Finding JOY in the Journey

How God helped me turn temptation, trouble, and trial into blessing and beauty

BY RICK CHROMEY

Life is a carnival of temptations and troubles. We all walk wounded with hurts, habits, and hang-ups. We’re stuck in moments we can’t escape, desperately addicted to vices and voices we can no longer ignore, resist, or deny.

I suffered with my pain for many decades.

Life for most of us is tattooed by loss, tragedy, abuse, neglect, or abandonment. Maybe you’ve endured an affair or addiction. Maybe you suffered salacious ridicule, unjust criticism, and unfounded rumors. Perhaps you’ve been unexpectantly fired, forcibly retired, or unfairly incarcerated. Perhaps you’ve suffered poverty, bankruptcy, homelessness, or unemployment. We’ve all been hurt by people we loved, wounded by friends we trusted, and scarred by enemies we feared.

Consequently, most of us have camped in the Big D (and I don’t mean Dallas): Doubt. Death. Depression. Disillusionment. Divorce. Discouragement. Dryness. Disappointment. Dependence. Disaster. Disease. Desperation.

It’s certainly my story.

I didn’t get the best start in life. My absentee father wound- ed me with emotional neglect and verbal abuse. My alcoholic mom abandoned the family and disappeared. I grew up angry, cynical, and depressed. I struggled with relationships—at home, church, work, and school. I hoarded hate and trusted few. I masked pain with perfectionism, soothed angst with stuff, and even entertained suicide. I hurt others before they could hurt me; I rejected to avoid rejection.

I also believed several inner falsehoods: God doesn’t care about my life. I’m only his “cosmic joke.” I deserve my abuse, neglect, and rejection. People want to hurt me and will abandon me.

Most people never knew the struggle as I masked my pain for 40 years.

Choosing Freedom

My life officially crashed in 2007. I lost my “dream” job and plummeted into unemployment and financial distress. My grandfather, mother, and stepdad died. My marriage crumbled. My depression deepened: I hated life, those who hurt me, and myself. I had no job, no purpose, no confidence, and no joy. I struggled to go to church and enjoyed little peace. I was completely alone

My angst drove me to forbidden fruit: pornography.

I had struggled with a 40-year addiction to lust and sexual images—television, movies, and Internet.1 In seasons of difficulty, the desire to indulge proved impossible to resist. Pornography comforted my pain, but also produced horrendous guilt and shame. I was a hypocrite, proclaiming a gospel of liberty that I didn’t possess.

Four years ago I decided enough was enough.

I was weary of the deception, pain, and dark depression inside me. I desired freedom, wholeness, and life. I invested in professional counseling and sacrificed Friday nights to attend Celebrate Recovery.2 I wanted to save my marriage, reconcile relationships, and heal my soul. I devoured God’s Word, finding solace in the stories of Joseph, Job, David, and Paul.

In my 12-step recovery group, I unmasked my pain and learned why sexual addiction distorted reality and prevented authentic healing. I also discovered freedom and true sobriety for the first time in my life. Friday nights became havens of hope and help. Thankfully, my pornography use was mild and seasonal. It never led to more overt kinds of acting out.

Unfortunately, my recovery work didn’t save my marriage. I knew confession had a price but never expected my 30-year marriage to dissolve. My unwanted divorce produced new pain and problems. Through it all, I believed God was working something greater, and if I simply did the next right thing, no matter how dark and