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Brown Bagger

This section is set up to provide a ready-made Brown Bag Session for you to use with employees and/or managers. Use as is, or adapt this information for a general employee group. You may reproduce as many copies as needed.

Domestic Violence has a Significant, Wide-ranging Impact t cannot be overstated: Domestic violence — also referred to as DV — is a workplace concern, and not just a personal problem. Meghan R. McDonald, psychotherapist and author of this month’s cover article in Employee Assistance Report, points out that, “the costs in terms of absenteeism, increased healthcare expenses, reduced productivity, and potential safety risks have revealed this societal problem as a significant workplace concern as well.”

The following are some statistics McDonald mentions in her article that should be of interest to any business:

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 The cost of DV exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.  Victims of DV also lost almost 8 million days of paid work because of the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends, and dates. This loss is the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of violence. (Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States. 2003. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Centers for Injury Prevention and Control. Atlanta, GA).

DV is a Leading Concern The American Psychological Association reports that 92% of women rank domestic and sexual violence as one of their top priorities. In addition, according to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, National Centers for Injury Prevention and Control, an estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year. And that’s not the whole story. The full extent of such victimization is not known since it’s estimated that only one in seven domestic assaults is reported to police.

“Domestic violence is more prevalent than people realize, and this concern needs to be recognized on a national level,” states the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). “Politicians should take note, seeing that at least 50% of the electorate deeply cares about this issue.”

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DV Can be a Tough Issue for Employers Domestic violence can be a difficult issue to address for employers. All too often, an instigator of DV turns out to be an estranged spouse or boyfriend of a female employee who is not subject to company background checks or any other employee protection strategies. (Although the perpetrators of DV are both male and female, women are overwhelmingly the victims in these cases. — M. McDonald, 2010).

The acquisition of an employee is a “package deal.” In addition to the skills that a new employee brings to an organization, the individual also brings his/her personal relationships and problems to the workplace. The truth is, DV knows no boundaries.

While it occurs most often in the home, it can, and does, spill over into other areas, such as businesses.

However, when DV enters the workplace, it frustrates employers who care about the safety of their workforce — who at the same time seldom comprehend the issue.

This lack of understanding is partially due to the often-limited circle of people who are aware of what’s really going on. It’s unfortunate that, aside from the victims of DV, awareness of the cycle of violence is often restricted to:  Police officers and other law enforcement personnel who deal with it on a daily basis;  Prosecutors who are charged with disposing of the many cases generated within their jurisdictions; and  Domestic violence counselors who try to piece together the lives of the victims.

What a Victim Typically Experiences On a daily basis, victims of DV are typically locked into one of three phrases of the cycle of violence: 1) tension building; 2) physical violence; or 3) the reconciliation or “honeymoon” phases. Women who are long-term survivors of abuse become hardened and only experience the tension building and physical violence phases. Because of years of mental and physical suffering, many women see no value in reconciliation.

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Brown Bagger Possible Indicators of DV The effects of domestic violence on victims are far-reaching and can emerge in many different ways.

Being aware of these effects will not only help you better understand what this person is going through, but it will help co-workers better identify individuals who may be abused.

Signs of visible physical injury, including: Bruises, cuts, burns, bite marks and fractures, especially those around the eyes, nose, teeth, and jaw; Injuries sustained during pregnancy and/or miscarriages or premature births; Injuries that remain untreated; Multiple injuries in various stages of healing; and/or Inappropriate clothing or accessory, possibly worn to cover signs of injury (e.g. long sleeves on a hot day or sunglasses worn to cover bruises).

Signs of illnesses, including: Stress-related ailments, such as headaches, backaches, stomach distress, problems sleeping, overor under eating, and lack of energy; Anxiety-related conditions, such as a racing heart or overwhelming feelings of panic; and/or Depression.

Signs of personal problems, including: Marital or other family strife; Alcohol or other drug problems; and/or Mental-health issues.

Signs of problems affecting work performance, including: Attendance problems; Difficulty completing work assignments; On-the-job harassment by the abuser — either in person, over the phone or via the Internet/email; Withdrawal from co-workers; and/or Increasing number of personal calls.

Helping a Co-worker As a concerned friend and/or co-worker, your willingness to help can be crucial to a victim in her/his safety-planning efforts. Being willing to help is good — but being prepared to offer the kind of help that people need in these situations is even better.

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Don’t refrain from helping just because the employee’s manager seems to be working constructively with the situation. Friends and co-workers can help in ways a manager cannot. For instance, for professional reasons, the manager must be careful about intruding on an employee’s privacy. However, a friend may be easier to approach about difficult but necessary topics in an appropriate way. In addition, there may be issues the employee would find much easier to discuss with a friend/co-worker than with a supervisor.

Express Concern It’s important not to assume that someone is being abused. However, if you have good reason to believe that someone is being abused — as noted previously in the “Possible Indicators of DV” section — simply express concern and let the individual know that you are available to help. One of the common myths about people in abusive relationships is that they don’t want to talk about their victimization. While many people do attempt to hide the fact that they are in an abusive relationship, they often do so because they: • Feel embarrassed; • Are fearful of their partner finding out; • Don’t want to be blamed; • Are not afraid of being believed; and/or • Feel pressured to do something they’re not ready or able to do.

Directly asking someone in private, without judgment, without pressure, and even without expectation that they will trust you enough to disclose what’s going on, relieves this person of the burden of coming forward on their own. Helping in this way will tell this person a lot about your concern, caring, and willingness to help.

Keep it simple. If there are specific observations that are the source of your concern, you might say something like: “I noticed ‘x, y, and z.’ I’m concerned about you and wonder if there is something I can do to help.” Or, you might try: “It seems like you’re very stressed out and unhappy. If you want to talk about it now or some other time, I’ll be happy to listen.”

People are sometimes hesitant to approach someone about concern for safety because they may feel that it is “none of their business” or that their offer of help will be unwelcome. However, the notion that “what happens behind closed doors” is off limits has contributed greatly to women’s isolation from October 2010

help and support. A risk of being rebuffed is relatively minor compared to the risk of contributing to someone’s isolation — and in turn, of continued abuse.

Respond in a Supportive Manner There are many things that a friend and/or co-worker can do to offer supportive and empowering assistance to a person involved in an abusive relationship:  Educate yourself about domestic violence.

Additional sources of information include the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (www.ncadv.org) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline — 800-799-SAFE (7233) — (www.ndvh.org). Or, talk to a domestic violence advocate or your EA professional. As they say, knowledge is power.  Initiate a conversation in private. This needs to occur when you have sufficient time to talk with this individual at length, providing that they choose to discuss the matter.  Let go of any expectations that you have a “quick fix” to the problem. The obstacles a woman faces to address DV can be complicated and take time to resolve. Understand that a woman’s “inaction” may be her best strategy for the safety of herself and/or her children at any given time.  Don’t buy into myths about DV. Challenge and change any inaccurate attitudes and beliefs that you may have about people in abusive relationships.

People in abusive relationships aren’t battered because there’s something wrong with them. Rather, they are people who’ve become trapped in relationships by their partners’ use of violence and coercion.

The better able you are to recognize and build on the resilience, courage, resourcefulness, and decisionmaking abilities of a person in this situation, the better you will be able to help. More specifically: 5 Let this person know that you believe them.

If you know their partner, remember that abusers most often behave differently in public than they do in private.

5 Listen to what they tell you. Actively listen, ask clarifying questions, and avoid making judgments and being too quick to offer advice. If you do this, you will most likely learn directly what it is that they need.

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Brown Bagger 5 Build on their strengths. Based on the information given and your own observations, actively identify the ways in which they have developed coping strategies, solved problems, and demonstrated courage and determination — even if efforts have not been completely successful. Help to build on these attributes.

5 Validate feelings. It’s common for women to have conflicting feelings of love and fear, guilt and anger, hope and sadness. Let her know that her feelings are normal and reasonable.

5 Avoid victim blaming. Tell this person that the abuse is not their fault. Reinforce that the abuse is the partner’s problem and responsibility. However, refrain from “bad-mouthing”.

5 Take fears seriously. If you are concerned about this person’s safety, express your concern without judgment by simply saying, “Your situation sounds dangerous, and I’m concerned about your safety.”

5 Offer help. As it’s appropriate, offer specific forms of help and information. If they ask you to do something you’re willing and able to do, do it. If you can’t or don’t want to, say so and help identify other ways to have this need met. Then, look for other ways that you can help.

5 Support decisions. Remember that there are risks attached to every decision a person in an abusive relationship makes. If you truly want to be helpful, be patient and respectful of their decisions, even if you don’t necessarily agree.

Summary In some ways, it’s understandable that co-workers, managers, and supervisors do not wish to intrude on an employee’s privacy. However, it’s also true that we can’t go so far as in looking the other way as to continually “bury our heads in the sand” about this issue.

With a cost that exceeds $5.8 billion each year, it’s clear that, when handled in a tactful, respectful, and compassionate manner, instances of domestic violence must be addressed.

Additional source: Larry J. Chavez, B.A., M.P.A., a nationally recognized expert on workplace violence and crisis communication.

Visit www.workplaceviolence101.com. Editor’s note: October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM). For a list of DVAM activities, check out www.ncadv.org.

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Brown Bagger H A N D O U T Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence “Domestic violence flourishes because of silence, because the problem stays hidden and, in some subtle but powerful way, acceptable.

We must make this a public concern and demonstrate that we will not tolerate it any longer.”

— Family Violence Prevention Fund

ough laws are one way to reduce domestic violence and sexual assaults. Too many people continue to believe that domestic violence is a private matter between a couple, rather than a criminal offense that merits a strong and swift response.

The victim of a domestic assault runs the risk of being asked, “What did you do to make your husband angry?” This question implies the victim is to blame for this abuse. People in the criminal justice system — police, prosecutors, judges, and jurors — need to be educated about the role they can play in curbing domestic violence.

Moreover, domestic violence has a broader scope than physical assault. Emotional and verbal abuse, isolation, and threats and intimidation are other forms of domestic violence.

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What can be Done?

Even when cases are brought to court, domestic crimes are often difficult to prosecute. Victims are so terrorized that they fear for their lives if they call the police. Silence is the batterer’s best friend.

Neighbors must contact the police when they hear violent fights in their neighborhoods. Don’t turn up the TV to block out the sounds of the drunken argument next door. Call the police.

Medical and other professionals who see the

victims of violence need to ask them about these crimes. Too often, doctors or emergency room personnel accept the statements of fearful victims that their bruises or cuts are the result of household accidents or falls.

These crimes are serious. Experience shows that levels of violence in these relationships tend to escalate, and many police departments cite domestic violence as their number-one problem.

As awareness about domestic violence has grown, so has the recognition that this crime has a major impact on the workplace. A survey of corporate executives found that:  One-third thought that domestic violence has a negative impact on their bottom lines.  Four out of 10 executives surveyed were personally aware of employees and other individuals affected by domestic violence.  More than half (57%) believes that domestic violence is a major problem in society.

Summary Employees who witness domestic violence need to contact their EAP, which should be able to provide assistance and referrals, support groups, counseling, and other services.

Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture, Safety, Health and Employee Welfare Division.

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