Overcoming self doubt and criticism

HAVE A SENSE OF PURPOSE

By Dr. Sheila French

Wellbeing and Mindfulness Coach

Self-doubt, self-criticism, and a lack of confidence can arise from our upbringing and the people we meet. Past partners, experiences, and mistakes, all of which do not need to define our future. Self-doubt can hold you back in your career and relationships with family and friends sabotaging your success and happiness. Menopause can be a time when levels of selfdoubt and self-criticism increase, and overall confidence decreases.

Sometimes the inner voice in our heads is not very helpful to us. We seem to have two voices, the hero voice who celebrates our accomplishments, our strengths and our confidence, and the critical voice who sits on our shoulders and questions everything we say and do. At times of stress and anxiety often experienced during menopause, the critical voice seems to battle with the hero, winning out and causing us crippling self-doubt.

In Mindfulness training we believe that whatever we feed energy into is also what will take our energy. If you worry a great deal and keep feeding the worry with more worries, then that is what you are giving your energy to. Research in Neuroscience backs this up, whatever neural networks in our brain we use the most, become the dominant pathways in our brain. Hence, we become a socalled ‘worrier’ if we continue to practice worrying.

Our critical head is just sitting there waiting to be fed, but if we decide not to feed it and even challenge it, then our inner hero can learn to get rid of the critical head for good.

Here are some tips and exercises that I do with my clients to get rid of that destructive critical voice and remove self-doubt. Of course, at this juncture I should point out that a little self-doubt is healthy, without it we might become overly sure of ourselves, and our decision making, and even take risks in our lives.

So here are some tips that can help you.

REALISE THAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT ALL REAL Some thoughts are stories we tell ourselves, especially those that are critical and build selfdoubt.

BEFRIEND YOURSELF, IMAGINE YOU ARE YOUR OWN FRIEND You wouldn’t tell a friend “You aren’t good enough” or “she didn’t look good”. So why would you be so critical of yourself?

HAVING A SENSE OF PURPOSE What do you want to develop in your life? You might be menopausal, consider this period as the beginning of something new. You are holding a wealth of knowledge and experience which could be put to good use in your future life. LOOK AT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU Are they helping you or hindering you? If you pick more positive people to be with you will see that this will help you to feel more positive and confident in yourself.

DEVELOP A POSITIVE MINDSET Finally learning to develop a more positive mindset will help you to pay less attention to your critical voice. Below is an activity you can practice to get started.

Commonly we say to ourselves similar things to the following highlighted sentences, you may have others you know you practice. We can turn them around to learn to change our mindset, to become more confident and positive and chase that self-doubt away. To do this you need to watch your thoughts and notice what you are saying to yourself. If you practice this, it will work.

Do they really? Accept that sometimes things do not work out, but it is rarely everything we do. Instead, name 3 things that have gone well for you today. Do this daily.

Well, why not apply, give it a go. If you have applied and been given an opportunity for an interview, then you are as good as anyone else applying – tell yourself that!

We are all guilty of this at some point in time. This is the biggest lie we tell ourselves of all the negative things we say or think. We judge ourselves before we even give ourselves the chance to try, and therefore end up quitting before we even start! Instead, show up and give 100% to what you want to achieve. Then, allow yourself to see your accomplishment and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.