You & Your Family ¢ Benny Bong has been a family and marital therapist for more than 30 years, and is a certified work-life consultant. He was the first recipient of the AWARE Hero Award, received in 2011, and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.
Sacrificing well
A
s I reflect on the topic of sacrifice, especially in the
On the other hand, there are times when people sacrifice
context of family relationships, let me begin with a
everything for other family members. While putting others
simple definition. Sacrifice is giving up something to
before self is usually perceived as good, I have also seen
gain something else. What is sacrificed may be tangible, like
individuals who put up with abusive spouses just to keep
giving up your seat on the train for an elderly passenger. Or
the family together. I have seen women sacrificing their
it could be intangible and the gain could be unpredictable,
careers, friends, their parents and siblings, and even their
such as giving up playing computer games in order to study
personal identity on the altar of another’s demands and
for upcoming tests in the hope of getting better grades.
self-interests.
Motives for a sacrifice can be varied and unclear to others,
There are also parents who are overly indulgent and
and sometimes even to the individual. There is also a
placate their demanding children for fear of losing their
related notion that the value of a sacrifice is greater if it is
children’s goodwill, only to nurture individuals who are
selfless than if it is for personal gain. Perhaps this is why
never satisfied. Then there are those who dig deep into
we are told not to let our left hand know what our right
their savings repeatedly to bail out their siblings from one
hand is doing (Matt 6:1–4).
gambling debt to another. Such sacrifices, although starting out as well-intentioned, produce no good end.
Sometimes, the sacrifice and its related costs is not being obvious to the person making it. For example, a professional
We should, however, be thankful to God for His example
pursuing success, who works long hours every day, may be
of what it means to sacrifice well. God Himself paid the
sacrificing opportunities to build close family relationships.
ultimate sacrifice for the ultimate end—our salvation. He
They may at times be aware of giving up personal interests
knew the exact cost and was fully ready to pay the exact
like meeting friends or golfing. But at other times, they may
price. However, we will never be able to fully repay such
be oblivious to the fact that that they are sacrificing time with
a sacrifice. But we may, in following Him, be willing to
their family or neglecting to look after their best interests.
sacrifice for others’ sakes; to give without thought of our own gain. And to have the wisdom to give well—to give
Not all sacrifices produce good effects for everyone.
24
|
METHODIST MESSAGE April 2021
and not to hurt ourselves or others in the process.
