Melbourne Observer. 120314A. March 14, 2012. Part A. Pages 1-24, Pages 37-38.

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DI ROLLE’S LATEST NEWS Page 8

JOHN’S BILE FILE Page 22

GUEST RADIO WRITER Page 40

HARRY BEITZEL ON FOOTY

GO SHOW GOLD ■ Ronnie Burns and Normie Rowe starred in The Go! Show Gold concert at The Palais Theatre, St Kilda, at the weekend, staged by promoter Dennis Smith. More photos on Page 6. Report on Page 12.

Photo: Tony Healey

Secrets of ‘High Tea’

Page 58

BURLESQUE CHAMPIONS

Melbourne

Observer ISSN 1447 4611

■ Secrets to a nice afternoon tea were celebrated this week at The Langham

by Darren Purchese, Gorgi Coughlan, Chef Tsang and Chef Anthony. Di Rolle has all the details on Page 8

■ ‘Virtue Van Tassel’ is one of the finalists in the State Finals of the Miss Burlesque Australia quest to be held at Thornbury Theatre on Friday, March 23. More on Page 14.

VICTORIA’S INDEPENDENT WEEKLY NEWSPAPER

Page 2 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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Melbourne Observer

W hen you lose someone you love you don’ don’tt need someone telling you how it is is..

You need ggenuine enuine empathy and sup port. support.

You need clear arrang ement details arrangement details..

You need things done the way you want. eel included Most of all you need to ffeel - lik amily. likee a ffamily.

How do we know?

Because that’ hat we do that’ss w what do..

T ender Moments - Tender Care

9369 4919 24 Hour Service Altona - Laverton - Werribee www.candlepines.com.au

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 3

Breaking News

It’s All About You!

Melbourne

INSOLVENT LAWYER FAILED Observer TO LODGE TAX RETURNS In This 60-Page Edition

Mark Richardson: Porch Thoughts ......... Page 4 News: Vic. nurse disqualified ............... Page 5 Melb. People: Been and seen ............... Page 6 Di Rolle: ‘I love my job’ ...................... Page 8 Long Shots: Go! Show Gold ................ Page 12 Yvonne Lawrence: Life and Style .......... Page 14 Observer Readers Club: Birthdays ........ Page 21 Extra: Joan Leslie profile ................... Page 22 Melb. Trader: Free readers ads .... starts Page 25 Victoria Pictorial: Historic photos ........ Page 36 Radio: Guest writer Michael Frazer ...... Page 40 Jim Sherlock Aaron Rourke Cheryl Threadgold Julie Houghton

Rumours!

Observer Showbiz

● Janis Schneider and Ian Grealy pictured during rehearsals of Rumors at Encore Theatre.

Photo: Kevin Trask ■ Encore Theatre presents Rumours on Blood, Rumours tells of several affluent March 16, 17, 22, 23, 24, 29, 30, 31 at 8pm couples arriving at a posh suburban residence and March 18, 25 at 2.15pm at the Clayton for a dinner party that goes terribly wrong.

Community Centre Theatrette, Cooke St., Tickets: $20 Full price, $18 Concession.

Clayton. $15 Opening Night tickets. Bookings: 1300 Written by Neil Simon and directed by Annie 739099 www.encoretheatre.com.au

‘AGE’ WRITER SACKED BROADSHEET FIRES REVIEWER: REPORT

● Jim Schembri

■ Long-time Age film critic Jim Schembri has “left the building”, ending a relationship that goes back to 1984.

Crikey online newsletter reports that the senior writer was following revelations he had dobbed on the employers of his Twitter critics and had hinted at taking legal action under the auspices of Fairfax Media.

Schembri is reported to have met with Age Editor Paul Ramadge. One idea was for Schembri to take accumulated leave.

Ramadge is said to have preferred axeing the critic.

■ Victorian barrister Gerard Peter Long (no relation) has been suspended from practising for four months, because he failed to meet his taxation obligations.

Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal President Justice Iain Ross and Member Fiona Harrison affirmed an earlier decision.

Long pleaded guilty to professional misconduct. He failed to lodge returns for income from 1994 to 2006. He failed to pay income tax over that time.

VCAT heard that Long also failed to pay Pay-As-You-Go income tax or GST. He had suffered from major depression and had problems with alcohol.

Suspension of Long’s certificate took effect between July-November last year.

He is a discharged bankrupt.

Legal Services Commissioner Michael McGarvie said Long’s failure over a prolonged period to meet his civic and legal tax obligations, showed he was not a fit and proper person for legal practice.

- Ash Long, Editor

Latest News Flashes Around Victoria

Nail in sandwich ■ The City of Greater Bendigo is investigating how a two-inch rusty nail came to be inside a salad roll sold at St John of God Hospital, Bendigo.

Threat to self-harm ■ Horsham woman Jeanette Wood threatened self-harm after co-accused Stewart Rinaldi was jailed last week.

Latest phone scam ■ A warning has been issued over a phone scam which owes a refund for over-payment of utilities accounts.

St Patrick’s Day Special Offer Available only until March 31

Rhys Meirion & Tony Fenelon ‘Awesome Wonder’ $20 including postage and handling You can order a copy of Rhys Meirion’s CD, Awesome Wonder, fror just $20 (inlcudes postage and handling) from Resonance Recording Co. Just complete the coupon, and send with your cheque or money order.

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Top 5 THE TOP 5 WAYS TO LIVEN UP THE QANTAS AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX 5. Put a drive-though Mc Donald's on the track.

4. Have a feature event.

The winner of the Grand Prix versus Black Caviar.

3. Make the track more like Melbourne's roads put in some pot-holes.

2. Scrap the Qantas Airbus A 380.

Have Ron Walker fly over in a hang glider.

1. Get Brynne Edlesten to wear Bernie Ecclestone as a drop earring.

Nearer My God To Thee. Amazing Grace. Pie Jesu. Price.

The Holy City (Jerusalem). Ave Maria. Rock Of Ages.

Jesu Joy Of Man’s Desiring. Pania Angelicus.

Abid With Me. Oh Holy Night. Trumpet Voluntary.

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How Great Thou Art. Hallelujah Chorus.

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To: Resonance Recording Co 16 Christine Ave, Berwick PO Box 565, Berwick, Vic 3806 Yes! Please send me the Awesome Wonder CD. I enclose my Cheque/Money Order for $20.

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Page 4 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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Mark Richardson ♥

Straight from the heart

E-Mail: mark@localmedia.com.au

BIG, BOLD AND BLOODY FUNNY Porch Thoughts GAVIN BELL ■ With hands as quick as Muhammad Ali in the ring, Melbourne speed caricaturist Gavin Bell can 'knock out' 30 people per hour at corporate events by creating 'Big Bold & Bloody Funny' caricatures and cartoons.

Gavin's comedic take and interactive performances have left lasting impressions on thousands of Melburnians for almost 20 years, including of some of Australia's popular television personalities and sporting legends: Matt Preston, Livinia Nixon, Kimberley Davies, Eddie McGuire, Peter Mitchell, Lester Ellis, Gary Lyon, Peter Brock and Lleyton Hewitt.

Gavin's world premier YouTube commercial launching his new interactive corporate show - 'Gavin Bell Capturing The Essence' was released last week and on Gavin's Porch (yes, on the floor at a corporate event in East Melbourne) I put my pen to paper for an exclusive 'Porch Thought' interview, where it turned out, Gavin had turned his felttipped pen back on me!

Your 'Porch' is a function full of faces, how did 'Big Bold & Bloody Funny' come to life?

My Dad is a great caricaturist so the talent is in my blood. One of my first gigs in 1993 was drawing guests in pubs and nightclubs around Melbourne. My style was quite 'Big Bold & Bloody Funny', so I thought it was a good fit for my business name.

At school, were you one of those students who always doodled in class?

I was a bit of an all rounder, and yes, I was quite the doodler and had a crack at a few of the teachers.

You have an amazing ability to entertain people with your comedic banter as you draw, what else do you bring to events?

I have an array of characters I can perform. One of my favourite characters is a bikie named 'Tex'. On his debut performance at a birthday party in an Eltham restaurant, the guests first thought I was there to rob the place.

What did you do before 'Big Bold and Bloody Funny' took off?

I stayed at home and sharpened my pencils! I completed a Post In-

● Gavin Bell: Big, Bold and Bloody Funny dustrial Design Degree at RMIT. I worked as a Graphic Artist and Freelance Illustrator / artistic jackof-all-trades. At night I would draw the people I met or seen during the day - a habit that's still with me.

When someone sits in front of you, how does the process begin?

If performing seated (I usually rove), I try and can get a handle on someone's personality. I always look, study, think, and make a few snap observations before my pen hits the paper.

For you, what is the most enjoyable aspect of creating caricatures?

I love mingling with people and having snappy conversations and seeing their reactions from subjects.

It's like giving someone a surprise ● Caricature of Master present. All the slaps on the back and Chef's Matt Preston positive feedback is great too.

● Trade Show Entertainment

● Gavin's Corporate Speed Painting of Dame Edna What is the funniest comment you have received about one of your creations?

It was a private party entertainment and a male had one of the best faces for radio I'd seen in a long time and he told me to 'go for it?' Well of course I 'bloody' nailed the sketch and it brought the house down! One of his mates said, "It looks like a nose with a head hanging off it." I thought it was a ripper of a line.

Has anyone been offended by your feature exaggeration?

Early in my career I was a shopping centre caricature artist and shoppers would pay $20 to have their caricature drawn. I quickly got a handle on what level of distortion that was acceptable and have stuck to aiming to please - it's a trade off between getting those tips for wrinkle reduction and 'staying true' to the subject matter. I joke that I keep counsellors in business!

If you could do a live sketch of any one of your idols, who would it be and why?

Picasso. Weirdly my personal project style has developed along similar lines (pardon the pun) without being influenced by his works.

I'd love to talk shop, and yes, he had a great face to draw too.

What is one thing you can't live without on your Porch?

My bum bag. I pioneered the artist bum bag technique where I can keep my drawing gear in easy reach without looking for things, I just go by feel. It's perfect so I keep the momentum going.

What is your Porch thought of the Day? A photographer once told me, 'It's easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission'. That thought keeps the larrikin inside me alive.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 5

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Breaking News

Financial Planning

SEX CASE: NURSE DISQUALIFIED Barry’s jazz debut

Briefs

with Jon and Andrew Rancie of Rancie McLean Financial Planning Level 4, 420 Collins Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Phone: 9671 4990

45 arrested

Dollar Cost Averaging Does It Work?

■ Some 45 people were arrested by Police at the Future Music Festival held at the Flemington Racecourse at the weekend.

Mayne game

● Stephen Mayne ■ Stephen Mayne says he is a ‘95 per cent chance’ to stand for Melbourne City Council at its elections later this year.

Mayne is currently a Councillor at the City of Manningham, and lives in Templestowe. Lord Mayor Cr Robert Doyle is yet to announce if he will stand for election.

■ Kennedy Swamy has lost his bid to be re-registered as a nurse, after the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal heard he had sex with a cognitively impaired person.

Swamy had been sentenced to a minimum 15-month jail term, after the Division 2 nurse had sex with a young patient who was undergoing treatment for a serious psychiatric disorder.

Swamy was found to have committed “professional misconduct” after the criminal acts, was reprimanded, and disqualified from applying for registration until March 2014.

VCAT Senior Member Noreen Megay and Member Marietta Bylhouwer heard allegations brought by the Nursing and Midwifery Board of Australia.

The Board alleged that Swamy was supervising the victim and three other patients in the gymnasium at the hospital. On the first occasion, he inspected her genitals for signs of disease, and had unprotected intercourse.

On the second occasion, the victim and he entered the toilets and unportected intercourse occurred. Swamy said he believed the sex to be consensual.

The Nursing and Midwifery Board said Swamy’s behaviour failed to take steps to protect the interests and safety of the young patiernt, and that he developed an improper close personal relationship with her.

“The victim had been diagnosed as having first episode psychosis and, in the opinion of the treating doctor, she was incapable of giving consent to any sexual conduct.”

● Barry Adamson ■ Jazz ‘devil’ Barry Adamson presents the Australian debut screening of his first feature film Therapist - at Pure Pop Records, 221 Barkly St, St Kilda on Monday (Mar. 19) (sold out) and on Tuesday (Mar. 20) from 7pm.

Adamson is long celebrated for his film compositions contributed to films by other directors, including David Lynch.

Therapist is complete with looping narrative and world-within-a-world structure. It is unashamedly an artists' film, exploring the contradiction between memory, fantasy, truth and the experience of life itself.

Ticket price includes a moderated Q and A with Dave Graney and Barry, a glass of champagne and hearty Mexican food from Blue Corn.

There are only 50 tickets for sale at $35 each.

Book tickets now in person at Pure Pop Records, 221 Barkly St, St Kilda, or phone 9525 5066.

- Cheryl Threadgold

DISCOUNT ON JAIL TERM Hairspray

Valuable lessons can sometimes be lost due to emotional responses created from short-term volatility and disruption. It can be so frustrating!

One of the most straightforward strategies that can be utilised to assist client portfolios in times of high frustration and volatility is that of dollar cost averaging.

Dollar cost averaging is an investment strategy that can be used with any investment. Dollar cost averaging involves investing equal monetary amounts regularly over specific time periods (such as $100 monthly) in a particular investment or portfolio.

By doing so, more shares are purchased when prices are low and fewer shares are purchased when prices are high. The point of this is to lower the total average cost per share of the investment, giving the investor a lower overall cost for the shares purchased over time.

The really interesting thing with dollar cost averaging actually works better in volatile markets rather than those that gradually increase.

As investors we all prefer markets like those from 2003 to early 2008 when despite the odd “market correction” along the way the overall direction was pointing up.

Since the start of 2008 and the global financial crisis volatility has been ever present. 1% to 2% swings on a regular basis have coursed a significant amount of stress but interestingly enough some of us have become a little conditioned to it!

That’s a discussion for another time.

An example of a dollar cost averaging strategy is where $100 is invested over five time periods.

The market price of the investment begins at $10, falls to $7.50, falls further to $5.50 before bouncing back to $11 before settling back at $10. In other words the market over the five investment periods has ended where it started.

The bad news about dollar cost averaging is that some times you will be buying into a market at high prices although you will also be buying in at low points, which is where you essentially make your money.

In this case, at the end of the period by dollar cost averaging the investment portfolio was worth $606. Keep in mind, $500 was invested and the market ended where it started.

Little Room ■ The Living Room Theatre presents A Little Room from Mar. 15 – 24 at fortyfivedownstairs, 45 Flinders Lane, Melbourne, Tickets: $32/ $25. Bookings: 9662 9966 or w w w. f o r t y f i ve downstairs.com

Online ■ The full collection of Graham Kennedy letters, featured in last week’s Observer, can be read free in sharp definition at our website: melbourneobserver. com.au

● Graham Kennedy

● Leighton Irwin (Seaweed) and Alana West (Little Inez) rehearse SLAMS Musical Theatre Company’s production of Hairspray, opening on March 23 in Ringwood.

Photo: Shane Hunt ■ SLAMS Musical Theatre Company presents Hairspray The Musical from March 23 – March 31 at the Mahon Theatre, Aquinas College, Great Ryrie St, Ringwood.

Set in Baltimore, 1962, 16-year-old Tracy Turnblad is a big girl, with big hair, a big heart and big dreams.

All she wants to do is dance.

This exciting and fun musical is filled with laughs, huge dance numbers and great songs.

Performances: March 23, 24, 28, 29 30, 31 at 8.00pm; March 25, 31 @ 2.00pm.

Tickets: $32/$28 Groups of 10 $25 Bookings: 9720 3205 or book online at www.trybooking.com/ 19529

■ Convicted sex offender ‘AWP’ has had 12 months taken off his minimum four-year jail term because of new evidence about a serious heart condition.

Supreme Court Judges Weinberg and Cavanough, sitting as the Court of Appeal, were told that ‘AWP’ discovered that he was HIV positive after being sentenced.

‘AWP’ had been convicted on charges including incest by a parent, and indecent act with a child under 16 years.

The judges were told that ‘AWP’ had developed a heart condition called ‘severe calcific aortic valve stenosis’.

“His aortic valve has been made smaller, restricting blood flow. If he exerts himself, his hyeart must work harder than it should, and he is prone to dizzy spells and blackouts.

“He takes blood thinning medication to ameliorate his condition.

“At present, he is housed in Ararat Prsion. He does maintenance work around the prison, such as carpentry. If he strains himself, he gets dizzy spells and pain in the chest.

“It does take much to bring these attacks on.

“He had a collapse recently goingt to his cell to obtain a document required by his solicitor.

“He would like to see a cradiologist, but the prsion regime is such that he cannot do so without first being transferred to Port Phillip Prison in Melbourne.”

‘AWP’ had sexually assaulted his daughter, now 21, when she was aged 13-15. She suffered an intense sense of betrayal, and emotional trauma.

If you had invested the same amount in a market that rose steadily from $10 in $1 increments to $14, you would have had a portfolio worth close to $591.

The average cost of the dollar cost averaged portfolio was $8.25 compared to $11.83 for the gradually increasing market.

What we quickly learn here is less about the end portfolio value and more about overcoming our natural behaviour. We generally feel good about investing when markets are trending up steadily.

Markets that are volatile unsettle us and create doubt about the wisdom of investing and have us second-guess our decisions.

A disciplined investment approach like dollar cost averaging helps overcome that natural behavioural that wants us to try and time the market, which is fraught with danger.

As always, if you would like to review your personal financial situation we would be happy to meet with you initially, at our expense.

Jon & Andrew Rancie are Authorised Representatives of Australian Financial Services (AFSL: No. 297239) Note: In this article we have not considered your personal situation nor your goals or objectives. You should not base your future investment decisions on the content of this article. Before you invest your hard earned money you should consult a Financial Adviser and have your situation reviewed, clarified and agree to a strategy for investing for the future.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 6 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

People Melbourne

Send news to editor@melbourneobserver.com.au

Fax: 1-800 231 312

Photos by Tony Healey and Ash Long

● Megan Castran and husband Paul, of Toorak, at the Dita Von Teese parade at Docklands on Saturday.

Photos: Sue Deenim

● Marcie Jones and Gary Spry at Go! Show party

● Jeff Joseph with Dawn Nichol

● Katye Church with Bobby Bright

● Tony Cavanagh with Tony Healey

● Frank Howson with Julie Cavanagh

● Yvonne Nicolas with Dominic Barbuto

● Bill Armstrong with Bev Harrell

● Nick Cox with his father Geoff Cox

● Australian brands were celebrated in style at the L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival.

● Dita Von Teese pictured with Melbourne fashion priestess Suzanne Carbone

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 7

Page 8 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

High praise for Daniel ■ If, like me, you love reading the Green Guide on a Thursday (it’s must reading in my household) you will be familiar with Daniel Burt’s column.

A bright, smart, observant writer, he has a show coming upin this year’s Melbourne Comedy Festival on April 3.

Inspired By Mediocrity is the name of his show.

Daniel Burt is a recovering perfectionist.

He believes that if you can’t do it well, then it’s not worth doing. Which often means it doesn’t get done.

The title of his show totally appealed to me.

Daniel will take a look at mediocrity, perfection and the mediocrity of perfection.

Daniel has written for The Glass House, The Einstein Factor and The Project. He is a columnist as we know for the Green Guide in The Age and interned in the writing department of The Late Show with David Letterman! Now that would be a show in itself !

His peers love him.

“It’s rare to find someone who has the combination of experience, passion and just plain gut instinct about what makes people laugh” says Wil Anderson.

“A funny, unique intelligent and highly interesting talent” said Steve Vizard of Daniel.

The Age newspaper wrote about Daniel saying, “Seems to have known his calling practically from birth”.

This is high praise indeed for Daniel who can be seen in The Melbourne International Comedy Festival this year at 1000 Pound, in the Gallery 361 Little Lonsdale St(off Elizabeth St), Melbourne.

Daniel’s show commences April 3 to 22nd April 22. Preview shows on TuesdayWednesday, April 3-4.

Show time is 10:30pm for 50 minutes, tickets at www.ticketmaster.com.au or at the door. Perfect to go to after dinner.

Last word on mediocrity ■ “Egotism is nature’s compensation for mediocrity.”.Quote from L.A. Safron.

“Only mediocrity can be trusted to be always at its best” said Sir Max Beerbohm.

And my favourite, “Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.”

From Joseph Heller.

Hospitality initiative ■ There is nothing mediocre about this story.

I was most interested to have a read of this when it landed on my desk this week, A leading, not-for-profit employment organisation, the Aboriginal Employment Strategy (AES) has entered into a groundbreaking partnership with the Intercontinental Hotels Group (IHG), one of the world’s largest hospitality organisations.

IHG’s commitment is to see Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders share in the economic benefits of the Australian tourism industry.

The organisation plans to achieve this by providing education, training, employment and business opportunities to indigenous high school kids across Australia in partnership with the AES. Initially, the AES will help IHG engage, mentor and train indigenous school based trainees (SBT).

The traineeship involves two years of on the job training while students are in year 11 and 12..

At the end of year 12, SBT’s will not only graduate from high school, they will have also have earned a Certificate II in Hospitality and received industry-specific training that will set them up for long-term careers in the industry.

IHG endeavours to train at least two indigenous students in all 31 properties across Australia in the next three years.

IHG has already welcomed three AES trainees to their staff in WA, Victoria and Queensland. The hotel giant is working towards having two per cent of its total workforce made up of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders by 2013, with the long-term vision that many will go on to join leadership teams and become mentors to other colleagues in the organisation.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

To

Di

I love my job!

Di Rolle is heard most Mondays with Andrew McLaren on 3AW, just after the 1am quiz.

For NOTHING LIKE A NICE CUP OF TEA

■ I love a cup of tea.

A cup of tea made by someone else always tastes better and there is nothing better in any situation than to have a cup of tea!

And so it was with great pleasure I accepted an invitation from The Langham, Melbourne, and Darren Purchese of Burch and Purchese, to attend as part of the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival.

It was an invitation to good to refuse!

Held at the Podium Level at the wonderful Langham Hotel and MC’d by the beautiful Gorgi Coghlan from Channel Ten’s The Circle,it was the perfect place to be on a Wednesday afternoon.

The Langham Melbourne, known for its signature afternoon teas, and Darren Purchese, known for his brilliant scientific dessert creations, have collaborated for a series of bespoke afternoon tea events in 2012.

Being one of the first to know about this it was a splendid afternoon indeed!

Me being the last person to be eating cakes, I dived right into the most beautiful selection of cakes I had seen for a long time.

Set right in the middle of the room it was a superb display of artistry and installation!

Three enchanting Afternoon Teas will be available from 10.30am to 4.30pm on Fridays, April 20, May 4, and June 1 at ARIA Bar and Lounge at The Langham.

So if anyone is looking for me on those days that is where I will be, fork in hand!

As Gorgi said in her welcoming speech, this is a perfect present

with leading Melbourne publicist DI ROLLE

starred Cantonese restaurant, Ming Court, at Langham Place, Hong Kong since 2004.

Visiting for the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival, Chef Tsang Chiu King was a wonderful guest mingling with everyone and chatting away about food and telling us that his favourite kitchen gadget is his trusty Wok Chan (a huge, frying spatula) and his kitchen knives, along with the bustling kitchen buzz, acting as he said “as music to my ears”. ● Gorgi Coghlan for someone, a roman- Tiffin Afternoon Tea, tic afternoon taea, a Children’s Tiffin, and catch up with friends, Chocolate Bar. Interestingly a birthday present, an afternoon tea with Darren Purchese, EnMum or just a treat – I glish-born, now living highly recommend in Melbourne with his this afternoon tea. lovely Aussie wife, Bookings can be used to work at fivemade through www. star Goring Hotel in London, just at the ariabar.com.au The exciting col- bottom of Buckinglaboration was ham Palace, which sampled by lots of was made famous as lovely foodie journos the hotel where Pippa including Wendy Middleton prepared Hargreaves from the for the Royal WedHerald Sun, Epicure ding.

They say The and producers from Goring Restaurant is Nine’s Postcards.

The pairing of The a haven of correct Langham, Mel- behaviour and proper bourne’s classic af- puddings!

Darren runs the ternoon tea signatures fabulous store in of fluffy scones and elegant ribbon sand- Chapel Street, South wiches with Darren Yarra B&P. It was lovely to Purchese’s inspired catch up with Anthony twists on traditional afternoon tea desserts, Ross, Executive Chef, creating a wonderland The Langham, Melof unexpected sweet bourne.

French and Asian delights. he was most The limited series trained, excited the of Burch & Purchese event and about introduced Sweet Studio After- guests to the visiting noon Teas will Executive Chef East complement The from Langham Place Langham, Mel- in Mongkok, Hong bourne’s existing Kong, award winning range of popular sig- Tsang Chiu King who nature afternoon tea has been at the helm offerings including the of two-Michelin

● Di Rolle and Katherine Chien about to enjoy more cakes Under no circum- at the perfect quantity ■ I picked up some stances, I was told, that to suit drinkers taste.

Tea or sandwiches interesting hints about you can dunk any drinking tea whilst I item into my tea – without the crusts?

Without. The was at The Langham, Dunking is a huge Melbourne – some faux-pas ( I am sure Duchess of Bedford do’s and don’ts when the Queen must dunk was always insistent having afternoon tea on occasions – don’t that sandwiches should be served with Did you know con- you?) trary to popular belief, Tea or milk first? the crusts off.

(I believe The the pinkie finger Tea is poured first in should not be extended the Victoria era, this Queen Mother loved but should rest by curv- was a test of the qual- the crusts off her sanding gently back to- ity of the hostess bone wiches!) wards your wrist! china.

When stirring my Expensive china tea I was taught, I would not crack under should refrain from the heat of the tea.

■ Sipping tea and clinking the sides of It also allows for nibbling on chocolate my cup! the milk to be added desserts got me to thinking about afternoon teas and I remember my very first High Tea was at The Churchill Hotel in London.

It was way back and was on my first trip to London when I was picked up at the airport by a friend and whisked off for Afternoon Tea at The Churchill Hotel.

What an introduction to London, I have since then had Afternoon Teas or High Teas as they are sometimes called in London at The Ritz, The Dorchester and never at Buck Pal. Maybe next visit! ● Comedian Daniel Burt ● Turn to P56

Etiquette

High Tea

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 9

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Confidential Melbourne

Talk is cheap, gossip is priceless

RADIO COMPANY BRACES FOR $½-MIL. HAIRCUT

Bitch Melbourne’s Secrets

Scribes lose radio outlet ■ Herald Sun reporters including Fiona Byr ne are now without their MTR radio outlet, with the closure of the station.

The newspaper swung its support behind the talk radio challenger in 2010, burning a bridge with 3AW, owned by the rival Fairfax Media group.

Byrne appeared on the Steve Vizard program, although managed a few appearances of the ● Fiona Byrne AW Nightline show.

■ Fiona Byrne has recently been running supportive stories for Tegan Gould, girlfriend of disgraced AFL player manager, Ricky Nixon. At the weekend, Gould, a dental practice manager, was shown in a photo feature in which she was wearing revealing red underwear.

Already forgotten ■ Some noses out of joint around town by some big wigs overlooked for the 3AW 80th anniversary dinner held at Eureka Tower. Bitch understands that even newly-retired Keith McGowan, who was responsible for a quarter of the station’s on-air-time over the past 21 years, was not included. So he packed the tent and went to Queensland.

‘Age’ chases documents ■ Journalist Melissa Fyfe has failed ina legal bid to have secret Victorian Government documents released.

Fyfe went to the Victorian Civil and Aadministrative Tribunal in an effort to see briefing documents prepared for ● Melissa Fyfe the incoming Baillieu Government. The Department of Sustainability and Environment argued that the papers were prepared about issues to be considered by Cabinet, and were exempt from disclosure requirements.

Fyfe represented The Age at a two-day VCAT hearing, overseen by Senior Member Ian Prctor. In the Government’s corner, defending the ‘Blue Book’s secrecy, was Peter Hanks QC, supported by counsel Elizabeth Bennet.

■ Melbourne radio station owner, Pacific Star Network, believes its current year’s profit could fall by $500,000, because of the closure of Melbourne Talk Radio.

Pacific Star operates sports station SEN 1116, and also has taken back full control of its 3MP 1377 station which was being used for the MTR project. Pacific Star owns the licence for the 1377 frequency.

Pacific Star had downgraded its profit estimation from $1.3-$1.5 million to $0.9-$1.0 million.

Chairman Andrew Moffat told the Australian Stock Exchange late last week that the company was unlikely to recover costs in the future from the joint venture that ran MTR. MTR was a joint cooperation between Macquarie Radio Network of Sydney, and Pacific Star.

They operated MTR through a company called Melbourne Radio Operations, which has been had administrators appointed.

Stephen Longely and Nicholas Martin of PPB Advisory took that role from March 2, leading to the immediate closure of MTR, which had a lineup of presenters including Steve Price, Steve Vizard, Luke Grant, with guests including Andrew Bolt.

Pacific Star have replaced MTR programming with its MyMP format, which has been broadcasting as a digital station.

Presenters include John Tamb, Mark Johnson and Eddie Olek. The station is including hourly news bulletins, weather, traffic and advertising.

The station plays a mix of gold and easy listening.

Its format has impressed industry observers. It may take a slice of the audience which transferred to Magic 1278 (Fairfax Radio) two years ago from 3MP. Mr Moffat said the review of Pacific Star’s financial outlook for 2012 and beyond came after the MTR problems.

“Directors intend to provide further updates as and when developments occur.”

● ‘Breakfast; presenter John Tamb at the MyMP studios in Richmond

To Libya

Rumour Mill Hear It Here First

‘We may have a position for you’ ● Ron Barassi ■ Football legend Ron Barassi is off to Libya, to film a 60 Minutes segment in memory of his father who died at Tobruk in 1941, aged 26.

Ron will be accompanied by his son, Ron Junior, and Melbourne media man Tony Healey.

State Govt haggles

PHOTO: FACEBOOK

● Rohan Browne and Christie Whelan ■ It looks like being a big year for Christie Whelan, newly married to fellow actor Rohan Browne. Rumour has it that Christie has landed the role of Carmen Ghia in The Producers. The word is that the Mel Brooks comedy, as well as Chess and Promises, Promises will be announced as The Production Company’s 2012 season. Jeanne Pratt is due to make the announcements at a launch to be held at her Raheen mansion in Kew on March 28.

Concerns on St Kilda Rd ■ Some ‘interested parties’ are rumoured to be concerned that construction works outside the Nurses Memorial in St Kilda Rd are completed before its ANZAC Day observances. Is the City of Melbourne responsible for this?

● Ted Baillieu ■ The Baillieu State Government’s tactic to haggle over everything from nurses’ pay to landowner prices has backfired again. Footscray owners of compuklsorily acquired land are to receive an extra 10 per cent than initially offered.

E-Mail: Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

Whispers

Guy walks into a bar

● Marty Fields ■ Melbourne comedian Marty Fields walked in a New Zealand bar last week, and quietly asked the waitress for a drink.

Marty takes up the story: “The comedian stopped and singled me out for talking.

He said, "Got something to say, mate?

“You're probably new to this but when a comedian talks, you listen.

“You think comedy's easy?

Maybe you should come up here and see how you go?"

“I didn't. And we left it at that.”

$7375 ■ Wy n d h a m City Council ratepayers have had to pay a $7375 pay to settle a dispute involving four councillors. An apology had to be issued after Cr Cynthia Manson wrongly told a Council meeting that some Councillors had trespassed on the area’s historic Davis House.

The $7375 bill was for a threeweek mediation.

Gazette ■ The February 9 edition of the Victoria Government Gazette has been removed from the index of the publication’s online website.

Page 10 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 11

Ian Turpie

Entertainer.

November 6, 1943March 11, 2012

● Ian Turpie in his club act ■ One of the first things to happen at Friday night’s Go! Show Gold reunion concert on Friday, was for the entire crowd to send a rousing video message to Ian Turpie.

‘Turps’ was due to co-compere the show with Johnny Young, and appear with his early day TV colleagues including Robbie Burns (who deputised), Tony Worsley, Marcie Jones, Bobby Bright, MPD (Mike Brady and Danny Finley), Darryl Cotton, Dinah Lee, The Masters Apprentices, and Normie Rowe.

Ian could not appear because of his illness. Little did we know he would pass away on Sunday (March 11). He was 68.

Born in 1943, and a son on Ferntree Gully, he was a much loved Melbourne and Australian entertainer.

Ian began his entertainment career at theage of 10, when he was accepted at the prestigious Hector Crawford Drama School and gained recognition as a juvenile actor working in radio and theatre.

He starred in a number of radio programmes alongside Sir Robert Helpmann and June Bronhill, and featured in the top-rating radio series D24 .

As a teenager he developed a passion for singing, songwriting and playing guitar.

By the age of 16, Ian was a seasoned radio and stage performer, touring Australia in such hits as Peter Pan, Auntie Mame and Bye Bye Birdie.

Little known is that Ian appeared in several National Theatre Productions including Shakespeare's Macbeth.

He was an early boyfriend of Olivia Newton-John, with whom he starred in the 1965 Australian musical telefilm Funny Things Happen Down Under, Newton-John's debut performance.

She described him as her “first love”.

Television soon beckoned and Ian made appearances on Bandstand, Time For Terry, The Graham Kennedy Show, The Mike Walsh Show, The Bert Newton Show, A Guy Called Athol, the ABC variety series, Follie, and even played a bank robber in the debut episode of Homicide.

He replaced Johnny O'Keefe as compare on Sing Sing Sing and was then chosen to host the top rating teenage variety show The Go!! Show.

In the 1980s, Ian's name became

● Ian in Club Buggery

● With Olivia Newton-John synonymous with the catchphrase "Come On Down" when he became host of the highly successful game show The New Price is Right.

This was followed by other game shows including Press Your Luck and Supermarket Sweep.

In the 90's, Ian developed cult status following a regular, four-year stint as Club President on Roy and HG's Club Buggery.

Here he exercised his musical and comedic talents covering songs like Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit and performing in skits like Turps About The House and Captain Ajax.

His many accolades include a Logie for Best Light Entertainment show Turpie Tonight, a MO Award and two Penguin awards.

He also appeared at many corporate events as an entertainer and MC and was a tireless worker for many charities. He was a Freemason.

Ian described himself as a ‘golfing fanatic’.

In 2004 the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission took legal action against Ian Turpie for misleading and deceptive conduct in breach of the Trade Practices Act. The ACCC alleged Turpie had made false claims in advertisements for an erectile dysfunction treatment spray from Australian Medical Institute.

In 2005 Turpie pleaded guilty to drink driving after driving in Manly, NSW, with a blood alcohol level of 0.08.

He had his driver’s licence suspended for six months however this was overturned on appeal.

When questioned about the incident outside the courtroom Turpie stated: "I'm sorry that I was so stupid because it's a big thing, drink-driving, you won't be seeing me here again."

In February last year it was announced that Turpie had been diagnosed with cancer. He nonetheless cocompered the 2011 Go! Show Gold reunion concert.

After an intensive course of chemotherapy, and resumed hosting his popular trivia nights at Sydney metropolitan hotels.

Turpie had been married to his wife Jan for over 35 years and has three children and three grandchildren.

Ian Turpie will be remembered as one of Australia’s most professional and easy-going celebrities.

GRAPHIC: GO! SHOW GOLD PROGRAM 2012 DESIGNED BY VISIBLE INK/DOMINIC BARBUTO

● First episode of Homicide

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Page 12 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 Melbourne

Observer

The Best Columnists

GO! SHOW GOLD TRIUMPHS

Our Doors Open!

City of are Melbourne CEO visits

the Masonic Centre As the Masonic Month of Celebration continues, Dr Kathy Alexander speaks about her role at the City of Melbourne and the issues Melbourne faces

● Dr Kathy Alexander Freemasons and their guests were delighted to hear Dr Kathy Alexander speak at Freemasons Victoria CBD Luncheon recently, as part of the March Masonic Month of Celebration.

As Chief Executive Officer of the City of Melbourne, Dr Alexander heads up an organisation responsible for the workings of this dynamic and cosmopolitan city we call 'home' and what most outsiders know as one of the world's most liveable cities.

"Melbourne is not different to any other city in the world in terms of problems that need to be addressed, but I do believe we are in a healthy position to overcome any challenges we're facing," says Dr Alexander.

"Key to this success is involving the community every step of the way; they must be engaged and aware of the problem and the solution."

At the City of Melbourne, Dr Alexander manages an organisation with over 25 businesses running a diverse portfolio of services with an annual operating budget of $329 million.

Since taking up the position in April 2008, she has focused on improving the City of Melbourne's operational efficiency through implementing a program (with Toyota) of Lean Thinking and developing a comprehensive customer focus strategy ensuring effective partnerships across government and with corporate, residential and business communities There are three key issues, says Dr Alexander, that the Council is currently focusing its attention: population growth, climate change and social inequity.

Fortunately, the former South Australian Telstra Businesswoman of the Year has a long history in running highly complex organisations and developing solutions.

Prior to Dr Alexander's appointment at the City of Melbourne, she ran her own consultancy and had quite a high profile as the former CEO of Women's and Children's Health, which governed Melbourne's Royal Children's Hospital and Royal Women's Hospital.

Contrary to popular belief, having a background in public health has served Dr Alexander well in her role at the Council.

"I've got more to do with public health now than I have had in all my 30 years," says Dr Alexander. "I started my career as a psychologist in the correction services and it wasn't the best place for a 23-year-old to be, I lasted about nine months," says Dr Alexander.

"But I learned very quickly that issues for people in prisons are in fact social issues, not prisoner issues."

This early lesson has obviously had a lasting affect on Dr Alexander - she is proud to be CEO of the Council and we're glad she is in the position.

Next week's column: The March Masonic Month of Celebration continues.

To find out more about Freemasonry, how to become a member, or attend upcoming public events such as the next CBD Luncheon, please visit www.freemasonsvic.net.au or 'Like' our Facebook page, www.facebook.com/

■ The crowd at Friday night’s Go! Show concert were yet to know the sad event of Ian Turpie’s passing on Sunday.

So the mood of the Palais Theatre’s fullhouse was upbeat, with a stellar concert that rocked on close to midnight.

The Go! Show Gold concert celebrated the TV program that went to air on ATV-0 almost 48 years ago - and the musical era that went with it.

Ronnie Burns (pictured on our front-page with Normie Rowe) stood in for ‘Turps’, cocompering the show with Johnny Young.

Let’s not put too fine a point on this ... but most of the artists were aged about 20 when the TV series went to air.

Almost half-a-century has elapsed, as Dinah Lee pointed out. All were on their best behaviour ... all performed at their best.

● Dinah Lee as she is today

Long Shots

● Johnny Young This was a celebration of the Melbourne television show that went national ... and some of its great artists.

Tony Worsley opened the show with renditions of Talkin’About You, Velvet Waters and Just A Little Bit. Melbourne girl Marcie Jones ‘owned’ the theatre with Something’s Got A Hold Of Me, I hust Don’t Know What To Do ... and a knock-out performance of Honky Tonk Woman.

editor@melbourneobserver.com.au

with Ash Long, Editor “For the cause that lacks assistance, ‘Gainst the wrongs that need resistance For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do”

● Mike Brady Mike Brady looked in great trim as he and music partner Danny Finley celebrated the days of MPD (Mike, Pete Watson, Danny).

Danny’s son, William, played the part of Pete, who was lost to us in the 1970s.

The crowd was treated to a great selection, topped

by Brady with Up There Cazaly!

After interval, Darryl Cotton recalled his Zoot days, and entertained with a trio of hits: Better Get Going Now, Friday On My Mind and Eleanor Rigby.

Ronnie Burns performed Exit Stage Right, Age of Consent and Smiley.

Dinah Lee, the teenager who came from New Zealand, with Don’t You

Observer Treasury ● Tony Worsley Bobby Bright, looking comfortable in white coat and red sneakers, paid special tribute to his late partner, Laurie Allan.

It would have been Laurie Allan’s 70th birthday, he said, and the audience belted out a rendition of Happy Birthday To You. Bobby was on fire with HitchHiker, Eyes Of Love and I Belongf With You. Ronnie Burns joined for Carroll Country Accident.

Thought For The Week ■ “The more credit you give away the more will come back to you. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.”

Observer Curmudgeon ■ “One thing an alarm clock never arouses is our better nature.”

Text For The Week ■ "Jesus said, 'Even so, every detail of your body and soul even the hairs of your head is in my care; nothing of you will be lost."

- Luke 21:18

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT COURT REPORTS Contents of Court Lists are intended for information purposes only. The lists are extracted from Court Lists, as supplied to the public, by the Magistrates’ Court of Victoria, often one week prior to publication date; for current Court lists, please contact the Court. Further details of cases are available at www.magistratescourt.vic.gov.au The Melbourne Observer shall in no event accept any liability for loss or damage suffered by any person or body due to information provided. The information is provided on the basis that persons accessing it undertake responsibility for assessing the relevance and accuracy of its content. No inference of a party’s guilt or innocence should be made by publication of their name as a defendant. Court schedules may be changed at any time for any reason, including withdrawal of the action by the Plaintiff/Applicant. E&OE.

● Bobby Bright

● Marcie Jones Yokomo, Reet Peitie and Kansas City.

Johnny Young sand Step Back, Caralyn (he says he lost his virginity in the back of an FJ Holden at age 14 with a girl called Caralyn), and All My Lovin’.

An ‘In Memoriam’ paid tribute to Go! Show artists lost to us.

The Masters Apprentices, complete with Glenn Wheatley and Jim Keays rocked the Palais.

The show-stopper was Normie Rowe with Que Sera Sera, Ooh La La, It Ain’t Necessarily So, It’s Not Easy and Shakin’ All Over.

● Dennis Smith Melbourne owes a great debt to Executive Producer Dennis Smith who staged the show.

He brought in colleagues including stage manager Jeff Joseph, talent manager John Blanchfield, tour manager Wally Bishop, lighting director Cam McKaig, puiblicist Julie Cavanagh and researcher Milton Hammon.

There is a michrisk in staging such a show thanks for taking it and making it, Dennis.

Melbourne

People William Peachey ■ We are saddened to record the passing of Melbourne Observer subscriber William ‘Bill’ Peachey of Bacchus Marsh.

Born in 1933, Bill wasthe son of Henry and Olive. He was brother of Olive (dec.), Jean (dec.), John, Andy (dec.) and Margaret.

Tributes recalled that: “He was always unselfish, helpful and kind.”

Amongst the published tributes were those from the the Committee and Members of the National Servicemen’sAssociation ofAustralia Northern Districts Sub-Branch .

Free reader ads are available in the Melbourne Trader section of the ‘Melbourne Observer’

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 13

Page 14 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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Melbourne

Observer Life & Style

YUMI STYNES IS A DISGRACE What’s On Finals ■ The State Finals of the Miss Burlesque Australia Competition will be performing at the Thornburt Theatre finals on Friday, March 23.

Feathers and fishnets as each performer will take part in a classic routine, a neo-Burlesque routine and a gown parade/ The Victorian State Winner will receive $1000 prize money as well as airfares and accommodation for the Grand Finals at Sydney's Enmore Theatre in April.

First runner-up will also receive a cash prize of $250.

Winner of the coveted state title will compete in the National Grand Final Competition to be named Miss Burlesque Australia and be in the running for more than $10,000 worth of cash and prizes.

Last year, Sina King was the Victorian State Title holder and went on to be crowned Miss Burlesque Australia 2011.

Miss Burlesque Australia is said to one of the world’s leading burlesque pageants.

Key elements of the best burlesque performances include personality, skill and presentation, as such the state finalists will have to bring all that and more to the table to take away the crown Conestants include Ambrosia Du Soir, Amelie Lulu. Bijou Belle, Candy Apple, Jade Winters, Jessamae St James, Loli Boxm Miss Strawberry Siren, Pristina Sparx and Virtue Van Tassel.

■ I, like hundreds of other members of the public was appalled at hearing Yumi Stynes, the host of The Circle on Channel 10, make offensive comments while she was looking at a film of the very fit and powerful Corporal Roberts-Smith, a highly decorated national hero, and VC recipient, exercising in a pool.

A man much admired and respected by the community. What on earth was she thinking?

Her feeble apology explaining that it was a human error and “we all make mistakes” doesn’t wash with me.

Can you imagine Jon Faine or Neil Mitchell making such a ‘human ‘error?

Any professional broadcaster knows that when there is a microphone in sight you watch what you say.

Yumi is a disgrace. And her comments were demeaning and so coarse.

And if she thought she would get laughs from her remarks it backfired on her with a vengeance!

Yvonne’s Column

Feelings of guilt

Complaints flood in ■ I wrote to the major sponsor, Swisse Vitamins, and complained. I also phoned Channel 10 to voice my anger at such remarks and said that I expected her to be suspended for a couple of weeks at least.

It hasn’t happened as yet.

However, the station must have realised their mistake because thousands of complaints flooded in, and their spin-doctors are now hard at work.

Is the television station trying to tough it out and hope that we will forget? It won’t happen.

Forget who she directed the comments at; they were such tasteless remarks to make about anybody.

So Yumi, do your homework and think twice before you open your mouth and make with the smart remarks, although, if sponsors pull their advertising from The Circle, maybe the television station will have to rethink your place on the station.

Don’t have to spend fortune ■ Last week I asked if anyone knew why pigs’ heads were not to be found in any butcher shop. Well, I should have gone straight to a country gal to find the answer.

Betty Jeffrey, who corresponds regularly with me went to the source, and took the trouble to find out.

She rang the local abattoirs and it appears that nobody eats pig’s cheek anymore so it is put into sausages.

Dear Betty told me that if she lived closer she’d ask her son Lester to bring me one from his farm.

When Peter and I were first married we had a Christmas soiree for friends. We didn’t have much money, but remembering a feasting scene in a Hollywood film about Henry VIII, we were inspired by the decorated pigs’ heads on the king’s table and went to the Victoria Market where we found a butcher who sold pigs’ heads and bought two for a dollar.

We scored the skin, baked them, and when they were cold we put olives for eyes, pushed rosy red apples into their mouths, and decorated their necks with holly and baubles.

They were placed either side of an elaborate festive candelabra we had devised out of odds and sods thus creating a stunning centerpiece on our Christmas table.

So astounded were our guests we could have served them Spam sandwiches and lemonade, and they wouldn’t have noticed. Our fame spread far and wide.

We received many compliments and Mum would have been proud.

So, it proves that you don’t have to spend a fortune to knock the socks off your guests, just use a bit of imagination.

Recipe with difference ■ Of course Mum used to get pigs’ heads and make the most wonderful brawn from the cheeks. It was also known as headcheese.

I don’t know why, perhaps people thought it more refined. But she never used one for a table decoration.

Whilst I’m on the subject of pork, Betty sent me a recipe in her last letter and it sounds delicious, even if one of the ingredients sounds, well, different.

Her recipe is for belly pork, cut into strips, covered in onions and apples and cooked using Coca Cola as the liquid.

Coca Cola is a first for me, but Betty assures me that

Easter, but I looked at some of the prices and really, who will be able to afford egg hunts this year?

I remember helping mum paint and decorate hardboiled eggs for Easter Sunday morning.

Adding colouring to the water as they boiled, and then using our artistic skills with paint and brush we went to work when the eggs were cold to create our masterpieces.

It was easy for Mum because she was an artist and so her eggs had lovely scenes on them, but mine were simply a schoolgirl effort, although were admired by guests nonetheless.

with Yvonne Lawrence yvonne.lawrence@bigpond.com

it has been on the go for ages cooking wise. It makes sense because who has not heard of using lemonade to make light and fluffy scones?

Peter said he’d try it, so I’ll look forward to something different for dinner.

If you like pork, it sounds like a delicious and inexpensive meal.

Steve, we didn’t forget ■ Betty also made the comment that it was sad to see MTR radio station close, because the loyal and hard working staff were dumped overnight without warning, but she asks,”Was Steve Price a good choice to be programme director as well as presenting a program?”

I wonder if Price thinks of the ungracious things he said about Melbourne and her people when he went to Sydney.

Price thought that he’d found paradise living and working in Sydney. But we Melburnians remember those remarks and that he’d “never want to come back to Melbourne”.

Well, he did and we let him know that we had a long memory.

I agree with Betty. It was sad to see the station close because most of the staff were friends of mine, and jobs in radio are not falling off trees, so I wish them good karma.

■ It’s amazing how women in the country adapt to the seasons with whatever food they can muster, which is why during the depression it was the country people who never let anyone go away hungry or empty handed.

They could always find enough food to fill the hessian sacks of the men who tramped the countryside looking for work.

My mother told me a lot about those awful days.

She hoped that I would never live through a depression, and how she always found food for someone coming to her door looking for work or for food.

In retrospect, when I was young, I always thought of mum giving her friends a jar of her preserves, or fruit from the trees, or a cake she’d baked as they left a bit kitsch, but as the years roll on I realise now what a lovely thought it was.

And if I remember correctly, the gifts were always well received and much appreciated.

So you can imagine how guilty I feel when Mum’s friends talk about her and always remember her generosity.

Teenagers can be such pills sometimes.

- Yvonne Contact: Melbourne Observer P.O. Box 1278, Research. 3095 Also: 3WBC Radio 94.1 FM. P.O. Box 159, Box Hill 3128

Just Briefly ■ Ten per cent of Victoria’s drivers’ licences are held by people aged 70 and older. Eight per cent of casualty crashes in Victoria involve people aged 70 and over.

■ Hot w ater unit thefts are on the rise in north-suburban Moreland. Some 28 thefts were reported to Police in one month.

Esater eggs everywhere

■ In-fighting between councillors at the City of Kingston has reached a peak. The Local Government Minister has been asked to intervene.

■ It seems that the shops are awash with Easter eggs.

We’ve seen hot cross buns on the shelves since Christmas, and I suppose Easter eggs are a goer at

■ The Melbourne International Flower and Garden Show will be held March 28-April 1.

Melbourne Observations with Matt Bissett-Johnson

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 15

Bennetts Boots - Marketing Feature

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Page 16 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Craft

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 17

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Craft

Winding up of Craft Australia ■ Craft Australia is being wound up at the end of next month.

An extension was made possible from the original date of December last year, by extra funding becoming available.

This enabled the programs which have been established by Craft Australia and the historical and visual archives of the Australian studio craft movement that we have collected over the past 40 years are not lost to the sector.

Craft Australia wasdefunded by the Visual Arts Board of the Australia Council for the Arts.

This decision was an outcome of a minor review of the key organisations supported by the VAB. The reason given for defunding Craft Australia is that it was too reliant on Government support and was not meeting the needs of the sector, both of which Craft Australia challenged.

The current aim is to pass on the historical material to cultural institutions that will become the new custodians of this history.

This will ensure that the cultural legacy of the Australian craft and design sector from the late 1960s to the present day is not lost.

These include the Craft Australia website, the craft+design enquiry journal, the Selling Yarns website and the rightway online hub.

Craft Australia was the peak national advocacy organisation for Australian contemporary craft and design.

It actively promoted and provided access to Australian contemporary practice “through advocacy, communication and research”.

Craft Australia was a company limited by guarantee not having share capital with its con-

stitution outlining it mission and key goals: ■ Research: Undertake research to strengthen the information base for contemporary craft, including partnerships with academia.

■ Advocacy: Be a leading advocate for contemporary craft nationally and internationally including partnerships with government and other agencies.

■ Communication and Debate: Foster a collaborative environment across the sector nationally including culturally diverse communities and initiate debates on contemporary crafts practice.

■ Education: Build an informed and engaged audience prepared to invest in the support of Australian contemporary craft.

Craft Australia has been championing Australian contemporary craft and design practice since it was estalished as the Craft Council of Australia in 1971.

Over this time Craft Australia has responded to changes in the field and implemented key strategies to advance the sector.

In the 1990s it changed its name to Craft Australia and in 2003 changed its location from Sydney to Canberra but, the continuity of its history and its importance in the arts in Australia is of significance and is worth reflecting upon.

Craft Australia facilitated the growth of the Australian craft and design sector at a time when educational resources were scarce, and support organisations were minimal.

A lasting legacy of Craft Australia's work in the early 1970s was to facilitate the establishment of craft councils in each capital city of Australia, now known as the network of Australian Craft Design Centres.

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Going Away for Easter?

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Melbourne Buying Guide

Mattresses Galore FREE DELIVERY Melbourne Metro and Peninsula

open mon - fri 9am - 5 pm saturday 9am - 4pm, sunday 10am-4pm Mattresses Galore supply a wide range of homeware products including; Beds, Mattresses Bedroom Furniture, Manchester

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Page 20 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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Buying Guide

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 21

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Observer Readers’ Club 100 Years Ago Saturday, March 16, 1912 The Malvern Standard MOTORTRAFFIC At the Prahran Court oa Monday, before Messrs Phipps (chairman), Curwen-Walker, and Bennet, J.'sP., cases for alleged breaches of the motor car regulations were heard.

George Johnston, charged with hav ing driven a motor car without a rear light in Chapel street at 35 minutes to 12 p.m. on February 19, was fined £2.

John H. Lukey was fined £5 for having driven a motor cycle at a speed dangerous to the public on February 26.

Charles H. Nichols was charged with not having carried a rear light to a trailer attached to a motor cycle on the night of February 21. He was fined 20s.

James Millar, charged with having driven a motor car without a rear light in Toorak road, South Yarra, on the night of February 15, was fined £2.

ENGINE DRIVER’S WAGES The Prahran council has paid into the office of the chief inspector of factories a sum of 33s, being arrears of wages due to the council s engine driver at the Brooklyn quarries (from Nov. 12th to Jan. 27th).

The engine driver had been receiving £3 per week and a free house, but the law says be must be paid 3 3s per week as actual wages.

On the recommendation of the finance com mittee, the council has decided that the engine driver be paid at the rate of 10s 6d per day, and that the question of renting the council's cottage be left in the hands of the city surveyor.

KINDERGARTENWORK A very interesting illustrated lecture was delivered by Mr Roth in tbe East Malvern Baptist Church, last Tuesday, on the subj ct of Sunday School Kindergarten Work

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Word Of The Week

Reader Recipes

■ Ineptocracy. A system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods anbd services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

■ Spotted in Highett. “Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.”

Did You Know?

■ Which musical group went to the Chapel of Love?

Your Stars with Christina La Cross Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20) You appear to be approaching an important turning point in your personal life. What you do at this time must be your decision and not that of well meaning but very naive friends please Aries.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) Stop feeling sorry for yourself Taurus and get out there and live your life again.

Opportunity is yours. All you have to do is ask for it. Pushing for introductions tonight brings a compatible match.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21) Are you in love, or is it just infatuation? Many of you don't know and you're not going to find out if you don't start asking yourself instead of those around you how you really feel.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) A special visit could have something to do with a very personal matter. You want different things from life than you did this time last month. Close ones are about to find out what they are.

Leo (July 24 - Aug 23) You have been overdoing things a bit recently and should try to take things a bit easier.

It is the key to your focus and success. New work contacts met socially hold the key to riches.

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sept 23) A good time for mixing travel and work, even if you have to pay for it yourself. It's the key to you taking your career up to the next level. Aries tell lies in love, beware.

Libra (Sept 24 - Oct 23) Entertaining at home is highlighted. You start to look at life from a more positive angle and close ones are sure to comment that you've come back to the vibrant character they know and love.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 22) You've had the feeling that life is not what you planned, but you can at least shape what is before you, or you'll end up losing control altogether. Actually I think what you have is better!

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) Rushed or careless work could result in wasted time and effort and even added expense. If you take some action now, you may be able to nip a future problem in the bud, so make the effort.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Hosting or entertaining is highlighted. Money matters could bring a few problems and it would be worth your while saving and budgeting for the very opportune time which the week ahead offers you.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Something you have not been looking forward to should turn out better than you expected. Remember for future reference Aquarius, that if you think you can you will and if you think you can't you won't Pisces (Feb 20 - March 20) Today try to concentrate your energy on manual tasks as you will lack the concentration for mental work. Others will look to you to take the initiative so don't be modest.

Your time has arrived.

FAX: 1-800 231 312 E-MAIL: editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

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THe Way We Were

● Wicklow Pancakes Serves 4 Ingredients: 4 large eggs 600 ml of milk 4 ounces of fresh breadcrumbs 1 tablespoon of chopped parsley Some chopped thyme 2 tablespoons of chopped chives or scallions Salt and pepper 2 tablespoons of Butter Method: Beat the eggs lightly, then add the milk, breadcrumbs, herbs and seasonings, and mix well.

Heat 1 tablespoon of the butter in a pan until foaming, then pour in the mixture and cook over a low flame until it is brown underneath and just set on top. Put under the grill to finish. Serve cut into wedges with a knob of butter on each piece.

Life’s Celebrations Traditional anniversary gifts 1 year. Paper 5 years. Wood 10 years. Tin 15 years. Crystal 20 years. China 25 years. Silver 30 years. Pearl 35 years. Coral 40 years . Ruby 45 years. Sapphire 50 years. Gold 55 years. Emerald 60 years . Diamond

Newspaper Humour ■ Seen amongst the classfieds: “For Sale: ‘The Sound of Mucis. 2 disc DVD set, very rare, like new. $20. Ph ....”

Quote Of The Week ■ “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

- Gandhi

■ The human eye can detect millions of colours and is sensitive to lights and sounds. Yes, sound.

University research studies show that mild and incidental noises cause the pupils of the eyes to dilate.

■ One out of 20 people have an extra rib.

Birthdays/Celebrations ■ Wednesday, March 14. Happy 69th birthday John B Fairfax. Radio man Phil O’Neil is 40. Visiting poet Pam Ayres id 67. TV presenter Lochie Daddo is 42. TV reporter Tara Brown is 44.

■ Thursday, March 15. Collingwood legend Lour Richards is 89; he was born in Abbotsford in 1923. Actress Val Lehman is 69.

■ Friday, March 16. We remember the birthday of the late Leo McKern, who was born in Sydney in 1920. He died aged 81 in 2002.

■ Saturday, March 17. St Patrick’s Day. Comic actor and director Rob Sitch was born in Melbourne 50 years ago today. 3AW’s Bruce Eva was born in 1968 (44). Journalist Mark Hawthorne celebrates today. So does girl-abouttown Jodie O’Brien. Observer reader Jacqueline Healy (New York) celebrates. So does Observer reader Janet of Ringwood (1937). It’s a big birthday for Melbourne radio gal, Dee Dee Dunleavy.

■ Sunday, March 18. Businessman Dick Smith is 68. Author Di Morrissey (Diane Roberts) is 64. Happy birthday to Observer reader Bet Redfern. 3GG’s Jenni Burchall is 41 today.

■ Monday, March 19. We remember country signer ‘Smoky’ Dawson who was born in Collingwood in 193; he died aged 94 in 2008.

Media man Vince Lovegrove is 64.Chef Gabriel Gate is 57; he wasw born in France in 1955. TV news (Sunrise) presenter Natalie Barr is 44.

Channel 9’s Livinia Nixon is 37 (1975).

■ Tuesday, March 20. Dame Vera Lynn was born in London in 1917 (95).

And Observer readers Helen Brophy and Norma Barnes are lining up for birthdays next week. More details in next week’s edition.

Cheerios ■ Alison Meikle and Roger Perris will celebrate their engagement party in Horsham on Saturday.

■ Suzanne Jane sends a cheerio and a bagel to her dear friend, Darren.

Page 22 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

■ Joan Leslie began her film career with a small uncredited role in the MGM film Camille and went on to be one of the leading ladies in Hollywood films during the 1940s.

Joan Brodel was born in Detroit, Michigan in 1925.

At the age of nine she began singing and dancing in a vaudeville act with her two sisters Betty and Mae. Joan began working as a model prior to getting the role in the film Camille with Greta Garbo and Robert Taylor.

She appeared in several other films in small roles before being signed to a contract with Warner Brothers Studios at the age of 15.

Joan was cast as a young crippled girl in High Sierra in 1941 and worked with Humphrey Bogart and Ida Lupino.

At that time the studio gave her the ‘stage name’ of Joan Leslie.

Her next role was opposite Gary Cooper in Sergeant York. Joan was very nervous when she first met Gary Cooper and didn't know what to call him, but he soon put her at ease and she loved working with him.

In 1942 she was cast opposite James Cagney in the musical film Yankee Doodle Dandy, which was the life story of Broadway star and songwriter George M Cohan.

Joan played Mary Cohan - Cagney was 43 and Joan was only 17.

Joan remembers how dedicated James

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Whatever Happened To ...

Joan Leslie

By Kevin Trask of 3AW and 96.5 Inner FM Cagney was - he was always the first to arrive on the set and spent many hours rehearsing the dance routines.

James Cagney won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his outstanding performance.

Joan's next major film came in 1943 when she was cast opposite Fred Astaire in, The Sky's The Limit.

When Fred put his arm around her to dance for the first time she almost swooned.

I have the seen the film recently and Joan not only did a great job of dancing with Fred Astaire but also celebrated her 18th birthday on the set.

Joan spent a lot of her time as a volunteer at the famous Hollywood Canteen dancing with

● Joan Leslie Listen in - Joan Leslie will be my special interview guest during That's Entertainment on 96.5FM from 12 Noon this Sunday (Mar. 18).

If you are a fan of Joan Leslie you will enjoy this interview with one of the surviving stars from the Warner Brothers film Yankee Doodle Dandy.

the servicemen. Her films included The Wagons Roll At Night, Hollywood Canteen, Rhapsody In Blue, This Is The Army and Thank Your Lucky Stars.

When her contract finished at Warner Brothers she joined Republic Pictures and starred in a series of B-grade films.

Joan married Dr William Caldwell in 1950.

Her last feature film before retiring to bring up her twin daughters was The Revolt of Mamie Stover in 1956 starring opposite Jane Russell.

In the 1960s Joan returned to acting and guest starred in television series such as Murder She Wrote, The Incredible Hulk and Charlie's Angels.

Her last acting role was in a telemovie titled Fire In The Dark.

Joan Leslie has been involved in humanitarian work over the years. She appears in the film and special features of the two disc DVD version of Yankee Doodle Dandy.

Her work in films has been recognised with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

- Kevin Trask Listen in …

The Time Tunnel - with Bruce & PhilSundays at 8.30pm on 3AW That's Entertainment - 96.5FM Sundays at 12 Noon 96.5FM is streaming on the internet.

To listen, go to www.innerfm.org.au and follow the prompts.

SCORPION ALERT IN ALICE SPRINGS

■ Along the Stuart Highway roadkill is always a problem. During the day, errant wandering creatures are fairly easy to avoid - they can be seen, and they don't dart about.

Camels and cows and emus are big, and their movements are easy to track and predict.

From dusk on, however, the Australia-wide highway scourge presents himself - our beloved kangaroo!

They are darty and unpredictable, so unfortunately their corpses often adorn the roadside on the morning after.

There is one daytime creature, however, who is a problem, and he is linked to these deceased kangaroos the proud and arrogant Wedge-tailed Eagle.

He will stare at an oncoming vehicle till the last minute, flaring his feathers and defying this interloper to disturb his meal, and then will slowly take off, winging away at just about windscreen height, often straight into your path.

This happened to an 81 year-old driver last week near Mataranka.

The eagle not only hit the windscreen, but burst through the glass and into the driver's face.

Luckily his wounds weren't serious, so, after reporting the fracas to the police, and a few Band Aids, he was again on his way.

With, at the police suggestion, a new windscreen!

■ Last week an Aboriginal gentleman was fatally injured on the Stuart Highway. He had been asleep on the road, and was hit by a passing 4WD. This was a common occurrence in the Territory when I resided there - in fact there have been four fatalities under similar circumstances during the past four months.

One of the first pieces of advice a fresh Alice resident receives is to, if ever involved in an accident whereby an Aboriginal person is hit by his car, never stop and try to help.

This is because, and I don't know whether this attitude is ancestrally cultural per se, or whether it's been instilled by ‘supporters’ over the years - it's never their fault; it's the fault of the driver, no matter what the circumstances, so the victim's relatives will rush out to smash the car and attack the driver in ‘payback’. Fatally, in one case in the 90s.

So, always just drive to the Police

The Outback Legend

with Nick Le Souef Lightning Ridge Opals 175 Flinders Lane, Melbourne Phone 9654 4444 www.opals.net.au Station, and they can handle it. There are frequent ads on local Imparja TV where Aboriginal Elders implore their colleagues not to sleep on the road.

I've never hit anyone, but I've had a few near misses.

■ I've never shot a crocodile, but I've had a few other creatures in my sights.

Granted 'roos and ducks, which I've always butchered and placed in the pot.

However, still I will never hesitate to dispense with a feral cat or fox!

Bob Irwin, following in his son Steve's footsteps, has recently criticised moves to allow the broadening of crocodile shooting laws.

Currently, as opposed to the '70s when there were about 5000 in the wild, about 150,000 now slither about, thanks to the hunting ban.

Thus, calls for a relaxation.

As it stands, there are some commercial crocodile operators permitted to shoot 12 reptiles a year.

They will sell the skins and the skulls, and their "customers' are allowed to witness the event, but not participate in the shooting.

The shooter benefits by about $10,000 for each event.

Aborigines are allowed to hunt crocs, but aren't allowed to benefit commercially.

So it is now proposed to permit them to organizs safaris and make a few bucks.

With the Territory currently crawling with crocodiles, probably not a bad idea to swell the Aboriginal coffers a bit, and get a bit of employment going.

■ It's been raining all over the place, and of course in Alice.

One cattle station, Yambah, 60 kms north of town, reported that 52mm had fallen in three days. That's their normal annual quota!

And of course the Todd flowed!

All the causeways were closed, as were many of the roads leading to and from town.

Including the Plenty Highway, between Tilmouth Well and Yuendumu.

Which reminded me of a time when Keith and Angie McGowan and I decided to wander off to WA. It had been raining and the road had been closed, but we were hoping that it had dried out sufficiently for our journey.

So we threw the swags into the SSangyong, and off to the Plenty!

However, we arrived at Tilmouth Well, at the bitumen's end, and went a few kilometres more on the dirt.

Which quickly turned to mud!

We didn't fancy another few hundred k's, pushing our vehicle out of bogs, so we turned tail and slid our way back to Tilmouth.

So much for that adventure!

But we did come across a mob of camels on the way back and chased them around for some good photos for Keith!

■ The rain certainly stirs up the creatures!

Although I haven't seen this in Alice, a downpour always enticed thousands of centipedes out of their burrows at Yulara and they would be scuttling everywhere over the wet red sand.

I always stayed in hotels when I visited, so never encountered any in my bed, but there are many stories of centipedes having snuggled into swags to join the occupant. Usually this ends in tears with a hearty nip!

And there was a scare in Alice that during the rains scorpions were about to invade homes looking for a dry spot

● On the lookout for scorpions in the Red Centre to camp. The local entomologist, thus for a few weeks till I re-nabbed Michael Braby, had to assure every- it! one that this wasn't going to happen.

But there was a genuine scare The biggest Australian scorpion from one household --- a couple of I've ever seen was caught by a friend young girls, 10 and 12, found that a of mine as it scuttled across the floor Western Brown snake had slithered out of the rain into their bedroom while of one of Alice's better restaurants.

After its capture, I had it in a shoe they were at school!

- Nick Le Souef box in my car, and it escaped from ‘The Outback Legend’ this shortly thereafter. It roamed aroun

From The Outer

Melbourne

Observer

kojak@ mmnet.com.au

With John Pasquarelli

■ Substitute Gillard and Swan for Thelma and Louise as Australia heads for that cliff and one wonders if we can pull up in time?

Swan's anti-mining rants designed to pander mainly to those taxpayer funded unemployed protestors, loopy Greens, GetUp, the Occupy mob and unions still living in the past will backfire with the many Australians working for big money in our mines and paying off their mortgages in record time as well as Aborigines employed by people like Twiggy Forrest.

Now we have Mr Finkelstein and his many Labor and Green supporters promising draconian measures to clamp down on our right of free speech - a freedom fought for and defended as long as Australia has existed.

Andrew Bolt, Glenn Milne, Michael Smith and others have already had a taste of what's to come when we saw Gillard and a jumpy media make sure that the Bob Kernohan stat. dec. never went to air.

The sinister threats posed by Finkelstein and his team must have Goebbels jumping out of his grave to applaud. Bob Carr's call to target Tony Abbott is just another indication of Labor's desperation and all the Coalition has to do is calmly recite Carr's record as NSW Premier.

- John Pasquarelli: kojak@mmnet.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 23

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rv se US N Ob N IO BO CT SE

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Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER 23 - continued Mr. Bennet’s emotions were much more tranquil on the occasion, and such as he did experience he pronounced to be of a most agreeable sort; for it gratified him, he said, to discover that Charlotte Lucas, whom he had been used to think tolerably sensible, was as foolish as his wife, and more foolish than his daughter!

Jane confessed herself a little surprised at the match; but she said less of her astonishment than of her earnest desire for their happiness; nor could Elizabeth persuade her to consider it as improbable. Kitty and Lydia were far from envying Miss Lucas, for Mr. Collins was only a clergyman; and it affected them in no other way than as a piece of news to spread at Meryton.

Lady Lucas could not be insensible of triumph on being able to retort on Mrs. Bennet the comfort of having a daughter well married; and she called at Longbourn rather oftener than usual to say how happy she was, though Mrs. Bennet’s sour looks and ill-natured remarks might have been enough to drive happiness away.

Between Elizabeth and Charlotte there was a restraint which kept them mutually silent on the subject; and Elizabeth felt persuaded that no real confidence could ever subsist between them again. Her disappointment in Charlotte made her turn with fonder regard to her sister, of whose rectitude and delicacy she was sure her opinion could never be shaken, and for whose happiness she grew daily more anxious, as Bingley had now been gone a week and nothing more was heard of his return.

Jane had sent Caroline an early answer to her letter, and was counting the days till she might reasonably hope to hear again. The promised letter of thanks from Mr. Collins arrived on Tuesday, addressed to their father, and written with all the solemnity of gratitude which a twelvemonth’s abode in the family might have prompted. After discharging his conscience on that head, he proceeded to inform them, with many rapturous expressions, of his happiness in having obtained the affection of their amiable neighbour, Miss Lucas, and then explained that it was merely with the view of enjoying her society that he had been so ready to close with their kind wish of seeing him again at Longbourn, whither he hoped to be able to return on Monday fortnight; for Lady Catherine, he added, so heartily approved his marriage, that she wished it to take place as soon as possible, which he trusted would be an unanswerable argument with his amiable Charlotte to name an early day for making him the happiest of men.

Mr. Collins’s return into Hertfordshire was no longer a matter of pleasure to Mrs. Bennet. On the contrary, she was as much disposed to complain of it as her husband. It was very strange that he should come to Longbourn instead of to Lucas Lodge; it was also very inconvenient and exceedingly troublesome. She hated having visitors in the house while her health was so indifferent, and lovers were of all people the most disagreeable. Such were the gentle murmurs of Mrs. Bennet, and they gave way only to the greater distress of Mr. Bingley’s continued absence.

Neither Jane nor Elizabeth were comfortable on this subject. Day after day passed away without bringing any other tidings of him than the report which shortly prevailed in Meryton of his coming no more to Netherfield the whole winter; a report which highly incensed Mrs. Bennet, and which she never failed to contradict as a most scandalous falsehood.

Even Elizabeth began to fear — not that Bingley was indifferent — but that his sisters would be successful in keeping him away. Unwilling as she was to admit an idea so destructive of Jane’s happiness, and so dishonorable to the stability of her lover, she could not prevent its frequently occurring. The united efforts of his two unfeeling sisters and of his overpowering friend, assisted by the attractions of Miss Darcy and the amusements of London might be too much, she feared, for the strength of his attachment.

As for Jane, HER anxiety under this suspense was, of course, more painful than Elizabeth’s, but whatever she felt she was desirous of concealing, and between herself and Elizabeth,

● Jane Austen therefore, the subject was never alluded to. But as no such delicacy restrained her mother, an hour seldom passed in which she did not talk of Bingley, express her impatience for his arrival, or even require Jane to confess that if he did not come back she would think herself very ill used.

It needed all Jane’s steady mildness to bear these attacks with tolerable tranquillity.

Mr. Collins returned most punctually on Monday fortnight, but his reception at Longbourn was not quite so gracious as it had been on his first introduction. He was too happy, however, to need much attention; and luckily for the others, the business of love-making relieved them from a great deal of his company. The chief of every day was spent by him at Lucas Lodge, and he sometimes returned to Longbourn only in time to make an apology for his absence before the family went to bed.

Mrs. Bennet was really in a most pitiable state.

The very mention of anything concerning the match threw her into an agony of ill-humour, and wherever she went she was sure of hearing it talked of. The sight of Miss Lucas was odious to her. As her successor in that house, she regarded her with jealous abhorrence. Whenever Charlotte came to see them, she concluded her to be anticipating the hour of possession; and whenever she spoke in a low voice to Mr. Collins, was convinced that they were talking of the Longbourn estate, and resolving to turn herself and her daughters out of the house, as soon as Mr. Bennet were dead. She complained bitterly of all this to her husband.

“Indeed, Mr. Bennet,” said she, “it is very hard to think that Charlotte Lucas should ever be mistress of this house, that I should be forced to make way for HER, and live to see her take her place in it!”

“My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that I may be the survivor.”

This was not very consoling to Mrs. Bennet, and therefore, instead of making any answer, she went on as before.

“I cannot bear to think that they should have all this estate. If it was not for the entail, I should not mind it.”

“What should not you mind?”

“I should not mind anything at all.”

“Let us be thankful that you are preserved from a state of such insensibility.”

“I never can be thankful, Mr. Bennet, for anything about the entail. How anyone could have the conscience to entail away an estate from one’s own daughters, I cannot understand; and all for the sake of Mr. Collins too! Why should HE have it more than anybody else?”

“I leave it to yourself to determine,” said Mr. Bennet.

CHAPTER 24 Miss Bingley’s letter arrived, and put an end to doubt. The very first sentence conveyed the assurance of their being all settled in London for the winter, and concluded with her brother’s regret at not having had time to pay his respects to his friends in Hertfordshire before he left the country.

Hope was over, entirely over; and when Jane could attend to the rest of the letter, she found little, except the professed affection of the writer, that could give her any comfort. Miss Darcy’s praise occupied the chief of it. Her many attractions were again dwelt on, and Caroline boasted joyfully of their increasing intimacy, and ventured to predict the accomplishment of the wishes which had been unfolded in her former letter. She wrote also with great pleasure of her brother’s being an inmate of Mr. Darcy’s house, and mentioned with raptures some plans of the latter with regard to new furniture.

Elizabeth, to whom Jane very soon communicated the chief of all this, heard it in silent indignation. Her heart was divided between concern for her sister, and resentment against all others.

To Caroline’s assertion of her brother’s being partial to Miss Darcy she paid no credit. That he was really fond of Jane, she doubted no more

than she had ever done; and much as she had always been disposed to like him, she could not think without anger, hardly without contempt, on that easiness of temper, that want of proper resolution, which now made him the slave of his designing friends, and led him to sacrifice of his own happiness to the caprice of their inclination. Had his own happiness, however, been the only sacrifice, he might have been allowed to sport with it in whatever manner he thought best, but her sister’s was involved in it, as she thought he must be sensible himself. It was a subject, in short, on which reflection would be long indulged, and must be unavailing. She could think of nothing else; and yet whether Bingley’s regard had really died away, or were suppressed by his friends’ interference; whether he had been aware of Jane’s attachment, or whether it had escaped his observation; whatever were the case, though her opinion of him must be materially affected by the difference, her sister’s situation remained the same, her peace equally wounded.

A day or two passed before Jane had courage to speak of her feelings to Elizabeth; but at last, on Mrs. Bennet’s leaving them together, after a longer irritation than usual about Netherfield and its master, she could not help saying: “Oh, that my dear mother had more command over herself! She can have no idea of the pain she gives me by her continual reflections on him. But I will not repine. It cannot last long. He will be forgot, and we shall all be as we were before.”

Elizabeth looked at her sister with incredulous solicitude, but said nothing.

“You doubt me,” cried Jane, slightly colouring; “indeed, you have no reason. He may live in my memory as the most amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not THAT pain. A little time, therefore — I shall certainly try to get the better.”

With a stronger voice she soon added, “I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than an error of fancy on my side, and that it has done no harm to anyone but myself.”

“My dear Jane!” exclaimed Elizabeth, “you are too good. Your sweetness and disinterestedness are really angelic; I do not know what to say to you. I feel as if I had never done you justice, or loved you as you deserve.”

Miss Bennet eagerly disclaimed all extraordinary merit, and threw back the praise on her sister’s warm affection.

“Nay,” said Elizabeth, “this is not fair. YOU wish to think all the world respectable, and are hurt if I speak ill of anybody. I only want to think YOU perfect, and you set yourself against it.

Do not be afraid of my running into any excess, of my encroaching on your privilege of universal good-will. You need not. There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense. I have met with two instances lately, one I will not mention; the other is Charlotte’s marriage. It is unaccountable! In every view it is unaccountable!”

“My dear Lizzy, do not give way to such feelings as these. They will ruin your happiness.

You do not make allowance enough for difference of situation and temper. Consider Mr. Collins’s respectability, and Charlotte’s steady, prudent character. Remember that she is one of a large family; that as to fortune, it is a most eligible match; and be ready to believe, for everybody’s sake, that she may feel something like regard and esteem for our cousin.”

“To oblige you, I would try to believe almost anything, but no one else could be benefited by such a belief as this; for were I persuaded that Charlotte had any regard for him, I should only think worse of her understanding than I now do of her heart. My dear Jane, Mr. Collins is a conceited, pompous, narrow-minded, silly man; you know he is, as well as I do; and you must feel, as well as I do, that the woman who married him

Continued on Page 24

Page 24 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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From Page 23 cannot have a proper way of thinking. You shall not defend her, though it is Charlotte Lucas. You shall not, for the sake of one individual, change the meaning of principle and integrity, nor endeavour to persuade yourself or me, that selfishness is prudence, and insensibility of danger security for happiness.”

“I must think your language too strong in speaking of both,” replied Jane; “and I hope you will be convinced of it by seeing them happy together. But enough of this. You alluded to something else. You mentioned TWO instances. I cannot misunderstand you, but I entreat you, dear Lizzy, not to pain me by thinking THAT PERSON to blame, and saying your opinion of him is sunk. We must not be so ready to fancy ourselves intentionally injured. We must not expect a lively young man to be always so guarded and circumspect. It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration means more than it does.”

“And men take care that they should.”

“If it is designedly done, they cannot be justified; but I have no idea of there being so much design in the world as some persons imagine.”

“I am far from attributing any part of Mr. Bingley’s conduct to design,” said Elizabeth; “but without scheming to do wrong, or to make others unhappy, there may be error, and there may be misery. Thoughtlessness, want of attention to other people’s feelings, and want of resolution, will do the business.”

“And do you impute it to either of those?”

“Yes; to the last. But if I go on, I shall displease you by saying what I think of persons you esteem. Stop me whilst you can.”

“You persist, then, in supposing his sisters influence him?”

“Yes, in conjunction with his friend.”

“I cannot believe it. Why should they try to influence him? They can only wish his happiness; and if he is attached to me, no other woman can secure it.”

“Your first position is false. They may wish many things besides his happiness; they may wish his increase of wealth and consequence; they may wish him to marry a girl who has all the importance of money, great connections, and pride.”

“Beyond a doubt, they DO wish him to choose Miss Darcy,” replied Jane; “but this may be from

better feelings than you are supposing. They have known her much longer than they have known me; no wonder if they love her better. But, whatever may be their own wishes, it is very unlikely they should have opposed their brother’s. What sister would think herself at liberty to do it, unless there were something very objectionable?

If they believed him attached to me, they would not try to part us; if he were so, they could not succeed. By supposing such an affection, you make everybody acting unnaturally and wrong, and me most unhappy. Do not distress me by the idea. I am not ashamed of having been mistaken — or, at least, it is light, it is nothing in comparison of what I should feel in thinking ill of him or his sisters. Let me take it in the best light, in the light in which it may be understood.”

Elizabeth could not oppose such a wish; and from this time Mr. Bingley’s name was scarcely ever mentioned between them.

Mrs. Bennet still continued to wonder and repine at his returning no more, and though a day seldom passed in which Elizabeth did not account for it clearly, there was little chance of her ever considering it with less perplexity. Her daughter endeavoured to convince her of what she did not believe herself, that his attentions to Jane had been merely the effect of a common and transient liking, which ceased when he saw her no more; but though the probability of the statement was admitted at the time, she had the same story to repeat every day. Mrs. Bennet’s best comfort was that Mr. Bingley must be down again in the summer.

Mr. Bennet treated the matter differently. “So, Lizzy,” said he one day, “your sister is crossed in love, I find. I congratulate her. Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then. It is something to think of, and it gives her a sort of distinction among her companions. When is your turn to come? You will hardly bear to be long outdone by Jane. Now is your time. Here are officers enough in Meryton to disappoint all the young ladies in the country.

Let Wickham be YOUR man. He is a pleasant fellow, and would jilt you creditably.”

“Thank you, sir, but a less agreeable man would satisfy me. We must not all expect Jane’s good fortune.”

“True,” said Mr. Bennet, “but it is a comfort to think that whatever of that kind may befall you,

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you have an affectionate mother who will make the most of it.”

Mr. Wickham’s society was of material service in dispelling the gloom which the late perverse occurrences had thrown on many of the Longbourn family. They saw him often, and to his other recommendations was now added that of general unreserve. The whole of what Elizabeth had already heard, his claims on Mr. Darcy, and all that he had suffered from him, was now openly acknowledged and publicly canvassed; and everybody was pleased to know how much they had always disliked Mr. Darcy before they had known anything of the matter.

Miss Bennet was the only creature who could suppose there might be any extenuating circumstances in the case, unknown to the society of Hertfordshire; her mild and steady candour always pleaded for allowances, and urged the possibility of mistakes — but by everybody else Mr. Darcy was condemned as the worst of men.

CHAPTER 25 After a week spent in professions of love and schemes of felicity, Mr. Collins was called from his amiable Charlotte by the arrival of Saturday.

The pain of separation, however, might be alleviated on his side, by preparations for the reception of his bride; as he had reason to hope, that shortly after his return into Hertfordshire, the day would be fixed that was to make him the happiest of men. He took leave of his relations at Longbourn with as much solemnity as before; wished his fair cousins health and happiness again, and promised their father another letter of thanks.

On the following Monday, Mrs. Bennet had the pleasure of receiving her brother and his wife, who came as usual to spend the Christmas at Longbourn. Mr. Gardiner was a sensible, gentlemanlike man, greatly superior to his sister, as well by nature as education. The Netherfield ladies would have had difficulty in believing that a man who lived by trade, and within view of his own warehouses, could have been so well-bred and agreeable. Mrs. Gardiner, who was several years younger than Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Phillips, was an amiable, intelligent, elegant woman, and a great favourite with all her Longbourn nieces. Between the two eldest and herself especially, there subsisted a

particular regard. They had frequently been staying with her in town.

The first part of Mrs. Gardiner’s business on her arrival was to distribute her presents and describe the newest fashions. When this was done she had a less active part to play. It became her turn to listen. Mrs. Bennet had many grievances to relate, and much to complain of. They had all been very ill-used since she last saw her sister.

Two of her girls had been upon the point of marriage, and after all there was nothing in it.

“I do not blame Jane,” she continued, “for Jane would have got Mr. Bingley if she could. But Lizzy! Oh, sister! It is very hard to think that she might have been Mr. Collins’s wife by this time, had it not been for her own perverseness. He made her an offer in this very room, and she refused him. The consequence of it is, that Lady Lucas will have a daughter married before I have, and that the Longbourn estate is just as much entailed as ever. The Lucases are very artful people indeed, sister. They are all for what they can get. I am sorry to say it of them, but so it is. It makes me very nervous and poorly, to be thwarted so in my own family, and to have neighbours who think of themselves before anybody else. However, your coming just at this time is the greatest of comforts, and I am very glad to hear what you tell us, of long sleeves.”

Mrs. Gardiner, to whom the chief of this news had been given before, in the course of Jane and Elizabeth’s correspondence with her, made her sister a slight answer, and, in compassion to her nieces, turned the conversation.

When alone with Elizabeth afterwards, she spoke more on the subject. “It seems likely to have been a desirable match for Jane,” said she. “I am sorry it went off. But these things happen so often! A young man, such as you describe Mr. Bingley, so easily falls in love with a pretty girl for a few weeks, and when accident separates them, so easily forgets her, that these sort of inconsistencies are very frequent.”

“An excellent consolation in its way,” said Elizabeth, “but it will not do for US. We do not suffer

by ACCIDENT. It does not often happen that the interference of friends will persuade a young man of independent fortune to think no more of a girl whom he was violently in love with only a few days before.”

To Be Continued Next Week

Observer Crossword Solution No 6 O N G O I N G

P T R L A G D E OD U Y S EM O E L U T R E ON

I MUM D U L L E R O P E C P A D D L S P OR E E A T OU T H E A D I S G OW P R A N C E T AME T A L E N N B R A N C H MOD E S T M S O A S GO A T E E MEME N T O S B E S P L O V E R S A T A N WA Y L E P E A K E D V I X E N A N I MA L S F L OR I D N A N D SWA T R A G H E P E E MA NG E WA F T I N C A S O V A L S P U R E E M I N U T E S E L E MA S K S J UGG L E R S D E A R A T E MA R E S MA S H R E AM S L M T S O S L U R E D R I C H T E R C L A D S P A R I S MU S K Y E T ON I C N E P A R K A MA S T S E S A U N I G E L B OGG Y M I L K S H C R Y C I D E S T E P E E M I N T S R A P H E A L T A P C H A P S GO L D A P I L L S A NON R E AMY P A P A S P ON T OON K N I T R T I S H A V E N A U L D D R AW G L E N U P O S E D WE L L D T Y R E EM I T B A N T U C A R L ME S S O P S P A I N P L A T O OR C A T OO L G A N A I V E B E S S P E S O S A G N E X T G A R E L S T O A T ROME L E N A Y L I R A S A D Y U K ON L A N K S A V E NO V A Y A P R I GOR R I NG T E RM I T E M B E L OW N A T A L DO I N L O A N S P U S E P I A S C R U B B L E D S A O C E D D Y E L P S H E RON D OW M WE E D E S E A T S R I G I D N E I L MA N L Y V A N S C A L A D UGU P L L I F T S OM I T E L O P E S EM I T H RON E S J UMB E R E T H I C R A NG EWE R MO T O S S A H I GH S S C R E AME D R E L L T A C K D E EMS HOR R I D P A R T Y EW R I N K R E I C H P U T T D I S C S X T I D I L Y P L O R E P S W S P Y V I V D I V A C E R N E S T L I S T S D A L A C E N S OR N U N V E N U E B R L EMON S O P U S B A R R A G E S P L A U P T F I RM A L E A S E S HOO K I N I T I A L L A P E L S AME N HOO K E N R T R I P E L P ON D DOU B L E GU E S S E D D R E S S Y Y O B S B O S S E

E T HWA R T S T A I R O T D R Y L A N A R E D T T MA H A EWA Y ON O K A Y GO C R EWE D D MON A WE S N E RO T H D GR A E E K B L U N A T E S E T N L U R C H HO P ROO F R Y OU R S E D T R A C K F E R S Y R I I V A L S A N T I T A N P G L AMA S R P I E S U N T R A I N B B J OR N B OO B S F U NG I MA I ME S ME L L P S GU L L E S A L L O Y S GR E E N CO I N S S I R E N A K I V E S S P U D E S P E A R E T GH E T T S R A L P H L OR E Y E L OU NG E M ODG EM P I I GH T I R T E S P A N S E D B K R L OW T I D EMC E E N D D R E DG E

S A D D L E D A B S T A I N S A A T I S H O O Y R E A D S O U T P A Y H E E D

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012 - Page 37

Melbourne People

Freemasons Victoria Open Day Dallas Brooks Centre East Melbourne

● Freemasons Grand Master Vaughan Werner with Deputy Grand Master Bob Jones

● Janet Connolly, Pauline Graafmans and Kathryn Norton from Variety, the children’s charity

● Joel Solomon with Margaret Ecclestone at the Royal Freemasons stand

● Bill Stevenson, Peter Telford, Bruce Jeffrey

● Lance McGregor and Jim Spreadborough in the Masonic Library at East Melbourne

● Ruary Bucknall with Linda Franssen at the Royal Freemasons information stand

● Don Kinsey with Trevor Meggs

● Peter Atkin, new member Bastien Treptel with Barry Atkinson at the Open Day

● Marie and Ron Cameron promote the Order of the Amaranth

● Shriners Terry Webster and Roger Dikes

● David Cash and David Hall of the Victorian Masonic Motorcycle Association

● Shriners Merv Dyer and Carlos Zapata-Aramyo

Page 38 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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Melbourne People

● Virginia Gibson, Christo Gibson and Nicki Wendt

● Serge Vieire, Ann Peacock, Jacques Marcon and Thierry Marx

● Jo Hall of Nine News

● Kelly Downey

● Kristy Taylor, Penny France and Natalie O'Brien

● M Hive chefs Daniel Flether and John Lawson

Star of Stars Cocktail Party At Breezes. Crown Melbourne

● Grant MacPherson and Ann Peacock

● Lewis Romano and Emma Jager

● Jeremy Kann and Lauren Hansen

● Yuji Okada and Jun Yukimura