Melbourne Observer. 120229A. February 29, 2012. Part A. Pages 1-26, Pages 39-40

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■ EIGHT years of age is young to learn the showbiz maxim of “the show must go on”. But Juliette Hernadi from Hampton was up to challenge when 240 young ladies auditioned for the hit show at Dance World, South Melbourne, on Sunday and Monday.

Juliette broke her wrist three weeks ago but was determined to try out for the show which opens soon at The Regent Theatre. The girls showcased their talents in front of director Karen Johnson-Mortimer, musical director Peter Casey and choreographer Kelly Aykers. Auditions for the Annie pet pooches will be held soon.

Photos: Jim Lee

ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS - PAGE 43

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Melbourne Observer

W hen you lose someone you love you don’ don’tt need someone telling you how it is is..

You need ggenuine enuine empathy and sup port. support.

Y ou need clear arrang ement details arrangement details..

You need things done the way you want. eel included Most of all you need to ffeel - lik amily. likee a ffamily.

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T ender Moments - Tender Care

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 3

Breaking News

It’s All About You!

Melbourne

HOUSEHOLDERS WIN $7000 Observer OVER ‘GREEN’ HOME SCHEME In This 64-Page Edition

Little Shop of Horrors

● Brad Ericson (Seymour) and Jessica Rawlins (Audrey) star in Little Shop Of Horrors being staged by CPAC at Pakenham. Cheryl Threadgold has all the details on Page 54.

Photo: David Belcher

■ Home owners Irene and David McCallum have won a $7000 judgement against Green Home Green Planet Pty Ltd, after they complained the energy producing capacity of the system was misrepresented by sales representative Maverick Banoob.

The McCallums entered into a contract with the company for the supply and installation of a solar electricity generating system.

The system included 12 solar panels and an inverter. The McCallums were told about how electricity could be generated, fed ionto the power grid, and ‘sold’ to electricity providers.

Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal Deputy President Ian Lulham confirmed that the McCallums do not owe $7000 to the company. They had paid the money into the Tribunal’s Trust account while the dispute was settled.

Green Home Green Planet Pty Ltd did not call Banoob as a witness. The company said the contract had been altered to vary the change of inverter, and the location of the panels.

Banoob’s written representation to the McCallums was tabled at VCAT. it included a drawing on a writing pad, amounts of power and an amount.

NO JAIL CUT OVER DRUG MURDER

■ Convicted murderer Bill Ho has lost his bid to have his conviction re-examined, and his 22year jail sentence reduced.

Supreme Court Judges Buchanan and Hansen, sitting as the Court of Appeal, heard that Ho was found guilty of murder and attempted murder.

Ho and a man called Khoa had been engaged in trafficking heroin, and were owed $5000 by Mr Mau, to whom a quantity of the drug had been supplied.

Ho and Khoa went to a flat in Carlton to find Mau. They were accompanied by another man, Quang, who was armed with a samurai sword.

Mau was not at the flat, and Ho was upset.

The Court was rold that Ho shot another person, Chau Ming Nguyen, in the head.

Ho also shot Hieu Trung Luu in the head.

He died immediately.

Quang used his sword to cut the throat of another person in the flat.

Ho admitted he had gone to the flat to recover a drug debt, and acknowledged taking the revolver: “I thought if I pulled it out they would see the gun and get scared and tell me where Mau was, and pretty much ... there was no response, I guess, and I thought of taking a shot at the wall and there was someone lying down near the wall and I shot above his head but at the all, just to scare them.

“After that it looked like it hit the person lying down and I was really scared ... not long after I remember seeing a shadow come across to me on my right and I turned around and at that point the gun went off and I was, I remember seeing, seeing him fall down ... I don’t know what I was thinking. I was just shocked.”

Top 5 THE TOP 5 COMMENTS HEARD DURING THE CRUCIAL LEADERSHIP BALLOT. 5. "71-31. I've won the meat tray!".

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Latest News Flashes Around Victoria

Blitz nabs drivers ■ A Police blitz at Albury has nabbed a Melbourne driver at 177-kmh, and another blew .31 in a breath test.

Ararat lad quizzed ■ A 16-year-old boy has been questioned over a grass fire that threatened Ararat over the weekend.

3-mth jail suspended ■ Darren Wallace, of Warrnambool, has been jailed after assaulting his former wife, and a total stranger. The jail term has been suspended.

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ADVERTISER OF THE WEEK

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 5

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Breaking News

Financial Planning

ABC TV TO AIR VFL MATCHES Briefs New boss

● Katrina Sedgwick ■ Katrina Sedgwick, an established performing arts practitioner and one of Australia’s leading arts and screen festival directors, has been appointed the new ABC TV Head of Arts.

Oscar win

● Meryl Streep ■ Meryl Streep has won a third Oscar statuette for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady. A list of Academy Award winners is on Page 43.

Winner

■ ABC TV and AFL Victoria have reached agreement on a broadcasting arrangement for the 2012 and 2013 seasons.

The contract signed this week fulfils the commitment ABC Managing Director Mark Scott made last year to covering local football.

“ABC TV is committed to covering the VFL for the 2012 and 2013 seasons,” said ABC TV’s Head of Sports and Events, Justin Holdforth.

“We have agreed on a two year arrangement structured as a one-year contract with an option for a second year.

“This will allow both organisations to thoroughly review progress at the end of the 2012 season before finalising arrangements for 2013.

“ABC TV has been talking to AFL Victoria for five months with compromises ultimately made on both sides to arrest the escalating cost per viewer on these broadcasts.”

■ No longer needed at his Channel 10 desk, George Negus has been signed to host a Trans-Siberian Railway tour in September.

The tour, run by Travelrite, over 21 days, makes its way from Vladivostok to Moscow.

with Jon and Andrew Rancie of Rancie McLean Financial Planning Level 4, 420 Collins Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Phone: 9671 4990

Risk! Is it worth it?

Robust talks “ABC TV is committed to working with AFLVictoria to make this season as successful as possible. I would like to thank AFL Victoria and in particular General Manager Grant Williams for the co-operative and professional stance they have taken in lengthy and robust negotiations,” he said.

Coverage will include all 22 home and away rounds, the state game against Tasmania and the finals series.

VFL coverage will commence on ABC1 Saturday March 24 at 1pm.

“AFL Victoria is very pleased to be continuing our 25 year relationship with ABC TV and its coverage of the VFL ‘match of the day’ each Saturday afternoon,” Mr Williams said.

“The ABC coverage is important for the competition to promote the sport, grow the game, as well as providing critical exposure for the competition, VFL clubs and our partners.”

● Elena Xanthoudakis Photo: Andrew Kopp ■ Elena Xanthoudakis will perform in Opera At The Market on March 19 and 21. Observer columnist Di Rolle has all the details on Page 8.

Nami ordered to pay ■ Nami Restaurant and Bar, Port Melbourne, has been ordered to pay $2108.02 to Alsco Pty Ltd for restaurant linen. Nami took the matter to the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal, asking Deputy President Ian Lulham to rule no debt exists.

He said there was no doubt there was a contract.

TRIANGLE WARS AT ST KILDA Here’s Howie

● Michael Clarke ■ Australian cricket captain Michael Clarke was named as winner of his third Allan Border Medal, at a gala event held at the Crown Palladium on Monday night.

Siberia

At the Queen Vic

● Howie Minehan ■ Meet musician Howard (Howie) Minehan who has been performing in Melbourne and Sydney for 30 years in various combinations of bands and comedy acts, from rock and roll to jazz and classical.

Howie performs at many clubs and city hotel venues, playing solo and duo cocktail piano, jazz and Latin ensemble music.

He also teaches piano and writes original music, some of which has been published and released both in Australia and America.

More recently, Howie has also branched out into various daytime musical activities, where he performs sing-a-longs on request from the old time standards and jazz collection. ● Turn To Page 24

● Community opposition to development at St Kilda is featured in Triangle Wars, being screened on Tuesday at The Astor Theatre ■ Triangle Wars, a film about the epic battle against the proposed $300 million development of the St Kilda Triangle will be screened at the Astor Theatre on Tuesday (Mar. 6) at 7pm.

Unchain Inc is hosting a double bill showing of two ground-breaking documentary films in the next stage of its campaign to influence a community-friendly outcome for the area.

The second film, Battle For Brooklyn, is about the neighbourhood fight against the corporate developers of the Atlantic Yards project in New York. This is the film's premiere in Australia.

Peter Holland, President of Unchain, says members are gearing up to collaborate with the City of Port Phillip on proposing a creative, environmentally sound, financially sustainable redevelopment of the Triangle site.

"This double bill film screening is a way to get our message out there, and raise some funds as well.”

Directors of the two films, Rosie Jones and Michael Galinsky, are attending the screening.

Peter Jago interview ■ Turn to our centre pages for Mark Richardson’s ‘Porch Thoughts’ interview with milliner Peter Jago.

Mark Richardson presents a special day at the races feature on Pages 32-33.

With such an uncertain economic and investment outlook for 2012, where does one look for acceptable investment returns, whilst not taking on too much risk? This is a question we are continually asking ourselves.

During our reviews with clients we discuss this very point, and the answer inevitably comes back to ones individual risk profile and risk tolerance.

The last thing we want for our clients is for them to take on more risk than they are comfortable with. We want clients to be able to pass the sleep test. If they can't, then investment portfolio adjustments are in order.

It may surprise you to know that the average balanced fund return could range between -27.05% to 43.96% over a 12 month period. If you have not considered this, then it is likely that you have not fully understood the risk associated with your investment portfolio.

We don't have a crystal ball, although we can highlight the variation in potential outcomes so you can make a more informed decision.

If you had known that investing in Australian shares could lead to a 50% fall in your capital value, would you have invested? Some may say yes, some may say now, but the key point is to ensure an informed decision is made.

That then leads us to the question of, where does one invest their hard earned money? A tough question in an uncertain world, but certainly not impossible to answer.

Again, the answer comes back to the clients individual risk tolerance, although some of the things we have been doing with our clients over the last 12 months is reallocating a portion of their funds from growth investments into more conservative investments like term deposits and listed income securities.

These types of investments can often provide 7%+ pa returns, with very limited capital volatility, if any. An investor can still receive a good, competitive return, whilst not needing to ride all the gyrations of the share market. And in an uncertain world, this is very appealing.

For those that want greater exposure to growth focused investments like shares, we have predominantly invested in Blue Chip Australian shares paying high dividends and franking credits, as while the capital can be volatile, the income these companies pay helps to offset the risk associated with investing in them.

Some of the biggest and most financially secure companies in the country are currently paying over 10% pa grossed-up dividend yields. At that rate, if you hold the shares for seven years, they have fully repaid themselves with the dividends they have provided.

Another thing we do for our clients, to ensure they are kept up to date, is perform regular reviews, particularly if they hold listed investments or investments that are traded on the ASX. During this meeting we will also discuss the risk profile and an asset allocation of a client to ensure everything remains appropriate. Clear and precise communication in a time of uncertainly is an absolute must.

We are acutely aware that it's been a tough time for investors over the last four years, with investments often losing significant capital, locking the investments up for redemptions and reducing or even stopping income payments.

All of these things have a major impact on how an investor feels about investing and what they will decide to do in the future, which is why the risk tolerance discussion is important to have on a regular basis.

2012 will not be without its challenges, but with an accurate risk profile, an investment portfolio that reflects an individuals risk tolerance and regular well constructed reviews, a client can have the best chance of remaining on track to achieving their financial goals.

If you would like to review your current financial position we would be happy to assist. Our first meeting is free of charge and without any obligation at all. During this meeting we will discuss your goals and objectives, your financial position and where you want to be in the future, and of course your risk profile and future asset allocation.

We can be contacted on 03 9671 4990, jon@ranciemclean.com.au or on facebook at www.facebook.com/ranciemcleanfinancialplanning Jon & Andrew Rancie are Authorised Representatives of Australian Financial Services (AFSL: No. 297239) Note: In this article we have not considered your personal situation nor your goals or objectives. You should not base your future investment decisions on the content of this article. Before you invest your hard earned money you should consult a Financial Adviser and have your situation reviewed, clarified and agree to a strategy for investing for the future.

Page 6 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Melbourne

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Incorporating the Melbourne Advertiser Victoria’s Independent Newspaper First Published September 14, 1969 Every Wednesday

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The Mousetrap ● Andrew Scarborough as Christopher Wren, the first guest to arrive at the hotel in The Mousetrap, being presented in Strathmore until March 10. More details on Page 54.

Photo: Kellie Tweeddale

● Irish music star Daniel O’Donnell paid a visit to Observer country music columnist Rob Foenander this week. The pair recorded an interview for Rob’s television program, Country Crossroads.

Rob was impressed with this second interview he has conducted with the Donegal performer, who is conducting a show next mont at The Regent Theatre: “It is refreshing to come across celebrities who are not full of themselves and are genuinely interested in what we are doing.’ ● Daniel also visited 3AW - see Page 42

St Luke blessed at St Peter’s

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● Friends and family gathered at St Peter’s Anglican Church, Murrumbeena, on Sunday for the blessing of a stained glass window of St Luke (inset), which is the gift of Isobell Tunzi , 94 (seated). Pictured (from left) are Peter Furniss, Kristi and Jack Bryant, Jeanette Martin, Fleur Long and James Long. The window is the work of artisan Peter Ferguson, and features medical symbols; Mrs Tunzi, a triple certificate nurse, trained at the Alfred Hospital.

● Christian Smith, Julie Houghton and Edward Smith ■ Kicking off this year’s Arden Cresent Concert Series on Sunday (Mar. 4) at 2pm is a special concert.

Stars Of The Future And The Odd Antique will feature familiar songs. Compered by Melbourne Observer arts columnist Julie Houghton, the concert features Herald Sun Aria finalist, soprano Stephanie Gibson and emerging young basso profundo Edward Smith, with help from soprano Jordie Howell and her guide dog Robbie.

Three talented Melbourne University Conservatorium classical vocal students, Christian Smith, Michael Edwards and Greta Williams, will perform, accompanied by the Geoffrey Urquhart at the piano.

The show includes Gilbert and Sullivan, and a side trip to the magic of Mozart's popular operas. Classic music theatre items include South Pacific, Salad Days and My Fair Lady. There is also Flanders and Swan and the recent Monty Python musical Spamalot, and a touch of traditional jazz.

Love ballads, duets and a special surprise ending round out a pleasant musical afternoon.

Venue is the Arden Crescent Uniting Church, Arden Cres, Rosanna.

Tickets are $23 adults or $18 concession and less for students - book on 9457 2595 or buy tickets at the door.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 7

Page 8 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Thoughts with Molly

● Molly Meldrum with Ziggy PHOTO: SEVEN NEWS

■ I was thrilled to see the photo of Molly and his beloved dog Ziggy in the paper and on the tele during the week.

I have prayed for him long and hard for a recovery and look forward to being able to visit him soon.

Julia and Kevin

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

This one is for you, Peter Allan Rolle ■ My father died on February 12 at 3.15pm, I was with him right to the end and what a privilege it was.

My sister and I spent long hours being with him as he took his final journey and words are hard to describe how it was.

But I know one thing for sure, and that is that I would not have been anywhere else in the world.

The peace that has come from his passing and the sadness of his loss is profound.

Peter Allan Rolle was a wonderful father provider and friend. I will miss him every day.

I miss his voice. I miss his funny sense of humour and mostly I miss his presence.

He was the most proper person I ever met, those words were my brothers.

His namesake, Peter Rolle, my brother. is now the man of the house and he protected us so beautifully on the day of the funeral – his strong shoulders now carry us four girls my mother Alyson, my sisters Debi and Jacky and me.

The lessons learned are immeasurable and the love I felt from my father towards the end like nothing I have ever experienced .. and I thought I knew it all.

Dad was very proud of my column in the Melbourne Observer and would often ring me and say this would be good for your column, and it was a local story from Tuncurry where he spend his final days.

● Peter Allan Rolle with his daughter Di Rolle Tuncurry is a quiet little town on the north- days after his passing. ern NSW coast and it is full of the most beauI am now back home and the outpouring tiful people – it’s my home away from home. of beautiful cards and emails and wishes to It has a bowling club, a great Chinese res- me have been so supportive – feeling numb taurant and a picture theatre. for the first few days I am comforted by the It has a community of people who cared lovely flowers in my apartment and the beauand showed my family so much love. tiful white cards that sit on my desk of such The Tuncurry Bowling Club was our ref- lovely friends and work colleagues. uge, we laughed and cried, bet on the horses, Dad would not want me to be sad and he drank gin and tonics and beers many many would want me to go on enjoying my life so far too many times and had far too much fun here is my column this week in his memory. there both with Dad and without him in the - Dr Rolle

To

● Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd in happier times ■ I must say I was completely caught up in the Kevin Rudd / Julia Gillard “We must talk about Kevin” situation.

Having been a lover of politics all my life and loving the intrigue and the goings on in the corridors of power, I have been eagerly watching the speeches and the coverage on the tele and reading every word in the newspapers.

So like everyone I was intrigued to see how the TV channels would handle it all, SKY has, of course, been brilliant and the intrepid David Speers continues to be the best political reporter we have in the country.

I swear he was on air for 24 hours straight this past week. \ A good political stoush can be just the thing to help one in grief – it has been a marvellous respite I must say So I was interested to see that Channel 10 launched their ‘cheeky and unpredictable’ Breakfast show the morning after the surprise resignation by Kevin Rudd.

Guesting on The Project on the evening of the resignation from Washington, ( a marvelous political move I thought by Rudd) Breakfast host Paul Henry made the announcement that Ten’s Breakfast show would launch the following morning, Thursday (Feb. 23) at 6am.

The team is ready, the wait is over, he announced.

I like Paul Henry very much. He is articulate not afraid to speak and is far too cramped on that couch for my liking.

He could sit on quite well on his own.

The show is predictable but Henry has something and if producers give him his space – he may just make it work.

Good work on Ten’s part and good to see a fresh face!

● Andrew Rochford, Magdalena Roze, Kathryn Robinson and Paul Henry

Di

I love my job!

Di Rolle is heard most Mondays with Andrew McLaren on 3AW, just after the 1am quiz.

For OPERA IN THE MARKET

■ One of the most beautiful events that happens in Melbourne annually is Opera In The Market at the iconic Queen Victoria Market.

This year it is in its 14th year having begun back in 1999 (they missed 2006 due to the Melbourne Commonwealth Games) - the unique event has featured Australian and international opera singers, conductors and orchestras each year since.

It has continually supported cancer research firstly at The Women’s Hospital followed by the Royal Melbourne Hospital, and for the past three years including this year St Vincent’s Hospital.

Net proceeds this year will support St Vincent’s Hospital new Cancer Centre.

At a cost of $14.8 million, the new cancer centre provides an environment that has one purpose in mind – to help patients and their families throughout their journey with cancer.

Fruit stalls and forklifts make way for Melbourne’s finest food, wine and the greatest sounds of opera and musical theatre.

It’s a feast of the senses, when Australian Music Events and St Vincent’s Hospital present Opera In The Market.

Experience the Queen Victoria Market as never before.

Explore the food and wine trail as they open

with leading Melbourne publicist DI ROLLE

the pages of a living breathing Melbourne inspired cookbook featuring iconic restaurants and caterers - The Point Albert Park Lake, MoVida, Estelle Bar & Kitchen, St Katherine’s and Fred and Gingers Catering with selected Victorian wines and microbrews along the way.

I will be putting on my best dress and going along to support this event and know I will be captivated by acclaimed opera soloists, the beautiful Elena Xanthoudakis and my favourite tenor Roy Best.

I have wonderful memories of waltzing with Roy Best at an event at Crown Palladium some years ago.

We always laugh when we see each other at the memory of our beautiful waltz that night!

Special guest will be the brilliant jazz musician James Morrison, the newly formed Alpha Sinfonia Orchestra and 100 voices conducted by Guy Noble.

Two nights only: March 19 and 21: K.Shed, Queen Victoria Market – Tickets from $99 Book now: RACV HolidayLine 13 13 29 – or www.racv.com.au/travel. Corporate Hospitality – 9288 3287 or visit www.operainthe market.com.au It’s marked on my calendar, so is the Melbourne International Comedy Festival – more about that next week!

Thanks Dad, you were the best Dad a girl could ever have. x

● Roy Best

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 9

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Confidential Melbourne

Talk is cheap, gossip is priceless

Troubled times of Ricky Nixon

‘CHICKEN TRAIN’ CRASHES INTO THE KARMA BUS

■ Disgraced former AFL player manager Ricky Nixon, 48, said “all is good” for his engagement party to Tegan Gould, 27, this Friday..

His comments followed his arrest at Port Melbourne at the weekend, with Police alleging their suspicion of ‘public drunkeness.

The Sunday Herald Sun ran an eyewitness account from Jason Soultan. A Port Melbourne man of the identical name is the Creative Director of Soul Media, which manages the website for 3AW broadcaster Derryn Hinch. ● At first, Ricky Nixon denied this photograph was him. He later acknowledged ‘inappropriate’ behaviour in the hotel room of ‘St Kilda schoolgirl’ Kim Duthie. He said his drink must have been spiked.

Not fake

Rumour Mill

■ February 2012. Nixon makes an ugly attack on an Age female journalist with personal and sexist remarks.

■ January 2012. Nixon pleads guilty to two charges of driving while suspended. Fined $1000, and suspended from driving.

■ November 2011. Nixon allegedly leaves a message on the phone of Guy Richard, friend of girlfriend Tegan Gould, telling him he had made the biggest mistake of his life, there was a contract out and he wouldn't make it to Sunday.

■ July 2011. Nixon is in "dire" financial circumstances, the Federal Court is told. Judge Marshall orders him to pay an outstanding debt of $250,000.

■ May 2011. Nixon's driver’s licence suspended for six months after he accumulates too many demerit points.

■ May 2011. Nixon says he contemplated suicide after his involvement with the St Kilda schoolgirl.

■ March 2011. Nixon formally suspended as an AFL players’ agent. Nixon accuses the AFL Players’ Association: “It was a witchhunt,” and says he was unable to respond to allegations because he was undergoing treatment for drug use.

● Jason Soultan Hinch was fast to publish comments about the Nixon arrest on Saturday afternoon: "Ricky Nixon’s ‘new leaf’. He’s been arrested in Port Melbourne after ‘domestic dispute’.

What’s the wedding date again?"

Nixon - who bills himself as the ‘Chicken Train’ - was almost as fast to respond, after he was released from four hours’ custody at the St Kilda Rd police headquarters: “Must be the only person ever arrested for being drunk but didn’t have a drink.

“Police refused to breath test me, you work it out!”

Nixon said there was

■ February 2011. Nixon admits to "inappropriate" dealings with the teenage girl at the centre of the St Kilda Facebook scandal.

At first, he said he had been in the girl's hotel room but denied any further involvement.

Later, photos and a video are released.

■ March 2009. Nixon charged with a series of driving offences after crashing his Alfa Romeo into a tram. He fled the accident scene, and blew .108, when questioned by Police. “I made a mistake,” Nixon says.

● Tegan Gould PHOTO COURTESY: HERALD SUN (ROSANNA FARACI)

3 times?

■ Is there to be an AFL announcement about a highprofile player who has returned three positive drug tests?

● The Sunday Herald Sun’s Stuart Miligan snapped former football player manager Ricky Nixon leaving St Kilda Rd police station

■ February 2012. Nixon taken into Police custody at Port Melbourne.

Whispers

Hear It Here First ● Kim Duthie an investigation into Police conduct: “I can confirm that Victorian Police are currently under investigation by the OPI. “The investigation has been running since October 2011.”

Nixon’s arrest at the weekend comes almost 12 months after he hit the headlines for his involvement with then-17-yearold ‘St Kilda school-girl’ Kim Duthie.

Gould and Nixon met in a Melbourne bar last year, and Nixon is said to have proposed to her at Moe McDonald’s.

Nixon had a final word for his critics: “Oh doomsdayers, Tegan and I are fine and very much in love.

“Can't wait for our engagement party this week!”

■ Stop Press: As the Observer went to press, news arrived that Nixon and Ms Gould have “postponed” their engagement party.

● Paul Henry ■ Producers at Channel 10’s new Breakfast TV show deny that calls to host Paul Henr y’s ‘Henry Hotline’ were almost identical in content, and even sounded as if they came from the same caller.

An “error”, says Ten publicists.

Attack

Guardian angels on duty

● Frank Howson’s car after the smash ■ Entertainment industry legend Frank Howson is counting his blessings after the car in which he was travelling, was hit by another, allegedly running a red light. The Rumour Mill is told that the other driver was on the first day of his licence.

■ Songstress Vanessi Amorosi was forced to cancel her Melbourne Zoo Twilight Series show on Saturday after being admitted then re-admitted to hospital.

E-Mail: Confidential@MelbourneObserver.com.au

● Tony Mokbel ■ Melbour ne drug lord Tony Mokbel this week had a stent inserted in a blocked heart valve during an angiogram at St Vincent's Hospital.

Jailed ■ Shaun Gunston, 23, of Cranbourne, will serve a minimum of 25 months' jail after useing an online chatroom to groom a 12year-old girl for sex

Page 10 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 11

St Peter’s Anglican Church Murrumbeena - Unveiling of window honouring St Luke

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 12 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 Melbourne

Observer

The Best Columnists

HAPPY LEAP YEAR

Let the celebrations begin What do you get when you meet a Freemason and a magician?

A great night out!

● New Freemasons Palli Schipperheyn and Rhys Poulton, with Grand Master Vaughan Werner (pictured centre), at the 2011 New Initiates Cocktail Party The days of Freemasonry being an exclusive club where stuffy old men met to discuss 'secret men's business' is a thing of the past, and with good reason.

The average age of a new member joining Freemasons Victoria is 35.

"This is a real indication that the principles of Freemasonry are not stuck in the past; they've stood the test of time and are as relevant today as they've ever been," says Ben Quick, Freemasons Victoria Masonic Services Liaison.

"On average, I receive about 65 new enquiries per month on the website alone and I'm pleased to say this number is on the increase."

As a way of welcoming members that have joined Freemasonry in the last two years, a New Initiates' Cocktail Party will be held on Friday March 2, which marks the start of the Masonic Month of Celebrations, which concludes with Freemasons night of nights - the installation of Bob Jones as Grand Master.

"There is no better way to kick off the Masonic Month of Celebrations than with a welcoming party for all our new members," says Erin Olsen, Freemasons Victoria Event Manager.

"New members are encouraged to bring along their family and friends so as to better understand Freemasonry and the journey their loved one has recently embarked on.

“It's a great opportunity for new members to meet and have a chat with Grand Master Vaughan Werner and Grand Master-Elect Bob Jones in a relaxed setting."

Erin ensures this year's cocktail party is an informal affair with plenty entertainment; there won't be a stuffy suit in sight.

"When it came to planning the event, 'fun' was a word thrown around a lot and nothing says 'fun' like a roving magician," says Erin.

The evening's entertainment also includes live music. Canapés and drinks will be served throughout the night.

The evening kicks off at 7pm and promises to be a must-attend for all new Initiates and their partners.

To register please contact Erin Olsen on 9411 0111.

Next week's column: The March Masonic Month of Celebration continues.

To find out more about Freemasonry, how to become a member, or attend upcoming public events, please visit www.freemasonsvic.net.au or 'Like' our Facebook page, www.facebook.com/ freemasonsvic

■ Girls: tradition states that you have a once-infour-years opportunity today (Feb. 29) to propose marriage to the man that you love.

According to an old Irish legend, St Bridget struck a deal with St Patrick to allow women to propose to men on this special Leap Year day.

In many European countries, especially in the upper classes of society, tradition dictates that any man who refuses a woman's proposal on February 29 has to buy her 12 pairs of gloves.

The woman can wear the gloves to hide the embarrassment of not having an engagement ring. During the middle ages there were laws governing this tradition.

■ This is the second-only February 29 edition of the Observer. The first was on a Sunday in 1976, when we were a weekend paper. The next is on Wed., Feb. 29, 2040 - when the Editor will be aged 91.

People Mr Bob Baeck

● Once-in-four-year opportunity: ladies can propose marriage today

Long Shots

Launch ■ Hilary McPhee, writer and publisher, has edited and annotated a collection of Australian writer and film director Tim Burstall’s diaries from the 1950s.

Memoirs Of A Young Bastard, as Burstall dubbed himself and them, are said to be the most evocative Australian diaries of modern times The launch will be at The Light Factory Gallery, 21 Brougham St, Eltham, on Sunday, March 18, from 3.30pm to 5 pm Tickets: $10.00 includes a glass of wine

Melbourne

editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

with Ash Long, Editor “For the cause that lacks assistance, ‘Gainst the wrongs that need resistance For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do”

Observer Treasury

Passwords

Thoughts For The Week

■ Last week we invited readers to contribute special words and sayings that are uniquely Melbourne.

Ron of Ashburton wrote in about beer: pot (“10 oz. in the old”), and a ‘lady’s waist’ or a ‘pony’ (5 oz.).

Shirley of Doncaster said “meeting under the clocks” at Flinders St Station was uniquely Melbourne.

Julie of Rockbank said : “Potato cakes. Other states call them potato scallops.”

■ “Nothing pleases a little man more than an opportunity to crack a big whip.”

■ “A nickname is the heaviest stone that the devil can throw at a man.”

- William Hazlitt

Observer Curmudgeon ■ “Life not only begins at 40 - it begins to show.”

Text For The Week ■ “And he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.”

- Exodus 34:28

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT COURT REPORTS Contents of Court Lists are intended for information purposes only. The lists are extracted from Court Lists, as supplied to the public, by the Magistrates’ Court of Victoria, often one week prior to publication date; for current Court lists, please contact the Court. Further details of cases are available at www.magistratescourt.vic.gov.au The Melbourne Observer shall in no event accept any liability for loss or damage suffered by any person or body due to information provided. The information is provided on the basis that persons accessing it undertake responsibility for assessing the relevance and accuracy of its content. No inference of a party’s guilt or innocence should be made by publication of their name as a defendant. Court schedules may be changed at any time for any reason, including withdrawal of the action by the Plaintiff/Applicant. E&OE.

● Melbourne radio man Bob Bacek, then at 2HD Newcastle, poses for a photo whilst visiting 2CH in Sydney, 1950s ■ Mourners gathered at Ringwood Uniting Church on Wednesday (Feb. 22) to pay tribute to the life of Robert ‘Bob’ James Baeck who passed away on Sunday (Feb. 19). A private cremation followed.

Bob, a former Melbourne radio industry executive, was husband to Kate, father of Peter and Louise, father-in-law to Su-Min and Walter and grandfather to Roxanne, Max and Angelica. He was twin brother of James, who remembered his sibling as ‘Nip’.

Members of the Maroondah Daylight Lodge of Freemasons were amongst those to pay tribute.

Bob Baeck started his radio career at 3KZ on March 21, 1942. He admired his cousin Carl Bleazley at 3XY, who passed away recently.

Bob described his colleague Norman Banks as “the most outstanding professional radio man in the history of Melbourne”.

Bob joined 3XY as General Manager on March 4, 1964, continuing until December 1981. 3XY became part of the David Syme media organisation, and for some years its studios were located at The Age builing in Spencer St, Melbourne.

Bob had a keen service of civic duty, and help create the Do Care organisation, which 3AW supported. with evenets such as the Toy Appeal and the 3XY Expos.

“I believe it is important for radio stations to do good, and be seen to do good.”

&

Short Sharp ■ The Hungry Jacks fast food restaurant at Tullamarine wants to know how the outlet became to be halal-certified, CEO Aaron McKie says no Hungry Jacks restaurants have sought such certification. All food is bought through Hungry Jacks, says store owner Nicholas Raptis.

■ Victorian newsagents are upset with Fairfax Media CEO Greg Hyland who last week announced the ‘Fairfax Of The Future’ three-year plan. This involves changing their commercial printing operations, and also changing distribution of small numbers of newspapers to ‘remote locations’ Newsagents in small country centres believe that this announcement may mean they will no longer stock The Age and associated publications.

■ Rabbits in plague proportions are damaging Altona Memorial Park, upsetting mourners.

■ Our Lady Of The Sacred Heart College at Bentleigh has stepped up security after vandals destroyed two life-size statues.

■ Former State Minister Lynne Kosky has become Chairwoman of the Newport Substation.

Free reader ads are available in the Melbourne Trader section of the ‘Melbourne Observer’

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 13

Bennetts Boots - Marketing Feature

Ageing women and how it affects the body

■A lot of women think that if they eliminate the unpleasant things from their lives they will feel good if they get out of a dead end job, if they lose those extra kg if they can stop the kids for playing up etc‌ Admittedly these things may give you temporary happiness but for the mammoth effort required to do most of the eliminating most fail and end up feeling worse.

So I have a suggestion, instead of trying to eliminate, how about create things that make you feel good.

They don't need to be huge projects but if they are go for it!

They can be as simple as choosing a

few things that are quick and easy and putting them into place.

Here are a few to try: When you look a million bucks you feel a million bucks.

So spend a bit of time and money getting some good quality staple clothing.

Clothing that looks amazing on you, that's really good quality and will last.

I remember when I went to a stylist who took me around to specialised boutiques in Melbourne to find the right clothing for my shape and size.

I had never spent any time in boutiques, scared at the price tags and that the shop keeper would look down on me

because I'm not size 6 and 6 foots tall.

I was amazed at the difference in service, the quality level of the clothing and how I needed only a few items to have a positive impact on my wardrobe and my self esteem.

So feel good this New Year and create a look that make you feel amazing.

If you stick to staples: high quality dark jacket, the little black dress, black pants, boots that fit from BennettsBoots.com of course.

Author: Amanda Tallent CEO Bennetts Boots, wide calf boots. www.BennettsBoots.com

Page 14 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Observer Life & Style

COOKING ACCORDING TO MRS B News Extra Action

by ACCC ■ Edwards Essences Pty Ltd, manufacturer and wholesaler of essences for alcoholic products to homebrew shops nationwide, has acknowledged that it engaged in resale price maintenance in undertakings provided to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission.

Resale price maintenance is where a supplier requires a business customer to not sell goods below a minimum price specified by the supplier.

This limits the ability of the retailer to advertise discounts for the products, which is essential for retailers who wish to engage in price competition.

"Businesses must be free to sell their products at prices below suppliers' recommended retail prices if they wish," ACCC Chairman Rod Sims said.

"Consumers like to shop around in order to get the best deal. This encourages businesses to compete on price and enables consumers to buy at lower prices.

“The ACCC takes seriously any attempts by suppliers to prevent discounting of their products, which affects the fundamental right of traders to compete for business”.

In response to an ACCC investigation, Edwards was co-operative and acknowledged that it had made known to a distributor on two separate occasions that it should not sell goods supplied to it by Edwards at a price less than the recommended retail price specified

by Edwards.

The ACCC has accepted court-enforceable undertakings.

■ It’s hard to settle down and write a column about anything else other than the scandalous political skullduggery going on in Canberra at the moment.

Who would have thought that the disgraceful shambles in our nation’s capital would be brought to a head with the resignation of Kevin Rudd as Foreign Affairs Minister?

Wasn’t that a surprise for everybody?

The Prime Minister has replied in the only way possible by bringing on a leadership vote on Monday.

So we hoed our breath.

The Prime Minister must surely know that what the people really want is an election to be called.

Yvonne’s Column

Legendary book

■ If you ever see her book, or a facsimile, don’t walk past it because it is a social history, the way houses were run, the way lives were lived, and the latest advice for the newly married middle class.

I must say her ways of cleaning and polishing made my eyes water, and I thought how she would have loved the array of products available to save time and energy on our supermarket shelves today.

Her book of Household Hints and Management is legendary.

Get on with the job ■ My mind went every which way pondering the outcome of the vote, and hopefully they will get on with the job for which they are very well paid.

Who said women are catty? If some of the MPs had kept their comments to themselves instead of talking to the media they wouldn’t have made enemies forever, no matter what happens.

It takes a strong person to turn the other cheek, especially when some have huge egos that cloud any clear thinking.

It’s me, me, me, when it should be govern, govern, govern, and what is best for the nation.

It has been hard to escape any talk about Gillard and Rudd because the radio, television, and even shoppers in the supermarket talked of nothing else, however I’ll try.

Best seller in its time ■ Politics, cooking, reading, and gardening are four of the things I enjoy immensely, consequently I have an enormous range of books on those topics.

One book, which I picked up in an op shop, was a facsimile of Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Household Management that was first published 150 years ago.

I recall that it cost me a dollar and it has given me many hours of pleasure visualizing as I read each page what it was like to live in those Victorian times.

Not that it is simply a cookery book, it is impossible not to be impressed with the sections on handling staff and their duties, medical hints, setting a table, buying provisions, how to conduct yourself at a dinner party and make polite conversation, and a big section of how to clean and of course her recipes.

But gentility was the order of the day, and Mrs B’s book was a boon for the young bride. It sold 60,000 copies in its first year, even more copies than Charles Dickens’s Great Expectations, which was also published at the same time.

Adapting to today’s budget ■ I would never attempt any of her recipes because everything she cooked was so time consuming and in many cases labour intensive.

Of course in Victorian times there were no problems with employing household staff. In fact there was a terrific television series called Upstairs Downstairs which I wouldn’t miss. I keep recalling wonderful episodes as I write.

Mrs Beeton died young at only 28, and according to a documentary, which I saw on television recently, she started adult life as a journalist. She married, lost her first two children in infancy and died giving birth to her fourth child.

It is said that her strength, was not as a cook but as an editor, whatever, it is an addictive read and her name is still in lights, so I should be so lucky.

I wonder if some of her ideas in making sure that nothing is thrown out could be adapted to today’s budget.

Heaven on a stick ■ No matter how hard we try to use every piece of food we buy, by the end of the week our family of possums have a grand feast. So much so, I’ve noticed they have become quite the food critics.

I watch them as they scramble down the trees waiting for Peter to put their dinner in their dish, and so excited are they, that sometimes, they walk along with Peter telling him in possum speak that they can’t wait another minute for the menu of the day.

Give them mango and it’s heaven on a stick for

Salt and pepper to taste 3 cloves 2 quarts of water For thickening. 2 oz of butter 3 oz of flour.

You can imagine how long this would take by the time you fried the ingredients, strain and let boil for 1.5 hours.

When cold, take off all the fat. By that time the meat and vegetables would be cold, although the gravy I’m sure, would be like nectar of the gods.

with Yvonne Lawrence yvonne.lawrence@bigpond.com

them, and they will sit and gnaw the large seed until the first rays of the sun when they should be safely back in their arboreal residence.

Secret to a slim figure?

■ I just wish Moosh, my very lithe cat were such a good eater. He’ll decide what and when he’ll eat.

He knows that his night meal is always put out for him, and in fact he sits at his place in front of his dish, and waits to be served.

But when it arrives he eats just a little, then scoots outside to go hunting and stalking and supervising the feeding of the possums, coming in later to clean the dish.

Then he will wake me up in the wee small hours to put down more food. Perhaps that is the secret to a slim figure- a little and often, and lots and lots of exercise!

I sometimes wonder with the amount of food we go through, if we are actually feeding another family of cats.

How expensive!

■ Back to a recipe from Isabella Beeton to show you how time consuming and indeed expensive by today’s standard, some of her recipes are.

This is for Brown Gravy.

Ingredients.

2 oz of butter 2 large onions 2 lb of shin beef 2 small slices of lean bacon

Melbourne Observations with Matt Bissett-Johnson

Looking for a recipe

■ P.S. Thank you for your letter Betty. It’s always an interesting read. But I need a favour.

Your recipe for lamb’s neck. Perhaps you will send Ash the recipe for inclusion in the Readers Letters page.

It’s coming on that time when we are looking for winter food to keep the body stoked.

And can any reader tell me why we can’t buy pigs heads anymore? My butcher said it’s because of health reasons, but I can’t accept his reason.

- Yvonne Contact: Melbourne Observer, PO Box 1278, Research 3095 Also Radio 94.1 FM, PO Box 159 Box Hill 3128

Pith And Point ■ Repeat drink driver John William McLaren, 75, of Beaumaris, has been nabbed for his fourth offence. He blew .136 after his car struck a BMW in Sandringham.

He did not stop, and he drove away. He has received a two-month jail sentence, suspended for 18 months, fined $1360, and suspended from driving for 26 months.

■ A coroner has found that Kyabram Hospital needs to make changes after a man, David Crisfield, died the day he was sent home.

■ Linh Doan, 26, of Keysborough, has been sentenced to a minimum of 18 months’ jail after 332 cannabis plants were found at crop houses across the south-eastern suburbs.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 15

Melbourne Observer

Film the action - hands free!

Page 16 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Melbourne Seniors News

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 17

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Buying Guide

Mattresses Galore FREE DELIVERY Melbourne Metro and Peninsula

open mon - fri 9am - 5 pm saturday 9am - 4pm, sunday 10am-4pm Mattresses Galore supply a wide range of homeware products including; Beds, Mattresses Bedroom Furniture, Manchester

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Page 18 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

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Services

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 19

Going Away for Easter?

Need someone to mind the pets, check the house, water the garden?

Don't worry Making Time has you covered At Making Time we specialize in exactly that - Making Time With pet and homes services designed to give you time back everyday and let you go on holidays without worry.

Making Time makes life easier at a very reasonable price.

We can walk and check your pets everyday. From horses to rats and everything inbetween, we are happy to help.

You will get updates on your house and pets whilst your away via our 'Pet Text' service, so you can relax knowing your furry friends and your home are in safe hands.

As well as our holiday and pet services we have a number of services available for those 'one off' occasions. Want the house cleaned after you move, or before you move in, got a rental inspection coming up?

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All of our staff have current police checks, working with children's checks and have passed Pet First Aid Courses .

Our services include Pet Services Dog Walking Pet Sitting Vet Visits Holiday Minding (no more expensive boarding fees) House Services House Sitting Mail Collected Plants Watered House Moving Cleaning

With services starting from as little as $30 an hour, why not call us on 0417

213 675 or

1300 527 034 today and start Making Time for the fun things in your life.

www.makingtime.com.au

Page 20 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Melbourne Observer

Tipper Kits Australia Tip Tray Conversion Kit Convert your ute into a tipper with this DIY Kit! With all of the complicated geometry, cylinder mounting, hinge design and power unit wiring done for you, the installation is straight forward and backed by telephone technical support available 7 Days!

Standard Features - Uses your existing ute tray - Double Acting Tipper Cylinder - Auto Tray Lock System secures tray when lowered - Hose Burst Protection - Cylinder Pressure Limiting System - Safety Pins - Manual Over Ride for Electric Valve - Built in Factory Pre-set Pressure Relief Valve - Comprehensive User Guide Standard Specifications - 1000Kg Tipping Capacity* - also available in 1500Kg - Approximately 50 degrees of tip angle - Suits most tray top utes - Suits tray size up to 2.6M long with minimum 900mm between rails - Subframe 2310mm x 800mm - Can be shortened to 1850mm - 12V 100A Horizontal Mount Power Unit - Steel 4L Reservoir with Dip Stick & Drain Plug *evenly distributed load, includes the weight of the tray. $2650 for 1000Kg Kit Including GST and freight to over 50 depots Australia wide

Phone - 0419 567 080 Visit our website at www.tipperkits.com.au Business finance available to approved applicants from $23.95 per week Purchase in February and get a free upgrade to 1500Kg 2000Kg Light Truck Kit also available Subframe and Cylinder Made in Australia Power Unit Assembled and Tested in Australia Tipper Kits Australia are distributors for EZY-FIT Hydraulic Cylinders. EZY-FIT Hydraulics are Australia's leading manufacturer of quality hydraulic cylinders. Their products include tie rod, mill, nfpa and agricultural cylinder types which can be designed and manufactured to your specific needs.

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 21

Page 22 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

■ Johnny Ladd is fondly remembered for his work in Graham Kennedy's In Melbourne Tonight on Channel Nine.

The studios at Bendigo Street, Richmond are being demolished, but the memories linger on.

Johnny Ladd was born in England in 1924 at Shardlow, Derbyshire.

Johnny became fascinated with theatre when he was taken to pantomimes and shows when he was just a youngster.

He began his stage career in his teenage years. Johnny served in the R.A.F. at the age of 16 during the Second World War and finished up in Canada.

He entertained the troops and worked with Frank Thornton who later starred in the English television series Are You Being Served?

After the war was over Johnny returned to the stage. He toured with many famous people including Dick Emery and Tony Hancock.

Johnny told me during a radio interview in 2002 that he once shared an upstairs flat with Tony Hancock and they only had one key.

If Johnny was arriving home late he had a secret whistle to wake Tony up. Tony would open the window and throw the key down to Johnny in the street so that he could get in.

Johnny landed a job at the famous Windmill Theatre in 1948. He then began working as an ice skater in pantomimes and playing ‘the Dame’.

In 1956 he was cast in the hit musical Grab

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Whatever Happened To ...

Johnny Ladd

By Kevin Trask of 3AW and 96.5 Inner FM Me A Gondola, at the Lyric Theatre in Shaftesbury Avenue, playing opposite Denis Quilley.

When the play toured the UK Johnny stayed with the show and eventually finished up in Australia.

He decided to settle here and worked in pantomimes with the Tivoli Circuit.

In 1958 he got into television in a Gaslight Music Hall series and then The Bobby Limb Show.

He did a television series for ABC television titled Take Three with Shiela Bradley and Bill French and was also comedy producer for The Ted Hamilton Show.

Johnny had gathered a lot of great comedy

● Johnny Ladd with Kevin Trask material and when he joined In Melbourne Tonight he was able to utilise his collection of sketches and pass on his years of experience to cast members.

Johnny was working with Graham Kennedy, Bert Newton, Philip Brady, Patti Newton, Joff Allen, Buster Fiddess, Frank Rich, Peter Smith and many others during those wonderful years of variety television.

Over the years most of the comedy for Graham was written by Fred Parsons and later Mike McColl Jones.

Johnny appeared in more than 3000 comedy sketches and was with Graham's shows for 11 years. He rated Graham and Bert as the two best people he had ever worked with in show business.

Joe Latona, the renowned choreographer, was Johnny's business partner and they produced shows at Nero's Fiddle Restaurant in Nunawading for 10 years.

Johnny was associate producer on The Paul Hogan Show for seven years.

In 1970 Johnny appeared in the musical version of When We Are Married.

In 1998 he was flown to London to be a guest on This Is Your Life to surprise his old friend Frank Thornton.

He also did some acting in featured television roles in Number 96 and The Link Men. Johnny's health deteriorated in later years and he had heart surgery in 2001.

Sadly Johnny Ladd passed away in 2004 at the age of 80. A month after his passing a tribute concert was held at The Princess Theatre to pay tribute to this great character and entertainer.

- Kevin Trask The Time Tunnel - with Bruce & PhilSundays at 8.30pm on 3AW That's Entertainment - 96.5FM Sundays at 12 Noon 96.5FM is streaming on the internet.

To listen, go to www.innerfm.org.au and follow the prompts.

ONLY IN THE NORTHERN TERRITORY

■ A couple of inevitable drinking stories!

A 20-year-old Alice Springs woman, who was not only disqualified, but also on bail for an unrelated matter, was pulled over for a random breath test a few days ago.

Firstly, one of her bail conditions was that she refrain from consuming alcohol.

Secondly, in the car with her was an unrestrained two day old baby, and an also unrestrained two year old child.

Her reading was .167!

And then there was a low speed car ‘chase’, lasting about a minute, which ended in Cullen Bay, a picturesque Darwin seaside suburb with a loch to contain the substantial tides in the tiny bay.

Rather than give up, the driver jumped into the water, and proceeded to swim away.

However, one of the apprehending officers jumped into the lochmaster's dinghy, and gave ‘chase’!

After about 40 metres a watery arrest was clinched.

His reading -.158.

■ Only in the Territory! The mayor of Palmerston, Robert McLeod, was recently charged with six counts of aggravated assault.

He had apparently confronted and attacked his ‘neighbours from hell’, one of whom he claimed was threatening to "smash his head in" with a baseball bat.

He had retaliated to this threat, and was alleged to have struck Jake McGillivray with another sporting implement, a golf club.

One of the policemen at the scene, Constable Shane Jole, said that he was afraid that, in the heat of the moment, one of his fellow officers may be struck by the golf club, so he had drawn his Tazer and was about to subdue Mr McLeod.

However the officer snatched the golf club, and the Tazer was holstered.

Mr McLeod was found guilty of assault, and regretfully resigned from his mayoral office.

Then there was the deputy mayor!

A couple of young schoolgirls recently reported Geoff Carter to the police, claiming that they'd often seen him wandering around naked in his home early in the morning, with the curtains open and the lights on.

The younger of the two girls, aged 12, said that it was "the most disgust-

The Outback Legend

with Nick Le Souef Lightning Ridge Opals 175 Flinders Lane, Melbourne Phone 9654 4444 www.opals.net.au ing thing I've ever seen in my life."

Police are still investigating.

"I didn't know it was an offence to be naked in your own home!" he said.

Upon other Facebook remonstrations, she further added: "OK, is nigga a better word?"

Did this set the cat among the pigeons! The whole episode went viral in Darwin.

"They call me names like ‘white trash’, and worse, and they feel that it's OK to do that. I don't have anything against indigenous people unless they're rude and carry on like that," she said.

Now every possible attitude, from every perspective, has the airwaves and the social media misspelt and unpunctuated observations running hot.

From the ‘Stolen Generation’viewpoint to the basic "racism" to the "get over it and move on", often from Aborigines themselves, to the "reverse racism" accusations - "I don't appreciate being called a "white ----" if I refuse an indigenous person a cigarette, especially when I don't smoke!" came one retort.

Ellen missed out on her ‘Grid Girl’ job!

■ Two of my mates, John Sanby and John Wallington, run Outback Ballooning, which I've discussed before when Keith McGowan and I floated above the desert one freezing morning.

We both thought that we'd just wander up to this balloon, already floating, and just hop aboard. Not so!

They have recently announced that they will be extending their operations to the Rock, which I've always thought would be a good idea.

The recent crash in NZ reminded me of the similar event in Alice in 1989, when 13 people died.

Whilst the NZ tragedy occurred when the descending balloon hit powerlines, the Alice circumstances were a little different.

Two balloons took off within minutes of each other.

The first one was floating aloft as it should have been, but the second ascended directly beneath the first, which drifted down a little so that its basket contacted the first, ripping it open.

So naturally all the hot air rushed out, the balloon deflated, and the lot just plummeted straight to the ground.

A sad day in the Centre.

■ There are more and more instances which are currently emerging about people unwittingly posting observations on social media outlets, thinking they're private and confidential. Wrong!

Recently a young lady in Darwin, a 19-year-old model named Ellen Musk, discovered this, to her chagrin!

She had been hoping to be chosen as a ‘Grid Girl’ for the upcoming Finke Desert Race in Alice, and was well in the running.

However, she decided to post a Facebook message. "I thought it was a safe place to have my say," she later ruefully admitted.

Again, wrong!

This was in the early hours of one recent morning, when the "loud and angry shouting of the indigenous residents downstairs", which "often woke me up" goaded her to print.

"All I can hear is very absurd coons ■ Since my mate Denis Hornsby yelling from downstairs." closed his legendary winery in Alice

● Robert McLeod PHOTO COURTESY: NT NEWS

Springs, grape growing hasn't had a high profile in the Centre.

In fact, because of the harsh climate of extremes, from the -10deg frosts of the winter to the +50's of the

summer, combined with the dusty desert terrain, agriculture is about the last thing one would think about emanating from the Centre!

However, since the demise of Hornsby's Wines, there's sprung up a booming grape industry, this time in table grapes.

A couple of local gentlemen, Bevan Ball and Richard Hayes, have just finished harvesting their crops at Rocky Hill, 30 kms south of Alice, and TiTree, a couple of hundred kms north.

They reckon the soil is fantastic, and will grow anything, and the dry climate and low humidity are perfect for this particular variety.

About 70 workers hand pick the grapes, sending about 140,000 boxes around the country. They are one of the top three supermarket suppliers in Australia.

Good on 'em!

Hope they try their hand at a Shiraz or two!

- Nick Le Souef ‘The Outback Legend’

From The Outer

Melbourne

Observer

kojak@ mmnet.com.au

With John Pasquarelli

■ I was about to enter a monastery and remain there until the federal election when the abbot asked me if I had heard that Rudd had resigned his position as Minister for Foreign Affairs.

Apologising for my four-letter response I took my leave and drove off.

Australian politics have crashed to the depths of madness like never before and the government of PNG is starting to look good by comparison.

Swan's attack on his old school buddy Rudd was amazing - don't forget he is godfather to one of Rudd's children.

More like a snarling dingo than a ferocious pit bull, Swan's venomous salvo had the journos falling over each other getting to their keyboards.

Following in her father's footsteps, Jessica Rudd has allegedly tweeted, 'Effing proud of you Dad - XXXX'.

Where to now? Rudd could deal his final ace by resigning his seat and some say then re-standing as an independent which would then drive many of us back to the bottle!

The Coalition must remain disciplined and ready for the unexpected. Windsor and Oakeshott could be pivotal but who would want to govern with them calling the shots while Bob Katter has lost the plot by aligning himself with Rudd.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 23

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● Postcard of Kyneton Post Office, 1897-1899

Life’s Lessons

Reader Recipes

■ I have learnt that moods are contagious.

■ Spotted in Beaconsfield: “Reading this sticker while operating a motor vehicle could be dangerous and possibly lethal considering the type is so small and this sentence rambles on without ever informing you of anything except that you are wasting your time and making your life just to see how this sentence will end.”

■ Ubiquarian: someone who goes everywhere.

Trivia Challenge ■ Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry is from which 1970s movie?

Your Stars with Christina La Cross Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20) This is likely to be a really busy time for you, but also an enjoyable one. Just be careful you're not taking on too much. Remember that a little done well is better than a lot done badly.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) A lucky time for financial affairs. At last it's possible to get out of the red and back in the black. Don't tell new friends too much about your monetary matters or they could use it against you.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21) You should be able to make good progress with your work as other people are far more cooperative than usual. You should also be able to sort out that delicate home matter which has caused so much stress.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) Some opposition is likely to your plans but stick to your guns and you will win through in the end. Some pleasant distractions are indicated at work but make sure you get the job done today too.

Leo (July 24 - Aug 23) A change is indicated in the nature of your relationship with a close one. Are you happy with this? Only time will tell, but if you think you're not you're running out of time to tell them otherwise.

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Keep a tight hold on your purse strings or you're likely to spend more than you intended. You have more responsibility to cope with than usual as you take over a role for someone close to you.

Libra (Sept 24 - Oct 23) Any contractual matters should be really successful for you. An interesting relationship should develop which makes you realise perhaps you've been aiming far too low.

From here on, life gets interesting my friend.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Don't be too trusting with strangers. You would be far better to let time be the judge to show if they have your best interests at heart or not. Wear blue for luck in family confrontations.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) Fight down the strong impulse to take things easy and let your work slide as you will regret it later my friend. Show how able you are as there are more important faces than you think watching you today.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Make a special effort to be nice to all new faces you meet at this time as they feature more strongly in your future than you could imagine and first impressions will count for a lot.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Emotions could be running high within the family circle. Some connection with an institution linked with the law or legal dealings is set to be an asset, not a setback to your life. Remember this.

Pisces (Feb 20 - March 20) An opportunity to make some extra money is offered to you. Writing and literature have some special significance and could be the key to you getting the job of your dreams this year.

FAX: 1-800 231 312 E-MAIL: editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

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Word Of The Week

Answer: Love Story

■ Observer reader Peter (PO Box 2546, Caulfield Junction PO), North Caulfield, replies to Mike McColl Jones’s feature article (“I Am As Mad As Hell’): “We read your article with great interest, as at times, I wonder if anybody does actually see the things that yoi noticed, for example, vegies and fruit, etc “Well, something that friends of ours raised was an item on 60 Minutes, some months ago where the public learned about the sprays that are still being used in Australia, which have been banned in the UK, USA and Europe.

“There has been absolutely no sound from the public or authorities. Why? Are we too busy, do we want to live? Are we too busy to be concerned about our children’s health? We have a 10-year-old, an eight-year-old and a six-yearold.

“There was not even the glimmer of any remark from the authorities concerned. Also, if Channel 9 had have been incorrect, they would have been sued.

“So, could you please write about this, as the public needs to know. We cannot all afford organic fruit and vegies.”

■ Carmel Cameron of 15A Main St, Narre Warren North, writes to tell us many things that she doesn’t like about the Melbourne Observer.

Carmel also turns on the charm about our retired columnist Keith McGowan: “We miss Keith’s guests (although some of them are still on), but we don’t miss his ego and rudeness at all, and the way he belittled the callers was just not on.

“Several of our friends have cancelled their orders of the Melbourne Observer and after many years, I am joining them.”

■ James Makin Gallery, 67 Cambridge St, Collingwood, invites readers to the opening of the March 1-24 exhibitions: Luke Sciberras Sins Of Life; and Images From Injalak.

Photo Flashback

Birthdays/Celebrations ● Lamb and Apple Casserole Ingredients: 4 forequarter chops 2 chopped onions 2 cooking apples 2 teaspoons sugar 1 cup of stock (try Coca Cola) Method: Place chops in casserole Brown onions and cover chops Add apples, sliced thinly Add stock and seasoning Cover casserole and cook at 180° for 90 minutes Serve with mashed potato and peas - Betty Jeffrey, Glenburn

Readers’ Letters ■ Betty Jeffrey, of Melba Hwy, Glenburn (who contributes the recipe above) writes: “Re pictures of Fitzroy St, St Kilda, 1934, published this month in the Observer. Is that the rectangular garden in that vicinity? My husband Ray’s mother’s maiden name was Knox. Her father’s cousin, Edwin Kerr, has a memorial in the triangular garden as well as his name on the Boer War memorial.

“Three or four brothers Knox came from Co. Fermananagh Belleek Northern Ireland.

Edwin’s father was the rate collector at St Kilda.

Edwin joined the men who went to fight for the Transvaal in the Boer War. A man wrote a book about them. He says Edwin was actually murdered.

“Ray’s great-great-grandfather Thomas Earls named Alma Road after the Battle of Alma in the Crimean War.” ■ Observer reader Betty Sutton, of Rose Ave, Surrey Hills, writes: “Each week I look forward to the full-page of yesteryear photos. My grandson loves them too so I send them on.

Could you please do a picture ot two of Kyneton please? I went to ‘Riverview’ school.”

Cheerios ■ Welcome to new Observer subscriber Jane Brzozek of Lucille Ave, Croydon South.

■ Wednesday, February 29. Melbourne comedian Frank Woodley is 44. Melbourne ironman champion Guy Leach is 48.

■ Thursday, March 1. Observer reader Damian of Greensborough/Geelong celebrates his 32nd birthday. Singer Jimmy Little was born in NSW in 1937 (75). 3AW commentator Gerard Healy is 51; he was born in 1961.

■ Friday, March 2. Former Victorian Premier Jeff Kennett was born in Melbourne in 1948 (64). Actress Tempany Deckert, who appeared in Home And Away, was born in Melbourne in 1978 (34).

■ Saturday, March 3. Observer reader F Rogers of Keilor celebrates their 59th birthday.

Actress Carla Bonner was born in Melbourne in 1973 (39).

■ Sunday, March 4. The Rev. Tim Costello, Baptist Minister, is 57. Singer Karen Knowles was born in Melbourne in 1964 (48). Radio commentator Dawyne Russell was born in Brighton, SA, in 1965 (47).

■ Monday, March 5. Her Majesty’s Theatre owner Mike Walsh was born in Corowa in 1938; he is 74. TV presenter Jennifer Byrne was born in Melbourne in 1955 (57). TV presenter Fifi (Fiona) Box was born in Melbourne in 1976 (36). Age footy writer and 3AW commentator Rohan Connolly celebrates today.

■ Tuesday, March 6. Footballer Kevin Bartlett, who nows the morning program on SEN 1116, is 65 today (1945). TV presenter Steve Vizard was born in Richmond in 1956 (56). Kieran of Walwa blows out the candles today.

■ Advance birthday alert. He doesn’t have the radio waves to promote his birthday in advice. Former 3AW man Keith McGowan celebrates his birthday on Friday (March 9) next week.

Milestones ■ Desert Island Discs, the original BBC Radio 4 program that inspired similar programs on the ABC and 3MBS-FM, celebrated its 70th anniversary. It first went to air on Janaury 29, 1942, and holds the record for the longest-running factual program in the history of radio.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 24 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Observations Bodies lose status ■ A number of Victorian organisations have lost their incorporation status, according to Deputy Registrar David Betts: St Patrick’s Netball Club Inc.; Shepparton Treasure and Trash Association Inc.; Community Life Action Group Inc.; ‘Welcome Stranger’ Goldpanning Association Inc.; Ride for the Hills Inc.; Goldfields Petanque Club Inc.; GoulburnValley Rallye Inc.; Ovens and Murray Central Bowls Association Inc.; Friends of the Library at Korumburra Inc.; Lexton Plains Football League and Netball Association Inc.;Wyndham Botanical Art Society Inc.; Marketing Communications Executives International Inc.; North EasternVictoria Life Education Centre Inc.; Otways Tourism Inc.; Master Accountants Association Inc.; 4WD Trackers Inc.; Mineral Springs Preschool Association Inc.; Alliance of Alternative Arts Inc.;Vivere: Aged Care Inc.;‘Au-Hut’ Inc.;Salient Marching Club Inc.; Ladies Probus Club of Moorleigh Inc.; Apex Club ofWarrnambool Inc.;Tatura Rodney Board of Management Inc.; Kids in Distress Support Inc.; Australian Drysdale Sheep Breeders Association Inc.; Brit Students’ Association Inc.; St Andrew’s Uniting Croquet Club Inc.; Maryborough Public Residents Association Inc.; Advocates for Macedonian Interests in Australia Inc.; McAdam Square Traders Association Inc.; Centre for Research and Dialogue Inc.; Somali Financial Services Association Inc.; West Gippsland Latrobe Netball Association Inc.; Australian Macedonian Student Association of Victoria Inc.;WangarattaY’s Men Club Inc.; Inner East Mental Health Services Association Inc.; General City Canine Club Inc.;Tribute Australia’s Airlines Inc.

Unsure over police station ■ Police Minister Peter Ryan was quizzed on talkback radio this month about the status of Heidleberg West Police Station.

A caller, identifying himself as ‘Anthony from Heidelberg West’. Ryan quickly recognised the Ivanhoe Labor MP’s voice. It was Anthony Carbines MLA. Ryan said the local police station provided a shopfront for locals. Carbines said the station had been closed for months.

Investigation over dog fights ■ A dog-fighting racket is suspected to be running on the Mornington Peninsula. It is believed that Staffordshire Terriers could be involved in the events.

The ‘staffies’, crossed with pit bulls, are often used for fighting. Penalties of up to $60,000 apply for people caught in the dog-fighting rackets.

$1000 fine for refusing test ■ Steven Sereika, 62, of Brighton East, has been fined $1000 and banned from driving for two years for refusing a blood alcohol test. He was spotted driving in an unsafe manner by Police. He had a number of prior drink driving offences, but not since 1991.

Victorian

Whiparound Red at MTC

● Colin Friels ■ John Logan’s six-time Tony and three-time Drama Desk Award-winning play Red, is being presented by Melbourne Theatre Company from March 22 – May 5 at the MTC Theatre, Sumner.

Red is a moving and compelling account of one of the greatest artists of the 20th century, Mark Rothko, who struggles to accept that his growing ambition for praise and riches will ultimately become his undoing.

Award-winning duo Colin Friels and director Alkinos Tsilimidos reunite for Red after their shared triumphs in film (Blind Company, Tom White).

This will be Melbournebased filmmaker Tsilimidos’s stage directing debut.

In a Manhattan studio in the late 1950s, master abstract expressionist painter Mark Rothko is madly painting a set of murals especially commissioned for the new Four Seasons restaurant, part of the prestigious New York Seagram Building.

Under the watchful eye of his young assistant Ken

‘Parade’by Waterdale

● Wonga Park resident Charles E. C. Grounds as Frankie Epps in Waterdale’s production of Parade.

Photo: James Terry (André de Vanny), and the threatening presence of a new generation of modern artists, Rothko faces one of the biggest conundrums for any artist who wants to make a living.

Is this well-paying commission a wonderful chance to create a work of art for an extraordinary setting, or is he simply selling his creative soul at $35,000 a piece?

Red is a searing portrait of an artist’s ambition and his ever-present vulnerability.

Venue: The MTC Theatre, SumnerPerformance Season: March 22 – May 5 Opening Night: Monday, March 26 at 8.00pm Tickets: From $56, under 30s just $33.

Bookings: The MTC Theatre Box Office 8688 0800 or www.mtc.com.au Mini Subscriptions: 3-6 play packages start from as little as $186 (Under 30s from $87)

Trio’s 2012 premiere

● Jeremy Woolhouse

‘Albert Nobbs’at Brighton

Warning over scam calls ■ Calls advising people that they are owed money following a FairWork investigation are being warned that the call could possibly be part of a scam. ● From Page 5

Here’s Howie

Howie is a popular performer at various aged care centres, performing vocals and keyboards.

He has also formed small choirs and percussive ensembles at these venues, where the emphasis is on participation and musical stimulation.

Howie says these sessions can be a lot of fun and are very therapeutic for the participants. A selection from Howie’s repertoire includes songs by Van Morrison, Coldplay, The Beatles, Elvis, Elton John, Bill Joel, Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan and Australian rock standards.

He also offers jazz and popular standards by Porter, Kern, Gershwin, Rodgers and Berlin.

Howie thinks the key to his success is his ability to play most songs on request, build rapport with his audience and play varied and popular repertoires with quality and creative flair.

Recently, he teamed up with guitarist/singer Denis McCarthy in a duo known as Minehan and McCarthy.

- Cheryl Threadgold

■ Pianist Jeremy Woolhouse premieres a new trio in 2012, featuring bassist Georgia Weber and drummer Phil Collings.

Sliverbeat Trio will be performing Jazz on Sunday, March 4 at 3.00pm, in a double bill with Run Cabailtio at 5.00pm at 303 High St., Northcote, front bar.

After many years leading original music ensembles in a drummer-less format, Jeremy formed the Sliverbeat Trio to pay homage to the vast legacy of piano-bass-drums trios which have shaped the history of jazz.

Utilising Jeremy’s compositions as a springboard, the trio weaves an intricate web of texture creating a distinctive sound.

Inspired by the European jazz aesthetic, the trio reflects the influence of trios such as Keith Jarrett, John Taylor and Marcin Wasilewski.

Continuing the spirit of Jeremy’s previous ensembles, the Silverbeat Trio is a vibrantly interactive group.

Melody is held paramount and is underpinned by the tastefully contemporary harmonic flavour of Jeremy’s compositions.

The more sophisticated, delicate and calm vibe of jazz is highlighted in this delightfully relaxing fine music trio.

303 is a popular bar well known for its presentation of diverse music.

The front bar has a very casual and relaxed vibe on a Sunday afternoon.

Entry: $10. For further details www.jazzpiano.com.au

Advertising ● Bob Crawford (left) as Albert, Kate Llewelyn (Rose) and Carol Shelbourn (Connie)rehearse for Brighton Theatre Company’s production of Albert Nobbs, running until March 10. More on Page 54.

Photo: John Shelbourn

■ To advertise in the Obser ver, you call phone Mary direct on 0405 131 069.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012 - Page 25

Observer Classic Books

er

rv se US N Ob N IO BO CT SE

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Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER 17 - continued

The two ladies were delighted to see their dear friend again, called it an age since they had met, and repeatedly asked what she had been doing with herself since their separation. To the rest of the family they paid little attention; avoiding Mrs. Bennet as much as possible, saying not much to Elizabeth, and nothing at all to the others. They were soon gone again, rising from their seats with an activity which took their brother by surprise, and hurrying off as if eager to escape from Mrs. Bennet’s civilities.

The prospect of the Netherfield ball was extremely agreeable to every female of the family. Mrs. Bennet chose to consider it as given in compliment to her eldest daughter, and was particularly flattered by receiving the invitation from Mr. Bingley himself, instead of a ceremonious card. Jane pictured to herself a happy evening in the society of her two friends, and the attentions of her brother; and Elizabeth thought with pleasure of dancing a great deal with Mr. Wickham, and of seeing a confirmation of everything in Mr. Darcy’s look and behavior. The happiness anticipated by Catherine and Lydia depended less on any single event, or any particular person, for though they each, like Elizabeth, meant to dance half the evening with Mr. Wickham, he was by no means the only partner who could satisfy them, and a ball was, at any rate, a ball. And even Mary could assure her family that she had no disinclination for it.

“While I can have my mornings to myself,” said she, “it is enough — I think it is no sacrifice to join occasionally in evening engagements.

Society has claims on us all; and I profess myself one of those who consider intervals of recreation and amusement as desirable for everybody.”

Elizabeth’s spirits were so high on this occasion, that though she did not often speak unnecessarily to Mr. Collins, she could not help asking him whether he intended to accept Mr. Bingley’s invitation, and if he did, whether he would think it proper to join in the evening’s amusement; and she was rather surprised to find that he entertained no scruple whatever on that head, and was very far from dreading a rebuke either from the Archbishop, or Lady Catherine de Bourgh, by venturing to dance.

“I am by no means of the opinion, I assure you,” said he, “that a ball of this kind, given by a young man of character, to respectable people, can have any evil tendency; and I am so far from objecting to dancing myself, that I shall hope to be honoured with the hands of all my fair cousins in the course of the evening; and I take this opportunity of soliciting yours, Miss Elizabeth, for the two first dances especially, a preference which I trust my cousin Jane will attribute to the right cause, and not to any disrespect for her.”

Elizabeth felt herself completely taken in. She had fully proposed being engaged by Mr. Wickham for those very dances; and to have Mr. Collins instead! her liveliness had never been worse timed. There was no help for it, however.

Mr. Wickham’s happiness and her own were perforce delayed a little longer, and Mr. Collins’s proposal accepted with as good a grace as she could. She was not the better pleased with his gallantry from the idea it suggested of something more. It now first struck her, that SHE was selected from among her sisters as worthy of being mistress of Hunsford Parsonage, and of assisting to form a quadrille table at Rosings, in the absence of more eligible visitors. The idea soon reached to conviction, as she observed his increasing civilities toward herself, and heard his frequent attempt at a compliment on her wit and vivacity; and though more astonished than gratified herself by this effect of her charms, it was not long before her mother gave her to understand that the probability of their marriage was extremely agreeable to HER. Elizabeth, however, did not choose to take the hint, being well aware that a serious dispute must be the consequence of any reply. Mr. Collins might never make the offer, and till he did, it was useless to quarrel about him.

If there had not been a Netherfield ball to prepare for and talk of, the younger Miss Bennets would have been in a very pitiable state at this

● Jane Auste time, for from the day of the invitation, to the day of the ball, there was such a succession of rain as prevented their walking to Meryton once.

No aunt, no officers, no news could be sought after — the very shoe-roses for Netherfield were got by proxy. Even Elizabeth might have found some trial of her patience in weather which totally suspended the improvement of her acquaintance with Mr. Wickham; and nothing less than a dance on Tuesday, could have made such a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday endurable to Kitty and Lydia.

CHAPTER 18 Till Elizabeth entered the drawing-room at Netherfield, and looked in vain for Mr. Wickham among the cluster of red coats there assembled, a doubt of his being present had never occurred to her. The certainty of meeting him had not been checked by any of those recollections that might not unreasonably have alarmed her. She had dressed with more than usual care, and prepared in the highest spirits for the conquest of all that remained unsubdued of his heart, trusting that it was not more than might be won in the course of the evening. But in an instant arose the dreadful suspicion of his being purposely omitted for Mr. Darcy’s pleasure in the Bingleys’ invitation to the officers; and though this was not exactly the case, the absolute fact of his absence was pronounced by his friend Denny, to whom Lydia eagerly applied, and who told them that Wickham had been obliged to go to town on business the day before, and was not yet returned; adding, with a significant smile, “I do not imagine his business would have called him away just now, if he had not wanted to avoid a certain gentleman here.”

This part of his intelligence, though unheard by Lydia, was caught by Elizabeth, and, as it assured her that Darcy was not less answerable for Wickham’s absence than if her first surmise had been just, every feeling of displeasure against the former was so sharpened by imme-

diate disappointment, that she could hardly reply with tolerable civility to the polite inquiries which he directly afterwards approached to make. Attendance, forbearance, patience with Darcy, was injury to Wickham. She was resolved against any sort of conversation with him, and turned away with a degree of ill-humour which she could not wholly surmount even in speaking to Mr. Bingley, whose blind partiality provoked her.

But Elizabeth was not formed for ill-humour; and though every prospect of her own was destroyed for the evening, it could not dwell long on her spirits; and having told all her griefs to Charlotte Lucas, whom she had not seen for a week, she was soon able to make a voluntary transition to the oddities of her cousin, and to point him out to her particular notice. The first two dances, however, brought a return of distress; they were dances of mortification. Mr. Collins, awkward and solemn, apologising instead of attending, and often moving wrong without being aware of it, gave her all the shame and misery which a disagreeable partner for a couple of dances can give. The moment of her release from him was ecstasy.She danced next with an officer, and had the refreshment of talking of Wickham, and of hearing that he was universally liked. When those dances were over, she returned to Charlotte Lucas, and was in conversation with her, when she found herself suddenly addressed by Mr. Darcy who took her so much by surprise in his application for her hand, that, without knowing what she did, she accepted him. He walked away again immediately, and she was left to fret over her own want of presence of mind; Charlotte tried to console her: “I dare say you will find him very agreeable.”

“Heaven forbid! THAT would be the greatest misfortune of all! To find a man agreeable whom on is determined to hate! Do not wish me such an evil.”

When the dancing recommenced, however, and Darcy approached to claim her hand, Charlotte could not help cautioning her in a whisper, not to

be a simpleton, and allow her fancy for Wickham to make her appear unpleasant in the eyes of a man ten times his consequence. Elizabeth made no answer, and took her place in the set, amazed at the dignity to which she was arrived in being allowed to stand opposite to Mr. Darcy, and reading in her neighbours’ looks, their equal amazement in beholding it. They stood for some time without speaking a word; and she began to imagine that their silence was to last through the two dances, and at first was resolved not to break it; till suddenly fancying that it would be the greater punishment to her partner to oblige him to talk, she made some slight observation on the dance.

He replied, and was again silent. After a pause of some minutes, she addressed him a second time with:—”It is YOUR turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and YOU ought to make some sort of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.”

He smiled, and assured her that whatever she wished him to say should be said.

“Very well. That reply will do for the present.

Perhaps by and by I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones. But NOW we may be silent.”

“Do you talk by rule, then, while you are dancing?”

“Sometimes. One must speak a little, you know.

It would look odd to be entirely silent for half an hour together; and yet for the advantage of SOME, conversation ought to be so arranged, as that they may have the trouble of saying as little as possible.”

“Are you consulting your own feelings in the present case, or do you imagine that you are gratifying mine?”

“Both,” replied Elizabeth archly; “for I have always seen a great similarity in the turn of our minds. We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb.”

“This is no very striking resemblance of your own character, I am sure,” said he. “How near it may be to MINE, I cannot pretend to say.

YOU think it a faithful portrait undoubtedly.”

“I must not decide on my own performance.”

He made no answer, and they were again silent till they had gone down the dance, when he asked her if she and her sisters did not very often walk to Meryton. She answered in the affirmative, and, unable to resist the temptation, added, “When you met us there the other day, we had just been forming a new acquaintance.”

The effect was immediate. A deeper shade of hauteur overspread his features, but he said not a word, and Elizabeth, though blaming herself for her own weakness, could not go on. At length Darcy spoke, and in a constrained manner said, “Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his MAKING friends — whether he may be equally capable of RETAINING them, is less certain.”

“He has been so unlucky as to lose YOUR friendship,” replied Elizabeth with emphasis, “and in a manner which he is likely to suffer from all his life.”

Darcy made no answer, and seemed desirous of changing the subject. At that moment, Sir William Lucas appeared close to them, meaning to pass through the set to the other side of the room; but on perceiving Mr. Darcy, he stopped with a bow of superior courtesy to compliment him on his dancing and his partner.

“I have been most highly gratified indeed, my dear sir. Such very superior dancing is not often seen. It is evident that you belong to the first circles. Allow me to say, however, that your fair partner does not disgrace you, and that I must hope to have this pleasure often repeated, especially when a certain desirable event, my dear Eliza (glancing at her sister and Bingley) shall take place. What congratulations will then flow in! I appeal to Mr. Darcy:— but let me not interrupt you, sir. You will not thank me for detaining you from the bewitching converse of that young lady, whose bright eyes are also upbraiding me.”

The latter part of this address was scarcely heard

by Darcy; but Sir William’s allusion to his friend seemed to strike him forcibly, and his eyes were

Continued on Page 26

Page 26 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

From Page 25 directed with a very serious expression towards Bingley and Jane, who were dancing together.

Recovering himself, however, shortly, he turned to his partner, and said, “Sir William’s interruption has made me forget what we were talking of.”

“I do not think we were speaking at all. Sir William could not have interrupted two people in the room who had less to say for themselves.

We have tried two or three subjects already without success, and what we are to talk of next I cannot imagine.”

“What think you of books?” said he, smiling.

“Books — oh! no. I am sure we never read the same, or not with the same feelings.”

“I am sorry you think so; but if that be the case, there can at least be no want of subject. We may compare our different opinions.”

“No — I cannot talk of books in a ball-room; my head is always full of something else.”

“The PRESENT always occupies you in such scenes — does it?” said he, with a look of doubt.

“Yes, always,” she replied, without knowing what she said, for her thoughts had wandered far from the subject, as soon afterwards appeared by her suddenly exclaiming, “I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that you resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its BEING CREATED.” “I am,” said he, with a firm voice.

“And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?”

“I hope not.”

“It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first.”

“May I ask to what these questions tend?”

“Merely to the illustration of YOUR character,” said she, endeavouring to shake off her gravity.

“I am trying to make it out.”

“And what is your success?”

She shook her head. “I do not get on at all. I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.”

“I can readily believe,” answered he gravely, “that reports may vary greatly with respect to me; and I could wish, Miss Bennet, that you were not to sketch my character at the present moment, as there is reason to fear that the performance would reflect no credit on either.”

“But if I do not take your likeness now, I may never have another opportunity.”

“I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours,” he coldly replied. She said no more, and they went down the other dance and parted in silence; and on each side dissatisfied, though not to an equal degree, for in Darcy’s breast there was a tolerable powerful feeling towards her, which soon procured her pardon, and directed all his anger against another.

They had not long separated, when Miss Bingley came towards her, and with an expression of civil disdain accosted her: “So, Miss Eliza, I hear you are quite delighted with George Wickham! Your sister has been talking to me about him, and asking me a thousand questions; and I find that the young man quite forgot to tell you, among his other communication, that he was the son of old Wickham, the late Mr. Darcy’s steward. Let me recommend you, however, as a friend, not to give implicit confidence to all his assertions; for as to Mr. Darcy’s using him ill, it is perfectly false; for, on the contrary, he has always been remarkably kind to him, though George Wickham has treated Mr. Darcy in a most infamous manner. I do not know the particulars, but I know very well that Mr. Darcy is not in the least to blame, that he cannot bear to hear George Wickham mentioned, and that though my brother thought that he could not well avoid including him in his invitation to the officers, he was excessively glad to find that he had taken himself out of the way.

His coming into the country at all is a most insolent thing, indeed, and I wonder how he could presume to do it. I pity you, Miss Eliza, for this discovery of your favourite’s guilt; but really, considering his descent, one could not expect much better.”

“His guilt and his descent appear by your account to be the same,” said Elizabeth angrily; “for I have heard you accuse him of nothing worse than of being the son of Mr. Darcy’s steward, and of THAT, I can assure you, he informed me himself.”

“I beg your pardon,” replied Miss Bingley, turning away with a sneer. “Excuse my interference — it was kindly meant.”

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Observer Classic Books “Insolent girl!” said Elizabeth to herself. “You are much mistaken if you expect to influence me by such a paltry attack as this. I see nothing in it but your own wilful ignorance and the malice of Mr. Darcy.” She then sought her eldest sister, who has undertaken to make inquiries on the same subject of Bingley. Jane met her with a smile of such sweet complacency, a glow of such happy expression, as sufficiently marked how well she was satisfied with the occurrences of the evening. Elizabeth instantly read her feelings, and at that moment solicitude for Wickham, resentment against his enemies, and everything else, gave way before the hope of Jane’s being in the fairest way for happiness.

“I want to know,” said she, with a countenance no less smiling than her sister’s, “what you have learnt about Mr. Wickham. But perhaps you have been too pleasantly engaged to think of any third person; in which case you may be sure of my pardon.”

“No,” replied Jane, “I have not forgotten him; but I have nothing satisfactory to tell you. Mr. Bingley does not know the whole of his history, and is quite ignorant of the circumstances which have principally offended Mr. Darcy; but he will vouch for the good conduct, the probity, and honour of his friend, and is perfectly convinced that Mr. Wickham has deserved much less attention from Mr. Darcy than he has received; and I am sorry to say by his account as well as his sister’s, Mr. Wickham is by no means a respectable young man. I am afraid he has been very imprudent, and has deserved to lose Mr. Darcy’s regard.”

“Mr. Bingley does not know Mr. Wickham himself?”

“No; he never saw him till the other morning at Meryton.”

“This account then is what he has received from Mr. Darcy. I am satisfied. But what does he say of the living?”

“He does not exactly recollect the circumstances, though he has heard them from Mr. Darcy more than once, but he believes that it was left to him CONDITIONALLY only.”

“I have not a doubt of Mr. Bingley’s sincerity,” said Elizabeth warmly; “but you must excuse my not being convinced by assurances only. Mr. Bingley’s defense of his friend was a very able one, I dare say; but since he is unacquainted with several parts of the story, and has learnt the rest from that friend himself, I shall venture to still think of both gentlemen as I did before.”

She then changed the discourse to one more gratifying to each, and on which there could be no difference of sentiment. Elizabeth listened with delight to the happy, though modest hopes which Jane entertained of Mr. Bingley’s regard, and said all in her power to heighten her confidence in it. On their being joined by Mr. Bingley himself, Elizabeth withdrew to Miss Lucas; to whose inquiry after the pleasantness of her last partner she had scarcely replied, before Mr. Collins came up to them, and told her with great exultation that he had just been so fortunate as to make a most important discovery.

“I have found out,” said he, “by a singular accident, that there is now in the room a near relation of my patroness. I happened to overhear the gentleman himself mentioning to the young lady who does the honours of the house the names of his cousin Miss de Bourgh, and of her mother Lady Catherine. How wonderfully these sort of things occur! Who would have thought of my meeting with, perhaps, a nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh in this assembly! I am most thankful that the discovery is made in time for me to pay my respects to him, which I am now going to do, and trust he will excuse my not having done it before. My total ignorance of the connection must plead my apology.”

“You are not going to introduce yourself to Mr. Darcy!”

“Indeed I am. I shall entreat his pardon for not having done it earlier. I believe him to be Lady Catherine’s NEPHEW. It will be in my power to assure him that her ladyship was quite well yesterday se’nnight.”

Elizabeth tried hard to dissuade him from such a scheme, assuring him that Mr. Darcy would consider his addressing him without introduction as an impertinent freedom, rather than a compliment to his aunt; that it was not in the least necessary there should be any notice on either side; and that if it were, it must belong to Mr. Darcy, the superior in consequence, to begin the acquaintance. Mr. Collins listened to her with the determined air of following his own inclination, and, when she ceased speaking, re-

plied thus: “My dear Miss Elizabeth, I have the highest opinion in the world in your excellent judgement in all matters within the scope of your understanding; but permit me to say, that there must be a wide difference between the established forms of ceremony amongst the laity, and those which regulate the clergy; for, give me leave to observe that I consider the clerical office as equal in point of dignity with the highest rank in the kingdom — provided that a proper humility of behaviour is at the same time maintained.

You must therefore allow me to follow the dictates of my conscience on this occasion, which leads me to perform what I look on as a point of duty. Pardon me for neglecting to profit by your advice, which on every other subject shall be my constant guide, though in the case before us I consider myself more fitted by education and habitual study to decide on what is right than a young lady like yourself.” And with a low bow he left her to attack Mr. Darcy, whose reception of his advances she eagerly watched, and whose astonishment at being so addressed was very evident. Her cousin prefaced his speech with a solemn bow and though she could not hear a word of it, she felt as if hearing it all, and saw in the motion of his lips the words “apology,” “Hunsford,” and “Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

It vexed her to see him expose himself to such a man. Mr. Darcy was eyeing him with unrestrained wonder, and when at last Mr. Collins allowed him time to speak, replied with an air of distant civility. Mr. Collins, however, was not discouraged from speaking again, and Mr. Darcy’s contempt seemed abundantly increasing with the length of his second speech, and at the end of it he only made him a slight bow, and moved another way. Mr. Collins then returned to Elizabeth.

“I have no reason, I assure you,” said he, “to be dissatisfied with my reception. Mr. Darcy seemed much pleased with the attention. He answered me with the utmost civility, and even paid me the compliment of saying that he was so well convinced of Lady Catherine’s discernment as to be certain she could never bestow a favour unworthily. It was really a very handsome thought. Upon the whole, I am much pleased with him.”

As Elizabeth had no longer any interest of her own to pursue, she turned her attention almost entirely on her sister and Mr. Bingley; and the train of agreeable reflections which her observations gave birth to, made her perhaps almost as happy as Jane. She saw her in idea settled in that very house, in all the felicity which a marriage of true affection could bestow; and she felt capable, under such circumstances, of endeavouring even to like Bingley’s two sisters.

Her mother’s thoughts she plainly saw were bent the same way, and she determined not to venture near her, lest she might hear too much.

When they sat down to supper, therefore, she considered it a most unlucky perverseness which placed them within one of each other; and deeply was she vexed to find that her mother was talking to that one person (Lady Lucas) freely, openly, and of nothing else but her expectation that Jane would soon be married to Mr. Bingley.

It was an animating subject, and Mrs. Bennet seemed incapable of fatigue while enumerating the advantages of the match. His being such a charming young man, and so rich, and living but three miles from them, were the first points of self-gratulation; and then it was such a comfort to think how fond the two sisters were of Jane, and to be certain that they must desire the connection as much as she could do. It was, moreover, such a promising thing for her younger daughters, as Jane’s marrying so greatly must throw them in the way of other rich men; and lastly, it was so pleasant at her time of life to be able to consign her single daughters to the care of their sister, that she might not be obliged to go into company more than she liked. It was necessary to make this circumstance a matter of pleasure, because on such occasions it is the etiquette; but no one was less likely than Mrs. Bennet to find comfort in staying home at any period of her life. She concluded with many good wishes that Lady Lucas might soon be equally fortunate, though evidently and triumphantly believing there was no chance of it.

In vain did Elizabeth endeavour to check the rapidity of her mother’s words, or persuade her to describe her felicity in a less audible whisper; for, to her inexpressible vexation, she could perceive that the chief of it was overheard by Mr. Darcy, who sat opposite to them. Her mother

only scolded her for being nonsensical.

“What is Mr. Darcy to me, pray, that I should be afraid of him? I am sure we owe him no such particular civility as to be obliged to say nothing HE may not like to hear.”

“For heaven’s sake, madam, speak lower. What advantage can it be for you to offend Mr. Darcy?

You will never recommend yourself to his friend by so doing!”

Nothing that she could say, however, had any influence. Her mother would talk of her views in the same intelligible tone. Elizabeth blushed and blushed again with shame and vexation. She could not help frequently glancing her eye at Mr. Darcy, though every glance convinced her of what she dreaded; for though he was not always looking at her mother, she was convinced that his attention was invariably fixed by her.

The expression of his face changed gradually from indignant contempt to a composed and steady gravity.

At length, however, Mrs. Bennet had no more to say; and Lady Lucas, who had been long yawning at the repetition of delights which she saw no likelihood of sharing, was left to the comforts of cold ham and chicken. Elizabeth now began to revive. But not long was the interval of tranquillity; for, when supper was over, singing was talked of, and she had the mortification of seeing Mary, after very little entreaty, preparing to oblige the company. By many significant looks and silent entreaties, did she endeavour to prevent such a proof of complaisance, but in vain; Mary would not understand them; such an opportunity of exhibiting was delightful to her, and she began her song. Elizabeth’s eyes were fixed on her with most painful sensations, and she watched her progress through the several stanzas with an impatience which was very ill rewarded at their close; for Mary, on receiving, amongst the thanks of the table, the hint of a hope that she might be prevailed on to favour them again, after the pause of half a minute began another. Mary’s powers were by no means fitted for such a display; her voice was weak, and her manner affected. Elizabeth was in agonies. She looked at Jane, to see how she bore it; but Jane was very composedly talking to Bingley. She looked at his two sisters, and saw them making signs of derision at each other, and at Darcy, who continued, however, imperturbably grave. She looked at her father to entreat his interference, lest Mary should be singing all night. He took the hint, and when Mary had finished her second song, said aloud, “That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough. Let the other young ladies have time to exhibit.”

Mary, though pretending not to hear, was somewhat disconcerted; and Elizabeth, sorry for her, and sorry for her father’s speech, was afraid her anxiety had done no good. Others of the party were now applied to.

“If I,” said Mr. Collins, “were so fortunate as to be able to sing, I should have great pleasure, I am sure, in obliging the company with an air; for I consider music as a very innocent diversion, and perfectly compatible with the profession of a clergyman. I do not mean, however, to assert that we can be justified in devoting too much of our time to music, for there are certainly other things to be attended to. The rector of a parish has much to do. In the first place, he must make such an agreement for tithes as a may be beneficial to himself and not offensive to his patron. He must write his own sermons; and the time that remains will not be too much for his parish duties, and the care and improvement of his dwelling, which he cannot be excused from making as a comfortable as possible. And I do not think it of light importance that he should have attentive and conciliatory manner towards everybody, especially towards those to whom he owes his preferment. I cannot acquit him of that duty; nor could I think well of the man who should omit an occasion of testifying his respect towards anybody connected with the family.” And with a bow to Mr. Darcy, he concluded his speech, which had been spoken so loud as a to be heard by half the room. Many stared — many smiled; but no one looked more amused than Mr. Bennet himself, while his wife seriously commended Mr. Collins for having spoken so sensibly, and observed in a half-whisper to Lady Lucas, that he was a remarkably clever, good kind of young man.

To Elizabeth it appeared that, had her family made an agreement to expose themselves as a much as a they could during the evening, it would - Continued on Page 39

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February29, 2012 - Page 39

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From Page 26 have been impossible for them to play their parts with more spirit or finer success; and happy did she think it for Bingley and her sister that some of the exhibition had escaped his notice, and that his feelings were not of a sort to be much distressed by the folly which he must have witnessed. That his two sisters and Mr. Darcy, however, should have such an opportunity of ridiculing her relations, was bad enough, and she could not determine whether the silent contempt of the gentleman, or the insolent smiles of the ladies, were more intolerable.

The rest of the evening brought her little amusement. She was teased by Mr. Collins, who continued most perseveringly by her side, and though he could not prevail on her to dance with him again, put it out of her power to dance with others. In vain did she entreat him to stand up with somebody else, and offer to introduce him to any young lady in the room. He assured her, that as to dancing, he was perfectly indifferent to it; that his chief object was by delicate attentions to recommend himself to her and that he should therefore make a point of remaining close to her the whole evening. There was no arguing upon such a project. She owed her greatest relief to her friend Miss Lucas, who often joined them, and good-naturedly engaged Mr. Collins’s conversation to herself.

She was at least free from the offense of Mr. Darcy’s further notice; though often standing within a very short distance of her, quite disengaged, he never came near enough to speak.

She felt it to be the probable consequence of her allusions to Mr. Wickham, and rejoiced in it.

The Longbourn party were the last of all the company to depart, and, by a manoeuvre of Mrs. Bennet, had to wait for their carriage a quarter of an hour after everybody else was gone, which gave them time to see how heartily they were wished away by some of the family. Mrs. Hurst and her sister scarcely opened their mouths, except to complain of fatigue, and were evidently impatient to have the house to themselves.

They repulsed every attempt of Mrs. Bennet at conversation, and by so doing threw a languor over the whole party, which was very little relieved by the long speeches of Mr. Collins, who was complimenting Mr. Bingley and his sisters on the elegance of their entertainment, and the hospitality and politeness which had marked their behaviour to their guests. Darcy said nothing at all. Mr. Bennet, in equal silence, was enjoying the scene. Mr. Bingley and Jane were standing together, a little detached from the rest, and talked only to each other. Elizabeth preserved as steady a silence as either Mrs. Hurst or Miss Bingley; and even Lydia was too much fatigued to utter more than the occasional exclamation of “Lord, how tired I am!” accompanied by a violent yawn.

When at length they arose to take leave, Mrs. Bennet was most pressingly civil in her hope of seeing the whole family soon at Longbourn, and addressed herself especially to Mr. Bingley, to assure him how happy he would make them by eating a family dinner with them at any time, without the ceremony of a formal invitation.

Bingley was all grateful pleasure, and he readily engaged for taking the earliest opportunity of waiting on her, after his return from London, whither he was obliged to go the next day for a short time.

Mrs. Bennet was perfectly satisfied, and quitted the house under the delightful persuasion that, allowing for the necessary preparations of settlements, new carriages, and wedding clothes, she should undoubtedly see her daughter settled at Netherfield in the course of three or four months.

Of having another daughter married to Mr. Collins, she thought with equal certainty, and with considerable, though not equal, pleasure.

Elizabeth was the least dear to her of all her children; and though the man and the match were quite good enough for HER, the worth of each was eclipsed by Mr. Bingley and Netherfield.

CHAPTER 19

The next day opened a new scene at Longbourn.

Mr. Collins made his declaration in form. Having resolved to do it without loss of time, as his leave of absence extended only to the following Saturday, and having no feelings of diffidence to make it distressing to himself even at the moment, he set about it in a very orderly manner, with all the observances, which he supposed a regular part of the business. On finding Mrs. Bennet, Elizabeth, and one of the younger girls together, soon after breakfast, he addressed the

mother in these words: “May I hope, madam, for your interest with your fair daughter Elizabeth, when I solicit for the honour of a private audience with her in the course of this morning?”

Before Elizabeth had time for anything but a blush of surprise, Mrs. Bennet answered instantly, “Oh dear!— yes — certainly. I am sure Lizzy will be very happy — I am sure she can have no objection. Come, Kitty, I want you upstairs.” And, gathering her work together, she was hastening away, when Elizabeth called out: “Dear madam, do not go. I beg you will not go.

Mr. Collins must excuse me. He can have nothing to say to me that anybody need not hear. I am going away myself.”

“No, no, nonsense, Lizzy. I desire you to stay where you are.” And upon Elizabeth’s seeming really, with vexed and embarrassed looks, about to escape, she added: “Lizzy, I INSIST upon your staying and hearing Mr. Collins.”

Elizabeth would not oppose such an injunction — and a moment’s consideration making her also sensible that it would be wisest to get it over as soon and as quietly as possible, she sat down again and tried to conceal, by incessant employment the feelings which were divided between distress and diversion. Mrs. Bennet and Kitty walked off, and as soon as they were gone, Mr. Collins began.

“Believe me, my dear Miss Elizabeth, that your modesty, so far from doing you any disservice, rather adds to your other perfections. You would have been less amiable in my eyes had there NOT been this little unwillingness; but allow me to assure you, that I have your respected mother’s permission for this address. You can hardly doubt the purport of my discourse, however your natural delicacy may lead you to dissemble; my attentions have been too marked to be mistaken. Almost as soon as I entered the house, I singled you out as the companion of my future life. But before I am run away with by my feelings on this subject, perhaps it would be advisable for me to state my reasons for marrying — and, moreover, for coming into Hertfordshire with the design of selecting a wife, as I certainly did.”

The idea of Mr. Collins, with all his solemn composure, being run away with by his feelings, made Elizabeth so near laughing, that she could not use the short pause he allowed in any attempt to stop him further, and he continued: “My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances (like myself) to set the example of matrimony in his parish; secondly, that I am convinced that it will add very greatly to my happiness; and thirdly — which perhaps I ought to have mentioned earlier, that it is the particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady whom I have the honour of calling patroness. Twice has she condescended to give me her opinion (unasked too!) on this subject; and it was but the very Saturday night before I left Hunsford — between our pools at quadrille, while Mrs. Jenkinson was arranging Miss de Bourgh’s footstool, that she said, ‘Mr. Collins, you must marry. A clergyman like you must marry. Choose properly, choose a gentlewoman for MY sake; and for your OWN, let her be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up high, but able to make a small income go a good way.

This is my advice. Find such a woman as soon as you can, bring her to Hunsford, and I will visit her.’ Allow me, by the way, to observe, my fair cousin, that I do not reckon the notice and kindness of Lady Catherine de Bourgh as among the least of the advantages in my power to offer.

You will find her manners beyond anything I can describe; and your wit and vivacity, I think, must be acceptable to her, especially when tempered with the silence and respect which her rank will inevitably excite. Thus much for my general intention in favour of matrimony; it remains to be told why my views were directed towards Longbourn instead of my own neighbourhood, where I can assure you there are many amiable young women. But the fact is, that being, as I am, to inherit this estate after the death of your honoured father (who, however, may live many years longer), I could not satisfy myself without resolving to choose a wife from among his daughters, that the loss to them might be as little as possible, when the melancholy event takes place — which, however, as I have already said, may not be for several years.

This has been my motive, my fair cousin, and I flatter myself it will not sink me in your esteem.

And now nothing remains but for me but to as-

sure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affection. To fortune I am perfectly indifferent, and shall make no demand of that nature on your father, since I am well aware that it could not be complied with; and that one thousand pounds in the four per cents, which will not be yours till after your mother’s decease, is all that you may ever be entitled to. On that head, therefore, I shall be uniformly silent; and you may assure yourself that no ungenerous reproach shall ever pass my lips when we are married.”

It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.

“You are too hasty, sir,” she cried. “You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do it without further loss of time. Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than to decline them.”

“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second, or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.”

“Upon my word, sir,” cried Elizabeth, “your hope is a rather extraordinary one after my declaration. I do assure you that I am not one of those young ladies (if such young ladies there are) who are so daring as to risk their happiness on the chance of being asked a second time. I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You could not make ME happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so. Nay, were your friend Lady Catherine to know me, I am persuaded she would find me in every respect ill qualified for the situation.”

“Were it certain that Lady Catherine would think so,” said Mr. Collins very gravely —”but I cannot imagine that her ladyship would at all disapprove of you. And you may be certain when I have the honour of seeing her again, I shall speak in the very highest terms of your modesty, economy, and other amiable qualification.”

“Indeed, Mr. Collins, all praise of me will be unnecessary. You must give me leave to judge for myself, and pay me the compliment of believing what I say. I wish you very happy and very rich, and by refusing you hand, do all in my power to prevent your being otherwise. In making me the offer, you must have satisfied the delicacy of your feelings with regard to my family, and may take possession of Longbourn estate whenever it falls, without any self-reproach.

This matter may be considered, therefore, as finally settled.” And rising as she thus spoke, she would have quitted the room, had Mr. Collins not thus addressed her: “When I do myself the honour of speaking to you next on the subject, I shall hope to receive a more favourable answer than you have now given me; though I am far from accusing you of cruelty at present, because I know it to be the established custom of your sex to reject a man on the first application, and perhaps you have even now said as much to encourage my suit as would be consistent with the true delicacy of the female character.”

“Really, Mr. Collins,” cried Elizabeth with some warmth, “you puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as to convince you of its being one.”

“You must give me leave to flatter myself, my dear cousin, that your refusal of my addresses is merely words of course. My reasons for believing it are briefly these: It does not appear to me that my hand is unworthy your acceptance, or that the establishment I can offer would be any other than highly desirable. My situation in life, my connections with the family of de Bourgh, and my relationship to your own, are circumstances highly in my favour; and you should take it into further consideration, that in spite of your manifold attractions, it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made you. Your portion is unhappily so small that it will in all likelihood undo the effects of your loveliness and amiable qualifications. As I must therefore conclude that you are not serious in your rejection of me, I shall choose to attribute it to your wish of increasing my love by suspense, according to the usual practice of elegant females.”

“I do assure you, sir, that I have no pretensions

whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere. I thank you again and again for the honour you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer? Do not consider me now as an elegant female, intending to plague you, but as a rational creature, speaking the truth from her heart.”

“You are uniformly charming!” cried he, with an air of awkward gallantry; “and I am persuaded that when sanctioned by the express authority of both your excellent parents, my proposals will not fail of being acceptable.”

To such perseverance in wilful self-deception Elizabeth would make no reply, and immediately and in silence withdrew; determined, if he persisted in considering her repeated refusals as flattering encouragement, to apply to her father, whose negative might be uttered in such a manner as to be decisive, and whose behavior at least could not be mistaken for the affectation and coquetry of an elegant female.

CHAPTER 20

Mr. Collins was not left long to the silent contemplation of his successful love; for Mrs. Bennet, having dawdled about in the vestibule to watch for the end of the conference, no sooner saw Elizabeth open the door and with quick step pass her towards the staircase, than she entered the breakfast-room, and congratulated both him and herself in warm terms on the happy prospect or their nearer connection. Mr. Collins received and returned these felicitations with equal pleasure, and then proceeded to relate the particulars of their interview, with the result of which he trusted he had every reason to be satisfied, since the refusal which his cousin had steadfastly given him would naturally flow from her bashful modesty and the genuine delicacy of her character.

This information, however, startled Mrs. Bennet; she would have been glad to be equally satisfied that her daughter had meant to encourage him by protesting against his proposals, but she dared not believe it, and could not help saying so.

“But, depend upon it, Mr. Collins,” she added, “that Lizzy shall be brought to reason. I will speak to her about it directly. She is a very headstrong, foolish girl, and does not know her own interest but I will MAKE her know it.”

“Pardon me for interrupting you, madam,” cried Mr. Collins; “but if she is really headstrong and foolish, I know not whether she would altogether be a very desirable wife to a man in my situation, who naturally looks for happiness in the marriage state. If therefore she actually persists in rejecting my suit, perhaps it were better not to force her into accepting me, because if liable to such defects of temper, she could not contribute much to my felicity.”

“Sir, you quite misunderstand me,” said Mrs. Bennet, alarmed. “Lizzy is only headstrong in such matters as these. In everything else she is as good-natured a girl as ever lived. I will go directly to Mr. Bennet, and we shall very soon settle it with her, I am sure.”

She would not give him time to reply, but hurrying instantly to her husband, called out as she entered the library, “Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar.

You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins, for she vows she will not have him, and if you do not make haste he will change his mind and not have HER.” Mr. Bennet raised his eyes from his book as she entered, and fixed them on her face with a calm unconcern which was not in the least altered by her communication.

“I have not the pleasure of understanding you,” said he, when she had finished her speech. “Of what are you talking?”

“Of Mr. Collins and Lizzy. Lizzy declares she will not have Mr. Collins, and Mr. Collins begins to say that he will not have Lizzy.”

“And what am I to do on the occasion? It seems an hopeless business.”

“Speak to Lizzy about it yourself. Tell her that you insist upon her marrying him.”

“Let her be called down. She shall hear my opinion.”

Mrs. Bennet rang the bell, and Miss Elizabeth was summoned to the library.

“Come here, child,” cried her father as she appeared. “I have sent for you on an affair of im

Continued on Page 40

Page 40 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 29, 2012

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From Page 39 portance. I understand that Mr. Collins has made you an offer of marriage. Is it true?” Elizabeth replied that it was. “Very well — and this offer of marriage you have refused?”

“I have, sir.”

“Very well. We now come to the point. Your mother insists upon your accepting it. Is it not so, Mrs. Bennet?”

“Yes, or I will never see her again.”

“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do NOT marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you DO.” Elizabeth could not but smile at such a conclusion of such a beginning, but Mrs. Bennet, who had persuaded herself that her husband regarded the affair as she wished, was excessively disappointed.

“What do you mean, Mr. Bennet, in talking this way? You promised me to INSIST upon her marrying him.”

“My dear,” replied her husband, “I have two small favours to request. First, that you will allow me the free use of my understanding on the present occasion; and secondly, of my room. I shall be glad to have the library to myself as soon as may be.”

Not yet, however, in spite of her disappointment in her husband, did Mrs. Bennet give up the point.

She talked to Elizabeth again and again; coaxed and threatened her by turns. She endeavoured to secure Jane in her interest; but Jane, with all possible mildness, declined interfering; and Elizabeth, sometimes with real earnestness, and sometimes with playful gaiety, replied to her attacks. Though her manner varied, however, her determination never did.

Mr. Collins, meanwhile, was meditating in solitude on what had passed. He thought too well of himself to comprehend on what motives his cousin could refuse him; and though his pride was hurt, he suffered in no other way. His regard for her was quite imaginary; and the possibility of her deserving her mother’s reproach prevented his feeling any regret.

While the family were in this confusion, Charlotte Lucas came to spend the day with them.

She was met in the vestibule by Lydia, who, flying to her, cried in a half whisper, “I am glad

you are come, for there is such fun here! What do you think has happened this morning? Mr. Collins has made an offer to Lizzy, and she will not have him.”

Charlotte hardly had time to answer, before they were joined by Kitty, who came to tell the same news; and no sooner had they entered the breakfast-room, where Mrs. Bennet was alone, than she likewise began on the subject, calling on Miss Lucas for her compassion, and entreating her to persuade her friend Lizzy to comply with the wishes of all her family. “Pray do, my dear Miss Lucas,” she added in a melancholy tone, “for nobody is on my side, nobody takes part with me. I am cruelly used, nobody feels for my poor nerves.”

Charlotte’s reply was spared by the entrance of Jane and Elizabeth.

“Aye, there she comes,” continued Mrs. Bennet, “looking as unconcerned as may be, and caring no more for us than if we were at York, provided she can have her own way. But I tell you, Miss Lizzy — if you take it into your head to go on refusing every offer of marriage in this way, you will never get a husband at all — and I am sure I do not know who is to maintain you when your father is dead. I shall not be able to keep you — and so I warn you. I have done with you from this very day. I told you in the library, you know, that I should never speak to you again, and you will find me as good as my word. I have no pleasure in talking to undutiful children. Not that I have much pleasure, indeed, in talking to anybody. People who suffer as I do from nervous complaints can have no great inclination for talking. Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.”

Her daughters listened in silence to this effusion, sensible that any attempt to reason with her or soothe her would only increase the irritation. She talked on, therefore, without interruption from any of them, till they were joined by Mr. Collins, who entered the room with an air more stately than usual, and on perceiving whom, she said to the girls, “Now, I do insist upon it, that you, all of you, hold your tongues, and let me and Mr. Collins have a little conversation together.”

Elizabeth passed quietly out of the room, Jane and Kitty followed, but Lydia stood her ground,

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determined to hear all she could; and Charlotte, detained first by the civility of Mr. Collins, whose inquiries after herself and all her family were very minute, and then by a little curiosity, satisfied herself with walking to the window and pretending not to hear. In a doleful voice Mrs. Bennet began the projected conversation: “Oh! Mr. Collins!”

“My dear madam,” replied he, “let us be for ever silent on this point. Far be it from me,” he presently continued, in a voice that marked his displeasure, “to resent the behaviour of your daughter. Resignation to inevitable evils is the evil duty of us all; the peculiar duty of a young man who has been so fortunate as I have been in early preferment; and I trust I am resigned.

Perhaps not the less so from feeling a doubt of my positive happiness had my fair cousin honoured me with her hand; for I have often observed that resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to lose somewhat of its value in our estimation. You will not, I hope, consider me as showing any disrespect to your family, my dear madam, by thus withdrawing my pretensions to your daughter’s favour, without having paid yourself and Mr. Bennet the compliment of requesting you to interpose your authority in my behalf. My conduct may, I fear, be objectionable in having accepted my dismission from your daughter’s lips instead of your own. But we are all liable to error. I have certainly meant well through the whole affair.

My object has been to secure an amiable companion for myself, with due consideration for the advantage of all your family, and if my MANNER has been at all reprehensible, I here beg leave to apologise.”

CHAPTER 21 The discussion of Mr. Collins’s offer was now nearly at an end, and Elizabeth had only to suffer from the uncomfortable feelings necessarily attending it, and occasionally from some peevish allusions of her mother. As for the gentleman himself, HIS feelings were chiefly expressed, not by embarrassment or dejection, or by trying to avoid her, but by stiffness of manner and resentful silence. He scarcely ever spoke to her, and the assiduous attentions which he had been so sensible of himself were transferred

for the rest of the day to Miss Lucas, whose civility in listening to him was a seasonable relief to them all, and especially to her friend.

The morrow produced no abatement of Mrs. Bennet’s ill-humour or ill health. Mr. Collins was also in the same state of angry pride. Elizabeth had hoped that his resentment might shorten his visit, but his plan did not appear in the least affected by it. He was always to have gone on Saturday, and to Saturday he meant to stay.

After breakfast, the girls walked to Meryton to inquire if Mr. Wickham were returned, and to lament over his absence from the Netherfield ball. He joined them on their entering the town, and attended them to their aunt’s where his regret and vexation, and the concern of everybody, was well talked over. To Elizabeth, however, he voluntarily acknowledged that the necessity of his absence HAD been self-imposed.

“I found,” said he, “as the time drew near that I had better not meet Mr. Darcy; that to be in the same room, the same party with him for so many hours together, might be more than I could bear, and that scenes might arise unpleasant to more than myself.”

She highly approved his forbearance, and they had leisure for a full discussion of it, and for all the commendation which they civilly bestowed on each other, as Wickham and another officer walked back with them to Longbourn, and during the walk he particularly attended to her. His accompanying them was a double advantage; she felt all the compliment it offered to herself, and it was most acceptable as an occasion of introducing him to her father and mother.

Soon after their return, a letter was delivered to Miss Bennet; it came from Netherfield. The envelope contained a sheet of elegant, little, hotpressed paper, well covered with a lady’s fair, flowing hand; and Elizabeth saw her sister’s countenance change as she read it, and saw her dwelling intently on some particular passages.

Jane recollected herself soon, and putting the letter away, tried to join with her usual cheerfulness in the general conversation; but Elizabeth felt an anxiety on the subject which drew off her attention even from Wickham; and no sooner had he and he companion taken leave, than a glance from Jane invited her to follow her upstairs.

To Be Continued Next Week

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