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“I don’t appreciate the way you introduced me,” said the baboon. “You couldn’t have called me Brother Bobby?”

Moe: A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

Joe: No joke.

Moe: My doctor took one look at my big fat belly and refused to believe that I work out.

Apreacher on a mission trip to Africa discovered a baboon that could talk. He bought it, brought it back home, and took it to church every Sunday. The baboon sat silently week after week, taking it all in, and the preacher spent his days secretly teaching it to pray, preach, and sing all his favorite hymns.

The baboon rapidly progressed behind the scenes from the few words it knew in the African village to be an accomplished preacher.

One Sunday the preacher decided the baboon was ready to make his debut in the congregation. He strode to the pulpit and announced, “Today the baboon will open our services with a word of prayer to the Lord.”

The baboon sat in his usual spot and didn’t move a muscle.

The preacher tried again. “Let us give our attention to the baboon as we bow our heads.”

The baboon gave no indication that he understood a word the preacher said. The preacher had no choice but to shrug it off and move on.

Later, after the congregation left, the preacher indignantly asked, “Why didn’t you pray when I asked you to?”

Joe: What did you do?

Moe: I listed all the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, jog my memory, stretch the truth, run late and beat around the bush.

Moe: Why are jails for amoeba so small?

Joe: They’re single-cell, right?

A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong, buddy?” The Möbius strip replies, “Where do I even begin?”

Moe: I’m about to be rich!

Joe: How do you figure?

Moe: I have discovered the cure for insomnia.

Joe: Do tell.

Moe: When you go to bed tonight, lie as close to the edge of the bed as possible.

Joe: How is that supposed to help?

Moe: Trust me, it works. Before long you’ll drop right off.