brownbaggermay09

Brown Bagger

This section is set up to provide a ready-made Brown Bag Session for you to use with employees and/or managers. Use as is, or adapt this information for a general employee group. You may reproduce as many copies as needed.

Tips to Make Conflict Work, not Hurt tressed-out? Angry? If so, you’re hardly alone. The uncertain economy seems to be keeping everyone, even those who work for successful companies, slightly “on-edge” these days.

Between tight finances, layoffs, and other factors, it’s no wonder so many people are frazzled!

Excessive stress can have a domino effect that leads to problems with physical and emotional health — and workplace conflict.

Workplace conflict has a substantial effect on the bottom line. A recent study estimated that workplace conflict cost American businesses $359 billion in 2008.

The good news is that conflict-management training has been shown to have positive outcomes — meaning this is clearly an area of opportunity for EAPs. Some general guidelines about anger and conflict will be discussed first, while the latter part of this article will focus on examples of some specific conflict-resolution strategies.

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The A-B-Cs of Anger Since anger plays a role in many workplace conflicts, let’s touch base on this topic first.  Anger is normal. Everyone experiences anger. It’s a perfectly normal emotion. But while anger is part of life, society hasn’t done a very good job at teaching us how to cope with it. Girls are taught to avoid being angry, while boys often display this emotion in negative ways. Is it any wonder that so many adults don’t know how to deal with anger and conflict?  The body warns us when we’re angry.

Physiological signs of anger include building stress or tension, increased adrenaline and breathing, accelerated heartbeat, and rising blood pressure.

Teaching people to become more aware of what triggers symptoms like these allows employees to better predict and prepare for events that are likely to evoke anger.  Communication and Coping skills are crucial. Teaching skills to communicate more effectively (and thus nip conflict in the bud) are important.

Some communication terms to remember include: May 2009

• Assertiveness — teaches you to stand up for your legitimate rights and express your needs in an appropriate way. (Editor’s note: See also this month’s Lifestyle Tips insert.)

• Listening — really paying attention allows you to communicate more effectively.

• Negotiation — is a process by which two people work the conflict out by coming to a mutually satisfying agreement.

However, getting new behavior started is easier than sustaining it. Therefore, coping strategies need to be reinforced so they work when the going gets rough. (The STOP method in the next section is one example of a coping strategy.) The point is, when setbacks occur, it’s important to reassess and adjust efforts.

Assertive Problem Solving Assertive problem solving is clear, direct, and non-threatening. The individual looks to the other person to talk and listen. Remember that words comprise only 10% of communication! As a result: • Facial expressions should convey interest and a caring attitude.

• Gestures and other body movements should not be abrupt or distracting, but calmly emphasizing the points you’re making.

• One’s tone of voice should also convey interest and concern. If the other individual gets louder or more forceful, stay the course and continue calmly, or state in a pleasant but firm way that you need to end the discussion — at least for the time being.

When negotiating differences, problem solving is the means to a win-win situation that both employees can live with. But before this can happen, it’s necessary to fully communicate one’s position.

Simply telling someone you’re angry states how you feel, but it doesn’t do much to solve the problem.

Blurting something out may make the situation worse. Try the STOP method instead: • Slow down, and take a deep breath (S).

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Brown Bagger • Recognize that the majority of “put-downs” about another person involved in a conflict are not true (T).

• Perceive what are the objective facts of the situation (O).

• Decide what the best plan of action is to assertively discuss the situation and to ask the other person to make changes (P).

Meeting in the Middle Once differences are identified, the focus should be on finding a mutually acceptable solution.

Neither party should be pushed into agreeing on a solution that is unacceptable, setting the stage for resentment and further problems. There are two possible methods to achieve a win-win solution: accommodation and compromise.  Accommodation is a mutual agreement to support one person’s position now, with the understanding that the other’s agenda will be fulfilled later (e.g. “I’ll agree to postpone my vacation if you consent to cutting back on my overtime.”)

Accommodation may be the only resolution when the positions are so incompatible that compromise won’t work.

Accommodation should be avoided if one party is being asked to “accept” a solution that feels wrong to the individual, given values and beliefs that are important to him/her. This unfortunate outcome will only set the stage for more resentment in the future.  Compromise involves crafting a position that fulfills the priorities and needs of both parties. For example, spending the morning of a workday working on a project that’s important to your boss, and spending the afternoon working on day-to-day assignments that you need to keep up on, is a compromise position, fulfilling the needs of both.

Compromising does not mean compromising one’s values — that should never be the case in any negotiation. Rather, through compromising a new solution may be reached that neither person thought of originally.

When to Compromise & Accommodate Accommodating and compromising can be especially difficult for managers and supervisors. Many managers, even experienced ones, have found them2 EA Report Brown Bagger

selves uncomfortably caught in the middle between accommodating an employee’s needs and reaching departmental or company goals.

The manager’s primary concern is to reach corporate goals by effectively managing the resources at his/her disposal. If an accommodation and/or compromise conflicts with these goals, the manager is duty bound to deny the employee. Managers who fail to do this jeopardize the company, and may be forced into a position in which other personal demands will be made — and even expected. The following example will illustrate:  The problem — a manager who’s too accommodating: A warehouse employee was resented for being allowed to alternate her work hours since the accommodation made her unavailable toward the end of the day, when other workers were expected to be available to unload returning trucks. Naturally, other employees decided to cite reasons to leave early, too. The manager denied other requests to work different hours, but was questioned at length as to why one employee’s request was granted, but others weren’t. To curb resentment, accusations of favoritism, and poor morale, the manger eventually began allowing other employees to work alternate schedules. However, the few staff that remained in the warehouse during the last hour of the day now had to work twice as hard and stay longer to get the job done.  The resolution — terminating the manager, and revoking alternate work hours: Ultimately, the manager was replaced; alternate work schedules were denied, and those who couldn’t work within those parameters quit. Slowly, things got back to normal and the warehouse began working efficiently again.

Lessons Learned This manager’s initial mistake was not realizing that the warehouse had a specific function that affected drivers and other employees. He also made the mistake of not realizing that allowing this employee to change her work schedule would cause others to want to do the same thing.

Managers must determine when to compromise and accommodate. Not all decisions will be popular even if it’s the right decision. But popularity is not why managers are chosen, and popularity is not what makes a manager effective. The key is to LISTEN to all sides; take into account as many May 2009

factors as possible; and decide which best suits the organization. This isn’t to say that managers should ignore human aspects of problems — just don’t give it more consideration than it deserves. Remain objective.

More Conflict Resolution Strategies  The problem — one person versus the team: This is usually a situation in which one person “loses control” when stressed. Over time, coworkers avoid giving feedback, fearing an angry reaction.

5 The resolution — involve the manager: The best results occur when the manager participates in problem solving. The manager provides the missing feedback, lets the person know that he/she is having a negative impact on the team, and outlines a plan to improve performance. In this case, the plan includes seminars and visits for personalized education and coaching. Follow-up with the manager is key, as are encouraging people to come back for additional coaching if needed.  The problem — two individuals who can’t get along: Misunderstandings occur, negative assumptions are formed, and both people conclude that the other person is “not a team player.” They spend time talking to other co-workers about how difficult it is to work with him/her, avoid each other, and the conflict creates a negative environment for everyone.

5 The resolution — solicit the help of a facilitator: In these cases, the best outcomes happen when a manager or other leader invites an EA professional to facilitate and let the two people know that their current working relationship is not acceptable. Use a structured process that helps both people feel heard and understood, and provide coaching on feedback and listening skills as needed. Follow-up by the manager is essential for success.  The problem — a fractured team: Individuals can’t get along, the manager either makes mistakes in handling the situation or feels overwhelmed, and team productivity and morale hits an all-time low.

5 The resolution — obtain the assistance of upper management and possibly others to resolve the situation: When EA professionals are asked to facilitate these matters, it is usually only after higher levels in the organization and/or HR have been involved. Record what the team sees as the positives and negatives of the current situation. Then, outline May 2009

Brown Bagger a “desired state” for the team, listing positive behaviors and the resulting positive environment. The final step is for the team to create guidelines that will improve the working relationship. Instruction on how to listen or give feedback may be necessary.

Follow-up is a shared responsibility among the team, the team leader, and the manager of the department.

Brainstorming It can also be useful to use a structured problemsolving approach, called “brainstorming.” The following are a few suggestions: 5 Suspend judgment at first. Try not to let your anger get in the way of listening. If you find yourself coming up with objections that derail problem solving, refocus on reaching a solution.

5 Quantity counts; quality comes later. Come up with as many ideas for a solution as possible. Some ideas may be impractical, unacceptable, or even silly, but the idea is that something worthwhile will emerge from combined creativity. The list can be pared down later, using the most useful suggestions for an ultimate solution.

5 Don’t rehash the past. Don’t get bogged down on what did or didn’t work before. View all ideas as being of value, if only to stimulate new thinking.

5 Let others share the wealth. Invite others with special knowledge or awareness (such as the EA professional) to help generate ideas. It sometimes takes a more objective, third-party to look at situations in unique ways.

Summary Don’t assume that all conflict should be avoided.

In fact, conflict — when done constructively — can lead to healthy change for an organization. It’s when employees argue pointlessly, over non-productive issues, that conflict is bad. Act from a point of compassion instead of judgment while being assertive, not aggressive or passive.

Sources: “Taking Charge of Anger: How to Resolve Conflict, Sustain Relationships, and Express Yourself without Losing Control,” by W. Robert Nay, Guilford Press, www.guilford.com; Joan Murray, MBA and development specialist; Anthony Pryor, human resource manager and counselor; Psychological Services Center.

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Brown Bagger H A N D O U T Promote a ‘SAFE’ Environment… he following are four key behaviors that can help employees and managers or other supervisors encourage constructive behaviors, and promote productive dialogue.

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S — Solicit and be open to solutions: Even if you believe your way is the best way, be open to other possibilities. Be willing to consider all possible solutions and recognize that the best solution may not be the one in which you have a vested interest.

A — Attend mentally as well as physically: Being present physically isn’t enough. You have to really LISTEN to what’s being said, and help address the problem. Ask questions to clarify and demonstrate a willingness to understand other perspectives. If necessary, allow the individuals involved to vent their anger or express their fears.

Actively listen, establish eye contact, and don’t interrupt the speaker. By listening, you’re not only showing respect, you’re also finding information that may help resolve the conflict.

F — Focus on what’s important: It’s easy to get sidetracked into meaningless and unrelated issues and arguments. When people are upset, they may stop listening or refuse to see the facts. Rational behavior can go out the window. This can make it easy to get off track. Keep asking yourself and your co-workers, “What’s REALLY important here?” and “What is our mission?” Don’t allow yourself or your team to get bogged down in unproductive matters.

E — Encourage honest communication in which there’s no blame or judgment. When faced with conflict, some people become oblivious to any middle ground and resist working toward a solution. Don’t allow finger pointing or accusations. Set the expectation that everyone will talk to each other openly, honestly, and with respect.

Make it clear the matter at hand is not about someone being right or wrong — it’s about making issues easier to resolve and arriving at a solution.

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A SAFE environment is not a “blank check” to say whatever comes to mind. Rather, it is a constructive and purposeful process. Creating a SAFE environment takes time, but the proper example and behavior will set the tone that everyone will receive the same consideration.

Source: Jim Dawson, a managing partner of ADI Performance, a developer of programs that result in improved practices and efficiencies. For more information, visit www.adiperformance.com.

…Important Traits for Resolving Conflicts The following are among the important traits of managers and employees who effectively resolve conflicts: 1)

2)

3)

4)

Understand the individual’s needs. Does the person want to vent? Brainstorm solutions?

Effective conflict resolvers know what both parties want, and if they don’t, they find out.

Are collaborative listeners. Listening is crucial, but effective conflict resolvers take it a step further and support the other person.

As with point #1, the individual needs to feel heard.

Are good communicators. Effective conflict resolvers pick up on positive messages and communicate them carefully, so that progress improves.

Are more interested in a good solution, than a hasty one. Effective negotiators recognize that while it’s important to not drag one’s feet, neither do you want to be so anxious for a resolution that you’ll settle for anything. Do that, and you’ll simply revisit the issue later.

Source: Dina Beach Lynch, former ombudsman for Fleet Bank.

May 2009