Melbourne Observer. 110330A. March 30, 2011. Part A by Ash Long

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56 PAGES STATE EDITION Vol 43 No 1423 SERVING VICTORIA SINCE 1969

HARRY BEITZEL ON FOOTY Page 48

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Inside your Observer HARRY BEITZEL’S ‘FOOTY WEEK’ ROUND-UP: PAGE 48

INDECENT ASSAULT CASE APPEAL PAGE 11

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‘THEY WANTED ME DEAD’: EX-COUNCILLOR PAGE 13

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30, 2011

Tribunal told:

Aardvarks star at Comedy Festival

WENDY HUGHES PROFILE Page 16

DENTIST’S JEWISH CONSPIRACY

● Aardvarks Anonymous (top row from left) Blake Willoughby, Michelle Mammana, Kate Wilkinson, Nick Zull, Gemma Duncan and (front row from left) Drew Belsten, Steve Varley and Tim O'Leary present Aardvarks in Time from March 31 to April 10 at the Word Warehouse, Goldie Place. Photo: Roy Varley ■ Eight core members of Aardvarks to undercover the mystery and absurdity of Anonymous will present Aardvarks In Time their predicament. The Melbourne based group produces and for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival at 7pm on March 31 to April 3, then creates comedy in a variety of mediums inApril 6 to 10 at the Word Warehouse, Goldie cluding stage, film, radio and web based. Tickets: $20/$16. Group (5 or more) $14. Place, Melbourne. Bookings: 0403 897 264 or Aardvarks In Time tells of having being thrown back in time by a mad scientist and aardvarkstix@gmail.com Tickets will also available at the door. the Aardvarks team, a ragtag group of mis- be fits, must find their way home, travelling www.aardvarksanonymous.com through hilarious periods and places in order - Cheryl Threadgold

GEELONG dentist Dr Paul Gardner engaged in unprofessional conduct by advancing his theories of a Jewish conspiracy to a patient in the Today Dental Solutions treatment chair, the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal has found. VCAT members C Aird, Rowan Storey and Dr Colin Riley found that Dr Gardner crossed professional boundaries by talking about religious issues, and offering a DVD to the patient. The Tribunal found that the 63-minute DVD was “very graphic and disturbing”, contains many Holocaust images and images of violence including the 9/11 attacks. “There was no explanation as to why he would consider offering a DVD of such graphic and disturbiung content to a new patient in the first five minutes of a consultation,” VCAT found, in a judgement published this month. The patient complained that Dr Gardner and his wife, Victoria, a dental nurse, had made

Clamps stun shoppers

■ Your next visit to a shopping centre car park might cost you more than you expect ... if you owe money on unpaid fines. Some 40 shoppers discovered this when their cars had wheel clamps attached at the Werribee Plaza Shopping Centre as part of a blitz by Sheriff’s Office staff. The fine dodgers were unable to move their cars until their outstanding penalties were paid, or suitable arrangements made. Almost $¼-million in fines was owed by the local drivers, said the Department of Justice. Shopping centre and tourist attraction car park are now a regular part of Sheriff’s Office operations.

DOCTOR ZHIVAGO TO OPEN

Visitors to the Sovereigh Hill theme park at Ballarat have also been surprised to return to their vehicles to find wheel clamps attached by the Sheriffs Office. Motorists are directed to call the Sheriffs Office, with details on large signs posted on windscreens and side windows. At Laverton, some 32 cars had clamps attached, while motorists were visiting the Rubble and Riches Market. Sheriffs Office staff use the latest technology when driving through the car parks. They scan number plates which instantly link the owner’s names to any unpaid fines.

FILE PHOTO

comments about a Chinese tattoo on the client’s foot, and said that it meant ‘black dragon’. Dr Gardner was accused of steering the conversation towards Christianity and Biblical matters. Dr Gardner stated that there were 19 prophecies about the nation of Israel in the Bible, 16 of which have already been fulfilled, VCAT was told. “Dr Gardner outlined to the notifier the Biblical perspective of the global village and the new world order. “Dr Gardner stated that a European Union is the first real step towards a new world order with a single governing body, a single currency, a single way of life and a single system of religious belief. “Dr Gardner also commented on the rise of the nation of Israel and the Jewish people in a manner which the notifier found to be antiSemitic,” VCAT members heard. “Dr Gardner offered the notifier a DVD about the End Time entitied Israel, Islam and Armageddon, described as outlining what is really going on in the world and the manifestation of evil. “Dr Gardner did not supply the notifier with a copy of the DVD only because he had run out and was unable to find a copy of it at his surgery,” VCAT was told. The matter is to be listed for a furtherhearing on the first available date.

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Mirror Image at Kensington

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● Tommy Clifas and Lucinda Burney ■ Written and directed by Josie Parrelli, Mirror Image is the story of the soulmates eternal search for one another after they where split apart many lifetimes ago. “The eternal search for reconnection… the eternal search for one another…the eternal search for love," promoters say. Mirror Image will be performed as a contemporary play featuring music at Revolt Productions, Kensington for three shows from Thursday April 28 - Saturday April 30 Actors Lucinda Burney and Tommy Clifas bring to life the story and characters, soulmates Annie and George written and directed by Josie Parrelli , assisted by Kim Morrell, this marks Josie's first play to be performed in Australia. Josie's previous play The Weekend was performed on stage in New York as a part of the Strawberry One-Act Festival in February this year where it was a semi-finalist. After the Melbourne theatre run, Mirror Image will be touring regional Victoria and will then be adapted for the film version where it will be filmed in Melbourne and New York. This marks a new creative chapter in Josie Parrelli's professional career. Tickets: $20 + booking fee Where: Revolt Productions, 12 Elizabeth St, Kensington When: Thursday April 28 and Friday April 29, 7.30pm Saturday April 30, 6.30pm.

Ronnie Charles at The Fleece

● Ross Stevenson and John Burns ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line. ■ Type in this special marketing message to see how the type is reproduced at this level including the next line.

French theatre

● Ronnie Charles ■ Seen recently at The Go!! Show reunion concert, Ronnie Charles will feature at The Fleece Hotel, South Melbourne, tomorrow (Thurs.) from 8pm. Ronnie Charles is branching out with a new line-up and a new set list featuring some of the classic songs from the past four decades. His emerging band includes Ronnie on vocals, Dave Hertzog and Steve Ely on guitar. The exciting trio will perform songs from The Beatles, Stones, Elvis, Wilburys, The Band, Pink Floyd, Steven Stills, Dobbie Bros and The Groop. Admission is free. The Fleece Hotel, 120 Montague St, South Melbourne. Phone: 9682 0208. www.thefleece.com.au

Last Emperor tours

● From Page 10

Di Rolle’s Column

The coffee is the best coffee I have had for a long time and remember Melbourne is the coffee capital of the world. Tucked away in 2 Maddock St, Windsor. I recommend it highly. Phone 9078 5007 – I am going back. The pedigree by the way of the restaurant is excellent. John Garcia is the son of Pepe Garcia, who founded – with veteran Vincent Rosales – Maxims in South Yarra, a Melbourne institution of a bygone era. John Garcia established Port Willunga’s Star of Greece in 1997. A restaurant that played host to some important chefs, including David Swain (Fino, Willunga) and Michael Ryan (Provenance, Beechworth). John was also with caterers Rowland’s. At Garcia & Son, you will find the Garcia’s immersed in their Spanish heritage in Maddock St, off Chapel, in Windsor. A must. Oh and I bumped into Tiffany Cherry, gorgeous sports presenter who looked as fabulous as ever.

■ The Melbourne French Theatre will present an Australian premiere of Le Medécin Volant (The Flying Doctor) and La Jalousie du Barbouillé (The Jealous Husband or Barbouillé’s Jealousy) from May 3-7 in Collingwood College, cnr Cromwell St and McCutcheon Way, entry from Cromwell St, Collingwood. These two classical comedies previously unknown Molière masterpieces were discovered in the 18th century by JeanBaptiste Rousseau and published for the first time in 1819. Written by the great 17th century French playwright at the beginning of his career, they are full of energetic performance and humour, highly inspired by the repertoire of the Commedia dell’Arte. These French plays will be surtitled in English. Executive Director and Producer is Michael Bula. Director : is Iris Gaillard Tickets: from $12 to $32 – see website for details ■ Next week stories of my travels to Alice Springs, I promOfficial website : www.mftinc.org ise! - Di Rolle

● Liaoning Ballet’s exquisite balletic retelling of The Last Emperor, based on the astonishing life

of China’s Last Emperor Puyi and choreographed by Ivan Cavallari, is touring Australia throughout June and July this year. The Last Emperor will be in Melbourne at the Princess Theatre from June 18 to 22. Tickets are on sale across Australia from Tuesday (April 5).

Great Showbiz Section Melbourne

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■ Rachel Taylor and Amanda Harrison celebrate the launch of The Production Company’s 2011 season which includes Anything Goes, Kismet and Grey Garden. A photo spread of the launch is on Page 41.

Forgotten Fortunes. P12

LATEST MELBOURNE RADIO RATINGS - PAGE 39

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - Page 3

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Travel Extra

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Travel Extra

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HARRY BEITZEL’S ‘FOOTY WEEK’ ROUND-UP: PAGE 48 INDECENT ASSAULT CASE APPEAL PAGE 11

Melbourne

Observer

‘THEY WANTED ME DEAD’: EX-COUNCILLOR PAGE 13

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30, 2011

Aardvarks star at Comedy Festival

Tribunal told:

DENTIST’S JEWISH CONSPIRACY

Clamps stun shoppers

FILE PHOTO

VICTORIA’S INDEPENDENT WEEKLY NEWSPAPER

Page 8 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Rushed to hospital

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‘Go Show 2’ on the way

● Alfie Duran ■ Melbourne celebrity gardener and landscaper Alfie Duran has been released from Cabrini Hospital after a rush operation on his gall bladder. Alfie, of Cheltenham, partner of John-Michael Howson, was reporting severe rib pain, before being taken to hospital. Meanwhile, JohnMichael has been busy at 3AW where he lights up the switchboards on Sunday mornings when he talks politics with Nick McCallum and Darren James.

Tania speaks ■ Actress Tania Zaetta has referred to her schooling in rural Victoria, in denying that she made racial slurs against Gold Coast nightclub bouncers. Zaetta is to face Southport Court on April 4 for allegedly causing a public nuisance.

● Tania De Masi and celebrity photographer Jim Lee were spotted at The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber concert at The Regent Theatre, Collins St, City.

Man From Snowy River

Infanticipating ■ 3AW news reader Heidi Murphy has told Facebook friends that she as feels “as though I look insanely pregnant already” Heidi says she had “someone congratulate me today after admitting biting his tongue yesterday, in case I was just putting on weight”.

Stateside

● Dennis Smith ■ Melbourne promoter Dennis Smith will produce a second performance of The Go!! Show at the Palais Theatre. Bouyed by the success of the ‘full house’ concert earlier this month, plans are already underway for another concert celebrating the Channel 0 show that was an instant hit from 1964. The first concert included names including Johnny Young, Ronnie Burns, Ian Turpie, Marcie Cook, Glenn Shorrock, Normie Rowe, Terry Dean, Buddy England, Bobby Bright, Ronnie Charles, Colin Cook, Bev Harrell and The Twilights.

ONJ out at ‘0’

At 160-kmh ■ Radio newswoman Donna Demaio was into the spirit of the Grand Prix over the past week ... including a terrifying 160-kmh ride around the race circuit. “Still feeling like I am going to chuck after Mercedes fast lap at Albert Park,” Demaio told friends on a Twitter internet update on a practice day.

● Rene ‘Sonny’ Glasser is presenting The Man From Snowy River at a number of Victorian locations: ● Greensborough. Until Sunday, April 3. ● Fountain Gate. Fri., Apr. 8-Sun., Apr. 24. ● Melton. Fri., Apr. 29-Sun., May 15. ● Ballarat. Fri., May 20-Sun., May 29. ● Mount Gambier. Fri., Jun. 3-Sun., Jun. 12. ● Horsham. Fri., Jun. 17-Sun., Jun. 26. There are also performances at Mildura, Geelong, Albury and Traralgon. Ticketmaster, 136 100.

● Donna Demaio in shock

Back in Production

● Rachel Taylor ■ Popular Melbourne theatre identity Rachel Taylor has returned to work, four days a week, at The Production Company. The former CEO was succeeded by Ken MacKenzie-Forbes. They have been pleased to add Joanna Fripp as the TPC Sponsorship and Subscriptions Manager.

● Joanna Fripp

New boss at 774 ABC ■ Kon Karamountzos has been appointed as 774 ABC Melbourne Content Director, reports Greg Newman at Jocks Journal, Kon will act in the role for the next 12 months. He has previously worked as Senior Producer on the breakfast program with Red Symons, and as Operations Co-ordinator.

● Bruno Lucia ■ Melbourne comedian Bruno Lucia is setting the audiences alight in Los Angeles. Radio man GavinWood says Bruno performed at The Laugh Factory on Sunset Blvd.

To Court ■ Derryn Hinch, 3AW drive presenter, is due to appear in Melbourne Magistrates’ Court on Friday, May 20, to appear before Magistrate Charlie Rozencwaig, on five charges of breaching suppression charges relating to the naming of alleged sexual offenders. Hinch plans to plead guilty and plead his own case in the Court.

● Olivia Newton-John with Pat Carroll ■ John-Michael Howson was working on The Magic Circle Club and other shows at the Nunawading studios of Channel 0 when The Go!! Show started in 1964. With news (above) that there will be a second series of the concert show at the Palais, JMH recalls ONJ arriving at ATV-0, after school, complete with hat, ready to perform on TV.

● Kon Karamountzos

Show closes ■ Xanadu will close early in Melbourne on April 10. The show has starred Christie Whelan, and been staged by Mark Pennell in a large marquee in the Docklands. Cast have been told that there are hopes to re-stage the show in a theatre later in the year.

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CHILD SEX OFFENDER’S JAIL Observer SENTENCE DOUBLED: APPEAL In This 56-Page Edition

World premiere in Melbourne

From Our Court Roundsman ■ Convicted sex offender Bruce Albert Wightley has had his minimum jail sentence increased from 2½ years to 5 years and 4 months, after an appeal by the Director of Public Prosecutions. Supreme Court Judges Neave, Mandie and Tate, of the Court of Appeal, this month heard that the first sentences did not adequately recognise the effects of offending on two young victims. Wightley pleaded guilty to two counts each of indecent act with a child under 16, and indecent assault, and one count of sexual penetration of a child under 16. The victims were sisters and the offences were committed by Wightley when he regularly stayed at their home. He was a friend of the victims’ father and had known the victims since they were small children.

Sexually abused One the girls was aged between 12 and 16 when she was sexually abused. He walked around the house naked when her parents were asleep. He would wait for her to go to the toilet and approach her when she was returning to her bedroom. He hugged her, touched her breast, and later touched her vagina. The other victim was sexually assaulted while wrestling, in the presence of her father. Wightley, then 45, exposed his penis to the second victim whilst masturbating.

Di Rolle: My time in the NT ................ Page 10 News: Violence case, appeal allowed ... Page 11 Long Shots: Forgotten fortunes list ....... Page 12 Melb. Confidential: Second saint bid .... Page 13 Yvonne: Some days are diamonds ....... Page 14 Mailbag: Internet for Seniors .............. Page 15 Kevin Trask: Meet Wendy Hughes ........ Page 16 Victoria Pictorial: Nostalgic Photos ...... Page 18 Observer Classic Books - Page 21 Melbourne Trader Free Ads - Page 21 Observer Showbiz - Starts Page 39 James Sherlock Aaron Rourke Cheryl Threadgold Veritas, The Spoiler

Observer Showbiz

Latest News Flashes Around Victoria

8-year footy ban ■ A 17-year-old Central Murray Football League player has been banned from playing for eight years. The NyahNyah West United player is alleged to have abused and threatened an umpire was abused in a match against Tooleybuc at Manangatang.

Driver’s skull split open ■ Geelong man Alexander ‘Sandy’ Dendryver, has pleaded guilty to one count of recklessly causing serious injury to a taxi driver whose skull was visible through a wound caused by a bottle. Judge Gerard Mullaly adjourned the sentencing until April 15.

Observer Classic CDs Offer

Wandong Live ● Vincent Crowley and Ingrid Weisfelt are the home renovating couple in Malmö, being presented from April 13 - 17 at Arts House, North Melbourne Town Hall. ■ Arts House and Torque Show present the and vent their relationship while revisioning world premiere of Malmö from April 13 - 17 their home. Malmö combines dance, movement, text at Arts House, North Melbourne Town Hall, and striking imagery, peeling back emotional 521 Queensberry St., North Melbourne. Directed by Ross Ganf, Malmö tells of layers to investigate how we address the conhome renovation - the quintessential of Aus- stellation and construction of our family within our home. tralian mid-life crisis. Malmö questions whether we have This absurdly humorous glimpse of mod- commercialised our nesting to the point that ern relationships and enduring the rigours of we no longer recognise our true selves. drilling, sanding and painting, evolves around Tickets: $30/$25. Bookings: 9322 3713 a couple stuck amidst a half-finished renovaPerformance Dates and Times: April 13 tion. 15 at 8pm; April 16 at 2pm and 8pm; April 17 They struggle to revitalise, remodel and at 6pm.

‘STOLE 1000 UNDIES’ Observations

★

Repeat drink-driver Dwayne Barton, 36, of California Gully, who caused a crash when he failed to give way at a busy intersection has avoided a custodial sentence. He was fined $400.

★

Albury man Craig James O’Connell has been sen tenced to a community service order over assaulting a neighbour following a dispute about water. He claimed to be acting in self defence.

From Our Court Roundsman ■ Clifton Mark Anderson, 48, of Research, has been accused of stealing almost 1000 items of women’s clothing. He is to return to Heidelberg Magistrates’ Court on April 21, to face charges inclduing theft, trespass and possessing stolen goods. Police allege they found 982 items of clothing at his apartment, Raelene Wilson of the Diamond Valley Leader reports that Court documents allege Anderson stole almost $5000 of women’s clothing including lingerie and stockings, from Research and Eltham over the past two years. Anderson represented himself in Court.

Country Music Double CD Double CD. $20 (incl. postage)

32 great acts are included on this special classic Wandong Country Music Festival Live double CD. Tracks include Six Days On The Road (Cash Backman), Good Hearted Woman (John McSweeney), Mamas Don’t Let You Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys (Kevin Shegog), The Union Mare and The Confederate Grey (Gene Fisk and Gunslinger), Suvla Bay (Ray Kernaghan), Truckies (Merv Lowrey and The Country Ramblers), Ox Drivers Song (Lenore Somerset with Stoney Creek), The Fight In The Dog (Lee Conway with Moose Malone), Leave Love Behind (Christine Conway), Frankie & Johnny (Tex Morton) Daddy Frank (Colin James with Ron and Hazel), Don’t It Make You Wanna Dance (Hawking Brothers), She Taught Me To Yodel (McKonkey Brothers), While The Feeling’s Good (Reg Poole), and Margaretaville (Dave Pincombe).

CD Order Form. $20 (incl. postage) To: Resonance Recording Co. 16 Christine Ave Berwick PO Box 565, Berwick, Vic 3806 Yes! Please send me the Wandong C&W 2-CD set. I enclose my Cheque/Money Order for $20. Name: ............................................................................. Address: ............................................................................. ....................................... Phone: ......................................

Page 10 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Flip’s 100 recipes ■ Talking of books and beauty, Flip Shelton has a new cook book out called Veg In. I love the title and the photographs in the book are fabulous. Veg In is crammed with simple, healthy, vegetarian alternatives to your favourite takeaway meal. The 100 recipes in the book were inspired by the author’s favourite international dishes. Veg In includes an abundance of recipes for delicious dips and drinks, scrumptious side dishes, exotic main courses and dreamy desserts. No need for a passport, or a drive in the car. Take your tastebuds around the world on a gastronomic journey even while you veg in. The is a takeaway – DIY style! We often think we can’t be bothered or it’s quicker to get takeaway but with some very simple planning, and a few essential ingredients in the pantry, cooking these recipes is not only easy but empowering. What’s more, there are no mysterious ingredients, you know what you are eating!

Achievable, healthy ■ Veg In leads the way to freshly homecooked meals without having to stand in queue or rustle up money at short notice. The book is divided into 10 chapters: Indian, Greek, Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, Middle Eastern, Mexican, Pizza, Spuds and Burgers. And the best vegetarian dishes for these cultures and cuisines are the focus. It also provides suggestions for themed dinners and kids parties – all very achievable, healthy and economical. And as I said earlier, the photographs are superb! Flip Shelton is a writer, presenter, broadcaster and muesli maker. She loves eating well and keeping fit. For more than 15 years, Flip has talked and written about food in the media, including s, Huey’s Cooking Adventure, Good Morning Australia and Surprise Chef and has featured as one of Kochie’s Angels on the Channel 7 Sunrise program. She has also been a regular on national television and metropolitan radio programs across Australia for the past two decades and has written columns for newspapers including the Melbourne Observer, Australian Triathlete Magazine, TV Week, Melbourne’s Herald Sun and the Leader Newspaper Group. Veg In follows the success of Flip’s first cookbook Green: Modern Vegetarian Dishes. More info on www.flipshelton.com.au Published by Wakefield Press Australia. RRP: $29.95 www.wakefieldpress.com.au

I love my job!

Di Rolle is heard most Mondays with Keith McGowan on 3AW, just after the 1am news.

For GOOD NIGHT ELIZABETH

■ There are some people in the world you cannot imagine them not being in it any more. Elizabeth Taylor is one of those people. I grew up watching her movies. My mother Alyson loved movies and she taught from a very early age who was who, who was married to who and who starred in what. She, as young girl, used to play statues with her sister and friends and Mum was always Alice Fay. If I had played statues I would have been Elizabeth Taylor. She was in our lives all our lives and it’s like losing a part of us when someone like Elizabeth goes. I never heard a bad word about Elizabeth Taylor ever. I like a lot of women understood her and loved her candour and her sense of self. I never knew her, never met her, but knew people who worked with her and they adored her. She was always laughing they said and throwing her back in uproarious laughter and the worst and the best of times. She was a great actress, she wasn’t a Meryl Streep great actress but never the less she got the point across. Her performance in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf staggered me and her appearance at the door in Butterfield 8 are immortal.

Loved hard ● Flip Shelton

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■ She loved hard and she lived hard, she loved impossibly, her love for Montgomery

with leading Melbourne publicist DI ROLLE

Elizabeth Taylor was the first celebrity to have her own fragrance White Diamond which still walks off the shelves today. I might just treat myself to a bottle this week in her honour. They don’t make Dames like Elizabeth Taylor any more and we will be the poorer for it.

Regrets

● Elizabeth Taylor She’s gone, but I Clift, for example, who was feted towards the bet she’s lining them other team is well up at the bar with Mike Todd on one side and known. She saved his life Richard Burton on when he crashed his the other. Eddie will be the car going home from her place one evening barman. Carrie spoke of her and he was scarred for life, carving into that by saying in the most beautiful face, he was loving way on Twitter never to be the same. and television. On Twitter she They looked like brother and sister wrote: “If my father Elizabeth and Mont- had to divorce my mother, I am so grategomery. I think she had that ful it was for Elizabeth empathy for men, spe- Taylor.” cial men, men like James Dean and Rock Hudson. Her book will be sensational. And so it should be – she was sensational and we would expect nothing less.

■ I love nothing better than reading the weekend newspapers and noticed an interesting snippet headed: Regrets: a few to mention According to London’s Daily Mail, when it comes to regrets, there’s nothing like a failed romance to reveal the emotional gulf between the sexes. For a while it seems a man can walk away from the relationship with barely a second thought, his lover may worry for years about what she did wrong. More than twice as many women as men in a study said they had

It’s funny!

Loved hard ■ Carrie Fisher was one of the many who spoke about Elizabeth as liked to be called, “she hated being called Liz”. So much contention this week as to whom of the sven husbands she had was her true love. It doesn’t really matter now does it?

made mistakes with former partners – 44 per cent compared with 20 per cent. Experts said it showed women felt they were more “responsible for the emotional side of the relationship”. They surve asked 370 adults, ages 19103, what they considered their biggest regret. The most common disappointment was romance – almost one in five said a relationship hadn’t worked. Single women were most likely to regret the one that got away. Second were family problems, with 15 per cent wishing they had not argued with loved ones. Among other regrets it seems were a sense of failure over education came third (13 per cent), followed by careers (12 per cent), money problems (10 per cent) and parenting (9 per cent). Who was it that sang No Regrets ... aah Edith Piaf – I am abit with Edith, but I do have to say I do regret not leaving a couple of my relationships earlier. When I heard the warning bells I should have gone. But didn’t. Learnt the biggest lessons though!

● Tiffany Cherry

■ The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is with us once more. Boy, that came around quickly. I was very excited to see the show for the deaf is back again after wowing audiences since 2008, This is a great move, called Unspeakable Comedy.

The four-act, nonspeaking show – at the Frankston Arts Centre on April 4, and Gasworks Arts Park, Albert Park, on April 18 includes comedy duo The List Operators. I recommend this as my pick of the Comedy Festival this year. It’s well worth a look! comedyfestival.com.au

Secret! ■ I don’t do this very often but have to tell you about a beautiful restaurant a friend took me to for my birthday at time of writing my column. Garcia & Son is one of Melbourne’s best kept secrets. It’s superb. I didn’t know where I was going for my birthday and ended up at the other end of Chapel Street nestled between the Windsor Railway Station there it was: Garcia & Son. It’s unusual to see a third generation in Australia’s restaurant scene. However John Garcia, host and owner delightful man, has changed all that when his realisation of opening his own simple, authentic tapas bar with his son Nick has come to fruition. The place was packed, the service impeccable, Samantha behind the bar made the best Mojito I have ever had and finished the evening with an expresso martini which was the closest thing to heaven I have ever tasted! The food was excellent, my companion ordered pork belly and rabbit and it was superb with tiny potatoes and green salad. Turn To Page 39

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - Page 11

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Breaking Showbiz News

VIOLENCE CASE: APPEAL ALLOWED Briefs

(Very) Big Laugh Out

Mal at 5 ■ MalWalden returns to Ten News At Five on Monday for its new 90-minute bulletin. The George Negus current affairs program will now be seen at 6.30pm.

● Mal Walden Melbourne

Observer

From Our Court Roundsman ■ Clinton Wayne Paton has won an appeal to have convictions set aside, and a re-trial held on counts of assault, indecent assault, false imprisonment and recklessly causing injury. A total minimum jail sentence of 2½ years was given in the County Court. Other charges of assault, rape, indecent assault and interntionally causing injury, resulted in a verdict of not guilty by a jury. Paton asked for leave to appeal against conviction and against sentence. Judges Nettle, Neave and Tate, sitting as Court of Appeal, heard that Paton was accused of violence against his de facto partner, Louisa Killiby, with whom he had lived for four years and with whom he had two children.

Drinking, drugs “The offences began on the evening of Monday, October 27, 2008 when (Paton) came home to the house he shared with his partner, after he had been drinkiong and smoking cannabis, and accused her of being unfaithful,” said the Court findings. “He then trook some electrical cable from a drawer and tied her hands and feet together, “Ms Killiby gave evidence that he said he would give her three options, either he could clamp her little finger, ram a pin under her fingernail or push her phone up her backside.” Paton is alleged to have stuffed a bandana into her mouth, causing her to choke. He is alleged to have indecently assaulted his partner.

Your Stars

News From Around Victoria

Finally .... TV residuals ■ After 32 years, Prisoner TV series actors are being packed residuals, says Colette Mann, who played Doreen in the show that first went to air in 1979. The show has been revived as a prime-time ● Colette Mann program for the Australian cable TV station, 111 Hits.

Nabbed ■ Off-duty Insp. Glenn Owen is the toast of Geelong after giving chase to an alleged bag thief in Little Malop St. The policeman nabbed a 16-yearold, and the handbag was returned to its lady owner.

Statewide

Banyule in big debt ■ Noirth suburban council, Banyule, is the most indebted in Melbourne. Once it was the most wealthy after the sale of its electricity interests, the municipality is now loaded with debt. ● Tobias and Bartholemew in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. ■ The Melbourne International Comedy Festival presents The (Very) Big Laugh Out as a 25th present to the city. With support from the State Government and Arts Victoria, the Festival will present a free family friendly program of international and local artists every weekend and throughout the school holidays. Roving performers, big family shows, performance pitches and an amazing maze and Speigeltent will transport Federation Square and the river precinct into a hive of fun and mystery. The (Very) Big Laugh Out will also include free theatre, comedy and cartooning workshops for kids on most days of the school holidays. A detailed schedule is available on www.comedyfestival.com.au

with Christina La Cross

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20) A difficult family member is going out of their way to make sure that they ruin the plans you had made for the coming weeks. Gain the upper hand by ignoring their childish behaviour. Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) Don't place restrictions on close ones, unless you too are wiling to live by the same rule. You can't have different standards for one another, or you will never have the respect. They go hand in hand. Gemini (May 22 - June 21) You're feeling betrayed, but please check out all of the facts, before you start handing out punishments. Your stars indicate you only have half the story. Texts after 6pm can fill in missing blanks. Cancer (June 22 - July 23) Trust in what you're feeling, but don't get too emotional about matters you know are out of your control. It seems that someone is trying to use your giving nature to get their own way. Leo (July 24 - Aug 23) Time spent with faces from your past, can help you to fill in many missing blanks. You are finally ready to move on and focus on the future. Geminis play a key role in this. Virgo (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Work can leave you feeling extremely satisfied, if you can concentrate on the issues at hand. Too many opinions on a work matter are making it hard for you to trust your better judgement. Libra (Sept 24 - Oct 23) With the current action in our skies, this is a time to finish what you started rather than embarking on new projects. Attention to detail can bring you money and admiration, so make the extra effort. Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 22) A project you've been working hard on still doesn't seem to be any nearer to completion. You may be feeling despondent, but don't. There is much you can do to end this month on a high. Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) A so-called friend, who has overstepped the mark one time to many, needs to be put in their place. Don't enter into arguments with them though. They're not worth your time or effort. Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20) This is a day when business deals and monetary matters place you firmly in the power seat. Just make sure you don't neglect to thank the person who got you such contacts in the first place. Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Use Saturn, the planet of structure, to lay down some new and improved plans for both your personal and professional life. The number 5 is lucky and links to gossip that's in your interest to uncover. Pisces (Feb 20 - March 20) Make sure the home is looking as good as you'd like it to for visitors this week. Unexpected visitors make for a really alternative week, including the introduction of a new and very compatible face.

CEO should resign ■ Nillumbik Council has given up its action against Cr Belinda Clarkson, where it was alleging ‘misconduct’. The Council found out that it would have to pay legal costs for itself and Cr ● Belinda Clarkson. Now Cr Clarkson Clarkson wants Shire CEO, Stuart Burdack, to be sacked for his failure to advise Council in a timely and professional way.

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Forgotten Fortunes ■ Latest ‘Unclaimed Moneys’ details relased by the Australian Securities and Investments Commission shows millions of dollars owing to bank , building society and credit union customers. Financial institutions are keen to locate these Victorian customers who have ‘forgotten fotunes’. Those named (shown with their last known address) should contact their local branch to lodge a claim:

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● Christine Sung ■ Consumer Affair Victoria has confirmed that it is investigating complaints about Du Pont Sung International Properties of Sunbury, trading as Du Pont Estate Agents. The Real Estate Institute of Victoria is warning consumers not to use the company. The REIV says people who have listed properties with the company, formerly trading as The Professionals Sunbury, should seek urgent legal advice. The company’s website is said to have claimed REIV membership. The company is reported to have claimed Professionals membership after it was terminated in December. Christine Parsons (now Christine Sung) is listed as ‘Officer In Effective Control’ of the business. Business Licensing Authority records this week still had the company listing one of its tyrading names as ‘The Professionals Sunbury’.

Footy club in recess

■ Things remain tough in Victoria’s bushfire region, and one illustration of this is the Thornton-Eildon District Football Club last week going into recess. The district is close to the Marysville and Alexandra areas, so badly hit in the 2009 bushfires. The ‘Boners’ have failed this season to field two senior teams required by the Yarra Valley Mountain District Football League, so decided to go into recess.

editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

with Ash Long, Editor “For the cause that lacks assistance, ‘Gainst the wrongs that need resistance For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do”

“The availability of players there weeks before the season is nil,” said new President Bob Capp. ■ Middway Cobras Football Club, which helps people with drug and alcohol conditions at Dandenong, may also be forced to fold unless it can recruit new players.

Fair go on fare go

Birthday honours ■ Di Rolle, our remarkable columnist, celebrates a birthday this week, and all at the Observer wish her well for the day, and the year ahead.

Daylight saving ■ You would reckon that the public transport operator, Metro, would use common sense when it came to resolving a simple problem. Frankston commuter Peter Shadbolt spent $10.50 on a ticket to Glenferrie, to get to a Swinburne University class he had to teach at 9am. The 7.45am train did not arrive, and an announcement was made there would be no trains until a problem at Edithvale was fixed. Peter made other arrangements, and drove to work. He asked Metro for a refund but they are refusing to pay “one-off” compensation. “I paid for a service I didn’t receive,” Peter argues. Metro should use common sense. Is $10.50 worth the bad publicity?

■ Turn your clock back one hour from 3am to 2am this Sunday (April 3), with the end of Daylight Saving. It is also a time when safety experfs suggest you change you smoke alarm battery. They say one in five Australians experience some form of fire in the house in their lifetimes.

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT COURT REPORTS Contents of Court Lists are intended for information purposes only. The lists are extracted from Court Lists, as supplied to the public, by the Magistrates’ Court of Victoria, often one week prior to publication date; for current Court lists, please contact the Court. Further details of cases are available at www.magistratescourt.vic.gov.au The Melbourne Observer shall in no event accept any liability for loss or damage suffered by any person or body due to information provided. The information is provided on the basis that persons accessing it undertake responsibility for assessing the relevance and accuracy of its content. No inference of a party’s guilt or innocence should be made by publication of their name as a defendant. Court schedules may be changed at any time for any reason, including withdrawal of the action by the Plaintiff/Applicant. E&OE.

ANZ Banking Group Dividends Lord, Dorothy Hoy. Apartment A, Banksia Lodge, Strathallan Community, 2-34 Erskine Rd, Macleod. $7849.95. Lord, Harriet Jane. 580 Station St, Carlton North. $4290.48. Manley, Phyllis. Flat 5, 11 William St, Frankston. $7074.69. Mansfield, Ina J. 1 Clendon Ct, Vermont South. $4290.48. Marchesi, Iris Helen. 13/4 Miles La, Leon-gatha. $6803.88. Marriott, Diane Dorothy. 7 Auchterlonie Cres, Chruchill. $7580.91. Marriott, Enid Davis. c/- Mrs R Mangan, 40 Lower Somerville Rd, Somerville. $8180.94. Marriott, Maxwell Thomas. Tatong Estate, 1617 Tatong Rd, Benalla. $4290.48. Martin, Colin R. 3 Poole Blvd, Swan Hill. $11,644.83. Martin, Peter John. 57 Glen Park Rd, Eltham. $7458.78. Mayne, Stephen David. PO Box 925, Templestowe. $17.70. Mays, Ronald Charles. 84 Kallista-Emerald Rd, The Patch. $8899.56. McCleery, Robert Sturt. Malvern Green Lodge, 185-187 Wattle Rd, Malvern. $11,519.16. McConnell, Ian Stewart. 60 Lakeside Dr, Emerald. $6173.76. McAllister, Jacqueline Maree. 32 Brougham St, Gordon. $971.73. McArthur, Betty Eunice Lauder. 111 Country Club Dr, Safety Beach. $6740.16. McGeoch, Craig Anthony. 37 Glen Orme Ave, Ormond. $715.08. McMahon, Geoffrey Alexander. 13 Stringy-bark Dr, Torquay. $715.08. McQuade, Michael Reginald. 52 Culcairn Dr, Frankston South. $1.77. Meerwald, Warwick A. 37 Murchison Cres, Westall. $7533.12. Melder, Sylvia. 4/75 Ardyne St, Murrumbeena. $2573.58. Melen, Marion Rose. PO Box 9, Maryborough. $6210.93. Mellink, Corrinne. 2 Battalion Ct, Boronia. $1715.13. Meyers, Kim. 1 Craithie Ave, Park Orchards. $2573.58. Mibus, Rosemary A. PO Box 357, Portland. $6079.95. E&OE

Observer Treasury Thought For The Week

■ Everyone makes mistakes. That’s why we keep having political elections.

Observer Curmudgeon

■ If you can’t beat your compter at chess, try kickboxing.

Text For The Week

■ “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24

Free reader ads are available in the Melbourne Trader section of the ‘Melbourne Observer’

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - Page 13

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Confidential Melbourne

Talk is cheap, gossip is priceless

‘THEY DECIDED TO KILL ME INSTEAD’: EX-COUNCILLOR

Short Sharp

Bitch

■ TV star Rove McManus sold his Richmond home at the weekend for $3.405 million. He bought the Docker St property for $1.3 million in 2003.

Melbourne’s Secrets

Bid for second saint

■ McEwen MHR Rob Mitchell is due in Canberra this week after being involved in a fatal accident at Strath Creek, where a motor-cyclist drove into his Ford sedan. Police believed the rider lost control and veered on to the wrong side of the road. ■ Resident Paul Norton has submitted an apology to his local South Gippsland Shire Council, after being threatened with a fine by Mayor Warren Raabe. Norton says he has paid $600, the likely amount of the fine, to a charity. He says the charity is a more deserving recipient than the Council. ■ Police regard a $60,000 fire at the Moorabooll Shire office at Ballan as suspicious.

Rumour Mill ● Dr Mary Glowrey ■ Moves are underway to have a former Melbourne woman, Dr Mary Glowrey, to be declared as a saint. The Victorian CatholicWomen’s League wants to see the former University of Melbourne alumni to named as Australia’s second saint. Dr Glowrey worked at St Vincent’s Hospital before moving to Guntur, India, to found the Catholic Hospital Association of India. After graduating in 1910, Dr Glowrey worked at the Eye & Ear Hospital, the RoyalWomen’s Hospital and then St Vincent’s, as well as opening a private practice in Collins St

Peter Ford’s advice to ‘St Kilda schoolgirl’ ■ Fresh from his jibes about former friend John-Michael Howson, 3AW showbiz commentator Peter Ford is now dishing out free advice on Twitter to the ‘St Kilda Schoolgirl’: “Yeah you and CoreyWorthington will be Hollywood royalty together. ● Peter Ford Get a grip you stupid mole, the world is tired of you.” Earlier this month, the ‘schoolgirl’ (who completed her VCE last year) chastised Channel 9 reporter Tony Jones for personal remarks made on Twitter.

● Mike Hammond ■ A former Councillor at the central Victorian municipality of Mitchell, based at Broadford, is taking legal action over health issues, and has made a claim that “instead of killing bushfires, some councillors and the CEO clearly decided to kill me instead”. Mike Hammond, who served as a Councillor on Mitchell Council, and previously on the Kilmore Council, lodged a claim last week with the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal. According to reporter Rhett Burnie in The North Central Review, Hammond claims he had been told there was a “conspiracy” to have him thrown out of office in his single term at Mitchell. Hammond, who served between 2005-2008, asked for more to be done with bushfire prevention. “They could have done fuel reduction burns; it was critical and none were done.”

Rare condition The Review story says that Hammond is seeking financial comnpensation of an undisclosed amount to pay for ongoing medical treatment for a rare condition. “What I want is some money to enable me to survive,” Hammond is reported to have said. The Review says Hammond takes medication which is “extremely expensive”. Hammond accuses the former Kilmore Council of publishing “fictitious information” about him. Current day Mayor, Cr Graeme Coppel, says he has instructed CEO David Keenan to defend the case, and “aggressively claim all legal costs whatosever” if Hammond loses the case. “I am irritated that community funds have to be spent to defend this.” ■ A vandalism attack on a St Helena medical centre cut the electricity ... destroying hundreds of refrigerated life-saving vials.

Hear It Here First

Footy Show for Jeanne? ■ The Rumour Mill hears that Carlton Football Club’s new Senior Vice-President Jeanne Pratt is soon to be a guest on The Footy Show with Garry Lyon, James Brayshaw and Sam Newman. Expect an appearance aimed at boosting fund-raising for the Blues.

Collapse

■ Wonthaggi Court had to be cleared when defendant David Hollyfield, 56, collapsed at the bar table, and an ambulance was called. He later lost his licence for two years on a charge of refusing a breath test.

Prison

■ Convicted drug imprter Kieu Thi Bui has had her jail sentence extended to a minimum two years after an appeal was heard in the Supreme Court. She had previously been released on a $5000 three year good behaviour bond.

Stabbing

● Jeanne Pratt

Nervous about freebies ■ Rumour is that one Melbourne radio station is nervous about ‘freebies’ that are being accepted by on-air personalities. Lawyers have cautioned broadcasters to be careful about not declaring small items, including theatre tickets. Has one paid contributor declared his free showbiz ‘review’ tickets (including air fare) to Los Angeles?

Car dealership warned ■ Car trader Benjamin James Pty Ltd of Fawkner has been put on a 12-month good behaviour bond after selling a luxury BMW which had $28,000 owing on it. The company had to pay $500 to the Court Fund.

E-Mail: Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

Whispers

■ Wendy Kerr, 66, of Wooreen, has been placed on a community based order, and fined $300, after pleading guilty to illegal possession of a firearm, contravening a family violence order, criminal damage and recklessly causing injury. Police said Mrs Kerr, who had been drinking on her birthday, punched her husband of 27 years, had an unregistered shot gun, and damaged property.

Page 14 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011

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Melbourne

Observer Life & Style

SOME DAYS ARE ‘DIAMONDS’ News Briefs To Court

■ Frederick Strachan, 29, of Wahgunyah, is to return to Court on July 21, charged with causing a car smash where a woman died. He allegedly drove his semi-trailer into the back of a s l ow - m ov i n g truck on the Hume Fwy.

Lawyers

■ Letters are being exchanged between lawyers for warring members at Melbourne Jewish Radio - Lion FM. One party said a planned meeting was against the organisation’s constitution.

Bowled

■ East Malvern RSl Bowls Club is being forced to close, because Anzac House (Victorian RSL HQ) wants an extra $1000 rent a month for the greens.

Test case ■ Moreland Council is taking a case to the Supreme Court, asking if an Oak Park man, who was attacked by a dog while leaning on his neighbour’s fence was trespassing.

■ When one considers the alternative to life, of course we choose life, but life isn’t perfect, but it’s normal and certainly interesting, and I have found that in the words of John Denver, famous folk singer of the 60s “some days are diamonds, and some days are stones.” I’ve gone through a few downer days when Mother Nature went on her rampage. Looking at the television and the newspapers it seems that there was no let up from the utter worldwide devastation. And it seemed that every one I met was feeling the misery too. However last Saturday I had a diamond day. It wasn’t only the hair set, or the ginger chocolate that I ate with my coffee, but it was making the acquaintance of a man who was reading his book quietly at a corner table whilst enjoying a latte. This man proved to be one of the most interesting and delightful men I have chatted with for a long time. It was serendipity!

Yvonne’s Column

Link with ‘Readers’

■ There was a P.S to Betty’s letter and she said that she had looked up Victorian Readers on the Internet and it says Charles Long edited the school papers and was called to edit the readers, which were issued in 1930. I wonder if Charles Long is an ancestor of Ash Long, the editor of the Melbourne Observer. Ash is good at spelling so who knows? Thank you to those kind readers who wrote me such interesting letters to tell me that my column gave them a lovely read. Good karma, Yvonne Contact: Melbourne Observer. P.O. Box 1278, Research Vic. 3095 Radio 3WBC 94.1 FM P.O, Box 159, Box Hill 3128

Decisions on chocolates ■ I’d been to the hairdressers and Peter came and collected me in the car and suggested that we have a coffee at our favourite chocolate shop. It also serves wonderful coffee and snacks, but more importantly, with every cup of coffee. Shane Cody, the owner brings around a tray of complimentary handcrafted chocolates for you to make a selection. There were only three of us in the front of the shop, the rest of his customers were taking advantage of a lovely sunny afternoon and were having their coffee al fresco in the rear garden area. I love reading the newspaper over coffee. My husband enjoys it too and will often read out a snippet and a discussion ensures. As is the custom at Chocolate Couture, Shane usually stops and has a chat, while we make our selection. Just imagine flavours such as peanut butter, Bailey’s Irish Cream, mocha coffee complete with a bean on top, and my personal favourite, chocolate ginger. No wonder it takes an age to make a decision.

Stories of Wattle Park ■ I’m interviewing Shane on my radio program about Chocolate Couture and he asked me exactly how he would find the studio, and before I could answer the man who had been reading a paper-back as thick as two telephone books, chipped in and explained how to get to the location. I said something about the chocolates and our unknown patron chipped in again. To my shame I said in an aside that there must be a ventriloquist near by. It was rude of me, and fortunately I don’t think he heard, but when I turned around and smiled at him it was an opportunity to get into real conversation. I asked him what he was reading, and as books are my first love I felt that I would know it, or at best the author. So we discussed books, and I felt he was indeed a kindred spirit because he loved reading as much as I. Chocolate Couture is in a small group of shops in Riversdale Road opposite Wattle Park and I commented that my mother used to take me to the chalet when I was home for school holidays. Well, that started the most wonderful stories about Wattle Park.

Nuns and their rulers ■ My new found coffee friend was a member of the Friends of Wattle Park. The members keep the park tidy but more importantly they keep track of the wonderful wild plants that abound. Some of these plants are the original species still growing and thriving since the aboriginal community lived in what is now the Park. Springtime is the best time to see the wildflowers shooting out of the ground. And if you are lucky, you’ll find orchids growing in abundance. I was trying to remember what it was like those years ago when Mum would meet her friends for afternoon tea and I sat quietly and listened in to the conversation. It’s was lovely that they forgot I was there. Imagine how pleased I was to learn that Ewan had been a master at St Michaels, my old school. The school is co-ed now, and the teaching nuns are just a memory, but he knew the history of the school, and it felt like I was meeting a long lost friend. I suppose all nuns are the same, but the Church of

How are they going to get by in life, and in future help their children with their homework?

Observer Briefs with Yvonne Lawrence yvonne.lawrence@bigpond.com

Scholl stripped ■ Solar panels worth $50,000 have been stolen from the roof of the Lakeside Secondary College, Reservoir, after it was closed.

England nuns had a habit of walking past your desk and slapping your hand with a ruler if they saw an ink blot. Or worse, illegible writing. The pain was excruciating especially in winter when your hand invariable had a few chilblains. The nuns were a dab hand at using the long black strap that hung like licorice from their waist. It could have been a stock whip so adept they were at flicking it around your legs. Ewan is retired now, and I was thinking as we talked that he must have been the kind of dedicated school teacher that the kids would really appreciate today.

■ Yarra valley Water has been fined $50,000 after 115,000 litres of raw sewage flowed into Warrandyte’s Jumping Creek, after equipment malfunctioned at the pumping station overflow.

No rudimentary skills

Ex-Councillor avoids Court

■ I was sparking on all fours when I got home, and it was indeed a ‘diamond day.’ It doesn’t take much to make me happy and the response to last week’s column was amazing. So many of you readers went to a country school very similar to mine. I was surprised that one reader still has a copy of her school paper. She attributes her spelling skills to these papers. Betty of Glenburn wrote me a lovely long letter, and said that if she didn’t know better she would think that we could have both gone to the same rural school. She recalled how we all used to learn our tables by rote and can still recite them to this very day. Something to be said sometimes for the old method of teaching. In fact, I was at a check out the other day and the girl was unable to do the simple addition to find the amount of nine articles at the same price. I did it for her in a second and without the aid of a pocket calculator. It’s frightening the lack of rudimentary skills some young people exhibit with readin’ writin’and ‘rithmatic.

■ Former Manningham City Councillor, Fred Chuah will not have to face conflict of interest charges after investigators found there is insufficient evidence to lay charges.

Melbourne Observations with Matt Bissett-Johnson

Water company fined

Pressure on Baillieu ■ Months after his election as Premier, Ted Baillieu is being questioned on a number of fronts about promised projects. The Heidelberg Leader went to press last week with the headline:‘Show us the cash, Ted’.

Blitz on hand-held phones ■ Police have booked 89 drivers in Camberwell for allegedly using handheld phones while driving.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - Page 15

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Observer Mailbag PO Box 1278, Research, Vic 3095 Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

Betty looks online ■ The Melbourne Observer is trialling a new online version of the paper. Go to our website - www. melbourneobserver.com.au - to read a copy of the paper, exactly how it appears it print, complete with page-flip technology. Reader, Betty Mason , sends this e-mail, commenting on the new technology: “I heard Keith McGowan talking about the new way for newspapers, and decided to have a look. “I do wonder how people on planes etc. will get on but I liked it just the same. “Sometimes i wish I could listen to Keith all night but I do have to sleep and only catch bits and pieces. “His taste in music is terrific and I agree with his little quips at a lot of things going on. “Thank you for taking this trouble .”

Melbourne

Observer

Latest Gossip

DPP LOSES THIEF CASE

MAX E-Mails: Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

■ Jacqueline Healy, from New York, e-mails: “I love it Ash. It even has a turning page sound as you thumb through the pages! Nice colour too.” ■ Maurice Golden e-mails: “Works like a charm Ash, when do you roll out e-edition and how do I subscribe?” ■ Frank Howson e-mails: “Love it.” ■ Gigi Hellmuth e-mails: “Well done, Ash! Works a treat! Excellent idea for sending overseas/interstate - but, I still like having a printed copy in my hot little hand.” ■ Bob Richardson e-mails: “Fantastic Ash.”

From another Betty ■ Betty Jeffrey of Glenburn, writes: “I am pleased to read that your stay in hospital was successful. “Your article about your Long ancestor was very good too. I well remember Sunshine Biscuit Company. I only wish I could stand on my legs to make your recipes. “(Husband) Ray’s great-grandfather was Thomas Hiscock of Buninyong who found the first gold and started the gold rush. Buninyong was the first inland town from Geelong, and Ballarat came about because the miners camped on a property called ‘Ballarat’ when they flooded to Buninyong for the gold. “What a wonderful read Yvonne (Lawrence) has given us this week. When you get to my age, its fun to look back and remember your youth.”

Seniors’ texting code ■ Many Internet messages are full of abbreviations and acronyms. Reader Judy Small has shared seniors’ texting codes, with her Facebook friends. ATD. At The Doctors. BFF. Best Friend Fell. BTW. Bring The Wheelchair. BYOT. Bring Your Own Teeth. FWTW. Forgot ● Judy Small Where I Was. GGPBL. Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low. GHA. Got Heartburn Again. IMHO. Is My Hearing Aid On? LMDO. Laughing My Dentures Out. OMMR. On My Message Recliner. OMSG. Oh My! Sorry, Gas. ROFLACGU. Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can’t Get Up. TTYL. Talk To You Louder.

ToThe Max

Every Wednesday in the Observer “There are only two types of journalism - dull journalism and exciting journalism. The true journalism is exciting and decidely unobjective. True journalism, in my view, is devoted entirely to the revelation of facts which someone does not want revealed. That is the high point of journalism; it is the real meaning of being a journalist; it is also exciting and is interesting to read.” - Maxwell Newton

■ Victoria’s Director of Public Prosecutions, Jeremy Rapke, has lost a bid to have a minimum two-year sentence increased for thief Gregory Michael Lebehen. Supreme Court JudgesAshley, Neave and Weinberg - sitting as the Court of Appeal - rejected the DPP’s claim that the prison sentence was “maifestly inadequate”. Lebehen had pleaded guilty in the County Court to two counts of burglary, six counts of theft, one count of attempted burglary, two counts of aggravated burglary and three counts of false imprisonment. Lebehen also pleaded guilty to making a false report to Police. Lebehen broke into a unit in Upton Rd, Windsor, by using a bott wrapped in a yellow top to smash a bedroom window. He stole $1650 of goods including a DVD player, a camera, a Nintendo Wii and a bottle of whisky. He broke into a house in Winmalee Rd, Balwyn, in which people were present. He ran away when one raised the alarm. He was attempting to climb through the window of a house in Linckens Cres, Balwyn, but apologised and ran off after being detected. Lebehen stole a mountain bike worth $500 from a Yerrin Rd house, and was chased by the owner who had what was happening. Lebehen throw the bike against a wall, exchanged words, and decamped. In Jurang St, Balwyn, he broke into a house where two 14-year-old boys were asleep, who when awoken, were told by Lebehen that he had stabbed a man. At Eltham, he stole a Commodore sedan, but crashed it in Rosanna. A woman was terrified when he broke into her house, saying he was hiding from Police.

Melbourne

Observer The Max Factor

FIGURES OF SPEECH

■ Hundreds of people are involved with community radio across Melbourne. They volunteer their services to showcase their talents and pursue their hobby. Some public service is done along the way. But community radio need not be of an amateur standard. Some stations sound as professional as the commercial outlets. Others do not.

Glass house ■ Max is aware of the adage about glass houses, but questions if a little bit of training might assist a few community radio people in lifting their game.

● Ron Lopes Take, for example, the Heidelberg community station, 96.5 FM. Ron Lopes presents a nice little music program called Saturday Express. But Ron fills it with rushed speech. The word ‘the’ becomes ‘da’. ‘Those’ becomes ‘dose’. His Inner FM colleague ‘Dave’ amplifies ‘with’ into ‘wiv’. At Radio Eastern, one Saturday afternoon presenter turned a weather forecast into the Bureau’s ‘recommendations’.

There could be some quick and simple improvements to program presentation. For instance, does Eastern Winds host Ian Douglas (Radio Eastern 981. FM) really need to tell us personal credentials TWICE in every program? But suggestions of improvement apply to some folk heard on commercial radio too. Traffic reporter Andrea McNamara, who appears on a number of stations including 3AW, Magic 693 and Gold 104.3, could do all a favour by sounding as if she wanted to be there. Listeners deserve the best effort possible.

Training ● ‘Dave’

■ Some of the presenters could do themselves (and their listeners) a favour by undertaking some more training.

● Andrea McNamara

● Who are the radio announcers that annoy you most? Send your comments to Max, Melbourne Observer, PO Box 1278, Research 3095

Pro bloopers

In Court

● John Walsh of Brannagh ■ Dr John Walsh of Brannagh has an appointment at Melbourne Magistrates’ Court this morning (Wed.) at 10 am after making a civil claim against Peter Spencer, alleging “monies due”.

Where are they now?

● Peter Adams ■ Observer reader Wendy asks ‘whatever happened to’ Cop Shop actor Peter Adams. Sadly, Peter died in 1999, from cancer, at the age of 61. Wendy asks the whereabouts of Michael McCarthy, who starrred on the Early Bird Show. He became a real estate agent in the eastern suburbs. She also asks of john Wood, of Blue Heelers. He has been working in shows touring regional Australia.

Whip rule change ● Darren James ■ Even the radio professionals can have a hard time. 3AW weekend breakfast show host Darren James’s weather forecast for the Wimmera turned into the Woomera. And stand-in, Steve Murphy, claimed he had been reporting on duck shooting for the past 20 years. For much of that time, he was PR man for Jeff Kennett!

■ Harness Rac ing Victoria is adopting the national rules regarding whips from Friday (April 1). Aim is to prevent excessive whip use, loopy shaking of the reins, extravagent or uncontrolled actions, or raising the hands above the shoulders. The rule aims to stop horses being cut or welted.

Page 16 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Melbourne

Observer

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Extra

Bushwacked

DR ZHIVAGO IN TOWN

Whatever Happened To ... Wendy Hughes By Kevin Trask of 3AW and 96.5 Inner FM

by Ally Fonseca ■ Crickets are still wreaking havoc in Mildura -- and reeking quite an odour, too. A putrid stench wafts down the town’s main avenue in the mornings, much to the dismay of folks chowing down on their morning tucker. The sweet taste of a pineapple, per se, is tarnished by a dung-esque smell emanated by the plague of deceased black field crickets. The stench even marred a gentleman’s daily habit of munching his morning potato cakes al fresco. Wear anything but trousers on the streets at your own peril. Don a frock at the risk of a creepy crawly, be it a locust, cricket or mosquito, crawling into nooks and crannies you didn’t know existed. These are the days of our lives. And these are the days which make me truly cherish a weekend in Melbourne. I feel like a winner when I get to see my friends and family twice in the same week – akin to winning the lottery - minus the abysmal fashion sported by the barrel chicks, that is. And it is my passion for fashion which lures me back to Melbourne for the second time in a week I am en route to a runway show at the L’oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival and the tram ride into town proves nostalgic. In Mildura, I have been bereft of trams and trains for five months, and, by golly, have I missed the cacophony of characters who clamber on board Melbourne's public transport system. It’s the lottery of life – you just never know which numbers come up. That is, numbers crooned by Joe Bloggs in the corner of my tram who seems blissfully unaware of how loud his iPod is. Whisking past Moonee Ponds’ Puckle Street precinct elicits joyful memories of a place where I grew up. But a glimpse of its palm trees snaps me back to reality -- to a recent interview with celebrity chef Stefano di Pieri who is very passionate about the health of palm trees in Mildura. Diss trees, or the environment, in Mr di Pieri’s presence, at the risk of losing him as a friend! Then, suddenly, I am whacked with another moment of nostalgia. Nothing quite like the smell of somebody cracking open a dim sim on my packed tram. A resplendent stench to be cherished. Be it in the city or country, there’s no escaping some unwelcome smells in life. But despite the chirping of crickets, folks in Mildura are generally still chipper. And nothing beats the smell of community spirit. - Ally Fonseca

■ The opening night in Melbourne for Doctor Zhivago will be held at Her Majesty7’s Theatre on Thursday, April 14. Publicist Eileen O’Shea says the show has garnered rave reviews and nightly standing ovations during its Sydney season. "It has been an incredible journey and a huge privilege to have been part of the birth of this new musical," said producer John Frost. "It is a combined Australian/American creative team, which is a first for a new musical here

PREVIEW by Ash Long and it has taken 300 people across four Australian states and four continents to bring this production to life. "Broadway director Des McAnuff (Jersey Boys) has heaped praise on the cast and crew and composer Lucy Simon has said she is unashamedly in awe of Anthony Warlow's talent. “Overseas interest is heartening. We have already put plans in place

From The Outer

Melbourne

Observer

kojak@ mmnet.com.au

With John Pasquarelli

■ Juliar will do anything and say anything, without blinking an eye – to get what she wants. She is the epitome of the committed hard line socialist, dedicated to using pawns like Windsor, Oakeshott and Bob Brown to preserve her government and create a brave new Australia at any cost. She is the atheist who can talk warmly about the bible, the feminist who can warn against homosexual marriage and the republican who can’t get to the royal wedding with her de facto quick enough. Kevin Rudd had no hope against this woman but the NSW election results may hang a millstone around her neck. The Coalition needs to hold its nerve on the carbon tax and climate change – remember ‘global warming’? By changing tack on climate change and the involvement of us dreadful human beings, Tony Abbott risks confusing the electorate. His plan of planting trees is admirable but smacks too much of trendy idealism. Have we forgotten catastrophic bushfires that wipe out huge tracts of plantation forests as well as native bushland and developing better soils has been carried on for generations by very smart farmers. Abbott’s leadership group owes him and now he faces incredible developments in Queensland that may well decide his fate. You can send an e-mail to John Pasquarelli: kojak@mmnet.com.au

ready put plans in place to take Doctor Zhivago to Korea next year, and I am talking to interested producers and theatre owners in New York and London. “We all have been looking forward to bringing this production to Melbourne; this has always been a city which celebrates musical theatre and ticket sales are way beyond our expectations," Frost said. Doctor Zhivago, based on Boris Pasternak's Russian masterpiece, stars Anthony Warlow in the title role, with Lucy Maunder (Lara), Taneel Van Zyl (Tonia), Martin Crewes (Pasha), Peter Carroll (Alexander), Bartholomew John (Komarovsky) and Trisha Noble (Anna). Doctor Zhivago is a passionate and romantic love story, set against the background of the Russian Revolution. With its lush, unforgettable melodies, suspenseful story telling, and the internationally acclaimed Anthony Warlow in the title role, this production is destined to become an important part of Australian theatre history. Bookings 1300 795 012 or ticketek.com.au

Emperor ■ The Last Emperor will play at the Princess Theatre from June 18-22. Based on the astonishing life of China’s last Emperor Puyi and choreographed by Ivan Cavallari, the show is touring Australia throughout June and July this year. Born behind the gates of the Forbidden City into the imperial dynasty, Puyi started his life with a royal upbringing. At the age of 3 he was bestowed Emperor of China.

● Wendy Hughes ■ Wendy Hughes has been working as an actress in Australia and overseas for over 40 years. Her first television appearance was in an episode of Hunter in 1968. During her career Wendy has starred in some wonderful television, film and stage roles. Wendy Hughes was born in Melbourne in 1952 and grew up in the suburb of Alphington. Her parents emigrated from England, and Wendy had a happy childhood with her two brothers and sister. After landing the role of Juliet in Romeo and Juliet at the age of 15, Wendy decided to become a professional actress. Several years later she enrolled at the National Institute of Dramatic Art and moved to Sydney. In 1971 Wendy toured with Miriam Karlin (The Rag Trade) and Sean Scully (son of the late Margaret Christensen) in the play Butterflies Are Free. Wendy and Sean Scully married in 1971 and divorced in 1973. Her first screen role was in 1974 opposite Jack Thompson in Petersen. Over the years Wendy Hughes guest starred in many Australian television series such as Homicide, Number 96, Matlock Police, Power Without Glory, MDA and All Saints. Her film roles include Newsfront, My Brilliant Career, My First Wife, An Indecent Obsession, Warm Nights On A Slow Moving Train, Luigi's Ladies, Princess Caraboo and Paradise Road. In 1989 Wendy went to Los Angeles to appear in an American telemovie and finished up working there for five years. Her credits in America included a guest role in the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation playing the character Lt. Cmdr. Nella Darin. I spoke to Wendy in a radio interview and she told me Star Trek was very hard work with long hours, but she enjoyed being in the series. She also guest starred in other American television shows and appeared in several episodes of Homicide: Life on the Streets. Wendy returned to Australia to star the television series The Man From Snowy River and followed that with the lead role in State Coroner. Her work onstage has continued throughout her career and highlights have included playing Mrs Robinson in a national tour of The Graduate, and Virginia Woolf opposite Garry McDonald in Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf. Wendy has been nominated for AFI awards six times and won Best Actress in 1983 for her outstanding performance in the film Careful He Might Hear You. She also won two Logie Awards for her performances in Power Without Glory and Return to Eden. Wendy Hughes has two children and continues to work as an actress. - Kevin Trask The Time Tunnel - with Bruce & PhilSundays at 8.30pm on 3AW That's Entertainment - 96.5FM Sundays at Noon 96.5FM is now streaming on the internet. To listen, just put in www.innerfm.org.au and follow the prompts or listen on the Telstra T- Hub.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - Page 17

Observer Magazine

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Melbourne

NURSERY RHYMES

■ The history and origins of most nursery rhymes reflect events in history. Two examples of these types of nursery rhymes history and origins are Ring a Ring o Rosies which refers to the Bubonic Plague, and 'Remember Remember' nursery rhymes which allude to Guy Fawkes's foiled attempt to blow up the English Houses of Parliament. Many of the words and nursery rhymes lyrics were used to parody the royal and political events of the day, direct dissent would often be punishable by death! Strange how these events in history are still portrayed through children's nursery rhymes, when for most of us the historical events relationship to the nursery rhymes themselves are long forgotten. English Queen Mary I (Bloody Mary) was believed to be the 'star' of the Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary rhyme which featured a hidden reference to the Queen's treatment of Protestants using instruments of torture (silver bells) and execution by burning them alive at the stake. London Bridge Is Falling Down The London Bridge is falling down nursery rhyme is based on the one of the most famous landmarks in London. Its history can be traced to the Roman occupation of England in the first century. The first London Bridge was made of wood and clay and was fortified or re-built with the various materials mentioned in the children's nursery rhyme. Many disasters struck the bridges - Viking invaders destroyed the bridge in the 1000s which led to a fortified design, complete with a drawbridge. Building materials changed due to the many fires that broke out on the bridge. The Stone Bridge The first stone bridge was designed by Peter de Colechurch and built in 1176 and took 33 years to build and featured 20 arches the dimensions of which were 60 feet high and 30 feet wide and was complete with tower and gates. The flow of the Thames under the bridge was used to turn water wheels below the arches for grinding grain. By the 1300s the bridge contained 140 shops, some of which were more than three stories high. ( The reference to Silver and Gold in the rhyme relates to the trading which was conducted on the bridge). London Bridge survived the Great Fire of London in 1666 but its arches and foundations were weakened. (Buildings with thatched roofs were banned in London following the Great Fire of 1666 and this ban was only lifted with the construction of the New Globe Theatre in 1994. As I Was HGoing To St Ives Only one assumption can be made in the nursery rhyme "As I was going to St Ives" and that is that one person

was definitely going there - or was it? It, of course would depend on the direction of the people that were encountered on the way! This type of conundrum is now referred to as a logic problem in lateral thinking designed to improve the logic and deductive skills of children, and indeed, adults! As I was going to St Ives refers to the name of a quaint old village in Cornwall, England. Earliest traceable publication date is 1730. The Answer to the Riddle Only one man was going to St.Ives! He met the following who were going the other way: A man (1) with 7 wives 7 x 7 (49) sacks 7x7x7 (343) cats 7x7x7x7 (2,401) kits A Total of 2,801 wives, sacks, cats and kits! Goosey, Goosey Gander Goosey, Goosey Gander is a rhyme with historical undertones - an attention grabber for a nursery rhyme which uses alliteration in the lyrics designed to intrigue any child. The 'lady's chamber' was a room that once upon a time a high born lady would have her own chamber, (also referred to as a solar). The origins of the nursery rhyme are believed to date back to the 16th century and refer to necessity for Catholic priests to hide in 'Priest Holes' ( very small secret rooms once found in many great houses in England) to avoid persecution from zealous Protestants who were totally against the old Catholic religion. If caught both the priest and members of any family found harbouring them were executed. The moral in Goosey Goosey Gander's lyrics imply that something unpleasant would surely happen to anyone failing to say their prayers correctly - meaning the Prot-

estant Prayers, said in English as opposed to Catholic prayers which were said in Latin! Stan Evans says: "I read that it referred to the post Civil War period (middle 17th century) and Cromwell's soldiers who marched in "goosestep", which gives the title and first line. “Also, the version of the rhyme I heard had the third line as, "There I met an old man a-saying of his prayers". This referred to (as you mention) a Catholic, possibly a Priest, praying and the line: "I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs" alluded to the nickname "left-footer", that a Catholic is sometimes called in Britain. “The overall meaning was that the Roundhead soldiers were searching out Catholics, particularly Priests, hiding in the houses of friends, and when found they were ill-treated".

Baa Baa Black Sheep The reason to the words and history to this song were to associate wool and wool products with the animal that produces it, not to mention the sound that a sheep would make. The first grasp of language for a child or baby is to imitate the sounds or noises that animals make - onomatopoeia (words sound like their meaning e.g. baa baa in "Baa, baa black sheep"). In some of the earlier versions of "Baa, baa black sheep" the title is actually given as "Ba, ba black sheep" - it is difficult to spell sounds. The wool industry was critical to the country's economy from the Middle Ages until the 19th century so it is therefore not surprising that it is celebrated in the Baa Baa Black Sheep nursery rhyme. An historical connection for this rhyme has been suggested - a political satire said to refer to the Plantagenet King Edward I (the Master) and the the export tax imposed in Britain in 1275 in which the English Customs Statute authorised the King to collect a tax on all exports of wool in every port in the country. But further research indicates another possible connection of this nursery rhyme to English history relating to King Edward II (1307-1327). The best wool in Europe was produced in England but the cloth workers from Flanders, Bruges and Lille were better skilled in the complex finishing trades such as dying and fulling (cleansing, shrinking, and thickening the cloth). King Edward II encouraged Flemmish weavers and cloth dyers to improve the quality of the final English products. Humpty Dumpty Humpty Dumpty was a colloquial term used in 15th century England describing someone who was obese. This has given rise to various, but inaccurate, theories surrounding the identity of Humpty Dumpty. The image of Humpty Dumpty

was made famous by the illustrations included in the Alice Through The Looking Glass novel by Lewis Carroll. However, Humpty Dumpty was not a person pilloried in the famous rhyme. Humpty Dumpty was in fact believed to be a large cannon. It was used during the English Civil War (1642 - 1649) in the Siege of Colchester (Jun 13, 1648 - Aug 27, 1648). Colchester was strongly fortified by the Royalists and was laid to siege by the Parliamentarians (Roundheads). In 1648 the town of Colchester was a walled town with a castle and several churches and was protected by the city wall. Standing immediately adjacent the city wall, was St Mary's Church. A huge cannon, colloquially called Humpty Dumpty, was strategically placed on the wall next to St Mary's Church. The historical events detailing the siege of Colchester are well documented. A shot from a Parliamentary cannon succeeded in damaging the wall beneath Humpty Dumpty which caused the cannon to tumble to the ground. The Royalists, or Cavaliers, 'all the King's men' attempted to raise Humpty Dumpty on to another part of the wall. However, because the cannon , or Humpty Dumpty, was so heavy ' All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty together again!' This had a drastic consequence for the Royalists as the strategically important town of Colchester fell to the Parliamentarians after a siege lasting 11 weeks. Earliest traceable publication 1810. Hey Diddle Diddle Hey diddle diddle is a fantasy rhyme designed to delight children with impossible images such "the Cow jumped over the Moon". Walt Disney's team of animators use this type of imagery in animated films to great effect! The term ' Hey diddle diddle' can be found in the works of Shakespeare and was a colloquialism used in much the same vein as "hey nonny no" which can be found in traditional English folk ballads. The original title was 'High Diddle Diddle' but this has been altered to 'Hey Diddle Diddle' over the years with changes to the English language. The first known date of publication for the words of the Hey diddle diddle rhyme is 1765.

Page 18 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Victoria Pictorial

Country Drives Historic Photo Collection

● St Andrew’s Kirk, Ballarat

● The Weir, Lower Side, Yarrawonga. 1950

● Steam Tram. Back Beach, Sorrento. 1914.

● Entrance to ‘The Chalet’, Warburton. 1940.

● The main road, Olinda. 1945.

● View at Mt Dandenong, 1925.

● The Great Ocean Road, Wye River

● Near ‘Elephant Rock’, Flinders. 1921.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 30, 2011 - Page 19

Observer Classic Books

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A Child’s History of England CHAPTER 22. ENGLAND UNDER HENRY THE SIXTH PART THE SECOND THE STORY OF JOAN OF ARC Continued from last week IN a remote village among some wild hills in the province of Lorraine, there lived a countryman whose name was JACQUES D’ARC. He had a daughter, JOAN OF ARC, who was at this time in her twentieth year. She had been a solitary girl from her childhood; she had often tended sheep and cattle for whole days where no human figure was seen or human voice heard; and she had often knelt, for hours together, in the gloomy, empty, little village chapel, looking up at the altar and at the dim lamp burning before it, until she fancied that she saw shadowy figures standing there, and even that she heard them speak to her. The people in that part of France were very ignorant and superstitious, and they had many ghostly tales to tell about what they had dreamed, and what they saw among the lonely hills when the clouds and the mists were resting on them. So, they easily believed that Joan saw strange sights, and they whispered among themselves that angels and spirits talked to her. At last, Joan told her father that she had one day been surprised by a great unearthly light, and had afterwards heard a solemn voice, which said it was Saint Michael’s voice, telling her that she was to go and help the Dauphin. Soon after this (she said), Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret had appeared to her with sparkling crowns upon their heads, and had encouraged her to be virtuous and resolute. These visions had returned sometimes; but the Voices very often; and the voices always said, ‘Joan, thou art appointed by Heaven to go and help the Dauphin!’ She almost always heard them while the chapel bells were ringing. There is no doubt, now, that Joan believed she saw and heard these things. It is very well known that such delusions are a disease which is not by any means uncommon. It is probable enough that there were figures of Saint Michael, and Saint Catherine, and Saint Margaret, in the little chapel (where they would be very likely to have shining crowns upon their heads), and that they first gave Joan the idea of those three personages. She had long been a moping, fanciful girl, and, though she was a very good girl, I dare say she was a little vain, and wishful for notoriety. Her father, something wiser than his neighbours, said, ‘I tell thee, Joan, it is thy fancy. Thou hadst better have a kind husband to take care of thee, girl, and work to employ thy mind!’ But Joan told him in reply, that she had taken a vow never to have a husband, and that she must go as Heaven directed her, to help the Dauphin. It happened, unfortunately for her father’s persuasions, and most unfortunately for the poor girl, too, that a party of the Dauphin’s enemies found their way into the village while Joan’s disorder was at this point, and burnt the chapel, and drove out the inhabitants. The cruelties she saw committed, touched Joan’s heart and made her worse. She said that the voices and the figures were now continually with her; that they told her she was the girl who, according to an old prophecy, was to deliver France; and she must go and help the Dauphin, and must remain with him until he should be crowned at Rheims: and that she must travel a long way to a certain lord named BAUDRICOURT, who could and would, bring her into the Dauphin’s presence. As her father still said, ‘I tell thee, Joan, it is thy fancy,’ she set off to find out this lord, accompanied by an uncle, a poor village wheelwright and cart-maker, who believed in the reality of her visions. They travelled a long way and went on and on, over a rough country, full of the Duke of Burgundy’s men, and of all kinds of robbers and marauders, until they came to where this lord was. When his servants told him that there was a poor peasant girl named Joan of Arc, accompanied by nobody but an old village wheelwright and cart-maker, who wished to see him because she was commanded to help the Dauphin and save France, Baudricourt burst out a-laughing,

● Charles Dickens and bade them send the girl away. But, he soon heard so much about her lingering in the town, and praying in the churches, and seeing visions, and doing harm to no one, that he sent for her, and questioned her. As she said the same things after she had been well sprinkled with holy water as she had said before the sprinkling, Baudricourt began to think there might be something in it. At all events, he thought it worth while to send her on to the town of Chinon, where the Dauphin was. So, he bought her a horse, and a sword, and gave her two squires to conduct her. As the Voices had told Joan that she was to wear a man’s dress, now, she put one on, and girded her sword to her side, and bound spurs to her heels, and mounted her horse and rode away with her two squires. As to her uncle the wheelwright, he stood staring at his niece in wonder until she was out of sight — as well he might — and then went home again. The best place, too. Joan and her two squires rode on and on, until they came to Chinon, where she was, after some doubt, admitted into the Dauphin’s presence. Picking him out immediately from all his court, she told him that she came commanded by Heaven to subdue his enemies and conduct him to his coronation at Rheims. She also told him (or he pretended so afterwards, to make the greater impression upon his soldiers) a number of his secrets known only to himself, and, furthermore, she said there was an old, old sword in the cathedral of Saint Catherine at Fierbois, marked with five old crosses on the blade, which Saint Catherine had ordered her to wear. Now, nobody knew anything about this old, old sword, but when the cathedral came to be examined — which was immediately done — there, sure enough, the sword was found! The Dauphin then required a number of grave priests and bishops to give him their opinion whether the girl derived her power from good spirits or from evil spirits, which they held prodigiously

long debates about, in the course of which several learned men fell fast asleep and snored loudly. At last, when one gruff old gentleman had said to Joan, ‘What language do your Voices speak?’ and when Joan had replied to the gruff old gentleman, ‘A pleasanter language than yours,’ they agreed that it was all correct, and that Joan of Arc was inspired from Heaven. This wonderful circumstance put new heart into the Dauphin’s soldiers when they heard of it, and dispirited the English army, who took Joan for a witch. So Joan mounted horse again, and again rode on and on, until she came to Orleans. But she rode now, as never peasant girl had ridden yet. She rode upon a white war-horse, in a suit of glittering armour; with the old, old sword from the cathedral, newly burnished, in her belt; with a white flag carried before her, upon which were a picture of God, and the words JESUS MARIA. In this splendid state, at the head of a great body of troops escorting provisions of all kinds for the starving inhabitants of Orleans, she appeared before that beleaguered city. When the people on the walls beheld her, they cried out ‘The Maid is come! The Maid of the Prophecy is come to deliver us!’ And this, and the sight of the Maid fighting at the head of their men, made the French so bold, and made the English so fearful, that the English line of forts was soon broken, the troops and provisions were got into the town, and Orleans was saved. Joan, henceforth called THE MAID OF ORLEANS, remained within the walls for a few days, and caused letters to be thrown over, ordering Lord Suffolk and his Englishmen to depart from before the town according to the will of Heaven. As the English general very positively declined to believe that Joan knew anything about the will of Heaven (which did not mend the matter with his soldiers, for they stupidly said if she were not inspired she was a

witch, and it was of no use to fight against a witch), she mounted her white war-horse again, and ordered her white banner to advance. The besiegers held the bridge, and some strong towers upon the bridge; and here the Maid of Orleans attacked them. The fight was fourteen hours long. She planted a scaling ladder with her own hands, and mounted a tower wall, but was struck by an English arrow in the neck, and fell into the trench. She was carried away and the arrow was taken out, during which operation she screamed and cried with the pain, as any other girl might have done; but presently she said that the Voices were speaking to her and soothing her to rest. After a while, she got up, and was again foremost in the fight. When the English who had seen her fall and supposed her dead, saw this, they were troubled with the strangest fears, and some of them cried out that they beheld Saint Michael on a white horse (probably Joan herself) fighting for the French. They lost the bridge, and lost the towers, and next day set their chain of forts on fire, and left the place. But as Lord Suffolk himself retired no farther than the town of Jargeau, which was only a few miles off, the Maid of Orleans besieged him there, and he was taken prisoner. As the white banner scaled the wall, she was struck upon the head with a stone, and was again tumbled down into the ditch; but, she only cried all the more, as she lay there, ‘On, on, my countrymen! And fear nothing, for the Lord hath delivered them into our hands!’ After this new success of the Maid’s, several other fortresses and places which had previously held out against the Dauphin were delivered up without a battle; and at Patay she defeated the remainder of the English army, and set up her victorious white banner on a field where twelve hundred Englishmen lay dead. She now urged the Dauphin (who always kept out of the way when there was any fighting) to proceed to Rheims, as the first part of her mission was accomplished; and to complete the whole by being crowned there. The Dauphin was in no particular hurry to do this, as Rheims was a long way off, and the English and the Duke of Burgundy were still strong in the country through which the road lay. However, they set forth, with ten thousand men, and again the Maid of Orleans rode on and on, upon her white war-horse, and in her shining armour. Whenever they came to a town which yielded readily, the soldiers believed in her; but, whenever they came to a town which gave them any trouble, they began to murmur that she was an impostor. The latter was particularly the case at Troyes, which finally yielded, however, through the persuasion of one Richard, a friar of the place. Friar Richard was in the old doubt about the Maid of Orleans, until he had sprinkled her well with holy water, and had also well sprinkled the threshold of the gate by which she came into the city. Finding that it made no change in her or the gate, he said, as the other grave old gentlemen had said, that it was all right, and became her great ally. So, at last, by dint of riding on and on, the Maid of Orleans, and the Dauphin, and the ten thousand sometimes believing and sometimes unbelieving men, came to Rheims. And in the great cathedral of Rheims, the Dauphin actually was crowned Charles the Seventh in a great assembly of the people. Then, the Maid, who with her white banner stood beside the King in that hour of his triumph, kneeled down upon the pavement at his feet, and said, with tears, that what she had been inspired to do, was done, and that the only recompense she asked for, was, that she should now have leave to go back to her distant home, and her sturdily incredulous father, and her first simple escort the village wheelwright and cart-maker. But the King said ‘No!’ and made her and her family as noble as a King could, and settled upon her the income of a Count. Ah! happy had it been for the Maid of Orleans, if she had resumed her rustic dress that day, and had gone home to the little chapel and the wild hills, and had forgotten all these things, and had been a good man’s wife, and had heard no stranger voices than the voices of little children!

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Observer Classic Books From Page 19 It was not to be, and she continued helping the King (she did a world for him, in alliance with Friar Richard), and trying to improve the lives of the coarse soldiers, and leading a religious, an unselfish, and a modest life, herself, beyond any doubt. Still, many times she prayed the King to let her go home; and once she even took off her bright armour and hung it up in a church, meaning never to wear it more. But, the King always won her back again — while she was of any use to him — and so she went on and on and on, to her doom. When the Duke of Bedford, who was a very able man, began to be active for England, and, by bringing the war back into France and by holding the Duke of Burgundy to his faith, to distress and disturb Charles very much, Charles sometimes asked the Maid of Orleans what the Voices said about it? But, the Voices had become (very like ordinary voices in perplexed times) contradictory and confused, so that now they said one thing, and now said another, and the Maid lost credit every day. Charles marched on Paris, which was opposed to him, and attacked the suburb of Saint Honore. In this fight, being again struck down into the ditch, she was abandoned by the whole army. She lay unaided among a heap of dead, and crawled out how she could. Then, some of her believers went over to an opposition Maid, Catherine of La Rochelle, who said she was inspired to tell where there were treasures of buried money — though she never did — and then Joan accidentally broke the old, old sword, and others said that her power was broken with it. Finally, at the siege of CompiŠgne, held by the Duke of Burgundy, where she did valiant service, she was basely left alone in a retreat, though facing about and fighting to the last; and an archer pulled her off her horse. O the uproar that was made, and the thanksgivings that were sung, about the capture of this one poor country-girl! O the way in which she was demanded to be tried for sorcery and heresy, and anything else you like, by the Inquisitor-General of France, and by this great man, and by that great man, until it is wearisome to think of! She was bought at last by the Bishop of Beauvais for ten thousand francs, and was shut up in her narrow prison: plain Joan of Arc again, and Maid of Orleans no more. I should never have done if I were to tell you how they had Joan out to examine her, and crossexamine her, and re-examine her, and worry her into saying anything and everything; and how all sorts of scholars and doctors bestowed their utmost tediousness upon her. Sixteen times she was brought out and shut up again, and worried, and entrapped, and argued with, until she was heart-sick of the dreary business. On the last occasion of this kind she was brought into a burial-place at Rouen, dismally decorated with a scaffold, and a stake and faggots, and the executioner, and a pulpit with a friar therein, and an awful sermon ready. It is very affecting to know that even at that pass the poor girl honoured the mean vermin of a King, who had so used her for his purposes and so abandoned her; and, that while she had been regardless of reproaches heaped upon herself, she spoke out courageously for him. It was natural in one so young to hold to life. To save her life, she signed a declaration prepared for her — signed it with a cross, for she couldn’t write — that all her visions and Voices had come from the Devil. Upon her recanting the past, and protesting that she would never wear a man’s dress in future, she was condemned to imprisonment for life, ‘on the bread of sorrow and the water of affliction.’ But, on the bread of sorrow and the water of affliction, the visions and the Voices soon returned. It was quite natural that they should do so, for that kind of disease is much aggravated by fasting, loneliness, and anxiety of mind. It was not only got out of Joan that she considered herself inspired again, but, she was taken in a man’s dress, which had been left — to entrap her — in her prison, and which she put on, in her solitude; perhaps, in remembrance of her past glories, perhaps, because the imaginary Voices told her. For this relapse into the sorcery and heresy and anything else you like, she was sentenced to be burnt to death. And, in the marketplace of Rouen, in the hideous dress which the monks had invented for such spectacles; with priests and bishops sitting in a gallery looking on, though some had the Christian grace to go away, unable to endure the infamous scene; this

shrieking girl — last seen amidst the smoke and fire, holding a crucifix between her hands; last heard, calling upon Christ — was burnt to ashes. They threw her ashes into the river Seine; but they will rise against her murderers on the last day. From the moment of her capture, neither the French King nor one single man in all his court raised a finger to save her. It is no defence of them that they may have never really believed in her, or that they may have won her victories by their skill and bravery. The more they pretended to believe in her, the more they had caused her to believe in herself; and she had ever been true to them, ever brave, ever nobly devoted. But, it is no wonder, that they, who were in all things false to themselves, false to one another, false to their country, false to Heaven, false to Earth, should be monsters of ingratitude and treachery to a helpless peasant girl. In the picturesque old town of Rouen, where weeds and grass grow high on the cathedral towers, and the venerable Norman streets are still warm in the blessed sunlight though the monkish fires that once gleamed horribly upon them have long grown cold, there is a statue of Joan of Arc, in the scene of her last agony, the square to which she has given its present name. I know some statues of modern times — even in the World’s metropolis, I think — which commemorate less constancy, less earnestness, smaller claims upon the world’s attention, and much greater impostors. Part the Third BAD deeds seldom prosper, happily for mankind; and the English cause gained no advantage from the cruel death of Joan of Arc. For a long time, the war went heavily on. The Duke of Bedford died; the alliance with the Duke of Burgundy was broken; and Lord Talbot became a great general on the English side in France. But, two of the consequences of wars are, Famine — because the people cannot peacefully cultivate the ground — and Pestilence, which comes of want, misery, and suffering. Both these horrors broke out in both countries, and lasted for two wretched years. Then, the war went on again, and came by slow degrees to be so badly conducted by the English government, that, within twenty years from the execution of the Maid of Orleans, of all the great French conquests, the town of Calais alone remained in English hands. While these victories and defeats were taking place in the course of time, many strange things happened at home. The young King, as he grew up, proved to be very unlike his great father, and showed himself a miserable puny creature. There was no harm in him — he had a great aversion to shedding blood: which was something — but, he was a weak, silly, helpless young man, and a mere shuttlecock to the great lordly battledores about the Court. Of these battledores, Cardinal Beaufort, a relation of the King, and the Duke of Gloucester, were at first the most powerful. The Duke of Gloucester had a wife, who was nonsensically accused of practising witchcraft to cause the King’s death and lead to her husband’s coming to the throne, he being the next heir. She was charged with having, by the help of a ridiculous old woman named Margery (who was called a witch), made a little waxen doll in the King’s likeness, and put it before a slow fire that it might gradually melt away. It was supposed, in such cases, that the death of the person whom the doll was made to represent, was sure to happen. Whether the duchess was as ignorant as the rest of them, and really did make such a doll with such an intention, I don’t know; but, you and I know very well that she might have made a thousand dolls, if she had been stupid enough, and might have melted them all, without hurting the King or anybody else. However, she was tried for it, and so was old Margery, and so was one of the duke’s chaplains, who was charged with having assisted them. Both he and Margery were put to death, and the duchess, after being taken on foot and bearing a lighted candle, three times round the City, as a penance, was imprisoned for life. The duke, himself, took all this pretty quietly, and made as little stir about the matter as if he were rather glad to be rid of the duchess. But, he was not destined to keep himself out of trouble long. The royal shuttlecock being threeand-twenty, the battledores were very anxious to get him married. The Duke of Gloucester wanted him to marry a daughter of the Count of Armagnac; but, the Cardinal and the Earl of

Suffolk were all for MARGARET, the daughter of the King of Sicily, who they knew was a resolute, ambitious woman and would govern the King as she chose. To make friends with this lady, the Earl of Suffolk, who went over to arrange the match, consented to accept her for the King’s wife without any fortune, and even to give up the two most valuable possessions England then had in France. So, the marriage was arranged, on terms very advantageous to the lady; and Lord Suffolk brought her to England, and she was married at Westminster. On what pretence this queen and her party charged the Duke of Gloucester with high treason within a couple of years, it is impossible to make out, the matter is so confused; but, they pretended that the King’s life was in danger, and they took the duke prisoner. A fortnight afterwards, he was found dead in bed (they said), and his body was shown to the people, and Lord Suffolk came in for the best part of his estates. You know by this time how strangely liable state prisoners were to sudden death. If Cardinal Beaufort had any hand in this matter, it did him no good, for he died within six weeks; thinking it very hard and curious — at eighty years old! — that he could not live to be Pope. This was the time when England had completed her loss of all her great French conquests. The people charged the loss principally upon the Earl of Suffolk, now a duke, who had made those easy terms about the Royal Marriage, and who, they believed, had even been bought by France. So he was impeached as a traitor, on a great number of charges, but chiefly on accusations of having aided the French King, and of designing to make his own son King of England. The Commons and the people being violent against him, the King was made (by his friends) to interpose to save him, by banishing him for five years, and proroguing the Parliament. The duke had much ado to escape from a London mob, two thousand strong, who lay in wait for him in St. Giles’s fields; but, he got down to his own estates in Suffolk, and sailed away from Ipswich. Sailing across the Channel, he sent into Calais to know if he might land there; but, they kept his boat and men in the harbour, until an English ship, carrying a hundred and fifty men and called the Nicholas of the Tower, came alongside his little vessel, and ordered him on board. ‘Welcome, traitor, as men say,’ was the captain’s grim and not very respectful salutation. He was kept on board, a prisoner, for eight-and-forty hours, and then a small boat appeared rowing toward the ship. As this boat came nearer, it was seen to have in it a block, a rusty sword, and an executioner in a black mask. The duke was handed down into it, and there his head was cut off with six strokes of the rusty sword. Then, the little boat rowed away to Dover beach, where the body was cast out, and left until the duchess claimed it. By whom, high in authority, this murder was committed, has never appeared. No one was ever punished for it. There now arose in Kent an Irishman, who gave himself the name of Mortimer, but whose real name was JACK CADE. Jack, in imitation of Wat Tyler, though he was a very different and inferior sort of man, addressed the Kentish men upon their wrongs, occasioned by the bad government of England, among so many battledores and such a poor shuttlecock; and the Kentish men rose up to the number of twenty thousand. Their place of assembly was Blackheath, where, headed by Jack, they put forth two papers, which they called ‘The Complaint of the Commons of Kent,’ and ‘The Requests of the Captain of the Great Assembly in Kent.’ They then retired to Sevenoaks. The royal army coming up with them here, they beat it and killed their general. Then, Jack dressed himself in the dead general’s armour, and led his men to London. Jack passed into the City from Southwark, over the bridge, and entered it in triumph, giving the strictest orders to his men not to plunder. Having made a show of his forces there, while the citizens looked on quietly, he went back into Southwark in good order, and passed the night. Next day, he came back again, having got hold in the meantime of Lord Say, an unpopular nobleman. Says Jack to the Lord Mayor and judges: ‘Will you be so good as to make a tribunal in Guildhall, and try me this nobleman?’ The court being hastily made, he was found guilty, and Jack and his men cut his head off on Cornhill. They also cut off the head of his son-in-law, and then went back in good order to Southwark again. But, although the citizens could bear the behead-

ing of an unpopular lord, they could not bear to have their houses pillaged. And it did so happen that Jack, after dinner — perhaps he had drunk a little too much — began to plunder the house where he lodged; upon which, of course, his men began to imitate him. Wherefore, the Londoners took counsel with Lord Scales, who had a thousand soldiers in the Tower; and defended London Bridge, and kept Jack and his people out. This advantage gained, it was resolved by divers great men to divide Jack’s army in the old way, by making a great many promises on behalf of the state, that were never intended to be performed. This DID divide them; some of Jack’s men saying that they ought to take the conditions which were offered, and others saying that they ought not, for they were only a snare; some going home at once; others staying where they were; and all doubting and quarrelling among themselves. Jack, who was in two minds about fighting or accepting a pardon, and who indeed did both, saw at last that there was nothing to expect from his men, and that it was very likely some of them would deliver him up and get a reward of a thousand marks, which was offered for his apprehension. So, after they had travelled and quarrelled all the way from Southwark to Blackheath, and from Blackheath to Rochester, he mounted a good horse and galloped away into Sussex. But, there galloped after him, on a better horse, one Alexander Iden, who came up with him, had a hard fight with him, and killed him. Jack’s head was set aloft on London Bridge, with the face looking towards Blackheath, where he had raised his flag; and Alexander Iden got the thousand marks. It is supposed by some, that the Duke of York, who had been removed from a high post abroad through the Queen’s influence, and sent out of the way, to govern Ireland, was at the bottom of this rising of Jack and his men, because he wanted to trouble the government. He claimed (though not yet publicly) to have a better right to the throne than Henry of Lancaster, as one of the family of the Earl of March, whom Henry the Fourth had set aside. Touching this claim, which, being through female relationship, was not according to the usual descent, it is enough to say that Henry the Fourth was the free choice of the people and the Parliament, and that his family had now reigned undisputed for sixty years. The memory of Henry the Fifth was so famous, and the English people loved it so much, that the Duke of York’s claim would, perhaps, never have been thought of (it would have been so hopeless) but for the unfortunate circumstance of the present King’s being by this time quite an idiot, and the country very ill governed. These two circumstances gave the Duke of York a power he could not otherwise have had. Whether the Duke knew anything of Jack Cade, or not, he came over from Ireland while Jack’s head was on London Bridge; being secretly advised that the Queen was setting up his enemy, the Duke of Somerset, against him. He went to Westminster, at the head of four thousand men, and on his knees before the King, represented to him the bad state of the country, and petitioned him to summon a Parliament to consider it. This the King promised. When the Parliament was summoned, the Duke of York accused the Duke of Somerset, and the Duke of Somerset accused the Duke of York; and, both in and out of Parliament, the followers of each party were full of violence and hatred towards the other. At length the Duke of York put himself at the head of a large force of his tenants, and, in arms, demanded the reformation of the Government. Being shut out of London, he encamped at Dartford, and the royal army encamped at Blackheath. According as either side triumphed, the Duke of York was arrested, or the Duke of Somerset was arrested. The trouble ended, for the moment, in the Duke of York renewing his oath of allegiance, and going in peace to one of his own castles. Half a year afterwards the Queen gave birth to a son, who was very ill received by the people, and not believed to be the son of the King. It shows the Duke of York to have been a moderate man, unwilling to involve England in new troubles, that he did not take advantage of the general discontent at this time, but really acted for the public good. He was made a member of the cabinet, and the King being now so much worse that he could not be carried about and shown to the people with any decency, the duke was made Lord Protector of the kingdom, until - Continued on Page 37

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From Page 20 the King should recover, or the Prince should come of age. At the same time the Duke of Somerset was committed to the Tower. So, now the Duke of Somerset was down, and the Duke of York was up. By the end of the year, however, the King recovered his memory and some spark of sense; upon which the Queen used her power — which recovered with him — to get the Protector disgraced, and her favourite released. So now the Duke of York was down, and the Duke of Somerset was up. These ducal ups and downs gradually separated the whole nation into the two parties of York and Lancaster, and led to those terrible civil wars long known as the Wars of the Red and White Roses, because the red rose was the badge of the House of Lancaster, and the white rose was the badge of the House of York. The Duke of York, joined by some other powerful noblemen of the White Rose party, and leading a small army, met the King with another small army at St. Alban’s, and demanded that the Duke of Somerset should be given up. The poor King, being made to say in answer that he would sooner die, was instantly attacked. The Duke of Somerset was killed, and the King himself was wounded in the neck, and took refuge in the house of a poor tanner. Whereupon, the Duke of York went to him, led him with great submission to the Abbey, and said he was very sorry for what had happened. Having now the King in his possession, he got a Parliament summoned and himself once more made Protector, but, only for a few months; for, on the King getting a little better again, the Queen and her party got him into their possession, and disgraced the Duke once more. So, now the Duke of York was down again. Some of the best men in power, seeing the danger of these constant changes, tried even then to prevent the Red and the White Rose Wars. They brought about a great council in London between the two parties. The White Roses assembled in Blackfriars, the Red Roses in Whitefriars; and some good priests communicated between them, and made the proceedings known at evening to the King and the judges. They ended in a peaceful agreement that there should be no more quarrelling; and there was a great royal procession to St. Paul’s, in which the Queen walked armin-arm with her old enemy, the Duke of York, to show the people how comfortable they all were. This state of peace lasted half a year, when a dispute between the Earl of Warwick (one of the Duke’s powerful friends) and some of the King’s servants at Court, led to an attack upon that Earl — who was a White Rose — and to a sudden breaking out of all old animosities. So, here were greater ups and downs than ever. There were even greater ups and downs than these, soon after. After various battles, the Duke of York fled to Ireland, and his son the Earl of March to Calais, with their friends the Earls of Salisbury and Warwick; and a Parliament was held declaring them all traitors. Little the worse for this, the Earl of Warwick presently came back, landed in Kent, was joined by the Archbishop of Canterbury and other powerful noblemen and gentlemen, engaged the King’s forces at Northampton, signally defeated them, and took the King himself prisoner, who was found in his tent. Warwick would have been glad, I dare say, to have taken the Queen and Prince too, but they escaped into Wales and thence into Scotland. The King was carried by the victorious force straight to London, and made to call a new Parliament, which immediately declared that the Duke of York and those other noblemen were not traitors, but excellent subjects. Then, back comes the Duke from Ireland at the head of five hundred horsemen, rides from London to Westminster, and enters the House of Lords. There, he laid his hand upon the cloth of gold which covered the empty throne, as if he had half a mind to sit down in it — but he did not. On the Archbishop of Canterbury, asking him if he would visit the King, who was in his palace close by, he replied, ‘I know no one in this country, my lord, who ought not to visit ME.’ None of the lords present spoke a single word; so, the duke went out as he had come in, established himself royally in the King’s palace, and, six days afterwards, sent in to the Lords a formal statement of his claim to the throne. The lords went to the King on this momentous subject, and after a great deal of discussion, in which the judges and the other law officers were afraid to give an opinion on either side, the question was com-

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Observer Classic Books promised. It was agreed that the present King should retain the crown for his life, and that it should then pass to the Duke of York and his heirs. But, the resolute Queen, determined on asserting her son’s right, would hear of no such thing. She came from Scotland to the north of England, where several powerful lords armed in her cause. The Duke of York, for his part, set off with some five thousand men, a little time before Christmas Day, one thousand four hundred and sixty, to give her battle. He lodged at Sandal Castle, near Wakefield, and the Red Roses defied him to come out on Wakefield Green, and fight them then and there. His generals said, he had best wait until his gallant son, the Earl of March, came up with his power; but, he was determined to accept the challenge. He did so, in an evil hour. He was hotly pressed on all sides, two thousand of his men lay dead on Wakefield Green, and he himself was taken prisoner. They set him down in mock state on an ant-hill, and twisted grass about his head, and pretended to pay court to him on their knees, saying, ‘O King, without a kingdom, and Prince without a people, we hope your gracious Majesty is very well and happy!’ They did worse than this; they cut his head off, and handed it on a pole to the Queen, who laughed with delight when she saw it (you recollect their walking so religiously and comfortably to St. Paul’s!), and had it fixed, with a paper crown upon its head, on the walls of York. The Earl of Salisbury lost his head, too; and the Duke of York’s second son, a handsome boy who was flying with his tutor over Wakefield Bridge, was stabbed in the heart by a murderous, lord — Lord Clifford by name — whose father had been killed by the White Roses in the fight at St. Alban’s. There was awful sacrifice of life in this battle, for no quarter was given, and the Queen was wild for revenge. When men unnaturally fight against their own countrymen, they are always observed to be more unnaturally cruel and filled with rage than they are against any other enemy. But, Lord Clifford had stabbed the second son of the Duke of York — not the first. The eldest son, Edward Earl of March, was at Gloucester; and, vowing vengeance for the death of his father, his brother, and their faithful friends, he began to march against the Queen. He had to turn and fight a great body of Welsh and Irish first, who worried his advance. These he defeated in a great fight at Mortimer’s Cross, near Hereford, where he beheaded a number of the Red Roses taken in battle, in retaliation for the beheading of the White Roses at Wakefield. The Queen had the next turn of beheading. Having moved towards London, and falling in, between St. Alban’s and Barnet, with the Earl of Warwick and the Duke of Norfolk, White Roses both, who were there with an army to oppose her, and had got the King with them; she defeated them with great loss, and struck off the heads of two prisoners of note, who were in the King’s tent with him, and to whom the King had promised his protection. Her triumph, however, was very short. She had no treasure, and her army subsisted by plunder. This caused them to be hated and dreaded by the people, and particularly by the London people, who were wealthy. As soon as the Londoners heard that Edward, Earl of March, united with the Earl of Warwick, was advancing towards the city, they refused to send the Queen supplies, and made a great rejoicing. The Queen and her men retreated with all speed, and Edward and Warwick came on, greeted with loud acclamations on every side. The courage, beauty, and virtues of young Edward could not be sufficiently praised by the whole people. He rode into London like a conqueror, and met with an enthusiastic welcome. A few days afterwards, Lord Falconbridge and the Bishop of Exeter assembled the citizens in St. John’s Field, Clerkenwell, and asked them if they would have Henry of Lancaster for their King? To this they all roared, ‘No, no, no!’ and ‘King Edward! King Edward!’ Then, said those noblemen, would they love and serve young Edward? To this they all cried, ‘Yes, yes!’ and threw up their caps and clapped their hands, and cheered tremendously. Therefore, it was declared that by joining the Queen and not protecting those two prisoners of note, Henry of Lancaster had forfeited the crown; and Edward of York was proclaimed King. He made a great speech to the applauding people at Westminster, and sat down as sovereign of England on that throne, on the golden covering of which his father — worthy of a better fate than the bloody axe which cut the thread

of so many lives in England, through so many years — had laid his hand.

CHAPTER 23. ENGLAND UNDER EDWARD THE FOURTH KING EDWARD THE FOURTH was not quite twenty-one years of age when he took that unquiet seat upon the throne of England. The Lancaster party, the Red Roses, were then assembling in great numbers near York, and it was necessary to give them battle instantly. But, the stout Earl of Warwick leading for the young King, and the young King himself closely following him, and the English people crowding round the Royal standard, the White and the Red Roses met, on a wild March day when the snow was falling heavily, at Towton; and there such a furious battle raged between them, that the total loss amounted to forty thousand men — all Englishmen, fighting, upon English ground, against one another. The young King gained the day, took down the heads of his father and brother from the walls of York, and put up the heads of some of the most famous noblemen engaged in the battle on the other side. Then, he went to London and was crowned with great splendour. A new Parliament met. No fewer than one hundred and fifty of the principal noblemen and gentlemen on the Lancaster side were declared traitors, and the King — who had very little humanity, though he was handsome in person and agreeable in manners — resolved to do all he could, to pluck up the Red Rose root and branch. Queen Margaret, however, was still active for her young son. She obtained help from Scotland and from Normandy, and took several important English castles. But, Warwick soon retook them; the Queen lost all her treasure on board ship in a great storm; and both she and her son suffered great misfortunes. Once, in the winter weather, as they were riding through a forest, they were attacked and plundered by a party of robbers; and, when they had escaped from these men and were passing alone and on foot through a thick dark part of the wood, they came, all at once, upon another robber. So the Queen, with a stout heart, took the little Prince by the hand, and going straight up to that robber, said to him, ‘My friend, this is the young son of your lawful King! I confide him to your care.’ The robber was surprised, but took the boy in his arms, and faithfully restored him and his mother to their friends. In the end, the Queen’s soldiers being beaten and dispersed, she went abroad again, and kept quiet for the present. Now, all this time, the deposed King Henry was concealed by a Welsh knight, who kept him close in his castle. But, next year, the Lancaster party recovering their spirits, raised a large body of men, and called him out of his retirement, to put him at their head. They were joined by some powerful noblemen who had sworn fidelity to the new King, but who were ready, as usual, to break their oaths, whenever they thought there was anything to be got by it. One of the worst things in the history of the war of the Red and White Roses, is the ease with which these noblemen, who should have set an example of honour to the people, left either side as they took slight offence, or were disappointed in their greedy expectations, and joined the other. Well! Warwick’s brother soon beat the Lancastrians, and the false noblemen, being taken, were beheaded without a moment’s loss of time. The deposed King had a narrow escape; three of his servants were taken, and one of them bore his cap of estate, which was set with pearls and embroidered with two golden crowns. However, the head to which the cap belonged, got safely into Lancashire, and lay pretty quietly there (the people in the secret being very true) for more than a year. At length, an old monk gave such intelligence as led to Henry’s being taken while he was sitting at dinner in a place called Waddington Hall. He was immediately sent to London, and met at Islington by the Earl of Warwick, by whose directions he was put upon a horse, with his legs tied under it, and paraded three times round the pillory. Then, he was carried off to the Tower, where they treated him well enough. The White Rose being so triumphant, the young King abandoned himself entirely to pleasure, and led a jovial life. But, thorns were springing up under his bed of roses, as he soon found out. For, having been privately married to ELIZABETH WOODVILLE, a young widow lady, very beautiful and very captivating; and at last resolving to make his secret known, and to de-

clare her his Queen; he gave some offence to the Earl of Warwick, who was usually called the King-Maker, because of his power and influence, and because of his having lent such great help to placing Edward on the throne. This offence was not lessened by the jealousy with which the Nevil family (the Earl of Warwick’s) regarded the promotion of the Woodville family. For, the young Queen was so bent on providing for her relations, that she made her father an earl and a great officer of state; married her five sisters to young noblemen of the highest rank; and provided for her younger brother, a young man of twenty, by marrying him to an immensely rich old duchess of eighty. The Earl of Warwick took all this pretty graciously for a man of his proud temper, until the question arose to whom the King’s sister, MARGARET, should be married. The Earl of Warwick said, ‘To one of the French King’s sons,’ and was allowed to go over to the French King to make friendly proposals for that purpose, and to hold all manner of friendly interviews with him. But, while he was so engaged, the Woodville party married the young lady to the Duke of Burgundy! Upon this he came back in great rage and scorn, and shut himself up discontented, in his Castle of Middleham. A reconciliation, though not a very sincere one, was patched up between the Earl of Warwick and the King, and lasted until the Earl married his daughter, against the King’s wishes, to the Duke of Clarence. While the marriage was being celebrated at Calais, the people in the north of England, where the influence of the Nevil family was strongest, broke out into rebellion; their complaint was, that England was oppressed and plundered by the Woodville family, whom they demanded to have removed from power. As they were joined by great numbers of people, and as they openly declared that they were supported by the Earl of Warwick, the King did not know what to do. At last, as he wrote to the earl beseeching his aid, he and his new son-in-law came over to England, and began to arrange the business by shutting the King up in Middleham Castle in the safe keeping of the Archbishop of York; so England was not only in the strange position of having two kings at once, but they were both prisoners at the same time. Even as yet, however, the King-Maker was so far true to the King, that he dispersed a new rising of the Lancastrians, took their leader prisoner, and brought him to the King, who ordered him to be immediately executed. He presently allowed the King to return to London, and there innumerable pledges of forgiveness and friendship were exchanged between them, and between the Nevils and the Woodvilles; the King’s eldest daughter was promised in marriage to the heir of the Nevil family; and more friendly oaths were sworn, and more friendly promises made, than this book would hold. They lasted about three months. At the end of that time, the Archbishop of York made a feast for the King, the Earl of Warwick, and the Duke of Clarence, at his house, the Moor, in Hertfordshire. The King was washing his hands before supper, when some one whispered him that a body of a hundred men were lying in ambush outside the house. Whether this were true or untrue, the King took fright, mounted his horse, and rode through the dark night to Windsor Castle. Another reconciliation was patched up between him and the King-Maker, but it was a short one, and it was the last. A new rising took place in Lincolnshire, and the King marched to repress it. Having done so, he proclaimed that both the Earl of Warwick and the Duke of Clarence were traitors, who had secretly assisted it, and who had been prepared publicly to join it on the following day. In these dangerous circumstances they both took ship and sailed away to the French court. And here a meeting took place between the Earl of Warwick and his old enemy, the Dowager Queen Margaret, through whom his father had had his head struck off, and to whom he had been a bitter foe. But, now, when he said that he had done with the ungrateful and perfidious Edward of York, and that henceforth he devoted himself to the restoration of the House of Lancaster, either in the person of her husband or of her little son, she embraced him as if he had ever been her dearest friend. She did more than that; she married her son to his second daughter, the Lady Anne. However agreeable this marriage was to the new friends, it was very disagreeable to the Duke of Clarence, who per-

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From Page 37 ceived that his father-in-law, the King-Maker, would never make HIM King, now. So, being but a weak-minded young traitor, possessed of very little worth or sense, he readily listened to an artful court lady sent over for the purpose, and promised to turn traitor once more, and go over to his brother, King Edward, when a fitting opportunity should come. The Earl of Warwick, knowing nothing of this, soon redeemed his promise to the Dowager Queen Margaret, by invading England and landing at Plymouth, where he instantly proclaimed King Henry, and summoned all Englishmen between the ages of sixteen and sixty, to join his banner. Then, with his army increasing as he marched along, he went northward, and came so near King Edward, who was in that part of the country, that Edward had to ride hard for it to the coast of Norfolk, and thence to get away in such ships as he could find, to Holland. Thereupon, the triumphant King-Maker and his false son-in-law, the Duke of Clarence, went to London, took the old King out of the Tower, and walked him in a great procession to Saint Paul’s Cathedral with the crown upon his head. This did not improve the temper of the Duke of Clarence, who saw himself farther off from being King than ever; but he kept his secret, and said nothing. The Nevil family were restored to all their honours and glories, and the Woodvilles and the rest were disgraced. The King-Maker, less sanguinary than the King, shed no blood except that of the Earl of Worcester, who had been so cruel to the people as to have gained the title of the Butcher. Him they caught hidden in a tree, and him they tried and executed. No other death stained the King-Maker’s triumph. To dispute this triumph, back came King Edward again, next year, landing at Ravenspur, coming on to York, causing all his men to cry ‘Long live King Henry!’ and swearing on the altar, without a blush, that he came to lay no claim to the crown. Now was the time for the Duke of Clarence, who ordered his men to assume the White Rose, and declare for his brother. The Marquis of Montague, though the Earl of Warwick’s brother, also declining to fight against King Edward, he went on successfully to London, where the Archbishop of York let him into the City, and where the people made great dem-

onstrations in his favour. For this they had four reasons. Firstly, there were great numbers of the King’s adherents hiding in the City and ready to break out; secondly, the King owed them a great deal of money, which they could never hope to get if he were unsuccessful; thirdly, there was a young prince to inherit the crown; and fourthly, the King was gay and handsome, and more popular than a better man might have been with the City ladies. After a stay of only two days with these worthy supporters, the King marched out to Barnet Common, to give the Earl of Warwick battle. And now it was to be seen, for the last time, whether the King or the KingMaker was to carry the day. While the battle was yet pending, the fainthearted Duke of Clarence began to repent, and sent over secret messages to his father-in-law, offering his services in mediation with the King. But, the Earl of Warwick disdainfully rejected them, and replied that Clarence was false and perjured, and that he would settle the quarrel by the sword. The battle began at four o’clock in the morning and lasted until ten, and during the greater part of the time it was fought in a thick mist — absurdly supposed to be raised by a magician. The loss of life was very great, for the hatred was strong on both sides. The King-Maker was defeated, and the King triumphed. Both the Earl of Warwick and his brother were slain, and their bodies lay in St. Paul’s, for some days, as a spectacle to the people. Margaret’s spirit was not broken even by this great blow. Within five days she was in arms again, and raised her standard in Bath, whence she set off with her army, to try and join Lord Pembroke, who had a force in Wales. But, the King, coming up with her outside the town of Tewkesbury, and ordering his brother, the DUKE OF GLOUCESTER, who was a brave soldier, to attack her men, she sustained an entire defeat, and was taken prisoner, together with her son, now only eighteen years of age. The conduct of the King to this poor youth was worthy of his cruel character. He ordered him to be led into his tent. ‘And what,’ said he, ‘brought YOU to England?’ ‘I came to England,’ replied the prisoner, with a spirit which a man of spirit might have admired in a captive, ‘to recover my father’s kingdom, which descended to him as his right, and from him descends to me, as mine.’ The

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King, drawing off his iron gauntlet, struck him with it in the face; and the Duke of Clarence and some other lords, who were there, drew their noble swords, and killed him. His mother survived him, a prisoner, for five years; after her ransom by the King of France, she survived for six years more. Within three weeks of this murder, Henry died one of those convenient sudden deaths which were so common in the Tower; in plainer words, he was murdered by the King’s order. Having no particular excitement on his hands after this great defeat of the Lancaster party, and being perhaps desirous to get rid of some of his fat (for he was now getting too corpulent to be handsome), the King thought of making war on France. As he wanted more money for this purpose than the Parliament could give him, though they were usually ready enough for war, he invented a new way of raising it, by sending for the principal citizens of London, and telling them, with a grave face, that he was very much in want of cash, and would take it very kind in them if they would lend him some. It being impossible for them safely to refuse, they complied, and the moneys thus forced from them were called — no doubt to the great amusement of the King and the Court — as if they were free gifts, ‘Benevolences.’ What with grants from Parliament, and what with Benevolences, the King raised an army and passed over to Calais. As nobody wanted war, however, the French King made proposals of peace, which were accepted, and a truce was concluded for seven long years. The proceedings between the Kings of France and England on this occasion, were very friendly, very splendid, and very distrustful. They finished with a meeting between the two Kings, on a temporary bridge over the river Somme, where they embraced through two holes in a strong wooden grating like a lion’s cage, and made several bows and fine speeches to one another. It was time, now, that the Duke of Clarence should be punished for his treacheries; and Fate had his punishment in store. He was, probably, not trusted by the King — for who could trust him who knew him! — and he had certainly a powerful opponent in his brother Richard, Duke of Gloucester, who, being avaricious and ambitious, wanted to marry that widowed daughter

of the Earl of Warwick’s who had been espoused to the deceased young Prince, at Calais. Clarence, who wanted all the family wealth for himself, secreted this lady, whom Richard found disguised as a servant in the City of London, and whom he married; arbitrators appointed by the King, then divided the property between the brothers. This led to ill-will and mistrust between them. Clarence’s wife dying, and he wishing to make another marriage, which was obnoxious to the King, his ruin was hurried by that means, too. At first, the Court struck at his retainers and dependents, and accused some of them of magic and witchcraft, and similar nonsense. Successful against this small game, it then mounted to the Duke himself, who was impeached by his brother the King, in person, on a variety of such charges. He was found guilty, and sentenced to be publicly executed. He never was publicly executed, but he met his death somehow, in the Tower, and, no doubt, through some agency of the King or his brother Gloucester, or both. It was supposed at the time that he was told to choose the manner of his death, and that he chose to be drowned in a butt of Malmsey wine. I hope the story may be true, for it would have been a becoming death for such a miserable creature. The King survived him some five years. He died in the forty-second year of his life, and the twenty-third of his reign. He had a very good capacity and some good points, but he was selfish, careless, sensual, and cruel. He was a favourite with the people for his showy manners; and the people were a good example to him in the constancy of their attachment. He was penitent on his death-bed for his ‘benevolences,’ and other extortions, and ordered restitution to be made to the people who had suffered from them. He also called about his bed the enriched members of the Woodville family, and the proud lords whose honours were of older date, and endeavoured to reconcile them, for the sake of the peaceful succession of his son and the tranquillity of England. To Be Continued

Observer Crossword Solution No 10 T OP P L I NG P E R T O A E C EO O P A S S E SON P ROV U T K S EM I S P R A I S E V P U T D A N MOA T S E K NOC KON U P R I I I T UMB L E N ON A S S I S U N I C T E O L A U BOS S A NOV A L A R A P N B R A T S V A L I D I T Y P Y T H A I S U O E R A N SOMS S UR E I T O E X I T O L E I G A R S E N A L I N K Y L I E D AGA S S I A S U S A I U MOB Y P M A D V E R B O U P T O E U D O HOCU S MA CHO R P R I N I A N A P P Y M T T A L K E R A GOB I N N N A I L S N I ND I GO N S T AG I T L A S E R D B E D S I D E I ND I O A N R E E L R MOROCCO A V EM B K L B N S K I S S A P E R I T I F R N N C P A N E D I S P E N S E R ME L M O O E A A I MP A I R S P TW I E C MA D AME T E N T HR A L I S H Y S E N E E D S A ME T R E S X MUND U A I MONO D MA L I GN E D G L OS O E NU B F P B E F U S UNDR E S S

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E AM J I E S S C E T A R B L R Y I RD S G N E D I E R I E V P AGE N S A N T I R E D C C E D L I A I D N N GO T N B I A O I NG T H AGE L T I L T C O S T S U TMA O S U P R E S T T O HON E N R S E