domestic violence epidemic that is invading this country.

The book is called Why Did They Do It – Inside the Minds of Australia’s Most Unlikely Killers.

I heard the author investigative journalist Cheryl Critchley on the radio, talking about it and I purchased the book immediately.

The highly respected journalist with 30 years’ experience on a range of publications, Cheryl has put together a fascinating book.

The author of six books on topics as diverse as AFL football, parenting and Melbourne Zoo’s first baby elephant.

She now writes and edits for the Weekly Review and several other publications.

Peter Caruso bludgeoned his wife to death after almost fifty years of happy marriage.

Turn To Page 15

To

For

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 13

Bags packed for the Deni Ute Muster

I love my job! with leading Melbourne publicist DI ROLLE

Hetty Kate sings the standards

■ There is so much bad news and sadness going around. I want to keep my page light and bright and breezy and full of good news.

Otherwise life becomes all about the glass being half empty, and I tend to get dragged into that vortex very easily if I don’t keep an eye on things.

Being an avid news watcher and newspaper reader, and loving to keep up and have opinions on all world political events and what is going on around me, I sometimes need to be reminded by my friends to stop and smell the roses.

Playing music in my office is my version of stopping and smelling the roses, I find that really grounding and makes my work so much easier and more effective.

With that in mind whether it be classical, Bob Dylan, Miles Davis or Maria Callas my house and office is always filled with music.

It certainly helps chase bad news and sadness away, that is for sure.

Oh, I might add that I sometimes have the radio on in the background ‘just to keep in touch with what is happening’ – after all the social escapades that September will bring with it I am particularly looking forward to some really good music performances to attend, September and October are bringing a lot of wonderful music to lots of venues in Melbourne and there is so much to put in my calendar.

Melbourne Recital Centre’s Salon comes alive with the sweet sounds of jazz this October.

Long dedicated to exploring the genres of jazz and blues and their offspring, funk, soul, fusion, pop in intimate club style concerts from leading Australian artists, Melbourne Recital Centre’s world-class venues, the intimate Salon and the exquisite Elisabeth Murdoch Hall holds some wonderful music in store.

Ticket prices are fabulous; they start from just $30 ($25 concession) and the line-up is fantastic!

Starting on Friday, October 9, the Melbournebased Julien Wilson Trio has performed at jazz festivals across the world, including sold-out concerts at Berlin Jazz Festival.

Following their popular release Trio-Live in 2007, Julien Wilson (tenor saxophone), Stephen Magnusson (guitars) and Stephen Grant (piano accordion) perform their debut studio album Swailing Live.

Other wonderful artists performing are Julia Messenger Quintet on Saturday, October 17 and Janet Seidel Trio with Joe Chindamo on Saturday, October 31, at 3pm and 7pm.

Janet delivers songs with the smoothness of Dubonett over ice in this intimate concert where she invites Melbourne piano great Joe Chindamo to join her trio for a night of romance in music as they perform a selection of Janet’s favourite songs from her back catalogue in Les Chansons de Paris.

The wonderful jazz vocalist Hetty Kate will also perform two concerts, Hetty Kate sings the standards, new wave, a stunning performer, Hetty has made a name for herself in Australia and internationally, performing classics and curios from the great American Songbook.

I look forward to seeing her and her band

● Hetty Kate Sings The Standards present these two concerts on Tuesday October 20. For her second concert, previewing her upcoming album Virtually Meaningless, Hetty Bookings visit collaborates with Ben Grayson, Danny Farrugia melbournerecital. and James Sherlock for a new project exploring com.au or phone and combining transoceanic and disparate mu9699 3333. sical genres.

For more inforDrawing from an eclectic collection of Britmation on the comish new wave, pop and rock, the group reinterplete line up on jazz pret and reharmonise this iconic music with a at Melbourne Rejazz sensibility. cital Centre, visit Hetty Kate Sings the Standards: 2pm – Samelbournerecital. lon, second concert New Wave 6pm Salon – com.au/jazz both concerts run for one hour with no interval

Book now

Colbert nailed it ■ With great anticipation I waited up to watch the first Late Show with Stephen Colbert; it was masterful.

For years I was a huge Letterman fan. Working for many years on late night television shows, the whole late show format is an absolute favourite of mine.

Stephen Colbert nailed it. He is so refreshing. And smart and talented and so funny.

It was the beginning of a new era. It dominated on the night and easily beat rivals Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel.

Some 6.6 million people tuned in to watch Colbert’s debut.

The last time Colbert was on television was in December and he put the success of the first night down to the fact that he had nine months to prepare.

It was wonderful to see the real Colbert and not the conservative character he played on Comedy Channel’s Colbert Report.

● Stephen Colbert His show is seen on the Eleven channel in Australia on at 11.30pm each week night.

A deeply religious man, Colbert showed off his new set proudly featuring a digital projection on the ceiling reminiscent of the Sistine Chapel but including Colbert’s’ image.

It’s must-see viewing and brings a smile at the end of mostly sad news story days of late.

● Morgan Evans ■ It’s time once again to start planning for the ever popular Deni Ute Muster.

Having headed to Deniliquin to experience the Deni Ute Muster, it is once visited never forgotten. I am always keen to see who the lineup is.

This year promises to be just as good as previous years with an incredible line-up, including some of Australia’s biggest artists already set to burn up the main stage on both Friday and Saturday nights, Deni Ute Muster organisers have a great lineup of musicians planned who will be keeping crowds entertained and provide the soundtrack to the festivities throughout the day on the Day Stage, proudly supported by Ice Break.

Opening the festival on day one will be Bush Poets before the Deni Showcase and the Deni Uke Muster take turns demonstrating just how deep the pool of local talent is in the amazing Riverina region.

Crowd favourite Ben Ransom Band then takes on the lunchtime slot before powerhouse performances by Seleen McAlister and Christie Lamb, with The Distance then wrapping up the day program.

As previously announced Friday night’s program then kicks in with the unmistakeable sounds of Hillbilly pop-stars The Pigs, before The Wolfe Brothers turn on the charm, followed by the anthemic sounds of Birds of Tokyo, and Australian country music’s rising star singer songwriter Morgan Evans, with Aussie rock royalty Cold Chisel bringing down the house on night one.

Day two again sees the Bush Poets, Deni Showcase and Deni Uke Muster wake up festival goers after an epic first night.

Come lunchtime it’s time for the iconic Deni Ute Muster tradition, the Blue Singlet World Record Attempt before sister act Baylou kick things into gear again in the afternoon.

Paul Cowderoy will then soothe the crowd with his soulful sounds, before the effervescent Courtney Conway takes to the stage followed

by Mickey Pye to wrap things up for day two before the night program gets underway.

Saturday night is a bit of a family affair with Muster favourites, sister duo The Sunny Cowgirls getting the final party started. The Adam Eckersley Band then take the reins before handing them on to again another set of sensational siblings, The McClymonts.

Two beacons of the Australian country music scene will then shine their light on the 2015 Deni Ute Muster crowd with the penultimate performance from Adam Brand, before Lee Kernaghan takes to the stage to wrap up proceedings for another year with a good old fashioned sing-a-long.

The Deni Ute Muster is on almost every local and international bucket list and with no rise in ticket prices, more music and more fun than you can cram into your average long weekend, our Australian Made event will be one to remember for a lifetime, so don’t miss out – get your tickets today.

The Deni Ute Muster is proudly supported by the NSW Government through its tourism and major events agency, Destination NSW. Deni Ute Muster, Conargo Rd, Deniliquin, NSW. Friday-Saturday, October 2-3.

For ticketing information visit www.deniutemuster.com.au

Page 14 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Melbourne People

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Red Ball The Grand Hyatt Photos: Fiona Hamilton

Red Ball Magic

● Ditch and Sophia Davey

● Gamble Breaux

● Hugh Jackman and Deborra-lee Furness

● Lydia Schiavello

From Page One as one of the best ■ The Red Ball cemented its place “I saidgala’s ... I have asked your charity on thejust Melbourne socialdaughter’s scene with ahand highpowered, celebrity-studded celebration at the Grand Hyatt. in marriage, but I would like your blessing, exThe Reda Ball raises funds for the Fight Cancer pecting massive hug or something likeFoundathat. tion and with the foundation’s patrons, Deborra-lee Furness she said: ‘Sit down.’ and “Instead Hugh Jackman in attendance, it was guaranteed to behind her desk; I sat opposite her be a“She nightwas to remember.

Jackman shared with guests that the evening marked desk. the “She 20th anniversary his marriage proposal me to Furness. said:’Youof need to promise three “Twenty years ago today I proposed to Deb here in the things. You needin to promise Jackman me thatsaid. you will Botanical Gardens Melbourne,’’ love mysaiddaughter your heart for toyour ``You yes. I am with quite all traditional so I went ask for a blessing from Fay Duncan (Deb’s mother). entire life.’ ``I “I saidsaid, ... I ‘Done.’ have just asked your daughter’s hand in marriage, but I would like your blessing, expecting a “Shehug said: ‘You also like need to make sure that massive or something that. you nevershe eversaid, go to on an angry word, prom``Instead `Sitbed down.’ ise“She me.’was behind her desk; I sat opposite her desk.

“She said:’You need to promise me three things. You “I said, ‘Promise.’ need to promise me that you will love my daughter with “Andheart three, all your for you your will entirebecome life.’ a patron of the Fight Cancer “I said, ‘Done.’Foundation.’

“She to make sure never “Sosaid: it is‘You my also 20thneed anniversary as athat veryyouproud ever go to bed on an angry word, promise me.’ patron tonight.’’

“I said, ‘Promise.’

Highlights nightaincluded a dinner for “And three, youofwillthe become patron of the Fight Can12 Foundation.’ with Furness, Jackman and Paula and Lindcer it isatmythe 20thFox anniversary as a selling very proud say“SoFox homestead at patron auctonight.’’ tion for $50,000, and Jackman singing One Highlights of the night included a dinner for 12 with Night Only with and the Paula cast of Furness, Jackman andDreamgirls.

Lindsay Fox at the Fox Guestsselling at theat gala, was orchestrated homestead auctionwhich for $50,000, and Jackman singing One Night Only with the castEric of Dreamgirls.

by Trumpet Events, included and Rebecca Guests Sigrid at the gala, which was orchestratedKennerley,

by Trumpet Bana, Thornton, Kerri-Anne Events, included Eric and Rebecca Bana, Sigrid Magda Szubanski, Stefan Dennis, GinaThornton, Riley, Kerri-Anne Kennerley, Magda Szubanski, Stefan Dennis, JaneRiley, Turner, Gamble Breaux, Gina JaneGina Turner,Liano, Gina Liano, Gamble Breaux,Archie Archie Thompson, Thompson andand AlyceAlyce Platt. Platt.

- FionaByrne Byrne - Fiona

● Jane Turner and Gina Riley

● Magda Szubanski

● Eric and Rebecca Bana

● Gina Liano

● Kerri-Anne Kennerley

● Stefan and Gail Dennis

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 15

Melbourne

Confidential Talk is cheap, gossip is priceless

Passing of racing man Clem Dimsey

● Clem Dimsey ■ Victorian racecaller Clem Dimsey has died at the age of 74. He came to prominence in the 1960s at Channel 0-10.

He was well known for his Eyewitness News appearances, and for his Melbourne Cup calls. He worked for ACE Radio and Melbourne newspapers.

Hidden from dominatrix Olga

‘Not adequately trained or competent’ says ASIC

■ The Australian Securities and Investments Commission has banned Michael Kolody, a former financial adviser of Morwell, from providing financial services for five years and six months.

ASIC found Kolody was not adequately trained or competent to provide financial advice and had failed to comply with the financial services laws.

Kolody’s misconduct occurred between July 2010 and January 2014 when he was an authorised representative of Madison Financial Group Pty Ltd.

An ASIC review of client files found Kolody: ■ provided advice to a number of clients that was not appropriate to their personal circumstances; ■ prepared documents that may have mislead clients about their legal entitlements; ■ failed to maintain adequate records of his advice or provide clients with a Statement of Advice that adequately set out the basis on which his advice was given; ■ did not provide appropriate replacement product advice and disclosure when advising clients to

■ Actress Maggie Fitzpatrick’s appeal against a sexual assault conviction is due to take place on December 7.

move from one financial product to another; ■ provided inadequate information on some commissions he received.

ASIC Deputy Chairman Peter Kell said: “Mr Kolody’s conduct demonstrates a clear failure to protect the interests of his clients.

“Financial advisers must provide appropriate advice, and they must keep adequate records that set out the basis on which the advice is given.”

Kolody has the right to appeal to the Administrative Appeals Tribunal for a review of ASIC’s decision.

Kolody provided personal financial advice and made recommendations to retail clients on financial products including superannuation and shares.

Kolody has not been in the industry since March 2014.

Rumour Mill

Breast unit legal case

● Peter Bevan as Valeriy ■ It's not unusual for Melbourne-based companies to tour Victoria with their current play or concert, but it's a little more unusual for a country-based theatre company to bring its work to Melbourne.

Seymour-based theatre company Dizzy Productions is bringing two one-act plays to Melbourne as part of the Fringe Festival.

Described as risqué, hilarious and farcical, Provocateur is a comedy where chaos reigns supreme in an undercover world of guns, espionage …and hairy women.

Russian spy Valeriy catches cat burglar Lucy in a motel room, and then decides to put make up on Lucy to make her appear as a boy, in a bid to hide her from dominatrix Olga who is the one person who scares Valeriy. And then slapstick humour cuts in.

The second play from Dizzy Productions is Vectura, where four misfits who have nothing in common gather to head for a common destination.

Dizzy Productions says Vectura is dark twisted fun, so theatregoers who enjoy something a bit out of the ordinary will be in their element.

Both plays are written by Mark Lucas and directed by Gerard Dwyer and are at The Owl and Cat Theatre, 34 Swan St, Richmond.

Provocateur starts at 6.30 pm while Vectura takes over the stage at 9.30 pm. Both plays run for around 45 minutes. The season is from September 21 - 27, and bookings are through www.trybooking.com - Julie Houghton

● From Page 13 John Myles Sharpe killed his pregnant wife and their young daughter with a spear-gun.

Katherine Knight stabbed and skinned her partner with the intention of saving his cooked carcass to his children.

These and other crimes, committed by people described as average, ordinary, normal people.

Cheryl Critchley teamed with esteemed psychologist Professor Helen McGrath to meticulously dissect the crimes, the evidence, the testimony, the confessions, and the overwhelming diagnostic evidence to analyse the minds and motivations behind crimes that shocked the nation.

Professor McGrath adds her profession analysis to Cheryl’s in-depth reporting of each case.

The circumstances of each crime are outlined and the murderer’s behaviour analysed to explain how a specific type of personality disorder, in combination with other factors, led to the murder.

Along with the details of the personality disorders, the authors summarise what lessons can be learned and early warning signs readers should be aware of.

If, like the majority of Australians these cases left me asking why?

This is the book to read. I highly recommend it; it might help with what is currently going on in this country.

- Di Rolle

Fiddler

● Anthony Warlow ■ December 29 will be opening night for a six-week production of Fiddler On The Roof at Melbourne’s Princess Theatre. It will star Anthony Warlow. Tickets go on sale on Friday next week (Sept. 25).

News

■ Crest Education Ltd has asked for a Dandenong Magistrates’ Court Registrars’ Hearing this morning (Wed.) when it is due to allege “mnies due’ are owed by Anthony Pengelly.

■ The Breast Unit at Mercy Private Pty Ltd has asked for a Melbourne Magistrates’ Court session this morning (Wed.) where it is due to allege a civil claim against Caroline Baker for “breach of contract/agreement (non-payment”.

Inside the minds of Australia’s most unlikely killers

Whispers

● Mal Walden ■ Is a commercial TV network about to “make an offer he can’t refuse” to Mal Walden, retired news anchor currently travelling through Europe?

Double Hear It Here First

Top jobs for Kerry ■ Melbourne publicist Kerry O’Brien has an extraordinary calendar of clients’ events in coming weeks. She is looking after Neil Diamond at Rod Laver Arena, the Kerry Stokes Collection at the University of Melbourne, AC/DC at Etihad Stadium, Hugh Jackman at Rod Laver Arena in November, and Oprah at the start of December.

● Kerry O’Brien

$10 million donation ■ The source of the $10 million donation received by the State Library of Victoria was the Ian Potter Foundation. The historic Queen’s Hall will be renamed in honour of the late knight and financier.

Towards Zero ■ Melburnians can have their image projected onto a CBD skyscraper as part of the TAC’s ‘Zero’ road safety campaign.

E-Mail: Confidential@MelbourneObserver.com.au

● Jo Hall ■ It is not just Andrew McLaren who can appear, allegedly “live”, on two radio stations simultanenously.

Liberal blow-hard John Elliott was on 3AW with his son Tom, whilst also on air with Jo Hall on 3MP last Friday.

One station was more than enough!

$38 each ■ Adult admission to the Royal Melbourne Show is $38 each. Family tickets are $72. Add transport or parking, plus the cost of showbags, it is an expensive day out!

Page 16 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

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Ash On Wednesday

Walking Stick Club

Samurai reunion ■ Were you a child of the 1960s? Did ‘play-time’ include jumping backwards, and imitating the Samurai warriors on TV? Melbourne Observer columnist Greg Newman has organised a gathering of Samurai fans from around Australia to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the program on Australian TV. They were heady days. Putting a Japanese program on air, just decades after World War II, was a brave move.

Thanks to an enterprising TV executive Wes Murray the program first aired on Melbourne television on GTV-9 in 1965.

By the end of the year the Samurai craze had swept the nation and the Japanese actor Koichi Ose who played the hero 'Shintaro' was invited to perform in a series of stage shows in Australia.

He performed stage shows at Festival Hall in Melbourne. He performed 12 sAussie hows in 15 days.

A young Peta Toppano played the 'Princess' and a bunch of local martial arts experts took to the stage playing the evil ninjas.

Within ten minutes of viewing the program Greg was totally won over.

This was so different.

'Samurais' and 'ninjas' were unknown to the baby boom generation.

“We loved the action: the sword fights, the star knives, the ninjas jumping backwards onto rooftops, doing somersaults and swinging from tall trees.

“It was just so different to anything we had seen on television. And after a few episodes you didn't notice the dubbed voices - as far as we were concerned, Shintaro spoke with an American accent.”

Merchandise included Scanlen's bubble gum, Shintaro kimonos (purple and blue), ninja outfits and plastic swords as well as star knives.

In recent times SBS has acknowledged the program with the TV documentary Shintaro!

The Samurai Sensation That Swept A Nation.

Samurai fans will be gathering on the weekend of Saturday-Sunday, September 26-27. It's a free event, you just need to book by emailing: greg@newmedia.com.au and he will provide all the details of the weekend.

Memorabilia on display will include one of Shintaro's original wigs (the one worn in Australia which is still in the case marked 'Essendon Airport'), the entire collection of Scanlen's Samurai bubble gum cards, and original promo posters.

Long Shots

editor@melbourneobserver.com.au

with Ash Long, Editor “For the cause that lacks assistance, ‘Gainst the wrongs that need resistance For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do”

● Tombei, Shusaku and Shintaro

Observer Treasury Thought For The Week ■ ■ “Our opinions become fixed at the point where we stop thinking.”

Observer Curmudgeon ■ ■ “We all live under the same sky, but we don’t all have the same horizon.”

Text For The Week ■ “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.”

- Philippians 4:8 Contents of Court Lists are intended for information purposes only. The lists are extracted from Court Lists, as supplied to the public, by the Magistrates’ Court of Victoria, often one week prior to publication date; for current Court lists, please contact the Court. Further details of cases are available at www.magistratescourt.vic.gov.au The Melbourne Observer shall in no event accept any liability for loss or damage suffered by any person or body due to information provided. The information is provided on the basis that persons accessing it undertake responsibility for assessing the relevance and accuracy of its content.

No inference of a party’s guilt or innocence should be made by publication of their name as a defendant. Court schedules may be changed at any time for any reason, including withdrawal of the action by the Plaintiff/Applicant. E&OE.

■ Some fiercely independent individuals wouldn't be seen dead with a walking stick.

Consequently they are prone to being seen in a crumpled heap in the gutter instead.

More realistic people know when it's time to lean on something and wouldn't be seen dead lying crumpled up in the gutter.

Having reached this momentous stage in life one becomes aware of the benefits of a walking companion.

A walking stick can help you to be mobile and continue to exercise by walking, it can give you confidence in crowded places, and save you from embarrassing and painful falls.

But before you acquire this handy gadget you must go out shopping for the one that suits you best.

So don't leave this most important purchase until you are in desperate need, or someone else will have all the enjoyment of procuring it for you.

You might think that buying a walking stick is a very simple thing. But you would be wrong. First you have to decide which type of walking stick you want.

Do you want one of those hinged ones that you can fold up and put in your handbag or satchel when you're sitting down?

Or do you want a solid one that hangs off the back of your chair and trips up your friends so they need walking sticks also?

Then you have to choose one that is the correct height for you, with a handle that's comfortable for you to grasp.

Or you could invest in one of those with four feet to keep you well balanced.

So now you're all set? Not so fast! Walking sticks are like horses - that's just the beginning of the expenses; they have accessories.

You can have a wrist strap attached so that you can be hands-free when rummaging into your purse or pockets for money, keys, or specs that always seem to gravitate to the lowest point no matter where you carry them.

Or you might have a contraption affixed that attaches your stick to a cafe table or shop counter.

If you walk off without it you probably didn't need it anyway.

Some people choose to have both of these attachments to make their stick versatile.

These two accessories should, of course, be colour co-ordinated with your stick for a good aesthetic appearance.

To further personalise your stick you can collect a series of those curved metal screw-on souvenirs to decorate walking sticks.

These can be purchased at gift shops on your holidays. They, too, are dual purpose.

So even if you get lost and don't know where you're going you can at least look at the badges and remember where you've been.

All these little personal touches make your stick easily identifiable if someone nicks off with it by mistake.

Having done everything you can to kit out your constant companion you may decide to choose a name for it.

I have a friend who calls hers Leggy because it's her third leg.

Unfortunately she can't dance and sing Jake The Peg anymore.

The last time she tried it her three legs plaited themselves together and led to another temporary phase of life.

But crutches are an entirely different subject ...

- Melva Stott

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 17

Victoria Pictorial

Hastings Nostalgia Collection

● Hastings, Western Port Bay. 1866.

● ‘Frankston-Flinders Road’, Hastings.

● Fishermen at Hastings. Circa 1860-1880

● Hastings. 1957.

● Local gun practice at Hastings. 1932.

● High Street, Hastings.

● High Street, Hastings, looking west.

● State School, Hastings. 1910.

Page 18 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Sails for Sunshine Special Development School Research, support and cancer prevention ■ At some stage in our lives, unfortunately, we have been or will be touched by cancer. It could be a family member, a friend or colleague or we ourselves may be faced with the distressing news.

Research is being done every day to find new treatments for various forms of cancer, but we still have a long way to go before cancer is simply 'managed' like a cold or flu.

On Tuesday, September 8, Freemasons Victoria hosted Todd Harper, CEO of the Cancer Council Victoria, at its CBD Business Luncheon, to learn more about what is being down in the area of research, support and prevention of cancer in Victoria.

"There are many types of cancers, but we are finding more cancers relating to tobacco and obesity than any other. Our most recent campaigns focus on the dangers of smoking, but also diet and weight management," Todd said.

The Cancer Council's role is to educate the community about reducing cancer risk. It provides practical information about coping with cancer and conducts epidemiological research to provide greater insights on cancer, lifestyle and genetics. It does this by running a series of prevention, support and research programs that aim to reduce the overall impact of cancers for all Victorians.

"Sadly, statistics show that 29,500+ Victorians are diagnosed with cancer each year, and 11,000+ Victorians die of cancer each year. We are fortunate that a lot of progress was made in the

● Grand Master Hillel Benedykt and Cancer Council Victoria CEO Todd Harper.

50s, 60s and 70s in the area of cancer research and treatments, but we still have a long way to go," Todd said.

Community support and volunteers as well as fundraising initiatives such as Daffodil Day and Relay for Life are critical to the sustainability of The Cancer Council. A not-for-profit organisation, The Cancer Council relies on community funding to continue providing its advocacy service.

If you would like to find out more about the Cancer Council's programs and initiatives visit cancervic.org.au or if you would like more information on fundraising call the supporter hotline on 1300 65 65 85.

Supporting our Dads

● Geoff Rees of Lara Lodge presents a cheque for $1000 to Cofacilitator of the Dads in Distress Program. René Peters, and independent Senator John Madigan.

■ Members of Lara Lodge No. 834 have donated a cheque for $1000 to the Dads in Distress Program.

The program, held on Tuesday nights at the Belmont Community Centre, supports fathers facing family breakdowns.

Ian Kerin said that the funds were raised locally and then matched by the Freemasons Foundation.

"There are 3 men taking their own lives in Australia every day largely due to family breakdowns. Thousands of children are not allowed access to their fathers every day in Australia. The Dads in Distress Program allows an unbiased outlet to fathers who may feel they have limited options for support,” Ian said.

The Program's mission is to provide the resources and support, either directly or in collaboration, to empower individuals to manage the challenges that place them at risk.

● David Gibbs with Acting Principal Colin Schot and David Gibbs under the new shade sails nership with Freemasons Victoria," ■ Tom Kelly and David Gibbs, repColin said. resenting the Freemasons Foundation While there, Tom and David also visited the Sunshine Special Develophad a chance to watch a demonstrament School to present a cheque for tion of the new Proloquo2Go appli$8500 to Acting Principal Colin Schot cation. for the supply and installation of shade The Proloque2Go app is a symbol sails in the Secondary Learning Censupported communication tool to protre. mote language development and grow The total funds provided by Suncommunication skills, from beginning shine Wisdom Lodge and the Founto advanced communicators. In other dation was $10,045. words it is a 'voice for those who can"This is a magnificent effort and not speak'. we greatly appreciate the ongoing part-

National Police Remembrance Day services throughout Victoria ■ September is National Police Blue Ribbon Month, culminating with Blue Ribbon Day on Tuesday, September 29.

The Victoria Police Blue Ribbon Foundation perpetuates the memory of members of the Victoria Police killed in the line of duty through the support of worthwhile community projects within Victoria.

In total, 159 Victoria Police members have been killed in the line of duty, of these, 30 have been murdered, which underlines the dangers Police members face on a daily basis.

Again, this year, Freemasons Lodges across the state will be supporting the Foundation by raising funds.

This involves a range of activities, including hosting barbecues, rattling the all-important Blue Ribbon tin and selling badges, stickers, bracelets and the famous Constable T Bear.

Merchandise is also available through local police stations and of course the Blue Ribbon Foundation website www.remember.org.au.

On Tuesday September 29, Freemasons Victoria will join past and present Police officers and members of the community for the National Police Remembrance Day March from Princes Bridge, followed by a service at the Police Memorial in the King's Domain Gardens on St Kilda Rd. Details of the day's events are: Tuesday September 29

● Blue Ribbon March 10am March and parade of past Melways 591 K6).

Informal Lighting of Candles of and present police members from Princes Bridge, along St Kilda Rd to Remembrance at Police Academy, be followed by a Remembrance Day View Mount Rd, Glen Waverley. ConService at the Police Memorial in the cludes at 7:45pm with the reading of King's Domain Gardens, St Kilda the Honour Roll.

Please visit the Blue Ribbon FounRoad 4pm. ‘End of Day Reflection’ and dation website at www.remember. lowering of the Police Ensign at org.au for other National Police ReSpringvale Botanical Cemetery (Cor- membrance Day services being held ner 5th Road and 6th Avenue, across the state

To find out more about Freemasonry, how to become a member, or attend upcoming public events, please visit www.freemasonsvic.net.au Or ‘like’ our FaceBook page www.facebook.com/freemasonsvic for the most up to date information.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne

Observer

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 19

West Hollywood

Another Picnic at Hanging Rock Hi everybody, from my suite at the Ramada Plaza Hotel and Suites comes this week's news.

Colbert’s big guest list

Aussies gather, 40 years on ■ Australians in film, and the American Australian Association, in collaboration with the Australian Consul General, invited all Aussies living in Los Angeles to come to the Consul's residence and see this special piece of Australian cinema history Picnic At Hanging Rock - under the stars.

Seen at the screening were Peter Whitfield, Chairman of Spirit Chaser Productions and Core 3 Entertainment; Alan Johnson, Managing Director of the Ramada Plaza Hotel; and Rod Hardy, international film director and Chairman of Flying Chariot Productions.

Bronzed Aussie, a magnificent Aussie Pie Shop in downtown Los Angeles, supplied the Aussie food washed down with Australian wine. All had a pleasant but terrifying night under the stairs.

Ben’s Emmy nomination ■ Ben Mendelsohn has been nominated for an Emmy for Netflix's Bloodline.

Playing his favourite creep yet, his character is named Gerry and he is part of a long and proud tradition of actors specializsing in weirdos, jerks and flat out villains that are somehow both sleazy and seductive.

Ben can celebrate his success here stateside when he played a gangster creep in the highly acclaimed movie, Animal Kingdom for which Jacki Weaver received an Oscar nomination.

I was at LAX the other morning picking up my youngest son; Mackenzie, and I ran into the Nine News bureau chief reporter here for the Americas, Robert Penfold, and we both noticed a limo driver was carrying a card with Ben Mendelsohn on it.

We didn't get to see the great man but we came so close.

● Peter Whitfield, Alan Johnson and Rod Hardy ● Stephen Colbert ■ Presidential hopefuls Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are appearing in episodes of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, CBS announced.

Colbert previously released a video in which he mocked Trump's presidential announcement speech, with the former Daily Show correspondent announcing he was still going to host The Late Show.

Colbert will also interview US Senator Elizabeth Warren and Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai.

The newly minted Late Show host will also speak with XMen actor Hugh Jackman, and Kerry Washington, the star of ABC's hit drama Scandal.

Awards show on Sunday

Let It Rock ■ The heavy metal band Black Sabbath has announced its final tour, fittingly titled The End. Embarking on one last go after nearly five decades together, Ozzy Osbourne, Tommy Iommi and Geezer Butler will set the group's own gravestone with a series of concerts in North America, New Zealand and Australia.

Notable among those not listed, as part of the tour is Bill Ward, Sabbath's long time drummer.

One of the most influential metal drummers ever, Ward's absence in recent years has remained a frustration among diehards hoping for one last shot of seeing the original quartet.

Sabbath has promised that The End will include more dates to be announced in Rocktober.

The band will play dates in California in February next year.

Australia will get to experience The End tour in April next year.

GavinWood

From my Suite at the Ramada Plaza Complex on Santa Monica Blvd

Dancin' on the Ceiling

Minions hit the billions ■ Minions has paddled across the $1 billion point in worldwide box-office receipts.

The mischievous minions Kevin, Stuart and Bob have joined the billion-dollar box office club.

The computer animated comedy spin-off from the Despicable Me franchise has crossed $1 billion in worldwide box-office receipts.

It is now likely to add considerably more to its coffers when it lands in China next month.

Only two animated movies have previously reached the billion- dollar mark - Disney's Frozen and Toy Story 3.

It marks a huge milestone for Universal, which has had a remarkable year at the box-office.

It represents the first time a studio has put out three billion dollar grossing pictures in one year, the other two being Furious 7 ($1.512 billion) and Jurassic World ($1.628 billion).

Who’s got Talent?

■ America's Got Talent on NBC is looking for the stars of tomorrow as TV talent shows have been doing for more than 60 years.

Some of today's brightest performers got their first exposure on an earlier television talent series called Star Search - but didn't win.

Drew Carey, comedy 1988.

Christina Aguilera, vocalist 1990.

Alanis Morissette, vocalist 1990.

Leann Rimes, vocalist 1991.

Usher, vocalist 1991.

Beyonce, vocal group 1993.

● Lady Gaga ■ Lady Gaga will present at the 67th annual Emmy Awards on Fox on Sunday (Sept. 20), US time, the Television Academy has announced.

The Academy made the announcement on their official Twitter account.

Lady Gaga joins a growing list of presenters that includes Empire stars Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard, Jimmy Kimmel and Amy Poehler.

Comedian Amy Schumer also announced that she would present at the awards ceremony. "It will be fun and funny and fun times," Schumer wrote.

Lady Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta, is also a budding actress. She will appear in the upcoming fifth season of the FX anthology series American Horror Story: Hotel. ● Lionel Richie ■ Lionel Richie will be honoured as the 2016 MusiCares Person of the Year at a gala to be held two nights before the 2016 Grammy Awards on February 13.

Proceeds from the 26th annual benefit dinner and concert will provide essential support for MusiCares which ensures that members of the music community have a place to turn in times of financial, medical and personal need.

We have something similar in Australia called Support Act. Richie was recognised for his significant creative accomplishments as well as his career spanning charitable work which has included support for an impressive range of causes over the years ranging from AIDS, human rights, poverty, human trafficking and women's issues.

www.gavinwood.us

Come for the awards

■ If you are considering a move to Los Angeles or just coming over for a holiday then I have got a special deal for you.

If you are coming over to see the Grammys or Emmys, we would love to see you at the Ramada Plaza Hotel and Suites, 8585 Santa Monica Boulevard, West Hollywood.

I have secured a terrific holiday deal for readers of the Melbourne Observer.

Please mention 'Melbourne Observer' when you book and you will receive the 'Special Rate of the Day'.

Please contact: Joanna at info@ramadaweho.com Happy Holidays, Gavin Wood.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 20 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

■ It is amazing how I get the inspiration to research and write these stories.

I pulled out the DVD of Gone With The Wind recently to show my youngest daughter.

As we sat and watched the film I was entranced with the performance of Leslie Howard.

I thought - whatever happened to Leslie Howard? Please read on, it is a fascinating story.

Leslie Howard Steiner was born in Forest Hill, London in 1893.

His parents were of Jewish heritage but his mother was raised as a Christian.

Leslie was the oldest of five siblings and the family changed their name to Stainer.

Leslie was educated at Alleyn's School in London and worked as a bank teller before serving in the British Army during World War One. He was discharged suffering with shell-shock in 1916. Leslie became a stage actor and worked professionally on London's West End and then on Broadway in many plays.

In 1920 he changed his name to Leslie Howard by deed poll. He married Ruth Martin and they had two children.

Leslie began his film career in England working in silent films before playing lead roles in sound films.

His early films included British Agent, Of Human Bondage and The Scarlett Pimpernel.

Leslie received an Academy Award nomination for his performance in Berkley Square.

Whatever Happened To ...

Leslie Howard

By Kevin Trask of 3AW and 96.5 Inner FM During his career he worked as an actor, producer and director.

In 1935 Leslie starred in The Petrified Forest on Broadway and this led to his being cast in the Warner Brothers film of the same name opposite Humphrey Bogart and Bette Davis.

He insisted that Bogart be cast as the gangster Duke Mantee after working with him in the stage play.

They became firm friends and Bogart named his daughter Leslie in his honour.

Leslie starred as Professor Henry Higgins in Pygmalion in 1938.

His most remembered role was as Ashley Wilkes in Gone With The Wind in 1939. He agreed to play the character without reading the

part. I'm not nearly beautiful or young enough for Ashley and it makes me sick being fixed up to look attractive".

But the public loved him and he was wonderful in the film. He returned to the UK during the war years and used his profile to raise money for the war effort.

He produced films and did a lot of voice work.

In 1943 Leslie Howard was aboard a plane flying from Portugal to England when it was shot down by a Luftwaffe fighter aircraft over the Bay of Biscay.

Leslie was among 17 people who were killed.

There have been all sorts of theories over the years on this tragic event including the story that the Germans may have thought that Winston Churchill was on board.

His late son Ronald Howard became an actor and portrayed the title character in the 1954 television series Sherlock Holmes.

His daughter Leslie is still alive at the age of 95. Leslie Howard was 50 when he became a casualty of war and a documentary on his life was recently produced.

Kevin Trask The Time Tunnel - with Bruce and Phil Sundays at 9.20pm on 3AW That's Entertainment - 96.5FM ● Leslie Howard Sundays at 12Noon novel by Margaret Mitchell or the film script. It 96.5FM is streaming on the internet. seems he hated playing the role of the honourbound disillusioned intellectual Southern gentle- To listen, go to www.innerfm.org.au and follow the prompts. man and was quoted as saying: "I hate the damn

Prohibition days in the Territory ■ A policy to try and restrict rampant alcohol consumption in the Northern Territory has beenimplemented - Police have begun to be stationed outside bottle shops.

Of course, the inevitable has happened, as Eileen Hoosen, the Chairperson of the Australian Aboriginal Alcohol Programs Unit noted, "the prohibitive measures of alcohol pur-

chase for indigenous residents has led to a boom in black market sales".

The going street rate for $10 bottles of wine is about $35, with desperate drinkers paying up to $70. A bottle of rum and a cask a wine are both about $100.

The traffickers of this illicit booze are often town camp residents, she said, and often sneak the booze into

the residents of these supposedly dry camps.

What a sad situation. People who have virtually no education, with no prospect of employment, being paid "sit-down money" - are so bored witless that the only way for them to gain any interest in life is to drink away their boredom.

It's going to take some serious thought and responsible action from everyone concerned before these issues can even begin to be addressed.

Not just fiddling round the edges, as is happening now.

■ I often report on unusual methods employed to raise money around the Centre.

There are often Variety Club Bashers, including myself, who have roamed around town, lone joggers and walkers and push-bike and motor bike riders setting out from, or passing through, Alice Springs, raising money and awareness for their own particular chosen charity.

One such event in the centre is the annual ‘Fish Run’.

Terry ‘Fish’ Gill was riding his Harley out to Ross River, 80 kms east of Alice, in 1998 when he hit a camel and was fatally injured.

Since then, swarms of bikies of every ilk in town have honoured his memory in this annual ride out to the resort. It's grown year by year, so that this year there were about 350 people with 125 bikes participating.

Many bikies rode their way down from Darwin, and one came across from Airlie Beach in Queensland.

It's all to raise funds for the Butterfly Foundation, which keeps families together, and helps others facing costly medical bills.

Karen Jones, of the organisation, said she was nearly in tears when she heard of the $25,000 raised this year.

"This morning I found out about a poor man with a rare form of cancer, and we are able to buy a machine to keep him breathing."

Good on 'em.

■ There are a couple of people in a serious condition in Alice Springs Hospital after their car hit a horse near Hermansburg at 3.30am. Apparently alcohol was a factor in the crash.

Which reminds me of a couple of friends who were driving back to the Rock a few years ago when I was then a resident.

The Outback Legend

with Nick Le Souef Lightning Ridge Opals 175 Flinders Lane, Melbourne Phone 9654 4444 www.opals.net.au They were almost home when a mob of brumbies headed out of the scrub and onto the road. They hit three of them, the main one having been thrown across the bonnet, and through the windscreen, whereupon its stomach broke open and exploded into the car.

A memorable moment for them.

And then another incident occurred, also on the Lasseter's Highway near the Rock, where a road train was travelling around a bend, and there, right in front of him, was a mob of five camels. He had no choice - he couldn't stop his vehicle, and just ploughed straight into them. I came along shortly thereafter to see these hapless creatures lying lifeless on the desert sand. The road train didn't fare too well either.

Wisely, when one hires a car in the NT, it's always advisable to read the small print, because the insurance is null and void for or any travel after dark because of these wandering creatures.

■ A situation has just arisen in Alice Springs, which I don't fully under-

stand. Georgie Yovanovic is an "intersex person". Firstly, I'm not 100 per cent sure what that means.

And she's trying to raise some money so she can undergo "reparative surgery".

Apparently, when she was 13, she underwent medical procedures to turn her from intersex into an actual man And this, to her chagrin, was without her consent.

So now, years later, she wants to be transformed back to the intersex person she wants to be.

"I don't feel like I can be intimate with someone because my body has been hacked up, and there are parts that are missing, or shouldn't be there I want to go back to my natural state of being and be my whole self. That will bring me to a place of peace and comfort within myself."

I'm not sure of the precise actual physical ramifications of all this - I'm a little bewildered. So she is launching a fund-raising and awareness campaign website to help her achieve her goal - it will be interesting to see how much reaction - and funds - she gets.

■ Through family connections I'm a member of the Walpiri Tribe, with a skin name, Jungala. So I have more than a passing interest in Aboriginal affairs and history.

Just about to be released is a volume which I know I'll find fascinating - Every Hill Got a Story.

Some 127 notable Aboriginal individuals across the Territory have submitted their stories, telling of their experiences growing up in the NT, from the cattle station years to the technological digital age.

Aboriginal Australians each have their own individual tales to tell - some have coped and thrived with the onset of civilisation, others haven't, and it's left them far behind.

Generally there are now two groups of Australian Aborigines - urban, and remote communities. And they live entirely different lives.

I've been looking at the existences of various tribes across Australia when they were first encountered by our early explorers and bushman, and noting how they all coped with this new intrusion into their lives. And how their customs and habits have subsequently changed.

So I'll look forward to reading these stories with interest.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 21

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‘The Uncommercial Traveller’ by Charles Dickens

Continued From Last Week To resume the consideration of the curious question of Refreshment. I am a Briton, and, as such, I am aware that I never will be a slave — and yet I have latent suspicion that there must be some slavery of wrong custom in this matter.

I travel by railroad. I start from home at seven or eight in the morning, after breakfasting hurriedly. What with skimming over the open landscape, what with mining in the damp bowels of the earth, what with banging, booming and shrieking the scores of miles away, I am hungry when I arrive at the ‘Refreshment’ station where I am expected. Please to observe, expected. I have said, I am hungry; perhaps I might say, with greater point and force, that I am to some extent exhausted, and that I need — in the expressive French sense of the word — to be restored. What is provided for my restoration? The apartment that is to restore me is a wind-trap, cunningly set to inveigle all the draughts in that country-side, and to communicate a special intensity and velocity to them as they rotate in two hurricanes: one, about my wretched head: one, about my wretched legs. The training of the young ladies behind the counter who are to restore me, has been from their infancy directed to the assumption of a defiant dramatic show that I am NOT expected. It is in vain for me to represent to them by my humble and conciliatory manners, that I wish to be liberal. It is in vain for me to represent to myself, for the encouragement of my sinking soul, that the young ladies have a pecuniary interest in my arrival.

Neither my reason nor my feelings can make head against the cold glazed glare of eye with which I am assured that I am not expected, and not wanted. The solitary man among the bottles would sometimes take pity on me, if he dared, but he is powerless against the rights and mights of Woman. (Of the page I make no account, for, he is a boy, and therefore the natural enemy of Creation.) Chilling fast, in the deadly tornadoes to which my upper and lower extremities are exposed, and subdued by the moral disadvantage at which I stand, I turn my disconsolate eyes on the refreshments that are to restore me.

I find that I must either scald my throat by insanely ladling into it, against time and for no wager, brown hot water stiffened with flour; or I must make myself flaky and sick with Banbury cake; or, I must stuff into my delicate organisation, a currant pincushion which I know will swell into immeasurable dimensions when it has got there; or, I must extort from an ironbound quarry, with a fork, as if I were farming an inhospitable soil, some glutinous lumps of gristle and grease, called pork-pie. While thus forlornly occupied, I find that the depressing banquet on the table is, in every phase of its profoundly unsatisfactory character, so like the banquet at the meanest and shabbiest of evening parties, that I begin to think I must have ‘brought down’ to supper, the old lady unknown, blue with cold, who is setting her teeth on edge with a cool orange at my elbow — that the pastrycook who has compounded for the company on the lowest terms per head, is a fraudulent bankrupt, redeeming his contract with the stale stock from his window — that, for some unexplained reason, the family giving the party have become my mortal foes, and have given it on purpose to affront me. Or, I fancy that I am ‘breaking up’ again, at the evening conversazione at school, charged two-and-sixpence in the half-year’s bill; or breaking down again at that celebrated evening party given at Mrs. Bogles’s boardinghouse when I was a boarder there, on which occasion Mrs. Bogles was taken in execution by a branch of the legal profession who got in as the harp, and was removed (with the keys and subscribed capital) to a place of durance, half an hour prior to the commencement of the festivities.

Take another case.

Mr. Grazinglands, of the Midland Counties, came to London by railroad one morning last week, accompanied by the amiable and fascinating Mrs. Grazinglands. Mr. G. is a gentleman of a comfortable property, and had a little business to transact at the Bank of England, which required the concurrence and signature of Mrs. G. Their business disposed of, Mr. and Mrs.

Charles Dickens Grazinglands viewed the Royal Exchange, and the exterior of St. Paul’s Cathedral. The spirits of Mrs. Grazinglands then gradually beginning to flag, Mr. Grazinglands (who is the tenderest of husbands) remarked with sympathy, ‘Arabella’, my dear, ‘fear you are faint.’ Mrs. Grazing-lands replied, ‘Alexander, I am rather faint; but don’t mind me, I shall be better presently.’ Touched by the feminine meekness of this answer, Mr. Grazinglands looked in at a pastrycook’s window, hesitating as to the expediency of lunching at that establishment. He beheld nothing to eat, but butter in various forms, slightly charged with jam, and languidly frizzling over tepid water. Two ancient turtle-shells, on which was inscribed the legend, ‘SOUPS,’ decorated a glass partition within, enclosing a stuffy alcove, from which a ghastly mockery of a marriage-breakfast spread on a rickety table, warned the terrified traveller. An oblong box of stale and broken pastry at reduced prices, mounted on a stool, ornamented the doorway; and two high chairs that looked as if they were performing on stilts, embellished the counter.

Over the whole, a young lady presided, whose gloomy haughtiness as she surveyed the street, announced a deep-seated grievance against society, and an implacable determination to be avenged. From a beetle-haunted kitchen below this institution, fumes arose, suggestive of a class of soup which Mr. Grazinglands knew, from painful experience, enfeebles the mind, distends the stomach, forces itself into the complexion, and tries to ooze out at the eyes. As he decided against entering, and turned away, Mrs. Grazinglands becoming perceptibly weaker, repeated, ‘I am rather faint, Alexander, but don’t mind me.’ Urged to new efforts by these words

of resignation, Mr. Grazinglands looked in at a cold and floury baker’s shop, where utilitarian buns unrelieved by a currant, consorted with hard biscuits, a stone filter of cold water, a hard pale clock, and a hard little old woman with flaxen hair, of an undeveloped-farinaceous aspect, as if she had been fed upon seeds. He might have entered even here, but for the timely remembrance coming upon him that Jairing’s was but round the corner.

Now, Jairing’s being an hotel for families and gentlemen, in high repute among the midland counties, Mr. Grazinglands plucked up a great spirit when he told Mrs. Grazinglands she should have a chop there. That lady, likewise felt that she was going to see Life. Arriving on that gay and festive scene, they found the second waiter, in a flabby undress, cleaning the windows of the empty coffee-room; and the first waiter, denuded of his white tie, making up his cruets behind the Post-Office Directory. The latter (who took them in hand) was greatly put out by their patronage, and showed his mind to be troubled by a sense of the pressing necessity of instantly smuggling Mrs. Grazinglands into the obscurest corner of the building. This slighted lady (who is the pride of her division of the county) was immediately conveyed, by several dark passages, and up and down several steps, into a penitential apartment at the back of the house, where five invalided old plate-warmers leaned up against one another under a discarded old melancholy side board, and where the wintry leaves of all the dining-tables in the house lay thick. Also, a sofa, of incomprehensible form regarded from any sofane point of view, murmured ‘Bed;’ while an air of mingled fluffiness and heeltaps, added, ‘Second Waiter’s.’ Secreted in this dismal hold,

objects of a mysterious distrust and suspicion, Mr. Grazinglands and his charming partner waited twenty minutes for the smoke (for it never came to a fire), twenty-five minutes for the sherry, half an hour for the tablecloth, forty minutes for the knives and forks, three-quarters of an hour for the chops, and an hour for the potatoes. On settling the little bill — which was not much more than the day’s pay of a Lieutenant in the navy — Mr. Grazinglands took heart to remonstrate against the general quality and cost of his reception. To whom the waiter replied, substantially, that Jairing’s made it a merit to have accepted him on any terms: ‘for,’ added the waiter (unmistakably coughing at Mrs. Grazinglands, the pride of her division of the county), ‘when indiwiduals is not staying in the ‘Ouse, their favours is not as a rule looked upon as making it worth Mr. Jairing’s while; nor is it, indeed, a style of business Mr. Jairing wishes.’

Finally, Mr. and Mrs. Grazinglands passed out of Jairing’s hotel for Families and Gentlemen, in a state of the greatest depression, scorned by the bar; and did not recover their self-respect for several days.

Or take another case. Take your own case.

You are going off by railway, from any Terminus. You have twenty minutes for dinner, before you go. You want your dinner, and like Dr. Johnson, Sir, you like to dine. You present to your mind, a picture of the refreshment-table at that terminus. The conventional shabby eveningparty supper — accepted as the model for all termini and all refreshment stations, because it is the last repast known to this state of existence of which any human creature would partake, but in the direst extremity — sickens your contemplation, and your words are these: ‘I cannot dine on stale sponge-cakes that turn to sand in the mouth. I cannot dine on shining brown patties, composed of unknown animals within, and offering to my view the device of an indigestible star-fish in leaden pie-crust without. I cannot dine on a sandwich that has long been pining under an exhausted receiver. I cannot dine on barley-sugar. I cannot dine on Toffee.’ You repair to the nearest hotel, and arrive, agitated, in the coffee-room.

It is a most astonishing fact that the waiter is very cold to you. Account for it how you may, smooth it over how you will, you cannot deny that he is cold to you. He is not glad to see you, he does not want you, he would much rather you hadn’t come. He opposes to your flushed condition, an immovable composure. As if this were not enough, another waiter, born, as it would seem, expressly to look at you in this passage of your life, stands at a little distance, with his napkin under his arm and his hands folded, looking at you with all his might. You impress on your waiter that you have ten minutes for dinner, and he proposes that you shall begin with a bit of fish which will be ready in twenty. That proposal declined, he suggests — as a neat originality — ‘a weal or mutton cutlet.’ You close with either cutlet, any cutlet, anything. He goes, leisurely, behind a door and calls down some unseen shaft.

A ventriloquial dialogue ensues, tending finally to the effect that weal only, is available on the spur of the moment. You anxiously call out, ‘Veal, then!’Your waiter having settled that point, returns to array your tablecloth, with a table napkin folded cocked-hat-wise (slowly, for something out of window engages his eye), a white wine-glass, a green wine-glass, a blue fingerglass, a tumbler, and a powerful field battery of fourteen casters with nothing in them; or at all events — which is enough for your purpose — with nothing in them that will come out. All this time, the other waiter looks at you — with an air of mental comparison and curiosity, now, as if it had occurred to him that you are rather like his brother. Half your time gone, and nothing come but the jug of ale and the bread, you implore your waiter to ‘see after that cutlet, waiter; pray do!’ He cannot go at once, for he is carrying in seventeen pounds of American cheese for you to finish with, and a small Landed Estate of celery and water-cresses. The other waiter changes his leg, and takes a new view of you, doubtfully, now, as if he had rejected the resemblance to his brother, and had begun to think you more

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From Page 21 his brother, and had begun to think you more like his aunt or his grandmother. Again you beseech your waiter with pathetic indignation, to ‘see after that cutlet!’ He steps out to see after it, and by-and-by, when you are going away without it, comes back with it. Even then, he will not take the sham silver cover off, without a pause for a flourish, and a look at the musty cutlet as if he were surprised to see it — which cannot possibly be the case, he must have seen it so often before. A sort of fur has been produced upon its surface by the cook’s art, and in a sham silver vessel staggering on two feet instead of three, is a cutaneous kind of sauce of brown pimples and pickled cucumber. You order the bill, but your waiter cannot bring your bill yet, because he is bringing, instead, three flinty-hearted potatoes and two grim head of broccoli, like the occasional ornaments on area railings, badly boiled.

You know that you will never come to this pass, any more than to the cheese and celery, and you imperatively demand your bill; but, it takes time to get, even when gone for, because your waiter has to communicate with a lady who lives behind a sash-window in a corner, and who appears to have to refer to several Ledgers before she can make it out — as if you had been staying there a year. You become distracted to get away, and the other waiter, once more changing his leg, still looks at you — but suspiciously, now, as if you had begun to remind him of the party who took the great-coats last winter. Your bill at last brought and paid, at the rate of sixpence a mouthful, your waiter reproachfully reminds you that ‘attendance is not charged for a single meal,’ and you have to search in all your pockets for sixpence more. He has a worse opinion of you than ever, when you have given it to him, and lets you out into the street with the air of one saying to himself, as you cannot again doubt he is, ‘I hope we shall never see YOU here again!’

Or, take any other of the numerous travelling instances in which, with more time at your disposal, you are, have been, or may be, equally ill served. Take the old-established Bull’s Head with its old-established knife-boxes on its oldestablished sideboards, its old-established flue under its old-established four-post bedsteads in its old-established airless rooms, its old-established frouziness up-stairs and down-stairs, its old-established cookery, and its old-established principles of plunder. Count up your injuries, in its side-dishes of ailing sweetbreads in white poultices, of apothecaries’ powders in rice for curry, of pale stewed bits of calf ineffectually relying for an adventitious interest on forcemeat balls. You have had experience of the old-established Bull’s Head stringy fowls, with lower extremities like wooden legs, sticking up out of the dish; of its cannibalic boiled mutton, gushing horribly among its capers, when carved; of its little dishes of pastry — roofs of spermaceti ointment, erected over half an apple or four gooseberries. Well for you if you have yet forgotten the old-established Bull’s Head fruity port: whose reputation was gained solely by the old-established price the Bull’s Head put upon it, and by the old-established air with which the Bull’s Head set the glasses and D’Oyleys on, and held that Liquid Gout to the three-and-sixpenny waxcandle, as if its old-established colour hadn’t come from the dyer’s.

Or lastly, take to finish with, two cases that we all know, every day.

We all know the new hotel near the station, where it is always gusty, going up the lane which is always muddy, where we are sure to arrive at night, and where we make the gas start awfully when we open the front door. We all know the flooring of the passages and staircases that is too new, and the walls that are too new, and the house that is haunted by the ghost of mortar. We all know the doors that have cracked, and the cracked shutters through which we get a glimpse of the disconsolate moon. We all know the new people, who have come to keep the new hotel, and who wish they had never come, and who (inevitable result) wish WE had never come.

We all know how much too scant and smooth and bright the new furniture is, and how it has never settled down, and cannot fit itself into right places, and will get into wrong places. We all know how the gas, being lighted, shows maps of Damp upon the walls. We all know how the ghost of mortar passes into our sandwich, stirs our negus, goes up to bed with us, ascends the pale bedroom chimney, and prevents the smoke from following. We all know how a leg of our

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Observer Classic Books chair comes off at breakfast in the morning, and how the dejected waiter attributes the accident to a general greenness pervading the establishment, and informs us, in reply to a local inquiry, that he is thankful to say he is an entire stranger in that part of the country and is going back to his own connexion on Saturday.

We all know, on the other hand, the great station hotel belonging to the company of proprietors, which has suddenly sprung up in the back outskirts of any place we like to name, and where we look out of our palatial windows at little back yards and gardens, old summer-houses, fowlhouses, pigeon-traps, and pigsties. We all know this hotel in which we can get anything we want, after its kind, for money; but where nobody is glad to see us, or sorry to see us, or minds (our bill paid) whether we come or go, or how, or when, or why, or cares about us. We all know this hotel, where we have no individuality, but put ourselves into the general post, as it were, and are sorted and disposed of according to our division. We all know that we can get on very well indeed at such a place, but still not perfectly well; and this may be, because the place is largely wholesale, and there is a lingering personal retail interest within us that asks to be satisfied.

To sum up. My uncommercial travelling has not yet brought me to the conclusion that we are close to perfection in these matters. And just as I do not believe that the end of the world will ever be near at hand, so long as any of the very tiresome and arrogant people who constantly predict that catastrophe are left in it, so, I shall have small faith in the Hotel Millennium, while any of the uncomfortable superstitions I have glanced at remain in existence.

CHAPTERVII—TRAVELLINGABROAD I got into the travelling chariot — it was of German make, roomy, heavy, and unvarnished — I got into the travelling chariot, pulled up the steps after me, shut myself in with a smart bang of the door, and gave the word, ‘Go on!’

Immediately, all that W. and S.W. division of London began to slide away at a pace so lively, that I was over the river, and past the Old Kent Road, and out on Blackheath, and even ascending Shooter’s Hill, before I had had time to look about me in the carriage, like a collected traveller.

I had two ample Imperials on the roof, other fitted storage for luggage in front, and other up behind; I had a net for books overhead, great pockets to all the windows, a leathern pouch or two hung up for odds and ends, and a reading lamp fixed in the back of the chariot, in case I should be benighted. I was amply provided in all respects, and had no idea where I was going (which was delightful), except that I was going abroad.

So smooth was the old high road, and so fresh were the horses, and so fast went I, that it was midway between Gravesend and Rochester, and the widening river was bearing the ships, white sailed or black-smoked, out to sea, when I noticed by the wayside a very queer small boy.

‘Holloa!’ said I, to the very queer small boy, ‘where do you live?’

‘At Chatham,’ says he.

‘What do you do there?’ says I. ‘I go to school,’ says he.

I took him up in a moment, and we went on.

Presently, the very queer small boy says, ‘This is Gads-hill we are coming to, where Falstaff went out to rob those travellers, and ran away.’

‘You know something about Falstaff, eh?’ said I. ‘All about him,’ said the very queer small boy. ‘I am old (I am nine), and I read all sorts of books.

But DO let us stop at the top of the hill, and look at the house there, if you please!’

‘You admire that house?’ said I. ‘Bless you, sir,’ said the very queer small boy, ‘when I was not more than half as old as nine, it used to be a treat for me to be brought to look at it. And now, I am nine, I come by myself to look at it. And ever since I can recollect, my father, seeing me so fond of it, has often said to me, “If you were to be very persevering and were to work hard, you might some day come to live in it.” Though that’s impossible!’ said the very queer small boy, drawing a low breath, and now staring at the house out of window with all his might.

I was rather amazed to be told this by the very queer small boy; for that house happens to be MY house, and I have reason to believe that what he said was true.

Well! I made no halt there, and I soon dropped the very queer small boy and went on. Over the road where the old Romans used to march, over the road where the old Canterbury pilgrims used to go, over the road where the travelling trains of the old imperious priests and princes used to jingle on horseback between the continent and this Island through the mud and water, over the road where Shakespeare hummed to himself, ‘Blow, blow, thou winter wind,’ as he sat in the saddle at the gate of the inn yard noticing the carriers; all among the cherry orchards, apple orchards, corn-fields, and hop-gardens; so went I, by Canterbury to Dover. There, the sea was tumbling in, with deep sounds, after dark, and the revolving French light on Cape Grinez was seen regularly bursting out and becoming obscured, as if the head of a gigantic light-keeper in an anxious state of mind were interposed every half-minute, to look how it was burning.

Early in the morning I was on the deck of the steam-packet, and we were aiming at the bar in the usual intolerable manner, and the bar was aiming at us in the usual intolerable manner, and the bar got by far the best of it, and we got by far the worst — all in the usual intolerable manner.

But, when I was clear of the Custom House on the other side, and when I began to make the dust fly on the thirsty French roads, and when the twigsome trees by the wayside (which, I suppose, never will grow leafy, for they never did) guarded here and there a dusty soldier, or field labourer, baking on a heap of broken stones, sound asleep in a fiction of shade, I began to recover my travelling spirits. Coming upon the breaker of the broken stones, in a hard, hot, shining hat, on which the sun played at a distance as on a burning-glass, I felt that now, indeed, I was in the dear old France of my affections. I should have known it, without the well-remembered bottle of rough ordinary wine, the cold roast fowl, the loaf, and the pinch of salt, on which I lunched with unspeakable satisfaction, from one of the stuffed pockets of the chariot.

I must have fallen asleep after lunch, for when a bright face looked in at the window, I started, and said: ‘Good God, Louis, I dreamed you were dead!’

My cheerful servant laughed, and answered: ‘Me? Not at all, sir.’

‘How glad I am to wake! What are we doing Louis?’

‘We go to take relay of horses. Will you walk up the hill?’

‘Certainly.’

Welcome the old French hill, with the old French lunatic (not in the most distant degree related to Sterne’s Maria) living in a thatched dog-kennel half-way up, and flying out with his crutch and his big head and extended nightcap, to be beforehand with the old men and women exhibit ing crippled children, and with the children exhibiting old men and women, ugly and blind, who always seemed by resurrectionary process to be recalled out of the elements for the sudden peopling of the solitude!

‘It is well,’ said I, scattering among them what small coin I had; ‘here comes Louis, and I am quite roused from my nap.’

We journeyed on again, and I welcomed every new assurance that France stood where I had left it. There were the posting-houses, with their archways, dirty stable-yards, and clean postmasters’ wives, bright women of business, looking on at the putting-to of the horses; there were the postilions counting what money they got, into their hats, and never making enough of it; there were the standard population of grey horses of Flanders descent, invariably biting one another when they got a chance; there were the fleecy sheepskins, looped on over their uniforms by the postilions, like bibbed aprons when it blew and rained; there were their Jack-boots, and their cracking whips; there were the cathedrals that I got out to see, as under some cruel bondage, in no wise desiring to see them; there were the little towns that appeared to have no reason for being towns, since most of their houses were to let and nobody could be induced to look at them, except the people who couldn’t let them and had nothing else to do but look at them all day. I lay a night upon the road and enjoyed delectable cookery of potatoes, and some other sensible things, adoption of which at home would inevitably be shown to be fraught with ruin, somehow or other, to that rickety national blessing, the British farmer; and at last I was rattled, like a single pill in a box, over leagues of stones, until — madly cracking, plunging, and flourish-

ing two grey tails about — I made my triumphal entry into Paris.

At Paris, I took an upper apartment for a few days in one of the hotels of the Rue de Rivoli; my front windows looking into the garden of the Tuileries (where the principal difference between the nursemaids and the flowers seemed to be that the former were locomotive and the latter not): my back windows looking at all the other back windows in the hotel, and deep down into a paved yard, where my German chariot had retired under a tight-fitting archway, to all appearance for life, and where bells rang all day without anybody’s minding them but certain chamberlains with feather brooms and green baize caps, who here and there leaned out of some high window placidly looking down, and where neat waiters with trays on their left shoulders passed and repassed from morning to night.

Whenever I am at Paris, I am dragged by invisible force into the Morgue. I never want to go there, but am always pulled there. One Christmas Day, when I would rather have been anywhere else, I was attracted in, to see an old grey man lying all alone on his cold bed, with a tap of water turned on over his grey hair, and running, drip, drip, drip, down his wretched face until it got to the corner of his mouth, where it took a turn, and made him look sly. One New Year’s Morning (by the same token, the sun was shining outside, and there was a mountebank balancing a feather on his nose, within a yard of the gate), I was pulled in again to look at a flaxenhaired boy of eighteen, with a heart hanging on his breast — ‘from his mother,’ was engraven on it — who had come into the net across the river, with a bullet wound in his fair forehead and his hands cut with a knife, but whence or how was a blank mystery. This time, I was forced into the same dread place, to see a large dark man whose disfigurement by water was in a frightful manner comic, and whose expression was that of a prize-fighter who had closed his eyelids under a heavy blow, but was going immediately to open them, shake his head, and ‘come up smiling.’ Oh what this large dark man cost me in that bright city!

It was very hot weather, and he was none the better for that, and I was much the worse. Indeed, a very neat and pleasant little woman with the key of her lodging on her forefinger, who had been showing him to her little girl while she and the child ate sweetmeats, observed monsieur looking poorly as we came out together, and asked monsieur, with her wondering little eyebrows prettily raised, if there were anything the matter? Faintly replying in the negative, monsieur crossed the road to a wine-shop, got some brandy, and resolved to freshen himself with a dip in the great floating bath on the river.

The bath was crowded in the usual airy manner, by a male population in striped drawers of various gay colours, who walked up and down arm in arm, drank coffee, smoked cigars, sat at little tables, conversed politely with the damsels who dispensed the towels, and every now and then pitched themselves into the river head foremost, and came out again to repeat this social routine.

I made haste to participate in the water part of the entertainments, and was in the full enjoyment of a delightful bath, when all in a moment I was seized with an unreasonable idea that the large dark body was floating straight at me.

I was out of the river, and dressing instantly. In the shock I had taken some water into my mouth, and it turned me sick, for I fancied that the contamination of the creature was in it. I had got back to my cool darkened room in the hotel, and was lying on a sofa there, before I began to reason with myself.

Of course, I knew perfectly well that the large dark creature was stone dead, and that I should no more come upon him out of the place where I had seen him dead, than I should come upon the cathedral of Notre-Dame in an entirely new situation. What troubled me was the picture of the creature; and that had so curiously and strongly painted itself upon my brain, that I could not get rid of it until it was worn out.

I noticed the peculiarities of this possession, while it was a real discomfort to me. That very day, at dinner, some morsel on my plate looked like a piece of him, and I was glad to get up and go out. Later in the evening, I was walking along the Rue St. Honore, when I saw a bill at a public room there, announcing small-sword exercise, broad-sword exercise, wrestling, and other such feats. I went in, and some of the sword-play being very skilful, remained. A specimen of our

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 23

Healthy Living

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Showbiz

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Observer Real Estate

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MARKETING FEATURE

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Places To Go

(07)

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Places To Go

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Places To Go

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Observer Classic Books From Page 22 own national sport, The British Boaxe, was announced to be given at the close of the evening.

In an evil hour, I determined to wait for this Boaxe, as became a Briton. It was a clumsy specimen (executed by two English grooms out of place), but one of the combatants, receiving a straight right-hander with the glove between his eyes, did exactly what the large dark creature in the Morgue had seemed going to do — and finished me for that night.

There was rather a sickly smell (not at all an unusual fragrance in Paris) in the little ante-room of my apartment at the hotel. The large dark creature in the Morgue was by no direct experience associated with my sense of smell, because, when I came to the knowledge of him, he lay behind a wall of thick plate-glass as good as a wall of steel or marble for that matter. Yet the whiff of the room never failed to reproduce him. What was more curious, was the capriciousness with which his portrait seemed to light itself up in my mind, elsewhere. I might be walking in the Palais Royal, lazily enjoying the shop windows, and might be regaling myself with one of the ready-made clothes shops that are set out there. My eyes, wandering over impossiblewaisted dressing-gowns and luminous waistcoats, would fall upon the master, or the shopman, or even the very dummy at the door, and would suggest to me, ‘Something like him!’

— and instantly I was sickened again.

This would happen at the theatre, in the same manner. Often it would happen in the street, when I certainly was not looking for the likeness, and when probably there was no likeness there. It was not because the creature was dead that I was so haunted, because I know that I might have been (and I know it because I have been) equally attended by the image of a living aversion. This lasted about a week. The picture did not fade by degrees, in the sense that it became a whit less forcible and distinct, but in the sense that it obtruded itself less and less frequently. The experience may be worth considering by some who have the care of children. It would be difficult to overstate the intensity and accuracy of an intelligent child’s observation.

At that impressible time of life, it must sometimes produce a fixed impression. If the fixed impression be of an object terrible to the child, it will be (for want of reasoning upon) inseparable from great fear. Force the child at such a time, be Spartan with it, send it into the dark against its will, leave it in a lonely bedroom against its will, and you had better murder it.

On a bright morning I rattled away from Paris, in the German chariot, and left the large dark creature behind me for good. I ought to confess, though, that I had been drawn back to the Morgue, after he was put underground, to look at his clothes, and that I found them frightfully like him — particularly his boots. However, I rattled away for Switzerland, looking forward and not backward, and so we parted company.

Welcome again, the long, long spell of France, with the queer country inns, full of vases of flowers and clocks, in the dull little town, and with the little population not at all dull on the little Boulevard in the evening, under the little trees!

Welcome Monsieur the Cure, walking alone in the early morning a short way out of the town, reading that eternal Breviary of yours, which surely might be almost read, without book, by this time! Welcome Monsieur the Cure, later in the day, jolting through the highway dust (as if you had already ascended to the cloudy region), in a very big-headed cabriolet, with the dried mud of a dozen winters on it. Welcome again Monsieur the Cure, as we exchange salutations; you, straightening your back to look at the German chariot, while picking in your little village garden a vegetable or two for the day’s soup: I, looking out of the German chariot window in that delicious traveller’s trance which knows no cares, no yesterdays, no to-morrows, nothing but the passing objects and the passing scents and sounds! And so I came, in due course of delight, to Strasbourg, where I passed a wet Sunday evening at a window, while an idle trifle of a vaudeville was played for me at the opposite house.

How such a large house came to have only three people living in it, was its own affair. There were at least a score of windows in its high roof alone; how many in its grotesque front, I soon gave up counting. The owner was a shopkeeper, by name Straudenheim; by trade — I couldn’t make out what by trade, for he had forborne to write that up, and his shop was shut.

At first, as I looked at Straudenheim’s, through the steadily falling rain, I set him up in business in the goose-liver line. But, inspection of Straudenheim, who became visible at a window on the second floor, convinced me that there was something more precious than liver in the case. He wore a black velvet skull-cap, and looked usurious and rich. A large-lipped, pearnosed old man, with white hair, and keen eyes, though near-sighted. He was writing at a desk, was Straudenheim, and ever and again left off writing, put his pen in his mouth, and went through actions with his right hand, like a man steadying piles of cash. Five-franc pieces, Straudenheim, or golden Napoleons? A jeweller, Straudenheim, a dealer in money, a diamond merchant, or what?

Below Straudenheim, at a window on the first floor, sat his housekeeper — far from young, but of a comely presence, suggestive of a wellmatured foot and ankle. She was cheerily dressed, had a fan in her hand, and wore large gold earrings and a large gold cross. She would have been out holiday-making (as I settled it) but for the pestilent rain. Strasbourg had given up holiday-making for that once, as a bad job, because the rain was jerking in gushes out of the old roof-spouts, and running in a brook down the middle of the street. The housekeeper, her arms folded on her bosom and her fan tapping her chin, was bright and smiling at her open window, but otherwise Straudenheim’s house front was very dreary. The housekeeper’s was the only open window in it; Straudenheim kept himself close, though it was a sultry evening when air is pleasant, and though the rain had brought into the town that vague refreshing smell of grass which rain does bring in the summertime.

The dim appearance of a man at Straudenheim’s shoulder, inspired me with a misgiving that somebody had come to murder that flourishing merchant for the wealth with which I had handsomely endowed him: the rather, as it was an excited man, lean and long of figure, and evidently stealthy of foot. But, he conferred with Straudenheim instead of doing him a mortal injury, and then they both softly opened the other window of that room — which was immediately over the housekeeper’s — and tried to see her by looking down. And my opinion of Straudenheim was much lowered when I saw that eminent citizen spit out of window, clearly with the hope of spitting on the housekeeper.

The unconscious housekeeper fanned herself, tossed her head, and laughed. Though unconscious of Straudenheim, she was conscious of somebody else — of me? — there was nobody else.

After leaning so far out of the window, that I confidently expected to see their heels tilt up, Straudenheim and the lean man drew their heads in and shut the window. Presently, the house door secretly opened, and they slowly and spitefully crept forth into the pouring rain. They were coming over to me (I thought) to demand satisfaction for my looking at the housekeeper, when they plunged into a recess in the architecture under my window and dragged out the puniest of little soldiers, begirt with the most innocent of little swords. The tall glazed head-dress of this warrior, Straudenheim instantly knocked off, and out of it fell two sugar-sticks, and three or four large lumps of sugar.

The warrior made no effort to recover his property or to pick up his shako, but looked with an expression of attention at Straudenheim when he kicked him five times, and also at the lean man when HE kicked him five times, and again at Straudenheim when he tore the breast of his (the warrior’s) little coat open, and shook all his ten fingers in his face, as if they were ten thousand. When these outrages had been committed, Straudenheim and his man went into the house again and barred the door. A wonderful circumstance was, that the housekeeper who saw it all (and who could have taken six such warriors to her buxom bosom at once), only fanned herself and laughed as she had laughed before, and seemed to have no opinion about it, one way or other.

But, the chief effect of the drama was the remarkable vengeance taken by the little warrior.

Left alone in the rain, he picked up his shako; put it on, all wet and dirty as it was; retired into a court, of which Straudenheim’s house formed the corner; wheeled about; and bringing his two forefingers close to the top of his nose, rubbed them over one another, cross-wise, in derision, defiance, and contempt of Straudenheim. Al

though Straudenheim could not possibly be supposed to be conscious of this strange proceeding, it so inflated and comforted the little warrior’s soul, that twice he went away, and twice came back into the court to repeat it, as though it must goad his enemy to madness. Not only that, but he afterwards came back with two other small warriors, and they all three did it together. Not only that — as I live to tell the tale! — but just as it was falling quite dark, the three came back, bringing with them a huge bearded Sapper, whom they moved, by recital of the original wrong, to go through the same performance, with the same complete absence of all possible knowledge of it on the part of Straudenheim.

And then they all went away, arm in arm, singing.

I went away too, in the German chariot at sunrise, and rattled on, day after day, like one in a sweet dream; with so many clear little bells on the harness of the horses, that the nursery rhyme about Banbury Cross and the venerable lady who rode in state there, was always in my ears. And now I came to the land of wooden houses, inno cent cakes, thin butter soup, and spotless little inn bedrooms with a family likeness to Dairies.

And now the Swiss marksmen were for ever rifle-shooting at marks across gorges, so exceedingly near my ear, that I felt like a new Gesler in a Canton of Tells, and went in highly-deserved danger of my tyrannical life. The prizes at these shootings, were watches, smart handkerchiefs, hats, spoons, and (above all) tea-trays; and at these contests I came upon a more than usually accomplished and amiable countryman of my own, who had shot himself deaf in whole years of competition, and had won so many tea-trays that he went about the country with his carriage full of them, like a glorified Cheap-Jack.

In the mountain-country into which I had now travelled, a yoke of oxen were sometimes hooked on before the post-horses, and I went lumbering up, up, up, through mist and rain, with the roar of falling water for change of music. Of a sudden, mist and rain would clear away, and I would come down into picturesque little towns with gleaming spires and odd towers; and would stroll afoot into market-places in steep winding streets, where a hundred women in bodices, sold eggs and honey, butter and fruit, and suckled their children as they sat by their clean baskets, and had such enormous goitres (or glandular swellings in the throat) that it became a science to know where the nurse ended and the child began. About this time, I deserted my German chariot for the back of a mule (in colour and consistency so very like a dusty old hair trunk I once had at school, that I half expected to see my initials in brass-headed nails on his backbone), and went up a thousand rugged ways, and looked down at a thousand woods of fir and pine, and would on the whole have preferred my mule’s keeping a little nearer to the inside, and not usually travelling with a hoof or two over the precipice — though much consoled by explanation that this was to be attributed to his great sagacity, by reason of his carrying broad loads of wood at other times, and not being clear but that I myself belonged to that station of life, and required as much room as they. He brought me safely, in his own wise way, among the passes of the Alps, and here I enjoyed a dozen climates a day; being now (like Don Quixote on the back of the wooden horse) in the region of wind, now in the region of fire, now in the region of unmelting ice and snow. Here, I passed over trembling domes of ice, beneath which the cataract was roaring; and here was received under arches of icicles, of unspeakable beauty; and here the sweet air was so bracing and so light, that at halting-times I rolled in the snow when I saw my mule do it, thinking that he must know best. At this part of the journey we would come, at mid-day, into half an hour’s thaw: when the rough mountain inn would be found on an island of deep mud in a sea of snow, while the baiting strings of mules, and the carts full of casks and bales, which had been in an Arctic condition a mile off, would steam again. By such ways and means, I would come to the cluster of chalets where I had to turn out of the track to see the waterfall; and then, uttering a howl like a young giant, on espying a traveller — in other words, something to eat — coming up the steep, the idiot lying on the wood-pile who sunned himself and nursed his goitre, would rouse the womanguide within the hut, who would stream out hastily, throwing her child over one of her shoulders and her goitre over the other, as she came along.

I slept at religious houses, and bleak refuges of

many kinds, on this journey, and by the stove at night heard stories of travellers who had perished within call, in wreaths and drifts of snow.

One night the stove within, and the cold outside, awakened childish associations long forgotten, and I dreamed I was in Russia — the identical serf out of a picture-book I had, before I could read it for myself — and that I was going to be knouted by a noble personage in a fur cap, boots, and earrings, who, I think, must have come out of some melodrama.

Commend me to the beautiful waters among these mountains! Though I was not of their mind: they, being inveterately bent on getting down into the level country, and I ardently desiring to linger where I was. What desperate leaps they took, what dark abysses they plunged into, what rocks they wore away, what echoes they invoked! In one part where I went, they were pressed into the service of carrying wood down, to be burnt next winter, as costly fuel, in Italy.

But, their fierce savage nature was not to be easily constrained, and they fought with every limb of the wood; whirling it round and round, stripping its bark away, dashing it against pointed corners, driving it out of the course, and roaring and flying at the peasants who steered it back again from the bank with long stout poles. Alas! concurrent streams of time and water carried ME down fast, and I came, on an exquisitely clear day, to the Lausanne shore of the Lake of Geneva, where I stood looking at the bright blue water, the flushed white mountains opposite, and the boats at my feet with their furled Mediterranean sails, showing like enormous magnifications of this goose-quill pen that is now in my hand.

— The sky became overcast without any notice; a wind very like the March east wind of England, blew across me; and a voice said, ‘How do you like it? Will it do?’

I had merely shut myself, for half a minute, in a German travelling chariot that stood for sale in the Carriage Department of the London Pantechnicon. I had a commission to buy it, for a friend who was going abroad; and the look and manner of the chariot, as I tried the cushions and the springs, brought all these hints of travelling remembrance before me.

‘It will do very well,’said I, rather sorrowfully, as I got out at the other door, and shut the carriage up.

CHAPTERVIII— THE GREAT TASMANIA’SCARGO I travel constantly, up and down a certain line of railway that has a terminus in London. It is the railway for a large military depot, and for other large barracks. To the best of my serious belief, I have never been on that railway by daylight, without seeing some handcuffed deserters in the train.

It is in the nature of things that such an institution as our English army should have many bad and troublesome characters in it. But, this is a reason for, and not against, its being made as acceptable as possible to well-disposed men of decent behaviour. Such men are assuredly not tempted into the ranks, by the beastly inversion of natural laws, and the compulsion to live in worse than swinish foulness. Accordingly, when any such Circumlocutional embellishments of the soldier’s condition have of late been brought to notice, we civilians, seated in outer darkness cheerfully meditating on an Income Tax, have considered the matter as being our business, and have shown a tendency to declare that we would rather not have it misregulated, if such declaration may, without violence to the Church Catechism, be hinted to those who are put in authority over us.

Any animated description of a modern battle, any private soldier’s letter published in the newspapers, any page of the records of the Victoria Cross, will show that in the ranks of the army, there exists under all disadvantages as fine a sense of duty as is to be found in any station on earth. Who doubts that if we all did our duty as faithfully as the soldier does his, this world would be a better place? There may be greater difficulties in our way than in the soldier’s. Not disputed. But, let us at least do our duty towards HIM. I had got back again to that rich and beautiful port where I had looked after Mercantile Jack, and I was walking up a hill there, on a wild March morning. My conversation with my official friend Pangloss, by whom I was accidentally accompanied, took this direction as we took

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Observer Classic Books From Page 35 the up-hill direction, because the object of my uncommercial journey was to see some discharged soldiers who had recently come home from India. There were men of HAVELOCK’s among them; there were men who had been in many of the great battles of the great Indian campaign, among them; and I was curious to note what our discharged soldiers looked like, when they were done with.

I was not the less interested (as I mentioned to my official friend Pangloss) because these men had claimed to be discharged, when their right to be discharged was not admitted. They had behaved with unblemished fidelity and bravery; but, a change of circumstances had arisen, which, as they considered, put an end to their compact and entitled them to enter on a new one. Their demand had been blunderingly resisted by the authorities in India: but, it is to be presumed that the men were not far wrong, inasmuch as the bungle had ended in their being sent home discharged, in pursuance of orders from home. (There was an immense waste of money, of course.)

Under these circumstances — thought I, as I walked up the hill, on which I accidentally encountered my official friend — under these circumstances of the men having successfully opposed themselves to the Pagoda Department of that great Circumlocution Office on which the sun never sets and the light of reason never rises, the Pagoda Department will have been particularly careful of the national honour. It will have shown these men, in the scrupulous good faith, not to say the generosity, of its dealing with them, that great national authorities can have no small retaliations and revenges. It will have made every provision for their health on the passage home, and will have landed them, restored from their campaigning fatigues by a sea-voyage, pure air, sound food, and good medicines. And I pleased myself with dwelling beforehand, on the great accounts of their personal treatment which these men would carry into their various towns and villages, and on the increasing popularity of the service that would insensibly follow. I almost began to hope that the hithertonever-failing deserters on my railroad would byand-by become a phenomenon.

In this agreeable frame of mind I entered the

workhouse of Liverpool. — For, the cultivation of laurels in a sandy soil, had brought the soldiers in question to THAT abode of Glory.

Before going into their wards to visit them, I inquired how they had made their triumphant entry there? They had been brought through the rain in carts it seemed, from the landing-place to the gate, and had then been carried up-stairs on the backs of paupers. Their groans and pains during the performance of this glorious pageant, had been so distressing, as to bring tears into the eyes of spectators but too well accustomed to scenes of suffering. The men were so dreadfully cold, that those who could get near the fires were hard to be restrained from thrusting their feet in among the blazing coals. They were so horribly reduced, that they were awful to look upon. Racked with dysentery and blackened with scurvy, one hundred and forty wretched soldiers had been revived with brandy and laid in bed.

My official friend Pangloss is lineally descended from a learned doctor of that name, who was once tutor to Candide, an ingenious young gentleman of some celebrity. In his personal character, he is as humane and worthy a gentleman as any I know; in his official capacity, he unfortunately preaches the doctrines of his renowned ancestor, by demonstrating on all occasions that we live in the best of all possible official worlds.

‘In the name of Humanity,’said I, ‘how did the men fall into this deplorable state? Was the ship well found in stores?’

‘I am not here to asseverate that I know the fact, of my own knowledge,’ answered Pangloss, ‘but I have grounds for asserting that the stores were the best of all possible stores.’

A medical officer laid before us, a handful of rotten biscuit, and a handful of split peas. The biscuit was a honeycombed heap of maggots, and the excrement of maggots. The peas were even harder than this filth. A similar handful had been experimentally boiled six hours, and had shown no signs of softening. These were the stores on which the soldiers had been fed.

‘The beef — ‘ I began, when Pangloss cut me short.

‘Was the best of all possible beef,’ said he.

But, behold, there was laid before us certain evidence given at the Coroner’s Inquest, holden on some of the men (who had obstinately died of their treatment), and from that evidence it

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appeared that the beef was the worst of possible beef!

‘Then I lay my hand upon my heart, and take my stand,’ said Pangloss, ‘by the pork, which was the best of all possible pork.’

‘But look at this food before our eyes, if one may so misuse the word,’ said I. ‘Would any Inspector who did his duty, pass such abomination?’

‘It ought not to have been passed,’ Pangloss admitted.

‘Then the authorities out there — ‘ I began, when Pangloss cut me short again.

‘There would certainly seem to have been something wrong somewhere,’ said he; ‘but I am prepared to prove that the authorities out there, are the best of all possible authorities.’

I never heard of any impeached public authority in my life, who was not the best public authority in existence.

‘We are told of these unfortunate men being laid low by scurvy,’said I. ‘Since lime-juice has been regularly stored and served out in our navy, surely that disease, which used to devastate it, has almost disappeared? Was there lime-juice aboard this transport?’

My official friend was beginning ‘the best of all possible — ‘ when an inconvenient medical forefinger pointed out another passage in the evidence, from which it appeared that the limejuice had been bad too. Not to mention that the vinegar had been bad too, the vegetables bad too, the cooking accommodation insufficient (if there had been anything worth mentioning to cook), the water supply exceedingly inadequate, and the beer sour.

‘Then the men,’ said Pangloss, a little irritated, ‘Were the worst of all possible men.’

‘In what respect?’ I asked.

‘Oh! Habitual drunkards,’ said Pangloss.

But, again the same incorrigible medical forefinger pointed out another passage in the evidence, showing that the dead men had been examined after death, and that they, at least, could not possibly have been habitual drunkards, because the organs within them which must have shown traces of that habit, were perfectly sound.

‘And besides,’ said the three doctors present, ‘one and all, habitual drunkards brought as low as these men have been, could not recover un-

der care and food, as the great majority of these men are recovering. They would not have strength of constitution to do it.’

‘Reckless and improvident dogs, then,’ said Pangloss. ‘Always are — nine times out of ten.’

I turned to the master of the workhouse, and asked him whether the men had any money?

‘Money?’ said he. ‘I have in my iron safe, nearly four hundred pounds of theirs; the agents have nearly a hundred pounds more and many of them have left money in Indian banks besides.’

‘Hah!’ said I to myself, as we went up-stairs, ‘this is not the best of all possible stories, I doubt!’

We went into a large ward, containing some twenty or five-and-twenty beds. We went into several such wards, one after another. I find i very difficult to indicate what a shocking sight I saw in them, without frightening the reader from the perusal of these lines, and defeating my object of making it known.

O the sunken eyes that turned to me as I walked between the rows of beds, or — worse still — that glazedly looked at the white ceiling, and saw nothing and cared for nothing! Here, lay the skeleton of a man, so lightly covered with a thin unwholesome skin, that not a bone in the anatomy was clothed, and I could clasp the arm above the elbow, in my finger and thumb. Here, lay a man with the black scurvy eating his legs away, his gums gone, and his teeth all gaunt and bare. This bed was empty, because gangrene had set in, and the patient had died but yesterday. That bed was a hopeless one, because its occupant was sinking fast, and could only be roused to turn the poor pinched mask of face upon the pillow, with a feeble moan. The awfu thinness of the fallen cheeks, the awful brightness of the deep set eyes, the lips of lead, the hands of ivory, the recumbent human images lying in the shadow of death with a kind of solemn twilight on them, like the sixty who had died aboard the ship and were lying at the bottom of the sea, O Pangloss, GOD forgive you!

In one bed, lay a man whose life had been saved (as it was hoped) by deep incisions in the feet and legs. While I was speaking to him, a nurse came up to change the poultices which this operation had rendered necessary, and I had an instinctive feeling that it was not well to turn away, merely to spare myself. He was sorely wasted and keenly susceptible, but the efforts he made to subdue any expression of impatience or suffering, were quite heroic.

To Be Continued Next Issue

Observer Crossword Solution No 1 GYMK H A N A O Y O E L K N A T UR I SM E H S T OG S R A S H E S M I ME T R SME L T E R E O L L I T A E NNOB L E R I C E I B A C K S D OWN R E R G E ME A N I NGS U W S A SO L OMON E I I O T E D E DUC E S T M ME R I P HOB I A E O E I R A N A S T R A L W D W I S A A C K MOA T S N L A C E D I T AGGE D N I R H A I R I MMU N E N E M R AGE A DOP T E D M R R MA I N A I ROB I E G D R S P I ND L E S N E R U I A R SON I S T S O K M U EMB A L MS R A Y E L A P I ND I A N A E C N SMA R ME AGR E W N O MA Z E ME D I A T OR L DD T O R S T E A D I E S

B U S Y BOD E U R C I V I LWA A E L U MA R K I NG E A E H C L OS E T N Y B U S CH E E R L Y A V OA S I S UN S I N P E S E T A S U O G T H R OW I N A A E A R E N A L S T C L A H S I E V E I M E D E N EM I R AG E B G ORN A T E L S L R K I W I L A O S A Y S ON S E T P D U L E I OMEGA R M Z N I E X C I T I N T A I G E RN E S T R E A RU F L A R E U N B E GA V E L S E I E S S P L A S H T A P O H E L I P A D E I R D MONGO L I G V E M I S H E A R

Y A UC K L A A I N S N M R N E PO T I N F E D W A I CH AMB E NN A L L A R E L I E E L E S S R X M T OK Y A R I C E E C G E DD I T E R I M T I A S CH I N A T S R N G E T H E R E G J S R A L S A CH A O MA E N MB U E NO T A S I T U E L E S S T H G I R R Y GR A Z I E P E E G T E R A L GY N N I C E R E E N URG R OUR A UGB Y R A B Y I E E G E N S N A R O I NG C D N V B Y L I DD I E R N O S OGR E L G I A N H A O Z A I R S E NC E N R A D V E N BOE S I O D H E A V I R E AM D S A B E A U T I I D E R C E D L EO T A R

ND

T UMB L MR S A SM I SO L A A J A R S E R L H A R T E S T Y E D N OB T A R I CH E R C O R D I T H V U D E E S U B S I D RO T L M SM B UMP S E S R A L T A I L E Y R E N N T RO T A T R A Y S V R E R WH A E EMMA S A I O L A T R OU T DO R S R R A A U P S E T N T L MA Y G J AMB E E D T RWA WE E D Y R B I ROU S NOV A N E D MOC K L A L N E S T E E R OD S I A S MUC K R A I O E L E K ME N A S T E F A N B T R N EGA A S S E S M E R W T OA ME A D C E S MA T CH OP S U D S S HOR T

E R S N O T E D E A R I S G I N S O E R S E I S E R F O F F N U OR S U E T E D V L E R N E S T B O B I D E A D A Y R ND A E I NG C E E R Y P S AGE C R K E S V C E D R T E D S S T S A E BOX L E E N S

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 37 e urn lbo Me

Every Week in the Melbourne Observer

ver N ser O Ob TI C SE 3

Observer Showbiz

Radio: Awards nominations ....................................... Page 38 Feedback: Listeners protest at 3AW changes ....... P age 3399 Country Music: Mulgrave goes country ....................... Page 38 Jim and Aar on: Top 10 lists, Film Festival ........................ P age 40 Aaron: Cheryl Threadgold: Local theatre news ........... Pages PL US THE LLO OVATT”S MEGA CRO PLUS CROSSSWORD

ADULTS ONLY CABARET Barry’s Genie organ

● Stephan Teakle as Barry Morgan ■ Barry Morgan has travelled the light pipe of the musical highway to share the ‘Joy of the Organ’ at the Fringe Hub Ballroom as part of Melbourne Fringe, September 18-24.

Barry is not an ingredient of a party - he IS the party and will get audiences in the Moog!

This will be a home organ party with the debut of Barry’s Lowrey Wandering Genie organ in her pure unadulterated form.

As well as that, Barry will have the Lowrey Tenie Genie organ hooked up to the home computer, just like the old Commodore 64, to give us big beats and extended organ riffs, all as modern as tomorrow.

Performed by musician and performer Stephen Teakle, Barry Morgan was plucked from obscurity to perform on ABC’s Spicks and Specks where he became an instant audience favourite.

He was voted the third best Spicks and Specks moment in 2011 and trended #2 on Twitter after his Spicks and Specks finale appearance.

Barry has also graced our screens on Gordon Street Tonight, The Marngrook Footy Show and on ABC’s New Years Eve Pub Quiz.

Performance Dates: September 18 -24 Times: 6.45pm Tues-Sat, 5.45pm Sun (55 Mins) Venue: Fringe Hub, The Ballroom, Lithuanian Club, 44 Errol St, North Melbourne Bookings: melbournefringe.com.au or call 9660 9666 Tickets: Full: $28 / Concession: $25 / Cheap Tuesday: $20 - Cheryl Threadgold

By CHERYL THREADGOLD

● Little V opens in her adult cabaret on September 26 at the Lithuanian Club.

Image designed by Elizabeth Millington ■ Little V welcomes audiences to a special party where she will reveal her big surprise. Directed by Elizabeth Millington, the show is billed as ‘a dirty little cabaret’.

As we wait for the clock to strike, Little V’s many strange and disturbing friends will entertain. Dirty Scotsmen, slutty princesses and a self-mutilating puppet all know how to make a tea party memorable. But beware; for who knows what will happen when Little V reveals her big surprise….

This adults only comedy pits childhood innocence against the dark reality of our adult psyche.

It is absurd, disturbing and very funny. Prepare to have morals questioned as we play with ideas of reality, fantasy, comedy and controversy.

A dangerous blend of live actors, puppets and cabaret; this show is as delightful as it is demented, as intelligent as it is shocking.

It explores our fascination with the macabre, and our need to laugh at that which scares us the most.

Performance Season: September 26 – October 3 Times: 10.30pm, Sun 9.30pm (Duration 50 minutes) Venue: Fringe Hub, The Ballroom, Melbourne Lithuanian Club, 44 Errol St, North Melbourne Bookings: melbournefringe.com.au or call 9660 9666 - Cheryl Threadgold

Gender Spanner

● Jessica McKerlie ■ Crowtown Players present Gender Spanner, a joyful hour of burlesque, cabaret and labels that just don’t stick, from September 22-27 at Scratch Warehouse, North Melbourne.

Written and performed by Jessica McKerlie and directed

by Stephen Jones, Gender Spanner was originally inspired

by McKerlie’s own explorations and understanding of gender fluidity.

During the rehearsal process, the show has transformed into a burlesque cabaret that is said to go to the very core of what it is to be human.

With no regard to conservative concepts such as fourth walls or personal barriers, we are treated to a charming and charismatic performance, one characterised by questioning.

The audience are invited, but not forced, to make their own enquiries, as McKerlie's uniquely personal story unfolds.

“I want audiences to think about their accepted ideas and to leave feeling like they can talk about it,” says McKerlie.

“I hope that by telling my own story other voices will join the conversation.”

Performance Season: September 22 -27 at 6.30pm Tickets: $20 - $27.50 Venue: Scratch Warehouse, 271-273 Macaulay Rd, North Melbourne Bookings: www.melbournefringe.com.au/program/ event/view/6d698691-4b5f-4f06-8ccf-cd95bdcf6871 - Cheryl Threadgold

● Rob Foenander’s Country Crossroads column is inside.

An Awesome Alliterated Alphabet

■ Join Aunty Catie for the launch of An Awesome Alliterated Alphabet inside The Nylon Zoo’s magical inflatable salmon story theatre.

Children (0-12) and parents will enter a magical alphabetic realm from A to Z, where Aunty Catie and The Nylon Zoo-keepers will immerse and enchant young readers and lovers of story.

Enter a world where letters and animals intertwine and entertain in this interactive musical theatre show that transforms the audience into performers.

Combining alphabetic mastery with musical collaboration and theatric comedy genius,

an artwork will be created that depicts each participant’s own name in awesome alliteration. Sessions are 45 minutes.

AnAwesome Alliterated Alphabet is an exciting variation on the good old ABCs. Readers are treated to the comedy and cadence of

alliteration alongside amusing, poignant, and strikingly well rendered illustrations by author/ illustrator Aunty Catie.

The Nylon Zoo is a Melbourne-based children’s performance art ensemble specialising in interactive story, song and

dance activities. They incorporate theatre, costume, dance, music, story and play in presenting funfilled, magical and educational experiences in and around giant inflatable creatures made

by Canadian/South Australian textile artist Evelyn Roth.

Performances: September 24, 25 and 27 (12.15pm and 2.15pm) and September 28 (11am, 1pm and 3.45pm) Bookings: www.melbournefringe.com.au/ program/event/view/49ab3cb6-270d-47af9b64-569285025fbc - Cheryl Threadgold

Page 38 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Observer Showbiz

Radio Confidential News from stations from around Victoria

Will Turnbull be at awards?

Country Crossroads info@country crossroads.com.au Rob Foenander

Mulgrave goes country ■ The Mulgrave Country Club will host the ultimate country spectacular on Thursday, October 22, commencing 8.30pm.

Col Perkins, Sandie Dodd and Norm Price will perform songs from some of the biggest names in country music including John Denver, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson and more.

“As tribute artists we have perfectly recreated our celebrity counterparts, right down to their mannerisms,” says Col. It's sure to be one hell of a show. Bookings on 9582 4600.

Douglas at One Fourteen ■ Melbourne's new music venue - 114 Nepean Hwy, Mentone - will come alive to authentic Texas Honky Tonk with Doug Bruce and the Tailgaters.

Doug and his band return to One Fourteen and as always will deliver a quality show with great musicianship and some fine country music.

Show time: 3pm - 6pm, Sunday, October 4 . $10 entry..

- Rob Foenander

New director at SEN, 3MP

■ Colm O’Brien has been appointed as an Executive Director of Pacific Star Network, operators of 1116 SEN and 3MP. O’Brien was Group CEO of Aspermont Limited. He assisted with a strategic review of Pacific Star Network, and has worked in expanding print operations into extended corporations that have embraced digital and events.

O’Brien will be paid a monthly service fee of $10,438, a director’s fee of $54,750, and share options. There will be a period of up to six months of a ‘non-compete’ arrangem ent.

Showbiz Briefs

■ Broadway legend Audra McDonald brings her golden voice to our Hamer Hall stage in October.

■ The premiere of Edmund, The Beginning will be presented

by Arts House and Antechamber Productions from November 10-22.

■ Bell Shakespeare has unveiled its 2016 program, the first under the sole Artistic Directorship of Peter Evans.

■ Hush board member Janine Sowden will be performing Beethoven, Ravel, Grainger and Prokofiev in the intimate setting of The Salon at 6pm on Thursday, November 26.

r Obser vbeiz On This Day Show

Wednesday Thursday Sept. 17 Sept. 16

■ US actress Lauren Bacall was born on this day. She died last year.

US blues guitarist B.B. King is 90(1925).

Columbo star Peter Falk was born in New York in 1927.

US magician David Copperfield is 59.

American singer Richard Marx was born in Chicago in 1963 (52).

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

■ US country and western singer Hank Williams was born in 1923. He died aged 29 in 1953.

English actor Roddy McDowall was born in 1928. He died aged 70 in 1998.

Actress Anne Bancroft (Anna-Maria Italiano) was born in New York. She died aged 73

■ As Communications Minister, Malcolm Turnbull was lined up to be keynote speaker at the Commercial Radio Australia conference in Queensland next month.

After Monday’s political moves in Canberra it is unsure whether he will still keep the appointment.

Some of the nominations are: BEST ON-AIR TEAM – METRO FM Fitzy & Wippa; Ryan Fitzgerald & Michael Wipfli, Nova 96.9, Sydney NSW, Nova Entertainment M Hot Breakfast; Eddie McGuire, Luke Darcy & Mick Molloy, Triple M, Melbourne VIC, Southern Cross Austereo M Kate, Tim & Marty; Kate Ritchie, Tim Blackwell & Marty Sheargold, Nova Network, Sydney NSW, Nova Entertainment M Fifi & Dave; Fifi Box & Dave Thornton, Hit 101.9 Fox FM, Melbourne VIC, Southern Cross Austereo M Jonesy & Amanda; Brendan Jones & Amanda Keller, WSFM, Sydney NSW, Australian Radio Network M Kyle & Jackie O Show; Kyle Sandilands & Jackie Henderson, KIIS 1065, Sydney NSW, Australian Radio Network M BEST ON-AIR TEAM – METROAM John Stanley & Garry Linnell; 2UE, Sydney NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M 3AW Breakfast; Ross Stevenson & John Burns, 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Steve Price & Andrew Bolt; 2GB, Sydney NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M 3AW Nightline/Remember When; Bruce Mansfield & Philip Brady, 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Fiveaa Breakfast; David Penberthy, MarkAiston & Jane Reilly, Fiveaa, Adelaide SA, Nova Entertainment M

RESIGNATION AS COMMUNICATIONS MINISTER ENTERTAINMENT/MUSIC PRESENTER Ashleigh Blucher; Power FM, Bega NSW, Grant Broadcasters C Ryan Nicholas; Eagle FM, Goulburn NSW, Capital Radio Network, C Simone Bayley; Hitz 939, Bundaberg QLD, Grant Broadcasters, C Amin Azoor; Mixx FM, Horsham VIC, ACE Radio Broadcasters C Joseph Groth; Power FM, Bega NSW, Grant Broadcasters C Brad Wood; Sea FM, Central Coast NSW, Southern Cross Austereo P Hayden Else; Star FM, Gosford NSW, Nova Entertainment P Nic Kelly; Sea FM, Central Coast NSW, Southern Cross Austereo P Nikolina Koevska; The Edge, Katoomba NSW, Australian Radio Network P Bella Frizza; Sea FM, Gold Coast QLD, Southern Cross Austereo P Chris Beckhouse; Triple M, Sydney NSW, Southern Cross Austereo M Tim Blackwell; Nova Network, Nova Entertainment M Richard Wilkins; smoothfm, Sydney NSW, Nova Entertainment M Dave Williams; Triple M, Melbourne VIC, Southern CrossAustereo M Melissa Doyle; smoothfm, Sydney NSW, Nova Entertainment M TALK PRESENTER Anthony Zanos; 2RE, Taree NSW, Super Radio Network C Ted Guinea; Easy Mix, Mildura VIC, Grant Broadcasters C Kate O'Bree; 2BS, Bathurst NSW, Bathurst Broadcasters C Stephen Cenatiempo; 2NM, Muswellbrook NSW, Grant Broadcasters C

Richard Perno; 2DU, Dubbo NSW, Super Radio Network C Mark Parton; 2CC, Canberra ACT, Capital Radio Network P Mark Hyland; Bay FM, Geelong VIC, Grant Broadcasters P Marcus Paul; 2CC, Canberra, ACT, Capital Radio Network P John MacKenzie; 4CA, Cairns QLD, Grant Broadcasters P Dean Mackin; 2HD, Newcastle NSW, Super Radio Network P Justin Smith; 2UE, Sydney NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M Neil Mitchell; 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Stuart Bocking; 2UE, Sydney NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M Tom Elliott; 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Ben Fordham; 2GB, Sydney NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M BESTCURRENTAFFAIRS PRESENTER Stephen Cenatiempo; 2NM, Muswellbrook NSW, Grant Broadcasters NM Mark Parton; 2CC, Canberra ACT, Capital Radio Network NM Caroline Hutchinson; Mix FM, Maroochydore QLD, EON Broadcasting NM Pete Davies; Mix 104.9, Darwin NT, Grant Broadcasters NM Neil Mitchell; 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M John Stanley; 2UE, Sydney NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M Tom Elliott; 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Ben Fordham; 2GB, Sydney

NSW, Macquarie Radio Network M BEST SPORTS PRESENTER Benny Hope; B-Rock, Bathurst NSW, Bathurst Broadcasters C Liam Fitzgerald; 3YB, Warrnambool VIC, ACE Radio Broadcasters C Nic Cook; 2BS, Bathurst NSW, Bathurst Broadcasters C Trent Hill; 3YB, Warrnambool VIC, ACE Radio Broadcasters C Jock Brady; 3CS, Colac VIC, ACE Radio Broadcasters C Phil Small; 2CC, Canberra ACT, Capital Radio Network P Stru Motbey; 2WG, Wagga Wagga NSW, Southern Cross Austereo P Tom King; K-Rock, Geelong, VIC Grant Broadcasters P Jeremy Ryan; KOFM, Newcastle NSW, Southern Cross Austereo P Edwin Cowlishaw; Mix 104.9, Darwin NT, Grant Broadcasters P Shane McInnes; 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Dan Ginnane; Triple M, Sydney NSW, Southern Cross Austereo M Ray Warren; Triple M, Sydney NSW, Southern Cross Austereo M Tim Lane; 3AW, Melbourne VIC, Macquarie Radio Network M Matty Johns; Triple M, Sydney NSW, Southern Cross Austereo M

Briefly ■ 96.5 Inner FMwill broadcast the Victorian Amateur Football Association Grand Final between Old Trinity and St Bernards on Sunday afternoon.

Melbourne

Observer

Friday Sept. 18

Saturday Sept. 19

■ Actress Greta Garbo was born in Stockholm in 1905. She died aged 84 in 1990.

Australian comedian Slim de Grey was born in England in 1918. He died aged 88 in 2007.

American singer Jimmie Rodgers was born in Washington in 1933 (82).

■ British comic actor Derek Nimmo wasw born in 1931. He died aged 67 in 1999.

Brian Epstein, former manager of The Beatles, was born in 1934. He died aged 33 in 1967.

British actor Jeremy Irons was born on the Isle of Wight in 1948 (67).

Sunday Sept. 20 ■ English actor Kenneth More was was born in 1914. He died aged 67 in 1982.

English bandleader Johnny Dankworth was born in Essex in 1927.

He died aged 83.

Italian actress Sophia Loren is 81 (1934).

Australian actor Peter Phelps is 55.

Monday Sept. 21

■ World Alzheimer’s Day. A day to forget birthdays.

English author H G Wells was born in Kent in 1866. He died aged 79 in 1946.

US actor Larry Hagman was born in Texas in 1931.

Canadian author, poet, songwriter Leonard Cohen is 81.

Tuesday Sept. 22 ■ Captain Mark Phillips, former husband of Princess Anne, is 67 (1948).

Australian singer Nick Cave was born in W arr-acknabeal in 1957 (58).

Blind Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli is 57 (1958).

American actor Scott Baio is 54.

Thanks to GREG NEWMAN of Jocks Journal for assistance with birthday and anniversary dates.

Jocks Journal is Australia’s longest running radio industry publication.

Find out more at www.jocksjournal.com

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 39

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Observer Showbiz

Radio Extra Melbourne listeners respond to 3AW’s move to cut ‘Bruce & Phil’

Loud protests at 3AW ‘Nightline’ changes

■ Programming, sales, marketing and management lessons are about to be learned at Melnourne radio station 3AW. Management (meaning the Sydney executive team of Macquarie Radio Network headed

by Russell Tate) delivered a decision on Friday that Melbourne-content on weekday evenings was about to be halved.

The Melbourne-produced Sports Today, currently airing from 6pm-8pm, will be cut to a one-hour program daily, and the 7pm-8pm show will be Money News hosted by Ross Greenwood from the 2GB studios in Sydney.

The mainstay of the 3AW night-time program line-up, Nightline, hosted by Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady, will also be cut by half.

Instead of taking to the microphone from 8pm-Midnight nightly, the Melbourne institution will be cut to just 10pm-12 Midnight, MondayFriday.

Regular guests such as Patti Newton, Doug Aiton, John Blackman and Andrew McLaren look likely to be cut from the condensed Nightline program, according to Facebook posts made last weekend by the show’s producer Simon Owens .

Filling the 8pm-10pm void will be Steve Price, who has conducted an evening program on Sydney’s 2GB. He will be used by the News Corp. rightwing columnist Andrew Bolt in the 8pm-9pm hour each weeknight.

Part of Price’s usual weekly line-up each week has been to take an audio feed of the Alan Jones-Graham Richardson Sky News TV program on Tuesday nights.

The changes are due to take effect from Monday, October 5, immediately after the AFL Grand Final weekend.

At this stage, it is expected that Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady will continue to host the Sunday night Remember When program from 8pm-Midnight.

Bruce Mansfield is currently away from the microphone, on sick leave, after announcing on Monday night last week that he is being treated for prostate cancer.

A 3AW statement late on Friday suggests that Mansfield will return to the station studios in November after treatment.

How will Melbourne listeners respond to the changes to the program line-up that they have enjoyed for the past quarter-of-a-century?

History can teach a few lessons.

Melbourne listeners hate, with passion, radio programs that are perceived to orignate from Sydney.

Kerry Packer discovered this when he tried to create a Melbourne-Sydney radio network, CBC, under the managership of the late radio legend, Brian White.

The lesson was repeated in 2010-2012 when Macquarie Radio Network attempted to take 3AW head-on with the ill-fated MTR (Melbourne Talk Radio) that lost $15 million in less than two years.

That experiment was headed by Steve Price, who frointed a daily breakfast program, and was also the station’s Program Director. He was never able to garner a sustained audience of more than 3 per cent.

That meant that 97 per cent of the available audience chose not to tune in to MTR. Macquarie blamed the MTR signal, weaker in the northern and western suburbs of Melbourne, for the poor figures.

But that was a smokescreen. 3MP, on the same frequency, has achieved top ratings (albeit briefly, when it had its adult contemporary playlist on the 1377 frequency years earlier.

In television, HSV-7 found out that distant interstate management is not appreciated by a Melbourne audience.

At that time, Fairfax took control of Channel 7, and axed a Melbourne television institution.

It replaced Melbourne newsreader Mal Walden with Glenn Taylor, who rated an asterisk (meaning zero viwers) in the official ratings.

● Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady after they first took over Nightline in 1990ourRosalie Gathercole: “Bruce and Phil have Social media messages against the 3AW changes exploded soon after the radio station such a loyal following, many listerners are made the announcement late Friday. elderl. They are the reason they like Nightline Listener Spencer Hemmings: “If this goes but a lousy two hours a night for all those people ahead, I'm turning off 3AW for good. I only lis- isnt enough. Phil and Bruce fill a void for those ten to Bruce and Phil these nights. Midnight to people. For me, well I won’t listern to AW again. dawn has always been light hearted listening, Why? Because I can stand Blackman’s kind of Luke (Bona) has turned it into a wannabe drive humour, it isn’t funny,Price, well I see him on program and is too serious. We have heard all The Project, I can’t stand him either,Rex (Hunt), the news for the day, we want enjoyment from well he was good calling the footy. I don’t fish midnight till dawn, not a repeat of all yesterday’s so he need not get that show happening. I don’t news.” care myself because I will turn the radio off and Jeffrey Bounds had a prediction for Bruce never need one again,and lastly thanks 3AW for Mansfield and Philip Brady: “They will be letting all your listerners down. I won’t wish you terminated,once their contracts are due for re- all the best because I hope everyone will turn newal.” their raidios off to get their point accross. It goes Robin Turner: “Poor old radio - attacked on to show loyality doesnt mean anything.” all sides by the money-takers. And they still don't Cheryl Berry: “Nothing will convince me to get it! Local people, local content - radio might listen to Price. If any of you do listen to him and well survive if that is the approach. I cannot decide to call in to his program, whatever you understand why owners don't realise that they do don't ask him how he is.” are killing the goose.”.

Jim Coutsourelos: “Just don't listen to the Paul Nicholson: “I agree that the real agenda angry little man and ratings will determine his is probably a subtle slowly but surely move to future. That simple.” the extreme right. Andrew Bolt will enhance Jen Cam: “Will miss Bruce and Phil in earthat perception and one would expect him to be lier time slot.” brutal in his commentaries. 3AW clearly wants Allan Owens: “As a 3AW listener for over to move away from the ‘silly old fart’ style lis- 60 years I think that Steve Price is the biggest tening audience (such as those who probably mistake. Even though Fairfax still has a majorenjoy Bruce and Phil) and focus more on those ity share of the network it seems that Singleton with ultra conservative leanings. I wonder what and 2GB have control.” the decision makers have in mind for Ross and Rob Saunders: “You lost me as a listener.

John?”

Can't stand Price, never have.”

Radio journalist Artie Stevens: “They might Dawn Sutherland: “I love Bruce and Phil. get their comeuppance in Melbourne then. Dif- Not happy about Patti (Newton), lived her segferent audience to Sydney. More thinkers. Bolt ment every week. Don't like change!” is a dolt.”

Shirley Fern: “I may go to Magic now.”

Pete Taylor: "Sydney and Melbourne are Leslie Bartlett: “3 AW you're lost me.” very different radio markets, regardless of the Jamie Duncan: “So how will Price serve the format ... Don't forget, MTR tried the same thing Sydney ‘bully boy’ market and the more disbeing mentioned here and failed dismally!" cerning Melbourne market and not lose them Paul Thompson: “Not happy i wont be turn- both - especially with a cowboy like Bolt riding ing on until 10 pm.” shotgun?”

Kevin Doughty: “You tell 3AW for me that's Ian Douglas: “Fairfax Media should change it when they ditched Andrew (McLaren) over- their name to Unfairfax Media.” night I said I wouldn't listen and now that's it Noela Crabtree: “Not happy either. I retire goodbye, thanks for the good times. Steve (Price) early each evening to listen to Bruce, Phil and is not a nice person wouldn't give him a second Simon, as do a lot of my family and friends. he was rude to me once when I was defending What now,won’t listen to Steve Price.” a migrant’s right . All my family will turn off as Carol Wood: “Not happy here. Trying to say well.” something positive but all I can think of is what Pauline Speersnepean: “I get the feeling that did we do wrong to get Price dumped on our 3AW want to attract a younger listening audi- chosen station. There you go. Time to go elseence and get rid of us faithful older generation.” where. And I shall.”

Mike Cooper : “You can't fool the listening Robyn Vaux: “I've already stopped listening audience and Fairfax are treating their listeners overnight.” as stupid.”

Melanie Frazee: “There goes the light enterMargot Cavanagh: “We are all a bit over tainment at night listening to everyone's stories, the politics and current affairs by 8pm and en- instead we are going to be hit with right wing joyed the light relief of Phil, Bruce and their rhetoric! Well I won't be turning it on before guests. Can't think of anything worse than the 10!” very unfunny Steve Price.”

June Stock: “Looks like the majority also Susan Foster: “Try the ABC though I do like can’t stand Steve Price! Why inflict him on Bruce and Phil (they) make me feel happy Melbourne?”

Kathy Macintyre Davidson: “I don’t understand how management works out who to slot in ... 3AW used to be a great fun station ...when they bring in fianace its no longer fun listening ...

I like the radio serials that are currently on but I would love to hear Yes What ... Any chance Gigi can get a spot on the show?

Mark Milner: “2AW.” Peter J McBain: “3AW WAS Melbourne!”

Lorraine Nixon: “Not happy, bye 3AW.” Trish McKeown: “Thank heavens for the ABC! There's a time for topical discussion and a time to escape. You have no idea, 3AW. First, you forced Luke Bona (Neil Mitchell wannabe) on us - thank you - I discovered the ABC. Now you're shoving the over-opinionated Steve Price and Andrew Bolt on to us. Goodbye.”

Carol Soler: “That's the end of 3AW night time for me - over to ABC from 7pm. Steve Price ? What have we the listeners done to be served his trash!”

Sandra O’Brien: “Can't believe you are doing this to Bruce and Phil! You don't care about your staff or your very loyal listeners! Put Price on last, no one wants to listen to that arrogant pig! Goodbye 3AW! Very, very disappointing!”

Lisa White-Gilmour: “Not happy. Bruce and Phil should stay.”

MaryGrace Magri: “Leave Bruce and Phil where they are.Steve Price is rude and an arrogant pig..You’re going to lose your listeners 3AW.” Adrian Laing: “Back to SEN for me.”

Michelle Bourke: “It's very clear that 3AW do not listen to their audience. I certainly hope that their very loyal audience will now send a clear message and switch off. The only way 3AW will listen is when they lose their audience altogether and lose their number 1 rating. This decision will not only affect Nightline but will filter through all programs throughout the day.

Unfortunately this is happening everywhere, no matter what forum. Bye bye 3AW.” Val Salmon Disgusting: “Hated Price before, loathed his attitude when he went to Sydney and put Melbourne down. Why do we have Sydney rejects?”

Nola Miller Minto: “Bad move, not what the audience wants. Let's hope someone in management reads the posts on this page ... the people are not happy!”

Virginia Hampton: “Not happy, leave Bruce and Phil where they are and Steve Price in Sydney. We want Melbourne people, 3AW you are making a big mistake.”

Fran Goulding: “Love Bruce and Phil, they are always so kind and respectful. Thanks for your show gentlemen.”.

Phillip Mance: “What a stupid decision.”

Mark Tiger Stewart: “Good bye3AW. Magic radio sacked thier best, now youu are cutting Bruce and Phil hours. 774 are looking much better.”

Sue Griffin: “Bye bye 3AW. If I wanted to listen to Sydney radio I would. Sad after being loyal all these years to now be be shat on.”.

Ian Thompson: “Who makes these stupid decisions? Is there any research put into such program changes? Have these people never heard of the saying "If it aint broke, don't fix it"?

It will be interesting to see the ratings post October for the time slot.”

Lizzy Honda: “Yuk , sorry won't be listening.

Couldn't think of anything worse. Greenwood and then Price, about as enjoyable as pulling teeth ! We need and want light entertainment especially with all the doom and gloom in the world.”

Ruth Rule: “I will only be listening 10pm till midnight. What is wrong with 3AW?” Mary Hewitt: “Didn't Steve Price get the flick years ago? Why bring the angry ant back ... leave him in Sydney where he belongs.”

Joany Guest: “I am sad they are changing the line up. Love it as it was.”

Murray Dickson: “The imbeciles at Radio 3AW who think staff are happy with this sort of treatment have no place in broadcasting.”

Page 40 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Observer Showbiz What’s Hot and What’s Not in Blu-Rays and DVDs

● Our Marvel heroes are back to save the world yet again in the blockbuster, Avengers: Age of Ultron.

FILM: AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON. Genre: Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi. Cast: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Samuel L. Jackson, James Spader, Don Cheadle.

Year: 2015.

Rating: PG. Length: 141 Minutes.

Stars: *** Verdict: When Tony Stark (aka: Iron Man/Robert Downey Jr) tries to restart a dormant peace-keeping program, things don't quite go as planned and it is up to The Avengers team to stop the villainous Ultron from fulfilling his globally destructive plans. The Marvel heroes are back in this epic all star cast cliché driven science fiction adventure that tries too hard to raise the bar even further than its 2012 predecessor, and the results are primarily wooden and emotionless. Like George Lucas' follow up to his classic "Star Wars" with "The Empire Strikes Back" this is bigger and darker, but is a too textbook by comparison, and even though it tries, it fails to reach the level of excellence achieved by Lucas. Nonetheless, the cast, the direction, action and eye-popping special effects are all at the top of the game in this big, loud, noisy and thrilling enough 21st Century super-hero action-adventure that wears enough heart on its sleeve like the B-grade Saturday matinee serials of the past.

FILM: ENTOURAGE: Genre: Drama/Comedy.

Cast: Kevin Connolly, Adrian Grenier, Jeremy Piven, Jerry Ferrara.

Year: 2015.

Rating: MA15+ Length: 104 Minutes.

Stars: **½ Review: Popular cable TV series set in Hollywood hits the big screen with movie star Vincent, together with his boys Eric, Turtle, and Johnny, back in business with super agent-turned-studio head on a risky project that will serve as Vince's starring, and directorial debut. So how does it transfer to the big screen? Not well! Those familiar with the series will no doubt get a kick out of it, but for those who are not, like me, it comes across as a couple of episodes of the show butt-ended together, a big, dumb, loud and sometimes confusing effort that resembles more like "Nation Lampoon's Animal House" in Hollywood. There's no doubt more of everything, there's lots of flashy girls, nudity, partying, yelling and a host of cameos, but as a result of this wooden effort I will not be pursuing the TV series. Cameos include: Martin Landau, Billy Bob Thornton, David Spade, Mark Wahlberg, Kelsey Grammer, Liam Neeson, Gary Busey, David Arquette, Piers Morgan, Bob Saget, Jon Favreau, Andrew Clice Day, Mike Tyson, Common, George Takei.

FILM: CHARLEY VARRICK: Genre: Action/Thriller/Crime.

Cast: Walter Matthau, Joe Don Baker, Andy Robinson.

Year: 1973.

Rating: M. Length: 109 Minutes.

Stars: ***1/3 Verdict: Legendary "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," "Dirty Harry," "Escape from Alcatraz," "Telefon," and "The Shootist" director and Clint Eastwood friend and mentor, Don Siegel, hit another bullseye with "Charley Varrick," the story of a small town bank robbery that doesn't go quite as planned, especially when they find out that the money they stole belonged to the Mafia and they are right on the case. Tight, taut, exciting and with not a second to spare, the always reliable Walter Matthau is a standout in the title role in this hugely entertaining 70's thriller filled with many tense and gripping moments.

Movies, DVDs

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

With Jim Sherlock and Aaron Rourke

Czech, Slovak Film Festival

Top 10 Lists THE AUSTRALIAN BOX OFFICE TOP TEN: 1. STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON. 2. SOUTHPAW. 3. VACATION. 4. RICKI AND THE FLASH. 5. THE GIFT. 6. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE ROGUE NATION. 7. A WALK IN THE WOODS. 8. LAST CAB TO DARWIN. 9. TRAINWRECK. 10. AMERICAN ULTRA. NEW RELEASES AND COMING SOON TO CINEMAS AROUND AUSTRALIA: SEPTEMBER 10: LIFE, MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS, PEOPLE PLACES THINGS, PIXELS, THE DUKE OF BURGANDY. SEPTEMBER 17: DOCTOR PROCTOR'S FART POWDER, EVEREST, ODDBALL, HOW TO CHANGE THE WORLD, THE BLINKY BILL MOVIE, TINY GIANTS.

● Little Red Riding Hood meets her old-time nemesis in the joyous box-office hit, Three Brothers.

■ Now in its third year, the Czech -action, animation, and trick photogAnd Slovak Film Festival In Austra- raphy.

Three Brothers (2014). lia returns to ACMI, showing from This one looks very interesting inSeptember 16 to 25.

Now officially supported by the deed. Centres on three young men City of Melbourne and naming rights who want to see the world, a journey sponsor Richmond Skoda, CaSFFA that will take a most unexpected turn, boasts a strong line-up of films, con- magically sending them into a numtaining current hits and time-honoured ber of well-known fairy tales. From Jan Sverak, who directed the 1996 masterpieces.

One of the festival highlights will Oscar-winning film Kolya.

When The Cat Comes (1963). be a retrospective on innovative filmSomething Wicked This Way maker Karel Zeman, whose body of work has been compared to the one- Comes, Czech-style. A circus arrives and-only Georges Melies (who him- in a small town, and among the perself was paid tribute to in Martin formers is a woman whose cat wears Scorsese's beautiful cinematic love sunglasses. When the glasses come letter, Hugo), including the documen- off, the local inhabitants' true colours tary film adventurer Karel Zeman. emerge. Shot by Jaroslav Kucera, Please note that to attend this part who also lensed the psychadelic Daiof the festival, you need to be a sies (1966), which screened this year Cinemathequemember, butACMI do at MIFF. The off-beat concept was used in John Carpenter's They offer a mini-pass option for these par- later Live (1988) and Alexandre Aja's ticular screenings.

Horns (2014).

For more information call ACMI ★ on 8663 2583, or check online at Muppets, Music And Magic. www.acmi.net.au Running from September 21 The following films are just some through to October 11 , this extensive of which sound fascinating, hopefully retrospective on beloved puppeteer drawing a sizeable audience.

Jim Henson is a must-see for not only Journey To The Beginning Of Time fans of his groundbreaking achieve(1955). ments, but also today's young generaWhen a group of young boys sail tion who have yet to experience that along the river of time, they come unique muppet magic. across a multitude of extinct creatures, Featuring several films (The Dark including dinosaurs.

Crystal, Labyrinth, Sesame Street PreThis was director Karel Zeman's sents Follow That Bird, The Muppets first film to incorporate live-action with Take Manhattan, Muppet Treasure Isanimated images, and from some of land), documentaries (I Am Big Bird the screenshots shown, this family ad- : The Carol Spinney Story, Being venture shows that Steven Spielberg Elmo), and compilation presentations was a fan when he made Jurassic (Rowlf : A Dog's Life, Muppet HisPark. Has been digitally restored. tory 101, Miss Piggy : A Sow Is Born, An Invention For Destruction Jim Henson : Commercials And Ex(1958). periments, plus many more), this will Inspired by the novels of Jules be one of the best ways to indulge in Verne, this restored version elicits a everything Henson. With the school Cold War-style atmosphere while em- holidays just around the corner, this is ploying the kind of heroic exploits that an absolute goldmine for the young would inspire the James Bond films. and young-at-heart. For more inforThe Outrageous Baron Munc- mation, please call 8663 2583 or phausen (1961). check online at www.acmi.net.au - Aaron Rourke.

Zeman's adaptation of the famous character is regarded by critics as an DVDs and Blu-Rays kindly supplied

by Video Vision, 177-179 Carlisle imaginatively filmed classic, and sits quite comfortably alongside the 1943 Street, Balaclava. A number of Jim Henson's films are available on and 1989 versions.

DVD. For information or bookings AJester's Tale (1964).

This satirical examination of the on these titles please call 9531 2544, or check online at Thirty Years' War (1618-1648) feavideovisiondvd.com.au

THE DVD AND BLU-RAY TOP RENTALS & SALES: 1. MAD MAX: FURY ROAD [Action/Tom Hardy, Charleze Theron].

2. FAST & FURIOUS 7 [Action/Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson].

3. EX MACHINA [Sci-Fi/Drama/ Oscar Isaac, Domhnall Gleeson, Cory Johnson].

4. AGE OF ADALINE [Drama/ Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Harrison Ford].

5. PITCH PERFECT 2 [Comedy/ Rebel Wilson, Brittany Snow, Anna Kendrick].

6. INSURGENT [Action/Adventure/ Shailene Woodley, Jai Courtney, Ansel Elgort, Theo James].

7. RUN ALL NIGHT [Action/Thriller/ Liam Neeson, Ed Harris].

8. AGAINST THE SUN [War/ Drama/Jake Abel, Tom Felton, Garret Dillahunt].

9. BOYCHOIR [Drama/Dustin Hoffman, Josh Lucas, Kevin McHale].

10. KUMIKO: THE TREASURE HUNTER [Drama/Rinko Kikuchi].

Also: THE GUNMAN, THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL, CINDERELLA, THE TESTAMENT OF YOUTH, BLACK SEA, KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE, PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2, UNFINISHED BUSINESS, THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2: ANGEL OF DEATH, INHERENT VICE, TOP FIVE. NEW RELEASE HIGHLIGHTS ON DVD THIS WEEK: THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON [Action/Sci-Fi/Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth].

ENTOURAGE [Comedy/Drama/ Kevin Connolly, Jerry Ferrara, Kevin Dillon].

A ROYAL NIGHT OUT [Drama/ Rupert Everett, Sarah Gadon, Bel Powley].

NEW RELEASE HIGHLIGHTS ON BLURAY THIS WEEK: THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON [Action/Sci-Fi/Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth].

THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON 3D [Action/Sci-Fi/Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth].

ENTOURAGE [Comedy/Drama/ Kevin Connolly, Jerry Ferrara, Kevin Dillon].

Turn To Page 40

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

ShowBiz!

Melbourne Obser ver - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 41

Observer Showbiz

Key To Kill

■ Two kilometres of shrink wrap, 90 kilometres of VHS tape ribbon, bleeding fridges, food fights, heartbroken vacuum cleaners.

Key to Kill is a fast-paced, multi-disciplinary collaboration premiering at Melbourne Fringe.

Some 12 Melbourne artists from multiple disciplines collide and cross-pollinate to create Key to Kill, the brainchild of multi-disciplinary artist Adam Hunt.

Adam has worked in experimental sound and immersive theatre, fashion, feature films, pop music and burlesque.

“I’m constantly creating and recording sounds based on my human experiences. For Key to Kill, I’ve taken a new angle. I am thinking of myself as a conditions designer,” saysAdam.

“I see my role as setting up an environment for performers to incubate and collaborate in. It’s like an artistic ecosystem that I nurture and steer.”

Adam hand-picked 12 artists from his artistic and professional networks in Melbourne’s creative industries.

“I’d had crazy visions wondering what they would create in the conditions I set up. The result is a unique, sexy, tender, strange smorgasbord, a 45 minute performance for which we’ve transformed the upstairs space at Allpress.”

Performances: September 16 – 19 at 7.30pm Venue: Allpress Studio, Collingwood Tickets: $20 Full, $13 Concession, $20 at the door (Limited) Bookings: www.melbournefringe.com.au - Cheryl Threadgold

More Radio Briefs ■ Journalist/activist Wendy Bacon will speak at the conference of the Community Broadcasting Association of Australia.

■ Tony Kendall has been appointed as the Chief Executive of Australian Radio Network which includes stations such as KIIS 101.1 and Gold.

Savages of Wirramai

■ The Savage daughters of Wirramai have gathered, as they do every year, to mark the wedding anniversary of their parents Mary and Ron. Ron (played by David Macrae) is a third generation Australian volunteer soldier and much more interested in attending the ANZAC Day march the following day than attending to his long-suffering wife Mary (Kirsty Child) and his three daughters.

The three adult daughters are there to support their fragile mother but have to bear their abusive, Vietnam-veteran father to do so.

The tension in the family builds, along with the oppressive heat, and a suppressed past is finally laid bare.

Alan Seymour (The One Day of the Year), who died in March, in the centenary of the ANZAC landing at Gallipoli, would have seen much of his xenophobic Alf Cook in the misogynist, desperately unhappy Ron Savage.

In the 1961 play Alf Cook excuses his behaviour thus: “I’m a bloody Australian mate, and it’s because I’m a bloody Australian that I’m getting on the grog.”

Ultimately, like Alf Cook, we see that Ron Savage’s anxieties and anger are born out of impotence and powerlessness and failing confidence in his ideas about masculinity and national identity.

One way or another the three daughters (Kirsty Snowden, Cherie Mills and Anna den Hartog) are damaged by the toxic family environment, but are trapped by their pasts.

To add to the tension wind turbines have been planted on the family’s hard-scrabble farm. Writer Sandy Fairthorne and director Kevin Summers over indulge in an anti-wind farm/corporate conspiracy theory to set up the ending (the blades make the shape of the Mercedes-Benz symbol), but ultimately this is a thoughtful contribution in the tradition of Australian family-based drama writing and all performances are strong and effective.

Until Sunday September 20 La Mama Courthouse, Drummond St, Carlton Bookings: lamama.com.au - Review by Martin Curtis

TV, Radio, Theatre Latest Melbourne show business news - without fear or favour

Drowsy Chaperone

● Sophie Wheale, Michelle Hunt, Kinloch Anstiss and Jenna Featherstone in CLOC Musical Theatre’s The Drowsy Chaperone.

Photo: Richard Crompton ■ CLOC Musical Theatre opens on having arrived earlier this year to pursue October 2 at the National Theatre, St her professional modelling career, and Kilda, with The Drowsy Chaperone.

Jenna Featherstone is newly arrived Breaking new ground for CLOC, the from Brisbane, having recently relocated show has attracted a high calibre inter- to Melbourne with her partner. national cast, including four new arrivAll four are welcome additions to the als to Melbourne from distant shores, Melbourne musical theatre scene, and who are all making their CLOC and have found involvement with CLOC and Melbourne theatrical debuts.

The Drowsy Chaperone has been a fabuMichelle Hunt, who plays Broadway lous outlet for both their musical theatre star and bride-to-be Janet Van De Graaff, passions, and for making friends in their hails from Utah in the USA, who, like new hometown. the character she is playing, gave up her And coincidentally, all four live in the professional life for love. inner city close to each other, which has Michelle met her UK-born beau when helped with cementing friendships, as working as a cruise ship entertainer, and well as car-pooling! followed him here when he landed a job The Drowsy Chaperone runs from in Melbourne.

October 2-17 at the National Theatre, St Kinloch Anstiss (best man George) is Kilda for 12 performances, including two a one-man United Nations, with a Scot- matinees. tish first name, Greek surname, born in For more information or to purchase New Zealand, ex-Londoner, and now tickets, visit www.cloc.org.au or call Melbourne resident.

1300 362 547.

Sophie Wheale is also from the UK, - Cheryl Threadgold

Battlefield Blues

■ As part of this year's Melbourne Fringe Festival, Battlefield Blues is a roving, interactive, outdoor comedy adventure show about chess pieces that are alive, at the Abbotsford Convent during these September school holidays. For ages 8+ In this comedy by Claire Pearson, a chessboard is in peril, a Queen is missing and there’s a King who just feels like a nap.

Battlefield Blues is an interactive, outdoor, roving, comedy adventure show about chess pieces that are alive for all ages at the Abbotsford Convent these September holidays.

The show is directed by Elizabeth Millington (Melbourne Theatre Company's Women Director's Program 2014, Melbourne International Comedy Festival, 2015) and written and produced

by Claire Pearson (shortlisted twice for Queensland Young Playwright'sAward, Anywhere Theatre Festival, Brisbane 2013).

Presented in the style of Monty Python with a twist of Horrible Histories and a dash of medieval warfare – there has never before been a game of chess quite like this.

Audience members help heroic Knight, Churny save the Queen ... and the day. Along the way audiences meet Maddington (the Bishop who wants it all), The Pawns (who don't have a thing at all) and the King (who likes making things 'official' because he's got it all).

Using the natural surroundings of the Abbotsford Convent grounds to create an immersive outdoor experience-this will be an hour of fun and intrigue.

Dates: September 22 – 26, 29 – 30 Times: 4pm daily, plus 2pm shows Wednesday and Saturdays (60 mins) Venue: Abbotsford Convent, 1 St Heliers St, Abbotsford Bookings: melbournefringe.com.au or call 9660 9666.

Tickets: Adults $20 Kids $12.50 - Cheryl Threadgold

Sure Sign of Love

● Elena Gabrielle in Sure Sign of Love ■ Fresh off the 2015 Edinburgh Fringe Festival stage, Melbourne chanteuse and cabaret performer, Elena Gabrielle, hits the boards of the Melbourne Fringe Festival this September in her self-penned solo debut, Sure Sign of Love.

Every dated a flaky Gemini? Or a self-obsessed Leo? Elena Gabrielle has dated her own fair share of the Zodiac over the years including greedy Capricorns, ‘worship me’Aries and neurotic Virgos.

Sure Sign of Love will take you on an ‘horrorscopic’ astrological journey to discover which signs are the best and worst lovers, the tightest with money, the biggest cry-babies and your most compatible matches.

Glittering with charm, dripping with satire and showcasing an uproarious musicality, Elena’s cheeky repertoire will leave audiences bewildered, delighted, and celestially entertained.

Trained in musical theatre at Australia's prestigious National Institute of Dramatic Art, Elena is an accomplished performer, singer, producer, filmmaker, and international performer.

Venue: The Butterfly Club, Carson Place off Lt Collins St. CBD Dates: Tues., September 15 - Sun., September 20 Times: 8.30pm Tickets: Adult $32, Conc $28, Tuesdays $25, Groups (6+) $25 Bookings: www.thebutterflyclub.com or phone 9663 8107.

- Cheryl Threadgold

Speechless ■ Speechless is being presented from September 23-October 4 at Club Voltaire, North Melbourne.

Part dance, part theatre, part philosophy, Speechless is a bi-lingual conversation between two female bodies into the unfamiliar and back.

The work unravels as the absolute is undermined by the slipperiness of language. The performance space is a playground of confusion, tangled perceptions and twisted communication as two bodies fight for clarity.

The work obsesses over the pleasure and pain of (not) comprehending, and (not) being comprehended.

With gentle humour and awkward moments, Speechless delights in the moments when the translation is out of sync, and interpretation is misinterpreted.

It draws on the performers/performance-makers personal experiences when words have failed them, or they have failed with words Sara is an Italian dancer who speaks English as a second language and is trying to assimilate into Australian culture, and Toni is an Adelaide-born theatre maker who struggles with dyslexia in today’s world of information overload.

Speechless is the debut work by Toni and Sara, and is the culmination of a year of exploration in their shared interest of how the body takes over in the absence of words.

Performances: September 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 30, October 1-4 at 6.30pm Venue: Club Voltare, 14 Raglan St., North Melbourne Duration: 50 minutes Bookings: www.melbournefringe.com.au - Cheryl Threadgold

Page 42 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Observer Showbiz MONASH ONE ACT PLAY FESTIVAL

Local Theatre With Cheryl Threadgold

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Observer

Summer of the Aliens Reasons To Stay Inside

● Stephanie King (Anna) in Anna By Lamplight by Alison Knight can be seen in the 2015 Monash One Act Play Festival.

■ Peridot Theatre Company is hosting the eighth Annual Monash One Act Play Festival from September 18 – 20 at the Unicorn Theatre, Lechte Rd, Mt Waverley.

Adjudicated by actor/director Peter Newling, this year’s friendly competition features twenty plays from 14 different theatre groups, including a healthy mixture of drama and comedy.

There will be four sessions, including Friday September 18 at 8pm, Saturday, September 19 at 1pm and 7pm and Sunday, September 20 at 1pm. followed by presentation of the awards at approximately 5pm.

Just to make sure nobody goes hungry or gets thirsty, between the Saturday afternoon and evening sessions there will be a barbeque on the go from around 5.30pm at a cost of $5. A licensed café will also be operating throughout the weekend where food and drinks will be available.

Tickets: $10 per session available at the door before each session, or online at www.peridot.com.au

MOTHER, WIFE AND COMPLICATED LIFE ■ “It will be perfect, we can have it all,” sing the all-female cast of Mother, Wife and the Complicated Life.

However, this original musical about four woman at different stages of their motherhood journey, shows that juggling kids, husbands, work, domesticity and the desire for the dream life is not so simple.

The production is presented by Chapel off Chapel and written and directed by Amity Dry. Dry rose to fame on The Block reality show, although her real passion is musical theatre.

Her punchy, honest take on the modern woman’s life is a great success, in part due to the candid portrayal of the four protagonists who strike a chord with the audience.

There is bride-wannabe Jessie (Rachel McCall) who finally gets her dream wedding.

There is Lily (Susan Ferguson) who from the outside seems to have the ‘perfect marriage’.

There is Bec (Nikki Aitken) the stay-at-home mother of three, whose daily mission is not to lose her mind.

Finally there is the career-woman Kate (Amity Dry) who is faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

Mother, Wife and the Complicated Life gets the balances spot on between brevity and humour. The riotous Bec has some hilarious one-liners.

There are moments of real heartache for Lily in her loneliness, and for new mother Kate in her anguish to do right by her baby. The songs are bold, funny, at times sad, and always harmonious!

The show makes for a great girls’ night out, but no doubt men will enjoy seeing it too.

- Review by Catherine McGregor

● Xavier Lee (Narrator) in Summer of the Aliens.

Photo: Lauren Murphy ■ Warragul-based Off the Leash Theatre delighted Gippsland and city audiences when presenting Louis Nowra’s Summer of the Aliens at the West GippslandArts Centre, and also at Fab Nobs Theatre in Bayswater.

Set in 1962, Nowra’s semi-autobiographical play tells of young Lewis (Kyle Wright) approaching adulthood while living with his family in a Melbourne housing commission estate.

Grown-ups are preoccupied with ‘when the Communists come’, but any concerns young Lewis has about sexual identity, his dysfunctional family and environment are surpassed by his fixation with aliens and flying saucers.

Lewis’s friend Brian (Steve Loftus) can only think about losing his virginity, but Lewis confides in friend Dulcie (Evangeline Clough Good) that she and he as aliens could ‘take over the world’.

Funny yet dark, the script well depicts attitudes of the era, including racial discrimination, homophobia, sexism, bigotry, fear of religions … and Uncle Richard (Bruce Mapperson) must be theatrical ‘because he wears a cravat’.

The Narrator (Xavier Lee) as older Lewis, is both storyteller and sometimes Lewis’s consciousness.

Nowra’s play was beautifully directed by Amy Moss, the drama teacher at Drouin Secondary College.

Moss’s great cast presented their characters naturalistically, capturing well the appropriate language and ‘look’ for the time, complemented by Leane Gooding’s costume design and Cameron Gray’s visuals and design.

Postman Mr Pisano (Geoff Mooney) adds comic relief, but his spirited appearances risk detracting from the storyline.

Strong performances were also enjoyed from Tracey Rabl (Lewis’s doting grandmother), Sharryn Marshall (Norma), Jessica McKellar (Beverley), Todd Miller (Eric), Vanessa Harkess (Beatrice), Carmel Walton (Mrs Irvin)and Mandy Waters (Japanese Lady).

Particular acknowledgement should be made of the impressive performances of Kyle Wright, Evangeline Clough, Steve Loftus and Vanessa Harkess, and the terrific program design, including slang terms and meanings.

Congratulations to Off the Leash Theatre President Jeannie Haughton and her team for creating such a good show, and then touring the production for the enjoyment of both city and country theatregoers.

● Emma Annand and Oliver Coleman in Reasons to Stay Inside.

■ Writer-Director team Katy Warner and Prue Clark return to Melbourne Fringe with a new production for families, Reasons To Stay Inside, from September 22 – October 3 in the Fringe Hub Rehearsal Room at the North Melbourne Town Hall.

Pedro would run and skateboard and play soccer and go to school. Not anymore. Pedro stays inside now.

He says it’s better inside – the ‘Thing' can’t get him in there. His best friend, Flora, thinks that's boring and kind of freaky but Pedro doesn't care.

He’s building a pillow fort (he would prefer you called it 'The Death Star') and it's getting bigger and bigger every day.

Every day it's getting harder and harder for Flora to reach him.

Pedro has the best Reasons To Stay Inside, but Flora knows what he’s missing and she will do whatever it takes to get her best friend to come outside. You can’t stay inside your fort forever, can you?

The Australian Bureau of Statistics found anxiety disorders to be the most common mental health problem affecting Australians; with prevalence rates of 5.7 per cent to 15.4 per cent in children aged 7 to 11 years and up to nearly 18 per cent in 12 to 18 year olds.

Reasons to Stay Inside wasn’t born out of statistics, but Katy Warner’s personal experience and a desire to tell a story that will resonate with people of all ages.

Performance Dates: September 22 – October 3 (no shows Sundays or Mondays) Time: 1pm (45 minutes) Venue: Fringe Hub, Rehearsal Room North Melbourne Town Hall, 521 Queensberry St, North Melbourne.

Bookings: melbournefringe.com.au or call 9660 9666 Tickets: Full $20, Child and Concession $15 ,Group (6+): $13

EISTEDDFOD BY THE BAY

● April Foster (left), Alexandra Ioan, Emily Szabo, Michelle McCarthy and Aria winner Sheridan Hughes at the Eisteddfod by the Bay Senior Vocal Gala Night.

■ Kingston Arts Centre was the venue for the Eisteddfod by the Bay Senior Vocal Gala Night of Lieder and Aria from Grand Opera.

The final section of the Senior Vocal included Music Theatre, Oratorio, Contemporary solo and more.

This year’s adjudicator, Antoinette Halloran, had a challenging job to choose winners from the talented singers. Antoinette has just finished playing the role of Mrs Lovett in Victoria Opera’s production of Sweeney Todd.

Eisteddfod President and Senior Vocal Convener Jill Page says “The Gala Night is always a delightful evening of beautiful singing from young performers in Lieder and Aria from Grand Opera.“ Formerly the Mordialloc Eisteddfod, this year Eisteddfod by the Bay celebrates 60 years of encouraging and nurturing young talent.

Winners of the Aria have gone on to professional careers in Opera Australia, Victoria Opera and concert and opera work overseas.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 43

Observer Showbiz

Local Theatre With Cheryl Threadgold

‘Footloose’ staged by Old Carey The Dining Room

● Cecelia Strachan and Colin Donald rehearse Hartwell Players’ production of The Dining Room.

Photo: Laura Bradley ■ The Hartwell Players present A.R. Gurney’s The Dining Room from October 9-17 at the Ashwood College Performing Arts Centre.

As actors leap from role to role, skipping through time, one thing remains constant – the dining room.

Directed by Laura Bradley, the show includes 56 characters, eight actors, six decades and one dining room.

Performance Season: October 9, 10, 16, 17 at 8pm; October 11 at 5pm Venue: Ashwood Performing Arts Centre, Vannam Drive (off High St), Ashwood Tickets: $20/$15 Groups (10 or more to same session) $12 Bookings: www.trybooking.com/145857 or email bookings@hartwellplayers.org.au or phone 9513 9581 (message service).

Melbourne

Observer URINETOWN

SHOWS ■ Old Carey Performing Arts Club (OCPAC): Footloose September 13 - 20 at Carey Baptist Grammar School, Kew. Bookings: https://chook.as/ocpac/footloose ■ Melbourne Fringe Festival 2015: September 16 - October 4.

For full details of performances and venues, visit www.melbournefringe.com.au ■ Heidelberg Theatre Company: Quartet (by Ronald Harwood) Until September 26 (2pm matinees September 13, 20, 26). Director: Brett Turner. Tickets: $27/$24. Bookings: 9457 4117 htc.org.au ■ Essendon Theatre Company: Aladdin (by Michael Bentley) September 18 - 27 at 9 Bradshaw St., Essendon. Tickets: $15 per head (free for children under five). Bookings: www.essendontheatrecompany.com..au ■ Waterdale Players: Urinetown the Musical September 25 October 3 at the Rivergum Theatre, Parade College, Bundoora.

Bookings: www.waterdale.org.au/urinetown ■ CLOC Musical Theatre: The Drowsy Chaperone October 2 - 17 at the National Theatre, St Kilda. Bookings: www.cloc.org.au or call 1300 362 547.

■ Encore Theatre Company: The Ghost Train (by Arthur Ridley) October 9 - 24 at the Clayton Theatre, Cooke St., Clayton.

Bookings: 1300 739 099 (9am - 9pm).

■ Hartwell Players: The Dining Room (by A. R. Gurney) October 9 - 11 at Ashwood College Performing Arts Centre, Vannam Drive, Ashwood. Director: Laura Bradley. Tickets: $18/$12. $20/ $15. Bookings: 9513 9581 www.hartwellplayers.org ■ Babirra Music Theatre: The Boy From Oz October 9 - 17 at the Whitehorse Centre, 397 Whitehorse Rd., Nunawading. Bookings: www.babirra.org.au ■ OSMaD: Oliver! October 15 - 24 at the Geoffrey McComas Theatre, Scotch College, Hawthorn. Director: Barbara Hughes.

Bookings: www.osmad.com.au ■ Fab Nobs Theatre Inc: Carrie the Musical October 23 - November 7 at Fab Nobs Theatre, 33 Industry Place, Bayswater.

Bookings: fabnobstheatre.com.au or 0401 018 846.

■ Nova Music Theatre: Grease October 24 - November 8 at the Whitehorse Centre, 397 Whitehorse Rd., Nunawading. Bookings: www.novamusictheatre.com.au

L ANTERN GHOST TOURS

● Sam Marzden (Officer Lockstock) and Imogen Whittaker (Little Sally) in Urinetown the musical.

■ Waterdale Players present the hilarious musical Urinetown from September 25-October 3 at the Rivergum Theatre, Parade College, Bundoora.

Some 19 cast members will take to the stage in this tale of greed, corruption, love and revolution in a time when water is worth its weight in gold. In a Gotham-like city, a terrible water shortage, caused by a 20-year drought, has led to a government-enforced ban on private toilets.

The citizens must use public amenities, regulated by a single malevolent company that profits by charging admission for one of humanity's most basic needs.

Amid the people, a hero decides he's had enough, and plans a revolution to lead them all to freedom.

Inspired by the works of Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill, Urinetown is an irreverently humorous satire in which no one is safe from scrutiny.

Waterdale is a not-for-profit, volunteered-based youth organisation based in the northern suburbs (rehearsing in Thomastown and performing in Bundoora).

Now entering their 11th year of operation since 2004, Waterdale has performed shows such as Ragtime, Annie, Pippin, Little Shop of Horrors and Beauty and the Beast.

Waterdale aims to provide opportunities for performers to develop skills in all theatrical areas within a supportive and accessible environment, and has recently converted a commercial factory into a multipurpose rehearsal facility within Thomastown.

Events will range from beginner adult dance classes to social fundraising nights.

Performance Season: September 25 – October 3 Venue: Rivergum Theatre, Parade College, 1436 Plenty Rd, Bundoora Bookings: waterdale.org.au/urinetown Enquiries: georgia.antonello@waterdale.org.au

WE MAY HAVE TO CHOOSE

BOXED IN ■ Boxed In, in partnership with Scratch Warehouse, VUTC and sponsored by Halffull Studios, is part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival 2015.

“The end is nigh. An apocalyptic media wasteland, where information technology and the news are discarded to meet their digital end.

“The world: a consequence of individuals who never unplug from the technological machine; the deserters left to question.

“The populous becomes restless. The media realm is ever expanding, and so too are its consequences.

“With strict censorship, disinformation, desensitisation, conformity, media bias and no restrictions on media ownership, only one question remains; who will fight, and who will become Boxed In?” La Más Collective presents this immersive event with the incorporation of visual and conceptual art, soundscape, spoken word and performance.

Audiences will be transported to a dystopia where ‘news’ goes to perish; where the product of corrupted media and a twentyfour hour news cycle reigns supreme.

A collective of new local artists and performers have come together to create a dynamic and prolific work that will hope question, challenge and entertain audiences.

Performance Dates: September 28-30 Sept at 8pm Venue: Scratch Warehouse - 271-273 Macaulay Rd, North Melbourne.

Bookings: https://www.melbournefringe.com.au Enquiries: 0413 362 407. ● News of local theatre shows throughout Victoria, as well as auditions, and details of ‘theatre people’, are included every week in the Melbourne Observer newspaper. Local Theatre news is co-ordinated by Cheryl Threadgold, assisted by a team of reviewers.

All write on an honorary basis.

● The Gold, Greed, and Ghosts Tour ■ Lantern Ghost Tours announce their new Gold, Greed, and Ghosts Tour as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival running September 18-October 4.

Spend an evening travelling back to the time of the Gold Rush where many made the long and perilous trip from other continents to Victoria in squalid conditions, hear about the gold mine disasters where men were killed and maimed, learn of people robbed of their hard earned gold, and the infamous Lola Montez entertaining the men of the mines.

Tours run throughout the festival departing from Federation Square and include entrance to the Chinese Museum.

Angela Sims from Lantern Ghost Tours says: “The city of Melbourne is well known for its busy streets and bustling nightlife but step away from the main streets and you find another layer to Melbourne.

“The laneways of Melbourne have their own stories to tell, and not many of them tell a pleasant story. It is no wonder ghosts from the past linger, trying to make sense of what happened to them.”

Multi-award winning Lantern Ghost Tours are back for a fourth year with the Melbourne Fringe Festival. The new Gold, Greed, and Ghosts Tour will run five nights only on Tuesdays and Fridays throughout the festival.

The 1.5-hour tour will be led by ghost host, comedian and actor Ross Daniels. Bookings Essential.

Venue: Departs from under the "i" at the Melbourne Visitor Centre, Federation Square, Melbourne.

Dates: 830pm September 18, 22, 25, 29 , 8.30pm October 2 Tickets: Full: $34 Adults Cheap Tuesday: $17 Adults Only Duration: 1.5 Hours

● Emma Hall in We May Have to Choose Photo: Sarah Walker ■ Emma Hall presents We May Have to Choose from September 18 – October 3 at the Fringe Hub, North Melbourne Town Hall.

Some 621 opinions delivered in 45 minutes, this darkly humorous piece of new writing asks, in a dying world, what is it to speak one’s mind?

One woman presents a poignant study of the personal soapbox and a ride through the subconscious mind.

We May Have To Choose is a darkly humorous piece of new writing that asks: in a dying world, what is it to speak one's mind?

Where: Fringe Hub- Parlour Room, North Melbourne Town Hall Times: 9:15pm Tuesday-Saturday 8:15pm Sunday (45 Min) Bookings: www.melbournefringe.com.au

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Page 44 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 Melbourne

Observer

Lovatts Crossword No 1 Across

Across

Down

1. Pony competition 6. Meddler 11. Large NZ city 15. Drinking glasses 20. Moose 21. Drizzles 22. Married title 23. Nudism 24. Armed conflict within nation (5,3) 25. Family favouritism 27. Segregated 28. Roman robe 29. Hungry 31. Slightly open 32. Skin eruptions 36. Staining 37. Room 38. Painter of The Queen's latest portrait, Rolf ...

41. Length unit 44. Hair dye 45. Touchy 48. Metal extraction plant 49. Cupboard 52. Banked (on) 56. Gets 57. Form of prayer 58. Futile 61. More affluent 62. Bring honour to 63. Gladden, ... up 64. Japan's capital 65. Shillyshallies 66. Greed 67. Withdraws from position (5,4) 71. Fertile desert spot 73. TV personality, ... McGuire 75. Aid financially 80. Pistols 82. Intervening time 83. Jog 85. Definitions 86. Old Spanish money unit 88. Split in church 90. Slays (5,3) 91. Biting insects 93. Wise biblical king 94. Tossing 95. Fragile & airy 96. Suit-makers 97. Jot 99. Charlotte Bronte novel, Jane ...

100. Concludes 104. Of kidneys 105. Taco sauce 106. Sing monotonously 107. Revolved 111. Deserve 113. Fah, soh, ...

114. Inflatable vest, ... west 115. Serving platters 117. Irrational fear 118. Kitchen strainer 121. Saturate (with colour) 122. The Hunchback Of ... Dame 125. Harpoon hunter 126. Formerly Persia 127. Garden of Creation 129. In place, in ...

131. Actress, ... Thompson 132. Stellar 135. Kuwaiti ruler 136. Eternal 139. Siamese 140. Up-to-date 144. Physicist, ... Newton

145. Excel 146. Castle water barriers 147. Elaborately 148. Cattle-farmers 149. Mad (dog) 150. Tied (shoes) 152. Surprise victory 154. Labelled 157. Chinese gooseberry, ... fruit 158. Of the side 162. Grieg opera, Peer ...

163. SOS 166. Wig material 167. Speaks 169. Kind 171. Door frame post 172. Resistant to disease 173. Start (of ailment) 175. Primp 176. Encouraged 179. Tutsi country 180. Ranted 182. Hawaiian garland 183. Belonging to us 184. Spindly 186. Took in (child) 189. Last Greek letter 190. Wallabies or Springboks sport 191. Synagogue scholar 192. Stimulating 196. Disable 197. Canadian province, ... Scotia 198. Kenya's capital 199. Exhilarating 201. Caught 202. Ridicule 203. Departing 204. Fibre-spinning rods 205. Writer, ... Hemingway 208. Journalist's credit (2-4) 210. Cheap ship fare 211. Fertiliser ingredient 212. Redder 213. Bobs head 215. Firebugs 219. Signalling flame 221. Cruel men 223. Searches out scandal 227. From Brussels 228. Mummifies (corpse) 230. Judge's hammer 231. Democratic Republic of Congo 232. Threatened 233. Slip by 234. Gist 238. Tennis ace, ... Edberg 239. Indianapolis state 240. Splatter 243. Arrival 246. Annulled 247. Dressy 250. Woodwind instruments 251. Fools 253. Paltry 256. Helicopter's landing place 257. More hefty 258. Grills 262. Labyrinth 263. Reverie 266. Honey liquor 268. Peacemaker 269. Central Asian republic 270. Lovely women 271. Miniature toy, ... car 272. Banned pesticide (1,1,1) 273. Downy duck 274. Naval exercises 275. Makes stable 276. Perceived wrongly 277. Aerobics outfits 278. Abbreviates

1. Doomed person 2. Legends 3. Equine 4. Cosy home 5. Nearly 7. A few 8. Persecutes 9. Checkers game 10. Thread 11. Henry VIII's ... Boleyn 12. Second-hand vehicles (4,4) 13. Smart aleck (4-3) 14. Friendly 15. Tests 16. Former Soviet region (1,1,1,1) 17. Lightweight timber 18. Go in 19. Mixer drinks 24. Appeared 26. Trading centre 30. Last-minute 33. Pungent cleaning fluid 34. Small hill 35. Sniffed 38. Cross-breeds 39. Made contact with 40. Takes no notice of 42. Canadian lake 43. Bringing up 46. Stud (with jewels) 47. Conformed, ... the line 49. Hurricane 50. Follows orders 51. Europe/Asia 53. Regards highly 54. Riled 55. Aussie sheep herders 59. Very demanding 60. Settle overseas 67. Bewildered 68. Moved on hands & knees 69. Of earthquakes 70. Run (event) 72. Aplomb 74. Travelling worker 76. Gusty 77. Leave impression 78. Smooth over (4,3) 79. Gushed 81. Brash newcomers 84. Egg dish 87. Dried with cloth 89. Moon shape 91. Grinding (teeth) 92. British royal court, ... Palace (2,5'1) 98. Worldwide 101. Group value system 102. Shade of brown 103. Sends via Internet 108. Alleged assassin, Lee Harvey ...

109. Stop! (nautical) 110. Odds or ...

112. Emerging again from sleep 116. Protective shielding (6,5) 119. Act of dunking 120. Say 123. Canoe with attached float 124. Set out differently 128. Enthusiastically 130. From Tel Aviv 132. Allow inside 133. Banjo sound 134. Gangway 137. Cleopatra's land

Down 138. Famous Swiss mountain 141. Main artery 142. Flowed away 143. Yesterday, ..., tomorrow 151. Cling (to) 153. Early fetus 155. Directed 156. Surly person 159. Hoping (to) 160. Vitality 161. Irritating 164. 365-day periods 165. Cosmetics boss, Elizabeth ...

168. Legendary Atlantic continent 170. Money 173. Car distance clock 174. Mideast waterway (4,5) 177. Raincoat fabric 178. Gradually diminished 181. Devotees 185. Thrilling 186. Loss of memory 187. Beginnings 188. Trampled 193. Obscure 194. Sports injury remedy (3,4) 195. Hot springs 200. Venetian boats 201. Conceive of 206. Havens 207. Increases threefold 208. Sun-tanned 209. Most inquisitive 211. Coup organiser 214. Cigarette users 216. Affair of the heart 217. Giving green light to 218. Huge 220. Blacksmith's block 222. German wine, ... Riesling 224. Most avid 225. US cotton state 226. Giant Himalayan peak 229. Criticise harshly 232. Lion's neck hair 235. Poorer quality 236. Wear down 237. Soft goat wool 241. Fence planks 242. Authorise 244. Bridge over gorge 245. Louder 248. Trophies 249. Those ones 251. Weaponry 252. Bogs 253. Office circulars 254. Grand Slam winner, ... Agassi 255. Writer, ... Dahl 259. Happen 260. Prized fur 261. Genders 262. Method 264. Sudden attack 265. Son of Adam & Eve 267. Sprint Solution - Page 30

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 45

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Page 46 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Where To Obtain Your Copy of the Melbourne Observer

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670 Maroondah Hwy, Coldstream. (03) 9739 1409.

CORIO, 3214. Corio Village Newsagency. Shop 27, Corio Village, Corio. (03) 5275 1666.

COWES, 3922. Cowes Newsagency. 44 Thompson Ave, Cowes. (03) 5952 2046.

CRAIGIEBURN, 3064. Craigieburn Newsagency.

Shop 9 Mall, Craigieburn. (03) 9308 2132.

CRANBOURNE, 3977. Cranbourne Newsagency.

105 High St,Cranbourne. (03) 5996 8866.

CRANBOURNE NORTH, 3977. Thompson Parkway Newsagency. Cnr South Gippsland Hwy, Cranbourne North. (03) 5996 0055.

CROYDON, 3136. Burnt Bridge Newsagency. 434 Maroondah Hwy, Croydon. (03) 9870 6140.

CROYDON, 3136. Croydon Newsagency. 158 Main St, Croydon. (03) 9723 2001.

CROYDON NORTH, 3136. Croydon North Newsagency. 5 Exeter Rd, Croydon North. (03) 9726 6030.

DANDENONG, 3175. Lonsdale Newsagency. 250 Lonsdale St, Dandenong. (03) 9792 1897.

DANDENONG, 3175. Lucky Winners Lotto. 118 Hemmings St, Dandenong. (03) 9792 4628.

DANDENONG, 3175. Doveton News & Lotto. (03) 9792 4937.

DEER PARK, 3023. Deer Park Newsagency. 823 Ballarat Rd, Deer Park.(03) 9363 1175.

DENILIQUIN, 2710. Deniliquin Newsagency and Bookstore. (02) 5881 2080.

DIAMOND CREEK, 3089. Diamond Creek Newsagency. 62A Hurstbridge Rd. (03) 9438 1470.

DINGLEY VILLAGE, 3172. Dingley Newsagency.

79 Centre Dandenong Rd, Dingley Village. (03) 9551 1184.

DONCASTER, 3108. Shoppingtown Newsagency.

Shop 34, 619 Doncaster Rd, Doncaster. (03) 9848 3912.

DONCASTER EAST, 3109. East Doncaster Newsagency. 74 Jackson Ct, Doncaster East. (03) 9848 3174.

DONCASTER EAST, 3109. Tunstall Square Newsagency. Shop 4, Tunstall Square, Doncaster East. (03) 9842 2485.

DONCASTER EAST, 3109. The Pines Newsagency.

Shop 35, 181 Reynolds Rd, Doncaster East. (03) 9842 7944.

DROMANA, 3936. Dromana Newsagency. 177 Nepean Hwy, Dromana. (03) 5987 2338.

DROUIN, 3818. Burrows Newsagency, Drouin. (03) 5625 1614.

DRYSDALE, 3222. Drysdale Newsagency. High St, Drysdale. (03) 5251 2776.

EAGLEMONT, 3084. Eaglemont Lucky Lotto, News & Post. 68 Silverdale Rd. (03) 9499 2589.

EDITHVALE, 3196. Edithvale Newsagency. 253 Nepean Hwy. (03) 9772 1072.

ELSTERNWICK, 3185. Elsternwick Newsagency.

348 Glenhuntly Rd, Elsternwick. (03) 9523 8335.

ELSTERNWICK, 3185. Elsternwick Office Supplies.

433 Glenhuntly Rd, Elsternwick. (03) 9523 6495.

ELSTERNWICK, 3185. Ripponlea Newsagency. 78 Glen Eira Rd, Elsternwick. (03) 9523 5649.

ELTHAM, 3095. Eltham Newsagency & Toyworld.

958 Main Rd. (03) 9439 9162.

ELWOOD, 3184. Elwood Newsagency. 103 Ormond Rd, Elwood. (03) 9531 4223.

EMERALD, 3782. Emerald Newsagency. Main St, Emerald. (03) 5968 5152.

EPPING, 3076. Dalton Village Newsagency. (03) 9408 8877.

ESSENDON, 3040. Essendon Newsagency. 15A Rose St, Essendon. (03) 9337 5908.

ESSENDON, 3040. Roundabout Newsagency. 94 Fletcher St, Essendon. (03) 9370 5305.

ESSENDON NORTH, 3041. North Essendon Newsagency. 1085 Mt Alexander Rd, North Essendon. (03) 9379 2243.

FAIRFIELD, 3078. Fairfield Newsagency. 99 Station St, Fairfield. (03) 9481 3240.

FAWKNER, 3060. Fawkner Newsagency. 54 Bonwick St, Fawkner. (03) 9359 2046.

FAWKNER, 3060. Moomba Park Newsagency. 89 Anderson Rd, Fawkner. (03) 9359 1595.

FERNTREE GULLY, 3156. Ferntree Gully Newsagency. Shop 2, 69 Station St, Ferntree Gully. (03) 9758 1343.

FERNTREE GULLY, 3156. Mountain Gate Newsagency. Shop 9B, Ferntree Gully. (03) 9758 4427.

FERNTREE GULLY UPPER, 3156. Upper Ferntree Gully Newsagency. Shop 3 Ferntree Plaza. (03) 9756 0171.

FITZROY, 3065. Fitzroy Newsagency. 337 Brunswick St, Fitzroy. (03) 9417 3017.

FITZROY NORTH, 3068. North Fitzroy Newsagency.

224 St Georges Rd, Fitzroy North. (03) 9489 8614.

FOOTSCRAY WEST, 3012. Kingsville Newsagency.

339 Somerville Rd, Footscray West. (03) 9314 5004.

FOREST HILL, 3131. Brentford Square Newsagency. 29-31 Brentford Sq., Forest Hill.

(03) 9878 1882.

FOREST HILL, 3131. NewsXPress Forest Hill. Shop 215, Western Entrance, Forest Hill. (03) 9878 2515.

FOUNTAIN GATE, 3805. Fountain Gate Newsagency. Shop 1157 (Level 1), Fountain Gate. (03) 9704 6408.

FRANKSTON, 3199. Beach Street Newsagency.

239 Beach St, Frankston. (03) 9789 9736.

FRANKSTON, 3199. Foote Street Newsagency. c/ - Bayside Distribution Services. (03) 9783 4720.

FRANKSTON, 3199. Frankston Newsagency. 5 Keys St, Frankston. (03) 9783 3253.

FRANKSTON, 3199. Karingal Hub Newsagency. c/ - Bayside Distribution Services. (03) 9776 7744.

FRANKSTON, 3199. Young Street Newsagency. 78 Young St, Frankston. (03) 9783 2467.

GARDENVALE, 3186. See Brighton.

GARFIELD, 3814. Garfield Newsagency Pty Ltd. 77 Main St, Garfield. (03) 5629 2533.

GEELONG, 3220. Geelong Newsagency & Lotto.

139 Moorabool St, Geelong. (03) 5222 1911.

GEELONG EAST, 3219. East Geelong Newsagency.

78A Garden St. (03) 5229 5109.

GEELONG WEST, 3218. Manifold Newsagency.

Shop 2, 132 Shannon Ave, Geelong West. (03) 5229 5897.

GEELONG WEST, 3218. Murphy's Newsagency. PO Box 7133, Geelong West. (03) 5229 1973.

GISBORNE, 3437. Gisborne Newsagency. Shop 20, Village Shopping Centre. (03) 5428 2632.

GLADSTONE PARK, 3043. Gladstone Park Newsagency. Shop 164. (03) 9338 3921.

GLEN HUNTLY, 3163. Glenhuntly Newsagency.

1164 Glenhuntly Rd, Glenhuntly. (03) 9571 2551.

GLEN WAVERLEY, 3150. Glen Waverley News.

Shop L2, 65 Glen S/C, Springvale Rd, Glen Waverley. (03) 9802 8503.

GLEN WAVERLEY, 3150. Kingsway Newsagency.

65 Kingsway, Glen Waverley. (03) 9560 9987.

GLEN WAVERLEY, 3150. Syndal Newsagency. 238 Blackburn Rd, Glen Waverley. (03) 9802 8446.

GLENFERRIE, 3122. See Hawthorn.

GLENROY, 3046. Glenroy Newsagency. 773 Pascoe Vale Rd, Glenroy. (03) 9306 9530.

GRANTVILLE, 3984. Grantville Newsagency. Shop 4, 1509 Bass Hwy, Grantville. (03) 5678 8808.

GREENSBOROUGH, 3088. Greensborough Newsagency. Shop 4-5 Greensborough. (03) 9435 1024.

GREENVALE, 3059. Greenvale Newsagency. Shop 4 & 5, Cnr Mickleham & Greenvale Rds, Greenvale. (03) 9333 3154.

GROVEDALE, 3216. Grovedale Newsagency. 19 Peter St. (03) 5243 1480.

HADFIELD, 3046. Hadfield Newsagency. 120 West St, Hadfield. (03) 9306 5007.

HAMPTON, 3188. Hampton Newsagency. 345-347 Hampton St, Hampton. (03) 9598 1239.

HAMPTON EAST, 3188. Hampton East Newsagency.

412 Bluff Rd, Hampton East.(03) 9555 2821.

HAMPTON PARK, 3976. Hampton Park Newsagency. Shop 3, Park Square, Hampton Park. (03) 9799 1609.

HASTINGS, 3915. Hastings Newsagency. 56 High St. (03) 5979 1321.

HAWTHORN, 3122. Glenferrie Newsagency.669 Burwood Rd, Hawthorn. (03) 9818 2621.

HAWTHORN EAST, 3123. Auburn Newsagency. 119 Auburn Rd, Hawthorn East. (03) 9813 4838.

HAWTHORN EAST, 3123. Auburn South Newsagency. 289 Auburn Rd, Hawthorn East.

(03) 9882 2009.

HAWTHORN WEST, 3122. Hawthorn West Newsagency. 44 Church St, Hawthorn. (03) 9853 6098.

HEALESVILLE, 3777. Healesville Newsagency.

(03) 5962 4161.

HEIDELBERG, 3084. Heidelberg Newsagency. 128 Burgundy St, Heidelberg. (03) 9457 1098.

HEIDELBERG WEST, 3081. Heidelberg Heights Newsagency. 35 Southern Rd, Heidelberg West.

(03) 9457 2063.

HEIDELBERG WEST, 3081. The Mall Newsagency.

Shop 18, Heidelberg West. (03) 9457 4244.

HIGHETT, 3190. Highett Newsagency. 2 Railway Pde, Highett. (03) 9555 1010.

HIGHTON, 3216. Highton Newsagency. 7 Bellevue Ave. (03) 5243 4824, HOPPERS CROSSING, 3030. Hoppers Crossing Newsagency. 31 Old Geelong Rd, Hoppers Crossing. (03) 9749 2652, HUNTINGDALE, 3166. Huntingdale Newsagency.

291 Huntingdale Rd, Huntingdale. (03) 9544 1175.

HURSTBRIDGE, 3099. Hurstbridge Newsagency.

800 Main Rd. (03) 9718 2045.

IVANHOE, 3079. NewsXPress. 194-196 Upper Heidelberg Rd, Ivanhoe. (03) 9499 1231.

IVANHOE EAST, 3079. East Ivanhoe Newsagency.

262 Lower Heidelberg Rd, Ivanhoe East. (03) 9499 1720.

KEILOR, 3036. Centreway Newsagency. 59 Wyong St, Keilor East, 3033. (03) 9336 2451.

KEILOR, 3036. Keilor Newsagency. 700 Calder Hwy, Keilor. (03) 9336 7930.

KEILOR DOWNS, 3038. Keilor Downs Newsagency.

Shop 3, Keilor Downs Plaza, Keilor Downs. (03) 9310 9955.

KEW, 3101. Cotham Newsagency. 97 Cotham Rd, Kew. (03) 9817 3840.

KEW, 3101. Kew Newsagency. 175 High St, Kew. (03) 9853 8238.

KEW NORTH, 3101. North Kew Newsagency. 93 Willsemere Rd, Kew. (03) 9853 9383.

KEYSBOROUGH, 3173. Parkmore Newsagency.

Parkmore Shopping Centre, Kensington. (03) 9798 4311.

KILMORE, 3764. Kilmore Newsagency. 41 Sydney St. (03) 5782 1465.

KILSYTH, 3137. Kilsyth Newsagency. 520 Mt Dandenong Rd. (03) 9725 6218.

KINGSVILLE, 3012. See Footscray West.

KNOX CITY. See Wantirna South KNOXFIELD, 3180. Knoxfield Newsagency. (03) 9764 8260.

KOO-WEE-RUP, 3981. Koo Wee Rup Newsagency.

44-48 Station St, Koo Wee Rup. (03) 5997 1456.

LALOR, 3075. Lalor Newsagency. 364 Station St, Lalor. (03) 9465 2698.

LARA, 3212. Lara Newsagency. 44 The Centreway, Lara. (03) 5282 1419.

L AVERTON, 3028. Laverton Newsagency. 12 Aviation Rd, Laverton. (03) 9369 1426.

LEOPOLD, 3028. Leopold Newsagency. 45 Ash Rd, Leopold. (03) 5250 1687.

LILYDALE, 3140. Lilydale Newsagency. 237 Main St. (03) 9735 1705.

LOWER PLENTY, 3093. Lower Plenty Newsagency.

95 Main Rd. (03) 9435 6423.

LOWER TEMPLESTOWE, 3107. See Templestowe Lower.

MALVERN, 3144. Malvern Newsagency. 114 Glenferrie Rd, Malvern. (03) 9509 8381.

MALVERN, 3144. Malvern Village Newsagency.

1352 Malvern Rd, Malvern. (03) 9822 3761.

MALVERN, 3144. Winterglen Newsagency Malvern Lotto. 167 Glenferrie Rd, Malvern. (03) 9509 9068.

MALVERN EAST, 3145. Central Park Newsagency.

393 Wattletree Rd, Malvern East. (03) 9509 9842.

McCRAE, 3938. McCrae Newsagency, 675 Point Nepean Rd. (03) 5986 8499.

McKINNON, 3204. McKinnon Newsagency. 148 McKinnon Rd, McKinnon. (03) 9578 4478.

MELBOURNE, 3000. Mitty's Newsagency. 53 Bourke St, Melbourne. (03) 9654 5950.

MELTON, 3337. Melton Authorised Newsagency.

383-385 High St, Melton. (03) 9743 5451.

MELTON, 3337. NewsXPress. (03) 9743 5451.

MENTONE, 3194. Mentone Newsagency. 24 Como Pde, Mentone. (03) 9585 3494.

MERLYNSTON, 3058. Merlynston Newsagency. (03) 9354 1532.

MIDDLE BRIGHTON, 3186. Middle Brighton Newsagency. 75-77 Church St, Middle Brighton.

(03) 9592 1000.

MIDDLE PARK, 3206. Middle Park Newsagency.

16 Armstrong St, Middle Park.

MILDURA, 3500. Klemm's Mildura Newsagency.

(03) 5302 1004.

MILL PARK, 3082. Mill Park Authorised Newsagency. Stables Shopping Centre, Cnr Childs Rd & Redleap Ave, Mill Park. (03) 9436 4400.

MITCHAM, 3132. Mitcham Newsagency. 503 Whitehorse Rd, Mitcham. (03) 9873 1108.

MOE, 3825. Yeatman's Newsagency. 3A Moore St, Moe. (03) 5127 1002.

MONT ALBERT., 3127. Mont Albert Newsagency.

42 Hamilton St, Mont Albert. (03) 9890 1140.

MONTMORENCY, 3094. Montmorency Newsagency.

41-43 Were St. (03) 9435 8893.

MONTROSE, 3765. Montrose Newsagency. 912 Mt Dandenong Rd. (03) 9728 2057.

MOONEE PONDS, 3039. Puckle Street Newsagency.

45 Puckle St, Moonee Ponds. (03) 9375 2264.

MORDIALLOC, 3195. Mordialloc Newsagency.

574A Main St, Mordialloc. (03) 9580 5141.

MORDIALLOC, 3195. Warren Village Newsagency.

87 Warren Rd. (03) 9580 3880.

MORELAND, 3056. See Brunswick.

MORNINGTON, 3931. Mornington Newsagency. 97 Main St, Mornington. (03) 5975 2099.

MORNINGTON, 3931. Scribes Newsagency. Shop 1/10, Mornington Village, Mornington. (03) 5975 5849.

If your local newsagency is not listed, and you would like them to stock the Melbourne Observer, please ask them to contact All Day Distribution, phone (03) 9482 1145.

MORWELL, 3840. Morwell Newsagency. 176 Commercial Rd, Morwell. (03) 5134 4133.

MOUNT ELIZA, 3934. Mount Eliza Newsagency.

102 Mount Eliza Way. (03) 5974 2347.

MOUNT MARTHA, 3934. Mount Martha Newsagency. 2 Lochiel Ave, Mount Martha. (03) 5974 2347.

MOUNT WAVERLEY, 3149. Pinewood Newsagency.

Shop 59, Centreway Shopping Centre, Mount Waverley. (03) 9802 7008.

MOUNTAIN GATE, 3156. See Ferntree Gully.

MT EVELYN, 3658. Mt Evelyn Newsagency. 1A Wray Cres. (03) 9736 2302.

MULGRAVE, 3170. Northvale Newsagency. 901 Springvale Rd, Mulgrave. (03) 9546 0200.

MULGRAVE, 3170. Waverley Gardens Newsagency. Shop 44, Waverley Gardens, Mulgrave. (03) 9547 5773.

MURCHISON, 3610. Murchison Newsagency, Murchison. (03) 5826 2152, MURRUMBEENA, 3163. Murrumbeena Newsagency. 456 Nerrim Rd, Murrumbenna. (03) 9568 1959.

NARRE WARREN, 3805. Narre Warren News & Tatts. Shop 1 Webb St, Narre Warren. (03) 9704 6495.

NEWCOMB, 3220. Newcomb Newsagency, Geelong. (03) 5248 5434.

NEWMARKET, 3031. Newmarket Newsagency. 294 Racecourse Rd, Newmarket. (03) 9376 6075.

NEWPORT, 3015. Newport Newsagency. 6 Hall St, Newport. (03) 9391 2548.

NIDDRIE, 3042. Niddrie Newsagency. 455 Keilor Rd, Niddrie. (03) 9379 3840.

NOBLE PARK, 3174. Noble Park Newsagency. 22 Douglas St, Noble Park. (03) 9546 9079.

NOBLE PARK, 3174. Variety Newsagency. 1268 Heatherton Rd, Noble Park. (03) 9546 7916.

NORTH BALWYN, 3104. See Balwyn North.

NORTH MELBOURNE, 3051. See West Melbourne.

NORTH MELBOURNE, 3051. Haines Street Newsagency. 46 Haines St. (03) 9328 1195.

NORTH MELBOURNE, 3051. News On Errol. (03) 9326 3744.

NORTHCOTE, 3070. Croxton Newsagency. 509 High St, Northcote. (03) 9481 3624.

NORTHCOTE, 3070. Northcote Newsagency. 335 High St, Northcote. (03) 9481 3725.

NORTHCOTE, 3070. Northcote Newsplaza. (03) 9481 7130.

NUNAWADING, 3131. Mountainview Newsagency.

293A Springfield Rd, Nunawading. (03) 9878 7887.

NYAH, 3594. Nyah General Store. (03) 5030 2230.

OAK PARK, 3046. Oak Park Newsagency. 120 Snell Grove, Oak Park. (03) 9306 5472.

OAKLEIGH, 3166. Oakleigh Newsagency. Shop 61-63, Oakleigh. (03) 9563 0703.

OAKLEIGH EAST, 3166. Oakleigh East Auth.

Newsagency. 190 Huntingdale Rd, East Oakleigh.

(03) 9544 4322.

OAKLEIGH SOUTH, 3167. Oakleigh South Newsagency. (03) 9570 5833.

OCEAN GROVE, 3226. Ocean Grove Newsagency.

82 The Terrace, Ocean Grove. (03) 5256 1779.

PAKENHAM, 3810. Pakenham Newsagency. 99 Main St, Pakenham. (03) 5941 1243.

PARKDALE, 3195. Parkdale Newsagencxy. 238 Como Pde. (03) 9580 1724.

PASCOE VALE, 3044. Pascoe Vale Central Newsagency. 110 Cumberland Rd, Pascoe Vale.

(03) 9354 8472.

PASCOE VALE, 3044. Coonans Hill News/Tatts/ Post Office. 67 Coonans Rd, Pascoe Vale South.

(03) 9386 7465.

PASCOE VALE SOUTH, 3044. Paper N Post. Pascoe Vale South. (03) 9354 1432.

PEARCEDALE, 3912. Pearcedale Newsagency.

Shop 14, Pearcedale Village Shopping Centre, Pearcedale. (03) 5978 6343.

POINT COOK, 3030. NewsXPress. (03) 9395 0424.

POINT LONSDALE, 3225. Point Lonsdale Newsagency. 99 Point Lonsdale Rd. (03) 5258 1159.

PORT MELBOURNE, 3207. Port Melbourne Distribution. (03) 9681 8122.

PORTARLINGTON, 3223. Portarlington Newsagency. Shop 1, 60 Newcombe St, Portarlington. (03) 5289 2892.

PRAHRAN, 3181. Prahran Market Newsagency.

Shop 3A Pran Central, Prahran. (03) 9521 1200.

PRESTON, 3072. Northland Newsagency. Shop 3, Northland Shopping Centre. (03) 9478 2693.

PRESTON, 3072. Preston Newsagency. 377 High St, Preston. (03) 9478 3001.

PRESTON, 3072. Preston Town Hall Newsagency.

411 High St, Preston. (03) 9470 1630.

PRINCES HILL, 3054. See Carlton North.

QUEENSCLIFF, 3225. Queenscliff Newsagency. (03) 5258 1828.

RESERVOIR, 3073. Reservoir Newsagency. 22 Edwardes St, Reservoir. (03) 9460 6317.

RESERVOIR, 3073. Broadway Newsagency. 279 Broadway, Reservoir. (03) 9460 6510.

RHYLL, 3923. Rhyll Newsagency. 41 Lock Rd, Rhyll.

(03) 5956 9205.

RICHMOND, 3121. Swan Street Newsagency. 108 Swan St, Richmond. (03) 9428 7450.

RICHMOND, 3121. Vernons Newsagency. 308A Bridge Rd, Richmond. (03) 9428 7373.

RINGWOOD EAST, 3135. Ringwood East Newsagency. 52 Railway Ave, Ringwood East.

(03) 9870 6515.

RINGWOOD NORTH, 3134. North Ringwood Newsagency. 182 Warrandyte Rd, North Ringwood. (03) 9876 2765.

ROBINVALE, 3549. Robinvale Newsagency. (03) 5026 3264.

ROCKBANK, 3335. Rockbank Newsagency. (03) 9747 1300.

ROSANNA, 3084. Rosanna Newsagency. 135 Lower Plenty Rd, Rosanna. (03) 9459 7722.

ROSANNA EAST, 3084. Banyule Newsagency. 55 Greville Rd, East Rosanna. (03) 9459 7027.

ROSEBUD, 3939. Rosebud Newsagency. 1083 Nepean Hwy, Rosebud. (03) 5986 8359.

RYE, 3941. Rye Newsagency. 2371 Point Nepean Rd, Rye. (03) 5985 2013.

SANCTUARY LAKES, 3030. Sanctuary Lakes Newsagency. Shop 16, 300 Point Cook Rd. (03) 9395 4055.

SALE, 3850. Sale Newsagency. (03) 5144 2070.

SAN REMO, 3925. San Remo Newsagency. 105 Marine Pde, San Remo. (03) 5678 5447.

SANDRINGHAM, 3191. Sandringham Newsagency.

58-60 Station St, Sandringham. (03) 9598 1246.

SEAFORD, 3198. Carrum Downs Newsagency. (03) 9782 6333.

SEAFORD, 3198. Seaford Newsagency. 124 Nepean Hwy, Seaford. (03) 9786 1220.

SEDDON, 3011. Seddon Newsagency & Lotto. 74 Charles St, Seddon. (03) 9687 1919.

SEVILLE, 3139. Seville Newsagency. 654 Warburton Hwy. (03) 5964 2236.

SHEPPARTON, 3630. Lovell's Newsagency. 246 Wyndham St, Shepparton. (03) 5821 2622.

SOMERVILLE, 3912. Somerville Newsagency.

Shop 24, Plaza, Eramosa Rd West, Somerville.

(03) 5977 5282.

SOUTHBANK, 3006. Melbourne Centra Newsagency. 292 City Rd, Southbank. (03) 9690 3900.

SOUTH MELBOURNE, 3205. Clarendon Newsagency. 276 Clarendon St, South Melbourne.

(03) 9690 1350.

SOUTH MELBOURNE, 3205. South Melbourne Newsagency. 358 Clarendon St, South Melbourne.

(03) 9690 7481.

SOUTH MORANG, 3752. South Morang Newsagency. 17-19 Gorge Rd. (03) 9404 1502.

SPRINGVALE, 3171. Springvale Newsagency. 321 Springvale Rd, Springvale. (03) 9546 9235.

ST KILDA, 3182. Esplanade Newsagency. 115 Fitzroy St, St Kilda. (03) 9525 3321.

ST KILDA, 3182. St Kilda Junction Newsagency.

52 St Kilda Rd, St Kilda. (03) 9510 1056.

ST KILDA, 3182. Village Belle Newsagency. 161163 Acland St, St Kilda. (03) 9525 5167.

ST LEONARDS, 3223. St Leonards Newsagency.

Foreshore Rd, St Leonards. (03) 5257 1604.

STRATHMORE, 3041. Napier Street Newsagency.

313 Napier St, Strathmore. (03) 9379 2603.

STRATHMORE, 3041. Strathmore Newsagency. 15 Woodland St, Strathmore. (03) 9379 1515.

SUNBURY, 3429. Sunbury Authorised Newsagency. 14 Brook St, Sunbury. (03) 9744 1220.

SUNSHINE, 3020. Sunshine Newsagency. 3/282 Hampshire Rd, Sunshine. (03) 9312 2654.

SUNSHINE SOUTH, 3020. South Sunshine Newsagency. 22 Tallintyre Rd, Sunshine. (03) 9312 1629.

TAYLORS LAKES, 3038. Watergardens Newsagency. Shop 92, Bay B (Near Safeway), Taylors Lakes. (03) 9449 1122.

TEESDALE, 3328. Teesdale Newsagency. 1071 Bannockburn Rd. (03) 5281 5230.

TEMPLESTOWE, 3106. Templestowe Newsagency.

122 James St, Templestowe. (03) 9846 2486.

TEMPLESTOWE LOWER, 3107. Macedon News & Lotto. 25 Macedon Rd, Lower Templestowe. (03) 9850 2720.

THORNBURY, 3071. Normanby Newsagency. 703 High St, Thornbury. (03) 9484 2802.

THORNBURY, 3071. Rossmoyne Newsagency. 406 Station St,Thornbury. (03) 9484 6967.

TOORADIN, 3980. Tooradin Newsagency. 94 South Gippsland Hwy, Tooradin. (03) 5996 3343.

TOORAK, 3142. Hawksburn Newsagency. 529 Malvern Rd, Toorak. (03) 9827 3569.

TOORAK, 3142. Toorak Village Newsagency. 487 Toorak Rd, Toorak. (03) 9826 1549.

TORQUAY, 3228. Torquay Newsagency. 20 Gilbert St, Torquay. (03) 5261 2448.

TOTTENHAM, 3012. Braybrook Newsagency. 127 South Rd, Tottenham. (03) 9364 8083.

TULLAMARINE, 3045. Tullamarine Newsagency.

199 Melrose Dr, Tullamarine. (03) 9338 1063.

UNDERA, 3629. Undera Newsagency. (03) 5826 0242.

UPWEY, 3158. Upwey Newsagency. 18 Main St, Upwey. (03) 9754 2324.

UPPER FERNTREE GULLY, 3156. Upper Ferntree Gully Newsagency. (03) 9756 0171.

VERMONT, 3133. Vermont Authorised Newsagency. 600 Canterbury Rd, Vermont South.

(03) 9873 1845.

VERMONT SOUTH, 3133. Vermont South Newsagency. 495 Burwood Hwy, Vermont South (03) 9802 4768.

WALLAN, 3756. Wallan Newsagency. 59 High St. (03) 5783 1215.

WANDIN NORTH, 3139. Wandin North Newsagency. 18 Union Rd. (03) 5964 3339.

WANTIRNA SOUTH, 3152. Knox City Newsagency.

Shop 2080, Shopping Centre. (03) 9801 5050.

WANTIRNA SOUTH, 3152. Wantirna South Newsagency. 233 Stud Rd.. (03) 9801 2310.

WARRAGUL, 3820. Heeps Newsagency. 6 Victoria St, Warragul. (03) 5623 1737.

WATSONIA, 3087. Watsonia Newsagency. 93 Watsonia Rd, Watsonia. (03) 9435 2175.

WATTLE PARK, 3128. See Box Hill South.

WERRIBEE, 3030. Werribee Newsagency. 16 Station Pl, Werribee. (03) 9741 4644.

WERRIBEE, 3030. Werribee Plaza Newsagency.

Shop 37, Shopping Centre, Werribee Plaza. (03) 9749 6766.

WEST MELBOURNE, 3003. North Melbourne Newsagency. 178-182 Rosslyn St, West Melbourne. (03) 9328 1763.

WESTALL, 3169. Westall Newsagency. 148 Rosebank Ave, Westall. (03) 9546 7867.

WHEELERS HILL, 3150. Brandon Park Newsagency. Shop 28, Wheelers Hill. (03) 9560 5854.

WHEELERS HILL, 3150. Wheelers Hil Newsagency. 200 Jells Rd, Wheelers Hill. (03) 9561 5318.

WHITTLESEA, 3757. Whittlesea Newsagency. 59 Church St. (03) 9716 2060.

WILLIAMSTOWN, 3016. Williamstown News & Lotto. 16 Douglas Pde, Williamstown. (03) 9397 6020.

WINDSOR, 3181. Windsor Newsagency. 71 Chapel St, Windsor. (03) 9510 2030.

WONTHAGGI, 3995. Wonthaggi Newsagency. 27A McBride St, Wonthaggi. (03) 5672 1256.

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Travellers’Good Buys

with David Ellis

Homage to Christopher Columbus ■ There aren’t many ports in Spain don’t boast a giant statue of Cristóbal Colón.

But who, you may ask, is Cristóbal Colón – to discover that while he may be known by that name in Spain, to the rest of the world he’s more wellknown as Christopher Columbus.

The Spanish, however, love him by their name as much as do his Italian countrymen, and whether he had much to do with their particular port city or not – or even whether he ever visited there for that matter – the Spanish have thrown up statues to his memory all over the place for all to admire.

And in one city, Cartagena, not one but two, every August 3rd celebrating the anniversary of his setting sail on the first of four voyages to ‘discover’ America, and like many ports along the Spanish Atlantic and Mediterranean coasts, using the day as an excuse to party long and hard in celebration of his achievements.

Columbus was a Genoese sailor of Spanish-Jewish descent, unable to get backing from his home city Genoa or even the Italian Government to fund his dream of finding a new and quicker route to India. So for eight years he hounded Spain’s King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella for their support.

Every approach was met with a very curt “No,” until eventually the monarchs gave in, and on August 3,

● Preparing for one of Cartagena’s many annual festivals – this one for May Day and the Festival of Flowers.

Melbourne

Observer Wines & Liqueurs

with David Ellis

Forester: tribute to history ■ It was a fledgling forestry industry way back in the 1850s that opened up the rugged Leeuwin-Naturaliste ridge in Western Australia’s northern Margaret River area.

And today it’s here you’ll find the appropriately named and familyowned Forester Estate winery that’s set delightfully amid majestic Eucalypts that luckily survived those now long-gone other foresters.

And in fact there’s still an historic saw pit on the winery estate from the pioneering timber-getting days, something to perhaps ponder over next time you open a Forester Estate wine – one, we’d suggest, like the exceptional 2014 Sauvignon Blanc that’s a real must for those into their Sauv Blancs.

2014 was a classic year in Margaret River for white grapes, and it’s reflected in this wine that’s both full and light on the palate, coupled with a beautifully creamy-mineral texture.

And also subtly reflected on the palate, are the wine’s aromas of nettles, green capsicum, lychee, passionfruit and cedar oak.

All add up to make a great drop at $27 to enjoy with a Springtime goat’s cheese and asparagus salad.

One to note ■ St Mary Wines, 16km to the west of Penola in south-east South Australia, has released at 2013 Shiraz from fruit grown on its own vineyards atop exceptional terra rossa soil over a classic sub-base of limestone.

With 2013’s stand-out vintage producing fruit of immense colour and character, this wine is one whose complex floral nose has hints of raspberry, rose petals and soft spice, while on the palate it’s all about blackcurrants and cherries coupled with a nicely smooth mouth feel.

At $30 with its richness and structure it’ll develop well in the cellar over many more years to come, or for enjoyment now it’s a natural with beef – be it barbecued T-bone, Asian-style ribs, ground in burgers, or a good fillet poached in red wine.

Pictured ■ For Sauvignon Blanc buffs to enjoy with a goat’s cheese and asparagus salad.

■ Shiraz and beef go hand-inhand: try this one with barbecued T-bones, Asian-style ribs, homemade burgers, or with beef fillet poached in red wine.

1492 Colón/Columbus sailed off from Spain’s port of Palos de la Frontera with a fleet of three ships – the Santa Maria, the Pinta and the Nina.

And while actually looking for that new route to India, central America got in his way and he banged first into what was to later become known as the Bahamas, and soon after Cuba and Hispaniola as well, finding treasures greater than could have hoped of, and returning to Spain in triumph And while the Spain’s southern coast city of Cartagena coast had little to do with all this, today it boasts two prominent statues of the explorer, one in its Old Town and the other on the foreshores of the Mediterranean.

The latter depicts a huge Columbus with right arm outstretched as if pointing across the ocean to the Americas, and while he never lived there the locals will tell you he is important to their city because of its historic connections to the sea and the fact it’s been home to the Spanish Navy since the 16th century.

Today many cruise vessels such as the mega-motor-cruisers SeaDream I and SeaDream II include Cartagena on select Mediterranean itineraries for passengers to soak up its unique ambience.

And the good folk of Cartagena prove most welcoming, particularly with their love of festivals such as the Festival of the May Flowers – one that no one seems quite sure just when it originated.

But priests, brothers and nuns from various religious orders create religious crosses out of a variety of flowers and also decorate the streets with blooms, and in the Old Town women don their traditional flouncy Spanish dresses, the men their high-waisted trousers, and flamenco dancing to the sounds of countless guitars are the order of the day (and night).

And vast amounts of Spanish food sangria and sherry are consumed from dawn to midnight...

Even without the partying Cartagena is a great place to visit, including its remains of a Roman theatre that was once one of the largest in Europe.

Built between 5 and 1 BC at the behest of Emperor Augustus Caesar he dedicated it to his grandsons, Gaius and Lucius.

In the 3rd century AD a moorish Kasbah (market) was built over much of the-then collapsed theatre, and some 10 centuries later a cathedral was constructed adjacent to the site using material purloined from the ancient ruins themselves.

That cathedral was destroyed in 1939 during the Spanish Civil War, its remains laying virtually untouched until excavations began for a new regional arts and crafts centre in 1988 – those excavations unearthing the remains of original old theatre as well.

The site was then turned into a giant archeological dig, with the theatre’s exposure being completed in 2003 and a new museum built alongside.

SeaDream Yacht Club’s SeaDream I and SeaDream II will make four calls at Cartagena in 2016 details travel agents or www.seadream.com - with Malcolm Andrews

Page 48 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 Melbourne

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Sport Extra

Speed Star final for top dogs ■ Sandown Greyhound Racing Club has come up with another innovative idea on behalf of the greyhound code.

Promoted as Australia's newest and most exciting race series, the Speed Star event is currently underway and will culminate in a top class night of racing on Thursday, September 24.

The eight fastest dogs on Sandown track since March from the list of greyhounds nominated, will compete in four, two dog matches.

The winner of each match will collect $10,000, and the overall placings in the Speed Star contest will be determined on the times each dog records on September 24.

Fastest dog overall on that night will also earn a further $15,000 in prizemoney.

“Two canine athletes competing against each other and against the clock – it’s as pure as racing can get,” said Greg Miller, Sandown Greyhound Racing Club CEO. “The format of the race will also allow us to showcase the fastest greyhounds in the country in a way never before seen in greyhound racing, giving punters and fans a whole new perspective of the sport.”

Threfour events will be conducted in quick succession, six minutes apart, meaning the overall result of the contest will be known within 30 minutes.

A variety of betting options on the event will be offered through the TAB. Some trainers will trial their dogs at Sandown on Sundays in September in the lead-up the Speed Star night, in an effort to record a time quick enough to get them on to the list of eligible dogs for the event.

Greyhounds

good in the series, however, and trainers will be keen to win the first big race on the new track.

This Saturday night's Final also features the official opening ceremony for the new track and grandstand and a good attendance is expected.

Controversy with Kyle Galley

Quinella time

■ Popular Gippsland trainer Mick Fearnley is enjoying a good run with his kennel at present.

Mick won two races on the reopening night at Traralgon, and has had several winners there since.

Last week he prepared the Quinella in the St Leger Final at Warragul.

Mick landed the one-two with He's So Good and Harlon.

The pair raced at the head of the field throughout and were the top two in betting with TAB punters.

Both young dogs should continue their good form in the weeks ahead.

Scared off ■ The appearance of brilliant sprinter Fernando Bale seemed to scare many off from the Traralgon Cup series.

There were only three heats of the event staged last weekend, well down on numbers from previous years.

Local representation has been

■ Top stayer Sweet It Is has become embroiled in another drugs controversy.

As reported previously the dog returned a positive swab to caffiene after a feature race in New Zealand earlier this year.

The banned substance Benzoylecgonine (a metabolite of cocaine) has now surfaced in a urine sample taken from Sweet It Is after the State Final of the National Distance Championship staged at The Meadows on August 6.

This positive swab meant that the dog was barred from racing in the overall Final of the NDC series staged at Wentworth Park.

Owner/trainer of Sweet It Is, Braden Finn, was advised of the swab by stewards during a routine property inspection on September 3, and further samples will be analysed by an independent analyst chosen by Finn, as is his right.

Although the dog has won a massive amount of prizemoney during a stellar career, the performance of Sweet It Is has now been tainted by these drugs dramas.

The dog was also previously trained by Darren McDonald, currently suspended while awaiting the outcome of an investigation into his

● Andrea Dailly

Elfen Bale is from the same litter as Fernando Bale - she has a way to go to reach his heights but has proved a handy earner for connections with ■ Feature racing in South Australia over $125,000 in prizemoney in the continues this Thursday night with the bank from 38 starts.

Final of the SA Derby event.

- Kyle Galley Four heats were staged last week and attracted several interstate competitors.

The locals will be hard pressed to come up with a win in their feature event - only one of the eight starters is ■ Wednesday: The Meadows trained in South Australia.

(Day), Bendigo (Twilight), Victorian trainer Andrea Dailly has Cranbourne (Night), Ballarat (N); three finalists, and two other runners Thursday: Warragul (D), are also trained here.

Shepparton (T), Sandown Park (N), Box draw for the Final, due to run Warrnambool (N); Friday: Sale at 9:42pm Melbourne time is: 1. Hard Bargain (Vic), 2. Lektra Concord (D), Bendigo (T), Geelong (N), Sat(Vic), 3. Fun Boss (WA), 4. Dyna urday: Traralgon (T), The MeadDouble One (Vic), 5.Amaro Bale (Vic), ows (N); Sunday: Sandown Park 6. It’s Classified (SA), 7. Blazin’ (D), Healesville (D), Sale (T); Monday: Ballarat (D), Traralgon (T), Bomber (Vic), 8. Fever Pitch (Qld), 9.

Percy’s Lad res. (Vic), 10. Armani res. Shepparton (N); Tuesday: (WA).

Horsham (T), Geelong (T), Last Thursday night, Elfen Bale, Warragul (N). trained by Andrea Dailly, collected the - Kyle Galley SA Oaks. alleged involvement in live baiting.

SA Derby

Upcoming race meetings

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015 - Page 49

Observer Victorian Sport Melbourne

Showbiz Extra ■ From Page 40

Top 10 Lists

One Thousand Chances

■ The One Thousand Guineas to be run at Caulfield on Caulfield Guineas Day next month is developing into one of the best to ever have a crack at the classic.

The Peter Moodytrained top filly, Pasadena Girl, heads the charts at $7.

She has certainly got the form on the board after a brilliant first up run in the Atlantic Jewel Listed Stakes at Moonee Valley.

After settling back in near last place over the unsuitable 1200 metres, her rider Vlad Duric started to move her up, at the 600 metres, but forced wide.

At the turn she was giving the leaders around eight lengths start with the eventual winner, Stay With Me having the run of the race.

Pasadena Girl is by the former Cox Plate winner, Savabeel, and has proved her class with outstanding wins in Sydney.

From five starts she has won three with a second placing at Moonee Valley.

She was very unlucky in the Sires Produce in Sydney, back in April, when fourth to the winner and Blue Diamond champion, Pride of Dubai.

Pasadena Girl gave 2.5 kilos to Stay With Me, and they will meet on level weights in the One Thousand Guineas.

Admittedly you can take anything away from Stay With Me, who won extremely well, by around 1.5 lengths and is a very smart type.

In the care of leading trainers, David Hayes and Tom Dabernig, the daughter of Street Cry, is very smart and will be hard to beat come One Thousand Day. She has had only four starts for two wins and a second.

David Hayes has a big opinion of the filly being out of his outstanding mare, Miss Finland.

Stay With Me is being quoted at $ 8 in early markets.

Another with a big show is the very smart filly, Alaskan Rose, prepared by Flemington trainer, Mike Moroney, who says she is among the

Ted Ryan

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● Alaskan Rose Photo by SLICKPIX, phone 9354 5754

has trained. She made it two, from two with another impressive win at Caulfield over 1400 metres, stepping up from her big win at her first outing on the hilly track at Sandown.

She too, like the above mentioned, is beautifully bred being

by Encosta De Lago from a Redoute's Choice mare in Saskia.

She is one who certainly will handle the trip of 1600 metres of the classic at the Heath, now being quoted at $9.

Another outstanding chance in the Guineas is the Sydney filly, Speak Kindly, trained by leading trainer, Gai Waterhouse.

She won the Group 2 Coolmore Stakes in great style at Randwick over 1200 metres, and gives every indication that she will have no trouble with the 1600 metre trip of the One Thousand Guineas.

Speak Kindly, is by the ill-fated sire, Northern Meteor

from the Flying Spur mare, Blab, beautifully named.

From her six outings she has won three with two minor placings.

Her only blemish was when she finished well back in the Golden Slipper behind Vancouver.

She is also at $9.

In summary I like Pasadena Girl, I loved her run at the Valley, while the other three, Alaskan Girl, Stay With Me and Speak Fondly are definite chances.

They to me, appear the best at this juncture.

Wide

■ With only weeks to go before the running of the Caulfield Cup, bookies have framed a wide open market for the big one on Saturday 17.

They have the top Japanese galloper, Fame Game, on the top of the market at the big odds of $13.

He is a class galloper and is also fa-

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Sulky Snippets

vorite for the Melbourne Cup. The Japanese took home the Cup last year with the ill-fated Admire Rakti, and back in 2006 won our Melbourne Cup with Delta Blues.

Equal favourite is the Australian Derby winner, Mongolian Khan, who will stay as long as your motherin-law, is one who will command plenty of attention from punters.

On the next line is another Japanese galloper with plenty of scope and a good staying strong type in

● Pasadena Girl Photo by SLICKPIX, phone 9354 5754 Park, back in July.

Despite being born three weeks premature, the well conformed filly has all the earmarks of a good horse.

Hokko Brave; conThis is according to nections are very con- Eliza Park Interfident of a big show in national's adviser, both the Caulfield and Adam Henry.

Melbourne Cups.

Fiorente covered He is at $15; then 186 mares in his first we have a couple of season - the most of John'Shea's runners any first-season sire in with plenty of ability. Australia - a fantastic Hartnell, the inter- effort. national horse who took all before him in the autumn in Sydney, will be well in it, the ■ Victorian based other is Hauraki, an- stallions are eligible other nice type with for lucrative Super VOBIS and VOBIS loads of scope.

Both are being Gold schemes.

Nominated youngquoted at $ 17. sters will race for a On the next line is amount of a very promising type record prizemoney and bofour-year old stallion, nuses this season, with Alpine Eagle, raced by the popular VOBIS wine king Wolf Blass, Gold Premier Race and prepared in South Series boasting an adAustralia by leading ditional two feature trainer, Tony Mc races means that, for Evoy. the first time, more than $20 million in prizemoney and bonuses will be on offer ■ Melbourne Cup across Victoria's two winner, Fiorente, has lucrative owners’ and presented his first foal breeders’ incentive to the world, a schemes, Super VOsprightly, filly out of BIS and Gold and Liberates, a Statue of VOBIS Gold in a seaLiberty mare at Eliza son.

Observer Racing

Gold

First foal

● Stay With Me Photo by SLICKPIX, phone 9354 5754

■ Len Baker’s column returns in October, when Len returns from his overseas travel.

Ted Ryan’s shows

■ Time is ticking away before my Racing Shows commence prior to the big classics in Melbourne.

On the Thursday night prior to the Caulfield Cup, I will be at the Taylors Lakes Hotel on the Melton Hwy from 6pm until 8pm.

There will be giveaways, a phantom call, and tips for the big meeting on the Saturday.

The following night I will be at the Newmarket Hotel, Flemington between 4pm and 7pm, with giveaways, Tips and a phantom call of the main race.

This will continue each Thursday and Friday nights until Derby Eve inclusive.

This covers the Caulfield Cup, the Cox Plate and the Derby, also tips for the Melbourne Cup. Hope to see you either at one of the venues or both.

- Ted Ryan

Iron Maiden visit

■ Rock legends Iron Maiden, whose new studio double album The Book of Souls just debuted at No 2 in Australia, will make an anticipated return in May next year.

Their Boeing 747-400 jumbo jet Ed Force One will be piloted by vocalist Bruce Dickinson,carrying band, crew and stage production and equipment.

Their first Australian tour since 2011, Maiden will play five arena shows in May with tickets going on sale to the general public at 12 Noon, Thursday September 24 via Ticketek.

Iron Maiden will play at Rod L:aver Arena on Thursday, May 9.

The support band on The Book Of Souls Tour will be The Raven Age, according to Kerry O’Brien Publicity.

Page 50 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

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Harry Adlerstein, Nicholas Aitken, Roy Alderton, Merryn Aldous, Steve Ahern, Annette Allison, Kathleen Amarant, David Anderson, Matthew Anderson, Tom Andronas, Heidi Arena, David Argue, Bill Armnstrong, Ash Arthur, Robert Ashworth, José Auditore, Don Baker, Tony Barber, Heather Barry, Gary Bartholomew, Alan Baskin, Prue Bassett, Liza Bateman, Andrew Baudinette, Glenn Bear, Steve Bedwell, Brad Beitzel, Ian Bell, Hillel Benedykt, Craig Bennett, Jayne Bennett, Ray Belcher, Phillip Bennett, Rachel Berger, Wayne Binfield, Tara Bishop, Jason Blackman, Robert Boileau, Michael Bonaddio, Jeffrey Bounds, Latika Bourke, Rod Boyd, Bruce Bradfield, Lucy Bright, Cheryl Brown, Geoff Brown, Jenchurai Brown, Ashley Browne, Barry Browne, Kristi Bryant, Paul Bryant, Rob Buckingham, Adam Burrage, Jeff Buzza, Fiona Byrne, Peter Byrne, John Cantrill, Megan Castran, Julie Cavanagh, Angela Ceberano, Chrsitina Chia, Marylyn Christie, Stacey Christopoulos-Fakhry, Gerry Connolly, Michael Conway, Lynne Cook, Debra Cooper, Muriel Cooper, Matthew Corbett, Shawn Cosgrove, Pete Coulon, Don Crawford, Barry Creyton, Wes Crook, Steve Curtis, Gerard Daffy, Donna De La Rue, Matthew Deller, Donna Demaio, Luke Dennehy, Victoria Dinic, Judith Dix, Greta Donaldson, George Donikian, Chez Donoghue, Virginia Dowser, Coral Drouyn, Leigh Drew, Dee Dee Dunleavy, Issi Dye, Merv Dyer, Helen Eastwood, Les Egglestone, Rob Elliott, Tom Elliott, Lisa Engelander, Jackie Epstein, Nick Erby, Jenny Evans, Peter Fearn, Tony Featherstone, Dean Felton, Caroline Ferguson, Gene Bradley Fisk, Ridha Fkih, Alan Fletcher, Rob Foenander, David Font, Des Ford, John Foreman, Virginia Megan Freeman-Sumarac, Steve Frew, Simon Gallagher, Toni Giannarelli, Mark Gillies, Mark Gogoll, Doug Golden, Maurice Golden, Peter zGordon, Libbi Gorr, Lachlan Gould, Bruce Gow, Deborah Jane Gray, Mya G. Grayly, Emily Greenaway, Peter Greenaway, Sal Grimshaw, Haydn Gregson, Natalie Grosby, Anthony Hadj, André

SOCIAL MEDIA FAMILY Continued from previous column Haermeyer, Claire Halliday, Kate Halliday, Fiona Hamilton, Jennifer Hansen, Rod Hardy, Wendy Hargreaves, Barbara Harper, Carolyn Hartmann, John Hay-Mackenzie, Brett Hayhoe, Anthony Healey, Tanya Healey, Jacqueline Healy, Lissi Heffernan, Alex Hehr, Gigi Hellmuth, Meg Heres, Chris Herrod, Matt Hetherington, Melissa Hetherington, Colleen Hewett, Victor Hiah, Glenn Hodges, Shannon Holloway, JaneHolmes, Julie Houghton, Gavin Howard, Andrew Howarth, Frank Howson, John-Michael Howson, Craig Huggins,Alex Hutchinson, Chris Ilsley, Judith Ann Jacques, Neil James, Ross James, Harry Jenkins, Mark Jenkins, Loretta Johns, Cheryle Johnson, Bob Jones, Marcie Jones, Jeff Joseph, Cris Jubb, Helen Kapalos, Warren Kay, Sandy Kaye, Frank Kendall, Jane Kennedy, Chris Keating, Julie Kiriacoudis, Robert Kirwan, Peter Klages, Mark Knight, Imren Kuyucu, Michael Lallo, Yvonne Lawrence, Nathan Lay, Nick Le Souef, Jim Lee, Alison Lee-Tet, Julie Leeming, Sam Lewin, Adam Long, Anne Long, Daniel Long, Dominique Long, Greg Long, Jaide Long, James Long, Kieran Long, Linda Long, Pat Long, Sarah Long, Neil Longdon, Lucy Loprete, Diane Luxmore, Gary Mac, Joan Mac, Wayne Mac, Helen Macdonald, Lachlan Macdonald, Fiona Mackenzie, Trent Mackenzie, Jan Maher-Martin, Jacki MarconGreen, Benjamin Marks, Jeanette Martin, Chrissy Massingham, David Masson, Ian Maurice, Dana McCauley, Sandra McCurdy, Angela McGowan, Shane McInnes, Jane McLaren, Margaret Mclelland, Sue McPhee, Gary McQuade, Marney McQueen, Ross McSwain, Ric Melbourne, Mike Menner, Maria Mercedes, Peter Mery, Rosie Moffat, Jamie Mollard, Wayne Motton, Kenneth Mulholland, Craig Murchie. Kate Murphy, Mary Murphy, Laura Musial, Kate Neilson, Rick Newbery, Greg Newman, Gary Newton, Spencer Nicholls, Paul Nicholson, Georgina Nickell, Rick Num, Libby Nutbean, Kerry O’Brien, Eddie Olek, Maris O’Sullivan, Simon Owens, Mick Pacholli, Silvie Paladino, David Palmer, Andrew Pante, John Parker, Simon Parris. John Pasquarelli, Bill Passick, Dawn Patterson, Marcus Paul, Allan Pennant, Penni Perrin, Ali Perris, Libby Petrella, Elise Petty, Judy Phillips, Felix Pindato, Angela Pippos, Greta Polonsky, Tony Porter, Gene Price, John Price, Cindy Pritchard, Robert Pullin, Howard Purcell, Joan Purcell, Ben Quick, Jamie Redfern, Helen Relph, Dean Reynolds, Don Reynolds, Mark Richardson. Rob Richardson, Kim Richter.

Christine Ridd, Glenn Ridge, Annie Roberts, Wendy Roberts, Clive Rodda. Di Rolle, Libby Ross, Rena Ross, David Rouch, Norman Rowe, Maria Rowland, Lisa Rudd, Pete Rudder, Lisa Millar Ruggerio. Sally Russell, Chris Ryan, Denis Scanlan, Tom Schouten, Brendan Scott, James Scott, Mark Scott, Adam Shand, Janet Shaw, Jim Shomos, Glenys Sigley, Matthew Sigley, John Silvester, Phil Skeggs, Ruta Skoba, Damian Sleep, Frank Slevin, Deborah May Small, Judy Small, Dennis Smith, Justin Smith, Deb Sorrell, Susan Spagnolo, Ken Sparkes, Maddy Sparks, Jim Spreadborough, Garry Spry, Victoria St John, Michelle Stamper, Artie Stevens, Ian Stewart, Natasha Stipanov, Bruce Stockdale, Richard Stockman, Deb Sukarna, Liz Sullivan, Anne Swinstead, John Tamb, Jason Taylor, Rachel D. Taylor, Nui Te Koha, Phil Teese, Lyndall Tennant, Serge Thomann, Gaylene Thompson, Jenny Thompson. Alan Thorley, Greg Tingle, Ellice Tobin, Kevin Trask, Penny Tregonning, Sue ThrethownJones, James Tulk, Judy Turnbull, Robin Turner, Les Twentyman, Hans Van Bloemendaal, Peter van Hauen, Michelle van Raay, Michael Vaughan, John Vertigan, Heidi Victoria, Steve Vizard, Christian Wagstaff, Mal Walden, Paul Walsh, Zoe Walsh, Geoff Ward, Cecily Waters, Rob Watts, Linda Weber, Nicki Wendt, Paul Weston, Kelvin Weston-Green Christie Whelan-Browne, Marilyn Whitelaw, Michael J Wilkie, Eric Williams, Helen Williams, Lisa Williams, Gavin Wood, Ian Wright, Roni Wildboer, Michelle Zydower.

More names to be added in next issue

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Trades and Services Guide Find the bes adespeople in the Melbourne Observ es Guide bestt trtradespeople Observer Services Guide.. TToo plac placee an ad, phone 1800 231 311 311.. er T rades and Servic Our Classifieds Departmen 30pm Monda rida or @MelbourneObserv er Departmentt is open 9am-5.

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Page 52 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, September 16, 2015

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2016 Travel Planner

Noosa Blue Resort

W e l ccome ome tto o Noosa Blue Noosa Blue is a 4-star rated boutique style resort that sits proudly at the top of the hill in Noosa Heads.

Located between Hastings Street and Noosa Junction, Noosa Blue offers the convenience of being away from the crowds but still only 450m from the beach.

We can even drop you off at Hastings street in our courtesy car so you can shop the day away!

Book an open planned fully self-contained one-bedroom deluxe room with air-conditioning and private balconies or upgrade to a penthouse with private roof top spa, barbeque and beautiful views of the hinterland, river or ocean.

Noosa Blue has great facilities which include free Wi-Fi, heated pools and spa, fully equipped gymnasium, free secure parking and a courtesy car to Hastings Street.

Noosa is Queensland’s most luxurious holiday destination, where you can choose to visit stylish street side restaurants and shop in top class fashion boutiques. For the adventurous at heart there are spectacular bush walks that feature a beautiful array of flora and fauna, famous north facing surf beach, tours of Fraser Island, bike and kayak hire, deep sea fishing tours and much more.

Conferencing with a flare. Just above famous Hastings Street Noosa Blue Resort offers a variety of options within the one location from small private meetings and conferences, team building exercises, rooftop cocktail functions, poolside gourmet barbecues and lavishly themed gala dinners for up to 180 guests.

Noosa Blue Resort is the perfect conference venue with a relaxed village atmosphere, 65 one bedroom self-contained suites and a purpose built conference centre all in the one location.

We offer indoor and outdoor venues spaces, superb cater-

Fact File NAME: Noosa Blue Resort ADDRESS: 16 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, Qld 4569 PHONE: (07) 5447 5483 CONT ACT ONTA CT:: Liam WEB: www.noosablue.com.au E-MAIL: marketing@noosablue.com.au

ing options and a team of professional staff to seamlessly coordinate your event.

Noosa has a long history of providing respite from the cares of everyday life. Even the name ‘Noosa’ means ‘shade’ in the local Murri dialect and the area offered local indigenous tribes a resting place on their way to the regular Bunya nut feast in the nearby Blackall Ranges.

So in this tradition, Noosa Blue invites you to stay a while and shelter by the sea in our beautiful resort.

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