REPLY FROM A BELIEVER

Continued from previous page government legislation. And white Evangelical Christianity became a tool of the Republican Party. Additionally, in fighting the culture wars, churches often communicated an attitude antithetical to Jesus, for example toward the LGBTQ community, as you pointed out.

The church has always been most aligned with God when it was serving the marginalized and oppressed. The first-century church did that—caring for the poor, giving dignity to women, saving infants, and seeing profound cultural change result. The American movement begun a few decades ago to settle cultural upheaval through political means was, in my opinion, misguided.

Religious Arrogance

No arrogance is worse than religious arrogance. Humans were created to live in a love relationship with God—one that would yield a profound sense of worth and value for each individual. Once that relationship was fractured (the Garden of Eden story), the normal way of feeling worthwhile became comparison to others—I’m better looking, smarter, more successful. My tribe is stronger; my religion is the true one. The ultimate self-rightness is assuming rightness about God

In the common use of the word religion, it is a set of beliefs and practices that make a person “good.” Paradoxically, those who pursue goodness on these terms usually feel deep guilt because they cannot attain to the standards, yet they have pride in whatever they think they do right.

At one level, that pride results in a verbal bludgeoning of those who disagree. At a more intense level, it results in physical violence and war. The confluence of human arrogance and religious truth systems has produced a history of religious wars. Globally, religious fundamentalists perpetrate violence, and too frequently Christianity has fallen into that trap.

But at its heart Christianity is not a truth system—it is a relationship with the living God. Jesus, who was the embodiment of truth, didn’t come to fill people’s heads with knowledge, but rather to restore broken relationships with their creator, their own souls, other humans, and the environment.

When truth is seen as a means to the end of knowing God as he really is and growing to wholeness in other relationships, the result is life as God intended it—rich in love for others and for him. Truth matters. People who lack truth from the creator tend to self-destruct. But grace is the distinctive feature of Christianity.

Scripture says Jesus came full of grace and truth—the order is meaningful. Among the world’s belief systems, all others require achieving goodness through endless human effort. Christianity alone claims to make a person whole through grace as a gift from God.

I’ve known people like the uncle you described. While they may be in Heaven one day by God’s grace, I don’t think they represent him well now.

I wonder at times why God allows those who bear his name to do this damage to his reputation. My wife and I were walking in a large square in the center of our city one evening last summer. A band was playing, and it was a nice intergenerational gathering.

At the edge of the crowd, a street preacher shouted, “God hates fornicators! Fornicators go to Hell!”

A young man walking by hand-in-hand with a young woman said, “I love fornicating,” mocking the preacher. I wanted to call down a lightning bolt to vaporize the preacher, just as Jesus’ apostles had done when they met some people with whom they disagreed. It was a very unchristian thought, I’ll admit. But when God granted freewill, he allowed for egregious actions, even when his reputation is at stake.

Unseen Good

You mentioned historic examples of the wheels coming off Christianity, and there are many. Our sinfulness runs deep. But I would encourage you not to dismiss the good so easily.

A friend in India noted that Christians make up 2 percent of India’s population but have started 30 percent of the nation’s hospitals and schools. As I drove across East Africa last month, I noticed that most schools and clinics in the poor villages carried Christian names. After the Vietnam War, it was largely churches that helped resettle the Vietnamese refugees who flooded into the United States. Christians are disproportionately represented among adoptive parents, especially for special needs children. There’s a very long list.

Lee Strobel is a pastor and author who graduated from journalism school as a convinced atheist. Five months into his new job at the Chicago Tribune, he was assigned to do a story each day for a month profiling a different needy family as part of a Chicago media charity Neediest Kids Fund drive.

In the process, he said he stumbled onto a vast network of Christians serving the poor—food pantries, homeless shelters, clothing centers, job training institutes, drug rehabilitation centers, sports ministries for kids—all run by churches and Christian charities.

In God’s Outrageous Claims, he wrote, “I (was) quietly observing the volunteers who poured their lives into selflessly serving these otherwise forgotten people. . . . As an atheist, it just didn’t make sense to me. I wanted to know why.”

Most of the good Christians do is unseen by anyone except by the immediate beneficiaries, because it is done out of the spotlight. Vast numbers of the real Christ followers aren’t looking for publicity—they just want to help. Again, none of this good justifies the bad Christians do. But a person who wants to do good will find passionate allies in the church.

Self-reforming

You asked some specific questions—for instance, do you have to accept a literal six-day creation? Simply put, no. Very knowledgeable and serious Bible students disagree on the meaning of the six days of creation. Beyond a very short list of foundational beliefs about the nature of God and Scripture, committed Christians differ on many things. It’s not that it doesn’t matter what we believe—it’s that human understanding is clouded. So there’s room to disagree, and we’re wise to do it with a large measure of grace.

One of the great things about Christianity is it is self-reforming.

Because we have direction from Scripture and the Spirit of God at work in his church, when a part of the church wanders off track, God calls it back. That’s happening now in American Christianity.

A few years ago I attended a conference in Portland, Oregon, called simply “Q.” It’s led and attended by Christians who are seeking to recover more closely the way of life God intended, and live it in today’s world.

The middle night of the conference featured a panel that included Sam Adams, the first openly gay mayor of a major U.S. city, and Rick McKinley, pastor of Imago Dei church. McKinley had helped mobilize 450 churches and 27,000 Christians to serve the proudly secular city of Portland.

It was intriguing watching the pastor and the mayor talk about working together for the good of the city. Near the end of the interview, Mayor Adams took the mike and noted there obviously were many things on which he and the pastor would disagree. But then he said, “The quality of volunteers and staying power is unmatched outside the faith community. It is almost impossible to find those volunteers elsewhere.”

There is a rebirth of Christianity happening in America. It includes a reassessment of what the Bible actually teaches on many areas you mentioned—war, the environment, the relationship of science and faith, racism, etc. There remain many like your uncle, but a new day is on the horizon.

I believe you have correctly identified a number of values that are good and right and true, and I think you would find a great deal of resonance with this recovery of the ancient faith and its way of life.

So yes, you can be good and be a Christian!

Pursue God

But I would ask several things of you. First, continue asking questions of God—pursue him. Don’t let people you don’t admire control your life by discouraging you from following Jesus.

And I’d encourage you not to just look for a God who fits your preconceptions. You have identified well some attributes that are true of the living God. But God is God, and is not of our making. He always does what is right and good, but it’s often not what we would expect or what we can understand. Be open to his surprising you, even if the surprises are troubling at first.

Also, as you consider God (which I’m thankful you are doing), please don’t go it alone. Find others who are pursuing him, and share the journey. A faith crafted solely in a closet is likely to be absent some key facets.

And one other thing—humility. For me, it’s too easy to critique the street preacher, while arrogantly thinking I am serving God correctly. My own life has so many weaknesses—I just pray that at the end of most of my days that God is smiling.

Thanks so much for writing—I really appreciate your thoughts. I’d welcome corresponding more about this if it would be helpful, or talking over a cup of coffee. I welcome your pushback on any of this—God is the only one who is perfect.

Sincerely, Dick

BY STEVE CARR

“It was Santa Claus.”

As Bill said it, he looked me straight in the eyes without blinking. I thought he was joking.

“Are you being serious,” I asked. “Santa Claus pushed you toward atheism?”

Bill nodded his head. “It sounds stupid, but that guy really did a number on me.” his formative years. His parents were involved in church, but it didn’t dominate their lives; they attended frequently but would miss worship for weeks at a time with no concern. But Bill absolutely loved it and would chastise his parents when they didn’t attend.

If you’re like me, it’s impossible to reminisce about childhood without talking about church. Faith was the priority of my family’s social life. After home and school, I spent the majority of my childhood time in our church building. Our family was there to unlock the church doors for services and regularly locked them back up again as the last ones to leave.

Back then, my siblings and I had no choice in the matter; and yet, today, all our families are committed to Christ. This immersion in faith ultimately led me to entering the ministry.

Yet after two decades of ministry, I noticed quite a few people with a similar childhood path as mine who were living vastly different lives as adults. Although they grew up in the church, they no longer followed Christ. It wasn’t mere apathy that kept them away, but ideological disagreements with intellectual foundations.

And so I began a personal project. I would spend time with people I knew who no longer believed.

I prefaced every conversation with an offer of safety. “I’m not trying to convert you. I just really need to hear about your journey away from Christianity.” With this as a starting point, not one person turned me down, and all were brutally honest.

Even though I’m not finished with the project (and I don’t know what it will look like when I am), I want to share a few of these conversations to reveal the thinking of these folks.

Bill talked about Santa Claus early in our conversation. “When I found out Santa didn’t exist,” he said, “I began to ask myself about the other stories I was learning—the ones from the Bible. I didn’t say anything to anyone else at the time, but secretly I started to wonder about whether these were all just stories like Santa.” ture, not the true Word of God.

Eventually, he and his wife divorced and they share custody of their children. While she still takes their kids to church, Bill uses every opportunity to push them to think about whether God is real. “I just don’t want them to be brainwashed like I was.”

Stacey

Stacey grew up at a strong, Biblecentered church. She was deeply involved in their vibrant youth program and was even the lead in a church play. She was always inquisitive, devoting herself to apologetic issues in order to strengthen her spiritual resolve. She seriously considered attending a Christian college, but her career goals led her to an elite East Coast university.

In college, Bill stopped attending church, but his interest was rekindled when he met the girl of his dreams. They went to her home church to see if they could get married there.

“We were told they didn’t ‘know us’ so we’d both have to become church members.” Not only did this include attending services every week, but giving offerings to the church as well. “They told us they’d actually track our giving over six months to see if we were actually following through. It just felt like all they really cared about was money. I was so angry we went to a Lutheran church and got married there instead.”

This bad experience increased Bill’s suspicion of all churches and Christianity, as well. A high school history teacher, Bill immersed himself in philosophy, studying critiques of faith. He still reads the Bible, but views it as solely inspirational litera-

Away at school, it was difficult for her to find a church. Eventually she connected with a local church that supported her throughout college. As a young adult, she struggled to find her footing as a single woman and longed to find another church where she could grow in her faith. She says she still believed at the time, but found herself growing increasingly jaded as she noticed glaring hypocrisy in Christ followers.

She remembers one Sunday in particular. “I visited a large megachurch my Christian friends loved. I desperately wanted to experience God that morning, but it was just a huge show that felt more like a pep rally.

“Then, leaving the church parking lot, I accidently pulled out in front of a car and the driver flipped me off. That was a game changer for me. I asked myself out loud, ‘Why am I still even trying?’”

Stacey also felt the church viewed her as a lesser person because of her gender. While she was finding relative success in her field, many of the Christian women

Seeds Of Doubt

Continued from previous page she knew were not treated as equals. “I am from a family of strong Christian women, but I could see the ladies in my family discriminated against by men in the church.

“And it’s not like it was a generational thing: I mean, just recently some young Christian men treated my mother with disrespect and she was forced to accept it. The way the church relates to her as a woman embarrassed me. That’s not the kind of community I want to affiliate with.”

Ironically, despite these negative examples, Stacey claims she still wants to believe. She even financially supports some of her missionary friends because they inspire her. But currently, she’s angry and doesn’t see faith in her future.

David

David grew up a minister’s kid in a conservative part of the country. As with Bill and Stacey, he too was deeply involved in church activities growing up, but he claims it was his choice.

David was fascinated by religious study and took every opportunity he had to grow intellectually in his faith. His parents supported his deep exploration of Christian issues, even when he asked extremely difficult questions.

Ultimately, his inquisitiveness led him to pursue studies in philosophy and apologetics. His learning was cyclical: he’d resolve questions, but those answers would lead him to a slew of new questions. Eventually, David ceased exploring aspects of the broader faith and grappled with his personal beliefs. For him, there was no epiphany: one day, he just decided he no longer believed.

David cited his disgust with the cultural Christianity of his hometown. “There were all these people so certain in their own faith, but they never took the time to seriously investigate it. I respect when people arrive at a decision they’ve fully contemplated, but to follow Jesus just because you happened to be born in a certain geographical region seems silly to me.”

For David, there seems no way back to the life he once lived. “When you’re reading through the whole Bible, especially in the Old Testament, Christians conveniently ignore issues like slavery or the treatment of women. It’s inconsistent. It’s like a game that’s rigged from the beginning.”

How Do We Respond?

So how should we approach people who knew enough about Jesus to make a decision, but who chose to walk away from him? I think the first answer is a congregational issue. This doesn’t dismiss the evangelism/discipleship practices we can individually employ to reach the disillusioned, but it’s critical that the church strategize approaches for engaging people like Bill, Stacey, and David.

• Treat doubters respectfully—Too often our desire to be right and affirm our own faith negates our empathy for people who disagree with us. We should treat those who have walked away from the faith the same way we’d treat those who have never believed. They’re seeking compassionate ears, to be told that their concerns are valid, and that they aren’t the only people who have grappled with doubt.

Every nonbeliever I’ve approached about my project has been willing to share freely about their journey. The majority of them have given much thought to the subject and are longing to test their conclusions. If we refrain from mocking these people, and give them a chance to speak freely, we’ll likely discover the true foundations of their doubt.

• Talk to people who leave—

Some starting points:

• Take a long-term approach—In the church world, we long for quick fixes because there are so many issues that demand our attention. Unfortunately, some of our systems created the very cultures against which these doubters rebelled. Unable to distinguish between methods and essentials, the doubters walked away altogether.

Rather than searching for silver bullet solutions, leaders should focus on facilitating an environment that welcomes honesty and inquisitiveness. This demands that churches clarify a discipleship trajectory for the long haul.

Northeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, is one church that does this. Northeast hosts a Starting Point class designed for skeptics and new Christians to ask the difficult questions surrounding belief. This is neither a membership class nor a lecture, but occurs in a conversational setting. The church discovered that transparency with difficult issues establishes an atmosphere of trust that permeates the rest of the church.

Our focus on numbers must include tracking those devout believers who stray from our fellowship. Church hopping is commonplace these days, so we must distinguish between people who leave for better children’s programming and those who are ready to abandon faith altogether. When people leave the church, we should check in with them (preferably in person, but a text or e-mail can often suffice) to ask why they’ve left. My experience has been that those who are merely searching for a “cooler” church rarely respond, but people with deepseated concerns are more than willing to articulate them when asked.

And it’s more important to listen than to speak during these conversations. There’s often something deeper behind these struggles we must hone in on.

People fall away from faith for a myriad of reasons—from complex issues of cosmology to Santa Claus. Like you, I want people like Bill, Stacey, and David— and all people for that matter—to experience the transformational power of Christ; he brings fulfillment to my world, and I know he can do the same for them. Rather than leading with judgment, we will be best served if we listen patiently and respond as Jesus would.

Steve Carr (www.houseofcarr.com) is vice president of ministry development for CDF Capital.

Some names and revealing facts from these interviews have been changed to protect anonymity.