Brown Bagger
This section is set up to provide a ready-made Brown Bag Session for you to use with employees and/or managers. Use as is, or adapt this information for a general employee group. You may reproduce as many copies as needed.
Why ‘No’ is Great, ‘Yes’ is Bad, and ‘Maybe’ is the Worst... ...and a Brief Reminder about ‘Neediness’ By Jim Camp e discussed the dangers of “neediness” during negotiations in this month’s cover article in Employee Assistance Report. This concept is so important that it bears repeating. As a negotiator aspiring to excellence, you must, at all costs, avoid showing need. I can’t stress this enough. What happens if we substitute the word “want” for need? The dynamics change, don’t they? What picture comes to mind when you read the words “I want”? I see a yacht, specifically, a 67foot Viking convertible with a 5,000-mile range and three staterooms. As good negotiators, the word “want” means something we will work for, strive for, plan for, but it should never be confused with “need.” Sure I may want a Viking yacht that can take my family to Europe, but I hardly need it. Sure I want a global alliance with Humongous, Inc., but I don’t need it. It will be their loss, not mine, if the deal falls through. Either way, I’ll sleep tonight, and I’ll eat tomorrow. You only want this deal. “Need” implies death, while “want” implies life. This attitude makes all the difference in negotiating. The people on the other side of the table will perceive it. Confidence and trust go up across the board. Control and discipline will go up for you. Sometimes, however, the need is in fact real. When this is the case, accept the fact and deal with it right-then-and-there in any negotiation. Quite often, the best strategy may be to reveal this neediness to the other party. That’s right — include it in a meeting agenda and discuss it. Here’s a brief example: “Sam, I can handle my
W
November 2007
employees right now, but my suppliers are another story. They want their money. I ‘need’ to pay them — but I can’t do that until you pay me. What do you suggest that we do?” Resistance to ‘No’ When I describe “no” as a key principle of my negotiating system, it’s the one idea that hardcharging businesspeople find the hardest to accept and put into practice. At the beginning of training sessions, I ask what “no” means to participants. It means the end, they say. It means goodbye, walk away, never return, total rejection, it’s all over, I’ve failed, and so on. Exercises: Ask participants what they envision when they hear the word “want.” Also ask what “no” means to them. Discuss the difference between what “no” actually means, versus what they might “think” it means when emotions and feelings get in the way.
When people finally embrace the concept and master the use of “no,” it’s a different story. When you internalize the principle that in every negotiation every party has the right to say no, that “no” is simply a decision that may be followed by another decision, that it is a perfectly safe answer to give and to hear, the results are magical. But I don’t want to kid you. It’s not always a smooth ride. This concept is so ingrained in our culture that we think “no” should be avoided like the plague. Consider these examples:
EA Report Brown Bagger 1