Melbourne Observer. 130417C. April 17, 2013. Part C. Pages 65-80 by Ash Long

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 65

Travellers’ Good Buys

with David Ellis

‘Burma’s past is Myanmar’s future’ ■ They may have changed the country’s name from Burma to Myanmar and its capital from Rangoon to Yangon, but the ambience of the British Empire lives on in the bar at the grand old Strand Hotel. Relaxing in wicker chairs, moustachioed gentlemen sip their Johnny Walker Black Label as their partners fiddle with glasses of Pimm’s No 1 … the original quinine digestive alleged to ward off the dastardly malaria. The hotel’s walls are made of teak and, high in the ceilings above the chairs and tables, fans whirl quietly. In days past their place was taken by large, waving carpet-like contraptions operated by punkawallahs to stir the languid, heat and humidity-filled air. Occasionally an English expatriate with a cane and a pith helmet still wanders into the bar. And, more recently, so too tourists – just as they do to Raffles in Singapore, the Savoy in London or the Kempinski in Berlin – to gawk at a relic of yesteryear. Like Rip Van Winkle, Myanmar has awoken from a deep sleep. First it was the military junta that scared away the tourists. Then it was Aung San Suu Kyi, the iconic pro-democracy advocate and Nobel Laureate who asked foreigners not to come – because the tourist dollars would only help prop-up the military, and not filter down to the poorest in most need. However a couple of years ago the

● The Strand Hotel. In British Colonial days, only white guests could stay in the hotel

Observer Wines & Liqueurs Melbourne

with David Ellis

Bill’s Richland brings rewards ■ Bill Calabria and his team at Westend Wines in the NSW Riverina have created a ripper Shiraz in their 2010 Richland label – a wine with forward ripe berry-fruit flavours, smoky oak and nicely recognisable varietal spicy black pepper. Westend’s premium commercial label, Richland is dedicated to Bill’s parent’s, Italian migrants Francesco and Elizabeth who founded Calabria Wines in 1927; Bill changed the name in 1974 as the company expanded and diversified its range. This is a Shiraz to enjoy now with rosemary scented lamb and balsamic vinegar, or in deference to Bill’s Italian heritage, with penne arrabiata. Or at just $12.99 a bottle, to put a case in the cellar for a few years to develop added complexity.

Pictured ■ Couple this one with rosemary scented lamb or Italian penne arrabiata. ■ Nice choice with chicken and salad.

Two to note ■ West Australian Ferngrove’s Leaping Lizard range includes a nice 2012 Semillon Sauvignon Blanc crafted from fruit from a number of vineyards across the State’s growing regions, and is good value at $16.99. Chief Winemaker, Kim Horton has created a delightfully light-bodied wine in this one, with zesty kiwi fruit, passionfruit, lime and tropical fruit flavours balanced by a zippy acidity. Enjoy it with chicken and salad or a seafood platter. ■ Victoria’s Stanton & Killeen have released a 2009 Rutherglen Durif that shows why this region is gaining such respect for the variety: at $35 this one’s luscious and juicy with ripe fruit flavours that immediately fill the mouth, structured tannins, and a finish of chocolaty cherry ripe flavours. Durif was first planted in Rutherglen in 1908 but it’s only in the last decade that so many lovers of this variety have come to appreciate just how good the local drop is.

We’re archived on http:// vintnews.com

people asked Aung San Suu Kyi to reconsider her stand. It was counter-productive, they pointed out, and was hampering the very people she wanted to help. She accepted their pleas and the country will this year embrace some 1.5 million tourists … more than twice the number of a few years ago. And a good majority will visit the Strand Hotel, that was built by Arshak, Tigran and Aviet Sarkies, Armenian brothers born in Persia (now Iran) who were responsible for a string of luxury hotels across South-East Asia. These included Raffles Singapore, while construction of Rangoon’s Strand commenced in 1896 and finished five years later. And from its opening there was one explicit rule: only white guests were permitted to stay there, although many years later the hotel also became home to Japanese officers during the occupation of Burma in World War II. But while the Strand is a must-see in Yangon, it literally pales into insignificance against the Shwedagon (or Golden) Pagoda, a 100-m high gilded and jewel-encrusted structure that looks a bit like a giant inverted spinning top and towers over the city skyline. Its crown is tipped with 5448 diamonds and 2317 rubies and at the very top is a giant 76 carat (15g) diamond. Modern day guests to Myanmar and the Strand have included US President Barack Obama, who visited there last November. And a couple of large cruise ships have stopped off on round-the-world voyages – testing the waters so to speak – while other lines are looking to Myanmar as a regular stopover for ships cruising out of Singapore. Among these will be the boutique vessel SeaDream II with two 13-day voyages in November and December this year. And as well as overnight stays in Yangon, SeaDream II will also include two of the 800 tiny islands that dot the Andaman Sea west of Thailand. One is the uninhabited Pila Kyun. And no doubt SeaDream Yacht Club will be considering it for their signature Champagne and Caviar Splash, where guests visiting such placid waters are served drinks by waiters who stand in these waters knee-deep just off the beach, surfboard-like floating tables serving as their bar . The other is Thahtay Kyun, a short ocean trip from southern Thailand and home to a five-star casino and golf resort. Also with an eye to attracting Aussies is the Accor Hotels chain, with three establishments under construction in Myanmar. The first will open by the end of the year – the 366-room Novotel Yangon Max. It will feature a roof-top French restaurant and will be within walking distance of the Shwedagon Pagoda. More than a century ago English author Rudyard Kipling noted: “This is Burma and it is quite unlike any land you know about.” Burma? Myanmar? Call it what you will, Kipling’s comments still hold true today. - David Ellis with Malcolm Andrews, who was a guest of SeaDream Yacht Club in the Med

Page 66 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013

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Victoria Pictorial

Christmas In Melbourne Historic Photo Collection

● Powerhouse Club members entertain children of personell serving overseas. Christmas Day 1943.

● Father Christmas in a chariot pulled by RAAF personnel at a sports carnival held at Flemington racecourse. 1942

● Major D. V. Rogers distributing Returned Services League and Sun newspaper Christmas parcels to Private W. A. J. Underwood. 1954.

● Voluntary workers preparing Christmas dinner at the Independent Hall, Melbourne. 1944.

● Serviceman’s wife gets help from women postal staff in sending parcels in Melbourne. December, 1943

● Christmas dinner. Melbourne home. 1958.

● Mr W Gordon, ventriloquist, providing laughter at Christmas celebrations held at Albert Park. 1944.

● Sisters at ‘Heidelberg Military Hospital’ serving cool drinks on the wards during Christmas Day celebrations, 1944.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 67

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Observer Showbiz Every Week in the Melbourne Observer

Radio: News from Victorian stations ................ Page 68 Veritas: Fraudster hits Keith McGowan ................. Page 69 The Spoiler: Plotlines for Neighbours, Home & Away ... Page 69 Jim and Aaron: Latest and best movies, DVDs............... Page 70 Cheryl Threadgold: Local theatre shows, auditions ............. Page 71 PLUS THE LOVATT”S MEGA CROSSWORD

BARASSI STAGE SHOW RETURNS Greg Eldridge joins Covent Garden

By JULIE HOUGHTON

Moosehead benefit ■ The 27th Brian McCarthy Memorial Moosehead Awards Benefit will be held on Sunday (April 21) at 8pm in the Melbourne Town Hall Main Hall. The famous closing night event with a history as long as the comedy festival itself is the perfect way to say goodbye to the Town Hall for another year. Its top secret bill is always the festival’s hottest – previous years have starred Dave Hughes, Wil Anderson, Judith Lucy, Arj Barker, Stephen K Amos, Eddie Izzard, Adam Hills, Rove McManus, Lano and Woodley and many more. The Moosehead Benefit is a mix of the biggest names and the hot festival surprises on one epic bill. And has become one of the most enduring traditions in the Australian comedy community since it began in the memory of young comedian and producer Brian McCarthy, who died in a car accident. Funding three original shows a year, rather than offering a cash award, The Moosehead provides a comprehensive support package to help shows get up and running during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. The Moosehead receives no external funding and the costs of the shows are covered by the proceeds collected at this action-packed Benefit. Venue: Melbourne Town Hall – Main Hall Date: April 21. Time: 8pm Tickets: $49.90 full $45.90 concession Bookings: Ticketmaster or at the venue - Cheryl Threadgold

Doco style play by Red Stitch ● Greg Eldridge ■ The Opera Studio Melbourne is bursting with pride, due to alumnus Greg Eldridge being snapped up by world famous opera house, Covent Garden. Young opera director Greg Eldridge has just been offered a two-year contract as a member of the prestigious Young Artist Program at the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. From 2009 - 2011 Greg was an assistant director/intern at The Opera Studio Melbourne, "I will be the first Australian director to join the program, and The Opera Studio Melbourne provided an opportunity for me at a time when no other institutions considered accepting young directors. “Through my three-year association with the Studio I was exposed to many ideas, techniques and examples of professional practice that have directly influenced my own rehearsal and production processes. Greg credits the Opera Studio with giving him his first break. "Without the Studio's resources, faculty and opportunity, I have no doubt that my career right now would be significantly different," an excited Greg said. The Opera Studio Melbourne is now in its fifth year of operation, under founder and artistic director Linda Thompson, and through its annual repertory program, The Opera Studio Melbourne provides invaluable performance experience for emerging and professional artists for a diverse audience. The Opera Studio Melbourne cultivates international connections and professional prospects for their productions, staff, guest artists and emerging artists - and with Greg Eldridge's Covent Garden coup it seems there is now one more international connection to add. - Julie Houghton

● Matt Parkinson and Chris Asimos are in Barassi ■ With the 2013 AFL season in full swing, alongside the off-field controversy about chemical additives and their role in football, it might be nice to return to the days when AFL was simply ‘The Footy’. The return of Barassi The Stage Show gives us the chance to do just that - it's at the Fairfax Studio, at the Arts Centre for a limited season from April 23 to May 5. It is worth buying a ticket for the show to indulge in a bit of nostalgia and sporting history. Written by Tee O'Neill and directed by Chris Bendall, Barassi The Stage Show introduces Christopher Connelly in the role of the legendary coach Barassi, with Chris Asimos as young Barassi and Matt Parkinson as coach and mentor Norm Smith, with Odette Joannidis in the central role of Melba, the narrator, with Amanda LaBonte, Glenn Maynard, Sean McGrath, Russell Robertson and James Saunders. To some, Ron Barassi is the iconic Australian Rules footballer. To others, a champion coach, motivational speaker and elder statesman. The story takes audiences on a journey through ‘footy’ history and lore, crossing generations and suburban Melbourne clans. Barassi The Stage Show begins in World War II with Ron's father, Ron Snr, himself a champion footballer and one of the Rats of Tobruk, who is tragically killed in Libya. This loss inspires the passionate development of Ron Jnr into ‘Mr Football’ under the care and mentorship of the legendary coach Norm Smith. Having missed its original season, I will be lining up for a seat behind the theatrical goal posts, as I had a crush on the great Ron Barassi as a four-year-old. I am embarrassed to admit that when my Carlton fanatic grandfather offered me ten shillings to follow Barassi from Melbourne to Carlton, I accepted! I have kept a soft spot for the great number 31 ever since. Where: Fairfax Studio, Arts Centre Melbourne Date: April 23 to May 5 Tickets: Ticketmaster or Arts Centre Melbourne Prices: $29 - $89 - Julie Houghton

■ After critical success in Germany and London, Red Stitch Actors’ Theatre presents the Australian premiere of Danish playwright Thor Bjorn Krebs’ About Tommy, a documentary-style play exploring the struggle of a young soldier going to fight in the war in a foreign land, translated by David Duchin. When Tommy joins the Danish army, he looks for a way to make a difference. Posted to the former Yugoslavia as part of the UN’s most expensive peace-keeping mission during the 1990s, he struggles to understand the violence around him. When he and his comrades find themselves in the firing line, Tommy begins to fight back. Based on real accounts from the Balkan wars, About Tommy is an irreverent exploration of how far one will go to make peace when everyone else is determined to do the opposite. Kat Henry makes her directorial debut with Red Stitch Actors Theatre and the cast features Red Stitch ensemble members Kate Cole and Matthew Whitty, with special guest actor Paul Henri. Previews: April 24 and 25 Season: April 26 to May 25 Times: Wed – Sat 8pm, Sat 4.00pm matinee, Sun 6.30pm Venue: Red Stitch Theatre, Rear 2 Chapel Street, St Kilda Tickets: $27 - $39 ($20 Student, $15 Rush) Bookings: www.redstitch.net (discounted tix), or 9533 8083.

● About Tommy is produced by Red Stitch

Page 68 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Observer Showbiz

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Radio Confidential News from stations from around Victoria

NEWSREADER MOVES ON

Country Crossroads

CARLIE SIGNS OFF FROM FOX FM

info@country crossroads.com.au Big Breakfast Show. Southern FM 88.3. Tues. 6am-9am.

40 years on radio Rob Foenander

OPEN MIC. NIGHTS

■ The Acoustic Cafe in Collingwood hosts open mic sessions for all genres of music including country. All performances are recorded and selected clips are uploaded to both their You Tube and Facebook pages. More information email: ian@acousticcafe.com.au or phone 9417 1687

GREAT COUNTRY SONGBOOK

■ Troy Cassar-Daley and Adam Harvey have joined forces to record an album of timeless country music songs. The Great Country Songbook will feature tracks made famous by some of their idols and include Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard, George Jones and Australia’s very own legend Slim Dusty. The album release will be June 14.

LEE AT HALLAM

● Carlie Bonavia ■ Fox FM is farewelling Carlie Bonavia from her newsreading position. Carlie wrote on her internet blog: “Dream achieved, time to move onto the next one.” The Radio Today website says Carlie commented: “"Working on a top rating breakfast radio show in your hometown – it doesn’t get much better than that. Until it does – you’re moved to a top rating drive radio show in your hometown.”

Hello Lennie ■ Nova's Fitzy and wife BJ have welcomed their second child, another boy, after a 23hour labour.

■ Aussie country music star Lee Kernaghan will perform at the Hallam Hotel on May 22. As part of his national Beautiful Noise tour, Lee will unleash all of his hits plus of course tracks from his latest album release Beautiful Noise. On tour with Lee will be The Wolfe Brothers from Tasmania, runners up in the 2012 series of Australia’s Got Talent on Channel 7. - Rob Foenander

● Greg Evans ■ With Greg Evans turning 60 this month, a tribute video has been posted at You Tube. Greg Evans: 40 Years In Radio was produced by Mandy Turner of 3SR Shepparton. The 20-minute tribute traces Greg’s early days at 3CS Colac, 3CV Central Victoria (Maryborough) and then 3XY, before his television days on Perfect Match. Greg is now carer for his 97year-old mother Thelma.

★Old

■ Did we hear Tim ‘Rosso’ Ross (Mix 101.1) try and make fun of Melbourne woman Megan Castran’s Facebook page? Not a good way to make friends.

r Observbei z Show

Wednesday, April 17 ■ American actor William Holden was born in Illinois in 1918. He died aged 63 in 1981. Australian TV and radio host Greg Evans was born in Melbourne in 1953 (60). TV presenter ‘Ajay Rochester’ was born in Sydney in 1969 (44). Her name is Leigh Towler.

Days Of Our Lives axed ■ Channel 9 will axe Days Of Our Lives on Friday next week (April 26). Nine has advised that it will not renew the contract, as part of a cost-cutting review. The network has aired Days Of Our Lives for the past 45 years. The original sgow featured Dr Tom Horton (Macdonald Carey), and his wife Alice Horton (Frances Reid).

The ACMA reviews codes

COUNTRY ACTS RAISE $3000

■ The annual Hallam Hotel Good Friday Country Music Round raised in excess of $3000 for the Royal Childrens Hospital Appeal. Local artists performed throughout the day and night to entertain the many country music fans who were there to support both the music and the Good Friday Appeal.

■ 3AW personality John Blackman has been enquiring about the health of former station identity Billie Karen. Billie appeared on afternoon programs, and produced by Muriel Cooper.

Extra

● Ryan ‘Fitzy’ Fitzgerald and little Lennie

■ The Australian Communications and Media Authority is to begin the reviewing its codes which may see increased punishment for broadcasters who break them. ACMA's Chairman and Chief Executive Chris Chapman said: "We have a sense there is probably too much regulation built in there. “So we want to strip it all back and say what's really important to the community: on fairness and factual accuracy, on classifications, on privacy, on advertising." An issues paper will be released later this year and the Authority will then seek submissions from all interested stakeholders, including all major TV and radio networks. A draft of the final report is expected before the end of the year.

Radio Briefs

● Macdonald Carey

Newsroom ■ The second series of The Newsroom is beginning in the United States on HBO, and is expected to follow in Australia later this year.

Trixie Bell ■ FOX FM radio co-host Fifi Box has given birth to a little girl, Trixie Bell. It has been a big week. Fifi received news that she and on-air partner Jules Lund won the ratings for the ‘Drive’ timeslot in Melbourne radio.

■ 3MBS has revamped its ‘on demand’ website page where some past programs can be heard at the click of a mouse. ■ 3CR is mourning the passing of long-time programmer Pauline Mitchell on March 20. Pauline had been with the station since the beginning of the station in 1976. ■ Donna Demaio, 3AW’s arts and entertainment reporter, scored a studio interview with Barbara Eden.

● Jules Lund, Beatrix Belle Box and Fifi Box Melbourne

Observer

On This Day Thursday, April 18

Friday, April 19

Saturday, April 20

Sunday, April 21

Monday, April 22

Tuesday, April 23

■ British actress Hayley Mills was born in London in 1946 (67). Canadian comic actor Rick Moranis was born in 1953 (60). US TV host and comedian Conan O’Brien was born in 1963 (50). US actress Barbara Hale, who played Della Street in Perry Mason, was born in 1922 (91).

■ Actress Jayne Mansfield was born in 1933. She died aged 34 in 1967. Comic actor and musician Dudley Moore was born in London in 1935. He died aged 66 in 2002. Australian radio and TV presenter Graham Webb is 77. He hosted Blind Date.

■ English actor Leslie Phillips was born in 1924 (89). Athlete Betty Cuthbert was born in Sydney in 1938 (75). US actor Ryan O’Neal was born in Los Angeles in 1941 (72). Actress Jessica Lange was born in Minnesota in 1949. She celebrates her 64th birthday today.

■ Actor Anthony Quinn was born in Mexico in 1915. He died aged 86 in 2001. US singer Iggy Pop was born as James Osterberg in 1947 (66). US actor Tony Danza was born in New York in 1951 (62). Actress Andie McDowall was born in South Carolina in 1958.

■ Actor Eddie Albert (Heimberger) was born in 1906. He died aged 99 in 2005. He starred in Green Acres. Producer Aaron Spelling was born in 1923. He died aged 83 in 2006. English actor George Cole, who played Arthur Daley in Minder, was born in London in 1925 (88).

■ William Shakespeare was born at Stratfordupon-Avon in 1564. He died at the age of 52. Actress Shirley Temple was born in 1928 (85). Singer-songwriter Roy Orbison was born in 1936. He died aged 52 American actress Sandra Dee was born in 1942. She died in 2005

Thanks to GREG NEWMAN of the Birthday Bulletin for assistance with birthday and anniversary dates. Find out more at www.birthdaybulletin.com.au

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 69

Observer TV, Radio, Theatre Showbiz Latest Melbourne show business news - without fear or favour The Spoiler FRAUDSTER HITS KEITH Media Flashes

ShowBiz!

Surgery for Philip Brady

For Those Who Have Lost The Plot

Veritas

Neighbours ■ 6.30pm. Weeknights. Eleven ■ Monday, April 22. Paul finds out about Mason's criminal past and threatens exposure; the Twitter war between Amber and Cassie escalates; and Paul tries to seduce Rhiannon but she turns the table on him. ■ Tuesday, April 23. Mason hides his guilt about the Lassiters robbery as his romance with Kate blossoms. As Lucas prepares for cancer surgery, Steph starts to come between him and Vanessa. ■ Wednesday, April 24. Chris and Amber go on a date and have a great time; Georgia and Kyle finally arrange to go out on a date. Drugs go missing from the hospital and it looks like Georgia is to blame. ■ Thursday, April 25. Amber is triumphant over Cassie but at a cost. Georgia is suspended from the hospital and Kyle stands by Georgia as she fights to prove her innocence over the missing drugs. ■ Friday, April 26. Georgia fears she will lose her career; Paul makes Rhiannon an offer she can't refuse. Amber deals with the real life consequences of her virtual actions.

Home and Away ■ Monday, April 22. Maddy tells Spencer that she thinks their first time should be on his birthday. Spencer assures Maddy that he is going to do something about Chris, who has been constantly in their face. ■ Tuesday, April 23. Tamara is worried that Casey is putting other people's problems before his own. Brax finds himself falling for Ricky. ■ Wednesday, April 24. Casey supports Indi, Tamara apologies to Casey for being so hard on him, and Brax learns that the police are looking for Ricky. ■ Thursday, April 25. Double Episode. Dex finds out Steph is fudging her OBS. Natalie and Zac take Kyle on as a new housemate. Ricky finally opens up to Brax about her problems. Bianca becomes frustrated with Heath for not helping with their wedding plans.

Melbourne’s Best TV-Radio Critic

Death at 87 ● Keith McGowan ■ Retired Melbourne radio personality Keith McGowan was hit by an identity fraudster at the weekend. The fraudster tried to set up a Facebook page in Keith’s name, succeeding in getting 42 friends to sign on. Keith contacted Facebook authorities to remove the page and track down the offender.

● Jonathan Winters

■ Jonathan Winters, the wildly inventive actor and comedian who appeared in such films as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and The Loved One, and played Robin Williams's son on the TV show Mork & Mindy, has died. He was 87. Winters died on Thursday evening of natural causes at his home in Montecito, California, according to business associate Joe Petro III.

Lyric Opera’s ‘Elle’

Star Bursts ■ BBC Worldwide Australasia has licensed a package of more than 220 hours of premiere content to Foxtel’s LifeStyle Channels Group, for transmission on the The LifeStyle Channel, LifeStyle You, LifeStyle Home and LifeStyle FOood channels. Premiering on The LifeStyle Channel will be Phil Spencer: Double Agent Down Under Hotel Secrets with Richard E Grant will also premiere on The LifeStyle Channel. LifeStyle Food will premiere Rachel Allen’s Easy Meals, and Nigel Slater’s Dish of the Day. On LifeStyle You, Big Brooklyn Style sees husband and wife business owners Lisa and Jim Dolan revise and revolutionise the norms of plus-size shopping experiences in their clothing store. Slave To Food enlists serial dieter Claire Richards. LifeStyle Home will premiere Marbella Mansions ■ ABC3’s first Australian fantasy, actionadventure series, Nowhere Boys has began production in Melbourne. Produced by Matchbox Pictures, the 13 x 30-min. series follows four mismatched teenage boys who return from a school trip to discover they have come back to an alternate world where they no longer exist. Cast as the four lead boys are: Joel Lok (Tangle, Sea Patrol); Dougie Baldwin (ABC TV’s Upper Middle Bogan); Rahart Sadiqzai (Neighbours, Prank Patrol); and Matthew Testro.

● Sarah Cameron (accompanist), Marilla Homes (soprano), Julie Torpy (soprano), Nathan Gilkes (director) and Pat Miller (music director) rehearse Lyric Opera's Elle, playing April 18-21 at Chapel Off Chapel. ■ Lyric Opera of Melbourne con- 'chamber opera' where all performers tinues its tradition of staging unique and play an equal role in making the music often unconventional performances and bringing the drama to life. when new work Elle, built on the music "The beautiful music for solo clariof Francis Poulenc, is brought to net and cello that has been interlaced in the score hints at emotions that often Chapel Off Chapel on April 18-21. A powerful and engaging experience cannot be put into words," says Lyric for performer and audiences alike, the Opera music director and conductor, one-act production sung in English de- Pat Miller. "This is a woman at her most vulpicts a woman's downward emotional trajectory as her relationship comes to nerable, in an opera at its most intimate." Lyric Opera continues its dedicaan end. "The production sees us literally sit- tion to nurture young performers, with ting in Elle's bedroom, watching as she the role of Elle shared between sopratries to keep herself together," says nos Julie Torpy and Marilla Nathan Gilkes, director of Lyric Op- Holmes. The singers are supported by two of era of Melbourne. Melbourne's most talented young Elle is based on Jean Cocteau's one-woman play La Voix Humaine (The chamber musicians, clarinettist Lloyd van't Hoff and cellist Christopher Human Voice), set to music by Poulenc Howlett,along with head of music, piain 1959, a compelling piece that presents nist Sarah Cameron. an intimate look at human nature in emoPerformances: April 18-21 (2 tional crisis. shows per night) The story is conveyed through a sePreview: April 17 ries of telephone conversations as a Times: 6.30pm and 8.30pm on woman known only as 'Elle' ends her opening night and 7.30pm and 9.30pm affair on the eve of her lover's wedding on Friday and Saturday and 2pm Sunto another woman. day These tortured conversations, of Tickets: $28 Full Price, $23 Conwhich we hear only her side, are made cession, Special price $20 for students. even more traumatic due to endless Venue: Chapel Off Chapel, 12 Little crossed lines and interruptions. Chapel St, Prahran. Excerpts from Poulenc's exquisite Bookings: 8290 7000 or visit www. chamber music are woven into pauses chapeloffchapel.com.au in the conversation, creating a true - Cheryl Threadgold

■ 3AW Nightline and Remember When co-host Philip Brady is recuperating after cataract surgery on Friday. Philip had the first of two operations just after the Thursday night program, and is expected to return for the second operation on Friday next week. The 73-year-old star is recovering well.

● Philip Brady

True Love Travels ■ Following two years of development, award-winning playwright Jane Miller and director Beng Oh’s company, 15 Minutes From Anywhere, will present the premiere of a refreshingly new Australian comedy drama, True Love Travels On A Gravel Road, opening on May 15 at fortyfivedownstairs. The play is set in rural Australia and tells a story about ordinary people who go to extraordinary lengths in pursuit of a dream, without regard to the consequences. Intermingled over three time periods with six fully fleshed characters, the main premise of the play is people are never more ruthless than when in pursuit of their own happiness, and reality becomes another obstacle to be ignored or overcome. The cast features Chris Broadstock, Marnie Gibson, Emily Goddard, David Kambouris, Elizabeth McColl and Glenn van Oosterom. The creative team includes Christina Logan-Bell (set and costumes), Andy Turner (lighting), Tim Bright (sound) and Claire Shepherd (stage management)., Venue: fortyfivedownstairs, 45 Flinders Lane, Melbourne. Season: Wed, May 15 – Sun, June 2. Time: 8pm Tue – Sat , 5pm Sun. Preview: 8pm Wed, May 15. Opening: 8pm Thu, May 16 Duration: 90 mins – plus interval Tickets: $37 Full , $30 Concession, $33 Groups 6+, $25 Preview Bookings: fortyfivedownstairs.com or 9662 9966 Info: truelovetravels.net - Cheryl Threadgold

Whatevs ... forevs ■ There’s a twinkle in Peter Helliar’s eyes that allows him a lot of leeway with the “F” word, but Whatevs is otherwise pretty much a clean theme show, even though we’re starting with poo! The journey through the gargantuan difficulty of delivering the doc’s required specimen to the exciting possibility of a private conjugal night takes us on a merry ride, highlights having to be the front end loaders needed to shop at Costco and the flow through from overhearing two critters in the public loo lamenting how “time poor” they have become! It is quite remarkable how comedian’s relationships survive when we realise just how useful spouses and children are in building up a great repertoire of alleged family conflict and disaster. Helliar’s kids and wife are no exception. We run the gamut of the lack of toilet privacy, cooking, the dishwashing routine – or lack therof, the dad joke, and that divisive issue, shopping. Helliar has a loud style and when he stops the repartee and goes quiet with those eyes twinkling - is he covering a block or is he stretching the pause to a maximum, looking for maximum advantage from the segue. Stand up comedy is a naked gig, clothed by clever, quirky observations of the most ordinary of things, situations and people. Helliar’s harangue about the ridiculous loss of real words, builds hilariously to the possibility of Rudd expressing “SOS” to the Stolen Generation - a ripper. Where is this absurdity of text words taking us? If it’s true that ‘YOLO’ (you only live once) at least have a laugh and catch Helliar in The Banquet Room, Victoria Hotel, until April 21 , Tues – Sat 7pm, Sun 6pm, before the Comedy Festival closes. Tickets $35/$25 Ticketmaster or at the door. - Review by Maggie Morrison

Page 70 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Observer Showbiz What’s Hot and What’s Not in Blu-Rays and DVDs

● MICHAEL CAINE: Still going strong at 80. The Michael Caine Thriller Triple DVD Movie Pack contains three diverse roles from the legendary actor including his breakout star-making performance as British spy Harry Palmer in the classic Len Deighton thriller The Ipcress File. FILM: THE SESSIONS: Genre: Drama. Cast: Helen Hunt, John Hawkes, William H. Macy. Year: 2012. Rating: MA15+. Running Time: 95 Minutes. Format: DVD. Stars: ***½ Verdict: Inspired by a true story, this is a touching and even humorous journey of a young incapacitated man living with the aid of an iron lung who wishes to experience manhood, so he reaches out for a professional sex surrogate, with some help from his therapist and priest. Nicely directed and paced throughout, it is the standout performances of John Hawkes and Helen Hunt, like you've never seen her before in her Oscar nominated role, and the always reliable William H. Macy, that lift it to a whole new level. A solid, captivating, original drama that is well worth the trip. FILM: RISE OF THE GUARDIANS: Genre: Animated/Comedy/Drama. Cast: Hugh Jackman, Chris Pine, Jude Law, Alec Baldwin, Isla Fisher. Year: 2012. Rating: PG. Running Time: 97 Minutes. Format: DVD and BLU-RAY. Stars: *** Verdict: An entertaining animated adventure of the evil spirit Pitch, more widely known as The Boogie Man, who launches an assault on the innocence of the children of the world, so the Immortal Guardians, made up of Jack Frost, the Easter Bunny, Sandman, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, all team up to protect the innocence of children everywhere. Superb animation and characters drive this wildly quirky ride, but suffers sadly from losing its way at points throughout and too many dark and threatening at moments for younger children. FILM: DANIEL CRAIG Triple Pack: Genre: Action/Drama. Cast: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Ben Whishaw, Ralph Fiennes. Year: Assorted Years. Rating: M. Running Time: 300 Minutes (Approximately). Format: DVD and BLU-RAY. Stars: **** Verdict: Well, two out of three isn't bad. And in case you haven't already got them, with the exception of Skyfall they are included in the James Bond 50th Anniversary Collection, here are all three of Daniel Craig's outings as super British secret agent James Bond 007 in the one box. Firstly, there is the sensational Casino Royale, followed by the inferior and disappointing Quantum of Solace, and finally the outstanding Skyfall. A nice box set loaded with girls, guns and action to satisfy everyone. FILM: MICHAEL CAINE THRILLER - Triple Pack: Genre: Drama/Thriller/Action/Comedy. Cast: Michael Caine, Pierce Brosnan, Nigel Green, Guy Doleman. Year: Assorted Years. Rating: M. Running Time: 335 Minutes (Approximately). Format: DVD. Stars: **** Verdict: More spies again in The Ipcress File, but this one's a standout! Michael Caine stars a Len Deighton's Harry Palmer in the film that made him an international star. This stylish, captivating and landmark spy thriller of kidnapping and brainwashing is a cracker, the box set is worth it for this one alone. Then we have the entertaining but rarely seen crime caper The Silver Bears, and finally the taut Cold War thriller of nuclear destruction in The Fourth Protocol, which introduced us in a big way to future James Bond 007, Pierce Brosnan, and based on the novel by Frederick Forsyth. - James Sherlock

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Movies, DVDs With Jim Sherlock and Aaron Rourke

TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE

● John Goodman, Amy Adams, and Clint Eastwood in the baseball drama Trouble With The Curve. ■ (M). 111 minutes. Available details surrounding Gus and Mickey's now on DVD and Blu-Ray. journey, Lorenz doesn't fully explore In his first screen appearance since those details, instead staying focused the sublime 2008 drama Gran Torino, on the main narrative, and as such preClint Eastwood still shows he's got vents us from witnessing a far greater what it takes to command a film, and picture. As the film progresses, you can see is certainly one of the key factors that makes Trouble With The Curve solid how Eastwood himself would have and enjoyable entertainment. handled the story as a director, staying Eastwood stars as Gus, an aging on locations and background characters baseball scout who has discovered a for longer periods, allowing the smaller myriad of talent over many years, but details to create a satisfying, fully-deunfortunately time is catching up with veloped experience (and a running time him, inparticular his eyesight which is of around 131 minutes instead of 111 beginning to fail him. minutes). His employers are starting to get nerEastwood shines as Gus, a stubvous, especially younger and ruthlessly born, single-minded man who by creambitious Phillip (Matthew ating an emotional distance to those Lillard), who views the game and its around him, has managed to alienate, players via numbers on his computer, more than anyone else, his own daughand whose negative words are having ter. an effect on team boss Vince (RobOnly Eastwood could make such a flawed character likeable and apert Patrick). Scout director Pete Klein (John proachable. Amy Adams (The Fighter / Doubt/ Goodman), a long-time friend of Gus, convinces Gus's daughter The Muppets) again shows why she is Mickey (Amy Adams) to accompany one of the best actresses working tohim on his latest road trip, just to make day, and is a perfect match for sure he secures the team's number one Eastwood. Justin Timberlake (Black Snake pick, as well as just seeing that the old Moan / The Social Network) gives an guy is okay. Mickey, a successful lawyer, has amiable, relaxed performance, and been long estranged from Gus, so it there is good support from Robert will be a bumpy journey. Patrick, Ed Lauter, G.D. Spradlin, Writer Randy Brown covers all and Matthew Lillard. Lorenz is surrounded by the familiar bases, and there is nothing in the script that surprises, making the Eastwood's regular technical crew, infilm feel at times like a lesser effort cluding esteemed cinematographer from an iconic actor. Tom Stern, editors Joel Cox and However, Brown does bring up and Gary D Roach, and production detouch upon many interesting elements, signer James J Murakami. One can see why Trouble With The giving the predictable central premise Curve disappeared quickly from cina greater foundation to build on. Debut director Robert Lorenz, emas last year, as it is a film with a who has worked as an assistant direc- quiet, gentle nature, wanting its chartor and producer on a number of acters to tell the story rather than just Eastwood's films (including Million assaulting the audience's sensibilities Dollar Baby, Mystic River, Space Cow- as loudly and crudely as possible. Though not a complete success, boys, Changeling, and Gran Torino), is thankfully attentive in regards to the Trouble With The Curve makes for bigger picture, but even though he takes welcome, traditional viewing. his time to make us aware of the finer RATING - ***½.

ACE ATTORNEY ■ (M). 135 minutes. Available on DVD on April 17. Based on the incredibly popular video game, this stylish and energetic comedy/mystery from prolific director Takashi Miike (Hara-Kiri : Death Of A Samurai / 13 Assassins / Lesson Of The Evil), succeeds as pure entertainment. Set in the near future when courtroom trials have to be debated and concluded in three days, rookie defense attorney Phoenix Wright is immediately faced with the biggest case of his career, involving the murder of his boss, and a connection to a cold case that has remained a puzzle for 15 years. With numerous colourful characters and plenty of plot twists, Ace Attorney never stops to take a breath, and its

convoluted story moves at a breakneck pace throughout its 135 minute running time. Performances are pitch-perfect, and there are many laugh-out-loud moments (even more so if you are a fan of the game). Production values are strong, flawlessly creating a comic-book/videogame visual style. With so many light-hearted movies failing to entertain lately, Ace Attorney is definitely a breath of fresh air. RATING - ****. - Aaron Rourke DVDs and Blu-Rays kindly supplied by Video Vision, 177-179 Carlisle Street, Balaclava. For information or bookings on these titles please call 9531 2544.

Top 10 Lists THE AUSTRALIAN BOX OFFICE TOP TEN: 1. THE CROODS. 2. IDENTITY THIEF. 3. G.I. JOE: RETALIATION. 4. A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD. 5. JURRASSIC PARK 3D. 6. TRANCE. 7. OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL. 8. THE HOST. 9. JACK THE GIANT SLAYER. 10. ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH. NEW RELEASES AND COMING SOON TO CINEMAS AROUND AUSTRALIA: APRIL 11: FIRST POSITION, FOR GREATER GLORY: THE TRUE STORY OF CRISTIADA, KON-TIKI, OBLIVION, SCARY MOVIE 5, THERESE DESQUEYROUX, WARM BODIES, MET OPERA: PARSIFAL. APRIL 18: BULLET TO THE HEAD, CHEERFUL WEATHER FOR THE WEDDING, NO, OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN, THE COMPANY YOU KEEP, THE OTHER SON. THE DVD TOP RENTAL & SELLERS: 1. SKYFALL [Action/Adventure/ Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Judi Dench]. 2. THE SESSIONS [Drama/Helen Hunt, John Hawkes, William H. Macy]. 3. TWILIGHT SAGA: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 [Drama/Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson]. 4. PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER [Drama/Emma Watson, Logan Lerman]. 5. ARGO [Thriller/Ben Affleck, Alan Arkin, John Goodman]. 6. RISE OF THE GUARDIANS [Animated/Adventure]. 7. TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE [Drama/Clint Eastwood, John Goodman, Amy Adams]. 8. RED DAWN [Action/Drama/Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson]. 9. DREDD [Action/Karl Urban, Lena Headey]. 10. SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS [Comedy/Drama/Colin Farrell, Woody Harrelson]. Also: THE MASTER, THE INTOUCHABLES, TAKEN 2, CASA DE MI PADRE, PITCH PERFECT, SAVAGES, FRANKENWEENIE, ON THE ROAD, DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: Dog Days, TO ROME WITH LOVE. NEW RELEASE HIGHLIGHTS ON DVD THIS WEEK: ALEX CROSS [Action/Thriller/Edward Burns, Jean Reno]. THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS [Action/Drama/Russell Crowe, Jamie Chung]. PAWN [Action]. THE LETTER [Drama/Winona Ryder, James Franco]. SHADOW PEOPLE [Horror/Alison Eastwood, Dallas Roberts]. IN THEIR SKIN [Drama/Thriller/ Selma Blair, James D'Arcy]. NEW & RE-RELEASE CLASSICS ON DVD HIGHLIGHTS: Agatha Christie's AND THEN THERE WERE NONE [1974/Crime/Mystery/ Richard Attenborough]. THE PHANTOM [Movie Serial - 15 Episodes - Tom Tyler, Kenneth MacDonald]. THE ULTIMATE LUC BESSON COLLECTION: Leon: The Professional, The Fifth Element, Atlantis, The Big Blue, La Femme Nikita, Subway, The Last Battle. Turn To Page 75

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 71

Observer Showbiz ‘NOISE OUTSIDE’

Local Theatre With Cheryl Threadgold

‘MISS BOSNIA’ AT GEELONG SHOWS

● Zoey Dawson and Anna McCarthy in I Know There Is A Lot of Noise Outside But You Have to Close Your Eyes, at La Mama from April 19-May 5 at La Mama Theatre. Photo: Thereasa Harrison ■ Nothing can tear best friends Katie and Imogen apart. Nothing, no way. Not vodka raspberries, not the Yarra River, not Sportsgirl, not feminism. This is the storyline for La Mama Theatre’s show opening this week and running until May 5. Two childhood friends with nothing left in common strive to connect. A haunting insight into the bleak underbelly of female friendships, I Know There’s A Lot Of Noise Outside But You Have To Close Your Eyes is an explosive exploration of femininity, prejudice and rage. With cocktails. Directed by Allison Wiltshire, the play is written by Zoey Dawson, Anna McCarthy and Allison Wiltshire I Know There’s A Lot Of Noise Outside is an I’m Trying To Kiss You production, first staged in a Fitzroy share-house for the 2011 Melbourne Fringe Festival, selling out overnight. It has been remounted as part of the NIDA Independent Season last month, where it has received a hugely positive critical response . I’m Trying To Kiss You is a female-driven performance collective comprising Anna McCarthy, Allison Wiltshire and Zoey Dawson. Together they explore the complexities of the contemporary female experience including fat, war, friendship, tuna pasta, grief, hangovers, the psychological implications of patriarchy, rage, exercise, constructed identity, sex, dignity, anxiety, television, performance and loneliness. Season: April 19 – May 5 Previews: April 17 and 18 Times: Wed, Fri, Sun 8.30pm, Thu, Sat 6.30pm Running Time: Approx. 50 minutes Venue: La Mama Theatre, 205 Faraday St, Carlton Tickets: $25 Full , $15 Concession, Previews $15 Bookings: www.lamama.com.au or 9347 6142

RANTERS THEATRE ■ Ranters Theatre, in association with Arts House and Monash University, present Song until April 21 at the North Melbourne Town Hall. The antithesis of the computer and TV screen experience, Song renews the song cycle form in an immersive experience of live music, the sounds of weather, the scent of the ocean, forest or earth and the colours of day’s end. Created by Ranters Theatre with acclaimed Brazilian visual artist Laura Lima and UK musician James Tyson, Song places the audience within a constructed ‘nature’ – a world formed in the space between shifting skies and ‘cushioning’ grass. Song has been supported by the Australian Government through the Australia Council for the Arts, its arts funding and advisory body; the Victorian Government through Arts Victoria; Monash University; the City of Melbourne through Arts House; Wales Arts International; Arts Council Wales; Zuppa Theatre; and Canada Arts Council. Warning: The performance contains non-toxic chemical smells, prolonged periods of darkness or dim lighting including high voltage electrical effects. Anyone who is pregnant or fitted with a pacemaker is advised not attend. No conventional seating; audience will be encouraged to sit/lie down on synthetic lawn. If you have mobility issues please contact the box office to arrange alternative seating. Not suitable for children under 12. Venue : Arts House, North Melbourne Town Hall. 521 Queensberry St, North Melbourne Season: Until Sunday, April 21 Time: 7.30pm Wed – Fri, 2pm and 7.30pm Sat and 5pm Sun Duration: 60 mins – audience members are free to come and go during the performance Tickets: $25 Full, $20 Concession, special ticket discount for 6+ groups. Bookings: artshouse.com.au or 9322 3713

Melbourne

Observer

■ Geelong Repertory Theatre Company: Miss Bosnia (by Louis Nowra) Until April 20 at 15 Coronation Street, Geelong West. Director: Emma Watson. Tickets: $25/$23. Bookings: 5225 1200 www.geelongrep.com.au ■ Sunshine Community Theatre: Wait Until Dark Until April 20 at the Dempster Park Hall, 82 Phoenix Street, North Sunshine. Director: Cameron Tougher. Tickets: $15/$12. Bookings: 0407 802165. ■ Sherbrooke Theatre Company: The Female of the Species (by Joanna Murray-Smith) Until April 27 at the Doncaster Playhouse, 679 Doncaster Road, Doncaster. Director: Bruce Cochrane. Tickets: $25/$23. Bookings: 1300 650 209. www.sherbrooketc.org.au ■ People's Playhouse: 13 - A New Musical Until April 20 at the Cranbourne Community Theatre, Brunt Street, Cranbourne.Codirectors: Nick Rees and Adam Nash; Choreographer: Leah Osburn; Musical Director: Malcom Huddle. Bookings: www.peoples playhouse.asn.au ■ Philip Island Offshore Theatre: Round and Round the Garden Until April 28 at the Cowes Cultural Centre, Thompson Avenue, Cowes. Director: Stephanie Daniel. Tickets: $20/$15. Bookings: 59568607. ■ Australian National Aviation Museum: Legends of the Skies April 18, 19, 20, 25, 26, 27 at the Australian National Aviation Museum, Second Avenue, Moorabbin Airport. Co-writers/Directors: Maggie Morrison, Cheryl Threadgold and Jim Williams. Tickets $20 incl. performance and light refreshments. Bookings: http://www.trybooking.com/42941 Enquiries: 9589 4912. ■ Williamstown Little Theatre: 33 Variations (by Moises Kaufman) April 18 - May 4 at 2 Albert Street, Williamstown. Director: Chris Baldock. Tickets: $25/$22. Bookings: 9885 9678 www.wlt.org.au ■ 1812 Theatre: Past Perfect (by Trudy Hellier) April 18 - May 11 at 3 Rose Street, Upper Ferntree Gully. Director: John Bishop. Tickets: $25. Bookings: 9758 3964 www.1812theatre.com.au ■ Mordialloc Theatre Company: Lost in Yonkers (by Neil Simon) April 19 - May 4 at the Shirley Burke Theatre, 64 Parkers Road, Parkdale. Director: Michaela Smith. Tickets: $24/$22. Bookings: 9587 5141. www.mordialloctheatre.com ■ Malvern Theatre Company: The Diary of Anne Frank (by Frances Goodrich and Albert Hockett) April 19 - May 4 at 29 Burke Road, Malvern. Director: Geoff Hickey. Tickets: $20/$18. Bookings: 1300 131552 or www.malverntheatre.com.au ■ Wyndham Theatre Company: Cosi (by Louis Nowra) April 19 - 27 at 7.30pm at the Crossroads Theatre, Duncans Road, Werribee. Director: Alaine Beck. Tickets: $20. Bookings: 0401 800 196 or www.werribeetheatrecompany.org.au ■ Kew Court House Arts Association: The Tricky Part April 19 - 27 at Gasworks Studios, 21 Graham Street, Albert Park. Director: Graeme McCoubrie. Tickets: $25/$20. Bookings: 9699 3253 or www.gasworks.org.au ■ Kyneton Theatre Company Inc.: The Gondoliers (by Gilbert and Sullivan) April 19 - 27 at the Kyneton Mechanics Institute. Director: Frances Kelly; Musical Director: Timothy Francis. Bookings: 5427 4210 or www.trybooking.com/41673. ■ Frankston Theatre Group: Dad's Army (by Jimmy Perry and David Croft) April 19 - 27 at the George Jenkins Theatre, McMahons Road, Frankston. Director: Ray Reid. Bookings: 1300 665 377 or www.frankstontheatregroup.org.au ■ Heidelberg Theatre Company: August: Osage County (by Tracey Letts) May 2 - 18 at 36 Turnham Avenue, Rosanna. Director: Joan Moriarty. Bookings: 9457 4117 or htc@htc.org.au ■ Williamstown Musical Theatre Company: Sweet Charity May 3 - 18 at the Williamstown Mechanics Institute, Corner Electra Street and Melbourne Road, Williamstown. Directors: Narelle Bonnici and Samantha Heskett; Musical Director: Daniel Heskett: Choreographer; Narelle Bonnici. Tickets: $32/$28. Bookings: 1300 881 545 www.wmtc.org.au ■ Eltham Little Theatre: Calendar Girls (by Tim Firth) May 10 - 24 at the Eltham Performing Arts Centre, Main Road, Research. Director: Gayle Poor. Tickets: $22.50/$17.50. Bookings: 9437 1574. ■ CLOC Musical Theatre: The Phantom of the Opera May 10 - 25 at the National Theatre, St Kilda. Bookings: 1300 362 547. www.cloc.org.au

Osage County

● Heidelberg Theatre Company cast members rehearse for August: Osage County. From left are Reeni Ekanayake (Johnna), Tony Costa (Steve), Sarah Crock (Barbara) (obscured), Anne Smith (Barbara), Steph Gonelli (Jean), Geoff Arnold (Bill) and director Joan Moriarty. Photo: David Belton ■ From the world-renowned Steppenwolf Theatre Company comes Tracey Letts’ multi-award winning black comedy August: Osage County, being presented by Heidelberg Theatre Company from May 2-18 at 36 Turnham Ave, Rosanna. Directed by Joan Moriarty, this is not a family anyone would choose to belong to, but the family melt down makes great theatre. The show includes a cast of 13 and a three-storied house. Bookings: 9457 4117 or htc@htc.org.au

AUDITIONS

■ Williamstown Musical Theatre Company: Annie Junior April 18, 19 from 7.30pm at the MDX Dance Studios, 2/1 Akuna Drive, Williamstown. Director/Choreographer: Stuart Dodge; Musical Director: Declan McGavin. Audition bookings: 1300 881 545. ■ Lilydale Athenaeum Theatre Company: The Light in the Piazza April 21 at Malvern Theatre Company, 29 Burke Road, Malvern, April 24 at the Lilydale Athenaeum Theatre, Castella Street, Lilydale and April 27 at Malvern Theatre Company. Director: Alan Burrows; Musical Director: Shirley White. Audition bookings: aburrows@bigpond.net.au ■ Williamstown Little Theatre: The Beauty Queen of Leeane (by Martin McDonagh) April 21 from 1.00pm,April 22 from 7.30pm at 2 Albert Street, Williamstown. Director: Ebis Ebell. Audition bookings: 0417 589 015. ■ Beaumaris Theatre Inc: Happy Days (the Musical) May 3, 5 at 82 Wells Road, Beaumaris. Director: Debbie Keyt; Musical Director: Rhonda Vaughan; Choreographer: Camilla Klesman. Audition bookings by appointment: 0401 450 979 or debbiek_27@hotmail.com ■ 1812 Theatre: Sleuth May 5 at 7.30pm at 3-5 Rose Street, Upper Ferntree Gully. Audition bookings: admin@ 1812theatre.com.au ■ Heidelberg Theatre Company: Blithe Spirit (by Noel Coward) May 5 at 6.30pm and May 6 at 7.00pm at 36 Turnham Avenue, Rosanna. Director: Wendy Drowley. For further details visit www.htc.org.au ■ Sherbrooke Theatre Company: Agatha Crispie (Written and Directed by Cen Fox) May 5 and 6. A comedy about Dame Agatha Christie and her characters. Please contact 9429 3004 or sales@foxplays.com . For further details, visit www.sherbrooketc.org.au ■ Mount Players, Macedon: Steel Magnolias (by Robert Harling), Information Evening/ Read Through: Tuesday, May 7 at 7.30pm at 56 Smith Street, Macedon. Auditions: May 19 from 9.00am - 12.00noon and May 21 at 7.00pm. Director: Natasha Boyd. Audition bookings: 0413 188 513 or gisborne@bookbonding.com.au

AUDITIONS

LOCAL THEATRE COMPANIES

■ CPAC (Cardinia Performing Arts Company): Oliver Information evening, Thursday, April 18 at 7.30pm at the CPAC Rooms, rear of the Pakenham Sports Club Pokies Venue. Director: Lee Geraghty; Musical Director: Kent Ross; Choreographer: Robert Mulholland. Auditions: April 26, 27, 28. Enquiries 0407 090 354 or email rrene70@hotmail.com ■ Dionysus Theatre: Lysistrata (by Aristophanes) April 20, 21 at McLelland College Performing Arts Centre, Belar Avenue, Karingal. Director: Emma Sproule. Enquiries: 9786 8839.

■ The Melbourne Observer newspaper gives free publicity every week to local Victorian theatre companies to promote their shows, auditions and people. There is no charge whatsoever for these listings. Cheryl Threadgold assembles news from theatre companies in an honorary capacity. Stories and photographs of the achievements of local theatre people are welcome. Sharp, in-focus high-resolution photos, with captions (first names and surnames of people, from left to right) may be emailed to: editor@melbourneobserver.com.au

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 72 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 Melbourne

Observer

Lovatts Crossword No 13 Across

Across

1. Shabbiness in dress 6. Light-bulb inventor 11. Shiny 15. Forts 20. Egyptian river 21. Reproductive organ 22. Shopping precinct 23. Lead dancer, ... ballerina 25. South Africa's Cape ... Hope (2,4) 26. Pakistan currency units 27. Actor, Ryan ... (1'4) 29. Likable 32. Tube 34. Without delay (1,1,1,1) 36. Look-alikes, dead ... 39. Caravan rover 41. Brief 43. Sparking stone 46. Boils or ulcers 48. Low wetland 49. London's ... Mall 51. Curving lines 52. Exploited 55. Territory, Puerto ... 56. Every 59. Composer, Andrew ... Webber 61. Antarctic inlet, ... Sea 62. False god 63. Crowd brawl 64. Corrected (wrong) 67. Dalai Lama's nationality 68. Bitter regret 70. Very keen enthusiast 71. One who owes money 72. Overeats 73. Firebomb liquid 74. Of punishment 75. Batting spell 77. Broken down 78. Resounded 79. Theatre reviewer 82. Hazardous 86. Loft 87. Peace prize city 89. Spick & span 92. Merge 94. Get up 96. Biblical son of Isaac 98. Naming word 100. Recycle 101. Mongolian desert 103. Painting, Mona ... 105. From Baghdad 106. Adolescent 108. Sports match 111. Autograph 112. Actor's outfits 114. Rat 116. A single time 119. Droplet 120. Location 121. Kind 123. Leave out 124. Madam (2'2) 125. Flowing 126. Loudness 127. Grand house 130. Born as 131. Cleaning up (room) 135. English coin 138. Not stereo 139. Large jug 141. Computer/phone link 144. A lot of 146. I am, you ... 147. Looked up & down 148. UK national broadcaster (1,1,1) 149. Mad Roman emperor 150. Fuss 151. Female zebra 152. German emperor 153. Repast 155. Drink, ... spumante 157. Golfer, Greg ... 158. Unseat 160. Release (3,2) 161. Sprite 162. Italian city 163. Honey liquor 165. Brother's daughter 166. Souped-up car, hot ...

167. Scamp 168. Laid slates 169. Upper-class 171. Document, Magna ... 172. Glossy black bird 175. Entrails 176. Lubricates 179. Breakfast dish 180. Cow flesh 182. Flowers, sweet ... 184. Chirps 185. Castle water ditch 186. 24 December, Christmas ... 188. ... Lang Syne 189. US anti-crime agency (1,1,1) 190. Measure (out) 191. Fifth musical note 193. Own 194. Father 196. Verge 197. Fiesta, Mardi ... 198. Medicine amounts 200. Unhappiest 205. Vicious dog 207. Second-hand vehicle (4,3) 210. Playwright 211. Reparation 212. In a frenzied state 213. Grass skirt dance 214. USA nickname, Uncle .. 216. Steals from 218. Created 219. Prepare (newspaper) 220. Tights 224. Coffee style 227. Spiky plant, ... vera 229. From Bangkok 230. Abhor 231. Gallantly 232. Dr Jekyll & Mr ... 233. Heredity unit 235. Out of order 237. Solidifies 239. Actor, Richard ... 241. Timepiece 244. Forewarning 246. Blankness 249. ... & twos 252. Depletes 254. Crave 256. Heaven's ... Gates 258. French Mrs 259. Pins for hammering 260. Romantic US falls 263. Internal 264. Lump of gold 265. Legless grub 267. Actress, ... Kidman 270. Digit 271. Funeral Mass 272. Actor, Dustin ... 273. Lewd 274. Loses (hair) 277. London nightspot 279. Make (wage) 281. Throw out 284. Only fair (2-2) 286. Crustacean with nippers 288. Small distance measures 292. Yoga master 294. Raw metals 295. Domestic servants 298. Screen legend, Sophia ... 300. From Emerald Isle 301. Sum up 303. Baby's skin problem, ... rash 306. Bashfulness 308. Japan & Korea are there 309. Oil-exporting cartel 311. Throb 314. Mushy 315. Energetic 316. Do the dishes (4,2) 317. Throng 318. Former spouses 319. Paris landmark, ... Triomphe (3,2) 320. Tennis ace, ... Sampras 321. Urges 322. Sense 323. Blunted 324. Movie actors (4,5)

Down 1. Renovate (2,2) 2. Become distorted 3. Suggest 4. Kuwaiti rulers 5. Clean break 6. Flees to wed 7. Delay 8. Bathroom fixtures 9. Fall asleep (3,3) 10. Brigand 11. Revolve on axis 12. Stood against 13. Smudge 14. Palestinian chief, ... Arafat 15. Pour carelessly 16. Aida or Carmen 17. Potters' ovens 18. Pantomime lead 19. Observes 24. Rebukes, ... over the knuckles 28. Put on ... & graces 30. Spoken 31. Hideous 33. Irritated the skin 35. Incidental comments 37. Clarified butter 38. Curry & ... 40. Face veils 42. Physical activity 44. Portugal's capital 45. Scientist, Sir Isaac ... 47. Stench 48. Elevated railway 49. Drainage tradesman 50. Extortionate lender (4,5) 53. Largest bird 54. Calls (5,2) 57. Ancient Mariner's seabird 58. Protective headwear 60. Cloth retailers 63. Cleaver 65. Frosted (cake) 66. Expensive 68. Coral bank 69. Cosy 76. Set up (machinery) 79. Long-leafed lettuce 80. Nunavut native 81. Eastern faith 83. Twig shelters 84. Cartoon strip, Li'l ... 85. Flightless bird 88. English cheese 90. Fleur de lis plant 91. Among 93. Riveted 95. Easter gifts 97. Unplaced competitor (4-3) 99. Constantly busy (2,3,2) 100. Hire 102. Pungent bulb 104. Largest African nation 107. Uncanny 109. Wet 110. Vocal solo 111. Jet-baths 113. Soapie session 115. Obvious 117. TV award 118. Young deer 121. Contemptibly 122. Patella 127. Nonsense, ... jumbo 128. Razor cuts 129. Bits & pieces (4,3,4) 132. Recipe components 133. Stupid 134. Avarice 135. Packaged 136. Dilapidated 137. 24 hours ago 138. Unforgettable 140. Enforces once more 141. Pacified 142. Courageous

Down

143. Huge stone blocks 145. Tomahawk 151. Enormous 154. Men's Singles champion, ... Agassi 156. Lustre 159. One, numero ... 164. Totally 169. Cougars 170. Steam burn 173. Influences 174. Short, witty remark 177. Author, ... Asimov 178. Take oath 181. Whirling (of water) 183. Women warriors 187. Wantonly destroy 192. Female hormone 195. Current of air 199. Supervise 201. Points gun 202. Anti-flood embankment 203. Genuine fact 204. Implicit 206. Gay 207. Non-rural 208. Cheap, a ... a dozen 209. Lends a hand to 213. Smacks 215. Strolling 217. Killed 221. Helium & hydrogen 222. Not ever 223. Cut with scissors 224. Charlotte Bronte novel, Jane ... 225. Withdraw, ... out 226. Poet, ... Allan Poe 228. Legal trade bans 234. Phone security device 236. Wrongdoers 238. Terminate 240. Singer, ... Orbison 242. Normally (2,1,4) 243. Peculiarity 245. Mussels or clams 247. Peppermint essence 248. Nut fastener 250. Scientist, Albert ... 251. Weasel-like animals 253. Overfill 255. College test 257. Recline lazily 258. Restaurant list 261. Lovers' fling 262. Military forces 265. Valuable ores, precious ... 266. Garden ornament 268. Hex 269. The Continent 275. Jolly laugh (2,2) 276. Rounded roof 278. Hampers 280. Pressurised spray 282. Delights 283. Dollar division 285. Properly positioned, in ... 287. Steam generator 289. Tripoli citizen 290. Impersonates 291. Melted 292. Barked shrilly 293. Potato 296. Colorado ski resort 297. Writer, ... Thomas 299. Obtain (funds) 302. Two-door car 304. ... Fools' Day 305. Earnest requests 306. Crown Princess of Denmark 307. Opera singer 308. Yes votes 310. Head cook 312. Charismatic air 313. Spreading trees

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 73

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www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 74 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Telstra Testimonials Send your contribution to editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

Holding the line ■ Melbourne Observer Editor Ash Long says: “Any readers trying to phone the Observer office on Friday afternoon would have found it difficult. “We paid our Telstra bill on Wednesday. We let Telstra know about the payment. But Telstra cut off our phones on Friday. “I had to spend 2 hours 23 minutes on the line to Telstra’s people in Manila, the Philippines, to get the lines back on. “I had to spend another 1 hour 37 minutes, trying to resolve the matter. It struck me that Telstra are a law unto themselves. Any application for compensation must be done on copious forms; Telstra acts as judge and jury on its inefficiencies. “Team Leader Sam tried to pacify us by saying a $59 re-connection fee would be waived.Are-connection fee for a disconnection that should never have happened! “There needs to be a transparent process where Telstra becomes accountable.”

Buck stops here

● David Thodey, CEO of Telstra ■ David Thodey is the CEO of Telstra. His annual salary rose to $2.65 million last October, but with incentives he received more than $5 million in the previous year. Thodey has been in the job for four years ... long enough to get things right. We will mail a copy of this newspaper every week to the David Thodey’s office, Locked Bag 5639, Melbourne, Vic 3001. Mr Thodey and his staff are always welcome to comment on, and fix, the complaints listed by Telstra customers on this page.

Bark at moon ■ Malcolm Sumner says: “NBN Bundle NA 87150581 taken online by Telstra: January 30, 2013. “Lead in and Gateway etc installed Mar 14, 2013. “Telstra phoned and made activation appointment for March 26 2013. “I was phoned and advised that they could not keep that appointment. “Sometime later I was contacted again and a new appointment was made for April 2, 2013 between 1 and 5pm. “Well guess what, that's right, no show, no courtesy call and 132200 goes to busy tone. “Just how much longer can you continue with this of this appalling lack of customer service and how much do you think I can tolerate? ■ “I might as well go and bark at the moon.” - Facebook

What a mistake

Held to account ■ Ash Long says: “From today, we are going to change the rules. For too long Telstra has been treating us the customers - so poorly. “When we try to make a claim, or obtain a credit, or get a fault fixed, they seem not to care. The little guy has little hope in fighting the giant corporation. “There is one successful way to deal with bullies like Telstra. To shame THEM, to expose THEM, to hold THEM to account. “Every week in the Melbourne Observer, we will have a new section called Telstra Testimonials. “We will publish case study, after case study ... about ordinary people, regular Australian businesses. “We will have members of the public tell their story. We publicise the shortcomings of Telstra, their atrocious values, their sub-standard attitudes. “We are going to hold Telstra to account in the public arena.”

■ Relli Winduss says: “So I take it the ADSL problems in Geelong are still not rectified? “This is utter crap, I'm over this slow speed and now the Internet cutting in and out ... I'm not paying $150+ a month for dial up speed!” - Facebook

Promises ■ Chelsea Reinmuth says: “We want six hours of our life back ... (oh, and the cable, Foxtel and phone line we were promised on 30 occasions by 20 of your employees over the past 10 days wouldn't go astray either!)” - Facebook

‘Hopeless’

■ Telstra customer Sarah Parmenter said on Facebook: “When will you guys fix the Telstra NRL app. “I'm paying each week and not getting any feedback when I have a issue. “We are been ripped off by you as there are always issues every game. “I want something done as I went to watch a game tonight and couldn’t as I was getting a error video cannot load (message). “My phone is an iPhone 5 and the software is running the latest version. I have also updated the NRL ap as well. “I would like someone at Telstra to tell me why I'm having so many issues and either refund or credit my account as you are providing a service and I'm not getting the full use of it.” - Facebook

● Chris Herrod ■ “I made the fatal mistake of changing everything communicational to the T word about 3 -4 years ago. “Took two years to finally get it all sorted. Ended up with about $800 in credits to keep us sweet after the Ombudsman and then our own personal complaint officer. “Even then I still couldn't get my bill back to zero no matter how much I paid as the credit would not take effect until well after due dates and had the monthly bunfight of getting the late fee etc. removed which related in yet another late applied credit ... and so it went on ... and on ...” - By E-Mail

Incompetent

At wits’ end

■ Shirley Whybrow says: “My experience of anything Telstra-related is absolutely terrible. They couldn't organise a party in a brewery. “Three weeks to fix up a pre-ordered phone line? Your incompetence is breathless!” - Facebook

Incredibly slow ■ Glenn Davies says: “Our ADSL service used to download at around 1 MB/s. “The last couple of days, every website is slower than sluggish to load, and download speeds are averaging 19 to 20 KB/s. “That's only a drop to 1/50th previous speeds. “What's going on?” - Facebook

● Martin Luther King ■ “He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really co-operating with it.”

Slow at Geelong

‘Ripped off’

● Ash Long, Observer Editor

Some inspiration

■ Kelly-ann Hackett said: “(Can) someone who will understand my need for help call me to discuss some issues. “Several weeks I have been trying now and I keep getting pointless apologies (and) to be honest I am at my wits’ end. My next option is the Ombudsman.” - Facebook

Not a good start ■ Brendan James Dower said: “Very disappointed with Telstra. “I was supposed to be connected to Cable 3.0 on Monday. “And was just told this afternoon won't be now connected till Friday. “Not a good start to a plan that costs $115/month.” - Facebook

■ An Le said: “Telstra issued a Samsung SIII handset which works only intermittently, (been back to the repair centre three times but still has the same issue). Should I pay your bills intermittently? “Then when I called to log a service case, one of your service personnel had the nerve to advise that I cancel that current 24-month contract which I'm only eight months into, pay an early exit fee of $540, then take out a new 24-month contract with a new handset. Hopeless!”

‘Useless’ ■ Jarrad Hill said: “Useless Telstra, on chat for over an hour and no solution to my problem, I'm not sure you even fully understood it and then told I would be called shortly after it had been reviewed. “Why am I not surprised that I have yet to receive a phone call? “I guess I'm expected to explain my issue for another hour or more only to be jerked around further. Probably easier to explain my problem to the Ombudsman, least that way something will happen!"

Telstra is a joke ■ Nick Marshall says: “Hi, I would be happy to hear from someone in (Telstra ) that is interested in retaining customers but unfortunatly I don't think there is anyone there that fits that profile. “Your company is a joke you have lost all of my buisness-home phone,home internet, two buisness mobiles and two mobile broad band conections, well done. “Your company simply does not care. I will be prepared to resolve our situation without going to the Ombudsman, however I think they’re only there to manage your customers.” - Facebook

Rude staff ■ Adam Chanter writes to Telstra: “I tried to use your 24/7 chat feature on Wednesday to rectify having noADSL connection, only to have your rude customer service staff terminate the session before completing my enquiry INT 1-124058862704. “After believing this is unsatisfactory and having the compounding of regular issues with my connection and service I attempted to disconnect my service and take the matter to the Ombudsman, but was told to lodge a complaint and someone will contact me on Thursday to either fix the issue or disconnect the service INT 1-124065028179. “It's now nearly Saturday and I haven't received any contact from Telstra to remedy this. “Your equipment, service and support are on par with that of Vodafone, an utter disgrace. “Having such a monopoly on an industry does not reserve you the right to act like spoilt children when dealing with issues raised. “You should take a leaf out of Optus' book and model your ineffective business on how they operate. “Can you terminate my contract early and waive excess charges because of your in adequate system is making if impossible for me to work from home or enjoy something for the $114 you steal from me monthly. “You are happy to charge me $15 late fee per month on bills but can't easily fix the errors with your service. “I look forward to your generic response to my issue.” - Facebook

Watch like a hawk ■ Bridge Connell says: “Aargh ... I am annoyed that I rang up Telstra to change my home phone from complete package to budget homeline and spent 40 minutes changing that contract. “Only to get another bill for the expensive package yet again. You have to watch them like a hawk. “I rang up to sort it out and the lady took 20 minutes on the phone and couldnt tell me why it happened or apologise. “Customer service sucks. I should not have been having to pay for the complete package for over two years anyway when I don’t use the line as its only for internet access.” - Facebook

Stone age ■ Dave Hutchison says: “Cable outage in Hawthorn. No Internet or Foxtel until Monday. Might as well be in the Stone Age !” - Facebook

Service crashes ■ Sarah Fryirs said: “Sick and tired of this slow cable internet. “It is ridiculously frustrating Streaming is garbage. I cannot watch my shows online. My husband could barely do his online training last night. “I cannot upload or even email a video because it keeps crashing. I cannot wait until my contract is up.” - Facebook Got a complaint about Telstra? E-mail to editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au or mail to PO Box 1278, Research, Vic 3095

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 75

Melbourne

Observer Victorian Sport

Showbiz Extra ■ From Page 70

Top 10 Lists

PIERRO’S DONCASTER ■ Champion colt Pierro, yet to miss a place after 13 starts, appears to have a mortgage on the Doncaster Handicap to be run at Randwick this Saturday. The son of Lohnro, has won 11 of his 13 starts with a second to All Too Hard in the Caulfield Guineas, and a good third behind Ocean Park and All Too Hard in the Cox Plate. His run in the Cox Plate was very creditable, as it was the first time he had run over further than 1600 metres, moving up to the 2040 metres of the classic. There were a few knockers around about his last start win, some referring to him as a grinder rather than a star. I felt a bit unfair. Conditions didn't suit, and a lot of those having a go at his win, forget that the leader with about 200 metres to go, King Mufhasa, had won 10 Group One's mainly in his hometown country, New Zealand. Also keep in mind Pierro is still only three. He will go around about an even money chance in the mile race, with the filly Norzita, quoted at around $ 8, then the Chris Waller trained, Shoot Out at $12. They appear to be the main chances, and I have always believed in the theory that a good colt will always beat a good filly. I felt it was a bit surprising that Norzita's trainer, Bart Cummings, opted out of the 1600 metres of the Doncaster rather than the Oaks over the longer trip against her own age. It's hard to see anything else in the Doncaster getting near the favorite. If I had to pick a danger, I would plonk for Shoot Out, racing very well. Of the others, you have the very good mare, Streama, prepared by leading trainer, Guy Walter, a good third last start against the mares last start. Then there is the Queenslander, Solzhenitsyn, trained by Robert Heathcote at Eagle Farm, but he was disappointing, missing a place in the

Ted Ryan

George Ryder behind Pierro. The rest of them in the ‘mile’ will be struggling such as AJC Derby winner, Ethiopia, trained by Victorian Pat Carey, but he hasn't raced for a while, and Appearance, a very good mare, who has taken all before her. In my opinion class will prevail, get on Pierro, champions can do anything, and he is certainly a champion.

Stringent rules ■ News that tough new laws regarding jockeys riding in races, hasn't gone down too well with the jocks.

Under the new rules, anyone charged with a serious offence can be stood down if that person's continued participation undermines the sport's image or integrity. The move follows the outcry at the recent Spring Racing Carnival when champion jockey, Damien Oliver, rode for a month after admitting to authorities had placed a $10,000 bet on a rival horse at Moonee Valley in which he rode. The stand-down powers were one of three new integrity measures added by Racing Victoria. On top of this, jockeys will have to sign a declaration stating they haven't had a bet on

any gallops meeting anywhere in the world in the previous season. They will declare, on their licence application what analysts they use for advice for form, speed maps and pre-race tactics. The relationship between between jockeys and form analysts came under scrutiny when it was revealed analyst, Mark Hunter, placed the bet for Oliver. Racing Victoria's CEO, Bernie Saundry, said he had now implemented nine integrity changes since last year's Spring Carnival. Saundry said he had the backing of the Victorian Jockeys' Association, in introducing the no-betting and form analyst declaration. VJA Chief Executive, Des O'Keefe, said "What we have found is that the awareness of the rules

● Caulfield Cup Photo by SLICKPIX, phone 9354 5754 around this have been have three fewer metro lacking and this decla- Wednesday meetings. ration will help address These will be transthat". ferred to country ven“The VJA has ues. worked closely with RVL on developing this model and we are supportive of the recommendation". It is common ■ Pakenham will knowledge that jockeys have an abbreviated are not allowed to bet, season in 2013-14 racand this has been the ing. rule since racing beRacing will end at gan, but like everything the current location in life when there is a with the Pakenham quick dollar to be made Cup meeting on Febthe temptation is al- ruary 9 and is schedways there. uled to begin at the new Damien Oliver is track at Tynong in due back around Sep- 2014. tember, and I am sure The Moe Cup, will among punters and rac- be run on Friday, Deing lovers he will be cember 13 , the club's welcomed back with second meeting on its open arms. reconstructed track. I for one will be Moe Cup Day happy to see his beam- will revert to its tradiing smile around the tional October date in tracks. 2014. The Werribee Cup will be run on Wednesday, November 13, with the club keen to capitalise on interest ■ News from the around international tracks: Ballarat is due horses during the for infrastructure works Spring Racing Carto enhance the racing nival. surface. - Ted Ryan The course proper will not be available for racing between November 25, 2013, and May 11, 2014, Twelve Ballarat ■ Australia’s meetings will be Better Homes and moved on approval of Gardens magazine the works, which will and TV show is proceed following the coming to life at the 2013 Ballarat Cup Melbourne meeting. Showgrounds from May 3-5. ■ The Sporting Bet The event will Track at Sandown, include latest prodalso is to be repaired, ucts, advice and pending final approval. tips for your home. Once approved, the There will be track will not be availlive demonstrations able for racing between and workshops from August 28, 2013, and Better Homes and January 27, 2014. Gardens experts The Sandown and shop for gadgets Guineas and Zipand technology ping Classic meeting from more than 250 on November 16; will exhibitors at the be moved to Caulone-stop home and field. garden product The Melbourne showcase. Racing Club will

Pakenham develops

Racing around

Better Homes

● Damien Oliver Photo by SLICKPIX, phone 9354 5754

NEW RELEASE TELEVISION, DOCUMENTARY AND MUSIC DVD HIGHLIGHTS: ASTRO BOY: Collection # 1. ASTRO BOY: Collection # 2. BLEACH: Collection 17. DR. QUINN MEDICINE WOMAN: The Complete Collection. Barbara Cartland's A GHOST IN MONTE CARLO. Barbara Cartland's THE LADY AND THE HIGHWAYMAN. SOUTHLAND: Season 1 & 2. ANDRE RIEU: Live in Brazil. THE QUEEN OF VERSAILLES [Documentary]. TOP BLU-RAY RENTAL & SELLERS: 1. SKYFALL [Action/Adventure/Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Judi Dench]. 2. ARGO [Thriller/Ben Affleck, Alan Arkin, John Goodman]. 3. TWILIGHT SAGA: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 [Drama/Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson]. 4. PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER [Drama/ Emma Watson, Logan Lerman]. 5. TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE [Drama/Clint Eastwood, John Goodman, Amy Adams]. 6. RISE OF THE GUARDIANS [Animated/Adventure]. 7. SCHINDLER'S LIST [War/Drama/Liam Neeson, Ben Kingsley, Ralph Fiennes]. 8. DREDD - 3D + Blu-Ray [Action/Karl Urban, Lena Headey]. 9. RED DAWN [Action/Drama/Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson]. 10. TOP GUN 3D + Blu-Ray [Action/Tom Cruise, Meg Ryan]. Also: Seven Psychopaths, The Intouchables, Pitch Perfect, Casa De Mi Padre, The Master, Savages, On the Road, Lawless, Taken 2, To Rome With Love. In 3D + Blu-Ray Combo: Frankenweenie, Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek The Third, Kung Fu Panda, Kung Fu Panda 2. NEW RELEASE HIGHLIGHTS ON BLU-RAY THIS WEEK: ALEX CROSS [Action/Thriller/Edward Burns, Jean Reno]. THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS [Action/ Drama/Russell Crowe, Jamie Chung]. PAWN [Action]. IN THEIR SKIN [Drama/Thriller/Selma Blair, James D'Arcy]. THE ULTIMATE LUC BESSON COLLECTION: Leon: The Professional, The Fifth Element, Atlantis, The Big Blue, La Femme Nikita, Subway, The Last Battle. - James Sherlock

Seniors go for record ■ Senior citizens at Bridgewater Lake Estate Retirement Village, Roxburgh Park, are today attemptiong a world record. A team of these enthusiastic residents has put together a bowling team and are embarking on an adventure to break the existing Guinness Book of Records 36-hour indoor bowls marathon held by Arnos Bowling Club, Southgate, UK, since April 2002. The Aussie team consists of two women and four men, are all over 55 years of age. They commenced their effort at midnight this morning. "We are determined to smash the existing record of 36 hours set back in 2002. Teamwork and having fun will motivate us," said 79year-old resident and official Matt Janssen. “We have been in training and have the full support of our community including staff who, will be staying up with us in the capacity of witnessing, stewarding, time keeping, feeding, general wellbeing and morale. “There'll be a masseuse on board to massage those aching limbs and all who participate will be 'camping out' on makeshift beds (to take a nanna nap here and there) in the confines of the community centre as no one is permitted to leave the premises during the record attempt. "We plan to stop at 40 hours just in time for Happy Hour so we can all celebrate our victory," said Peter Harry, sales consultant, who has helped coordinate the event.” Other staff assisting at the event will be Robert Kenny, Village Manager and Rue Skoba, National Sales Manager of Coast and Country Villages.

Page 76 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Observer Victorian Sport Racing Briefs

Dad, son land double ■ Hopetoun Park father and son, Ross and Greg Sugars landed a double at the Ballarat fixture with bonny 4-Y-0 Bettors Delight/Machane mare La Machane taking the Gallager Bassett Pace for C3 & C4 class over 2200 metres over Weallwantano and Amazing Kano and Jeremes Jet/Johnola Babe the Choice Hotels 2-Y-0 Pace over 2200 metres from Ferocious Son and Hes A Sharina

Winners at Kilmore ■ Local area winners at Kilmore on Thursday were : Brite Spark Lombo (Alan and Amy Tubbs) in the Dansebury Constructions Pty Ltd 3-Y-0 Pace and Glenferrie Dreamer (Craig Demmler and Jodi Quinlan) in the ACDC Tribute Show 3-Y0 Trotters Handicap.

Visitors take honours ■ At Cobram on Wednesday, there were plenty of winners as usual from the Goulburn Valley and Bendigo areas with Niquero (Pacific Rocket/ Shez Madam Jasper) taking the Shear Kaos Pace for C1 class over 1670 metres for John and Matthew Newberry (Bunbartha), My Mums A Star (Allamerican Theory/Silkari Star) the Wal Watson Memorial Pace (1st Division) for C1 class over 1670 metres for Dave Farra (Kialla) and Thomas Gilligan, Waynesfirst (Artiscape/Kirks Reward) the 2nd Division for Ben Gledhill (Kialla) and Matt Newberry, Gangster Boy (Modern Art/Gangster Girl) the Tom Kennedy Memorial Pace for C3 & C4 class for Dave Farrar and Tom Gilligan and Stephen John (Pegasus Spur/Sister Beep) the Canny Family Trotters Handicap for T0 or better class over 2170 metres for Junortoun's Len and Graeme Maher).

Good win at Ballarat ■ Kerryn Manning was also a winner at Ballarat, with 4-Y-0 Our Sir Vancelot/Quite A Franco gelding The Noble Steed greeting the judge in the M & L McLean Cleaning Services Pace for C2 class over 2200 metres ahead of Village Peach and Shake Em Buster.

Valley link at Kilmore ■ On Thursday at Kilmore, Goulburn Valley trainer/driver Daniel Jack snared the Almeta Carpets Trotters Mobile for To or better class over 1690 metres with Sundons Promise, a 4-Y-0 daughter of Sundon and Zhare Belle, defeating Unsolved Mystery and Dawn Tears in a rate of 2-02.5.

Honest runner ■ Echuca's Faye McEwan was successful with honest 7-Y-0 E Dees Cam/Adio Annie gelding Pieces Of A Dream in the Momentum Pacers Handicap for C2 or better class over 2150 metres at Kilmore, scoring from Fusion and Eljulio in 204.1.

Winning combination ■ Ardmona trainer David Abrahams combined with Daryl Douglas at Kilmore to land the P.T.C. Enterprises Pty Ltd Eastern Zone Series C (1st Heat) for C1 class over 2180 metres with 4-Y-o Artiscape/Course She Can mare Thisiswhoiam, defeating Dillon Daphne and Samantha Sparkle in a rate of 2-01.2.

● Len Baker presents Harness Review every Monday from 8pm-10 pm on 97.9 FM www.979fm.com.au

FIVE-STAR MILDURA CUP ■ The 2013 Mildura Pacing Cup Carnival concluded on Saturday (Apr. 13), with former Kiwi Five Star Anvil taking the $50,000 Park Douglas Printing Mildura Pacing Cup for M0 or better class over 2600 metres. Trained at Coimadai by astute mentor Adam Kelly, a one time stable foreman for Gavin Lang who drove the horse, Five Star Anvil was pushed from gate three as National Service inside him was driven for speed to lead. A noted sit/sprinter, Grant Campbell was content to allow Five Star Anvil to assume control shortly after the start and from there on, the race became a procession. South Australian reinsman David Harding put some interest into the race with two laps to travel, circling the field aboard Zanardi from last to occupy the spot outside the winner, giving Washmepockets a one/one trail after being sent forward in the early stages, being trailed by the local hope Have A Bender, Uncle Wingnut, Jamies Boy, Our Arlington and Jack In Flight all in the running line, with Our Flyin Jazz three back the markers after starting from the pole. Always travelling easily, Five Star Anvil ($1.50) had the race in his keeping a long way from home, cruising to the wire 5.5 metres in advance of a game Zenardi, with Jamies Boy a further 1.9 metres away in third place off a three wide trail on the back of Uncle Wingnut from the bell which finished a meritorious fourth. A 6-Y-0 gelded son of McArdle and Alta Vista raced by a number of owners including the Stokie family from Melton and Brett Schraa who have been associated with Gavin Lang for a long period of time, Five Star Anvil returned a mile rate of 1-59.1 (last half 56.2 quarter 27.6) which was .9 seconds outside Safari's track record of 1-58.2 set in 2007.

Cup Week ■ Fantastic racing was the order of the night at the opening meeting of Victoria's premier provincial harness racing carnival - Cup Week at Mildura on Tuesday, April 9. Two heats of the Park Douglas Printing Mildura Pacing Cup for M0 or better class over 2600 metres highlighted the fixture, with the first going the way of most consistent 5-Y-0 Christian Cullen/

Baker’s Delight

Harness Racing

This Week’s Meetings ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ Melbourne

Observer

len-baker@ bigpond.com

with Len Baker

Paula's Way gelding Uncle Wingnut. Trained at Woorinen (Swan Hill) by Vince Costa, Uncle Wingnut with regular reinsman Michael Bellman in the sulky enjoyed a comfortable passage from inside the second line trailing the raging hot favourite American Muscle which led from the pole. Momentarily inconvenienced coming off the back straight on the final occasion when the favourite started to give ground with the local Have A Bender which had raced in the open taking a slender lead, Bellman managed to manoeuvre Uncle Wingnut around American Muscle, before switching down to the inside on straightening. Finishing at a rate of knots, Uncle Wingnut prevailed by a half neck over National Service whose driver Grant Campbell produced the ‘drive of the night’, coming from last in the moving line to be one/one at the bell, with Jack In Flight (one/two - three wide trail at bell) third. The mile rate 2-00. Michael Bellman was full of accolades for the horse following the race, saying that he is the best horse he has driven.

Tight rein ■ Heat Two saw former 6-Y-0 Kiwi gelding Five Star Anvil victorious in a rate of 1-59.8. Trained at Comaidai (Melton) by Adam Kelly and driven by stable reinsman Gavin Lang, Five Star Anvil (McCardle/Alta Vista) began brilliantly from gate three to lead, his task being made a little more easy when the heavily backed Jamies Boy (gate two) was taken off his back to race in the open entering the back straight on the first occasion. Always travelling under a tight rein, Five Star Anvil gave his rivals the slip on the home turn to score

by 1.9 metres untouched from Washmepockets (one/one) and the South Australian visitor Zenardi who was three wide solo from the bell. The mile rate 1-59.8 (last half 58.1). A very smart juvenile in his home country who had to match it with the best, Five Star Anvil has been a revelation since landing in Australia. Gavin Lang made the comment following the race that the horse was "set for this race a considerable time back", taking the Wangaratta Pacing Cup along the way.

On toes ■ Two heats of the Mark Gurry & Associates Cup for C4 to C8 class over 2190 metres had the large crowd on their toes with 4-Y-0 Julius Caesar/Kotare Yalta gelding Kotare Roland successful in the first heat for Geoff Webster and Washington Heritage the second for local Shayne Cramp. Kotare Roland ran home strongly three wide in the last lap from near last to defeat Jaccka Lauchie from the rear in a rate of 1-58, with Machin Out third, then had to survive a protest from the runner up. The pride of Sunraysia, 4-Y-0 Washington Vc/Holmes Heritage gelding Washington Heritage made it 11 from 11 and after using plenty of petrol from gate two to cross the polemarker Astronaut, coasted to the wire in 159.3 to score from Macca Kelly (three wide at bell) and Astronaut. ■ At Cobram on Wednesday, Doreen duo Rebecca Cart-wright and Craig Turnbull snared the Wadeson Family 3-Y-0 Pace over 1670 metres with always reliable Modern Art/Miss Superb filly Pressplay, defeating Chain Of Gold and Wongala Bingo.

Wednesday - Shepparton/Bendigo, Thursday - Maryborough/Geelong, Friday - Melton (Vic Oaks), Saturday - Cranbourne, Sunday - Kilmore, Monday - Horsham, Tuesday - Shepparton.

Once-a-year events ■ Night two of the Mildura Cup Carnival on Thursday April 11 was highlighted by two trotting races which are only held once a year in Sunraysia. The feature event of the evening, the $12,000 Bill & Margaret Hanson Mildura Trotters Cup for T5 or better class (Discretionary Handicapped) over 2600 metres was taken out in striking fashion by 6-Y0 Conch Deville/Miss Cue gelding Nine-grandsons, bred by former Maryborough identitiesTom O'Shea, Peter Murray and Peter O'Shea. Raced in partnership by Tom and Peter, Ninegrandsons first up since July 2011 for Bannockburn horseman Geoff Webster began brilliantly from barrier two to lead and rated to perfection, was never headed, scoring by seven and a half metres over Illawong Magic which moved to face the breeze before taking one/one cover on the back of the 30-metre backmarker Kasyanov prior to the bell, with Regal Equation running home late from well back a half head away in third place. The mile rate 2-06.3 (last half mile 60.9 - quarter 29.9. Geoff Webster was full of praise for Tom Watson now based in Kyabram, who had been working the horse, before sending him down over around six weeks ago.

Greeted the judge ■ The Victorian Square Trotters Association Trotters Handicap for T0 to T4 class over 2190 metres went to South Australia, with 6-Y-0 Kiwi bred Britewell/Speed N Luck mare Brite N Lucky greeting the judge in a rate of 2-05.3. Trained at Globe Derby Park by Ryan McMillan and driven by Gavin Lang, Brite N Lucky began very fast from a 20-metre handicap to challenge her co 20-metre marker Super Deville for the lead, but was unable to head him off. Restrained to be three back along the markers, Brite N Lucky was eased to be one/one at the bell and when taken three wide on the final bend, ran home stylishly to score from My Name Is Earl off the back of the leader, with Calder Strike (three back the markers) third. Raced by Opawa Racing Limited, Brite N Lucky has recorded five wins from 78 race appearances.

Marsh winners at K’more ■ Bacchus Marsh area winners at Kilmore on Thursday were : Brite Spark Lombo (Alan and Amy Tubbs) in the Dansebury Constructions Pty Ltd 3-Y-0 Pace and Glenferrie Dreamer (Craig Demmler and Jodi Quinlan) in the ACDC Tribute Show 3-Y-0 Trotters Handicap.

Victorious at Ballarat

■ At Ballarat on Wednesday, Dunnstown trainer/ driver David Murphy snared the Flying Horse Bistro Pace for C1 class over 1710 metres with 5-Y-0 Village Jasper/Coronata gelding Let Memphis Loose, defeating Chasing Chelsea and Lucknpower to record his first victory since March last year.

Run over 1710 metres ■ Parwan pair Craig Demmler and Jodi Quinlan were winners at Ballarat when McArdle/Glenferrie Miss colt Glenferrie College greeted the judge in the Girls Night Out 24/4 Vicbred 3-Y-0 Pace over 1710 metres ahead of Realy Under Fire and Sorority Sister. - Len Baker

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - Page 77

Melbourne

Observer Victorian Sport

SPORTS REPUTATION DESTROYED

■ In this column I’ve concentrated on the ‘Drug Drama’ which started back on February 7; in my view it is a political ploy, which day by day not only destroys Australia’s sports reputation world-wide but is damaging, even blacklisting individuals lifetime reputations and goodwill. Before radio, TV, and modern day mobiles and IT which control the social media there was a well-worn phrase which said: “The pen is mightier than the sword!” The reference was obvious. It gave the writer the ‘power to do good or evil’. To influence peoples’ minds, attitude and opinions. Indeed it still applies today to all of us who are in the ‘communication’ business. And that embraces everyone of us. From parents, bosses, teachers, policemen and football coaches. I’m not qualified to say who rates as the most important in this privileged role of communicators but surely parents, education teachers, politicians, media personalities are high on the list. If their decision making process is flawed by selfish motives of power, control and greed, then we are in trouble – big trouble! James Hird is a model sportsman, father and citizen. How proud his parents must be of their son’s multitude of achievements. I don’t like what I’m reading, watching and hearing about him. Especially, when to me, it has been contrived by greed and power. Most of my life I’ve been into fitness. I watch my diet, I exercise and for more years than I care to remember I’ve taken vitamin supplements. Today I use Musashi and Lactoway. My doctor is not a big ‘wrap’ for vitamins but when I said to him should I stop taking them he replied: “No! In your case at 86 years they seem to work for you!” Which leads me to the point has anyone of James Hird current accusers of his “alleged drug injections” considered he could on advice have used these legitimate injections to help him cope with the extra stress and work hours of being the AFL coach of Essendon? Further, besides alcohol, which we are told is not a prohibited drug, are we naive enough to believe that some of these journos and the political staffers entrusted to rule on these “banned products” are not also taking pills, vitamins, injections of B12 and other ‘health shots’ plus ‘cosmetic’ surgery to help keep their stressful jobs looking youthful and energised for the TV cameras, the demands of work and the public?

Confusion rules ■ It is not unfair to say many of the rule changes in recent years have managed to bring confusion to all stakeholders be they coaches, players, umpires, media experts and the fans. None more so than ‘the sliding in for the ball’ rule. The Laws Committee members are not dills. All are very experienced in our game and endeavour to introduce laws which will eliminate serious injuries, maintain the spectacle of fast, open, play-on football and protect the ball player and particular the ‘first-in’ player. No rule and the subsequent ‘interpretation’ has been as controversial and confusing as the very latest ‘sliding’ rule. It moves up to the next level in the next two days when the Match Re-

Harry Beitzel www.squidoo.com/harrybeitzel view Panel (MRP) give their opinion on its legality to sanction players desperate to win the ball when it is on the ground. If a player who has been sactioned he can take the risk of having his penalty increased by taking it to the Tribunal. When I push the ‘Send’ button I want have the MRP’s verdict on several contentious incidents in Round Three. It will be interesting to see if the MRP are more lenient on the ‘sliding’ rule on a wet and rainy day.

Great character ■ What a start to the season! Who would have thought of the five undefeated teams three in 2012 finished out of the top eight” Essendon (11th), Richmond (12th) and Port Adelaide (14th) and both Essendon and Port Adelaide endured terrible pre-seasons. Both these clubs deserve credit and congratulations on keeping their focus on winning football matches. Both coaches, James Hird and Ken Hinkley, are men of great character, determination and ability to communicate to extract the very best from their players. There is a long road ahead but it has been an encouraging start for them. Of the Top Four last year, Hawthorn, Adelaide, Sydney and Collingwood only the silent achievers Sydney has held its place. It was a weekend for serious injuries, but a tragedy for young Giant Jonathon Patton suffered a second season injury.

Record numbers ■ Sydney Swans have reached an all-time membership record. The Swans membership tally currently sits at 33,155, which has overtaken the previous record of 32,452 that was set in 2007. There have been more than 8000 new members join the club this year and thanks have been extended to both new and existing members for your support in 2013.

It would be stupid ■ The ‘right thing for Hird to do is step down said Caroline Wilson, Chief Football Writer for The Age. I emphatically disagree - it would be stupid.

AFL injury list ■ The AFL injury list as at April 9 was: Adelaide Sam Shaw Hamstring TBA Brodie Smith Broken collarbone Round 3 Jack Osborn Hip Round 14 Brisbane Simon Black Knee Round 4 Michael Close Foot Round 4 Matthew Maguire Ankle Round 3 Jesse O'Brien Adductor Round 6 Brent Staker Knee Round 5 Stephen Wrigley Knee Season Carlton Eddie Betts Jaw Round 5 Andrew Collins Ankle Round 3 David Ellard Hamstring Round 3 Nick Graham Knee Round 9 Shaun Hampson Appendicitis Round 3 Pat McCarthy Heel Round 3 Andrew McInnes knee Round 11 Rhys O'Keeffe Heel Round 4 Jarrad Waite Calf Round Collingwood Luke Ball Knee Test Dayne Beams Quadricep Round 4 Tim Broomhead Glandular Fever Round 9 Brodie Grundy Back Round 7 Michael Hartley Shoulder Round 6 Darren Jolly Ribs Test Clinton Young Hamstring Round 6 Essendon Nil Fremantle Zac Clarke Achilles Test Jesse Crichton Quadricep Round 4 Anthony Morabito Knee Indefinite Aaron Sandilands hamstring Round 10 Clancee Pearce calf Test Geelong Jed Bews Foot Indefinite George Burbury Foot Indefinite Josh Cowan Achilles Indefinite Josh Hunt Glandular fever Indefinite Steve Johnson Knee Round 3 Lincoln McCarthy Foot Indefinite

Hamish McIntosh Knee Indefinite Daniel Menzel Knee Round 3 Jordan Murdoch Hand Test Jared Rivers Knee Test Jackson Sheringham Knee Round 5 Dawson Simpson Back Indefinite Nathan Vardy Groin Indefinite Josh Walker Shoulder Round 7 Gold Coast Nathan Bock Broken leg Round 8 Greg Broughton Calf Round 3 Jesse Lonergan Broken hand Round 5 Liam Patrick Knee Round 3 Danny Stanley Groin Test Seb Tape Knee Round 4 Maverick Weller Shoulder TBA GWS Taylor Adams Hip TBA Matthew Buntine Punctured lung and broken rib Round 6 Chad Cornes Shoulder Indefinite James Growden Lower leg Round 4 Andrew Phillips Hamstring Round 3 Joe Redfern Knee Round 4 James Stewart Back Indefinite Dom Tyson knee Round 7 Hawthorn Xavier Ellis Calf Round 4 Mitch Hallahan Ankle Round 3 Brian Lake Calf Round 3 Matthew Suckling Knee Season Brendan Whitecross Knee Round 8 Alex Woodward Knee Season Brad Sewell Hamstring Test Melbourne Chris Dawes Hamstring Round 5 Lynden Dunn Hamstring Round 3 Jack Fitzpatrick Concussion Test Nathan Stark Knee Round 3 Jordie McKenzie Calf Test Joel Macdonald Hamstring Round 4 North Melbourne Ben Speight ankle Round 3 Sam Wright Knee TBA Port Adelaide Brett Ebert Adductor Round 8 Nick Salter Foot Round 4 Hamish Hartlett Back Round 3 Jay Schulz Groin Round 3 Richmond David Astbury Foot Round 3 Nathan Foley Achilles Round 6 St Kilda Sean Dempster Broken wrist Round 5 Jackson Ferguson Knee Round 5 James Gwilt Knee Round 5 Tom Hickey Foot Test Daniel Markworth Knee Season Farren Ray Hip Test Spencer White Broken wrist Indefinite Sydney Alex Johnson knee Season Sam Naismith Thumb Round 5 Gary Rohan Broken leg Indefinite West Coast Daniel Kerr Knee Round 3 Mark LeCras Broken arm Test Eric MacKenzie Hamstring Round 3 Patrick McGinnity Back Test Nic Naitanui Groin Round 4 Mark Nicoski Hamstring Round 7 Matthew Rosa Thigh Round 5 Sharrod Wellingham ankle Round 6 Western Bulldogs Dylan Addison Hamstring Round 3 Matthew Boyd Calf Round 3 Tom Williams Foot Round 3 Easton Wood hamstring

In Canberra ■ There has not been much publicity as yet about Andrew Demetriou and Kevin Sheedy meeting up with the Federal Government’s Minister for Sport, Kate Lundy in the ACT.

ROUND 4 Friday, April 19 Sydney Swans vs. Geelong Cats (SCG) (N) Saturday, April 20 Hawthorn vs. Fremantle (AU) Richmond vs. Collingwood (MCG) St Kilda vs. Essendon (ES) (T) West Coast Eagles vs. Carlton (PS) (N) Gold Coast SUNS vs. Port Adelaide (MS) (N) Sunday, April 21 Melbourne vs. GWS GIANTS (MCG) (E) Adelaide Crows vs. Western Bulldogs (AS) North Melbourne vs. Brisbane Lions (ES) (T)

No doubt it was a promotional push for last week’s GWS Giants v St Kilda clash at Manuka Oval. It was an important game as both clubs were desperate for a win to get on the board. I’ve commented before how generous and forthcoming have been the Labor Governments, both Federal and State, in developments of AFL grounds and facilities. I sincerely congratulated the AFL campaign so shrewdly sold by Andrew D with an emphasis on shared use for the public especially the youth programs. These are priority projects designed to keep our nation’s population, especially the obese children, engaged in sport and an introduction to them of modern, scientific designed exercise equipment. Hopefully Andy D and Sheeds pushed Kate for an AFL Prime Minister’s Cup fixture similar to the ‘time honoured’ cricket match. And further what a great opportunity to ask the Minister on the progress of the interminable investigations of ‘criminals and drug cheats’ in our sports called for back on fateful February 7. The day our nation’s sporting reputation was trashed world-wide. We received your comments Andrew on the Etihad roof but surely this was an ‘open and shut case’ to pursue the progress of the government’s probe into sports criminal code of conduct.

What they said

■ “That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.” - Dermott Brereton ■ “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious.” - Adrian Anderson ■ “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.” - Andrew Demetriou ■ “I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better.” - Dermott Brereton ■ “I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.” - Terry Wallace ■ Garry Lyon : 'Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?' David Swartz: 'On what?' ■ Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.' - Dermott Brereton ■ Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.” - Dermott Brereton

Page 78 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, April 17, 2013

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