CHAPTER 8: From Avoidance to Approach

EXAMPLE OF A CHALLENGE LADDER:

Present in front of a whole class

Present in front of teacher and small group

Present to your friends and teacher

Present to one or two friends

Present to your teacher

Present to your family members

BLANK CHALLENGE LADDER FOR YOU TO COMPLETE:

Really challenging

Somewhat challenging

A bit challenging

Really challenging

Somewhat challenging

A bit challenging

IMAGINING FUTURE SUCCESS

After you have filled in your challenge ladder and before you start to complete the challenges, an important practice is to imagine future success. This is basically the opposite of the debrief. Instead of rewinding and reflecting on an experience of anxiety that has already happened, this time you will fast forward and imagine a situation that has not yet happened and anticipate how your anxiety might show up. Using the 3A Toolkit, you will then reflect on what you will notice (Awareness), what label captures the experience (Assessment), and what you will do to manage the worry (Action). You will then rewind this scenario and replay it until you feel like you will be able to manage the worry. I suggest using this process for each of the challenges on your challenge ladder. Here is a summary of what this process entails: FUTURE SUCCESS: FAST FORWARD, REFLECT, WRITE A STORY OF SUCCESS, REPLAY

To practice this, let’s work through an example.

Fast Forward

• When you are calm, fast forward to a target scenario • Approach with curiosity, like a scientist or a detective looking for clues. • Mindful and non-judgmental awareness

REFLECT (using the 3A Toolkit) Awareness

AWARENESS CATEGORY IMPORTANT REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS

Thinking

Is it helpful?

Body Calming

Relationships

Interpersonal (Others)

Intrapersonal (Self)

What do I notice about my body? What will be my level of activation?

Is this relationship supportive? How can I strengthen existing relationships and/or develop new relationships that are supportive? How are my boundaries?

How am I relating to myself? How can I be more supportive and compassionate to myself?

Assign a Label

What feeling label will you use to capture your experience (Name It To Tame It)?

Action

Using your 3A Toolkit, decide what strategies will work to shrink your worry.

WRITE A STORY OF SUCCESS (Using the 3A Toolkit)

Now put all the pieces together and write a version of the anticipated experience or event but this time with you putting the 3A Toolkit into practice and imagining you are able to shrink your anxiety.

REPLAY

Rewind the scenario to the beginning, but this time replay it and imagine or visualize the successful ending with you managing the worry. This way, you are not only wishing and hoping that you won’t be anxious (this does not usually work), you are expecting some worry and you are ready for it!

Let’s try out the future success using the prompts above. We will use the example of someone who struggles with public speaking:

AWARENESS ASSIGN A LABEL ACTION

Thinking

• “This is going to be a disaster” • Your thoughts are jumbled and not helpful • Notice these thoughts are not helpful

Body Activation

• Heart is racing, trouble catching your breath • Assess level of activation

RELATIONSHIPS

• Intrapersonal, treating yourself with judgement and criticism e.g. “I’m going to mess up, everyone will laugh”

• Interpersonal, e.g. Consider who is able to support you

Emotion & Memory

Notice what I am feeling. Be curious if my reaction is connected to other experiences.

Label It

“That’s just my anxiety”

Helpful Thinking

• Messages of safety e.g. “This feeling will pass”, “I am safe”, “I can do this” • Helpful thinking with a focus on: Present moment Capability What you can influence e.g. “I prepared well for the presentation and will do the best I can”

Body Calming

For low to medium level of activation try using your breath to lengthen your exhale and slow your breathing down. For higher levels of activation, use slow movement such as walking

Relationships

Treat yourself with compassion, kindness and support “I am doing my best”

Emotion

Notice the positive, your progress and your successes

Memory

Calm Place practice before presentation

Using your 3A Toolkit, continue to set challenges using your ladder, use the future success visualization to prepare for the challenge, and use your debrief to consider that you can do differently for next time.

This recursive process of reflecting, providing yourself with feedback using the debrief and future success processes, and continuing to practice strategies and use your 3A Toolkit to manage your stress, worry, and anxiety will help you to manage very effectively over time.

You now have your own 3A Toolkit that you have filled in with the strategies that work best for you. Instead of a list that will only work once, you now have a complete 3A Toolkit that has equipped you to understand what is happening in your brain and your body when dealing with stress, worry, and anxiety. You also know what to do when you were not able to manage your response in the moment, you can always do a debrief after the fact. And you are equipped to counter avoidance with your challenge ladder and able to systematically visualize future success.

You have made amazing progress so far, let’s look ahead so you can keep this positive change going.