5 Steps To Getting It And Keeping It by mel kooner

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FOREWORD: This resource is produced in order to help you to enhance your life. It is intended to help you shape your life to the fullest. People who can handle life well are the ones who will achieve great things. These are the people who have strong self-belief than the average person. This can surely be you.

At one time in my life I had hit rock bottom, there seemed no end to my problems. My life was in turmoil, despair and uncertainty. For me, defeat was not an option. Deep inside of me I knew there had to be an answer. I channelled my energy and focused on what I wanted in life. I have outlined for you the 5 steps that took me there.

Today, I have magnificent levels of self-belief. Have faith in my abilities am selfconfident and achieve great things.

I want to equip you to make the most of yourself, stretch and grow to your fullest potential. Life’s easier when you believe in yourself, you feel more optimistic, more enthusiastic about everything. You’re up for it, you feel there’s nothing you couldn’t do, be or have, if you put your mind to it!

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m confident that this report will help you change your life. The techniques will demonstrate that you need not be defeated by anything, that you can have peace of mind, improved health and a never-ceasing flow of energy.

Take action with the 5 steps to getting it and keeping it.

Wishing you great success.

Mel Kooner

Introduction What is self esteem? The expression was first used by William James in 1890. This American psychologist and philosopher said that self esteem is “one’s mental perception of (his) qualities, not physical features”.

With the growth in the social sciences and popular culture from the 1950’s onwards, concepts like ‘self esteem’ have become more widely discussed, not only within the profession of psychology but more generally within western society which has become increasingly focused on the individual.

There are various definitions of self esteem, but in essence, it is the value we place on ourselves as individuals and in relation to others. Maurice Rosenberg in the 1960s said that self esteem can be self tested. This period of the development of social sciences saw the development of ‘testing’ and ‘measuring’ methods which enabled more empirical studies to be carried out. Previously most of the social scientists were known primarily for their theoretical work. The other shift is that whereas previously the goal was to measure self esteem, it is now the goal to achieve the right level of self esteem.

If our self esteem is too low, we are seeing ourselves as less valuable than those around us. So we are encouraged to improve our self esteem in order to become more confident, happier, and better able to lead a full and rewarding life. On the other hand

If our self esteem is too high, we are probably suffering from â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;unearnedâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; esteem, and see ourselves as better than those around us. This has been associated with bullying, violence and aggression to others. So getting our self esteem level right, is to have a sense of self worth that is not reliant on individual events or achievements. It is not about being better than or superior to others.

A healthy level of self esteem is linked to respect for ourselves but

importantly, having respect for others. A good and healthy level of self esteem will enable us to cope with disappointments and criticisms. It also enables us to attempt new challenges, to seek out new relationships, and to work towards our futures with a level of confidence and belief in our abilities.

Self esteem is not just about being good at one or two things. For example, a pianist may feel very confident of their musical ability. They may feel confident performing in front of an audience. However they may lack self esteem when it comes to their ability to maintain a good relationship with their partner, or in their ability to make decisions outside of their work in music.

From a scientific point of view, the subject of self esteem is only part of the understanding of the human individual, how our mental maps operate, and how to help people achieve their potential and avoid suffering and mental illness.

From the point of view of educationalists, the relationship between self esteem and academic or educational success is important.

This is particularly the case for

understanding where individual children or young adults are under achieving or

having difficulty in getting on with their peers. Schools are under increasing pressure to assess the needs of children in terms of areas that would previously have been seen as parental responsibility. Some children have a difficult life at home, and have to deal with major events such as divorce, family illness, lack of parental love and support, and situations like moving home and leaving behind friends or relations. Many children have to cope with bereavement, parental illness, poverty, ignorance and being surrounded by people with low self esteem. Their chances of growing to be happy, healthy young adults, with confidence in themselves and their futures are therefore reduced. Another social change that involves an evaluation of self esteem is the drive towards equality of woman. Only 60 years ago it was unusual for a woman to expect to be considered equal to men in the job market place. Of course there were exceptions, and famous women doctors, scientists and entrepreneurs existed.

During the Second World War women filled the jobs vacated by men going to fight, but generally were encouraged to leave when the men returned. The development of the social sciences after the Second World War saw a large increase of women in higher education and thereafter in employment. However, there is still a view that women are under achieving in the world of commerce, senior management, science and the glass ceiling still effectively limits the progression of women.

Women are constantly bombarded with inspirational material. The media overflows with perfect looking women with fabulous figures, hair, skin, nails, and wow, not only are they perfect mothers and home makers; they are earning loads of money too! Clearly this is a tough call â&#x20AC;&#x201C; how can the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;averageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; women compete?

Do You Believe In Yourself ? “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t either way You’re probably right” HENRY FORD.

STEP ONE: The greatest asset that one has in life is indestructible self-belief. The people who prosper in life and handle it well are the people who achieve great things. We know why that is….. all since they have great levels of self belief far more than the average person. When things get really tough the Self-believer digs deep inside himself to rise up to the challenge.

This is what I want from you. My desire is that each individual makes the most of themselves to grow and develop to their full potential .Life is easy when you believe in yourself. You feel more enthusiastic, more motivated and optimistic about life. You feel in control anything is possible, you can achieve anything if you set your mind to it.

I can promise you if you apply yourself, you will finish this journey with me, feeling fresh, invigorated and ready for any challenge you may face in life. Self-belief is the feeling that you can handle any problem that life throws your way. You need to appreciate your qualities, talents and abilities. You must see yourself as special and exceptional, this is what makes you great! Well let’s move on with this transformable journey together to achieve exceptional results.

This is not difficult, it is not as superficial as it seems, it is about looking below the surface and appreciating you. Self confidence comes from within; it is not all about looks and appearance. If you love yourself others will most definitely follow. Self assurance is key, to demonstrate this I give you the example of Beyonce Knowles, she is often ranked as one of the sexiest women in the world. Without a doubt she is a beautiful lady you can also be just as beautiful if you are confident and happy with yourself. She says "We all have our imperfections. But I'm human and you know, it's important to concentrate on other qualities besides outer beauty". So rather than complaining that you do not posses Beyonceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s looks, appreciate yourself and focus on what is great about you whether it be your magnificent sense of humour or your generous heart, for example. Appreciating yourself is the key to becoming attractive to others. I can assure you that if you are happy with yourself you will ooze with charm and charisma. Do you understand that you are very important and it is you that you need to invest in, so clear up those negative thoughts of disbelief and change them into self belief!

Life is about confidence building, if you have enough confidence you can achieve anything. Genuine confidence is the firm belief that the universe is unfolding to your benefit and the conviction that you can handle anything life throws your way. It is the belief that there is always a way through tough times and that you will find it, somehow or some way. It is a combination of positive energy, charm and courage. It can also involve bluff as you psyche yourself up and convince others of your abilities and worth, knowing that the more convinced you are, the more they will be. This is worth striving for because it is much easier to get through life with confidence.

Those individuals with confidence have a magnetic force which we are all drawn towards. They are more uplifting, more energetic and more positive than your average person. These positive traits rub off on all those around them and people leave them feeling boosted by their optimistic outlook. It is no surprise that people with high levels of confidence attract more opportunities that the average person.

Power points â&#x20AC;&#x201C; take action: 1. Buy yourself a new notebook. Carry it with you at all times so that you can jot down observations and insights. 2. Choose an area of your life that you want to focus on, one that you wish to build you self-belief around. Be absolutely clear what your current level of self-belief is. Write this down at the back of your notebook with todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s date next to it. 3. Write down the heading, What this lack of self-belief has cost me, it is vital that you grasp the damage low self-belief has done so far. Keep this line of enquiry

open for the rest of the week keep adding to it as things occur to you. Now write down another heading the difference it would make to my life if I doubled my selfbelief would be...

4. Live every day as if you did have double the amount of self-belief .What would change? Would you be more relaxed, confident, friendly…. 5. Study other people, those with self-belief. In the public life you will come across the ones like Madonna, her mother died from breast cancer when Madonna was only five. However, she never saw herself as a victim. With her willpower ad determination she became one of the biggest stars on the planet! 6. Don’t fret just give it your all remember ‘full effort is full This is the starting point of the new you.

What opinion do you have of yourself ? ‘Learn to love yourself unconditionally’ STEP TWO: We are going to take a very close look at how you see yourself. What is your take on you, how do you rate your potential? I am going to show you how to make sure that you have the highest possible regard for yourself. By now you will have assessed your self-belief levels in the various areas of your life, so now we can take action. Do not worry if you have recognised a low percentage in one or more areas. Well guess what? you are here to improve and improve you will.

I want to impress upon you the absolute need of building strong self-belief and ensure that your opinion of yourself is pristine and powerful. A strong foundation of selfbelief is the basis on which to build an interesting life. Without it you will be more prone to give up on your aspirations and ambitions, giving into self-doubt and fear.

Research shows that people who have had a thriving, happy childhood with their parents are more likely to grow up as effective leaders. Confidence is the key to success, if your parents always praised your efforts and told you that you were the best then surely you will have great self-belief.

What do you really actually believe about yourself? The truth being that you can believe anything you want to. Whatever you choose to believe will be true for you in your life because that is the view you have of yourself and cleave to. You will collect evidence to prove this, that is

What, we as humans do. We have a need to be right; whatever we believe the perspective is, like a heat seeking missile, we will gather the evidence to prove our position. So letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face it, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best to clear what you want to be right about because that will shape your experience of life and your opinion on you.

You are smarter and more resourceful than you think. Now that you are grown up the most important influence in your life is you. This gives you the utmost power to influence yourself. You have the power to be your greatest ally or your most deadly enemy.

Which is it to be? Enhancing your self-belief begins with a decision, the decision regarding the view of yourself, so that you can enjoy the advantage of extraordinary self belief!

Power points â&#x20AC;&#x201C; take action: 1.

What is your opinion of you? Is it good enough? Could you think a lot better of yourself? Where could you change it? The key to a real permanent upgrade is to back up your improved appreciation with hard evidence. Remember you have to convince you.

What are your three key beliefs, which if you believed them to be true, would make a significant improvement to your life? Write these down right now .Take each of them one at a time and identify the Evidence that already exists in your life to justify this belief. You are looking for evidence so that you can make it easier for you to believe and strengthen that belief.

Surround yourself with the right people .It is invaluable to spend time

with detractors. It is important to have good people in your life. Think carefully about your team the people that you spend most of your time with. If these people make it difficult for you to think highly of yourself and to move forward in your life then you really need to decide what h to do about it.

Now do something for YOU, yourself go treat yourself to lunch or go for

a massage…come along don’t make this into hard work. I want you to really and truly enjoy the process. Take it seriously but lighten up too. You are on the right track challenging yourself and asking questions, checking your actions. Know in your heart you are far bigger than any thing that can happen to you.

Take full responsibility. ‘I look at myself as somebody who, from an early age, knew I was responsible for myself and I had to make good’ Oprah Winfrey

STEP THREE: Up until now you have been exploring your relationship with you and grasping the significant importance of robust self belief. You now are aware that the most powerful and most influential person in your life is YOU. You are the thinker of your thoughts. You are the one who has the ultimate responsibility, the final say in defining who you are as an individual and how your life is. In short you have sole responsibility in choosing your response to all situations in your life past, present and future! I want to coach you so that you can take greater responsibility for yourself, to take full ownership of your outlook and mental approach to life.

You may not always be in control of what happens in life but you can certainly be in control of your response. It’s completely up to you to assign significance and meaning to circumstances and events. Let’s look at Oprah Winfrey; she rose from a troubled life and poverty. She became the most powerful and influential woman in television. Her talk show is the highest rated in TV and through business decisions she created magazines and websites, which has made her the first African-American female billionaire. It is an extraordinary triumph for anyone let alone a black woman who was born to teenage parents in rural Mississippi. Oprah was raised until she was six by her grandmother; she moved back with her mother and endured a life of hardship and sexual abuse. She Rebelled by experimenting with drugs and sex. Oprah gave birth to a stillborn. All these experiences could have destroyed her but she used them to empower others. She did not blame anyone for her traumatic past. Instead she took full responsibility herself.

Now we enter the ‘blame culture’ we are always ready to blame others. The blame culture is all pervasive. After parents it’s our friends, husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend. The truth being that people can hurt one another no matter how much love they share. There is no mythical partner or parent who will never disappointed or hurt. By coming to terms with the notion of forgiveness you can make allowances for human weaknesses and start the healing process.

I am going to challenge you to turn up your responsibility radar so that you are extremely sensitive to your attitude and responses to everything. I would like you

to identify how and where you might give power away to outside forces. Do you find yourself blaming the weather, dark nights, or the onset of winter for making you feel flat? Well resist! Take on responsibility do one of the following: 1. Buy a light box to provide artificial daylight. 2. Take an energy booster to boost your serotonin levels. 3. Do some aerobic exercise to make activate your feel good hormones. 4. Book a holiday in the sun.

So do you get me? You could go on adding to this list but you take my point. I am asking you to rid yourself of any inclination to moan or blame anyone or anything for your mood, mental outlook or situation in life. Otherwise you are inadvertently giving away your power of response to some outside force.

People moan and the reason being that they have no choice. They will convince themselves that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re powerless and see themselves as victims. Never, ever do the disservice of thinking about yourself as a victim. You will always have choices, so practise seeing choices everywhere you look. Keep reminding yourself that staying stuck and complaining is a choice in itself.

How many times have people told you to always look on the bright side? They do have a point. Instead of always conjuring up images of the past that may be negative and reliving things that went wrong. Start to change your focus and think of the great things, all the good things that happened to you instead .Experience the sense of pleasure and your mood will lift. Regularly counting our blessings instead of our burdens has been proven to improve our relationships, performance and mood.

Remember laughter is the best medicine. Medical findings have confirmed this!

Power points – take action:

Let it go! Wipe out all blame from your perspective. Choose to see the

benefits in all circumstances, no matter how gruesome. Revisit all the things you feel unsure or regretful about, be it the area you grew up in, the school you went, the peer pressure you put up. See the potential for benefit in all of this. You end goal is to achieve a feeling of thankfulness for all of it as you turn it all to your advantage. ‘Remember if it didn’t kill you it could make you stronger. The choice is yours.’

Watch how you use your language. Your attitude is revealed in your choice

of words. Be on the lookout for any victim-speak. In your choice of words you are reinforcing mental habits. So only speak of that you wish to. bring about. Place words of encouragement, patience and inspiration in your mind. Avoid knocking yourself with demeaning and defeatist messages.

Don’t complain about anything or anyone. It is an awful habit, it is

addictive and unnecessary. Begin to train yourself just not to do it. It’s possible to change your view of reality and reality itself. Choose a way and make it work.

Make sure you develop gratitude. Begin to adopt an approach of gratitude

towards yourself. You are very fortunate to have the abilities, talent and vision that you have. You are way ahead, you are very smart, you do not complain or blame. You’re taking responsibility. You must avoid dwelling on the things you don’t have or you may end up feeling deficient or resentful. Appreciate all you have while you add ad improve things.

Start to do something. Choose something that you may have been thinking of

doing for a long time. You may want to learn a new skill, move home, or change your job...whatever it may be take responsibility for making it happen. Prove to yourself that you are a person of action. You wait for no-one, you’re a doer. You take full responsibility…Right attitude…Right action. That is you.

You must think Big. “It is not because things difficult we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficulty”

STEP FOUR: Go beyond what you think you are capable of you must believe that anything is attainable. Make sure you expect the best, be optimistic, the bigger the challenge the more you rise to the occasion.

If you play a game of tennis with a weaker opponent your game will dip to accommodate them. If your game is played with a better player than yourself then your game invariably improves. You’ll never know in life how good you are until you meet a big enough challenge.

Goran Ivanisevic was the winner of the Wimbledon Men’s Final in the year 2001. Goran Ivanisevic was a wild card entry a no hoper in theory took on and beat Australia’s Pat Rafter, one of the world’s best. No one ever expected Goran to win and you did not have to be a tennis expert to see that his game was vastly superior to many of his opponents, including his semi-final opponent, Tim Henman.

Goran had one thing that none of the other players had. He had colossal self-belief, what he showed that day was the sort of faith that moves mountains. What Goran highlighted that day went far beyond winning a tennis match; it showed us what can be achieved if you really believe in yourself.

How is your self-belief? Do you play safe – with your life? Have a think about, do you keep yourself small? Do you keep yourself from thinking big? Think big and achieve extraordinary results. You have undiscovered talent, unless you really open up to what you really want in life then you will only live small. With passion and sheer determination you can have any career you want and be a success. Yes, the going will be tough but you can be whatever you want to be and change your life forever.

Power points – take action:

Begin thinking big! Understand the principle of rising to the occasion.

You will simply play a bigger game. Do you fancy taking up jogging? Enrol for the 10km race and watch your self get ready.

Be positive, don’t act like a wimp because you’re not one. Never talk like

one, never ever use the sentence ‘I can’t, it’s impossible. Aim to achieve make it your intention to succeed. Believe that anything is possible, anything is attainable. Don’t think for one moment that you can’t achieve your goal.

Get a strategy in place and plan to win. Start to think about every

step along the way to achieving your goal. Do not be vague. Get it written out on paper, be organised, be prepared.

Commit yourself because the moment you get committed is when things start

to happen. As Goethe said, ‘the moment one commits one self then providence move too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occurred. A whole new stream of events, all manner of unforeseen incidents and

chance meetings and material assistance come fourth which no one could have dreamt would appear.’

Get really excited. Create some urgency about your goal so you feel

sufficiently obliged to dig a little deeper. Choose one thing this week that involves biting off more than you can chew, if it s important enough you will handle it!

You Are Absolutely Fabulous. “Live all you can ; it’s a mistake not to. It doesn’t so much matter what you do in particular, so long as long as you have had your life. If you haven’t had that what have you had?” Henry James, The Ambassadors.

STEP FIVE: Right from the beginning of this resource report I have been coaching you, coaxing you challenging you to improve your opinion of your-self. Maintaining powerful selfbelief and building it is a choice. It isn’t something that you must be born with and it doesn’t matter how low your levels have been you can upgrade any time you like. If you remember I asked you to identify your current levels of self-esteem? Now is the time to see how you have progressed. Most importantly of all it is time to look at what you’re going to do with your new power. How did a lack of self-belief hold you back from doing things? What difference did you imagine and hope for when you first started out? You must be absolutely clear on what an up scaled life looks like with you running on full power .What does a revved up, pumped up you look

You know how to turn it on, to take responsibility, to conquer your fear of failure.

With all the know-how you are way ahead. The failures, fears and self doubt have little power over you .You now have a greater knowledge and greater selfcontrol than the average person. You know how to handle yourself it is called self management. In squaring up to yourself you have gained a level of internal power that a lot of people do not possess. Your self assurance has grown and I bet you even like yourself more. You are more ambitious and you have plans for your life. Feeling powerful and assertive about yourself lets you entertain those ambitions much more enthusiastically and seriously.

I want you to take a pen and paper and briefly note down your responses to these questions. 1. What are the most important things I want to do now that I have much greater selfbelief? 2. How have I changed in the way I see myself? 3. What do I really want to achieve now that the fear of failure doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop me from taking any risks? 4. What would I do if I pushed myself beyond my comfort zones?

These are interesting questions for you right now. You will only need to spend a few moments of your time to get your imagination flowing. What I am encouraging you to see is an exciting vision for your life.

Possessing strong self-belief is an extraordinary feeling in itself but the real advantage is that it opens up life for you. You will see opportunities and possibilities where you didn’t before. It is still the same world but you are now looking at it differently. It is you who has changed, so in essence what would a fabulous life look like for you? The very act of committing this picture to paper is vital. It is you raising your expectations and taking them very seriously. This new self-belief has advantages at home and at work. Use it so that you never undersell yourself. It is you powerful tool to get hold of the best possible life for yourself.

Power points – take action:

How much have you upgraded yourself? Just keep on moving up. Don’t stop

here. Take you and your whole progress to lunch. Dine on your developments, drink a toast to your self. Self-praise is vital praise.

Do you have any hesitations? Check to make sure that you do not have a

lurking fear of being more powerful. Keep reminding yourself that healthy selfbelief is silent. It will not scream for attention, shout to be noticed or beg for approval.

Live the life of an indestructible self believer. You now have all the

knowledge you need, you are fully equipped. Now you can live the dream. Take some risks, step out, your belief in yourself doesn’t depend on constant and never ending success.

What is your purpose? Make sure that your personal power is aligned to

the bigger picture. What contribution does a pumped- up, fully realised you make to the world? Enshrine your life and your power with a higher significance.

YOU ARE FABULOUS! Here you are, taking full responsibility of your life,

for making your time here on earth work for your good and the good of everybody else. You’re not moaning and you’re not blaming. You are just getting on with making it all work, doing your best and being your best. How downright fabulous is that? It is absolutely terrific. You are terrific. Keep that firmly in mind.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. This resource will help you to transform your life and be the success you want to be. Focus on the new you. Open yourself up to challenges and take full on responsibility of yourself. You can defiantly change your view of life and live the way you wish to. So remember, ‘it is never too late to be what you might have been’, this is one the most thrilling and important sentences you will ever read. Memorise it, think about it

and savour it. Drop it deep into your consciousness. Let this profound truth shape your life from this day onwards. It contains within it all that you need to know to stay fresh in life and to keep yourself young. So go on open up to life and your own terrific unlimited potential. Be the best.