Home—Emily Lim

Emily Lim-Leh authors children’s books, writes devotional articles and rejoices to be a child of God. She and her family worship at Barker Road Methodist Church. She blogs on parenting, writing and faith at https://mummumstheword.wordpress.com/

Finding my new voice

What would you do if you woke up one day to find that your voice had been stolen? That happened to me shortly after my wedding, in late 1998.

The doctor at a GP clinic dismissed it as stress. Wellmeaning acquaintances dished out all kinds of advice: “Don’t eat chilli.” “No need to talk so much.” “It’s the air-conditioning.”

I was later diagnosed with Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia (SD), a rare voice disorder. For reasons unknown, my brain had started misfiring signals to my voice muscles. That caused my voice muscles to pull apart in a spasmodic fashion, instead of coming together rhythmically to vocalise speech. On my worse days, I managed to voice only three out of 10 words; the rest stayed stuck in my throat.

The theft of my voice turned the simplest tasks into huge challenges. When I ordered “mee poh gan” (dry noodles), I was handed “mee poh tang” (noodle soup). Business associates assumed my poor voice quality was due to a bad phone connection. They would hang up and call again, only to find that I did not sound any clearer. At social functions, my husband Ben took over introducing me whilst I stood there, looking dumb.

I went from acupuncture to Chinese medicine, European electromagnetic therapy to speech therapy. Finally, I tried Botox injections to my neck, which paralysed my voice muscles for a while and gave me some voice. But the effect was temporary, so I went for the painful injections every few weeks for the next seven years.

With no satisfactory answers from man, I looked up to God. Ben and I started visiting different churches to seek prayers for healing. The unpredictable nature of SD gave me false hopes of a miraculous recovery. When I cried at church services, my voice sounded momentarily clearer.

“You’ve recovered,” an enthusiastic volunteer would exclaim. But I returned home to find that my voice had disappeared again.

2018: With my husband and nieces at the launch of one of my children’s books

June 2016: Caleb, then five, visiting me in hospital after my mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. He took Lego pieces and made crosses for me

Ben and I finally stopped seeking a miracle and accepted it as a lifelong impairment. Unknown to me then, a seed of faith had been sown in my heart from hearing many testimonies of healing shared at the church services. I went from asking “Why me?” to “What now?” God’s Word started opening up to me.

In late 2006, I was baptised at our home church, Barker Road Methodist Church. Our pastor suggested that I sign up for the 34-week DISCIPLE course so I could grow in Bible knowledge.

During the DISCIPLE study in 2007, the verse John 10:10 was impressed upon me: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (NIV). For the first time since SD had stolen my vision of a future, I saw life with new possibilities. And I had to see it with childlike eyes.

Midway through my year-long DISCIPLE class, I decided to enter a children’s book writing competition organised by the Book Council. My winning manuscript, Prince Bear & Pauper Bear, is about a teddy bear without a mouth who could not speak. A boy brings Pauper Bear home, sews him a happy mouth and gives him a new voice.

After 10 years of grappling with SD, I found restoration and a new voice. I stopped Botox treatment and my voice quality started improving. And I wrote about 30 children’s books over the next 10 years.

July 2016: Post surgery, at the start of chemotherapy. My husband Ben, dad and godchildren shaved their heads in support of me at Children Cancer Foundation’s Hair for Hope 2016

And then, in 2016, life tossed me another challenge.

While in the shower, I heard a voice prompting me to do breast self-examination. I felt a pebble-sized lump in my left breast. I went for check-ups and was diagnosed with cancer.

When afflicted with SD, I did not know where I stood with God. This time, I was certain that God was for me and not against me.

And for the first time, I experienced crystal-clear Wi-Fi to Heaven. It came with the repeated phrase “no matter what”—seven times. The first “no matter what” caught my attention through the title of a children’s picture book, which was about a parent telling a child he was loved unconditionally. That same phrase popped up again in two e-devotionals, a page of a friend’s book on breast cancer, twice through text messages from two different people and in a worship song that a friend led us to sing at my prayer party, the night before my surgery.

The seventh “no matter what” came as a prayer graphic in a text message on 1 June 2016, the morning of my surgery. It said: “no matter what…I choose to keep believing that victory is on the way for me in Jesus’ name.”

That afternoon, I went through the removal of my left breast and reconstructive surgery. I entered the operating theatre “without fear and came out without pain”.

Nov 2016: Book launch cum celebration party to mark the end of my chemotherapy

After the surgery, I went through five months of chemotherapy, during which, I spent time feeding on God’s Word like medicine, three times a day. I started hearing God on issues in my life that I had buried deep within till they had become unhealthy. Just as my diseased left breast had to be cut off and scraped clean, I also went through a spiritual cleaning-out. I learned to let go of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness—toxic emotions that had accumulated and sullied my heart. It was spiritual chemotherapy.

I have since entered my new season of life with a clean breast and a lighter heart. And I do so, knowing that my “breastplate of righteousness” comes from Jesus whose blood has cleansed me.

Dec 2019: Book launch of Irrevocable Gifts —a collection of six personal stories, including mine