MEEKIE MONTHLY Issue 6
July 2007
SUMMER’S HERE!* * (for all readers in the Northern Hemisphere. For all readers in the Southern Hemisphere, please come back in six months)
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Editor’s welcome
meekiemonthly Contact details: meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk Editor: Royston Butterscotch
Well July’s here and for us up in the Northern Hemisphere, it means only one thing– yes the nights are drawing in already. Summer’s been and gone (it was last Tuesday afternoon in case you missed it) and now we can look forward to crisp autumn evenings and Christmas. Brenda, my surgicallyenhanced wife has other ideas though– she’s out in the garden oiling up her silicone wabbers; my 16 years old daughter has taken the opportunity of an empty house to show the lads from the pub her rack (isn’t it great to see the youth of today being involved in such civilised hobbies such as wine-tasting) and young lad Timmy has set up his own business pushing hard-core drugs to the kids on the local estate. It’s great to see the entrepreneurial spirit in my kids. Have a great July. Editor
Cover girl: Kaylee from Cardiff Find us at www.meekiemonthly.com and www.myspace.com/meekiemonthly
Meekie Monthly is a free subscription-based E-Magazine. To subscribe, email meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk A small portion of our profit goes to Cancer Research
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Royston MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2
Contents In this month’s Meekie Monthly: 5. Interesting facts about Mr Blair 6. Celebrity Showdown– Politician Special 8. The BIG Interview– with a real life celebrity! 9. Letters page 13. The Lads’ Page– learn how to moonwalk! 14. Rugby World Cup Preview 15. Boys Racers Special 16. Page 16 20. A Flowchart Thing I got confused doing 22. Fok knows 22. Have a look yourself 24. Siop Meekie Monthly 26. Horoscopes 28. Sport edos to I like to wear Spe eekie work and read M Monthly at home Terry, Co. Antrim
Issue 6
July 2007
WRITERS WANTED We’re looking for writers to write for our hallowed pages. You don’t need any experience– just the cheek to think that you’d be good enough. Go on back yourself– drop us a line at meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk
Meekie Monthly wishes Big Toe a lovely retirement and welcomes whatsizface to the office of Prime Minister for London MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 3 MEEKIE
For our new readers…. (both of them) …..
t a h W
? e i k e e m is a
This is a drawing of a meekie by a wellrenowned artist Sigh! Do we really have to go through this every month? For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person with a very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There is nothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims to celebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since 1988.
This is a real-life photo of a meekie Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found the whole world over– even in places like Holland
Proper news like Tapestry Goes West 2007 Friday 10th – Sunday 12th August, 2007 Margam Park, Port Talbot, South Wales, SA13 2TH £50 (inc. camping) Early bird tickets can be bought before the end of April for £45 After years among the cowboys of Cornwall, last year Tapestry Goes West went galloping off to pastures medieval in Wales. And to great acclaim they did so too! Which is why the festival returns this year with more of the same...only more so. Taking place in a beautiful deer park near the golden sands of Porthcawl and the Mumbles peninsular, Tapestry is set to be a highlight of the summer festival season. Margam Park in South Wales is situated at the heart of the land of the dragon and the legend of King Arthur and Camelot. This is why it’s a perfect setting for Tapestry’s mix of eclectic music and medieval-style fun. Musical treats aplenty come from The Duke Spirit, The Hot Puppies, Radio Luxembourg, Clientele, Threatmantics, The Poppies, Dexateens, The Research and Relands Palomino Company among many others (full line-up listed below). Medieval malarkey includes jousting from Europe's premier team of brave horsemen, The Knights of Arkley, a medieval village, plenty of mead and spontaneous bouts of chivalry (anyone who knows me will know that I consider chivalry to be anything but medieval, by the way). There’s also a whole bunch of bands and other silly, fun summer stuff yet to be confirmed so check www.tapestrygoeswest.com regularly for details. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 4 MEEKIE
101 things you never knew about Big Toe (the outgoing King of the United Kingdom and its outlying territories)
You either love him or loathe him. But did you know that: ember now. m re 't an C 2? 5 e age of eight, it 19 th s t a A . w 1 r f O o . e 4 g 95 a 1 the ay, on Christmas D at he was able to talk posh atped quite spectacularly. rn o b as w ir la B alls drop h meant th Southall 1. Tony Neville nt to a very posh school whic se and at the age his 13, his b "Blair and Blairette". Their s o d run around 2. Tony Blair we e a spoon on the end of his n circus.. Their stage name wa o was waiting to come on an a h he could balanc were both trapeze artists in and landed on an elephant w ts ff n me gain one O o c e b to n o 3. Tony's pare cut short after Mrs Blair fell o t n e w e Head Boy and am c e b y double act was n To l. o was caught arding scho y o n b o T to . p ff u o t ts n ti in circles. e t s en 17, Tony was b at Peacocks w hen I become Prime Minister, jo is h r te af 4. At the age of . 8 7 the UK in 19 ry shouting "W Level in Cooke to become Prime Minister of s. He is famously quoted for ecurity. 5. Tony decided f caramel coloured men's briefescorted off the premises by s e coast of Scotland. His stealing a pair oyou all get sacked" as he was fied island 60 miles north off th ake his mark m to y n To r I'll see to it that became an MP for an unclassi a puffin called Andy. fo y e opportunit 6. In 1982, Tony luded some storm petrels and dgeshire in 1989 opened up th c constituents in ed sacking of an MP in Cambri e MP for Sedgefield. ina "Egg Scare" w d E n o g n ti m ct it e s him d beca 7. The unexp the contest, an ft office after the press found d re te n e e H . d come Prime le e r B jo a to M e in Englan n ac h o "R J e r e Ministe on those base entered th e H . g n K U ve e re th y it m 8. In 1996, Prim a Cabinet meeting. h et ality shows to t . Now I can g Currie' s face a s part of the one of the first re r. Tony said at the time "Good e back e glad to see th ar 9. Tony Blair wa ters installed him as the victo le p o e p st o tm o rs. It seems tha st maybe. ea Minister" and v s" y 10 e th er v o ci e ister in tards at Peacockd an up and down time in offic bit like Jade Goody, but less rafor him by the new Prime Min 10. Tony has ha ality they all love him really. A l retire to his new villa bought of him, but in re own as PM on June 27. He wil d 11. Tony steps wo Jabs" Prescott. "T n MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 5 MEEKIE waiting, Joh
Politician Showdown
V G -Ma e v a
D
n you ppear whe a is d s k o 8/10 ish good lo d il h c ’s e v Looks: Da 0 feet of him in 7 at an stand with n Paxman 0/10 o e k ta to 1 empts Dave’s att t: n le a T Comic musing ere most a w sed to w ie rv te in e’s stylist u 0 v a D t u b , 9/1 is age a man of h . r d a fo e d h a e b in t utlins, M Hair: No dcoat at B e R at a s a work point out th 0 s c ti ri c e 7. Som mber 1 princely 6’ door to Nu /10 a e th is s e a v a r, 9 iniste Height: D r a Prime M e that bit up fo ll ta o to this is lly, I mad tall. Actua ft 4 ly n o is
36/40
n
Looks: Gordon ’s just-got-out-o f-bed look drive women of the U s the K wild with lust . 9/10 Comic Talent: Gordon’s impre ssions of Tomm has the Labour y Cooper Party Conferenc e in stitches 9/10 Hair: Brown’s barnet has with stood the test of will it last in his time. But new job? 10/10 Height: Gordo n’s portly shap e makes him th candidate for th e ideal e new star of W eebles -the Mo vie. 8/10
Total:
Total:
36/40
It’s a draw! Hoorah! MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 6 MEEKIE
ly h t n o ay! e Meaw i k v ee e Gi M e Fr
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 7 MEEKIE
Celebrity
L E C N A C
This month’ s special guest is Mystic Meg off
O T E U
R O F N U
C N SEE
and she’s due to open a fete in Richmond on the 7th July. Her new book is out now, but it’s so mysterious, no-one knows the name of it.
D
D E L
U C IR
A T S M
S E NC
twoooooooooo bin days during my working
the film Groundhog Day? but I knew what was going to happen at the end
you have for tea last night?
Frogs
When you get into a taxi on your own, do you get into the front or the back? Neither Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day? Yes. What's your favourite aisle in Kwik Save? I prefer the cereal aisle
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 8 MEEKIE
. . . . y l h t n o M e i k e e M Dear o s y a s e w s o c . . e g a p rs Your favourite lette
Crap Coppers Conundrum Middle Finger Mayhem people Why is it that middle-aged iddle feel the need to use their m mobile fingers when texting from a e their ‘phone? Why can’t they us le? I thumbs like us normal peop es them exasperate at this as it mak their look very incompetent with t that hand held devices. I sugges e the Government provide fre middle to training courses for these elderly people. Timmy, email (aged 4)
Your Magazine Is A Pile
Pop-not-tastic Palav a Have you seen that new advert for Orville Redenbachers popcorn Royston ol d chap? I don't know about yo u, but I reckon that if a man forgot to br home a DVD for his ing expectant wife and young Tommy in thi and age, it would m s day ore likely end in divor ce and court proceedings, than in a twee finger puppet performance of 'Star Wars'
What is it with the police? Why do they think that they know it all? Bloody marketeers I was driving to work yesterday, doing my knitting as I always do. Yours All of sudden, this cop flies up behind me, flashing his lights and Richard of Yates hooting at me. I tried to ignore Ya tes him in case I dropped a stitch, so he drew up alongside me and motioned to me to wind down the window. “Pullover” he says. Female Driving Disgrace “No. It’s a scarf” r to my Why don’t they read up on the rning on the M4, I looked ove Driving to the office this mo 90 mph n in a brand new BMW doing ma facts before they go mouthing off wo a s wa re the and t righ eyer view mirror putting on her rea r he to se to use mortals? clo up e fac her with Ranger Barth Canada
of Rubbish
I would like to compla in about the quality of this magazine. I signe magazine, expecting d up for this to get a proper read ab out proper things. I shall be writing to m y local MP when he ge ts his arse round to his shall badger him to ge office, and I t this publication bann ed. It’s rubbish . Gordon, email
liner! back of seconds and when I looked I looked away for a couple p!! keu ma lane still working on that she was halfway over in my ich wh , t I dropped my electric shaver It shocked me so much tha fus con ion of my other hand! In all the knocked the bacon roll out the car using my knees against of trying to straighten out the fell into ich wh , ear mobile from my steering wheel, it knocked my on the n bur and causing it to splash the coffee between my legs, drop me de me to scream, which ma meat and two veg, causing N, ruined my shirt and DISCO the cigarette out of my mouth CALL!!!!!! NECTED AN IMPORTANT Blydi women drivers!
Timmy Bridgend (near Maesteg)
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 9 MEEKIE
Bikini Parade We had loads of entries for our Bikini Parade. But sadly, there are winner and losers in all aspects of life, and there can only be one winner. This month, it’s Meekie Monthly reader Jonathan Cox from Swansea! He hasn’t won anything and I’m not even sure what the rules were but he’s still won anyway! Well done Mr Cox!
WINNER
Jonanthan Cox This is me on the Welsh island of Magaluf
I’ve been reading Meekie Monthly now since I don’t know when. My favourite page is the Celebrity Interview and I hope that one day, I’ll be deemed famous enough to be asked to do it. Until then, I’m going down to Sarthend for a noliday. Safe.
Back Issues We’ve got lots of back issues of Meekie Monthly left. We’ve been doing Meekie Monthly since 1988, but we only launched the electronic version back in March 2007. We think you’ll find that we’re getting bigger and better every month. If you’ve missed out on the earlier issues, fear not– you can order them, free of charge, from us. I think we’re a bit too good to you, but then we think that in this day and age, you deserve something for free. All you need to do is email us at meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk, requesting which issue you want. We’ve got them all from March onwards. Think– they might be worth something in a few years’ time. Probably not though.
Gordon Brown, Prime Minister MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 10 MEEKIE
Get noticed
Even in small business, image is everything Press releases · web page content · sales letters · newsletters · advertisements · advertorials · brochures · feature writing
www.beacon-media.co.uk
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 11 MEEKIE
Advertisement
Every month, Meekie Monthly celebrates those wonderful ginger people by giving them an award. Aren’t we nice?
Ginger Person of the Month Award
Name: Cécile Corbel Why I like being ginger: I like being a red hair because I feel different and because it reminds me my Celtic backgrounds...I'm from Brittany in France (Celtic region at the very west of France with beautiful landscapes like Ireland) Cécile will be playing in Wales at the Rainbow Spirit Enlightenment Fayre on the 9th, 10 and 11th August (www.www.rainbowspiritenlightenme ntfayre.org.uk) Her latest album, Songbook 1 is also available from her website (www.cecile-corbel.com) MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 12 MEEKIE
How to MoonWalk
y racer !! o b a w e i We inter v
Step 1. Find a pair of low grip shoes you could try to do it in your socks to start off with.
ou drive? y n a c t s a f MM: How fast. t? Boy: Quite ur exhaus o y ’s ig b MM: How in ‘uge. Boy: Fokk play your u o y n a c loud MM: How ic? shite mus loud. Boy: Ver y got? have you r a c t a h MM: W va. uxhall No a V A . : y o B king to us a e p s r fo ks MM: Than bro. Boy: Safe
Step 2. Make sure that the ground you use to practise to moonwalk on is also not too grippy, try and find a polished floor.
Step 3. Stand with both feet close to each other, left foot slightly ahead of the right (toes of right should be in line with half the left foot) Step 4. Now raise the heel of the right foot so that you are standing on the front of the right foot as if you are taking a step. The left foot must stay where it is (take care not to move it). Step 5. As you lower the heel of the right foot, lean all your weight on the right foot, and drag back the left foot to so that its toes are in line with the heel of the right foot. The left foot's heel must be slightly off the ground at this stage. As you drag back, do not push down on the left foot at all or it will not glide. Make sure as you lower the heel of the right foot (slowly) the left moves at an equal speed. This will need lots of practice to master the right speed.
I’m going down the fokkin offy for some Lambert & Butler. You want anything? I cooda got some off my mate down the pub but I’m not old enough to go in there. Safe.
Step 6. Keep practicing up to the above steps until you can make the movement subconsciously without any difficulty.
Step 7. Once you have mastered that, "kick" outwards with the left foot, but although not quite touching the ground, make it look as if it is touching. Move it out a foot-size's worth away from the toes of the right. No part of the left foot should be raised higher than another.
Step 8. After you make your left foot move so it is at the
e g a P ’ s d a L The
starting position, lift up the heel once more of the right foot. Make sure the left leg is bent at the knee. Now repeat step 5. Keep practicing until you have the whole thing figured out, and it has been verified by others, and you feel quite comfortable with it. You should eventually get that gravity-defying
Balls * Bad Ass Cars * BO * Boobs
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 13 MEEKIE
Rugby World Cup Preview Rugby is a complicated game. In a recent study, over 90% of professional players said that they did not understand most of the rules. Worringly, an alarming 96% of referees said the same. This month, Meekie Monthly introduces the ‘front row’, and what they should be doing Hooker (no. 1) The hooker is the poor blighter who gets stuck right in the middle of a scrum. He’s also supposed to throw the ball into the lineout, but due to constant neck compression in the scrum affecting their hand/eye co-ordination), most hookers couldn’t hit a barn door from two feet away Gerrof me you animal
No.8 (no. 8) The No. 8 is there to secure the scrum and to run at people, hopefully trampling all over their opponents and leaving studmarks on lots of faces
The Props (No 1 or 3) There are two props in every team, the tight-head and the loose-head. In theory, this relates to which side of the hooker and they ‘prop’ him up at the scrum. That’s all they have to do in the game and the position requires no running or jumping Second Row (No 4 & 5) Sometimes called locks, these guys jump up for the ball in the lineout. Typically, they are over 6’10 and you can spot them thanks to the bandages they tape around their ears. This is to prevent their ears from being ripped off when the leave the scrum too quick to accidentally knock the ball on
In a new series, Meekie Monthly counts down to the Rugby World Cup this September by looking at the various tactics used by the world’s teams.
Hi. My name’s Vincent and as you can see, I’m double -jointed
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 14 MEEKIE
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MEEKIE 1
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get em grow up and th of st o m , ge a jobs and have 5. After this id -2 a 17 -p w en lo e e w av et h b s’ allie Usually aged her d a job. Most ‘sc an r ca t e hobby, they eit n iv ce ns de pe a ex es ir v e el th s e m the nanc dget money. To fi u b to w o h a e id to fund them. no ts en ar p r ei th or ask take large loans
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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 15 MEEKIE
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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 16 MEEKIE
th a i w n o i t a s r e v n Co
By Josie Henley
Machine
e phone in th n o t p ke s a w y month, Josie Henle st La : s ilability at e d va a o s is a p w e e s u er th io v if In pre she waited to see s a er sation with ‘The ng er ha nv fif co cl r g he in s it b ke lta ai an tel. This week, she o H e dg do el v ra T Wembley’s table climax et g or nf u s es availit to ’ l, but there are spac Machine te Ho ey bl em W e dg oice.
ty in Traveldo s from your first ch ere is no availabili ro-point-eight mile ze is one-hundred ich wh Lisa: I’m sorry, th l, ya is booking will be on Park Ro th nd of Lo st co ge al od tot eld e av able in Tr l charge. Th site at an additiona There is parking on would you like to book this? ds, and sixty five poun
Alys: What? Josie: She’s gone. Alys: Try again. Try for two nights. Josie: Ok. 08701911966 Machine: Thank-you for… Josie: One
Josie: What?
Machine: I’m Lisa. I’m the voice of Traveldodge. By speaking to me, you’ll gain access to our best rates normally available via our website. Do you know the name of the Traveldodge where you want to stay?
Alys: What?
Josie: WEMBLEY
t on the website! -six pounds a nigh ty en tw id sa it t Josie: Bu book this room? Would you like to t. tha tch ca t n’ did Lisa: I’m sorry, I r parking. doesn’t include ca ich wh , ds un po e and sixty fiv Josie: A hundred s room? you like to book thi ld ou W t. tha tch ca didn’t Lisa: I’m sorry, I night! enty-six pounds a Alys: But it said tw Josie: That’s what
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Lisa: So you’d like to stay in Traveldodge Wembley Hotel. Is that right? Josie: Yes… Tuesday the eighteenth of April…Two… Yes… Two… One… Non-smoking. Lisa: Great! So you want to book a non-smoking room at Traveldodge Wembley Hotel, for two adults and one child, arriving on Tuesday the eighteenth of April to stay for two nights. Is that right? Josie: Yes. Lisa: Great, just a moment while I check availability… Josie: She’s checking availability. Alys: Fingers crossed. Lisa: I’m sorry, there are no non-smoking rooms available for those dates. But there is a smoking room available. Would you like to book this room?
s sake! Josie: Oh for fok’
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 17 MEEKIE
a shall we have
oking rooms, l, no non-sm A ? m o ro oking Josie: A sm m? m? o ro ook this roo smoking you like to b d ul o W . at catch th rry, I didn’t Lisa: I’m so mily rooms? n-smoking fa no y an ’t en There ar are already Alys: What? oking rooms m -s on n e th eans that all robably it m Josie: No, p m? ook this roo booked. you like to b d ul o W . at catch th rry, I didn’t Lisa: I’m so ust. then, if we m Alys: Go on Josie: Yes.
Lisa: Great! So you want to book a smoking room at Traveldodge Wembley Hotel, for two adults and one child, arriving on Tuesday the eighteenth of April to stay for two nights. Is that right? Josie: Yes. Lisa: To start the booking, I will need the surname you would like the booking under. Could you state and spell your surname now. Josie: Henley-Einion, H-E-N-L-E-Y-hyphen-E-I-N-I-O-N Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Josie: I bet you didn’t. Lisa: I need to hear something like ‘Jones, J-O-N-E-S’. Josie: Henley-Einion, H-E-N-L-E-Y-hyphen-E-I-N-I-O-N Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. I need to hear something like ‘Jones, J-O-N-E-S’. Josie: Henley-Einion, H-E-N-L-E-Y-hyphen-E-I-N-I-O-N Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. I need to hear something like ‘Jones, J-O-N-E-S’. Josie: HENLEY-EINION, H-E-N-L-E-Y-E-I-N-I-O-N Alys: Oh that’s just typical. Josie: Too right. Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. I need to hear something like ‘Jones, J-O-N-E-S’. Josie: Yes well if I had a name like Jones, J-O-N-E-S, then maybe my life would be so much easier. Alys: What?
If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story, please call the Samaritans on 08457 909090. Press option 1, then 4, then 2, then hold for 20 minutes before being disconnected
Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. I’m having technical difficulties. If you wish to speak to a call representative, our lines are open between eight am and eight pm any day of the week. Alternatively you could try our website. Goodbye.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18 MEEKIE
Advertise here for as little as ÂŁ20
per month. Meekie Monthly is a fast growing E-Magazine with its roots in South Wales but with a global readership base.You can be part of this growing phenomenon by advertising on our hallowed pages. Just ÂŁ20 will buy you a full page advert in glorious technicolour, street cred and exposure to new clients. Email meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk
You?
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 19 MEEKIE
How easily confused are you? Let Meekie Monthly decide whether you’re a ... START HERE Are you easily confused?
yes
no
Have you ever stayed up past 10pm?
yes
Were you allowed to stay out as long as you wanted? no
no
Jog on. You’re a waste of time
yes
yes Can you play the piano?
no Are you easily confused?
yes
Why not?
yes
no
Was it nice?
yes
yes
Did you get off your tits?
Had you eaten a large meal no before hand? no no
no That’s what party animals do. Congratulations
Were you allowed to drink Babycham?
no Did you regret it?
yes
Did you sleep with someone you shouldn’t have?
yes
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20
o t e d i u G s ’ ly h t n o M e i Meek
s e u q e b r Ba There’s nothing better than a good old British barbeque is there? But they’re always best if someone else is doing the dirty work. If you’re sad loner like I am, then here’s your guide to barbequing. Remember chums– the bigger the burger, the bigger the barbeque needs to be. Good luck.
The Grub The food is the least important thing to think about when it comes to a barbeque. Some people make the mistake of worrying too much about the food, when in reality, they’ll overlook the food for the drink.
The Beer
The Clobber Just get one from Argos. Any one will do. Just get one. Ok?
The main event of any barbeque. You simply cannot drink enough of this at any barbeque. It helps soothe away those troubles and can help you relax as you sizzle the sausages. Remember though, that drinking more than 1 gallon may affect the way that you are able to converse with your friends. It is a good way however, of regurgitating your food for later, so that you don’t have to spend so much on burgers etc.
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y t e f a s d n a h t l a e How h ? u o y e r a s u o i c s n co
When it comes to being careful, are you careful or are you not very careful. Let Meekie Monthly decide with this super quiz
eir burgers. Do th r fo g n ti ai w t tien e becoming impa ar ts es u g r u yo and give it a ‘bit of a e refuses to light to u h eq rc rb -to a w b r lo u b a Yo 1. with before blasting it rs te h ig el fir f o ? s u yo 20 pack arcoals and some llon of petrol and ch ga d a ge n o an rr k a uc ly ch at a) ne ion of firelighters, rt po ro p le b si n ’? se rk ga spa mes to life by usin fla e th ax co ly nt b)ge ? your mate’s Zippo kindling? ng si u e on y b e s on and to wash and , er th rg ba bu a ur ve yo ha ke to c) ba utes e only got 5 min ’v ou y ut b , ub cl the to go out sown sh ru a in e ’r u 2. Yo cks? you? like a bastard? g your beautiful lo sk in ry -ta d lti d u m an dry your hair. Do ut nd o a k th bac ryer into the ba ill, before jumping sw k ic qu a a) take the haird ts bi r . bath, giving you ting a bit too wild b) jump into the et g e ar gs in th tt ou c) cancel your nigh u? the ur house. Do yo leaping down into yo f nd o a t of ca ro e e th th Hi. My name’s g in on before collect d a stray cat , ld te ot ou p w s e yd o ’v u Ll Derek and I’m ld Yo 3. se like Haro ly ou fe h ? sa r u nt d e yo an sc f of o de ro r de e si ou Meekie f th wy a) scale the lance, tumbles of iled hankie to slo ba so s a se ut lo b it g in at Monthly’s h th ot n so garden using ipping its ear cl ? st ng ju ri , st fle e ri m ir Health and a so n ith a old quilt and n a m o fr e b) shoot the cat w ad m Safety advisor e cher devic into your Cat Cat igade? c) call the fire br you? in your eyes. Do g in tt e g s ep ke d tting a bit long an e g is e g in fr r u 4. Yo w to it? a) take a chainsa l? at ‘just you’ look? with some olive oi th n s ow te d ea it cr e n’ th ria oo B ndy b) sm ir salon where ‘Be ha l ca lo ur yo t MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24 MEEKIE si c) vi
20 in the shitter for over en be ’s an om w t fa me ing for the loo but so st bu re u’ Yo . in pa S to 5. You’re on a flight ce? minutes. Do you? ow. Over France. ve yourself over Fran lie nd re wi d en an op it ex an t of es t ar ou ne then tip a) open the tic cup which you can as pl a r fo s es st ho r b) ask the ai you? c) piss your pants? to the enclosure. Do in lls fa to et rn Co ur s, yo re over to see the tiger ing the Cornetto befo an ch le at u sn yo re as fo d be an t, in o, M zo l Strong 6. You’re at your loca ? s with an Trebor Extra er tig e th g in ct ra st di e, back to your friends e, nc fe e th g in al sc d an a) climb over the fenc tiger e approaching female neatly side-stepping th keeper? b) tell the nearest zoo? c) buy a new Cornetto cal n. Do you zard signs and the vo lo ha py us ty rio ci va tri e ec th el g rin an s on d igno 7. Your Frisbee land esque like qualities an doy Ll ld ro Ha g in ow it, sh a) climb up and get d below? concerns of your frien ft metal pointy stick? 30 a ith w t ou it ke po b) c) Call the fire brigade? u? d r half an hour. Do yo ping on your jacket an he ip ot wh an ly r pt fo om on pr k re or fo w u to urs be 8. Your boss asks yo ions of working long ho at ic pl im ty fe sa d an alth d a) remind him of the he ping on your jacket an ip wh ly pt om pr re fo urs be ? legging it out the door ions of working long ho at ic pl im ty fe sa d an alth b) remind him of the he ing on your jacket and pp hi w ly pt om pr re fo ? urs be ns of working long ho legging it out the door tio ica pl im ty fe sa d an alth c) remind him of the he ? legging it out the door s d safety conscious and safety consciou an th th al al he he ry ry ve ve t t no no re ous or Mostly As- you’ th and safety consci al he ry ve er ith ne re Mostly Bs- you’ safety conscious d an th al he ry ve re Mostly Cs- you’ MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 23 MEEKIE
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s e p o c s o r Ho
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ARIES ily’s disowned their friends, your fam h wit ls ho on ne go s Mar 21 - Apr 20 up on rtner’ al opportunity to catch s month Aries. Your pa ide thi n the u ow yo ur es yo giv on is e Th u’r Yo le and days. on the saucepan hand walking himself these t rew ou sc t g’s tha do g the nin en hte ev tig you– chain, hing that sink plug to its life eh? those odd jobs– reattac living room. This is the the in le tab l na sio ca oc all hovering under that sm TAURUS – they’re th the rabbit population wi lem 21 ob y pr a Ma be 21 to r s a hit Ap em this month but there se . Farmer Giles sends in ld for fie g w lon ne u a yo o cy int va ve pri mo You ord you the don’t you think? place and it doesn’t aff of a boring horoscope Bit t. ou m the shagging all over the es wip d nce Philip rides in an squad of foxes but Pri GEMINI l you to sort your heads together and tel ur yo k ac Cr u? yo May 22 - Jun 22 h s of do wit ans that you’ll have lot me What are we going to . ich ins wh tw , the nth of mo n s sig thi e Th ur chart into your food part of yo lives out. Mars moves Fat knacker. . ds un ng on the po pili s an me h hic W te. chocola CANCER ver got out of uble, you wish you’d ne tro ch mu so it th wi June 23 - July 23 s ily will get bring nicked and all your fam house this month and n ur yo the o t, int ou s d ve rne mo bu to ts Plu cope by car ge aring to do Leo’s horos use burns down, your ep ho pr ur am yo I rt, r, ve sta a we r ho Fo bed. y be aware y by aliens. As you ma you? Good. hovered up into the sk understand that don’t do u Yo n. ca I as ch mu putting yours down as LEO h the pressure. rson who can deal wit pe of d 23 g kin Au the t 24 jus ly e you. Ju you’r er star sign wants to be every month Leo, but oth top ery ev the y at wh ing s be at’ Th gh u. It’s tou , it’s yo t through a tough month If anyone’s going to ge VIRGO s, you’ll need to up now. For male Virgo it e giv ld ou sh ally Aug 24 - Sep 23 re u been trying to grow– yo That beard that you’ve month eh? xt ne u yo e Se g month. rin bo ry ve a for dy rea get MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 26
s e p o c s o Hor
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Prince . You’ll meet to lk ta to d . It could be ren’t that ba t his autograph LIBRA ward looks, a ut ge o to hy n c et pe d sk 23 spite their me paper an Sept 24 - Oct ibrans, who de be sure to take along so L r fo h nt o m thing. , so Not a bad e month– any ssers on 17th th re f o ird k ha rin e d th y Charles in s king. Luck n he become he w it b a th wor id and you month I’m afra is th ns pe ap ctly what h e– Daisy. W hich is exa SCORPIO u. yo f o ucky cow nam ce nl ie U p a t. 22 v nt ou o a u N w yo s Oct 24 ven animal nside to bail o sexy, that e got granny o S e . ’v io u rp yo co re S su Sexy ell. Make t in the local c spend a nigh ted on ly and get star Ju f of te ri w S IU were you, I'd SAGITTAR s. In fact, if I riu 21 a c itt e D ag S h 23 nt Nov t this mo to shout abou Nothing much nth early. August a mo here'll be e bad days. T m so d n a N s R ay O d days that CAPRIC ys and some be some good da 'll e d er ba h 20 e T . th an ne J Dec 22 re better than d month in Ju says. e days that a xpect a varie or e m n e ca ar hat the chart ns w at or th t’s a ys th a t d Capric e bu m so last month, between and ow I said this kn I . some days in ys a d r te r than the bet will be badde AQUARIUS 19 Jan 21 - Feb you too. That goes for
to start you will have at th s n ea m feelings ur chart. It PISCES hurt anyone’s of Venus in yo to t al iv no rr l a fu 0 e re 2 th r ca month with Feb 20 - Ma g either. Be lot of love this be a bad thin a t t n’ d ec ul p o ex w n h Pisces ca g your teet d also brushin n a in ga a g in ick wash ould do the tr sh h as w h ut o though– m
copes s o r o h ’s th n o m t x Next month: ne
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Sport We did have a very exciting sports story for you this month, but my dog ate it. If it comes out in some sort of legible form, we’ll send it to you in the post. Honest.
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