Megamorphosis Magazine Issue 8 Good Father Feature Only by Megamorphosis Magazine

ACTRESS ALYSSA QUILALA + ACTOR EDWIN GAGIANO + WILLIAM MENDOZA + MM FOUNDER JENENE STAFFORD

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ACTRESS ALYSSA QUILALA

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ACTOR/FILMMAKER EDWIN GAGIANO Finds His Purpose Behind The Camera

WILLIAM MENDOZA

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GOOD FATHER Jenene Stafford's Story by Nissi Guiao

Issue 8: GOOD FATHER

Photo by Beulah Ekkelencamp

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GOOD FATHER JENENE STAFFORD'S STORY OF REDEMPTION

BY NISSI GUIAO

enene Stafford, Megamorphosis Magazine’s founder, passionate risk-taker and radical lover of all, would not be here today if it wasn’t for the good Father aligning her with His heart so profoundly. Although she’s spent hours and hours working on what she wanted this article to be about, the Father just waited patiently for her to be willing to share her very own, intimate love story—the way she dances so eloquently with Him. She has her own, unique journey of brokenness to tell, with a steady theme of redemption that continuously teaches her about His character. With that, she claims she is “the poster child for how GOOD the Father really is.” Personal experience can either enhance or taint our perspective on what is good, without us even realizing it. From generation to generation, broken homes have become more common whether we like to agree with it or not. As a result, sadness and abandonment have greatly affected our thinking. Fatherlessness hits our core like nothing else. So now, when we look at our nation as a whole, it makes sense why there’s been so much discord. Bring in the good Father and that healthy alignment we’ve desperately needed, as the body of Christ, becomes inevitable. Jenene’s a great example for how far the Father will go to bring His children out of darkness and into His magnificent light.

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It is no wonder that she brings grace and love with her wherever she goes, no matter who she’s around. Her heart is often overwhelmed at the overflowing amounts of love that seem to well up within her each time she hears the stories of overcoming pain, sorrow, grief, and even sin. Truly, it’s because she’s suffered it all, and to the maximum degree. Because of Jenene’s “own journey through immense suffering—the longing for freedom and love [she] carried for nearly 30 years of her life,” she “has a willingness to carry others’ burdens,” as she “draws herself into the stories of the amazing people she meets.” Even her name in Hebrew means “God is gracious,” no coincidence there. Experiencing the good Father for herself feeds her passion to share the proper perspective of Him with the whole world. And because of her personal relationship with Him, she can’t help but to release the truth He planted within her. As the co-creator of Megamorphosis Magazine (because the good Father directs her eyes and ears over every detail), Jenene is on this brave journey to feel the pain of the lonely, the broken, the outcast, the addicted and the abused. She says that because she can see the good that comes out on the the other side of the desert, life-changing stories are written. Now, on the other side of the lowest points in her walk of life, she is trusting her own story to be told through the eyes and words of someone who’s closely witnessed how beautifully she’s moved by the GOOD Father today. Jenene lives, moves, breathes—has her being—in the Father. But it never would’ve been this way if He hadn’t chased her down to begin with. What is so moving about Jenene’s story is how God kept paving the way for her to “find Him.” Someway, somehow,

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He gave her every reason to believe in Him even though the odds were strongly against her. He proved to her, time after time, that He’s gracious. And as we reflect on some of the lowest lows of her past, it will become increasingly evident how crazy good He is no matter what happens in life.

SETTING A FOUNDATION As bright of a beaming, positive lighthouse Jenene is for her many spiritual sons and daughters in this period of her life, “it hasn’t always been this way,” she openly exclaims. Childhood was rough for her. Her parents got divorced early on and she remembers being “a very, very lonely child.” While other kids her age were carefree, she experienced a different kind of upbringing. Still, she vividly remembers playing cars as a toddler and “Jesus being on the floor,” playing with her too. This is why she can honestly say “I knew Jesus before I knew His name.” Jenene, as a young girl, was witty. She had a personality that got along with older crowds. Many of her experiences caused her to grow up rather quickly, but she dreamt big and mapped out big goals for herself. Intelligent like her biological father, she was really passionate about education. She wanted to obtain the highest degree possible because that was the ultimate achievement in her mind. Along with her desire for greatness, Jenene had an unshakeable draw toward Jesus. She reminisces on the days where a bus drove through her block, picking up any kids who wanted to go church. She would go any chance she got. She also attended a kids Bible study a couple held in her neighborhood on Tuesdays after school. God, knowing the road ahead of her, planted truth in her right away. And the more she learned about the Bible, she began to understand the spiritual rela-

tionship she’s had with Jesus since the very beginning of her life.

DEVASTATING DETOURS Foundational truths made a difference in Jenene’s life. Although she walked through a lot moving forward, her level of understanding is truly what’s kept her alive. By the time she was 13 1/2, she met her (now) ex-husband. With him being three years older, their connection was pretty toxic. She became obsessed (as any girl would) with this older boy who paid attention to her and swept her off her feet. Her goals took a backseat to their relationship and she unintentionally got pregnant at age 15. Devastation hit Jenene hard because she, at the time, thought she couldn’t recover from her current situation. Having to attend a school specifically for pregnant teens, she thought her life was over. Her big dreams and goals of becoming an academic blew up right before her eyes as the next cards she was dealt were far from a good hand. Her mother, upon finding out about her pregnancy, said “so you think you’re a grown up so go and be a grown up” and she was out. From that point on, she says that it was one crazy thing after the next. Moving forward, Jenene tried to make it work. She had two more children and eventually married their father. Unfortunately, he fell back into drugs immediately and that’s when “everything escalated.” Their marriage lasted a short year, but to her, it must’ve felt like a lifetime.

SURVIVING ABUSE Jenene recalls “being so abused physically, emotionally, mentally—every way—verbally…” Because of the violence at home, she lived “terrified.” It ultimately became too much for her to carry. “I had no more capacity to toler-

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ate the abuse,” she says. She “couldn’t do it anymore,” so she decided to try to make the madness stop the only way she knew to back then. At the absolute lowest of lows in her life, Jenene locked herself in the bathroom and “had every intention of committing suicide.” She broke open a razor, grabbed the blade and started cutting her wrist multiple times. This, she thought, would be the end of her. Laying, bleeding out in the bathtub, fully expecting to breathe her last breath, God saved her right on time. He rescued her by speaking to her heart, “Don’t you think I created you for something more than to be someone’s punching bag?” Despite the craziness of the scene (Jenene laying in a pool of her own blood while her ex steadily laughed at her, just so completely far gone), she states “There was hope because I heard God speak.” He also allowed her to see the true evil she was dealing with. How incredibly powerful, to say the least. In complete helplessness and being so battered and broken, the GOOD Father made Himself known. By showing up and speaking to her, Jenene knew in her heart “He’s going to save me.” His mere presence and moving words breathed life into her. In that moment, she rose with purpose, as she says “There was a knowing inside of me. . .I just couldn’t give up.” From there, He gifted her “the ability to begin to figure out how” she was going to “get out of that relationship alive.” Before Jenene found the courage to bring her parents in on the situation, first she had to take care of her

immediate wounds. The day she cut herself, she avoided going to the doctor (mostly because she wouldn’t have been allowed to go). She had to keep her wrist wrapped for a while. It was a couple months of planning and coming up with a strategy to escape. Finally, she told her parents and siblings what was going on, which significantly helped her to get out alive. It was “24 hours a day for months” she says that either her dad, stepdad or one of her brothers chaperoned her. Even with a

for help with her business in the Yellow Pages, she came across “Advanced Business Consultants,” which led her to meet Gary about 6 months later. She remembers that day like it was yesterday. “There was a very good-looking man wearing sunglasses dressed like a million bucks and had the most incredible voice (that I still love so much to this day) in the parking lot, pulling things out of his trunk. I said, ‘Excuse me, sir, I’m looking for Gary Henson.’ [When he responded] I knew in that moment—I saw it—that he would be my husband.” It would be a long, twisty roller coaster ride before Jenene would say “I do” and become a wife again. During that time, it was a rocky road to redemption. First, Gary became her coach, really helping her through the different ups and downs she faced in her business. They got to know each other as he’d walk her through various situations she faced. Still raw from the violence she’d escaped, he was able to help her process things in a healthy way by introducing her to “Lifespring” trainings. Between God telling Jenene she had a purpose and doing “some really deep work [with] cognitive therapy, learning to have control of [her] own thinking and [her] own mind to re-train [her] brain, she found herself on the track to success—real freedom, rather. “The fear [was] so intense,” she remembers. So, meeting Gary really made a difference in her life. “He helped me so much because I almost

god saved her right on time. he rescued her by speaking to her heart, “don't you think i've created you for something more than to be someone else's punching bag?"

restraining order, she feared for her life and could not be left alone. Over the course of a challenging 6-month period, God made a way where there really seemed to be no way.

A NEW CHAPTER IN LIFE “And that’s when I met Gary (Henson), Jenene’s loving husband,” she shares proudly. “Thank You Jesus,” she excitedly shares in joy as she processes that time in her life when things started to look “up” for her. She already had her own business by then. Upon a search

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went back a couple times,” she says, thinking about how terrified she felt every day for almost 2 years. The consistent connection between Jenene and Gary sparked something more than their normal coaching relationship. Since Gary (besides the good Father) became her hero, she essentially fell, head over heels, wildly in love with him. They became good friends and ultimately ended up best friends. She even shares, “We made a pact with each other to stay best friends” no matter who came into their lives or who they were dating. Over the course of 8 years, they went from a professional, coaching relationship to much more than that. Jenene talks about how they both got baptized on the same day and they got serious about their relationship with God. Not long after, a conviction began to stir in their hearts to do the right thing. Gary tried to break off the romantic relationship (once again) so they could live with purity. He pushed away the idea of marrying her because of their 19year age gap. But Jenene saw the future—that they would be married—and she knew Gary couldn’t end the relationship. After a lengthy argument and Jenene’s refusal to accept breaking up, Gary threw in the towel and said, “The only other thing to do is to get married.” Jenene then said, “That I can accept” and six weeks later they were married. Marriage, however, was absolutely no “walk in the park” for newlyweds Jenene and Gary. Her kids and his kids were in for their own set of trials that would take years to see healing. Learning each other to greater degrees ruf-

fled everyones feathers, and Jenene tells that she and Gary had to go to counseling; they even “separated 2-3 different times.” Both families, made up of 5 daughters between them, had so much to overcome. She wasn’t prepared for the mess of their baggage clashing, but to this day, she is thankful they never officially quit on each other.

THE STRUGGLE W/DEPRESSION Unfortunately, Jenene’s past abuse began to catch up with her. Having gone through inexplicable bouts of intense suffering throughout her first

says. Ultimately the doctors diagnosed her with a “severe panic disorder.” Recalling those darker days, Jenene talks about not being able to sleep due to electric shocks that would shoot through her body every time she would fall asleep, not being able to walk or to even move her head. She says “All I could do during the day, when Gary wasn’t home to take care of me, was sit in front of the TV.” As long as she stayed still, she could watch whatever came on. One day, she remembers “Joyce Meyer showed up on the screen.” This was another way God was specifically moving on her behalf. Even though at first Jenene didn’t know if she liked Joyce’s tough personality, she found out about Joyce’s own childhood of abuse and her story gave her hope. It was a long decade (at least) of struggling in and out of depression and years of insomnia and sleeping pills. She dealt with it so much that it got to the point where they wanted to put her “on all kinds of anti-depressants.” For some, God can use meds as the answer. But for Jenene, she says “There was something in me, for years, where I would literally take the anti-depressants for one day and something in me would say ‘This is not the answer.’ Now, I realize it was the Holy Spirit saying ‘Just keep coming back to me.’” She sincerely knew she needed help, and looking back, she knows there was something in her that “fought against that whole idea that God wasn’t able to heal [her completely].”

“there was something in me, for years, where i would literally take the anti-depressants for one day and something in me would say 'This is not the answer.'"

marriage/relationship, the suppressed trauma got the best of her and she ended up having an attack at a movie theatre during a final, violent abuse scene. When she got up to leave the theatre, she couldn’t find up or down and, in a split second, her life took an unexpected turn for the worst. That single moment of fear and rage unearthed her traumatic history and led to four and a half months of “seeing neurologists and psychiatrists” she

THE OTHER SIDE

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Fed up (and rightfully so) of all the trauma, Jenene settled in her heart “I need to see the light. I need to see the other side.” Exhausted in every way from battling darkness and intense spiritual warfare even as a child, she mustered up the will-power to openly ask the Lord, “Can You please help me with this? I need to see the other side.” Over time, she began to study the Old Testament and learned intimacy with the Father. This is the monumental time frame where she feels that God “thwarted [her] forward in the Kingdom.” She fell in love with the Bible and her spiritual gifts started to explode. One day as she curled her hair, she had an unforgettable encounter with Lucifer himself. Very clearly, she says that he announced and introduced himself to her. Jenene shares, “He was very charismatic, sounded very European. Sounds like something out of a movie I know, but very clearly he said ‘Hello, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Lucifer, and I want to let you know that if you continue to share Jesus with the world, I’m going to kill you.’ My response to him [was] ’Well, Lucifer, you do what you’ve got to do and I’ll do what I’ve got to do, but we both know you have no power and no authority to kill me.’ And that was it.” Jenene wasn’t afraid. She didn’t cower because she “had absolutely no fear.” She boldly declares, “We know the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy, but he doesn’t accomplish that with somebody who knows that they have authority. We know what his intentions are, but they’re only intentions until we allow something different—’til we open the doorway or we come into agreement with/buy into the lies.” After that day, there was another encounter that marked Jenene’s life. In the middle of the afternoon, mind-

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ing her own business in the shower, she felt a spirit literally rub up against her. “I don’t know how to describe it in words, really, but there was a rage—a spiritual rage—that came out of me,” she tells. “And it was the Father…I heard, with my spiritual gift, the Father and Lucifer [sort of] battling… having this conversation. It was very short because basically the Father said to him ‘You will never touch my daughter again, ever!’” Jenene heard that loud and clear; with it, she “felt the emotion of the Father” towards her. It was an intimate sign of His love for her, His protection over her. He was letting her know “I’m Your Daddy and I’ve got your back!” She shares, “Sometimes God shows up in the strangest of times, but there’s no denying His power.” In the midst of unreasonable chaos, “there’s no denying that the Father gives the ability to hope.” And “that’s what [God] did for me in all these different instances,” Jenene states. By many miracles, Jenene had a heart to press in (with the hope the Father gave her) regardless of the depression, insomnia and trauma she suffered with. "God stayed close to me, even when I ignored Him and wasn’t living anywhere near the way I should’ve been." She interestingly shares, “ Still I always knew I was a daughter of the King.” Knowing her identity in Him must’ve played a significant role in how she was able to weather all these treacherous storms. In times when she absolutely needed it, God first started showing her her “own future, before He ever started showing [her] anyone else’s.” There is no other reason for her freedom today. God surely didn’t cause anything terrible in her life, but He’s faithfully turned it all around for her good. Today, Jenene is completely and miraculously healed of everything because of

her relentless pursuit of her purpose in life—the purpose God spoke of on that dark day she tried to take her life. Still, she won’t relent in pursuing His truth, His goodness and His healing, not just for herself, but for every human on the planet. Confidently, Jenene states “I recognize that everything we’ve gone through, we have a choice to see ‘was it for good or evil?’ And everything can be turned for good.” Eternally grateful for the way God moves in and through her, Jenene emotionally utters, “He’s everything to me. He’s absolutely the breath in my lungs. I feel like I am a trumpet, literally, for proving to the world that the Father is so good. That He absolutely—madly, passionately—loves humanity, His creation…We were born to be related to Him and to know Him. There’s just nothing better than that.” The Father loves His children beyond our capacity to fully comprehend. Although confusion likes to set in, the truth is, He’ll pursue us to the depths of wherever we may land and He will make a way for us. No longer suffering what felt like hell, she lives to tell that He is good. Jenene states, “[The Father] let me know that there was hope—that He had seen me. And He let me know that He had a purpose for me that was beyond that of being abused.” Indeed, her purpose is directly connected to her greatest struggles—may her story seed hope into everyone who sees it.

GIVING BACK As we know, many still have yet to experience the goodness of the Father. Through stories of hope like Jenene’s, the future is bright. According to Revelation, we overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony. This is one of the top reasons she does what she does with the

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whole Megamorphosis movement. In embracing her own story, she’s found pure joy in finding the good Father in any story she comes across. Her whole life is dedicated to shining His bright light in a world that is sadly dimmed. “Pretty amazing the journey I’ve lived through,” Jenene shares. “I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And yet, it made me who I am and now—I can help so many people. This is why I always say ‘I wouldn’t change it.’ I wouldn’t change it because I couldn’t be me and I couldn’t live my purpose and I wouldn’t have my testimony.” Coming from someone who has truly experienced some of the greater, unsolicited depths of darkness, Jenene’s testimony bears much power. Because she knows what it’s like, since she herself has suffered so much, she and Gary even started a non-profit years ago, dedicated to victims of domestic violence that they managed for a couple years. She took the time to learn all about victim and batterer mentalities and has done what she can to give back. No matter the hardship, He’s been teaching Jenene to see the good, which significantly influences her calling today. It’s quite the workout, finding the gold buried deep within the dirt and hard places. But in personally experiencing God seeing and pulling the gold out of her despite her own struggles, she can now do the same for others. In fact, it’s one of her greatest gifts and passions in life because she sees with the Father’s eyes. Just like He saw her

all those times (when she felt stuck), she sees the gold in every person she comes into contact with. And she has the anointed ability to help others get un-stuck by spiritually coaching so many as the loving, caring spiritual “Mama J” she is known to be.

AN OBSERVATION

“pretty amazing, the journey i've lived through. i wouldn't wish it on anyone. and yet, i wouldn't change it because i couldn'tbe me and i couldn't live my purpose and i wouldn't have my testimony.

Personally witnessing Jenene’s way of life has impacted me in more ways than I’m sure I realize. It’s not everyday you come across a believer who follows the leading of the Holy Spirit as strictly as I’ve seen her live out. For every little thing all the way to every big thing, she will not move forward unless she has His approval. To the best of her ability, she stays close to Him so she can freely live and move to the beat of His drum, and His drum

only. It’s incredible; it’s wildly moving to simply catch wind of the beautiful sound their dancing together creates. It’s been quite the honor getting to have a front-row seat to the everyday life of one of the groundbreaking spiritual mothers this generation’s been waiting for. The fire in Jenene is a result of her personal relationship with the GOOD Father, with Jesus and with Holy Spirit. She only “preaches” what she lives; and she lives what she believes in. That is the inspiration more of the world needs to see. That alone could spark the change the world needs. I have her beautiful conviction and surrender to thank (other than the Father Himself, of course) for the honor and privilege of even getting to write this article here and now. Her obedience is raw and real and that alone moves mountains in the Kingdom. Jenene has such a call on her life to lead the next generation and to help teach others how to abandon religion and chase Jesus. Her one goal now, after nearly 40 years of wrestling with things that no longer hold her back, is to stay connected to the Father’s heart. If she can’t hear it beating, she knows she’s not really living. Stay tuned, she will continue to rock the world one obedient step after the next as she leads the charge in shaking up the status quo, sharing real, radical love and always expecting miracles. Thank you for your "yes!"

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