The Advice Doctor

Dear Advice Doctor,

I have two jobs, both of them very physically demanding, while my husband works at home sitting in a chair all day. I come home completely exhausted every day, while he has done nothing, at least physically. But guess who sleeps like a baby? My husband! Advice please.

— Weary of Weariness

Dear Weary,

Thank you so much for entrusting me with the important job of finding a solution to this problem. I am impressed that you care so much about your husband. We have got to get this man some help! The poor guy must be absolutely dragging.

I did some research and found that although newborns may sleep anywhere from 14 to 17 hours in every 24-hour day, they do so only in short segments. They wake up every two to four hours, which from your description is exactly what your husband is doing, to be fed, burped, and have their diapers changed (babies that is, not your husband).

While that might work for newborns, sleeping like a baby is bad news for grown-ups. We need uninterrupted sleep — what experts call sleep continuity. No one fully understands all of the mechanisms behind sleep and brain health, but research strongly suggests that sleep continuity is vital for maintaining proper thinking ability, forming memories, and being able to make sensible decisions. Interrupted sleep is so unsalubrious that in some respects it’s worse than no sleep at all. Researchers found that people whose sleep was interrupted three nights in a row fared worse in mental acuity and were more cranky than people who got less sleep, but what they got was uninterrupted.

Our goal is to stop your husband from waking up every two to four hours. He will feel much better. How can we do it?

Simple things we know but sometimes don’t do: Exercise promotes healthful sleep, but not in the hours before bed. Ditto for drinking coffee or alcohol. Not drinking anything in the last hour or two before bed can prevent sleep interruptions too. Start to wind down into quiet and relaxed mode well before bedtime, which should be the same time 7 days a week. Don’t have screens in your bedroom. Keep the room cool: snuggling under the covers promotes the cozy feeling that promotes sleep.

I hope this answers your question. Thanks for writing!

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