The Lone Star Crescent by Melanz, LLC.

For 2011 Bilquis Edhi Foundation strives -- consider to give families a gift from Allah these ten resolutions By SHAHEEN SALAM

by Dr. Zubair Fattani

December and Muharram are right up to par with each other this year. The solar and lunar calendars are almost matching up quite uniquely. This means you have no excuse or reason not to make a new year’s resolution. Welcoming the new year has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. It’s a time to reflect on the changes we want (or need) to make and resolve to follow through on those changes. Did your New Year resolutions make the U.S. top ten list? Lets see:

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Welcoming the new year has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. It’s a time to reflect on the changes

Our family has been blessed by a gift from Allah(SWT). This precious gift is in the form of an angelic baby girl called Aaliya. At this time, last year, I had no clue that Aaliya would become part of our lives and that I would be going to Pakistan in quest of her. It all began with a phone call. Our daughter, Dr. Ambareen Salam, had a sudden inspiration and desire to adopt a baby girl. No amount of dissuading on our part would change her mind. She started researching the various avenues of adoption and her research led her to Bilquis Edhi Foundation. That was it. She called me, while I was vacationing in Bellingham, WA, in March of 2010 and told me that she wanted to adopt a baby girl from Pakistan and only from Bilquis Edhi Foundation. Her voice sounded as if she was on the brink of tears. I gave her the option of finding one here in the United States or Russia as most people do. “No,” she said, she wanted the child to come from Bilquis Edhi Foundation in Pakistan.

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends -- Recent polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Google, and others shows that more than 50% of Americans vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year. Make plans to meet up with friends for an evening of comaraderie at a restaurant or take the family to a movie. Work shouldn’t always come first!

Our daughter is a physician in Dallas with her own practice and her husband, Shawn, has a full time job in computers and web design. I knew immediately that it would be me who would be going to Pakistan to find a baby daughter for our daughter.

2. Fit in Fitness -- The evidence is in for fitness. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better. Why not make this the time to start getting in shape by joining a health club or take walks

more inside

RESOLUTIONS continues on page 14 >>

I am a full-time teacher too, but EDHI continues on page 4 >>

After spending 10 days in Karachi, Aaliya (above) was able to enter into our lives. I bonded to her immediately and was overjoyed when I met her. However, an unexpected connection that occured this summer was between me and Mrs. Bilquis Edhi (below). She has become a lifelong friend, and I admire all that her and her husband do for the children of Karachi.

` Tulsa, OK, is the perfect place for a family vacation. Explore the Oklahoma Aquarium, where you’ll find jellyfish and sharks, and enjoy excellent cuisine and people.

` Attorney Noaman Azhar discusses immigration status for children older than 21 ............................................................... ` Briefs ............................................................... ` Building strong relationships leads to an organization’s success ................................................................ ` Music and math, why can’t both be taught effectively ................................................................ ` Take some time to evaluate your New Year’s resolutions ................................................................ ` Health column - the importance of diabetes and blood pressure screening

IMMIGRATION

Child Status Protection Act is not disqualified if child turns 21 By NOAMAN AZHAR ATTORNEY AT LAW The Immigration and Nationality Act (INA) defines a “child” as someone who is unmarried and under the age of 21. What happens though when due to administrative delays, a petition is pending for years, and during that time, one of the beneficiaries turns 21? In 2002, Congress set out to address this problem, in order to avoid penalizing applicants for the time in which USCIS did not adjudicate their petition. The Child Status Protection Act (CSPA) was enacted in 2002 in order to preserve “child” status for certain beneficiaries who would otherwise “age out” (turn 21 years old before they could be issued a visa). Prior to the CSPA taking effect, a beneficiary who turned 21 at any time prior to receiving permanent residence could not be considered a child for immigration purposes. In order to determine if a particular beneficiary qualifies as a child under the CSPA, a mathematical formula must be applied. The child’s age on the date when the application was ap-

proved or when the immigrant visa number becomes available (whichever is later), is subtracted by the number of days the application was pending, and this will be considered their CSPA age. The INA defines “pending” as agency action on the petition, including an appeal or motion to re-open. “Pending” is more commonly understood as the period of time from the receipt date of a properly filed petitioned to the date an approval is issued. Example 1: A lawful permanent resident parent files an I-130 application for their 20 year old unmarried daughter on January 01, 2007. On January 01, 2011 the I-130 application is approved. The daughter, now 24 years old, no longer meets the technical definition of a child. However, the four years the I-130 application was pending with USCIS can be subtracted from the daughter’s age making her 20 years old for CSPA purposes. If the current visa bulletin shows that visas are available in the FB-2A category for petitions filed on or before IMMIGRATION continues on page 3 >>

Health & IMMIGRATION

Q& A

Don’t waste time; get screened for Diabetes

HEALTH ADVICE

Why Diabetes screening important?

IMMIGRATION continued from page 2 >>

January 01, 2008, then the daughter is eligible to become a lawful permanent resident since her age was frozen for four years and visas are currently available. Example 2: A lawful permanent resident parent files an I-130 application for their 20 year old unmarried daughter on January 01, 2007. On March 01, 2008 the I-130 application is approved (pending for 1 year and 2 months), and the daughter is now 21 years and 2 months old. If the current visa bulletin shows that visas are unavailable in the FB-2A category, then the daughter will have to wait for a visa. If a visa becomes available 1 year and 6 months later, and the daughter subtracts the time the I-130 application was pending with USCIS (1 year and 2 months), then she is still over 21 and thus ineligible to become a lawful permanent resident at that time. Since 2002, thousands of immigrants have gained their permanent residence by taking advantage of the CSPA. Although most attorneys went to law school in order to avoid having to ever do math, the intricacies of CSPA math can make the difference between becoming a permanent resident with your parents, or staying behind in your home country. Therefore, it is advisable to seek the assistance of a competent immigration attorney to perform a careful CSPA analysis to determine eligibility. Noaman is an attorney and Managing Partner at Azhar & Azhar, PLLC. This article is not intended to establish an attorney-client relationship. As always, readers should consult with an experienced immigration attorney before making any immigration decisions on their case. Noaman Azhar is an attorney and Managing Partner at Azhar & Azhar, PLLC. This article is not intended to establish an attorneyclient relationship. As always, readers should consult with an experienced immigration attorney before making any immigration decisions on their case.

More than 23 million people in the U.S. are currently diagnosed with diabetes. An estimated 6 million – equal to the entire population of Muslim Americans - remain undiagnosed. Many people are directlyaffected by diabetes, be it though family members or friends. How do you know if you have Diabetes? Normally the sugar level should be less than 100 mg/dL. If the level is between 100-124 mg/dL, the person is considered at risk for developing diabetes within a few years. If the level is above 125 mg/dL, diabetes is diagnosed. What are the risk factors? 1. Persons over 45 2. High blood pressure 3. High cholesterol, 4. Obesity 5. Sedentary lifestyles 6. Family history of diabetes Diabetes can lead to significant complications such as heart attack, stroke, blindness, kidney failure and sometimes amputation of limbs. Early detection and adequate treatment including diet and exercise, can prevent complications.

Publisher Melanz, LLC. P.O. Box 851764 Richardson, TX 75085 Editor Marium F. Mohiuddin| T: (512) 657-7819 marium@myCrescent.com Layout & Graphics Marium F. Mohiuddin Business / Marketing Inquiries Tel: (214) 843-1593 E: ads@myCrescent.com Editorial / Writing / Events / Feedback marium@myCrescent.com

Why is Blood Pressue screening important? In the United States nearly 45 million people suffer from high blood pressure. That is nearly one in four adults. Only half of them are treated due to lack of proper diagnosis. Among those that are receiving treatment it is estimated that one-third are not adequately controlled. High blood pressure is a leading cause of stroke, heart attack and kidney failure. Usually there are no symptoms. Nearly 50 percent of those who have it are women. Early detection and appropriate treatment can prevent complications. What are the risk factors? 1. Obesity: People with a body mass index (BMI) of 30 or more are more likely to develop high BP. 2. Salt intake: Eating too much salt increases your risk. 3. Smoking: Smoking can raise your BP by 5 – 10 mm Hg for about 30 minutes. 4. Lack of exercise: An inactive life style leads to obesity and high blood pressure. 5. Stress: A high level of anxiety and stress, which is not properly dealt with, can lead to high blood pressure. 6. Alcohol: Heavy and regular use of alcohol can increase blood pressure. 7. Race: One out of three African-Americans suffers from high blood pressure. 8. Heredity: If your parents or other blood relatives have it, you are more likely to develop it. 9. Age: The older you get the greater your chances of developing high blood pressure.

Why is Obesity screening important? Obesity is the accumulation of excess body fat defined as weighing 20 percent (25 percent for women) or more over the recommended body weight for one’s height. Obesity is determined by the body mass index (BMI). Overweight is defined as a BMI of 25 to 29.9; obesity as a BMI of 30 to 39.9; and morbid obesity as a BMI of 40 or more. Obesity is quite common and has been described by some researchers as an epidemic in the United States. Between 1980 and 1999, the estimated number of overweight people in the United States rose from 47 percent to 61 percent, and the number of obese people rose from 15 percent to 26 percent. Childhood obesity is also an increasing problem. What are the risk factors? 1. Consuming more calories than the body uses, eating a high-fat diet, and consuming alcohol 2. Family history of obesity 3. Inactivity and sedentary lifestyle 4. Prescription drugs 5. Hormonal changes and psychological factors Complications of childhood obesity include high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. In addition, childhood obesity can lead to the development of extra fat cells, which can contribute to obesity persisting in adulthood. Complications of chronic adult obesity include osteoarthritis, difficulty breathing, heart failure, certain cancers, stroke, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and premature death.

CONTRIBUTORS Kena Sosa, Dr. Zubair Fattani, Sakina Al-Amin, Halima Shaheed, Naeem Randhawa, Maryum Shaheed, Sonia Laflamme, Anum Hussain, Ruqayyah Khalifa, Komal Khan, Omar Usman, “Hazrat” Amin, Hassan Usmani, Jamal Saqib, Yasmin Turk, Robert Canright, Dr. Keisha Shaheed, Moazzam Ahmed, Shaheen Salam, John Reid, Abdul Wadoud.

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FEATURE

Mrs. Edhi, I visited parts of Karachi I had never been in EDHI continued from page 1 >>

luckily I have summers off and consequently I agreed to go in June of 2010 to Karachi on this quest, all the time thinking and hoping that during this period of time, her mind would change. I misunderstood. Ambareen started preparing for this adoption process and set the ball rolling. She contacted the adoption department of U.S. Social Services and filled out all the required forms. Its representatives came to Dallas, did a home study, interviewed Ambareen and Shawn and finally gave their approval. On June 10, 2010, I found myself in Karachi, Pakistan. I rented a car with a driver the same day and the following day I was in Mrs. Bilquis Edhi’s office in Mithadar, Karachi at 7:30 a.m. Ambareen had told me that Mrs. Edhi directly handled all adoptions and she would be in her office from 8 - 10 a.m. only. This is the only time she is available to meet with people, because she visits her other centers, which are spread throughout Karachi, after that. Lo and behold, as luck would have it, the first person I met on the door step was Sir Abdul Sattar Edhi, himself. I was awestruck and humbled. This was the man who had dedicated his entire life to serve humanity, and I was in his company. He was dressed in his usual grey malatia shalwar and kameez, and a Jinnah cap adorned his head. His face had a flowing white beard and the gentlest of expressions. We exchanged salaams and then I introduced myself and stated my purpose. He asked me to wait in the office until Mrs. Edhi came down. They both had rooms in that center and spent their nights there. Everything in the center was simple and down to the basics. There was a fleet of ambulances waiting outside and the employees and drivers were reporting for duty and, after checking in, were driving off to their assigned jobs. Mrs. Edhi came down at 8 a.m. She was dressed in the simplest of clothes, without any make up and exhibited not an ounce of pride or airs. This was the first time I had ever laid eyes on her. I had not even seen any pictures of her. I felt humbled again. Here I was, introducing myself to the lady who had received Tamgha-e Imtiaz, the highest award for humanitarian service in Pakistan. After salaams and introductions, I put forward my request. I had come to her in order to find and adopt a baby girl for our daughter, Ambareen. She looked at me quizzically and barraged me with questions. Why didn’t Ambareen come herself? Why does she want a baby daughter when she already has one? She is a physician and very busy, so who will take care of the new baby girl? Why a baby girl and not a son? etc.etc. I did a lot of explaining, showed her the pictures of Ambareen, Shawn and Aleena (their 5-year-old daughter), Ambareen’s house and the area they lived in. I submitted all the documents I had brought with me, along with the Power of Attorney form which Ambareen and Shawn had signed giving me authority. I left around 9 a.m., unsure of myself. Did Mrs. Edhi believe that we were serious? Was she convinced enough to hand over a baby to us? I went there again the third day and every other day after that, sat in her office and chatted with her. She slowly started

showing signs of trust and started to unwind. This gradually developed into a very close friendship. Whenever I broached the subject of the baby girl she would say that babies do not grow on trees, and that you cannot go and pluck one. She would ask me to be patient and wait. I always showed my urgency and the little time I had in Karachi. My school was going to reopen on Aug. 20, and I had to go back then. She would just smile. I felt that she was testing me. She took me on a tour of her centers, talked about the amazing humanitarian work they both were doing. We walked through the narrow winding streets of Mithadar, Kharadar and Kaghzi Bazaar together to visit the Main Edhi Hospital and Center. It was my first time to visit this part of Pakistan. I had never set foot in those areas before, even though Karachi is my hometown. Those of you who are familiar with those areas would know what I am writing about. During one of my visits to Mrs. Edhi, a pair of young gentlemen from the United States, Bassam Tariq and Omar Mullick, came to the office. They had been in Karachi for the past two or three months and were doing a documentary on Edhi. Mrs. Edhi introduced me to them and told them that I would be able to answer all of thier questions about her, her life in the centers. I was again humbled at the mutual trust that had developed between us. She also referred me to a National Geographic writer who was there to interview her. She told me to give the interview on her behalf. I was also involved in match making of one of the girls in her center and was invited to attend her wedding later, also. I had never witnessed a wedding simpler than that, but then end result is that both the bride and groom are living happily together, now. Mrs. Edhi would ask me to accompany her wherever she went. I had become her companion. She would tell me that she did not know why she had developed this likeness for me and why she had become my friend. It had never happened like this to her before.

My answer would be that I considered myself very fortunate to be chosen in this manner to be her friend. On June 19, 2010, I once again sat with Mrs. Edhi in her room on the first floor of Edhi Center giving an interview on her behalf to Bassam and Omar, the two documentarians. There was still no sign of a baby, and Mrs. Edhi’s answer was still a smile whenever I broached the subject. At 11:30 a.m., I left the office very discouraged thinking that I would never be able to get a baby. At 12:30 p.m. that same day, my phone rang suddenly. It was Almas, Mrs. Edhi’s secretary, calling me from the Center. She asked me to come immediately to the center with some baby clothes, diapers, blanket and formula milk. They had a baby to give to me. I could not believe my ears. I was excited beyond belief. I immediately asked the driver to drive straight to a baby shop, purchased everything, bought some mithai (sweets) and went to the Edhi Center. I climbed the stairs two at a time and went into Mrs. Edhi’s room. There I was handed a tiny, angelic baby girl wrapped in a shawl, not even a week old, with dark kohl around her eyes. My heart immediately went out to her. I prayed to Allah (SWT) to give me the courage and strength to take care of this Amanah and to fulfill my responsibility and obligations to her. I felt overwhelmed with this responsibility. The Center’s nurse changed the baby, fed her and gave her back to me. I went downstairs to the office with the baby in my arms and my eyes full of tears. Mr. Edhi was sitting there. I handed the baby over to him and asked him to give Adhan in both of her ears. I did not know whether this had been done to her at birth. Mr. Edhi called the Adhan and congratulated me. He said I was very lucky to have been given a baby in10 days after my arrival. My heart was full of gratitude for Allah (SWT) and EDHI continues on page 5 >>

FEATURE

Ten days after arriving in Pakistan, I met Aaliya EDHI continued from page 4 >>

also very heavy. I felt very sad for the mother who had to abandon her baby daughter. Who knows what circumstances drove her to do this. Mrs Edhi’s words, as I was leaving with the baby, were to guard her in every possible way, to get her checked up thoroughly by a physician, and to not bring her back ever, to the center.

Mr.Abdul Sattar Edhi ah im A-aliy

I called Ambareen mediately on my way home and gave her the good news. She was stunned too. None of us had expected to get a baby this quickly and in such a short time. I asked her about the baby’s name. She said that both Shawn and she wanted the baby to be named Aaliya.

What followed next were a long string of formalities, hospital visits and paper work, along with the responsibility of taking care of the infant baby. Alhamdulillah, all her tests came out normal. She was vaccinated with the required vaccines which are given to the new borns at birth. I felt as if I was reliving the raising of my children. I prayed every day to Allah to keep me and the baby healthy, because if I

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Mrs Edhi’s words, as I was leaving with the baby, were to guard her in every possible way, to get her checked up thoroughly by a physician, and to not bring her back ever, to the center.

became sick, who would take care of Aaliya. Aaliya turned out to be a sweet, peaceful and calm baby. She only cried when she was hungry, woke up only once during the night and never had colic pains. Aaliya was the center of my attention now. Whatever I did was for Aaliya. I moved into the Marriott so that Aaliya would not suffer from heat because of the common prolonged and sudden power outages that Karachi is known. We were there in the peak of summer and the humidity and heat was unbearable. The whole staff at Marriott fell in love with Aaliya. They brought in a baby cot for her to sleep in; they would sterilize Aaliya’s feeders for me and see to our every comfort. During my stay at the Marriott, Mrs. Edhi visited me twice. She even sent the crew of Al Arabia television to shoot Aaliya and interview me for a documentary they were doing for Ramadan about Edhi Foundation. I started the formalities for Aaliya’s adoption and immigration to the United States. I was very naïve in thinking that all this would be done in a jiffy and in no time. When I got in touch with the lawyer, Tahira Hassan in Karachi to start the proceedings, I was told that this was going to be a long process. Aaliya was by birth a Pakistani, so before any action could be taken, her National ID card had to be made. The ID card could be made only on the basis of Am-

bareen’s National Identity Card for Overseas Pakistanis ( NICOP ). I immediately called Ambareen in Dallas and asked her to apply for Nicop. She did not have any. Pakistan does not recognize adoption. The Court only assigns Guardianship. In order to apply for Guardianship in the Civil Courts, a birth certificate has to be presented. The birth certificate could be obtained only after receiving a clearance certificate from the Bilquis Edhi Foundation. The Clearance Certificate is given after one month of receiving the baby. I was told that this gives the chance for the receiving family to return the baby if a bonding fails to occur or because of health issues, and also safeguards the foundation in the event that the biological parents return for the baby. I prayed every day to Allah (SWT) for not sending the parents back to claim the baby. Bonding had already taken place between Aaliya and me, from the moment she was placed in my arms. I could not let her go. I would be devastated. Alhamdulillah, the parents did not return. Mrs. Edhi gave the clearance certificate, Aaliya’s birth certificate was finally made, and the guardianship was filed in the court. There were two hearings, and in the first hearing I had to take Aaliya to the court with me to present her to the judge. The same usual questions were asked: Who was I? Why was her mother not here? Why is she adopting a baby when she has a daughter of her own?

Mrs

. Bi

lqui

s Ed

There was a second hearing, under oath and the judge after being convinced, issued the orders for Guardianship. The Guardianship Certificate got delayed because of target killings, street riots, strikes, torrential rains and floods. I was at my wits end. After one month of receiving her, my husband, Moeen, joined me in Karachi in July. Things became much easier after that. The Guardianship Certificate was finally obtained, EDHI continues on page 8 >>

briefs

Briefs . . .

CLAREMONT SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY IN CALIFORNIA TO TRAIN MUSLIM CLERGY

Beginning in the fall of 2011, the Claremont School of Theology will become the first institution of its kind to train not only Christian, but also Muslim and Jewish clergy. This groundbreaking interfaith project, named The University Project, “seeks to instill students with the ethical integrity, religious intelligence, and multicultural understanding necessary to become effective in thought and action as spiritual leaders in the increasingly diverse, multi-religious world of the twenty-first century.” On Dec. 16, the Islamic Society of North America, General Board of Church and Society of the United Methodist Church, and the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism hosted a reception to honor Claremont President Dr. Jerry Campbell. The reception was held at the Lutheran Church of Reformation in Washington, DC. Under the University Project, Claremont’s Master of Arts program will expand to include two new concentrations for all students – Interreligious Studies and Religious Leadership and Spirituality in Muslim Contexts – “which will prepare students for a variety of paths to professional, ministerial or scholarly contexts. Muslim students can also focus in Spiritual Care and Spiritual Counseling in their religious context.” “The curriculum will focus not only on teaching religion, but also on what it means to be an interreligious leader and solve problems,” said Professor Najeeba Syeed-Miller, Claremont’s first Muslim faculty member. She acknowledged that differences in religious doctrine have to be taken into account.The classroom setting will seek to engage students in exploring conflict resolution skills and learning how to facilitate effective dialogue between communities. Dr. Campbell said the ultimate goal is “to harness the powers of the world’s religions to solve common problems” such as violence, poverty, and homelessness. “It is necessary for all Americans to respect one another and to work together, otherwise it will be hard for America to achieve its goals,” Dr. Campbell said. “Conversation takes place best in a multi-faith environment, so that people can get to know and understand one another.”

the Thank-You’s to Presbyterian Mo-Ranch Poured in FOR HOSTING ANNUAL MYNA CAMP This past December, ISNA thanked the great work of the Presbyterian Mo-Ranch Camp in Hunt, Texas., for hosting the 2010 MYNA Winter Leadership Retreat, in the face of emails and phone calls accusing Mo-ranch of being a terrorist supporter. In a counter move, hundreds of thank you emails and letters from Muslims and Christians were sent to Dr. Jordan, President of Mo-ranch. These included letters of thanks from military soldiers, chaplains, youth, Presbyterians and interfaith community members, and residents from Texas to Washington D.C. One Muslim doctor was so moved by the good work of Mo-ranch, he contacted them to extend the collaboration of Muslims and Presbyterians even further in a joint effort to provide relief to the needy. ISNA would like to share with all of you some of the kind and inspirational words of these community members to Dr. Jordan. There will always be messages of hate circulated by extremists on all sides, but the actions of Mo-ranch and the response by the Muslim and Christian community to their actions shows that there is much more goodness in all of our communities. Click here to view a sample of their many thank you’s. The annual MYNA Camp was last week at Mo-Ranch, which is about two and a half hours east of Austin. The camp was very successful, with about 100 youth aged 12-18 from around the United States in attendance. The campers enjoyed an intensive leadership and spiritual development training in which they learned skills and motivation that will enable them to go back to their communities and make a difference.

feature

What is the Edhi Foundation?

The Edhi Foundation is a non- rehabilitation services, and naprofit social welfare program in tional and international relief efPakistan. forts. The Foundation was founded by Abdul Sattar Edhi in 1951, and he and his wife, Bilquis, are the heads of the organization. Mrs. Edhi is a nurse and oversees the maternity and adoption services of the foundation.

Its main focuses are Emergency Services, Orphans, Handicapped Persons, Shelters, Education, Healthcare, International Community Centers, Blood & Drug Bank, air ambulance services, Marine And Coastal Services.

The Edhi Foundation provides 24-hour emergency assistance In Karachi alone, the Edhi across the nation of Pakistan and Foundation runs eight hospitals abroad. providing free medical care, eye hospitals, diabetic centers, Among its many services, the surgical units, a four-bed canFoundation provides shelter, free cer hospital and mobile dispenhospitals and medical care, drug saries.

In addition to these the Foundation also manages two blood banks in Karachi. According to wikipedia. the Edhi Foundation has been able to save 20,000 abandoned babies, train 40,000 qualified nurses, house 50,000 orphans. To learn more about Edhi Foundation, visit www.edhifoundation.com.

EDHI continued from Page 5>>

Ambareen’s NICOP finally arrived, and Aaliya’s NICOP was applied for. In the meantime we moved into Defense Society Club. It was much more open and very safe and secure. The Club’s staff went out of their way to see to Aaliya’s and our needs. Aug. 20, my departure date, was drawing closer. I was panic stricken. Ambareen could not come and stay in Karachi for an indefinite period because of her practice and Aleena. Moeen convinced me to leave. He promised he would care for Aaliya and bring her back to US after all the formalities had been completed. I departed heart broken for Dallas, and a week after my return, the certificate finally arrived. Aaliya’s passport had to be made now so that he American immigrant Visa could be applied for. This could not take place without Ambareen’s presence, which menas it was her turn to go to Karachi. Aaliya’s passport was made and they all went to Islamabad to be interviewed for Aaliya’s American immigrant visa. They were told that it would take two to three weeks for that to occur. The Embassy had to verify and cross check each and every document that had been submitted. Ambareen had to return back to Dallas without Aaliya, while Moeen waited with Aaliya in Karachi for the visa to be issued. Finally the visa was issued and fedexed to Karachi by the US embassy, Moeen and Aaliya left for Dallas on Oct. 28, four months after receiving Aaliya. Moeen proved to be an exceptional and extraordinary person in taking care of Aaliya all by himself, alone in Karachi; and not only that, but travelling with her back to Dallas. It was an exceptional feat that was performed by him. I do not know of any other 64 old grandfathers who were capable of performing such an act. Aaliya is now six months old and is with her parents, Ambareen, Shawn and her big sister Aleena, in Dallas. She is very precious and dear to us. We get to see her as often as possible. Please say a prayer for the abandoned children throughout this world and always keep them in your thoughts. Our heartfelt and deepest gratitude to Mrs. Bilquis Edhi and her staff at Bilquis Edhi Foundation, without whose support we would not have had Aaliya, to the staff of Marriot Hotel and Defense Society Club, Karachi, to our dear friends Mr. and Mrs. Mateen Ghani, our relatives Ejaz and Tayeba Ahed, and their daughter Farah Ahed for their moral support throughout our stay in Karachi.

Shaheen Salam is a community leader and activist living in Plano. She is the President of Texas Muslim Women’s Foundation, Co-Chair, Multicultural Outreach Round Table City of Plano, Rotarian and a board member of many boards and commissions in DFW area.

feature

Spousal communications 101 bY John reid, m.s. What is your ideal marriage life? Is it continuous romantic dinners, traveling, and evenings at home with your perfect mate? Well let’s get back to reality, thing’s aren’t so picture perfect when you’re single so why expect it to be true when you’re a couple? Especially, since we all bring personal baggage into a relationship. We also have our differences and expectations, but lack of communication about these aspects heat conflict between a husband and wife. Lack of communication or a “breakdown in communication” occurs when couples are unable to resolve conflict. Most of us hate to argue, especially with the ones we love. We too often, though, wind up arguing anyway. Continued unresolved arguments lead to frustration or hurt ending in anger. Conflict resolution, at this stage, can only occur with effective communication. When anger enters a situation, communication breaks down. What can we do to penetrate the barriers created by pain, anger, and a breakdown in communication? Let’s look at the following scenario: Chang and Mai is a married couple with two elementary grade school children. Mai is a stay-at-home mother who is the primary caretaker for the children. She prepares all meals, prepares the children for school, drops them off, and picks them up after school. On this particular day, dinner is not quite ready when Chang arrives from work. Chang immediately lashes out at Mai: “What have you been doing all day that prevented you from having dinner ready?” Mai had a day heaped in obstacles, limiting her time. She felt hurt by Chang’s questioning and retorted:

“You always think that I never do anything.” Now the couple is involved in aggressive confrontation. In an effort to resolve the conflict derived from this confrontation, Chang could take the following steps: 1. Communicate from a gut “feeling” level: “I felt upset, anxious and angry when dinner was not ready.” 2. Now one must diffuse the situation: “I would like to apologize to you for what I said earlier.” 3. Try to restore the other person: “I see that what I said hurt you.” 4. Perform an act of contrition with humility: “I would like to ask if you will forgive me?” Now, let us assume that Chang did not take the above steps. Mai can diffuse the situation by: 1. Communicating from a gut “feeling” level: “Chang, I have had an extremely difficult day. Your comments hurt and make me feel unloved.” 2. Try to redirect the situation back to its origin: “I would like to start over.” 3. Acknowledge him with empathy: “I can see that you appear tired, anxious and hungry.” 4. Diffuse the situation: “Why don’t you go and relax while I finish dinner.” 5. Provide reassurance: “I assure you that in the future, I will call and allow time for you to prepare when I am having a bad day.” Joseph Weiss, a social-learning theorist, developed Control-Mastery Theory. Control Mastery assumes that an individual’s problems are rooted in the grim, constricting pathogenic beliefs that the individual acquires in a traumatic experience. In an effort to overcome these constrictions,

Three Simple Tips to Improve Your Communication with Your Partner: 1. Acknowledge negative feelings that lead to negative behavior. 2. Apologize for this negative behavior. 3. Ask for forgiveness. I usually suggest that one or both people embrace their conflict, take personal responsibility for the root cause(s). This inherently develops a sense of partnership instead of adversaries, where adversaries become partners. One must take ownership for their own feelings that contributed to their behavior. To complete the transition, one must apologize for the hurts they may have caused, and ask for forgiveness. This process disarms the other partner, leading to a more loving environment. At this stage, avenues for better communication increase exponentially. The process discussed above encourages communication on an assertive plane. So often, individuals choose a coarse path to communication that is based on aggression. This is usually the most ineffective way to communicate. Communicating with assertiveness is an art form that can be taught and learned by all.

travel

Visiting Tulsa requires more than 24 hours

‘Birthplace of Route 66’ is perfect spot for kids, family vacation By sonia laflamme

We’ve all heard the song, “24 Hours to Tulsa,” but I wanted to see the city and explore what it has to offer. The ‘Birthplace of Route 66’ as it is known has several art deco buildings and places of interest. With the long Thanksgiving weekend beckoning, my husband, my son, and I enjoy the best start, having booked in to a luxury hotel in uptown Tulsa. The Ambassador Hotel has a European ambience and our Executive King Room has rich furnishings, a King sized Bed, and an Italian marble bath. Luxury indeed! Our plan is to enjoy some children’s activities, get close to wildlife, have some good food, and explore the night sky. First stop on our itinerary is the Oklahoma Aquarium, where our son’s widen in amazement on seeing some of the exhibits. It has an impressive collection that includes jellyfish, octopus, piranhas, stingrays, sponges, sea stars, and urchins. Fish specimens, native to Oklahoma, are also on show and the coral reef display has beautiful colors. The most thrilling part of the visit however, is the walk through the tunnel and dome to see the different species of sharks.

to the Tulsa Zoo the next day. The exhibits are themed into different continents with animals, plants, and fossils from North America, cheetahs, lions, giraffe and ostrich from Africa, and anaconda and jaguar from the Central and South American Rainforest. A sia is represented by a Malayan tiger and a snow leopard. We enjoy petting the animals in the Children’s Zoo, including llamas, kangaroos, and donkeys. It’s a busy day, as we also fit in a visit to the Tulsa Air and Space Museum and Planetarium. The history of aerospace in the Tulsa area is very interesting and the museum displays different examples of aircraft. There are hands on exhibits too and our son has fun, taking the controls and launching a space shuttle. The highlight for us is the presentation in the Planetarium, which makes you feel like you’re floating in space amongst the stars. The Philbrook Museum of Art is an elegant mansion, completed in 1927, designed in an Italian Renaissance style. It was donated by the owner and conv erted to an arts center and the setting is a beautifully landscaped Italianate garden. We have an enjoyable couple of hours exploring the paintings and sculpture from America, Asia, and Africa. It is also a special event day, as it’s the opening of the yearly Festival of Lights display. It’s a glittering spectacle and our son joins in the children’s activities, which include making bird feeders. This involves spreading peanut butter on a bagel, covering it in bird

Our Thanksg iving Brunch on our first day is delicious. We go to Phil’s Smokehouse and Grille at the Tulsa Marriott Southern Hills hotel and my order of crab legs and Seafood Newburg is followed by the cheese board and a dessert menu that contains all my favorites. Unfortunately, I can only choose one! Our wildlife theme continues with our trip TULSA continues on page 10 >>

For More Information or to Make Reservations Tulsa CVB visittulsa.com/index.asp Ambassador Hotel www.hotelambassadortulsa.com 888.408.8282 Oklahoma Aquarium www.okaquarium.org 918.296-FISH.3474 Tulsa Marriott Southern Hills (Phil’s Smokehouse & Grille) www.marriott.com/hotels/ travel/tulse-tulsa-marriottsouthern-hills/ 918.493.7000 Tulsa Zoo www.tulsazoo.org 918.669.6600

Tulsa Air and Space Museum & Planetarium www.tulsaairandspace museum.com 918.834.9900 Kolam Indian Restaurant http://kolamiic.weebly. com/ 918.270.1445 Philbrook Museum of Art www.philbrook.org 918.749.7941 800.324.7941 The Wild Fork www.wildfork.com 918.742.0712 Incredible Pizza Company www.incrediblepizza.com/ tulsa/funandgames/ 918.294.8671

For Thanksgiving weekend, my family and I headed to Tulsa, OK, for a long relaxing weekend.

TRAVEL

Tulsa - where you can see jellyfish, sharks TULSA continued from page 9 >>

seeds and hanging it on a tree. Our little boy eats his bagel with peanut butter, minus the bird seeds! He also decorates sugar cookies with icing and sprinkle, eats some pizza, and watches a Christmas cartoon movie. We also have a special Thanksgiving meal at the Kolam Indian restaurant. It’s extremely tasty with just the right texture, not too oily, and with a subtle blend of spices to bring out the flavor. I select the Tandoori Chicken and Palak Paneer, (spinach and cottage cheese), accompanied by biryani. It’s not a formal restaurant, so it’s an ideal venue for a family meal. The owners and staff are friendly and they make us feel most welcome. They serve lunch buffets and dinner buffets with both North and South Indian dishes and there is a children’s menu. The Wild Fork, where we have dinner, is a bit more upscale and therefore, more expensive. Local artists display their work here, which gives it more of an individual ambience, and the décor is really tasteful. My husband orders the Fillet of Catfish and Shrimp Etouffeé, which is fried catfish with shrimp and vegetables in a southern wine sauce, and he gives it a good review. I find my dish, the Ginger Crusted Salmon withBok Choy-Cucumber Salad and Asian Vinaigrette, to be a bit on the bland side for my personal taste.

On the Sunday, our last day, we tell our son he can choose wherever he wants to go and whatever he wants to do. His answer is pizza! We all have a lot of fun at the Incredible Pizz a Company. It’s an entertainment place for families and they serve a pizza buffet that includes desserts and drinks in the price. With more than 30 different pizza varieties to choose from and all the pizza he can eat, our little boy is in pizza heaven. The buffet also has a choice of pasta and baked potatoes. He also loves competing in the Go-kart racing with his Dad and they win two of their races. The IPC also offers bowling, mini golf, bumper cars, and a play area. I recommend Tulsa for a visit. There is a lot to do and you’re sure to receive a warm Okie welcome, making it an ideal destination for families. Gene Pitney may have failed to reach Tulsa but I’m glad we made it there!

Sonia Laflamme is a travel writer and television show host for JustSayGoTV. com, a spin-off of the web travel magazine JustSayGo.com. The mother of a young boy, she focuses on family friendly destinations. She welcomes your feedback and questions. You can reach her at sonia@justsaygo.com

The Oklahoma Aquarium houses an impressive collection of jellyfish, octopus, piranhas, stingrays, sponges, sea stars and urchins.The most thrilling part of the visit however, is the walk through the tunnel and dome to see the different species of sharks.

Opinion

Building strong relationships leads to success By Abdul Wadoud In a Khutbah on a recent Friday, the Imam talked about the importance of being tolerant of the differences that we have as people. He mentioned that to do other than that “will make us lead miserable lives.” In the same way within organizations, we can lead less than positive lives and accomplish less than desired results. There are however, some simple yet powerful tools that can cause organizations and individuals in organizations to achieve desired results in the best possible manner. I have worked with and for many different types of organizations in my 40 plus year since graduating from college. Engineering, finance, material management, IT, for profit, religious and secular community organizations are some of the organizations that I have worked for and been involved with. While performance and morale of organizations have always been the necessary elements for any organization’s achievements, I have observed that one of the most often overlooked parameters of organizational success is Relationships. We can define Relationships as how we interact with each other. What I have observed is that just because a good salary is being paid or because a good cause is being served, it is automatically assumed by some, that everyone in an organization will be working together in the best possible manner to achieve that organization’s goals. However, the reality is that we all have different “realities”. These different realities shape how we approach things and how we work to achieve results. In organizations, we must understand this and help set up parameters to have the best possible relationships. This in turn will help an organization to achieve the best possible results. Having a Vision Why is having a vision or vision statement important? A vision statement simply tells internal and external partners in an organization, what it is about, what it is going to achieve and what is important for everyone who is involved with the organization to understand what they should focus on. It helps focus relationships around a

positive,shared goal. Some examples: “Healthy Hair Academy will elevate the Barber / Stylist industry through education”. “The Social Service Agency will be the absolute best provider of community services that will improve the health of our community”. “The Masjid will be the premier developer and provider of Islamic programs in the area in order to serve Allah, our members and all Muslims. By having a simple, yet powerful vision statement with “reach” in it , it can always be referred back to when different perspectives arise as to how to move forward in an organization. When developing one, obtain as much participation as possible in doing so. Contests, votes and discussion will increase the “buy-in” of the organizational members in the vision. The Power of One In some organizations, as Muslims, we are sometimes confronted with being one of the few individuals that has our unique perspective toward relationships. We are definitely beyond making every situation only about money or having a “be right all the time” perspective, or at least, it should be that way. Besides the things we already know about how to conduct ourselves, I’ll offer up some tools and skill sets that will enhance our abilities to optimize relationships even if we are the only one using them. You might recognize some of them in that you might already being using them in some shape, form or fashion. I learned these skill sets in a “package form” from my good friend and school mate, J. Bert Freeman. We were at a class reunion and I bought his book: Taking Charge of Your Positive Direction, just because we were friends. I was working for Chrysler at the time as the Arizona Proving Ground (APG) Supervisor of Test Operations and I only got a chance to look at it on the plane ride back to Arizona. To summarize, he stated each of us should determine our required positive direction and then speak, write, interact, use tools and skills in ways that achieve that positive direction; that

The er w o P e n O of

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move us to the direction of required success or outcomes. You can be yourself, however, the way you interact is important. I started working with the tools because they were easy to understand and apply. I also saw it was necessary to do so because even though I had a reasonably good relationship with my crew of 3 supervisors and over 70 union test drivers and mechanics, the relationship between management and the union needed to be significantly improved. This was because our Proving Ground was going to be closed down and moved 170 miles away. My team had yet to be informed as to whether they were going to offered jobs at the new place or if they were going to get any moving assistance if they did. Some had lived in that area for over 30 years and had homes, families and friends. It was a very emotional time for all of us. Yet, we still had to test cars and trucks, prepare for and make the move. Since I was the first Muslim and African-American management person ever at the Proving Ground and was put in this very volatile situation, I needed all the assistance I could obtain. Through the grace of Allah (SWT), I came through the situation in a very good way. Through prayer obviously, proper conduct (Alhamdulillah), and the use of the tools and skill sets I learned from Bert, my union test drivers and mechanics volunteered to move my 36 hoist ga-

Complete Respect

Total Open Listen & Learning

rage, all the test and repair equipment and some 20 test cars to the new facility. I was told that Chrysler was able to save close to half a million dollars in moving and transportation costs due to the participation of my team. Accordingly, even though we might be one person in an organization, we can have the power to make a significant contribution through our positive relationships with others. Verbal Positive Approach In an organization, everyone should be working together to achieve the vision. Individuals and groups have different roles and responsibilities; however they should act, speak and write toward desired outcomes--the organizational positive direction. How can we do this? How should we do this? A good way to do this is to use Verbal Positive Approach. Simply, this skill is to eliminate other than positive words (OTP) from your vocabulary and speak toward desired outcomes with respect to others. OTP words are the ”n’t” words like can’t, don’t shouldn’t etc. and words like bad, worry, sad, hatred, silly, crazy etc. We can substitute those words very easily: “I want you to be here at 9:00am” instead of “Don’t come later than 9:00am.” “Please talk with respect.“ instead of RELATIONSHIPS continues on page 15 >>

opinion

Math vs. music -- why can’t the two be equally taught to students?

By Robert canright The Plano ISD requires sixth graders to learn singing or a musical instrument. It was not long after sixth grade started that we parents were sitting in the gym listening to our children making music. It was amazing how following the instructions from the music teachers and practicing daily allowed our children to play together in an orchestra. Making so many instruments in the hands of new performers sound good seems like a daunting task, but the music teachers did it. It makes me wonder why American schools can teach music so capably to students, but American schools lag behind the entire industrialized world in teaching math to the same students. Civilized societies have been using and teaching mathematics for thousands of years. About 3,600 years ago the ancient Babylonians were calculating the square root of 2 and the ancient Egyptians were using proportions to equate loaves of bread to jars of beer for trade. Ancient societies successfully passed on their mathematical knowledge, passing the torch of civilization down throughout the ages, but public schools in twentyfirst century America are struggling to teach math while the rest of the world has no problems. How did America reach last place in education among the industrialized nations? I can explain it

in one word: innovation. Some American educators are so focused on innovation that they have turned it into a false idol. Idolatry is the downfall of American education. Too many educators worship innovation and have consequently abandoned wisdom, because change for the sake of change is foolishness. Here is a quote from the educator Seymour Papert in a proposal to the National Science Foundation: “From constructivist theories of psychology we take a view of learning as a reconstruction rather than as a transmission of knowledge.” Too many educators want children to reconstruct mathematics on their own. It is unfashionable now to transmit knowledge. In the Plano ISD this is called “discovery learning,” and teachers are told to be a “guide on the side, not a sage on the stage.” This innovation has created a twotier system of math students in Plano: those with private tutoring who gain the transmission of math skills, and those without private tutoring, who fall behind in math skills. Music teachers do not ask their students to reconstruct music. Football coaches do not ask their athletes to rediscover football on their own. Music teachers and football coaches transmit their knowledge to their students, and they rely upon drilling and practices to perfect the skills that lead to superior performance.

Public schools could be more successful in teaching mathematics, but they do not want to be successful, they want to be innovative. An example of real innovation that would benefit students and society would be to teach students how to make money. The American economy is in tatters because American leadership does not know how to make money honestly. This again is the problem of false innovation. A better word for innovation on Wall Street is “swindle.” If we stopped innovating in teaching mathematics then our students could excel in math. If we stopped innovating on Wall Street then money could be invested in factories that hire workers and restore prosperity to America. Some Americans know how to make money. Some Americans teach their own children how to make money. We could teach all our children the rudiments of business, economics, and finance in their schools. Bill Gates of Microsoft, Michael Dell of Dell Computer, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak of Apple Computer, Larry Ellison of Oracle, and Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook all dropped out of college to start billion dollar businesses. The high school years are important years for the economic vitality of our nation because many of our children want to go into the busi-

ness world after high school. But if we cannot successfully teach mathematics to our children in elementary school and middle school, they will not be ready to study business. Real innovation is good because it can be exploited for a useful purpose, like creating products that can be sold for profit. Real innovation leads to achievement. Real innovation in our schools would be teaching our children how to create wealth. If we put aside false innovation, like discovery learning, and embraced real innovation, like teaching business, economics, and finance in high school, then our children would have a bright future, a prosperous future, a happy and secure future.

Robert Canright is a writer, educator, scientist, mathematician, and engineer. Canright has taught math in Texas public schools and taught circuit theory to engineering students at a university. He has done Research & Development at a Fortune 50 company, as well as mechanical engineering, electrical engineering, software engineering, and systems engineering. He has been a candidate for the Plano ISD Board of Trustees and has written a philosophy book: “Achieve Lasting Happiness.” Canright holds degrees in mechanical engineering, electrical engineering, and mathematics. He is a licenced professional engineer in electrical engineering.

opinion

RESOLUTIONS continued from page 1 >>

around the neighborhood. You’ll feel better and look better. 3. Tame the Bulge -- More than 66 percent of adult Americans are considered overweight or obese, so it is not surprising to find that weight loss is one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions. Setting reasonable goals and staying focused are the two most important factors in sticking with a weight loss program, and the key to success for those millions of Americans who made a New Year’s commitment to shed extra pounds. 4. Quit Smoking -- If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you’ve tried to quit before and failed, don’t let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying the rest of your smoke-free life! Even Dallas, Collin, and Tarrant Counties are trying to go smoke-free, and it’s taken them a few tries as well. Locally, there are a variety of free support services, hotlines and smoking cessation classes to help you kick the smoking habit. My dad smoked two packs a day for 40 years and one day he quit “cold turkey”. And if he can do it, anyone can. Smoking is seriously not cool anymore. 5. Enjoy Life More -- Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of millions of Americans, it is no wonder that “enjoying life more” has become a popular resolution in recent years. It’s an important step to a happier and healthier you! Consider a homeopathic approach for products designed to bring balance to your body, mind and soul. Or just get out and try something new! Take up a new hobby or try your hand at skiing. Go to a live play, or head to a museum; there are many in Dallas and Ft Worth that are world renowned. Our metroplex offers a wealth of artistic and recreational activities to meet just about anyone’s wishes. 6. Quit Drinking -- While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of help and support available. Alcoholics Anonymous offers meetings throughout the greater DFW area. There is also a Dallas group for Parents of Teenage Alcohol and Drug Abusers. 7. Get Out of Debt -- Was money a big source of stress in your life last year? Join the millions of Americans who have resolved to spend this year getting

a handle on their finances. It’s a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead. Take a course on managing your finances. I teach a class on the various indexes of the stock market. Join the many Americans who invest and get a grip on your portfolio. 8. Learn Something New -- Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you’ll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year’s resolutions to keep. The DCCCD offers a wide variety of “lifelong learning” courses, and local YMCA’s offer great recreational training for beginners of all ages. Most local colleges and universities offer distance and adult education programs. Or if the arts are more your thing, places such as the Dallas Museum of Art and the Amon Carter Museum offer adult studio classes. Look at the amazement of your childrens faces when you tell them the differences between Impressionism and Renaissance Art. 9. Help Others -- A popular, non-selfish New Year’s resolution, volunteerism can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, or building a house, there are many nonprofit volunteer organizations that could really use your help. The Dallas Cares organization makes it easy by connecting volunteers with projects to fit practically any schedule. Or if your time is really in short supply, maybe you can at least find it in you to donate the furniture, clothing and other household items that you no longer need, rather than leaving them out by the curb to fill up our landfills. When I was in college, I would volunteer at Baylor Medical Center’s Children’s Unit. All I would do was play Monopoly or Checkers with the children. No effort on my part, just time. Now I live a more hectic lifestyle so I can only volunteer one day a week at the local library reading

to senior citizens. No matter what you do, I guarantee it will be rewarding. 10. Get Organized -- On just about every New Year resolution top ten list, organization can be a very reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your office organized enough that you can find the stapler when you need it, tips and resources at the local bookstore should get you started on the way to a more organized life. Good luck with your resolutions. Of the top ten, how many can you “promise”

to keep and how many will you actually achieve. And don’t worry, if you don’t get the hang of it by Groundhog’s Day, there’s always next year! Dr. Zubair Fattani, PhD, received his Master’s in Business Administration and doctorate in economics from the University of Texas at Dallas. He is from Karachi, Pakistan, where his parents still live. His wife, Shazia, is a hafiza and studying to be an alimah.They have one daughter, Zakia, who is 2 years old. For questions and comments, please write to him at dr_fattani@hotmail. com. For religious inquiries, please visit www. islamicacademy.org.

RELATIONSHIPS continued from page 12 >>

working together to achieve the vision. Individuals and groups have different roles and responsibilities; however they should act, speak and write toward desired outcomes--the organizational positive direction. How can we do this? How should we do this? A good way to do this is to use Verbal Positive Approach. Simply, this skill is to eliminate other than positive words (OTP) from your vocabulary and speak toward desired outcomes with respect to others. OTP words are the ”n’t” words like can’t, don’t shouldn’t etc. and words like bad, worry, sad, hatred, silly, crazy etc. We can substitute those words very easily: “I want you to be here at 9:00am” instead of “Don’t come later than 9:00am.” “Please talk with respect.“ instead of “I can’t stand you to talk that way to me.” “She needs to improve how she behaves” instead of “She acts so silly all the time.” We want to always use verbal positive approach so that we can move away

OPINION

from the present situation and move toward the desired outcome-positive direction. Complete Respect In our organizations, we should learn to have complete respect for everyone inside and outside of our organizations. We can learn Four Abilities that will enhance and / or improve relationships. They are: Respect people anyway-Respect them anyway for who and what they are. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Treat people the way they want to be treated. Respect people inside and outside whatever room you are in. By doing these things, we can go a long way to having relationships in organizations that move things forward toward desired results. There are other aspects of respect, especially in multi-cultural, multi-ethnic and multi-background organizations. They are having cultural (who they are), social (custom related), spatial (space related), temporal (time related),

and professional (opportunity related) respect. An organization strong on these “domains” of respect will inevitably have positive relationships and will be more successful in achieving desired outcomes. Total Open Listen and Learning I believe this was a key aspect of my success at the Chrysler APG. By using Total Open Listen and Learning to listen to the needs, wants and opinions of people in a dynamic, intense and emotional situation, I was able to “hear” the real issues the people had, focus on and address those, show the people respect and yet get us all to focus on the required outcome in that particular situation-which to move the proving ground. In summary, it goes like this: Totally be open to listen what a person has to say. Really listen. Suspend your thoughts, opinions etc. while they are talking. Really understand what’s being said. Listen with all your senses-your ears, eyes, nose to that person and understand the direction of their comments. Then before speaking, listen to yourself and yes even to your own heart to the direction of your thoughts, then translate that to the direction of needed outcomes-the positive direction theirs and yours.

Taking Charge What we covered, was just a few elements of being in charge of your positive direction. Within organizations, as an individual or an entire organization, we can learn and put into practice tools and skill sets that will improve relationships, as well as performance and morale. A true Unity of Effort can be put in place that will allow each and every one of us take charge of the positive direction that’s required in any organization and achieve the required successes.

Abdul Wadoud has worked in industry, organizations and with organizations for over forty years. He is a Certified Project Management Professional (PMP). He has held management positions in Engineering, Program Management, Finance and Material Management organizations. He is a U.S. Naval Academy graduate and former Marine Corps Officer. He owns Program Management Services, a consulting company and is a certified consultant with T.A.L.K. associates (www.positivedirection.net)-the only company specializing in positive direction communication skills. He and his wife currently reside in Plano, Texas.