ACS (International)

ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an all-round English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP)

Building Through Belief, this school of choice provides

• Exceptional examination results, strong value-added achievement and an all-round holistic education

• 50:50 mix of local and international teachers who uphold the dual Methodist ethos and ACS heritage

• Small class sizes with overall student-teacher ratio of 8 7 : 1

• 40 different CCAs – 16 Sporting, 12 Visual and Performing Arts, 12 Special Interest Groups

• Over 200 formal student leadership positions

• Scholarships for four Singaporeans to undertake the IBDP

Achievements include

• Students with perfect score of 45 points in IBDP

• 23 “Top in the World” awards in IGCSE examinations over each of the past twelve years

• Students accepted to Oxford and Cambridge universities for the past eight years

• Admissions to top universities in the UK, the US, Australia and Singapore

• PSLE and GCE ‘O’ Level students obtaining outstanding value-added examination results for the IBDP and improved pathways to good universities

For more information, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

• Successes at national level in Athletics, Touch Rugby, Debating, Orchestra, Volleyball, Taekwondo, Ice Hockey, Fencing, Swimming, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Wushu.

Dating & Marriage

My wife and mother don't get along

I have been married for less than two years. My wife and my mother don't get along. My mother thinks that my wife does not like her and is now threatening to cut off all ties with me so that I will not be stuck in the middle. My wife does not want to be too close to my mother. How do we strike a balance between leaving our parents after marriage and honouring them at the same time? I am really stuck and praying that God will bring peace to my family.

Benny says

When trying to work out the redrawing of personal boundaries and loyalties, the biblical principle for newlywed couples is to "leave and cleave". This means, husbands and wives should re-evaluate which relationship is of primary importance, and do the necessary to leave old loyalties and make space for their spouses.

So much for the easy response. But what happens when the conflict between the two women does not make it easy for parties to renegotiate new roles? Perhaps your mother is worried of your wife's acceptance of her and your wife fears getting too close will result in more disappointment and conflict.

May I suggest two things that may help?

Firstly, let time do its job. Two years into a marriage is still very early days. New routines need to be worked out and any reassurance of devotion needs time and action to take effect.

The second and more important ingredient, is you. You need to work out your relationship with both women independently and collectively. The former is about how you, on a one-to-one basis, show your love and loyalty to each. Mother and wife need to know that they are each important. Not necessarily equally important but important when and where it counts. If and when there is a conflict of interest—for example, do you attend to mother's complaint about a leaky tap or respond to your wife's need to help her with her work—you will have to decide. A useful principle, and not the rule, to keep in mind is that the wife's interest often comes first. You can then attend to mother's needs later. The latter—"collectively"— means doing family activities together. If during these times, both women choose to sit apart, so be it. You cannot force them to come closer but you can provide opportunities for this. It is hoped that with time, both women will feel more assured of their standing with you and each other.

Family My parents treat the helper badly

My elderly parents have unreasonably high expectations of domestic helpers. When everyday things are not done their way, they get upset and raise their voices. This causes a lot of tension at home. Many helpers have come and gone, and I am afraid we will soon be barred by the Ministry of Manpower from hiring any more. How do I persuade my parents that they need a mindset change about helpers and to treat them kindly?  Carol

Ai Jin says Dear Carol,

This may require you to persevere in achieving clear communication between your parents and helper. It would be expedient to speak to each of your parents individually, enlisting their help to be willing to cooperate and work with you on this. Often, it helps to provide a listening ear to simply acknowledge their frustrations.

While detailed planning is not everyone's strong suit, most households benefit from having a timetable and comprehensive task lists drawn up at the beginning. Instructions written down succinctly gives clarity, provides order and consistency for everyone to agree and adhere to.

First, make a list of the helper's tasks, detailing the steps required of each task. Note your parent's expectations and translate that to simple instructions for your helper to follow. Do state also the method, frequency and other pertinent details. Put the instructions in a place that is visible to everyone.

As you communicate the instructions to the helper, do check that she understands and have the helper demonstrate that she is able to achieve them. Suppose the tasks are not achievable, they will have to be renegotiated with your parents, and have them agree with you what can be done instead.

Frustrations and heightened emotions can hijack your efforts for clear communication. Do schedule down times to give your helper and parents physical space apart. This provides everyone an opportunity to calm down before returning.

Friendships

My friend is always late and on the phone when she's with me

I have been friends with G for over ten years and our families are close. Lately, I am realising that G has not matured much despite us being in our early 30s. She is perpetually late (15–40 minutes), always on her phone, and defensive if you point this out. When we meet, she tends to unload her worries without asking how I am doing. She complains constantly about her job and love life even though I can see that sometimes it is her own fault. While there has been no major falling-out between us, I realise more and more she is someone I do not want to be friends with, as I have become busier with my own life. Is it wrong to want to cut her out of my life?  Bad Friend

Ai Jin says Dear Bad Friend,

I am not sure if G is aware of how her behaviours are affecting you. Being late, being on the phone while with others are bad habits that demonstrate little consideration for the other. And if it's done perpetually, it will make anyone angry. Perhaps, you may also feel guilty for not being patient and forgiving of the person. If you have taken steps to help her see your point of view and there is still no awareness, it compounds your frustrations. Perhaps this is why you feel the need to disengage from her because the less you are in contact with her, the less you'll need to be subjected to this emotional roller-coaster.

It is okay to draw boundaries to prevent yourself from feeling so negative, recognising that you can't change a person nor do you have full control of how the friendship can turn out. Meantime, as you become busier, do turn your attention to the aspects of your life that are going well. Over time, you may come to feel better or find yourself better able to extend acceptance towards G. If she realises how her behaviour has affected you, you may change your mind then and decide to embrace the friendship. Afterall, being friends for over ten years is noteworthy.

At The Workplace

Oppressed and bullied at work

It's been three months since I took over a managerial role. I am not supported or welcomed by my staff of four, my boss and assistant boss. I feel very oppressed and bullied at work. I feel like I need to outsmart them and break up their clan.

 Oppression at work

Li Ping says

Dear Oppression at work,

Before you act, discern if the oppression you feel is truly due to your not being part of "their clan". It is unusual, though not impossible, that both subordinates and supervisors alike see you as an outsider.

It is worth asking if your own actions have contributed to the resistance you are facing. This will not be easy as it will require going beyond your subjective feelings, engaging in prayerful selfreflection, and paying attention to feedback your colleagues may have given you since taking on this role. If no feedback has been given, consider asking for it from a colleague that you think is the least unfavourable towards you.

Whether your colleagues truly are in one camp against you, or if your own actions have contributed to the situation, prayerfully ask how you should then act, remembering that as followers of Christ, we are called to be salt and light (Matthew 5:13-14). Taking a combative and adversarial stance is likely to harden your colleagues' position against you. Consider actively trying to build relationships with them instead.

If, however, despite your best and wellintentioned efforts, you still experience bullying, then seek the Lord's guidance on whether this is where he has called you to be vocationally.

Dating & Marriage

Choosing a church with my fiancé

My fiancé and I grew up in different Methodist churches and both of us serve actively in our churches. We are struggling to decide which church to attend after marriage. Both of us have our own community and ministry so it is really difficult for us to decide which church to attend. Can you advise us on how to decide and what factors we should consider?

Li Ping says

Dear kopi,

Some factors to consider: (1) Do either of you sense the call to continue the work in any of your existing ministries or communities? A couple I know stayed in one church in order to continue reaching out to seeker friends in that church's cell group. (2) What future ministry do you sense a calling to serve in as a couple? (3) How would the adjustment to the new community be for the one needing to make the change? (4) Which community would you want to raise your future children in?

Take turns to visit each other's churches (or even a third!) for a season as you discern. Consult with mature Christians in either of your churches or one outside of your current communities who can provide wise, unbiased counsel.

The undergirding principle is where you both sense God calling you to, which may or may not align with your human reasoning. My husband and I felt called to go to his Methodist home church despite us both preferring my church in another denomination. It was only later, when I heard the call to become a Methodist pastor, that I realised that one reason I was called out of my previous denomination was because it did not ordain women.